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'And so, my fellow Americans'
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'allow me in closing,
to emphasize once again'
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'that the aims and purposes
of this administration'
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'are the aims and purposes
of all our citizens.'
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'Men, women and children'
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'regardless of sex'
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'regardless of color.'
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'Black, white, red, yellow'
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'and all of the equally
attractive shades in between.'
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'Let us remember
always that we can'
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'and will accomplish
these goals'
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'because our purpose
and our resolve'
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'are derived
from an unshakable belief'
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from a benevolent power
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00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:01,583
worshipped by all of us
under many names.
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00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:04,412
And through whose all-seeing
omnipotence
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00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:07,284
I shall humbly say
goodnight.
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Ladies and gentlemen
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00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,162
this has been
a nationwide address
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by President Manfred Link
coming to you directly
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00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,427
from the Oval Office.
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For a printed transcript
of tonight's speech
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00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:22,995
please send 25 cents
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and a stamp
self-addressed envelope
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to "Mr. President,
White House, Washington DC."
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We are back
in our Washington studio.
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We've just heard
President Link's
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State of the Union address
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and here with me
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to lend us
his personal observations
33
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on the President's speech
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is Senator William
"Wild Bill" Hubley.
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Welcome, senator.
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Thank you, Howard.
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Senator Hubley,
what is your perception
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of how the President's speech
will be received by Congress?
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00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:59,031
Well, Howard, I dowant to study
the President's remarks a bit
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00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,773
before I try and second guess
my colleagues on the hill
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00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:03,862
but, but I think
I can safely say
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00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:06,604
that it's a "good news,
bad news" situation.
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00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:08,693
And what is the good news,
senator?
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00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:11,957
Well, the good news is that
the President is quite obviously
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in firm control of a number
of tricky situations
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both on the national
and the international scene.
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'And what's the bad news?'
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Well, frankly speaking,
in terms of implementing
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any of the programs
that he's outlined
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I think and and I mean
this is no disrespect
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toward our fine citizens
of oriental extraction
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00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,501
uh, that the President hasn't
got a Chinaman's chance.
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00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:35,067
Of course,
we have to point out
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00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,331
that you do represent
the opposition party.
55
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,637
Oh, yes,
but the loyal opposition.
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00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,639
I am not in agreement,
for instance
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with my great good friend
Senator Bailor.
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Yes, I believe he referred
to President Link
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as a "depraved halfwit."
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00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,475
Yes, he did
and I-I think
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00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,869
that could be called
overreacting.
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00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:57,089
The President
is nota depraved halfwit.
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- 'He is not, you say?'
- Oh, certainly not.
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00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:02,399
Of course, that's the kind
of exaggeration we can expect
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in an election year
but halfwit, no.
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Depraved, I seriously doubt it.
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'It has been suggested
that the members of your party'
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'have been doing
everything they can'
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00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,760
'to see
that the president's problems'
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'are never re-provoked.'
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00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,938
Who is it?
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00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,941
'You and your congressman'
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00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,248
'have been using every possible
means at your disposal..'
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Bye. It was nice meeting you.
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'Is that fair?'
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00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,434
'Well, Howard, I don't know
what you mean by fair'
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00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:38,696
'but you have to remember'
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'a number of hard facts
about politics.'
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'Not the least among them
being that we are spending'
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'a great deal of money
to win an election'
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'and-and people get really upset
if they give you a lot of money'
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'and then lose.'
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'That I think is..'
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00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:06,158
'And of course the president
has to face the fact'
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00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,943
that he's dealing
with the Congress
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00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:10,337
in which his party
is in the minority.
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00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:14,079
Uh, but, senator, the Congress
will have to face the fact
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00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,690
that President Link
was elected to office
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00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,605
by a slim
but definite majority.
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00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:20,216
Uh, yes, but that victory
must be weighed against the fact
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that his opponents,
the presidential
92
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:25,221
and vice-presidential
candidates of my party
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00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,963
were killed in that tragic
automobile accident
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00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:30,095
three days before the election.
95
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And it must be remembered
that nearly 30 million Americans
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actually voted
for the two corpses.
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00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,343
Hi, Fred,
what time you get off?
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00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:07,089
'Now, tell me this, did she
still have her pants on?'
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00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:10,092
'Yes, Mr. President.'
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00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,050
- Where were her hands?
- 'That was hard to tell, sir.'
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'The room was very dark.'
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I see.
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00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:16,838
That's for the senator
from Iowa.
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Oh, Mr. President,
would you save me a pen, please?
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00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,843
Okay, I-I would say
her hands
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were in a relatively
uncompromising attitude, sir.
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00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:27,457
I see. Oh, let's make this one
the senator from Connecticut.
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00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,720
Mr. President?
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00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,243
A pen?
110
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,376
How exactly did she get away?
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00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,073
'We lost her in the crowd, sir,
at the Kennedy Center.'
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00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:39,208
'That was just after the Annual
Oldies but Goodies concert.'
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00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:42,298
Okay, no more
Oldies but Goodies.
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00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,344
No more concerts at all.
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00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,781
That's for the senator
from Texas.
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00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,478
Sir, the vice president
would like a pen.
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00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,828
If you can't do your job,
I'll find someone who can
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00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:52,439
and you'll be back
patrolling the toilets
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00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:53,918
in the State department,
is that clear?
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00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,703
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir, Mr. President.
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00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,009
Alright, now, get out of here
and go-go protect someone
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00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,663
or whatever it is you do.
123
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,752
- Yes, Mr. President.
- Absolutely, Mr. President.
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00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,716
- I never get a pen.
- Just hold on, please.
125
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:10,021
- I just--
- Look..
126
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:12,676
This one is just like it.
Take it.
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00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,461
'Alright,
this, this is the last one.'
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00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:15,984
'Who's, who's left?'
129
00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:19,683
Who didn't get the souvenir pen
130
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,468
with the gold embossed
presidential seal?
131
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:23,339
Mr. President?
132
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,297
Oh, the senator
from Rhode Island?
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Come on. Come on.
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00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,966
Well, alright,
if you don't care what I think
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00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:44,578
then you should at least
have some consideration
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00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,449
for your father.
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00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:49,321
Now, he has this whole country
to run, dear
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00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,368
and it is a very tough,
very demanding job
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00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,892
and he needs our help.
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00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:58,896
Don't you see, dear,
that the commander-in-chief
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00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:02,204
of the greatest armed force
in the entire free world
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00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:04,380
cannot have the people
saying that his daughter
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00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:05,990
is a nymphomaniac.
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00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,601
For God's sake, mom,
how can you say
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00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:09,211
I'm a nymphomaniac
when I've never even done it?
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00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,648
It's not what you've
done that counts, dear.
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00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,389
It is what people think
you've done.
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00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:15,652
Yeah, well, I-I've never even
been alone with a boy
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for more than ten minutes.
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I remember back when dad
was mayor, you said--
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Now, you were just a child then
and it was only for a year--
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Right, and then he
went into Congress
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and I had to wait
for two years after that.
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- You were a teenager--
- Then he gets into the Senate.
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And then it's six more years--
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The senator's family
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00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:31,712
must be above
and beyond reproach.
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Now he's been president
for four years
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00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,411
and I haven't even
had a real date.
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That's right, dear,
because someone like yourself
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must set an example.
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Mom, I am 28 years old.
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And that is right.
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That is right, dear
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and in just a few years
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a few years from today
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after your father
has served out his second term
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00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:56,084
if God and the people
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00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,956
are sensible enough to see
that he is reelected
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then we can go back home
and lead a normal life, dear
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00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:05,397
and how, but, however
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00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,270
until then,
we must act in accordance
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00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,098
with our station.
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00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,666
Now, you want the respect
and admiration
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00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,624
of the people, don't you?
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00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:17,279
- Yeah.
- Yes, of course you do.
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00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:19,324
But not as much as I wanna
do it. Just once.
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00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,674
Just see what it feels like.
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00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:21,675
Gloria,
don't talk like that, dear.
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00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,372
It does not suit you.
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00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,156
- Mom.
- Yes?
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00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,855
- Tell me something.
- Yes?
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00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,771
Do, uh, you and dad still, um..
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00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:35,036
...you know, do it?
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00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:39,170
We do, we..
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00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,998
...we do it
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now and then.
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00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,090
We do it
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00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,571
when our busy schedule permits.
190
00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:51,922
I hate this.
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00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,358
I hate my life.
192
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,186
I wish we were like
normal people.
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00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,580
I wish dad were a street car
conductor or something.
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00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,451
Well, of course you do.
195
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,716
Millions and millions
of people do, dear.
196
00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,066
But he's not, and we have
to be happy with that.
197
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:07,111
We have to be happy
with what we got.
198
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:10,201
Now, however, what about
that nice young man
199
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,421
who came to dinner last week
with his parents?
200
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:16,164
'What was his na.. He was
the son of the secretary'
201
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:17,992
'of something or other..'
202
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:20,037
He looks like a turnip.
203
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:21,952
He looks like a turnip, dear.
204
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,259
That's right, because his mother
looks like a turnip.
205
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,827
But looks are not everything,
dear.
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00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:29,699
He seems
like a very intelligent boy.
207
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,745
He's a fairy.
208
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,921
He is a fairy, dear,
well, t-that's because
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00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:37,489
his father's a fairy,
but that does not mean
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00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:42,103
that you cannot have a very nice
relationship...with him.
211
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,539
- Mom, mom.
- What?
212
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,759
That's not the kind of
relationship I want.
213
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,891
- Then what?
- I wanna be like real people.
214
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,458
- And what is it?
- I mean..
215
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:52,330
I just wanna put on old
comfortable clothes and stuff
216
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,333
and, and drive a nice
sports car down to the beach.
217
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:58,075
- A sports car?
- And run along the sand.
218
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:01,731
And maybe meet a nice,
tall, average blonde guy.
219
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:04,168
- Yes.
- Or maybe three or four.
220
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,996
And lie down on a blanket
221
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:09,609
and they, like, rip my clothes
off and start grabbing at me
222
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,960
everywhere, and I moan
and scream dirty words
223
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,571
and then I'm carried off
into a..
224
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:17,051
...pitch of ecstasy
225
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:20,358
and, and then we start
performing every kind of
226
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:24,058
bizarre, physical act,
rolling over and over
227
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:27,235
until we're smothered,
and I'm just trapped
228
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:30,020
in hot, male flesh,
and then I burst..
229
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,702
Even if you
have to interrupt a debate
230
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,443
just tell the ambassador
that the delegation
231
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:02,836
from Upper Gorm has arrived.
232
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,141
He wants to get to them
before the Chinese.
233
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,926
Agreed.
234
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:09,059
As a position that it will be
recognized by a majority
235
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,582
of the distinguished members
236
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:14,325
as one of sensible
if adamant support
237
00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:16,197
for the conclusions
already submitted
238
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:17,894
in the inter-committee report.
239
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:29,253
And may I suggest that, uh,
we end the apparent monotony
240
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,821
of the discussion by bringing
the issue to a vote?
241
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:44,573
May I suggest further
242
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,618
that if the distinguished
representative
243
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,230
has concluded his absolutely
fascinating display
244
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,232
of bodily eruptions
245
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:54,278
he apply his apparently limited
powers of concentration
246
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:56,716
to the...subject in hand?
247
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,637
May I suggest that..
248
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:11,208
Uh, the distinguished member
249
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:14,168
of the, uh,
United States delegation..
250
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:22,698
...is, uh, is not fit
to suck on my hat.
251
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:25,570
I'm sorry?
252
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:29,009
Ah, it's an old Arabic saying.
253
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:34,014
Please inform
my distinguished colleague
254
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:36,451
that such epithets
are better reserved
255
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:40,150
for the savages
he so obviously represents.
256
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,468
Uh, considering the, uh,
amount of oil
257
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:56,166
exported by my country
to his country..
258
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,611
'...the, uh,
American ambassador'
259
00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:10,093
like his government,
knows what section of my, uh
260
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:13,880
savage anatomy...he may kiss.
261
00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:17,187
Kiss?
262
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,102
Poopie.
263
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,583
Thank you.
264
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:24,368
You can tell my distinguished
colleague that he can meet me
265
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,762
in the parking lot
whenever he chooses
266
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,590
even if he is wearing a dress.
267
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:46,390
Hmm.
268
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:49,393
Well?
269
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:52,744
I'd rather not say, sir.
270
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,529
What do you mean,
you "Rather not say?"
