All language subtitles for Sydney White (2007) 720p WEBRip X264 Solar

[NEW DAY'S DAWNING PLAYING]

For Syd.

MAN: Syd.

Yo, sign Syd's card.

It's for Syd.

Hey, Syd!

Got a little
something for you.

What's this?

Just a little something.

Oh...

You guys!

From all of us.

Is it a Stanley
22 Ounce AntiVibe
Framing Hammer?

No, it's better than that.
It's actually

something you
can use in college.

Come on.

[GASPS]

I love it.
Thanks, you guys.

Just don't spend all
your time on it, okay?

I know that you have
a scholarship to keep up with,

but you got to
promise us all that you're

gonna raise a little
hell every now and then.

[ALL CHEERING]

Don't worry, Dad,
I'll smile for my mug shot.

Hmm.

I'm gonna miss everybody.

Stu, careful
with the nail gun.

Big Ron!

Hold me, please.

All right.

Good hug.

PAUL: Back to work.

Okay, you're crushing me.
My collarbone!

SYDNEY: You know how
people joke about being
raised by wolves?

Well, I was raised by
construction workers.

What have you got?

Peanut butter.
It's so good.

[MAN WHISTLES]

Yeah!

I was only nine
when my mom died.

Which means my formative years
were left up to my dad.

Being a plumber did give him
a certain unique perspective.

Now, these up here,
are your fallipian...

That's not right,
these are... Fallopian,
these are your...

Let's just call
them your lady tubes.
All right?

Every month, you...

Lay an egg.

Like a chicken.

My dad always
did his best.

Understand?

But sometimes,
a girl just needs her mom.

PAUL: Sydney!
Time to get
a move on, sweetheart!

Wow.

You know,
if your mom was here,

she'd know
exactly what to say.

She'd be so
excited you're going

to her school,
gonna join her sorority.

I'm not in yet, Dad.

Girl, you're gonna fit
into that place like a...

Overflow tube in
a pressure tank.

Come on, Dad.
We said no mushy stuff.

Right. No mushy stuff.

[BUS ENGINE STARTING]

Come here.

I love you, Dad.

MOM: Dear Sydney,

I love you so much.

I'm so sorry I'm not there
to see you off to college.

But since I can't be,
I've put some of

my favorite
memories in this box.

Live every moment, Sydney.

Grab every opportunity.

And have fun in
everything you do.

The friends you
meet in college will be
your friends for life.

Perhaps you'll fill this box
with your own memories,

to pass on to
your daughter someday.

And know that though
I can't be there
with you now,

I'm always right by your side,
every step of the way.

[WARNING PLAYING]

Still the fairest
of them all.

[FORTRESS PLAYING]

GIRL: Well, hello there.

Hi. I didn't even
know anyone was in here.

Oh, that's okay.
People sometimes don't
see me. I'm Dinky.

Oh, no, you're not.

No, silly, that's my name.

Oh, Dinky?
That's your real name?

Of course not.
My real name's
Demetria Rosemead.

Dinky it is.
Hi, I'm Sydney White.

Sydney White?
The other Kappa legacy?

Daughter of Paul White
and Deborah Lee, Kappa
pledge class 1980?

Yeah.

[GASPS]

I'm sorry,
I feel bad I didn't order
your background check.

I'm the other
Kappa legacy!

Oh, my gosh!
This is just so exciting!

I should've known
they would've roomed us
together for rush.

Don't get too comfortable.
We're gonna move
to the Kappa house!

We're gonna be sisters!

[SQUEALS]

Yay. We're jumping now.

I've just been waiting
to become a Kappa
since I can remember.

All the women in my family
were Kappas too.

See, look.
My momma gave me
her when I was five.

She even has
a little pledge pin.

She sure does.

Does she come with
a mini Kappa dream house?

Oh... Oh, I wish.

Now, what were
you thinking about

wearing to
the first rush party?

Let me...
Let me just show you
what I was thinking.

Okay.

Now, those...
Those are my top five.

Wow.

I don't even have a top one.

You know,
I might have a skirt...

Oh, no.

...in here somewhere.

Did you have
a luggage mishap?

No.

Well, what about
in that bag?

Oh. Oh, this bag.

Oh, wait until you see this!

My comic-book collection.

Oh my...

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, you know what?

Why don't you just wear
something of mine to
the first rush party?

Oh, okay. Yeah.
That might be best.

You know,
this is gonna be fun.

Never really had a lot
of girlfriends before.

Not just girlfriends.

Sisters.

[BOTH SQUEALING]

[FANFARE PLAYING]

[FANFARE STOPS]

I'd like to
welcome Tyler Prince,

president of Beta
Omega Rho fraternity.

Hey, everyone.

I've asked Tyler to
come today to talk about
a very special project.

So, the plan is...

We have a golden opportunity
right on Greek Row.

GIRL: The Vortex?
Where all those freaks live?

That's the
golden opportunity?

No.

This is.

[ALL GASP]

The Witchburn-Prince
Greek Life Centre
will soon break ground.

Tyler's parents
and my parents have
already donated the funds.

We just need to deal
with the current tenants.

I've been assured
by the administration

that this is a priority
for the university
for this year.

[ALL APPLAUDING]

Okay, so text me.

This is silly. When are
you gonna stop all this
and come back to me?

You dumped me, remember?

It was middle school,
what did I know?

I thought I was gonna
marry a Backstreet Boy.

You still could.

I got to go
pick up the keg.

Yeah, well, I got to go too.

I wish we had
the same size feet.

Oh, it's okay.

I mean, isn't the whole
point of this whole
sisterhood thing

that they like you
for who you are?

Um... Sure.

[SHAKE YOUR HIPS PLAYING]

BOY: Nice.

Hello.

Welcome to SAU.

Hello.

Nice.

Three's company.

Whoa!

Oh, hang on.

Vortex Freak Show,
starring Puppet Boy.

Oh, this is
an official
dork alert, man.

We got...
We got Dork Skywalker.

[CHUCKLES]

Target acquired.

Incoming Moose missile!

Hey, you okay?

I... I...

[WHIMPERS]

You better keep this.
You clearly
need the practice!

[GROANS]

BOY: Dude! Come on, Dinks.

You do realize
you just showed up
the school's tight end?

I hope
he's second string.

Tyler Prince.
Beta president.

Sydney White. No title.

Sorry. This is Dinky.

But we're actually
gonna be late to

our first rush party,
so if you'll excuse us...

Oh, maybe he could
help us find our way.

We're going to Kappa.
Mmm-hmm.

All right, ladies.
Let me be your Greek guide.

Each house has a reputation.

There's the Gamma Phi's.

[GIRLS SQUEALING]

They're perky.

Very perky.
Lots of cheerleaders.

And here's Pi Beta Omega.

Those girls can out-party
any fraternity on campus.

So what was the first
house? The one with
the Junior Tiger Guide?

That would be the Vortex.

That's a weird
name for a fraternity.

It's not a fraternity.
It started off as
overflow student housing.

Now it's just kind of there.

