Original subtitles

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ MOANING ]

AAH!

[ BOTH MOANING ]

SUEY!

[ ALL MOANING ]

SUEY!

[ ALL MOANING ]

SUEY!

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

AH, SWEET STAY-CATION.

Bullhorn: FUCK WITH ME, BITCH?!

I WISH YOU WOULD!

DON'T MAKE ME GET UNDER THAT HOOD!

BIATCH! YOU PIECE OF PUSSY METAL AND STEEL!

I'M-A BEAT THE BRAKES OFF YOUR ASS!

YOU MOTHERFUCKA OF AN AUTOMOBILE!

BULLHORN, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU YELLING AT MY CAR?!

I'M TRYIN' TO FIX THIS SORRY SUCKA,

BUT THE BITCH'S ENGINE QUIT.

BLACK DYNAMITE, YOUR CAR

JUST DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK IT'S FUCKIN' WITH!

AAH!

BLACK DYNAMITE, JUST DON'T STAND THERE STANDING BY!

YOUR OIL TANK DONE SUCKER-PUNCHED MY ASS

IN THE EYE!

THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKA

YOU DONE FUCKED WITH THE WRONG ONE, MAN!

I WHUP ASS OF CARS, BOATS, AND EVEN AIR-A-PLANES!

BULLHORN, HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO HOLD THIS ENTIRE ENGINE BLOCK

OF MY CAR IN THE AIR?

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF MY -

BLACK DYNAMITE, I KNOW YOU ARE ON STAY-CATION,

BUT I BEEN YELLING AND SCREAMING AT THESE ORPHANS ALL DAY,

ESPECIALLY THAT LITTLE BADASS LIL ORPHAN RODNEY KING!

[ SLAP! LAUGHTER ]

SORRY, BEE, BUT I'M ON STAY-CATION.

YOU NEED TO TRY PUNCHING THEM IN THE THROAT.

PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT? ME?

YOU KNOW I COULDN'T HURT THEM KIDS. OW!

LIL ORPHAN ARNOLD, I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT!

HONEY BEE, I -

BLACK DYNAMITE, EUPHORIA IS WAY OUT OF POCKET!

SHE PIMP-SLAPPED A PIMP IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY!

I DIDN'T PIMP-SLAP YOU! I HO-SLAPPED YOU!

SO DON'T BE BRAGGIN' ABOUT YOUR LITTLE LIMP DICK OF A PIMP HAND

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

BLACK DYNAMITE, YOU BETTER GET THESE HOES IN CHECK!

'CAUSE WHEN MY PIMP HAND GETS ANGRY - UNH!

YOU AIN'T NO PIMP. YOU JUST A SIMP.

CREAM CORN, YOUR GAME IS THIRSTY.

HERE, HERE, LET ME PUT SOME WATER ON IT.

NOW YOUR GAME IS ALL WASHED UP.

BLACK DYNAMITE, YOU GONNA LET THEM

TREAT YOUR STAR PIMP THIS WAY?!

NOW, CREAM CORN - BLACK DYNAMITE!

LOOK - THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT SHUT DOWN MY ESTABLISHMENT!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?!

THEY SAY I CAN'T SERVE HOG MAWS WITH BURGOO!

WHAT THE FUCK IS BURGOO?

SHIT I DON'T KNOW.

JUST SOUNDED GOOD WITH HOG MAWS.

ROSCOE, NOW I'M GONNA TELL YOU

JUST LIKE I BEEN TRYIN TO TELL THEM -

[ DOG YIPS ] WHAT THE?

POOF!

DAMN IT, BASEHEAD!

I DONE TOLD YOU ABOUT POOFIN' UP

ON BLACK DYNAMITE UNANNOUNCED!

SORRY, BLACK DYNAMITE,

BUT I NEEDS MY MONEY!

WHAT MONEY?

THE $5 YOU OWE ME

FOR THE DOG YOU 'BOUT TO BUY.

BASEHEAD, I GOT NO TIME FOR THIS!

NOW I'M TRYING TO ENJOY MY STAY-CATION!

DAMN, BLACK DYNAMITE!

YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.

JUST GIVE ME $2.

I-I'LL BE BACK TO GET IT LATER.

AND WATCH YOUR LEG. HIS DICK IS IN HEAT.

