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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:13,625 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:25,917 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,583 I've read every book in this library 4 00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:47,375 but I can't find a story about a girl like me. 5 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,083 Girls in books always have a moment 6 00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:51,083 where everything changes 7 00:00:51,208 --> 00:00:53,708 but my moment still hasn't happened. 8 00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:58,000 Today is like yesterday. Tomorrow never comes. 9 00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,375 I know what usually starts an adventure 10 00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,958 the arrival of a mysterious hero 11 00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:07,083 a Mr. Darcy, a Mr. Rochester, a Rhett Butler 12 00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,208 who turns everything upside down. 13 00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:10,583 I am not closed-minded 14 00:01:10,708 --> 00:01:13,083 but finding the romantic hero of our age 15 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:16,250 in Wolverhampton seems unlikely. 16 00:01:20,875 --> 00:01:22,625 ♪ ♪ 17 00:01:28,708 --> 00:01:30,792 ♪ ♪ 18 00:01:43,417 --> 00:01:47,083 ♪ Riding on any wave that is the luck you crave ♪ 19 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:51,208 ♪ They don't believe it now they just think it's stupid ♪ 20 00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:53,333 ♪ So got anything? ♪ 21 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,292 ♪ Anyone could have done ♪ 22 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,000 ♪ Who would've cared at all not you ♪ 23 00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:03,875 ♪ Another heart has made the trade ♪ 24 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,750 ♪ Forget it forget it forget it ♪ 25 00:02:06,833 --> 00:02:09,625 ♪ I don't understand how a heart is a spade ♪ 26 00:02:13,917 --> 00:02:14,917 - Ah. 27 00:02:22,167 --> 00:02:25,625 No, I do not think my adventure starts with a boy. 28 00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,667 I think it starts with me. 29 00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:30,458 ♪ ♪ 30 00:02:43,708 --> 00:02:46,167 Like all great heroes, I have a sidekick 31 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,333 my faithful dog, Bianca. 32 00:02:48,417 --> 00:02:50,417 I also have a plan. 33 00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:52,250 I'm going to be a writer. 34 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:55,167 What kind of writer? I don't know yet. 35 00:02:55,292 --> 00:02:58,125 The kind that is totally amazing 36 00:02:58,292 --> 00:03:00,375 travels the world, has sex 37 00:03:00,458 --> 00:03:03,917 and writes powerful truths that change people's lives. 38 00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:05,375 - Oi! 39 00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:07,917 Go on, fatty! 40 00:03:14,292 --> 00:03:16,708 Are you a lezzer? Are you a lezzer? 41 00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:19,958 After all, I know the impact a great book can have. 42 00:03:20,083 --> 00:03:21,167 Ow! 43 00:03:21,292 --> 00:03:23,167 ♪ ♪ 44 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,042 I know what you're thinking. 45 00:03:26,125 --> 00:03:27,750 There are a few key differences 46 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,625 between me and your typical heroine. 47 00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,542 - You alright, bab? - Hi, Dad. 48 00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:34,083 For starters, I am not a tragic orphan. 49 00:03:35,542 --> 00:03:38,417 I actually have too many brothers. 50 00:03:38,542 --> 00:03:40,958 Four, which is simply excessive. 51 00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:43,417 And then there's my mother's postnatal depression 52 00:03:43,542 --> 00:03:45,042 which you should absolutely expect 53 00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:48,125 if you get pregnant at 38. Ugh. 54 00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:49,458 Unlike Virginia Woolf, 55 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,750 I don't even have a room of one's own. 56 00:03:52,042 --> 00:03:54,917 This is Krissi's room with a partition down the middle. 57 00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:56,625 Like Berlin. 58 00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,417 But, here, I have everything I need. 59 00:04:05,542 --> 00:04:08,292 Elizabeth Taylor, the Bronte sisters 60 00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:11,083 Donna Summer, Dr. Sigmund Freud. 61 00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:14,833 - Good morning, Johanna. - Hey, Brontes. Good times, ja? 62 00:04:14,958 --> 00:04:17,667 I have the love and wise counsel of my God Wall. 63 00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:20,333 - What a beautiful day! 64 00:04:20,458 --> 00:04:23,000 - I regret to say that despite my best intentions 65 00:04:23,125 --> 00:04:25,167 today has been another miserable one. 66 00:04:25,292 --> 00:04:27,708 - Well, missy, I've had plenty of those. 67 00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:31,500 - There's nothing a little musical number can't cure. 68 00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:34,208 - How much longer am I going to have to be here? 69 00:04:34,292 --> 00:04:36,417 I need something to happen. 70 00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:39,750 I want to burn! I want to explode! 71 00:04:39,917 --> 00:04:42,667 Oh, I want to have sexual intercourse 72 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,708 with someone who has a car. 73 00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,458 - What's a car? 74 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,500 - How do I get there from here? 75 00:04:58,292 --> 00:05:00,500 - Come on, repulsive. It's the news. 76 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,833 The real news. Bong. 77 00:05:02,917 --> 00:05:04,208 Top of the Pops. 78 00:05:05,708 --> 00:05:07,500 - Come here, Smudge. 79 00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,500 - Would the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? 80 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:14,333 And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. 81 00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:19,958 ♪ ♪ 82 00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:25,333 - Who are these? - Happy Mondays. 83 00:05:25,583 --> 00:05:27,833 I'm putting 'em on the front cover of the "Fanzine." 84 00:05:27,958 --> 00:05:30,083 Do you know nothing of popular culture, Johanna? 85 00:05:30,208 --> 00:05:32,125 - Fuck me. I could do better than this lot. 86 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:34,333 They look like a bunch of brickies. 87 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,083 Where's a nice poofy spaceman when you need one? 88 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,125 I miss Bowie. - How are you feeling, mum? 89 00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,500 - I'm becoming evil. - Nice one, bab. 90 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:45,125 - I'd kill for 20 minutes' sleep. 91 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:47,583 I'd kill the last panda on Earth. 92 00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:50,833 I'd cuddle up in its furry corpse for a bit of shuteye. 93 00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:53,417 - You've still got those sexy eyes, though, love. 94 00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:55,167 - Still can't sit down, huh? 95 00:05:55,292 --> 00:05:57,792 - Oh, God, it's like the Joker's smile down there. 96 00:05:57,917 --> 00:05:59,167 - Ah, take your coat off. 97 00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:00,750 You won't feel the benefit, cooker. 98 00:06:00,792 --> 00:06:03,500 - Oh, Pat, it took half a tit to get him off. 99 00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:05,542 - This is ecstasy funk, Dad. 100 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,625 - I can't stand it when amateurs take over from proper jazzers. 101 00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:10,917 They've crossed the cultural picket line, this lot. 102 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,000 Scabs! Scabs! - Dad, shush. 103 00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,458 I'm trying to hear. 104 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,142 - I just wanna get back in the game, love 105 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:17,625 back on top. 106 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,667 For I'm the bastard son of Brendan Behan 107 00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,875 and one day, these fuckers will all bow down to me. 108 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,333 - To me, yes, yes. 109 00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:25,042 - Johanna Morrigan... 110 00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:29,292 - Ovulate quietly. - No, no, I've been chosen! 111 00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:31,250 - What? - Listen! Listen! 112 00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:34,333 - Our young poet of the Midlands finalists. 113 00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:37,333 - Tomorrow has come. - Are you going to be on telly? 114 00:06:37,458 --> 00:06:40,125 - From your writing? - Birmingham? 115 00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:42,000 It's gonna be at least a tenner in petrol. 116 00:06:42,375 --> 00:06:43,667 - What am I going to wear? 117 00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:46,000 - Krissi, turn that fire off. We're broke. 118 00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:47,559 There's me bloke from Stoke. 119 00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:49,208 Here you are, son, hand him over. 120 00:06:49,292 --> 00:06:50,583 - Can we keep him, Dad? 121 00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:53,042 - No, mate. Hounds for pounds, innit, eh? 122 00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:57,042 Johanna. - Please, Dad. Please! 123 00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,125 - Yeah. Happy Mondays on the cover 124 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:03,917 and then a think piece about Riot Grrrl inside... 125 00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,000 - This is my turning point, Krissi. 126 00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:08,917 I'm going to get out of here. Become a writer. 127 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:12,083 And everyone wants to have a date with people who are on TV. 128 00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:13,125 It's just a fact. 129 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,708 - For a tenner 130 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,625 I'd probably have a go on Andy Bibby. 131 00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,875 - Andy Bibby farts on his own hands and throws them at people 132 00:07:20,125 --> 00:07:21,583 shouting "Turtle Power." 133 00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:24,042 - Well, we could conduct our relationship downwind. 134 00:07:24,292 --> 00:07:27,083 - What about Richard Moseley? He's tall. Value for money. 135 00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:29,708 - Richard Moseley once shot a snail with an air rifle. 136 00:07:31,792 --> 00:07:34,750 John Kellog has a good bag. 137 00:07:34,875 --> 00:07:36,792 - And so Chaucer was one of the first poets 138 00:07:37,042 --> 00:07:38,583 to use the five-stress line 139 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:42,167 the decasyllabic cousin to the iambic pentameter 140 00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:43,976 the man who helped standardize Middle English 141 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,208 a daring satirist, a protofeminist 142 00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,458 and not, as surmised by Lee Bacon 143 00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:51,292 just shit at spelling. 144 00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:53,042 - Oh, nice one. - So... 145 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:04,750 - Did you like my essay, Mrs. B? - Mrs. Belling. 146 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,667 It was your best yet, Johanna. 147 00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:09,292 A very entertaining 33 pages. 148 00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:10,958 You're very generous with your words. 149 00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:13,085 - Artistic expression is the greatest preventative 150 00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:15,208 for melancholy and morbidity, Mrs. B. 151 00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:18,667 - Mrs. Belling. - My memoir already runs up to 300 pages. 152 00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:22,208 - Johanna, you're 16. Have you got many memoir-ies? 153 00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:26,250 - Oh, I am blessed with a rich internal life, Mrs. B. 154 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,125 I just write about all the things I imagine I'll do. 155 00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,167 The only trouble is I don't know the end yet. 156 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,042 - I'm an English teacher. 157 00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:35,565 You need to share that problem with the philosophy department. 158 00:08:36,792 --> 00:08:38,792 Johanna, may I offer you some advice? 159 00:08:39,042 --> 00:08:41,458 - Cannon away, full power, Mrs. B. 160 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:43,333 - Mrs. Belling. 161 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:46,125 You need to just rein it in a bit. 162 00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:50,125 All teachers look for a spark. Very few have it. You do. 163 00:08:50,292 --> 00:08:52,042 In fact, right now, you're like Krakatoa. 164 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:56,583 But I need five pages of GCSE-compliant coursework 165 00:08:56,708 --> 00:08:58,750 not "War and Peace." 166 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,750 The unabridged version. 167 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,875 ♪ ♪ 168 00:09:08,958 --> 00:09:12,250 That's the cool room. I've never been in there. 169 00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:20,667 - Get a shift on, babba. 170 00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:23,167 It's time for your starring role. 171 00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:26,292 Birmingham New Road will be a circus by 6:00. 172 00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:30,167 What do you reckon? Nine quid for the lot. 173 00:09:30,333 --> 00:09:32,292 Donny Buddhamere's done us proud, hasn't he? 174 00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:35,125 - We look like a fat Bros. - Nice one. 175 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,458 - This jacket is too tight. 