Here's our stop.
Kappa Phi Nu.

Well, thank you
for the tour, Tyler.

Yeah, thank...

Sydney, you know what?
I'm gonna meet you inside.

Why?

[MOUTHING WORDS]

[DINKY GIGGLING]

The illegally blondes.
You? Really?

Yeah. Is it the shoes?

[LAUGHS]
No. I love the shoes.

The Kappas are
just a little intense.

Oh, well, it was
actually my mother's house.

Ah. Legacy.
Is she all over
you about rushing?

No. She died nine years ago.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's okay.

Kappas could use
a girl like you.

I should know.
They're our sister sorority.

Oh! So we'll be like
brother and sister!

Not in, you know,
the related, familial way,

but, you know, more in
the fraternal, sororal...

Sororital?
Is that a word? Sorry.

I kind of tend to
overtalk when I'm nervous.

It's a disease,
one without a cure.
So stop me any time, please.

You're nervous?

Oh, no.

No, it's not you.
Tyler, was it?

No, it's because
of the whole rush, you know?

The very term "rush"
is an amper-upper.
It amps up the old nerves.

I have to go.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Okay, ladies.
Listen up.

The doors are about to open.
Our objective is?

ALL: Target cute pledges.

Exactly.
And what do
we want to avoid?

Fat losers.

Now, now.
We all remember the code.

When I ask you to
show a girl to the
"koi pond," ditch her.

We also have two
legacies coming today,

Dinky Hodgekiss
and Sydney White.

When you meet them,
find me immediately.

Okay, girls.
Are we ready?

ALL: Here comes a Kappa,
queen of the Row.

She's hot, she's cool,
she ain't no ho.

She's got style,
she's got class,

and from behind a kicking...

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Excuse me, Amy.
Don't you remember?

You've been reassigned.
Kitchen duty.

Go on.

That's what happens
when you gain

27 pounds of breakup
weight over the summer.

ALL: Kappa! Kappa!
Kappa! Kappa!

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Hi!

Hi!

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Hey!

Everyone wants
to be a Kappa.

We've been
dating for two years.
I love him so much!

And next week,
he's gonna pin me.

Pin you to what?

Hi.Hi.

GIRL: Hi there.

Oh, hi.

I'm Katy and
this is Christy.

I'm Sydney White.

You're one of
our legacies. Rachel's
gonna be so excited!

Rachel, we'd like
you to meet someone.

Oh, hi.

Girls, why don't
you show this one
the koi pond?

I love koi ponds.

Great. Off you go.

This is Sydney White.

Three words. Leg-a-cy?

Sydney,
so pleased to meet you.

I'm so excited.
My mom had
a great experience here.

Katy, have you
offered our guest

a drink from
the refreshment table?

I'm actually not
that thirsty...

No, no. Katy.

The refreshment table?

We have a situation.
That girl is
not Kappa material.

CHRISTY: Really?
I didn't see
anything wrong with her.

Christy, you know
you're not as
perceptive as I am.

That girl wouldn't know
her Gucci from her Pucci.

Not to mention,
I saw her throwing herself

all over Tyler before
she came in the house.

It was embarrassing.
Trust me, we do not

want a Kappa
who behaves that way.

See what I mean?

CHRISTY: But we have
to give her a bid.
She's a legacy.

Her mom gets her the bid,
but she has

to survive pledging
all on her own.

GIRL: Oh, my gosh.
I saw him outside,
and he is

definitely
the hottest guy
on campus.

Who's the hottest guy
on campus?

Tyler Prince,
the Beta president.

Oh, you know,
I know that guy.
He was really nice.

He showed me
around Greek Row.

Off limits.
He's Rachel's boyfriend.

Oh...

Yeah, they're off
right now, but they'll be
on again any minute.

It's all part of
Rachel's 20 year plan.

He'll be a top litigator,
she'll be a senator.

It's so romantic.

Yeah, it does sound romantic.

Because there is
nothing more romantic

than a 20 year plan.
Am I right, ladies?

So, Sydney,
where does your dad work?

Oh, he works mostly
on construction sites.

Oh.

My uncle's made
a mint building malls.

So, your dad's
a developer, too?

Yeah. Something like that.

RACHEL: Night, girls.
Get your beauty rest.

Now that you're
Kappa pledges,
it's a requirement.

♪ Lay you down,
dear sweet pledge

♪ Lay your head on the pillow

♪ May you have lovely dreams

♪ Just as lovely as you are

ALL: Shh.

Has anyone found
the koi pond?

[AIR HORNS BLASTING]

ALL: Oh...

It's 12:01!
Welcome to hell, skanks!

Over the next week,
we'll be conducting

what I like to call
"Pledge Enlightenment."

We're not allowed
to call it "hazing,"

not after what
happened to Suzie.

We're gonna find
out which of you Prada

princesses has what
it takes to be a Kappa,

and which of you don't.

This is your
first pledge task,
the date dash.

You have until 12:15
to find a date

and meet me at
the State Street Diner.

No changing clothes,
no makeup,

no brushing your hair
or teeth!

You have 15 minutes!
Let's go!

KAPPAS: Go!

Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

GIRL: Come on!

[ALL CHATTERING]

Dinky! Dinky!
What do we do?

Oh, you just grab a guy.

Excuse me, sugar.
Can I borrow you
for a date dash?

Hurry up, girl.
Come on. Okay.

Come on!

[BOY SNEEZING]

Hello? Hello?

BOY: Oh, sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hi. I'm sorry I startled you.
Can you... Can you help me?

Okay.

Thanks. Sure.

Oh, sorry.
Sorry, thanks.

What are you doing
in a bush?

I don't know what happened.
I was walking home

and this crazed
pack of girls came
running toward me.

So I dove for cover.

Yeah, vision not impaired.
Sense of balance restored.

Feeling in fingers
and toes. No visible...

Wait! You're a guy, right?

Yeah.

What are you doing right now?

I'm waiting for
an antihistamine
to take effect.

I need you to be my date.

Your date?

Yeah. Let's go.

Oh, you might
wanna watch out.

When I get this excited,
I tend to throw up.

It's okay, just keep moving,
and tell me when to duck.

Okay.

SYDNEY: Let's go!

Oh, no. I... I...

What's good?

Wonderful.
You just made it.

SYDNEY: How's the BLT?

Mmm.

Oh, my God.
Look at her
with that pie.

It's a so-rority,
not a ho-rority.

So, tell me
about the Vortex.

What's it like?

I guess you'd call it
a haven, for people

who don't have
anywhere else to go.

Some of us didn't get along
with our roommates,

some of us made
others feel uncomfortable.

Some of us wet the bed.

Some of us wet the hallway.

All of us are outsiders.

Yeah, I know
what that's like.

Are you serious?
You're a Kappa pledge.

By definition,
very much an insider.

Would all the Kappa
pledges join me over
here for a moment?

Guess I'll be right back. Yes.

Okay, girls.
It's time for your
next pledge task.

The date dash ditch.

This year's
unsuitable date
belongs to...

Sydney.