[ DOG YIPS ]

POOF!

Together: BLACK DYNAMITE!

[ ALL CLAMORING ]

THAT'S IT!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

AH-SUEY!

[ CAR ALARM BLARING ]

ALL RIGHT, ALL THE SUCKAHS IN THE WORLD, LISTEN UP!

BLACK DYNAMITE IS ON STAY-CATION,

WHICH MEANS HE AIN'T HELPIN', SAVIN',

STANDIN' UP FOR, OR GIVIN' NOBODY $2!

I KICKED A WHOLE MONTH'S WORTH OF ASS

TO GIVE MY ASS-KICKIN' FEET A BREAK,

SO FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH, Y'ALL ARE ON YOUR OWN!

SO, EVERYBODY, WILL YOU PLEASE -

All: ...SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHILE GROWN FOLKS IS ON STAY-CATION.

UH, YEAH.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ ALARMS RINGING, SIRENS WAIL ]

LOOKS LIKE YOU LITERALLY NEED TO GET A BITCH.

SINCE TECHNICALLY YOU'RE AN ORPHAN, TOO,

I GUESS YOU CAN LIVE HERE.

JUST TRY TO STAY OUT OF THE WAY AND DON'T PISS ON SHIT.

OR SHIT AND PISS ON - ON SHIT.

[ SIREN WAILS, SCREAMING ]

AS A RESULT OF BEING ON STAY-CATION,

THE POLICE ARE FUCKING N-WORDS UP!

I HEAR YOU WHORES ARE SMUGGLING CONTRABAND VIA MOOSEKNUCKLE.

SO EITHER YOU LET ME SEARCH YOU,

OR I'M PUTTIN' ALL OF YOUS IN THE SLAMMER.

AW, HELL. WHERE'S LIL ORPHAN RODNEY KING?

UNH-UNH, UNH-UNH. WAIT A MINUTE NOW,

MOTHERFUCKA

WAIT A MINUTE NOW, MOTHERFUCKA

HEY! HEY!

Chief: CHIEF MAGILAHORN, BIG SIS.

HOW'S IT GOING OVER THERE? PEACHY, BIG BRO.

BLACK DYNAMITE'S ON STAY-CATION,

THE COMMUNITY IS IN AN UPROAR,

AND I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

LIL ORPHAN RODNEY KING!

I WAS PLANNING ON BEATIN' YOUR ASS FOR NO REASON,

BUT NOW YOU GAVE ME ONE!

YOU CAN'T BEAT MY ASS!

I'M JUST AN ORPHAN WITH NO PARENTAL GUIDANCE

AND NOT MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO!

WHO'S GONNA STOP ME?

BLACK DYNAMITE'S ON STAY-CATION!

[ SCREAMING ]

LOOK, THE POLICE ARE OVER THERE

BEATING UP LIL ORPHAN RODNEY KING FOR NO REASON!

THAT MAKES CHOCOLATE GIDDY-U-U-U-UP VERY MAD!

THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE BURNING DOWN MY OWN COMMUNITY,

STARTING WITH THE KOREAN STORE!

[ GLASS SHATTERS, ALARM BLARES ]

[ SHOUTING CONTINUES ]

NOT A DRILL, FOLKS!

BLACK COMMUNITY HAS SUDDENLY PLUNGED

INTO BLACK LAWLESSNESS AND A DARKER SHADE OF CHAOS!

O-OH, MY GOSH! IS THAT AN ORPHAN?!

OH, NO! THE POLICE ARE BEATIN' THE SHIT

OUT OF POOR LITTLE BADASS LIL ORPHAN RODNEY KING!

OOH! YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING, BLACK DYNAMITE!

[ REMOTE CLICKS, BLACK DYNAMITE SLURPS ]

BLACK DYNAMITE! YOUR MAMA!

I KNOW YOU ON STAY-CATION...

FUCK THIS SHIT!

THE BLACK COMMUNITY CAN BURN ITSELF DOWN, FOR ALL I CARE!

I'M LEAVIN'! [ DOG WHIMPERS ]

[ GUNSHOT, SIREN WAILS ]

AND AT LAST, IT LOOKS LIKE BLACK DYNAMITE

HAS EMERGED FROM HIS RETIREMENT TO RESTORE ORDER AND - OHH!

