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1
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,580
How are your parents?
I hate it here.
2
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,845
That doesn't count!
I'm on the phone!
3
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,440
What are you doing?
Helping Mummy with her backhand.
4
00:00:36,475 --> 00:00:38,560
The new tennis courts are
to die for.
5
00:00:38,595 --> 00:00:40,685
How's Bertha?
Bit grizzly.
6
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,520
Keeps screaming at the peacocks.
7
00:00:42,555 --> 00:00:44,560
Are you still in bed?
No.
8
00:00:44,595 --> 00:00:46,005
Stu, you're so lazy.
9
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,685
I didn't get in till three.
10
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,560
One of me speakers fell on the
bride.
11
00:00:49,595 --> 00:00:51,120
Oh, my God. Is she all right?
12
00:00:51,155 --> 00:00:52,125
No.
13
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,520
Well, look, Daddy's driver's
setting off in ten,
14
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,125
so we shouldn't be long.
15
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,840
Remember you've got Bertha this
afternoon. I've got Aqua Pilates.
16
00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:01,360
Yep. April, we're picking
medlars!
17
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,960
Oh, I've got to go. Love you!
18
00:01:02,995 --> 00:01:04,240
Bye.
19
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,320
What are you doing here?
20
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,680
Have you taken something?
21
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,725
What's going on?
Who are you?
22
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,960
I'm Stuart. I'm a wedding DJ.
I haven't got any money.
23
00:03:07,995 --> 00:03:10,045
Please don't kill me.
Shut up!
24
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,520
If this is about last night,
it's not my fault.
25
00:03:12,555 --> 00:03:14,280
The bass was too high on Pass The
Dutchie.
26
00:03:14,315 --> 00:03:16,120
I said, shut up, and give me that!
27
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,240
Right. Sit down.
28
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,020
What are you doing in his house?
29
00:03:46,055 --> 00:03:47,707
It's my house. He's my brother.
30
00:03:47,742 --> 00:03:49,360
You said it was your house.
31
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,920
All right. I popped back for
your iPad. You are a piece of work.
32
00:03:56,955 --> 00:03:59,017
I couldn't agree more.
All right. Get a room.
33
00:03:59,052 --> 00:04:01,080
Can someone tell me, please,
what is going on?
34
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,200
I did tell you I might have
ruffled quite a few feathers.
35
00:04:07,235 --> 00:04:09,125
You've ruined my life!
Have I, though?
36
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,460
I've lost everything! You obviously
didn't read the small print.
37
00:04:12,495 --> 00:04:15,760
I made it clear that there was a
tiny risk that, should markets dip,
38
00:04:15,795 --> 00:04:17,997
that you might lose a portion of
your investment.
39
00:04:18,032 --> 00:04:20,165
The bank's taken my house.
My wife's kicked me out.
40
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,920
I've been sleeping in the car! I
can't afford the kids' school fees.
41
00:04:22,955 --> 00:04:25,445
All I've eaten in the last three
days is your banana!
42
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,920
I will get you a new banana.
Fuck his banana! I want my money!
43
00:04:28,955 --> 00:04:30,800
Fucking hell, Charlie.
How much do you owe him?
44
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,925
100 grand. Jesus!
45
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,200
You haven't got...
He hasn't got that kind of money.
46
00:04:35,235 --> 00:04:37,480
Course he has.
He's absolutely broke. Stuart...
47
00:04:37,515 --> 00:04:39,205
No, he's not. Are you?
48
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,085
Stuart, how much money have you
got on you?
49
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,040
There's 45 quid in the Carte D'Or
tub under the sink.
50
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,640
Mmmm, no there isn't.
51
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,885
Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God!
52
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,960
All right, all right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
53
00:04:52,995 --> 00:04:55,120
I've got some money stashed away.
What?
54
00:04:55,155 --> 00:04:57,125
How much? How much?!
55
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,920
It's a bit under 50 grand.
How much?!
56
00:04:59,955 --> 00:05:02,485
Where is it? It's somewhere safe.
57
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,360
All right, all right, all right.
I stashed it
58
00:05:04,395 --> 00:05:06,200
in one of those sacks of gravel
in the shed.