Sorry, you're gonna
have to ditch him.

[SNEEZES]

But my guy's really nice.
And I dragged him
all the way down here.

And he has
a sinus infection

and his athlete's foot
is flaring up.

And he has glaucoma,
he thinks.

I cannot just ditch him.

I don't make
the rules, Sydney.

If being a Kappa
is important to you,

then this is
the price you pay.

Hey, date.

Hey.

I ordered you
another cup of coffee.

I need you
to meet me in
the girl's bathroom.

Another pledge ritual. Oh.

Oh...

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

I'll meet you there.

[DOOR OPENS]

Sydney?

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Pervert!

Looks like you get
stuck with the check.

CARLTON: We live in
a country that's considered

to be the ultimate
model of government.

By the people,
for the people,
and of the people.

But most Americans
would be surprised to

find how afraid
the Founding Fathers were

of what a direct democracy
could do to the country.

Can anyone tell me why?

[SNORING]

The young man
snoring there, perhaps?

[DOG PUPPET CLEARING THROAT]

The Founding Fathers
were afraid that
direct democracy

would do to America
what it did to Rome.

Alexander Hamilton
even advocated a monarchy.

[SNORES]

Exactly.

We are trained to
think the more power
the people have, the better.

Can any of you
tell me some reasons

why this isn't
necessarily true?

Terrence. Still here
after eight years.

What do you say we give
someone else a chance
to respond this time?

Ms. Witchburn?

Most Americans
don't educate themselves
about the issues.

There are some
valid arguments for

keeping things
a little bit more elite.

You could even argue
a case for certain
types of oligarchy.

Interesting.

Let's hear from
someone else.
How about you?

Ms...?

White.

Ms. White.

Any thoughts?

Um...

I guess I think that's...

Underestimating
the masses a bit.

Not to mention
overestimating the elites.

Apartheid was an oligarchy,
and no one wants that again.

Excellent.

Alicia, what year was
Kappa Phi Nu founded?

1902. Very good.

Mmm.

Want some breakfast?

Yeah.

Help yourself.

Breakfast is good.

It's called moisturizer.
Try some.

Next.

Ugh!

Your pores are enormous.

They have this
new thing called
whitening toothpaste. Next.

Dinky. Kappa founder
Kitty Cooper's hometown?

Little Rock.

Lose the big hair.
This isn't Dallas.

Bye.

Eyebrows, meet tweezers.
Tweezers, meet
your worst nightmare.

I know. RACHEL: Next.

Next. Next.

Okay,
future sisters.

Get your lazy asses up.
You're gonna
clean the bathrooms.

[ALL GROANING]

At the Beta
fraternity house.

[GROANING LOUDER]

Sydney,
the Kappa Phi Nu colors?

Green and white.

Wrong. Emerald and pearl.

Sorry. I'm still
learning how to speak priss.

[ALL GASP]

[SCREAMING]

You know what?
Don't change a thing.

You just keep walking around
looking just like that.

You again.Oh.

Morning.Hi.

Sorry you had to do that.
Looks like

some of the girls are
a little traumatized.

Yeah. It's okay.
I spend a lot of
time in bathrooms.

No, no.
I don't mean like that,
I just mean that...

I don't go to
the bathroom a lot, I...

You know, sometimes I do.
Kind of depends
on what I eat.

Just to be clear,
I spend a normal

amount of time
in the bathroom.

Sydney. It's time to
get back to the house.

Okay.

Don't ask.
We had to take her.

I think she's cool.
And cute.

SPANKY: Just admit
they're cooler.

You don't know
what the hell
you're talking about.

There is no way
that a pirate is
cooler than a ninja.

Ninjas live like monks.
Pirates get booty.
End of discussion.

Hi. I need to return these
and I have

a couple of poli sci books
on reserve.

I'm impressed.
I don't get a lot of
pledges in here studying.

Well, they probably
don't have scholarships
to maintain.

GURKIN: You and
your drunken,
whoring pirates

represent the lowest
common denominator
in society!

All right.

I think we can all
agree that a pirate-ninja

would be
the coolest thing ever.

SYDNEY: Hi.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

I wanted to apologize
for what I did to you
in the bathroom.

What did she do to
you in the bathroom?
What did she do?

It was a stupid pledge prank
and I'm really, really sorry.

Hey, it wasn't exactly
surprising behavior
for a Kappa.

Come on, let's go.
Excuse me.

If it makes you
feel any better,
they threw bologna at us

while we sang
Celine Dion songs!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Girls,
it's been a long journey,
but you're almost done.

Tomorrow night is
our Presents Dance

where you will be introduced
as official Kappa sisters.

It's tradition for
the current sisters

to pass down their Presents
gowns to the new pledges.

After all,
we're all size two.

Except you, Amy.

As president,
I will draw the first name.

This lucky girl is getting
one of Milan's finest.

Sydney White.

[ALL CHEERING]

Come, Sydney.

Hey, Christy,
why don't you
check your standing?

I'm sure you've
cracked the top 20
by now.

What's that?

Just the school's
"Hot or Not"
ranking on MySpace.

It's just some dumb list.

That does sound dumb.

Really dumb. I bet lame
people just log on all day
and vote for themselves.

No, we don't.
We're only allowed
to vote once a day.

Right, Rachel?

Hey, Rach,
you're still number one.

Am I? How cute.

It's been that
way for forever.
You know how people are.

They just stick
with the status quo.

That's why new people
never make it on.

Oh, my God.
Sydney's on it,
number 213.

I am?

Let me see that.

But I thought you said
new people never make it
on the list.

Well, like you said,
it's just some dumb list.

But aren't we just so lucky
to have you as a pledge?

And I think
you're gonna look
just gorgeous in...

Perfect. Totally you.
Practically
screams number 213.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hey, Tyler.

Oh, you're so bad!

I have to take this.

RACHEL: Jenny Robinson.

Dinky Hodgekiss.

Alicia Fairchild.

Bunchie Hathaway.

And finally, Sydney White.

I present to you this fall's
Kappa Phi Nu pledge class.

You look incredible.

Thank you.

Dance?

[WHEN I SEE YOU SMILE PLAYING]

Who are you, Sydney White?

You throw a football
like Matt Leinart,

fearlessly conquer
fraternity bathrooms,

and clean up nice to boot.

Well, I'm more of
a Peyton Manning.
Leinart's a lefty.

Marry me.

So, they go all out
for these shindigs, huh?

It's a weird word,
"shindig."

You eat?
Because there are some
hors d'oeuvres over there.

You know, I tried to
eat a plastic flower once.
Kind of hurt.

I'm rambling again,
aren't I?

I'm starting to think
I make you nervous.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

No.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

You are now a Kappa sister.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Kappa sister...
Sister... Sister...

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm afraid we have
a bit of a situation.

Every so often,
it is the
unfortunate duty

of president to act
as judge and jury.

Sydney White has
exhibited inappropriate
Kappa behavior.

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

Is this a pledge prank?

It certainly is not.

You are guilty of
the following infractions.

