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Downloaded from
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Another
chilly Melbourne night,
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00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:33,623
another case to crack.
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00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:37,263
The name's Sam Slade, Private Eye.
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00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,363
Yes, that's actually my real name.
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00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:44,786
This distressed dame, author
and social commentator,
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00:01:44,810 --> 00:01:47,246
Becky Holt, is about to become embroiled
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00:01:47,270 --> 00:01:50,060
in the case of the curious cat.
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Her online opinion pieces
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have a habit of getting
her into hot water.
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00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,776
- How the fuck did you get in here?
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00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,606
Which is
how I came to this story.
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00:02:06,630 --> 00:02:08,416
No, I'm not the cat.
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00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,856
Cute as the furball is, Becky
wasn't used to intruders
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00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,243
or things being amiss in a
carefully-arranged apartment.
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00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,850
Which is where I come in.
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00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,166
- Hello?
19
00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:36,526
- Hi, Miss Holt, I'm Sam
Slade, Private Investigator.
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00:02:36,550 --> 00:02:37,360
I have a--
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00:02:37,384 --> 00:02:38,696
- I'm sorry, what was your name?
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00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,476
- Oh Sam, Samantha, Slade.
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00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,083
- Sam Slade?
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00:02:43,107 --> 00:02:43,917
Mmm.
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00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:45,053
- Mmm-hmm, go on.
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00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,606
- Well I've come to help
you with your problem.
27
00:02:48,630 --> 00:02:50,016
- Oh well I'm sorry Sam Slade,
28
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:51,990
Phillipa Marlowe's already on the case.
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00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:55,036
Okay so I
probably left a few things out.
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00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,233
Let's backtrack a bit.
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00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:01,250
- You're up!
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00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:27,246
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
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00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:30,163
and give your warmest
welcome to Sam Slade!
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00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:40,171
- Okay.
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00:03:40,195 --> 00:03:44,336
Ah, so, um,
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00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,496
I feel like I've been a bit,
um, self-obsessed lately.
37
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:52,520
So, I thought today I
might bounce off you guys.
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00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,743
Just, mix it up a bit.
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00:04:04,270 --> 00:04:08,933
Um, oh, what do you do for a living sir?
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00:04:09,872 --> 00:04:11,836
- I'm a comedian, what the fuck do you do?
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00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:18,656
Oh.
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00:04:21,372 --> 00:04:22,372
Well.
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00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,170
Um.
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00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,600
Um.
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00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:49,116
Woo, Sam Slade everybody!
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00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,342
Give it up for Sam Slade!
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00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:55,696
Okay look, don't go anywhere folks.
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00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,026
We've got a surprise for you
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00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,926
'cause fresh from his sell-out show
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00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,366
at Madison Square Gardens,
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00:05:00,390 --> 00:05:03,076
and star in his own American sitcom,
52
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,846
the prodigal son has returned.
53
00:05:04,870 --> 00:05:07,821
Give it up for Jimmy fucking Kay!
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00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:19,663
- She may be my new
favorite female comedian.
55
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,733
Looks good, says nothing.
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00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:25,890
In fact tell you what, I'm
gonna fuck this set off,
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00:05:25,914 --> 00:05:28,026
think I'm gonna go backstage and ah,
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00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,010
put a ring on it, you know
what I'm talking about.
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00:05:32,393 --> 00:05:33,596
Don't know what I'll do,
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00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:36,308
but I tell you what, I'm a
bit fucking sick of her lot.
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00:05:43,123 --> 00:05:44,736
- Come to put me out of my misery?
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00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,336
- Aw, could've been worse.
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00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,360
- How?
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00:05:49,207 --> 00:05:51,966
- I don't know, you could've
bunt the joint to the ground.
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00:05:51,990 --> 00:05:53,756
- Yeah I've seen the wiring in this joint.
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00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:56,746
You could've claimed insurance
and gotten a sweet payout.
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00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,910
I'm officially worse than arson.
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00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,023
See, that's funny.
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00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:03,980
Come on, drink your medicine.
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00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,586
- God damn, that's the good stuff.
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00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:14,276
- Yeah well, I know the chick
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00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:18,078
that runs the place, so.
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00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:25,051
- Um, I think it's time that I quit.
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00:06:25,075 --> 00:06:27,316
Don't be a fuckwit.
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00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:28,150
- Didn't you hear?
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00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:29,543
Silence went out in the 20s.
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00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:32,210
You can't afford to keep me on.
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00:06:33,850 --> 00:06:36,276
This place isn't playing like it used to.
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00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,366
The top shelf's gotten smaller.
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00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:41,176
Disabled toilets have been
out-of-order for weeks.
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00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,716
There's water in the vodka,
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00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:45,826
cask wine in the cleanskin bottles.
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00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:48,406
And then all of a sudden,
old mate out there
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00:06:48,430 --> 00:06:51,996
makes a grand return when
rumor has it you hate his guts.
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00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,036
- Oh thanks for that.
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00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:55,146
If you need me I'll be hanging myself
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00:06:55,170 --> 00:06:57,746
in the busted disabled toilets.
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00:06:57,770 --> 00:06:59,326
- I'm just saying,
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00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,333
you can't afford to waste money on me.
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00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:05,103
Maybe comedy's not my thing.
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00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:07,703
I'm 30-some,
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00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:12,476
and maybe it's time I got a real job.
93
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,596
- Nah, world's full of
assholes with real jobs.
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00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:19,266
You're just a different
breed of asshole.
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00:07:19,290 --> 00:07:21,786
Look just, I don't know,
take some time off.
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00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:24,706
Practice some new shit and
I'll try out some new blood.
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00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:26,563
Your spot'll be here when you get back.
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00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:32,696
- Krista.
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00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,270
- Ah, just call it holiday pay.
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00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:36,787
- Thanks.
101
00:07:36,811 --> 00:07:38,208
- Fuck you.
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00:07:38,232 --> 00:07:39,232
Fuck you!
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00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,606
Well, it looks like I'm walking home.
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00:07:47,630 --> 00:07:50,156
Do you have any coats in lost property?
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00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:52,123
It's freezing out there.
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00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:02,314
Do you have a time machine
down there as well?
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00:08:02,338 --> 00:08:03,338
Ergh.
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00:08:11,761 --> 00:08:14,479
Took off so you're being nice.
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00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,036
Hi Sam it's your mom.
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00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:05,486
Sorry we missed you, my phone was off.
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00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:06,516
It's lovely to hear from you
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00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,386
but if you were calling to ask for money,
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00:09:09,410 --> 00:09:10,746
we can't help you.
114
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:13,543
I mean we can, it's
just, we don't want to.
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00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:16,606
You father and I are proud of
you for following your dreams
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00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:19,623
but it's time you stand on
your own two feet, Samantha.
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00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,606
Why don't you put that degree to use?
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00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,073
You should go into arts admin.
119
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,086
- Are you gonna order anything today?
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00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:21,110
- Hello, tell me, how much of
a latte would $3.20 get me?
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00:10:23,570 --> 00:10:24,669
- Our lattes are $3.80.
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00:10:24,693 --> 00:10:29,086
- Yeah I know, but, if I
gave you everything I had
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00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:31,206
do you think that your lovely barista
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00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,286
could make me part of a latte?
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00:10:33,310 --> 00:10:35,676
- Our lattes are $3.80!
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00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:36,509
- Long black?
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00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:37,416
- $3.80.
128
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,250
Piccolo?
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00:10:38,274 --> 00:10:39,696
$3.80.
130
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,536
- Look I'm sorry that
I am completely broke.
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00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,536
Nobody wants to hire an arts graduate
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00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,396
with no discernible skills,
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00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:48,719
and my power's been completely cut off
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00:10:48,743 --> 00:10:50,616
and I'm about to get evicted,
135
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,446
and I'm, gah, I don't know how to be funny
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00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:57,096
and all I need is just one lousy coffee
137
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,846
just to get me through the day.
138
00:10:58,870 --> 00:10:59,870
Please!
139
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,056
Okay what if I could tell
you something about yourself
140
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,533
that I couldn't possibly know?
141
00:11:07,490 --> 00:11:08,943
How much would my coffee be?
142
00:11:12,257 --> 00:11:13,257
- $3.80.
143
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,090
- Your boyfriend's not gonna leave you!
144
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,456
- I'm sorry, who are you?
145
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,116
- Heh, it doesn't matter
146
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:24,386
but trust me, whatever you feel--
147
00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:25,290
- Is none of your business.
148
00:11:25,314 --> 00:11:27,456
- Yeah I know, I don't care who you are
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00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:28,906
or what you do when you're not here,
150
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:30,603
but what I do know is,
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00:11:31,584 --> 00:11:33,096
well you're generally pretty sharp,
152
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:37,676
but the last week, the
last week's been different.
153
00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,896
Your eyes are bleary,
154
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,456
there's less attention to detail.
155
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,973
You're not clearing tables with
your usual level of, flair.
156
00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:49,786
Which all indicates a
serious lack of sleep.
157
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,023
Did he buy you that?
158
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,400
Looks expensive.
159
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,606
A guy who buys you a timepiece like that
160
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,233
isn't planning an exit strategy.
161
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:02,053
- Thanks for assuming I'm gay!
162
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,981
Which I am, but that is not the point!
163
00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:07,255
- So I'm right?
164
00:12:16,827 --> 00:12:19,346
The first
sign something was wrong
165
00:12:19,370 --> 00:12:21,966
was when my teapot walked away.
166
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:23,116
Having
written on this site
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00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:25,446
and on social media
for a little while now,
168
00:12:25,470 --> 00:12:26,496
I've gotten all too used
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00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,836
to the crazy coming from the other side.
170
00:12:28,860 --> 00:12:30,636
It can be a tad disturbing.
171
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,466
But I add a little
single-malt to my coffee
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00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,176
and I can sleep at night.
173
00:12:35,151 --> 00:12:39,586
What I'm not used to, is
the crazy coming to my door.
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00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:42,636
It started with things taking
a walk around my apartment.
175
00:12:42,660 --> 00:12:44,146
- How the fuck did you get in?
176
00:12:44,170 --> 00:12:46,506
Then, there's
the frequent furry visitor
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00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:47,656
with a knack for slipping into
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00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,986
my sealed apartment at all hours.
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00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:53,176
This may strike you as
harmless, and you'd be right.
180
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,306
Until I saw the teapot,
outside my apartment.
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00:12:57,330 --> 00:13:00,433
For many reasons, this
was simply impossible.
182
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:05,456
So either I'm going mad or
someone's trying to drive me
183
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,323
in the direction of the booby-hatch.
184
00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:17,844
- Hello?
185
00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:19,879
Becky open the door.
186
00:13:19,903 --> 00:13:21,946
- Did you leave something behind?
187
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:23,686
- Only my sobriety.
188
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:25,577
You throwing a party you
didn't tell me about?
189
00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:26,411
- No.
190
00:13:26,435 --> 00:13:27,856
- I found this in the hallway.
191
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,316
I thought it was either yours
or abstract hallway art.
192
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,596
- I'm teaching it to wee outside.
193
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:35,913
- House-breaking a
teapot, that is serious.
194
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:37,658
Is everything alright?
195
00:13:37,682 --> 00:13:39,526
- Five by five, Major.
196
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:41,296
Just a bit restless is all.
197
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,386
- Well, I recommend Xanax
and a case of vodka.
198
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:47,266
Or is that vodka and a case of
Xanax, I can never remember.
199
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:49,176
- I think I'll stick to
whisky in the teapot.
200
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,856
- No wonder it ran away.
201
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,116
- Good night, Simon.
202
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:53,163
Sweet dreams.
203
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:55,967
Behind a keyboard
204
00:13:55,991 --> 00:13:57,430
I'm no shrinking violet
205
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,373
but in-person I'm more
likely to duck and cover.
206
00:14:06,537 --> 00:14:09,713
- "Each time the door
opens I am interrupted.
207
00:14:11,777 --> 00:14:12,897
"Am I to be broken?"
208
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:24,456
So here I am,
209
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,323
a genuine dame in distress.
210
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:34,096
Was this a troll with my address?
211
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,033
Or something even more sinister?
212
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:55,900
- Police, please.
213
00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:03,723
Oh hello, I'd like to report
a, well, not a break in.
214
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:07,463
Someone left a weird note outside my door.
215
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:10,593
Yeah, I'll just go and,
216
00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:20,313
I'm sorry, I must have
been imagining things.
217
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,033
I am so sorry for wasting your time.
218
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:56,203
You win, alright?
219
00:15:56,227 --> 00:15:57,304
- Win what?
220
00:15:57,328 --> 00:15:58,976
You were right about everything.
221
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,306
I'm completely paranoid, I
haven't been able to sleep
222
00:16:01,330 --> 00:16:04,456
and I'm petrified he'll leave me, alright?
223
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,290
- Alright.
224
00:16:05,314 --> 00:16:08,323
- Now drink your bloody $3.20 latte!
225
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:14,670
With no evidence
226
00:16:14,694 --> 00:16:16,276
or anything to show the police,
227
00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:18,986
I'm putting this out to you, hive-mind.
228
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,786
Has anything like this
ever happened to you?
229
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:23,216
Let a girl know she's not alone
230
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:27,103
before I do something mad,
like hire a private detective.
231
00:16:34,038 --> 00:16:35,038
- Hey!
232
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:36,923
Can I get this to go?
233
00:16:54,643 --> 00:16:56,346
- I think she meant solve it online.
234
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:58,746
In the comments section,
not so much on her doorstep.
235
00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:01,266
Seeing as though weirdos at her
door is sort of the problem.
236
00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:02,323
Besides if she wanted to,
237
00:17:02,347 --> 00:17:04,686
I'm sure Becky would hire a professional.
238
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:07,382
Who says I'm not?
239
00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:08,406
Oh, ah.
240
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:18,666
- Becky is a grown woman who
can handle her own problems,
241
00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:20,380
like, try and respect that.
242
00:17:21,413 --> 00:17:23,646
- You seem awfully
reluctant to address this.
243
00:17:23,670 --> 00:17:26,051
Wronged women get more clicks I guess.
244
00:17:26,075 --> 00:17:27,834
- Okay buggy, playtime's over.
