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1
00:00:28,397 --> 00:00:30,703
That was titled "Essence."
I wrote it about my mom.
2
00:00:30,747 --> 00:00:33,184
This next piece
is also about my mom.
3
00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:35,186
-Uh, excuse me...
-Wrap it up, nerd.
4
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,275
-I'm still...
-All right, I don't know
what this is called,
5
00:00:37,319 --> 00:00:38,407
and I don't care.
6
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,495
Two, three, four!
7
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,890
That's kind of loud!
8
00:00:50,071 --> 00:00:52,160
What is the meaning
of this intense bass?
9
00:00:52,203 --> 00:00:53,944
Are you mocking me?!
10
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,598
-I don't hear it on our side.
11
00:00:55,641 --> 00:00:57,165
It must be your equipment.
12
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:59,384
Engineer K'noch, today you die!
13
00:01:00,472 --> 00:01:02,822
Will someone shut that up?!
14
00:01:06,478 --> 00:01:08,437
- You're welcome.
15
00:01:10,482 --> 00:01:12,049
Okay, whatever that was.
16
00:01:12,093 --> 00:01:14,138
Ladies and gentlemen,
"Requiem for a Hug."
17
00:01:15,183 --> 00:01:16,706
Captain says you're too loud!
18
00:01:16,749 --> 00:01:19,274
Oh, God, oh, no, no,
I'm so sorry.
19
00:02:30,258 --> 00:02:33,391
RANSOM:
First officer's log,
stardate 57501.4.
20
00:02:33,435 --> 00:02:35,959
TheCerritos is en route
to Cardassia Prime
21
00:02:36,002 --> 00:02:37,961
for the most amazing reason.
22
00:02:38,004 --> 00:02:40,920
Captain Freeman is going to be instrumental in brokering peace
23
00:02:40,964 --> 00:02:42,922
-between the... Uh, wait.
24
00:02:42,966 --> 00:02:44,924
Just... reading
a little message here.
25
00:02:44,968 --> 00:02:46,535
Yada yada yada. Oh.
26
00:02:46,578 --> 00:02:48,580
Oh, no.
27
00:02:48,624 --> 00:02:52,018
The captain is not
gonna be happy about this.
28
00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:54,760
What the hell
are you talking about!
29
00:02:54,804 --> 00:02:56,284
I'm sorry, Captain Freeman,
30
00:02:56,327 --> 00:02:58,024
but we're moving the peace
negotiations to Vulcan.
31
00:02:58,068 --> 00:02:59,809
Nobody wants to go
to Cardassia Prime.
32
00:02:59,852 --> 00:03:02,203
The Cardassians
are creeping everyone out.
33
00:03:02,246 --> 00:03:05,554
But I already prepared a speech,I learned how to do the dance...
34
00:03:05,597 --> 00:03:07,120
I'm sure you'll be involved
35
00:03:07,164 --> 00:03:09,079
in the nexthistoric,
once-in-a-lifetime summit.
36
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,124
For now, you'll be heading
to Gelrak 5
37
00:03:11,168 --> 00:03:14,127
and, uh, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.
38
00:03:14,171 --> 00:03:15,781
We're delivering gifts?
39
00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:16,782
Godspeed, Captain.
40
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,265
I spent weeks learning how tobark out Cardassian small talk.
41
00:03:21,309 --> 00:03:23,311
Seems like they
just changed locations.
42
00:03:23,354 --> 00:03:25,530
-I don't think it was a slight
on the Cerritos.
-Yeah, right.
43
00:03:25,574 --> 00:03:27,663
Nobody respects us, because
we don't demand their respect.
44
00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:29,230
This ship is a joke.
45
00:03:29,273 --> 00:03:31,710
Well, then we're the funniest
joke in all of Starfleet.
46
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,538
Shut up, Jack!
I'm sick of it.
47
00:03:33,582 --> 00:03:35,192
We have to do something to prove
48
00:03:35,236 --> 00:03:37,194
that this crew isn't
a bunch of slackers.
49
00:03:38,935 --> 00:03:41,590
Okay, try it now.
50
00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:43,505
-Field strength is at..
51
00:03:43,548 --> 00:03:44,941
-Ooh!
-100%
52
00:03:44,984 --> 00:03:46,638
You almost phasered me!
53
00:03:46,682 --> 00:03:47,944
Calm down. It's set to...
54
00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:49,859
Uh, it was...
it was set to stun.
55
00:03:49,902 --> 00:03:51,817
Hey, Boimler, how's the field
integrity looking in there?
56
00:03:51,861 --> 00:03:54,124
Uh... oh!
57
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,518
It's good.
58
00:03:56,561 --> 00:03:58,955
Okay. Computer, margaritas.
Frozen. Salt.
59
00:03:58,998 --> 00:04:00,173
TENDI:
Wait, don't we have to report
60
00:04:00,217 --> 00:04:02,001
that we're done
so we can get a new task?
61
00:04:02,045 --> 00:04:04,352
Don't sweat it, baby girl-- likemany things, commanders have
62
00:04:04,395 --> 00:04:07,137
no idea how long it takes
to balance a phase variance.