You brought
an unsuitable date
to the date dash,

cheated during
a pledge quiz,

revealed
a secret pledge ritual
to the entire library,

and, finally,
lied about your background.

We all know your dad
is actually a plumber.

As Kappa president,
according to

statute 25A of
the sorority charter,

I hereby dismiss Sydney White
from the Kappa pledge class.

I don't know what
your mother got away with
when she was here,

but you will never
be a Kappa.

You know what?
Thank you.

Because if this is
what sisterhood's

all about,
then I don't want
any part of it.

I want that dress back.

Take it!

[ALL GASP]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

I will see your
Cobra Commander,

and I will raise
you a mint, unopened,

power of the Force,
Return of the Jedi,
Luke Skywalker in...

Battle poncho.

Wow.

We fold.

Which is better? Three A's
or two of the cards with
the ladies on them?

You dope.What?

If you have both,
it's a full house.

How is it you
always win at cards,

but you can't make it
from Junior Tiger Guide
to Tiger Guide?

It's one badge, okay?
It's one badge.

Knots are hard.

Does anyone know
another word for
"douchebaggery"?

I don't want to
repeat it a third time.

Gurkin, no one reads
your whiny blog anyway.

Peoplespunisher.com
is not about

being read.
It's about being written.

[ELECTRIC CRACKLING]

Good morning, Embele.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Where do you think he goes?

[RAIN FALLING]

Outside, a lady waits.
She wears jean pants
and looks very sad.

There's a girl outside? Yes!

Am I looking good? Yes.

[GASPS]

It's the bathroom babe!

I'm going to go
work the Spanky magic.

[SOBBING]

Ahem!

Sorry. You probably
don't want me
sitting out here.

And I understand,
especially you.

And you were right about
the whole Kappa thing.

I'll go.

Did they really make
you sing Celine Dion?

Yeah.

Do you need a place to stay?

LENNY: Guys, this is Sydney.

She needs a place to stay.

She gave up her dorm room
to pledge Kappa.

Sydney,
these are the guys.

Gurkin.

Terrence.

George.

Jeremy.

Don't forget me.

Oh, of course.
Skoozer.

[WHISPERS] Jeremy's shy.
He had several
therapists as a kid.

One of them
recommended a puppet.
He never stopped using it.

You'll get used to Skoozer.

Yeah, it's okay.

As long as he doesn't try to
hump my bunny slippers.

No promises.

[SKOOZER BARKS]

[SMALL EXPLOSION]

That's Embelackpo
Akimbatunde. We just
call him Embele.

He's from Nigeria
and hasn't adjusted
to the time change.

His days and nights
are actually reversed.

Jet lag, huh?
When did he get here?

Three years ago.

Thank you.

Of course! I have to
invert the ratio.

Come on, Bilbo.

And what exactly
is he doing?

We have no idea.

Okay.

Welcome to the Vortex.

[SMALL EXPLOSION]

[POWER SURGE]

LENNY: Sydney?

Oh, hi. Come in.

Hi.

I'm sorry. I know it
can be a little spooky

up here at night,
so I brought you this.

That night light
has gotten me through
some pretty tough times.

Thanks,
that's really sweet.

Hey, is that Dark
Fury number four?

Yeah. The one with the...

BOTH: First appearance
of The Emerald Mask.

You know,
you may be more Vortex
than Kappa after all.

So, are you all set?
Do you need anything?

A hypoallergenic pillow?
Humidifier?
Dehumidifier? Ioniser?

Nope. I think
I'm all good on
the medical-supply front.

Are you sure?
There's a lot of dust.

I've actually got
loads of allergy medicine.

You? Allergies?
I never would've guessed.

Yeah, I know, just the usual,
dairy, wheat, peanuts.

Bee stings, cats.Wow, that's a lot of...

Shellfish, pollen, wood.

A few others.
But it's getting late.
You're probably tired.

Well, yeah.
Public humiliation
can be pretty tiring.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, I don't know if you
need any sort of special...

Lady products.

No, no. I'm good.
Thanks, though.

Thanks for
everything, Lenny.

Hey.

I don't know if you need me
to do anything...

Spanky, go.

[GROANS]

Sorry about that.
Let me know
if he bothers you.

Spanky's kind of...
Well, he really likes girls
but he doesn't know many.

But he keeps himself happy.

You may find this
hard to believe,

but most of the guys here
don't have a lot of
experience with girls.

[ALSO SPRACH
ZARATHUSTRA PLAYING]

Dudes. That thing
has touched boobs.

Of course.

The sturdy,
breathable fabric is

designed to maintain
mammary elasticity.

Shut up, Terrence!
You're ruining
the moment for me.

[PHONE RINGING]

PAUL: Hello.

Hey, Dad.
Did I wake you?

What? Are you kidding?
How was the big dance?

That's actually
why I was calling.

Well, come on.
I've been waiting up to hear.
Tell me all about it.

It was great.
Yeah, it's all
very exciting.

Sydney, I'm sure
that your mom is right

there taking it
all in with you.

I know.

That's what I keep thinking.

Good night, sweetie.

Night, Dad.

Oh!

This place is
a deathtrap.

How about some repairs?

Sydney, don't start.

You know why
we can't get
any damn repairs?

I'll tell you why.
Campus-wide systematic
Greek oppression.

Read peoplespunisher.com
if you want to

know more.
I did a whole series on it.

I don't know what
this house needing repairs

has to do with
the Greek system anyway.

It isn't even Greek.

Precisely!
That's the problem.

Rachel Witchburn
and the Greeks run
the Student Council.

The Student Council dictates
all budget appropriations.

Over the past 14 semesters,
87.3 percent of all
campus-event funding

has been devoted
to the Greek system.

Are you kidding me?

I don't kid.

[GURGLING]

Won't be long now.

Why is everyone on
this campus willing

to let Rachel Witchburn
run their lives?

'Cause she's kind of scary.

Hey, Rachel!

Check it out.
The diet's working.
I lost 5 pounds.

I think your ass found it.

TYLER: Hey!

Hey! Sydney.

Sydney.

Hi.

Listen, about last night...

Last night?
Wait, let me think.

Yeah! When your
girlfriend humiliated me.

Good times.

Trust me,
Rachel's not my girlfriend.

And not everyone in
Greek Row is like her.

Give me a chance to
prove that to you.

GIRL: Sign up to run
for Student Council.

You know,
I'm actually kind of busy

juggling seven guys
at the moment.

So...Whoa.

I got to go.

Hey, can I have
a sign-up sheet?

Yeah.

You need a pen? Actually, can I have seven?

Oh!

Don't worry, ladies.

We won't have to
deal with the public
once the Vortex is torn down

and my Greek Centre's built.

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Is it 4:00 already?

Loser, loser.

Kappa, Kappa.

Kappa, lose...

What?

This isn't happening.

Wow. I guess her
little striptease act
got some attention.

[HYPERVENTILATES]

CHRISTY: Rachel? Rachel.

Use your soothing words.

Prada, Gucci, Chanel...

Sydney, Sydney, Sydney!

