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Hi. Welcome to the future.
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00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,499
San Dimas, California, 2688,
3
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,999
and I'm telling you,
it's great here.
4
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,582
The air is clean.
The water's clean.
5
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,540
Even the dirt is clean.
6
00:02:39,791 --> 00:02:41,499
Bowling averages are way up.
7
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,874
Mini-golf scores are way down.
8
00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,249
And we have more
excellent water slides
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00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,999
than any other planet
we communicate with.
10
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:52,040
I'm telling you, this place is great.
11
00:02:52,291 --> 00:02:53,832
But it almost wasn't.
12
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:59,832
You see, 700 years ago, the two
great ones ran into a few problems.
13
00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,707
So now I have to travel
back in time to help them out.
14
00:03:04,041 --> 00:03:06,499
If I should fail to keep these two
on the correct path,
15
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:08,749
the basis of our society
will be in danger.
16
00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,832
Don't worry, it'll all make sense.
I'm a professional.
17
00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:15,707
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
18
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,415
And I'm Ted "Theo..."
19
00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:21,540
- Bill, here, you take it.
- OK.
20
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,040
- And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
- Yeah!
21
00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:37,957
And we're Wyld Stallyns!
22
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,207
Let's bail.
23
00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:01,665
We blew it.
24
00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:04,707
Guess we used too much power.
25
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,832
I liked it.
26
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:13,665
Ted, while I agree that in time
our band will be most triumphant,
27
00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:16,749
the truth is, Wyld Stallyns
will never be a super band
28
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,957
until we have
Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
29
00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:23,374
Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe
we will get Eddie Van Halen
30
00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,249
until we have a triumphant video.
31
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:28,082
Ted, it's pointless to have
a triumphant video
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00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:30,874
before we even have
decent instruments.
33
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:34,207
Well, how can we have decent instruments
when we don't really even know how to play?
34
00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,832
That is why we need Eddie Van Halen.
35
00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:39,915
And that is why
we need a triumphant video.
36
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,332
- Excellent!
- Excellent!
37
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,165
Uh-oh.
38
00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:49,999
- We're late.
- For what?
39
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,957
- For school, dude.
- Oh, yeah.
40
00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:04,040
Bill, I'm waiting.
41
00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:07,332
He's dead?
42
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,707
So Bill, what you're telling me,
essentially,
43
00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:16,874
is that Napoleon was
a short, dead dude.
44
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:19,790
Well, yeah.
45
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,415
You totally blew it, dude.
46
00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,790
- Ted, stand up.
- Stand up?
47
00:05:24,916 --> 00:05:26,290
Yes, son, stand up.
48
00:05:29,208 --> 00:05:32,624
Now... who was Joan of Arc?
49
00:05:35,375 --> 00:05:36,749
Noah's wife?
50
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:45,374
Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow,
final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK?
51
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,832
Hey, guys.
52
00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:59,249
Mr. Ryan, before you say anything,
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00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:04,749
my distinguished colleague Ted and I
wish to express to you our thanks
54
00:06:04,916 --> 00:06:07,290
for all the things
we have learned in your class.
55
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,540
And what have you learned?
56
00:06:12,458 --> 00:06:14,290
We have, uh...
57
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,457
We've learned that the
world has a great history.
58
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:21,540
Yes, and that thanks
to great leaders
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00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:24,707
Such as... Genghis Khan,
60
00:06:24,916 --> 00:06:27,415
Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method,
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00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:31,624
the world is... full of history.
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00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:36,540
It seems to me
the only thing you have learned
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00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:40,249
is that Caesar...
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00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,415
is a salad dressing dude.
65
00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:46,082
Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.
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00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,415
You have flunked
every section of this class.
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00:06:49,916 --> 00:06:53,624
Now unless you get an A-plus
on your final oral report tomorrow...
68
00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:57,832
...guys, I have no choice
but to flunk the both of you.
69
00:06:58,958 --> 00:07:02,332
Now you know your topics,
so I would suggest that you at least
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00:07:02,583 --> 00:07:06,665
cover those areas
if you want to pass the course.
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00:07:07,416 --> 00:07:09,624
- Understand?
- Yes, sir.
72
00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:11,457
OK.
73
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:14,915
Guys.
74
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:19,874
Your report had better be
something very special.
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00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:24,040
Ah, man.
76
00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:29,415
Well, what are we
supposed to know for our report?
77
00:07:29,625 --> 00:07:30,707
I'm not sure.
78
00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:34,124
One thing I know is that
Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.
79
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,082
Well then, who is Noah's wife?
80
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:38,832
I don't know, Ted.
81
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,790
But I do know
we're in serious trouble.
82
00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,165
Listen to this:
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00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:47,374
"Express to the class how
an important historical figure
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00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:53,040
"from each of your time periods would
view the world of San Dimas, 1988."
85
00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:58,124
We are in danger of flunking
most heinously tomorrow, Ted.
86
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,124
Hi, Bill.
Want a ride?
87
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:02,249
Sure, Missy.
88
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:04,665
I mean, Mom.
89
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,915
- Your stepmom's cute.
- Shut up, Ted.
90
00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:11,790
Remember when she was
a senior and we were freshmen?
91
00:08:12,041 --> 00:08:13,332
Shut up, Ted!
92
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,665
I'll be right back,
as soon as I get my books.
93
00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:35,374
Ted.
94
00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:38,082
What are you doing home, Dad?
95
00:08:38,291 --> 00:08:40,082
- I'm looking for my keys.
- Oh.
96
00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,207
You haven't done anything
with them, have you?
97
00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:44,874
No, sir.
98
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,207
I spoke to your principal today, Ted.
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00:08:47,458 --> 00:08:49,165
He said you're failing history.
100
00:08:49,416 --> 00:08:51,290
- Me and Bill...
- He also said
101
00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:53,915
that if you fail history,
you flunk out of school.
102
00:08:55,541 --> 00:08:57,915
You know what that would mean,
don't you, Ted?
103
00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:02,040
That I would have to go
to Oats Military Academy, sir.
104
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:05,540
Uh-huh.
I spoke to Colonel Oats this morning.
105
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,915
He's anxious to meet you, Ted.
106
00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:29,915
Dude, we gotta pass.
Otherwise there's no more band.
107
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:31,249
Why?
108
00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:34,290
My dad's sending me to military school.
109
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,082
Where?
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00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:38,957
Alaska.
111
00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:41,707
Alaska...
112
00:09:48,791 --> 00:09:49,832
It is time.
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00:09:49,958 --> 00:09:52,832
Their separation is imminent.
114
00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:24,290
Be excellent to each other.
115
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:28,040
Party on, dude.
116
00:10:56,541 --> 00:10:58,415
OK, Ted.
George Washington.
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00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:00,957
One: the father of our country.
118
00:11:01,208 --> 00:11:03,874
Two: born on President's Day.
119
00:11:04,125 --> 00:11:06,874
Three: the dollar bill guy.
120
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,790
Bill, you ever made a mushroom
out of his head?
121
00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:11,332
Ted... Alaska.
122
00:11:13,458 --> 00:11:16,707
OK. Um...
123
00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,249
Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
124
00:11:21,583 --> 00:11:23,624
That's Captain Ahab, dude.
125
00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:29,040
Oh, wait. Remember Disney World,
the Hall of Presidents?
126
00:11:29,291 --> 00:11:31,165
Yeah, good, what'd he say?
127
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,624
"Welcome to the Hall of Presidents."
128
00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:39,124
Hi, I brought you guys some food.
129
00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,790
It's your mom, dude!
130
00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:54,999
How's it going, guys?
131
00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,665
Bad.
132
00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:01,707
We are destined to flunk most
egregiously tomorrow.
133
00:12:01,958 --> 00:12:06,790
And I am destined to end up
at Oats Military Academy.
134
00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:09,457
And then we will never start our band.
135
00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:14,707
Good. Good.
136
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:22,457
- What are you guys studying anyway?
- History.
137
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:24,540
- Mr. Ryan?
- Uh-huh.
138
00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,665
Tell him, "hi".
139
00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:29,915
Why don't you guys take a dinner break?
140
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,415
Thanks, Dad.
141
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,915
Now your dad's going for it...
in your own room!
142
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:51,874
Shut up, Ted.
143
00:12:52,125 --> 00:12:55,040
- Your stepmom is cute, though.
- Shut up, Ted.
144
00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:56,624
Remember when I asked her
to the prom?
145
00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:58,374
Shut up, Ted!
146
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:04,832
1275, 1275, 1275...
147
00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:09,415
OK, the lady in that car over there
148
00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:13,249
said that Marco Polo
was in the year 1275.
149
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:16,082
So it's not just a water sport,
I knew it.