59
00:05:06,235 --> 00:05:07,405
You buried 50 grand in my gravel?
60
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,920
With a bit of help from Dad.
Dad knows? Why was he helping you?
61
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:10,925
Me back.
62
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,160
50 grand? How could you?
I've been paying for everything!
63
00:05:13,195 --> 00:05:15,600
Shut up, both of you!
I need to think.
64
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,640
Could just get it out.
65
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,125
You, get it out.
66
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,080
Me? Why me?
Well, it is your gravel.
67
00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:01,085
Who's that?
68
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,645
I don't know. All right.
69
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,760
Get rid of them
and no funny business, or he's dead!
70
00:06:04,795 --> 00:06:06,680
Yeah. No funny business, Stu.
71
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,880
Oh, Stu, you're still in your
jimjams.
72
00:06:16,915 --> 00:06:18,165
I'm having a day off.
73
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,040
No, you're not.
You're supposed to be next door!
74
00:06:21,075 --> 00:06:22,817
Oh, your anniversary.
75
00:06:22,852 --> 00:06:24,525
Yes, my anniversary.
76
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,565
You've already missed the
Buck's fizz.
77
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,480
Chops are on the barbie,
so go and get dressed.
78
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:32,360
I've lined up something a bit
special for Sandy.
79
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,080
You OK?
80
00:06:44,855 --> 00:06:47,107
Ey?
81
00:06:49,166 --> 00:06:51,120
Plea?
82
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,760
Clondon plea?
83
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,880
No, you've completely lost me,
I'm afraid.
84
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,280
50 grand! I bought you a
waffle-maker.
85
00:07:27,315 --> 00:07:28,725
And very nice it is, too.
86
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,020
I've been living off beans on toast
the last two months.
87
00:07:31,055 --> 00:07:33,280
Well, you should have said.
Would have made you a waffle.
88
00:07:33,315 --> 00:07:34,577
Stop bickering.
89
00:07:34,612 --> 00:07:35,805
Shit! What?
90
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,405
April. Who's April?
91
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,325
Me girlfriend. She's on her way
back. Shit.
92
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,680
You'll have to call her. Tell her to
stay away. Say what? I don't know.
93
00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:45,480
Tell her you met someone else.
Oh, she'll never buy that.
94
00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:47,337
Oi, oi, oi. Speakerphone.
95
00:07:47,372 --> 00:07:49,160
You could be talking in code.
96
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,260
Hey, Daddy Bear.
We're just getting in the car now.
97
00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:56,080
Um, there's a bit of a problem this
end, sweetheart.
98
00:07:56,115 --> 00:07:57,725
What do you mean?
99
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,560
I've flooded the bathroom.
100
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,485
You and your bloody IBS!
101
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,600
Yeah. Maybe you should stay at your
mum and dad's for another night.
102
00:08:09,635 --> 00:08:11,765
No way! Daddy's driving me potty.
103
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,960
He's hit the Dubonnet.
Well, so stay in a B&B.
104
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,637
I'm not staying in a B&B.
105
00:08:16,672 --> 00:08:18,636
What about a Travelodge?
106
00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:20,565
They don't have spas!
107
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,240
Where do you want to stay, April?
108
00:08:22,275 --> 00:08:24,525
Maison Chic.
109
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,840
It's 300 quid a night.
110
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:34,280
Fine. See? This is why we're getting
on so well.
111
00:08:34,315 --> 00:08:36,560
You're so impulsive these days.
112
00:08:36,595 --> 00:08:38,045
Daddy?
113
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,140
Bertha's rolling towards the lake.
114
00:08:40,175 --> 00:08:42,200
I've got to go. Bye.
Give me that!
115
00:08:42,235 --> 00:08:44,520
Right. Where's this gravel?
116
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,120
You are fucking joking?
117
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,765
Which one is it?
118
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,520
I can't remember, can I?
It was six months ago.
119
00:08:54,555 --> 00:08:56,405
Who keeps this much gravel?
120
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,360
I only wanted three, but I double
clicked. They won't take them back.
121
00:08:59,395 --> 00:09:01,960
We'll just have to go through the
lot, then.
122
00:09:01,995 --> 00:09:03,845
Don't just stand there.
Give us a hand.