245
00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:29,476
- Oh no no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
246
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,716
I just, I know I look crazy
247
00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:33,156
but this is the only coat I have.
248
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:36,806
I just, I really think that I can help her
249
00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:39,806
and what's the harm in
letting me just poke around
250
00:17:39,830 --> 00:17:41,046
for a few clues?
251
00:17:41,070 --> 00:17:43,256
- And I'm guessing that these services
252
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,833
won't come pro-bono, will they?
253
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,373
- Just daily expenses, that's all I need.
254
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:50,070
- Right.
255
00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:51,266
Well put yourself in my position.
256
00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:53,686
How do I know you're not
just some mad fangirl
257
00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:55,186
wanting to meet Becky?
258
00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:57,276
- I guess you can't really be sure.
259
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,466
You'll just have to take a chance on me,
260
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:02,786
and my handy knack for deductions.
261
00:18:02,810 --> 00:18:05,016
Because right about now, I'm deducting
262
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,606
that you care just a little bit for Becky.
263
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:10,276
And if she's not gonna help
herself and hire someone
264
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:12,326
then maybe it's up to you.
265
00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:14,626
That if there's even the smallest,
266
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:17,253
infinitesimal chance
that I'm on the level,
267
00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:19,366
it'll be worth it.
268
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,363
Plus, I come real cheap.
269
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,143
All I need is her address.
270
00:18:26,650 --> 00:18:28,096
- If you're such a gum detective,
271
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,084
why don't you track her down yourself?
272
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,156
I mean how can I be sure
that you're not the nut
273
00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:33,036
who's doing this to her anyway?
274
00:18:33,060 --> 00:18:34,396
- Well that doesn't make any sense.
275
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:35,526
Why would I need her address
276
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:36,866
if I already knew where she lived?
277
00:18:36,890 --> 00:18:38,756
- Well it's the perfect cover, isn't it?
278
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:40,086
Pretending to try and help her.
279
00:18:40,110 --> 00:18:41,017
But that's ridiculous.
280
00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:43,433
- This whole conversation is ridiculous!
281
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,756
I mean, what kind of training do you have?
282
00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:48,627
Do you have a license.
283
00:18:48,651 --> 00:18:50,036
Do you have anything going for you at all
284
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:54,133
besides a hat a coat, fit
for a middle-aged man.
285
00:18:55,810 --> 00:18:59,046
You seem nice enough Sam
286
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:00,536
but how about we leave
it to the professionals.
287
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,593
If and when Becky wants to hire one.
288
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,233
Now if you don't mind,
my coffee's getting cold.
289
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:13,366
- Maybe you're right.
290
00:19:13,390 --> 00:19:14,990
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
291
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:28,816
In this business,
292
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,046
what separates the pros and the pretenders
293
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,843
is the pros know what's worth hearing,
294
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,836
and I heard one thing loud and clear.
295
00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:41,136
If you're
such a gum detective,
296
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,370
why don't you track her down yourself?
297
00:19:43,394 --> 00:19:45,194
Challenge accepted.
298
00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:22,543
And that, dear reader, is how I got here.
299
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:26,346
- I read your piece online
300
00:20:26,370 --> 00:20:28,556
and I thought that I could be useful.
301
00:20:28,580 --> 00:20:31,556
Your editor, he gave me your address.
302
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:33,876
- What did you say your name was again?
303
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,846
- Sam Slade.
304
00:20:35,870 --> 00:20:39,423
- Oh, so you're the crackpot.
305
00:20:42,090 --> 00:20:43,090
Thomas.
306
00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:45,446
- Hello, Becky.
307
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:47,586
- What brings you to this den of iniquity,
308
00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:48,946
oh buddy, old pal of mine?
309
00:20:48,970 --> 00:20:51,276
- Well we had an interesting response
310
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:52,686
from your curious cat piece.
311
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,346
- Someone sent me a cat?
312
00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:55,180
- Well no, someone--
313
00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:56,846
- People dressed up as cats?
314
00:20:56,870 --> 00:20:57,680
Oh not exactly--
315
00:20:57,704 --> 00:20:59,476
- Oh, the entire cast of Cats,
316
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,903
singing the hits of Cat Stevens!
317
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:02,737
- No.
318
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,216
Because you issued that challenge,
319
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,136
I had some nutter turn
up to my office today
320
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,087
looking for you.
321
00:21:07,111 --> 00:21:09,856
- The men's rights activists have arrived.
322
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,486
I knew this day would come.
323
00:21:11,510 --> 00:21:12,320
Throw 'em a lads mag
324
00:21:12,344 --> 00:21:15,299
while I telepathically summon my sisters.
325
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:19,506
- This was a woman.
326
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:20,846
- The telepathy worked?
327
00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:23,206
- No it was some crackpot
offering her services
328
00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:24,986
as a private detective.
329
00:21:25,010 --> 00:21:26,980
By the name of Sam Slade.
330
00:21:27,951 --> 00:21:30,266
All dressed up like Humphry Bogart.
331
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:35,290
Well, if Humphry Bogart
shopped at the salvos.
332
00:21:35,757 --> 00:21:36,567
- Oh I get it.
333
00:21:36,591 --> 00:21:39,056
You're messing with me,
you cheeky devil you.
334
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,926
- Um, I wish I was.
335
00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:44,250
- That doesn't sound good.
336
00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:48,020
- She got your address.
337
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,887
- Okay.
338
00:21:50,911 --> 00:21:51,994
- And--
- Hmm?
339
00:21:53,850 --> 00:21:56,526
- You would tell me if you
needed help, wouldn't you?
340
00:21:56,550 --> 00:21:58,436
- I'm fine, doubting Thomas.
341
00:21:58,460 --> 00:22:00,446
Don't you worry about me.
342
00:22:00,470 --> 00:22:01,516
- Okay.
343
00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:03,196
Well, call me later.
344
00:22:03,220 --> 00:22:05,233
Oh and tell the crackpot I said hi.
345
00:22:06,548 --> 00:22:07,956
- Great.
346
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:09,371
- Sorry.
347
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:13,943
- So why are you so determined to help me?
348
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,533
- Because I'm sick of
women being fucked with
349
00:22:18,557 --> 00:22:20,266
and not being believed.
350
00:22:20,290 --> 00:22:22,986
Clearly someone is trying
to prove that you're crazy
351
00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:24,626
and I'm gonna prove them wrong.
352
00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:25,726
- I don't think you're talking
353
00:22:25,750 --> 00:22:27,876
from a place of authority there kiddo.
354
00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:30,146
- Fine, be that way!
355
00:22:30,170 --> 00:22:32,170
Jesus, I thought you'd be more grateful.
356
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,306
- Yes, amusing but mad person?
357
00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:45,396
- Stop trying to be brave.
358
00:22:45,420 --> 00:22:47,866
I know that it can't be easy
for you to ask for help.
359
00:22:47,890 --> 00:22:49,536
- What's not easy for me is to believe
360
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,776
that you have no ulterior motive.
361
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,786
As tickled as I am by
the thought of altruism,
362
00:22:53,810 --> 00:22:55,603
you clearly want something from me.
363
00:22:56,730 --> 00:22:58,806
And your only chance of
getting into this building
364
00:22:58,830 --> 00:23:01,203
is to tell me what it is you really want.
365
00:23:02,470 --> 00:23:04,103
So let's start again, shall we?
366
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,103
- I'm an unemployed comedian
with no money or prospects.
367
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,796
I have no skills except for
a knack for solving puzzles
368
00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:16,196
and I just,
369
00:23:16,220 --> 00:23:17,107
thought it would be an easy way
370
00:23:17,131 --> 00:23:18,836
to make an extra bit of cash on the side
371
00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:21,486
'cause fuck knows what else I'm gonna do.
372
00:23:21,510 --> 00:23:23,583
Sorry for wasting your time.
373
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:27,607
- You coming in or what?
374
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:36,286
Welcome to Casa del Holt.
375
00:23:36,310 --> 00:23:37,806
What's your poison?
376
00:23:37,830 --> 00:23:39,803
Um, whisky?
377
00:23:40,929 --> 00:23:43,316
- Um, where's your hat?
378
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:44,217
- I left it at home.
379
00:23:44,241 --> 00:23:46,336
Oh, straight up?
380
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,086
Is there any other kind?
381
00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:49,110
- I guess not.
382
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,583
Could you, um, not touch that?
383
00:23:53,420 --> 00:23:54,663
It's expensive.
384
00:23:56,270 --> 00:24:00,916
So, Sam Slade, broke comedian
and fledgling private eye,
385
00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,156
how did it feel to get
that off your chest?
386
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:05,196
- Um, humiliating.
387
00:24:05,220 --> 00:24:07,513
- Good, now we can be friends.
388
00:24:11,260 --> 00:24:12,866
Here's mud in your eye.
389
00:24:12,890 --> 00:24:14,786
- It's Dorothy Parker, right?
390
00:24:14,810 --> 00:24:16,653
- We're gonna get along just fine.
391
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,536
So, if you're an all-day screw-up
who can't hold down a job
392
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,960
why should I trust you
to find who's doing this?
393
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,056
- Well, ah, I'm glad you asked.
394
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,616
So I did some research on you.
395
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,946
You're a hit novelist,
your readers love you.
396
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,086
You didn't have to take
your act to the online space
397
00:24:34,110 --> 00:24:35,616
but you couldn't stop.
398
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,136
You saw the wheels fall
off the world around you
399
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,666
and you had to call it out.
400
00:24:40,690 --> 00:24:43,936
Believe me, I'm familiar
with that particular impulse.
401
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:48,146
So, you started writing
about everyday sexism,
402
00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:50,546
domestic violence, reproductive rights,
403
00:24:50,570 --> 00:24:53,856
which of course rattled the
cages of the usual suspects.
404
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,856
Guys with axes to grind instead of dicks.
405
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,029
But one in particular
stood out from the rest.
406
00:24:59,053 --> 00:25:02,426
- I don't think it's wise to
assume our suspect is a man.
407
00:25:02,450 --> 00:25:03,736
- Sure, why not.
408
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,844
One person stood out from the rest.
409
00:25:06,868 --> 00:25:09,636
Oh, I found a bunch of twitter profiles
410
00:25:09,660 --> 00:25:13,946
which all share a poetic
sort of literary style.
411
00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:15,670
I thought you might be interested.
412
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:20,083
- Oh, this just gets creepier.
413
00:25:21,490 --> 00:25:22,946
I found a note.
414
00:25:22,970 --> 00:25:24,616
Same sort of stuff.
415
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,516
- Where is it?
416
00:25:25,540 --> 00:25:26,540
- Vanished.
417
00:25:27,390 --> 00:25:28,729
- From inside?
418
00:25:28,753 --> 00:25:29,753
- Yeah.
419
00:25:32,804 --> 00:25:33,816
- This is good right?
420
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,026
I mean this is like a real lead.
421
00:25:36,050 --> 00:25:37,150
This could be our guy.
422
00:25:38,074 --> 00:25:39,416
Person.
423
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:40,440
This could be them!
424
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,250
Do you remember what the note said?
425
00:25:44,126 --> 00:25:46,416
- Something about
something getting broken.
426
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,193
I kind of, blocked it from my mind.
427
00:25:50,660 --> 00:25:51,696
- We could google it.
428
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,276
- Actually, I've got something
429
00:25:53,300 --> 00:25:54,800
that loads faster than google.
430
00:25:55,670 --> 00:25:56,587
- What's she doing there?
431
00:25:56,611 --> 00:25:58,726
- The crackpot actually found a lead.
432
00:25:58,750 --> 00:26:00,056
- So you've decided to keep her.
433
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,536
- Well, she's earned her keep so far.
434
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,906
But something she's
found has led us to you.
435
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:08,201
We need your super skills you
big old literary nerd you.
436
00:26:08,225 --> 00:26:10,646
- And what super skills would they be?
437
00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:12,276
- Sam found a few Twitter profiles
438
00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,086
that may belong to our culprit.
439
00:26:14,110 --> 00:26:16,056
And he, or she,
440
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,076
seems to be the bookish type.
441
00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,536
She says they have a
certain cadence, and idiom,
442
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,106
a je ne sais quoi.
443
00:26:22,130 --> 00:26:25,546
Sam said this?
444
00:26:25,570 --> 00:26:26,646
What do you want me to do?
445
00:26:26,670 --> 00:26:28,506
- Well we need you to tell
us who they're quoting
446
00:26:28,530 --> 00:26:29,340
but also--
447
00:26:29,364 --> 00:26:31,306
- If there's any connection between,
448
00:26:31,330 --> 00:26:34,636
like authors, themes,
perhaps their reading list
449
00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:36,196
could help us to profile them.
450
00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:38,236
- I'd really rather you
call the police Becky.
451
00:26:38,260 --> 00:26:39,956
- Tom, I've called the police.
452
00:26:39,980 --> 00:26:42,296
Unless something gets broken or killed,
453
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:43,496
they can't do anything.
454
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,126
- So it's just up to us Tom.
455
00:26:45,150 --> 00:26:46,793
Just you, Becky and me.
456
00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:50,746
- Fine, just don't use
words you learned on TV,
457
00:26:50,770 --> 00:26:51,863
like profile.
458
00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:54,187
What are the quotes?
459
00:26:54,211 --> 00:26:55,196
Atta boy Wilhelm.
460
00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:56,318
- My middle name is not--
461
00:26:56,342 --> 00:26:57,603
- Shh!
462
00:26:57,627 --> 00:26:59,663
"Dying is an art like--"
463
00:26:59,687 --> 00:27:01,973
- "Everything else, you
do it exceptionally well."
464
00:27:01,997 --> 00:27:04,696
- "I do it so it feels
like hell," Sylvia Plath.
465
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,846
- The poet laureate of
manic depressives herself.
466
00:27:07,870 --> 00:27:08,824
What's the next one?
467
00:27:08,848 --> 00:27:11,053
- "The more solitary, the more friendless,
468
00:27:11,077 --> 00:27:14,656
"the more unsustained,
the closer I will get."
469
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,576
- It's Bronte, I'm sure,
but it sounds misquoted.
470
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,330
I'll get back to you on that.
471
00:27:20,650 --> 00:27:22,263
- I've got the exact same copy.
472
00:27:23,103 --> 00:27:24,536
- Huh.