150
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:20,707
Excuse me,
when did the Mongols rule China?
151
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:23,582
I don't know.
I just work here.
152
00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:30,749
Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart?
153
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:31,874
Sure.
154
00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:48,790
Whoa!
155
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,999
Not bad.
156
00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:02,957
Greetings, my excellent friends.
157
00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:06,665
Do you know when
the Mongols ruled China?
158
00:14:06,916 --> 00:14:11,124
Well... perhaps we could ask them.
159
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:17,249
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
160
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,874
...and Ted "Theodore" Logan.
161
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:25,457
Gentlemen, I'm here to help you
with your history report.
162
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:27,540
What?
163
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,040
How?
164
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,915
Whoa!
165
00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:33,957
- Whoo!
- I hate that part.
166
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,415
- Bill?
- What?
167
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:41,124
Strange things are afoot
at the Circle K.
168
00:14:46,958 --> 00:14:49,540
Dudes, you guys
are gonna go back in time.
169
00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:50,707
Yeah!
170
00:14:50,916 --> 00:14:54,957
You are going to have a most excellent
adventure through history.
171
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:58,624
- Who are you guys?
- We're you, dude!
172
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:02,624
No way. No way!
173
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:05,874
- Yes way, Ted!
- Look, we know how you feel.
174
00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,249
We didn't believe it either
when we were you
175
00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:11,207
and we-us said what we-us
are saying right now.
176
00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:16,082
OK wait, if you guys are really us...
177
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,415
...what number are we thinking of?
178
00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,582
Sixty-nine, dudes!
179
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,665
Whoa!
180
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,290
Look, we've gotta go.
181
00:15:31,416 --> 00:15:34,040
Yeah, we gotta get back to the report.
182
00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:35,874
Rufus!
183
00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:39,790
Listen to this dude, Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.
184
00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:43,624
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
185
00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:47,165
- Who?
- You'll see.
186
00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,707
Gentleman... is everything all right?
187
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,540
Yeah, except, how come...
188
00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:57,290
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
189
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,790
Thanks, Rufus.
190
00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:05,415
Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
191
00:16:17,083 --> 00:16:19,874
Dude, are you sure
we should be doing this?
192
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:23,874
Ted, you and I have
witnessed many things,
193
00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:28,040
but nothing as bodacious
as what just happened.
194
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,624
Besides, we told ourselves
to listen to this guy.
195
00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:33,582
What if we were lying?
196
00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:38,124
Why would we lie to ourselves?
197
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:45,707
How are you gonna help us?
198
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:48,249
Yeah, are you gonna call someone
and get the answers?
199
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,749
Gentlemen, we're gonna do
a lot more than that.
200
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:56,415
Whoa. Excellent.
201
00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:00,874
Brace yourselves, amigos.
202
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:11,082
Gentlemen...
203
00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,165
...we're history.
204
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,124
Rufus, where are we, dude?
205
00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:29,040
These are the circuits
of history, gentlemen.
206
00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:31,582
They'll take us to
any point in time we wish.
207
00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:33,874
How?
208
00:17:34,125 --> 00:17:36,540
Modern technology, William.
209
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:39,040
Whoa!
210
00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:58,332
- That was most unprecedented, Rufus.
- Yeah.
211
00:18:00,291 --> 00:18:01,832
But where are we, Rufus?
212
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:08,082
Austria, 1805.
The French have just invaded.
213
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,457
Bill, check it out!
214
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,749
We're in the middle of a war, dude!
215
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,957
Amigos, time to depart.
216
00:18:34,416 --> 00:18:36,374
How's it going, dude?
217
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,999
Blow them up.
218
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:42,582
MOVE IT!
219
00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,457
Now where are we, dude?
220
00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,540
Oh, it's my house.
221
00:19:15,791 --> 00:19:20,207
Rufus, can we go anywhere we want,
at any time?
222
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,499
Gentlemen, you can do anything you want,
as long as you remember this:
223
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,707
no matter what happens,
you must get to that report. Got it?
224
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,457
All right, amigos, that book
will give you the number
225
00:19:31,625 --> 00:19:36,082
of any place you want to go.
Now, most important,
226
00:19:36,291 --> 00:19:38,790
no matter what you do,
no matter where you go,
227
00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:44,624
that clock, the clock in San Dimas,
is always running. Got it?
228
00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:48,124
- Yeah.
- All right, time for me to go.
229
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,665
What do you mean, Rufus?
230
00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:51,540
Yeah, aren't you coming with us?
231
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,540
Gentlemen, you're on your own.
232
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,749
- Ted?
- What?
233
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,707
This has been a most unusual day.
234
00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:27,290
- Ted, it's Napoleon.
- Who?
235
00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:30,374
The short, dead dude
from our history review.
236
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,832
Ted, I have a most excellent idea.
237
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,332
Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside.
238
00:20:38,416 --> 00:20:40,832
I think I've figured out a way
to pass our report.
239
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:42,040
How?
240
00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,374
Well, we've got one
historical figure here.
241
00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:46,707
Maybe we can go back
and get some more.
242
00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,124
Yeah!
243
00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:51,582
Deacon,
you have to watch this guy.
244
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:56,249
His name is Napoleon.
He is a very famous French dude.
245
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,165
We have decided to collect other
important figures from history
246
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,999
for an oral report we are doing.
247
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:04,624
While we are gone, you are
not to let him out of your sight.
248
00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,624
Here is some money.
249
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:08,749
Take him to the movies or something.
250
00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:20,207
Napoleon, I am Bill.
251
00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:25,040
We'll take you back to France after you
tell us what you think of San Dimas.
252
00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:28,624
- This is Ted's little brother, Deacon.
- Hi.
253
00:21:28,875 --> 00:21:30,290
He'll take care of you.
254
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,374
- Ready, Ted?
- Ready, Bill.
255
00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,165
Let's go back into history.
256
00:21:43,916 --> 00:21:45,999
This should be most triumphant.
257
00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:48,832
I want to speak with you, son.
258
00:21:50,416 --> 00:21:52,082
Alone, please, Bill?
259
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,457
All right, sit down.
260
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:01,749
What am I gonna do with you, huh?
You can't...
261
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,040
Great.
262
00:22:03,541 --> 00:22:06,457
You lose my keys.
You fail history.
263
00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:08,415
You spend all your time
with your loser friend
264
00:22:08,666 --> 00:22:10,499
planning a band that'll never happen.
265
00:22:10,750 --> 00:22:13,040
Now you're not to leave this house again
until tomorrow morning.
266
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,999
- Yes?
- Captain Logan?
267
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:23,374
This is Deputy Van Halen
down at the station.
268
00:22:23,666 --> 00:22:24,707
Deputy Van Halen?
269
00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:31,499
I'm new, dude...sir.
270
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,374
Look, we found your keys,
271
00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:38,207
and if you want 'em,
you better come and get 'em.
272
00:22:41,333 --> 00:22:44,874
When I get back from the station,
I want you packed and ready to go.
273
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:46,082
Got it?
274
00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:55,165
We are in serious trouble.
275
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:58,540
My dad already signed me up,
my plane leaves tomorrow night.
276
00:22:59,625 --> 00:23:01,749
Only if we fail, dude.
277
00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:07,707
No way!
278
00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:13,082
OK, we got Sigmund Frood,
Beeth-oven... Uh...
279
00:23:13,291 --> 00:23:17,582
Is there one for Western Movement
in America in the 19th Century?
280
00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:19,874
Yeah!
281
00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,582
Well then...
282
00:23:23,458 --> 00:23:25,332
...let's reach out
and touch someone.
283
00:24:14,791 --> 00:24:16,540
How's it going, Old West Dude?
284
00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:21,707
Hey, Bill,
this is just like Frontierland.
285
00:24:21,958 --> 00:24:24,249
Yeah,
but you can get shot here, Ted.
286
00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:25,707
Oh.
287
00:24:25,958 --> 00:24:28,540
- Just try to act natural.
- OK.
288
00:24:32,333 --> 00:24:33,790
- Howdy, partner.
- Howdy.
289
00:24:34,041 --> 00:24:35,582
Watch out
for the horse crap, Ted.
290
00:24:35,833 --> 00:24:37,832
Ugh. Thanks, dude.
291
00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:40,249
- Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty.
- Me too.
292
00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:57,415
Two beers, please.
293
00:25:02,791 --> 00:25:05,374
Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude!
294
00:25:05,625 --> 00:25:08,207
Yeah, we have to
remember this place.
295
00:25:13,541 --> 00:25:16,707
So, who should we take with us?
296
00:25:27,958 --> 00:25:30,415
- Who's he?