123
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,280
What, with my knees?
Nothing wrong with your knees.
124
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,920
What do you take?
125
00:09:21,955 --> 00:09:23,165
What?
126
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,240
For your guts. IBS.
I can't shift mine.
127
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,805
I don't know. Ginger?
128
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,360
Oh, does that work?
Does it bollocks!
129
00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:32,925
You're a prick, Charlie.
130
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,445
You should have more faith in me.
131
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,640
Based on what?
When have I ever let you down?
132
00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:38,045
Always! All the time!
133
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,285
Apart from that?
It's all right for you.
134
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,500
You drift through life with no
responsibilities.
135
00:09:43,535 --> 00:09:45,680
I mowed your lawn a few weeks
back. It's Astroturf!
136
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:47,205
All right, I hoovered it, then!
137
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,885
I'm the one that has to go to work
every day,
138
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,600
just so you can spend the afternoon
wanking in front of the telly.
139
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:55,240
Poor you! Look at me with me job,
me big telly,
140
00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:57,480
me nice house and me fish tank!
141
00:09:57,515 --> 00:09:58,805
You've got no idea.
142
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,400
Try being me for ten minutes.
Give us the gun, then. Shut up!
143
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,617
Oh, my back hurts.
144
00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:04,800
Just get on with it!
145
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,485
Make sure you have a
nice bath later.
146
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,200
Take a couple of ibuprofen.
That's what I do.
147
00:10:14,235 --> 00:10:16,605
Used to, till they took the house.
148
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,740
Now my wife and kids
are in a shitty bedsit,
149
00:10:18,775 --> 00:10:20,840
and I have to sink-wash
in a Sainsbury's bog.
150
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,400
Scrub my boxers with hand soap.
151
00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:25,525
Stu!
152
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,285
Shit. All right, Baz?
153
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,680
Charlie! Long time, no see.
154
00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:31,325
What's all this, then?
155
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,800
Gravelling the lawn in your jimjams?
156
00:10:33,835 --> 00:10:35,845
Er...
157
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,400
Oh, how rude of me.
158
00:10:37,435 --> 00:10:39,040
Barry Foskin.
159
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,920
Mick. Mick what?
160
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,365
Mick...Mock.
161
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,680
You're not one of the Salford Mocks,
are you?
162
00:10:46,715 --> 00:10:48,600
Had a run-in with them in '76.
163
00:10:48,635 --> 00:10:50,520
So, what you doing?
164
00:10:50,555 --> 00:10:52,205
Mick's...
165
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,920
Mick's...cat's dead.
166
00:10:53,955 --> 00:10:55,205
Oh...
167
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,240
Yeah. We're just burying it.
168
00:10:57,275 --> 00:10:59,160
In gravel.
169
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,960
He, er, lives in a tower block.
No garden.
170
00:11:04,995 --> 00:11:06,680
Penthouse. Family loves it.
Yeah.
171
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,760
Must have been squashed by
a good 50 or 60 cars.
172
00:11:15,795 --> 00:11:18,480
Poor thing looked like a
hairy pancake.
173
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,920
Nissan estate? Duvet in the back,
takeaway cartons,
174
00:11:25,955 --> 00:11:27,365
empty miniatures?
175
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,565
Yes, yes, it's mine.
You wouldn't mind shifting it,
176
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,520
would you, Mick? Only my mate,
Terry, needs to get his car
177
00:11:33,555 --> 00:11:35,677
as close to the house as possible,
178
00:11:35,712 --> 00:11:37,765
what with his gammy back and arms.
179
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,880
I can't really do it right now.
I need to get this shit sorted.
180
00:11:40,915 --> 00:11:43,040
Oh... I'll do it. No!
181
00:11:43,075 --> 00:11:44,165
You do it.
182
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,440
Full disclosure,
I have had a couple of Camparis.
183
00:11:47,475 --> 00:11:49,240
Yeah, just do it!
184
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,325
Please.
185
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,445
Yeah. Please, Barry.
186
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,725
Right you are. Word to the wise -
187
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:59,440
dead cats in gravel do kick up a
pong during the summer months.
188
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,685
Turn it up! 11!
189
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,640
Come and shake that booty, Barry!
