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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
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BOIMLER:
Ensign Boimler, personal log,
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stardate 57601.3.
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The Cerritos is in orbit
around Mixtus III to assist
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The Cerritos is in orbit
around Mixtus III to assist
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in a controlled demolition
of an unstable moon.
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We're providing support
to the Vancouver,
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a Parliament-class ship
which focuses
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on complex, large-scale
engineering projects.
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Welcome, Captain. Take it in.
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One day you could be in command
of a vessel like the Vancouver.
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Thank you, Captain. This is
truly a humbling experience.
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Thank you, Captain. This is
truly a humbling experience.
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You're welcome.
(sighs)
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Unfortunately, we might have
to cancel the demolition.
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Unfortunately, we might have
to cancel the demolition.
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-What? Why?
-Is the moon too dense?
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No, it's more
of a diplomatic issue.
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No, it's more
of a diplomatic issue.
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Diplomatic? Isn't the moon going
to plummet into the planet
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-and ignite the atmosphere?
-And, you know, kill everyone?
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-and ignite the atmosphere?
-And, you know, kill everyone?
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I've told them that many times,
but they simply don't care.
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(indistinct arguing)
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-You don't know
what you're talking...
-Of all the moons we pray to,
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that's one
of the most important!
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that's one
of the most important!
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It controls the tides
for our summer crop.
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My family has lived
on that moon for generations.
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My family has lived
on that moon for generations.
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Moons can't plummet.
That's something the government
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-made up to control us.
-(arguing continues)
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Ooh, boy.
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Ooh, boy.
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BOIMLER: So the moon's decaying
orbit could cause catastrophic
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blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah-- okay, okay.
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The real news is I get to
have lunch with the coolest,
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The real news is I get to
have lunch with the coolest,
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smartest officer in Starfleet,
Barbara Brinson,
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who also happens
to be my girlfriend.
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who also happens
to be my girlfriend.
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That's right. Ugh!
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We met a month ago
and it's just been magical.
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We met a month ago
and it's just been magical.
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Ooh, boy, here we go.
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Log number one million
about Girlfriend Barb.
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You know, I am sorry,
but I'm starting to think
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You know, I am sorry,
but I'm starting to think
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that Barb might
not actually exist.
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Oh, she's real.
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She's as real as a hopped-up
Q on Captain Picard Day.
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She's as real as a hopped-up
Q on Captain Picard Day.
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Let me guess, when we meet her,
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it'll weirdly have to be
on the holodeck.
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Hey. I don't do that anymore.
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Hey. I don't do that anymore.
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-Okay?
-Sure you don't, man.
But just so you know,
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-I am still gonna try
waving my hand through her.
-Please don't.
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-I'm gonna.
-You're gonna hit skin.
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-I'm gonna.
-You're gonna hit skin.
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Well, if I do,
it's the cost of doing business.
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Ooh. You smell that, Tendi?
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Ooh. You smell that, Tendi?
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Each ship on the fleet
has its own scent.
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I think the Cerritos smells like
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00:03:17,176 --> 00:03:18,802
toasting marshmallows
on a cool night.
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toasting marshmallows
on a cool night.
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(sniffs)
Is that a plasma fire?
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00:03:20,596 --> 00:03:21,972
Huh? Oh-- uh, uh...
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The D53 probably sparked again.
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(chuckles)
They're so buggy.
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(chuckles)
They're so buggy.
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Yeah, the whole ship's
kind of falling apart.
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00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:29,730
Yep, this old girl's
seen a lot of light-years.
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You know, Kula told me
the Vancouver
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00:03:29,813 --> 00:03:31,023
You know, Kula told me
the Vancouver
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has fluidic processors
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that self-replicate
their own silicas.
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(gasps)
Nuh-uh!
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And he said they had
tritanium hull brackets.
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And he said they had
tritanium hull brackets.
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00:03:36,904 --> 00:03:39,490
-And get this: T88s.
-That can't be right.
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-T88s aren't even out yet.
-I know.
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It's a starship, not heaven.
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It's a starship, not heaven.
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I can't believe it.
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00:03:46,455 --> 00:03:48,958
This is the greatest ship
I've ever seen.
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00:03:46,455 --> 00:03:48,958
This is the greatest ship
I've ever seen.
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00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:51,377
Are you kidding me?
This is amazing.
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00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:54,713
Uh, guys? It's basically, like,
the same ship as the Cerritos.
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00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:54,713
Uh, guys? It's basically, like,
the same ship as the Cerritos.
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00:03:54,797 --> 00:03:57,508
-(both laugh)
-Yeah, right.
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00:03:57,591 --> 00:03:59,009
Ooh, let's go look
at their thermal mesh.
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00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:00,469
I bet it's a double lattice!
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00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:00,469
I bet it's a double lattice!
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-Double lattice!
-(whooping, laughing)
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(sighs) Where's Barb?
She said she'd meet me here.
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00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,600
Oh, this is too sad. Hey, look.
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00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,600
Oh, this is too sad. Hey, look.
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00:04:06,684 --> 00:04:08,686
I can set you up with somebody
great on the Cerritos.
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00:04:08,769 --> 00:04:09,895
There's that
Phylosian in tactical.
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She seems like
a nice plant person.
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BARB:
(gasps) Brad!
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BARB:
(gasps) Brad!
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(gasps)
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Uh, wha-- Uh, c-computer,
end program.
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00:04:14,775 --> 00:04:18,028
Uh, wha-- Uh, c-computer,
end program.
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(both laugh)
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I missed you so much.
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-(both smooching)
-Ugh.
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-(groaning)
-Mmm.
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00:04:23,575 --> 00:04:25,035
-(groaning)
-Mmm.
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-We kissed, did you see?
-Hi. Sorry.
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It's been a long month.
I'm Lieutenant Barbara Brinson.
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00:04:27,579 --> 00:04:30,499
It's been a long month.
I'm Lieutenant Barbara Brinson.
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00:04:30,582 --> 00:04:32,042
Um, yeah-- I'm, uh,
I'm Beckett Mariner,
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-and this is Boimler.
-(laughs): Yeah, I know.
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Oh! I can't wait
to show you everything.
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00:04:34,628 --> 00:04:36,088
Oh! I can't wait
to show you everything.
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Come on.
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00:04:37,631 --> 00:04:39,550
She's a lieutenant?
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00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:41,427
BARB:
You know, whatever,
it was no big deal.
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00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:42,594
I managed to reverse
the polarity
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00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:42,594
I managed to reverse
the polarity
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00:04:42,678 --> 00:04:44,054
and reboot the time stream.
128
00:04:44,138 --> 00:04:47,057
Good thing, too,
'cause, oof, 1920s Chicago?
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00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:49,059
-Nobody's washing their hands.
-(laughs)
130
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:49,059
-Nobody's washing their hands.
-(laughs)
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00:04:49,143 --> 00:04:51,061
Oh, I love that story, bun-bun.
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00:04:51,145 --> 00:04:53,814
-Mwah, mwah.
-Wow, all that's so amazing.
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00:04:53,897 --> 00:04:55,899
And now you date Brad.
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00:04:53,897 --> 00:04:55,899
And now you date Brad.
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00:04:55,983 --> 00:04:58,819
Ugh, I know. I swore
I'd never do long-distance.
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00:04:58,902 --> 00:05:01,780
But then I met this goofball
on Vendu last month.
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00:04:58,902 --> 00:05:01,780
But then I met this goofball
on Vendu last month.
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00:05:01,864 --> 00:05:05,617
He radiates a primal confidence.
I'm sure you've felt it.
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00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:07,578
No, I try not to feel
anything around Brad.
140
00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:07,578
No, I try not to feel
anything around Brad.
141
00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:09,413
-Barbasaurus Rex!
-Jet?
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00:05:09,496 --> 00:05:11,040
Get up here.
We're gonna be working together.
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00:05:11,123 --> 00:05:13,208
-Ah! Whoa. (laughs)
-Uh...
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00:05:11,123 --> 00:05:13,208
-Ah! Whoa. (laughs)
-Uh...
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00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:15,502
-Really?
-Okay, you can maybe
put her down now.
146
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,212
-Like, anytime.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,089
Did you hear some purple people
are throwing a tantrum?