473
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:25,916
- You're a little too good at this.
474
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:29,026
- What did I tell you, nitwit,
Tom is a literary savant.
475
00:27:29,050 --> 00:27:32,123
- So what makes you think
the quotes are connected?
476
00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:34,483
- They left a note.
477
00:27:35,875 --> 00:27:37,156
- A note, okay okay.
478
00:27:37,180 --> 00:27:39,256
This is crazy I'm coming
around, you need protection.
479
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,036
- No, we'll be fine, thanks.
480
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:42,536
- Was I talking to you Sherlock?
481
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,686
- Children, if you keep fighting,
482
00:27:43,710 --> 00:27:45,313
mama's gonna need a martini.
483
00:27:47,730 --> 00:27:50,083
Thanks for the offer Thomas, but I'm fine.
484
00:27:51,540 --> 00:27:53,286
- I'm here if you need me.
485
00:27:53,310 --> 00:27:56,085
- Talk to you in the morning?
486
00:27:56,109 --> 00:27:57,588
- Goodnight Bec.
487
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,446
- What's up, pussycat?
488
00:28:01,470 --> 00:28:04,066
- Doesn't he seem a
little suspicious to you?
489
00:28:04,090 --> 00:28:05,816
- Secure your weapon, Pepper.
490
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,866
Tom is the one constant I have
in this crazy life of mine.
491
00:28:08,890 --> 00:28:11,236
- So you don't think
that his resistance to me
492
00:28:11,260 --> 00:28:13,603
and his insistence of
coming over right now,
493
00:28:13,627 --> 00:28:14,896
is a bit odd?
494
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,003
- Maybe he thinks you're a bit odd.
495
00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:21,876
I don't know about you, Mary-lou,
496
00:28:21,900 --> 00:28:24,736
but I'd really like you
to get out of my flat now.
497
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,136
Too much excitement for one day.
498
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,846
I'll see you tomorrow?
499
00:28:28,870 --> 00:28:30,576
- So does that mean I'm hired?
500
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,300
- How does a thousand bucks sound?
501
00:28:33,186 --> 00:28:35,436
But it's cash on delivery.
502
00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:37,486
We get our villain, you get your dough.
503
00:28:37,510 --> 00:28:41,536
I'm still not sure if you're
a nut-job or a con artist.
504
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,236
I'll give you 25 bucks
a day expenses, deal?
505
00:28:45,260 --> 00:28:47,776
- Do I have a choice?
- No, see you tomorrow.
506
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:49,326
- One more thing.
507
00:28:49,350 --> 00:28:51,036
Did you just call me nitwit?
508
00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:52,962
- See ya, nitwit.
509
00:29:38,686 --> 00:29:39,686
Oh!
510
00:29:45,092 --> 00:29:46,829
Ah!
511
00:29:50,838 --> 00:29:51,838
Cut it out!
512
00:29:52,635 --> 00:29:53,910
This is serious.
513
00:29:53,934 --> 00:29:55,674
- Do you realize I had to direct this.
514
00:29:55,698 --> 00:29:56,508
May as well be a plutonium device
515
00:29:56,532 --> 00:29:58,363
for all the good I can do with it.
516
00:30:08,420 --> 00:30:10,056
Yeah I don't know what I'm doing.
517
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,280
Give it to me.
518
00:30:19,426 --> 00:30:20,506
- Yeah well it's not the fuses.
519
00:30:20,530 --> 00:30:22,816
I'm completely out of ideas.
520
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,741
Apart from the fact that you should
521
00:30:23,765 --> 00:30:26,696
think about selling this
off-the-plan wonder.
522
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,016
First the wiring goes,
then the dry rot sets in.
523
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,840
Get out before it falls
down around your ears.
524
00:30:32,601 --> 00:30:34,827
The only way I'm
leaving here is in a box.
525
00:30:39,192 --> 00:30:41,006
- Do you need me to stick around?
526
00:30:41,030 --> 00:30:42,838
We could tell ghost stories!
527
00:30:42,862 --> 00:30:45,296
Oh get out,
before I throw you out.
528
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:46,716
- Seriously, you're okay?
529
00:30:46,740 --> 00:30:47,740
- Absolutely.
530
00:30:48,570 --> 00:30:50,883
You know me, I look better in candlelight.
531
00:30:51,950 --> 00:30:54,663
- Well you know where I am if
things go bump in the night.
532
00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:56,846
- Okay, that's enough talk of scary stuff,
533
00:30:56,870 --> 00:30:57,870
thank you very much.
534
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,953
- I hope you sleep well.
535
00:31:00,977 --> 00:31:04,583
Like the dead!
536
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,126
- Becky, hi.
537
00:31:21,150 --> 00:31:22,406
- Still not sleeping?
538
00:31:22,430 --> 00:31:25,246
- Well I've counted everything
from sheep to tax receipts.
539
00:31:25,270 --> 00:31:26,426
Apparently my brain likes running
540
00:31:26,450 --> 00:31:28,666
on the fevered psychopath setting.
541
00:31:28,690 --> 00:31:30,626
- Is that why you're wearing trackies?
542
00:31:30,650 --> 00:31:32,596
- Ah no, I've just been out for a run.
543
00:31:32,620 --> 00:31:33,920
Something else I'm trying.
544
00:31:34,860 --> 00:31:36,396
I was actually just nodding
off when you called.
545
00:31:36,420 --> 00:31:37,746
- Such a liar!
546
00:31:37,770 --> 00:31:41,276
- Right, for that I'm
moving you over to Sports.
547
00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:43,830
- Oh, well I have lots
of thoughts on kickball.
548
00:31:43,854 --> 00:31:45,716
Well no one's put their hand up
549
00:31:45,740 --> 00:31:47,466
for beach volleyball championships yet.
550
00:31:47,490 --> 00:31:48,613
- Consider it mine.
551
00:31:50,667 --> 00:31:51,477
- Are you alright?
552
00:31:51,501 --> 00:31:53,195
I can barely see you.
553
00:31:53,219 --> 00:31:54,696
- Power went out.
554
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:55,970
Can't, get back to sleep.
555
00:31:57,890 --> 00:31:59,246
Did you find that passage?
556
00:31:59,270 --> 00:32:01,287
- Oh yes, yes yes yes.
557
00:32:05,947 --> 00:32:08,443
"The more solitary, the more friendless,
558
00:32:08,467 --> 00:32:12,373
"the more unsustained I am,
the more I will respect myself.
559
00:32:12,397 --> 00:32:15,443
"I will keep the law given
by God; sanctioned by man.
560
00:32:15,467 --> 00:32:16,593
"I will hold to the principles
561
00:32:16,617 --> 00:32:19,663
"received by me when I
was sane, and not mad,
562
00:32:19,687 --> 00:32:20,737
"as I am now."
563
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,583
- Well they've got good
taste, I'll give them that.
564
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,216
Actually let's not talk about this now.
565
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,190
Everything's a bit too gothic as it is.
566
00:32:32,130 --> 00:32:36,756
I know, why don't you read
me a bit of your stuff.
567
00:32:36,780 --> 00:32:38,796
- Hmm, haven't you got enough comedians
568
00:32:38,820 --> 00:32:39,797
in your life?
569
00:32:39,821 --> 00:32:42,226
- Well you're gonna have to do it one day.
570
00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:43,776
- One day yes.
571
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,233
One day that is not today.
572
00:32:46,170 --> 00:32:47,563
- Okay, fine then.
573
00:32:49,590 --> 00:32:51,513
What do normal people talk about?
574
00:32:52,538 --> 00:32:55,796
- Oh, I got to my highest
level on Fallout 4 today.
575
00:32:55,820 --> 00:32:57,759
- I know those are all English
words but arranged like that
576
00:32:57,783 --> 00:33:00,176
it's just a five-car pileup of language.
577
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,666
- It's a video game that I
happen to be a champion at.
578
00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:05,472
- Oh he says, knowing I have
to take his word for it.
579
00:33:05,496 --> 00:33:07,746
- Alright well, let me
set the scene for you.
580
00:33:08,610 --> 00:33:13,610
It's Boston, 2287, a nuclear
war has devastated the land.
581
00:33:13,910 --> 00:33:15,626
- This is perfect.
582
00:33:15,650 --> 00:33:17,343
I'll be off to sleep in no time.
583
00:33:28,336 --> 00:33:31,679
♪ Every morning, every evening ♪
584
00:33:31,703 --> 00:33:34,620
♪ Ain't we got fun ♪
585
00:34:08,180 --> 00:34:10,016
Ready to get busy?
586
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:10,850
- Is everything alright?
587
00:34:10,874 --> 00:34:12,926
- Sunshine and lollipops.
588
00:34:12,950 --> 00:34:14,296
- Ah, what's happened?
589
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,476
- I want it on the record
that I am not a crazy person.
590
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:19,496
- I never thought you were.
591
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,396
- I woke up last night in darkness.
592
00:34:21,420 --> 00:34:23,186
I mean, of course it was dark,
593
00:34:23,210 --> 00:34:24,803
it was 2:00 a.m., that's not,
594
00:34:26,740 --> 00:34:29,076
I tried to turn on my
light and nothing came on,
595
00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:30,306
faulty wiring I thought.
596
00:34:30,330 --> 00:34:32,796
But then at 5:00 a.m. I was woken up
597
00:34:32,820 --> 00:34:35,073
by every light in the place going on.
598
00:34:35,930 --> 00:34:38,115
So either I have a ghost
599
00:34:38,139 --> 00:34:39,956
or someone broke into my apartment
600
00:34:39,980 --> 00:34:42,777
with the sole purpose of fucking with me.
601
00:34:42,801 --> 00:34:45,496
And I think it's high time we
found out who that fucker was.
602
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,520
- Hmm, okay.
603
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:48,330
So let's get started.
604
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,366
There's one creep whose name comes up,
605
00:34:51,390 --> 00:34:52,863
over and over again.
606
00:34:55,340 --> 00:34:56,267
- Heads up chief.
607
00:34:56,291 --> 00:34:57,806
J.B. Symons.
608
00:34:57,830 --> 00:35:00,796
Self-proclaimed pickup samurai.
609
00:35:00,820 --> 00:35:02,523
- We live in a dystopia, gents.
610
00:35:03,759 --> 00:35:05,566
A twisted reflection of
the world we once knew.
611
00:35:05,590 --> 00:35:07,905
Symons has
less acolytes than he wants.
612
00:35:07,929 --> 00:35:09,026
You heard of this Becky Holt?
613
00:35:09,050 --> 00:35:11,156
But
more than you'd think.
614
00:35:11,180 --> 00:35:13,196
So even if he's not directly behind it.
615
00:35:13,220 --> 00:35:14,416
- Gets called a rude word.
616
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:15,906
He has
the means to instigate it.
617
00:35:15,930 --> 00:35:19,346
- Sends his Facebook page to his boss.
618
00:35:19,370 --> 00:35:21,776
Gets a bloke fired.
619
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,823
Just 'cause, he called her a slut.
620
00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:27,136
How does she get away with it?
621
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:30,343
Becky Holt, is what we call, a crybully.
622
00:35:32,885 --> 00:35:34,889
Oh the world's too difficult,
623
00:35:34,913 --> 00:35:36,983
I can't deal with a swear word.
624
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,586
And what'd happen if we lost it
625
00:35:40,610 --> 00:35:43,876
every time someone swore at us?
626
00:35:43,900 --> 00:35:44,900
So what can we do?
627
00:35:45,850 --> 00:35:47,090
What choices do we have?
628
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:49,536
We can't shrink.
629
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,276
We won't be bullied.
630
00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:55,286
We will do whatever the fuck we like.
631
00:35:55,310 --> 00:35:56,846
And do you know why?
632
00:35:56,870 --> 00:35:58,529
Because we,
633
00:36:01,028 --> 00:36:02,028
are men.
634
00:36:31,085 --> 00:36:32,418
- Oh, sorry, hi.
635
00:36:34,970 --> 00:36:36,133
- Hello.
636
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,307
- What are you doing here?
637
00:36:40,350 --> 00:36:42,329
- Just having a quiet drink.
638
00:36:42,353 --> 00:36:43,353
- Oh.
639
00:36:47,932 --> 00:36:48,932
I'm Cherry.
640
00:36:52,550 --> 00:36:53,550
- Cherry, huh?
641
00:36:55,433 --> 00:36:58,536
I'm Jason, well, friends call me J.B.
642
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,193
- Oh, my friends call me thirsty.
643
00:37:02,250 --> 00:37:03,716
- Subtle.
644
00:37:03,740 --> 00:37:05,490
- I'm a girl who knows what I want.
645
00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:08,406
- Ah, can we get, ah.
646
00:37:08,430 --> 00:37:10,086
- Oh a scotch, straight up.
647
00:37:10,110 --> 00:37:12,337
I'll just have a water thanks.
648
00:37:15,265 --> 00:37:16,334
- Thank you.
649
00:37:16,358 --> 00:37:18,255
- Cheers mate.
650
00:37:23,671 --> 00:37:25,110
Well.
651
00:37:25,134 --> 00:37:26,002
Another?
652
00:37:26,026 --> 00:37:27,026
- Mmm, yeah.
653
00:37:35,188 --> 00:37:39,206
So ah, I know you don't I?
654
00:37:39,230 --> 00:37:40,230
- No, do you?
655
00:37:42,830 --> 00:37:44,706
- Have we slept together?
656
00:37:44,730 --> 00:37:46,033
- I'm sure you'd remember that.
657
00:37:50,190 --> 00:37:54,433
- No wait, you're that um,
the pickup artist guy right?
658
00:37:55,410 --> 00:37:57,076
- Yeah, yep, no, guilty as charged.
659
00:37:57,100 --> 00:37:59,766
- Hmm, well we all have to make a living.
660
00:37:59,790 --> 00:38:01,926
I mean it's awfully generous of you
661
00:38:01,950 --> 00:38:04,256
to share you extensive knowledge
662
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,636
with those who are less gifted.
663
00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:08,166
- Well thank you Cherry.
664
00:38:08,190 --> 00:38:09,903
- Most women don't see it like that.
665
00:38:09,927 --> 00:38:12,493
- Hmm, so what got you into this?