- He's Billy the Kid.
297
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,457
He's famous, dude.
Let's bag him.
298
00:25:38,541 --> 00:25:40,332
I need two men.
299
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,207
Who's with me?
300
00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:45,832
We're with you, Billy the Kid!
301
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,749
Here's the deal.
What I win, I keep.
302
00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:02,999
What you win, I keep.
303
00:26:03,916 --> 00:26:06,540
Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.
304
00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:24,832
Dude, you gotta have
a poker face, like me.
305
00:26:29,916 --> 00:26:31,874
Whoa! Three aces!
306
00:26:33,375 --> 00:26:35,540
What the hell's going on here, Billy?
307
00:26:37,375 --> 00:26:39,249
Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid?
308
00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,332
Cheatin'?
309
00:26:43,291 --> 00:26:43,915
Me?
310
00:26:57,791 --> 00:26:59,249
Billy!
311
00:27:03,083 --> 00:27:04,457
Excellent!
312
00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:14,790
Look, we're totally weak.
313
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,040
We can't possibly fight you.
314
00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:20,832
However, how would you gentlemen like...
315
00:27:21,458 --> 00:27:23,332
...free passes to Waterloops?
316
00:27:23,416 --> 00:27:25,957
Home of excellent water slides.
317
00:27:26,875 --> 00:27:28,832
Nice try, dude.
318
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,540
Whoa!
319
00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:39,540
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
320
00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:40,832
What?
321
00:27:42,958 --> 00:27:44,124
Come on.
322
00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:49,249
- Look!
- It's the Goodyear blimp.
323
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:50,374
Huh?
324
00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:58,624
I can't believe
they fell for that!
325
00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:02,124
Yeah!
326
00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:05,165
- Let's get 'em!
- Let's kill 'em!
327
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:07,749
Come on!
328
00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:12,832
- You guys saved my life.
- Nothing doing, Billy the Kid.
329
00:28:13,041 --> 00:28:15,582
- Where we going?
- The Golden Age of Civilisation.
330
00:28:15,833 --> 00:28:17,915
- Where?
- Ancient Greece, dude.
331
00:28:18,125 --> 00:28:21,124
Don't worry, we'll bring you back here
as soon as you talk in our report.
332
00:28:23,166 --> 00:28:23,957
What?!
333
00:28:30,166 --> 00:28:31,415
What the...?
334
00:28:58,833 --> 00:29:00,332
Socrates.
335
00:29:01,125 --> 00:29:03,082
- Hey, we know that name.
- Yeah!
336
00:29:03,291 --> 00:29:05,374
Hey, look him up.
337
00:29:06,125 --> 00:29:09,540
- Oh. It's under So-crates.
- Oh, yeah.
338
00:29:13,583 --> 00:29:15,374
"So-crates:
339
00:29:15,625 --> 00:29:20,290
"'The only true wisdom consists
in knowing that you know nothing."'
340
00:29:22,791 --> 00:29:25,707
- That's us, dude!
- Oh, yeah!
341
00:29:26,583 --> 00:29:28,290
- Let's bag him.
- Yeah.
342
00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:30,165
So you see...
343
00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:33,832
our lives are but
specks of dust
344
00:29:34,708 --> 00:29:36,874
falling through the fingers
345
00:29:38,416 --> 00:29:39,415
of time.
346
00:29:44,666 --> 00:29:46,082
How's it going?
347
00:29:54,958 --> 00:29:57,832
I'm Bill, this is Ted.
348
00:29:58,041 --> 00:29:59,290
We're from the future.
349
00:30:01,541 --> 00:30:04,124
Socrates. Hm...
350
00:30:04,875 --> 00:30:06,249
Now what?
351
00:30:07,458 --> 00:30:08,790
I don't know.
352
00:30:10,166 --> 00:30:11,999
Philosophise with him.
353
00:30:17,625 --> 00:30:22,540
All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
354
00:30:30,708 --> 00:30:31,749
Dust.
355
00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:35,999
- Wind.
- Dude.
356
00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:43,290
Yes! Like sands of the hourglass,
357
00:30:43,291 --> 00:30:46,707
Yes! Like sands of the hourglass,
so are the days of our lives.
358
00:30:48,291 --> 00:30:49,832
Let's get out of here, dude.
359
00:30:57,250 --> 00:30:59,540
Whoa!
360
00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:01,124
All right!
361
00:31:05,708 --> 00:31:07,040
Yee-ha!
362
00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:09,124
Not bad, eh, So-crates?
363
00:31:10,791 --> 00:31:14,832
- Where are we, dude?
- England, 15th century.
364
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:17,665
We are in most excellent shape
for our report.
365
00:31:17,875 --> 00:31:20,374
Yeah, all we need
is one more speaker from medieval.
366
00:31:20,625 --> 00:31:21,874
Excellent.
367
00:31:22,125 --> 00:31:25,332
Billy, you are dealing
with the oddity of time travel
368
00:31:25,625 --> 00:31:27,415
with the greatest of ease.
369
00:31:29,041 --> 00:31:30,707
Excuse me.
370
00:31:31,041 --> 00:31:34,124
Do you know where there are any
personages of historical significance
371
00:31:34,416 --> 00:31:35,874
around here?
372
00:31:39,125 --> 00:31:40,707
Whoa!
373
00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,415
Check it out.
374
00:31:46,333 --> 00:31:48,207
It must be the castle of King Henry.
375
00:31:49,166 --> 00:31:50,707
Let's go, dude!
376
00:31:52,583 --> 00:31:54,540
Billy, guard the booth.
377
00:31:55,291 --> 00:31:57,040
And watch So-crates.
378
00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:01,249
So-crates.
379
00:32:01,458 --> 00:32:04,832
So, who should we get from medieval?
380
00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:09,540
How about that gnarly old goat dude?
381
00:32:11,166 --> 00:32:12,540
Ted?
382
00:32:13,958 --> 00:32:15,124
I'm in love, dude.
383
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:20,999
Whoa!
384
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:26,582
Those must be the princesses you
told yourself about at the Circle K.
385
00:32:28,458 --> 00:32:32,165
We gotta go, it's a history report,
not a babe report.
386
00:32:33,041 --> 00:32:34,415
But Bill...
387
00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:38,415
...those are historical babes.
388
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,374
OK, you're the ladies man,
389
00:32:43,583 --> 00:32:45,374
how we gonna meet 'em?
390
00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:56,499
Excellent.
391
00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:06,540
- Bill?
- What?
392
00:33:06,750 --> 00:33:10,374
- These are heavy.
- Yeah, heavy metal.
393
00:33:16,375 --> 00:33:18,290
We gotta go find the princesses.
394
00:33:18,541 --> 00:33:20,374
Yeah.
395
00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:21,707
Watch it!
396
00:33:22,666 --> 00:33:24,415
Who turned out all the lights?
397
00:33:24,625 --> 00:33:26,749
- Hey, Bill?
- What?
398
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,249
I'm Darth Ted.
399
00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:33,707
Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill.
And you're not my father!
400
00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:37,999
Come on!
401
00:33:39,791 --> 00:33:42,582
Beat you I will, yes.
402
00:33:45,791 --> 00:33:46,999
Hey!
403
00:33:47,250 --> 00:33:49,540
I totally conquered you, dude!
404
00:33:49,791 --> 00:33:51,207
No way!
405
00:33:51,416 --> 00:33:53,082
Come on!
406
00:33:54,625 --> 00:33:56,457
I'll never rule the universe with you.
407
00:33:59,416 --> 00:34:00,374
- Hey, Bill.
- What?
408
00:34:00,625 --> 00:34:02,040
We totally
know how to sword fight.
409
00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:04,665
Yeah!
410
00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:07,540
Ah! Whoa!
411
00:34:15,958 --> 00:34:17,207
Ted.
412
00:34:27,583 --> 00:34:28,957
Ted.
413
00:34:31,125 --> 00:34:33,332
Search the castle,
there might be more of them.
414
00:35:08,416 --> 00:35:10,332
Get out of here!
415
00:35:15,916 --> 00:35:16,999
Bogus.
416
00:35:19,625 --> 00:35:20,957
Heinous.
417
00:35:24,541 --> 00:35:26,957
Most non-triumphant.
418
00:35:31,125 --> 00:35:33,207
Ah, Ted...
419
00:35:34,416 --> 00:35:37,249
don't be dead, dude.
420
00:35:45,833 --> 00:35:48,874
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
421
00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,332
Whoa!
422
00:36:13,750 --> 00:36:16,415
- Ted, you're alive!
- Yeah!
423
00:36:16,583 --> 00:36:18,790
I fell out of my suit
when I hit the floor.
424
00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:22,915
Fag.