271
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:57,097
'Well, Mr. Ambassador,
to be perfectly frank'
272
00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,577
it was about your mother, sir.
273
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,756
My mother?
274
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,324
What about my mother?
275
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:10,937
Well, sir, he, uh,
suggests that your mother
276
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:13,591
maintained a close
277
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,419
intimate relationship.
278
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,248
Relationship?
279
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:21,251
Yes, sir. With a camel.
280
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,993
'And after the camel
killed itself in shame'
281
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,821
'your mother apparently
took on the..'
282
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:35,787
Sir! Sir, not here.
283
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,964
Don't stop me!
284
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,619
I'm alright.
285
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:48,191
I am able to forgive
this lack of basic civility
286
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:51,151
because I am a gentleman
and a Christian.
287
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:53,457
A Unitarian, in fact.
288
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:56,591
I'll return to the
August Chambers
289
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,288
when the distinguished
representative
290
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,378
is prepared to apologize
for his inane remarks.
291
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,817
If such a concept exists
292
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,646
within the framework
of his alleged culture.
293
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,443
Cute. Cute.
294
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,777
'Move directly across the hall
into the China Room'
295
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:37,387
'where you'll be able to see
a display of tableware'
296
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,302
'used by various
White House families.'
297
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:40,608
'Of course,
that was Army Chief-of-Staff'
298
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,044
'Randall Dumpston.'
299
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:43,698
'Now, please,
don't touch any of these'
300
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:46,135
'invaluable items
of historical significance'
301
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:48,224
'and kindly refrain from sitting
on the antique chairs'
302
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,444
'or walking on the premises..'
303
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:51,749
Uh, good morning, general.
304
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,664
Please inform Mr. Feebleman
I'm here.
305
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,580
Yes, sir. Uh, General Dumpston
is here to, uh..
306
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,148
'General. Excuse me.
Just a minute. If I..'
307
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:02,847
- Good morning, general.
- ...to you, Quincy.
308
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:03,892
Huh.
309
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:09,071
What the hell happened
at United Nations this mornin'?
310
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,117
I assume you're talking
about Ambassador Spender's
311
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,553
failure to get a favorable vote
312
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,163
in the Natural Resources
council?
313
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,817
Yeah, Ambassador Spender
314
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,949
that Harvard-educated dimwit.
315
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,256
He had a firm majority
of one vote.
316
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:21,910
He blew it
because he lost control
317
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,781
of a maniac wearin' a bed sheet.
318
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,348
That vote is not conclusive.
319
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,437
It can brought up again
in the general council
320
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:28,786
when and if Ambassador Spender
feels--
321
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,137
What the hell is that?
322
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:34,792
Uh, that is rope made
out of sheets knotted together.
323
00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:36,533
I can see that, Feebleman.
324
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,144
- Barbara.
- 'Yes, sir?'
325
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,015
Please inform security
that Gloria is taking
326
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,190
another shot at the wall.
327
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,409
'Right away, sir.'
328
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:45,064
Now, as I was saying, general
329
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:47,240
I assume you know
that the ambassador
330
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:49,503
from the newly emergent
nation of Upper Gorm
331
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,027
presented his credentials
to the secretary general today.
332
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,856
- Are you cognizant to the fact?
- I'm cognant.
333
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,859
- Upper Gorm is the key.
- To what?
334
00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:00,992
See if you can follow me,
general.
335
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,300
You like to, uh, fly your
planes, and sail your boats.
336
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,650
- Ships.
- Ships. I'm sorry.
337
00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:09,523
And operate your wonderful new
sophisticated weapon systems.
338
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:10,698
Well, in order to do that
339
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:13,353
you need the following
raw material.
340
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,660
Titanium, manganese, tungsten
341
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:20,360
beryllium, zinc and cobalt.
342
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:23,754
- Are you listening, general?
- Yeah, zinc, cobalt. Go on.
343
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,756
In order to procure these items
344
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,324
produced primarily
in those African nations
345
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:31,240
the names of which
no one can seem to remember
346
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,590
the president has put forward
his well-publicized
347
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,115
"Share and share alike" program.
348
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,987
'They send us
the above mentioned material'
349
00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:41,859
we, in turn, provide them
with liberal amounts of rayon
350
00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,601
Coca Cola syrup,
musical instruments
351
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,473
TV repair manuals
352
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,039
costume jewelry
353
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,781
and many many other
very nice things.
354
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,174
'Terrific.'
355
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:53,741
'But that program
went down the tube'
356
00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:55,090
'with the vote this morning.'
357
00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:56,570
'Here's the point.'
358
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,659
The ambassador is arriving here
this afternoon
359
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:01,488
by special presidential
invitation.
360
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,490
So?
361
00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:05,666
According to the UN protocol,
the ambassador takes a seat
362
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,407
on the Natural Resources Council
363
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:09,017
the Arab moves up
to the committee
364
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:11,715
on international monetary
cooperation.
365
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:13,326
'Just keep goin'.'
366
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,110
We have our swing vote.
367
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,764
Now, what's to keep him
from throwin' in
368
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:18,461
with the rest of his buddies
and giving us
369
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:20,637
the well-known African shaft?
370
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,249
We are going to roll out
the red carpet.
371
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,338
The President himself
is going out to the airport
372
00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:26,643
to meet him and his group
373
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,689
and then bring them
all back here.
374
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:34,651
They're staying here?
At the White House?
375
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:38,394
That's right. After a brief tour
of lovely downtown Washington.
376
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,657
Trust me, Randy,
we know what we're doing.
377
00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:42,659
We've got it all worked out.
378
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:44,574
Alright.
379
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,359
I'll go along with you
on this one.
380
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,578
We would appreciate that.
We really would.
381
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,754
Incidentally, what are you gonna
be wearing tonight?
382
00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,539
What the hell are you
talking about now?
383
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,845
There'll be a gala affair here
at the White House tonight
384
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,847
in honor of Ambassador Longo.
385
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:59,807
The ambassador requested
a costume party.
386
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:01,983
I'll be damned
if I'll wear a costume.
387
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,639
The theme of the evening
is American holidays.
388
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,597
'Titanium, general.'
389
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:10,165
Manganese and tungsten.
390
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,211
Think tungsten.
391
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,691
Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
392
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,127
No, you..
393
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:28,531
It arrives at 4:27.
394
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,099
- What does?
- The plane, Mr. President.
395
00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:33,536
The plane with Ambassador Longo
inside of it.
396
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:34,842
Thanks.
397
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:38,019
No. No.
398
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,499
Will you be wanting
Press Secretary Bunthorne
399
00:20:39,586 --> 00:20:40,804
to handle this evening's affair
400
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:44,417
in any special way
with the press?
401
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:47,028
Yes.
402
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,986
Well, where is he?
403
00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,119
- Who, sir?
- Press Secretary Bunthorne.
404
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,294
Um..
405
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:56,472
- Right here, sir.
- Good.
406
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:59,258
Um, try to handle this, uh..
407
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,695
situation in the usual way,
Bunny.
408
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:03,958
Can I leak something?
409
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:05,960
- Yes.
- Can I confirm something?
410
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:07,222
- Yes.
- Can I deny something?
411
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,224
Yes, yes, yes. Just, uh..
412
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:11,357
Try to make it look like we're
glad to have a lot of-lot of
413
00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,315
black people
in the-in the White House.
414
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:15,448
Like we're, um..
415
00:21:15,535 --> 00:21:17,014
Comfortable?
416
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:18,581
Exactly.
417
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:21,192
Yeah.
418
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,717
Yes. Yes. Thank you.
419
00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:26,154
Thank you.
420
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:28,156
She, uh,
she forgot her camera.
421
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,822
'Thank you.'
422
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:48,263
'Thank you.'
423
00:21:54,704 --> 00:21:56,663
Are, uh, are you two going, uh
424
00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:57,881
going with me
to the airport?
425
00:21:57,968 --> 00:21:59,143
No, sir.
426
00:22:03,104 --> 00:22:05,628
'Does the commander have to go
with me to the airport?'
427
00:22:05,715 --> 00:22:07,195
You know he does, sir.
428
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:08,675
He has the code, sir.
429
00:22:14,724 --> 00:22:15,899
'Thank you.'
430
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:35,310
- 'Thank you.'
- She's coming.
431
00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:42,535
- Whoa! Look out.
- Oh.
432
00:22:42,622 --> 00:22:43,710
'Thank you.'
433
00:22:43,797 --> 00:22:45,799
She's alright.
She's alright.
434
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:54,041
Washington.
435
00:23:54,128 --> 00:23:55,434
Washington?
436
00:23:55,521 --> 00:23:56,478
'Yes.'
437
00:24:05,966 --> 00:24:07,271
I'm sorry?
438
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,814
Say, pachu-man-chika.
439
00:24:27,901 --> 00:24:30,904
"Chu-jo, pachu-ju, pachu-lab,
chu-man..
440
00:24:30,991 --> 00:24:33,123
Here we are, pachu-man-chika.
441
00:24:33,210 --> 00:24:36,083
"A complex term leading
to the appeasement
442
00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:38,564
"of the Gormese divinity Chi
443
00:24:38,651 --> 00:24:41,044
"the deity responsible
for the safety of travelers
444
00:24:41,131 --> 00:24:43,438
in the form of human sacrifice."
445
00:24:48,704 --> 00:24:49,923
Sacrifice?
446
00:27:02,446 --> 00:27:04,187
Mr. Ambassador, I..
447
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:32,694
It is, uh, it is so good
of you to, uh, to visit us
448
00:27:32,781 --> 00:27:35,654
here in Washington
on such short notice.
449
00:27:37,046 --> 00:27:39,483
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is Mrs. Link.
450
00:27:39,570 --> 00:27:41,181
For you.
451
00:27:42,965 --> 00:27:45,620
May I have peas
instead of beans?
452
00:27:48,101 --> 00:27:49,624
Yes.
453
00:27:54,411 --> 00:27:56,979
I, uh, I trust,
your President Kalundra
454
00:27:57,066 --> 00:27:59,503
is in good health.
455
00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:02,158
Thank you. I'd rather walk
to school in the morning.
456
00:28:03,769 --> 00:28:04,900
Uh-huh.
457
00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:08,164
Well, uh..
458
00:28:08,251 --> 00:28:11,298
We're-we're actually like you
to say a few words
459
00:28:11,385 --> 00:28:14,040
to the-to the greeting party.
460
00:28:16,390 --> 00:28:19,045
Thank you.
461
00:28:19,132 --> 00:28:21,830
My gums are swollen.
462
00:28:21,917 --> 00:28:22,875
My--
463
00:28:25,791 --> 00:28:27,444
Just, just a second.
464
00:28:34,103 --> 00:28:35,670
What the hell is this?
465
00:28:35,757 --> 00:28:37,280
They threw one out
of the plane.
466
00:28:37,367 --> 00:28:39,021
What in the hell
is he talking about?
467
00:28:39,108 --> 00:28:41,720
Pachu-man-chika,sir. Pachu-man-chika.
468
00:28:41,807 --> 00:28:43,678
What in the hell
are you talking about?
469
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:45,332
He must've landed
around here somewhere.
470
00:28:45,419 --> 00:28:47,290
Spender, I'm asking you
a question.
471
00:28:47,377 --> 00:28:50,729
The bath water is too hot
in January.
472
00:29:03,089 --> 00:29:05,744
What in the Christ's name
is he babbling about?
473
00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,572
Oh, well, he seems to have
learned a little English
474
00:29:08,659 --> 00:29:10,618
he knows from a phrase book.
475
00:29:10,705 --> 00:29:12,838
He doesn't make any sense,
Spender.
476
00:29:12,925 --> 00:29:15,057
Yes, sir, he seems
to have memorized phrases
477
00:29:15,144 --> 00:29:17,277
somewhat arbitrarily.
478
00:29:17,364 --> 00:29:18,626
What about the others?
479
00:29:21,020 --> 00:29:23,326
Hello. Hello.
480
00:29:23,413 --> 00:29:25,807
Do, uh, any of them
speak English?
481
00:29:27,896 --> 00:29:29,419
No, sir.
482
00:29:29,506 --> 00:29:31,508
What you're telling me
is what we have here
483
00:29:31,595 --> 00:29:33,859
is a bunch of
very important visitors
484
00:29:33,946 --> 00:29:35,556
with whom
we must communicate
485
00:29:35,643 --> 00:29:38,777
on some very vital matters
of international interest.
486
00:29:38,864 --> 00:29:42,302
And we are stuck
after we say, "Hello."