176 00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,708 I don't think it's made for women. 177 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,333 - Oh, you've inherited the Finlayson 178 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,458 women's breasts, Johanna. 179 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,958 We can't be contained by a catalogue bra. 180 00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:48,792 - Where's me bloody keys? 181 00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:50,917 Come on, let's go. 182 00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:54,750 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 183 00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:57,917 ♪ Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪ ♪ 184 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,083 - Now, the first lucky linguist to compete... 185 00:10:02,125 --> 00:10:04,917 - This is it. My pivotal moment. 186 00:10:05,292 --> 00:10:07,125 Like when the Little Mermaid gets legs. 187 00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:11,167 - ...who lists his address as East of Eden, West of Solihull 188 00:10:11,458 --> 00:10:15,042 with his poem, "Brut 66." 189 00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:17,167 - I only have three true friends 190 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:21,667 the moon, my fist and a gun... 191 00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:25,000 - We played this show, you know, back in '78. 192 00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:26,167 They didn't like the lyrics, 193 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,917 to "Fuck me till my bladder bursts" 194 00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:30,250 so we did an instrumental in the end. 195 00:10:30,292 --> 00:10:31,667 Classy. 196 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,833 It was our last ever performance. 197 00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:35,333 - Spot. Remember your view. 198 00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,042 - Do you wanna take your coat off, love? 199 00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:38,792 - One minute. 200 00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:42,125 - I'll stack them, like Tupperware. 201 00:10:44,667 --> 00:10:47,000 - No, it's not working. You'll be fine. 202 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,958 - It is dead sweaty out there. - Well done, mate. 203 00:10:54,125 --> 00:10:55,708 Are you alright, love? 204 00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:59,458 Hey, I've got some advice for you, alright? 205 00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:01,583 Key wisdom. Don't ever forget this. 206 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,583 If things ever get lairy, turn the conversation to jazz. 207 00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,292 Confuses people. 208 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,292 And get on the hot, bad jazzers, Mingus, Coltrane. 209 00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:14,542 - You're on. Go, go. 210 00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:17,583 - Johanna Morrigan 211 00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:20,125 from the Warstones Estate in Wolverhampton. 212 00:11:20,292 --> 00:11:24,875 She says her poem is influenced by her family's unusual business 213 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,042 breeding Border Collie dogs. 214 00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:29,375 - That's right. - I love a collie. 215 00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:33,583 Take it away, Johanna, with our final poem... 216 00:11:33,708 --> 00:11:35,375 ...about friendship. 217 00:11:43,708 --> 00:11:45,333 - Go on. 218 00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:50,292 - "My Best Friend by Johanna Morrigan. 219 00:11:54,083 --> 00:11:56,625 "My father sells your babies. 220 00:11:56,708 --> 00:11:59,125 "You howl when you're alone. 221 00:11:59,292 --> 00:12:02,792 "You do not know who your parents are. 222 00:12:02,917 --> 00:12:06,333 "And all you want to do is bone. 223 00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:10,917 "Well, my best friend is Bianca, my dog. 224 00:12:11,083 --> 00:12:13,375 "Despite her mental health seeming fragile 225 00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:17,292 "And when it comes to scaring off assailants, or yobs 226 00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:20,417 "she has proven less than agile. 227 00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:23,208 "You cannot hug me with your paws. 228 00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,208 "I know, Bianca. 229 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:29,000 - "I've tried." - Come on, Johanna. 230 00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:33,000 - "Dog anatomy lacks rotator cuffs. 231 00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:36,458 "You can't open your forelegs that wide 232 00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:41,292 "but, Bianca, I know you can always hug me. 233 00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:43,875 "You can always hug me 234 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,542 Hug me with your eyes." 235 00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,708 I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. 236 00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:52,809 - When you know that there's one million people watching 237 00:12:52,833 --> 00:12:53,917 it's nerve-racking. 238 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,833 - I'm just... I'm just mad. 239 00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,458 Anyway, to be honest, Alan... 240 00:12:57,583 --> 00:12:59,333 - Oh, here she comes. - I'm just... 241 00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:00,500 That's what everyone says. 242 00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:01,708 Just... just a mad 243 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:03,208 lonely teenager into dog. 244 00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:06,042 But... but we, we're like 245 00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:09,167 Sha... Shaggy and Scooby-Doo. 246 00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:12,667 Best friends forever against the world. 247 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,667 I rove my rog. 248 00:13:14,708 --> 00:13:17,000 Everybody roves my rog. 249 00:13:17,708 --> 00:13:21,667 - Let's... - Scooby! Scooby-Dooby-Doo! 250 00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,875 - Just as a reminder, later on in the program 251 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,583 we're going to make some groaty cakes with a modern twist 252 00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:28,500 with Cyrille Regis, so don't tune out. 253 00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,434 Maybe Johanna would be more comfortable over there 254 00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:33,958 while I announce the winner of Young Midlands Poet of the Year 255 00:13:34,042 --> 00:13:35,083 Lee Veltman. 256 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,958 - Okay. 257 00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:44,333 We're gonna keep a tight formation 258 00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:47,292 and you're gonna remember Krissi's crisis mantra. 259 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:52,125 - Everyone can suck a big bag of dicks. 260 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:54,833 - Good girl. Come on. 261 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,292 - Maybe no one saw it. 262 00:13:57,833 --> 00:13:58,958 - Yeah. 263 00:13:59,917 --> 00:14:01,500 All good so far. 264 00:14:03,917 --> 00:14:06,625 - Here she is. Scooby-Doo! - Yeah, fuck them all. 265 00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:08,167 - Scooby-Doo! Scooby-Doo! 266 00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:13,500 - Is your brother Shaggy? Shaggy... 267 00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:15,125 Scooby-Dooby-Doo! 268 00:14:16,542 --> 00:14:19,125 Go on. Do you want Scooby Snacks? 269 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,500 Here's your Scooby Snacks, eh? 270 00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:22,917 - Can I help you, lads? 271 00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:27,333 Hey, is that Karl Boden? - What about it? 272 00:14:27,792 --> 00:14:30,625 - I fucked your mum back in '72. 273 00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:33,292 Give her my regards, won't you? 274 00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:35,083 - Oh, mate. - Come on, let's go. 275 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,208 - Go on inside, kids. Tea's ready. 276 00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:40,750 Your mum's busy garnishing the toast with beans. 277 00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:44,000 - Pat Morrigan? You have puppies for sale? 278 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:46,125 - I do, yes. Famous pups, as it happens. 279 00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:48,875 Immortalized in poetry on "Today In The Midlands." 280 00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:53,042 - I'm from the DSS. 281 00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:55,226 We're investigating allegations you've been illegally claiming 282 00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:58,000 disability benefit whilst breeding Border Collie dogs. 283 00:14:58,292 --> 00:14:59,292 - Not me, love. 284 00:15:01,292 --> 00:15:02,292 No. 285 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,125 Rats, though. 286 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,417 We've got a big rat problem around here. 287 00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:09,875 ♪ ♪ 288 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:20,708 - I'm so sorry. 289 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,958 Losing the TV is tough 290 00:15:27,042 --> 00:15:30,208 like when Beth dies in "Little Women." 291 00:15:30,375 --> 00:15:34,208 I have become destroyer of the world. 292 00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,667 I shall feast only on my misery. 293 00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:42,833 And jam. 294 00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:47,208 What have I done? I've brought ruin upon our family. 295 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,958 I think I'm dying. 296 00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:51,708 - You are not dying, Johanna. 297 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,833 This is called anxiety. 298 00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:55,667 - Will jam make it better? 299 00:15:55,792 --> 00:15:58,292 - No, jam will not make it better. 300 00:15:58,417 --> 00:16:01,417 I'm afraid you will just have to accept this. 301 00:16:01,750 --> 00:16:02,910 - The thing is, I don't think 302 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,542 my main problem is anxiety, Mr. Freud. 303 00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:09,625 I just need money. Money for the family. 304 00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:13,250 But I am now a failed artist, and when you're a failed artist 305 00:16:13,417 --> 00:16:16,125 there's only one thing you can do. 306 00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:18,750 - You have to die. - Johanna, no! 307 00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:22,083 - No, you must live. - No, you have so much to live for. 308 00:16:22,292 --> 00:16:24,750 - Johanna, honey, we need you. 309 00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:26,125 - No! Never. 310 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,958 - I've got some good tips on how to do it. 311 00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:35,250 - What you doing? - Working out how to die. 312 00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:36,917 - Fair enough. 313 00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:39,083 - Ask me why. 314 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,500 - I know why. 315 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,250 I'd wanna die too if I'd shamed myself 316 00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,167 plunged my whole family into poverty. 317 00:16:46,292 --> 00:16:49,333 It's fair enough. I would have advised it myself. 318 00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:53,875 Maybe I'll commit the ultimate sacrifice, cut my hair off 319 00:16:54,042 --> 00:16:55,958 like Jo March, sell it. 320 00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:59,083 - I'm not sure cash converters have a hair department, Johanna. 321 00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:06,708 - Stop moping. 322 00:17:06,833 --> 00:17:10,000 Try this. They're looking for writers. 323 00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:12,125 It's a competition to be a rock critic. 324 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,792 You might wanna give your poetry a break. 325 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,333 - "Live and breathe music? 326 00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:21,750 "♪-And-ME are hiring hip young gunslingers. 327 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,667 Show us what you've got." 328 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,250 I am none of those things. You should do this. 329 00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:28,458 - I'm not a corporate sell-out whore. 330 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:31,083 Those guys only write about what they think is cool. 331 00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:32,750 I write about what I love. 332 00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,875 It just happens that everything I love is cool. 333 00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:37,917 A ten-year-old could be a rock critic. 334 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,083 Now I just need some modern rock to critic. 335 00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:47,292 Touch that and die. 336 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,458 ♪ ♪ 337 00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:04,708 - My God. - This is a classic. 338 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:08,417 ♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪ 339 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:13,167 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 340 00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,125 ♪ There'll be sun ♪ 341 00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:20,792 ♪ Just thinking about tomorrow. ♪ 342 00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:23,250 ♪ Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow... ♪ 343 00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:24,833 - Hey. 344 00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:26,833 - Emily and Charlotte Bronte shared quills. 345 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,167 - Yeah, well, I want it back by 5:00. 