Original subtitles

Hey!

It's her. The Ridgeway girl.

Nice.

Some of us have to work for a living.

Daisy!

Back into line.

Welcome to Wode Hall, Miss Ridgeway.

We all hope you will be very happy here.

Thank you, Barnstaple. I know I shall.

Perhaps you would care to meet the staff, Miss?

Later.

I want to see what progress we've made with the grounds.

The architect isn't here yet, Miss.

Now, Barnstaple.

Very good, Miss.

Jackie!

Linnet!

- Jackie! - Oh, Linnie!

Oh, I'm sorry.

- That fool of a butler didn't tell me. - Oh, no, no. It's all right, it's all right.

- You look marvellous. - Thank you. So do you, as always.

Where should I serve the tea, Mademoiselle?

- Put it in the drawing room. - Oui, mademoiselle.

Let's go upstairs and freshen up.

What's the matter with Louise?

Man trouble, what else?

She wants to get married, to an Egyptian no less.

She knew absolutely nothing about him, so I had him checked out.

- And? - He had a wife already.

So you put a stop to it.

You bet I did. I told her she couldn't look to me for a dowry,

and naturally he wouldn't touch her without one.

Men!

Oh, Linnet!

Oh! It's beautiful!

I'm so glad you like it.

Listen, Linnet. I've got something to tell you, and a favour to ask.

- Well, anything, you know that. - No, no. This is serious.

- I'm engaged. - Jackie!

Oh, it's wonderful!

- Will you give him a job? - A job?

Here, at Wode Hall. Please?

Don't you think you should tell me something about him first?

Well, his name is Simon, Simon Doyle, and he is...

Oh, he's everything I've ever dreamed of.

Jackie...

- Isn't it lovely? - Yes, it's beautiful.

- It is, isn't it? - The trouble is he's broke.

That makes two of us.

Ugh, these shoes are killing me.

But he loves the country, and a job here would be just ideal.

Oh, Linnet, I'll die if I can't marry him.

I really will, I'll just die.

- You have got it badly. - I know.

All right. What do you want me to do?

Well, you've got this huge place.

You're going to need someone to run it for you. Simon!

- But I need someone with experience. - No, listen!

He studied Estate Management at Cambridge. He's very bright.

I'll tell you what, if you don't like him, you can fire him,

but you will, I know you will.

All right. Why don't you bring him down tomorrow?

- And I'll have a look at him. - Thank you.

- Jackie! - Bye-bye!

I just don't want to feel a fool.

Don't worry. Linnet promised.

Well, almost.

I think Linnet may not even like me.

Nonsense. She'll adore you!

And you're perfect for the job. Perfect.

Well, I'll do my best not to let you down.

Oh, Simon, I do love you.

You make me so happy!

- We'll honeymoon in Egypt. - You always said we'd go to Egypt.

Hello!

Linnet!

Oh, Linnie. Here he is.

- Come on. - Hold on, darling.

Here he is.

My Simon.

Hello.

Jackie's told me so much about you.

Isn't he perfect? Isn't he, Linnie?

Yes, I think he'll do very well.

I told you.

"Linnet Ridgeway marries penniless Prince Charming

"after whirlwind romance!"

They plan to honeymoon in Egypt. Jesus H. Christ!

Don't you mean "Tutankhamun"?

Well, what the hell do we do?

The Bremen sails tonight. I can just get on it.

What, and try fixing those British lawyers?

- No, you dolt. - Then what?

I'll go to Egypt. Hell, she's gonna be there for a month.

"Why, Uncle Andrew!"

A chance meeting. I'm over there on a trip.

Honeymoon lovers, she's not thinking too clear...

Get the picture?

Look, Linnet's no fool, Pennington.

Neither am I!

Well, you have a nice trip,

wicked Uncle Andrew.

So that's the Ridgeway girl.

What are you studying so closely?

Her picture... or her pearls?

Keep a civil tongue in your head, Bowers, or you'll be out of a job.

What do I care?

This town is filled with rich old widows

willing to pay for a little grovelling and a body massage.

You go ahead and fire me.

Temper, temper, Bowers!

It's obvious you need a holiday.

How would a little trip down the Nile suit you?

There's nothing I would dislike more.

If there's two things in the world I can't abide, it's heat and heathens.

Good, then we'll go.

Bowers, pack!

Why don't they put an escalator in these things?

- Lazybones! - "Lazybones"?

Don't you know it's better to travel hopefully than to arrive?

What a view!

Happy, darling?

Silly! We must be the happiest people alive.

And the prettiest.

- And the luckiest. - And the alonest.

Just us and no one else.

The Neter-Menkewre pyramid is 204 feet high.

Each side of the base is 356 and one half feet.

- Jackie! - What the hell are you doing here?

Seeing the sights, like yourselves.

But you were at the Danielli in Venice and at Brindisi, too.

What a coincidence!

- Jackie, why? - She's following us about, deliberately.

Is that true? Well, it's intolerable!

And common.

Very, very common.

And effective.

Very, very effective.

Bye-bye.

- Bitch! Everywhere we go, she pops up. - Darling...

Like some kangaroo in heat.

- Oh, I can't understand it. - Can't you?

Oh, I suppose it's my fault.

I broke our engagement and went off with you.

She must be really unhappy.

- She's revelling in every minute of it. - No.

Darling...

We are the lucky ones. Don't let Jackie spoil it.

I won't.

This is the perfect honeymoon.

No one's gonna wreck it for us.

I love you.

I'll race you back.

- Colonel Race! - Poirot!

- Oh, I'm enchanted to see you! - Oh, my old friend!

- How capital, how capital! - Yes.

Oh, I haven't clapped eyes on you since...

oh, that strange affair of the decapitated clergyman.

Yes, yes...

I still think you were a trifle lucky to find that cake knife up the chimney like that.

Lucky?

With me it's the exercise of the little grey cells.

Luck, I leave to the others.

Yes, I've forgotten your opinions about yourself.

Might one ask, what are you doing here?

I'm on les vacances.

Shortly I'm going up the Nile on the steamer.

- And you? - The same, oddly enough.

Oh. In other words, you're following one of the passengers.

No, no. Seulement les vacances, mon ami.

- Like yourself. - Yes.

This... chair is free, eh?

In this world, comrade, nothing's free.

- Bitte? - Forget it. Sit down.

Danke. You are reading "Das Kapital"?

- Yes. I never travel without it. - Oh.

Dr Ludwig Bessner.

Of the Bessner Institute, Zurich.

Jim Ferguson, citizen of the world.

- You... are on holiday perhaps, huh? - No.

I'm observing the decline of the capitalist system, my friend.

Oh, indeed.

Well, you've got a good specimen there, eh?

- The young Kaugummi heiress. - That parasite!

- You don't approve? - She makes me sick.

In any decent society...

Ah... you may be right.

She has altogether too much power.

- Monsieur... - Oh, shukran jazeelan.

Chin-chin!

Linnet!

- Linnet, honey! - Uncle Andrew!

What a surprise! I didn't know you were travelling in Egypt!

Well, it's very sudden.

As a matter of fact, I'm on my honeymoon.

Your honeymoon?

What do you know! Is this the lucky young man?

Darling, this is my American lawyer and trustee, Andrew Pennington.

Simon. Simon Doyle.

- Pleased to meet you, sir. - How do you do?

- Won't you join us? - Well, just for a moment.

But don't worry, I'm not going to intrude.

I know how young people are.

The cynosure of all eyes.

Even you, with your English reserve, gaze.

- She's very beautiful. - Oh, she's very rich.

- You know who she is, of course. - Of course.

Do forgive me for butting in,

but I have a bet with my daughter here

that you are Hercules Porridge, the famous French sleuth.

Not quite, I am Hercule Poirot, the famous Belgian sleuth.

I told you, Rosalie.

There's only one Monsieur Poirot in the world.

He's unmistakable.

As indeed I realise I am myself.

My mother is Salome Otterbourne, the novelist.

Otter... Salo... of course. Naturellement. Enchanté.

So here we are, two famous people in one place.

Oh, three, surely.

I was talking about genius,

not mere money, Monsieur.

Oh, you know Colonel Race, my old friend?

This is ... and her daughter.

Charmed, simply charmed.

Please, you sit down, Madame, Mademoiselle.

Voilà!

You're probably working on some other book now, Madame.

Set in Egypt, perhaps?

How thrillingly clever of you to deduce that, Monsieur Porridge!

I am here to absorb local colour

for my grand opus, "Snow on the Sphinx's Face".

Frozen enigma turns to incandescent love

as this young English girl from Hazel Mills, scarcely out of school,

melts the barbarous heart of a cruel desert sheik.

Somehow, I don't think Monsieur Poirot

is a very keen reader of romantic novels, Mother.

Of course he is, all Frenchmen are.

They're not afraid of good, strong sex!