148
00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,089
Did you hear some purple people
are throwing a tantrum?
149
00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:20,758
Implosion's been postponed.
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00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:23,427
We got to recalibrate the whole
goddamn containment field.
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00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:24,928
Oh, Boim-Boim.
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00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:24,928
Oh, Boim-Boim.
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00:05:25,012 --> 00:05:26,930
Looks like I can't do lunch
on the Cerritos.
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00:05:27,014 --> 00:05:28,891
Oh, no, it's fine.
It's not like I programmed
155
00:05:28,974 --> 00:05:30,559
a ten-course meal or anything.
156
00:05:28,974 --> 00:05:30,559
a ten-course meal or anything.
157
00:05:30,642 --> 00:05:31,894
Hey. See you in Engineering.
158
00:05:31,977 --> 00:05:34,229
And I'll try not
to bring it downtown.
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00:05:34,313 --> 00:05:35,773
-(both laugh)
-Shut up.
160
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:37,608
-No, you shut up.
-Shut up.
-Huh?
161
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:37,608
-No, you shut up.
-Shut up.
-Huh?
162
00:05:37,691 --> 00:05:39,151
Ow. Ow, no, you shut up. Stop.
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00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:40,903
Wait, how do you know Jet?
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00:05:40,986 --> 00:05:43,113
He's, like, the second
coolest person on the Cerritos.
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00:05:40,986 --> 00:05:43,113
He's, like, the second
coolest person on the Cerritos.
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00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:44,948
Ugh, we dated, like,
a billion years ago.
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00:05:45,032 --> 00:05:47,785
-What?
-But he's nothing compared
to my Bradward.
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00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:50,954
(laughs): Oh!
Your real name is Bradward?
169
00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:50,954
(laughs): Oh!
Your real name is Bradward?
170
00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:52,956
Yeah, I'm a Bradward. There's
Bradleys, there's Bradwards.
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(inhales deeply)
It feels so good to be near you.
172
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,126
(inhales deeply)
It feels so good to be near you.
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-BOTH: Mwah!
-(laughs)
174
00:05:59,088 --> 00:06:01,632
Well, I got to hand it to you.
You were right.
175
00:05:59,088 --> 00:06:01,632
Well, I got to hand it to you.
You were right.
176
00:06:01,715 --> 00:06:03,133
Barb is great.
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00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:05,844
A little too great.
178
00:06:06,678 --> 00:06:08,764
Hey. Ron Docent.
Welcome aboard
179
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:09,807
the Vancouver.
180
00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:11,183
She's a beaut, isn't she?
181
00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,184
-Oh, yeah.
-(panting)
182
00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,184
-Oh, yeah.
-(panting)
183
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,769
So, the captain,
your captain,
184
00:06:13,852 --> 00:06:15,979
has ordered us to look
for alternatives to implosion.
185
00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:17,689
I'm gonna have you two
run diagnostics
186
00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:19,066
on the simulation mainframe.
187
00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:19,066
on the simulation mainframe.
188
00:06:19,149 --> 00:06:21,235
You both comfortable using T88s?
189
00:06:21,318 --> 00:06:22,194
Yes, sir.
So comfortable.
190
00:06:22,277 --> 00:06:23,529
Super comfortable.
191
00:06:23,612 --> 00:06:25,072
-(chuckles)
-Ha. I like that enthusiasm.
192
00:06:23,612 --> 00:06:25,072
-(chuckles)
-Ha. I like that enthusiasm.
193
00:06:25,155 --> 00:06:26,698
Tell you what,
whoever finishes first
194
00:06:26,782 --> 00:06:28,992
gets their very own T88.
195
00:06:29,076 --> 00:06:30,536
Wait. You mean, like,
we get to keep them?
196
00:06:29,076 --> 00:06:30,536
Wait. You mean, like,
we get to keep them?
197
00:06:30,619 --> 00:06:31,578
Or-or is this, like,
a borrow thing?
198
00:06:31,662 --> 00:06:33,205
Like, we're gonna have
to give them back, right?
199
00:06:33,288 --> 00:06:35,666
Nope. I mean keep,
like "you keep it."
200
00:06:35,749 --> 00:06:36,792
-Ah!
-Sorry, sir.
201
00:06:35,749 --> 00:06:36,792
-Ah!
-Sorry, sir.
202
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:38,544
Just checking
if this is a dream.
203
00:06:38,627 --> 00:06:40,003
I've got a bad feeling
about Barb.
204
00:06:40,087 --> 00:06:42,172
I know. I can't believe
she used to date Jet!
205
00:06:40,087 --> 00:06:42,172
I know. I can't believe
she used to date Jet!
206
00:06:42,256 --> 00:06:44,758
That guy's like a Kirk sundae
with Trip Tucker sprinkles.
207
00:06:44,842 --> 00:06:45,843
I'm not messing around.
208
00:06:45,926 --> 00:06:47,845
Barb is way, way,
way out of your league.
209
00:06:47,928 --> 00:06:49,304
Not out of Jet's league.
I...
210
00:06:47,928 --> 00:06:49,304
Not out of Jet's league.
I...
211
00:06:49,388 --> 00:06:51,682
Uh, I-I got to get jacked.
Here we go.
212
00:06:51,765 --> 00:06:53,809
Brad, when
a Starfleet relationship
213
00:06:53,892 --> 00:06:55,227
-seems too good
to be true, then...
-(exhales, grunts)
214
00:06:53,892 --> 00:06:55,227
-seems too good
to be true, then...
-(exhales, grunts)
215
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:56,854
red alert, man-- it probably is.
216
00:06:56,937 --> 00:06:58,313
(panting)
You think she's cheating on me?!
217
00:06:58,397 --> 00:07:01,024
No! I think she's a secret alien
who's gonna eat you
218
00:06:58,397 --> 00:07:01,024
No! I think she's a secret alien
who's gonna eat you
219
00:07:01,108 --> 00:07:03,318
or a Romulan spy
or a salt succubus
220
00:07:03,402 --> 00:07:04,653
or an android or a changeling
221
00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:06,321
or one of those sexy people
in rompers
222
00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:06,321
or one of those sexy people
in rompers
223
00:07:06,405 --> 00:07:08,073
that murders you
just for going on the grass!
224
00:07:08,157 --> 00:07:09,658
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I'm sorry, you're saying
225
00:07:09,741 --> 00:07:11,827
that because Barb is awesome
and hot and dating me
226
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:12,911
that she's an alien?
227
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:12,911
that she's an alien?
228
00:07:12,995 --> 00:07:14,037
That is messed up, Mariner!
229
00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:15,205
That is not cool.
230
00:07:15,289 --> 00:07:16,331
This is real, Bradward.
231
00:07:16,415 --> 00:07:18,041
I have seen stuff, man.
232
00:07:16,415 --> 00:07:18,041
I have seen stuff, man.
233
00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:21,712
Like back when I was serving
on the Quito...
234
00:07:21,795 --> 00:07:23,630
(laughter)
235
00:07:23,714 --> 00:07:25,174
You guys...
236
00:07:23,714 --> 00:07:25,174
You guys...
237
00:07:25,257 --> 00:07:27,342
Ooh, you hear what happened
on the Enterprise?
238
00:07:27,426 --> 00:07:29,219
Apparently,
Data's got an evil twin brother
239
00:07:29,303 --> 00:07:30,846
who teamed up with the Borg.
240
00:07:29,303 --> 00:07:30,846
who teamed up with the Borg.
241
00:07:30,929 --> 00:07:32,055
-Crazy, right?
-(chuckles)
242
00:07:32,139 --> 00:07:35,225
What? Man, it's like a new thing
every week with those guys.
243
00:07:35,309 --> 00:07:37,561
Right. Like, leave some unknown
for the rest of us.
244
00:07:35,309 --> 00:07:37,561
Right. Like, leave some unknown
for the rest of us.
245
00:07:37,644 --> 00:07:39,688
(laughing)
246
00:07:39,771 --> 00:07:41,899
Aw, you guys
are such a great couple.
247
00:07:41,982 --> 00:07:42,900
Oh, what can I say?
248
00:07:41,982 --> 00:07:42,900
Oh, what can I say?
249
00:07:42,983 --> 00:07:44,359
I found the perfect guy.