Whoa!

LENNY: Hey.

Hey, guys.

Here, I'll get that
for you. Here you go.

I've found a way for you
to get the Vortex repaired.

We're signing you up to
run for Student Council,
all seven of you.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Very funny, Sydney.
Next you'll tell us
Admiral Adama's a Cylon.

I have no idea
what you just said.
But I'm serious.

You'll all run on
a ticket and you will

take over
the entire Student Council.

No non-Greek has
won a Student Council
office since 1992.

And look where
that's gotten us.

Ow.

Yes, George. Ow.

We've taken
enough of their abuse.

I'll be your campaign manager
and I'll be with you
every step of the way.

I am in.

Good. Who else is with me?
Come on, guys.

Do you really want to spend
the rest of your college years

locked up in this crap hole,
disenfranchised and powerless?

Okay.

No! George, no.

You don't want
to be powerless.

No.

Please don't give up.

[SIGHS]

Did the Avengers give up
when the Black Knight

sprayed New York
with that foam

that left everybody
stuck to the ground?

No. No.

With the help of
a criminal glue specialist,

they freed everyone.

I'm your criminal
glue specialist!

Yeah!

ALL: Yeah. Yeah.

Now, who's running
for president?BOYS: Not it.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Oh. I never win
at that game.

Terrence it is.

Let's get started!

[REVOLUTION PLAYING]

So?

Ooh!

Nice.

Loop in,
and then you've got a bow.

I did it!

You did it, yes!

Hey, Terrence.

Bye, Terrence.

This is the gym.

A lot of people
hang out here.

We can work off
some of those doughnuts

and maybe even
talk to a few people.

[STAMMERING]
I don't know.

Come on, guys. It's
a Saturday afternoon. What
else would you be doing?

What we always do.
Play fantasy

video games and
then reenact them.

[ALL SHOUTING]

Are you not entertained?

Hmm.

Tempting. But I think we're
going to stick with this.

[GRUNTING]

I can't do it. My arms ache.
I think I may have
muscular dystrophy.

[CHUCKLING]
Muscular dystrophy
is a birth defect.

Lenny, they're 2 pounds.

Each.

You got it?

[SKOOZER MUTTERING]

What?

I said yeah, I got...

Ow!

BOTH: Ow!

Damn, Embele,
you're going to town.

Where'd you get
all that energy?

I just awaken an hour ago.

[LAUGHING]

It's okay.
You're going to be fine.It fell on my foot.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

MAN ON TV:
Rachel Witchburn has led

the Student Council
to great heights

over the past two years.

In addition to
repaving Greek Row,

Rachel beautified
Greek Row's grounds

and expanded
parking privileges
for Greek Row.

Re-elect Rachel Witchburn.
Vision. Leadership. Progress.

I'm Rachel Witchburn,
and I approve this message.

Can you believe that?
Who would fall for that?

[CLAPPING]

George, no.

No.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

Prada, Gucci, Chanel, Armani.

[SCREAMING]

[PUMP THE FIST PLAYING]

SYDNEY: Freedom!

SPANKY: Freedom
to the 7th Power!

Freedom to
the 7th Power, people.

Come one, come all.

Get down with
Freedom to the 7th Power.

Come on, don't
you wanna learn about

Freedom to
the 7th Power, people?

Oh, yeah, check us out.
This is the spot.

Freedom!

[MUSIC STOPS]

I don't think
we're making much
of an impression.

Yeah.
I was worried about that.

Aha.

Free drinks!
Free drinks over here!

Freedom to the 7th Power!
Free drinks!

[ALL CLAMORING]

Serve and socialize.

Who wants a burger?

Hi.Hi.

I just wanted to apologize
for what happened.

I really am sorry.

It's okay.

So, how's life as a Kappa?

Oh, you know, it's good.

Hey, is one of these...

Yes, Lenny.
The greenish-looking one is
your gluten-free soy patty.

Excellent.

Do you have any
extra of those?

Are you allergic
to gluten too?

All my life.

And it is so hard
to find a decent
gluten-free soy patty.

[LENNY CHUCKLING]

Well, today's your
lucky day, because
these are sensational.

Lenny,
this is my friend Dinky.

Oh, it's so nice
to meet you.

Dinky. Right?
Nice to meet you, Dinky.

Um, Dinky?

We're over there.

Hi, Sydney. It's nice to
see you found some
people you fit in with.

Mmm. It is nice,
isn't it?

If only there
were a place where

a superficial, materialistic
bitch could fit in.

Oh, wait, there is.

[CHUCKLING]

Whatever.
It's so cute, making

your little friends run
for student council.

Mmm. It is cute,
and it'll be even
cuter when we win.

Just so you know,
non-Greeks never win.

Yeah, just like you
said new people never

make it on your "Hot
or Not" list, right?

Let me give you
one tip, Sydney.

I'm the last person
you want to mess with.

No. You're the first.

Come on, let's go.

It was nice
seeing you, Sydney.
You too, Lenny.

[STAMMERING]

You realize she was
flirting with you?

Yeah. No!

BOY: Who's going
to win today?

ALL: Sharks going
to win today!

Who, who, who?

ALL: Sharks, sharks, sharks!

[ALL CHEERING]

Who's gonna win today?

Well, when the temperature
drops below 60,
and there's a headwind,

the forces exerted
on the ball create

an unfavorable
magnitude and direction.

The resulting
spatial vector leads to

an increase in
the Sharks' fumble ratio.

I anticipate
a double-digit loss.

MAN: The dude's a freak.

I don't know about you, man,
but I got to change my bet.

Wait a minute.
I think we graduated
with that dude.

SYDNEY: The election's
coming up and we could
really use your vote.

[ALL GASPING]

STUDENT: Hey, dudes,
throw the Frisbee back.

Go on.
Someone pick it up
and throw it on back.

STUDENT: Right here!

Ow!

Heads up!

[MAN HUMMING A CAPELLA]

[WHISPERING] Dude,
I think you have
the wrong desk.

[BOTH HUMMING A CAPELLA]

Yeah. You definitely
have the wrong desk.

♪ When I see you smile

♪ I can face the world

♪ You know, I can do anything

♪ When I see you smile

♪ I see a ray of light

♪ I see it shining
right through the rain

♪ When I see you smile

♪ Baby,
when I see you smile at me ♪

[WHISPERING] Tyler,
have you lost your mind?

No, but I will keep singing
unless you agree
to go out with me.

Just one date.

No.

♪ When I see you smile

[WHISPERING] Okay.I...

Pick me up at 7:00.
And it's not a date.

Done. But dinner's
served at 5:00.

Nice work, Beta freshmen.
Dismissed.

[SIGHS]

So, what do you guys think?
This is what I wore to
my college interview,

so I thought it
would be, you know,
a nice first date outfit.

No, it's terrible.
You look like
Barbara Walters.

And you said
this wasn't a date.

It is not a date.

We're just friends and,
you know, I don't
like him like that.

Only a little.
You know, occasionally.
When his shirt's off.

I have no idea.