346 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:31,958 And you are so Anne. - Don't start that again. 347 00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:34,208 ♪ And lonely ♪ 348 00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,500 ♪ I just stick out my chin ♪ 349 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:41,375 ♪ And grin and say ♪ 350 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:47,667 ♪ Oh the sun'll come out tomorrow ♪ 351 00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:52,417 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 352 00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:55,833 ♪ Come what may ♪ 353 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,917 ♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪ 354 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,667 ♪ I love ya tomorrow ♪ 355 00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:07,625 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 356 00:19:07,792 --> 00:19:13,208 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely ♪ 357 00:19:13,292 --> 00:19:19,917 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 358 00:19:20,042 --> 00:19:21,917 ♪ Oh... ♪ 359 00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:27,292 - That's disgusting. 360 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,542 - Are you dying? 361 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,750 - No. 362 00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:42,583 This is a period, Lupin. 363 00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,875 It is why women have been oppressed throughout history. 364 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,542 Till the twin-tub was invented 365 00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,917 we were too busy scrubbing to agitate for the vote. 366 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,375 - Will I get a period? 367 00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:58,458 - Yes. 368 00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:02,958 - Johanna. 369 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,625 - Hello? 370 00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:16,125 Interview. 371 00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:19,750 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 372 00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:25,958 ♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪ 373 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:30,667 ♪ So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow ♪ 374 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,875 ♪ Come what may. ♪ 375 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,750 ♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪ 376 00:20:36,917 --> 00:20:39,458 ♪ I love ya tomorrow ♪ 377 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:44,125 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 378 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:48,083 ♪ Tomorrow tomorrow ♪ 379 00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:50,750 ♪ I love ya tomorrow ♪ 380 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,542 ♪ You're always ♪ 381 00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:57,667 ♪ A day ♪ 382 00:20:57,792 --> 00:21:00,500 ♪ ♪ 383 00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:10,292 ♪ Away ♪ ♪ 384 00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,833 ♪ ♪ 385 00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:39,250 - I know Prince is short 386 00:21:39,417 --> 00:21:41,833 but you've made him look like a sex case Oompa Loompa. 387 00:21:41,958 --> 00:21:43,559 Tell him to take off his top or something. 388 00:21:43,583 --> 00:21:45,542 Enbiggen him, if necessary. 389 00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:53,875 - Oh, Just Seventeen's on the 23rd floor, love. 390 00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,875 - Thank you, but no. 391 00:21:58,042 --> 00:22:02,125 I'm Johanna Morrigan. I have an interview for the job. 392 00:22:02,208 --> 00:22:04,333 Hot young gunslinger. 393 00:22:04,458 --> 00:22:06,083 - Fucking hell. 394 00:22:06,208 --> 00:22:10,083 - Right, there goes a tenner. Andy, you win. 395 00:22:10,208 --> 00:22:12,625 Sorry, we didn't think you were real, love. - What? 396 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:13,958 - Well, a 16-year-old girl 397 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,083 reviewing the soundtrack to Annie? 398 00:22:16,208 --> 00:22:19,542 We just thought it was the dicks at NME winding us up. 399 00:22:19,667 --> 00:22:21,583 - But did you think my writing was good? 400 00:22:21,958 --> 00:22:23,708 - Yeah, it was funny. 401 00:22:23,833 --> 00:22:26,667 It made us laugh. But it's not really us. 402 00:22:28,125 --> 00:22:30,292 - So I go? - I guess. 403 00:22:32,208 --> 00:22:33,375 Here. 404 00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:36,375 You've come a long way. 405 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:37,875 Have a free T-shirt. 406 00:22:43,167 --> 00:22:44,542 - Thank you. 407 00:22:58,708 --> 00:23:02,708 I was right the first time. I'm not cool. 408 00:23:02,875 --> 00:23:04,750 I should just die. 409 00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:13,833 Do you know what cool people are, Johanna? 410 00:23:16,708 --> 00:23:19,708 Cool, like the people in that room? 411 00:23:20,042 --> 00:23:23,417 Cool people are the worst. 412 00:23:23,833 --> 00:23:25,333 They don't dance, 413 00:23:25,375 --> 00:23:27,625 they wear uncomfortable little trousers 414 00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:30,750 and they're constantly misquoting Kerouac. 415 00:23:30,875 --> 00:23:33,625 Have you read "On The Road," Johanna? 416 00:23:33,792 --> 00:23:34,917 Don't bother. 417 00:23:34,958 --> 00:23:38,458 It is a very long book about a man getting a lift. 418 00:23:38,833 --> 00:23:41,625 Do you know what a good book is? 419 00:23:41,792 --> 00:23:43,792 "Little House on the Prairie." 420 00:23:43,917 --> 00:23:47,875 She makes her own knickers, and her dad shoots a bear. 421 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,917 That's a story. 422 00:23:51,458 --> 00:23:54,167 Come on, give your face a rinse 423 00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:56,375 and dance back into that room. 424 00:23:56,542 --> 00:23:58,292 - I'm too scared. 425 00:23:58,375 --> 00:23:59,917 - Scared? 426 00:24:00,083 --> 00:24:04,042 Darling, rooms like that need girls like you. 427 00:24:06,208 --> 00:24:10,000 This is why you are magic. 428 00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,583 ♪ ♪ 429 00:24:26,583 --> 00:24:28,292 - Look. Look! 430 00:24:28,417 --> 00:24:29,708 I might not know much about 431 00:24:29,833 --> 00:24:33,250 your Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine 432 00:24:33,375 --> 00:24:37,833 or your Sultans of Ping FC, or your fire drill next Tuesday 433 00:24:37,958 --> 00:24:40,500 but if you think I'm funny and I can write 434 00:24:40,583 --> 00:24:42,458 then... then it can't be harder to learn about 435 00:24:42,625 --> 00:24:43,833 than the periodic table 436 00:24:43,917 --> 00:24:46,542 and I got a 98 percent on that test. 437 00:24:46,708 --> 00:24:48,792 I only failed on Kr. 438 00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:51,042 Krypton is my kryptonite. 439 00:24:51,167 --> 00:24:55,792 I... I could improvise, like the hot, bad jazzers. 440 00:24:55,917 --> 00:24:58,417 Coltrane and Mingus. 441 00:24:58,583 --> 00:25:00,417 - Give her the Manic Street Preachers. 442 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,375 - You're doing the Manics, Tony. 443 00:25:04,958 --> 00:25:07,875 - I have just scalped Morrissey. I'm exhausted from the Kill. 444 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,458 I need to rest in the shade. 445 00:25:09,583 --> 00:25:10,708 Besides, you didn't tell me 446 00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:13,667 the Manics were in Birmingham. 447 00:25:13,792 --> 00:25:17,083 I'm not really feeling regional right now. 448 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:18,375 Try her. 449 00:25:21,292 --> 00:25:24,042 - Well, fuck it. Yeah, trial run. 450 00:25:24,167 --> 00:25:25,833 Johanna, you get to make first contact 451 00:25:25,917 --> 00:25:27,208 with the demented Welshmen. 452 00:25:27,375 --> 00:25:29,208 Man the barricades for us, yeah? 453 00:25:29,333 --> 00:25:32,125 - Leaping lizards! 454 00:25:32,250 --> 00:25:33,375 - Okay. 455 00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:36,583 - What? 456 00:25:36,750 --> 00:25:38,750 Are you in fact being Annie right now? 457 00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:40,208 - Yes, sir. 458 00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:42,875 - Enjoy the munificent ten-♪ per word. 459 00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,125 - I will. 460 00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:46,917 I'm much obliged to you, sir. 461 00:25:48,417 --> 00:25:49,625 - I'll remember that. 462 00:25:59,708 --> 00:26:01,625 - I have nothing to wear. 463 00:26:01,750 --> 00:26:03,583 - That is not factually correct. 464 00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:08,083 - Nothing to wear for who I need to be. 465 00:26:09,667 --> 00:26:12,250 The best item of clothing I own is my hair. 466 00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:19,500 Is my hair. 467 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,750 You look like Captain Caveman. 468 00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:26,042 - Krissi. 469 00:26:27,042 --> 00:26:28,750 - Absolutely not. 470 00:26:30,917 --> 00:26:33,208 ♪ ♪ 471 00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:36,750 I've been saving that for three years. 472 00:26:37,958 --> 00:26:40,917 - This is nine pounds forty-eight. 473 00:26:41,042 --> 00:26:43,250 - Yeah, well, the Fanzine has a lot of overheads. 474 00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:45,625 Revolutionary independence is costly. 475 00:26:45,750 --> 00:26:47,833 - That's okay. I can totally transform myself 476 00:26:47,875 --> 00:26:50,333 for nine pounds forty-eight. - Hmm. 477 00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:55,750 ♪ That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood ♪ 478 00:26:55,875 --> 00:26:59,500 ♪ She's got the hottest strike in town ♪ 479 00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:02,750 ♪ That girl she holds her head up so high ♪ 480 00:27:02,875 --> 00:27:06,375 ♪ I think I wanna be her best friend yeah ♪ 481 00:27:06,542 --> 00:27:09,792 ♪ Rebel girl rebel girl ♪ 482 00:27:09,917 --> 00:27:13,458 ♪ Rebel girl you are the queen of my world ♪ 483 00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:15,167 ♪ Rebel girl rebel girl ♪ 484 00:27:15,292 --> 00:27:16,625 I need this. 485 00:27:16,792 --> 00:27:18,250 ♪ I think I wanna take you home ♪ 486 00:27:18,333 --> 00:27:21,000 ♪ I wanna try on your clothes uh ♪ 487 00:27:34,167 --> 00:27:35,292 ♪ Uh ♪ 488 00:27:38,083 --> 00:27:41,500 ♪ Rebel girl rebel girl ♪ 489 00:27:41,583 --> 00:27:45,125 ♪ Rebel girl you are the queen of my world ♪ 490 00:27:45,250 --> 00:27:48,708 - Observe the world's greatest eyeliner. 491 00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:50,059 ♪ I know I wanna take you home ♪ 492 00:27:50,083 --> 00:27:51,542 ♪ I wanna try on your clothes ♪ 493 00:27:51,667 --> 00:27:55,042 ♪ My rebel girl ♪ ♪ 494 00:27:59,208 --> 00:28:01,167 - Good God, it's the Child Catcher. 495 00:28:01,417 --> 00:28:04,042 - No. Johanna Morrigan is dead. 496 00:28:04,167 --> 00:28:07,750 This, this is the legendary Dolly Wilde. 497 00:28:08,958 --> 00:28:10,000 - Mega. 498 00:28:13,708 --> 00:28:15,542 You never forget your first gig, bab. 499 00:28:15,625 --> 00:28:17,167 It's like your first kick in the balls. 500 00:28:17,333 --> 00:28:19,292 Changes your life. 501 00:28:19,375 --> 00:28:20,833 Now get your ears around my remix. 502 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,042 Your dad's gone up a level. 503 00:28:23,125 --> 00:28:25,333 ♪ Can anybody hear me? ♪ ♪ 504 00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:28,167 Do you like this one? I've done it rave style. 505 00:28:28,292 --> 00:28:30,792 I'm on one, love. And I'm back. 506 00:28:30,917 --> 00:28:34,583 Next Live Aid, I'm getting the Phil Collins slot, both of them. 507 00:28:34,708 --> 00:28:37,583 No, fuck it, three. I'll do Africa and all. 508 00:28:37,708 --> 00:28:39,500 - ♪ Day-O! ♪ ♪ 509 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,417 - Too right. 510 00:28:46,167 --> 00:28:48,250 For I'm the bastard son of Brendan Behan 511 00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:50,667 and one day these fuckers will all bow down to me. 512 00:28:50,792 --> 00:28:52,125 - Whoo! 513 00:28:57,958 --> 00:29:01,667 Look at that. The Midlands. 514 00:29:01,750 --> 00:29:03,518 When I was your age, the only thing we cared about 515 00:29:03,542 --> 00:29:05,000 was how to escape. 516 00:29:05,083 --> 00:29:06,333 So, you either become a boxer 517 00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:09,000 a footballer or a pop star. 518 00:29:09,125 --> 00:29:10,417 It's the only way. 519 00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:14,000 Obviously, I chose pop star. 520 00:29:14,917 --> 00:29:19,667 But you... you've got your writing, bab. 521 00:29:19,792 --> 00:29:21,292 You've found a new way. 522 00:29:21,375 --> 00:29:22,500 - I know. 523 00:29:24,125 --> 00:29:28,000 - I meant for me, like. Get me in the papers. 524 00:29:30,125 --> 00:29:32,417 I know what to do this time around. 525 00:29:32,542 --> 00:29:34,667 First time around I was a right twat. 526 00:29:36,792 --> 00:29:39,083 I'm ready for it now. 527 00:29:39,167 --> 00:29:41,917 The songs are ready. They're all killer. 528 00:29:42,208 --> 00:29:44,125 You'll know when it's the right time. 529 00:29:56,125 --> 00:29:59,583 Yeah, hey, hey! Access all areas. Come on. 530 00:29:59,708 --> 00:30:02,000 ♪ ♪ 531 00:30:07,042 --> 00:30:10,583 ♪ Check the new ride out it's alright ♪ 532 00:30:10,708 --> 00:30:12,792 ♪ Silence ain't in season ♪ ♪ 533 00:30:12,917 --> 00:30:15,208 What are your expenses like? - Ah... 534 00:30:15,333 --> 00:30:18,292 - Can I get a pint of Guinness, please, and a whisky chaser? 535 00:30:18,792 --> 00:30:21,625 If only we were in Dublin, eh? Get a proper pint. 536 00:30:23,208 --> 00:30:24,667 - Good evening. 537 00:30:24,792 --> 00:30:27,042 - You alright, Birmingham? Good to be back. 538 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,042 Manic Street Preachers by Dolly Wilde. 539 00:30:30,125 --> 00:30:34,292 April 8th, Edwards No. 8, Digbeth, Birmingham 540 00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:37,917 West Midlands, United Kingdom, The World, Milky Way. 541 00:30:38,042 --> 00:30:41,125 - We come from urban hell, and we destroy rock 'n' roll. 542 00:30:42,958 --> 00:30:45,333 ♪ ♪ 543 00:30:54,917 --> 00:31:00,542 ♪ We are not your sinners our voices are for real ♪ 544 00:31:00,667 --> 00:31:03,292 ♪ We realized and we won't be mourned ♪ 545 00:31:03,417 --> 00:31:06,208 ♪ We're gonna burn your death mask uniforms ♪ 546 00:31:06,333 --> 00:31:11,958 ♪ We won't die of devotion understand we can never belong ♪ 547 00:31:12,083 --> 00:31:14,208 ♪ Thrown some acid into your face ♪ 548 00:31:14,375 --> 00:31:17,583 ♪ Pollute your mineral water with a strychnine taste ♪ 549 00:31:18,917 --> 00:31:20,125 ♪ You ♪ 550 00:31:21,417 --> 00:31:22,750 ♪ Love ♪ 551 00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:25,542 ♪ Us ♪ 552 00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:27,167 ♪ You love us ♪ 553 00:31:27,250 --> 00:31:28,458 ♪ You love us ♪ 554 00:31:28,583 --> 00:31:30,333 ♪ You love ♪ 555 00:31:30,458 --> 00:31:32,500 ♪ You love us ♪ 556 00:31:32,625 --> 00:31:35,417 ♪ Oh you love us ♪ 557 00:31:35,542 --> 00:31:37,000 ♪ You love us ♪ 558 00:31:37,125 --> 00:31:39,667 ♪ You love us you love us ♪ 559 00:31:47,458 --> 00:31:50,500 ♪ Until I see love in statues your lessons... ♪ 560 00:31:52,875 --> 00:31:55,792 ♪ Parliament's a fake life saver ♪ 561 00:31:55,917 --> 00:31:59,000 ♪ You better wake up and smell the real flavor... ♪ 562 00:32:02,708 --> 00:32:04,125 "At 9:00 p.m. last night 563 00:32:04,292 --> 00:32:06,000 "rock and roll meant nothing to me. 564 00:32:06,083 --> 00:32:09,833 By midnight, it was the most important thing in the world." 