250
00:07:44,443 --> 00:07:46,069
Look, I'm not perfect, okay?
251
00:07:46,153 --> 00:07:48,030
But I do have
the perfect friends.
252
00:07:46,153 --> 00:07:48,030
But I do have
the perfect friends.
253
00:07:48,113 --> 00:07:50,240
Uh, no, Niko,
you are the nicest, smartest,
254
00:07:50,324 --> 00:07:52,075
handsomest guy on this ship.
255
00:07:52,159 --> 00:07:52,910
I mean, it's either that
256
00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:54,912
or you're
a Harvongian shape-changer.
257
00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:54,912
or you're
a Harvongian shape-changer.
258
00:07:54,995 --> 00:07:56,079
-(laughing)
-(hissing)
259
00:07:56,163 --> 00:07:58,999
I mean, you're too handsome.
(laughs)
260
00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:00,626
-(snarling)
-Niko?
261
00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:00,626
-(snarling)
-Niko?
262
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:03,212
-(shouts)
-(groaning)
263
00:08:03,295 --> 00:08:04,254
(screeching)
264
00:08:04,338 --> 00:08:05,380
-(screams)
-No!
265
00:08:05,464 --> 00:08:08,091
Shape-changer!
266
00:08:05,464 --> 00:08:08,091
Shape-changer!
267
00:08:08,175 --> 00:08:09,092
Angie!
268
00:08:09,176 --> 00:08:10,761
No...!
269
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:13,096
I'm not gonna sit around
and let a face get melted.
270
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:13,096
I'm not gonna sit around
and let a face get melted.
271
00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:14,264
Not again.
272
00:08:14,348 --> 00:08:15,390
You're not leaving my sight,
mister.
273
00:08:15,474 --> 00:08:16,934
Every minute
Barb spends with Jet
274
00:08:17,017 --> 00:08:18,143
puts me closer to losing her.
275
00:08:17,017 --> 00:08:18,143
puts me closer to losing her.
276
00:08:18,227 --> 00:08:19,311
I got to do something.
277
00:08:19,394 --> 00:08:22,189
And so do I.
278
00:08:28,195 --> 00:08:29,905
(overlapping arguing)
279
00:08:29,988 --> 00:08:32,115
Okay, listen up!
We will relocate
280
00:08:29,988 --> 00:08:32,115
Okay, listen up!
We will relocate
281
00:08:32,199 --> 00:08:34,618
three tons of moon dust
for people to worship.
282
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:36,995
The farmers will have gravity
systems installed for the tides.
283
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:36,995
The farmers will have gravity
systems installed for the tides.
284
00:08:37,079 --> 00:08:39,081
And you three,
your ancestral homes
285
00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:41,124
will be relocated
to the sixth moon,
286
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:43,794
which will now technically
be the fifth anyway.
287
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:43,794
which will now technically
be the fifth anyway.
288
00:08:43,877 --> 00:08:45,629
Does that work for everyone?
289
00:08:45,712 --> 00:08:47,798
-Yeah.
-It works for me.
-Okay.
290
00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:49,299
(indistinct chatter)
291
00:08:47,881 --> 00:08:49,299
(indistinct chatter)
292
00:08:49,383 --> 00:08:51,301
No, you don't understand.
293
00:08:51,385 --> 00:08:53,887
This moon blocks pollution
from Mixtus III
294
00:08:53,971 --> 00:08:55,681
from reaching my people
on Mixtus II.
295
00:08:53,971 --> 00:08:55,681
from reaching my people
on Mixtus II.
296
00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:58,267
Without this moon, we'll perish.
297
00:08:58,350 --> 00:08:59,351
But if we don't destroy it,
298
00:08:59,434 --> 00:09:01,311
the folks on Mixtus III
will perish.
299
00:08:59,434 --> 00:09:01,311
the folks on Mixtus III
will perish.
300
00:09:01,395 --> 00:09:03,981
I know.
It's an impossible problem.
301
00:09:04,064 --> 00:09:05,941
(sighs)
Well, we're Starfleet.
302
00:09:06,024 --> 00:09:07,985
Figuring out impossible problems
is what we do,
303
00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:11,029
so let's just keep calm
and, uh, try
304
00:09:11,113 --> 00:09:13,323
-to think of a solution.
-No! If you blow up that moon,
305
00:09:11,113 --> 00:09:13,323
-to think of a solution.
-No! If you blow up that moon,
306
00:09:13,407 --> 00:09:15,325
you're murderers!
You'll have blood on your hands!
307
00:09:15,409 --> 00:09:17,202
Shut up and let me think!
308
00:09:18,245 --> 00:09:19,997
All right, listen up, everybody.
309
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,332
Each of our orbital platforms
will maintain
310
00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:24,668
-a tractor spread
to control lunar debris.
-Ha!
311
00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:24,668
-a tractor spread
to control lunar debris.
-Ha!
312
00:09:24,751 --> 00:09:27,004
"Da Brie"?
What is this, a cheese party?
313
00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:29,756
(chuckles)
Hey, babe, it's me. Whoop.
314
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,050
Okay, okay. Yep.
315
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,050
Okay, okay. Yep.
316
00:09:32,134 --> 00:09:34,344
-Okay.
-Hey, don't worry, buddy.
I got it.
317
00:09:34,428 --> 00:09:36,138
All right.
318
00:09:34,428 --> 00:09:36,138
All right.
319
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:38,348
-Thank you, Jet.
-No worries.
320
00:09:38,432 --> 00:09:40,434
Uh, Brad, um,
what are you doing here?
321
00:09:40,517 --> 00:09:44,313
Oh, you know, just wanted to see
my girlfriend do her thang.
322
00:09:40,517 --> 00:09:44,313
Oh, you know, just wanted to see
my girlfriend do her thang.
323
00:09:44,396 --> 00:09:46,064
Yeah, we're together.
324
00:09:46,148 --> 00:09:48,150
Uh, anyway,
getting back to the demo...
325
00:09:46,148 --> 00:09:48,150
Uh, anyway,
getting back to the demo...
326
00:09:48,233 --> 00:09:49,192
-(tone blaring)
-Aah!
327
00:09:49,276 --> 00:09:50,861
(grunts)
Aah!
328
00:09:50,944 --> 00:09:52,362
Whoa, whoa, stop it! Stop it!
329
00:09:52,446 --> 00:09:53,864
Turn it off.
What are you doing?!
330
00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:55,365
Whoopsies! Sorry. New tricorder.
331
00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:55,365
Whoopsies! Sorry. New tricorder.
332
00:09:55,449 --> 00:09:57,034
Okay, she's not an android,
'cause that tone
333
00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:58,869
would have disrupted
her positronic brain.
334
00:09:58,952 --> 00:10:01,246
Whatever she is, she's organic.
Okay, I have to get a sample.
335
00:09:58,952 --> 00:10:01,246
Whatever she is, she's organic.
Okay, I have to get a sample.
336
00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:02,873
-Okay, we're gonna...
You're gonna leave now.
-I got to...
337
00:10:02,956 --> 00:10:04,875
Sorry, guys.
Mariner was just leaving.
338
00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:07,044
Actually,
maybe you should go with her.
339
00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:07,044
Actually,
maybe you should go with her.
340
00:10:07,127 --> 00:10:08,045
We've just got a lot to cover.
341
00:10:08,128 --> 00:10:11,006
Oh. But I didn't get
to see you do your thang.
342
00:10:11,089 --> 00:10:12,841
So sweet of you to come by.
343
00:10:11,089 --> 00:10:12,841
So sweet of you to come by.
344
00:10:12,924 --> 00:10:14,384
I'll meet you later
in the mess, okay?
345
00:10:14,468 --> 00:10:15,886
Yeah, yeah, no,
the mission comes first.
346
00:10:15,969 --> 00:10:17,721
-Totally. I'll just, you know...
-(Barb and Jet laugh)
347
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:19,389
-JET: What I'm talking about.
-BARB: Oh.
348
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:19,389
-JET: What I'm talking about.
-BARB: Oh.
349
00:10:19,473 --> 00:10:22,225
(chuckles) I hope
we never blow up that moon.
350
00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:24,227
These T88s are amazing.
351
00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:24,227
These T88s are amazing.