Yolanda!
190
00:12:13,675 --> 00:12:15,017
Tango in two ticks.
191
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,005
Liz?
192
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,045
It's Barry, Stuart's neighbour.
193
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,920
Can I just say,
condolences on the cat.
194
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,920
No. I think you've got the wrong
number.
195
00:13:22,955 --> 00:13:24,360
This is Mick's phone.
196
00:13:24,395 --> 00:13:26,005
Mick.
197
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,560
You may well have called Simon but
you've got through to Mick.
198
00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:31,165
Well, Barry.
199
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:34,085
Yeah, they can do that sometimes.
200
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,680
Yeah. Technology, Liz,
what can I say?
201
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,240
No. No problem at all.
202
00:13:42,275 --> 00:13:43,480
All the best!
203
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,640
Yeah, it's me again.
204
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,360
Does your husband own
a Nissan estate?
205
00:14:00,395 --> 00:14:01,800
Eat a lot of takeaways?
206
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,085
Right...
207
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,360
Well, this is a proper Ruth Rendell.
208
00:14:06,395 --> 00:14:08,600
No. Definitely said his name
was Mick.
209
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:10,800
Mick Mock. Ring any bells?
210
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,960
Yeah. It does sound a bit made up.
211
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,720
I think the mists are beginning
to clear, Liz.
212
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,805
I don't really like to say.
213
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,125
Well, it's just my opinion,
you understand,
214
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,640
but he's obviously groping for trout
in a peculiar river.
215
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,440
Oh, it's Shakespeare, Liz.
216
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:34,437
For having an affair.
217
00:14:34,472 --> 00:14:36,400
I'm terribly sorry.
218
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,040
Now... Now, now, Liz.
219
00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:41,440
Liz...
220
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,040
I know, Liz.
221
00:14:49,075 --> 00:14:50,800
I know he is.
222
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,165
Yep. Yep.
223
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,960
I'll tell him.
224
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:57,445
Mmm.
225
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,760
Bye, then.
226
00:14:58,795 --> 00:14:59,880
Bye!
227
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,320
Oh, dear.
228
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,365
Baja!
229
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,280
Get warmed up!
230
00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:33,680
Yeah!
231
00:15:36,975 --> 00:15:38,927
# Ooh-ooh, yeah! #
232
00:15:38,962 --> 00:15:40,880
My beauties, yes.
233
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,880
Is it done?
234
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,525
It is.
235
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,765
You'll probably be needing this.
236
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,540
I'm afraid the cat's out of the bag,
Simon,
237
00:15:55,575 --> 00:15:58,280
if you'll excuse the
rather insensitive pun.
238
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:00,280
What are you talking about?
Liz called.
239
00:16:00,315 --> 00:16:01,417
My Liz?
240
00:16:01,452 --> 00:16:02,485
'Fraid so.
241
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:03,920
She knows about the affair.
242
00:16:03,955 --> 00:16:05,445
What affair?
243
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,440
Well, false name, Simon.
Dead giveaway.
244
00:16:07,475 --> 00:16:08,925
I could repeat what she said,
245
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,280
but it was rather laden
with expletives.
246
00:16:11,315 --> 00:16:13,765
The gist is, don't ever come back.
247
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,120
Why the fuck does she think
I'm having an affair?
248
00:16:16,155 --> 00:16:17,637
Your guess is as good as mine.
249
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,256
Let's not do anything silly, Mick.
250
00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:20,840
Simon!
No, Mick's the affair name.
251
00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:22,280
There is no affair!
252
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,885
I love her more than
anything in the world.
253
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,320
Look, when you've finished interring
the little one,
254
00:16:31,355 --> 00:16:33,125
why don't you all pop over here?
255
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,960
There's a sausage with your name
on it, Simon.
256
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,760
Or Mick. Call it what you want,
it's your sausage.
257
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,600
Hey, cheer up, big fella.
She'll take you back.
258
00:16:47,635 --> 00:16:50,280
I didn't cheat on her.
I never would.
259
00:16:50,315 --> 00:16:51,485
Of course not.
260
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,360
But, you know, everyone does it.
261
00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:54,685
No, they don't!
262
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,005
Yes, they do. No, they don't.
