Original subtitles

What's she doing?

Dad!

He's making a run for it! Come on!

Stop it! Help!

- Help! - That looks like Stan.

- Cool! - Will he be okay?

Hey!

Sorry, mate, government business!

Okay, come on.

Living the dream!

David! Sorry about that.

- Far out! - Stan!

Stan!

Hey! Hey, hey, are you okay?

Catch you later, Lizzy!

- That was fantastic. - What happened?

- Hey, what happened? - Your friend.

Mr. Check-Out-My-Massive-Boat. That's what happened.

Where you going?

I'm gonna go and provide for my family.

But don't let me stop you from having a good time, okay?

Yeah!

Nice one, Dad. Hey, Dad, what's your saying?

"The worst day fishing is better than the best day working."

You better believe it, mate.

I got something!

- Well done, Sam. - Good man!

It's snagged.

On something red.

Ah, I'm, um, um, um, I'm gonna be seasick.

Just over the side, Stan.

I have to get back to shore.

Please.

Whoa. It's come loose.

Okay, all right, all right.

Hey, lines in. We'll head back.

Hi, Mum!

The hunters have returned,

and the family shall eat tonight!

Gidday, gidday!

Caught far too many of these for us to eat.

- Would you like one? - Wow!

That's so nice of you.

Ah, no, no, no.

We're good thanks, mate. We got our own.

Suit yourself.

Just trying to be neighborly.

Showed him.

- Ah! - Sorry.

Hey!

Why don't you teach your kid how to hit the ball straight?

He can hit a ball straighter than any of you lot.

Well, you're talking to the campsite cricket winners

five years in a row.

- But not six. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Game on.

Dad!

- What? - Look at them.

We can beat them, right, Dad?

Of course! No doubt. Liz!

I'm out.

Stan, you look like you could throw a good googly.

Googly?

¶¶

- Let's go, Ricky! - Let's go, Stan!

- Big hit, mate! - Come on, Stan!

Howzat! Yeah! Yes!

Let's go, Dad!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Whew! - Ricky!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Pow!

Do your best, eh, darling?

Keep your eye on the ball, okay?

Dad, I know what I'm doing.

Let's go, darling. Big hit, yes!

That's one! Go, go, go! Yes!

- Howzat! - Oh!

Let's go, son. Big hit!

Go, Sammy!

Oh!

Brilliant, Dad. You caught the ball.

Out! He's out!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

All right, Mickey! Just get going!

- Yes! Go, Molly! - Run, Molly!

Here, darling!

- Yeah! - Nice one, Dad!

Great game. Good innings, good innings.

Come on, Dick!

- Way to go! - Yeah!

- Whoo-hoo! - What was that, Dick?

One, two, three, go!

Careful, mate. You might do yourself a mischief.

Watch and learn.

Give him a good one, Sam.

Boom!

- Sam! - You all right, son?

Sam, are you okay?

Harry?

Harry, that was a little bit mean.

Oh, it's a competitive game, Liz.

Maybe you shouldn't go crying to Mummy

every time something goes wrong. You've gotta harden up!

Is that what you tell your boys when they miss their mother?

We don't miss her that much. She'll be back on Tuesday.

Hey, you!

I thought she was...

In Sydney... on a girls' holiday.

Yeah, right. That's enough, boys, eh?

Back to the game, huh?

Flight or fight?

Fight! Yeah!

Yeah!

Bring it on!

Yes!

One to win!

Going out of the park.

Whoo-hoo!

- Yours, Stan! - Yeah, baby!

- Catch it, Stan! - Come on, Stan!

Yeah!

To the victors...

the spoils.

- Okay. Tongs. - Tongs.

- Fork. - Fork.

You two realize you're watching a master at work, right?

Unlike some others.

Ohh!

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Water, water! - Is that on me? Give it!

Oh. Maybe I should cook.

- Yeah. - Bunch of amateurs.

Oh!

Dad!

They look very nice. They're yum.

Thanks.

So has your family arrived yet?

My family? Oh.

I just heard today

they are not going to make it for Christmas.