63
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,878
You never admit the actual
amount of time it takes
64
00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:11,097
to finish a job-- if you did,
your days would be packed.
65
00:04:11,141 --> 00:04:13,970
-Isn't that lying?
-No. It's creative estimating.
66
00:04:14,013 --> 00:04:15,406
When you get an assignment,
67
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:17,234
you exaggerate
how long it's gonna take,
68
00:04:17,278 --> 00:04:18,931
then you're a hero
when it's done early.
69
00:04:18,975 --> 00:04:20,977
Eh, it's just a little
buffer time. No biggie.
70
00:04:21,020 --> 00:04:22,370
And you're okay with this?
71
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:24,763
No! If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break.
72
00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:26,504
But it's Lower Decks tradition.
73
00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:29,377
Tendi, how long will it take
to repair a biobed?
74
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,770
Oh, uh, that would take
about five...
75
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,337
hours.
76
00:04:33,381 --> 00:04:34,556
Excuse me?
77
00:04:34,599 --> 00:04:36,297
That's great!
78
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,820
Aw, Tendi, look at us.
79
00:04:37,863 --> 00:04:39,648
Lower Decks--
breaching protocol together.
80
00:04:39,691 --> 00:04:41,302
Friendship!
81
00:04:44,479 --> 00:04:48,352
Oh, be sure to stroll throughthe ship as slowly as possible.
82
00:04:48,396 --> 00:04:49,962
It's not like
we're busy exploring
83
00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:51,355
the mysteries of the cosmos!
84
00:04:55,359 --> 00:04:57,492
Does no one do any work
around here?!
85
00:04:57,535 --> 00:05:00,146
-Geez, there goes buffer time.
-What was that, Ensign?
86
00:05:00,190 --> 00:05:01,800
Uh, nothing, Captain.
87
00:05:07,502 --> 00:05:08,807
-Uh...
-Bridge.
88
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,418
Cap'n. I mean, Captain.
89
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:13,725
Anything to report, Ensign?
90
00:05:13,769 --> 00:05:16,032
Uh, keeping busy.
I inventoried Cargo Bay Four,
91
00:05:16,075 --> 00:05:17,642
assisted with the baryon sweep
92
00:05:17,686 --> 00:05:20,036
of the warp nacelles,
skipped buffer time
93
00:05:20,079 --> 00:05:22,386
-and went straight to work on...-Turbolift halt!
94
00:05:22,430 --> 00:05:24,823
What is "buffer time"?
95
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,216
Uh...
96
00:05:28,479 --> 00:05:31,264
What's up with you?
You're looking more, like,
97
00:05:31,308 --> 00:05:33,658
-weaselly than usual.
-Well, th-that's
just how my face looks.
98
00:05:33,702 --> 00:05:35,312
-You-you know that.
99
00:05:35,356 --> 00:05:36,792
WOMAN:
Oh.
100
00:05:36,835 --> 00:05:38,794
"Effective immediately,the Lower Deck scheduling deceit
101
00:05:38,837 --> 00:05:40,404
will no longer be tolerated"?
102
00:05:40,448 --> 00:05:41,623
What scheduling deceit?
103
00:05:41,666 --> 00:05:43,407
Wait. Let me see.
"All assignments
104
00:05:43,451 --> 00:05:45,627
"must be completed and logged
in exactly the time mandated
105
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:48,369
-by command"?
-Are we being timed?
106
00:05:48,412 --> 00:05:49,935
"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated."
107
00:05:49,979 --> 00:05:51,676
Ah, this is bad, this is bad.
108
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,113
I-I thought it was tradition.I thought you said nobody cared.
109
00:05:54,157 --> 00:05:56,028
They didn't. There was no way
the captain noticed
110
00:05:56,072 --> 00:05:57,247
we were padding stuff out.
111
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,379
Somebody ratted.
112
00:05:58,422 --> 00:06:00,598
I bet it was Delta shift.
113
00:06:00,642 --> 00:06:01,991
Yeah. Delta shift is the worst.
114
00:06:02,034 --> 00:06:03,601
They thinkthey're so much better than us,
115
00:06:03,645 --> 00:06:05,386
just becausethey're so much better than us.
116
00:06:05,429 --> 00:06:07,997
It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.
117
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,042
We're Starfleet.
We're the best of the best,
118
00:06:10,086 --> 00:06:11,957
and we can still get
everything done early.
119
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:13,916
Boimler's right.
We don't need a buffer time.
120
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,440
-We've got this!
-Yeah, no, yeah,
you're probably right.
121
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:18,442
What's one less margarita a day?
122
00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:31,760
Excuse me!
123
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,720
Watch it.
124
00:06:35,764 --> 00:06:37,200
BILLUPS: Rutherford,
I need that diagnostic
125
00:06:37,243 --> 00:06:38,636
on the guidance system, now!
126
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,203
But now is right now!
127
00:06:40,246 --> 00:06:41,422
Move!
128
00:06:41,465 --> 00:06:43,032
-Move, move, move, move!
-Aah!
129
00:06:43,075 --> 00:06:44,642
Come on,
watch where you're going.
130
00:06:44,686 --> 00:06:46,644
Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.