Uh-huh. That's how
it always starts.

You never plan these things.
First you're friends.

Then you're all,
"Hi! Are you here
to fix the copier?"

The next thing you know...

[GROWLS] You are no help.

Why are you so nervous
anyway? You must

have been on
plenty of dates before.

I don't know if you guys
have figured this out,

but I'm not exactly
the prom-queen type.

Yeah,
but you're pretty, Sydney.

SYDNEY: Thanks, George.

But I've had about
as much dating experience
as you guys.

Whoa! Speak
for yourself.

[ALL GASPING]

LENNY: I'm starting
to see what you mean.

You need something sexy.

But warm.

Purple's pretty.

TERRENCE:
My mom used to wear mauve.

GURKIN: What about fuchsia?

SPANKY: No, no. LENNY: That looks like
it itches.

GURKIN: Let me see. GEORGE: Don't push.

Three quarters of
first dates end
in disappointment

for one or both parties,
studies show.

I hope you
beat the odds.

Me, too.

[SNEEZES]

If you try any
funny stuff I will

unleash the power of
the Internet on you.

I will register you
as a sex offender in all
50 states and Canada.

Wow.

Yeah! And
I'll kick your ass.

SYDNEY: Hi.

You look...

[SMALL EXPLOSION]

Thanks.

What was that all about?

That's nothing.
You should see the plumbing.

[LOUD EXPLOSION
AND POWER SURGE]

What was that? That's just Terrence.

You get used to it.
Let's go.

Bye, guys.

Bye, Sydney.

All 50 states, pal.

[EMBELE SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[BEAUTIFUL SOUL PLAYING]

So, your idea of
a date is to convert me?

Now it's a date, huh?

Hey, guys.

You serve meals
to the homeless?
I had no idea.

He had no choice.

Not unless he has
some other plan to get

that infraction off of
his permanent record.

Me and the Betas,
we got in some trouble.

Let's just say
a few campus ordinances
were violated.

A few?

And you're working
your hours off here?

Nice to see you
recruiting my best
students, Tyler.

Sydney, happy to
have you here.

Happy to be here.

So, do my hours
tonight count towards

working off
Tyler's dirty deeds?

Actually, he fulfilled
his requirement last year.

We just can't seem
to get rid of him.

TYLER: Watch your step.
We're almost there.

Wow.

This is beautiful.

If you look over there,
you can almost see Greek Row.

Which is probably
the last thing
you want to see.

Yeah.

It's just...
Growing up
without my mom,

I was hoping that
becoming a Kappa

would help me
connect with her.

Sydney, you don't need Kappa.

I know.
I feel close to her
just being at the school.

You know, I found her name
carved into my study carrel.

No way.

Hey, is this where
you bring all your
first non-dates?

Luring the babes
with this whole
do-gooder thing?

Yeah. Yeah.
Sorority girls
can't get enough of it.

"Tyler, this place doesn't
even have a maitre d'."

"Tyler, these plates
are plastic. Touching them
hurts my hands."

[LAUGHS]

Let's just say you're
the first girl I've met

I thought would
appreciate this place.

Well, I do,
even if there was no
bathroom attendant.

I had to turn
the faucet myself.

[TYLER LAUGHS]

TYLER: Here we are.

All right. Well...

Thank you.

I had a great time.

[CHUCKLES]

You're trying not to
overtalk right now,
aren't you?

[EXCLAIMS]

Whoa!

SPANKY: I'm okay.
My spleen broke my fall.

[SNEEZES]

Hi, guys.

Hey. Hi, Sydney.

What a surprise.

We were just watching the...

MAN ON TV: Touchdown!

The game?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, who's playing?

Um... The...

Saint Louis Gorillas.

You guys were spying on me,
and just for that,

I'm not going to
tell you about my date.

Oh, come on, Sydney.

Nope.

Good night, boys.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, man.

I should probably
see a doctor.

[GROANS]

Hey, sexy.

Rachel, what the hell
are you doing here?

Besides reading
your boring emails,
nothing.

Tell me what you
were doing out with her?

You know what, Rachel?
I like Sydney. Deal with it.

I don't care if
you like her or not.

All I care about is
our Greek Life Centre,

and Sydney and
her band of goobers

are screwing with our plans.

It's not like they have
a shot at winning the
election, and you know it.

Maybe we should
just leave them alone.

That dump is obviously
really important to them.

I don't know why anyone
would want to live there.

That fire trap
should be condemned.

Look, we can find
another location. Now,
get out of here already.

One date, and you're ready
to blow the whole deal?

It was a hell of a date.

Normally at this time of year,
I'd be reporting
that Rachel Witchburn...

Guys. Guys. Look.

...once again has
a lock on the student
council presidency.

But now, there is
a new player on the scene.

Terrence Lubinecki's
Freedom to
the 7th Power party.

Do they have a shot?

Can they even make a dent? SYDNEY: You look
so cute, Terrence.

Stay tuned.

[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

Good looking guy.

Check it out.
Maybe I'll actually
vote this year.

Yeah, he's cool.

Hey, Rach,
which of these
should I wear?

I don't care. But I have a date.

I don't care.

Come to my room and
help me get dressed.

What is wrong with you?

Rachel,
you can't come in here.

I just farted.

Ew. Katy,
you're disgusting.

[ALL SHOUTING]

[ALL SCREAM]

Get off me,
you freaks.

What? No.

[SCREAMING] No!

Rachel, do you want
to try your soothing words?

[SIGHS]

I don't need
my soothing words.

It's all become
very clear to me.

Sydney White must
die a social death.

And take her
seven dorks with her.

[COMPUTER GAME BEEPING]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Great. Here comes
Prince Charming.

Guys, please,
just give him a chance.

[GUN COCKING]

That means you, Gurkin.
Put the paintball gun away.

[DOOR OPENING]

Hi. Come on in. Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

You ready?

Actually,
I have a better idea.

We all hang here
at the Vortex and
order pizza.

What?

[WHIMPERING]

Sounds good to me.

[ALL GROANING]

Hey, is that
Medal of Honor?

GURKIN: No,
it's not Medal of Honor.

Medal of Honor
is for wussies.

It's Gurkin of Honor.
I made it.

Pays tribute to
Medal of Honor,

God of War, Halo,
and Viva Pinata.

I'm pretty good
at all those games,
mind if I give it a shot?

Okay.

[SHUSHING]

[MONSTER ROARING]

[GUNS FIRING]

[ALL CHEERING]

Eat lead, sucker.

Gurkin, damn.
He just kicked your ass. Yes.

Nice.I have to say
I am impressed.

Well.

None of these
other freaks have come

close to winning
Gurkin of Honor.

We Betas play
video games too.

You do?

Yeah, what do
you think we do?

Just have sex with
girls all the time.

Hate to break it
to you, Spanky,

but we're really
just regular guys.

Aw, he's like a kid
who just found out
there's no Santa Claus.

What?

I mean, hypothetically,
you know, if there
weren't a Santa Claus

which of course, there is.

You guys should
come hang out sometime.
Bring Gurkin of Honor.