Ah. Well, that's a shame. Nothing serious, I hope.

No, no, no. Just a last moment changes of plans.

Well, you can stay with us.

I-I couldn't possibly.

Well, you can't spend Christmas by yourself. Dad!

Well, it's your Mum's holiday now too.

Stan, we'd be delighted.

Wouldn't we, Pete?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

- Sure. - Yeah

It is so kind of you, so kind of you.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much

Let's eat.

- Yeah. - Dig in.

Yeah, dig in. Nice work.

What say he's never coming back?

Yes, what say?

We should go get him.

Yeah. How?

- The reindeer! - Yes!

No! We let them all go, remember?

Hey, he'll be on his way back right now.

I'm sure of it.

Come on.

We might have to keep you on, Stan.

Yeah.

No more Santa.

Goodbye.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

¶ I've been looking everywhere near and far ¶

¶ Turns out right here in front of me is where you are ¶

¶ You got me in my head ¶

¶ You got me in my heart ¶

¶ You got me in the air ¶

¶ You got me from the start ¶

¶ Give me your love ¶

¶ You've got my love ¶

¶ Whoo hoo hoo ¶

Watch out for your marshmallow.

¶ Hoo ¶

Here, give it to me. You can have that one.

That was beautiful.

Hey, do you remember Barry's Beach?

When did we go there?

Well, you didn't.

This was long before you were around, mate.

Tell us about it.

Well, that's where I met your mum.

I was out camping with a few mates, and...

there was this beautiful woman around the campfire,

and I had to woo her, which I did

with my amazing guitar skills.

Well, that's what I told him anyway.

We spent a lot of summers there.

Just a little pup tent and a boat just like this one.

It's moving.

It is moving, isn't it, darling?

No, Dad, the boat's moving!

Hey!

Mate! Please, please!

- Get out of the way! - Look, I can pay!

You're too late.

I've got the money right here, right now, I can pay.

You got two minutes.

What's going on?

I bought the boat when I had the contact,

but it fell through, okay?

- It's not my fault. - It's never your fault, Pete.

I got that boat for our kids, for our family to have fun.

Oh, well, at least you've got the money now, right?

Yeah, about that...

Merry Christmas.

Hey, Liz, wait!

Liz, please! I just want to say--

Oh, no.

Ah!

Morning, Stan.

Good morning.

Christmas Eve is upon us.

Yes.

Yes, so it is.

So it is.

Morning.

Ta.

Hey, Stan, you want some kai?

What?

- He means breakfast. - Oh, breakfast.

Yes, thank you. Of course.

Ah, yes.

- Hello, darling. - Hello.

Mum! Dad! Look at this!

Hey, where'd you get that?

On the beach.

Open it.

No, no. It might belong to somebody.

Finders keepers.

Cool!

Sam, were there any more where you found this?

Not that I could see.

Cool! Christmas crackers!

Yeah.

Whoa!

- Ooh, a present. - Careful!

It could be booby-trapped.

That's what these big-time smugglers do.

It's just a present.

Yep! Explosives!

Secure the perimeter!

She's so brave.

Look out! Get out of the way!

What was that?

I'll go and have a look.

Ooh, okay.

Why didn't the skeleton go on the rollercoaster?

Why?

Because he didn't have the guts.

Zip it!

Using exploding Christmas crackers

to disguise your evil smuggling.

How low can you go?

I don't know. How low?

I don't joke.

Oh.

I will find him, and I will crush him.

Right, Boss.

Come on.

That's him, there he is. Ask him, Elsie.

Liz said you might be able to help us.

Norm always plays Santa at the children's Christmas picnic.

We wondered if you'd take his place.

You look the part.

I'm very sorry, but no.

We've been doing it for 35 years.

We weren't able to have children, so...

we've always loved giving the children here

a little something.

It...

It would mean so much to Norman.

Yeah.

I've a pillow in there for the tummy,

but you may not need it.

What?

Come on, Stan. Just say yes.

- Well-- - Oh, thank you so much!

- No, I did not say yes! - Thank you.

Nice, Mum.

Just taking one for the team, eh?

Here he is.

