Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,399
Yobs! Vandals! Degenerates!
2
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,679
Don't attract attention,
they'll come and get us.
3
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,279
Well, if you'd keep your head down,
4
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,119
your luminous hair won't give
the game away, Orange. co. uk!
5
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,199
OK, I will, Moonpig.com!
6
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,999
How dare you?
7
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,399
What website am I? Confused.com.
8
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:37,400
Why am I Confused.com?
Only Confused.com would ask that.
9
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,519
Tango.
10
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,279
Oh, my God, it's him!
11
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,559
It's Lee Rind.
12
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,719
Oh, Lee! Lee.
13
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,399
Lee Rind is different
from the others, Aretha.
14
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,119
He's actually really sensitive.
15
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,639
I saw him shoplift an
Adele CD at Christmas.
16
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,279
The thing you need to remember
about Lee Rind, Germaine,
17
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,639
is that he shot a snail
with an air rifle!
18
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,119
This is memoralilia,
19
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,599
and I am keeping it.
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,600
Lee Rind was drinking Tango
the first time I saw him.
21
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,599
What a summer that was!
22
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,279
This summer!
23
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:19,039
That was this summer! Really?!
24
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,227
Funny, it seems like I've loved
Lee Rind all my life.
25
00:01:22,977 --> 00:01:34,199
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
26
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,919
How do, Princess Twinkle Toes?
27
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,679
This is a car park,
not a massive bin.
28
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,719
Someone on below minimum wage going
to fish that out of the hedge for ya?
29
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,599
You're being part of the problem,
you know, not the solution,
30
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,239
and when the oil runs out
and the lights go off, you'll be
31
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:12,240
regretting this, in the dark,
selling sexual favours for candles.
32
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Think on, love.
33
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,079
This is the life, eh?
34
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,679
Yes, I feel sha-mazing!
35
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,719
You can scoff, Aretha,
but to my mind,
36
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,680
eating Battenberg straight from
the packet is as good as it gets.
37
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,719
I feel sorry for the guys
who have to go to school.
38
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,999
What do they get out of it?
An education and some prospects.
39
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,159
An education from The Man,
40
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,719
Aretha, what kind of
an education is that?
41
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,279
An internationally recognised one.
42
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,280
Yeah, but we get to watch telly
all day, every day!
43
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:14,400
There's nothing more internationally
recognised than telly!
44
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,719
Right, then, let's crank up
this all-day horror-fest.
45
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,879
There is a brutal opening
decapitation in this one.
46
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,759
All right!
Trauma prevention hoods on, kids.
47
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,760
We don't want you having
any nightmares, do we?
48
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,999
Oh, great! Mum's home.
49
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,880
Pause the fun.
50
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,999
Germaine, did I not tell you
to mow this lawn while I was out?
51
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,879
No, Mum. I genuinely don't recall
you asking me that. Sorry.
52
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,880
Look into my eyes, Germaine.
53
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,559
Yes, I said I would mow, I did.
54
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,159
Then prove to me there's some
decency left in this world
55
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,959
and mow this mother-loving lawn,
Germaine. OK! OK!
56
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,799
What's that, Mum? Looks like
a kennel, but it's round.
57
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:10,239
Are we getting a round dog?
58
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,199
The last thing this house needs
is another living creature in it.
59
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,279
It's a water butt, Yoko.
60
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,719
I'm tired of you lot
literally pissing my money away
61
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,759
flushing the toilet, so from now on,
we're going to harvest rain water
62
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,039
and then Wolverhampton Council can
stick its water meter up its arse.
63
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,639
Now, get that food inside.
64
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,640
Big ones, potatoes!
65
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,080
Aw, I reckon I will eat
at least one fifth of this bag!
66
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,119
Stop ruining potatoes for me,
Germaine.
67
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,319
Quack, quack!
68
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,599
Can somebody wipe my bum?!
69
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:47,600
Why has nobody
wiped that child's bum?
70
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,679
Give me the juice. No.