263
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,880
Well, your first girlfriend did.
That Suzanne what's-her-name.
264
00:16:59,915 --> 00:17:01,777
Cartwright? Yeah. That's the one.
265
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,640
No, she didn't. Yeah, she did.
266
00:17:03,675 --> 00:17:05,525
Who with?
267
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,445
Oh, you fucker.
268
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,840
Oh, it were years ago.
269
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,565
Are you crying?
270
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,120
I don't want to talk to you.
271
00:17:26,155 --> 00:17:27,717
You're crying, aren't you?
272
00:17:27,752 --> 00:17:29,245
Yes, I'm crying, Charlie!
273
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,200
None of this is bothering you,
is it? Well, of course it is.
274
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,720
You've got to laugh, else you'll...
275
00:17:38,755 --> 00:17:40,600
Well, you ARE, but...
276
00:17:42,892 --> 00:17:45,080
Oh, come on.
277
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,685
Do you want a hug?
278
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,045
No, I don't want a fucking hug!
279
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,005
I just wanted a day off.
What is it with you?
280
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,200
You're ruining my life! Come on.
We've had some laughs, haven't we?
281
00:17:56,235 --> 00:17:59,360
No. No, we have not. I only let you
stay here cos I had no choice.
282
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:00,525
What do you mean?
283
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,720
The mortgage. What about it?
284
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,280
and unless I let you stay here,
you'd tell the police. Did I?
285
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,685
Oh, yeah.
286
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,240
No, that was a lie.
287
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,740
I've been shitting myself
for the last seven months
288
00:18:20,775 --> 00:18:23,080
cos I thought someone was going to
take my house!
289
00:18:23,115 --> 00:18:24,800
How could you do that to your
own brother?
290
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,360
Dunno.
291
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,240
I'd nowhere else to go.
292
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,020
I am sorry, OK?
293
00:18:34,055 --> 00:18:35,520
I really am.
294
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,400
I've made some mistakes, but
nobody's taking your house away, OK?
295
00:18:40,435 --> 00:18:42,920
That mortgage is all on the level,
so stop worrying.
296
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,380
I am sorry, Stu.
297
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,680
Who the fuck is that?
I don't know.
298
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,920
I've had enough of this crap.
299
00:18:53,955 --> 00:18:55,920
Get rid of them!
300
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,520
Hurry up.
301
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,080
Hi. Humphrey Roehampton.
302
00:19:13,115 --> 00:19:14,605
Hello.
303
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:15,800
What's with the jamas?
304
00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:17,197
What do you want?
305
00:19:17,232 --> 00:19:18,525
Is Apes there?
306
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,405
You mean April? Yah.
307
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,040
No, she's at her mum and dad's.
Right...
308
00:19:23,075 --> 00:19:25,617
Bit awks.
Buddy of mine, Mike Bottford,
309
00:19:25,652 --> 00:19:28,160
told me she'd shacked up
with some old guy.
310
00:19:28,195 --> 00:19:29,325
Yeah. That's me.
311
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,045
So you're Spencer? Stuart.
Right.
312
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,040
I'm a bit busy. What do you want?
All right, I'll cut to the chase.
313
00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:37,920
April's the love of my life
and I want her back.
314
00:19:37,955 --> 00:19:39,925
Piss off.
Totally understandable.
315
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,760
Look, I'm just going to pop in
and Apes and I can hash this out
316
00:19:42,795 --> 00:19:45,057
when she's back.
No, she's not interested.
317
00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:47,226
I'd like to hear that
from Apes' lips.
318
00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,070
We're together now.
We've got a family.
319
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,652
What do you mean?
We've got a baby.
320
00:19:51,687 --> 00:19:54,200
Can you please leave? Baby? Wow.
321
00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:55,640
How old?
322
00:19:58,360 --> 00:19:59,925
Shit! OK...
323
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,720
What? Nothing...
324
00:20:01,755 --> 00:20:03,445
What? Nothing.
325
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,520
I'll, er, see you around, Scott.
326
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,685
Who was that?
327
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,040
April's ex. Come to pick her up?
328
00:20:14,075 --> 00:20:15,400
That's not funny.
329
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,365
Why is this taking so long?