666
00:38:13,964 --> 00:38:16,053
- Eh, I wanted to help people.
667
00:38:16,077 --> 00:38:17,816
You know I mean, let's be
honest, most of my clients
668
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,056
are just simple, socially-awkward guys
669
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,080
who are just tired of being steamrolled.
670
00:38:22,939 --> 00:38:25,266
- And you don't think you're
taking advantage of them?
671
00:38:25,290 --> 00:38:26,158
- Not at all.
672
00:38:26,182 --> 00:38:28,026
I just provide a service for
those who need a little push.
673
00:38:28,050 --> 00:38:30,676
- Dude seriously, what's
with all the touching?
674
00:38:30,700 --> 00:38:31,866
You don't like it?
675
00:38:31,890 --> 00:38:35,246
- Is this the kind of rubbish
that you help people with?
676
00:38:35,270 --> 00:38:37,106
Seems like a con-job to me.
677
00:38:37,130 --> 00:38:38,706
- Alright, what's your angle?
678
00:38:38,730 --> 00:38:40,226
- I need to have an angle?
679
00:38:40,250 --> 00:38:41,506
- Everyone has an angle.
680
00:38:41,530 --> 00:38:43,466
Every gesture, a transaction.
681
00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:46,286
- You're kind of shit might
fly with the mastabatory set
682
00:38:46,310 --> 00:38:48,846
but this chick knows what you're up to.
683
00:38:48,870 --> 00:38:50,846
- Oh really, do tell.
684
00:38:50,870 --> 00:38:53,086
- Creating an army of twits with a grudge
685
00:38:53,110 --> 00:38:56,026
to carry out your fucked-up worldview.
686
00:38:56,050 --> 00:38:58,346
- Hilarious, have you met my minions?
687
00:38:58,370 --> 00:38:59,483
If they can intimidate a can of deodorant
688
00:38:59,507 --> 00:39:01,716
it's been a good day.
689
00:39:01,740 --> 00:39:02,839
- So that still doesn't explain why you--
690
00:39:02,863 --> 00:39:04,806
- Sorry did you want another drink?
691
00:39:04,830 --> 00:39:05,640
- Yeah.
692
00:39:05,664 --> 00:39:06,803
No wait!
693
00:39:06,827 --> 00:39:08,638
That's not what I'm.
694
00:39:08,662 --> 00:39:12,163
Has anyone ever told you you
have really beautiful eyes?
695
00:39:14,410 --> 00:39:16,276
- Fuck off asshole!
696
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:25,930
Why are you after Becky Holt?
697
00:39:27,050 --> 00:39:28,496
- Sorry?
698
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:29,886
- I've seen the videos.
699
00:39:29,910 --> 00:39:33,066
I've seen you selling Becky
as the big bad to the rubes.
700
00:39:33,090 --> 00:39:36,362
- That, it's just a bit of
fun to rally the troops.
701
00:39:38,940 --> 00:39:40,746
It's just theater!
702
00:39:40,770 --> 00:39:44,006
I call her some names,
she calls me some names,
703
00:39:44,030 --> 00:39:46,256
the internet goes postal.
704
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,780
More people know who I am
and I sell more tickets.
705
00:39:49,850 --> 00:39:52,916
These blokes aren't some sleeper
cell of nefarious villains.
706
00:39:52,940 --> 00:39:54,196
They just wanna get laid.
707
00:39:54,220 --> 00:39:55,829
- And that's what you give them?
708
00:39:55,853 --> 00:39:57,146
- I give 'em a show.
709
00:39:57,170 --> 00:40:00,066
For an hour they can have
their angry worldview validated
710
00:40:00,090 --> 00:40:03,016
and feel a little bit
better about themselves.
711
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:03,850
What's the problem?
712
00:40:03,874 --> 00:40:06,376
- So you're a snake-oil salesman.
713
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:07,423
- Let me put it to you like this.
714
00:40:07,447 --> 00:40:10,296
If you have a good voice,
you're paid to sing.
715
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,586
If you can mark, kick a ball,
you get paid to play AFL.
716
00:40:14,610 --> 00:40:16,286
Why can't I do the same?
717
00:40:16,310 --> 00:40:17,310
- You're kidding.
718
00:40:18,390 --> 00:40:20,756
- I've always had the
gift of the gab, Cherry.
719
00:40:20,780 --> 00:40:22,176
Never been alone for long either.
720
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:23,826
Why not put it to good use?
721
00:40:23,850 --> 00:40:26,396
Men feel like they've had
something taken away from them
722
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:28,176
that was promised.
723
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:29,576
I've got the skills and expertise
724
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,500
to suggest that they can have it back.
725
00:40:32,583 --> 00:40:34,807
Now what's wrong with making
a little living from it?
726
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:37,440
Thank God.
727
00:40:39,620 --> 00:40:40,816
Hello?
728
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:42,242
Hey honey.
729
00:40:43,499 --> 00:40:46,123
Just finishing up here.
730
00:40:47,370 --> 00:40:48,347
Yeah okay.
731
00:40:48,371 --> 00:40:50,633
You know I'll grab some
ice-cream on the way home.
732
00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:52,616
Okay, yep no I'll be home faster
733
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,526
than you can say "Monash
Freeway."
734
00:40:56,550 --> 00:40:59,436
Alright, okay, love you too.
735
00:40:59,460 --> 00:41:00,460
Bye babes.
736
00:41:01,310 --> 00:41:03,176
- Sir, can I get a bucket?
737
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:04,356
- Not all alphas are assholes.
738
00:41:04,380 --> 00:41:06,656
- Oh sell it to your latest victim.
739
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,265
- That's my wife!
740
00:41:08,289 --> 00:41:10,146
- Your wife?
741
00:41:10,170 --> 00:41:12,562
What are you doing chatting me up then?
742
00:41:12,586 --> 00:41:14,708
- What are you doing
coming onto a married man?
743
00:41:14,732 --> 00:41:16,456
It's not like I'm hiding it.
744
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:19,066
- Well, you disgust me.
745
00:41:19,090 --> 00:41:21,362
- Does this mean we can't
be friends anymore, Cherry?
746
00:41:28,726 --> 00:41:32,809
Okay what if, I um, I'll
look through my database
747
00:41:33,780 --> 00:41:37,503
and if anyone seems a bit
weird, I'll let you know okay?
748
00:41:39,464 --> 00:41:40,801
- Sure, okay.
749
00:41:44,135 --> 00:41:47,468
Fine just, call me if you find anything.
750
00:41:56,530 --> 00:41:58,163
- Gotcha digits.
751
00:42:07,590 --> 00:42:08,590
- Hello?
752
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:10,610
It's Tom Jackman.
753
00:42:14,100 --> 00:42:15,400
- What are you doing here?
754
00:42:16,290 --> 00:42:17,740
- I've brought your hat back.
755
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,123
I've got donuts.
756
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:38,385
Professional setup you've got here.
757
00:42:38,409 --> 00:42:39,943
- Mmm, I'm just starting out.
758
00:42:41,976 --> 00:42:45,606
- You know something occurred
to me on the way over here.
759
00:42:45,630 --> 00:42:46,696
My parents live in the country,
760
00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:49,126
about 40 minutes out of Melbourne.
761
00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:49,960
They've got a few acres
762
00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:51,830
and it tends to get bone dry out there.
763
00:42:52,890 --> 00:42:57,226
So every time I hear about
bushfires on the news, you know,
764
00:42:57,250 --> 00:42:58,750
my heart leaps into my throat.
765
00:43:00,790 --> 00:43:01,790
Can I get a drink?
766
00:43:02,860 --> 00:43:06,113
- I've only got water or wine, or Berocca.
767
00:43:07,337 --> 00:43:09,333
- Er, water'll do, thanks.
768
00:43:12,183 --> 00:43:13,986
So it's become a side project of mine
769
00:43:14,010 --> 00:43:15,666
to research bushfires.
770
00:43:15,690 --> 00:43:17,796
The cause, effects, and so on.
771
00:43:17,820 --> 00:43:21,163
Those reports scare the
shit out of us every summer.
772
00:43:22,690 --> 00:43:25,290
But most people don't hang
around for the aftermath.
773
00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:27,720
Thanks.
774
00:43:28,750 --> 00:43:29,560
I'm not talking about
775
00:43:29,584 --> 00:43:33,173
the tallies of houses lost, or casualties,
776
00:43:34,630 --> 00:43:35,830
I mean the months later.
777
00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:38,706
How long it takes for
the families to resettle,
778
00:43:38,730 --> 00:43:40,083
towns to be rebuilt.
779
00:43:42,110 --> 00:43:44,010
The guilty to be found and prosecuted.
780
00:43:49,750 --> 00:43:52,296
Did you know, that an unusually high
781
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,906
amount of arsonists are firefighters?
782
00:43:54,930 --> 00:43:57,076
I mean the stats aren't definitive
783
00:43:57,100 --> 00:43:59,100
but research turns it up time and again.
784
00:44:00,610 --> 00:44:02,913
But, and this is crucial,
785
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,373
they tend to be volunteer firefighters.
786
00:44:07,290 --> 00:44:09,453
To be a real firefighter is a tough gig.
787
00:44:10,660 --> 00:44:12,986
You know, you're professionally trained.
788
00:44:13,010 --> 00:44:15,263
Physically, psychologically tested.
789
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:20,873
But volunteers, all they need
to do is put up their hand.
790
00:44:24,610 --> 00:44:27,176
I prefer the lives of those I love
791
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:28,700
in the hands of professionals.
792
00:44:31,350 --> 00:44:33,483
I'd think twice about
putting that back on.
793
00:44:35,990 --> 00:44:37,040
Thanks for the drink.
794
00:44:53,589 --> 00:44:55,922
- Who the fuck am I kidding?
795
00:45:01,392 --> 00:45:03,146
No, I didn't order this.
796
00:45:03,170 --> 00:45:04,170
- It's on the house.
797
00:45:06,990 --> 00:45:07,990
You were right.
798
00:45:09,490 --> 00:45:10,576
- About?
799
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,296
- My boyfriend?
800
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,436
What you said the other
day got me thinking.
801
00:45:14,460 --> 00:45:15,676
So I brought it up with him.
802
00:45:15,700 --> 00:45:18,846
Turns out, he thought I
was drifting away from him.
803
00:45:18,870 --> 00:45:21,683
So he started shutting me
out, preparing for the worst.
804
00:45:22,620 --> 00:45:25,339
But because of what you
said, we talked about it,
805
00:45:25,363 --> 00:45:27,253
and got everything out in the open.
806
00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:30,103
We're all good now.
807
00:45:31,089 --> 00:45:32,703
And it's all because of you!
808
00:45:36,410 --> 00:45:37,994
- Happy to help.
809
00:45:38,018 --> 00:45:40,022
- I thought you were a real nutter.
810
00:45:40,046 --> 00:45:41,896
It turns out, you've got a real gift.
811
00:45:46,850 --> 00:45:51,373
Anyway, just wanted to say, thanks.
812
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:53,480
- Yep.
813
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:57,840
- Enjoy.
814
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,376
So J.B.'s not out to get me?
815
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,926
- As much as I would love
to punch his stupid face in,
816
00:46:14,950 --> 00:46:16,786
he's motivated purely by money.
817
00:46:16,810 --> 00:46:19,136
He actually wants you to go after him.
818
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,063
The more he's attacked,
the more money he makes.
819
00:46:23,290 --> 00:46:24,323
- So who's next?
820
00:46:25,430 --> 00:46:26,776
Jimmy Kay
821
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,126
is Melbourne's hometown boy done bad,
822
00:46:29,150 --> 00:46:31,116
whose rise to US comedy stardom
823
00:46:31,140 --> 00:46:32,976
has been both inexplicable,
824
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,246
and too indicative of everyday misogyny.
825
00:46:36,270 --> 00:46:40,193
- Is it okay, to fingerbang a
bitch while she is sleeping?
826
00:46:41,870 --> 00:46:42,870
Yes it is.
827
00:46:43,717 --> 00:46:46,476
Is it okay to eat a bitch
out while she is sleeping?
828
00:46:46,500 --> 00:46:47,763
No, it is not.
829
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:51,196
It is fucking awesome.
830
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,166
- So what did you do to him?
831
00:46:55,190 --> 00:46:58,076
- After I wrote that
review, a woman commented
832
00:46:58,100 --> 00:47:00,476
saying she was Jimmy's ex-girlfriend.
833
00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:02,426
Well we swapped emails,
834
00:47:02,450 --> 00:47:04,936
and she told me, he was a dud lay
835
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:08,358
who liked to have hot coffee
poured into his ass-crack.
836
00:47:09,820 --> 00:47:12,346
I may have shared that on Twitter.
837
00:47:12,370 --> 00:47:14,636
- Well it seems Jimmy didn't want
838
00:47:14,660 --> 00:47:17,446
such information shared so publicly.
839
00:47:17,470 --> 00:47:19,630
And now he goes out of
his way to attack me
840
00:47:19,654 --> 00:47:21,009
whenever he can.
841
00:47:29,700 --> 00:47:34,256
- Ha ha, mute, cute and ready to root.
842
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:36,109
Nice surprise seeing you here.
843
00:47:36,133 --> 00:47:38,606
- Aw you're smoking indoors, wow.
844
00:47:38,630 --> 00:47:40,596
Don't stop living the 90s dream.
845
00:47:40,620 --> 00:47:43,246
- Well you know, fame has its privileges.
846
00:47:43,270 --> 00:47:45,320
I'm all about privilege, I'm a white man.
847
00:47:46,240 --> 00:47:47,496
You're a bit chatty today.
848
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,486
What, no sca-wy audience.
849
00:47:49,510 --> 00:47:50,696
- I'm off duty today.
850
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:53,096
Just wanted to ask you
a couple of questions,
851
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:54,120
if you don't mind.
852
00:47:55,500 --> 00:47:57,096
- Oh, my next bowl movement's not due
853
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:58,320
for another ten minutes,
854
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,793
alright step into the orifice.
855
00:48:23,240 --> 00:48:25,016
- Thanks for this.
856
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,076
I really appreciate you taking the time.
857
00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:30,197
- Which I don't have a
lot of, so fire away.
858
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:37,146
- Okay, does the phrase "Dying is an art,"
859
00:48:37,170 --> 00:48:38,958
mean anything to you?