131
00:06:46,688 --> 00:06:48,690
Stop yelling!
132
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:49,995
Uh, sorry, wish I could help.
133
00:06:50,039 --> 00:06:51,649
I'm late for Ransom's
stupid away mission.
134
00:06:51,693 --> 00:06:53,521
T'ANA : Ensign
Tendi! You were supposed to be
135
00:06:53,564 --> 00:06:55,087
in sickbay 20 minutes ago!
136
00:06:55,131 --> 00:06:57,002
-I'm coming!
-Personal Log:
137
00:06:57,046 --> 00:06:59,091
I've completed all of today's
assignments ahead of schedule,
138
00:06:59,135 --> 00:07:00,615
and have requested more.
139
00:07:00,658 --> 00:07:03,139
-Space: The funnestfrontier?
140
00:07:04,619 --> 00:07:06,969
Ooh. Somebody's got to purge
the calibration matrix.
141
00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:08,274
I call dibs!
142
00:07:08,318 --> 00:07:10,363
BOIMLER:
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'
143
00:07:10,407 --> 00:07:12,670
-♪ I purge you, I purge you,
I purge you, I purge you ♪
144
00:07:12,714 --> 00:07:14,716
♪ I purge, purge, purge, purge,purge, purge, purge ♪
145
00:07:14,759 --> 00:07:17,283
♪ And a puh and an urge
and a puh and an urge ♪
146
00:07:17,327 --> 00:07:19,460
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'!
147
00:07:19,503 --> 00:07:21,766
All right, let's see
a little hustle there, guys.
148
00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:24,508
An away mission is only routineuntil it isn't.
149
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:26,554
Horned gorillas, sentient tar,
150
00:07:26,597 --> 00:07:28,556
spores that make you hook upwith your best friend's sister--
151
00:07:28,599 --> 00:07:30,427
all disasters
I've personally experienced
152
00:07:30,471 --> 00:07:32,603
on missions that should
have been a walk in the park.
153
00:07:32,647 --> 00:07:34,213
Mariner, you're late.
154
00:07:34,257 --> 00:07:35,998
Uh, no, I've been here
the whole time, you know,
155
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,914
loading stuff, hearing aboutgorillas, uh, spores, et cetera,
156
00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:41,046
that weird story you told usabout your best friend's sister.
157
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,265
Get it together, Mariner.
158
00:07:42,308 --> 00:07:43,571
The captain has us
on a strict timetable.
159
00:07:43,614 --> 00:07:45,007
Well, then maybe you could help
160
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:46,748
instead of whatever you're doingright now.
161
00:07:46,791 --> 00:07:48,532
I am helping.
I'm commanding.
162
00:07:48,576 --> 00:07:50,534
You're lucky your
phaser accuracy is so high,
163
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:52,710
or I'd never let you
beam off this ship.
164
00:07:52,754 --> 00:07:54,843
We wouldn't even be going
on a mission if the admiral
165
00:07:54,886 --> 00:07:57,585
hadn't downgraded the captain
to delivering gifts.
166
00:07:57,628 --> 00:07:59,978
-Come on, let's bail.
-No. And roll down
those sleeves.
167
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,502
This isn't a barn.
168
00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:07,856
RANSOM:
The Gelrakians base
their entire social structure
169
00:08:07,899 --> 00:08:09,640
around crystals.
170
00:08:09,684 --> 00:08:12,338
When we land, we must display
the honor crystal they gave
171
00:08:12,382 --> 00:08:14,863
to the first contact team
to show that we come in peace.
172
00:08:14,906 --> 00:08:16,386
I should've tried that
with my ex.
173
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,822
Yeah.
174
00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:21,913
I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.
175
00:08:21,957 --> 00:08:23,262
Yeah,
they're called clouds, man.
176
00:08:23,306 --> 00:08:24,916
Just to be safe,
I'll disengage autopilot
177
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,483
and land her manually.
178
00:08:26,527 --> 00:08:28,050
That's literally
what the autopilot's for.
179
00:08:28,093 --> 00:08:29,747
It's a automatic pilot.
180
00:08:37,973 --> 00:08:39,322
-Perfect landing, sir.
181
00:08:39,365 --> 00:08:41,193
Not even my best work,
to be honest.
182
00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:43,587
-We could've just beamed down.
-I didn't catch that, Mariner.
183
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:45,763
Uh, yeah I just said we should
get going, clock is ticking.
184
00:08:45,807 --> 00:08:47,373
Uh, productivity and et cetera.
185
00:08:47,417 --> 00:08:49,419
We'll go when I give the order.
186
00:08:50,551 --> 00:08:53,379
-Let's roll.
187
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,301
Greetings. It is an honor to--
188
00:09:02,345 --> 00:09:05,087
Ensign Vendome,the honor crystal.
189
00:09:07,655 --> 00:09:10,309
-This isn't crystals.
-He's got wood. He's got wood!
190
00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:11,659
Uh-oh, that doesn't
sound peaceful.
191
00:09:11,702 --> 00:09:13,008
-Uh, uh...
-Where's the crystal, Vendome?
192
00:09:13,051 --> 00:09:14,618
Sir, I loaded the wrong case.