Unlike, I might say, most of our leading lending libraries.

They have banned Salome Otterbourne

for speaking the truth about men and women.

But she goes on, nonetheless.

The truth, yes. The truth. It's so difficult to tell.

Thank you, Monsieur.

Oh.

Well, perhaps you would join me in a tango, Mademoiselle?

A little... exercise after dinner.

Do you tango, Colonel?

- Poorly, I'm afraid, Miss Otterbourne. - Then I shall teach you to do it correctly,

as it was done in old Spain, when it was known as the "cheeker",

that is to say, with a sensuous, erotic dash.

Dammit, Jackie! Can't you leave us alone?

Waiter.

Monsieur Poirot!

Monsieur Poirot!

I saw you with Linnet this morning.

How much is she paying you to warn me off?

Oh, no. I accepted no commission from Madame Doyle, nor will I.

What I have to say to you is in pure friendship.

Ah, yes? And what would you like to say?

That I'm making a public show of myself? That I'm crazy?

I say bury the dead.

Not as the Egyptians do,

preserving the body in order to ensure the immortality of the soul. No.

Properly, finally. Turn your back on the past.

Look only forward.

Remember, time heals everything.

If you think I'm suffering, you're quite wrong.

Actually, I'm rather enjoying myself.

Yes. Your pleasure is the very worst part of it, Mademoiselle.

I don't care.

Simon was mine and he loved me. Then she came along and...

It's only a tiny thing...

but it's lethal.

And my father taught me to be a crack shot.

Sometimes...

I swear I'll put this gun right against her head,

and then ever so gently... pull the trigger.

When I hear that sound more and more...

I know how you feel.

We all feel like that at times.

Only I warn you, Mademoiselle...

Do not allow evil into your heart.

It will make a home there.

If love can't live there, evil will do just as well.

Oh. How, er...

How sad, Mademoiselle.

Hello, Mr P.

- You're going back to the hotel? - Where else?

Well, look. It's a surprise for Linnet. Do you think she'll like it?

That depends. Does she smoke?

Just Craven "A".

Oh, by the way,

have you had a chance to talk to Jackie yet?

- Yes, just a few moments ago. - Oh, good.

I hope you got her to see some sense.

Alas, to her, sense is perpetual revenge.

Are you serious?

I'm always serious, mon ami.

Well, Jackie's stubborn, I know, and damn possessive,

- but surely... - Did she want to possess you?

Well, I suppose so.

Yes, she did.

But she has a hell of a temper and a mind of her own.

- She wishes to wear the trousers. - Yes.

And a man can't have that, can he Mr P.?

Non, non, on ne peut pas.

You know, when I first met Linnet...

well, how should I put it?

It was like the moon after sunrise. You just don't notice it's there anymore.

After I met her, Jackie just didn't exist.

Yes. Some women have that power.

But how are you going to find a way out of your present dilemma?

Well, I have the most marvellous plan, and it's absolutely foolproof.

Cabby!

The railway station, quickly. We're late for the Alexandria train.

To the railway station.

Fast as you can.

Haare ka! Haare ka!

Thank you.

Look. There she is.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Welcome aboard the Karnak. Yes.

My name is Mr Choudry. I'm the manager of this boat,

and your delight and happiness

is my sole concern and pleasure. Quite rightly.

I have here... I have here...

Yes, I have here a list of...

names and... and... staterooms.

I guess from your faces which is which.

OK? Er...

You are Mrs and Miss Otterbourne.

- Righty? - Wrongy.

I'm Mrs Van Schuyler

and I wish to be taken to my cabin immediately.

Bowers will have the cabin opposite, on the starboard side.

The roasting afternoon sun

may do wonders for those jaundiced jowls of hers.

Right away, Madam. Right away.

Yes. You must be Dr Bessner.

Such elegant German moustaches.

I'm afraid you'd never make a detective, Monsieur.

The moustaches, although undeniably elegant, are Belgian.

My name is Poirot, Hercule Poirot.

Ah, the famous Monsieur Poirot?

- I grovel in mortification. I grovel. - Look...

Wouldn't it just be simpler for us to give you our names

and you to give us the cabins that we booked.

Simpler? Ah, lummy! Yes.

Unquestionably simpler. Unquestionably.

Such a brilliant lack of complication.

In a trice, the safragi will conduct you all to your stateroom.

Safragi!

Safra...!

Ah, we start.

May I suggest that you all take your last look at the city?

Safra...! Safragi!

Well, we've done it.

We got rid of her at last.

What did you expect? You're a genius.

Well, it's not bad for the Simple Simon.

Fabulous, isn't it?

You're the Ridgeway girl, aren't you?

And you're Mrs Van Schuyler.

I wondered if we'd ever break the ice.

Well I seldom talk to strangers, but never to strange honeymooners.

I'm glad you're breaking your rule.

Well, rules are made to be broken.

At least mine are... by me.

Oh, they're beautiful.

- Thank you. - And amazing...

if you know how they're made.

A tiny piece of grit makes its way into an oyster

which eventually becomes a pearl of great price

hanging round the neck of a pretty girl like you.

- I never thought of it that way. - Well, you should.

The oyster nearly dies.

Come along now. Back to the cabin. Time for your massage.

My Companion, Bowers.

She did 15 rounds once with Jack Dempsey.

He was never the same man again.

Sorry, Miss Ridgeway.

Mrs Doyle. Mrs Simon Doyle.

You have got to forgive Miss Bowers.

She's just unfamiliar with the marriage state.

- I saw you drooling over her pearls. - Shut up, Bowers.

You'd give every tooth in your head to lay your hands on them.

What nonsense, just because you've got a grudge against her,

or rather her father... No need to be uncivil!

Grudge?

Melhuish Ridgeway ruined my family.

Well, you should be grateful.

If he hadn't, you'd have missed the pleasure of working for me.

I could kill her on that score alone.

Tea, Madame?

I am Salome Otterbourne and I must have a word.

I thought we were already having words... through our lawyers.

It is about that that I have come to supplicate.

- "Supplicate"? - I mean to entreat or to appeal if you like.

I'm afraid we authors are a little flowery in our speech.

And defamatory in our writing.

I'm sorry you should have taken "Passion Under the Persimmon Tree" that way.

I assure you the intention was merely to show a young girl's heart

beginning to beat to the primordial drum.

Can't you see my dear that what I wrote was really quite flattering?

Frankly, Miss Otterbourne,

I don't consider being likened to a nymphomaniacal baboon, flattering,

and I suggest we leave it to our lawyers to decide what is adequate compensation

for being the butt of your vulgar drivel!

Good afternoon.

Philistine!

I'll show you what reputation is about!

- I'm sorry to intrude... - Uncle Andrew!

...but these are the papers I told you needed signing.

The lease on the Chrysler Building...

Ah, let's see, the silver mine concessions,

Baku oil transfers,

and the Corn Crisp Choo-choo merger.

Just sign on the last page, right on the bottom, my dear.

But Uncle Andrew, I haven't even read it yet.

But there's no need, there's no need. It's all quite straightforward.

Checked and double-checked by me.

But I always read everything through before I sign.

My father taught me that.

He always said never to trust anyone. Not even your own lawyers.

Dear old Melhuish. What a sense of humour!

Well, as far as I'm concerned, I never read a legal document in my life

and I certainly don't intend to start now.

You don't say.

- Isn't that a little feckless, darling? - Yes, absolutely.

But I'm dying for a Manhattan, aren't you?

All right.

- Seeing we're on our honeymoon. - That's a girl.

Now, the next one.

I do hope I'm not, er... butting in.

I'm a lawyer. I just wanted to say how much I admire your businesslike attitude.

Your father was absolutely right.

Never sign a document until you've read it.

I'm sure you agree, sir.

Uh...sure. Sure. There's no hurry.

Well, now if you'll excuse me.

I hope I've not given offence.

- What if you have? Mister...? - Race. Colonel Race.

What if you have, Colonel?

Lawyers are trained to deal with offences.

- Would you join us for a drink in the bar? - Thank you. Most kind.

And what about you, Mr P.?

After all, there's cause for celebration.

As you see, my plan to lose Jackie worked like a charm.

Yes, so it would, er... so it would seem.

Mes félicitations.

Colonel Race and I will join you in a...

...moment.

Darling.

- Madame, I must talk with you. - Later, Louise.

No, now! It's important.

I'll see you in the bar.

- Well? - I've received a cable.

My fiancé has sent his woman back to her people.

He's waiting for me. I must go to him.

Please, give me the money that you promised me.

I've been with you for five years now.

It's completely out of the question.

Madame, you promised me.

He's still married, Louise.

I implore you.

I need that money as a dowry.

I've worked hard for you.

And you'll continue to do so until I say otherwise.

- Madame, you can't refuse me. - Thank you, Louise.

Chameau!

Mon Dieu, how she makes enemies of them all.