425
00:36:24,083 --> 00:36:26,082
Dude, you totally
boned that dude in the head!
426
00:36:26,291 --> 00:36:27,415
Yeah!
427
00:36:27,625 --> 00:36:29,249
He's a total bonehead.
428
00:36:29,833 --> 00:36:32,707
...that fat old man. I must find
a way to escape before the night.
429
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:34,540
But how?
430
00:36:36,166 --> 00:36:38,332
- What's that?
- Whoa...
431
00:36:39,333 --> 00:36:40,540
It's those boys.
432
00:36:40,791 --> 00:36:42,832
I can't believe they're here.
433
00:36:45,791 --> 00:36:48,207
How's it going, ladies?
434
00:36:49,583 --> 00:36:51,332
You're the ones we saw
in front of the castle.
435
00:36:53,875 --> 00:36:57,040
I am Ted of San Dimas.
436
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,874
And, uh... I bring to you
a message of love.
437
00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:08,832
- From who?
- From... from myself.
438
00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:11,790
And what is this message you speak of?
439
00:37:13,083 --> 00:37:14,790
Uh...
440
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,957
Lyrics, dude.
Recite 'em some lyrics.
441
00:37:22,291 --> 00:37:25,957
Oh, you beautiful babes from England,
442
00:37:26,166 --> 00:37:28,124
for whom we have travelled through time.
443
00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:32,082
Will you go to the prom
with us in San Dimas?
444
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:35,999
- We will have a most triumphant time.
- Way to go, dude.
445
00:37:36,250 --> 00:37:39,874
- Joanna! Elizabeth!
- It's father!
446
00:37:49,875 --> 00:37:52,290
- What does your father want?
- We're to be married
447
00:37:52,541 --> 00:37:55,707
- to two horrible old men today.
- No way!
448
00:37:55,958 --> 00:37:57,790
Will you help us escape?
449
00:37:59,125 --> 00:38:01,207
Of course, babes.
450
00:38:05,958 --> 00:38:08,207
How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
451
00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,415
I am the Earl of Preston.
452
00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:18,207
And I am the Duke of Ted.
453
00:38:31,666 --> 00:38:34,874
Put them in the iron maiden.
454
00:38:35,208 --> 00:38:36,749
Iron Maiden?
455
00:38:36,958 --> 00:38:39,249
Excellent!
456
00:38:39,458 --> 00:38:40,540
Execute them!
457
00:38:41,541 --> 00:38:43,082
Bogus.
458
00:38:45,500 --> 00:38:46,832
We'll save you, babes!
459
00:38:50,458 --> 00:38:52,415
Witches! Heretics!
460
00:38:52,625 --> 00:38:55,582
I saw them!
They fell from the sky!
461
00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:58,124
Heretics!
462
00:38:58,291 --> 00:39:00,082
They fell out of the sky!
463
00:39:01,083 --> 00:39:05,040
They had fire in their eyes,
and they had horns!
464
00:39:14,541 --> 00:39:15,749
Off with their heads!
465
00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,165
Oh, no.
466
00:39:21,958 --> 00:39:23,749
- Bill?
- What?
467
00:39:24,083 --> 00:39:28,790
I believe our adventure through time
has taken a most serious turn.
468
00:39:36,125 --> 00:39:37,040
Huh?
469
00:39:40,291 --> 00:39:41,915
- Billy!
- So-crates!
470
00:39:42,250 --> 00:39:43,582
Let's go!
471
00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:47,415
- Guards! After them!
- Ah!
472
00:39:47,708 --> 00:39:50,374
- So-crates!
- Bye, babes!
473
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,415
Catch you later, medieval dudes.
474
00:39:55,125 --> 00:39:57,207
Kill them! Guards!
475
00:40:01,625 --> 00:40:03,374
Stop them! Stop them!
476
00:40:05,791 --> 00:40:07,040
Hurry up, Billy!
477
00:40:08,458 --> 00:40:09,374
Get out of the way!
478
00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:11,874
Move out of the way!
Come on, get out of here!
479
00:40:44,541 --> 00:40:47,332
Whoa!
480
00:40:55,541 --> 00:40:56,749
Dial fast, dude!
481
00:40:59,875 --> 00:41:02,415
I'm sorry, the number you have
dialled is not in service at this time.
482
00:41:02,625 --> 00:41:04,415
Please check your directory
and dial again.
483
00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:06,499
- Oh, no.
- Party on, dude.
484
00:41:10,291 --> 00:41:11,374
Bill!
485
00:41:13,291 --> 00:41:15,207
OK, I got one, let's go!
486
00:41:49,541 --> 00:41:50,915
You guys stay here.
487
00:41:54,125 --> 00:41:56,082
Where are we, dude?
488
00:41:57,333 --> 00:41:58,665
I don't know.
489
00:42:00,291 --> 00:42:02,707
They sure do play excellent music.
490
00:42:02,958 --> 00:42:04,957
Most outstanding.
491
00:42:24,541 --> 00:42:27,165
- It's you.
- Yeah!
492
00:42:27,416 --> 00:42:28,999
It's us!
493
00:42:29,208 --> 00:42:30,749
Who are we?
494
00:42:34,791 --> 00:42:41,040
♪ The time is almost here
495
00:42:43,750 --> 00:42:52,457
♪ Our dreams will all come true,
I promise you
496
00:42:52,583 --> 00:43:00,790
♪ 'Cause I can see
for miles and miles
497
00:43:02,041 --> 00:43:08,165
♪ In time, we'll be dancing
in the streets all night
498
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:16,749
♪ In time, yes,
everything will be all right
499
00:43:20,541 --> 00:43:23,374
Bill, I think they
want us to say something.
500
00:43:24,666 --> 00:43:26,249
What should I say?
501
00:43:27,458 --> 00:43:28,624
Make something up.
502
00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:40,040
Be excellent to each other.
503
00:43:46,750 --> 00:43:48,374
Party on, dudes!
504
00:43:49,208 --> 00:43:51,457
Good one, dude.
505
00:43:56,333 --> 00:43:59,540
Well, we gotta get back to our report.
506
00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:01,499
Yeah, we'd take you with us,
507
00:44:01,708 --> 00:44:05,499
but it's a history report,
not a future report.
508
00:44:09,083 --> 00:44:10,290
Later.
509
00:44:11,166 --> 00:44:12,457
Later.
510
00:44:15,791 --> 00:44:17,707
Let's get back
and do our report.
511
00:44:17,958 --> 00:44:19,707
Good idea.
512
00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:39,415
- Dude, where're we going?
- I don't know.
513
00:44:39,625 --> 00:44:40,957
I think the booth's broke.
514
00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:44,957
We gotta keep going to San Dimas
until we get back and get Napoleon.
515
00:44:47,500 --> 00:44:48,707
Behold.
516
00:44:48,958 --> 00:44:51,082
Behold, the Ziggie Pig.
517
00:44:51,291 --> 00:44:54,832
The single greatest ice cream
spectacle known to man.
518
00:44:55,041 --> 00:44:57,082
Eat the pig. Eat the pig.
519
00:44:57,416 --> 00:44:59,624
Ziggie, Ziggie, Ziggie, Zig!
520
00:45:00,666 --> 00:45:02,915
Whoo-hoo!
521
00:45:07,625 --> 00:45:10,999
It's ice cream. You eat it.
522
00:45:12,791 --> 00:45:13,749
It's good.
523
00:45:16,250 --> 00:45:17,374
La glacé.
524
00:45:18,458 --> 00:45:19,957
Whatever, just eat it.
525
00:45:23,875 --> 00:45:24,832
Hm...
526
00:45:40,416 --> 00:45:43,374
All behold, he ate the pig.
527
00:45:43,583 --> 00:45:47,540
Thus proving that he is a...Ziggie Piggy,
528
00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:51,415
Ziggie Piggy, Ziggie Piggy.
529
00:46:06,583 --> 00:46:08,124
What's that?
530
00:46:12,333 --> 00:46:13,540
I don't know.
531
00:46:17,958 --> 00:46:20,207
- Oh, shit!
- Whoa!
532
00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:44,832
Where'd we land now?
533
00:46:46,375 --> 00:46:48,415
Dude, it's Sigmund Frood.
534
00:46:48,750 --> 00:46:50,832
How much time have we got left?
535
00:46:51,583 --> 00:46:53,415
Tonnes! Why?
536
00:46:53,666 --> 00:46:55,832
Extra credit, dude!
537
00:46:59,625 --> 00:47:01,124
How's it going, Frood dude?
538
00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:05,082
This must be a dream.
539
00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:14,249
Let go of me.
What are you doing?