487
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,740
Is that about
the size of it?
488
00:29:45,827 --> 00:29:49,744
I don't it's quite
that severe a problem, sir.
489
00:29:49,831 --> 00:29:51,180
You don't.
490
00:29:55,054 --> 00:29:56,838
Ambassador Longo.
491
00:29:56,925 --> 00:29:58,971
Up your ass.
492
00:29:59,058 --> 00:30:01,451
That sweater is too expensive.
493
00:30:08,632 --> 00:30:11,026
You don't consider that severe?
494
00:30:11,113 --> 00:30:12,462
- Manfred, what is this--
- Go away.
495
00:30:12,549 --> 00:30:14,334
Yes, sir. Yes.
496
00:30:17,032 --> 00:30:20,122
How did you get them
this far?
497
00:30:20,209 --> 00:30:23,386
One hundred handy
Upper Gormese phrases.
498
00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:24,823
Who compiled this?
499
00:30:24,910 --> 00:30:26,389
We're trying to track him down
now, sir.
500
00:30:26,476 --> 00:30:27,869
We believe he's somewhere
in Washington working
501
00:30:27,956 --> 00:30:29,740
in computer research.
502
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:32,047
- Get him.
- Yes, sir.
503
00:30:40,273 --> 00:30:41,491
Oh, this, uh..
504
00:30:41,578 --> 00:30:43,929
This is a beautiful box.
505
00:30:44,016 --> 00:30:45,756
No, dear.
506
00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:47,497
Oh.
507
00:30:47,584 --> 00:30:50,196
Well, this, this is very nice.
508
00:30:52,067 --> 00:30:54,069
It's a-it's a rock.
509
00:30:56,593 --> 00:30:58,769
It's a very nice rock.
510
00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:04,645
How's-how's that?
511
00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:11,043
Uh-huh.
512
00:31:12,696 --> 00:31:15,221
Well, uh, okay.
513
00:31:17,658 --> 00:31:19,921
I-I would like you to, um..
514
00:31:20,008 --> 00:31:22,750
...to ride, ride
515
00:31:22,837 --> 00:31:25,405
'with me to the White..'
516
00:31:27,015 --> 00:31:29,496
White, White, uh, House.
517
00:31:39,419 --> 00:31:41,595
It's being handled, sir.
518
00:31:41,682 --> 00:31:44,815
The church be open until
precisely 12:00 midnight.
519
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,687
'Yes. Yes indeed.'
520
00:32:55,234 --> 00:32:59,629
Is this your first visit
to Washington, Mr. Ambassador?
521
00:32:59,716 --> 00:33:02,067
It is forbidden
to piss against the wind.
522
00:33:03,894 --> 00:33:06,767
I am very happy to hear that.
523
00:33:11,728 --> 00:33:12,903
Oh.
524
00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:51,159
'Goodnight.'
525
00:33:51,246 --> 00:33:53,205
- 'Goodnight, Dr. Grade.'
- Goodnight.
526
00:33:53,292 --> 00:33:54,771
Goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight.
527
00:33:54,858 --> 00:33:56,295
Goodnight, Dr. Grade.
528
00:33:56,382 --> 00:33:57,905
Goodnight.
529
00:33:57,992 --> 00:34:00,821
- Goodnight, Alexander.
- Goodnight.
530
00:34:00,908 --> 00:34:02,866
Goodnight.
531
00:34:02,953 --> 00:34:06,000
Uh, goodnight.
Goodnight.
532
00:34:07,262 --> 00:34:09,221
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
533
00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:17,229
'Dr. Alexander Grade,
your country needs you.'
534
00:34:23,148 --> 00:34:25,976
Ah. Oh, I'm so..
535
00:34:31,243 --> 00:34:33,810
Look alive, young man.
536
00:34:33,897 --> 00:34:35,290
This is it.
537
00:34:35,377 --> 00:34:37,466
Sir, what is, sir?
538
00:34:37,553 --> 00:34:40,295
You are about to meet
539
00:34:40,382 --> 00:34:42,732
the president
of the United States.
540
00:34:59,836 --> 00:35:01,011
Mr. President?
541
00:35:23,817 --> 00:35:26,689
No pictures. No pictures.
Hey, hey.
542
00:35:26,776 --> 00:35:29,823
No pictures. Alright, boys.
There's no TV tonight.
543
00:35:29,910 --> 00:35:32,391
Turn 'em off, boys.
Turn 'em off.
544
00:35:32,478 --> 00:35:34,480
Okay, I've got some
material for you, yes.
545
00:35:34,567 --> 00:35:36,395
Tell me, uh..
546
00:35:36,482 --> 00:35:38,614
Why was this morning's
press briefing canceled?
547
00:35:38,701 --> 00:35:41,051
Okay, let me be perfectly
frank with you on that one.
548
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:42,749
This morning's briefing
was not canceled
549
00:35:42,836 --> 00:35:43,967
it was simply not held.
550
00:35:45,621 --> 00:35:47,319
What is he talking about?
551
00:35:47,406 --> 00:35:51,236
Now, there'll be no inside
coverage of tonight's banquet.
552
00:35:51,323 --> 00:35:53,977
But guest lists and menus
will be disseminated.
553
00:35:54,064 --> 00:35:56,197
- Hey, give me one there.
- Oh, give me two.
554
00:35:57,416 --> 00:35:59,548
And there's a special surprise.
555
00:35:59,635 --> 00:36:01,550
We're going to give you
out here
556
00:36:01,637 --> 00:36:05,163
a few minutes
with Ambassador Longo.
557
00:36:05,250 --> 00:36:08,557
And I think you should be
real appreciative of this one.
558
00:36:08,644 --> 00:36:12,344
And President Link himself.
559
00:36:28,577 --> 00:36:30,492
Ladies and gentleman
of the press, it is my privilege
560
00:36:30,579 --> 00:36:33,713
to present the ambassador
to the United Nations
561
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,758
from the lovely
Island Republic
562
00:36:35,845 --> 00:36:37,151
of Upper Gorm.
563
00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:43,331
Oh..
564
00:36:44,854 --> 00:36:46,029
May I?
565
00:36:48,162 --> 00:36:49,642
"Ah-uh, greetings.
566
00:36:51,296 --> 00:36:53,080
"Greetings
to the American people
567
00:36:53,167 --> 00:36:55,213
"from the president
of my country.
568
00:36:55,300 --> 00:36:59,217
"The honorable Mazai,
Mazai Kalundra.
569
00:36:59,304 --> 00:37:03,308
"It is to the eternal honor
of the people of the Upper Gorm
570
00:37:03,395 --> 00:37:05,571
"to join with her new friend
571
00:37:05,658 --> 00:37:08,617
the United States
in affairs of, uh--
572
00:37:15,363 --> 00:37:17,539
- "Mutual advantage."
- Yes.
573
00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:22,414
"Uh, uh, which will be
discussed when her great leader
574
00:37:22,501 --> 00:37:26,592
"President Link
and his family will visit
575
00:37:26,679 --> 00:37:28,724
our country next week."
576
00:37:28,811 --> 00:37:30,552
What?
577
00:37:30,639 --> 00:37:34,295
"We give our assurances
that all amenities will be
578
00:37:34,382 --> 00:37:38,256
"accorded to your great leader
and-and, uh, his lovely family.
579
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:44,044
'"And we solemnly give
our promise'
580
00:37:44,131 --> 00:37:45,828
no to eat them."
581
00:37:46,786 --> 00:37:48,657
What?
582
00:37:52,008 --> 00:37:53,227
Hawa-tunee.
583
00:37:55,882 --> 00:37:56,796
Hawa-tunee.
584
00:37:56,883 --> 00:37:58,537
Ah! Oh.
585
00:37:58,624 --> 00:38:00,452
Oh. A joke.
586
00:38:00,539 --> 00:38:03,585
The ambassador was making
a hawa-tunee.
587
00:38:03,672 --> 00:38:05,326
Um, a joke.
588
00:38:05,413 --> 00:38:08,590
And-and a-a very
amusing hawa-tunee.
589
00:38:12,638 --> 00:38:15,162
Uh, the hawa-tunee.
590
00:38:15,249 --> 00:38:18,426
Uh, did that have to do
with the "Eat them" part?
591
00:38:18,513 --> 00:38:20,515
That was a hawa-tunee,sir.
Yes.
592
00:38:20,602 --> 00:38:23,170
Hmm. And how about
the going to Gorm part?
593
00:38:23,257 --> 00:38:26,042
That was not a hawa-tunee,sir.
594
00:38:26,129 --> 00:38:27,609
Spender..
595
00:40:52,362 --> 00:40:55,409
Uh, ask the ambassador
if he'd care to sample
596
00:40:55,496 --> 00:40:57,846
one of our fine
domestic wines.
597
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,559
Sir, sir,
the ambassador says
598
00:41:14,646 --> 00:41:16,648
that he would be pleased
if you in turn
599
00:41:16,735 --> 00:41:18,476
would like a taste
of the traditional
600
00:41:18,563 --> 00:41:20,739
Upper Gormese
national drink.
601
00:41:20,826 --> 00:41:22,088
And an excellent gesture
602
00:41:22,175 --> 00:41:24,394
of mutual
inter-ethnic appreciation.
603
00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:54,512
Chapelle Chardonnay '76.
604
00:42:13,574 --> 00:42:15,750
Hmm, donkey blood.
605
00:42:15,837 --> 00:42:19,014
Um, and cow urine, August.
606
00:43:08,542 --> 00:43:09,848
Is the president in there?
607
00:43:09,935 --> 00:43:11,240
Yes, sir.
608
00:43:11,327 --> 00:43:12,633
What's he doing?
609
00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:14,243
Sir, this is
the bathroom.
610
00:43:14,330 --> 00:43:16,202
I am aware
of that fact.
611
00:43:16,289 --> 00:43:18,944
This is an emergency.
What's he doing in there?
612
00:43:19,031 --> 00:43:22,687
- 'Sir!'
- Is it la-la or chi-chi?
613
00:43:22,774 --> 00:43:24,123
We don't know, sir.
614
00:43:24,210 --> 00:43:25,559
Then find out.
615
00:43:26,734 --> 00:43:28,388
- Mr. President.
- 'What is it?'
616
00:43:28,475 --> 00:43:29,998
Sorry to bother you, sir.
617
00:43:30,085 --> 00:43:31,913
Ambassador Spender wants to
know whether you're making..
618
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,698
"La-la" or "chi-chi."
619
00:43:35,482 --> 00:43:36,614
'Spender.'
620
00:43:38,050 --> 00:43:40,530
Mr. President,
we have a problem.
621
00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:44,752
Yes, sir.
622
00:43:44,839 --> 00:43:46,580
'Sir, I think we
should assemble'
623
00:43:46,667 --> 00:43:48,669
'the National Security
Council immediately.'
624
00:43:48,756 --> 00:43:50,845
- 'In here?'
- 'Not in here, of course.'
625
00:43:50,932 --> 00:43:55,154
Gentlemen, a situation has
arisen concerning Upper Gorm.
626
00:43:55,241 --> 00:43:57,678
And Dr. Grade, oh,
Dr. Grade, before we begin
627
00:43:57,765 --> 00:44:00,420
I'd like to introduce you
to the council members.
628
00:44:00,507 --> 00:44:03,075
Uh, Special Presidential
Assistant, Feebleman.
629
00:44:03,162 --> 00:44:05,512
- My pleasure, doctor.
- How do you do, sir?
630
00:44:05,599 --> 00:44:08,254
Press Secretary, Bunthorne.
631
00:44:08,341 --> 00:44:09,690
Oh, I think we've met.
632
00:44:09,777 --> 00:44:10,909
We just met.
Good to see you again, doc.
633
00:44:10,996 --> 00:44:12,127
It's good to see you, sir.
634
00:44:12,214 --> 00:44:13,781
Attorney General, Spot.
635
00:44:16,262 --> 00:44:17,480
How do you do, sir?
636
00:44:17,567 --> 00:44:19,613
Willie O'Malley,
the director of the CIA
637
00:44:19,700 --> 00:44:21,223
and I might add,
a grand honor.
638
00:44:21,310 --> 00:44:22,485
Hey, how's it going?
639
00:44:22,572 --> 00:44:23,748
Oh, fine, sir.
640
00:44:23,835 --> 00:44:25,706
How is it going with you,
Willie?
641
00:44:25,793 --> 00:44:29,449
- And Vice President, Shockley.
- Of course.
642
00:44:29,536 --> 00:44:30,798
- How do you do?