565 00:32:21,917 --> 00:32:23,208 - Yow gonna buy that? 566 00:32:24,958 --> 00:32:26,375 You gonna buy that? 567 00:32:27,792 --> 00:32:29,708 I'm a newsagent's, not a library. 568 00:32:29,833 --> 00:32:31,917 - Look, Mr. ♪. I'm a byline. 569 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,208 - I'm hearing the word buy and I'm liking it. 570 00:32:34,417 --> 00:32:37,250 I've got your dad's bill here, $27.48. 571 00:32:37,375 --> 00:32:39,542 - Dad has a bill here? 572 00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:41,208 - Yeah. 573 00:32:41,917 --> 00:32:44,167 - Charge them to the account, Mr. ♪. 574 00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:45,792 I'm a rock critic now. 575 00:32:45,958 --> 00:32:49,500 I come from urban hell and I describe rock and roll. 576 00:32:49,583 --> 00:32:51,875 ♪ ♪ 577 00:32:59,708 --> 00:33:01,667 Edward's No. 8. 578 00:33:02,083 --> 00:33:03,667 Bath Moles. 579 00:33:04,083 --> 00:33:06,042 Rayleigh Pink Toothbrush. 580 00:33:06,583 --> 00:33:07,833 Derby Warehouse. 581 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,000 Wilde. 582 00:33:09,042 --> 00:33:11,000 Windsor Old Trout. 583 00:33:11,375 --> 00:33:13,917 King Tut's Wah Wah Hut. 584 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,333 Dudley JB's. 585 00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:19,292 For when the house is too small 586 00:33:19,417 --> 00:33:21,042 and your bones itch to dance 587 00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:23,417 and you pretend the dry ice is getting you high 588 00:33:23,542 --> 00:33:26,083 and it doesn't feel right until your clothes cling to you 589 00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:27,667 with sweat. 590 00:33:27,833 --> 00:33:29,292 These are the places you come 591 00:33:29,375 --> 00:33:31,208 where you can dance and scream 592 00:33:31,333 --> 00:33:32,958 and be with your own kind 593 00:33:33,125 --> 00:33:35,167 and where everything is possible. 594 00:33:35,667 --> 00:33:38,458 ♪ I'm movin' on up now ♪ ♪ 595 00:33:40,833 --> 00:33:43,458 - See you later. - Bye. 596 00:33:43,542 --> 00:33:45,375 Love you! - We love you! 597 00:34:21,958 --> 00:34:25,000 - Wake up, Fucko. School. 598 00:34:25,125 --> 00:34:27,917 ♪ My light shines on ♪ 599 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:31,583 ♪ My light shines on ♪ 600 00:34:31,708 --> 00:34:33,208 Come on. 601 00:34:33,333 --> 00:34:34,875 Yeah, shut up. 602 00:34:34,958 --> 00:34:39,042 So this is Dolly Wilde, from ♪-and-ME. 603 00:34:39,208 --> 00:34:40,375 My sister. 604 00:34:40,542 --> 00:34:41,667 - There you go. 605 00:34:41,792 --> 00:34:44,625 ♪ ...shines on ♪ 606 00:34:44,750 --> 00:34:47,208 ♪ I'm getting out of the darkness ♪ 607 00:34:47,292 --> 00:34:49,708 ♪ My light shines on ♪ 608 00:34:49,875 --> 00:34:52,208 ♪ I'm getting out of the darkness ♪ 609 00:34:52,333 --> 00:34:54,583 ♪ My light shines on ♪ 610 00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:57,250 ♪ I'm getting out of the darkness ♪ 611 00:34:57,417 --> 00:35:00,458 ♪ My light shines on ♪ ♪ 612 00:35:00,583 --> 00:35:02,375 - Nice one. Come on. - There. 613 00:35:02,458 --> 00:35:05,042 - Let's have a look. - Lu. 614 00:35:05,208 --> 00:35:06,708 - I think that's for you, love. 615 00:35:06,792 --> 00:35:10,208 - And this one's yours, Krissi. 616 00:35:10,333 --> 00:35:11,542 Dad, have you got rice? 617 00:35:13,125 --> 00:35:14,333 - Dad. 618 00:35:14,458 --> 00:35:16,583 - You've taken the last chow mein, son. 619 00:35:16,708 --> 00:35:19,292 I've been left with rice. - I love chicken chow mein. 620 00:35:19,458 --> 00:35:21,542 - Johanna, are these twats for you? 621 00:35:23,833 --> 00:35:26,625 - Are you girl from ♪-and-ME? - I am she. 622 00:35:26,750 --> 00:35:30,458 - These are the Strange Cages from Bilston. 623 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,167 - So sorry about that. Pat, will you deal with this? 624 00:35:34,292 --> 00:35:35,667 - Yeah, come on in, lads. Nice one. 625 00:35:35,792 --> 00:35:37,083 Nice to meet you. Yeah, yeah. 626 00:35:37,167 --> 00:35:38,583 - You the bass player? - Yeah. 627 00:35:38,750 --> 00:35:40,059 - You'd be better off over here, mate. 628 00:35:40,083 --> 00:35:41,792 A nice bit of separation there, yeah. 629 00:35:42,125 --> 00:35:44,458 - It's not quite what I meant. 630 00:35:44,583 --> 00:35:46,625 This isn't the friggin' commitments. 631 00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:49,667 - So first up is a song about unrequited love. 632 00:35:49,792 --> 00:35:53,250 It's called "Annabelle, My Bloodied Heart." 633 00:35:53,375 --> 00:35:55,875 ♪ ♪ 634 00:35:56,167 --> 00:35:57,684 - You'd have a better chance with Annabella 635 00:35:57,708 --> 00:35:59,875 if you gave your hair a wash, love. 636 00:36:01,125 --> 00:36:02,458 ♪ That's when you know. ♪ 637 00:36:02,583 --> 00:36:05,333 ♪ Whoa! ♪ 638 00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:06,542 - Hold on a minute, lads. 639 00:36:06,667 --> 00:36:09,042 Lads, just... just stop you there. 640 00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:10,768 You're lagging a bit on the drums. - What the hell... 641 00:36:10,792 --> 00:36:12,792 - You are, yeah. You're not keeping time right. 642 00:36:12,958 --> 00:36:14,559 Come here, just step aside. Let me have a little go. 643 00:36:14,583 --> 00:36:16,543 Come here. I'll show you a few little tricks here. 644 00:36:16,625 --> 00:36:18,375 I'll show you a bit of rock 'n' roll. 645 00:36:18,417 --> 00:36:19,250 Are you ready? 646 00:36:19,292 --> 00:36:21,500 One, two, three, four. 647 00:36:21,542 --> 00:36:25,292 ♪ I see the cracks they start to show ♪ 648 00:36:25,417 --> 00:36:28,625 ♪ That's when you need it that's when you know ♪ 649 00:36:28,708 --> 00:36:31,667 ♪ Whoa! ♪ 650 00:36:32,708 --> 00:36:36,375 ♪ I kick old habits they bring it out ♪ 651 00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:40,042 ♪ They leave you something to figure out ♪ 652 00:36:40,208 --> 00:36:41,208 ♪ Whoa! ♪ ♪ 653 00:36:41,250 --> 00:36:42,583 - Where are you going? 654 00:36:42,708 --> 00:36:44,184 What are we supposed to do with that lot? 655 00:36:44,208 --> 00:36:46,042 - Dolly Wilde's on the move, like Asian. 656 00:36:46,167 --> 00:36:47,917 - Right, well, it's Johanna Morrigan's turn 657 00:36:48,042 --> 00:36:49,625 to clean out the deep-fat fryer. 658 00:36:49,917 --> 00:36:51,792 - This bitch be paying rent, Krissi. 659 00:36:54,958 --> 00:36:57,083 - You're not friggin' Superman, you know. 660 00:36:57,167 --> 00:36:59,500 You're just a girl in a hat typing jangly. 661 00:37:01,458 --> 00:37:03,750 ♪ ♪ 662 00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:11,083 - Alright, come on. Story. - Oh, yeah. 663 00:37:11,833 --> 00:37:13,292 - Drink? 664 00:37:13,375 --> 00:37:16,042 - No, thank you, sir. I'm high on mere life. 665 00:37:16,167 --> 00:37:18,333 - I OD'd on life once. 666 00:37:18,458 --> 00:37:22,083 Someone blew life right up my ass. 667 00:37:23,167 --> 00:37:27,792 - So, how is life in the world of the hot child genius? 668 00:37:27,875 --> 00:37:30,875 I love the new look, by the way. 669 00:37:31,042 --> 00:37:32,958 Very wild, Ms. Wilde. 670 00:37:33,083 --> 00:37:36,792 - Thank you, sir. Life is frustrating. 671 00:37:36,917 --> 00:37:39,500 - Oh, I hate to hear about a woman being frustrated. 672 00:37:39,583 --> 00:37:41,833 - I don't seem to be progressing as I thought I would. 673 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,250 I want bigger things. 674 00:37:43,542 --> 00:37:45,375 - Well, in my experience 675 00:37:45,542 --> 00:37:48,625 the world welcomes women who ask for big things. 676 00:37:48,708 --> 00:37:50,208 - So I should just ask? 677 00:37:50,375 --> 00:37:52,667 - Ask and it will be given. 678 00:37:54,750 --> 00:37:57,875 - I'm telling you. It is, it has to be. 679 00:37:58,042 --> 00:37:59,292 It has to be. Kenny, trust me. 680 00:37:59,375 --> 00:38:02,375 - Kenny, sir, may I ask you a question? 681 00:38:02,542 --> 00:38:06,792 - Fire away. - Can I write a feature, please? 682 00:38:06,917 --> 00:38:09,708 - A feature? - I want to interview someone. 683 00:38:09,792 --> 00:38:12,708 Let me interview someone. I like bands. They're friendly. 684 00:38:12,875 --> 00:38:14,875 - To you, my darling, of course they are. 685 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,000 - Talk to Derby about features, alright? 686 00:38:19,208 --> 00:38:23,375 - Sir, I think I'm ready to take on more responsibilities 687 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:25,000 and stretch myself. 688 00:38:25,083 --> 00:38:26,792 - I very much see part of my job 689 00:38:26,917 --> 00:38:30,792 as helping young women stretch their responsibilities. 690 00:38:32,250 --> 00:38:34,708 Sit here and tell me more about it. 691 00:38:34,792 --> 00:38:35,917 - Sir? 692 00:38:41,083 --> 00:38:42,917 Sit here? 693 00:38:52,667 --> 00:38:54,333 - Watch this. Watch this. 694 00:38:58,125 --> 00:39:01,000 - This was a good idea. This is fun. 695 00:39:01,125 --> 00:39:05,083 Does anyone else want a go? This is awesome. 696 00:39:05,167 --> 00:39:08,333 I mean, it's not as good as a chair, like all you guys have 697 00:39:08,417 --> 00:39:10,167 but it's definitely second best. 698 00:39:10,333 --> 00:39:12,708 Maybe we could wrestle, too. - No. 699 00:39:12,792 --> 00:39:15,000 No, okay, you've got the feature, okay? 700 00:39:15,125 --> 00:39:16,875 You can do John Kite in Dublin. 701 00:39:18,667 --> 00:39:20,875 - They're my thank-you bounces. 702 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,042 - Please make sure your seat's back and tray tables 703 00:39:23,208 --> 00:39:24,792 are in the full upright positions 704 00:39:24,917 --> 00:39:27,667 and that your seatbelt is correctly fastened... 705 00:39:27,792 --> 00:39:29,208 So the gig's at 10:00 p.m. 706 00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:30,601 We'll do the interview first in the pub. 707 00:39:30,625 --> 00:39:32,667 - Are all planes this small? 708 00:39:33,208 --> 00:39:34,768 - Here's some clippings and some photos. 709 00:39:34,833 --> 00:39:36,375 You've heard his new record, yes? 710 00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:38,667 - Is this turbulence? 711 00:39:38,792 --> 00:39:40,125 - We haven't taken off yet. 712 00:39:41,708 --> 00:39:44,417 - They say flying is the safest mode of transport 713 00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:46,792 but surely that's walking. 714 00:39:53,125 --> 00:39:54,250 - Then after the show, 715 00:39:54,292 --> 00:39:56,833 I'll be with John Kite at all times... 716 00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:01,833 - Oh, God, what's happening? - Eh? 717 00:40:01,958 --> 00:40:03,583 Well, we've just gone above the clouds. 718 00:40:05,917 --> 00:40:08,208 ♪ ♪ 719 00:40:21,292 --> 00:40:23,458 - John, what are you talking about? Come back to me. 720 00:40:23,583 --> 00:40:25,143 - Let's just do it in the pub, you know. 721 00:40:25,250 --> 00:40:27,458 - Listen... - John. ♪-and-ME's here. 722 00:40:33,750 --> 00:40:36,042 ♪ ♪ 723 00:40:39,917 --> 00:40:44,083 John. ♪-and-ME. This is Dolly Wilde. 724 00:40:44,250 --> 00:40:47,917 - Alright, Duchess? Pleasure to meet you. 725 00:40:48,042 --> 00:40:50,167 Shall we, uh, brutalize ourselves with gin? 726 00:40:50,292 --> 00:40:52,417 - Oh, I would just like some pop, please. 727 00:40:52,542 --> 00:40:54,583 - Do you want a cigarette? - No, thank you. 728 00:40:54,708 --> 00:40:57,875 - Ah. Well, I applaud your brightness. 729 00:40:59,542 --> 00:41:01,458 When you start smoking 730 00:41:01,583 --> 00:41:03,958 you think that you've bought a fun baby dragon. 731 00:41:04,083 --> 00:41:06,042 You think that you've charmed a fabulous beast 732 00:41:06,125 --> 00:41:08,292 that will impress both your enemies and your friends. 733 00:41:08,458 --> 00:41:09,875 Then, 20 years later, you wake up 734 00:41:09,958 --> 00:41:11,726 with your lungs full of cinder, the bed's on fire 735 00:41:11,750 --> 00:41:13,833 and you realize the dragon grew up 736 00:41:13,917 --> 00:41:15,708 and burned your fucking house down. 737 00:41:18,750 --> 00:41:21,917 - So, the interview... - Ah, the interview. 738 00:41:22,042 --> 00:41:24,500 - My first question is, if you had to murder someone evil 739 00:41:24,542 --> 00:41:25,750 how would you do it? 740 00:41:25,792 --> 00:41:27,393 - That is an amazing question. - What's your worst song? 741 00:41:27,417 --> 00:41:28,893 - Oh, I don't know. - Which is the best Beatle? 742 00:41:28,917 --> 00:41:30,208 - Well, that's quite a... 743 00:41:30,292 --> 00:41:32,667 - What would you spend a pound on in a sweet shop? 744 00:41:37,333 --> 00:41:40,500 Darling, have you ever done, like, an interview before? 745 00:41:40,625 --> 00:41:42,792 - No. I will be honest with you. 746 00:41:42,917 --> 00:41:44,958 I've never done an anything before. 747 00:41:45,042 --> 00:41:46,042 I'm quite new. 748 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:47,643 I went on a plane today for the first time. 749 00:41:47,667 --> 00:41:50,792 - Do you know how amazing it is? - Tell me. 750 00:41:50,917 --> 00:41:53,000 - Today I learned an astounding thing. 751 00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:54,875 It's always sunny above the clouds. 752 00:41:55,042 --> 00:41:56,458 However awful it is on Earth 753 00:41:56,542 --> 00:41:59,375 if you go high enough, it's always summer. 754 00:41:59,542 --> 00:42:01,083 Isn't that amazing? 755 00:42:04,042 --> 00:42:06,917 - Ed, we're finished here, mate. - I have other questions. 756 00:42:07,125 --> 00:42:09,005 - Look, darling, if you think I'm gonna sit here 757 00:42:09,083 --> 00:42:10,625 bollocking on about me 758 00:42:10,792 --> 00:42:14,292 when you're both mad as Jesus and new to abroad. 759 00:42:14,375 --> 00:42:16,417 Come on. We're going out. 760 00:42:21,458 --> 00:42:23,083 Welcome to the world. 761 00:42:25,083 --> 00:42:26,750 James Joyce's favorite pub. 762 00:42:26,833 --> 00:42:28,583 - In Ulysses, it's Davy Byrnes. 763 00:42:56,333 --> 00:42:59,417 - Come on, boy. Watch out. Rock star here. 764 00:43:00,250 --> 00:43:02,559 - John, how you doing? - Yeah, I'm alright, mate. I'm good, yeah. 765 00:43:02,583 --> 00:43:04,792 - Let's get you started... 766 00:43:04,917 --> 00:43:06,250 - Same old routine, eh? 767 00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:08,750 - You ready? Good. It's all good. 768 00:43:09,958 --> 00:43:11,398 There you go. 769 00:43:12,958 --> 00:43:14,125 - Thanks. 770 00:43:16,417 --> 00:43:17,667 - Come on. 771 00:43:19,458 --> 00:43:21,083 Come on, let's do it. 772 00:43:29,625 --> 00:43:31,083 This is the Duchess. 