193
00:09:14,662 --> 00:09:16,881
This is a fertility totem
meant for Mavok Prime.
194
00:09:16,925 --> 00:09:18,448
I-I was rushing
to finish my tasks.
195
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,145
You dare insult us
196
00:09:20,189 --> 00:09:23,975
with this perverted woodensex charm of our sworn enemies?
197
00:09:24,019 --> 00:09:25,411
This is an act of war.
198
00:09:25,455 --> 00:09:27,631
Starfleet scum!
199
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:29,981
-Vendome!
200
00:09:37,728 --> 00:09:39,687
There's too many of them.
Fall back!
201
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:41,384
Come on.
202
00:09:45,214 --> 00:09:47,172
-Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
-We live on a spaceship.
203
00:09:47,216 --> 00:09:49,522
-Nobody is dying
from a spear wound.
204
00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:51,916
Crystals!
205
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,136
-Oh. Hate when this happens.
-Oh!
206
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,138
Let's just stun them
and get out of here!
207
00:09:56,181 --> 00:09:58,575
Negative, we just signed them
into the Federation.
208
00:09:58,619 --> 00:10:00,533
What this calls for
is some classic
209
00:10:00,577 --> 00:10:02,274
Jack Ransom peace brokering.
210
00:10:02,318 --> 00:10:03,449
Are you out of your mind?
211
00:10:03,493 --> 00:10:04,625
Watch and learn.
212
00:10:04,668 --> 00:10:05,974
This is gonna be awesome.
213
00:10:06,017 --> 00:10:08,367
Attention, Gelrakians,
I am Commander Jack--
214
00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:10,326
Ooh!
215
00:10:10,369 --> 00:10:12,502
All right, that wasawesome.
216
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:14,809
-Ah, circled by spears.
217
00:10:14,852 --> 00:10:17,159
This is a classic.
What am I, Kirk?
218
00:10:17,202 --> 00:10:18,943
Is this the 2260s?
All right.
219
00:10:24,253 --> 00:10:27,169
Whoa, oh, hey, hey!
220
00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:28,692
Uh, we got acid here.
221
00:10:28,736 --> 00:10:30,781
Excuse me!
222
00:10:30,825 --> 00:10:33,784
Rutherford.
223
00:10:33,828 --> 00:10:35,220
Aah, Tendi, what the hell?
224
00:10:35,264 --> 00:10:36,352
Can't talk, got to work.
225
00:10:36,395 --> 00:10:37,396
I'm compiling.
226
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,920
What?
227
00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,313
The impulse manifold needs
to be degaussed again.
228
00:10:41,357 --> 00:10:43,185
I have to assist with a surgery,
229
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:45,883
and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on!
230
00:10:45,927 --> 00:10:47,711
-Uh, 26?
-Is that--?
231
00:10:47,755 --> 00:10:49,495
Do we have that many?
232
00:10:49,539 --> 00:10:50,975
COMPUTER:
Enter security code.
233
00:10:51,019 --> 00:10:53,456
-I'm waiting, Ensign.
-Sorry, Captain.
234
00:10:53,499 --> 00:10:54,892
Something's wrong
with the console.
235
00:10:54,936 --> 00:10:57,286
Move! I'll do it myself.
236
00:10:57,329 --> 00:10:59,810
Lieutenant Shaxs,
any word from the away team?
237
00:10:59,854 --> 00:11:03,422
Captain, the sensors have
picked up Gelrakian ships
238
00:11:03,466 --> 00:11:05,120
approaching
off the starboard bow.
239
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:06,121
What?
240
00:11:06,164 --> 00:11:07,339
On screen.
241
00:11:07,383 --> 00:11:08,950
Are we supposed to be hosting
242
00:11:08,993 --> 00:11:10,255
a welcome dinner or something?
243
00:11:10,299 --> 00:11:12,170
Captain,
they're locking phasers.
244
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,476
Really?
245
00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:14,651
Raise shields.
246
00:11:15,957 --> 00:11:17,872
-Shaxs?
-I'm trying, Captain.
247
00:11:17,915 --> 00:11:19,656
Something's wrong
with the controls.
248
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,614
Ah, stupid controls.
249
00:11:21,658 --> 00:11:24,356
Do I have to run
this whole ship myself?
250
00:11:25,749 --> 00:11:26,750
SHAXS:They've launched boarding pods!
251
00:11:26,794 --> 00:11:27,795
Red alert!
252
00:11:31,189 --> 00:11:34,410
Repel all intruders,
but do not use it as an excuse
253
00:11:34,453 --> 00:11:35,933
to stop doing
what you are doing.
254
00:11:35,977 --> 00:11:37,587
I want to stay on track
and on time.
255
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,589
It's called
multi-tasking, people.
256
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,852
They do it on the Enterprise
all the time.
257
00:11:41,896 --> 00:11:44,028
I don't want to hear anycomplaining, I only want to hear
258
00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:46,161
repelling of intruders andpeople getting their work done!
259
00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:51,340
Swords and spears--how did these guys get on board?
260
00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:57,433
MARINER:
Hey, guy.
261
00:11:57,476 --> 00:11:59,435
Hey, guy?
