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A dog in the Cambridge English Dictionary

is a domesticated carnivorous mammal.

That's me.

Another kind of dog is my ex-wife Tracy.

She was shagging my best mate and business partner, Jungle.

They both were conspiring against me.

You promised me he'd be out of the way by now.

And he doesn't even know about us.

Look, woman, it's being planned.

This time next week, he'll be a memory, a distant memory.

Now put the fucking kettle on.

Jungle and his meathead mate

went to see the man who can.

Ex-military and long-term friend of my family.

Terry made us untouchable.

He would clean and launder anything Jungle and I grabbed

from shitty pawn shops to high street banks.

Terry's relationship with the local hunters

provided us the guns, the bikes,

and we had the dogs bollocks to do it.

All right, Terry.

Thought I'd come and see you, me old mate.

Oh, ain't I honored.

Ain't you just, eh?

What's wrong with Stevie boy here?

Back to business Terry.

Got a fight next week.

I want you and Byron there, yeah?

Okay.

Two o'clock.

Sounds good.

Usual place.

No worries.

Don't be late.

Back to your racing, Terry.

See ya there.

A week later I arrived on my Tod.

There was no Terry; he went bloody greyhound racing.

He'll be arriving there right now.

Who's there to meet him then?

Dave!

The beast-master himself.

Where's the fight, Dave?

Cut the bullshit.

You stole our money.

Pleased to see you too Dave.

You on the fucking juice again or what?

Dave always thought Byron was ripping the firm off.

So, who's your money on?

100 quid on Byron to win.

He'll sucker punch him with that knuckle duster

his dad gave him.

That's his trademark, you know that.

But what you don't know,

Dave's got a metal plate in his jaw

from that ruck we had with them Birmingham lads.

So, if you lose, you're buying the Chinese and all.

We'll see!

Give me my fucking money!

When you're lying on your hospital bed,

you don't see bright lights.

You don't see the bloody fairies.

That's a lode of hippie bollocks.

You just see the horrible mangy dogs that put you there.

Two months a broken nose and eight stitches later,

I woke up from my nightmare,

determined to be the leader in the pack.

This ain't over, Terry.

You know that Jungle is gonna stitch you up

with that gun.

Take this.

These are the keys to my apartment.

There's no trace on any of it.

And I've contacted Dutch for ya.

You know what they say about the land of smiles?

Sun.

Sea.

Sex!

My eyes were popping out of my head.

I'd never seen anything like it.

If heaven and hell threw a party,

this is what it would look like.

There was something for everyone, even chicks with dicks.

Women in bikinis and enough strobes

to give you a bloody heart attack.

Dangerous, debauched, and dirty.

And then comes the age-old chat up line

that makes every man feel like a king.

Hey sexy man!

Where are you going?

Going to get a drink.

And it works.

I can take you somewhere nice.

You ever been with a Thai girl?

We can have sex all night,

and I make you breakfast in the morning.

I don't normally listen to the hype.

But you ain't seen nothing

till you lived a night in Bangkok.

The next day I woke up late.

It had been a busy night.

I felt like a man reborn.

I left girl inside snoring, and she never cooked me

that bloody breakfast in the morning.

She never kept her side of the bargain.

Anyway, I made my way through the city streets.

The roads were like motorways polluted

and rivers of traffic flowing around in all directions.

I had an appointment to keep with Terry's contact.

When years ago, they had a car business going,

a very lucrative one indeed,

stealing cars from Eastern Europe

and driving them over to the UK and then selling them

to high-class businessmen in the city.

Until they got busted of course.

It was time to meet Dutch.

Take a seat, Byron.

So, how's Bangkok?

Yeah, Bangkok's good.

It's a fucking crazy town.

Welcome to Thailand.

Thanks.

You like my place?

I mean, it's Dutch.

Looks good, nice.

I see you got a nose problem.

What happened?

Yeah, I had a few issues back home.

Only a small problem though.

If you've got a problem, you come to me.

You wanna have a drink, Byron?

I'll have a beer please.

I ordered some frikandels for you.

Real Dutch snacks you know.

Try those.

I want you to taste them.

Do you like it?

Tastes good, yeah.

Anyway, enough about snacks.

So, what's your plan, man?

Terry said that you're gonna be here for while, right?

I'll be here for a short time.

But I got an open ticket though.

Open ticket?

Keep that open ticket, man.