352
00:10:24,311 --> 00:10:25,437
Yeah, they're, like, crazy fast.
353
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,064
How many diagnostics
have you run?
354
00:10:27,147 --> 00:10:29,232
15. Oh, when I come back
with this baby,
355
00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:31,234
the guys in Engineering
are gonna flip.
356
00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:31,234
the guys in Engineering
are gonna flip.
357
00:10:31,318 --> 00:10:33,362
♪ ♪
358
00:10:34,529 --> 00:10:36,740
(scoffs) Yeah, right. It's
gonna be me who takes this back.
359
00:10:34,529 --> 00:10:36,740
(scoffs) Yeah, right. It's
gonna be me who takes this back.
360
00:10:36,823 --> 00:10:38,283
I'm gonna blow their minds
in Medical.
361
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:40,285
♪ ♪
362
00:10:40,369 --> 00:10:41,370
RUTHERFORD:
Nope.
363
00:10:41,453 --> 00:10:43,747
-16.
-22.
364
00:10:41,453 --> 00:10:43,747
-16.
-22.
365
00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:44,873
-(grunts)
-(whirs)
366
00:10:44,956 --> 00:10:46,291
(groans)
17. 18.
367
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:47,751
-19. 20. 21.
-N-N-No!
368
00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:48,919
-Hey, don't you use
your implant.
-22.
369
00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:48,919
-Hey, don't you use
your implant.
-22.
370
00:10:49,002 --> 00:10:49,836
-That's not fair!
-Ooh, 23!
371
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,255
I got to figure this out.
I got to... Wait!
372
00:10:52,339 --> 00:10:54,883
Okay, okay, okay.
So, Barb's not a Dauphin,
373
00:10:52,339 --> 00:10:54,883
Okay, okay, okay.
So, Barb's not a Dauphin,
374
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:55,759
but I haven't ruled her out
375
00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:57,427
as a surgically altered
Cardassian spy
376
00:10:57,511 --> 00:10:58,887
or a transporter clone or--
377
00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:00,389
bear with me, bear with me--
a Suliban.
378
00:10:58,970 --> 00:11:00,389
bear with me, bear with me--
a Suliban.
379
00:11:00,472 --> 00:11:02,099
(chuckling):
Right? Right? A Suliban?
380
00:11:02,182 --> 00:11:04,267
Mariner, stop it.
Barb's not a Suliban.
381
00:11:04,351 --> 00:11:07,312
-But how do you know?
-She's nothing
but a great human lady.
382
00:11:04,351 --> 00:11:07,312
-But how do you know?
-She's nothing
but a great human lady.
383
00:11:07,396 --> 00:11:08,897
You need to stop spinning out
384
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:10,273
and accept people
for who they are.
385
00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:12,067
Now be quiet. I got to change
everything about me
386
00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:12,067
Now be quiet. I got to change
everything about me
387
00:11:12,150 --> 00:11:14,069
to trick her into thinking
I'm something I'm not.
388
00:11:14,152 --> 00:11:15,821
Computer,
analyze the coolest people
389
00:11:15,904 --> 00:11:17,948
in Earth history
and replicate me an outfit,
390
00:11:18,031 --> 00:11:20,325
boys size small.
391
00:11:20,409 --> 00:11:22,452
♪ ♪
392
00:11:24,538 --> 00:11:26,456
(Tendi and Rutherford grunting)
393
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,292
Jet. Ugh,
he thinks he's all that.
394
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:32,295
Well, I can be twice as that.
I can be even thatter.
395
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:32,295
Well, I can be twice as that.
I can be even thatter.
396
00:11:32,379 --> 00:11:34,005
(hums)
397
00:11:35,048 --> 00:11:37,968
Hey, Barb! Get up in here, girl.
398
00:11:35,048 --> 00:11:37,968
Hey, Barb! Get up in here, girl.
399
00:11:38,051 --> 00:11:40,095
-(grunts, groans)
-Uh, uh...
400
00:11:40,178 --> 00:11:41,471
How's the view?
401
00:11:41,555 --> 00:11:43,140
-(grunts, panting)
-That was weird.
402
00:11:41,555 --> 00:11:43,140
-(grunts, panting)
-That was weird.
403
00:11:43,223 --> 00:11:44,975
Sup, shippies?
Anyone want to partake
404
00:11:45,058 --> 00:11:46,977
in a little liquid luncherino?
405
00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:48,186
What are you talking about?
406
00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:48,186
What are you talking about?
407
00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:49,479
Sip it up.
408
00:11:49,563 --> 00:11:51,982
Replicator, beer, big, hot.
409
00:11:52,065 --> 00:11:54,359
-I mean, cold.
Get... Make it cold.
-BARB: Um,
410
00:11:52,065 --> 00:11:54,359
-I mean, cold.
Get... Make it cold.
-BARB: Um,
411
00:11:54,443 --> 00:11:56,486
we're still on duty.
What's gotten into you?
412
00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,905
This is the real Boimler, baby.
Guess you didn't know
413
00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:00,991
you were dating a dude dog
who loves-- Whoa!
414
00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:00,991
you were dating a dude dog
who loves-- Whoa!
415
00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:02,325
-(all gasp)
-Brad!
416
00:12:02,409 --> 00:12:03,994
Oh, oh! Oh, no.
417
00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,495
Oh. Mariner, no!
418
00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:08,832
Ow! What the (bleep)?
Did you just pull my hair?
419
00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:08,832
Ow! What the (bleep)?
Did you just pull my hair?
420
00:12:08,915 --> 00:12:11,168
Yeah! D... Yeah,
did you just pull her hair?
421
00:12:11,251 --> 00:12:12,961
That is messed up, bro.
Get out of here
422
00:12:11,251 --> 00:12:12,961
That is messed up, bro.
Get out of here
423
00:12:13,044 --> 00:12:15,005
-before I do
a citizen's court-martial.
-JET: Come on,
424
00:12:15,088 --> 00:12:16,506
-Brad, let me give you a hand.
-Don't touch me,
425
00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:17,841
-you big hunk hottie.
-Okay,
426
00:12:17,924 --> 00:12:19,342
I don't know
what's going on right now.
427
00:12:17,924 --> 00:12:19,342
I don't know
what's going on right now.
428
00:12:19,426 --> 00:12:21,470
First, you come in
looking sexy as hell,
429
00:12:21,553 --> 00:12:23,597
but then you ruin it
by acting all weird.
430
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,016
-I have to go back to work.
-I-I'll walk you there.
431
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,016
-I have to go back to work.
-I-I'll walk you there.
432
00:12:26,099 --> 00:12:27,976
No! I can walk myself.
433
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:30,187
Come on, Jet. Walk me.
434
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:30,187
Come on, Jet. Walk me.
435
00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:33,190
-(sighs)
-Okay, good news.
Maybe bad news.
436
00:12:33,273 --> 00:12:35,942
I am, like, 99.8% sure
she's a reptoid.
437
00:12:36,026 --> 00:12:38,361
Gah, will you just drop it?!
Barb is not anything.
438
00:12:38,445 --> 00:12:41,323
-I mean,
other than a great lady.
-She said you looked sexy.
439
00:12:41,406 --> 00:12:43,200
No, there's no way she's human.
That's her tell.
440
00:12:41,406 --> 00:12:43,200
No, there's no way she's human.
That's her tell.
441
00:12:43,283 --> 00:12:45,202
That is a huge tell.
Look, if she's a reptoid,
442
00:12:45,285 --> 00:12:46,495
she's gonna need to find
a male partner.
443
00:12:46,578 --> 00:12:47,579
Jab with her reptoid tail.
444
00:12:47,662 --> 00:12:49,331
Implant her reptoid spawn.
Stay close.
445
00:12:47,662 --> 00:12:49,331
Implant her reptoid spawn.
Stay close.
446
00:12:49,414 --> 00:12:51,124
You're safe with me.
447
00:12:51,208 --> 00:12:54,085
Brad! No! Brad!
448
00:12:51,208 --> 00:12:54,085
Brad! No! Brad!
449
00:12:54,169 --> 00:12:57,214
Sir, the platforms aren't rated
for low altitudes.
450
00:12:57,297 --> 00:12:58,548
They'll have
to be operated manually.