Even her own lawyer is trying to... cheat her?

You old fox! So you noticed?

Well, I knew that you weren't here, how was it again...

"seulement pour les vacances, mon ami".

Yes, I suppose I can tell you.

Sub rosa, I am working for Mrs Doyle's English lawyers,

and they suspect Andrew Pennington of... well, of...

- Embezzling her money! - That's about the size of it.

You see, under the terms of the father's will,

she gets control of the money when she marries,

and as she has recently married...

He is trying to get her to sign a document which will get him out of the soup.

Exactly.

I think I've scared him off for the moment, but who knows what he'll try next.

Or any of them, for that matter.

Inside the Great Temple of Karnak,

we pass the pedestals of numerous small rams... Ja.

Each with a small image of Amenophis Ill in front of it. Ja.

Oh, yes, rams.

Lickerish, priapic, erotisch... rams!

How noble they are!

With their proud flanks, flared nostrils,

and unashamed curled horns.

Ja... ja, come, Fräulein, come.

You know, Karl Marx said that religion was the opium of the people.

For your mother, it's obviously sex.

Don't you think you'd better calm her down a little?

She'd do one of those beasts a fearful injury.

Look, Mr Ferguson. My mother may be a figure of fun for you,

but she still happens to be my mother.

She kept me marvellously in better days, and I'm not going to desert her now that...

- Now that what? - Nothing.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be nosy. And I certainly didn't mean to offend you.

Honestly, Miss Otterbourne, I am not as bad as I look.

- Aren't you? - Scout's honour?

Would you mind offending her?

Linnet Ridgeway's a leech.

A parasite on the skin of society.

For God's sake, in a sane world,

she'd be bumped off as a warning to the others.

- "Bumped off"? - That's what I said.

- Mr Ferguson? - Jim.

Jim... is it true you can't libel the dead?

I'm not sure I understand the question.

Never mind.

Oh look, isn't it wonderful? Quite beyond comprehension!

Ah, the artistic temperament, Monsieur Pennington.

What strange forms it takes!

I'm afraid that doesn't much concern me, Monsieur Poirot.

I confine myself to the world of facts and figures.

The ancient Egyptians felt quite at home with facts and figures.

The Grand Vizier Ptahotep

was crushed to death under a thousand pieces of silver

because he embezzled his master's treasury.

- You don't say. - Oh, yes.

Oh, God!

You all right? Linnet, you all right?

Come on. Easy.

That's it, come on, up you come.

All right?

What happened?

That stone must have fallen or was pushed.

- To kill me? - Jackie!

But she's not here!

Oh, my poor Madame, that was a close shave.

- It could've been a nasty accident. - Accident?

That stone has been up there for 4000 years,

it chooses the moment to fall when there are people underneath it? No.

Not exactly 4000 years, Hercule.

The pillars were built in 1788 BC...

We all agree with you, Herr Bessner.

You may have a patient on your hands. Please.

Oh, most negligent of me!

- Ja, ja, here. - I'm all right. Really I am.

Ja, ja, but I think maybe you go back to the boat,

- you take a little rest, eh? - All right.

But only for a couple of hours, Doctor.

I must see the Temple of Abu Simbel this evening.

Oh, that's most extraordinary.

Did you know that the Eastern-most figure is the famous Vocal Statue?

- Really? - Ja.

Then we must be there in time. Thank you, Doctor.

At sunset it emits a sad plaintive note.

- He scares me. - Oh, he's harmless.

My God. Fantastic.

I think they're frightening.

No, they're not.

Do you think he'll sing a note for me?

Why not? You're divine.

Welcome to the Temple of Abu Simbel.

The facade is 84 feet long.

Each of the statues of Ramses the Second is 65 feet high.

Get away from me!

Get away!

Get away from me!

OK, darling!

Don't let her spoil everything.

So you could not bury your dead. You cannot stay away.

Nope, I can't keep away.

You didn't really think I'd be fooled by any trick Simon could invent?

I'm very sorry to see you here, Mademoiselle.

Forgive me for saying so,

but you're embarking on a hazardous journey in troubled waters.

You face who knows what currents of misfortune.

- Why do you say that? - Because it's the truth.

You're cutting the last bonds which bind you to safety.

You can still turn back if you really want to.

One must follow one's star wherever it leads.

Even to disaster?

Even to hell itself.

I left my bag in the bar.

- I'll join you in a minute, darling. - Right.

Well...

We are alone, meine Frau.

The opportunity to talk to you in private has not presented itself before.

- What do we have to talk about? - My reputation, Frau Doyle.

- You run that institute in Zurich. - That is so.

And you have been saying so many unpleasant things about me

to people of influence and position.

- I say you're a quack. - Frau Doyle!

- What's more, you're a dangerous quack. - Now, listen to me!

My good friend Myra Seligman listened to you. Too well!

And allowed you to give her those filthy injections.

I prescribed a course of armadillo urine. Ja!

I had used it previously with great success.

In the case of poor Myra, she went barking mad, thanks to you.

I will not allow this.

These irresponsible remarks about my treatment have got to stop!

Then sue me, if you dare.

No, you know that is impossible.

Any scandal attached to my clinic would bring instant ruin.

Then it's rather your funeral, isn't it?

Well, let's hope that it is not yours!

Do you want a crème de cacao or a cognac, perhaps?

The service upstairs is so slow.

Nein, danke.

What time is it?

There's a clock. Use your eyes.

Didn't your mother ever tell you, as far as servants are concerned,

there is a vast difference between amiable eccentricity

- and downright rudeness? - My mother was a lady.

A disposition she failed to pass on to you.

It's your bed time.

Very well. Where's my stole?

- I haven't seen it. - Oh...

- You sure you had it with you? - Of course I'm sure.

Well, I haven't seen it anywhere.

Use your eyes.

Monsieur Poirot...

I hope one day you'll be able to tell me about some of your cases.

- The... the juicier ones. - Ju... juicier ones?

- Bloodier. - Ah!

Quand vous voulez, madame. Enchanté.

- Good night. Good night, Monsieur. - Bonsoir.

- Oh! So sorry. - Oh, no, no, no.

You look very sleepy tonight, Monsieur Porridge.

Yes, I'm... extremely.

I'm consumed by sleep, Madame.

I don't know why, but I can hardly... keep my eyes open.

Naughty. Me, too.

Perhaps you'd be good enough to escort me to my cabin?

It is this way, as you know.

I suppose that uncouth young man will appear now and attempt to seduce you.

Well, don't let him succeed without at least the show of a struggle.

- Remember, the chase is very important. - Oh, mother!

No, this way is better.

There's a beastly step here, which I always trip on.

No, no, that's the river!

- Ooh! - No, no. No, no, no...

The old Nile is a bit choppy tonight, Monsieur.

It is true. There are disturbing currents.

Here we are. Here we are.

No, no, no, no. In there.

- Bonsoir. - Bonsoir! Bonsoir, madame.

Hello.

- Been ashore? - Yes. It's lovely in the moonlight.

A real honeymoon night.

If the clergyman's daughter drinks nothing but water,

she's certain to finish on gin.

One diamond.

- Simon... we're waiting. - Sorry.

It's your call.

- Double. - What?

♪ He was her man

♪ But he was doing her wrong ♪

- Join me? - No, thank you.

Would you mind repeating your bid?

Sorry.

If the aunt of the vicar has never touched liquor,

just wait till she finds the champagne. Bottoms up!

I'm sorry, darling. I wasn't thinking.

♪ Swore to be true to each other

- ♪ True as the stars above - I'm afraid that gives you the rubber.

- ♪ He was her man ♪ - I think I'll go to bed.

- I think it's time to turn in. - I'll second that.

- Good night... sleep tight. - Good night.

- Don't let the bed bugs bite. - Coming, Simon?

I won't be a second, darling. I'll just tidy up.

- Good night. - Good night.

- It is late, I think I'll be going, too. - Oh, no. Y-You, s-sit down!

Tell me all about yourself, hmm?

There's not very much to tell, really.

I'm Salome Otterbourne's daughter, as you know.

If the wife of a divine has never touched wine,

you can bet she'll end up with the scotch.

Go on, you were something...

saying something, about somebody's daughter.

Salome Otterbourne, the novelist.

Salome?

Didn't she have some fellow's head cut off?

It should happen to somebody else I know.

- Don't you think you've had enough? - Enough what?

- To drink. - To drink.

What business is it of yours?

- None, I suppose. - Damn right.

What's the matter, Simon? Afraid?

- Afraid of what? - Afraid...

I might tell this charming young lady the story of my life.

- I really must be going. - No, no, wait!

It's a very sad tale.

A three-hanky story if you're easily moved.

For God's sake, Jackie.

What?

Go to bed, and stop making a fool of yourself.

Oh, Simon says I'm making a fool of myself.

Simon says go to bed.

Bed...!

You make me sick!

Go to bed!