I think you're never gonna return though.

Ha ha.

It's like a Disneyland for adults here.

You can shag any women in any place.

You'll feel like a king here.

You'll be surrounded by all those pussies here.

There's no escape.

Well, there is.

When the bill arrives, then they're gone.

Your money as well.

No money, no honey.

Sounds like my ex, you know.

Done the same thing to me, stitched right fucking kipper.

Byron, look at that guy behind you there.

You see that?

He's gonna shag that girl very soon.

I like to watch it.

Like the whole process.

I mean, look at that man.

The marketing is great.

The product is shit.

Back to business.

Don't stick that nose of yours into any bullshit here, okay?

No worries, no problem.

Don't solve anything yourself.

I understand.

So, yeah, I have a few businesses out here.

I mean, I'm always willing to expand.

Only with good guys.

Like you.

Thanks for the offer.

But as I said, I am only here for a short time.

You're gonna love Thailand, man.

Yeah, thanks for seeing me.

Anyway, Terry told me to keep an eye on you.

Show me your eyes.

I have a crocodile farm.

I'm a shareholder of it.

I want you to go with me.

- Thanks. - So, take care, man.

Bye.

It's nice to meet you Byron.

Thank you.

Hey, come on, get up!

Police are investigating an armed robbery

that took place at 1:00 pm today

at the 6th Avenue nightclub in Cambridge.

The club is known to be frequented by known criminals,

and the police believe that this is a start of a turf war.

Police have linked the robbery

to Byron Harrison, who is at large.

They have stated he is armed and dangerous

and must not be approached.

Come on, Byron, pick up.

Come on, Pick up the fucking phone.

Fucking Jungle!

He's definitely used the fucking gun.

What?

I knew this would be the day

I regretted the job I did years ago.

Jungle demanded the firm silence someone.

Move.

Move!

Move!

Shut the fuck up!

Move!

The Brazilian Mastiff

is known for its aggressiveness and impetuous temperament.

It's also a thieving bastard

and will shag your wife when you're away.

Marcello, where's the fucking money?

I don't know about money, guys.

What do you mean you don't know about money?

I don't know nothing about money.

Where's the fucking money?

Look at me, you cunt!

I don't know.

- Oi! - Where's the money?

You got two choices.

Number one, I put a slug in that fucking head of yours!

Number two, you tell me where the fucking money is!

Guys, you know what happened here, no?

Marcello.

My father, my brother, my sister,

my dog, my cat fuck your wife.

What do you mean fuck my life?

He know!

You have one small problem, you know?

Fuck my life, or fuck my wife?

Your wife, your wife!

My wife?

Yeah, fuck her.

What the fuck's he talking about?

He's talking fucking shit.

Fuck with your friend.

Marcello!

Marcello, look at me!

You believe in this guy?

Come on.

Look at his fucking eyes, Dave!

Can't you see what he's fucking trying to do?

Look at him!

Look at him!

Don't believe this guy, man.

And never trust an Australian pit bull

who wants to be the number one alpha.

Fuck you!

Why the fuck did you do that for?

Huh?

Did you fuck my wife?

Dave, why would I want to fuck your wife?

Huh, why?

You believe in this shit.

How old are you?

What's this?

It's your little finger.

What's this?

You tell me.

One mistake I made

was leaving the gun for Dave to destroy.

And this how Jungle framed me.

Take this get rid of it.

There's been a robbery.

It's all over the news.

Have I been set up, Terry?

I don't know right now, okay?

It could be a murder wrap.

A fucking murder rap?

You taking the piss?

What the fuck am I meant to do, Terry?

Leave this with me.

Hey Kate, when are you gonna get ass out of fucking bed?

What the fuck am I paying you for?

What the fuck has she been doing?

Fucking slut!

Fucking bitch.

What's going on?

Where's my fucking cards and money?

Piss off, asshole!

Where's my fucking cards?

Hey, what the fuck is going on here, mate?

Got a fucking problem with the girl or what?

She's got my fucking money.

Do yourself a favor, yeah?

Fuck off.

No!

Where's my fucking cards and money?

Where's my fucking cards and money?

Speak to Joe.

Joe?

Who the fuck is Joe?

Boys Town.

Boys Town?

What the fuck is that shit?

Huh?

Go to Cockatoo Bar.

Who's the wanker now?

Hello, mate.

Yeah, what do you need?