451
00:12:58,632 --> 00:13:00,342
Maybe the captain's
making progress.
452
00:12:58,632 --> 00:13:00,342
Maybe the captain's
making progress.
453
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:03,053
You're all murderers! No,
you madmen! You'll have blood
454
00:13:03,136 --> 00:13:05,597
-on your hands!
-She's doing great.
455
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,933
BARB:
There you go, Jet. That's it.
456
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,933
BARB:
There you go, Jet. That's it.
457
00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:09,893
-Keep pushing it in.
-(Jet grunts)
458
00:13:09,976 --> 00:13:11,228
-JET: Are you sure it'll fit?
-Huh?
459
00:13:11,311 --> 00:13:13,230
-BARB: We'll make it fit.
-Aha!
460
00:13:11,311 --> 00:13:13,230
-BARB: We'll make it fit.
-Aha!
461
00:13:13,313 --> 00:13:15,106
-(all scream)
-You're not...
462
00:13:15,190 --> 00:13:16,566
Sex? I heard sex.
463
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:18,610
-What?
-(groans)
-(grunting)
464
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:18,610
-What?
-(groans)
-(grunting)
465
00:13:18,693 --> 00:13:19,986
(both grunt)
466
00:13:20,070 --> 00:13:21,571
You have been a jerko all day,
467
00:13:21,655 --> 00:13:23,532
and now you accuse me
of cheating?
468
00:13:23,615 --> 00:13:25,242
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
469
00:13:23,615 --> 00:13:25,242
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
470
00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:27,077
I was freaking out
because you're so smart
471
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,579
and pretty and funny, and I'm...
I'm just me.
472
00:13:29,663 --> 00:13:31,122
You should be with a guy
like Jet.
473
00:13:29,663 --> 00:13:31,122
You should be with a guy
like Jet.
474
00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:32,582
That's what this
has been about?
475
00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:34,960
Bradward,
nothing is happening with Jet.
476
00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:38,046
Oh, no, I ruined everything!
No! No, no, no!
477
00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:38,046
Oh, no, I ruined everything!
No! No, no, no!
478
00:13:38,129 --> 00:13:39,589
It's all dissolving.
It's all dissolving.
479
00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:42,259
Look, I fell for you
because you're you.
480
00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:42,259
Look, I fell for you
because you're you.
481
00:13:42,342 --> 00:13:46,429
A sweet, nervous,
dainty-hipped nugget.
482
00:13:46,513 --> 00:13:48,223
Let's try to start today over.
483
00:13:46,513 --> 00:13:48,223
Let's try to start today over.
484
00:13:48,306 --> 00:13:50,475
Watch out for the tail!
(grunts)
485
00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:52,352
-(all gasp)
-Mariner!
486
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:54,271
-What's your problem?
-Where's-where's the tail?
487
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:54,271
-What's your problem?
-Where's-where's the tail?
488
00:13:54,354 --> 00:13:56,106
Reptoids implant
with a barbed tail. They...
489
00:13:56,189 --> 00:13:57,440
(gasps)
Her name is Barb!
490
00:13:57,524 --> 00:14:00,110
Mariner, what the hell?
I told you.
491
00:13:57,524 --> 00:14:00,110
Mariner, what the hell?
I told you.
492
00:14:00,193 --> 00:14:01,111
I just... I thought...
493
00:14:01,194 --> 00:14:02,612
-I thought there was a tail.
-(combadge chirps)
494
00:14:02,696 --> 00:14:03,947
RANSOM:
Lieutenant Brinson,
495
00:14:04,030 --> 00:14:05,115
report
to Orbital Platform Gamma.
496
00:14:05,198 --> 00:14:06,157
We need manual activation.
497
00:14:05,198 --> 00:14:06,157
We need manual activation.
498
00:14:06,241 --> 00:14:07,284
Right away, Commander.
499
00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:09,160
-Hey, come with me?
-Love to.
500
00:14:09,244 --> 00:14:10,954
Seems like a good way
to start the day over.
501
00:14:11,037 --> 00:14:13,623
With my human girlfriend!
502
00:14:11,037 --> 00:14:13,623
With my human girlfriend!
503
00:14:13,707 --> 00:14:15,959
(sighs)
How was I so wrong?
504
00:14:16,042 --> 00:14:18,420
-(groans)
-(crunches)
505
00:14:16,042 --> 00:14:18,420
-(groans)
-(crunches)
506
00:14:18,503 --> 00:14:20,297
Huh? Ugh.
507
00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:21,965
Oh, what?
508
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:23,967
Exoskeletal husk?
509
00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:25,635
I wasn't wrong!
Barb's a parasite!
510
00:14:25,719 --> 00:14:28,430
Bradward! Bradward, wait!
511
00:14:28,513 --> 00:14:30,140
Bradward! (grunts)
Get out of my way.
512
00:14:28,513 --> 00:14:30,140
Bradward! (grunts)
Get out of my way.
513
00:14:30,223 --> 00:14:31,308
-Move! Move, Jennifer.
-(screams)
514
00:14:31,391 --> 00:14:33,351
-Bradward! Bradward, wait!
-(Tendi and Rutherford grunting)
515
00:14:33,435 --> 00:14:34,978
Bradward!
516
00:14:35,061 --> 00:14:37,981
-Where's Ron? I want my T88.
-You wouldn't even know what
517
00:14:35,061 --> 00:14:37,981
-Where's Ron? I want my T88.
-You wouldn't even know what
518
00:14:38,064 --> 00:14:40,150
to do with a T88. Besides,
they're way better for medical.
519
00:14:40,233 --> 00:14:41,985
-What? That's not true.
-You know what
I could do with that?
520
00:14:42,068 --> 00:14:43,278
-You know what
I could do with it?
-I could solve problems.
521
00:14:43,361 --> 00:14:44,070
I could figure out
when people are sick.
522
00:14:44,154 --> 00:14:44,863
Oh, yeah?
I could solve problems.
523
00:14:44,946 --> 00:14:47,282
-I could...
-This is great work.
524
00:14:47,365 --> 00:14:49,284
And you finished
at the exact same time.
525
00:14:47,365 --> 00:14:49,284
And you finished
at the exact same time.
526
00:14:49,367 --> 00:14:51,411
Looks like you're both
joining the Vancouver.
527
00:14:51,494 --> 00:14:53,121
-Congratulations!
-Wait.
528
00:14:53,204 --> 00:14:54,706
What do you mean,
joining the Vancouver?
529
00:14:53,204 --> 00:14:54,706
What do you mean,
joining the Vancouver?
530
00:14:54,789 --> 00:14:57,667
I told you, whoever finished
first would get to keep the T88
531
00:14:57,751 --> 00:15:00,003
and use it here.
On the Vancouver.
532
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:02,380
We-we thought we'd get
to take it back to the Cerritos.
533
00:15:02,464 --> 00:15:04,174
Hang tight.
I'm gonna write up the transfer.
534
00:15:04,257 --> 00:15:06,676
Don't worry, the admiral used
to be my grandma's neighbor.
535
00:15:04,257 --> 00:15:06,676
Don't worry, the admiral used
to be my grandma's neighbor.
536
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,012
Quiet guy.
He'll push it right through.
537
00:15:09,095 --> 00:15:11,056
(beeping)
538
00:15:11,139 --> 00:15:12,390
(panting)
539
00:15:11,139 --> 00:15:12,390
(panting)
540
00:15:12,474 --> 00:15:14,017
Computer, locate Boimler.
541
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,019
Oh, crap, crap, crap, crap.
542
00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:18,313
Requesting emergency transport
to Platform Gamma.
543
00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:18,313
Requesting emergency transport
to Platform Gamma.
544
00:15:18,396 --> 00:15:20,231
Authorization, uh, Mariner 8.
545
00:15:20,315 --> 00:15:22,192
MAN (over combadge):
Request denied.
Is that a made-up code?
546
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,736
-Who is this?
Clear this channel!
-Aah!
547
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,736
-Who is this?
Clear this channel!
-Aah!
548
00:15:26,404 --> 00:15:27,656
Bradward.
549
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:30,450
Bradward! Bradward, wait!
(grunts)
550
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:30,450
Bradward! Bradward, wait!