773 00:43:35,833 --> 00:43:39,208 Right, I am reliably informed by Melody Maker 774 00:43:39,333 --> 00:43:41,458 that I break hearts in two, so... 775 00:43:42,667 --> 00:43:44,667 Safety goggles on, eh? 776 00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:51,667 ♪ You said heartbreak ♪ 777 00:43:51,792 --> 00:43:55,792 ♪ Only happens ♪ 778 00:43:55,917 --> 00:43:59,292 ♪ When you're older ♪ 779 00:44:02,792 --> 00:44:09,000 ♪ Angels don't put the angels to bed ♪ 780 00:44:11,792 --> 00:44:15,333 ♪ And it's okay to lie ♪ 781 00:44:17,792 --> 00:44:20,917 ♪ Is what I have learned ♪ 782 00:44:24,917 --> 00:44:31,750 ♪ I tell them my day-making girl is off saving the world ♪ 783 00:44:36,542 --> 00:44:42,083 ♪ You said heartbreak ♪ 784 00:44:42,167 --> 00:44:46,167 ♪ Only happens ♪ 785 00:44:46,292 --> 00:44:49,167 ♪ When you're older ♪ 786 00:44:53,500 --> 00:45:00,000 ♪ Angels don't put the angels to bed ♪ 787 00:45:02,292 --> 00:45:06,167 ♪ And it's okay to lie ♪ 788 00:45:08,625 --> 00:45:11,542 ♪ Is what I have learned ♪ ♪ 789 00:45:18,208 --> 00:45:19,833 Classy. 790 00:45:19,917 --> 00:45:21,208 I'm having this. 791 00:45:23,042 --> 00:45:24,375 Hotel tax, innit? 792 00:45:24,500 --> 00:45:26,500 For the honor of my company. 793 00:45:28,542 --> 00:45:30,417 I do have a proper question now. 794 00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:32,417 - Hit me. 795 00:45:32,500 --> 00:45:34,333 - Why are your songs so sad? 796 00:45:36,625 --> 00:45:38,917 - Oh, baby, now, that's a... 797 00:45:39,042 --> 00:45:40,417 ...that's big one. 798 00:45:42,667 --> 00:45:43,667 Well... 799 00:45:45,042 --> 00:45:47,583 ...you see, I was, uh... 800 00:45:47,708 --> 00:45:49,333 ...born in a crossfire hurricane. 801 00:45:50,667 --> 00:45:52,375 No, that's a quote. 802 00:45:52,417 --> 00:45:53,958 "Jumpin' Jack Flash." 803 00:45:56,833 --> 00:45:58,792 The Stones? 804 00:45:58,917 --> 00:46:00,958 Have you never listened to the Stones? 805 00:46:01,500 --> 00:46:04,125 - I have the "Best Of" reserved at the library 806 00:46:04,250 --> 00:46:06,833 but there are six other reservations ahead of me. 807 00:46:06,958 --> 00:46:09,583 - And yet you can quote "Ulysses." 808 00:46:09,667 --> 00:46:11,750 - Well, no one reserved that at the library. 809 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,333 - I bet. 810 00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:17,500 Well... 811 00:46:18,750 --> 00:46:20,750 ...like you, baby, I'm a scratcher. 812 00:46:20,875 --> 00:46:22,917 I was born in Blackwood, South Wales Valleys 813 00:46:23,042 --> 00:46:24,583 in a crossfire drizzle. 814 00:46:25,917 --> 00:46:29,042 My mother had my three sisters 815 00:46:29,167 --> 00:46:31,417 and then she got ill. 816 00:46:31,542 --> 00:46:35,292 We'd go and visit her in hospital and, uh... 817 00:46:35,417 --> 00:46:38,292 ...she, uh, she didn't wanna touch us. 818 00:46:41,042 --> 00:46:43,083 It made her cry. 819 00:46:43,208 --> 00:46:44,667 And when we'd say goodbye 820 00:46:44,792 --> 00:46:47,875 she'd press the tips of her fingers to her mouth 821 00:46:47,958 --> 00:46:50,667 press it on our mouths, and say, "This is John's kiss." 822 00:46:53,625 --> 00:46:56,417 And the little ones, you know, they just wanted their mum. 823 00:46:59,250 --> 00:47:01,208 When she, uh, decided to die... 824 00:47:02,917 --> 00:47:07,042 ...I'd go into her wardrobe and... put on her coat 825 00:47:07,125 --> 00:47:08,917 and hug 'em... 826 00:47:12,458 --> 00:47:14,333 ...So they could smell her, you know. 827 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,000 I read somewhere that's what you do with puppies. 828 00:47:18,125 --> 00:47:20,125 You... put "em in a cardboard box" 829 00:47:20,250 --> 00:47:22,625 with a blanket that smells of their mother. 830 00:47:24,542 --> 00:47:25,917 - And your dad? 831 00:47:30,708 --> 00:47:33,000 This is all off the record now, of course. 832 00:47:33,208 --> 00:47:37,125 We are off road now, and off balance, too. 833 00:47:39,958 --> 00:47:42,333 This is far too much about me. 834 00:47:42,417 --> 00:47:45,500 You, tell me one true thing about you. 835 00:47:45,625 --> 00:47:47,625 Whose eyes do you have? 836 00:47:47,750 --> 00:47:49,167 Whose, whose wonder? 837 00:47:51,042 --> 00:47:54,250 - I used to think that anyone who didn't have my mother... 838 00:47:54,375 --> 00:47:55,708 My eyes are hers. 839 00:47:55,833 --> 00:47:58,417 Or my father, he's the one who loves the world 840 00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,458 was so unlucky. 841 00:48:01,583 --> 00:48:03,183 They might as well just lie down and die. 842 00:48:04,750 --> 00:48:07,333 But then she had the unexpected twins. 843 00:48:10,083 --> 00:48:11,917 And now she's just... 844 00:48:14,750 --> 00:48:16,000 I miss her. 845 00:48:19,292 --> 00:48:20,708 Even though she's there. 846 00:48:22,667 --> 00:48:25,208 So I guess I write 847 00:48:25,292 --> 00:48:29,000 because that's like... 848 00:48:29,125 --> 00:48:32,500 ...putting a wish into a bottle, isn't it? 849 00:48:32,625 --> 00:48:36,083 - Baby, I think we are both in the business 850 00:48:36,208 --> 00:48:37,667 of putting wishes in bottles. 851 00:48:39,208 --> 00:48:42,083 I mean, that's the whole business we're in. 852 00:48:56,083 --> 00:48:57,583 - Do you want some nuts? 853 00:48:57,708 --> 00:48:59,917 - Hmm. - Alright. 854 00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:06,500 I love a bath. - Oh! Me too. 855 00:49:06,625 --> 00:49:09,250 I just don't understand showers. They're depressing. 856 00:49:09,417 --> 00:49:11,625 It's like standing in the rain on purpose. 857 00:49:12,875 --> 00:49:15,083 But I love Doors. 858 00:49:15,167 --> 00:49:16,833 They make the outside stop. 859 00:49:19,542 --> 00:49:21,667 - Ah! I love Doors now. - Hm. 860 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:24,250 - I've fallen in love with Doors. They're amazing. 861 00:49:24,375 --> 00:49:27,667 - But do you love dogs? - What? Do I love dogs? 862 00:49:27,792 --> 00:49:30,042 I absolutely love dogs. 863 00:49:30,167 --> 00:49:31,527 - What's your favorite type of dog? 864 00:49:31,625 --> 00:49:34,500 ♪ ♪ 865 00:50:00,917 --> 00:50:02,208 - Ey, love. 866 00:50:02,250 --> 00:50:06,083 - I am irreversibly in love. - Oh, nice one, bab. 867 00:50:06,208 --> 00:50:08,128 I've got a gammon on the go, if you want a slice. 868 00:50:08,208 --> 00:50:09,208 - Dad... 869 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,375 I brought you a proper pint from Dublin, 870 00:50:13,417 --> 00:50:15,000 like you always wanted. 871 00:50:15,042 --> 00:50:17,833 - Thank you very much for that, love. That's great. 872 00:50:18,042 --> 00:50:19,917 Look at that. Proper pint. 873 00:50:21,875 --> 00:50:23,208 Oh! It's a bit flat. 874 00:50:26,250 --> 00:50:27,583 - John's nuts. 875 00:50:30,667 --> 00:50:32,333 I don't know what to write. 876 00:50:32,500 --> 00:50:35,000 - Ah! The ecstatic torture of love. 877 00:50:35,083 --> 00:50:37,125 - The socioeconomic conditions 878 00:50:37,292 --> 00:50:40,333 that lead to the dominance of working-class rock and roll. 879 00:50:40,417 --> 00:50:43,458 - Just write from the heart, Jo, and into the bank balance. 880 00:50:43,792 --> 00:50:44,917 - Love that. 881 00:50:49,792 --> 00:50:53,583 John Kite Interview, Dublin 882 00:50:53,708 --> 00:50:55,417 by Dolly Wilde. 883 00:50:59,500 --> 00:51:03,250 Some people aren't just people but... 884 00:51:03,958 --> 00:51:06,292 a place. 885 00:51:06,333 --> 00:51:08,208 A whole world. 886 00:51:08,333 --> 00:51:13,917 - ♪ You said heartbreak. ♪ 887 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:17,958 ♪ Only happens ♪ 888 00:51:18,083 --> 00:51:22,458 ♪ When you're older... ♪ 889 00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:26,333 - Sometimes you find someone you can just live inside. 890 00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:31,125 - ♪ Angels don't put the angels to bed ♪ 891 00:51:33,750 --> 00:51:36,958 ♪ And it's okay to lie ♪ 892 00:51:39,917 --> 00:51:43,458 ♪ Is what I have learned ♪ 893 00:51:46,875 --> 00:51:50,875 ♪ I tell them my day-making girl ♪ 894 00:51:53,042 --> 00:51:58,333 ♪ She's out saving the world ♪ 895 00:51:58,458 --> 00:52:04,167 ♪ You said heartbreak ♪ 896 00:52:04,250 --> 00:52:08,000 ♪ Only happens ♪ 897 00:52:08,125 --> 00:52:14,333 ♪ When you're older... ♪ 898 00:52:14,458 --> 00:52:15,625 - You are the whole world. 899 00:52:15,750 --> 00:52:17,708 - ♪ Angels ♪ 900 00:52:17,875 --> 00:52:24,125 ♪ Don't put the angels to bed... ♪ 901 00:52:33,083 --> 00:52:34,375 - Come with me. 902 00:52:34,750 --> 00:52:36,708 ♪ ♪ 903 00:52:42,625 --> 00:52:43,875 Let yourself go. 904 00:52:44,042 --> 00:52:49,375 - ♪ She's off saving the world... ♪ 905 00:52:50,375 --> 00:52:51,750 - Johanna? 906 00:52:51,917 --> 00:52:53,250 Johanna... 907 00:52:53,333 --> 00:52:55,208 Johanna, let me in. - Go away. 908 00:52:55,333 --> 00:52:56,708 - ♪ Saving the world ♪ 909 00:52:56,833 --> 00:52:58,917 ♪ Saving the world ♪ 910 00:52:59,042 --> 00:53:00,167 ♪ Saving... ♪ ♪ 911 00:53:00,333 --> 00:53:04,167 - Johanna. - Uh! Go away, Krissi! 912 00:53:04,292 --> 00:53:06,125 What you doing in there? 913 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:07,667 Let me in. 914 00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:10,542 Sounds like you're whisking something. 915 00:53:10,708 --> 00:53:12,684 Johanna, I've just had a really flirty half an hour 916 00:53:12,708 --> 00:53:14,333 with John Kellog on the 512 917 00:53:14,458 --> 00:53:15,958 and I need to share. 918 00:53:16,125 --> 00:53:17,375 - Ugh! 919 00:53:23,708 --> 00:53:25,000 I was working. 920 00:53:27,542 --> 00:53:29,502 - What, on how to skin him and wear him as a coat? 921 00:53:29,667 --> 00:53:31,667 - Listen, I finished it. 922 00:53:35,167 --> 00:53:37,375 "John Kite in Dublin. 923 00:53:37,500 --> 00:53:40,375 "He's not a beautiful boy, nor a tall one 924 00:53:40,500 --> 00:53:42,309 "but when the wind blows in on the street corner 925 00:53:42,333 --> 00:53:45,000 "you can hear his heart beat under his shirt. 926 00:53:45,083 --> 00:53:46,917 And when conversation accelerates..." 927 00:53:47,125 --> 00:53:49,792 - "...you can hear his mind chime like a clock. 928 00:53:49,917 --> 00:53:51,375 "He is bright, bright, bright 929 00:53:51,500 --> 00:53:53,583 “like the lantern above a pub door in November. 930 00:53:53,708 --> 00:53:56,542 "He makes you wanna come in and never leave. 931 00:53:56,667 --> 00:53:58,833 "When he smiles, it's like plugging in a Wurlitzer. 932 00:53:58,958 --> 00:54:01,042 The dance floor floods with jivers." 933 00:54:01,167 --> 00:54:04,333 And this, Tony, this is why we don't employ little girls 934 00:54:04,458 --> 00:54:05,625 to write our newspaper. 935 00:54:05,708 --> 00:54:07,333 - I've never been in an organization 936 00:54:07,500 --> 00:54:10,208 that wasn't improved from hiring jailbait. 937 00:54:11,958 --> 00:54:13,542 - Shirley Temple is fired. 938 00:54:21,208 --> 00:54:22,875 - What you doing, bab? 939 00:54:23,042 --> 00:54:24,208 - Waiting for a phone call 940 00:54:24,250 --> 00:54:26,750 that determines my entire future. 941 00:54:26,917 --> 00:54:28,167 - How long you been waiting? 942 00:54:28,292 --> 00:54:30,458 - Since 10 o'clock this morning. 943 00:54:30,583 --> 00:54:32,292 - I know the feeling, love. 944 00:54:32,375 --> 00:54:35,375 I've been waiting for mine since 1978. 945 00:54:35,542 --> 00:54:37,542 Ah! Keep at it, cooker. 946 00:54:39,542 --> 00:54:42,417 ♪ ♪ 947 00:54:47,042 --> 00:54:48,042 - Ring. 948 00:54:49,125 --> 00:54:50,208 Ow! 949 00:55:07,250 --> 00:55:08,500 Ring. 950 00:55:34,417 --> 00:55:35,875 - Is this all? 951 00:55:36,042 --> 00:55:38,208 - I kind of lost my mojo, Mrs. B. 952 00:55:38,292 --> 00:55:40,042 I'm doubting my authorial voice. 953 00:55:40,208 --> 00:55:43,125 - I don't need your authorial voice, Johanna. 954 00:55:43,208 --> 00:55:46,125 I need 500 words on Anna Karenina by 11:20. 955 00:55:46,292 --> 00:55:47,917 - I can give you the headline. 956 00:55:48,042 --> 00:55:52,000 "Unhappy girl throws herself under a train. Fair enough." 957 00:55:52,125 --> 00:55:54,250 - As things stand, you're headed to a future 958 00:55:54,375 --> 00:55:56,542 stacking cheddar on the cheese counter at Safeway. 959 00:55:56,667 --> 00:55:58,125 - You're kind of crushing my 960 00:55:58,250 --> 00:56:00,375 already faltering zest for life, Mrs. B. 961 00:56:00,500 --> 00:56:04,208 - Yes. I'm the cold light of day. 962 00:56:04,333 --> 00:56:05,625 A hope smasher. 963 00:56:06,875 --> 00:56:08,917 A teacher. 964 00:56:17,292 --> 00:56:19,167 - Dolly Wilde. 965 00:56:19,333 --> 00:56:21,708 - Ah! No, love. - I should be. 966 00:56:21,792 --> 00:56:23,458 Try Johanna Morrigan. 967 00:56:23,583 --> 00:56:25,375 - Neither of you are on here, love. 968 00:56:25,833 --> 00:56:28,250 - Don't you know who I thought I was six weeks ago? 969 00:56:29,708 --> 00:56:31,208 You're funny. 970 00:56:31,333 --> 00:56:32,733 You should be a writer or something. 971 00:56:33,083 --> 00:56:34,403 You're still not coming in though. 972 00:56:38,458 --> 00:56:39,833 - No! 973 00:56:39,958 --> 00:56:41,958 No! No! 974 00:56:54,708 --> 00:56:56,042 - You've hit rock bottom? 975 00:56:56,208 --> 00:56:58,208 Amazing. Details now, please. 976 00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:00,750 - I was so close. 977 00:57:00,917 --> 00:57:04,042 I had the perfect life. I had friends. 978 00:57:04,125 --> 00:57:06,542 I was almost out of here. 979 00:57:06,708 --> 00:57:08,417 Now it's gone. 980 00:57:08,542 --> 00:57:10,625 I'm 16 and I'm over. 981 00:57:10,750 --> 00:57:12,500 - You can't be over. 982 00:57:12,625 --> 00:57:15,333 You don't have the privilege of that option, do you? 983 00:57:17,083 --> 00:57:19,583 You cannot deny physics, darling. 984 00:57:19,667 --> 00:57:22,250 You are the unstoppable force. 985 00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:25,500 So... don't stop. 986 00:57:31,250 --> 00:57:33,375 Come on, let me walk you home. 987 00:57:38,625 --> 00:57:40,750 ♪ Looking out the door ♪ 988 00:57:40,833 --> 00:57:46,667 ♪ I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners ♪ 989 00:57:50,500 --> 00:57:54,875 ♪ Parading in a wake of sad relations ♪ 990 00:57:55,042 --> 00:57:57,833 ♪ As their shoes fill up with water ♪ 991 00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:06,583 ♪ Maybe I'm too young ♪ 992 00:58:08,417 --> 00:58:13,583 ♪ To keep good love from goin' wrong ♪ 993 00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:16,458 ♪ But tonight ♪ 994 00:58:16,583 --> 00:58:21,292 ♪ You're on my mind so ♪ 995 00:58:23,083 --> 00:58:24,875 ♪ You'll never know ♪. ♪ 996 00:58:30,250 --> 00:58:31,208 - Alright. Cool. 997 00:58:31,250 --> 00:58:33,458 Let's just freakin' wake up. Come on. 998 00:58:33,625 --> 00:58:36,167 - This is definitely goin' out as well. 999 00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:37,250 Nothing else. No way. 1000 00:58:37,333 --> 00:58:39,458 I don't ever want to hear that... 1001 00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:43,208 - Yes. Alright, boss. Yeah. 1002 00:58:43,333 --> 00:58:46,708 You're slacking. Make sure that bit is right in the middle. 1003 00:58:48,042 --> 00:58:50,500 - I've hit the glass ceiling. 1004 00:58:50,625 --> 00:58:54,167 I'm an unstoppable force, and yet I'm being stopped. Why? 1005 00:58:55,917 --> 00:58:59,083 - Well, what you don't understand yet is that this is war. 1006 00:58:59,458 --> 00:59:00,833 - War? 1007 00:59:00,917 --> 00:59:03,917 - There's only 15 or 20 bands out there who really matter 1008 00:59:04,083 --> 00:59:06,125 ones who can change people's lives. 1009 00:59:06,208 --> 00:59:07,667 - So? 1010 00:59:07,833 --> 00:59:11,625 - So our job here is to remove the parasites 1011 00:59:11,792 --> 00:59:14,667 napalm them from their huts, clear the way. 1012 00:59:14,750 --> 00:59:16,150 - Yes, yes, yes... - That's alright. 1013 00:59:16,250 --> 00:59:18,542 I could, uh, I could listen to that. 1014 00:59:18,625 --> 00:59:20,917 - Baby... 1015 00:59:21,042 --> 00:59:24,833 ...that John Kite feature, Kenny wasn't impressed. 