540
00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:58,540
Come on, So-crates.
541
00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:50,457
Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc.
542
00:48:51,291 --> 00:48:53,915
My name's Ted, and this is Bill.
543
00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:16,874
Oh!
544
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,540
Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?
545
00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:24,249
Say "please".
546
00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:27,415
Mm...
547
00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:28,957
Come on, guys! Jump him!
548
00:49:34,458 --> 00:49:35,415
Candygram.
549
00:49:46,375 --> 00:49:48,040
Yes, what can I...
550
00:49:55,666 --> 00:49:59,790
We've got plenty of time,
but we don't have any more room left.
551
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,040
- Ted, we're outta control.
- What?
552
00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:05,832
The next place we stop, we gotta try and
figure out what's wrong with the booth.
553
00:50:14,333 --> 00:50:17,957
Bill, I think I got an idea
what's wrong.
554
00:50:18,166 --> 00:50:19,249
What?
555
00:50:19,583 --> 00:50:21,957
The antenna's broken.
556
00:50:30,083 --> 00:50:31,707
Yeah! All right.
557
00:51:19,791 --> 00:51:20,249
Shit!
558
00:51:20,250 --> 00:51:20,790
Shit! Shit!
559
00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:21,290
Shit! Shit! Shit!
560
00:51:21,291 --> 00:51:21,832
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
561
00:51:21,833 --> 00:51:22,165
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit!
562
00:51:22,166 --> 00:51:22,499
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit!
563
00:51:22,500 --> 00:51:22,790
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
564
00:51:22,791 --> 00:51:23,082
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
565
00:51:23,083 --> 00:51:23,415
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
566
00:51:24,875 --> 00:51:25,957
Come on, let's ditch him.
567
00:51:32,333 --> 00:51:34,915
Attendre! Attendre!
568
00:51:39,875 --> 00:51:42,082
Excusez-moi, monsieur!
569
00:51:42,208 --> 00:51:43,874
Hold on there.
Not so fast, buddy.
570
00:51:44,208 --> 00:51:47,415
- Buddy?
- You ain't paid yet.
571
00:51:47,666 --> 00:51:49,915
- Pay?
- Pay.
572
00:51:54,625 --> 00:51:57,124
I don't want to see you
around here anymore! Beat it!
573
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,540
Beat it, buddy!
574
00:52:02,125 --> 00:52:03,332
Idiot!
575
00:52:20,291 --> 00:52:21,249
Deacon!
576
00:52:31,541 --> 00:52:36,082
Here is a treat to make
our minor prehistoric pit stop
577
00:52:36,291 --> 00:52:38,124
a bit more enjoyable.
578
00:52:40,416 --> 00:52:41,374
Thank you.
579
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,707
Uh-oh.
580
00:53:09,916 --> 00:53:11,374
Thanks, guys.
581
00:53:15,250 --> 00:53:16,707
I sure hope this works.
582
00:53:31,583 --> 00:53:33,124
I think it's working, dude.
583
00:53:46,500 --> 00:53:47,957
Just a little farther...
584
00:53:48,583 --> 00:53:49,749
...I hope!
585
00:53:56,791 --> 00:53:59,290
Hey! That's us.
586
00:53:59,541 --> 00:54:00,957
We're back in San Dimas.
587
00:54:01,250 --> 00:54:05,249
Yeah, only now it's not now.
It's last night.
588
00:54:05,583 --> 00:54:06,957
- Dude.
- What?
589
00:54:07,208 --> 00:54:08,999
Let's go talk to ourselves.
590
00:54:09,208 --> 00:54:10,582
Excellent.
591
00:54:10,833 --> 00:54:12,040
What do we say, anyways?
592
00:54:12,291 --> 00:54:15,332
I don't know.
Let's go find out.
593
00:54:16,333 --> 00:54:18,207
Sixty-nine, dudes!
594
00:54:18,583 --> 00:54:20,915
Whoa!
595
00:54:21,750 --> 00:54:23,415
Look dudes, we've gotta go.
596
00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:25,374
Rufus!
597
00:54:26,583 --> 00:54:29,499
Listen to this dude Rufus,
he knows what he's talking about.
598
00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:33,999
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
599
00:54:34,916 --> 00:54:37,540
- Who?
- You'll see.
600
00:54:38,958 --> 00:54:41,249
Gentlemen, is everything all right?
601
00:54:41,500 --> 00:54:44,749
Yeah, except how come
the number we dialled for San Dimas
602
00:54:44,916 --> 00:54:47,540
brought us here
instead of to tomorrow, Rufus?
603
00:54:47,750 --> 00:54:50,707
Because in San Dimas
it is tomorrow, William.
604
00:54:50,916 --> 00:54:53,207
You have to dial one number higher.
605
00:54:54,416 --> 00:54:56,874
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Rufus.
606
00:54:57,125 --> 00:54:59,499
And you better hurry,
because you don't have much time.
607
00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:02,665
What do you mean, Rufus?
We got ten hours left.
608
00:55:03,583 --> 00:55:06,124
- You got two hours.
- Huh?
609
00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:08,874
Ted, you forgot to wind
your watch again.
610
00:55:09,125 --> 00:55:11,249
Even after you reminded yourself not to.
611
00:55:11,458 --> 00:55:13,374
Well, I better remind myself again.
612
00:55:13,583 --> 00:55:16,665
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
613
00:55:17,833 --> 00:55:19,707
Thanks, Rufus.
614
00:55:22,083 --> 00:55:23,624
Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
615
00:55:25,625 --> 00:55:27,624
That conversation
made more sense this time.
616
00:55:27,708 --> 00:55:30,790
- Watch the gonads, dude.
- You're too tall, man.
617
00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:45,207
- Great, we made it!
- Huh?
618
00:55:45,541 --> 00:55:46,415
Whoa!
619
00:55:46,583 --> 00:55:49,290
Who's the señorita? She's cute.
620
00:55:49,375 --> 00:55:51,457
It's his mom, dude.
621
00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:58,624
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy. I mean Mom.
622
00:55:58,875 --> 00:56:03,249
Uh, Ms. Preston, we'd like you
to meet some of our friends.
623
00:56:03,583 --> 00:56:06,874
Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beeth-oven.
624
00:56:07,125 --> 00:56:08,832
Ah.
625
00:56:09,125 --> 00:56:13,374
And, uh... Maxine of Arc. Missy.
626
00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:15,832
Herman the Kid.
627
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:17,915
Bob Genghis Khan.
628
00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:21,332
- So-crates Johnson.
- Hi.
629
00:56:21,541 --> 00:56:24,624
Dennis Frood and, uh...
630
00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,124
...Abraham Lincoln.
631
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,249
Well, it's nice to meet you all.
632
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:33,999
There's sodas in the fridge.
633
00:56:35,916 --> 00:56:37,665
Mom, can you give us a ride someplace?
634
00:56:37,875 --> 00:56:40,999
Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere
until you do your chores.
635
00:57:17,583 --> 00:57:18,999
Done!
636
00:57:20,916 --> 00:57:23,165
This is the San Dimas mall.
637
00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:26,457
And this is where people
of today's world hang out.
638
00:57:27,708 --> 00:57:29,957
All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off.
639
00:57:30,166 --> 00:57:32,707
Beeth-oven, make sure you
don't get sucked under.
640
00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:38,207
Everybody get together,
remember who your buddy is.
641
00:57:39,625 --> 00:57:41,874
So-crates, watch out
for your robe, dude.
642
00:57:45,291 --> 00:57:48,582
OK, follow me.
643
00:57:48,958 --> 00:57:52,082
You've got your Broadway down here,
and got your Sears over here.
644
00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:54,999
The stratification of our society
645
00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:57,207
is much like Marie Antoinette's.
646
00:57:57,458 --> 00:57:59,874
The few possess much,
while the masses
647
00:58:00,125 --> 00:58:02,290
possess little
but their television sets.
648
00:58:02,541 --> 00:58:04,790
This dichotomy led to a revolution
649
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,707
in which Antoinette
and her husband were beheaded.
650
00:58:07,916 --> 00:58:10,582
Today, leaders are impeached
rather than beheaded.
651
00:58:11,750 --> 00:58:15,874
Still, while in her day, Marie
Antoinette said "Let them eat cake",
652
00:58:16,125 --> 00:58:18,832
perhaps today she would say,
"Let them eat fast food".
653
00:58:25,458 --> 00:58:28,749
- Enjoy.
- OK, look around, see what you think.
654
00:58:29,083 --> 00:58:31,665
We'll be back as soon
as we find Napoleon. OK?
655
00:58:31,958 --> 00:58:34,499
Come on, dude, we don't got much time.