(grunts)
551
00:15:31,618 --> 00:15:33,328
(grunts, panting)
Oh, no.
552
00:15:33,411 --> 00:15:35,455
Oh, no, I got to get
to Bradward. (grunting)
553
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:42,045
Oh, no. Oh, no, Bradward.
554
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:42,045
Oh, no. Oh, no, Bradward.
555
00:15:42,128 --> 00:15:43,421
(panting)
556
00:15:43,505 --> 00:15:45,382
Captain's log.
Long-range sensors
557
00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:47,384
have located a very sexy...
(screams)
558
00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:49,219
-Mariner! Aah!
Stop looking at me!
-Oh, no! Definitely, no!
559
00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:49,219
-Mariner! Aah!
Stop looking at me!
-Oh, no! Definitely, no!
560
00:15:49,302 --> 00:15:50,804
-Stop looking at me!
-No. No to this and also that.
561
00:15:55,308 --> 00:15:56,434
(screaming)
562
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:00,730
Get out of here!
Barb'll be back any second.
563
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:00,730
Get out of here!
Barb'll be back any second.
564
00:16:00,814 --> 00:16:02,482
This is me sex time, okay?
565
00:16:02,565 --> 00:16:05,068
Look at this! It's the husk
of a neural parasite.
566
00:16:05,151 --> 00:16:07,237
-I don't care! I'm naked.
-You're not listening!
567
00:16:05,151 --> 00:16:07,237
-I don't care! I'm naked.
-You're not listening!
568
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,115
Barb is a parasite.
She's a-a creature of some sort.
569
00:16:10,198 --> 00:16:13,118
-All right. Two for emergency...
Hey, give it back!
-(grunts)
570
00:16:10,198 --> 00:16:13,118
-All right. Two for emergency...
Hey, give it back!
-(grunts)
571
00:16:13,201 --> 00:16:16,079
You'd rather make a fake husk
than admit that you were wrong?
572
00:16:16,162 --> 00:16:18,581
Terrible! Shame on you.
573
00:16:16,162 --> 00:16:18,581
Terrible! Shame on you.
574
00:16:18,665 --> 00:16:21,126
It has been a long time
since I've taken a lover,
575
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:23,086
let alone a lover like Barb.
576
00:16:23,169 --> 00:16:24,421
I am staying here,
577
00:16:23,169 --> 00:16:24,421
I am staying here,
578
00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:26,256
and I am making love
to my lover.
579
00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:28,258
Oh, please stop saying "lover."
580
00:16:28,341 --> 00:16:29,759
COMPUTER:
Warning. Platform approaching
581
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:31,302
-critical altitude.
-Whoa!
582
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:31,302
-critical altitude.
-Whoa!
583
00:16:31,386 --> 00:16:33,304
-(alarm blaring)
-Boimler!
584
00:16:35,807 --> 00:16:37,058
-(gasps)
-(gasps)
585
00:16:35,807 --> 00:16:37,058
-(gasps)
-(gasps)
586
00:16:37,142 --> 00:16:38,059
BOTH:
Stay away from him!
587
00:16:38,143 --> 00:16:39,686
(both grunt)
588
00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:42,063
The Vancouver is awesome.
589
00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:42,063
The Vancouver is awesome.
590
00:16:42,147 --> 00:16:45,066
The fluidic processors,
the tritanium hull brackets,
591
00:16:45,150 --> 00:16:46,109
the door whoosh.
592
00:16:46,192 --> 00:16:47,277
BOTH:
Whoosh.
593
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,571
Honestly, the Cerritos
might be falling apart,
594
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,571
Honestly, the Cerritos
might be falling apart,
595
00:16:49,654 --> 00:16:51,114
but that's kind of awesome, too.
596
00:16:51,197 --> 00:16:52,532
It's our job
to keep it together.
597
00:16:52,615 --> 00:16:54,284
Yeah, and the way
that she shakes and creaks
598
00:16:52,615 --> 00:16:54,284
Yeah, and the way
that she shakes and creaks
599
00:16:54,367 --> 00:16:55,577
and moans at Warp 7?
600
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:56,745
I bet the Vancouver
doesn't do that.
601
00:16:56,828 --> 00:16:57,787
With those inertial dampers?
602
00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:59,289
(chuckles)
You got to be kidding me.
603
00:16:59,372 --> 00:17:00,540
And you know what
the Vancouver doesn't have?
604
00:16:59,372 --> 00:17:00,540
And you know what
the Vancouver doesn't have?
605
00:17:00,623 --> 00:17:03,084
-All our friends.
-We have to tell Ron
we're staying here.
606
00:17:03,168 --> 00:17:04,210
What if, what if
he gets mad at us?
607
00:17:04,294 --> 00:17:07,130
He's a professional.
Professionals don't get pissed.
608
00:17:04,294 --> 00:17:07,130
He's a professional.
Professionals don't get pissed.
609
00:17:07,213 --> 00:17:09,758
-What?!
-I'm sorry, but we want
to stay on the Cerritos.
610
00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:11,718
Tough! I already
wrote up the transfer.
611
00:17:11,801 --> 00:17:14,345
As soon as I click this button,
it's going through.
612
00:17:11,801 --> 00:17:14,345
As soon as I click this button,
it's going through.
613
00:17:14,429 --> 00:17:16,765
Wait a second, you can't just
transfer us against our will!
614
00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,641
(sputters) Watch me.
Do I need to remind you
615
00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,641
(sputters) Watch me.
Do I need to remind you
616
00:17:18,725 --> 00:17:20,351
who my grandma's neighbor was?
617
00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:22,270
I guess I do--
it was the admiral!
618
00:17:22,353 --> 00:17:23,772
-And he's a psycho.
-(grunts)
619
00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:25,774
-Hey, you can't do that!
-(grunts)
620
00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:25,774
-Hey, you can't do that!
-(grunts)
621
00:17:25,857 --> 00:17:27,776
Don't kick me PADD!
That's an order!
622
00:17:27,859 --> 00:17:29,319
-Aah!
-(grunts)
623
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:30,361
Hey, got it!
624
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:30,361
Hey, got it!
625
00:17:30,445 --> 00:17:32,447
-(shouts)
-Get back here!
626
00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:33,615
Don't kill my people!
627
00:17:33,698 --> 00:17:35,158
You're the Federation!
628
00:17:35,241 --> 00:17:36,451
You're the good guys!
629
00:17:35,241 --> 00:17:36,451
You're the good guys!
630
00:17:36,534 --> 00:17:38,286
Remember the Prime Directive?
631
00:17:38,369 --> 00:17:40,121
What? That doesn't
even apply here!
632
00:17:40,205 --> 00:17:42,123
Captain, we're
running out of time.
633
00:17:40,205 --> 00:17:42,123
Captain, we're
running out of time.
634
00:17:42,207 --> 00:17:43,333
The flooding has already
started and the platforms
635
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,210
weren't designed for this.
636
00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:48,463
(both grunting)
637
00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:48,463
(both grunting)
638
00:17:48,546 --> 00:17:50,840
I'm not letting you
hurt Boimler!
639
00:17:50,924 --> 00:17:52,634
I'm protecting him!
640
00:17:52,717 --> 00:17:54,719
-From what?
-Hyah!
641
00:17:52,717 --> 00:17:54,719
-From what?
-Hyah!
642
00:17:54,803 --> 00:17:58,723
From you! You really think I'd
buy you guys are best friends?
643
00:17:58,807 --> 00:18:00,308
He's mousey, sweet and soft
644
00:17:58,807 --> 00:18:00,308
He's mousey, sweet and soft
645
00:18:00,391 --> 00:18:02,185
and you're a badass
space adventurer!
646
00:18:02,268 --> 00:18:04,312
-(grunts)
-I knew there was
something wrong
647
00:18:04,395 --> 00:18:05,480
from the moment I met you.
648
00:18:05,563 --> 00:18:07,774
-Yeah, no, something's
wrong with you.
-(grunts)
649
00:18:05,563 --> 00:18:07,774
-Yeah, no, something's
wrong with you.
-(grunts)
650
00:18:07,857 --> 00:18:11,152
First, I thought you were
a rogue holodeck character.