71
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,359
Just give me some. No!
72
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:09,119
Stop it!
73
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:13,039
Need more bread.
74
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:17,040
I've licked everything on my plate,
so don't bother.
75
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,479
Hey up, cheese on cheese!
76
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,639
# Cheese on cheese
77
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,479
# I'm having a sandwich
78
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,559
# Cheese on cheese
79
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,799
# With Cheddar and Leicester
80
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,559
# Cheese on cheese! #
81
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:33,679
Simon Le Bon!
82
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,919
Le Bon is French for
"the bon," you know.
83
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,159
Mum, can I have that tenner
I lent you back? What for?
84
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,119
I need a textbook
for my history studies.
85
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,559
I don't know why you bother with
the textbooks, Aretha.
86
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,199
You want to get on those
apocalypse survival websites,
87
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,279
school yourself up.
88
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,599
If the breakdown of society
happens in your lifetime,
89
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,679
you'll want to know how to make
a rabbit trap out of a coat hanger,
90
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,639
not which king Simon Schama
reckons were gay.
91
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,479
The devaluing of education
is one of the hallmarks
92
00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,959
of a totalitarian regime.
93
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,039
Are you accusing me of running
a totalitarian regime?
94
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,439
That is for history to judge.
95
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,999
If you're buying her a textbook,
can you buy me a bread maker?
96
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,679
I've got this plan
to put it in the bedroom,
97
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,799
so then it would be the "Breadroom!"
98
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,479
I'm not giving either of you
any money until that lawn is mown!
99
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,319
When it comes to
pulling your weight,
100
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,959
you're not hitting your targets.
You need to get off your arse
101
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,999
if you're going to make
a future for yourself.
102
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,359
Like Alan Sugar.
103
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,159
Alan Sugar got off his arse.
104
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,959
You were given a job to do, do it.
105
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,359
You don't have a job.
106
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,199
My job is to get you off your arse.
107
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,959
That's management,
which is what good parenting is.
108
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,119
Supernanny says good parenting
is about setting boundaries
109
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,999
and helping your children
achieve their dreams.
110
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,479
Supernanny! Supernanny!
You dare mention Supernanny!
111
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,079
Where am I smoking, Germaine?
112
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,999
Am I ever by you,
getting smoke on you?
113
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:52,000
No, I'm not. I'm smoking out the
window, aren't I? And why's that?
114
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,679
Because I am a good mother.
115
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,439
If I hadn't had kids,
I could be smoking in a chair.
116
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,440
And am I the only person in
this house that slices cheese?!
117
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,399
Fucking David Cameron!
118
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,959
Hey, duck,
119
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,760
it's "Luncheon Me!"
120
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:15,000
Mow that sodding lawn, Germaine.
121
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,479
Now, Aretha, I know you plan
to lock me in that shed
122
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,799
when I go in to get the
lawn mower, I know that.
123
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,239
And yes, I shut you in
when it was your turn,
124
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,919
it's tit-for-tat,
125
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,839
the Circle of Life,
bad-a-boom, bad-a-bing,
126
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,199
but listen, Aretha,
127
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,919
there are definitely more spiders
in there than last time!
128
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,719
Look at it!
It's seething with them, boiling!
129
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,559
Looks about the same
as when you shut me in.
130
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,519
I'm trusting you.
131
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,399
Trusting you, Aretha.
132
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,639
Trust.
133
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,679
Sisterly trust.
134
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,119
No, bigger than that,
135
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,999
Trust House Forte!
136
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,000
The National Trust!
137
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,879
I'm going to my safe place!
138
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,880
One, two... Oh, I'm simply
Kirsty Allsopp renovating a shed.
139
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,759
Nothing can harm me. '..five...'
140
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,039
I'm thinking about bunting.
I'm thinking about bunting!
141
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,919
..eight, nine...
142
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,999
Seriously, Aretha!
143
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,799
There is an egg sac
dangling right by my face!
144
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,119
Aretha! ..ten. Aretha!