330
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,920
You're lying to me, ain't ya?
I know it. I'm not, I'm not.
331
00:20:20,955 --> 00:20:22,885
There is no money, is there?
332
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,680
If you've been stringing me along...
333
00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:26,405
Charlie? There is!
334
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,605
Look, Dad'll know which
sack it's in.
335
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,240
If you give me me phone back,
I'll text me dad. He knows!
336
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:32,640
Last chance.
337
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:40,685
"Hi, Dad.
338
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,320
"Do you remember...
339
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,445
"...which sack
340
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,560
"my rainy day stash is in?
341
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:49,760
"Kiss, kiss." Send.
342
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,880
Oh, God.
343
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,200
Passcode.
344
00:21:04,235 --> 00:21:05,957
1, 2, 3, 4.
345
00:21:05,992 --> 00:21:07,596
Read it!
346
00:21:07,631 --> 00:21:09,165
Go on!
347
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,960
I don't want to. Read it!
348
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,125
"There is no money, Stu,
what we going to do?"
349
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,920
And then there's a little emoji
of a man shrugging.
350
00:21:18,955 --> 00:21:21,125
Oh, fucking hell!
I forgot he had it.
351
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,600
I told you, but you wouldn't listen.
You think this is a game!
352
00:21:24,635 --> 00:21:26,125
Come on, Simon. I can pay you back.
353
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,080
I've got plenty more Ponzi schemes
on the go.
354
00:21:28,115 --> 00:21:29,697
Why are you making me do this?
355
00:21:29,732 --> 00:21:31,280
No-one's making you do anything.
356
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,640
Get on your knees!
357
00:21:36,675 --> 00:21:38,165
Please don't do this.
358
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,485
Both of you, on your knees!
359
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,620
This is all on you,
Charlie Stallone!
360
00:21:42,655 --> 00:21:44,685
Stallone?
I had to cover me tracks!
361
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,880
How's that working out for you?
Shut up!
362
00:21:46,915 --> 00:21:48,920
Oh, God, this isn't happening!
363
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,885
Just think about what you're doing.
It's not too late.
364
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,360
I messed up with my first family
and I've got a beautiful baby girl.
365
00:21:56,395 --> 00:21:57,680
I said, shut up.
366
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,480
Who the fuck is that?
367
00:22:04,515 --> 00:22:06,125
I don't know.
368
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,320
Get...rid...of...them!
369
00:22:08,355 --> 00:22:09,760
Yeah.
370
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:14,725
Oh, thank God.
371
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,120
Barry called us.
He's got a gun.
372
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,080
CHARLIE WHIMPERS
373
00:22:23,115 --> 00:22:24,200
Sit down!
374
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:27,840
And you.
375
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,440
I think you want next door.
376
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:43,560
What's all this, then?
377
00:23:43,595 --> 00:23:45,085
All right, Mum.
378
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,200
What the hell's going on?
Why is Madonna red?
379
00:23:47,235 --> 00:23:48,677
Why is Ted being so nice to you?
380
00:23:48,712 --> 00:23:50,085
This guy!
What are you doing?
381
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,725
And where were your fucking
trousers?
382
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,680
Kate's not daft,
she knows something's wrong.
383
00:23:53,715 --> 00:23:55,565
It's going to go off like
soddin' Krakatoa!
384
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,080
Do not smack my arse again.
We're supposed to be mates.
385
00:23:58,115 --> 00:24:00,800
All right?
He's our new lodger.
386
00:24:00,835 --> 00:24:02,200
Sleeps in the spare room.
387
00:24:02,235 --> 00:24:03,397
Hey?
388
00:24:03,432 --> 00:24:04,525
Sure.
389
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:08,960
We are in what is commonly known as
a polyamorous relationship.
390
00:24:08,995 --> 00:24:11,720
Dear God. Or, as I like to call it,
a throuple.
391
00:24:11,755 --> 00:24:13,360
I'm not afraid to give you a
spanking!
392
00:24:13,395 --> 00:24:14,565
Yeah, I'd like to see you try!
393
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,920
We're just a regular family
who enjoy each other's company.
394
00:24:17,955 --> 00:24:19,360
Damn straight.
28005
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