860
00:48:38,982 --> 00:48:40,766
- Is that a song lyric?
861
00:48:40,790 --> 00:48:45,446
- How about, "The more
solitary, the more friendless."
862
00:48:45,470 --> 00:48:47,593
- Is this a Spicks and Specks audition?
863
00:48:47,617 --> 00:48:49,739
- Ever turn the electricity
off to get a girl's attention?
864
00:48:49,763 --> 00:48:51,783
You've been talking to my ex.
865
00:48:53,150 --> 00:48:54,363
You can quit fucking around.
866
00:48:54,387 --> 00:48:55,946
I know why you're here.
867
00:48:55,970 --> 00:48:57,213
- Hmm, and what's that?
868
00:48:58,220 --> 00:49:00,726
- Well you want career advice, obviously.
869
00:49:00,750 --> 00:49:01,806
But you're afraid to ask
870
00:49:01,830 --> 00:49:03,783
'cause I was tough on you the other night.
871
00:49:03,807 --> 00:49:06,556
I'm not apologizing for that by the way.
872
00:49:06,580 --> 00:49:08,406
I've taken my share of shit from MCs
873
00:49:08,430 --> 00:49:10,336
and other comics around the traps.
874
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,316
It's just a rite of passage.
875
00:49:12,340 --> 00:49:13,590
Here's your first lesson.
876
00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:17,256
Everything is a lesson.
877
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:20,976
So take all that shit,
turn it into fertilizer
878
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,363
and use it to grow little petal.
879
00:49:24,340 --> 00:49:25,896
That one's free.
880
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,276
Next one'll cost ya a blowie.
881
00:49:28,300 --> 00:49:31,376
- No, no, no, no.
882
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:34,156
I didn't come here to
beg for career advice,
883
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:35,936
or stroke your self-esteem,
884
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:39,996
or suck your stupid dick,
you ego-maniacal fuckhead.
885
00:49:40,020 --> 00:49:43,236
- Why in the actual fanny-farting fuck
886
00:49:43,260 --> 00:49:45,186
are you wasting my time?
887
00:49:45,210 --> 00:49:47,906
- Because you bully women into submission
888
00:49:47,930 --> 00:49:50,296
and I'm gonna nail your
ass to the wall for it.
889
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,106
- I say stupid shit,
890
00:49:52,130 --> 00:49:54,896
that makes thousands of people
piss themselves laughing.
891
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:56,806
Now laugher may be a
foreign concept to you--
892
00:49:56,830 --> 00:49:59,596
- Look my comedy career, or lack there-of,
893
00:49:59,620 --> 00:50:01,316
isn't the issue here.
894
00:50:01,340 --> 00:50:05,423
Do you know how awful, how
threatened you make women feel?
895
00:50:06,830 --> 00:50:11,782
I'm sorry that you were a
pimply, flatulent, fat kid okay.
896
00:50:11,806 --> 00:50:14,426
That's all in my acts.
897
00:50:14,450 --> 00:50:17,283
I take more piss out of
myself that anyone else.
898
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,876
They're jokes, baby.
899
00:50:20,900 --> 00:50:22,126
People laugh at 'em.
900
00:50:22,150 --> 00:50:24,616
Women laugh at 'em.
901
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:26,866
And we all go home and
the world just keeps
902
00:50:26,890 --> 00:50:27,700
on turning.
- I know
903
00:50:27,724 --> 00:50:31,006
that you're harassing my
client and it needs to end.
904
00:50:31,030 --> 00:50:32,296
We can trace your tweets,
905
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:33,589
we can match your handwriting.
- What client?
906
00:50:33,613 --> 00:50:34,423
What Tweets?
907
00:50:34,447 --> 00:50:36,386
Look I don't have time for this shit.
908
00:50:36,410 --> 00:50:38,253
Does Becky Holt ring a bell?
909
00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:43,280
- Did she put you up to this?
910
00:50:44,270 --> 00:50:45,756
- What does that mean?
911
00:50:45,780 --> 00:50:48,766
- She's been trying to bury me for years.
912
00:50:48,790 --> 00:50:51,226
Look the first few
canceled gigs and protests
913
00:50:51,250 --> 00:50:54,363
gave me the shits, but I mean.
914
00:50:54,387 --> 00:50:55,387
- So what?
915
00:50:56,340 --> 00:50:58,576
- It was the kick up
the ass that I needed.
916
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,200
I've been piss-farting
around here for far too long.
917
00:51:02,436 --> 00:51:03,986
So I moved to America.
918
00:51:04,010 --> 00:51:07,093
The rest is glorious fucking history.
919
00:51:08,750 --> 00:51:10,237
- You look like ass.
920
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:13,473
What are they paying you with, bar tabs?
921
00:51:14,494 --> 00:51:17,316
- Ah well, the road's not all
paved with gold sweetheart,
922
00:51:17,340 --> 00:51:19,946
I mean, venues rip you off.
923
00:51:19,970 --> 00:51:22,116
Chicks take you for a ride.
924
00:51:22,140 --> 00:51:24,606
Checks from the network take
forever to come through.
925
00:51:24,630 --> 00:51:26,866
Royalties are like getting
blood from a stone.
926
00:51:26,890 --> 00:51:28,189
- So that's why you're here?
927
00:51:28,213 --> 00:51:29,023
A cash grab.
928
00:51:29,047 --> 00:51:31,446
- You know, a man's gotta do.
929
00:51:31,470 --> 00:51:33,423
Between tax audits and paternity suits,
930
00:51:33,447 --> 00:51:35,233
life's not cheap for old Jimmy.
931
00:51:36,110 --> 00:51:38,210
So I'll play any shithole that'll have me.
932
00:51:40,660 --> 00:51:43,006
- That's between you and yours Kay.
933
00:51:43,030 --> 00:51:46,386
All I'm asking, is you
stop harassing Becky
934
00:51:46,410 --> 00:51:47,220
or there's gonna be
935
00:51:47,244 --> 00:51:48,346
some--
- You haven't listened
936
00:51:48,370 --> 00:51:51,346
to a fucking word I've said have you?
937
00:51:51,370 --> 00:51:54,616
I've got no time to cyberbully anybody.
938
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:58,056
I'm on the road 24/7, when
I'm not shooting the show,
939
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:00,006
or dealing with legal bullshit.
940
00:52:00,030 --> 00:52:02,830
I don't even have time to
write my own material anymore.
941
00:52:04,510 --> 00:52:05,510
Haven't you heard?
942
00:52:06,570 --> 00:52:07,920
I'm Jimmy the dancing bear.
943
00:52:09,764 --> 00:52:11,906
And the network and the
promoters and the fans,
944
00:52:11,930 --> 00:52:13,493
they're holding the whip.
945
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:17,278
So I just show up.
946
00:52:17,302 --> 00:52:19,096
I do my thing.
947
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:23,266
Occasionally I get to drink
myself stupid at a fancy party
948
00:52:23,290 --> 00:52:24,603
on the company tab.
949
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:27,633
That's the bone I get thrown.
950
00:52:29,710 --> 00:52:30,710
You still want in?
951
00:52:34,510 --> 00:52:37,716
The two of you ever consider
that it's not some bloke?
952
00:52:37,740 --> 00:52:40,406
That it's a female rival who'd
probably have more to gain
953
00:52:40,430 --> 00:52:41,557
from fucking with her?
954
00:52:43,733 --> 00:52:45,823
Yeah, I didn't think so.
955
00:52:50,670 --> 00:52:54,563
Now, if I'm not getting a
suck off, you can fuck off.
956
00:52:55,558 --> 00:52:59,246
I've got a slow death to drink myself to.
957
00:52:59,270 --> 00:53:01,806
- So um, Jimmy's a washout.
958
00:53:01,830 --> 00:53:04,286
He's got his own personal
shit to deal with.
959
00:53:04,310 --> 00:53:06,676
But something that he
said has got me thinking.
960
00:53:06,700 --> 00:53:08,846
There really is a
first time for everything.
961
00:53:08,870 --> 00:53:10,606
- Oh wow, everyone's a comedian.
962
00:53:10,630 --> 00:53:12,686
Look, both of these guys
963
00:53:12,710 --> 00:53:14,596
have profited from what you've said.
964
00:53:14,620 --> 00:53:16,976
So, is there someone
that you could have done
965
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,383
some real damage to?
966
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,346
Someone who by the way,
967
00:53:22,370 --> 00:53:25,256
seems to be quoting from
the Becky Holt book club.
968
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,200
- Oh shit.
969
00:53:27,224 --> 00:53:28,034
- Who is it?
970
00:53:28,058 --> 00:53:29,946
- Of course, it makes perfect sense.
971
00:53:29,970 --> 00:53:31,746
Just tell me already!
972
00:53:31,770 --> 00:53:35,536
- The newly elected
Honorable Member for Kooyong.
973
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:38,096
Bright-eyed journalist
turned tabloid commentator,
974
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:39,886
turned political starlet.
975
00:53:39,910 --> 00:53:43,106
The weird thing is, we
were actually friends once.
976
00:53:43,130 --> 00:53:46,016
But as her fame grew, she
became more aggressive.
977
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:48,906
Throwing her weight
behind conservative causes
978
00:53:48,930 --> 00:53:52,226
and heaven help you if you
spoke for the other side.
979
00:53:52,250 --> 00:53:55,606
- Well Barry, if Becky Holt
wants to be the postergirl
980
00:53:55,630 --> 00:53:57,476
for a modern genocide of human beings
981
00:53:57,500 --> 00:53:59,696
who can't speak for themselves,
982
00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:02,113
well then she deserves
all the flack she gets.
983
00:54:03,300 --> 00:54:05,796
I'm up for a dialog
on just about anything,
984
00:54:05,820 --> 00:54:08,946
but Tabitha preferred the
scorched earth treatment.
985
00:54:08,970 --> 00:54:12,826
Flattening anything and
anyone that got in her way.
986
00:54:12,850 --> 00:54:17,836
Keep calm, keep in control,
and keep your wits about you.
987
00:54:17,860 --> 00:54:19,192
You're gonna need them.
988
00:54:24,410 --> 00:54:26,013
- How powerful do I look?
989
00:54:30,180 --> 00:54:31,293
These flags, right?
990
00:54:32,910 --> 00:54:34,260
Have you seen this picture?
991
00:54:35,660 --> 00:54:36,713
Find Wally.
992
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:40,773
Tabitha Stark.
993
00:54:41,980 --> 00:54:43,326
- Sam.
994
00:54:43,350 --> 00:54:45,146
- Antha Jane Slade.
995
00:54:45,170 --> 00:54:47,546
Stand-up comedian on hiatus,
996
00:54:47,570 --> 00:54:49,956
currently acting as a private investigator
997
00:54:49,980 --> 00:54:52,653
for one Rebecca Holt.
998
00:54:53,678 --> 00:54:54,936
- You've been researching me.
999
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:56,296
- Of course.
1000
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:58,296
I can't just let anyone into my office.
1001
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,996
You may've heard, but some
people don't like me very much.
1002
00:55:02,020 --> 00:55:03,113
- Can't imagine why.
1003
00:55:04,130 --> 00:55:07,656
- I don't go out of my
way to offend people
1004
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,156
but I do call things as I see them.
1005
00:55:10,180 --> 00:55:11,430
- You could've fooled me.
1006
00:55:12,980 --> 00:55:15,670
- Look, you may have heard that I'm awful
1007
00:55:16,540 --> 00:55:18,836
but I am just a woman with an opinion.
1008
00:55:18,860 --> 00:55:22,523
You above anyone should know
what society thinks of that.
1009
00:55:25,230 --> 00:55:27,023
So, what would you like to ask me?
1010
00:55:28,780 --> 00:55:32,216
- When was the last time
that you spoke to Miss Holt?
1011
00:55:32,240 --> 00:55:37,240
- I haven't seen Rebecca
in eight or nine years?
1012
00:55:39,089 --> 00:55:40,173
But then, few have.
1013
00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:43,666
- What does that mean?
1014
00:55:43,690 --> 00:55:46,340
- Well she does like to to
fashion an air of mystery.
1015
00:55:47,420 --> 00:55:48,783
Ever met her in person?
1016
00:55:49,750 --> 00:55:52,193
- Lately, several times a week.
1017
00:55:53,321 --> 00:55:54,843
- Hmm.
1018
00:55:58,070 --> 00:56:01,606
And in all this time you've
been spending together,
1019
00:56:01,630 --> 00:56:04,383
have you ever seen her go outside?
1020
00:56:08,950 --> 00:56:09,950
I didn't think so.
1021
00:56:11,530 --> 00:56:13,496
Doesn't stop her from churning out
1022
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:16,586
a keenly-honed opinion on public life,
1023
00:56:16,610 --> 00:56:18,673
one that she hasn't led for some time.
1024
00:56:19,570 --> 00:56:22,716
I wonder how she still
manages to get away with it.
1025
00:56:22,740 --> 00:56:23,933
- Becky's not a liar.
1026
00:56:26,664 --> 00:56:29,343
- No, you're probably right.
1027
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:33,403
She's more emotional than fraudulent.
1028
00:56:34,570 --> 00:56:37,156
When you've been through
the kind of trauma
1029
00:56:37,180 --> 00:56:41,799
that Rebecca has suffered, it
tends to destabilize things.
1030
00:56:41,823 --> 00:56:43,316
- What?
1031
00:56:43,340 --> 00:56:45,793
- Oh, she hasn't shared that.
1032
00:56:46,670 --> 00:56:49,106
- Being coy isn't really
your brand, Miss Stark.
1033
00:56:49,130 --> 00:56:51,906
- Yeah well if she hasn't
chosen to share that with you,
1034
00:56:51,930 --> 00:56:53,053
I'm not one to gossip.
1035
00:56:53,980 --> 00:56:57,516
But just know, that the kind of experience
1036
00:56:57,540 --> 00:56:59,146
that Rebecca went through
1037
00:56:59,170 --> 00:57:03,563
would lead anyone to
substitute reality for fantasy.
1038
00:57:06,130 --> 00:57:07,380
Is there something wrong?
1039
00:57:09,450 --> 00:57:10,756
- I'm just trying to work out
1040
00:57:10,780 --> 00:57:15,003
what you have to gain
from driving Becky mad.