1016 00:59:24,958 --> 00:59:27,792 You just sounded like an excited teenage girl. 1017 00:59:27,917 --> 00:59:30,042 - I am an excited teenage girl. 1018 00:59:30,167 --> 00:59:32,458 - Well, fan or hack? 1019 00:59:33,708 --> 00:59:35,500 Decide. 1020 00:59:35,958 --> 00:59:37,667 - If I want to get ahead 1021 00:59:37,833 --> 00:59:40,625 I've got to get a hate? 1022 00:59:42,292 --> 00:59:44,250 - We need you. 1023 00:59:45,042 --> 00:59:47,708 So everyone my whole life has lied to me. 1024 00:59:47,792 --> 00:59:50,417 A nice girl gets nowhere. 1025 00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:51,917 But a bitch... 1026 00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:53,750 ...a bitch can make a comeback. 1027 00:59:55,500 --> 00:59:57,583 I have no choice. 1028 00:59:57,750 --> 01:00:02,125 Pop has a new gatekeeper, Dolly Wilde. 1029 01:00:02,250 --> 01:00:04,476 And I will not let you through if you think it's acceptable 1030 01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:06,875 to dress like work-experience vampires 1031 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,042 and I mean you, The Hallows. 1032 01:00:09,167 --> 01:00:13,083 - "This is rock and roll, guys, not a clown hair competition." 1033 01:00:13,208 --> 01:00:14,500 -It is a truth 1034 01:00:14,625 --> 01:00:18,083 universally acknowledged 1035 01:00:18,167 --> 01:00:20,708 that Paul Simon looks like a toe 1036 01:00:20,875 --> 01:00:23,583 someone drew a face on. 1037 01:00:25,500 --> 01:00:27,667 Joni Mitchell, voice of an angel 1038 01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:29,458 face of a Grand National winner. 1039 01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:31,667 - Who is this bitch Dolly Wilde? 1040 01:00:33,417 --> 01:00:35,333 Hippies, just so you know 1041 01:00:35,500 --> 01:00:38,167 there is no such thing as a didgeridoo player. 1042 01:00:38,250 --> 01:00:40,458 That is a man mooing down a pipe. 1043 01:00:42,333 --> 01:00:45,708 This is horrible, like ear cystitis. 1044 01:00:48,333 --> 01:00:50,042 - ♪ Now it's in... ♪ 1045 01:00:50,125 --> 01:00:52,917 Guys, when did the burglar steal your talent? 1046 01:00:53,042 --> 01:00:54,833 I'm calling the police. 1047 01:00:55,583 --> 01:00:57,250 "Jump Around" by House of Pain 1048 01:00:57,375 --> 01:00:59,583 is the kind of music testicles would make. 1049 01:01:00,542 --> 01:01:02,059 - Alright, mate. Bye. - Here you go, mate. 1050 01:01:02,083 --> 01:01:03,083 - Dude. 1051 01:01:03,125 --> 01:01:04,750 ♪ ♪ 1052 01:01:06,792 --> 01:01:09,708 Dolly Wilde, every single letter. 1053 01:01:14,875 --> 01:01:16,042 - You're welcome. 1054 01:01:17,958 --> 01:01:19,083 - What do you reckon? 1055 01:01:21,375 --> 01:01:23,875 - No, stop. Halt. Stop this. 1056 01:01:24,458 --> 01:01:26,792 - Oh, this is bad. - Stop. Stop this. 1057 01:01:28,458 --> 01:01:30,958 - Whatever happened to raindrops on roses 1058 01:01:31,083 --> 01:01:33,125 and whiskers on kittens, Johanna? 1059 01:01:33,250 --> 01:01:34,958 - They don't pay the rent. 1060 01:01:38,208 --> 01:01:40,583 ♪ ♪ 1061 01:01:41,208 --> 01:01:42,458 - Dolly! - Dolly! Dolly! 1062 01:01:42,542 --> 01:01:44,833 - Hi! How're you? 1063 01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,292 - May I? 1064 01:01:53,417 --> 01:01:55,208 So, you don't have to worry 1065 01:01:55,333 --> 01:01:57,542 about that hymen anymore, Krissi. 1066 01:01:57,625 --> 01:01:59,375 It's gone. 1067 01:01:59,542 --> 01:02:02,250 I've literally taken one for the team. 1068 01:02:02,583 --> 01:02:04,125 The team of sex. 1069 01:02:04,167 --> 01:02:06,250 I'm post-virginity. 1070 01:02:06,333 --> 01:02:08,708 And it turns out, I'm really good at it. 1071 01:02:18,542 --> 01:02:20,958 Everyone wants a piece of Dolly Wilde 1072 01:02:21,083 --> 01:02:23,542 and God wisely made enough to go around. 1073 01:02:23,667 --> 01:02:25,708 So I'm entering my inevitable period of 1074 01:02:25,833 --> 01:02:28,875 intense sexual experimentation. 1075 01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:36,167 I've done it with someone from West Bromwich. 1076 01:02:39,083 --> 01:02:41,667 I've done it with a freaky foot guy. 1077 01:02:41,792 --> 01:02:45,583 I did with a man who faints every time he sees a nipple. 1078 01:02:47,458 --> 01:02:48,917 And just last night 1079 01:02:49,042 --> 01:02:51,500 I encountered something I didn't think was possible. 1080 01:02:53,750 --> 01:02:55,583 A penis that was too big. 1081 01:02:58,458 --> 01:03:01,375 - Luckily, I'm a quick learner. I'll give you my tips. 1082 01:03:01,500 --> 01:03:03,292 One, when in missionary 1083 01:03:03,417 --> 01:03:05,083 place your hands flat on his chest 1084 01:03:05,208 --> 01:03:07,667 and brace, brace, brace with your arms. 1085 01:03:07,792 --> 01:03:09,750 Two, in doggy 1086 01:03:09,875 --> 01:03:12,583 you can essentially keep crawling away from the penis. 1087 01:03:12,708 --> 01:03:14,428 Every time he tries to get a bit more inside 1088 01:03:14,542 --> 01:03:16,250 you just gallop a little faster. 1089 01:03:17,708 --> 01:03:19,542 - Kris? - I'm gonna be sick. 1090 01:03:19,667 --> 01:03:20,833 - Kris! 1091 01:03:20,958 --> 01:03:23,000 Kris! Kris! 1092 01:03:23,083 --> 01:03:25,042 You can share some of your sexual experiences 1093 01:03:25,208 --> 01:03:26,292 such as they may be. 1094 01:03:26,375 --> 01:03:27,500 - Hm... 1095 01:03:27,625 --> 01:03:29,708 You need to be more repressed. 1096 01:03:34,833 --> 01:03:37,667 - So, anyway, between us girls 1097 01:03:37,792 --> 01:03:40,625 in all this, the only thing I haven't learned is this, 1098 01:03:40,792 --> 01:03:42,542 how does a man make you come? 1099 01:03:42,625 --> 01:03:44,000 - Ooh! I know what you're saying... 1100 01:03:44,125 --> 01:03:45,917 - Oh, well, that is the big question. 1101 01:03:46,042 --> 01:03:48,583 - Well, we managed without. - Speak for yourself. 1102 01:03:48,708 --> 01:03:50,958 I like to give myself a damn good wuthering. 1103 01:03:51,083 --> 01:03:54,500 - I did try it once, but I... I didn't like it. 1104 01:03:54,667 --> 01:03:58,583 - You just have to have a little fiddle with yourself, darling. 1105 01:03:58,708 --> 01:04:00,417 - That's exactly what I did. 1106 01:04:02,417 --> 01:04:04,000 - That's my girl. 1107 01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:14,625 - Jeeves. 1108 01:04:14,792 --> 01:04:17,042 These boots need a lift to the station. 1109 01:04:17,125 --> 01:04:18,542 - Darling, I would love to 1110 01:04:18,708 --> 01:04:21,417 but, uh, there's been a bit of a development. 1111 01:04:28,750 --> 01:04:30,542 - Where's the van? 1112 01:04:30,667 --> 01:04:32,708 - You've inspired me, love. 1113 01:04:32,833 --> 01:04:34,417 I sold it. 1114 01:04:34,542 --> 01:04:36,042 - You've sold it? 1115 01:04:36,208 --> 01:04:37,928 - Where the bloody hell did you appear from? 1116 01:04:38,292 --> 01:04:41,208 - I manifest whenever someone sells my fucking car. 1117 01:04:41,333 --> 01:04:43,667 - Why did you sell it? - To do this. 1118 01:04:48,083 --> 01:04:51,292 Here, look, you. - Unbelievable. 1119 01:04:51,417 --> 01:04:52,833 - Huh? - Not again, Pat. 1120 01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:55,083 - I got these done and all. 1121 01:04:55,167 --> 01:04:56,167 - Mayonnaise... 1122 01:04:56,208 --> 01:04:58,208 You called yourself Mayonnaise? 1123 01:04:58,333 --> 01:05:00,458 - You sold the cow for magic beans. 1124 01:05:00,583 --> 01:05:04,250 - Do you not have any faith in our daughter, Angie? 1125 01:05:04,375 --> 01:05:06,542 You can make me, can't you, love? 1126 01:05:06,667 --> 01:05:08,708 - Absolutely. I'm all over it. 1127 01:05:08,833 --> 01:05:11,708 ♪ ♪ 1128 01:05:16,083 --> 01:05:18,101 The thing about crossing over to the dark side 1129 01:05:18,125 --> 01:05:20,792 is that once you're there, it doesn't feel dark at all. 1130 01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:23,875 Hello. - Dolly, how you doing, girl? 1131 01:05:24,792 --> 01:05:27,167 It feels warm and welcoming. 1132 01:05:27,458 --> 01:05:30,833 You and your friends are just taking care of business. 1133 01:05:33,875 --> 01:05:35,208 To evil. - To evil. 1134 01:05:35,375 --> 01:05:36,375 Mmm. 1135 01:05:39,333 --> 01:05:41,917 - Votes on this. Keep? - Yes. 1136 01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,458 - Whoa! - Majority vote. It lives. 1137 01:05:44,583 --> 01:05:46,333 - I think so. - Next one. 1138 01:05:49,708 --> 01:05:52,208 - This is imported, man. I'm not messing about. 1139 01:05:55,292 --> 01:05:57,042 - Fuck, no! - Oh! That's bad. 1140 01:05:57,208 --> 01:06:00,583 - No. - This is raping my ears. 1141 01:06:00,708 --> 01:06:02,250 - Kill. - Kill it. 1142 01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:04,000 - Kill. - Kill! 1143 01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:05,458 - Kill! - You do it this time. 1144 01:06:05,583 --> 01:06:06,708 - Kill! - Kill! 1145 01:06:06,833 --> 01:06:07,750 - Kill! - Kill! 1146 01:06:07,833 --> 01:06:10,417 - Kill! Kill! - Throw. 1147 01:06:10,583 --> 01:06:11,625 - Here we go. 1148 01:06:14,667 --> 01:06:16,708 - Cracker. - Good shot, sir. 1149 01:06:16,875 --> 01:06:18,375 - Right, what's this one called? 1150 01:06:18,500 --> 01:06:21,417 - Don't know. - Yeah, it's a bit scary. 1151 01:06:21,542 --> 01:06:23,458 - Cheers. - Here have some of this. 1152 01:06:23,542 --> 01:06:24,750 - Alright. 1153 01:06:26,625 --> 01:06:28,500 - This is some Malawi-wowie, do you want some? 1154 01:06:28,625 --> 01:06:30,708 - Yeah. - Have a twig at that. 1155 01:06:30,833 --> 01:06:32,542 - Does it matter what someone looks like? 1156 01:06:32,667 --> 01:06:35,375 - Oh, right, says the woman who last week described Tori Amos 1157 01:06:35,500 --> 01:06:37,750 as having both the hair and future of a mammoth. 1158 01:06:39,375 --> 01:06:41,042 What's the band? What're they called? 1159 01:06:41,167 --> 01:06:43,667 - Mayonnaise. - Mayonnaise? 1160 01:06:43,792 --> 01:06:45,226 - Who right now would go to their desk and write 1161 01:06:45,250 --> 01:06:47,167 "I love Mayonnaise?" 1162 01:06:47,292 --> 01:06:48,875 - Not me. - Kill it. 1163 01:06:49,208 --> 01:06:50,958 - Kill it! - Kill it! 1164 01:06:51,083 --> 01:06:53,042 - Kill it. - Kill. 1165 01:06:53,542 --> 01:06:54,667 - Kill it. 1166 01:06:54,833 --> 01:06:56,375 - Kill! Kill! - Kill! Kill! 1167 01:06:56,792 --> 01:06:58,018 - Time for your first blood, darling. 1168 01:06:58,042 --> 01:06:59,917 - Kill! Kill! - Kill! Kill! 1169 01:07:00,083 --> 01:07:01,208 - Kill! Kill! - Kill! Kill! 1170 01:07:01,292 --> 01:07:02,292 - Kill! - Kill! 1171 01:07:04,167 --> 01:07:06,625 - You're so out of the loop, man. 1172 01:07:09,042 --> 01:07:11,667 - Big moment. - Go on, Dolly! 1173 01:07:14,667 --> 01:07:15,667 - Throw. 1174 01:07:21,875 --> 01:07:23,875 - Nice! - Yes, Dolly. 1175 01:07:23,958 --> 01:07:26,000 I just shot Dad. 1176 01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:28,625 - Nice work, Dolly. Yes! 1177 01:07:28,750 --> 01:07:29,750 Whoo-hoo! 1178 01:07:30,875 --> 01:07:33,750 ♪ ♪ 1179 01:07:38,167 --> 01:07:39,833 ♪ Hit it ♪ 1180 01:07:39,917 --> 01:07:42,333 ♪ Ooh baby baby. ♪ 1181 01:07:42,500 --> 01:07:43,833 ♪ Baby baby ♪ 1182 01:07:43,917 --> 01:07:45,750 ♪ Ooh baby baby. ♪ 1183 01:07:45,917 --> 01:07:47,375 ♪ Bab baby baby.. ♪ 1184 01:07:51,375 --> 01:07:52,375 - Dolly! - Hey, Dolly.. 1185 01:07:52,458 --> 01:07:53,833 - Dolly! Dolly! 1186 01:07:55,792 --> 01:07:56,792 - Come on. 1187 01:07:57,750 --> 01:07:58,750 Oh, right, up. 1188 01:08:00,458 --> 01:08:03,208 Bit of love, bit of hate in the room there. 1189 01:08:03,750 --> 01:08:07,375 - Thank you. Your hate is delicious. 1190 01:08:09,792 --> 01:08:12,667 ♪ ♪ 1191 01:08:18,583 --> 01:08:20,000 - Whoo! - Oh, hey! 1192 01:08:20,167 --> 01:08:21,958 - Cheers! 1193 01:08:22,042 --> 01:08:25,458 - And now to the most hotly contested award of the night. 1194 01:08:25,583 --> 01:08:29,833 Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's Arsehole of the Year. 1195 01:08:29,958 --> 01:08:32,125 And in a year packed with contenders 1196 01:08:32,292 --> 01:08:36,583 the winner proves that feminism really is making advances. 1197 01:08:36,667 --> 01:08:39,667 The woman who suggested the world would be a better place 1198 01:08:39,792 --> 01:08:41,917 if Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam 1199 01:08:42,083 --> 01:08:44,792 ripped off another idea from Kurt Cobain 1200 01:08:44,917 --> 01:08:48,417 and shot himself to death. 1201 01:08:48,542 --> 01:08:50,125 It's Dolly Wilde! 1202 01:08:50,250 --> 01:08:51,708 ♪ I'm an asshole ♪ 1203 01:08:51,833 --> 01:08:54,667 ♪ He's an asshole what an asshole ♪ 1204 01:08:54,792 --> 01:08:56,333 ♪ I'm an asshole ♪ 1205 01:08:56,417 --> 01:08:59,042 ♪ He's the world's biggest asshole... ♪ 1206 01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:05,750 - Sit on my face! 1207 01:09:07,083 --> 01:09:10,292 - Sit on your own goddamn face. I'm too busy. 1208 01:09:11,833 --> 01:09:14,000 Whoo! 1209 01:09:14,167 --> 01:09:16,042 - Ladies and gentlemen, Dolly Wilde 1210 01:09:16,125 --> 01:09:18,375 Arsehole of the Year. 1211 01:09:19,958 --> 01:09:22,542 ♪ I'm an asshole ♪ 1212 01:09:22,750 --> 01:09:24,417 Let's hear it once more for Dolly Wilde. 1213 01:09:34,042 --> 01:09:35,500 - You're a good person, aren't you? 1214 01:09:35,625 --> 01:09:37,917 - I definitely need some guidance. That's without a doubt. 1215 01:09:39,250 --> 01:09:41,375 Hello. - Got a light, dude? 1216 01:09:41,500 --> 01:09:43,208 - Oh, are you smoking now, Duchess? 1217 01:09:43,250 --> 01:09:43,958 - Yeah. 1218 01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:46,792 - It's just, eh, most people tend to smoke 'em the, ah 1219 01:09:46,875 --> 01:09:47,958 the other way round. 1220 01:09:49,333 --> 01:09:50,667 There you go. 1221 01:09:52,708 --> 01:09:54,668 - Aren't you going to congratulate me on my award? 1222 01:09:54,708 --> 01:09:56,083 I'm Arsehole of the Year. 1223 01:09:56,250 --> 01:09:58,125 - Do you wish me to congratulate you on that? 1224 01:09:58,208 --> 01:09:59,500 - I'm the best at a thing. 1225 01:09:59,625 --> 01:10:01,750 - Well, then, I wholeheartedly congratulate you 1226 01:10:01,875 --> 01:10:03,583 on your peerless evil. 1227 01:10:03,750 --> 01:10:05,417 Thank you. 1228 01:10:05,542 --> 01:10:06,750 - You think it's ignoble? 1229 01:10:06,875 --> 01:10:08,750 - I'm a massive fan of your bullshit. 1230 01:10:08,875 --> 01:10:10,958 I think you are smashing it, hogwash-wise. 1231 01:10:11,083 --> 01:10:14,833 - Mm. There's no greater rule than "Bitch gotta pay rent." 1232 01:10:14,958 --> 01:10:18,083 - I've always preferred, in the end, "Say one true thing." 1233 01:10:21,250 --> 01:10:22,375 - Okay. 1234 01:10:24,208 --> 01:10:25,417 I am in love with you. 1235 01:10:26,917 --> 01:10:28,250 I am in love with you. 1236 01:10:31,333 --> 01:10:32,417 - What? 1237 01:10:32,500 --> 01:10:34,292 - You want one true thing. 1238 01:10:37,875 --> 01:10:41,417 - Johanna. - Now, we should kiss. 1239 01:10:51,167 --> 01:10:52,583 - That's not me, Dutch. 1240 01:10:53,958 --> 01:10:55,458 That's not my way. 1241 01:11:02,625 --> 01:11:03,625 - John? 1242 01:11:05,042 --> 01:11:06,292 - Yeah, let's go. 1243 01:11:10,250 --> 01:11:12,792 - Has St. Winifred's school choir had too much pop? 1244 01:11:14,333 --> 01:11:17,667 - Ah. We must never forget that it's a miracle 1245 01:11:17,833 --> 01:11:20,292 when anyone gets anywhere from a bad post code. 1246 01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:25,000 And we must always be respectful of miracles. 1247 01:11:25,208 --> 01:11:26,458 - Ahh. 1248 01:11:28,375 --> 01:11:29,958 I'll be respectful, then. 1249 01:11:34,625 --> 01:11:36,375 Clever girl. 1250 01:11:37,333 --> 01:11:38,458 - Whoo! 1251 01:12:04,667 --> 01:12:05,958 One true thing? 