I'm looking for the Cockatoo Bar, a guy called Joe.

Joe?

Never heard of him.

You sure?

Yeah, sure.

What do you need?

Katie told me you could get me some cards, some plastic.

All right.

Go straight, second door on your left.

Thanks.

Yo, that would be our guest.

I've come to see Joe.

So, what can I do you for in my house of ill repute?

I can get you anything you need.

I can get you Asian, Caucasian, Eurasian,

Australasian, Afrasian and for the really truly disturbed,

I can even get you youthanasian.

And of course, there's the specifics of it all.

I mean, do you want a female?

Male?

Ladyboy?

Tomboy?

Homeboy?

Cowboy?

Playboy?

Toyboy?

Schoolboy?

Atta boy!

I feel obligated to mention that we have

a two-for-one special on Manginas this week.

It's a rarity in the market.

So, welcome to Joe's emporium of sleaze.

Now, what do you want?

Katie told me you could get me some cards.

Oh, drat.

Here I was, thinking I was about to get lucky.

Kate you say.

Oh, what a girl, huh?

My top student.

The best ass ever!

My little anal angel.

You need to teach her to stay to cook breakfast.

She says that to all her customers.

She's a shit cook anyway.

She'd probably poison ya.

Now, down to business.

You're in the right place at the right time.

I just received a bunch of new cards.

And they're from the UK.

This is what we call a serendipitous encounter.

Really?

Some might even say kismet.

Must be my lucky day.

200,000 baht and they're yours.

I've got the cash here with me right now.

But do you ever mix business with pleasure?

You read my mind.

I have been known to have a predilection for beastly men.

Are you a beastly man?

This way.

I need to kiss you.

And I like to be the giver and not the receiver.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Don't be gentle, darling.

That's fine my me, sweetheart.

It's gonna be hard.

Fuck me like you hate me!

Close your eyes!

Give it to me!

Here it comes!

Fuck, fuck!

Oi!

You motherfucker!

Cheers, mate.

Cheers.

I'm gonna kill you!

Now, you can beat a dog,

and it's gonna do one of two things.

One, it's gonna roll over and die.

Or two, it's gonna bite ya,

Now, I'm the kind of dog that's gonna bite ya.

I snapped Dutch up on his offer

and we went to his beloved crocodile farm.

I needed to talk some business.

And of course, recycle some meat.

Wow, that one's bloody massive!

That's nothing, man.

There's much bigger one's here.

- Yeah? - Oh yeah.

You know, we feed them steroids.

You what?

Steroids.

In 12 months, they grow from one feet

to about 10 feet in no time.

We give them double the amount you normally give to humans.

That's why they're so fucking aggressive.

Chinese love it.

That's why it's a big market.

Between you and me, ah?

We have the reputation here of supplying

the best meat in all of South East Asia.

But come on, Dutch.

Don't they test the meat?

For that yearly test?

Come on.

You see that basin over there?

Yeah.

Those two crocodiles in there.

Those are the ones which are not on steroids.

That's how we pass the test.

Easy.

All those fucking Yanks and Aussies, they get big right.

They don't even know why.

Even when you do that test, you know?

That bodybuilding test.

It doesn't show up; it's not in the blood.

You eat the meat.

Makes sense.

So how many do you go through in a year?

10,000.

I'm gonna show you more.

God.

So, Byron, this is big business.

Over there we have more than a thousand crocodiles.

Shit, really?

What do you do with 'em?

Handbags, jackets.

Meat.

Mostly we sell to USA and Australia.

We have a concept here.

Nothing goes to waste.

So even the off cuts we feed back to the crocodiles.

That's the meat like the most.

Remember that Dutch snack, frikandel?

Yeah.

Same concept.

Sounds good, Dutch.

You know, I'm into a bit of recycling myself.

They love it.

Dutch, I got a problem.

The other night, I got my cards stolen.

Now I've got limited cash.

I'd like to take you up on your offer.

So now you want to take up my offer?

Great.

How you get your cards stolen, man?

I slept with a hooker.

I got drunk, and she took everything I had.

You shut up, yeah.

Okay, you report those cards stolen to the bank, yeah.

get them replaced in one day.

It's solved.

I can't do that.

Those cards belong to Terry if you know what I mean.

Terry's cards?

Byron, man.

What the fuck are you doing, man?

You don't know Bangkok, do you?