145
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,359
My vengeance is complete.
146
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,679
Aretha! They're on me!
147
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:37,680
They're on me, beat me, pat me down,
scrub me down like Silkwood!
148
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,519
They're in my hair!
149
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,399
Don't let them be such a prick,
Germaine, shake them off!
150
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:46,360
Those better not be my new bee sticks
you're hitting her with!
151
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,520
Right, then, all ready to mow?
152
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,960
Grampy is here!
153
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,959
Grampy? He's not moving, what if
he came here to die like a salmon?
154
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,479
Or to spawn like a salmon?
155
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,199
Oh, Mum'll go mental if
he stains the carpet.
156
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,719
Oh, you've done it again, Dad!
157
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,799
Why do you climb through my window?
158
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,279
You've got a key.
They've thrown me out, Dell.
159
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,519
You've got a key, Dad!
I don't believe in keys.
160
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:26,959
I won't have 'em in the house.
161
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,799
I operate on trust. Did you
come over the fields, Grampy?
162
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,639
Like Gandalf? Aye, that, I did.
163
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,519
Like a poor, sad warlock.
Over field and dale.
164
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,679
And through my bloody window box.
165
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,519
What's the malevolent bitch
done now?
166
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,119
Now, Della, don't be like that
about your mother.
167
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,279
I bloody love that little woman.
168
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,519
There's fire in her bones,
that's what you need to understand.
169
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,359
I won't have anything positive
said about my mother in this house.
170
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,879
The woman's a freakin' sociopath.
171
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,159
I'm broken-hearted, Dell.
172
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,559
It's like a stabbing pain
in my balls,
173
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,799
right in my knackers
and up into my heart.
174
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,839
That's them Highways Jeremy Clarkson
jeans you wear, you daft old sod.
175
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,599
I need to beg shelter over
an old man's head, Della.
176
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,039
I am a woman in love.
177
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,879
What'll I do?
178
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,999
One night, but you'll have to
go in with the kids.
179
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,599
The cushion covers are clean on 'em.
180
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,119
I'm sorry, Dad, but you give off
a funny smell when you sleep
181
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,799
and I don't want it
on my upholstery.
182
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,479
Now, get that ashtray outside,
or I'll have to Febreze you.
183
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,039
Aretha, pick up my pot plants.
Germaine, put the camp bed up
184
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:32,040
and bulk that bolognese out.
185
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,960
Oh, Gok!
I wish you and I were friends.
186
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,360
I'd let you touch my bangers
and we'd talk about Lee Rind!
187
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,199
You know, I sometimes feel like
there's a gay man inside of me.
188
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,239
Maybe two gay men...
189
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:53,039
having sex together.
190
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,679
Oh, I like that feeling.
191
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:58,680
You don't mind me
talking like this, do you, Yoko?
192
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,719
Only, it's hard being as sensual
as I'm turning out to be
193
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,999
when you have to share a room
with four siblings.
194
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,839
It's OK. When someone
talks about something rude,
195
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,759
I imagine a dinosaur eating them.
196
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,879
Really? What kind of dinosaur?
197
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,159
An archaeopteryx.
198
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,399
It could fly, but it also has teeth,
and a special killing claw.
199
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,759
Sorry, I have no interest in that.
200
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,760
So now the girl talk is flowing,
tell me this -
201
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:30,360
do you ever get lumps in your
period? Because I do, big time!
202
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,520
Aretha needs some help out front.
203
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,720
Oh, Lee!
204
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,159
What's the problem?
205
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,799
Is Mum's butt too big? Yes!
206
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,879
Mum's butt is too big,
I can't handle it on my own.
207
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,759
I'll come right down
208
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,239
and help you share the load
of Mum's massive butt!
209
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,199
I can hear what you're saying,
you know!
210
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,719
But, Mum, your butt
genuinely is too big.
211
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,439
You're not actually as clever as
you think you are, Germaine.
212
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,159
It's your own future
you're violating.
