Original subtitles

Did you get any idea?

Wow, Bhasskar.

Isn't it of that day, when I came to change clothes at your place?

- [Pakhi] It is the same story. - No. No.

[Pakhi] Why are you getting scared?

- No, I haven't written this. - [Pakhi] No, it is perfect.

The writer writes stories from his experiences.

He shows the mirror to the society.

[Sighs] You have written properly.

But it is one-sided.

Really, what do you mean?

The boy's point of view is there. But not the girl's.

Oh, that's because I have written.

I will add it.

[Pakhi] Knock on the door, strange girl, wet clothes.

Bra, salwar kameez...

...and straight to.

For your information let me tell you, they're not round.

Mine are oval-shaped and size B.

They are considered the best.

So, I should begin from here.

[Pakhi] I also knew.

That he was staring at me.

[Pakhi] Does anyone change their clothes with the door half-open?

Now that my body.

No, bare body.

You mean naked?

No bare body.

That sounds better.

Watching my bare body.

I will write after this.

[Bhasskar] I too was hot with excitement.

I wasn't able to control any more.

Shyly...

...she threw her towel at me.

And says.

That...

What does she say?

She says.

The towel is stuck.

Will you please help me?

Yes, I will take it off.

[Sighs]

[Both giggling]

So, everybody is talking about the first and the last love.

Let me explain.

First love is emotional, sentimental.

The man's ego keeps lowering like the temperature of Kashmir.

But the last love is experimental.

Like a satellite.

You want to fit into a specific room.

[Laughs]

We are discussing about first and last love.

But apart from these two kinds of love, there is one more.

Which is much better than this!

The second love.

In second love there is 48.24% emotions...

and 51.76% experiment.

There is an equal proportional ratio in it.

[Mishra] Like the milkman and tea seller.

The man in love for the second time is already prepared

to bear the natural calamity.

And because of lessons learnt from first love,

he becomes more experienced and smarter.

By the mischief and sparkle of the eyes.

He can understand the chronology of the other person.

Her legs are on the left, she will take a right.

No, she will take a left.

Oh God, she'll walk straight.

[Laughs]

Man in love for the second time knows,

that milk should only be brought when the tea is to be made.

No use storing a tetra pack in the fridge.

And most importantly.

There is no need to lose self-respect for love,

like today's journalism.

Love is as important as self-respect.

But the important question is.

Why is there a second love?

Important question.

But the answer is very straight and simple.

To achieve what was not attained by first love.

And that is?

Sex.

Push it inside you.

Bloody, it is hope.

Hope.

I want to share a poem about hope written by Gupt.

And end my case.

You are a human being, do not lose heart.

Do some work, do some work.

Living in this world, create your name.

What is the purpose of your birth?

Understand it and do not waste it.

You are a human being, do not lose heart.

Do some work, do some work.

Mishralogy comes to an end with these lines.

Before I go, today's sweet by Mishra.

Go home and peel it first,

and then eat it.

[Applause]

For weddings, anniversaries, birthday parties,

and all types of ceremonies. Contact Devendran cafe.

[Rohan] Bro!

50,000.

50,000.

No. No.

It is wonderful.

50,000 copies will be sold in a week's time.

By a woman's viewpoint.

All the women readers of India, will come forward and buy it.

[Batuknath] Congratulations to you both.

Thanks to her.

I am going to give the order.

Increment of 20%.

For me?

Oh no.

A contract for 5 new stories.

Oh Batuk, thank you. Thank you.

Bhasskar, I want to talk to you.

Yes, tell me.

Alone.

Right now?

Okay fine, I have to make a call. I will be back.

Yes?

I know you are an author for books.

[Batuknath] But if you listen to me for once.

Sure, tell me.

What?

Make a video of Bad Boy?

No.

I told you, this is only about books.

I will not agree for the video.

Why are you so stubborn?

- Just think about it once. - What is there to think?