1041
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:18,976
But your insistence on discrediting her,
1042
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,976
it really makes you a viable suspect.
1043
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,606
- Suspect.
1044
00:57:22,630 --> 00:57:23,630
Whatever for?
1045
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:26,626
You know I'm not sure if you've noticed,
1046
00:57:26,650 --> 00:57:30,106
but I am a grown-up, with
a fairly important job.
1047
00:57:30,130 --> 00:57:31,706
- Mmm-hmm.
1048
00:57:31,730 --> 00:57:35,223
An important job that Becky
can make pretty difficult.
1049
00:57:36,310 --> 00:57:39,326
Maybe you're about to propose
some kind of legislation
1050
00:57:39,350 --> 00:57:42,326
that she'll round up her
readership to contest,
1051
00:57:42,350 --> 00:57:44,206
and you know that her fanclub,
1052
00:57:44,230 --> 00:57:46,606
well it can be surprisingly powerful.
1053
00:57:46,630 --> 00:57:48,786
- Look darling, I don't
know what you're trying
1054
00:57:48,810 --> 00:57:51,046
to fit me up for, but be assured,
1055
00:57:51,070 --> 00:57:52,736
you don't have it in my color.
1056
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:53,803
- I'm not done.
1057
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:58,666
Maybe you're considering a
run for party leadership,
1058
00:57:58,690 --> 00:58:00,496
and you wouldn't mind wiping the memory
1059
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:03,603
of the loudest person
with a key to your past.
1060
00:58:04,460 --> 00:58:07,046
- So, I blew an editor or two
1061
00:58:07,070 --> 00:58:08,876
behind the printing press in my time.
1062
00:58:08,900 --> 00:58:11,236
Darling, it is not going to dismantle
1063
00:58:11,260 --> 00:58:13,426
a run for federal office.
1064
00:58:13,450 --> 00:58:14,646
- Absolutely not,
1065
00:58:14,670 --> 00:58:18,306
but your cashed-up pro-life allies,
1066
00:58:18,330 --> 00:58:20,530
they might want to know
about your abortion.
1067
00:58:22,730 --> 00:58:24,836
I researched you too.
1068
00:58:24,860 --> 00:58:26,216
And yes you've had all the records
1069
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,806
really well buried but it is a wonder
1070
00:58:29,830 --> 00:58:33,086
what a few drinks with the
right people will uncover.
1071
00:58:33,110 --> 00:58:36,516
- Do you honestly think, that
someone in my line of work
1072
00:58:36,540 --> 00:58:39,353
could get away with driving
someone mad, as you put it?
1073
00:58:40,370 --> 00:58:42,696
I have enemies everywhere.
1074
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,806
The media spend their days
praying for me to fall over.
1075
00:58:45,830 --> 00:58:48,030
One snap on someone's
phone and I'd be done.
1076
00:58:50,900 --> 00:58:54,796
Besides, if I really
wanted to crush Rebecca,
1077
00:58:54,820 --> 00:58:56,463
I'd make sure she knew about it.
1078
00:58:57,430 --> 00:59:00,146
I'd press my name into the sole of my shoe
1079
00:59:00,170 --> 00:59:02,786
and then I would leave
the imprint on her face.
1080
00:59:02,810 --> 00:59:06,193
And then, I would issue a press release.
1081
00:59:07,390 --> 00:59:08,546
- Oh.
1082
00:59:08,570 --> 00:59:09,570
- Miss Slade.
1083
00:59:11,530 --> 00:59:13,903
- Ah, who told me about the abortion?
1084
00:59:15,810 --> 00:59:17,446
I guessed.
1085
00:59:17,470 --> 00:59:18,746
Figured you were a hypocrite.
1086
00:59:18,770 --> 00:59:20,023
Your type usually are.
1087
00:59:26,770 --> 00:59:29,010
So which one of you Tweedledee?
1088
00:59:59,852 --> 01:00:03,833
- "'Well here's mud in
your eye, ' she said.
1089
01:00:03,857 --> 01:00:06,263
"The tablets were unpleasant to take,
1090
01:00:06,287 --> 01:00:08,873
"dry and powdery and sticking obstinately
1091
01:00:08,897 --> 01:00:10,653
"half way down her throat.
1092
01:00:12,607 --> 01:00:15,193
"It took a long time to swallow all 20.
1093
01:00:16,877 --> 01:00:20,610
"She stood wondering with a
courteous, vicarious interest
1094
01:00:22,787 --> 01:00:25,663
"if death would strike her down at once."
1095
01:02:35,631 --> 01:02:38,550
♪ Every morning, every evening ♪
1096
01:02:38,574 --> 01:02:41,173
♪ Ain't we got fun. ♪
1097
01:02:42,862 --> 01:02:45,056
♪ Not much money, oh honey ♪
1098
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:46,531
- Hey Becky.
1099
01:02:46,555 --> 01:02:48,696
Hey I've been calling all afternoon.
1100
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:50,135
- We don't want any.
1101
01:02:50,159 --> 01:02:52,420
♪ Then rent's unpaid my dear ♪
- Or you okay?
1102
01:02:53,927 --> 01:02:56,143
- Nobody here but us chickens.
1103
01:02:57,181 --> 01:02:59,003
We don't want to lose our heads.
1104
01:03:00,380 --> 01:03:02,356
- Becky are you alright?
1105
01:03:02,380 --> 01:03:03,580
- Can't you take a hint?
1106
01:03:05,176 --> 01:03:08,036
It's a party for one,
and you're not invited.
1107
01:03:08,060 --> 01:03:10,613
- Becky, Becky tell me what's going on.
1108
01:03:12,444 --> 01:03:14,646
- That's the end of my secret stash.
1109
01:03:14,670 --> 01:03:17,931
♪ Still we got fun ♪
1110
01:03:17,955 --> 01:03:20,280
♪ There's nothing surer ♪
1111
01:03:20,304 --> 01:03:22,062
- Time for a little Russian Roulette.
1112
01:03:22,086 --> 01:03:24,376
- Becky you need to let me in.
1113
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:27,443
- No Sam, I don't think I will.
1114
01:03:28,491 --> 01:03:30,756
♪ Ain't we got fun ♪
1115
01:03:30,780 --> 01:03:33,003
I'm rethinking this open house policy.
1116
01:03:34,320 --> 01:03:35,761
The more I let in the worse it gets.
1117
01:03:35,785 --> 01:03:40,785
♪ Don't we have fun ♪
1118
01:03:42,275 --> 01:03:45,613
♪ Don't we have fun ♪
1119
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:57,896
- Maybe you're doing
me more harm than good.
1120
01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:59,266
- Okay Becky.
1121
01:03:59,290 --> 01:04:01,566
Okay, just talk to me.
1122
01:04:01,590 --> 01:04:02,646
- Why?
1123
01:04:02,670 --> 01:04:05,750
So we can keep playing
this mad pointless game?
1124
01:04:06,717 --> 01:04:08,763
What kind of a detective are you?
1125
01:04:08,787 --> 01:04:10,366
What have you found out?
1126
01:04:10,390 --> 01:04:12,693
What have you actually done to help me?
1127
01:04:14,507 --> 01:04:17,256
♪ There's nothing surer ♪
1128
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:19,243
- Becky just let me in!
1129
01:04:20,150 --> 01:04:22,551
- Bit fat nothing,
that's what you've done.
1130
01:04:22,575 --> 01:04:23,547
♪ In between time ♪
1131
01:04:23,571 --> 01:04:26,581
- Becky, just tell me what's happened.
1132
01:04:26,605 --> 01:04:29,261
♪ Have fun ♪
- You're a PI.
1133
01:04:29,285 --> 01:04:30,836
Figure it out.
1134
01:04:30,860 --> 01:04:33,083
- Becky this doesn't make any sense.
1135
01:04:34,354 --> 01:04:35,354
Becky!
1136
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:43,186
Becky I'm sorry that I
haven't found anything.
1137
01:04:43,210 --> 01:04:45,853
I'm new at this and I'm a bit shit.
1138
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:51,866
I just, I feel like we're so close.
1139
01:04:51,890 --> 01:04:53,726
So close to a breakthrough.
1140
01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:54,707
We can do this!
1141
01:04:54,731 --> 01:04:56,676
I know we can.
1142
01:04:56,700 --> 01:04:58,693
Becky I know something happened.
1143
01:04:59,900 --> 01:05:02,016
Tabitha hinted at something.
1144
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:03,566
Something that made you shut your door
1145
01:05:03,590 --> 01:05:05,793
and just not ever want to come out.
1146
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:10,356
I know that you're terrified of leaving.
1147
01:05:10,380 --> 01:05:12,526
You hide it well but,
1148
01:05:12,550 --> 01:05:14,996
the person that's doing this,
1149
01:05:15,020 --> 01:05:16,473
they're playing on that fear.
1150
01:05:18,530 --> 01:05:21,726
You told me that you wanted
me to be honest with you.
1151
01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:24,333
Well, I need you to be honest with me.
1152
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:27,333
- Please Sam, just go.
1153
01:05:30,830 --> 01:05:33,396
Or I'm gonna have to call the police.
1154
01:05:33,420 --> 01:05:34,736
- Alright, okay.
1155
01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:37,626
I'm done talking, I've stopped knocking.
1156
01:05:37,650 --> 01:05:39,026
You just call whoever you want,
1157
01:05:39,050 --> 01:05:40,559
but if you think that
I'm gonna leave you here
1158
01:05:40,583 --> 01:05:42,136
then you're crazy.
1159
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:44,960
I'm staying right here until
we catch this motherfucker.
1160
01:06:22,330 --> 01:06:23,207
- Hey bud.
1161
01:06:23,231 --> 01:06:25,666
- Aw thank fuck, you're okay.
1162
01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:27,189
- What are you talking about?
1163
01:06:27,213 --> 01:06:29,016
- Well I saw you tweeted all that stuff
1164
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:31,066
and I've been trying to
get onto you all day.
1165
01:06:31,090 --> 01:06:32,090
- What stuff?
1166
01:06:37,330 --> 01:06:41,376
Tom, I didn't write this.
1167
01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:42,916
- What do you mean?
1168
01:06:42,940 --> 01:06:45,493
- Well after I hung up from
you I went and had a shower.
1169
01:06:48,580 --> 01:06:49,828
Tom my boy, do you ever feel
1170
01:06:49,852 --> 01:06:52,166
like you're losing your marbles?
1171
01:06:52,190 --> 01:06:53,340
- Only every other day.
1172
01:06:54,420 --> 01:06:56,003
- No I mean really.
1173
01:06:59,860 --> 01:07:02,457
Someone broke into my flat tonight.
1174
01:07:02,481 --> 01:07:03,391
- What?
1175
01:07:03,415 --> 01:07:04,996
- When I was in the shower.
1176
01:07:05,020 --> 01:07:06,556
I didn't see anybody but I came out
1177
01:07:06,580 --> 01:07:09,276
to find my phone swiped out
for a note and a poison drink
1178
01:07:09,300 --> 01:07:11,566
and whoever it was must have logged in
1179
01:07:11,590 --> 01:07:12,953
and wrote those tweets.
1180
01:07:14,819 --> 01:07:16,086
- Where's Sam, is she there with you?
1181
01:07:16,110 --> 01:07:17,110
- No, Sam's,
1182
01:07:20,250 --> 01:07:21,568
I fired her.
1183
01:07:21,592 --> 01:07:23,411
Okay.
1184
01:07:23,435 --> 01:07:25,761
I can't believe I'm gonna say this but,
1185
01:07:25,785 --> 01:07:28,506
I know I'm not the biggest fan of Sam's
1186
01:07:28,530 --> 01:07:29,513
but do you really think it's her?
1187
01:07:29,537 --> 01:07:32,256
I mean she's a kook but
everything she's done so far
1188
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:34,246
would indicate that she's your kook.
1189
01:07:34,270 --> 01:07:36,076
And she's a terrible klutz
1190
01:07:36,100 --> 01:07:37,916
and when she snuck into my
office to get your address,
1191
01:07:37,940 --> 01:07:39,526
I mean she left half her wardrobe behind,
1192
01:07:39,550 --> 01:07:42,236
and if this stalker is as
slick as you say they are,
1193
01:07:42,260 --> 01:07:44,212
then she's not your girl.
1194
01:07:44,236 --> 01:07:45,515
- That's right.
1195
01:07:45,539 --> 01:07:47,054
She didn't know where I lived, did she?
1196
01:07:47,078 --> 01:07:48,083
- No, she didn't.
1197
01:07:48,107 --> 01:07:51,396
- And whoever's doing this
started long before she arrived.
1198
01:07:51,420 --> 01:07:53,236
- I really wish you had've told me Bec.
1199
01:07:53,260 --> 01:07:56,003
- But if she didn't steal my key, who did?
1200
01:07:56,960 --> 01:07:57,770
- Somebody's got your key?
1201
01:07:57,794 --> 01:07:59,746
Okay, screw it, I'm coming over.
1202
01:07:59,770 --> 01:08:01,106
I'm gonna bring my
1203
01:08:01,130 --> 01:08:02,962
sleeping bag.
- Tom, it's fine.
1204
01:08:02,986 --> 01:08:04,486
- And my hardcover copy of War and Peace.
1205
01:08:04,510 --> 01:08:05,336
This is happening.
1206
01:08:05,360 --> 01:08:06,360
- No it's.
1207
01:08:07,390 --> 01:08:09,436
- I've got Sam standing guard outside.
1208
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:10,923
She's refusing to leave.
1209
01:08:11,770 --> 01:08:12,696
- See?
1210
01:08:12,720 --> 01:08:13,720
Your kook.
1211
01:08:15,890 --> 01:08:17,476
- Hang on, if Sam's outside,
1212
01:08:17,500 --> 01:08:19,696
how do you know they're
not in there with you?
1213
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:22,006
- Wow, thanks for the
happy thoughts trooper,
1214
01:08:22,030 --> 01:08:23,263
you're a big help.
1215
01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:26,476
- You know, I'm not gonna
let you push me away.
1216
01:08:26,500 --> 01:08:27,756
If you're not gonna let
me come around there
1217
01:08:27,780 --> 01:08:30,276
then I'm just gonna
have to stay on the line
1218
01:08:30,300 --> 01:08:31,713
until I know you're safe.