213
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,999
You'll be sorry when
all the water's gone
214
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:11,000
and you have to look a dolphin
in the eye and tell it what you did.
215
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,359
Germaine! I think there's
a crack in Mum's butt!
216
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,559
You broke it, Aretha!
217
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:23,799
You're in trouble.
218
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:27,800
Grampy!
219
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,119
I know we've got it stuck but,
as Mary Poppins once said,
220
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,919
"Well begun is half done."
221
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,359
Wise woman, that Poppins.
222
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,279
So, we'll leave that butt there for
now. Time to clock off for the day.
223
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,639
Old Grampy could do with
one of his mellow jazz smokes.
224
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,119
Who fancies a little drive?
225
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,480
Me!
226
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,000
Germaine! Aretha! Grampy!
227
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,479
Leap, Wyatt!
228
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,409
Like in the A-Team!
229
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:17,752
# I love myself
I want you to love me
230
00:13:18,352 --> 00:13:22,352
# When I feel down
I want you above me
231
00:13:22,752 --> 00:13:26,671
# I search myself
I want you to find me
232
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:30,672
# I forget myself
I want you to remind me
233
00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:36,952
# I don't want anybody else
234
00:13:37,072 --> 00:13:41,072
# When I think about you
I touch myself, oh-oh
235
00:13:41,392 --> 00:13:45,392
# I don't want anybody else
236
00:13:45,432 --> 00:13:49,031
# Oh no, oh no, oh no... #
237
00:13:49,032 --> 00:13:53,032
This song is inappropriate!
238
00:13:53,192 --> 00:13:55,231
Hey, look, there's Mum!
239
00:13:55,232 --> 00:13:59,232
If we mounted the kerb we would kill
her. We would have to be sure.
240
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:01,752
Heads down for Grampy.
241
00:14:05,792 --> 00:14:08,552
At ease.
242
00:14:28,872 --> 00:14:31,791
Oh, shit. Nan's house. No way.
243
00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:35,311
Why are we here? We're on a mission,
kids, like James Bond.
244
00:14:35,312 --> 00:14:38,551
I am going in there,
you lot are on lookout.
245
00:14:38,552 --> 00:14:41,631
If you see Dr No coming,
honk the horn, and fast.
246
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:45,632
She's like Greased Lightning,
your nan.
247
00:14:54,672 --> 00:14:57,431
Oh!
248
00:14:57,432 --> 00:15:00,031
It's so nice to see Grampy.
249
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:04,032
We need to make the most of him
in his living years.
250
00:15:04,192 --> 00:15:08,192
I wonder how long he's got left?
251
00:15:08,752 --> 00:15:12,752
Hey, Aretha, do you think Wyatt is
a bit... you know, stupid?
252
00:15:15,712 --> 00:15:19,031
I mean, look at those blank eyes.
He's only six.
253
00:15:19,032 --> 00:15:23,032
I've seen him
forget how to use a door.
254
00:15:23,512 --> 00:15:26,751
Oh, Aretha, your pores are massive!
255
00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:29,812
Move away, I don't want you looking
at my pores! My pores are private!
256
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:33,019
Seriously, it's like looking at a
colander. Don't do this, Germaine.
257
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:36,099
You are violating the human rights
of my face! I can see a blackhead.
258
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,939
Oh, please, let me pop it
like a champagne cork!
259
00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:40,419
Oh, please! Oh, please!
260
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,179
Argh! Argh!
261
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:45,739
Your shoe just went
inside my vagina!
262
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:49,740
Oh, I think you just took my virginity
with your foot! Shut up, Germaine!
263
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,899
I think you've made me infertile!
264
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,099
Good! I'm glad!
I would be an angry aunt.
265
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:58,100
Bye-bye.
266
00:16:02,740 --> 00:16:06,099
Let's be off. There's been an issue
with the glass in the back door
267
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,219
Dr No won't be too keen about.
268
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,939
Don't be scared, it's just
Winnie-the-Pooh.