Your name will spread not only in North India, but all over India.

Am I virus that I will spread?

[Bhasskar] I am warning you, call me if you need a book.

I will not give you permit for a video.

- Don't do this to me. - Hey, wait.

- What? - Hey dear, listen to me.

[Bhasskar] Today he is calling me here,

tomorrow he will call me at the court.

[Batuknath] Hey listen to me.

[Pakhi] Did you speak to the warden?

[Batuknath] Listen...

[Bhasskar] Calling me to the cafe, then will call me to the court.

- [Batuknath] Don't refuse. - Hey, just a minute.

- Bhasskar. - [Batuknath] Buddy!

Where did Bhasskar go?

I asked him to make a video of this.

[Door opens]

[Phone ringing]

Oh shit.

- Yes, tell me. - Bloody Bhasskar,

I am calling you for so long, why are you not picking up?

Stop screaming.

You are shouting as if I am participating in KBC.

If I don't pick up your call, you will lose millions.

Speak, what do you want to say? I am irritated.

I knew that when you left after fighting with Batuk.

Tell me, what happened?

Yes, the same old thing.

Make a video of Bad Boy.

I refused and left.

Oh, no wonder.

You refused and left and madam ignited the fire.

[Mishra] The lady has arrived.

Now you can sit at home and sulk about your virginity,

watching the video of Bad Boy.

What nonsense are you talking?

What are you talking about madam?

Which madam? I know about the lady.

Whom you relentlessly keep calling Pakhi.

She was standing with Batuk like an ISI agent.

I always knew Batuk was a Nepali agent.

You refused, and she accepted.

[Mishra] Bad Boy, your story is over.

Bad Girl has taken over you.

[Narrator] Thus, began the printing and sale...

of eroticism of Bad Boy and Bad Girl.

[Song playing on radio]

[Knocking door]

Coming.

[Door opens]

[Pakhi] Why are you not picking up the phone?

Is it important?

- Yes, I met Batuk. - I know.

You have come here to make me jealous.

[Pakhi] Batuk told me.

You refused to write a video, so...

He wanted me to talk to you.

You will convince me?

[Bhasskar] What I refused; you have accepted.

Then congratulations. Enjoy.

What are you saying?

Look Bhasskar, I know you are the creator of Bad Boy.

And I have no right over it. So...

Don't push me now, okay.

I just know that I am not interested in writing for Batuk.

So now it is up to you and your work. Move aside.

Have made a deal of 3 lakhs.

[Pakhi] Look Bhasskar.

The pace at which we both are writing.

It is just a matter of 1-2 days.

And this...

Batuk has given books for screenwriting too.

It is a bit different from what we write.

But we just have to write a porn story.

Imagine Bhasskar.

If we get one video a month.

We will earn at least one and a half lakh.

Think about it.

Even an IAS doesn't earn this much.

Hello.

- Bindu. - Yes.

I am standing below the girl's hostel building.

Good. You will see a window on the left-hand side.

- [Rohan] Yes. - Climb it.

- Climb? - Yes. Can't you climb?

I can anyhow climb anywhere.

But I don't understand, why are you making me do this?

What is written in that book?

Just say a yes to every opportunity.

That's it.

Okay, hold.

So, the final call is yours.

But how did he agree for 3 lakhs?

I had done my research.

That much for screenwriting and 20% more for brand Bad Boy.

What do you say?

And contract for 5 books?

Yes, that too has to be done.

- You want sugar more or less? - Less.

Make it strong.

By the way, sorry.

I misunderstood you.

[Bhasskar] Hope you don't mind.

[Tongue clicking]

It is okay. I am a different kind of girl.

I don't believe in melodrama.

I am in the corridor.

[Bindu] Take a left, there will a door at the right. Come inside.

Okay. One, two, three, four, five.

[Knocking door]

Did you get it?

[Mouthing]

[Music playing]

Hot and spicy.

Come on.