You can't treat me like this!

Now look, Jackie!

- I'll kill you first! - Jackie!

Quick. Help him!

Jesus!

- Oh, my God! - For goodness' sake!

I'll get Dr Bessner.

Get her to her cabin. Calm her down.

What have I done?

Oh, that Bowers woman.

She's a nurse, isn't she? Get her to look after her.

Come on.

Simon...

Make sure she's not left alone.

Then get the doctor! Quickly!

Lie down.

I'll get Miss Bowers.

- Simon! - Take it easy.

Rosalie's gone to get Miss Bowers. She's a nurse, she'll look after you.

You've been the devil of a time.

Miss Bowers, she'd gone to bed. She'll be here in a minute.

- The sooner the better. - How is she?

As well as can be expected for a girl who's just tried to shoot her ex-lover.

How can you be so heartless?

There now. Miss Bowers is just coming.

It'll be all right.

- It'll be all right. - It's Doyle. There's been an accident.

Yes, yes. Miss Otterbourne told me.

I think a shot of morphia will meet the case.

I've always found it very effective when Mrs Van Schuyler is carrying on.

Ferguson, you'd better go and get that... that "hun" doctor from next door.

- He'll go and look at Doyle. - Yes, right.

It's bad, this.

Get me one more cloth, ja?

All right, all right.

The bone is fractured. There is much losses of blood, ja.

All right.

All right, all right.

Help me get him to my cabin, ja?

Are you afraid of a little blood?

Like a young Mädchen?

Come here, Ferguson. Help me get him up.

I'll stay with her tonight. You never know how they're going to react.

- Miss Bowers, is she quiet? - Yes.

Yes, I've given her some morphia.

I won't leave her.

Ah, good.

Young lady, you come with me, ja?

You'll be more use than this Stutzer here,

who's afraid at the sight of a little blood.

Open the door. Ja.

Easy, all right, all right.

That's it.

Almost... Here we are. Ja.

Oh, oh, oh, oh...

Ja.

All right.

Could you get a cool towel for the head, ja?

Yes, Doctor.

I better go and pick up that gun.

It's not the sort of thing we want to leave lying around, is it?

- Ja. - Yes.

Jackie... She mustn't be left alone.

She isn't. Don't worry.

Oh, God. It's all been my fault.

I treated her so badly.

She didn't know what she was doing. She was drunk.

Now, this is going to hurt.

Are you sure someone shouldn't tell... tell your wife?

Yes... yes, please.

No. No, no, let her sleep.

No need to worry her till morning.

The best I can do is patch it up.

There is no exit wound. The bullet is lodged deep in there.

Ja, it will have to wait until we get to Wadi Halfa.

Roll up the sleeve.

And swab it with this, eh?

Ja.

I will have some splints made.

And then I will set them...

- when you are asleep, eh? - Thank you, Doctor.

Ja.

Now, don't you worry.

Everything's going to be all right.

It's not there.

- Was? - The gun. It's not there.

But who could have taken it?

Search me. I only hope it's not important.

"Sometimes I want to put this little gun up to her head,

"and very gently pull the trigger."

Was?

Er... nothing.

I've just seen the manager and he put the matter in my hands,

so it will be our responsibility until we reach Wadi Halfa.

- Well, I am at your disposal, of course. - Thank you.

Well, Doctor, what can you tell us about this?

She was shot with a very small bullet.

A.22 calibre, I think.

And the gun was held very close to the head.

Here you can see all the Versengen.

Dammit man, can't you speak English?

- Oh, you mean the... scorching. - Ja, ja, the scorching.

Excuse me...

Tiens, tiens, tiens...

- What do you make of that? - Huh?

Oh, I think it's... I think it's easy.

You see, Madame Doyle was dying.

She wished to identify the murderer... to us,

and therefore she dipped her finger in her own blood.

She wrote "J" on the wall. "Jacqueline"!

Oh, what you say is dumb. The lady dies instantly!

- Really? - Ja.

There's no time for writing with the finger in blood.

No, no.

Oh, you make a joke?

Well, it's a very small one, not in very good taste, I'm afraid.

The fact remains the "J" is on the wall. Now it's up to us to explain why.

It seems a gesture, which is childishly melodramatic.

Doctor, what about the time of death?

Well...

She has been dead at least six hours,

no longer than eight.

That puts it between midnight and 2am.

- Which is extraordinary. - Why is that?

Because it means quite simply that Mademoiselle Jacqueline

could not have done it.

'You told me yourself, mon Colonel,

'that Madame Doyle left the observation saloon a little before 11:45,

'to go to bed.

'And from then on, Jackie was in view

'either of Mademoiselle Rosalie and Monsieur Doyle

'or Monsieur Ferguson and Mademoiselle Bowers,

'who injected her with morphia

'and stayed with her in her cabin all night.'

And Simon Doyle is also eliminated by reason of his broken leg.

I don't suppose he could walk very far with that wound?

Not one step, I assure you.

Excellent! Let's hope the process of elimination continues as smoothly.

I'm afraid it will not, mon Colonel.

After all, everyone on this boat

knew exactly why Mademoiselle Jacqueline hated Madame Doyle.

She was a natural for what the Americans would call a "frame up".

At least, Mein Herr, you cannot suspect me!

Oh, why not?

You had a very good reason to kill her, as I discovered last night.

Oh. Then you did overhear!

But that was no motive.

- I mean, I could have sued her. - And risk ruin?

Murder is cheaper.

And safer, if you don't get caught.

- But I could not have done such a thing. - I disagree.

'At the time of the shooting of Monsieur Doyle,

'you could have been on deck, perhaps unable to sleep.

'You could have heard the sound of voices,

'looked through the window of the saloon,

'seen what happened...'

- Go to bed! - You can't treat me like this!

Now look, Jackie!

- I'll kill you first! - Jackie!

'...and remembered the position of the gun.

'Later, when you were called from your cabin,

'you could have picked up the gun

'while you were tending Monsieur Doyle.

'Later still, when all was quiet,

'you could have left your cabin, unobserved by your sleeping patient,

'and gone to Madame Doyle's cabin, and shot her.'

No, Herr Doktor, I cannot rule you out.

What you are suggesting is übermässig!

Outrageous! Ja!

I will not stay here to... to be insulted.

Found something in the nail varnish?

On n'attrape pas les mouches avec le vinaigre.

- I beg your pardon? - That's an old French proverb, which...

It takes too long to explain.

Come my friend. Let us prepare ourselves for our investigation

of the paying customers.

How long was it, in your estimation,

between the time you and Dr Bessner

carried Monsieur Doyle from the saloon

to when you returned to look for the gun?

- Oh, about three or four minutes. - Three or four minutes.

By your own admission, you were just outside the saloon

when the shooting took place.

In other words, it would have been perfectly possible for you

to have noted the position of the gun.

I agree. Perfectly possible.

Perfectly possible. Also, for you...

to have waited until the saloon was empty,

then to have taken the gun,

and only pretended not to have found it.

'Then, before returning to Dr Bessner to report its loss,

'you could have used it to kill Madame Doyle.'

I could have done, but as it happens, I didn't!

And you, Mademoiselle?

You could have taken the gun before you left here,

when Monsieur Ferguson was helping Monsieur Doyle.

What have I...

What have I done?

- I'll get Miss Bowers. - Yeah, right.

'On your way to fetch Miss Bowers,

'you could have seized the opportunity to take the gun to Madame Doyle's cabin

'and murder her.

'It would have added only a minute or two to the time that you were away.'

Wake up! Miss Bowers!

What's happened?

Could you please come quickly? There's been an accident.

Why should either of us take the blasted gun?

We have no reason to murder Linnet Doyle.

Ah, but she was "a leech".

She was "a parasite on the skin of society

"who deserved to be bumped off".

- Ah, yes, but... - Oh, yes, Monsieur, "bumped off

"as a warning to the others".

You damned froggy eavesdropper.

Belgian. Belgian eavesdropper, if you please, sir.

And you, Mademoiselle.

You were eager to save your mother great damages.

How could I possibly have done that?

You asked a question two days ago. I will now answer it for you.

You are quite right, Mademoiselle,

"You cannot libel the dead."

I think you're horrid.

You pretend to be so kind and considerate,

and all you want to do is trap us.

I must find out what lies hidden, Mademoiselle.

The truth.

What it amounts to, then, is after you gave Miss Jacqueline the morphia,

- she never stirred all night. - Exactly.

Nervous reaction, booze, and morphia -

together they'd have sunk the Titanic.

So, unquestionably, she could not have done the murder?

No, absolutely not.

No... but you could have.

Me?

Yes, you, Mademoiselle.

Let us suppose you were out on deck at the time of the shooting,

and saw what took place,

and thus knew where the gun was lying.

Young lady, you come with me, ja?

You'll be more help than this Stutzer here

who's scared at the sight of a little blood.