269
00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:13,379
That is not Winnie-the-Pooh!
Winnie-the-Pooh is yellow!
270
00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:15,699
All right, it may not be A A Milne's
Winnie-the-Pooh,
271
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:18,379
but it's my Winnie-the-Pooh,
you get me? I get you, Grampy.
272
00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:21,499
And he also happens to be where
I keep my stash.
273
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:25,420
So if the police stop us,
chuck Winnie out the window.
274
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:43,859
Get on with it, Germaine. Mum will
be all fired up when she gets back.
275
00:16:43,860 --> 00:16:47,659
She's got Duncan Bannatyne's life
story on her iPod. All right.
276
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:50,859
Don't hassle me.
Hey, this is the life, hey, kids?
277
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,739
I've got my bareback
and my balls are on the mend.
278
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:56,539
Grampy, do you want to help us
mow the lawn? No, no.
279
00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:59,060
Grampy needs to sit here
and top up his chi.
280
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:04,500
No way, man! That dog is classic!
281
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:08,019
Oh, Lee.
282
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:12,020
You love humour, don't you?
283
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:16,460
Grampy, can we have a pal to pal
chat? I think I need a little...
284
00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:22,859
boy advice. Yeah, of course.
Grampy is always here for you.
285
00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:26,860
What makes a boy fancy a girl?
I'm an arse man myself, Germaine.
286
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:31,779
So, not a good heart
and a cheerful disposition then?
287
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:35,699
Nah, I don't reckon. I see, right.
288
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:39,700
So, arse-wise, the more the merrier?
289
00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:41,979
You can't have too much arse?
290
00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:44,899
Up to a point, Germaine,
but not beyond that point.
291
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,739
Though some West Indian gentleman
like a cushion for the pushin',
292
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:51,659
if you know what I mean?
I see, right.
293
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:54,419
Don't you worry about getting
a bloke, Germaine.
294
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:58,420
You are a lovely girl.
You look like lovely Mama Cass.
295
00:17:59,140 --> 00:18:02,299
I think I have nice eyes.
296
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,739
But then Aretha worked out
my eyes are only 0.02%
297
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:09,740
of my total body mass.
She is good with maths, that Aretha.
298
00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:13,940
It's that red hair.
Well, that's me for today.
299
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:18,419
I'm going to have a crap
and watch Midlands Today.
300
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:22,420
Germaine! Mum, trust me,
I am all over this lawn situation.
301
00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:26,179
Every moment that passes that that
lawn has not been mown
302
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:29,259
you are damaging my faith in people,
do you understand what I am saying?
303
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,779
You are making turn to the
dark side, Germaine.
304
00:18:31,780 --> 00:18:35,219
You are turning my lightsaber red.
Mum, who is Mama Cass?
305
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:38,739
Big fat singer who died in the '60s.
306
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:42,739
Oh.
307
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:44,099
I think you should mow.
308
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,819
My vagina still hurts from
when you trod in it.
309
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:50,820
If I mow do you agree not to say
that word again today? What, vagina?
310
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,819
That is the word, yes.
311
00:18:53,820 --> 00:18:57,820
Deal. Can I mouth it to myself?
No.
312
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:05,060
Oi, Ron!
313
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:09,260
Oi, Ron! Is he shouting at us?
Yes, he is shouting at us. Ron!
314
00:19:11,420 --> 00:19:14,099
That's Ron! Oh, my God,
he means Ron Weasley,
315
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,179
the ginger one from Harry Potter.
316
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:20,180
Yeah, I had got the reference.
Wow! That's actually really funny.
317
00:19:20,940 --> 00:19:24,940
That was really funny! I totally
got your joke! I'm Germaine.
318
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:30,459
You bummer!
319
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:34,460
That was amazing. How is that
amazing? He called you a bummer!
320
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,939
I will take bummer.
Bummer is sexual.
321
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:41,940
You need to take a long, hard look
at yourself, Germaine. I do.
322
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,619
Frequently in the bathroom
and I like what I see.