262
00:11:59,478 --> 00:12:01,306
Hey, guy, is this whatyou wanted to do with your life?
263
00:12:01,350 --> 00:12:03,526
Just capture people-- is thatwhat you dreamt of when you were
264
00:12:03,569 --> 00:12:05,789
a little whatever-you-are?
Are you fulfilled by that?
265
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,791
-Yes.
-Wow, all right, uh...
266
00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:09,837
well, do you know what,
that means you're lame.
267
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,926
-You're a loser.
-Hey, keep it down!
268
00:12:11,969 --> 00:12:14,363
I'm writing a speech that will
convince them to let us go.
269
00:12:14,406 --> 00:12:17,409
A speech, seriously?
Permission to speak freely.
270
00:12:17,453 --> 00:12:18,759
You always speak freely.
271
00:12:18,802 --> 00:12:20,325
Nobody can stop you
from speaking freely.
272
00:12:20,369 --> 00:12:21,631
All right, you know
what you've got going on?
273
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,633
You have broad shoulders
and shiny hair
274
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,853
and you talk a good game,
but when it comes to actually
275
00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:28,116
doing the job-- the job--
you don't have it.
276
00:12:28,159 --> 00:12:31,119
I'm calling bull
on your whole thing here, sir.
277
00:12:31,162 --> 00:12:33,469
You're so busy breaking protocolthat you never look ahead.
278
00:12:33,512 --> 00:12:35,471
One of these days you're going
to get someone killed, Ensign.
279
00:12:35,514 --> 00:12:36,994
With all due respect, sir,
280
00:12:37,038 --> 00:12:38,735
my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison,
281
00:12:38,779 --> 00:12:40,302
your team is.
282
00:12:40,345 --> 00:12:42,695
That's not myteam,
it's ourteam.
283
00:12:42,739 --> 00:12:44,785
But I guess
you don't think that way.
284
00:12:44,828 --> 00:12:46,830
Here we go, show time.
285
00:12:46,874 --> 00:12:49,441
We may come
from different worlds,
286
00:12:49,485 --> 00:12:52,618
-but on the inside we are all---GERNBA: Silence, Starfleet!
287
00:12:52,662 --> 00:12:55,883
You are being held responsiblefor the lies of the Federation.
288
00:12:55,926 --> 00:12:58,059
Your trial will be by combat.
289
00:12:58,102 --> 00:12:59,887
Yes, now we're talking!
290
00:12:59,930 --> 00:13:01,802
And by "talking," of course,
I mean "fighting."
291
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:05,196
One of you must face
our greatest champion, Vindor.
292
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,460
Usually we start the battle andVindor steps out of the shadows
293
00:13:08,504 --> 00:13:10,506
and it's super intimidating,
but he's here,
294
00:13:10,549 --> 00:13:13,552
so I'm just gonna show him
to you right now.
295
00:13:13,596 --> 00:13:15,641
Vindor.
296
00:13:15,685 --> 00:13:17,643
If you win, we let you go.
297
00:13:17,687 --> 00:13:20,995
If you lose, you'll be dead
and your away team
298
00:13:21,038 --> 00:13:24,041
will be crushed
by the adjudication geode.
299
00:13:24,085 --> 00:13:26,000
Crystals!
300
00:13:28,045 --> 00:13:30,613
Okay, I'm looking at
a lot of blank faces here.
301
00:13:30,656 --> 00:13:32,920
An adjudication geode is
a special type
302
00:13:32,963 --> 00:13:35,444
of constitutional crystal we useto legally smoosh our criminals.
303
00:13:35,487 --> 00:13:37,011
Here is your battle blade.
304
00:13:37,054 --> 00:13:39,665
You have one hour to choose
305
00:13:39,709 --> 00:13:42,190
who gets the honorof being slaughtered by Vindor.
306
00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:44,279
If you can't decide, we will--
307
00:13:44,322 --> 00:13:45,410
-I'll do it!
-I'll do it! Give it to me!
308
00:13:45,454 --> 00:13:46,498
-Yo, I touched it first.
-Give it, come--
309
00:13:46,542 --> 00:13:47,804
-Tell him! No, me!
-No, mine!
310
00:13:47,848 --> 00:13:49,023
You do realize you're
fighting over who gets
311
00:13:49,066 --> 00:13:49,937
to be chopped in half
by Vindor, right?
312
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:51,199
-Me, dibs!
-No, I said me,
313
00:13:51,242 --> 00:13:52,243
-I touched it first.
-Come on. Give it to me.
314
00:13:52,287 --> 00:13:53,505
-Jack Ransom-- it's mine!
-No! No!
315
00:14:01,078 --> 00:14:03,167
Aah!
316
00:14:03,211 --> 00:14:06,388
Translation--
"Bark hugging root smoochers"?
317
00:14:06,431 --> 00:14:08,999
What the heck
got these guys so wound up?
318
00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:11,436
Gah, this is totally gonna
mess up my schedule.
319
00:14:13,264 --> 00:14:14,657
-Don't move, human!
320
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:15,745
We have you surrounded.
321
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,660
Yeah, but I-I have a phaser.
322
00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:21,185
These guys are lightweights.