'While Monsieur Ferguson and Mademoiselle Rosalie

'were assisting Dr Bessner,

'you could have left your unconscious patient

'and run in here to pick up the gun.

'You would have had enough time before Monsieur Ferguson returned

'to search for it.

'Then you could have hurried down the port side to Madame Doyle's cabin

'and shot her.'

Preposterous.

Why should I kill Mrs Doyle?

Because her father was Melhuish Ridgeway,

whose unscrupulous business methods ruined your father

and condemned you to a servant's life.

Poppycock.

From whom did you hear that?

From your own lips, Mademoiselle, three days ago.

How dare you listen to a private conversation!

Some voices carry.

Is it true?

- Yes, it is. - Voilà!

But why should I kill Mrs Doyle for something that happened years ago?

Because its effects are still deeply resented by you to this day.

No, unfortunately, Mademoiselle,

I cannot be persuaded by your protestations.

To my mind, you had the means, the motive, the opportunity,

and what is more, the disposition to kill.

Have you quite finished, Monsieur Poirot?

For the time being,

but you will hold yourself ready to answer further questions should the need arise.

I shall do no such thing.

Monsieur Poirot...

It is true... about Linnet?

It is perfectly true.

I didn't kill her.

I know you all think I did, but I didn't.

Calmez-vous, calmez-vous, ma petite.

We know that you did not kill Madame Doyle. We have proved it.

- Proved! - Thank God.

W-what about Simon? Is he all right?

Dr Bessner seems reasonably satisfied with his condition so far.

I was mad last night. I might have killed him.

Do you think he'll ever forgive me?

It's more than likely.

It's been my experience that men are least attracted

to women who treat them well.

Miss Bowers, will you please escort Miss Jacqueline to her cabin

and see that she's all right?

We'll arrange a visit to Monsieur Doyle later on.

Oh, thank you.

I think you and I should visit him first. He must be awake by now.

Bonne idée.

The thing which intrig...

intrigues me most about this case, is the pistol.

- The pistol? - Why is it missing?

Well, I fail to see why that is so important.

In many cases the murder weapon is missing.

Even in a case where a "frame-up" is attempted? No.

Why did the murderer go to the lengths of writing "J" on the wall in blood,

and then removing "J" 's gun?

Yes, I see what you mean. Oh, they found something.

One thing is for certain: Madame Doyle was not killed by a fish.

- Are you all right? - Yes, thank you.

I must have just blacked out for a moment.

Try a spot of lunch. It might give you some strength.

No, thank you. I couldn't face it.

You couldn't face it?

- Do you permit, that, uh... - Please, do. Help yourself, Mr P.

I just can't believe it...

that Linnet's dead.

It's a bad knock.

I suppose it must look awfully black against Jackie,

but I just know she wouldn't commit cold-blooded murder.

No, rest assured, Monsieur,

we know for a fact it was not Mademoiselle Jackie.

Thank God for that.

Well, then, do you have any idea who it might have been?

Well, it could be practically anybody.

Well, only yesterday she was saying...

everyone around her on this boat was her enemy.

We have reason to believe that she was right, Monsieur.

Monsieur...

Oh, pardon.

I came to see if you were comfortable.

As comfortable as can be expected. Thank you, Louise.

Ah, the discoverer of the body.

You should be able to shed some light on all this.

Par... Pardon?

You... you... you accuse me? A respectable girl?

- I swear to you on my mother's grave, I... - Allons, allons... Louise.

Pas tant d'histoires. Il faut dire la vérité.

Asseyez-vous.

Monsieur le detective, il faut pas se douter de moi.

Cette pauvre Madame Doyle. Tout le monde l'aimait. Elle était s...

Elle était si jeune, si belle. Il y a personne qui aurait voulu la tuer.

Louise, pas de blague...

Poirot, can we please keep this in some language which we can all understand?

She said that all the world loved Madame Doyle.

At least that's a fresh approach.

Now then, when did you last see Mrs Doyle alive?

Last night, Monsieur.

I was in her cabin to undress her and put her to bed.

And then where did you go?

To my cabin. Where else?

And you didn't see or hear anything after that that might help us?

How could I, Monsieur?

My cabin was on the other side of the boat.

Naturally, if I'd been unable to sleep,

if I'd stayed on deck then,

perhaps I would have seen this assassin enter and leave Madame's cabin.

But as it is...

Oh, Monsieur, I implore you! You see how it is.

- What else can I say? - Nobody's accusing you of anything.

Now, don't worry, Louise. I'll look after you.

- Monsieur is very good. - But...

If you had not gone straight back to your cabin after leaving Madame Doyle,

you would have had time

to witness the shooting of Monsieur Doyle in the saloon.

- Ah non! - Ah oui!

You could have walked on the deck, seen everything.

Then when the coast was clear, you could have taken the gun,

'returned...

'and shot Madame Doyle.'

Monsieur, you accuse me unjustly.

Why should I do such a wicked thing? Just answer me that.

Oh, Louise...

I know all about you,

and your love affair,

and Madame Doyle's objections to your leaving her.

But I had no money, no references.

I had no choice but to stay.

Précisément. And how you hated her for that!

But I didn't kill her.

One final question, Louise.

Where are Madame Doyle's pearls?

Her... her pearls?

She... she was wearing them last night.

She put them on the table by her bed.

Were they there this morning?

Mon Dieu! I didn't... I didn't even look!

I went to her bed, I saw Madame,

I cried out, and I ran out of the room.

You did not even look!

But I, Hercule Poirot, have eyes which notice everything.

The pearls were not on the dressing table this morning.

They had gone...

vanished...

disparu.

- We must find the gun. - And the pearls.

Yes, that should not prove too difficult.

Oh là là! Qu'il fait chaud!

You're right. Yes, I could do with a change of shirt.

Yes, let's make a little pause to freshen la toilette.

And to rest the little grey cells.

I'll see you in five minutes.

Oh là là là là!

Oh là là!

I must thank you for a most timely deliverance.

It was my pleasure. I heard your SOS.

- Do you think it was put there deliberately? - Of course it was.

But it will take more than a serpent to interrupt the investigation...

of Hercule Poirot.

How is the sleuthing going?

With eminence and discretion?

- No one to put the hand-grips on? - Not yet.

Oh, er...

There is a dead... cobra over there.

Do me the kindness of having it removed, please. Thank you very much.

Come, Race.

A cobra? Oh cripes!

Never have I seen such a reptile in a first class cabin.

Never. Ooh!

Ooh... ooh!

Who's next? Pennington? We know he's a wrong 'un.

Oh, he's a dangerous one.

Monsieur Poirot, I presume?

Excusez-nous, madame.

- Perhaps you will permit us to join you? - Of course.

Well?

Your cabin is next to Madame Doyle's, n'est-ce pas?

It is.

Did you hear anything strange late last night?

I certainly did. I am a very light sleeper,

and I was awakened by a popping sound.

A popping sound?

Exactly. Just like a champagne cork coming out of a bottle.

An indifferent champagne, you understand?

Not a great vintage.

That makes a much more discreet sound.

Could it have been a small pistol instead of an old champagne cork?

Very possibly.

Though I'm sure you must appreciate

that I have a minimal familiarity with firearms.

We have found it! We have found it!

Oh, goody-goody! Oh, goody-goody gumdrops!

This certainly takes the camel's hump.

Oh, yes! And no mistake! Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, I'm sure we have found what you're looking for.

- Thank you, Mr Choudry. - No mention.

Ah, without question, the pistol of Mademoiselle Jackie.

- New Derringer.22, four shot. - Ah.

Two bullets fired.

A man's handkerchief. Looks like blood.

And a marble ashtray to send it to the bottom.

- And my stole. - This is yours, madam?

Well, of course it's mine. I missed it last night in the saloon.

Look, the murderer must've wrapped it around the pistol,

to deaden the noise of the shots.

Impertinence! That stole was given to me in Romania

by Crown Prince Carol himself.

People are no respecters of other people's property.

Nor indeed of other people's jewellery.

What can you be referring to, Monsieur?

I'm referring to the Potsdam pearls, Madame,

which belong to Madame Doyle and which have been abducted!

"Abducted"?

Dérobé. Purloined.

Pinched.

And why are you looking at me in that "too familiar", continental way?

What have these pearls to do with me?

Ah, I am the nasty little eavesdropper, Madame.

I heard that you much admire these pearls,

that you would give "every tooth in your head to possess them".

That bloody Bowers!

It is my theory that you have an obsessive love of jewellery, Madame,

that you coveted Madame Doyle's pearls,

and that you determined to possess them,

even if this meant robbery...

or murder.

You do not deny it, Madame?

I can picture you walking the deck last night,

- 'waiting for Madame Doyle to be asleep.' - Go to bed!

'Quite by chance, you see the shooting in the saloon.'

- Look, Jackie! - I'll kill you first!