323
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:49,620
You're basically just a monkey
in a dress then, aren't you?
324
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:53,299
Wouldn't it be really funny
if you ran over this cable
325
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:57,300
and were electrocuted? Germaine!
I am mowing. The war is over.
326
00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:03,540
Do NOT reopen the hostilities.
327
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,539
But it would be really funny.
328
00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:09,219
I warn you once.
This is that warning.
329
00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:13,179
The warning has been given.
330
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:17,180
So sad. If you were to die!
331
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:19,380
Ron!
332
00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:25,779
Jesus Christ, Aretha! You could've
had my eye out with that!
333
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:29,780
No, Germaine! I would've had your
face off, which is what I wanted!
334
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:34,380
I warned you, now you are on your
own. So enjoy your vagina! I will!
335
00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:39,020
I will enjoy my vagina
and I won't be the only one!
336
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:48,060
# I wish me a merry sex-mas
and a happy new me! #
337
00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:56,339
Oh, no!
338
00:20:56,340 --> 00:21:00,340
You ran over a frog, Germaine.
Yes, thanks, Wyatt. I had noticed.
339
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:05,019
You can save him, Germaine.
Yoko, pass me that brick,
340
00:21:05,020 --> 00:21:07,819
I will put him out of his misery.
Be gentle.
341
00:21:07,820 --> 00:21:11,820
Yes, Yoko. When I smash this frog to
death with this brick,
342
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:13,859
I'll make sure it's gentle.
343
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:17,819
Right.
344
00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:20,299
Goodbye, Kermit.
345
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:24,300
It's no good. I'm a lover, not
a fighter. I can't take a life.
346
00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:28,780
Do you see what happens
when people bugger about, Germaine?
347
00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:33,619
I'll get over it.
The frog won't though, will he?
348
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:37,620
I can't save you from your
conscience on this one. Just go.
349
00:21:37,820 --> 00:21:40,059
Go inside.
I'll mow the friggin' lawn.
350
00:21:40,060 --> 00:21:44,060
You go and think about what you have
done here. Really? Sure thing, Mum.
351
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:49,459
Mum, is he still alive?
352
00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:51,379
No.
353
00:21:51,380 --> 00:21:55,380
I'll get your fags.
354
00:22:05,220 --> 00:22:09,220
One day, I will marry Lee Rind.
355
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:13,499
I am going to play the long game.
356
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:17,500
How long? How long do men live?
357
00:22:18,860 --> 00:22:22,860
Can we have the bedroom light on
so I don't have nightmares?
358
00:22:22,980 --> 00:22:26,939
No, go to sleep. Oh, go on,
let's give him the night light.
359
00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:30,940
His hood fell off during the
stabbing sequence. Very well.
360
00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:35,380
Good night, guys. And good night,
Grampy. Good night, all.
361
00:22:37,580 --> 00:22:41,580
Everybody be careful not to
step on Grampy in the night.
362
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:43,939
Don't you worry about old Grampy.
363
00:22:43,940 --> 00:22:47,940
I am your protection against all
those horrible monsters that
364
00:22:48,380 --> 00:22:52,380
come for children in the night. The
whip-poor-wills and the boll weevils.
365
00:22:54,580 --> 00:22:57,579
Boll weevils? Grampy's joking.
366
00:22:57,580 --> 00:23:01,019
There is no such thing as boll
weevils, are there, Grampy?
367
00:23:01,020 --> 00:23:02,939
If that's what you want to believe.
368
00:23:02,940 --> 00:23:06,940
Shh now, little ones and Grampy.
Can we have a story? Of course.
369
00:23:09,180 --> 00:23:13,180
Once upon a time, there were some
children and they all went to sleep.
370
00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:18,740
The end. Aretha! Be unconscious.
371
00:23:21,020 --> 00:23:23,220
Grampy is a bit smelly.
372
00:23:42,740 --> 00:23:45,253
Fucking David Cameron.
373
00:23:48,860 --> 00:24:11,400
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