1219
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:36,933
- I dunno Wilhelm, this
psycho's pretty determined.
1220
01:08:38,030 --> 01:08:40,380
Could be on the line for
the rest of our lives.
1221
01:08:42,610 --> 01:08:43,773
- Fine by me bucko.
1222
01:08:49,843 --> 01:08:51,343
- Ah, hey you, ah.
1223
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,306
- The party never stops out here.
1224
01:08:57,330 --> 01:08:58,330
- Hmm.
1225
01:08:59,410 --> 01:09:00,926
- It's Sam isn't it?
1226
01:09:00,950 --> 01:09:03,426
- Oh um, you're the neighbor right?
1227
01:09:03,450 --> 01:09:05,220
Um, Steven.
1228
01:09:05,244 --> 01:09:06,561
- Simon.
1229
01:09:06,585 --> 01:09:08,116
For what it's worth,
Steven is the name I use
1230
01:09:08,140 --> 01:09:09,802
for charity collectors.
1231
01:09:09,826 --> 01:09:11,347
- Oh, sorry.
1232
01:09:12,370 --> 01:09:14,106
- You're twisting yourself into a pretzel,
1233
01:09:14,130 --> 01:09:15,173
sleeping like that.
1234
01:09:16,260 --> 01:09:17,910
- Yeah I shouldn't really be sleeping.
1235
01:09:17,934 --> 01:09:19,806
- Is Becky okay?
1236
01:09:19,830 --> 01:09:21,506
She's been a bit stressed recently.
1237
01:09:21,530 --> 01:09:23,456
I thought she could do with a drink,
1238
01:09:23,480 --> 01:09:25,686
which is basically my default setting.
1239
01:09:25,710 --> 01:09:27,906
- Yeah I think she's asleep now.
1240
01:09:27,930 --> 01:09:31,626
I haven't heard anything
in about half an hour.
1241
01:09:31,650 --> 01:09:33,636
- Dear lord, how long have
you been stuck out here?
1242
01:09:33,660 --> 01:09:34,666
- I'm standing guard.
1243
01:09:34,690 --> 01:09:36,916
Oh, sitting.
1244
01:09:36,940 --> 01:09:38,383
- So chivalry's not dead.
1245
01:09:42,430 --> 01:09:44,256
I was about to make some coffee.
1246
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:45,526
Would you like some?
1247
01:09:45,550 --> 01:09:46,550
- I'm fine.
1248
01:09:48,265 --> 01:09:50,526
- I have a wonderful machine from Milan.
1249
01:09:50,550 --> 01:09:51,726
I haven't the faintest how to use it,
1250
01:09:51,750 --> 01:09:54,873
but somehow the nectar that
flows from it is glorious.
1251
01:09:56,897 --> 01:09:58,096
- I really should stay here.
1252
01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:00,883
- You can't stand guard
sitting on the floor.
1253
01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:04,590
Come on, I'll make you a cup to go.
1254
01:10:06,185 --> 01:10:06,994
- Are you sure?
1255
01:10:07,018 --> 01:10:08,018
- Andale!
1256
01:10:12,553 --> 01:10:14,396
- Ah, ah, no you don't.
1257
01:10:14,420 --> 01:10:15,288
- What?
1258
01:10:15,312 --> 01:10:17,766
- Well you can't force me to
stay awake to watch you sleep.
1259
01:10:17,790 --> 01:10:18,916
This is not fair.
1260
01:10:18,940 --> 01:10:20,696
- Didn't you hear Tommy dear?
1261
01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:22,453
Life isn't fair, it's more,
1262
01:10:24,130 --> 01:10:25,966
something about at box of chocolates?
1263
01:10:25,990 --> 01:10:28,456
Ooh.
1264
01:10:28,480 --> 01:10:30,373
- Hey, Wilhelm.
1265
01:10:30,397 --> 01:10:31,403
- Yes.
1266
01:10:32,410 --> 01:10:34,586
- You will stay on the line, won't you?
1267
01:10:34,610 --> 01:10:36,538
Even if I fall asleep?
1268
01:10:36,562 --> 01:10:37,996
You won't hang up?
1269
01:10:38,020 --> 01:10:39,020
- Of course not.
1270
01:10:40,030 --> 01:10:42,376
As I said, as long as it takes.
1271
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:44,463
- You're a real sap, you know that?
1272
01:10:44,487 --> 01:10:46,223
- So I've been told.
1273
01:10:47,890 --> 01:10:49,640
So how are we gonna keep you awake?
1274
01:10:51,019 --> 01:10:52,373
- Read me your novel?
1275
01:10:52,397 --> 01:10:53,791
- Ah, no.
1276
01:10:53,815 --> 01:10:54,886
- You promised.
1277
01:10:54,910 --> 01:10:57,166
- Isn't the whole point to keep you awake?
1278
01:10:57,190 --> 01:10:58,286
- Come on Thomas.
1279
01:10:58,310 --> 01:11:00,353
This might be my last night on Earth.
1280
01:11:01,900 --> 01:11:03,841
- It's really not very good.
1281
01:11:03,865 --> 01:11:05,381
- First drafts never are.
1282
01:11:05,405 --> 01:11:06,766
- Yeah it's not so much a draft
1283
01:11:06,790 --> 01:11:10,186
as a collection of random thoughts.
1284
01:11:10,210 --> 01:11:11,263
- Stop stalling.
1285
01:11:12,540 --> 01:11:13,540
- Fine.
1286
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:18,176
We could do anything else.
1287
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:20,203
- Oh please stop stalling.
1288
01:11:21,590 --> 01:11:22,676
- Don't blame me.
1289
01:11:27,757 --> 01:11:29,360
"Call me Ismael."
1290
01:11:30,218 --> 01:11:32,906
"Some years ago, never mind how long."
1291
01:11:32,930 --> 01:11:34,186
- Thomas.
1292
01:11:38,820 --> 01:11:40,706
- So this is, um?
1293
01:11:40,730 --> 01:11:42,686
- A shoebox with running water.
1294
01:11:42,710 --> 01:11:46,056
- I was gonna say, minimalistic,
but that works too.
1295
01:11:46,080 --> 01:11:49,435
- Yes I suppose it could
do with a woman's touch.
1296
01:11:49,459 --> 01:11:50,986
Or even better a gay man's.
1297
01:11:51,010 --> 01:11:52,546
- Thank you.
1298
01:11:52,570 --> 01:11:54,586
Oh, you really are a lifesaver.
1299
01:11:54,610 --> 01:11:56,346
- I have been called
many things in my time.
1300
01:11:56,370 --> 01:11:57,983
Most of them unrepeatable.
1301
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:00,613
But I like that one.
1302
01:12:07,244 --> 01:12:10,239
- Whoa, that's the weapons-grade stuff.
1303
01:12:10,263 --> 01:12:12,316
- I told you I have absolutely no idea
1304
01:12:12,340 --> 01:12:13,237
how that machine works.
1305
01:12:13,261 --> 01:12:16,010
There are 72 knobs and the
instructions are in Italian.
1306
01:12:17,040 --> 01:12:19,126
I could add some more milk if you like.
1307
01:12:19,150 --> 01:12:20,134
- No it's fine.
1308
01:12:20,158 --> 01:12:22,073
It'll put hairs on my chest.
1309
01:12:23,300 --> 01:12:27,036
- So, why were you relegated
to the hallway, lovers tiff?
1310
01:12:27,060 --> 01:12:31,046
- Ah no, we, wait, Becky
and I are not a couple.
1311
01:12:31,070 --> 01:12:32,276
- Please, don't be coy.
1312
01:12:32,300 --> 01:12:33,416
This is a safe space.
1313
01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:35,329
I've been wanting Becky
to meet someone for years.
1314
01:12:35,353 --> 01:12:37,266
- No, I mean Becky's lovely
1315
01:12:37,290 --> 01:12:42,290
but our arrangement is
strictly professional.
1316
01:12:43,760 --> 01:12:47,001
Not, um, Becky hired me as a private dick.
1317
01:12:47,025 --> 01:12:47,927
- Uh.
1318
01:12:47,951 --> 01:12:48,996
- An investigator.
1319
01:12:49,020 --> 01:12:52,136
Aw, I don't know how much Becky's told you
1320
01:12:52,160 --> 01:12:54,823
but she's had some troubles lately.
1321
01:12:56,170 --> 01:12:57,166
Not that any of that matters
1322
01:12:57,190 --> 01:12:58,783
because I just got fired.
1323
01:12:59,700 --> 01:13:01,206
- Which is why you were sitting
1324
01:13:01,230 --> 01:13:02,816
outside.
- Outside, in the hallway,
1325
01:13:02,840 --> 01:13:04,436
yeah.
1326
01:13:04,460 --> 01:13:06,846
- Oh, I suppose it's a
dangerous line of work,
1327
01:13:06,870 --> 01:13:09,906
always running into dodgy characters.
1328
01:13:09,930 --> 01:13:11,086
- I wouldn't know.
1329
01:13:11,110 --> 01:13:12,593
This is my first job.
1330
01:13:13,670 --> 01:13:15,926
- Booted off your first
case by a feisty dame
1331
01:13:15,950 --> 01:13:17,466
who could be in danger.
1332
01:13:17,490 --> 01:13:19,253
It's the stuff of pure pulp.
1333
01:13:20,100 --> 01:13:23,926
Speaking of which, might I humbly suggest
1334
01:13:23,950 --> 01:13:26,416
we go full Bogart?
1335
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:27,857
- Ooh, thank you.
1336
01:13:29,848 --> 01:13:31,933
- "But no more of this blubbering now.
1337
01:13:31,957 --> 01:13:33,473
"We're going a-whaling
1338
01:13:33,497 --> 01:13:35,613
"and there's plenty of that yet to come.
1339
01:13:35,637 --> 01:13:38,253
"Let us scrape the ice
from our frosted feet
1340
01:13:38,277 --> 01:13:40,927
"and see what sort of a
place this 'Spouter' may be."
1341
01:13:48,989 --> 01:13:49,989
Night.
1342
01:13:51,950 --> 01:13:53,933
- Ah, I better, head back up.
1343
01:13:55,650 --> 01:13:58,596
Oh, oh my god, I can't
believe how tired I am.
1344
01:13:58,620 --> 01:14:00,956
- Well it's been a big week, I expect.
1345
01:14:00,980 --> 01:14:02,726
Perhaps you should rest here for a moment.
1346
01:14:02,750 --> 01:14:03,636
- No I'm fine.
1347
01:14:03,660 --> 01:14:04,507
I'll just,
1348
01:14:04,531 --> 01:14:06,116
oh.
- Whoa!
1349
01:14:06,140 --> 01:14:07,426
I certainly admire your pluck
1350
01:14:07,450 --> 01:14:09,716
but you couldn't guard a
flowerbed in your state.
1351
01:14:09,740 --> 01:14:12,201
- No I've gotta go and do the thing.
1352
01:14:16,887 --> 01:14:17,887
- Bless.
1353
01:15:17,460 --> 01:15:20,373
- "I feel certain I am going mad again.
1354
01:15:22,737 --> 01:15:24,053
"I feel I can't go through
1355
01:15:24,077 --> 01:15:26,203
"with another of those terrible times.
1356
01:15:27,637 --> 01:15:30,513
"And I shan't recover this time.
1357
01:15:31,857 --> 01:15:35,883
"I begin to hear voices
and I can't concentrate.
1358
01:15:38,069 --> 01:15:41,533
"So I am doing what seems
the best thing to do.
1359
01:15:42,910 --> 01:15:45,883
"You have given me the
greatest possible happiness.
1360
01:15:45,907 --> 01:15:49,563
"You have been in every way
all that anyone could be.
1361
01:15:50,567 --> 01:15:53,587
"I can't fight any longer."
1362
01:15:54,704 --> 01:15:55,704
Oh, shit.
1363
01:15:57,257 --> 01:16:00,296
Fuck.
1364
01:16:00,320 --> 01:16:03,274
Please, please just pick up, please.
1365
01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:42,056
Virginia Woolf.
1366
01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:42,937
- What now?
1367
01:16:42,961 --> 01:16:45,036
- Virginia Woolf's suicide note.
1368
01:16:45,060 --> 01:16:47,676
The motherfucker sent a
suicide text from my phone
1369
01:16:47,700 --> 01:16:49,576
but used Virginia Woolf's words.
1370
01:16:49,600 --> 01:16:51,566
- Someone sent a text from your phone?
1371
01:16:51,590 --> 01:16:52,590
- Yes!
1372
01:17:04,230 --> 01:17:05,230
Sam?
1373
01:17:10,044 --> 01:17:10,987
- And they're gonna be here soon.
1374
01:17:11,011 --> 01:17:12,803
Probably about an hour or so.
1375
01:17:13,860 --> 01:17:15,296
What's up?
1376
01:17:15,320 --> 01:17:18,120
- Remember what you said about
the Becky Holt book-club?
1377
01:17:19,430 --> 01:17:20,430
You aren't kidding.
1378
01:17:21,500 --> 01:17:23,063
Every note, every clue.
1379
01:17:24,280 --> 01:17:27,286
They're not just quoting random authors.
1380
01:17:27,310 --> 01:17:29,136
Every quote they've used
has come from a book
1381
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:31,409
that's gone missing from my shelf.
1382
01:17:32,900 --> 01:17:35,896
That means whoever it is has
been getting in for weeks.
1383
01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:37,446
Maybe even months.
1384
01:17:37,470 --> 01:17:39,576
- Okay, so let's change the locks.
1385
01:17:39,600 --> 01:17:41,076
- It's not just my lock.
1386
01:17:41,100 --> 01:17:43,286
They know the downstairs PIN code!
1387
01:17:43,310 --> 01:17:45,376
They'll always find a way to get in.
1388
01:17:45,400 --> 01:17:47,526
- Okay, so we're gonna get you out!
1389
01:17:47,550 --> 01:17:48,457
We're gonna pack a bag
1390
01:17:48,481 --> 01:17:50,276
and just get you the fuck out of here.
1391
01:17:50,300 --> 01:17:52,450
Somewhere where no one
knows where you are.