There he is, all the way from the North Pole,

Mr. Santa Claus himself.

You shut up.

You look just like the real thing.

- Duh, there is no real thing. - Hey, Molly.

Just because you don't believe in him

doesn't mean he doesn't exist.

- Eh, Stan? - Of course.

I think this Santa needs a good old kiwi entrance.

Come on.

Come on, Stan.

You don't want to go the Santa picnic, right?

There he is, boys.

No, that's Santa.

Hey! What, you guys not coming?

Ah, yeah, yeah. We'll take care of the boat.

Okay, awesome. Thanks. Okay.

This better be good.

Trust me.

Santa!

Now, boys and girls,

have you guys been good this year?

- Yes! - Excellent.

We're really pleased to be here today, aren't we, Santa?

Yeah, ho ho ho, yes.

Anyway, Santa's really excited to hand out some presents,

and first up, we've got...

Tyler.

Yes, Tyler.

- Come on up. - Come here, Tyler.

Yeah, Merry Christmas.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Oh, what's he got there?

- Whoo-hoo! - Thanks.

Fantastic. Now, Santa...

you're delighted to hand this over to Lily, aren't you?

Yeah. Lily, Lily.

- Merry Christmas. - Thank you, Santa.

All right. Isn't this fun, Santa?

Very fun, yes. Ho ho ho.

Good girl.

Oh, that's lovely. And this one, Santa,

is for Scarlett.

Okay, Scarlett. Here is for you.

Thank you, Santa.

- I love you, Santa. - Oh!

Thank you, Santa!

It was around here somewhere.

You mean... that?

Out of the way! Out of the way!

This is official Coastwatch business.

- You! - Hey, hey.

You get presents only if you have been a good girl.

Smart aleck. Smart aleck.

This man is not Santa Claus!

Hey, hey, hey.

Easy, easy, easy. But the kids.

He has violated border security, customs and immigration rules

by bringing goodness knows what into this country.

But now the jig is up!

Hey, leave him alone!

Leave him be!

He is smuggling illegal substances

into these so-called presents

under the guise of Santa.

You make me sick.

- Bubbles. - They're bubbles.

- Bubbles? - They're bubbles.

A likely story. Tama.

- Bubbles. - Bubbles. It's bubbles.

Oh, mate, you guys are crazy.

- Those are presents for kids! - Hey, moron, stop it!

Oi, you watch your mouth!

Don't you talk to her like that.

I've got this Pete. You butt out of it.

You don't talk to him or him that way, please.

- Take him away! - What?

What? No, you're not taking anyone away, okay?

You guys get out of here now!

Yeah, get out of here!

Under the Boarder Security Act,

I have the power to detain anyone that I have grounds

to believe is breaching this country's security.

Hey!

Christmas is over, old man.

Ho ho ho ho!

- Go, Santa! - Get him!

You are powerful.

You are a winner.

Believe in yourself.

You are the man.

Got ya!

Move out, Boss!

- Do you think it works? - Let's try.

Yow!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Santa! Where are you?

We need you!

Wait. What?

Santa?

Stan is Santa!

- I told you! - Ring them again.

Don't hang up!

Born to be wild.

Hey!

Pick it up, pick it up.

- I've got this one! - Oi, come here!

Get back here! Oh, no!

Oh, no, no, no! Oi!

Oi, come back here!

Santa's with us.

What? You kidnapped him?

No. He's just staying with us.

Well, tell him to stop staying with you

and get back to North Pole!

Huh?

It's Christmas Eve!

Yeah. How would he do that?

He needs to get into his--

Hello? Hello?

We've got to help him!

- Whoa, whoa! - Oi!

We can use this to pull the sleigh up.

Isn't this supposed to be tied off?

- Whoa! - Sam!

Sam! Sam?

Sam, grab my hand. Sam! Sam!

Help!

Stan, help! Help, help!

- Sammy! - Help me, please!

Mum, Dad, help! Please help me! Help!

Molly! Molly!

Okay.

Sam!

Sam!

Grab my hand!

- Come on, he's getting away! - Slow down, Dave.