Tell me that fucking bar now.

I went back there last night.

There was no cards, no money.

But I found out where they went.

Let him talk, you fuck!

You keep going.

She was with some English sexpat.

He got a bit lippy, so I knocked him out.

But I found out where the cards went.

What did I tell you, man?

You should come and contact me first, yeah?

Look, they won't even remember me, so don't worry.

Okay.

Byron, I want you to start working tomorrow, yeah?

I'm gonna drop Mariya off now.

Tomorrow, you come to my place in Sukhumvit, yeah?

My villa.

See you then.

I have had a girl with two pussies, man.

Two fucking pussies.

She was sleeping sideways.

I was maybe a little bit drunk, but I saw two pussies.

I guess you're making a pretty penny here.

We do, man.

Well if that's the case,

why are we stuck on a shitty river boat

and we're not driving around Bangkok

in some nice flashy motor?

We stay low profile, man.

Low profile is the key, you know?

If a cop see you in a car, they're gonna pull you aside.

They find all kind of tricks to get money off you.

It's not good.

Now were free.

Free men.

But don't they need a warrant for that?

You know the salary of a cop is about 10,000 baht a month.

You'll see, near the end of every month,

they get very fanatic, ah?

Making roadblocks, and it's so obvious

even the people make jokes about it.

Okay, I understand that.

Yeah.

But if your making all this money,

what are you doing with it?

I have my investments man, and more.

And?

Yellow fever.

What's that?

Thai girls.

Asians pussy.

Think you got it already, Byron, I'm sure.

Maybe.

He's got it.

Looks like it.

Oh yeah, that's clear.

Let's get out of here.

Always watch yourself.

Yeah, man.

You go to the airport tonight, pick up that girl.

Go Hong Kong two weeks.

Then you go to Korea, got it?

Hey, can I shag the girl?

Shag the girl!

Stay professional, yeah.

Go!

I can't believe it.

Fuck!

You can't trust your own personnel anymore.

Why Chinatown?

We have an export business as a front.

Flip flops, umbrellas, whatever you call it.

Nobody bothers even to question us.

Blimey, Dutch.

This place.

It's a proper shit hole.

It's deeper than your ass.

Watch your head.

So, here it is.

Oh yeah, look at that.

Perfect.

Here we pack, dispatch steroids.

Slimming tabs, some other stuff.

I'm gonna tell you about this later.

I can tell you now.

I'm too old to be packing tablets.

Terry asked me to help you out.

That's what I am doing.

Tik, can you get us two beers?

You okay with that?

Time to talk some business.

Take a seat, Byron.

So then, Dutch, time is money.

Tell me more.

Okay, look.

I got my network, yeah.

Worldwide.

With dealers and stuff.

I buy the steroids from all over the place here in Bangkok.

From various chemists.

Customer wires me the money.

I'll dispatch it here.

Simple.

Okay.

Oh yeah.

So, what do you need me for?

I want you...

to expand my business.

You're the right guy for that.

Why me?

Terry.

He told me you made your crew back home

a fortune, didn't you?

Yeah.

Man, I think if we work together...

we can be a great team.

Well, I plan on staying a bit longer.

Tell me more.

Here we go.

These little babies here are Thai Pinks.

This is five milligrams of pure Anabol.

Best seller in the whole market.

Weightlifters, competition lifters, whatever, movie stars.

All of them.

What do you think?

What if I tell you you can gain 10 kilos in 10 fucking days?

Pure muscle.

This is what we feed to the crocodiles.

And I like it too.

Dutch.

I've been told about this stuff.

It shrinks your balls.

Well, you know.

We have a counter hormone to balance that.

All right?

Also, some slimming tabs and stuff.

So, for every problem we have a solution.

There's many problems in the world.

That's why we have a lot of business.

We have many businesses from now on.

Sounds like a good business.

Yeah, it is.

Well, those counter hormones, here's one of them.

You need to take them.

If not...

roid rage, heart attacks.

You can even grow some tits, ah?

I had a customer last time, he came back to me.

Big problem.

He had a left tit growing, Byron.

Looked like a fucking hamburger.

You won't believe it.

I was shocked too.

I've seen many things in my life.

But it was big!

And he asked me like, "Why?"

I said, "Well, you didn't follow my advice, you know?"

You live and learn, right?

He didn't have money for this.

Well.

Then...

All right.