[ ENGINE STRUGGLES ]

SHIT THAT'S RIGHT.

I THREW THE FUCKIN' ENGINE!

I'M-A WHUP EVERY COP'S ASS THAT I SEE IN SIGHT!

AS SOON AS I GET SOME HELP FROM BLACK DYNAMITE!

BULLHORN, FOR THE LAST TIME I SAID, I'M ON STAY-CA-

UNH!

[ PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

STAY-CATION, DAMN IT! [ GASPS ]

WHERE THE HELL AM I?

HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW? I JUST GOT HERE WITH YOU.

WAIT A MINUTE? HOW'D YOU SAY THAT, LITTLE DOG? YOU A DOG.

THE NAME IS BROTO, AND, MAN, THIS IS YOUR HALLUCINATION.

SO AGAIN, HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW?!

HUH. WELL, SOMETHING TELLS ME

WE'RE NOT IN SOUTH CENTRAL NO MORE, THAT'S FOR SURE.

OH, NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.

I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE BITCHES AT,

'CAUSE I'M TIRED OF DRY-HUMPIN' LEGS,

AND THESE BELL-BOTTOMS BE MAKIN' MY BALLS ITCH.

BULLHORN?

CREAM CORN?

HONEY BEE?

HEY! HEY! HEEEEEEY!

BLACK DYNAMITE! JAMES BROWN?

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HALLUCINATION?

AND WHY DO YOU HAVE WINGS?

I'M YOUR FAIRY GODFATHER OF ♪ SOUL

BLACK DYNAMITE.

AND JUST FOR THE RECORD,

JUST BECAUSE I'M A FAIRY DON'T MAKE ME NO FAIRY. YOU DIG?

OKAY, FAIRY GOOD FOOT, NOW WHERE THE FUCK AM I?

♪ WELCOME

TO THE BLACK VERSION OF "THE WIZ"!

WAIT. BUT "THE WIZ" IS ALREADY BLACK.

YEAH, BUT NOT THIS BLACK.

THIS PLACE MAKES "THE WIZ" LOOK LIKE "THE WIZARD OF OZ."

AND YOU JUST KILLED THE WICKED BITCH

OF THE SOUTH CENTRAL!

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A DRAMATIC STING!

OWW! HIT ME! [ FUNKY INTRO PLAYS ]

WE ONLY BEEN HERE TWO MINUTES,

AND ALREADY SOMEBODY'S TRYIN' TO SET ME UP.

SET YOU UP?!

MAN, YOU JUST SAVED THE LITTLE RODNEYMUNCHKINGS!

HEY, LIL RODNEYMUNCHKINGS, TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL

'BOUT THAT HONKY BITCH DEAD UNDER.

PUT 'EM IN THE HOT TUB. HEY!

DEYOOO! [ FUNKY INTRO PLAYS ]

♪ GET ON DOWN

♪ THE BITCH IS DEAD, WHICH OLD BITCH? ♪

♪ THE HONKY BITCH, GET ON DOWN ♪

♪ THE HONKY BITCH IS DEAD

♪ NO MORE BRUTALITY FROM PIGS WE SEE, LAPD ♪

♪ FUCK THE POLICE, THE WICKED BITCH IS DEAD ♪

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I GET IT!

NOW COULD YOU PLEASE STOP ALL THE GODDAMN SINGING

AND HELP ME FIND A PLACE TO STAY-CATE?!

YES, BUT FIRST I MUST GIVE YOU ♪ THESE

[ FUNKY INTRO PLAYS ]

WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE FOR?

THESE ARE MAGICAL ASS- KICKIN' SHOES, BLACK DYNAMITE,

AND THEY NOW BELONG ♪ TO YOU

NO, THANK YOU. BLACK DYNAMITE AIN'T DOING

NO ASS-KICKIN' TODAY.

AND EVEN IF I WAS, MY FLIP-FLOPS WILL DO JUST FINE.

WELL, CAN YOUR FLIP-FLOPS DO THIS?

GET OUT! AAAAAAH!

BUT YOU MUST NEVER LET THEM FALL IN THE HANDS OF HER BROTHER,

THE WICKED ♪ BITCH OF THE WEST-SIDE ♪

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HER BROTHER'S A BITCH?

OH, SHIT.

OH, YES, THE KING OF ALL BITCHES.