1252 01:12:07,833 --> 01:12:11,500 Okay, I'll write one true thing. 1253 01:12:11,667 --> 01:12:14,542 ♪ ♪ 1254 01:12:40,250 --> 01:12:42,542 - "The real John Kite. 1255 01:12:42,667 --> 01:12:46,000 "He finally opens up over his heartbreaking childhood 1256 01:12:46,208 --> 01:12:48,500 "his mother's suicide 1257 01:12:48,583 --> 01:12:51,125 "and the origins of that iconic coat 1258 01:12:51,250 --> 01:12:54,125 by the journalist that knows him best, Dolly Wilde." 1259 01:12:54,250 --> 01:12:55,583 Fuck. Exclusive. 1260 01:12:56,750 --> 01:12:58,125 You've got a front cover. 1261 01:13:00,833 --> 01:13:03,708 ♪ ♪ 1262 01:13:14,958 --> 01:13:16,125 - Ask me. 1263 01:13:17,417 --> 01:13:18,875 - No. - Ask me. 1264 01:13:19,042 --> 01:13:20,167 - No. 1265 01:13:20,292 --> 01:13:22,958 - Please, Krissi, be happy for me. 1266 01:13:23,083 --> 01:13:24,250 I won a thing. 1267 01:13:24,375 --> 01:13:25,667 And, by the way 1268 01:13:25,750 --> 01:13:27,917 I made a man who went to university at Cambridge 1269 01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:29,750 ejaculate into my comprehensively 1270 01:13:29,833 --> 01:13:31,292 educated genitals. 1271 01:13:31,458 --> 01:13:33,458 - Con-spunkulations. 1272 01:13:33,542 --> 01:13:35,667 Do you wanna ask me about my date with John Kellog 1273 01:13:35,833 --> 01:13:37,042 and his bag? 1274 01:13:38,750 --> 01:13:40,208 After I promised on our mother's life 1275 01:13:40,333 --> 01:13:43,125 that I would never ever tell anyone 1276 01:13:43,250 --> 01:13:45,708 we drove 15 miles out into the countryside 1277 01:13:45,833 --> 01:13:48,708 blocked out all the windows with towels... 1278 01:13:48,833 --> 01:13:50,083 ...and kissed. 1279 01:13:50,208 --> 01:13:51,583 - Our dark queen. 1280 01:13:53,625 --> 01:13:55,000 ! won! 1281 01:13:56,125 --> 01:13:58,000 I'm Arsehole of the Year! 1282 01:14:03,625 --> 01:14:05,708 I woke up in London. 1283 01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:08,167 I'm too sexual for this room. 1284 01:14:09,375 --> 01:14:11,833 - Johanna, enough. 1285 01:14:12,042 --> 01:14:14,792 This delinquency phase, it's just not working. 1286 01:14:14,833 --> 01:14:17,333 You need to choose. - Oh! 1287 01:14:17,917 --> 01:14:19,167 - You're right. 1288 01:14:20,333 --> 01:14:21,750 So I resign. 1289 01:14:21,917 --> 01:14:23,292 - Oh, no! - No. 1290 01:14:23,375 --> 01:14:24,542 No, Johanna. 1291 01:14:26,667 --> 01:14:29,292 Class, take out your "Taming of the Shrew." 1292 01:14:31,500 --> 01:14:32,625 ♪ ♪ 1293 01:14:32,667 --> 01:14:34,000 ♪ Oh oh-oh ♪ 1294 01:14:35,667 --> 01:14:36,667 Johanna. 1295 01:14:36,708 --> 01:14:38,625 ♪ Oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1296 01:14:38,750 --> 01:14:40,125 Johanna, stop. 1297 01:14:40,250 --> 01:14:41,875 Stop. 1298 01:14:41,958 --> 01:14:45,083 - No offense, but Patti Smith didn't keep getting harassed 1299 01:14:45,208 --> 01:14:47,250 to take the gerbil home at weekends. 1300 01:14:47,417 --> 01:14:49,542 I'm going to get my kicks while I'm still young. 1301 01:14:49,667 --> 01:14:50,792 My future turned up early. 1302 01:14:50,917 --> 01:14:52,542 I'm not going to keep it waiting. 1303 01:14:52,708 --> 01:14:55,375 - The future can be awfully short, Johanna. 1304 01:14:57,250 --> 01:14:59,333 - I haven't got anywhere else to go. 1305 01:15:08,667 --> 01:15:09,667 - Johanna? 1306 01:15:15,208 --> 01:15:16,684 - I don't want to look at you, Johanna. 1307 01:15:16,708 --> 01:15:17,976 No, I don't want to look at you, Johanna. 1308 01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:19,417 I'm sick of it. - What? 1309 01:15:19,542 --> 01:15:22,000 - Six months ago, you were a happy girl actually 1310 01:15:22,125 --> 01:15:23,833 being useful around the house. 1311 01:15:23,917 --> 01:15:26,000 And now I've got him telling me that 1312 01:15:26,167 --> 01:15:27,708 you've cock-blocked his career. 1313 01:15:27,792 --> 01:15:29,458 - I never said that. - Him in tears... 1314 01:15:29,667 --> 01:15:31,393 - To be clear, they were intellectually justified 1315 01:15:31,417 --> 01:15:32,833 tears of rage. 1316 01:15:32,958 --> 01:15:34,143 - ...saying that you've treated him like a... 1317 01:15:34,167 --> 01:15:35,542 - An indolent hobbyist. - Yeah. 1318 01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:37,625 And, and now your teacher's on the phone 1319 01:15:37,792 --> 01:15:39,583 saying that you've resigned. 1320 01:15:39,667 --> 01:15:40,917 So my question to you, Johanna 1321 01:15:41,042 --> 01:15:42,875 is when did you lose your fucking mind? 1322 01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:45,792 - I guess it was around the time I stopped being your daughter 1323 01:15:45,958 --> 01:15:46,875 and became the rent. 1324 01:15:46,958 --> 01:15:48,333 The same time I like to think 1325 01:15:48,458 --> 01:15:50,417 you became absolutely disqualified 1326 01:15:50,542 --> 01:15:52,000 from criticizing me. 1327 01:15:52,292 --> 01:15:55,083 - We're your parents. We can always criticize ya. 1328 01:15:55,208 --> 01:15:59,042 - No, not if you aren't actually doing any parenting of me 1329 01:15:59,167 --> 01:16:02,708 and you are selling cars I bought in order to fund 1330 01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:05,667 "Springtime for Hitler, A Jazz Odyssey." 1331 01:16:10,042 --> 01:16:11,250 Oh, my God. 1332 01:16:11,292 --> 01:16:13,958 There's still no one saying, "Sorry, Johanna." 1333 01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:15,542 Or, "Well done, Johanna." 1334 01:16:15,708 --> 01:16:17,917 Or, "Things must have been hard for you, Johanna." 1335 01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:20,500 Do you think all this is normal? Do you think I'm normal? 1336 01:16:20,667 --> 01:16:23,167 Well, it's not. None of this is normal. 1337 01:16:23,250 --> 01:16:24,917 - I invested that money in our future. 1338 01:16:25,042 --> 01:16:27,125 - It's not our future. 1339 01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:31,000 You're not the future. Don't you understand? 1340 01:16:31,125 --> 01:16:33,351 Do you know what happened when I played them your record, Dad? 1341 01:16:33,375 --> 01:16:35,292 They shot it with a gun. 1342 01:16:35,917 --> 01:16:38,000 They laughed at it first, obviously. 1343 01:16:38,125 --> 01:16:41,375 And then they threw it off a roof and I shot it. 1344 01:16:43,583 --> 01:16:44,833 Don't you get it? 1345 01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:47,667 I'm the future. I'm paying for everything. 1346 01:16:47,792 --> 01:16:51,292 Let's see how you manage without me, Ringo, Ringo and Ringo. 1347 01:16:51,458 --> 01:16:52,958 Fuck you all. 1348 01:16:58,667 --> 01:17:00,333 - Whoo! 1349 01:17:02,500 --> 01:17:06,125 - Everyone, look who's come to join our happy tribe. 1350 01:17:06,250 --> 01:17:07,458 - Yes! 1351 01:17:07,542 --> 01:17:09,292 - It's the Arsehole of the Year. 1352 01:17:09,417 --> 01:17:10,792 - Let's get a drink. Get a drink. 1353 01:17:10,958 --> 01:17:12,500 - Emilia... 1354 01:17:12,583 --> 01:17:15,167 Natasha, Sasha. 1355 01:17:15,292 --> 01:17:16,625 This is Dolly Wilde. 1356 01:17:16,750 --> 01:17:19,625 - She's trouble. - Yes, I am trouble. 1357 01:17:19,750 --> 01:17:21,208 - Come, join us, trouble. 1358 01:17:21,333 --> 01:17:22,809 In fact, make that a double for the trouble. 1359 01:17:22,833 --> 01:17:24,542 - Trouble. - There you are. 1360 01:17:24,667 --> 01:17:26,333 - Dolly Wilde. 1361 01:17:26,417 --> 01:17:28,059 How would you like to become a full-time staff member 1362 01:17:28,083 --> 01:17:30,250 of ♪-and-ME? 1363 01:17:30,333 --> 01:17:31,583 That's 19 grand a year. 1364 01:17:31,750 --> 01:17:34,458 The youngest person ever to join the staff. 1365 01:17:36,417 --> 01:17:38,000 I accept. 1366 01:17:38,083 --> 01:17:40,083 - Oh. Come here, baby. 1367 01:17:45,375 --> 01:17:47,458 - Mm. - I feel sick. 1368 01:17:49,500 --> 01:17:50,708 - Here it comes. 1369 01:18:01,000 --> 01:18:04,083 - Okay, Tony, it's your turn. Come on. 1370 01:18:04,208 --> 01:18:06,875 - Okay, so never have I ever given a wank. 1371 01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:10,583 - Liar. Two words, Rupert Osborne. 1372 01:18:10,708 --> 01:18:13,167 - I was the wankee, not the wanker. 1373 01:18:13,292 --> 01:18:15,042 No, I wouldn't wank off a day boy. 1374 01:18:15,208 --> 01:18:17,125 Never have I ever given a wank. 1375 01:18:17,208 --> 01:18:18,542 - Well, it's your turn, Dolly. 1376 01:18:18,708 --> 01:18:20,000 - Go on. 1377 01:18:20,125 --> 01:18:23,583 - Never have I ever gone on holiday. 1378 01:18:24,958 --> 01:18:27,333 - Why would you never go on holiday? 1379 01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:29,042 - Because we were poor. 1380 01:18:30,833 --> 01:18:32,500 - Oh. - Forget that one. 1381 01:18:32,583 --> 01:18:34,792 Forget that one. No, I have a better one. 1382 01:18:34,958 --> 01:18:36,083 Uh... 1383 01:18:37,167 --> 01:18:39,500 Never have I ever... 1384 01:18:41,167 --> 01:18:42,375 ...kissed a girl. 1385 01:18:42,500 --> 01:18:43,958 - Ah. Ah. 1386 01:18:45,958 --> 01:18:48,542 - Do you want to kiss a girl? - Yes. 1387 01:18:49,833 --> 01:18:50,875 - No way. - Ooh. 1388 01:18:50,958 --> 01:18:53,000 -Oh no. 1389 01:18:53,167 --> 01:18:55,958 - Oh. - Hello. 1390 01:18:56,125 --> 01:18:58,625 - Oh! See, I told you. - Get in. Get in. 1391 01:18:58,708 --> 01:19:00,125 - There he is. 1392 01:19:00,292 --> 01:19:02,750 - Baby, you've gotta get in here. 1393 01:19:02,833 --> 01:19:04,101 Everything's happening in here now. 1394 01:19:04,125 --> 01:19:05,125 - Okay. 1395 01:19:07,333 --> 01:19:09,625 I'll improvise. 1396 01:19:09,792 --> 01:19:12,333 I'll be back in a mo. A sex mo. 1397 01:19:16,917 --> 01:19:17,917 - Oh! - Oh. 1398 01:19:40,708 --> 01:19:43,917 - I still can't see why we're giving her a staff job. 1399 01:19:44,042 --> 01:19:46,000 Just 'cause Tony likes a little bit of rough? 1400 01:19:46,083 --> 01:19:47,792 It took me four years to get on the staff. 1401 01:19:47,958 --> 01:19:50,458 - She's good for circulation. - Not if she sits on your lap. 1402 01:19:51,833 --> 01:19:53,417 - Would you do her? - Well... 1403 01:19:53,500 --> 01:19:54,559 I'd have to lay out the terms and conditions 1404 01:19:54,583 --> 01:19:56,250 but, yes, I would do her 1405 01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:57,833 but I wouldn't let her suck me off. 1406 01:19:57,958 --> 01:20:01,708 Too chatty. She might bite. - Uh! I like her. 1407 01:20:02,292 --> 01:20:04,958 - Mental girls from council estates. 1408 01:20:05,083 --> 01:20:06,417 - Ah! - That is my thing. 1409 01:20:06,542 --> 01:20:10,250 I take something in the dirt, I help it grow. 1410 01:20:10,375 --> 01:20:11,833 Pygmalion. - Yes. 1411 01:20:11,958 --> 01:20:14,125 Just like Pygmalion, but with a real pig. 1412 01:20:14,250 --> 01:20:15,833 - Oh! - Oh! 1413 01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:18,542 - Do you know who Pygmalion's father is? 1414 01:20:18,667 --> 01:20:20,583 - No. Who? - Mayonnaise. 1415 01:20:20,708 --> 01:20:23,208 - Oh, Mayonnaise! 1416 01:20:23,292 --> 01:20:26,042 - Tony, you gonna hold the mayo tonight? 1417 01:20:26,208 --> 01:20:28,417 - Well, I might have mayo on the side, you know. 1418 01:20:28,542 --> 01:20:31,125 I like to offer a comprehensive education. 1419 01:20:32,292 --> 01:20:33,542 - Educate me? 1420 01:20:36,583 --> 01:20:38,708 Educate me? 1421 01:20:38,958 --> 01:20:41,292 Let's get one thing straight right now. 1422 01:20:41,833 --> 01:20:44,083 I'm a lady sex pirate 1423 01:20:44,167 --> 01:20:47,417 a swash-fuckler, a lustketeer. 1424 01:20:47,542 --> 01:20:49,875 Where I come from, you make your own amusement. 1425 01:20:50,000 --> 01:20:52,542 You rinse every last drop out of every last day 1426 01:20:52,667 --> 01:20:55,125 because there isn't anything else. 1427 01:20:55,250 --> 01:20:58,833 I've been chased and humiliated and been utterly alone 1428 01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:01,833 and I still got up, put on my lipstick 1429 01:21:01,917 --> 01:21:05,542 and wrote every last one of you motherfuckers off the page. 1430 01:21:05,667 --> 01:21:08,125 - "John Kite isn't a person but a whole world." 1431 01:21:08,292 --> 01:21:10,292 - At least I meant that. 1432 01:21:10,375 --> 01:21:13,208 None of you mean anything that you write. 1433 01:21:13,333 --> 01:21:17,000 You're all just little boys smashing things up. 1434 01:21:17,125 --> 01:21:19,958 I'm 16 and three quarters, and I'm too old this. 1435 01:21:21,500 --> 01:21:22,500 Tony? 1436 01:21:23,458 --> 01:21:24,583 Tony? 1437 01:21:26,875 --> 01:21:29,542 I am not your bit of rough. 1438 01:21:29,667 --> 01:21:32,417 You were my bit of posh. 1439 01:21:33,167 --> 01:21:37,000 And you are all nothing on the shoes of my father 1440 01:21:37,125 --> 01:21:40,750 for I am the bastard son of Brendan Behan 1441 01:21:40,917 --> 01:21:44,500 and one day, you will all bow down to me! 1442 01:21:44,625 --> 01:21:47,500 ♪ ♪ 1443 01:22:09,417 --> 01:22:10,667 - Is this home, love? 1444 01:22:12,917 --> 01:22:13,917 - Yeah. 1445 01:22:15,583 --> 01:22:16,708 Thanks. 1446 01:22:43,417 --> 01:22:44,417 Where're you going? 1447 01:22:47,083 --> 01:22:48,417 - Away from you. 1448 01:22:48,583 --> 01:22:49,750 - Krissi. 1449 01:23:36,625 --> 01:23:38,875 - John Kite keeps calling you. 1450 01:23:39,000 --> 01:23:40,292 He left a message for you. 1451 01:23:41,500 --> 01:23:43,917 "His worst song is Alison." 1452 01:23:44,042 --> 01:23:46,125 "The best Beatle is Paul." 1453 01:23:46,250 --> 01:23:50,333 “In a sweet shop he would spend a pound on pineapple rock. 1454 01:23:50,417 --> 01:23:54,125 "I apologize to Johanna for not ending the interview there. 1455 01:23:54,250 --> 01:23:57,375 I should not have burdened her with my friendship." 1456 01:24:02,042 --> 01:24:03,750 Oh, God, mum, what do I do? 1457 01:24:10,375 --> 01:24:11,542 Sorry. 1458 01:24:29,042 --> 01:24:30,208 Hello. 1459 01:24:32,625 --> 01:24:33,625 Hello. 1460 01:24:34,958 --> 01:24:36,083 Anyone? 1461 01:24:39,542 --> 01:24:42,417 ♪ ♪ 1462 01:24:57,875 --> 01:25:02,833 ♪ You blow like the wind in my sail ♪ 1463 01:25:03,042 --> 01:25:06,625 ♪ You cut like the knife in my hand ♪ 1464 01:25:09,792 --> 01:25:12,667 ♪ And now you're bringing me up ♪ 1465 01:25:12,792 --> 01:25:15,958 ♪ Or down ♪ 1466 01:25:16,083 --> 01:25:18,708 ♪ I cannot ♪ 1467 01:25:18,792 --> 01:25:23,542 ♪ Decide if I'm lost or I'm found ♪ 1468 01:25:23,708 --> 01:25:28,583 ♪ Perhaps it's a sweet mistake ♪ 1469 01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:31,708 ♪ You've got to give me ♪ 1470 01:25:31,833 --> 01:25:36,833 ♪ Some kind of clue ♪ 1471 01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:39,542 ♪ What to do ♪ 1472 01:25:39,625 --> 01:25:41,583 ♪ I'm out of ideas ♪ 1473 01:25:41,708 --> 01:25:44,625 ♪ Yet I'm still ♪ 1474 01:25:44,833 --> 01:25:49,458 ♪ Drinking the hours away ♪ 1475 01:25:51,375 --> 01:25:53,958 ♪ But the days ♪ 1476 01:25:54,083 --> 01:25:59,958 ♪ Don't hold much truth ♪ 1477 01:26:01,875 --> 01:26:04,458 ♪ Without the nights ♪ 1478 01:26:04,583 --> 01:26:08,917 ♪ I need with you... ♪ 1479 01:26:20,625 --> 01:26:21,625 - Johanna. 1480 01:26:23,458 --> 01:26:24,458 Johanna. 1481 01:26:26,833 --> 01:26:27,833 Johanna! 1482 01:26:36,208 --> 01:26:38,583 - I really can't believe it, Malcolm. 1483 01:26:38,708 --> 01:26:41,333 - Right, here we go. - Wow! 1484 01:26:41,458 --> 01:26:45,083 - Where's he gone? - She turned her dog blue. 1485 01:26:45,208 --> 01:26:47,250 - If you're very, very good, I'll show... 1486 01:26:47,500 --> 01:26:49,208 - We've screwed this up. 1487 01:26:50,500 --> 01:26:52,417 - What are we gonna do, bab? 1488 01:26:55,958 --> 01:26:57,708 Go on in there, love. 1489 01:26:57,875 --> 01:26:59,667 - Please enter the adjacent ward. 1490 01:26:59,750 --> 01:27:02,167 Please enter the adjacent ward, please. 