- How do you do, sir?
643
00:44:30,885 --> 00:44:32,060
I'm sorry,
I didn't catch your name.
644
00:44:32,147 --> 00:44:34,889
- Alexander Grade.
- Grade, yes.
645
00:44:34,976 --> 00:44:36,195
Grade is right.
646
00:44:36,282 --> 00:44:38,284
Secretary of Defense,
Springfield.
647
00:44:38,371 --> 00:44:39,589
Good to have you aboard, son.
648
00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:41,548
Sir, how are you?
649
00:44:41,635 --> 00:44:44,246
And over here, we have
Secretary of State, Reigle.
650
00:44:44,333 --> 00:44:46,640
- Of course.
- Do you speak English?
651
00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:49,121
- Yes, I do.
- So I'd love you.
652
00:44:49,208 --> 00:44:53,081
And Military Chief of staff,
General Dumpston.
653
00:44:53,168 --> 00:44:54,387
Sir.
654
00:44:56,563 --> 00:44:58,304
And of course,
you already know the chief.
655
00:44:58,391 --> 00:45:00,088
Yes, yes, indeed.
656
00:45:00,175 --> 00:45:02,700
This is such a thrill to me.
657
00:45:02,787 --> 00:45:04,353
Please, I-I, this is the--
658
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,095
Gentlemen, please,
please sit down.
659
00:45:09,576 --> 00:45:11,447
Oh, oh. I..
660
00:45:20,587 --> 00:45:24,069
Gentlemen, I'll try to make
this as simple as possible.
661
00:45:24,156 --> 00:45:25,592
As you know, we desperately need
662
00:45:25,679 --> 00:45:29,030
the Upper Gormese vote
in the United Nations.
663
00:45:29,117 --> 00:45:32,425
Ambassador Spender assures me,
we have that vote.
664
00:45:32,512 --> 00:45:34,732
This evening however,
Ambassador Longo
665
00:45:34,819 --> 00:45:37,299
announced to the press
that his country was expecting
666
00:45:37,386 --> 00:45:40,999
a formal visit from me,
your president
667
00:45:41,086 --> 00:45:45,786
and my lovely family,
next week.
668
00:45:45,873 --> 00:45:48,310
He did this
without consultation
669
00:45:48,397 --> 00:45:50,617
and without warning.
670
00:45:50,704 --> 00:45:52,488
Do you get the picture?
671
00:45:52,575 --> 00:45:53,794
It's totally unacceptable.
672
00:45:53,881 --> 00:45:55,622
We're talking Pearl Harbor.
673
00:45:55,709 --> 00:45:57,145
Absolutely shocking.
674
00:45:57,232 --> 00:46:00,148
We don't have to take
that kind of crap from anyone.
675
00:46:00,235 --> 00:46:01,976
Now, I would like
to point out that we are moving
676
00:46:02,063 --> 00:46:03,978
into an election situation.
677
00:46:04,065 --> 00:46:05,893
We can't afford to have you
out of the country.
678
00:46:05,980 --> 00:46:07,939
- Yes. Very good.
- True.
679
00:46:10,593 --> 00:46:14,075
I have to add one or two
more pieces of information.
680
00:46:19,777 --> 00:46:22,257
This afternoon..
681
00:46:22,344 --> 00:46:25,086
...Ambassador Longo..
682
00:46:25,173 --> 00:46:26,653
...gave me this.
683
00:46:33,094 --> 00:46:34,966
Hmm.
684
00:46:35,053 --> 00:46:37,403
Looks like a rock.
685
00:46:37,490 --> 00:46:39,622
Dr. Grade, do you have any
information on this?
686
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:44,976
Oh, yes, well, sir,
according to Ambassador Longo
687
00:46:45,063 --> 00:46:47,892
the junk was extracted
at random from Jucama.
688
00:46:49,371 --> 00:46:50,808
- Jucama?
- Oh, yes, sir.
689
00:46:50,895 --> 00:46:53,462
Jucama is the name
of the mountain
690
00:46:53,549 --> 00:46:55,508
'which comprises a large
part of their island'
691
00:46:55,595 --> 00:46:59,077
'and which is actively
volcanic in nature.'
692
00:46:59,164 --> 00:47:01,601
And, uh, it's sacred.
693
00:47:02,950 --> 00:47:04,430
- 'It's scared?'
- Yes, sir.
694
00:47:04,517 --> 00:47:08,216
They...well, they worship it.
695
00:47:08,303 --> 00:47:13,178
That rock has an extremely high
uranium content.
696
00:47:13,265 --> 00:47:14,527
Uranium?
697
00:47:14,614 --> 00:47:18,052
- That's right. Uranium 238.
- 238?
698
00:47:19,967 --> 00:47:21,795
What about the aerial
photographs, Spender?
699
00:47:21,882 --> 00:47:24,232
Yes, sir. Well, the Air Force
just brought them in.
700
00:47:24,319 --> 00:47:28,193
So the analysis
has been necessarily hasty.
701
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:29,759
Now, if you'll look
at your copies, you'll see
702
00:47:29,847 --> 00:47:32,110
that certain sections
have been circled.
703
00:47:32,197 --> 00:47:33,894
Those sections are hot-spots.
704
00:47:33,981 --> 00:47:35,156
Hot-spots?
705
00:47:35,243 --> 00:47:37,506
Is there an echo in here?
706
00:47:37,593 --> 00:47:39,595
Echo?
707
00:47:39,682 --> 00:47:41,423
Go on, Spender.
708
00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:43,904
Well, these areas are giving off
some kind of energy.
709
00:47:43,991 --> 00:47:47,777
Now, air intelligence suspects
that these large, spherical
710
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:50,780
and curving tunnel-shaped
forms are the top
711
00:47:50,868 --> 00:47:52,652
of some sort
of underground structure
712
00:47:52,739 --> 00:47:56,003
suggestive
of a massive power complex.
713
00:47:56,090 --> 00:47:58,005
And I'm really sure
what that means, but..
714
00:47:58,092 --> 00:48:01,617
You mean,
these Gormese people have..
715
00:48:01,704 --> 00:48:03,141
Say it, general.
716
00:48:03,228 --> 00:48:06,057
...nuclear capacity?
717
00:48:06,144 --> 00:48:08,233
We wish we knew.
718
00:48:10,061 --> 00:48:12,759
Well, sir.
719
00:48:12,846 --> 00:48:14,935
Do you wanna know what I think?
720
00:48:15,022 --> 00:48:18,243
'Does anyone want to know
what a vice president thinks?'
721
00:48:23,161 --> 00:48:25,337
'Those are the facts,
gentlemen.'
722
00:48:25,424 --> 00:48:27,513
In light of this
new information
723
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,820
and with firm beliefs
that any compromise on our part
724
00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:33,258
would demonstrate
great moral weakness
725
00:48:33,345 --> 00:48:37,349
how many of you feel
that I, your president
726
00:48:37,436 --> 00:48:40,265
should even consider
giving into
727
00:48:40,352 --> 00:48:44,486
this case of appalling
international blackmail?
728
00:49:51,162 --> 00:49:53,599
It's not my fault
I'm the vice president.
729
00:49:53,686 --> 00:49:56,689
I didn't pick me. He did.
730
00:49:56,776 --> 00:50:00,780
God knows, I was
perfectly happy in Congress.
731
00:50:00,867 --> 00:50:02,869
I was on a lot
of swell committees
732
00:50:02,956 --> 00:50:06,003
and I got the vote
on a lot of things.
733
00:50:06,090 --> 00:50:08,831
And-and I answered quorum..
734
00:50:08,918 --> 00:50:13,358
and I took part in the biggest..
Gee, I had fun.
735
00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:15,534
You are trying to tell us that
you've never thought about
736
00:50:15,621 --> 00:50:17,579
being president now,
are you, Will?
737
00:50:17,666 --> 00:50:18,972
Not even a little?
738
00:50:19,059 --> 00:50:21,627
Not even a teeny-weeny bit?
739
00:50:21,714 --> 00:50:22,889
Are you kidding?
740
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:25,935
President?
741
00:50:27,937 --> 00:50:30,331
Presidents don't have any fun.
742
00:50:30,418 --> 00:50:33,291
I mean, gee, they're always
getting shot at
743
00:50:33,378 --> 00:50:35,771
or-or impeached
744
00:50:35,858 --> 00:50:37,469
or reviled.
745
00:50:37,556 --> 00:50:38,948
Ooh, it's terrible.
746
00:50:39,036 --> 00:50:41,821
Then why didn't you refuse
the nomination?
747
00:50:43,431 --> 00:50:46,260
I didn't want people
to think I was a sissy.
748
00:50:51,439 --> 00:50:53,572
Here are the new messages
that the president recorded
749
00:50:53,659 --> 00:50:55,443
last night for
emergency broadcast
750
00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:58,055
in case of enemy action
during his absence.
751
00:50:58,142 --> 00:50:59,752
This is Signal Yellow.
752
00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:06,541
My fellow Americans we're about
to undergo an enemy assault.
753
00:51:06,628 --> 00:51:08,630
We have approximately one hour
to activate our military
754
00:51:08,717 --> 00:51:10,067
and civil defense procedures.
755
00:51:10,154 --> 00:51:11,677
Good luck to all of you.
756
00:51:13,374 --> 00:51:15,072
This is Signal Orange.
757
00:51:17,335 --> 00:51:18,988
This is your president speaking.
758
00:51:19,076 --> 00:51:20,860
Aerial bombardment is eminent.
759
00:51:20,947 --> 00:51:23,776
Do the best you can
and may God be with you.
760
00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:27,867
What about Signal Red?
761
00:51:29,825 --> 00:51:32,872
We're not entirely happy
with that one yet.
762
00:51:32,959 --> 00:51:36,963
It's a tricky message to deliver
considering that it will proceed
763
00:51:37,050 --> 00:51:41,707
a nuclear missile attack
by only 20 or 30 seconds.
764
00:51:41,794 --> 00:51:43,709
Oh, let's hear of
what you've got so far.
765
00:51:50,063 --> 00:51:52,109
Th-th-that's all folks.
766
00:51:55,242 --> 00:51:56,591
Too frivolous?
767
00:52:03,207 --> 00:52:06,906
Mr. President, beloved
members of the first family
768
00:52:06,993 --> 00:52:11,128
ladies and gentlemen,
honored guests.
769
00:52:11,215 --> 00:52:14,000
I'm Father Reggie Sandstone,
okay?
770
00:52:14,087 --> 00:52:17,090
First pastor of the first church
of the rude awakening
771
00:52:17,177 --> 00:52:18,613
over in Louis, Virginia.
772
00:52:26,186 --> 00:52:27,535
I mean, look at them.
773
00:52:27,622 --> 00:52:30,103
'Our beloved first family.'
774
00:52:30,190 --> 00:52:32,888
Beautiful human beings,
every last one of them
775
00:52:32,975 --> 00:52:35,500
are going to get
into that machine up there
776
00:52:35,587 --> 00:52:37,458
and they are going to trust
in something.
777
00:52:37,545 --> 00:52:39,112
'I don't care
what you call it.'
778
00:52:39,199 --> 00:52:41,288
'God or Buddha'
779
00:52:41,375 --> 00:52:44,639
'or the light force
or just good old karma.'
780
00:52:44,726 --> 00:52:47,729
Something that keep them
from falling out of the sky
781
00:52:47,816 --> 00:52:51,472
and smashing into the ground
in a pile of twisted metal
782
00:52:51,559 --> 00:52:53,735
and mango blends.
783
00:52:53,822 --> 00:52:55,346
And you know what I call that?
784
00:52:55,433 --> 00:52:59,567
I call that, guts
and love in equal parts.
785
00:53:00,742 --> 00:53:02,091
You know it.
786
00:53:02,179 --> 00:53:03,745
And I look at them
as I'm looking at them
787
00:53:03,832 --> 00:53:06,226
'right now and I
say to myself'
788
00:53:06,313 --> 00:53:08,968
"Hey, baby,
that's one first family
789
00:53:09,055 --> 00:53:11,623
that really got
it's shit together."
790
00:53:18,064 --> 00:53:21,894
So it can't hurt for us
to lay a few good vibes on them.
791
00:53:21,981 --> 00:53:25,985
To let them have their own real
space to be in for all of us.
792
00:53:26,072 --> 00:53:27,813
For all of us here.
793
00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:30,381
Black, white, gay, straight
794
00:53:30,468 --> 00:53:33,340
carnivores, vegetarians,
whatever.