HE WOULD USE THEM TO KICK OUR ASSES FOREVER!

AND TAKE OVER THE WHOLE BLACK VERSION

OF "THE WIZ" WORLD, BLACK DYNAMITE!

WELL, THAT'S NOT BLACK DYNAMITE'S BUSINESS,

AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL THAT BITCH IN THE FIRST PLACE.

WELL, YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE CHOSE TO KILL THE BITCH,

BUT THE BITCH CHOSE ♪ YOU UNH!

WELL, I DON'T NEED IT.

[ SIREN WAILS ]

All: OH, NO! IT'S THE WICKED BITCH OF THE WEST-SIDE!

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW WHICH ONE OF YOUS KILLED MY SISTER?

WAS IT YOU, BLACK DYNAMITE?

I AIN'T SAYIN' SHIT WITH OR WITHOUT A LAWYER.

BLACK DYNAMITE DON'T SAY SHIT TO THE PIGS.

WELL, YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME

MY SISTER'S MAGICAL ASS-KICKIN' SHOES.

THEY BELONG TO ME NOW.

YOU SEE THERE? I WAS GONNA GIVE 'EM TO YOU

TILL YOU TOLD BLACK DYNAMITE WHAT TO DO.

NOW YOU AIN'T GETTIN' A GODDAMN THING.

SO IF I WAS YOU, I'D SCRAM

BEFORE I COME OFF MY ASS-KICKIN' SABBATICAL.

JUST YOU WAIT.

I WILL GET YOUR ASS, BLACKY D,

AND YOUR HORNY LITTLE MUTT, TOO!

HA HA HA HA! WHAT THE -

SORRY, MAN. I AIN'T GAY OR NOTHIN',

BUT YOU THE ONLY BITCH AROUND HERE NOT WEARING BELL-BOTTOMS,

SO I JUST NEED YOUR LEG FOR ABOUT ANOTHER MINUTE.

DAMN, MAN! I WAS ALMOST THERE.

PLEASE STAY HERE AND PROTECT US

FROM THE WICKED BITCH OF THE WEST-SIDE, BLACK DYNAMITE.

SORRY, LITTLE RODNEYMUNCHKINGS,

BUT BLACK DYNAMITE IS ON STAY-CATION.

NOW ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS HOW AND WHERE

I CAN FIND A PLACE TO STAY

AND VACATION AT THE SAME DAMN TIME.

OH, THERE'S ONLY ONE WHO CAN GIVE YOU THAT,

AND THAT'S THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

SUPER BADASS MOTHERFUCKA

OWW! GOOD GOD!

OKAY. WHO THE HELL IS THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL

SUPER BADASS MOTHERFUCKA

WHO ELSE BUT NUMBER 32

AND INVENTOR OF THE LOOK-AWAY PASS HIMSELF,

MR. MAGIC JOHNSON.

WAIT. EARVIN "MAGIC" JOHNSON, FROM THE LAKERS?

OF COURSE!

IN THE BLACK VERSION OF "THE WIZ,"

HE OWN ALL THIS SHIT!

AND HE'S ♪ SUPER-BAD HEYYYYYY!

♪ HE GOT HOTELS

♪ AND MOVIE THEATERS TOO

♪ HE GOT THE LAKERS, A BLACK STARBUCKS, AND A SHOE ♪

♪ HUNH! UNH

♪ MAGIC GOT IT ALL

♪ AND HE'S MAGIC, MAN

UNH! UNH! UNH!

♪ HE GOT DOUGH

♪ AND HE'S MAGIC, MAN UNH!

♪ NOW HE GOT THE MONEY TO DO WHAT HE WANT TO DO ♪

♪ HE JUST MIGHT BUY THE DODGERS, SOUL TRAIN ♪

♪ AND AN AIRPLANE, TOO

HA! UNH!

♪ HE GOT DOUGH

♪ AND HE'S MAGIC, MAN

UNH! WATCH ME!

♪ MAGIC

♪ MAGIC

♪ MAGIC

H-E-E-E-E-EY!

UNH! OWW!

SO YOU SEE, BLACK DYNAMITE,

HE GOT A CHAIN OF HOTELS THAT'LL BE PERFECT FOR YOU TO STAY-CATE.