1392
01:18:00,380 --> 01:18:01,786
What are you doing?
1393
01:18:01,810 --> 01:18:03,599
- I'm digging a hole, what do you think?
1394
01:18:03,623 --> 01:18:05,486
I'm packing a bag.
1395
01:18:05,510 --> 01:18:07,403
- Sam, can you not touch all that.
1396
01:18:08,720 --> 01:18:10,453
Sam please stop!
1397
01:18:12,630 --> 01:18:14,517
You know I can't leave!
1398
01:18:21,370 --> 01:18:23,176
- What's going on?
1399
01:18:23,200 --> 01:18:24,303
- Tabitha was right.
1400
01:18:25,960 --> 01:18:28,543
This isn't the first time
this has happened to me.
1401
01:18:30,550 --> 01:18:32,063
Well not to me exactly.
1402
01:18:34,670 --> 01:18:38,079
Someone murdered my housemate
while I was in the next room.
1403
01:18:38,103 --> 01:18:39,103
- Oh.
1404
01:18:40,470 --> 01:18:43,143
- Everyone plays out danger
scenarios in their head.
1405
01:18:44,250 --> 01:18:46,186
What would you do of a
slasher came after you,
1406
01:18:46,210 --> 01:18:49,456
or someone tried to grab
you in a dark alley?
1407
01:18:49,480 --> 01:18:50,317
How would you react?
1408
01:18:50,341 --> 01:18:51,433
Fight or flight?
1409
01:18:53,280 --> 01:18:54,616
Everyone but everyone
1410
01:18:54,640 --> 01:18:56,690
thinks that they would be a fight person.
1411
01:18:58,540 --> 01:19:00,653
That's not what I found out that night.
1412
01:19:06,710 --> 01:19:10,400
I stood in the next room
listening to my housemate die
1413
01:19:12,260 --> 01:19:15,186
because I didn't want to
end up just another victim.
1414
01:19:15,210 --> 01:19:18,056
- That is a perfectly natural response.
1415
01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:21,193
- She died because I was
too scared to do anything.
1416
01:19:24,810 --> 01:19:28,343
After that I was too
frightened to get out of here.
1417
01:19:30,660 --> 01:19:32,760
It was harder and harder to get out there.
1418
01:19:33,960 --> 01:19:36,810
I was frightened of everything,
jumping at my own shadow.
1419
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:41,003
So I built myself this
hermetically-sealed cocoon.
1420
01:19:42,970 --> 01:19:46,693
Living under the false belief
that in here I would be safe.
1421
01:19:48,640 --> 01:19:50,886
After a few years the nightmares faded
1422
01:19:50,910 --> 01:19:55,133
and I started to feel a
little like my old self again.
1423
01:19:57,650 --> 01:19:59,323
So long as I stayed right here.
1424
01:20:03,100 --> 01:20:04,100
Until now.
1425
01:20:05,730 --> 01:20:08,186
- Okay, so let's end this.
1426
01:20:08,210 --> 01:20:10,006
We've been going around in circles.
1427
01:20:10,030 --> 01:20:12,793
It's time to close in on our main suspect.
1428
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:15,036
Tom.
1429
01:20:15,060 --> 01:20:15,977
How is that even?
1430
01:20:16,001 --> 01:20:18,346
Look I'll just,
cab it to his office
1431
01:20:18,370 --> 01:20:19,916
and get some answers.
1432
01:20:19,940 --> 01:20:21,572
Sam this is crazy.
1433
01:20:21,596 --> 01:20:22,406
He's my best friend.
1434
01:20:22,430 --> 01:20:26,016
Take off the blinkers
Becky, everyone's a suspect.
1435
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:28,733
Now sit tight and lock up, be back soon.
1436
01:20:35,370 --> 01:20:36,370
Shit.
1437
01:20:56,130 --> 01:20:59,393
- Might I humbly suggest
we go full Bogart?
1438
01:21:02,873 --> 01:21:03,873
- Fuck!
1439
01:21:14,780 --> 01:21:17,213
- Becky, Bec!
1440
01:21:19,190 --> 01:21:20,403
What's going on?
1441
01:21:22,210 --> 01:21:23,618
Redecorating?
1442
01:21:25,160 --> 01:21:26,390
Most overdue.
1443
01:21:32,800 --> 01:21:33,800
Where are you?
1444
01:21:35,380 --> 01:21:37,133
I know you haven't gone out,
1445
01:21:38,095 --> 01:21:40,762
because you never leave, do you.
1446
01:21:47,662 --> 01:21:49,412
You can come out now.
1447
01:21:51,146 --> 01:21:52,077
I know you've had your troubles
1448
01:21:52,101 --> 01:21:54,593
but I'm here to protect you little lady.
1449
01:21:56,780 --> 01:21:57,780
No?
1450
01:21:59,780 --> 01:22:01,230
I'm not convincing you, am I?
1451
01:22:03,820 --> 01:22:06,006
This place is mine you know.
1452
01:22:06,030 --> 01:22:08,396
My dear father's.
1453
01:22:08,420 --> 01:22:10,363
His will neglected to mention it.
1454
01:22:12,030 --> 01:22:14,676
He used to bring his mistresses here.
1455
01:22:14,700 --> 01:22:17,163
Couldn't have mother
finding out about that.
1456
01:22:18,140 --> 01:22:21,263
Except they died together,
so I was none the wiser.
1457
01:22:22,200 --> 01:22:27,173
So when I found out about
it, well, it's my birthright!
1458
01:22:29,740 --> 01:22:32,337
Except you just refused
to sell, didn't you?
1459
01:22:33,565 --> 01:22:34,565
Whoops!
1460
01:22:37,779 --> 01:22:38,946
Butterfingers.
1461
01:22:41,349 --> 01:22:43,196
Your agent wouldn't put
me in touch with you
1462
01:22:43,220 --> 01:22:46,132
but I get what I want.
1463
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:52,610
I had to do some digging.
1464
01:22:54,080 --> 01:22:56,086
And then, the master stroke.
1465
01:22:56,110 --> 01:22:58,466
I would move in downstairs
1466
01:22:58,490 --> 01:23:01,203
and befriend the person living here.
1467
01:23:02,250 --> 01:23:04,750
You didn't think we were
actually friends did you?
1468
01:23:05,925 --> 01:23:07,746
You're a fun broad and everything
1469
01:23:07,770 --> 01:23:09,753
but the flat is what I wanted.
1470
01:23:11,060 --> 01:23:13,402
I certainly dropped enough hints.
1471
01:23:15,840 --> 01:23:18,866
I could never tell if you
played dumb or actually were.
1472
01:23:18,890 --> 01:23:22,346
So I decided to use my cover
as best pal and drinking buddy
1473
01:23:22,370 --> 01:23:24,566
to swipe your keys,
sneak in and out at will
1474
01:23:24,590 --> 01:23:27,426
and start messing with your things,
1475
01:23:27,450 --> 01:23:30,116
'cause we know how much
you love that, don't we?
1476
01:23:30,140 --> 01:23:32,916
I thought enough unexplained phenomena,
1477
01:23:32,940 --> 01:23:35,766
enough sleepless night, even
you'd be ready to depart,
1478
01:23:35,790 --> 01:23:38,503
but you just dug your damn heels in.
1479
01:23:38,527 --> 01:23:43,250
You even said, the only way
you were leaving, was in a box.
1480
01:23:43,274 --> 01:23:45,024
So, have it your way.
1481
01:23:48,866 --> 01:23:49,866
Box it is.
1482
01:23:51,948 --> 01:23:54,050
Of course I couldn't
just murder you, could I?
1483
01:23:54,910 --> 01:23:57,106
My flat's as small a
cell as I can deal with,
1484
01:23:57,130 --> 01:23:58,653
thank you very much.
1485
01:24:00,840 --> 01:24:05,770
So the only solution left,
was to fake your suicide.
1486
01:24:08,810 --> 01:24:11,343
Just like those pathetic
literary heroes of yours.
1487
01:24:12,828 --> 01:24:14,946
See I was doing you a favor.
1488
01:24:14,970 --> 01:24:17,236
You'd get to join the suicide club
1489
01:24:17,260 --> 01:24:20,113
and sip martinis with
the prematurely-dead.
1490
01:24:21,135 --> 01:24:24,443
And I get my apartment, everybody wins!
1491
01:24:26,580 --> 01:24:28,880
Except you proved
annoyingly hard to dispatch.
1492
01:24:32,570 --> 01:24:36,583
But like I said, I get what I want.
1493
01:24:39,520 --> 01:24:41,336
So if you'd kindly step out of the closet
1494
01:24:41,360 --> 01:24:44,826
and slip your head into the
noose I prepared earlier,
1495
01:24:44,850 --> 01:24:47,867
I can test the structural
integrity of my new property.
1496
01:25:02,970 --> 01:25:05,273
"A cricket sings upon the Hearth;
1497
01:25:07,090 --> 01:25:09,240
"a broken child's-toy
lies upon the ground;
1498
01:25:11,087 --> 01:25:13,048
"and nothing else remains."
1499
01:25:13,072 --> 01:25:14,207
Hey, Charles Dickless!
1500
01:25:33,470 --> 01:25:36,793
- Congratulations on being
the worst detective ever!
1501
01:25:39,651 --> 01:25:42,754
The truth was truly a wonder to behold.
1502
01:26:05,029 --> 01:26:06,029
Case closed.
1503
01:26:27,262 --> 01:26:30,096
- Oh, took you long enough.
1504
01:26:30,120 --> 01:26:31,193
- You have no idea.
1505
01:26:35,270 --> 01:26:36,270
Come here, hey.
1506
01:26:41,135 --> 01:26:43,767
How the fuck did I miss him?
1507
01:26:44,763 --> 01:26:48,433
- Kid, for a private dick,
you're a damn fine comedian.
1508
01:26:54,260 --> 01:26:55,546
From the dark underbelly
1509
01:26:55,570 --> 01:26:59,086
beneath Melbourne's charming
European-flecked facade,
1510
01:26:59,110 --> 01:27:01,746
Two women found triumph today.
1511
01:27:01,770 --> 01:27:04,336
We're confronted with
stories of female oppression
1512
01:27:04,360 --> 01:27:07,216
and capitulation on a daily basis.
1513
01:27:07,240 --> 01:27:10,510
So I thought, I should write
about a win for a change.
1514
01:27:12,630 --> 01:27:14,206
Well
I'm happy to announce
1515
01:27:14,230 --> 01:27:17,916
that was my first and last
case as a private detective.
1516
01:27:17,940 --> 01:27:19,776
Thought I'd go out on top.
1517
01:27:19,800 --> 01:27:21,853
Besides, I'd found my voice again.
1518
01:27:23,010 --> 01:27:24,986
Now I hear you asking,
1519
01:27:25,010 --> 01:27:27,516
did she get the cash out
of Simon's apartment?
1520
01:27:27,540 --> 01:27:29,276
Did she keep her place?
1521
01:27:29,300 --> 01:27:31,016
Did she get another job?
1522
01:27:31,040 --> 01:27:32,863
Is she homeless?
1523
01:27:34,060 --> 01:27:37,796
Christ, it's never enough
for you people, is it?
1524
01:27:37,820 --> 01:27:42,286
Can't you just enjoy a
nice, happy kick-ass ending?
1525
01:27:42,310 --> 01:27:43,796
Why all the questions?
1526
01:27:43,820 --> 01:27:45,363
Don't you have lives?
1527
01:27:46,700 --> 01:27:49,223
Oh wait, there is one last thing.
1528
01:27:50,690 --> 01:27:54,576
So Becky did finally
go on a date with Tom.
1529
01:27:54,600 --> 01:27:57,886
She even managed to make it to
the rooftop of her building.
1530
01:27:57,910 --> 01:27:59,776
I might have helped a little.
1531
01:27:59,800 --> 01:28:03,686
Becky finally twisted Tom's
arm to read his manuscript.
1532
01:28:03,710 --> 01:28:05,223
Turns out he's a nice guy.
1533
01:28:06,340 --> 01:28:09,340
It's almost like I never tried
to frame him as a psychopath.
1534
01:28:10,530 --> 01:28:12,696
Next week, Becky's gonna take the elevator
1535
01:28:12,720 --> 01:28:16,513
to the ground floor for the
first time in six years.
1536
01:28:17,574 --> 01:28:19,946
And whether she likes it
or not, I'll have her back,
1537
01:28:19,970 --> 01:28:21,583
every step of the way.
1538
01:28:23,695 --> 01:28:26,632
And I won't even charge her.
1539
01:28:26,656 --> 01:28:29,954
♪ Even if we owe the grocer ♪
1540
01:28:29,978 --> 01:28:33,317
♪ Ain't we got fun ♪
1541
01:28:33,341 --> 01:28:36,887
♪ Tax collector getting closer ♪
1542
01:28:36,911 --> 01:28:40,700
♪ Still we got fun ♪
1543
01:28:40,724 --> 01:28:43,459
♪ There's nothing surer ♪
1544
01:28:43,483 --> 01:28:47,592
♪ The rich get rich and poor get poorer ♪
1545
01:28:47,616 --> 01:28:50,961
♪ In the meantime, in between time ♪
1546
01:28:50,985 --> 01:28:54,044
♪ Ain't we got fun ♪
1547
01:28:58,349 --> 01:29:01,423
♪ Don't we have fun ♪
1548
01:29:05,648 --> 01:29:08,060
♪ Still we have fun ♪
1549
01:29:22,517 --> 01:29:26,184
♪ Even if we owe the grocer ♪
1550
01:29:26,208 --> 01:29:29,303
♪ Still we have fun ♪
1551
01:29:29,327 --> 01:29:33,236
♪ Tax collectors getting closer ♪
1552
01:29:33,260 --> 01:29:36,401
♪ Ooh, what fun ♪
1553
01:29:36,425 --> 01:29:39,401
♪ There's nothing surer ♪
1554
01:29:39,425 --> 01:29:43,381
♪ The rich get rich and
the poor get poorer ♪
1555
01:29:43,405 --> 01:29:47,313
♪ In the meantime, in between time ♪
1556
01:29:47,337 --> 01:29:52,337
♪ Don't we have fun ♪
1557
01:29:56,659 --> 01:29:58,409
♪ Ow ♪
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