Jackie!

'When the room is empty,

'you seize the opportunity of taking the gun.

'You go to Madame Doyle's cabin,

'knowing that her husband will not be there.

'You shoot her,

'and then you take the pearls from her bedside table.'

You will withdraw that,

or I shall prosecute you for slander with the utmost vigour!

It will not equal the vigour with which I shall search this boat,

and in particular, your cabin, Madame, for those pearls.

I give you a good afternoon.

You perfectly foul, French upstart!

Belgian upstart, please, Madame.

Was it necessary to be so rough on the old lady?

I mean really, you seem to be accusing everybody.

With reason, mon Colonel.

What, you think old ladies don't commit murder?

I am convinced she has the pearls.

The only question is, did she kill to acquire them?

Monsieur Choudry!

Marhaba!

- Yes, Colonel? - We will depart immediately.

I've already given the orders.

At this very moment, the engineer is building up steam.

Why the sudden rush?

I tell you, mon vieux, I feel the presence of evil all about me.

The sooner we reach Wadi Halfa, the better.

I'll lock these up in a safe place.

Then we must commence our search for the pearls.

That's the last of the crew's cabins. Maybe she threw them overboard.

You forget that we have not yet examined Pennington's cabin.

That's right. Let's do it now.

Ahoy there!

So our journey is continuing.

Good afternoon, Madame.

Will you not join me for a little refreshment?

This marvellous little man here has just made me

the most extraordinary concoction out of native fruit juices.

It's called a "Golden Sepik"

and is named after the god of the ancient city of "Crocodilopolis".

Not for me, thank you very much.

Sometimes I do take the hair of the dog, but never the scale of the crocodile.

Race...!

And how are you getting along with your investigation

of this tragic affair, Monsieur Porridge?

Oh, normalement, madame. Normally, as they say.

Oh, the crime passionnel,

the primitive instinct to kill,

so closely allied to the sex instinct.

I have every sympathy for that poor, half-crazed Jackie.

Her emotions are a turmoil,

her hot Latin blood raging

to be avenged on the woman who stole her man.

Yes, of course, but it could've been someone else,

with a motive at least as good.

Oh, who?

You, Madame Otterbourne.

- What are you talking about? - Oh, come, come.

Both your daughter and you know that "you cannot libel the dead".

Now you will never have to pay those huge damages she was asking for.

- Yes, but one would hardly kill for that. - Would one not?

- Well? - Another Golden What-Have-You.

You know, Mrs Otterbourne...

it is you that I can see looking into the saloon through the windows

at that, as you put it,

poor, half-crazed Jacqueline, shooting Monsieur Doyle.

'And then, when everyone has gone, running in to take up the gun,

'and then stealing forth to kill Madame Doyle.'

No! My world is the world of grand love and passionate romance,

not grubby murders.

Now if you please, leave me alone.

Well, if we have disturbed you, we are both desolate.

Oh, life can be so cruel!

One must be brave, very brave, to bear the calumnies of life.

Here, barman! This crocodile has lost its "croc"!

What a perfectly dreadful woman.

Why doesn't somebody shoot her, I wonder?

Well, perhaps one day, the subscribers of the lending libraries

will club together and hire an assassin.

So Madame Van Schuyler is foolish enough

to play games with Hercule Poirot.

You realise, of course, you have no actual proof that she stole them.

The fact that the pearls have been returned does not mean for a moment

that she did not kill while stealing them in the first place.

Pennington?

We must find that... that document he was trying to...

induce Madame Doyle to sign.

What's this?

- Poirot. - Yeah?

Ho! Well, that proves that Mademoiselle Jackie was not the only passenger

who was travelling armed.

Still, Linnet Doyle was not shot with a thing this size.

No, obviously not.

Oh là là, là là là là! Quelle pagaille!

Oh-oh-oh-oh! Your eyes are better. Tell me.

What the hell is going on?

We're going through your private papers, sir, isn't that obvious?

You're what? For...

It may be the custom in Paris to go through other people's things,

but we're not in Paris now!

- Brussels, sir! The country is... - I don't care if it's Borneo!

You have no right to be in my cabin, no right at all!

We have every right. Pending the arrival of the police,

the Company has commissioned us to investigate this murder.

Which has nothing to do with my papers!

On the contrary. They prove that, in spite of Madame Doyle's marriage,

you are still trying to control her money.

So what?

There's no law against it.

There is a law against swindling your client,

and my people don't like to see it contravened.

- Your people? Who the hell are they? - I represent Mrs Doyle's English lawyers,

and quite frankly, we are not at all happy about the way you and your partner

have been handling her affairs.

- Go to hell. - Now look here...

- Her affairs are in perfect order. - Oh, I wish that were true.

You see, I think you came over here

in order to get her signature on this power of attorney.

You failed, and so you went to the Temple of Amun,

'and you climbed to the top of the tall pillar.

'There, you dislodged a stone which fell,

'and which narrowly avoided killing her.'

You can't pin that on me.

Now, get out of here! I've heard enough of this garbage.

You may have to, one day, listen to a little more of such garbage

from the lips of a public prosecutor.

Oh, this is yours, I believe.

Belgium.

Let us change for dinner.

J'ai faim.

- Poirot, you have a woman? - Femme is woman.

J'ai faim. I am peckish.

Uh-oh, I must have a word with that little one.

I will join you at the table, mon Colonel.

Be good enough to order me les morilles.

Les morilles?

Oh, moray.

Well, how goes it with you, ma petite?

Badly, Monsieur Poirot.

I feel so ashamed.

- His wife's dead, and... - Now he's available to you again.

Is it so wrong of me to hope he'll come back?

I still love him.

And now he needs me more than ever.

Oh, Monsieur Poirot, could I...?

Could you arrange for me to see him?

Just for five minutes. Please?

I don't see why not.

That is, if he wishes, and the Herr Doktor raises no objection.

I will make some inquiries.

Ah, good!

The temperature is down!

All right, Herr Poirot.

I've no objection, provided the visit is short.

- Fünf Minuten at the most, ja? - Merci, Docteur.

Mademoiselle Jacqueline!

- You can see him now. - Oh...

Thank you!

- Hello, Jackie. - Simon.

I'm very sorry about Linnet.

- Thank you. - Simon, I didn't kill her. I swear that.

You don't have to say it.

I know.

Forgive me. Please.

Jackie...

Last night I... I was mad. I might have killed you.

What, with a... rotten little pea-shooter like that?

Will it be...? Will you walk again?

Don't be a chump.

As soon as we get to Wadi Halfa, they'll dig the damn thing out

and I'll be as right as rain.

Ah, ja! Yeah!

Remember, fünf Minuten, ja?

- Oh, Simon, I'm so dreadfully sorry! - There now.

There's nothing to apologise for.

Qu'est-ce que c'est ça?

I asked for a plate of morilles.

- What's that when it's at home? - Mushrooms.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you wanted a moray eel. That's the best they could do.

Anyway, I've ordered you a new bottle of wine.

Why?

Because the remains of last night's bottle was a little mouldy.

- Mouldy? - Yes, you know, it had a lot of bits in it.

But that's the normal sediment for a great bottle of Château Petrus.

Will you join me in some?

No, thanks. You stick to your wine, I'll stick to my whisky.

You drink whisky all the... Wine...

Oh, how strange!

Of course.

May I...?

You know, Poirot, the way I see it, everybody could have done it.

And everybody had a reason for doing it.

It's incredible.

Absolument.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Good evening, Madam. Please...

Come quick. Quick.

- Fetch Dr Bessner. - Yes, sir.

You see what this is?

Money.

Looks like a piece of a thousand-franc note.

It has to be blackmail.

She must have known something about Linnet Doyle's murderer.

What idiots we have been!

Ah, non de rien!

What did she say this afternoon?

"If I had been unable to sleep,

"if I had stayed on deck,

"I could then, perhaps, have seen the assassin

"enter or leave Madame Doyle's cabin."

But that is precisely what happened. She did see the assassin!

And it's because of her greed that she now lies dead!

Much good that does us!

We still don't know who killed either woman!

No, no, no, that's not quite right.

You see, we have been running in the wrong direction, you and I.

We know almost all there is to know,

except that what we know seems...

seems incredible.

Impossible.

Ah... killings.

Killings!

All the time killings!

Ja...

Dead no more than an hour.

The throat's been cut.

With a very thin knife.

One like this.

That's very interesting, Doctor.

Are you quite sure that none of yours are missing?

Was?

So now you think that I, Ludwig Bessner,

have killed this miserable little femme de chambre?

Oh, Gott im Himmel!

What do I have to do with the squalid affairs of the lower classes?

It is well known they do not have neurosis,

just animal passions.

- Take the body to the ice room. - Yes, sir.

So you think you know, huh?

I must confess, I don't see any real light myself.

Dr Bessner has just told me what's happened to the maid.