323
00:14:21,229 --> 00:14:23,709
This is what
the red alert's about?
324
00:14:23,753 --> 00:14:27,148
Captain, I just phasered
some Gelrakians?
325
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:32,022
-Um, hello?
-Intruder!
326
00:14:33,676 --> 00:14:35,765
Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.
327
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,158
-Sorry, Brimler.
-I'm not huffy.
328
00:14:37,201 --> 00:14:38,550
Why aren't you at your post?
329
00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:39,682
We wouldn't even be
in this situation
330
00:14:39,725 --> 00:14:41,292
if you weren't slacking off.
331
00:14:41,336 --> 00:14:42,424
I'm not!
332
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:45,253
Damn it!
We're 15 minutes behind.
333
00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:47,429
Our entire schedule is going
to be off for the month.
334
00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:49,431
Wait a minute-- clocks,
335
00:14:49,474 --> 00:14:51,694
time, schedules.
336
00:14:51,737 --> 00:14:54,566
You guys are under
the strict scheduling, too?
337
00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,873
I have to be-- I'm manning
every station on my own.
338
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,440
What? No, no, no, no, no.
339
00:14:58,483 --> 00:15:00,007
This is all wrong--
you're the captain!
340
00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:03,010
I need us working harder
and faster and stricter!
341
00:15:03,053 --> 00:15:05,055
-GELRAKIAN: Where are you
hiding your crystals?!
342
00:15:05,099 --> 00:15:06,665
We don't have any crystals!
343
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:08,972
I mean we do have dilithium,but we're not giving you those.
344
00:15:12,628 --> 00:15:15,152
Trial by combat is
my responsibility.
345
00:15:15,196 --> 00:15:17,807
I'm ranking officer, I'll be
fighting Vindor, end of story!
346
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,417
Rank means nothing right now.
347
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,289
Rank means everything always!
348
00:15:21,332 --> 00:15:23,160
You know what, I doget off
on breaking protocol.
349
00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:25,510
I'm good at exploring
strange new worlds,
350
00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,991
solving space mysteries
and kicking asses.
351
00:15:28,035 --> 00:15:30,298
Protocol is for people that
need to be told what to do,
352
00:15:30,341 --> 00:15:32,343
which Idon't.
See this bad boy?
353
00:15:32,387 --> 00:15:33,692
Tentacle guy, bunch of arms.
354
00:15:33,736 --> 00:15:35,346
Stabbed me
with a barnacle blade.
355
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:38,784
Check it out-- Magus III,
Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale.
356
00:15:38,828 --> 00:15:40,003
That was a mess.
357
00:15:40,047 --> 00:15:42,571
I earned every one
in high-concept fights
358
00:15:42,614 --> 00:15:43,702
just like this one.
359
00:15:43,746 --> 00:15:45,139
So? What do you got?
360
00:15:45,182 --> 00:15:47,228
-Let me see your scars.
-You know I don't have any.
361
00:15:47,271 --> 00:15:48,838
Because you play it safe.
362
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,232
You said it-- that's ourteam
under that geode.
363
00:15:51,275 --> 00:15:54,061
Let me do what I'm good at,
let me save them.
364
00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:57,020
Sometimes you have to do
what's wrong to survive.
365
00:15:57,064 --> 00:15:58,500
You're right.
366
00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:03,244
What the ?!
Ah, God, oh!
367
00:16:03,287 --> 00:16:05,768
You stabbed me in the foot
with a battle blade!
368
00:16:05,811 --> 00:16:08,162
I'd rather die than let you
put your life on the line.
369
00:16:08,205 --> 00:16:09,554
Oh, you are such a psycho!
370
00:16:09,598 --> 00:16:10,642
What are you doing?
371
00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:12,209
Ow! Why?
372
00:16:12,253 --> 00:16:14,211
I'm the first officer
of a Federation starship,
373
00:16:14,255 --> 00:16:15,691
and your commander.
374
00:16:15,734 --> 00:16:18,085
And nobody crushes my team.
375
00:16:18,128 --> 00:16:19,651
Let's do this!
376
00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:22,350
CROWD :
Vindor! Vindor!
377
00:16:22,393 --> 00:16:24,091
Vindor! Vindor!
378
00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:25,788
Vindor!
379
00:16:29,009 --> 00:16:30,836
-Vindor?
-Come on, big guy.
380
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,014
I only need my hands
for this one.
381
00:16:42,457 --> 00:16:43,893
Ha-ha-ha! Yah!
382
00:16:45,895 --> 00:16:47,984
-Ha-ha!
383
00:16:48,028 --> 00:16:49,812
-Double-fist punch!
-Oh!
384
00:16:53,076 --> 00:16:55,209
Whoa, that was actually
kind of hot.
385
00:16:55,252 --> 00:16:57,167
Ugh! Get it together, Mariner,
get it together.
386
00:16:57,211 --> 00:16:59,039
You are notinto this.
Come on.
387
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,397
Let's see how much
those Federation wood lovers
388
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,964
like our crystal graffiti.
Ha-ha-ha!
389
00:17:15,446 --> 00:17:17,187
I-I need to get back to comms.
390
00:17:17,231 --> 00:17:18,971
-Captain, listen to me...