795
00:53:33,427 --> 00:53:36,213
Because they're doing it for us.
796
00:53:36,300 --> 00:53:38,563
For all of us here
in this greatest
797
00:53:38,650 --> 00:53:42,958
grandest and grooviest of
nations where every man or woman
798
00:53:43,045 --> 00:53:46,788
is free to form a tax exempt,
non-profit corporation
799
00:53:46,875 --> 00:53:50,357
and trade the revealed word
of the creator for the material
800
00:53:50,444 --> 00:53:52,359
benefits of American life..
801
00:54:00,628 --> 00:54:03,588
That's excellent. That's 24.
802
00:54:03,675 --> 00:54:06,025
Can I get you something?
803
00:54:06,112 --> 00:54:07,766
Can I get you anything?
804
00:54:18,385 --> 00:54:20,039
Excuse me, sir,
your coffee.
805
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:28,526
Thank you.
806
00:54:33,748 --> 00:54:36,229
Anyway, we better try
that word again, sir.
807
00:54:36,316 --> 00:54:38,057
That word.
808
00:54:38,144 --> 00:54:40,538
- Chara jojo.
- No, no. Chara jojo.
809
00:54:40,625 --> 00:54:42,757
The accent
is on the final syllable.
810
00:54:42,844 --> 00:54:44,542
Chara jojo.
811
00:54:46,805 --> 00:54:48,720
What the hell
is the difference?
812
00:54:48,807 --> 00:54:50,896
Sir, "chara jojo"
means "thank you."
813
00:54:50,983 --> 00:54:54,334
And "chara jojo"
means, roughly..
814
00:54:56,684 --> 00:54:58,164
...bite the tree.
815
00:55:00,775 --> 00:55:04,213
Grade, I'm never gonna get
the hang of this language.
816
00:55:06,825 --> 00:55:08,609
I flunked Spanish
in high school.
817
00:55:08,696 --> 00:55:12,091
And my God, even Mexicans
know how to speak Spanish.
818
00:55:12,178 --> 00:55:13,353
'That's true, sir.'
819
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,007
Oh, and of course,
in Gormese
820
00:55:15,094 --> 00:55:16,356
they don't make
any distinction
821
00:55:16,443 --> 00:55:18,967
at all between a noun
and a verb.
822
00:55:19,054 --> 00:55:21,840
For instance, their word for
snake can indicate
823
00:55:21,927 --> 00:55:24,233
a past snake,
a present snake
824
00:55:24,321 --> 00:55:26,453
or a future snake
depending on
825
00:55:26,540 --> 00:55:28,107
the juxtaposition
of diphthongs..
826
00:55:29,282 --> 00:55:31,153
...within the word itself.
827
00:55:32,241 --> 00:55:33,765
Let me tell you something.
828
00:55:33,852 --> 00:55:36,594
I have too much
to remember now.
829
00:55:36,681 --> 00:55:39,379
I've to think about
Gorm's national product.
830
00:55:39,466 --> 00:55:42,034
I've to think about
foreign price supports.
831
00:55:42,121 --> 00:55:44,123
I've to think about
military appropriations
832
00:55:44,210 --> 00:55:46,299
the cost of indexes.
833
00:55:46,386 --> 00:55:48,997
And future snakes?
834
00:55:49,084 --> 00:55:52,000
It's-it's-it's too much.
835
00:55:52,087 --> 00:55:54,916
Oh, I know, sir. You have too
much to worry about.
836
00:55:55,003 --> 00:55:58,485
And I think it would be a good
idea if you got some sleep.
837
00:55:58,572 --> 00:56:01,096
Can't sleep.
838
00:56:01,183 --> 00:56:02,402
'Sir?'
839
00:56:02,489 --> 00:56:03,621
Dreams.
840
00:56:05,492 --> 00:56:07,102
Dreams.
841
00:56:08,756 --> 00:56:12,934
Are you bothered by dreams, sir?
842
00:56:21,290 --> 00:56:23,728
Listen to this, kid.
843
00:56:23,815 --> 00:56:25,207
When I was your age..
844
00:56:25,294 --> 00:56:27,296
...I used to have
all these big dreams.
845
00:56:28,733 --> 00:56:31,475
I go to sleep and..
846
00:56:31,562 --> 00:56:34,782
...hit a home run
with three men on..
847
00:56:34,869 --> 00:56:36,741
...discover boxes of rubies..
848
00:56:38,264 --> 00:56:41,310
'...low down Nazi troops..'
849
00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:43,095
...bang movie stars.
850
00:56:45,837 --> 00:56:47,708
Once I protected
a blind newspaper boy
851
00:56:47,795 --> 00:56:49,971
from six giant hoods.
852
00:56:50,058 --> 00:56:52,844
Just my quick fists
and my bare wits.
853
00:56:58,589 --> 00:57:00,199
Those were the nights.
854
00:57:00,286 --> 00:57:02,157
'Those are really
fine dreams, sir.'
855
00:57:02,244 --> 00:57:03,420
Not anymore.
856
00:57:05,509 --> 00:57:07,119
You wanna know
what do I dream now?
857
00:57:09,861 --> 00:57:11,732
What, sir?
858
00:57:14,213 --> 00:57:15,388
I dream..
859
00:57:17,216 --> 00:57:20,262
...in the White House
dining room..
860
00:57:20,349 --> 00:57:21,438
...when I sit down..
861
00:57:25,224 --> 00:57:27,748
...and there's a bowl of soup.
862
00:57:27,835 --> 00:57:30,142
Clear soup.
863
00:57:30,229 --> 00:57:31,578
Bouillon or something.
864
00:57:33,014 --> 00:57:34,712
And I pick up my soup spoon..
865
00:57:36,322 --> 00:57:38,716
...and I eat my clear soup.
866
00:57:41,327 --> 00:57:44,112
Yes, sir.
867
00:57:44,199 --> 00:57:45,418
That's it.
868
00:57:46,767 --> 00:57:48,595
I eat it.
869
00:57:48,682 --> 00:57:51,685
I don't burn
my tongue horribly.
870
00:57:51,772 --> 00:57:54,209
They don't find a dead spider
with legs, like my sister
871
00:57:54,296 --> 00:57:57,125
floating in the bottom
of the bowl.
872
00:57:57,212 --> 00:57:58,736
No witch doesn't come
through the wall
873
00:57:58,823 --> 00:58:00,520
and scares the crap
out of me.
874
00:58:02,217 --> 00:58:05,090
I just, I eat my bowl
of clear soup..
875
00:58:07,309 --> 00:58:08,615
...and I wake up.
876
00:58:12,489 --> 00:58:14,316
What do you think it means?
877
00:58:15,230 --> 00:58:17,145
I don't know, sir.
878
00:58:20,366 --> 00:58:22,107
You've ever
heard of a dream
879
00:58:22,194 --> 00:58:23,674
that doesn't mean anything?
880
00:58:24,805 --> 00:58:26,677
No, sir.
I don't think so.
881
00:58:32,639 --> 00:58:35,294
Where are the dreams
of yesteryear?
882
00:58:38,558 --> 00:58:40,473
I just don't know, sir.
883
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,354
'Good morning.
This is your captain speaking.'
884
00:59:35,441 --> 00:59:36,790
'We're on our final approach'
885
00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:38,836
'to Upper Gorm's
international airport'
886
00:59:38,923 --> 00:59:41,229
'which consists
I'm sorry to say'
887
00:59:41,316 --> 00:59:44,450
'of a large clay hut
and a short dirt runway.'
888
00:59:44,537 --> 00:59:46,017
'The landing maybe
a little bit bumpy'
889
00:59:46,104 --> 00:59:47,496
'but according
to our State Department'
890
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:49,020
'information manual'
891
00:59:49,107 --> 00:59:51,109
'you'll soon be
enjoying Upper Gorm's'
892
00:59:51,196 --> 00:59:53,154
'natural scenic splendor'
893
00:59:53,241 --> 00:59:54,852
'carefree island beauty'
894
00:59:54,939 --> 00:59:56,244
'and hearty native cuisine.'
895
01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:55,260
Which one of them
is the head boogie man?
896
01:01:05,139 --> 01:01:07,011
I am the head boogie man.
897
01:01:08,490 --> 01:01:11,189
Which one of you
is the chief turkey?
898
01:01:55,799 --> 01:01:58,453
One of the things
that I have always regretted
899
01:01:58,540 --> 01:02:00,542
is that we do not see more
900
01:02:00,629 --> 01:02:03,067
uh, black people
in the White House.
901
01:02:03,154 --> 01:02:04,982
I mean, we, we, we see them
902
01:02:05,069 --> 01:02:07,245
but we do not...see them.
903
01:02:07,332 --> 01:02:10,117
If you know what I mean,
but the one's that we do see
904
01:02:10,204 --> 01:02:12,076
are so..
905
01:02:12,163 --> 01:02:14,252
Uh, they
are so well-mannered.
906
01:02:14,339 --> 01:02:17,603
They are pleasant and, and
they're so appreciative.
907
01:02:17,690 --> 01:02:19,474
And when they get dressed up
908
01:02:19,561 --> 01:02:23,217
my, my,
they look so, so nice.
909
01:03:42,557 --> 01:03:45,952
I hope Mr. President
that you are not too bored
910
01:03:46,039 --> 01:03:48,041
with our modest attempt
at entertainment.
911
01:03:49,738 --> 01:03:51,871
No, no, I've, uh,
I've always been interested
912
01:03:51,958 --> 01:03:56,528
in, in, native,
uh...things.
913
01:03:56,615 --> 01:03:57,659
Hmm, if there are
any questions..
914
01:03:59,444 --> 01:04:02,316
I was, I was wondering,
uh, h-how you learned
915
01:04:02,403 --> 01:04:04,579
to-to speak English so good.
916
01:04:04,666 --> 01:04:06,799
Uh, so, so well.
917
01:04:06,886 --> 01:04:10,107
My father, the late dictator
918
01:04:10,194 --> 01:04:13,066
of our beloved island
919
01:04:13,153 --> 01:04:15,112
who saw the time
when it would become necessary
920
01:04:15,199 --> 01:04:18,724
to establish some contact
with the outside world.
921
01:04:18,811 --> 01:04:22,859
He sent me across
the great water to study.
922
01:04:24,034 --> 01:04:26,340
Great...the great water?
923
01:04:26,427 --> 01:04:28,081
Hmm, yes.
924
01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:32,607
All the way
to the University of Miami.
925
01:04:32,694 --> 01:04:35,654
It was there
I learned your language.
926
01:04:35,741 --> 01:04:37,525
- Great seat of learning.
- Yes.
927
01:05:03,073 --> 01:05:04,813
Better be something big.
928
01:05:06,728 --> 01:05:07,729
Yes.
929
01:05:09,166 --> 01:05:10,994
What better be big?
930
01:05:11,081 --> 01:05:13,910
This deal, whatever it is
you're talking about.
931
01:05:15,302 --> 01:05:17,565
We better go back
with something dramatic.
932
01:05:17,652 --> 01:05:21,178
Something...big?
933
01:05:21,265 --> 01:05:23,484
Yeah. Yeah.
934
01:05:23,571 --> 01:05:25,356
Let us come now,
right to the point
935
01:05:25,443 --> 01:05:27,271
of your visit, Mr. President.
936
01:05:29,664 --> 01:05:31,144
Fine.
937
01:05:31,231 --> 01:05:33,538
Uh, you want our vote
in the United Nations.
938
01:05:33,625 --> 01:05:35,627
Yes?
939
01:05:35,714 --> 01:05:38,282
Well, but, uh, it would
certainly be helpful.
940
01:05:38,369 --> 01:05:41,067
Mhm, and why do you remain
somewhat in the dark
941
01:05:41,154 --> 01:05:44,201
so to speak about, uh,
what it is that we want.
942
01:05:45,376 --> 01:05:47,117
Go on.
943
01:05:47,204 --> 01:05:50,816
We have a healthy,
hard working population.
944
01:05:50,903 --> 01:05:54,254
We are ancient
in noble religious traditions.
945
01:05:54,341 --> 01:05:58,128
Strong economy,
splendid climate.
946
01:05:58,215 --> 01:06:01,044
In fact, we have
all the requirements
947
01:06:01,131 --> 01:06:04,003
of a superstate but one.
948
01:06:06,310 --> 01:06:08,181
And what is that?
949
01:06:08,268 --> 01:06:11,097
Well, can't you
guess what it is?
950
01:06:13,012 --> 01:06:14,100
No.