1491 01:27:04,833 --> 01:27:06,708 - Have you got it there? You have ain't ya. 1492 01:27:06,792 --> 01:27:08,667 Is it behind your ear? - I haven't got it. 1493 01:27:08,792 --> 01:27:09,934 - Alright, let me have a look. Here we go. 1494 01:27:09,958 --> 01:27:11,208 Have I got another one? 1495 01:27:11,333 --> 01:27:12,653 I think I've got another one here. 1496 01:27:22,542 --> 01:27:24,667 - Mum, please talk to me. 1497 01:27:30,292 --> 01:27:33,292 - You were my magic, happy girl. 1498 01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:36,500 You used to be. 1499 01:27:40,000 --> 01:27:41,917 Happy girls shouldn't talk to... 1500 01:27:44,917 --> 01:27:48,583 ...sad, old, s... scared women. 1501 01:27:54,875 --> 01:27:56,000 You might catch it. 1502 01:28:05,208 --> 01:28:06,542 Budge up, bab. 1503 01:28:25,583 --> 01:28:28,125 Bab, don't hurt yourself. 1504 01:28:28,667 --> 01:28:31,208 Bastard world will do that for you anyway. 1505 01:28:37,792 --> 01:28:39,167 Don't hurt yourself. 1506 01:28:40,333 --> 01:28:41,333 - Sorry. 1507 01:28:41,375 --> 01:28:44,125 ♪ ♪ 1508 01:28:49,958 --> 01:28:50,958 - There she is. 1509 01:28:51,125 --> 01:28:53,167 Mum! Johanna! 1510 01:28:53,292 --> 01:28:55,167 - Hiya, bab. 1511 01:28:55,292 --> 01:28:56,417 Aw. 1512 01:28:56,542 --> 01:28:58,167 - How are you, love? - Yeah, alright. 1513 01:28:58,250 --> 01:28:59,333 - Alright? - Yeah. 1514 01:28:59,500 --> 01:29:01,250 - There you go. - Hello. 1515 01:29:01,333 --> 01:29:04,167 - Mm-hmm. - Hello. 1516 01:29:04,333 --> 01:29:05,375 Hello. 1517 01:29:11,583 --> 01:29:13,750 - He's cool, isn't he? He's not Anthony. 1518 01:29:13,833 --> 01:29:16,708 Can I call you Tone? No. Tony. 1519 01:29:16,833 --> 01:29:18,708 Right, okay, Tony. Are you watching? 1520 01:29:20,083 --> 01:29:21,167 - What? 1521 01:29:21,625 --> 01:29:24,167 - You've written what looks like "U2" on your arm. 1522 01:29:24,292 --> 01:29:26,333 - No, I... I. 1523 01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:27,917 I didn't mean to. The... 1524 01:29:28,083 --> 01:29:29,667 It's a typo. 1525 01:29:29,750 --> 01:29:32,500 They're... they're just meant to be bold, agonized slashes. 1526 01:29:32,625 --> 01:29:35,417 - It looks like you tried to kill yourself for Bono. 1527 01:29:38,250 --> 01:29:40,000 - Alright. 1528 01:29:40,083 --> 01:29:42,292 Now let's take the bastards into a jazz break. 1529 01:29:50,542 --> 01:29:53,333 ♪ ♪ 1530 01:30:22,792 --> 01:30:25,125 Awake, Wall of Gods. 1531 01:30:25,292 --> 01:30:28,125 Speak, feel, breathe, live. 1532 01:30:28,250 --> 01:30:31,708 - Johanna, we've missed you. 1533 01:30:31,875 --> 01:30:33,208 - It's good to be awake again. 1534 01:30:33,333 --> 01:30:36,375 - What month even is it? What have we missed? 1535 01:30:36,625 --> 01:30:40,125 - I became evil, but it's July now and I'm over it. 1536 01:30:40,250 --> 01:30:43,292 - That's wonderful. - Come on, give me five. 1537 01:30:53,333 --> 01:30:55,583 - I'm applying for the job of flatmate. 1538 01:30:56,333 --> 01:30:59,333 - Well, I want to apply for trainee writer 1539 01:30:59,500 --> 01:31:01,750 on whatever it's called, your mag. 1540 01:31:01,958 --> 01:31:03,875 - Okay, you're hired. 1541 01:31:05,333 --> 01:31:06,768 - My going word rate... - Oh, get off. 1542 01:31:06,792 --> 01:31:10,542 - Hey, ow! Get off! Krissi! Krissi! Stop it. 1543 01:31:10,708 --> 01:31:13,625 - You were a nightmare. Don't do it again. 1544 01:31:13,750 --> 01:31:16,542 And it stinks of smoke, and mum's gonna Kill you. 1545 01:31:17,792 --> 01:31:19,851 Hello. Is that Rob Allan, lead singer of The Hallows? 1546 01:31:19,875 --> 01:31:21,792 It's Dolly Wilde here. 1547 01:31:21,958 --> 01:31:23,458 - You've got some nerve calling me. 1548 01:31:23,542 --> 01:31:24,917 Have you any idea what you did? 1549 01:31:25,042 --> 01:31:28,083 - Yes, yes, yes. I know. 1550 01:31:28,208 --> 01:31:30,208 That's actually why I'm ringing. 1551 01:31:30,375 --> 01:31:33,042 I wanted to apologize to you for the review. 1552 01:31:33,125 --> 01:31:35,375 That you are, "A shit-wizard 1553 01:31:35,500 --> 01:31:40,000 a weasel in a waistcoat making musical lime scale." 1554 01:31:40,125 --> 01:31:43,500 Was wrong. I know that now. Bye. 1555 01:31:50,750 --> 01:31:53,667 ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ 1556 01:31:54,333 --> 01:31:57,250 ♪ I'll stand by you ♪ 1557 01:31:57,792 --> 01:32:00,875 ♪ Won't let nobody hurt you... ♪ ♪ 1558 01:32:03,333 --> 01:32:05,184 Too old for the children's ward 1559 01:32:05,208 --> 01:32:06,750 too young for the adult ward. 1560 01:32:06,833 --> 01:32:09,833 Why 16 is the worst age to self-harm. 1561 01:32:10,333 --> 01:32:11,958 By Johanna Morrigan. 1562 01:32:26,000 --> 01:32:27,417 - Johanna? 1563 01:32:34,500 --> 01:32:36,583 God, you're young. 1564 01:32:40,458 --> 01:32:41,792 Come on in. 1565 01:32:43,833 --> 01:32:48,042 No, I, I didn't think it was possible to laugh so much 1566 01:32:48,125 --> 01:32:49,250 given the subject matter 1567 01:32:49,375 --> 01:32:51,125 and cry, obviously, and laugh again. 1568 01:32:51,292 --> 01:32:52,643 And we were passing this around the office 1569 01:32:52,667 --> 01:32:54,583 like drugs or a baby. 1570 01:32:54,750 --> 01:32:56,750 This is what you should be writing. 1571 01:32:56,833 --> 01:32:58,208 Do you know what you'd look like 1572 01:32:58,333 --> 01:33:01,292 tearing apart records for the music press? 1573 01:33:02,042 --> 01:33:04,583 You look like an Olympic swimmer in a bathtub. 1574 01:33:04,708 --> 01:33:08,250 But this, this, we would like to run in the next issue. 1575 01:33:10,083 --> 01:33:13,667 - Why, thank you. Thank you very much, ma'am. 1576 01:33:16,167 --> 01:33:19,708 - And start you with a monthly column 1577 01:33:19,792 --> 01:33:21,392 like a monthly letter from you telling us 1578 01:33:21,542 --> 01:33:23,750 what you've been up to. Building a Girl. 1579 01:33:23,833 --> 01:33:25,625 Would you like that job? 1580 01:33:26,750 --> 01:33:30,792 - Ma'am, I am more obligated than I can express. 1581 01:33:31,458 --> 01:33:34,583 - And are you in fact pretending to be Elvis right now? 1582 01:33:35,500 --> 01:33:39,458 - No. I... I think this is me now. 1583 01:33:40,417 --> 01:33:41,625 For now. 1584 01:33:43,500 --> 01:33:45,833 - Good. You're hired. 1585 01:33:45,958 --> 01:33:49,417 Get out. I'm busy. - Okay. Thank you. 1586 01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:53,000 ♪ ♪ 1587 01:34:27,542 --> 01:34:32,000 In the last week, I've apologized to 133 bands 1588 01:34:32,125 --> 01:34:34,958 for the bad reviews I've written about them. 1589 01:34:35,125 --> 01:34:37,208 But there is one person 1590 01:34:37,333 --> 01:34:40,958 to who I owe more than just, "I'm sorry." 1591 01:34:48,583 --> 01:34:49,875 John! 1592 01:34:52,292 --> 01:34:53,583 John. 1593 01:34:54,417 --> 01:34:56,125 Mr. Kite. 1594 01:35:07,000 --> 01:35:09,125 I promise I won't take more than one minute. 1595 01:35:09,250 --> 01:35:10,583 I will talk extra, extra fast. 1596 01:35:10,708 --> 01:35:12,125 - I should never talk to you again. 1597 01:35:12,250 --> 01:35:13,417 - I know. 1598 01:35:14,500 --> 01:35:18,708 I know. I am so sorry. I have two things for you. 1599 01:35:18,875 --> 01:35:20,583 This is the first. 1600 01:35:22,375 --> 01:35:24,458 My brother's Fanzine. 1601 01:35:27,917 --> 01:35:31,125 That's the original piece I wrote about you. 1602 01:35:31,250 --> 01:35:33,292 The one they wouldn't let me print. 1603 01:35:33,375 --> 01:35:35,625 That's how I really feel. 1604 01:35:38,167 --> 01:35:39,792 The other piece... 1605 01:35:41,250 --> 01:35:44,083 ...was a terrible, terrible mistake. 1606 01:35:44,250 --> 01:35:47,917 - Yeah, well, you sold me, babe. - I know. 1607 01:35:48,417 --> 01:35:52,292 That's why the other thing I want to give you is... 1608 01:35:52,417 --> 01:35:53,833 ...this. 1609 01:36:05,208 --> 01:36:08,500 - A tail? - It's my hair. 1610 01:36:12,042 --> 01:36:15,333 I tried to think of what would be the ultimate sacrifice 1611 01:36:15,458 --> 01:36:19,583 the thing I would be most upset about if I lost it. 1612 01:36:21,333 --> 01:36:23,000 - Your hair? 1613 01:36:23,083 --> 01:36:26,708 - I took something of you. 1614 01:36:26,833 --> 01:36:30,208 Now I'm giving you something of me. 1615 01:36:37,167 --> 01:36:38,292 - Come on. 1616 01:36:40,125 --> 01:36:42,083 This is all very beautiful 1617 01:36:42,167 --> 01:36:44,708 but it's not really about me, is it? 1618 01:36:45,000 --> 01:36:46,583 It's about you. 1619 01:36:47,583 --> 01:36:50,667 And how in love with the world you are. 1620 01:36:50,792 --> 01:36:52,083 Don't stop. 1621 01:36:53,375 --> 01:36:54,875 It's your thing. 1622 01:36:57,292 --> 01:36:59,208 - This is my embarrassment booth. 1623 01:36:59,375 --> 01:37:01,208 I'm sorry I tried to kiss you. 1624 01:37:03,083 --> 01:37:05,083 - Listen, darling, we probably will kiss one day. 1625 01:37:05,208 --> 01:37:07,833 That's just statistics, baby. 1626 01:37:08,000 --> 01:37:11,125 How will we not end up falling terribly, terribly in love? 1627 01:37:13,333 --> 01:37:15,625 It's just the age thing now, babe. 1628 01:37:16,500 --> 01:37:17,958 Too young. 1629 01:37:18,125 --> 01:37:20,875 - I'm nearly 17. - Ha-ha! 1630 01:37:21,000 --> 01:37:22,667 Not you, Dutch. Me. 1631 01:37:22,792 --> 01:37:25,458 I'm far too young for you. Hopeless. 1632 01:37:26,500 --> 01:37:29,167 Love is a big old beast. 1633 01:37:29,292 --> 01:37:31,458 And you're gonna be far too busy for it right now. 1634 01:37:31,583 --> 01:37:33,000 - I am? 1635 01:37:33,125 --> 01:37:35,792 I'm gonna move to London when I turn 18. 1636 01:37:35,875 --> 01:37:38,042 Go to gay clubs. Buy a piano. 1637 01:37:38,208 --> 01:37:41,542 - See? You need to go out there and have some adventures. 1638 01:37:41,667 --> 01:37:44,042 And I would, uh... 1639 01:37:45,708 --> 01:37:47,125 I would like to audition 1640 01:37:47,208 --> 01:37:49,792 for the role of your confidant. 1641 01:37:49,958 --> 01:37:52,458 I would like the honor of being your friend. 1642 01:37:53,625 --> 01:37:56,500 ♪ ♪ 1643 01:37:58,250 --> 01:38:00,917 - You should write a song about me. 1644 01:38:01,042 --> 01:38:02,208 - No. 1645 01:38:03,875 --> 01:38:06,667 You will. I'm incredibly inspiring. 1646 01:38:06,792 --> 01:38:09,375 - Hm, nothing rhymes with Johanna. 1647 01:38:09,500 --> 01:38:13,042 - Nothing rhymes with Layla or Prudence or Sharona. 1648 01:38:13,167 --> 01:38:14,458 - Oh! 1649 01:38:19,458 --> 01:38:20,417 Come on. 1650 01:38:20,458 --> 01:38:22,792 Let's go and fuck up the next ten years. 1651 01:38:22,833 --> 01:38:25,542 I have school on Monday. 1652 01:38:25,708 --> 01:38:28,667 - Then we'll fuck it up after 3:30 p.m. 1653 01:38:32,750 --> 01:38:35,333 ♪ ♪ 1654 01:38:39,917 --> 01:38:43,417 - So... what do you do when you build yourself 1655 01:38:43,542 --> 01:38:46,125 only to realize you built yourself with the wrong things? 1656 01:38:48,208 --> 01:38:50,417 You rip it up and start again. 1657 01:38:50,542 --> 01:38:52,292 Build up and tear down. 1658 01:38:52,375 --> 01:38:54,792 Endlessly, repetitively, unceasingly. 1659 01:38:54,958 --> 01:38:56,542 Invent, invent, invent. 1660 01:38:57,917 --> 01:38:59,667 What will eventually be you? 1661 01:38:59,792 --> 01:39:02,292 One day, you'll marvel over what you did. 1662 01:39:02,833 --> 01:39:04,250 Marvel how you tried to keep 1663 01:39:04,333 --> 01:39:06,625 the loud, drunken, laughing, 1664 01:39:06,792 --> 01:39:08,375 cutting, panicking, 1665 01:39:08,458 --> 01:39:11,542 unbearably present secret of yourself 1666 01:39:11,875 --> 01:39:14,458 when, really, you were just about as secret as the moon. 1667 01:39:16,125 --> 01:39:18,625 And as luminous under all those clothes. 1668 01:39:18,792 --> 01:39:22,542 And how, like all the best quests 1669 01:39:22,708 --> 01:39:26,000 you did it all for a girl, you. 1670 01:39:32,792 --> 01:39:34,583 ♪ I'm a mess I'm a prude ♪ 1671 01:39:34,667 --> 01:39:36,375 ♪ When I trip I don't touch the ground ♪ 1672 01:39:36,542 --> 01:39:38,542 ♪ I moved away came back around ♪ 1673 01:39:38,625 --> 01:39:40,208 ♪ Caught a plane just to figure out ♪ 1674 01:39:40,375 --> 01:39:42,167 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 1675 01:39:42,250 --> 01:39:43,417 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 1676 01:39:43,583 --> 01:39:45,625 ♪ How to rule the world ♪ 1677 01:39:45,750 --> 01:39:48,333 ♪ How to build a girl ♪ 1678 01:39:48,458 --> 01:39:50,417 ♪ Got a bucket list I got my plan ♪ 1679 01:39:50,500 --> 01:39:52,417 ♪ ...'cause I'm a man ♪ 1680 01:39:52,583 --> 01:39:54,667 ♪ I'm moving up but I get down ♪ 1681 01:39:54,750 --> 01:39:56,375 ♪ Every time I think about ♪ 1682 01:39:56,542 --> 01:39:58,250 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 1683 01:39:58,333 --> 01:39:59,750 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 1684 01:39:59,875 --> 01:40:01,542 ♪ How to rule the world ♪ 1685 01:40:01,708 --> 01:40:03,833 ♪ How to build a girl ♪ 1686 01:40:03,958 --> 01:40:07,000 ♪ It's time I try to be young and alive ♪ 1687 01:40:07,125 --> 01:40:08,875 ♪ Make my mark somehow ♪ 1688 01:40:09,042 --> 01:40:12,083 ♪ Make a mark make a mark take them out somehow ♪ 1689 01:40:12,167 --> 01:40:15,583 ♪ Get my keys take a drag have a drive ♪ 1690 01:40:15,708 --> 01:40:18,458 ♪ Watch me now ♪ 1691 01:40:18,583 --> 01:40:21,208 ♪ Watch me now watch me now ♪ 1692 01:40:21,292 --> 01:40:25,583 ♪ I'm out on my own lighting fires ♪ 1693 01:40:25,750 --> 01:40:29,375 ♪ Getting my kicks and desires ♪ 1694 01:40:31,292 --> 01:40:36,375 ♪ I wanna rule the world I wanna build a girl ♪ 1695 01:40:36,458 --> 01:40:38,292 ♪ However bad it ain't that bad ♪ 1696 01:40:38,458 --> 01:40:40,417 ♪ I've got shoes in the roof above my head ♪ 1697 01:40:40,500 --> 01:40:42,500 ♪ And all my friends we're all the same ♪ 1698 01:40:42,708 --> 01:40:44,375 ♪ Head screwed up but in the right place ♪ 1699 01:40:44,458 --> 01:40:47,667 ♪ Oh yeah oh yeah ♪ 1700 01:40:47,792 --> 01:40:49,792 ♪ We're trying to rule the world ♪ 1701 01:40:49,917 --> 01:40:51,750 ♪ Trying to build a girl ♪ 1702 01:40:51,875 --> 01:40:54,833 ♪ It's time I try to be young and alive ♪ 1703 01:40:54,958 --> 01:40:56,708 ♪ Make my mark somehow ♪ 1704 01:40:56,833 --> 01:40:59,875 ♪ Make a mark make a mark take them out somehow ♪ 1705 01:41:00,000 --> 01:41:03,458 ♪ Get my keys take a drag have a drive ♪ 1706 01:41:03,542 --> 01:41:05,750 ♪ Watch me now ♪ 1707 01:41:05,917 --> 01:41:07,583 ♪ Watch me now watch me now ♪ 1708 01:41:07,667 --> 01:41:09,292 ♪ Watch me now ♪ 1709 01:41:09,458 --> 01:41:13,417 ♪ I'm out on my own lighting fires ♪ 1710 01:41:13,542 --> 01:41:17,208 ♪ Getting my kicks and desires ♪ 1711 01:41:19,375 --> 01:41:23,667 ♪ I wanna rule the world 'cause I just built a girl ♪ ♪ 1712 01:41:24,833 --> 01:41:27,250 ♪ ♪ 1713 01:41:27,333 --> 01:41:31,000 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1714 01:41:31,125 --> 01:41:34,250 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1715 01:41:34,375 --> 01:41:35,625 ♪ Hyah ♪ 1716 01:42:00,375 --> 01:42:01,583 ♪ Hyah ♪ 1717 01:42:09,250 --> 01:42:11,625 ♪ ♪ 1718 01:42:16,917 --> 01:42:20,417 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1719 01:42:20,542 --> 01:42:24,208 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1720 01:42:34,667 --> 01:42:38,000 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1721 01:42:42,500 --> 01:42:46,000 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1722 01:42:54,792 --> 01:42:57,167 ♪ ♪ 1723 01:43:42,042 --> 01:43:45,875 ♪ Oh oh-oh oh oh-oh-oh ♪ 1724 01:43:46,000 --> 01:43:47,208 ♪ Oh oh-oh ♪ 125981

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