You know, actually,
we're having a party

tomorrow night,
you guys want to come?

[BREAKIN' DISHES PLAYING]

You made it.

The bar is over there,
and the DJ's taking requests.

Do you think he has
the Dr Who theme song?

I'm thinking not.

That's okay.
I brought my own.

As for you,
dance floor is this way.

ALL: [CHANTING] 25, 26,

27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32.

[ALL CHEERING]

Who's next? Anybody think
they can beat that?

Yes. I do.

[SCOFFS]

[LAUGHING] He thinks...

STUDENT: The dork
thinks he can beat it.
All right, good luck, buddy.

Whatever you say, man.
Come on.

Ah.

No, no. No, no.

[CROWD GASPING]

Start counting.

1, 2...

ALL: 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8...

I hope the guys
are okay.

I haven't heard
any girlish screams,
so I'm thinking we're good.

Sure looks like it.

149, 150, 151, 152,

153, 154, 155.

[ALL CHEERING]

That was badass!

That was awesome.

Lenny.

[STAMMERING] Ah...

Hey.

Oh, wow,
I love your new hairstyle.

[LENNY STAMMERING]

Yeah.

Dinky, Rachel
needs you right away.

Oh, but I just...

It's an emergency.

Oh, you know what,
okay. Bye.

Bye.

How come you boys
haven't come out
to party before?

You guys are so cool.

Really?

Oh, yeah.
We've been watching you.

Where have you
studs been hiding?

The building at
the end of the road.

It's called the Vortex
'cause it sucks in losers.

That's sexy.

Well, boys,
there's seven of us
and seven of you.

What's that sound
like to you?

14?

Sounds like a party to me.

You know,
there's a hot tub out back.

Through that door
there's a study that
leads right to it.

You can leave
your clothes there.

But we don't have
any swimming trunks.

Neither do we.

We'll meet you back there.

[OH, BOY PLAYING]

Oh, boy.

SPANKY: Girls? Where are you?

Where's the hot tub?

Marco!

GIRL: They're naked!

[ALL GASPING]

Oh, no.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

It must be cold out there.

Oh, no.

RACHEL: Thanks for
putting on a show, guys.

This is low,
even for you, Rachel.

Aw, Sydney, so nice of you
to care about them.

And since you're
the mastermind behind

their adorable little
Student Council campaign,

let me be the first
to break the news.

Terrence has been
disqualified from
running for president.

What are you talking about?

Terrence Lubinecki is
not a student
at Southern Atlantic.

He graduated
six years ago.

I had to stay.
There was just so
much more learning to do.

[WHISPERING] Terrence,
maybe you should
put on some clothes.

MAN: Yeah. Okay.

Rachel, why don't you get
the hell out of here?

Ooh, I love it
when you get rough.

And, Ty,
thanks for playing
your part

so well.
That's the other good news.

The Witchburn-Prince
Greek Life Centre
is now a reality.

Witchburn-Prince?
What the hell?

Oh, you didn't tell her?

I thought you
guys were so close.

It's a little
joint project of ours

and the only thing
standing in our way
was the Vortex.

So, like you suggested,
Tyler, I went ahead
and had it condemned.

Now you can eat
with the homeless
every night.

You had something
to do with this?

No. I mean,
I said the place was
a dump, but I didn't...

Witchburn-Prince, huh?
So you wanted to
tear down the Vortex.

Yeah, I did, but...

I don't want to hear it.

Sydney! No.

Don't grovel, Tyler.
You're above it.

Things are
looking grim,
brothers.

I am so sorry
about this, you guys.

You should've
just left us alone.

We were fine until
you came along and
made us your guinea pigs.

You guys.

It's so important for us
to stand up to the Greeks

and show them
that they can't
trample all over us.

Well,
it's also important for us
to have a place to live.

ON PHONE: Hello?Dad?

[LAUGHING] Gotcha.

You've reached Royal Plumbing
at the White House.
No, not that one.

This is Paul and Sydney's.
Leave a message.

[MACHINE BEEPS]

Hi, Dad. I was just
calling to say I miss you.

And that's it.

Um...

Everything's great here.
Really great.

I love you.

[GRUNTS]

PAUL: It was that
message last night.

I could tell something
wasn't right. I could
hear it in your voice.

So I got in the van
and I drove all
through the night.

I was a little
surprised to find you

weren't at
the Kappa house, though.

I wanted to tell you
so many times, but...

I kept thinking about Mom
and I felt like
I'd failed her.

And you always
sounded so proud of me
on the phone.

Sweetheart,
following in your mother's

footsteps is not
about reliving her life.

It's about being
the same kind of
person she was.

Hey.

Your mom was much more
than just a Kappa.

She was a woman
who always fought for

what she believed in,
and so are you.

Nothing could make
me prouder than that.

Not even when
I installed that water

filtration system
in under an hour?

That was pretty great.

[PAUL CHUCKLING]

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

[GROANS]

It says, "Do not disturb."

[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

Up and at 'em, guys.

It's time to make some plans.

I know you're
still pissed at me,
but come on.

Are you really
gonna wallow here
in this fleabag motel,

because some prissy
girly-girl who probably
doesn't know who Gandalf is,

screwed us over?

You're right.
I bet she doesn't
know who Gandalf is.

We're still mad
at you, though.

That's okay.
I want you to be mad.

I want you to get fired up
so we can win this election,

because the Freedom
to the 7th Power party
will prevail.

Yeah!

With our new
candidate for president.

Me. I'm gonna
run against Rachel.

And we're gonna
take her down.

[STAND UP PLAYING]

Hi, I'm Sydney White
and I'm running for
Student Council president.

Hi, I'm Sydney White
and I'm running for
Student Council president

on the Freedom to
the 7th Power ticket.

Your papers count
for three quarters
of your final grade,

and no late papers
will be accepted.

As you're writing
these papers,

I want you to think about
the mechanics of
modern campaigning.

You may be wondering
why you should even care.
Why bother voting?

The Greeks win every year
and it's just

one more way
they run the school.

CARLTON: There's a whole
lot of talk today about

the need to
cater to your base,

but then there's
something to be said

for thinking
outside of that box.

SYDNEY: Freedom
to the 7th Power!

[ALL CHEERING]

Freedom to
the 7th Power!

Good job.

[MUTTERING]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

The fact is that
80% of the student

body at Southern
Atlantic is not Greek.

80%.

CARLTON: Take the Kennedy
campaign in 1960.

He was inherently
an outsider.

A Catholic had never been
elected as president.

Who reached out
to other outsiders.

[ALL RECITING
PRAYER IN HEBREW]

L'chaim.

ALL: L'chaim.

SYDNEY: To those students
I say, it's time for
you to be heard.

CARLTON: Minorities,
women, the poor.

The disenfranchised
won that election
for John Kennedy.

"Naked Pain."
An epic poem
in 12 parts.

It's time for you to
be heard, and we
are here to listen.

[ALL CHEERING]

[CHANTING AND SINGING]

It's a lesson
worth remembering.