Jimmy.

Where are you now?

Who's walking up here?

There's nobody coming.

My place?

You sure?

What's this, the boys brigade?

You bad man!

I remember you!

Your one of Joe's guys, right?

You know each other?

I had a problem with his boss.

I told you at the crocodile farm.

You mean Joe?

What's this?

Hello.

Joe's in intensive care having his stump sorted out.

Yeah?

Well, next time I'll chop your fucking bollocks off.

And I feed you them!

Calm down.

Joe!

Nah, it ain't Joe!

It's Bow.

Don't worry about bow, you mug.

It's me innit.

You know Joe's got the DEA in his pocket.

Your fucked!

Okay.

Then bring it on.

I make some Thai noodle soup.

Okay!

You fucked up,

You bring Mariya upstairs to Mr. Wang's office, yeah?

Thai wives are known for cutting

their cheating husbands' dicks off.

I did the same thing to him.

I'll get back to you.

I was in a city of 8,281,000 people.

The world is a small place.

Six degrees of separation is the idea that all living things

are six degrees away from each other.

That quote is right.

Dutch and Joe were old business partners.

That was until Joe wanted to go his way.

You remember what I used to be famous for don't ya?

You crazy fucking bastard!

What did I tell you about stepping on peoples toes here, ah?

I didn't know you fucking knew him!

It's good to stir the pot.

Stir the pot, yeah?

Things go from bad to worse!

There's powerful people going to his place!

This ain't over yet!

Calm down.

You know what?

I did you favor.

I cut his measly little fucking dick off.

Now you've got a reputation.

Reputation!

Well, here it is, ladies and gentlemen.

The classic signs of roid rage.

Yes, I make sure everybody knows about it!

Everybody!

Good.

It's good, right?

You cut fucking gay Jo's dick off!

Salivating at the mouth, profusely sweating,

and dilated pupils like bloody flying saucers.

This roid rage storm will clear as quick as it came.

Just you watch.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

You've got some balls, man.

Forget about it.

Let's celebrate.

Come.

Fuck that guy.

It's better to be a wolf for a day

than a sheep all your life.

I need to get big, man, I need to get big.

My fucking bird is moaning at me,

and I need to get big, fucking big.

So, guys I just sent you 1,000 quid.

I wanna gain 40 kilos, otherwise she's gonna leave me.

Can you do it?

So, Dutch put a leash on me.

And we went on the straight and narrow.

We created one of the biggest underground

steroid dealerships on the planet.

Everything was smelling of roses.

And the first thing we did was get down to business.

We set up a chain of high-tech distribution units the city.

Then we sent out free samples to dealers worldwide.

Once they were happy with the stock,

we undercut the competition.

We had some amazing ways of getting

the gear through customs.

Wrapping the gear in carbon paper

distorts the hidden object to avoid X-ray detection.

It's a bit like lead.

But it's a lot lighter and a lot cheaper.

Now that is Bird.

She was high as a kite every day.

She loved her fucking job.

She was our number one packer from Burma.

We took out the ink cartridges in marker pens

and replaced them with our own gear.

Teddy bears were good too.

Another amazing way of sending the gear

was crushing the tabs in toothpaste powder.

The customers didn't mind it.

They even brushed their teeth in it.

You know, there's nothing like a bit of fluoride

mixed with steroids.

Sending it disguised as vitamins.

We just took out the vitamin tablets

and replaced it with our own brand of vitamin C.

Then we just heat-sealed the lid,

with our high-tech machinery of course.

For the injectables we disguised it as anal sex lube.

Our orders were going out on an industrial scale.

Not only that, our reputation

was beginning to get known worldwide.

Those steroid freaks were getting bigger and bigger.

And the bigger they got, the more juice they needed.

It was a win-win situation.

Now, I'm not talking bollocks here.

The steroid trade is as big as the drug trade.

But it's not frowned upon so much by society.

But in reality, those guys are drug addicts with muscles.

All right, Byron.

We're gonna need some gear.

What you up to then?

I got a big order for ya.

The euros are coming up.

I need something that's gonna give the boys

a lot of power and anger.

I'll give you a horse steroid.

We supplied everyone from fitness coaches

to biker gangs to football hooligans to celebrities.

We supplied everyone worldwide,

from Sydney to Kabul, Afghanistan.

Hey, I'm gonna need you to send me another hundred,

hundred bottles of testosterone, like you did before.