651
00:18:11,236 --> 00:18:13,863
Then, because of the way you
were lurking around all day,
652
00:18:11,236 --> 00:18:13,863
Then, because of the way you
were lurking around all day,
653
00:18:13,947 --> 00:18:17,158
I thought you were
a Breen infiltrator. (grunts)
654
00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:19,702
What? That wasn't lurking--
that was protecting!
655
00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:19,702
What? That wasn't lurking--
that was protecting!
656
00:18:19,786 --> 00:18:23,164
Finally I realized
you're probably a parasite!
657
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:24,332
(both grunt)
658
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:24,332
(both grunt)
659
00:18:24,415 --> 00:18:25,333
Bitch, you're the parasite!
660
00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:29,337
Exactly what a parasite
would say, parasite!
661
00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:30,338
(both panting)
662
00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:30,338
(both panting)
663
00:18:30,421 --> 00:18:31,840
(gasps)
664
00:18:31,923 --> 00:18:33,591
-Give me back my PADD!
-Let's go!
665
00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:35,301
(both grunt)
666
00:18:35,385 --> 00:18:38,263
Do not get on that turbolift!
667
00:18:35,385 --> 00:18:38,263
Do not get on that turbolift!
668
00:18:40,265 --> 00:18:41,599
Here's the plan-- I'll reroute
the turbolift controls.
669
00:18:41,683 --> 00:18:43,393
You try to guess his passcode!
670
00:18:41,683 --> 00:18:43,393
You try to guess his passcode!
671
00:18:43,476 --> 00:18:44,561
RON:
Give me back my PADD!
672
00:18:44,644 --> 00:18:47,897
The impact on our environment
would affect both of us!
673
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:49,899
We'd have to move
our whole civilization!
674
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:49,899
We'd have to move
our whole civilization!
675
00:18:49,983 --> 00:18:51,568
I know! But how can...?
676
00:18:51,651 --> 00:18:53,695
Wait, "both"? What do you,
what do you mean "both"?
677
00:18:53,778 --> 00:18:55,738
How many people are
in your civilization?
678
00:18:53,778 --> 00:18:55,738
How many people are
in your civilization?
679
00:18:55,822 --> 00:18:58,741
-Me and my wife.
-There are two (bleep) people
680
00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:01,244
on your whole (bleep) planet?!
681
00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:01,244
on your whole (bleep) planet?!
682
00:19:01,327 --> 00:19:03,371
Well, yes, we're,
uh, we're rich.
683
00:19:03,454 --> 00:19:04,873
Implode the moon.
684
00:19:04,956 --> 00:19:06,708
-Yes, Captain.
-You maniacs!
685
00:19:04,956 --> 00:19:06,708
-Yes, Captain.
-You maniacs!
686
00:19:06,791 --> 00:19:09,544
We just redid the floors!
687
00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:18,261
(huffs, spits)
688
00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:18,261
(huffs, spits)
689
00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:19,345
This isn't over.
690
00:19:19,429 --> 00:19:20,763
You don't know Boimler
like I do.
691
00:19:20,847 --> 00:19:22,223
He will figure you out.
692
00:19:22,307 --> 00:19:23,600
I mean, sometimes
it takes him a minute.
693
00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:25,560
Hell, on Sendu IV,
it took him a week to realize
694
00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:25,560
Hell, on Sendu IV,
it took him a week to realize
695
00:19:25,643 --> 00:19:28,313
he was peeing in their species'
sinks and not their toilets,
696
00:19:28,396 --> 00:19:29,731
but you know what,
he gets there eventually.
697
00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:30,940
Wait, that was him?
698
00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:30,940
Wait, that was him?
699
00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:32,734
He told me that happened
to a friend.
700
00:19:32,817 --> 00:19:33,651
Yeah, he wishes.
701
00:19:33,735 --> 00:19:35,278
No, someone came in
to wash their hands,
702
00:19:35,361 --> 00:19:37,238
and just caught him going
right in the sink.
703
00:19:35,361 --> 00:19:37,238
and just caught him going
right in the sink.
704
00:19:37,322 --> 00:19:38,406
(laughs)
705
00:19:38,489 --> 00:19:40,325
You know what?
On our second date,
706
00:19:40,408 --> 00:19:43,661
he "shook hands"
with a Lortian's egg sac.
707
00:19:40,408 --> 00:19:43,661
he "shook hands"
with a Lortian's egg sac.
708
00:19:43,745 --> 00:19:46,289
(laughing):
Oh, stop!
709
00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:47,624
It was so pissed.
710
00:19:47,707 --> 00:19:51,544
(both laughing)
711
00:19:47,707 --> 00:19:51,544
(both laughing)
712
00:19:51,628 --> 00:19:53,963
Okay, and then, and then
Sqill looked at Boimler
713
00:19:54,047 --> 00:19:56,466
and said, "That's my dorsal."
714
00:19:56,549 --> 00:19:58,259
(both laughing)
715
00:19:58,343 --> 00:20:00,470
You guys have been
through a lot together.
716
00:19:58,343 --> 00:20:00,470
You guys have been
through a lot together.
717
00:20:00,553 --> 00:20:03,598
Yeah, I mean he is a dork,
for sure.
718
00:20:03,681 --> 00:20:05,266
But he's my dork.
719
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:06,976
Well, you're clearly
not a parasite,
720
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:06,976
Well, you're clearly
not a parasite,
721
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:09,646
or you wouldn't have let him
(bleep) in front of the admiral.
722
00:20:09,729 --> 00:20:11,481
Uh, well, thanks,
and, you know,
723
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,858
you're not seeming so much like
a parasite, either, by the way.
724
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,858
you're not seeming so much like
a parasite, either, by the way.
725
00:20:13,942 --> 00:20:16,653
Hey, if it's gonna make you
feel better, just scan me.
726
00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:17,654
(scanner trilling)
727
00:20:17,737 --> 00:20:19,864
You are a human, yep.
728
00:20:17,737 --> 00:20:19,864
You are a human, yep.
729
00:20:19,948 --> 00:20:21,449
Man, I mean,
you ever get those feelings
730
00:20:21,532 --> 00:20:22,659
like you are just sure
about something?
731
00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:23,785
Like, I was sure
you were a parasite.
732
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:24,827
But you're actually a very nice,
733
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:24,827
But you're actually a very nice,
734
00:20:24,911 --> 00:20:25,954
attractive human woman.
735
00:20:26,037 --> 00:20:28,915
(scanner blipping)
736
00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:30,291
Uh-oh.
737
00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:30,291
Uh-oh.
738
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:31,292
(whimpering)
739
00:20:31,376 --> 00:20:33,378
-Aah!
-This isn't me!
740
00:20:33,461 --> 00:20:34,837
I don't want to stun you.
741
00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:36,839
-Then don't!
-Come on, come on!
742
00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:36,839
-Then don't!
-Come on, come on!
743
00:20:36,923 --> 00:20:38,466
Give me back my PADD!
744
00:20:38,549 --> 00:20:39,968
Look, just hand me
the phaser-- ow!
745
00:20:40,051 --> 00:20:41,803
Oh, my God,
you made me stun you!
746
00:20:41,886 --> 00:20:43,304
I can't feel my hand!
747
00:20:41,886 --> 00:20:43,304
I can't feel my hand!
748
00:20:43,388 --> 00:20:45,807
Oh, God, oh, God!
What have I done?
749
00:20:45,890 --> 00:20:47,892
-Ow!
-I got the password--
it was "Riker."
750
00:20:47,976 --> 00:20:49,310
No, no, no, no, no!
Don't read that!
751
00:20:47,976 --> 00:20:49,310
No, no, no, no, no!
Don't read that!
752
00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:50,395
What the heck?
753
00:20:50,478 --> 00:20:53,022
You're transferring yourself
to the Cerritos?
754
00:20:53,106 --> 00:20:54,816
I thought we could swap places.
755
00:20:53,106 --> 00:20:54,816
I thought we could swap places.
756
00:20:54,899 --> 00:20:56,734
You don't know
what it's like here!
757
00:20:56,818 --> 00:20:58,736
It's so stressful!
It's so epic!
758
00:20:58,820 --> 00:21:00,530
It's all,
"Tow this space station,"
759
00:20:58,820 --> 00:21:00,530
It's all,
"Tow this space station,"
760
00:21:00,613 --> 00:21:01,781
and, "Calibrate
the Dyson sphere!"