951
01:06:15,972 --> 01:06:18,148
A repressed minority.
952
01:06:21,151 --> 01:06:22,761
What?
953
01:06:22,848 --> 01:06:24,023
We are prepared to purchase
954
01:06:24,110 --> 01:06:25,982
from you at a reasonable price
955
01:06:26,069 --> 01:06:29,115
several hundred,
middle class White Americans.
956
01:06:29,202 --> 01:06:32,989
Of various religions, ages
and, uh, occupations.
957
01:06:33,076 --> 01:06:35,687
As you might, uh,
say in your country
958
01:06:35,774 --> 01:06:39,430
a mixed bag of honkeys.
959
01:06:39,517 --> 01:06:42,476
Uh, we would see to it that they
were comfortably settled here.
960
01:06:42,563 --> 01:06:45,479
And then subject them
to their proper amount
961
01:06:45,566 --> 01:06:48,265
of division and contempt
962
01:06:48,352 --> 01:06:51,746
and deny them
certain basic rights.
963
01:06:51,833 --> 01:06:54,097
And in general..
964
01:06:54,184 --> 01:06:56,751
...give them
the dirty end of the stick.
965
01:06:57,752 --> 01:06:58,884
What do you say?
966
01:07:01,582 --> 01:07:05,586
Uh, t-this is an utterly
incredible proposition.
967
01:07:05,673 --> 01:07:08,676
Oh, ho, ho, I can't imagine
that you would miss
968
01:07:08,763 --> 01:07:11,636
a few hundred average
American families.
969
01:07:11,723 --> 01:07:13,725
I'm sure you
would think of something
970
01:07:13,812 --> 01:07:16,293
to tell your constituency.
971
01:07:18,425 --> 01:07:20,906
I can't even imagine what I..
972
01:07:20,993 --> 01:07:24,127
...what I would tell
my, my own lovely family?
973
01:07:24,214 --> 01:07:25,650
Oh, please, Mr. President
974
01:07:25,737 --> 01:07:28,653
let us not be too hypocritical.
975
01:07:28,740 --> 01:07:31,308
Your lovely family
consists primarily
976
01:07:31,395 --> 01:07:33,049
of a wife who drinks too much
977
01:07:33,136 --> 01:07:34,441
and a daughter who..
978
01:07:36,574 --> 01:07:39,925
My daughter happens
to be a virgin.
979
01:07:48,499 --> 01:07:49,935
Are you seriously
trying to tell me
980
01:07:50,022 --> 01:07:51,502
that your daughter has never..
981
01:07:52,416 --> 01:07:54,070
Absolutely never.
982
01:07:55,419 --> 01:07:57,986
Goodnight, Mr. President.
983
01:07:58,074 --> 01:07:59,901
Goodnight, Mr. President.
984
01:08:09,824 --> 01:08:10,825
Do as I say.
985
01:08:10,912 --> 01:08:12,175
There is, there is nothing.
986
01:08:12,262 --> 01:08:13,785
Absolutely..
987
01:08:19,356 --> 01:08:21,097
Gloria, I really don't think
988
01:08:21,184 --> 01:08:22,968
you should just wander off
like this.
989
01:08:23,055 --> 01:08:25,971
Don't you ever, wish you could
just throw off all your clothes
990
01:08:26,058 --> 01:08:28,756
and run on all fours,
through the woods
991
01:08:28,843 --> 01:08:31,933
with nothing but your hot,
hot blood rushing
992
01:08:32,020 --> 01:08:33,457
through all your arteries?
993
01:08:33,544 --> 01:08:35,459
Well, n-not on all fours.
994
01:08:35,546 --> 01:08:37,852
- Alexander..
- Yes, Gloria.
995
01:08:37,939 --> 01:08:41,508
Look in my eyes,
what do you see?
996
01:08:41,595 --> 01:08:42,770
Well..
997
01:08:42,857 --> 01:08:44,729
You see a woman.
998
01:08:44,816 --> 01:08:47,253
The woman's needs
and a woman's dreams
999
01:08:47,340 --> 01:08:49,473
and all the rest
of that stuff, don't you?
1000
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:50,735
Yes, I do.
1001
01:08:50,822 --> 01:08:53,868
You see a deeply
feeling human being
1002
01:08:53,955 --> 01:08:55,566
looking for fulfillment.
1003
01:08:55,653 --> 01:08:57,133
And there's that, too.
1004
01:08:57,220 --> 01:08:58,786
So why don't we just
sort of cease the moment
1005
01:08:58,873 --> 01:09:00,048
if you know what I mean?
1006
01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:02,790
- Gloria..
- Alone in the jungle.
1007
01:09:02,877 --> 01:09:05,271
In the moonlight
and pounding drums
1008
01:09:05,358 --> 01:09:06,751
and all that junk, you know.
1009
01:09:06,838 --> 01:09:09,014
- Yeah, but--
- Naked and not ashamed.
1010
01:09:09,101 --> 01:09:10,102
Gloria..
1011
01:09:20,939 --> 01:09:22,070
Okay.
1012
01:09:23,724 --> 01:09:25,204
Here's what I'm gonna do.
1013
01:09:26,684 --> 01:09:28,860
I'm gonna go over to that tree
1014
01:09:28,947 --> 01:09:31,950
and I'm gonna wait
until you collect yourself
1015
01:09:32,037 --> 01:09:34,387
and put your shoes back on.
1016
01:09:34,474 --> 01:09:37,434
'And then I'm gonna take you
to your family.'
1017
01:09:37,521 --> 01:09:39,610
And we're gonna forget
that this ever happened.
1018
01:09:42,482 --> 01:09:44,658
Are there no men
left on this Earth!
1019
01:10:36,188 --> 01:10:37,537
Gloria!
1020
01:10:37,624 --> 01:10:40,279
Please, Dr. Grade,
control yourself.
1021
01:10:40,366 --> 01:10:43,630
Miss Link has been chosen for
a greater destiny than anything
1022
01:10:43,717 --> 01:10:45,545
she or you could've dreamed.
1023
01:10:45,632 --> 01:10:48,548
She is to become
the bride of Jucamba.
1024
01:11:22,582 --> 01:11:25,411
Jucamba is ready.
1025
01:12:44,534 --> 01:12:47,232
'Gloria. Gloria.'
1026
01:12:47,319 --> 01:12:50,540
'What can we do
to erase this hideous'
1027
01:12:50,627 --> 01:12:53,586
this, oh, this nightmare?
1028
01:12:53,673 --> 01:12:55,501
Oh, my..
Oh, my baby.
1029
01:12:55,588 --> 01:12:56,720
Look at you.
1030
01:13:01,812 --> 01:13:04,075
My dear, Mr. President,
if there is any way
1031
01:13:04,162 --> 01:13:06,338
we can make up
for this inconvenience.
1032
01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:10,255
In...Inconvenience?
1033
01:13:12,736 --> 01:13:16,696
You, you used my daughter
for some kind of depraved ritual
1034
01:13:16,783 --> 01:13:18,568
and, and you call it
an inconvenience?
1035
01:13:18,655 --> 01:13:20,787
Oh, but you must
try to understand.
1036
01:13:20,874 --> 01:13:24,748
This is not just some
fly by night ceremony.
1037
01:13:24,835 --> 01:13:28,926
This is the big time.
Like your rosebush.
1038
01:13:29,013 --> 01:13:31,798
Why in God's name didn't you
use one of your virgins?
1039
01:13:31,885 --> 01:13:34,845
Well, frankly,
we've almost run out.
1040
01:13:34,932 --> 01:13:38,109
And, uh, between you and me..
1041
01:13:38,196 --> 01:13:40,416
...he's never had a foreigner.
1042
01:13:40,503 --> 01:13:42,853
He was overcome with delight.
1043
01:13:42,940 --> 01:13:44,463
Overcome!
1044
01:13:45,943 --> 01:13:47,901
Thanks to Miss Link,
we look forward
1045
01:13:47,988 --> 01:13:50,687
to an extremely
prosperous year.
1046
01:13:50,774 --> 01:13:53,298
Do you actually think
1047
01:13:53,385 --> 01:13:56,432
that there can be some
connection bet-between this
1048
01:13:56,519 --> 01:13:58,390
this grotesque practice
1049
01:13:58,477 --> 01:14:00,827
and in a, in a smoothly
functioning economy?
1050
01:14:00,914 --> 01:14:02,525
Well, look at it this way.
1051
01:14:02,612 --> 01:14:04,178
In your country, you raise
1052
01:14:04,265 --> 01:14:06,180
and lower the prime
lending rate.
1053
01:14:06,267 --> 01:14:09,488
In my country,
we sacrifice a virgin.
1054
01:14:09,575 --> 01:14:11,359
This is the 20th century.
1055
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:13,666
Yes. And it still works.
1056
01:14:13,753 --> 01:14:15,451
I-I can't believe my ears.
1057
01:14:15,538 --> 01:14:18,541
Well ,then my dear,
Mr. President
1058
01:14:18,628 --> 01:14:23,154
perhaps you can believe
your eyes.
1059
01:14:23,241 --> 01:14:25,373
Are you interested
in fertilizer?
1060
01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,637
Ours is the best in the world.
1061
01:14:27,724 --> 01:14:31,684
It is, as you might say,
super-fertilizer.
1062
01:14:31,771 --> 01:14:35,601
It is incredibly
rich in potassium
1063
01:14:35,688 --> 01:14:37,777
phosphorus and sulphur.
1064
01:15:39,143 --> 01:15:41,406
It is with great pleasure
1065
01:15:41,493 --> 01:15:43,669
that I present The Nobel Prize
1066
01:15:43,756 --> 01:15:46,324
for chemistry and peace.
1067
01:16:25,929 --> 01:16:28,148
'Good evening,
tonight's Washington reports'
1068
01:16:28,235 --> 01:16:30,455
'deals with President Link's
diplomatic mission'
1069
01:16:30,542 --> 01:16:31,804
'to Upper Gorm.'
1070
01:16:31,891 --> 01:16:34,459
'Since his return,
some ten days ago'
1071
01:16:34,546 --> 01:16:37,549
'the president has held himself
in virtual seclusion.'
1072
01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:41,118
'Spending almost all of his time
by himself in the Oval Office.'
1073
01:16:41,205 --> 01:16:43,163
'Working on
next Sunday's schedule'
1074
01:16:43,250 --> 01:16:44,817
'to address to the nation.'
1075
01:16:44,904 --> 01:16:48,081
'Pausing only for a few hours
sleep, a light meal'
1076
01:16:48,168 --> 01:16:51,519
and now and then, according
to Press Secretary Bunthorne
1077
01:16:51,607 --> 01:16:53,870
an uncontrollable giggle.
1078
01:16:56,524 --> 01:16:59,049
'Chief's executive journey
to that small island'
1079
01:16:59,136 --> 01:17:01,486
'off the coast of Africa,
have been rebuffed'
1080
01:17:01,573 --> 01:17:03,488
'by both White House
staff members'
1081
01:17:03,575 --> 01:17:05,185
'and presidential entities.'
1082
01:17:05,272 --> 01:17:07,535
'Of all the assumption
that can safely be made'
1083
01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:09,146
'and some sort of understanding'
1084
01:17:09,233 --> 01:17:10,364
'has been reached
between the two governments.'
1085
01:17:10,451 --> 01:17:12,540
Shh! Listen.
1086
01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:15,718
It is assumed that the president
will deliver his speech
1087
01:17:15,805 --> 01:17:18,503
from this remote
military base in Minnesota
1088
01:17:18,590 --> 01:17:20,505
for sentimental reasons.
1089
01:17:20,592 --> 01:17:22,681
Since it is within a few miles
of the farm
1090
01:17:22,768 --> 01:17:24,509
'on which he was born.'
1091
01:17:24,596 --> 01:17:26,554
'What is less explicable
is the..'
1092
01:17:26,642 --> 01:17:29,122
With him over there
in that Godforsaken place.
1093
01:17:29,209 --> 01:17:31,168
Don't you have any idea
what this is about?
1094
01:17:31,255 --> 01:17:32,430
He won't talk to us.
1095
01:17:32,517 --> 01:17:34,214
Oh, he does his smile knowingly.
1096
01:17:34,301 --> 01:17:35,868
Like this..
1097
01:17:35,955 --> 01:17:38,392
- Oh, it scares me.
- When he smiles like that?
1098
01:17:38,479 --> 01:17:41,265
No, when you smile like that,
I hate it.