WELL, WHERE IS MAGIC JOHNSON, AND HOW DO I GET TO WHERE HE IS?

HE OWNS A MAGICAL CITY, NOT MAGIC CITY.

THAT'S THE BIG BOOTY GIRL. THAT'S DOWN THE ROAD, THERE.

THAT'S LATER DOWN THE ROAD, THERE.

BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT A MAGICAL CITY, CALLED ♪ OZ-WATTS

UNH!

OZ-WATTS? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NAME IS THAT?

IT'S A COMBINATION OF "OZ" AND "WATTS."

YOU KNOW, LIKE "WHOREPHANAGE."

FAIR ENOUGH. NOW HOW DO I GET TO THIS OZ-WATTS?

BY TAKING THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED,

A.K.A. MALCOLM X BOULEVARD.

BUT I MUST WARN YOU - IT'S VERY DANGEROUS.

♪ BUT I HAD A DREAM

THAT YOU EASE ON DOWN MARTIN LUTHER KING.

OWW!

♪ COME ON AND MOVE ON DOWN -

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH GODDAMN SINGING!

NOW WILL YOU RODNEYMUNCHKINGS PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP

AND LET A GROWN MAN FIGURE OUT WHICH ROAD TO EASE ON DOWN?!

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

[ CAR ALARM BLARES, GUNSHOTS ]

EVERY YELLOW BRICK THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD.

I'M ROLLIN' WITH MALCOLM X.

[ ENGINE STRUGGLING ] SHIT WE AIN'T GOT NO ENGINE.

SO YOU IMAGINED FAIRY GODFATHERS OF SOUL

AND RODNEY MONCHICHIS AND SHIT,

AND YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE AN ENGINE IN THIS BITCH?

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?

[ GRUNTS ] SUEY!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

I'M GONNA KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THE CITY OF OZ-WATTS

AND THE WHOLE BLACK VERSION OF "THE WIZ'S" ASS!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

HEY, YOU THINK MAGIC JOHNSON COULD GET ME SOME PUSSY?!

YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN

SINCE I HAD SOME LIPSTICK ON MY LIP STICK?

WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD YOUR DICK AND YOUR LIPSTICKS, BROTO.

LOOK AT YOU HANGING UP THERE.

YOU CAN'T EVEN GET YOURSELF DOWN.

AW, SHIT! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT!

[ SOBBING ] BACK UP, YOU HOE-CROWS!

I'M WARNING YOU! YOU GONNA GET PIMP-SLAPPED!

HOW THE HELL YOU GONNA BE A SCAREHOE

WHEN YOU SCARED OF HOE CROWS?

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH!

AIN'T NOBODY SCARED OF THAT LIMP-DICK-ASS PIMP-HAND!

IT AIN'T LIMP! I JUST GOT A LOT ON MY MIND.

YOU KNOW PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU AIN'T NO PIMP!

NOW SING IT!

AW, MAN!

YOU HOE-CROWS ARE GONNA MAKE ME SING IT AGAIN?

[ FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP

♪ YOU CAN'T PULL HOES

♪ AND YOU'RE LAME WITHOUT ANY GAME ♪

♪ YOU KEEP SAYIN'

♪ BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY

♪ BUT WE KNOW YOU ALWAYS BROKE SO EXPLAIN ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP

♪ YOU KNOW IT AIN'T EASY

♪ BUT YOUR PIMPIN' IS JUST A SHAME ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP, CHILD

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP, CHILD

♪ YOU'RE ONLY SIMPIN' WITH THAT LIMP PIMP HAND ♪

♪ THAT YOU CLAIM

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP, NO WAY

♪ IF YOUR GAME STILL STAYS THIS LAME ♪

♪ YOU AIN'T PIMPIN'

♪ BUT IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU

♪ YOU MAKE A NICE REST HAVEN FOR HOES ♪

♪ BETTER COOL IT

♪ 'CAUSE WE AIN'T GONNA GET IN POCKET ♪

♪ WELL, YOU WOULD IF I HAD ANY GAME ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T PIMP, CHILD

♪ HA!

♪ YOU CAN'T PULL HOES

♪ AND YOU'RE A LAME WITHOUT ANY GAME ♪

♪ YOU'RE A LAME WITHOUT ANY GA-A-AME ♪

♪ YOU'RE A LAME WITHO-O-O-OUT WHOO!