761
00:21:01,864 --> 00:21:04,867
"Go back in time and kill the
guy that was worse than Hitler!"
762
00:21:04,951 --> 00:21:07,036
I just want to be back
on a smaller ship,
763
00:21:04,951 --> 00:21:07,036
I just want to be back
on a smaller ship,
764
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,663
doing simpler work.
765
00:21:08,746 --> 00:21:11,332
(crying):
I don't want
to be epic anymore!
766
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:14,585
Geez, working on
the Vancouver screws you up.
767
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:14,585
Geez, working on
the Vancouver screws you up.
768
00:21:14,669 --> 00:21:16,379
I'm sorry I phasered you.
769
00:21:16,462 --> 00:21:18,840
This is not
Ron Emmanuel Docent, Jr.
770
00:21:16,462 --> 00:21:18,840
This is not
Ron Emmanuel Docent, Jr.
771
00:21:18,923 --> 00:21:21,009
Can we just keep this
between us?
772
00:21:21,092 --> 00:21:23,886
You'll delete
the transfer order?
773
00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:25,513
There. Done.
774
00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:25,513
There. Done.
775
00:21:25,596 --> 00:21:28,349
And, um, throw in a T88
for each of us.
776
00:21:28,433 --> 00:21:30,351
Hey, now, that I can't do.
777
00:21:28,433 --> 00:21:30,351
Hey, now, that I can't do.
778
00:21:30,435 --> 00:21:32,353
Oh, that's cool. It wasn't
like I was using my implant
779
00:21:32,437 --> 00:21:34,731
to record all this as evidence
for your court-martial.
780
00:21:34,814 --> 00:21:36,691
(chuckles)
I was.
781
00:21:34,814 --> 00:21:36,691
(chuckles)
I was.
782
00:21:36,774 --> 00:21:39,694
Okay, a couple of T88s
coming right up.
783
00:21:39,777 --> 00:21:41,779
(scanner blipping)
784
00:21:47,827 --> 00:21:49,078
Ooh! Ugh!
785
00:21:47,827 --> 00:21:49,078
Ooh! Ugh!
786
00:21:49,162 --> 00:21:50,913
It's squishy!
Give me a hand!
787
00:21:50,997 --> 00:21:52,582
Oh, my God!
788
00:21:52,665 --> 00:21:55,543
Stop! Don't! Lover! Lover!
789
00:21:52,665 --> 00:21:55,543
Stop! Don't! Lover! Lover!
790
00:21:55,626 --> 00:21:58,004
Lover! Lover!
Lover! Lover! Lover!
791
00:21:58,087 --> 00:21:59,047
Oh, God.
792
00:21:59,130 --> 00:22:00,631
Aah! What the hell was that?
793
00:21:59,130 --> 00:22:00,631
Aah! What the hell was that?
794
00:22:00,715 --> 00:22:02,800
It was always me, Barb.
795
00:22:02,884 --> 00:22:04,427
I'm going to treat you
to dinner.
796
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:06,054
Let me out! Let me out!
797
00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:06,054
Let me out! Let me out!
798
00:22:06,137 --> 00:22:07,930
Hmm, apparently,
this species reproduces
799
00:22:08,014 --> 00:22:10,558
by making their host
chemically irresistible
800
00:22:10,641 --> 00:22:11,893
to potential mates.
801
00:22:11,976 --> 00:22:13,478
So Boimler must have
picked it up...
802
00:22:11,976 --> 00:22:13,478
So Boimler must have
picked it up...
803
00:22:13,561 --> 00:22:15,104
Right before he met me, exactly.
804
00:22:15,188 --> 00:22:17,065
Wait. Wait.
805
00:22:17,148 --> 00:22:19,567
So are you saying you only liked
me because of the parasite?
806
00:22:17,148 --> 00:22:19,567
So are you saying you only liked
me because of the parasite?
807
00:22:19,650 --> 00:22:21,402
Please. I'm a Starfleet officer.
808
00:22:21,486 --> 00:22:23,571
You think I'd be into a guy
just because of his pheromones?
809
00:22:23,654 --> 00:22:25,990
Oh, thank God. I was worried
you were gonna break up with me.
810
00:22:23,654 --> 00:22:25,990
Oh, thank God. I was worried
you were gonna break up with me.
811
00:22:26,074 --> 00:22:28,451
Yeah, listen, Brad,
you're sweet,
812
00:22:28,534 --> 00:22:31,579
but right now, I need to put
all my energy into my job.
813
00:22:28,534 --> 00:22:31,579
but right now, I need to put
all my energy into my job.
814
00:22:31,662 --> 00:22:33,456
Specifically, studying
this fascinating parasite.
815
00:22:33,539 --> 00:22:34,957
Lover! Lover!
Lover! Lover! Lover!
816
00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:36,417
-Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover!
-Mwah.
817
00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:36,417
-Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover!
-Mwah.
818
00:22:36,501 --> 00:22:37,460
-Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover!
-Aw.
819
00:22:37,543 --> 00:22:39,420
She did break up with me.
820
00:22:39,504 --> 00:22:40,797
Hey, you'll find someone
who loves you
821
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,757
without a googa attached
to your skull.
822
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,757
without a googa attached
to your skull.
823
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,092
You're just saying that.
824
00:22:44,175 --> 00:22:45,968
No, I'm not.
You're a catch, man.
825
00:22:46,052 --> 00:22:48,513
-You're real.
-I am real.
826
00:22:46,052 --> 00:22:48,513
-You're real.
-I am real.
827
00:22:48,596 --> 00:22:51,099
Hey, Mare, see you next month
at the M'tari tournament?
828
00:22:51,182 --> 00:22:55,770
Oh, you know it, and I'll try
not to bring it downtown.
829
00:22:51,182 --> 00:22:55,770
Oh, you know it, and I'll try
not to bring it downtown.
830
00:22:55,853 --> 00:22:58,147
-(laughing)
-Oh, shut up.
831
00:22:58,231 --> 00:22:59,941
Wait. You guys made plans?
832
00:23:00,024 --> 00:23:01,442
We bonded
while you were knocked out.
833
00:23:01,526 --> 00:23:03,653
-Over what?
-Nothing. Just girl stuff.
834
00:23:03,736 --> 00:23:05,822
So you shook
a Lortian's egg sack?
835
00:23:05,905 --> 00:23:08,199
Wait, how did...?
Oh. Oh, no! Oh, no!
836
00:23:05,905 --> 00:23:08,199
Wait, how did...?
Oh. Oh, no! Oh, no!
837
00:23:10,076 --> 00:23:11,619
Aah.
838
00:23:11,702 --> 00:23:13,121
The Cerritos might be
falling apart,
839
00:23:11,702 --> 00:23:13,121
The Cerritos might be
falling apart,
840
00:23:13,204 --> 00:23:14,831
but it's nice to be back home.
841
00:23:14,914 --> 00:23:18,000
Yeah, I missed that smoky smell.
(chuckles)
842
00:23:18,084 --> 00:23:20,461
So, uh, hey, um,
before we left the Vancouver,
843
00:23:20,545 --> 00:23:23,673
I got you something.
844
00:23:23,756 --> 00:23:24,841
(chuckles)
You shouldn't have!
845
00:23:23,756 --> 00:23:24,841
(chuckles)
You shouldn't have!
846
00:23:24,924 --> 00:23:26,634
Well, I figured
the Cerritos could use them
847
00:23:26,717 --> 00:23:27,969
-a lot more than...
-No, no, no.
848
00:23:28,052 --> 00:23:30,471
I mean, look,
I stole a bunch, too.
849
00:23:28,052 --> 00:23:30,471
I mean, look,
I stole a bunch, too.
850
00:23:30,555 --> 00:23:31,931
-(laughs)
-Yup, this...
851
00:23:32,014 --> 00:23:33,683
this is why we're friends.
852
00:23:33,766 --> 00:23:37,019
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
853
00:23:33,766 --> 00:23:37,019
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
854
00:25:03,898 --> 00:25:05,316
(man imitates weapons firing)
855
00:25:07,318 --> 00:25:08,319
Chirp.
64321
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