656
00:58:35,291 --> 00:58:37,040
Yes, but what... what do we...
657
00:58:37,666 --> 00:58:39,415
You ditched Napoleon?!
658
00:58:39,625 --> 00:58:43,124
Deacon, do you realise you've stranded
one of Europe's greatest leaders
659
00:58:43,416 --> 00:58:45,374
- in San Dimas?
- He was a dick.
660
00:58:48,666 --> 00:58:51,249
Well... how are we gonna find him?
661
00:58:54,750 --> 00:58:59,790
OK, wait, if we were one of
the greatest generals in history,
662
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:05,707
and we were stranded in San Dimas
for one day, where would we go?
663
00:59:09,333 --> 00:59:11,082
Waterloop!
664
00:59:23,916 --> 00:59:25,707
Eleven children, please.
665
00:59:25,916 --> 00:59:27,540
Are you OK?
666
00:59:39,208 --> 00:59:40,415
Mon dieu!
667
01:00:00,166 --> 01:00:01,832
Buddy, you're holding up the line!
668
01:00:06,333 --> 01:00:07,415
Sacre bleu!
669
01:00:07,666 --> 01:00:08,749
Come on, buddy!
670
01:01:33,208 --> 01:01:36,249
Come on, Napoleon.
Everybody's waiting for us.
671
01:01:36,458 --> 01:01:39,124
- No, no, no!
- Yes, yes, yes!
672
01:01:42,708 --> 01:01:46,874
Why be soft and flabby
when you can be firm and trim?
673
01:01:47,125 --> 01:01:50,499
When you can have a body that cries out,
"Look at me, admire me".
674
01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:53,582
With our specialised weight training
and aerobics programme,
675
01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:57,457
we can help you attain the kind of body
you've only dreamed of having.
676
01:01:57,708 --> 01:02:00,749
All right, let's go ladies!
677
01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:03,540
You guys are looking great!
678
01:02:03,791 --> 01:02:07,707
OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump!
679
01:02:12,875 --> 01:02:14,415
You a musician?
680
01:02:17,166 --> 01:02:19,249
Well here, try this.
681
01:02:42,916 --> 01:02:44,790
What is...?
682
01:02:46,125 --> 01:02:48,374
What are they doing?
683
01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:50,832
Look at his sandals. Ooh!
684
01:02:52,416 --> 01:02:54,624
- I don't know.
- He's creepy.
685
01:02:54,916 --> 01:02:57,332
- Weird, huh?
- Oh, they're coming over.
686
01:03:00,625 --> 01:03:05,582
Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates.
687
01:03:05,833 --> 01:03:07,999
- Socrates.
- We're from history.
688
01:03:11,416 --> 01:03:15,415
Hello, I'm Dr. Freud.
But you may call me Siggy.
689
01:03:15,750 --> 01:03:17,707
Oh, my God!
690
01:03:18,916 --> 01:03:23,124
You both seem to be suffering
from a mild form of hysteria.
691
01:03:24,083 --> 01:03:26,249
You are such a geek.
692
01:03:29,750 --> 01:03:31,582
Way to go, egghead.
693
01:03:33,458 --> 01:03:36,957
- Geek!
- What is a "geek"?
694
01:03:39,791 --> 01:03:40,874
Huh...
695
01:03:42,125 --> 01:03:43,540
Oh...
696
01:03:46,583 --> 01:03:47,957
Oh.
697
01:04:09,583 --> 01:04:11,457
I need some help.
I've got a live one here.
698
01:04:15,708 --> 01:04:16,749
- OK...
- Thank you.
699
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,749
...I need the Lincoln hat
and the stupid beard back.
700
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:22,790
You don't understand.
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
701
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,665
Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha.
702
01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:25,915
Now, come on, mister...
703
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,582
This is my hat and my beard!
704
01:04:37,125 --> 01:04:39,249
Keep it up!
You're looking great!
705
01:04:54,458 --> 01:04:56,915
Yaahh!
706
01:04:58,416 --> 01:04:59,790
Hey! That crazy there!
707
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,624
- Son, hold it right there.
- Get that guy off there.
708
01:05:02,125 --> 01:05:03,040
Oh!
709
01:05:06,375 --> 01:05:07,915
Stop him!
710
01:05:12,375 --> 01:05:13,332
Yee-haw!
711
01:05:14,708 --> 01:05:15,415
Ya-ha!
712
01:05:20,833 --> 01:05:22,832
- No, Sig, over here.
- Sorry, miss.
713
01:05:23,083 --> 01:05:23,957
Excuse me, miss.
714
01:05:24,250 --> 01:05:26,665
- Move, move.
- Pardon me.
715
01:05:27,833 --> 01:05:29,165
Oh, no.
716
01:05:29,458 --> 01:05:31,082
I demand a lawyer.
717
01:05:31,291 --> 01:05:33,124
Don't get smart with me, buddy.
Let's go.
718
01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,082
Hey, there they are!
719
01:05:57,666 --> 01:05:59,749
Ah!
720
01:05:59,916 --> 01:06:01,915
All right, come on, Grandpa.
721
01:06:06,458 --> 01:06:07,790
Bogus!
722
01:06:10,791 --> 01:06:12,124
That's enough.
723
01:06:20,916 --> 01:06:23,082
Mom, can't you go any faster?
724
01:06:38,791 --> 01:06:42,415
I want to know why
you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
725
01:06:42,750 --> 01:06:45,165
Why do you claim
I'm not Sigmund Freud?
726
01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:48,082
Why do you keep asking me
these questions?
727
01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:50,707
Tell me about your mother.
728
01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:54,290
- Oh, God.
- Would you like a couch to lie on?
729
01:06:54,541 --> 01:06:56,499
No, I don't want a couch to lie on.
730
01:07:03,958 --> 01:07:05,499
All right, what's your name?
731
01:07:05,750 --> 01:07:07,040
Abraham Lincoln.
732
01:07:07,333 --> 01:07:10,707
That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
733
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,165
I know how to spell Lincoln.
734
01:07:15,958 --> 01:07:17,832
What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
735
01:07:18,125 --> 01:07:21,915
February 12th, 1809.
736
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,040
Everything is different,
but the same.
737
01:07:28,250 --> 01:07:32,165
Things are more...
moderner than before,
738
01:07:32,416 --> 01:07:34,457
bigger...
739
01:07:34,541 --> 01:07:36,582
and yet smaller.
740
01:07:40,791 --> 01:07:42,124
It's computers.
741
01:07:49,666 --> 01:07:51,665
San Dimas High School football rules!
742
01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:08,874
I can't believe
my dad arrested them all.
743
01:08:10,583 --> 01:08:11,915
What are we gonna do?
744
01:08:12,250 --> 01:08:15,207
OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad.
I'm gonna scope the place out.
745
01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:18,999
Missy, I mean Mom,
please keep an eye on Napoleon.
746
01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:22,540
Stay!
747
01:08:27,458 --> 01:08:29,415
All right, lock him up
with the rest of those wackos.
748
01:08:29,500 --> 01:08:31,457
- I am a lawyer, you know...
- Dad!
749
01:08:31,625 --> 01:08:34,249
- You pack your bags, Ted.
- What?
750
01:08:34,583 --> 01:08:35,540
You're going to military school, Ted.
751
01:08:35,875 --> 01:08:37,415
- But, Dad...
- No, I don't want to hear it, Ted.
752
01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:39,249
- But...
- Ted, you go home
753
01:08:39,458 --> 01:08:41,332
and you pack your bags, now!
754
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,540
- How'd it go?
- Bad.
755
01:08:50,791 --> 01:08:54,415
Our historical figures are all locked up
and my dad won't let them out.
756
01:08:55,541 --> 01:08:56,874
Can we get your dad's keys?
757
01:08:57,125 --> 01:08:59,915
I could steal them,
but he lost them two days ago.
758
01:09:00,166 --> 01:09:04,040
If only we could go back in time to
when he had them and steal them then.
759
01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:07,415
Well, why can't we?
760
01:09:07,625 --> 01:09:08,874
'Cause we don't got time.
761
01:09:09,166 --> 01:09:11,165
We could do it after the report.
762
01:09:12,083 --> 01:09:13,790
Ted, good thinking, dude!
763
01:09:14,041 --> 01:09:16,624
After the report, we'll time travel
back to two days ago,
764
01:09:16,875 --> 01:09:19,249
steal your dad's keys,
and leave them here.
765
01:09:19,458 --> 01:09:21,082
- Where?
- I don't know.
766
01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:23,374
How about behind that sign?
767
01:09:23,583 --> 01:09:26,790
That way, when we get here now,
they'll be waiting for us.