- Okay? - Fantastic.

Send it to my office here in Kabul.

APO that shit to me like you did before.

God damn!

These motherfuckers.

All right.

The insurgence just broke the perimeter.

I gotta go.

I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

Dutch invested in a chain of massage parlors,

knocking shops, crocodile shops and a few other things.

I was a bit more modest.

I had money coming in from all directions.

I bought myself a couple of condos,

invested in a speed boat business,

and had my own car dealership.

I have these Armenian customers!

I need 50,000 Thai Pinks!

Yeah?

And can you make me this deal,

like I buy one, one for free?

I'm sorry, I'm busy, man.

Come on, man!

Look it, I heard you have this fucking deal

of a one plus one.

I buy one, I get one for free, right?

Last time, you did that.

Can you do it again?

I have 50,000.

Not 10, not 20, 50-motherfucking-thousand!

Can you give me that?

Let's do it tomorrow.

Okay,

So, deal, tomorrow, nine o'clock.

See you, man.

Everything was going great.

But unknown to us, there were some new kids on the block.

And they were as corrupt as us.

The next day, Dutch went to meet

these so-called Armenian dingoes.

He'd thought he'd won the bloody lottery.

The Devil doesn't come to you with a red face and horns.

He comes to you as everything you ever wanted.

If something smells like shit, you know it's bad.

Dutch got his arse kicked by Somchai,

a Korean ridgeback.

DEA inspector.

A man of few words.

Yes, I'm in the kennels now.

So, whatever happens, don't go back to that factory.

It's the DEA.

DEA is on it, man, all the time.

So, what you do now, you go to Sukhumvit 101,

make some deal with them, work it out.

Don't let me down, Byron.

Okay, man, I'm counting on you.

Okay.

Do your best.

Here, you fucker.

So, I made myself spick and span

and went to the grooming saloon.

I had an important meeting with a DEA officer.

But before I left, Mariya gave me

a very special pair of glasses.

Made in China, of course.

Did I tell you to sit down?

Where's Dutch?

Dutch is locked in a cage where he fucking belongs.

So how do we release the dog from the cage?

You boys think you real fucking cute, don't ya?

Building your little steroid empire.

You're not paying your fucking dues!

You also didn't have a good firewall.

Didn't think about that, did ya?

Untraceable payments via cryptic currencies.

Steroids...

is a felony.

Your boy's gonna serve some fucking serious hard time.

New kids on the block, eh?

Snap this fool.

There's nothing on him.

How's your jaw?

Shut up, you wanker.

I admire you.

Big fucking basketball-sized balls on ya.

You're British, right?

Yeah.

Where abouts are you from?

The Isle of Dogs.

That's cute.

More like Isle of Pussies.

I always admire you British.

So fucking pompous.

So arrogant.

Think you own the fucking world.

But one thing I like about the British...

is your pound sterling.

"We don't want the fucking euro.

"We'll keep our pound sterling."

That was good, that was clever.

Tell ya what.

I'm gonna make you a deal.

You've got five days to bring me 800,000...

of those beloved, British pound sterling.

And then I'll let your little mutt out of its cage.

No problem.

Minus...

his shit hole apartments,

his stupid fucking crocodile farm,

his dirty little soapy massage parlors,

and he's banned from the Big Mango.

His Bangkok privileges are revoked.

You what?

You heard me.

Five days.

800k.

Fetch.

Time to go.

Hurry up!

See you soon, Chinney.

Fuck off, you wanker!

Clock's ticking, Byron.

Five days!

Let's cheers to that, boys, 800k.

No fucking chance he's gonna get it.

Remember the man who can?

Two years ago, he renamed me as Jimmy Harrison.

Where there's an English Dog, there's a way.

I had four and half days to get back to Connors with 800k.

All right, Terry.

New motor?

Yeah.

And they say crime doesn't pay, eh?

I'm not staying for long, only a few days.

I need some weapons.

Tomorrow.

That afternoon, I went to see my ex-beloved Tracy.

I was going to tell her a load of bollocks

and spin her a yarn.

All right, Tracy.

Long time no see.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Pleased to see you too, darling.

What are you doing back?

If Jungle finds out, he won't be easy on you

like he was the last time.

And you know the Old Bill are after as well, right?

I'm not worried about them.

I got a new identity thanks to a friend.