♪ ANY G-A-A-A-A-AME

[ HOE-CROW LAUGHS ]

DO Y'ALL SEE THIS SHIT HERE?

TELL ME THIS, TELL ME THIS, TELL ME THIS, TELL ME THIS,

TELL ME THIS, TELL ME THIS, TELL ME THIS...

Black Dynamite: NOW LOOK HERE.

THE GAME IS TO BE SOLD, NOT TOLD. CAN YOU DIG IT?

SEE, YOU GOT TO GET IN A BITCH'S HEAD.

AND DON'T CHASE THEM, JUST REPLACE THEM.

YOU GOT TO KEEP THESE HOES ON THEIR TOES

AND LET THEM KNOW WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS.

SEE, YOU AIN'T GOT TO HIT A HOE TO MAKE THEM CROW.

YOU CAN JUST LOOK THEM IN THEIR EYES

AND MAKE THEM FEEL IT BETWEEN THEIR THIGHS.

A FLOCK OF FUCKS COME A DIME A DOZEN,

AND A DOZEN DIMES STILL WON'T MAKE ME FUCK A WHOLE FLOCK.

IT'S ABOUT CONTROL.

NOW I SUGGEST YOU CROWS SHUT THE FUCK UP

BEFORE YOU GOT TO GO CHANGE YOUR PANTIES.

[ HOE-CROWS SQUAWKING ]

WOW! NOW THAT'S REAL PIMPIN'!

WHO ARE YOU?!

NAH, THAT AIN'T PIMPIN'. YOU JUST GOT TO HAVE GAME.

THE NAME'S DYNAMITE - BLACK DYNAMITE.

I'M SCAREHOE.

DAMN, BLACK DYNAMITE!

YOU RAN ALL THE PUSSY AWAY!

I'M TRYIN' TO GET MY DICK WET.

AND THAT HORNY-ASS DOG OVER THERE IS BROTO.

WELL, THAT WAS STILL PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

IF I HAD GAME LIKE THAT,

I'D BE SPITTING ALL THESE HOE-CROWS LEFT AND RIGHT.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, MAMA.

GIVE ME THEM TOES SO I CAN SMELL 'EM IN THE WIND

AND MAKE ALL YOUR FLOCKS FUCK OFF,

OR WHATEVER YOU WAS SAYIN'.

HMM. LOOK, I'M ON MY WAY

TO SEE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MAGIC JOHNSON

SO HE CAN GIVE ME A ROOM AT ONE OF HIS HOTELS

FOR SOME RELAXATION. WHY DON'T YOU ROLL?

MAYBE HE CAN GIVE YOU SOME GAME.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I WOULD LOVE TO!

OKAY. BUT I'M TELLING YOU NOW,

I SEEN THIS SHIT HAPPEN IN "THE WIZ,"

AND I AIN'T STOPPING FOR NOBODY ELSE.

COOL! I GOT SHOTGUN!

UH, HEY, UH, WOULD Y'ALL MIND GETTING ME DOWN?

[ GROANS ] OOH. HERE YOU GO, DADDY.

A HOE-CROW'S GOT YOUR MONEY.

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

[ TIRES POP, SCREECH ]

HEY! GET YOUR LITTLE ASSES BACK HERE!

[ CHILDREN SCREAMING, LAUGHING ]

HEY, LADY, LOOK - ONE OF YOUR DAMN KIDS SHOT OUT MY TIRE -

[ Crying] A NIPPLE...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

[ BLOWS NOSE ] MY NAME IS TINBEE.

I'M A BOTTOM BITCH THAT LIVES IN A WHORE'S PLATFORM SHOE

WITH SO MANY BADASS KIDS I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

LOOK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH THEM KIDS. WHUP THEY ASS!

THAT'S JUST IT - I CAN'T.

I JUST DON'T HAVE THE BALLS

TO HURT THESE LITTLE BADASS KIDS.

SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU WROTE A DAMN SONG ABOUT IT.