768
01:09:29,125 --> 01:09:31,415
- See?
- Whoa! Yeah!
769
01:09:31,666 --> 01:09:35,707
So, after the report we can't forget
to do this, otherwise it won't happen.
770
01:09:35,916 --> 01:09:39,749
But it did happen!
Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys!
771
01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,874
Exactly, Ted.
Come on.
772
01:09:45,708 --> 01:09:46,832
- Mom?
- Yes?
773
01:09:47,125 --> 01:09:48,999
Can you please
bring the car around back?
774
01:09:49,208 --> 01:09:49,999
Sure.
775
01:09:51,625 --> 01:09:55,707
Come on, Ted. We've got
some historical figures to rescue.
776
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:56,915
Over and out.
777
01:10:13,541 --> 01:10:15,499
How are we gonna get past my dad?
778
01:10:17,083 --> 01:10:18,999
You got a tape recorder at home?
779
01:10:19,208 --> 01:10:21,499
- Yeah.
- OK.
780
01:10:22,416 --> 01:10:24,415
- Remember to get the tape recorder.
- Yeah.
781
01:10:24,625 --> 01:10:29,040
Set a timer on it for, uh...2:13.
782
01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:31,124
- Got it?
- Got it!
783
01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:35,540
What am I gonna say on it?
784
01:10:35,791 --> 01:10:38,665
Dad! Hey, Dad!
785
01:10:38,958 --> 01:10:40,957
It's you, dude.
786
01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:46,499
Ted?
787
01:10:46,708 --> 01:10:47,957
I'm over here.
788
01:10:50,250 --> 01:10:52,582
Yeah, this way.
789
01:11:14,416 --> 01:11:16,207
Whoa. Check it out.
790
01:11:18,291 --> 01:11:21,415
"Dear Bill and Ted,
good luck on the report.
791
01:11:21,583 --> 01:11:26,124
"Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire
and Ted "Theodore" Logan."
792
01:11:26,333 --> 01:11:27,707
That was nice of us.
793
01:11:27,958 --> 01:11:31,082
"P.S. Duck!"
794
01:11:36,750 --> 01:11:38,457
- Excellent work, dude.
- Way to go!
795
01:11:38,708 --> 01:11:39,790
Come on.
796
01:11:50,625 --> 01:11:51,832
Shh!
797
01:11:52,875 --> 01:11:56,207
Great people,
time is of the essence.
798
01:11:56,458 --> 01:11:59,415
May I ask that you all work together
so that we can get down to the car.
799
01:11:59,666 --> 01:12:01,582
Very quiet now. Quiet.
800
01:12:03,541 --> 01:12:06,332
Against the wall.
Single file.
801
01:12:07,125 --> 01:12:09,249
- Hurry up, Billy.
- How do we get out of here?
802
01:12:10,416 --> 01:12:12,249
Over here, Dad.
803
01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:13,540
Down here!
804
01:12:13,791 --> 01:12:15,832
Way to go, dude.
We stalled him.
805
01:12:16,041 --> 01:12:17,707
What else do I say?
806
01:12:17,958 --> 01:12:20,665
And now, opening for Iron Maiden...
807
01:12:20,916 --> 01:12:23,374
...Wyld Stallyns!
808
01:12:26,583 --> 01:12:29,249
- Come on, Bill, put your back into it.
- Ted?
809
01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:31,582
What in the hell
do you think you're doing?
810
01:12:31,916 --> 01:12:35,040
Trash can.
Remember a trash can!
811
01:12:35,291 --> 01:12:36,874
Trash can?
What are you talking about?
812
01:12:37,166 --> 01:12:40,165
- Get this thing off me, Ted!
- Sorry, Dad,
813
01:12:40,416 --> 01:12:42,707
but we've got to go pass
our history report.
814
01:12:42,958 --> 01:12:46,249
- Oh, by the way, I found your keys.
- Ted!
815
01:12:46,500 --> 01:12:49,415
Ted, where are you?
Get this off me! Ted!
816
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:58,874
In conclusion,
I think Abraham Lincoln
817
01:12:59,125 --> 01:13:02,165
would be most impressed
with the world of San Dimas.
818
01:13:02,500 --> 01:13:06,415
I know I am.
819
01:13:14,291 --> 01:13:18,082
- Down the hall, to the left.
- Quiet.
820
01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:23,790
And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward
and Mrs. Rowe when I say
821
01:13:24,041 --> 01:13:26,415
that your reports were very entertaining
822
01:13:26,583 --> 01:13:28,665
and very informative for all of us.
823
01:13:29,583 --> 01:13:33,999
So, it seems we may be one report short
today, so we'll leave just a bit early.
824
01:13:36,833 --> 01:13:39,874
But once again, I want to thank you
all for your very hard work...
825
01:13:41,875 --> 01:13:43,540
Hey, who turned out the lights?
826
01:13:46,750 --> 01:13:48,915
Hello, San Dimas.
827
01:13:49,250 --> 01:13:53,582
Please welcome,
for the final report of the afternoon,
828
01:13:53,916 --> 01:13:55,457
from all throughout history,
829
01:13:55,708 --> 01:13:58,749
some of the greatest people
who have ever lived,
830
01:13:59,083 --> 01:14:03,499
in their 1988 World Tour!
831
01:14:11,541 --> 01:14:14,707
How's it going?
I'm Billy the Kid.
832
01:14:28,208 --> 01:14:30,957
I'd like y'all
to put your hands together.
833
01:14:37,708 --> 01:14:40,749
And now, my good friends,
834
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:44,665
Bill S. Preston, Esquire,
835
01:14:44,875 --> 01:14:48,707
and Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Yee-haw!
836
01:14:49,041 --> 01:14:51,124
Thank you! Thank you!
837
01:14:51,875 --> 01:14:54,540
Hello, San Dimas High!
838
01:14:54,791 --> 01:15:00,582
Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished
classmates, teachers, babes.
839
01:15:01,375 --> 01:15:03,165
Our first speaker was born
840
01:15:03,416 --> 01:15:06,707
- in the year 470 B.C.
- Hi, long time no see.
841
01:15:07,083 --> 01:15:09,040
A time when much of the world
842
01:15:09,291 --> 01:15:12,540
looked like the cover of the
Led Zeppelin album "Houses of the Holy".
843
01:15:12,875 --> 01:15:14,249
We were there.
844
01:15:14,500 --> 01:15:18,249
There were many steps and columns.
It was most tranquil.
845
01:15:18,458 --> 01:15:22,165
He is sometimes known
as the father of modern thought.
846
01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:26,249
He was the teacher of Plato, who was in
turn the teacher of Aristotle.
847
01:15:26,458 --> 01:15:31,874
And, like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly
accused of corruption of the young.
848
01:15:32,125 --> 01:15:35,040
And since he doesn't speak English,
my friend Ted here,
849
01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:37,040
is going to interpret for him.
850
01:15:37,291 --> 01:15:39,999
So please welcome,
to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas,
851
01:15:40,250 --> 01:15:43,832
the most bodacious philosophiser
in Ancient Greece...
852
01:15:44,500 --> 01:15:46,082
...Socrates!
853
01:15:48,875 --> 01:15:51,957
...is totally out of control. And I think I got
a pretty good idea where he gets it from.
854
01:15:52,166 --> 01:15:55,040
I mean if you and that wife of yours
would show a little discipline
855
01:15:55,291 --> 01:15:57,165
maybe your son wouldn't be
such a bad influence.
856
01:15:57,416 --> 01:15:59,124
Oh, is discipline your key
to the success with Ted?
857
01:15:59,375 --> 01:16:02,040
Yes, it is! He's going to an
Alaskan military school!
858
01:16:02,333 --> 01:16:05,540
He loves you best...
859
01:16:08,125 --> 01:16:09,749
...in all the world.
860
01:16:10,750 --> 01:16:12,082
What are they doing up there?
861
01:16:13,708 --> 01:16:14,749
He also loves...
862
01:16:16,250 --> 01:16:17,540
...baseball!
863
01:16:18,583 --> 01:16:22,207
Therefore, Ted's father's
own fear of failure
864
01:16:22,458 --> 01:16:24,540
has caused him to make his son
865
01:16:24,750 --> 01:16:27,040
the embodiment of all of his own
866
01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:31,499
deepest anxieties about himself.
867
01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:36,540
And, hence, his aggression
transference onto Ted.
868
01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,999
- Whoa!
- OK, Ted?
869
01:16:44,291 --> 01:16:47,290
Yes, thank you very much,
Sigmund Freud.
870
01:16:48,791 --> 01:16:50,040
Hm?
871
01:16:51,166 --> 01:16:53,915
Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex.