I must speak with you and Mr Doyle at once.

I wouldn't go in there, if I were you. Dr Bessner is rather cross.

My good man, I know that,

but a little kraut crossness won't stop me now.

You see, I know.

Mr Doyle, I know who killed Louise Bourget.

What? You say you know who killed Louise?

Ah... ja, not to shout!

And you, Frau Otterbourne, you cannot be here, I forbid it.

My patient is resting.

But I must! You see, it's vitally important!

You see, I know all. All, I tell you!

Now look, I will not take that pushing with Ellbogen.

Mr Doyle, I tell you that I, Salome Otterbourne,

have succeeded where frail men have faltered.

I am a finer sleuth than even the great Hercule Porridge.

Mrs Otterbourne, for God's sake, calm down!

Now tell us the whole story, from the beginning.

- Well, I refuse to speak in front of him. - Now look, you will not speak at all, eh?

Now, raus, raus. His temperature is rising with all this disturbance.

Doctor, it will rise even more if we don't hear what she has to say.

Herr Doyle!

We are talking about the murderer of my wife!

Oh, ja. Ja. All right.

You can stay drei Minuten... Three minutes.

And you... now you speak softly, eh?

Odious little man!

Madam, do I understand that you have evidence to show who killed Mrs Doyle?

You do and I have.

You will agree, will you not,

that whoever killed Louise Bourget also killed Linnet Doyle.

That is quite possible.

Well...

I saw who killed Louise Bourget with my own eyes.

Pray continue, Madame.

I happened to be in the stern of the boat talking to one of the crew,

'who was showing me a most intriguing sight:

'A buffalo and a camel, yoked together, tilling the soil.'

You saw this by moonlight, of course, Madame?

- Yes, I did. - Yes...

- I have amazingly good eyesight. - Ah!

Anyway, I left him.

'And suddenly, as I rounded the corner,

'I heard a scream.

'It came from Louise Bourget's cabin.

'Then, I saw the cabin door open.

'As the door opened wider,

'I saw that it was...'

Pennington's.

I heard a big boom!

- What now has happened? - Mrs Otterbourne's been shot.

- Mr Pennington? - Yes?

This is your gun, I believe.

Anybody could have taken that gun from my cabin,

everybody knew it was there. I was saying just the other night,

I always carry a gun with me on my travels abroad.

It is time for these murders to stop.

Already, I have, unfortunately, delayed too long,

I would like to see everybody, please, in the saloon,

when all will be revealed.

In, er... thirty minutes?

I can't believe it.

Mother dead.

Why?

- She must have found something out. - Oh, God! Poor darling!

I loved her, in spite of it all.

And now she's gone.

I can't take it in.

Suddenly I'm...

All alone.

No, you're not.

I'll look after you.

Oh, Jim...

Poor mother.

You'd never have got away from them.

Not while she was alive.

Madame, mesdemoiselles, messieurs...

the game is over.

I, Hercule Poirot,

now know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, who killed Madame Doyle,

Louise Bourget and Madame Otterbourne.

Foolishly, I began this investigation with the preconceived idea

that there must have been a witness to the shooting scene

between Mademoiselle Jackie and Simon Doyle.

That this person must have taken the gun,

from here, after everyone had left the saloon,

and must have used it to kill Madame Doyle,

and to attempt to frame Mademoiselle Jackie.

You see, mes amis, it is not

as though there were any lack of suspects among you.

She might have been killed by someone trying to shut her defamatory mouth,

or by someone whose father had been ruined by Madame Doyle's father,

or by someone obsessed with the idea of robbery,

or by someone who bitterly resented anyone inheriting that amount of money.

Or by someone who was desperately trying

to save her mother from financial ruin.

Or yet,

by someone anxious to escape exposure as a fraudulent trustee.

Or by someone who simply mistook the identity of the victim.

And then...

I remembered something very important.

'On the night of the killing, I slept heavily,

'not lightly, as is my custom. Why?

'Because my wine had been drugged

'by someone who did not wish me to be present at the night's events.

'This was the easiest thing in the world -

'the bottles stand open on the dining room table all day long.

'You, mon Colonel,

'you even sent the bottle back saying, to use your own words,

'that it was "mouldy".

'And this in itself plainly implies premeditation on someone's part.'

It means that yesterday before 7:30, when dinner was served,

the crime had already been decided upon.

Then I began to think back on something

that has been puzzling me from the beginning.

If the intention was to implicate Mademoiselle Jackie,

why had the gun been removed from Madame Doyle's cabin?

And then I understood.

The murderer had removed the gun because he, or... or she,

had to remove it. There was no other course.

And there was more.

Dr Bessner, you examined Madame Doyle's body.

Ja.

You will remember that there were signs of scorching round the wound.

'In other words, the gun had been placed very close to her head before being fired.'

That is correct.

But... when we recovered the gun from the Nile,

it was wrapped in this brocade stole

and had evidently been fired through its folds,

presumably in order to deaden the sound of the shot.

Dr Bessner,

if it had been fired through the stole,

there would have been no scorching on Madame Doyle's temple.

In other words, the shot that killed Madame Doyle

could not have been fired through the stole.

And then, perhaps, it was the other one.

The one which Jacqueline de Bellefort fired at Simon Doyle.

Jackie!

'But no, we have a witness for that. We know it's not so.'

Therefore, there was a third shot.

One of which we know nothing.

But...

there were only two shots missing from the gun.

The next curious circumstance

occurred in Madame Doyle's cabin.

'In it, I found two bottles of coloured nail polish.

'One bottle was labelled "Rose",

'but the few drops remaining in that bottle

'were not pale pink, but bright red.

'And instead of the usual smell of pear drops...

'vinegar.'

Mes amis, it was red ink,

which formed an inevitable link

with this handkerchief

which we found together with the gun wrapped up in the stole.

And ink washes easily out of linen leaving a pale pink stain.

Then something happened

which put the matter beyond all doubt.

Louise Bourget was killed

because she was blackmailing the murderer.

We know this not only because of the fragment of a thousand-franc note

which we found clutched between her dead fingers,

but also because of some rather curious words she used

only this morning.

Naturally, if I'd been unable to sleep...

'''Naturally, if I had been unable to sleep,

'''if I had stayed on deck,

'''I might then perhaps have seen the assassin

'''enter or leave Madame's cabin.'''

Now, what exactly did that tell us?

What exactly did she tell us...

with that?

That she had stayed on deck.

She did see the murderer.

Yes, but you still fail to see my point, mon Colonel, excuse me.

Why did she say that to us?

As a hint?

As a hint, of course, but why hint to us?

She knows who the murderer is. All right, she can do one of two things:

She can tell us, or else she can keep quiet

and demand money from the person concerned later.

But she does neither of these two things.

She uses the conditional tense if you please:

"If I had been..."

This can mean only one thing: She's hinting, all right, yes,

but she's hinting to the murderer.

In other words, he was present at the time.

But, apart from you and me,

only one other person was present.

Precisely.

Simon Doyle.

What?

Yes.

You are under the constant supervision of Dr Bessner. She had to speak then.

- She might not have got another chance. - Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

Bloody rid... Oh, I don't think I'm being... I remember very clearly your answer.

"I will look after you.

"No one is accusing you of anything."

This is exactly the assurance that she wanted, and... which she got.

Oh, Mr P.

You really have made a fool of yourself this time, and no mistake.

I mean, I've got plenty of witnesses to prove that I couldn't possibly have killed Linnet.

I know you have.

But you did kill her.

And Louise Bourget saw you.

Oh, what nonsense!

I tell you that Herr Doyle could not have moved about the boat with a fractured leg.

I tell you that I, Ludwig Bessner, would testify to this to any court in the world.

In that case, I would have to say that your testimony is irrelevant.

- Irrelevant? - Er... unanwendbar.

Unanwendbar?

Me?

I have testified

in some of the most complex psychological cases of the century.

- My testimony alone saved Strutzrumple... - Strutzrumple!

...the Dresden Sachertorte murderer, from execution.

- And on the case... - Calmez-vous, Calmez-vous.

I'm only saying that your testimony is irrelevant

because you started to tend to Monsieur Doyle

five minutes after he had been shot.

But I tell you he could not have moved during those five minutes.

I agree, if he'd been shot at the time, but had he been?

Consider what had actually been seen.

'Mademoiselle Rosalie saw Jacqueline fire her pistol.

'She saw Doyle collapse to the floor,

'and then turning away to seek help, she ran into Monsieur Ferguson,

'who had heard the shot.

'All he saw was Doyle clutching a red-stained handkerchief to his leg.

'He quite naturally assumed that Doyle had been shot,

'but the assumption was wrong.

'The bullet had not gone into Doyle, but... elsewhere.

'And now what happens?

'Doyle insists that Jackie be taken away to her cabin

'and not be left alone.