Help him, Dad!

- Got ya! - Go, Tama!

You're coming with me, old man!

What kind of sicko are you?

On the boat, son. In there, buddy.

Sam, are you okay?

Darling, you look after your brother, okay?

I'll get us back to shore.

What were you kids doing out in the water anyway?

Stan! Stan is Santa, and we saw his sleigh,

and Sam got his foot caught in a rope!

Molly, this isn't time for games, baby!

- What? - Idiot!

Come on.

Ohh! So you can breathe okay, honey?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'll get you a towel. Good boy.

Are you okay, son?

Sam, Sam, they've taken him.

Well, we've gotta help him!

Wait. I've still got this.

No, no! Let me go! Let me go!

The only place you can go is directly to jail!

I've done nothing wrong!

You are an illegal alien smuggling in illegal goods

and risking the nation's biosecurity!

I am Santa Claus!

Santa Claus, Santa Claus.

I hate Santa Claus!

When I was younger, all the other kids at the orphanage,

they all got presents, except me!

You wanted a doll.

I left you one, and one to Harriet,

little Harriet next to you.

That cow!

She said she got two dolls.

Ah, no, no!

None of your mind games with me, old man.

You're no more Santa Claus than my butt.

Hey, Santa, why aren't you at the North Pole,

putting presents on the sleigh?

It's a little complicated.

That's because he's not Santa Claus!

Get him in!

I'm sorry.

Hello, hello, hello.

I'm out of the workshop right now.

Leave a message after the beep.

Ohh! He's running out of time!

Big Mama to National Base.

Big Mama, go ahead.

We've got a Code Purple.

Roger. Code Purple.

Code purple! Code Purple!

Run! Run!

Hey, little man.

- Let me go! - Settle down.

Put me down!

- Right now! - Come on.

Put me down!

Okay.

Santa's little helper, eh?

He really is Santa!

A-A-And you should let him go.

Put him in.

In there, little man.

What are you doing here?

Of course they'll be all right. They're good kids.

Well, of course. They're our kids.

- Where's Sam? - Where? Is he all right?

Yeah, yeah, but they've got him and...

- Stan. - Who?

Those Coastwatch guys locked them in their caravan.

- No, they can't do that, Pete. - We need to rescue them!

- Let's go. - No, no, no, wait.

- What? - No, we need a plan.

No, we need to go now.

If we rush into something like this, we're gonna be--

I'm not rushing in without thinking!

Can you both stop?!

You guys never listen to each other.

Can't we work together on this one?

It's okay, it's okay.

I know who you are.

Sure.

My family are coming to help.

They'll get us out.

And you can get back to deliver all the presents.

I'm not sure it's just going to work.

Flight or fight.

Fight!

You can do it

Do you know why I am here in New Zealand?

Sam...

I don't want to be Santa anymore.

What do you mean, you don't want to be Santa anymore?

You don't have a choice.

Well, I know it's hard for you to understand.

What I understand is there's millions of kids

waiting for the most exciting, brilliant day of the year...

for you.

Not for me.

The presents.

They're waiting for the presents.

Things.

Things that get more expensive every year,

and even then, they are not good enough.

By January, they'll be broken and forgotten about.

Not my presents.

I can remember all of them.

You gave me a kite when I was five.

I was so excited.

And then there was Clarence when I was four.

That stuffed bear.

Yeah. I've still got him.

There's millions of kids just like me,

who can't wait for Christmas.

And it's not just the things.

It's the magic.

And you're part of the magic.

By my calculations,

you'll need more than just magic to get back home.

Molly!

Would this help?

The world needs you, Santa.

All right, all right.

Get up, get up.

Pete, what do you think you're doing?

You should know better than that,

pointing fireworks at people.

Well, it's a diversion.

It's matter of life or death.

Yes, it will be if you set those off.

Nice job, Boss.

Just keeping our shores safe.

Hurry up. Come on.

- Hey! - Hey!

Stop him!

Dad, now is good!

Ow!

Pete, get over here!

- Whoa! - Aah!

We're under attack!

Run!

Oh, well.

Could've been worse.