-Don't touch me!
391
00:17:19,015 --> 00:17:21,496
This is all my fault, thinking
I belong at a peace summit
392
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:23,280
when I can't even keep
my own ship together.
393
00:17:23,324 --> 00:17:24,760
What? Captain, no.
You did nothing wrong.
394
00:17:24,803 --> 00:17:26,240
Your schedules, your rules--
395
00:17:26,283 --> 00:17:28,024
this has been
the greatest week of my life.
396
00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:29,330
You run the tightest ship
in Starfleet.
397
00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:30,940
Captain, we need to act now!
398
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,116
"Tightest ship."
Then why is it falling apart?
399
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,770
Because not everyone is
a Boimler.
400
00:17:34,813 --> 00:17:36,772
This crew has their limits.
They're only human.
401
00:17:36,815 --> 00:17:38,469
Well, and Vulcan.
And Orion.
402
00:17:38,513 --> 00:17:40,123
There's that Benzite guy
in Tactical...
403
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:41,994
Damn it, man!
If you're trying to inspire
404
00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:44,171
some sort of resolution,
then inspire it now!
405
00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:46,651
Ugh, it kills me to say this,
but for the good of the ship
406
00:17:46,695 --> 00:17:48,305
we have to... loosen up.
407
00:17:48,349 --> 00:17:50,525
Loosen up? But then we're
right back to buffer time.
408
00:17:50,568 --> 00:17:52,396
Yes, when people could do
whatever they had to
409
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,789
to get the job done.
410
00:17:53,832 --> 00:17:57,227
You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.
411
00:17:57,271 --> 00:17:58,663
You're... you're right!
412
00:17:58,707 --> 00:18:00,709
I ama great captain!
413
00:18:03,146 --> 00:18:05,105
Attention all decks:
as of now,
414
00:18:05,148 --> 00:18:08,456
I am authorizing
all crew to break any rule,
415
00:18:08,499 --> 00:18:11,850
abandon any protocol,
and cut any corner to defend
416
00:18:11,894 --> 00:18:13,287
theCerritos.
417
00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:14,897
You are Starfleet--
418
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:18,248
Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.
419
00:18:18,292 --> 00:18:19,293
Buffer time!
420
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,958
-RANSOM: I demand
421
00:18:33,002 --> 00:18:34,525
a peaceful negotiation. Yah!
422
00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:36,614
-I respect your sovereignty.
423
00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:38,790
Mm, so ethical.
424
00:18:46,015 --> 00:18:47,147
Interlocked hands!
425
00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:48,583
Stop! Stop! I submit!
426
00:18:48,626 --> 00:18:50,628
I thought
you only said "Vindor."
427
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,848
It's so the other guys think
I'm strong and dumb.
428
00:18:52,891 --> 00:18:55,024
But I'm not.
I love to read!
429
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:58,549
Well, all right,
you're free, you're all free.
430
00:18:58,593 --> 00:19:00,508
Everybody's free.
431
00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:04,729
-Whoo-whoo! Starfleet!
432
00:19:04,773 --> 00:19:07,079
Oh, I see how it is--
you're gonna stab me, but then
433
00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:08,951
you don't stab Vindor? What
are your priorities, Ransom?
434
00:19:08,994 --> 00:19:10,257
I ju... Whoa!
435
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,128
We got to stop doing
trial by combat,
436
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:14,217
or we'll never get to use
the geode.
437
00:19:14,261 --> 00:19:16,567
How about a regular trial,
with a judge?
438
00:19:16,611 --> 00:19:18,221
And instead of the geode...
439
00:19:18,265 --> 00:19:19,962
-Oh! We could do a death race!
440
00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:22,051
Start building a crystal car!
441
00:19:23,313 --> 00:19:24,619
Crystals.
442
00:19:28,623 --> 00:19:30,277
Ha-ha!
443
00:19:32,931 --> 00:19:34,194
-Ooh!
444
00:19:37,197 --> 00:19:39,242
Oh!
445
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:05,486
Hey, sorry about the whole
"invading your ship" thing.
446
00:20:05,529 --> 00:20:07,923
You know?
Very un-crystal-like of us.
447
00:20:07,966 --> 00:20:10,099
Don't worry about it.
I'd rather be here with you
448
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,319
than with those freaks
on Mavok Prime.
449
00:20:12,362 --> 00:20:14,321
Wood-worshiping freaks, right?
450
00:20:14,364 --> 00:20:16,279
-Come on.
451
00:20:16,323 --> 00:20:18,890
T'ANA :
You'll be fine.
452
00:20:18,934 --> 00:20:20,936
Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?
453
00:20:20,979 --> 00:20:23,286
Uh, no way.
No. These are my trophies.
454
00:20:23,330 --> 00:20:26,289
Congratulations, you look like
a scratching post.
455
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:27,943
-Mariner.
-Commander.
456
00:20:27,986 --> 00:20:29,814
I would appreciate it
if you give me a heads-up
457
00:20:29,858 --> 00:20:32,077
before you file your report.It would give me some extra time
458
00:20:32,121 --> 00:20:34,210
to pack up my free weights--
there's a ton of 'em.