872
01:16:56,208 --> 01:16:58,665
It is indeed a pleasure
to introduce to you
873
01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:04,124
a gentleman we picked up in
Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
874
01:17:04,416 --> 01:17:07,707
Please welcome
the very excellent barbarian...
875
01:17:07,958 --> 01:17:10,499
...Mr. Genghis Khan.
876
01:17:13,875 --> 01:17:19,124
This is a dude who, 700 years ago,
totally ravaged China.
877
01:17:19,375 --> 01:17:21,207
And who we are told, two hours ago,
878
01:17:21,416 --> 01:17:23,999
totally ravaged
Oshman's Sporting Goods.
879
01:17:26,458 --> 01:17:29,999
A most bodacious soldier,
and general,
880
01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:33,832
Miss Of Arc totally rousted
the English from France.
881
01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:37,540
And then she turned this dude,
Dauphin, into a king,
882
01:17:37,750 --> 01:17:40,374
and all this
by the time she was 17.
883
01:17:50,458 --> 01:17:52,249
...waterslide.
884
01:17:53,416 --> 01:17:56,624
The music of Ludwig van Beethoven.
885
01:18:00,166 --> 01:18:02,832
As you can see,
Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies
886
01:18:03,041 --> 01:18:05,040
because of the excellent sugar rush.
887
01:18:05,333 --> 01:18:08,124
He also loves billiards.
888
01:18:10,458 --> 01:18:13,665
Beethoven's favourite works
include Mozart's "Requiem",
889
01:18:13,916 --> 01:18:18,165
Handel's "Messiah",
and Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet".
890
01:18:18,458 --> 01:18:20,707
To improve on the condition
of her armies,
891
01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:25,040
Joan of Arc plans on instituting
a full scale aerobics programme
892
01:18:25,291 --> 01:18:27,040
on her return to France.
893
01:18:27,375 --> 01:18:29,249
I don't think it's gonna work.
894
01:18:29,916 --> 01:18:30,874
No?
895
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:35,290
Triomphe, Napoleon.
896
01:18:42,208 --> 01:18:43,415
He loves...
897
01:18:45,125 --> 01:18:47,249
He loves San Dimas.
898
01:18:56,791 --> 01:18:59,415
And now, for our last speaker.
899
01:19:00,791 --> 01:19:05,540
One of the greatest presidents
in American history...
900
01:19:06,541 --> 01:19:10,415
...Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
901
01:19:30,625 --> 01:19:34,124
Four score and...
902
01:19:34,791 --> 01:19:36,749
...seven minutes ago,
903
01:19:37,083 --> 01:19:41,249
we, your forefathers,
904
01:19:41,500 --> 01:19:46,457
were brought forth
upon a most excellent adventure.
905
01:19:47,916 --> 01:19:51,665
Conceived by our new friends...
906
01:19:52,916 --> 01:19:54,249
...Bill...
907
01:19:56,250 --> 01:19:57,665
...and Ted.
908
01:19:59,583 --> 01:20:03,124
These two great gentlemen
909
01:20:03,291 --> 01:20:06,624
are dedicated to a proposition
910
01:20:06,875 --> 01:20:09,165
which was true in my time,
911
01:20:09,416 --> 01:20:12,499
just as it's true today.
912
01:20:16,125 --> 01:20:19,874
Be excellent to each other...
913
01:20:21,708 --> 01:20:23,790
...and...
914
01:20:24,375 --> 01:20:26,457
Party on, dudes!
915
01:20:34,916 --> 01:20:36,499
- No...
- Way!
916
01:20:46,958 --> 01:20:49,999
Thank you, San Dimas High!
917
01:21:17,625 --> 01:21:21,999
We want more! We want more!
918
01:21:28,791 --> 01:21:30,207
Intro.
919
01:21:30,458 --> 01:21:33,415
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
920
01:21:43,708 --> 01:21:46,124
- Bill?
- What's up, Ted?
921
01:21:48,208 --> 01:21:49,457
Well...
922
01:21:50,500 --> 01:21:52,665
we travelled through time.
923
01:21:52,750 --> 01:21:55,374
I mean, we met lots of great leaders,
924
01:21:55,625 --> 01:21:58,374
and we got an A-plus
on our history report...
925
01:21:59,541 --> 01:22:02,957
...but look at us, nothing's different.
926
01:22:05,625 --> 01:22:07,249
Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen.
927
01:22:09,208 --> 01:22:11,457
Maybe we should start
learning how to play.
928
01:22:13,083 --> 01:22:14,415
Maybe you're right, Ted.
929
01:22:29,916 --> 01:22:33,124
Hello, again, my excellent friends.
930
01:22:33,958 --> 01:22:34,915
Whoa!
931
01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:38,249
Congratulations on passing
your history report.
932
01:22:39,291 --> 01:22:40,290
Rufus.
933
01:22:40,541 --> 01:22:42,040
The babes!
934
01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,374
We looked all over England for you.
935
01:22:44,666 --> 01:22:47,249
Where'd you get those savoury clothes?
936
01:22:48,291 --> 01:22:51,415
Rufus introduced us
to a place called the mall.
937
01:22:51,583 --> 01:22:54,249
And something called credit cards.
938
01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:57,665
I got them out of England
just before they had to marry
939
01:22:57,875 --> 01:22:59,749
those royal ugly dudes.
940
01:23:00,041 --> 01:23:01,707
Way to go, Rufus.
941
01:23:11,500 --> 01:23:13,540
How can we ever thank you, Rufus?
942
01:23:13,791 --> 01:23:17,415
Well, you can start
by signing this for my kids.
943
01:23:18,333 --> 01:23:19,540
Why?
944
01:23:19,791 --> 01:23:21,540
They're big fans of yours.
945
01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:24,040
- What?
- Everyone is.
946
01:23:24,333 --> 01:23:28,874
Wyld Stallyns' music has become
the foundation of our whole society.
947
01:23:30,833 --> 01:23:32,249
No way.
948
01:23:32,583 --> 01:23:34,249
Yes way.
949
01:23:34,500 --> 01:23:37,040
In fact, I believe you were there.
950
01:23:37,333 --> 01:23:39,832
That futuristic place with the domes?
951
01:23:40,041 --> 01:23:43,499
And the totally excellent music.
952
01:23:43,791 --> 01:23:45,582
They totally worshipped us there, Rufus.
953
01:23:45,916 --> 01:23:46,957
I know.
954
01:23:47,208 --> 01:23:50,749
That's why I was sent to make sure
you passed your history report.
955
01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:55,249
If you guys were separated, it would have
been disastrous for life as we know it.
956
01:23:55,583 --> 01:24:01,124
You see, eventually your music will help
put an end to war and poverty.
957
01:24:01,416 --> 01:24:04,874
It will align the planets and
bring them into universal harmony,
958
01:24:05,125 --> 01:24:07,999
allowing meaningful contact
with all forms of life,
959
01:24:08,291 --> 01:24:13,165
from extraterrestrial beings
to common household pets.
960
01:24:13,333 --> 01:24:14,707
And...
961
01:24:14,833 --> 01:24:17,707
it's excellent for dancing.
962
01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:21,124
Whoa.
963
01:24:21,333 --> 01:24:23,790
Why don't you have the ladies
sign as well, would you please?
964
01:24:24,041 --> 01:24:26,874
- After all, they are in the band.
- They are?
965
01:24:27,125 --> 01:24:29,749
- Excellent.
- Excellent.
966
01:24:29,916 --> 01:24:32,040
Where are you going, Rufus?
967
01:24:33,208 --> 01:24:35,082
I got a surprise for you.
968
01:24:44,166 --> 01:24:46,415
Here.
969
01:24:46,583 --> 01:24:48,707
That's to help you
as you start your new band.
970
01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,499
Thanks, Rufus.
971
01:24:50,750 --> 01:24:54,540
Now I just have one further
humble request.
972
01:24:54,750 --> 01:24:58,207
If I might be so honoured
to jam with you?
973
01:24:59,291 --> 01:25:02,999
- Do you know how to play, Rufus?
- Well, I play a little.
974
01:25:22,833 --> 01:25:24,915
Whoa!
975
01:25:26,583 --> 01:25:28,832
Most outstanding, Rufus.
976
01:25:29,083 --> 01:25:30,249
Let's jam.
977
01:25:38,583 --> 01:25:40,957
- Bill, my friend?
- Yes, Ted, my friend?
978
01:25:41,166 --> 01:25:43,790
This has been
a most excellent adventure.
979
01:25:45,166 --> 01:25:46,124
- One...
- Two...
980
01:25:46,375 --> 01:25:47,915
One, two, three, four!
981
01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:56,540
They do get better.
65230
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