I'll help Dad.

Keep coming, Mum.

- Mum? - Yes! Whoa!

- Hang on. - Hang on what?

Hang on what?

Nice job, Mum.

- Hold on, Stan! - Please help!

Don't leave me. Don't leave me!

Not on my watch.

Please! Help! Take me off of here!

Hang in there, Stan!

Come on, they're getting away!

I'm going as fast as I can!

Mum, Stan's on the roof. You're gonna kill him. Stop!

Oh, hey, Stan.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't see!

¶ Silent Night ¶

¶ Holy Night ¶

¶ All is calm ¶

¶ All is bright ¶

They're gonna have to move.

No, we need to get to the beach.

- To the beach? - Trust us.

Please.

Can I have your attention, please?

Santa needs to get back to the North Pole right now,

or he won't be able to deliver everyone's presents.

- Probably a charity thing. - Sam.

Hey, I don't think this is a good idea.

Dad, you said you would trust us.

- But the Coastguards-- - Dad!

All right, so who wants to help Santa

get back to the North Pole?

Left it a bit too late, haven't you, mate?

Hey, hey, hey, you.

It only takes four minutes to get back there.

And if I exceed the speed of light,

I'll be back earlier than I left.

Santa can do anything!

Yeah!

Yes, my little friend.

All right, we need to get to the beach now,

and we need lights, any lights you can bring.

Whoa, hey, this man is a fugitive.

No! They're wrong! He's a kind old man.

Hey, do you want to ruin Christmas for all these kids?

Yeah, what she said.

All right, let's go!

Lights, torches, lanterns.

Lights! Lights!

Big Mama to National Base,

I need a recovery team.

Roger, Big Mama.

Recovery team on its way.

I'm out of the workshop right now.

Leave a message after the beep.

I'm afraid that's it.

He's not coming back.

There'll be no more presents delivered this year.

What now?

Crazy.

My sleigh.

Now everybody back off.

Back off, back off. On this side.

Hurry up, hurry up. Move, move, move, move, move.

Because...

I want to thank you all, my Kiwi friends.

And especially, I want to thank Sam...

and Molly...

and Liz and Pete.

My new friends.

And I want to thank all you little friends.

You have helped me so much.

Especially you, Nathan.

Don't be surprised I know your name

because I'm Santa.

Someone might think,

sometimes,

that this period of Christmas is gone--

- Step away from the sleigh! - Ah, Stan?

It's you who needs to be gone now, mate.

- Santa. - Santa.

All right, show me your lights.

You know what to do. Now go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Yes, my friend.

Ooh!

- Thanks, Santa. - Thank you, Molly.

Thank you so much.

Big Mama!

What took you so long? To the beach!

- Move out! - Let's go, let's go!

Sam.

I always believed in you.

I know you did.

This is for you, Sam.

Thanks, mate.

- Santa. - Yes?

You need to hurry.

Come on, move it!

- Move it there! - Hold on, Boss!

Stop! We've got you surrounded!

Uh, uh...

Get down there!

- Yes, Boss. - Get down there!

Here we go!

No, no, no, no! Don't do this to me now!

Move, you pile of junk!

Come on, come on, come on!

Stop, stop! You there!

- Help me, help me. - Push start.

Push, push, push, push.

- Good idea. - Okay.

- Let's go, guys. - Hurry!

Come on, family. Together!

Push!

Out of the way!

Oh, no, you don't. Here!

Come back here!

Go, Santa, go!

Go, Santa!

Go, go, go!

Go, Santa!

Hello!

Santa Claus at your service.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Ooh!

- Safe trip there, Stan! - Bye!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Oh, gee.

Zip it.

Hey, let's do some marshmallows.

You burnt the last lot, Molly

- Did not! - Did so!

Hey, hang on. One more thing.

Come on.

Come on.

¶¶

Hello!

- Santa? - Santa?

Did you miss me?

Listen, everybody.

No more expensive presents.

We're going back to basics.

It means playing cards and volleyballs

and fishing rods and simple wooden toys.

- Yeah! - And...

I need all of your help.

Santa...

is back in business.