459
00:20:34,254 --> 00:20:36,560
-What report?
-For stabbing you
with a battle blade.
460
00:20:36,604 --> 00:20:38,214
That's a guaranteed
court-martial.
461
00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:40,303
I am not filing a report,
actually.
462
00:20:40,347 --> 00:20:42,349
But... I thought you hated me.
463
00:20:42,392 --> 00:20:44,089
You talk about yourself
a little too much,
464
00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:45,743
but stabbing me,
breaking protocol--
465
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,484
that was actually pretty cool.
466
00:20:47,528 --> 00:20:49,747
Sometimes I forget
what Starfleet's all about,
467
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,967
and today you reminded me.
468
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:54,317
Plus, this is gonna make
a good scar.
469
00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:57,277
A great scar.
470
00:20:58,713 --> 00:21:01,150
-Take her away, boys!
-W-Wait, what? Why?
471
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,760
Because you ignored me
when I ordered you
472
00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:04,762
to roll down your sleeves.
They're against code.
473
00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:07,069
The sleeve thing?
You're an idiot.
474
00:21:07,112 --> 00:21:09,898
You just earned an extra day
in the brig!
475
00:21:09,941 --> 00:21:12,074
Joke's on you, man--
I love the brig!
476
00:21:12,117 --> 00:21:14,685
I'm going to my favorite place!
477
00:21:14,729 --> 00:21:18,036
Next time, I'm gonnalet somebody kill you.
478
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,082
I'm gonna dance in your blood!
479
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:23,433
Okay. That was kind of hot.
480
00:21:24,521 --> 00:21:26,480
-Come.
481
00:21:26,523 --> 00:21:29,047
-You wanted to see me, Captain?-It took the eyes of a child
482
00:21:29,091 --> 00:21:31,528
to see whatwe were blind to today, Boimler.
483
00:21:31,572 --> 00:21:33,661
If it wasn't for you,
we would still be following
484
00:21:33,704 --> 00:21:35,271
every little rule in the book.
485
00:21:35,315 --> 00:21:36,664
Wait, is that bad?
'Cause I loverules.
486
00:21:36,707 --> 00:21:38,448
We're instituting
a new ship-wide mandate,
487
00:21:38,492 --> 00:21:41,059
and we're calling it
the "Boimler Effect."
488
00:21:41,103 --> 00:21:42,757
Really? I-I'm honored.
489
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,541
You should be.
The Boimler Effect is about
490
00:21:44,585 --> 00:21:46,369
encouraging shortcuts
and preventing people
491
00:21:46,413 --> 00:21:48,328
from just blindly following
the rules.
492
00:21:48,371 --> 00:21:50,460
From now on, the crew
can build in buffer time
493
00:21:50,504 --> 00:21:51,766
whenever they deem fit.
494
00:21:51,809 --> 00:21:53,463
Congratulations. Dismissed.
495
00:21:53,507 --> 00:21:55,813
Oh. Well, hey,how about we add a little thing
496
00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:58,033
about how important it is
to blindly followrules?
497
00:21:58,076 --> 00:22:00,296
If my name is going
to be associated with...
498
00:22:00,340 --> 00:22:02,690
No, the Boimler Effect isliterally the opposite of that.
499
00:22:02,733 --> 00:22:05,388
But I don't know, I don't know
how I feel about that, and...
500
00:22:05,432 --> 00:22:07,999
I-Is it in ink? Is it already
in the system? Is it...
501
00:22:08,043 --> 00:22:09,784
BOIMLER:
Wow, it's on a plaque.
502
00:22:09,827 --> 00:22:12,569
Get back to your stationand do whatever
youdeem right.
503
00:22:14,615 --> 00:22:17,269
BOIMLER:
I get a whole rule
named after me,
504
00:22:17,313 --> 00:22:19,359
and it's all about
notfollowing rules.
505
00:22:19,402 --> 00:22:20,969
Don't worry about it, man.
506
00:22:21,012 --> 00:22:23,406
They're always making upnew rules no one ever remembers.
507
00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:25,277
I'm sure this one
will fade, too.
508
00:22:25,321 --> 00:22:26,888
Yeah, this isn't something
to worry about.
509
00:22:26,931 --> 00:22:28,368
No one will remember.
510
00:22:29,673 --> 00:22:31,675
PROFESSOR:
Which is why
511
00:22:31,719 --> 00:22:34,939
the Boimler Effect issomething we will never forget.
512
00:22:34,983 --> 00:22:36,637
So named after the laziest,
513
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,509
most corner-cutting officer
in Starfleet history,
514
00:22:39,553 --> 00:22:41,381
Brad Boimler,
515
00:22:41,424 --> 00:22:44,688
seen here with one of
the great birds of the galaxy.
516
00:22:44,732 --> 00:22:47,648
Anyway, let's move onto somebody even more important,
517
00:22:47,691 --> 00:22:51,042
perhaps the most important
person in Starfleet history,
518
00:22:51,086 --> 00:22:53,915
Chief Miles O'Brien.
519
00:23:34,303 --> 00:23:37,306
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
520
00:24:23,483 --> 00:24:24,484
Chirp.
39145
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