1099
01:17:41,352 --> 01:17:43,571
Maybe he's having
a nervous breakdown.
1100
01:17:43,659 --> 01:17:45,530
Of course he's having
a nervous breakdown.
1101
01:17:45,617 --> 01:17:47,750
All presidents
have nervous breakdowns.
1102
01:17:47,837 --> 01:17:49,577
That's why they all
look like that.
1103
01:17:51,144 --> 01:17:56,236
Um, can't the CIA do anything?
1104
01:17:56,323 --> 01:17:58,151
They certainly don't want
to do anything illegal.
1105
01:17:58,238 --> 01:18:00,676
- Ahem.
- Oh, Bill.
1106
01:18:00,763 --> 01:18:03,156
If we could only get
a look at that treaty..
1107
01:18:03,243 --> 01:18:04,592
It would do absolutely no good.
1108
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,290
It's written entirely
in Gormese.
1109
01:18:06,377 --> 01:18:07,857
Shh, wait a minute.
1110
01:18:07,944 --> 01:18:09,728
Meanwhile, special crews
from the department
1111
01:18:09,815 --> 01:18:11,991
of agriculture are working
around the clock
1112
01:18:12,078 --> 01:18:14,124
'under direct orders
from the White House.'
1113
01:18:14,211 --> 01:18:16,996
'In an apparent effort to
beautify the nation's capital'
1114
01:18:17,083 --> 01:18:20,043
'in time for the upcoming
election. Here at the..'
1115
01:18:20,130 --> 01:18:21,566
The government's falling apart
1116
01:18:21,653 --> 01:18:24,961
he's got them planting flowers,
for God's sakes.
1117
01:18:25,048 --> 01:18:26,484
What's he doin'?
1118
01:18:26,571 --> 01:18:27,833
Well, I asked him about that.
1119
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:31,141
- What did he say?
- Please don't do that.
1120
01:18:31,228 --> 01:18:33,926
'And although the subject,
the chief executive's speech..'
1121
01:18:34,013 --> 01:18:35,058
Shh! Shh! Listen!
1122
01:18:35,145 --> 01:18:36,755
'...secrecy, it will include'
1123
01:18:36,842 --> 01:18:38,496
'according to our
White House sources'
1124
01:18:38,583 --> 01:18:40,411
one of the most
dramatic announcements
1125
01:18:40,498 --> 01:18:42,979
to come out of the government
since last year
1126
01:18:43,066 --> 01:18:45,764
when Supreme Court Justice
Benjamin Barstow
1127
01:18:45,851 --> 01:18:48,549
President Link's only
High Court appointee
1128
01:18:48,636 --> 01:18:51,291
'revealed that he had undergone
a sex change operation'
1129
01:18:51,378 --> 01:18:52,902
'at the Doppelmayr clinic.'
1130
01:18:52,989 --> 01:18:54,773
'Taken the first name
of Beatrice'
1131
01:18:54,860 --> 01:18:57,036
'and given up his widely
publicized hobby'
1132
01:18:57,123 --> 01:18:59,473
'of mountain climbing
for macrame.'
1133
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:03,434
Which the nation's first
semi-female Supreme Court..
1134
01:19:03,521 --> 01:19:05,915
Gentlemen, let us not forget
1135
01:19:06,002 --> 01:19:09,005
that whatever happens out there
on that field on Sunday
1136
01:19:09,092 --> 01:19:12,748
the eyes of the country
will be upon us.
1137
01:19:12,835 --> 01:19:16,577
Our party is at stake.
Our government, our nation.
1138
01:19:16,664 --> 01:19:18,318
Even more important..
1139
01:19:18,405 --> 01:19:19,885
Our jobs.
1140
01:20:21,381 --> 01:20:22,905
That, sir?
1141
01:20:30,521 --> 01:20:32,218
Is that Mr. Longo?
1142
01:20:41,184 --> 01:20:42,707
Take over.
1143
01:21:07,645 --> 01:21:10,256
'My fellow Americans..'
1144
01:21:10,343 --> 01:21:13,346
...in my inaugural address
to you
1145
01:21:13,433 --> 01:21:18,308
almost four long high,
work filled years ago
1146
01:21:19,526 --> 01:21:21,833
I made a solemn promise.
1147
01:21:25,010 --> 01:21:27,839
That promise was
that I would commit
1148
01:21:27,926 --> 01:21:30,581
every ounce of my time
and energy
1149
01:21:30,668 --> 01:21:33,105
to gain for our country
1150
01:21:33,192 --> 01:21:37,631
the biggest and the best
of everything.
1151
01:21:37,718 --> 01:21:40,721
'My administration is yet
to bear the burden'
1152
01:21:40,808 --> 01:21:43,637
'the past decade
was shrinking resources.'
1153
01:21:45,248 --> 01:21:48,120
Shrinking supplies of energy.
1154
01:21:49,513 --> 01:21:51,602
Shrinking productivity.
1155
01:21:52,995 --> 01:21:54,910
Shrinking..
1156
01:21:55,998 --> 01:22:00,045
...shrink...shrank..
1157
01:22:01,960 --> 01:22:03,701
...shrunk.
1158
01:22:07,096 --> 01:22:09,315
'I was a, uh, boy..'
1159
01:22:09,402 --> 01:22:13,232
Ah, here it is.
Here is the treaty.
1160
01:22:15,974 --> 01:22:17,628
Start translating, Dr. Grade.
1161
01:22:17,715 --> 01:22:18,977
Oh, sir, I don't think--
1162
01:22:19,064 --> 01:22:20,022
We're not asking you to think
1163
01:22:20,109 --> 01:22:21,545
we're asking you to translate.
1164
01:22:21,632 --> 01:22:23,982
And I, I walked to school
1165
01:22:24,069 --> 01:22:26,550
across the, the very ground
1166
01:22:26,637 --> 01:22:28,508
on which we stand now.
1167
01:22:31,163 --> 01:22:34,993
And I, I had a dog
1168
01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:37,953
and he, he walked along
with me to school.
1169
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:42,870
But he, but he died.
1170
01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:49,268
He was a saint, that dog.
1171
01:22:51,662 --> 01:22:53,490
And he..
1172
01:22:53,577 --> 01:22:55,448
He went to doggy heaven.
1173
01:22:57,798 --> 01:22:58,930
'And I miss him.'
1174
01:22:59,017 --> 01:23:00,714
Well, what?
1175
01:23:00,801 --> 01:23:03,761
- I miss him very much.
- You're really getting to me.
1176
01:23:03,848 --> 01:23:08,418
But because I was,
uh, a little boy
1177
01:23:08,505 --> 01:23:10,942
l-like all little boys
and-and all
1178
01:23:11,029 --> 01:23:13,336
little girls, too, I guess
1179
01:23:16,861 --> 01:23:19,124
everything seemed so big.
1180
01:23:21,126 --> 01:23:23,215
Buildings were big.
1181
01:23:24,521 --> 01:23:26,218
And furniture..
1182
01:23:27,828 --> 01:23:29,743
...silver dollars..
1183
01:23:32,703 --> 01:23:35,401
...and this cigar
my dad used to smoke.
1184
01:23:37,055 --> 01:23:38,578
And clouds..
1185
01:23:41,625 --> 01:23:44,019
...and, and women's breasts
were big.
1186
01:23:44,106 --> 01:23:45,498
Breasts?
1187
01:23:45,585 --> 01:23:47,544
Why is he talking about breasts,
for Pete's sake?
1188
01:23:47,631 --> 01:23:50,547
Sir, we're giving them people.
1189
01:23:50,634 --> 01:23:53,158
- I'm sorry. W-What do you say?
- 1500 people.
1190
01:23:53,245 --> 01:23:55,639
'And then, and then I grew up.'
1191
01:23:55,726 --> 01:23:58,598
'And every, everything
seemed to shrink.'
1192
01:23:58,685 --> 01:24:00,513
'Almost before your eyes.'
1193
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:04,039
'till everything
was s-so small and'
1194
01:24:04,126 --> 01:24:05,475
'so tiny.'
1195
01:24:07,346 --> 01:24:10,654
But not anymore,
my fellow Americans.
1196
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:14,484
Not with this.
1197
01:24:16,138 --> 01:24:18,879
This, this treaty
1198
01:24:18,966 --> 01:24:22,535
signed and executed
by me, your president..
1199
01:24:22,622 --> 01:24:23,928
Oh, hold it, sir.
1200
01:24:24,015 --> 01:24:25,712
"They have given us
1201
01:24:25,799 --> 01:24:28,063
20,000 gallons.."
1202
01:24:29,499 --> 01:24:30,761
Gallons?
1203
01:24:30,848 --> 01:24:32,937
...in tailing a minimum
1204
01:24:33,024 --> 01:24:35,548
of sacrifice on your part..
1205
01:24:36,723 --> 01:24:39,683
...on, on part of your parts
1206
01:24:39,770 --> 01:24:43,643
in exchange for the contents
1207
01:24:43,730 --> 01:24:45,515
of this tank..
1208
01:24:45,602 --> 01:24:48,083
Gallons of what?
1209
01:24:48,170 --> 01:24:49,475
'This tank..'
1210
01:24:49,562 --> 01:24:51,521
Shit.
1211
01:24:51,608 --> 01:24:54,567
'...beneath which I sold
thousand acres..'
1212
01:24:54,654 --> 01:24:55,916
Shit!
1213
01:24:57,353 --> 01:24:59,050
Shit!
1214
01:25:00,921 --> 01:25:04,403
...will give us back
our business.
1215
01:25:06,231 --> 01:25:08,799
I see vast fields..
1216
01:25:11,106 --> 01:25:14,196
...and in, in those fields
1217
01:25:15,240 --> 01:25:17,112
I see sweet peas
1218
01:25:18,200 --> 01:25:20,767
as big as beach balls.
1219
01:25:20,854 --> 01:25:23,553
I see, I see kidney beans
1220
01:25:23,640 --> 01:25:25,816
as big as armchairs.
1221
01:25:25,903 --> 01:25:28,340
Stalks of celery
1222
01:25:28,427 --> 01:25:31,343
like telephone poles.
1223
01:25:31,430 --> 01:25:35,260
'Giant purple figs like
domes of Muslim temple'
1224
01:25:36,261 --> 01:25:38,916
and, and potatoes
1225
01:25:39,003 --> 01:25:41,484
as, as large as Volkswagens.
1226
01:25:41,571 --> 01:25:43,529
- President, I..
- Mr. President.
1227
01:25:43,616 --> 01:25:46,706
Please, stop him. Stop him!
1228
01:25:47,794 --> 01:25:51,320
I can see a cantaloupe
1229
01:25:51,407 --> 01:25:55,411
'that will not only feed
a family of four for a year'
1230
01:25:55,498 --> 01:25:58,370
'but house them as well!'
1231
01:25:58,457 --> 01:26:01,852
'Rhubarb taller
than pine trees.'
1232
01:26:14,691 --> 01:26:17,781
Because I can see all--
1233
01:26:17,868 --> 01:26:18,999
Dad!
1234
01:26:38,715 --> 01:26:40,195
My hand..
1235
01:26:41,674 --> 01:26:42,632
Oh.
1236
01:26:50,292 --> 01:26:53,643
'This special secret session
of the Supreme Court'
1237
01:26:53,730 --> 01:26:57,821
'in private chambers
is now in order.'
1238
01:26:57,908 --> 01:26:59,388
Please be seated.
1239
01:27:00,998 --> 01:27:03,087
Justice Barstow.
1240
01:27:03,174 --> 01:27:04,741
Beatrice.
1241
01:27:04,828 --> 01:27:05,785
Beatrice?
1242
01:27:06,395 --> 01:27:07,309
Hat.
1243
01:27:07,918 --> 01:27:09,224
Hat.
1244
01:27:12,096 --> 01:27:13,706
You may proceed, Mr. Ambassador.
1245
01:27:13,793 --> 01:27:16,666
'Well, thank you very much.
Ahem.'
1246
01:27:16,753 --> 01:27:18,798
Mr. Chief Justice.
1247
01:27:18,885 --> 01:27:20,365
Mr. Justices.
1248
01:27:21,236 --> 01:27:22,541
Madam Justice.
1249
01:27:24,456 --> 01:27:28,634
What we are seeking here
is the advice of the court
1250
01:27:28,721 --> 01:27:33,291
on the possibility of
some sort of remedy
1251
01:27:33,378 --> 01:27:37,077
for this extremely
painful situation.