What's your new name then, James Bond?

I'm back here for a short holiday.

I've come back to get my cash.

Some things never change, eh?

I haven't got any of your cash.

The Old Bill took it all.

And any little bits that were left behind you owed me.

You can't take the chip shop

out the girl, can you, Tracy, eh?

Fuck off.

And now it's time to pull on the heart strings.

What happened to us?

Listen, it hasn't been easy for me, you know.

I didn't expect them to do what they did to you.

I didn't know anything about it.

Well I'm not here to cry over spilled milk.

What's done is done.

In many ways it did me a favor.

But I'm back to get some cash for a new business deal.

You're not getting anything from me.

You used to spend my money like water.

Well, why are you here bothering me, then?

Because I still care about ya.

And I wanted to see ya.

You know I've been living the life of Riley

for the last two years in Asia.

Sunshine seven days a week.

I've got my own apartment.

Swimming pool.

I go to the islands every weekend.

I'd like you to come and join me.

But first I need to sort out some business here.

Well, where you gonna get the cash from then?

Now it's shit-stirring time.

I buried some cash years ago

with a deal I did with Jungle.

From a robbery.

Where?

It's for me to know and you to find out.

How much?

Six figures.

You never told me anything about that.

I know better than that Tracy.

You know that.

And I need you to set up a meeting with Dodgy Dave.

Why should I?

Because I'm gonna give you half the money.

Half the money, Tracy.

All right.

He'll be at the old warehouse at 1:00 pm on Friday.

They've got a scheduled drop off that day.

He'll be on the second floor in the toilets.

That sounds like Dave.

Don't forget he's got jaws of steel.

I'm not worried about that.

I've upgraded, new technology.

I'm gonna give him

an electrifying experience he'll never forget.

And Jungle?

He'll be home on Saturday afternoon.

Alone?

Yeah.

And try and find out where he hid that gun.

What gun?

The gun he stitched me up in that bloody robbery.

Okay.

I'll try and find out.

I'd better go.

Your chips are shit.

See you soon, darling.

My plan worked.

Never trust your exes.

She went straight on the dog and bone.

I just got back from town.

And guess who I saw swanning around the place.

Who, Sid Vicious?

No, my ex and your ex business partner.

Cheeky twat must have come in on a fake I.D.

Well he was talking a lot of shit.

So much for your insurance policy.

I though you got this sorted a couple of years ago.

It was.

Did he have to say anything?

Not much.

But I reckon that Northern twat, Terry, is involved somehow.

Yeah, makes sense.

See ya later.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, but the person you've called

is not available.

Please leave your message after the tone.

Byron.

Byron, this is Dutch here.

I'm having a cold Turkey man from these anabolic steroids,

so...

get me out, okay?

I count on you.

Get your hairy ass back home.

Byron's back.

Fucking finish the job this time.

Byron.

All right, mate.

Yeah, I'm good.

Here you go, buddy.

Cheers, Terry.

I owe you one.

Well, you can me one when you see me in Bangkok.

I've booked my flight next week.

I'm gonna there, so we can meet up with Dutch

and grab a drink.

I look forward to it, mate.

That'd be good.

I'd better go.

Okay, buddy.

Goodbye.

What did my old man tell you?

Ha.

Yeah.

He said never to say goodbye.

I'll see ya later.

See ya later.

I'm sorry, but the person you've called

is not available.

Please leave your message after the tone.

Guess who, Byron.

Ha.

A little doggy always returns back to its pen.

Jungle was so happy and so proud of me

when I set your ass up.

But he's too fucking stupid and too old

to realize I'm the new fucking alpha.

I'm fucking waiting.

Bring back my sofa!

All right, Terry, all right in there, eh?

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

With the Aussie pit bull gone,

many of the English Dogs had left the kennels,

and all was left was a pack of drunken muppets.

I went to see my mate Harry Horse Piss

and his beloved Sheila.

Harry sold Sheila's horse piss to the medical industry.

They turned it into a estrogen replacement drug

for menopausal women.

Made him a bloody fortune.

Now, horse piss is like CS gas, and dogs hate it.

Tracy could smell that there was gonna be

a fight in the air.

I was keen to see if she would choose

the pedigree or the mongrel.

Your supposed to be watching that camera.

I am.

And like all chavy dogs,

she loved a bit of sex and violence.

What am I gonna do now?

I'm fucked now!