'And so Jackie is helped to her cabin

'by Mademoiselle Rosalie and Monsieur Ferguson.

'Then, Mademoiselle Rosalie goes to fetch Miss Bowers.

'And accordingly, all the activity is centred on the starboard side of the boat.'

Miss Bowers!

'Two minutes are all that Doyle needs.

'He takes off his shoes,

'picks up the gun from under the sofa,

'where Jackie had thoughtfully thrown it, so that it would be forgotten until later,

'and runs like a hare along the port deck.

'He then enters his wife's cabin.

'Doyle then takes Madame Van Schuyler's stole

'which he had previously hidden, and wrapping up the gun in it,

'in order both to muffle sound and to prevent scorching,

'fires a bullet into his own leg.

'He removes one of the spent cartridges,

'which he disposes of,

'and inserts a fresh one

'thus indicating, should the gun be found,

'that only two bullets had been fired from it.

'He then rewraps the gun in the stole, adds the stained handkerchief,

'and a marble ashtray to make sure that it all sinks to the bottom,

'and throws the whole bundle out of the window, into the Nile.

'And now he lies back on the sofa, clasping a fresh handkerchief to his leg,

'this time in genuine agony.'

C'est extraordinaire, n'est-ce pas?

It's impossible.

I can scarcely believe it.

Of course it is, absolutely bloody impossible.

Why do you say it's impossible?

You yourself told me that you heard softly running feet.

What reason was there for anyone to run?

Yes, I know, but do all that on the spur of the moment?

Once and for all, mon Colonel, it was not on the spur of the moment,

it was carefully planned.

- By Doyle? - Oh, Doyle... He merely acted the part.

It was planned by his accomplice,

Mademoiselle Jacqueline de Bellefort.

You must be mad.

No, I'm not mad.

That's the truth.

Who gave Doyle his alibi?

You did, by firing that shot.

And who gave you your alibi?

Doyle.

By insisting that someone stay with you, all night.

It's not true! It's not!

It is true. Why bother to deny it?

You and Doyle were lovers.

You still are lovers.

The plan was that Simon would kill his wife,

inherit the money, and then afterwards, at some later date,

marry his old love.

It was a very brilliant concept.

Your persecution of Madame Doyle,

Simon's feigned rage,

your selection of Mademoiselle Rosalie as a witness,

and all that build-up to the shooting,

the exaggerated hysteria...

There was only one risk you really took,

and that was that Simon's wound, simply, had to be disabling.

Oh, and, ah, pardon me, but one piece of foolishness,

which was the drawing of the letter "J" on the wall of the cabin,

so melodramatic it could only have one effect,

that of exonerating you.

And who would want to do that except... an accomplice?

But then the plan began to go wrong...

did it not?

'Louise Bourget has been wakeful.

'She sees Doyle run to his wife's cabin.

'She hears the shot,

'and sees him return to the saloon.

'She makes her greedy bid for hush money,

'and in doing so signs her own death warrant.'

Herr Doyle could not have killed her, because he could not have moved.

- I will swear to that. - You would be right.

She was killed by Mademoiselle Jackie.

No!

Yes, I am afraid there is no doubt.

Just before dinner, she asked to see Monsieur Doyle.

'Quite foolishly, as it turns out, I agreed and brought them together.

'The one apparently guilt-ridden and distraught,

'the other comforting.'

Oh, Simon, I'm so dreadfully sorry.

Now, there now...

'However, I'm sure as soon as we've gone, the tone changes.'

It's going fine, darling. We're nearly there.

Like hell it is! Louise knows.

She saw me. She's trying to blackmail us.

I'll have to shut her up.

- Can't we pay her? - All our lives?

Jackie, are you sure?

- Give me some money. - Why?

That's what she's waiting for. It'll put her off guard.

- Where is it? - In my jacket. In the wardrobe.

- I love you. - I know.

- Are we insane? - Oh, I don't know, but we can't stop now.

Jackie...

Wish me luck.

'Unfortunately for her, in her haste,

'she leaves a tiny fragment of a thousand-franc note behind,

'clutched in the dead woman's fingers.

'But even more unfortunately,

'she is seen by Madame Otterbourne leaving the cabin.

'She is unaware of this at the time

'and returns to Dr Bessner's cabin to replace the scalpel.

'Then, having changed for dinner, somewhat flushed and out of breath,

'she hurries into the dining room.'

As for Madame Otterbourne,

when she hears of the murder of Louise Bourget from Dr Bessner,

she suddenly realises that she has actually seen the murderer

leaving the scene of the crime.

What?

You say you know who killed Louise?

Calm. Not to shout.

And you, Frau Otterbourne, you cannot be here, I forbid it.

'It seemed strange to me at the time

'that Doyle should be shouting so loudly at Madame Otterbourne.

'Now, of course, I realise that what he was doing

'was shouting a warning to Jackie next door.'

Mrs Otterbourne, for God's sake, calm down.

Now tell us the whole story, from the beginning.

'And why did he ask her to start at the beginning and tell the whole story?

'Obviously, to give Jackie time to act, which she did, like lightning.'

- ...what she has to say. - But Herr Doyle...!

We are talking about the murderer of my wife!

Mr Pennington?

'She boasted once that her father had taught her to be a crack shot,

'and her boast was not an idle one.'

I saw it...

'She dropped the gun and bolted into her own cabin next door.

'It was highly risky,

'but it was her only possible chance.'

Voilà, mes amis.

That is all.

Congratulations, Mr P., on a highly amusing theory.

Oh, it's more than a theory.

Unfortunately, it is the truth.

Then what happened to the first bullet,

the one that Jackie fired at me?

Oh, that's a good question, yes.

Can you all see this table?

There's a newly made bullet hole, just there.

Of course, you had time to dispose of the bullet and, er...

throw it into the Nile.

- What piffle! - Oh, no. It's not piffle.

Remember, we have proof that all the three bullets

came from Mademoiselle Jacqueline's gun.

Suppose that's true, Monsieur Poirot,

where's your proof that Simon fired the other two?

Well, that's right!

You've no proof. You've absolutely no proof at all.

We'll produce some, never fear. You won't get away with this.

No?

Well, you'll never convince a jury without proof.

And where do you intend to get it, Mr P.?

From Linnet?

Oh, no. Not from Linnet.

From you.

- From me? What do you mean? - It's a bluff, Simon.

It's very far from being a bluff.

There is a very simple test

which is now accepted as conclusive evidence in any court in the world,

and it's called a "Moulage test".

"Moulage test"?

Yes, "Moulage". You know, when you fire a gun,

tiny grains of powder become embedded in the skin

and they can now be removed by a thin layer of wax.

That's a "Moulage test".

Oh, mon Colonel, will you administer this?

When you wish.

I assume, of course, that you're willing to submit to such a test?

There is no pain involved, just a little... warmth.

Jackie, what c...?

"What can we do"?

Nothing.

It's over.

I don't mind so much, Monsieur.

About me, I mean.

You do mind, don't you? A bit?

Yes.

And don't judge Simon too harshly.

He never had any money, and Linnet simply...

dazzled him with all that wealth.

Simon, do you remember what you said?

I said if this was a book,

I'd marry Linnet, and she'd die within a year and leave me everything.

That's when I saw the idea come into his head.

I was terrified. I knew he'd try some perfectly absurd way.

He even had the idea of putting a cobra in her bed.

Well, you found another use for that serpent, Mademoiselle.

I'm glad it didn't kill you, Monsieur.

- Oof... - Truly.

So...

you see...

I had to help him.

I've always had to help him.

Oh, Jackie, I love you.

I love you.

Stop!

Monsieur Poirot...

Quelle tragédie!

A splendid piece of detecting, Poirot, I must say.

You know, I couldn't possibly have carried out that Moulage test.

I have no wax.

You astonish me, mon Colonel. You absolutely astonish me.

Goodbye, Monsieur Poirot.

I'm afraid the description of your cases will have to wait until another time.

Oh, quel dommage, madame!

I was hoping to recount to you my recent extraordinary experience

on the Orient Express.

Come on, Bowers. Time to go.

This place is beginning to resemble a mortuary.

Thank God, you'll be in one yourself, before too long.

- Bloody old fossil. - Temper, temper, Bowers!

What you need is a nice cool holiday.

I was thinking of a trip through the Gobi Desert.

Monsieur Poirot, I wanted you to be the first to know.

We've just got engaged.

Oh, mes félicitations, mademoiselle. Monsieur...

Congratulations. And bonne chance to both of you.

Thank you.

- Goodbye, Monsieur Poirot. - Goodbye, sir.

- Colonel Race. - Good luck.

Oh, mes petits!

A word of advice...

As they say in America, "Take it easy."

We'll try.

- What are you thinking? - I was thinking of Molière.

"La grande ambition des femmes est d'inspirer l'amour."

I do wish you'd speak some known language.

"The great ambition of women is to inspire love."