1252
01:27:39,428 --> 01:27:40,777
'Well, Mr. Spender'
1253
01:27:40,864 --> 01:27:42,213
I'm sure you are familiar
1254
01:27:42,300 --> 01:27:44,215
with the provisions
in the constitution
1255
01:27:44,302 --> 01:27:46,696
for removal of
the president from office.
1256
01:27:46,783 --> 01:27:49,786
Well, uh, not in
any great detail, sir.
1257
01:27:49,873 --> 01:27:52,963
You see, by profession
I am a history teacher.
1258
01:27:53,050 --> 01:27:54,834
A professor?
1259
01:27:54,921 --> 01:27:57,446
No, uh, an associate professor.
1260
01:27:57,533 --> 01:27:59,274
Well, Mr. Feebleman
1261
01:27:59,361 --> 01:28:02,059
being a lawyer,
perhaps you have some opinion?
1262
01:28:03,016 --> 01:28:04,844
Uh, Mr. Chief Justice
1263
01:28:04,931 --> 01:28:08,674
uh, I'm afraid that the bulk
of my legal experience
1264
01:28:08,761 --> 01:28:11,242
has been in insurance law.
1265
01:28:11,329 --> 01:28:13,070
Uh, traffic accidents,
things like that.
1266
01:28:13,157 --> 01:28:16,856
I have, uh, worked mainly
with ambulance drivers--
1267
01:28:16,943 --> 01:28:20,860
I, I see. I see.
Thank you.
1268
01:28:20,947 --> 01:28:23,994
'What about you, Mr.Bunthorne?'
1269
01:28:24,081 --> 01:28:27,040
I was in public relations,
sir, for the fuss.
1270
01:28:27,127 --> 01:28:28,303
For what?
1271
01:28:29,173 --> 01:28:31,349
For the, um..
1272
01:28:31,436 --> 01:28:33,220
...funhouse, sir
1273
01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:35,310
in Coney Island.
1274
01:28:35,397 --> 01:28:37,790
I see. Thank you.
1275
01:28:37,877 --> 01:28:40,489
I would like to address
the particulars of this treaty
1276
01:28:40,576 --> 01:28:42,621
with the Upper Gormese.
1277
01:28:42,708 --> 01:28:43,970
Oh, yes, sir.
1278
01:28:44,057 --> 01:28:47,147
A treaty drawn up
without the advice
1279
01:28:47,234 --> 01:28:49,324
and, or consent of the senate,
I believe.
1280
01:28:49,411 --> 01:28:50,673
Yes, sir, but I for one
1281
01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:52,457
knew absolutely
nothing about it.
1282
01:28:52,544 --> 01:28:54,633
I had no idea what was
in that treaty.
1283
01:28:54,720 --> 01:28:56,983
I would've advised against it
if anybody had asked me.
1284
01:28:57,070 --> 01:28:59,159
'Gentlemen, the point is'
1285
01:28:59,246 --> 01:29:03,903
that if the American people ever
find out about this treaty--
1286
01:29:03,990 --> 01:29:06,776
Uh, fortunately, sir,
they don't have to.
1287
01:29:06,863 --> 01:29:08,604
'What do you mean, Mr. Spender?'
1288
01:29:08,691 --> 01:29:10,780
Well, you see,
the television transmission
1289
01:29:10,867 --> 01:29:15,654
concluded when the platform
was...accidently demolished
1290
01:29:15,741 --> 01:29:19,223
before the details of
the treaty could be revealed.
1291
01:29:19,310 --> 01:29:20,746
You see, actually,
all that people know
1292
01:29:20,833 --> 01:29:21,921
was that there was a mishap
of some sort--
1293
01:29:22,008 --> 01:29:23,880
Uh, you mean, as far as
1294
01:29:23,967 --> 01:29:26,926
everybody outside
this room is concerned
1295
01:29:27,013 --> 01:29:31,148
Mr. Link and his family
might be..
1296
01:29:32,323 --> 01:29:33,629
Yes, sir.
1297
01:29:42,681 --> 01:29:44,204
- You agree?
- Yeah.
1298
01:29:45,684 --> 01:29:47,512
'Mr. President'
1299
01:29:47,599 --> 01:29:49,949
it is the decision of this body
1300
01:29:50,036 --> 01:29:52,517
that in order to
save this nation
1301
01:29:52,604 --> 01:29:57,000
'from the embarrassment of
a long and painful impeachment'
1302
01:29:57,087 --> 01:29:58,871
'and in the interest
of preserving'
1303
01:29:58,958 --> 01:30:01,657
'the good name of your office'
1304
01:30:01,744 --> 01:30:03,398
and of protecting all of us
1305
01:30:03,485 --> 01:30:07,402
from the scorn and derision
of the outside world
1306
01:30:07,489 --> 01:30:11,667
'we now...pronounce you..'
1307
01:30:11,754 --> 01:30:12,885
'...dead.'
1308
01:30:22,112 --> 01:30:23,983
Would you raise your right hand?
1309
01:30:25,550 --> 01:30:27,639
Would you raise your right hand?
1310
01:30:30,337 --> 01:30:32,949
You may lower your left hand.
1311
01:30:40,478 --> 01:30:42,611
Please repeat after me.
1312
01:30:42,698 --> 01:30:46,223
- I, William Shockley.
- I..
1313
01:30:46,310 --> 01:30:49,008
I hope we get away with this.
1314
01:30:49,095 --> 01:30:50,880
Do faithfully swear..
1315
01:30:50,967 --> 01:30:55,754
To uphold the office of the
president of the United States
1316
01:30:55,841 --> 01:30:59,628
Ahem, do faithfully swear
to uphold the office
1317
01:30:59,715 --> 01:31:01,325
ahem, of president of t-the..
1318
01:31:03,414 --> 01:31:06,548
I, uh...oh..
1319
01:31:06,635 --> 01:31:07,766
No, no..
1320
01:31:08,941 --> 01:31:10,203
Do faithfully swear..
1321
01:31:10,290 --> 01:31:13,076
Do faithfully swear..
1322
01:31:13,163 --> 01:31:14,338
...to uphold the office..
1323
01:31:14,425 --> 01:31:16,253
...to uphold the office..
1324
01:31:16,340 --> 01:31:19,212
...of the president
of the United States..
1325
01:31:19,299 --> 01:31:21,954
- Presi, pres..
- President.
1326
01:31:22,041 --> 01:31:23,956
President
of the United States..
1327
01:31:24,043 --> 01:31:25,218
I, uh..
1328
01:31:26,176 --> 01:31:27,133
I..
1329
01:31:32,269 --> 01:31:33,662
'Oh, my gosh.'
1330
01:31:33,749 --> 01:31:36,752
There's no..
There's no pulse.
1331
01:31:36,839 --> 01:31:39,972
'And so once again, within
the space of a few days'
1332
01:31:40,059 --> 01:31:42,801
'the nation mourns
another fallen leader.'
1333
01:31:42,888 --> 01:31:45,500
'Struck down according
to White House physicians'
1334
01:31:45,587 --> 01:31:47,327
by a fatal heart attack
brought on
1335
01:31:47,414 --> 01:31:50,069
by the burdens
of his high office.
1336
01:31:50,156 --> 01:31:53,116
Political experts agree that
the late President Shockley
1337
01:31:53,203 --> 01:31:56,859
will receive high marks for his
command of the ship of state
1338
01:31:56,946 --> 01:31:59,122
even though he was at its helm
for little more than
1339
01:31:59,209 --> 01:32:01,646
five or six seconds.
1340
01:32:01,733 --> 01:32:04,519
'And now with the November
general elections'
1341
01:32:04,606 --> 01:32:07,696
'almost upon us, the heads
of the late president's party'
1342
01:32:07,783 --> 01:32:11,221
'must begin a frantic search
for a new candidate.'
1343
01:32:11,308 --> 01:32:12,962
'In other news from Washington'
1344
01:32:13,049 --> 01:32:15,312
groups of local citizens
and tourists alike
1345
01:32:15,399 --> 01:32:18,358
are gathering at the site
of what can only be described
1346
01:32:18,445 --> 01:32:21,797
as some kind of
agricultural miracle.
1347
01:32:21,884 --> 01:32:25,365
'Special investigators from
Food and Drug Administration'
1348
01:32:25,452 --> 01:32:28,238
'are at a total loss to explain
the sudden appearance'
1349
01:32:28,325 --> 01:32:29,892
'at this and other monuments'
1350
01:32:29,979 --> 01:32:33,069
'a bizarre, organic,
possibly edible forms'
1351
01:32:33,156 --> 01:32:35,114
'some of them, according
to one eye witness'
1352
01:32:35,201 --> 01:32:39,771
'resembling potatoes as large
as small foreign cars.'
1353
01:32:39,858 --> 01:32:42,034
'People have been
gathering all day'
1354
01:32:42,121 --> 01:32:45,690
'at all these monuments and
other sites around Washington..'
1355
01:32:52,610 --> 01:32:54,438
Excuse me, please.
1356
01:33:01,967 --> 01:33:05,014
'This is...base standing by
for security report'
1357
01:33:05,101 --> 01:33:06,319
'on the perimeter, over.'
1358
01:33:06,406 --> 01:33:09,671
Yeah, this is Gunderson
on lookout three.
1359
01:33:09,758 --> 01:33:14,110
'I've got a clear all on all
four compass points, over.'
1360
01:33:16,547 --> 01:33:17,809
'You betcha.'
1361
01:33:17,896 --> 01:33:22,205
I can see a Nobel Prize
in your future, sir.
1362
01:33:22,292 --> 01:33:25,208
Mr. President, Mr. President.
1363
01:33:25,295 --> 01:33:28,820
I can predict an overwhelming
majority at the polls.
1364
01:33:28,907 --> 01:33:30,909
Manny, we've already
opened negotiations
1365
01:33:30,996 --> 01:33:34,347
with the Upper Gormese for
an exclusive trade agreement.
1366
01:33:37,307 --> 01:33:39,309
I want a lot more vacations.
1367
01:33:39,396 --> 01:33:41,050
- Yes, sir!
- Naturally, sir!
1368
01:33:41,137 --> 01:33:42,660
- Aah!
- Uh-oh.
1369
01:33:42,747 --> 01:33:45,054
I, I want to remodel
the White House.
1370
01:33:45,141 --> 01:33:47,709
I, I wanna make it more homey.
1371
01:33:47,796 --> 01:33:49,014
Why not.
1372
01:33:49,101 --> 01:33:51,190
I wanna put a statue
in the Rose Garden.
1373
01:33:51,277 --> 01:33:52,714
A lovely idea.
1374
01:33:52,801 --> 01:33:55,194
- A really big statue.
- 'Gloria.'
1375
01:33:55,281 --> 01:33:57,719
- With a real big--
- Gloria!
1376
01:33:59,590 --> 01:34:02,898
And...of course, we'll need..
1377
01:34:02,985 --> 01:34:04,116
...virgins.
1378
01:34:05,465 --> 01:34:06,553
Virgins, sir?
1379
01:34:06,641 --> 01:34:10,035
Approximately one a year.
1380
01:34:10,122 --> 01:34:12,472
For the sacrifice.
1381
01:34:12,559 --> 01:34:15,954
- Yes.
- We'll have a national contest.
1382
01:34:16,041 --> 01:34:16,999
Yes!
1383
01:34:18,304 --> 01:34:19,654
Wait a minute.
1384
01:34:21,786 --> 01:34:23,092
They think I'm dead.
1385
01:34:24,310 --> 01:34:25,311
Yes.
1386
01:34:28,532 --> 01:34:30,447
Yes.
1387
01:34:30,534 --> 01:34:32,057
'How, h-how do we..?'
1388
01:34:32,144 --> 01:34:33,624
- Yes!
- Aah!
1389
01:34:35,713 --> 01:34:37,846
This will be the
greatest sales pitch
1390
01:34:37,933 --> 01:34:41,719
in the history of American
political campaigns.
1391
01:34:41,806 --> 01:34:44,417
Once, every 2000 years or so
1392
01:34:44,504 --> 01:34:45,592
a man of vision
1393
01:34:45,680 --> 01:34:48,770
a man who can work miracles
1394
01:34:48,857 --> 01:34:53,426
returns to lead his people.
1395
01:34:56,038 --> 01:34:58,083
You don't really think that
1396
01:34:58,170 --> 01:34:59,955
that a-anyone would
1397
01:35:00,042 --> 01:35:02,479
would believe that?
1398
01:35:19,670 --> 01:35:21,237
Welcome back, Mr. President!
94965
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