Bish bash bosh.

800k of stolen cash done.

His Bangkok privileges are revoked.

No way.

No fucking way!

I don't believe it.

Byron!

You're back!

Good dog.

Have a seat.

Clear out, lads.

Give me a minute.

Jesus fucking Christ, Byron.

You are resourceful, aren't ya?

Is that what I think it is?

Yep.

Nice bag.

I'll use this for toilet paper.

Don't mind if I make sure.

Well done, son.

Well done, I'm impressed.

You should have came to me first.

I would have given you a job.

You wouldn't have had all this bullshit to deal with.

Did my research.

English Dogs gang member.

Armed robberies.

Extortion.

Very impressive.

Instead, now what?

You're fucked.

They're gonna ship you home.

They're gonna lock you up for the rest of your life.

You'll never see the light of day again.

We had a deal.

I don't do deals with dirty, mangy fucking dogs like you.

You fucking muppet.

You see this?

Do you think I would seriously wear glasses like this?

There's a little camera here.

And my little friend's on the end of this.

The video will go fucking viral.

Bullshit.

You're bluffing.

Mariya?

Have a word with this inspector.

I'll make you a deal.

I'm gonna give you five days.

To bring me 800,000 used British pound sterling.

Call your boys.

Tell them to release Dutch.

Bill.

Yeah.

Change of plan.

Cut Dutch loose.

Never mind.

Just fucking do it.

Keep it to yourself.

Yeah.

Now.

You can drop the charges due to lack of evidence.

I'll expect a call from Dutch within two hours.

See ya later.

Jeff!

Jeff come here.

We do things your way now.

Don't worry.

I won't let you down.

Make it slow.

I want him to suffer.

Of course.

Do it.

I won't let you down.

Let me know when it's done.

Motherfucker!

While Dutch was reinstating his territory,

I enjoyed a glass of red wine,

and was joined by a bitch of some pedigree.

Hairy man.

Where are you from?

This one was clever as the devil but twice as pretty.

Who wants to know?

A girl who likes...

big strong hairy men like you.

Are you taking the piss?

If you know what is good for you, fuck off now!

So, I'm Dutch's friend.

Well I'm meeting him soon.

So, you can say hi to him yourself.

How about...

you and me...

go to have a little fun?

And after that, we go to see Dutch.

Hm?

Okay.

Let's do this.

My friend, take this.

And...

What the fuck is that shit?

You don't worry.

I am gonna show you time of your Life.

Look what do we have here.

You could call it a little DIY project.

But I like to call it the Transmorpher.

It's made by Euro,

and its gonna screw your British ass!

If you drink too many spirits,

they'll hit you all at once.

That's what my nan would say.

She said the same thing on her death bed.

But she wasn't talking about the bloody vodka.

It was only later I really understood what she meant!

Hey Joe.

I got the motherfucker.

I'm getting him ready.

Yeah, you make sure you bring the money though.

Surprise, darling!

Look at you.

You look like a little baby, totally defenseless,

just the way I like my men.

I bet you're wondering what we're gonna do to you.

Don't you fret.

I gonna tell you real soon.

It's a surprise.

One...

Two...

Joe!

Make you a fucking frikandel.

Ah, you got a few scratches.

Come on, let's get a beer.

Now, a cat has nine lives.

But a dog has 10.

And not all of us can be the true alpha.

Some of us need to make mistakes on the way.

Dutch watched on and enjoyed his frikandels.

He was like a predator in the shadows.

Connors had a paddy, and he knew he'd fucked up.

He thought sleeping dogs would lie.

In life, you gotta let go of your fears

and chase your dreams.

When you make a mistake, there are only

three things you should ever do about it.

Admit it, learn from it, and don't bloody repeat it.

Mistakes have the power to turn you into something

better than you were before.

When it's all said and done, and push comes to shove,

the underdog takes over the pack.

You gotta recycle the present to save the future.

Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

Now mongrels that create their own drama

deserve their own karma.

If they stand beside you, you respect them.

If they stand against you, you recycle them.

But that's another story in the dogs days of glory.

I went back to form a new breed of English Dog.

But first, I had to deal with a couple younger runts.

You're probably expecting me to say I found Jesus

and I learned how to forgive,

or I started on a different path.

One more righteous, and respected.

But the truth is, fuck that.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Get me the fuck out of here!

I wanna see a man about a dog!

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