[EXCLAIMING]

[CHEERING]

RACHEL: Here you go.

Don't vote for
Sydney White. Let's keep
it Greek, all right?

Does this look like
your next president?

Vote Rachel Witchburn.

Hi, ho.

Bye, ho.

Don't vote for Sydney White.
Vote Rachel Witchburn.
Rachel Witchburn.

[GRUNTING]

No way. You read
peoplespunisher too?

I write it.

Oh, my God.
It's the most
genius thing ever.

Did you know
that the Brew House

has an entire
spoken-word night
devoted to that blog?

Really?Yeah.

And I know this is
really embarrassing,

but I swore that
if I ever met
the peoplespunisher guy,

well, I'd hook up with him.

[HAMMER FALLS]

Damn it!

[AWKWARD CHUCKLING]

Need some help?

Oh. Hi.

Listen, I'm really...

Is that a Stanley
22 Ounce AntiVibe
Framing Hammer?

Yes, it is.

Can I touch it?

You can have it.

I saw you guys
with the signs.
I thought I could help.

And I just want to
tell you I'm really sorry

about what happened
the other night.

I had nothing to do
with what Rachel pulled.

Yeah, I was involved
in the Greek Centre,

but Rachel twisted
everything around.

Yeah. I know
what that's like.

You're gonna do great
at the debate tomorrow.

[HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

I thought we might
do a little business.

I thought you
finished Carlton's paper
last week.

I did, but I wanted to
add some of the ideas
from our campaign.

You really are a dork.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Hmm.

[BEEPS]

What just happened?I don't...

Make it come back.

COMPUTER:
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE] Uh-oh.

She just opened it.

Voila. One poisoned Apple.

Uh...

COMPUTER: Self-destruct.

LENNY: Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

All right, pay up.

[SIGHS]

Yes!

She's gone catatonic.

It's no use.
Even I can't fix this.

My paper,
due tomorrow.

The debate, tomorrow.

The guy definitely
knew what he was doing.

What about... Ow!

I can't let her
win like this.

But the debate
starts in 12 hours.

I'm just gonna have
to pull an all-nighter.

MAN ON PA: The debate's
about to begin.

Candidates, please
report to the stage.

We couldn't find
her anywhere.

Where could she be?
She should be done
with her paper by now.

MAN ON PA:
We need all candidates
on stage now.

Sydney. Sydney,
you got to wake up.

[MOANING]

I know you're tired,
but you can't give up now.

You mean a lot to
those guys out there.

You mean a lot to me.

Okay. I'm awake now.

Come on.

All right. Well,
I'm afraid we can't wait
any longer for Ms White.

[DOOR OPENING]

I'm here!
I'm here!

[CROWD GASPS]

Ms Witchburn,
if you win another
term as president,

what will you do differently?

Why fix what isn't broken?

[ALL CHEERING]

This has been a great
year for the university

and I am particularly proud
to be breaking ground

on the Greek Life Centre
very soon.

[CHEERING]

Ms White,
your rebuttal?

[BOOING]

I guess your people
couldn't make it. It's
just you and your dorks.

[DOOR OPENING]

Go, Sydney!

Oh, my God.

GIRL: Go, Sydney!

[FANFARE PLAYING]

Go Sydney!

Go Sydney!

I vote for Sydney!

[DRUM ROLL PLAYING]

ALL: Go!

For years,
you've been oppressed
by the Greek elite,

who take
everything for themselves

and leave nothing
for the rest of us.

[BOOING]

It's time for
the rest of the school
to take back the school.

Yeah!

[CHEERING]

I bet most of you
have no idea

how great the campus
a cappella group is,
and why would you?

The social and cultural
landscape is entirely
run by the Greeks.

And those guys are
forced to practice
in a dank basement.

That's hard on
their vocal cords.

BOY: Yeah!

Professor Carlton...

Let her finish.

I have met so many great
and interesting people here,

that I never would have met
if I didn't step out
of my own little world.

Before,
all I wanted was to fit in.

But I've learned
that we're all
searching to fit in.

And we all feel
like outsiders.

And we all do things
and feel things

that are bizarre
and unconventional
and dorky.

[CHEERING]

We're all dorks.

Yeah!

My name is Sydney White.
My dad's a plumber.

I collect comic books and
I'm secretly terrified
of balloon animals.

[CROWD LAUGHS]

I'm a dork.

Yeah!

[CHEERING]

I'm Tyler Prince.

I'm the current high scorer
in Gurkin of Honor.

I'm a dork.

[CHEERING]

My name is...
Well, it's really Sanford,

and I've never had sex
with a girl before.

[CROWD MURMURING]

But I really,
really want to.

I'm a dork.

[CHEERING]

Hi.

My name is Jeremy.

I used to speak
only through my puppet.

I'm a dork!

[CHEERING]

My name's Moose.

When I was 13,
I was the top-ranked male

figure skater in
the state of New Jersey.

BOY: Dude!

So I guess that
makes me a dork.

[CHEERING]

I've hated
Rachel Witchburn

ever since she told me
I had mom arms
freshman year,

and I have
a voodoo doll of her in

my underwear drawer and
I stick pins in it.

Oh, and I'm a dork.

[CHEERING]

Hi. My name is Dinky
Hodgekiss and I think
I'm in love with a dork.

[ALL WHOOPING]

[CHEERS]

Let's hear it for the dorks!

[ALL CHEERING]

Rachel Witchburn,
you've exhibited

behavior unsuitable
for a Kappa.

You've lied,
manipulated,
and verbally

abused your sisters
and fellow students.

And you are just
such a... A bitch.

We, all of us,

hereby strip you
of the privileges
of the Kappa sisterhood.

But you can't!
You can't just...

We just did.

Hmm!

ALL: Here comes a Kappa,
queen of the Row.

She's hot,
she's cool,
she ain't no ho.

She's got style,
she's got class.

Prada...

And from behind,
a kicking...

Gucci...

[KAPPAS GIGGLING]

[SCREAMING]

[GOOD DAY PLAYING]

[SNEEZES]

Oh, no. You're not
getting sick, are you?

Nah. It's just
the mulch.

Oh.

[BOTH MOANING]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Hey, we're from
Southeast State and we're
lost. Can you help us?

I will be your guide.

Give me five minutes.

Take all the time
you need.

Okay. Bye.

Terrence!
What happened?

Hey, guys. I finally
perfected my predictive
analytic probability theory.

It can predict anything from

the behavior of
amino acids in a stable
isotope peptide bond

to the outcome of
sporting events.

So I sold it to
ibet.com for $10 million.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Are you kidding me?

You are rich man!

You know I helped.
I did.

[WHISTLES]

ALL: Aw!

Oh, let's take a picture.

Come on, come on.

Get together.

Say cheese.

ALL: Cheese.

SYDNEY: So,
that's the story
of Sydney White.

My mom was right.
I did make friends for life.

And we all lived...
Well, do you
even have to ask?

Dorkily ever after.

[I'M NOT WORRIED PLAYING]

[BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE PLAYING]