It is very bland.

Make it spicier.

If I make it spicier you will say there is fire burning inside you.

Then you will say, too hot to handle.

Now tell me, how do you feel?

Spicier.

This too will be bland. Are you so dull with your wife?

Hey madam, I am not dull.

I am very strong.

Do you get it?

Eat this.

Hot and spicy.

You burnt my mouth.

My house is nearby.

Will you come?

I have got rose coolers from my town.

Will serve you.

Will you come?

Come on.

[Mouthing]

Okay.

I am getting married today.

And I come to know he has f***ed off in Thailand.

I am mad. I didn't do anything for 4 months.

I can't leave from the wedding.

What should I do?

[Man 1] Madam your gifts.

Raju has tried a few times on me.

I can't find an easier prey than him.

Hey, listen.

Yes.

Umm.

Drop all this. Take me to the parlour.

[Bad Boy] It just takes a glance to understand the dirty mind.

I knew what to do and where.

[Music playing]

[Mouthing]

[Music playing]

[Batuknath] Your checque for 3 lakhs.

And contract for 5 new stories.

[Music playing]

[Pakhi] Very soon my target will be achieved.

[Mishra] The biggest problem of the world is

that if is there is a loser.

Then the English medium guys tell him,

You are a pansy. You don't have balls.

You are a Yoni (Vagina).

[Mishra] When it is the most powerful thing of the world.

When the baby comes out of the vagina.

It is equal to the pain of breaking 100 bones.

Even the strongest superman.

If you touch his balls, will writhe in pain on the floor.

Can make the impossible possible, and possible impossible.

Where both the Yonis are united.

[Mishra] So why isn't it discussed in the open?

If a girl has a cold, cough and fever.

Her family takes her to the doctor.

[Mishra] But if there is a sexual problem.

Then it is only shared with the mother.

There is a limit to hypocrisy.

Just close your eyes and think from deep within, then you will feel.

Without this formless thing,

that life is not possible in the world or planet earth.

All the types of living being in the world.

Are directly or indirectly related to the vagina.

The vagina is the most important thing of the world.

Which we can see. Can feel it.

Which we dream of.

We only dream of things we desire to have.

That's why it is called nightfall.

The world is a snake charmer.

And the vagina is a cobra pearl.

The snake charmer wants to capture the cobra and become immortal.

I would like to end with a few quotes.

There are 2 truths.

The body is mortal. And this cannot be denied.

The other, irrespective you wear a panty, brief or a leaf.

The vagina cannot be denied.

I hope Akshay Kumar will make a film on this topic.

And pull the country out from this hypocrisy.

I am grateful to all the visitors,

bearer of testicles, and ovaries, and spectators of my show.

[Mishra] I hope that today's sweet of Mishra, which is the egg.

You will boil at home, and eat.

Let me know whether egg is the vagina or the fetus.

Contact Devendra Mishra for birthday parties, and weddings.

[Shouting]

Madam.

Madam.

This isn't Goa, this is Banaras.

You have turned Banaras into Manali.

Smoking weed publicly is not allowed here.

Have you left the body and gone?

You can't smoke weed here.

Chill, it is not weed, but tobacco.

Don't give me all that crap.

I know, what you roll in the paper and smoke.

Okay, try it.

[Women 1] Here don't be shy.

Shy and me?

I was born by weed. why will I be shy?

Hey, Rohan.

[Rohan] Yes, bro.

Isn't this weed?

[Inhales]

No, it's tobacco, bro.

[Tongue clicking]

Shit. Get lost. Go.

Sorry, my bad. I apologize to you.

Nowadays the boys of Banaras have become so naughty.

Keep doping weird and various things.

A new Punjabi cop has been recruited.

He chases on whiffing weed.

I made a mistake. I apologize folding both my hands.

It is wrong to judge anybody before knowing the real truth.

And you were talking about hypocrisy.

Actually, you are a hypocrite.