♪ TH-I-I-I-I-IS

♪ BITCH HAS HIT THE BOTTOM

♪ THESE ORPHANS, I'D HAVE SHOT 'EM ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW

♪ NOW IF MY VOICE HAD MORE BASS ♪

♪ I COULD PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE ♪

♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME BALLS

♪ I'D WHUP THEIR ASSESS TILL SUNRISE ♪

♪ AND I WOULDN'T CARE WHO CRIES ♪

♪ I'D BE WORKIN' THAT JAW

♪ I'D BE LIKE BRUCE LEE IN THE MOVIES ♪

WITH A WA-YAA! AND A SUEY!

♪ IF I ONLY HAD SOME BALLS

♪ PICTURE MY DRAWERS WITH BIG BALLS ♪

♪ THEN I WOULD SHOW THEM ALL

SHOW US WHAT? A POP ON THE BUTT?

NO, A PUNCH IN THE GUT!

♪ AND YOU JUST MIGHT GET CUT HA HA!

♪ I WOULD BEAT THEM WITH A BROOM STICK ♪

♪ EXTENSION CORDS AND ICE PICKS ♪

♪ BAM THEIR HEADS AGAINST THE WALL ♪

♪ THEY WOULD HAVE BROKEN NECKS ♪

♪ BUT I'D GET MY RESPECT

♪ IF I HAD SOME BA-A-A-LLS

[ Crying ] A TITTY!

A TITTY...

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHEN METAL MAMAS IS CRYIN'!

MM-HMM. SEE? I KNEW IT!

A MOTHERFUCKA WITH SOME BALLS

CAN GET Y'ALL TO SHUT UP REAL QUICK!

THANK YOU, UM...

SCAREHOE! AND HE'S BLACK DYNAMITE.

AND THAT LITTLE DOG OVER THERE WITH THE AFRO, THAT'S FRODO.

IT'S BROTO! B-R-OTO, OKAY?

HEY, I DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE

OF MAKIN' YOUR KIDS SHUT THE FUCK UP.

WE STILL GOT A FLAT.

OH, I CAN FIX THAT.

BE-BOO-BOO-BOO-BOO,

BOOMBEE.

MAN, IT SURE WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A MAN AROUND HERE.

I MEAN, SURE, THEY QUIET NOW,

BUT WHEN YOU AND YOUR BALLS LEAVE,

OH, THEY GONNA BE TALKIN' AGAIN.

YEAH, WELL, THAT AIN'T MY PROBLEM -

HEY, WE'RE GOING TO SEE MAGIC JOHNSON.

HE'S A BADASS MOTHERFUCKA WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME SOME GAME.

MAYBE HE GOT AN EXTRA SET OF BALLS HANGING AROUND SOMEWHERE.

REALLY? YOU THINK MAGIC CAN GIVE ME SOME BALLS?!

[ GASPS ] THIS IS SO EXCITING!

♪ I'M GONNA GET SOME BALLS, I'M GONNA GET SOME... ♪

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I GUESS YOU CAN COME.

I CAN'T GET NO PUSSY WITH ALL THESE KIDS

IN THE CAR, NIGGA. THAT'S FIVE YEARS.

OH, DON'T WORRY. THEY AIN'T COMIN'.

THOSE MOTHERFUCKAS ARE ON HOUSE ARREST.

ALL RIGHT, I WOULD TELL YOU KIDS TO STAY PUT,

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU AIN'T GOT A CHOICE.

THIS METAL BITCH WILL BE BACK WITH ENOUGH TESTOSTERONE

TO BEAT YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKAS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.

Together: ♪ GET ON DOWN, THE BITCH IS DEAD ♪

♪ WHICH OLD BITCH? THE HONKY BITCH ♪

MAN, I HOPE WE GET THERE REAL SOON,

'CAUSE THIS FLINTSTONES SHIT IS FUCKIN' UP MY FEET.

HEY, LOOK - CLUB JUNGLE DEEP!

THERE GOT TO BE SOME WOLF PUSSY OR SOMETHIN' UP IN THERE

FOR ME BLACK DYNAMITE.

COME ON, MAN! I'M IN THE HEAT!

MY FEET COULD USE A BREAK.

ALL RIGHT, BUT MAKE IT A QUICKIE, BROTO.

YOU KNOW WE GOT A GREAT

AND POWERFUL MAGIC MOTHERFUCKA TO SEE.

[ CHATTER ]

OKAY, BROTO, WE'LL BE OVER HERE WHILE YOU, UH, WORK THE ROOM.

AND HOW YOU TWO LOVELY BITCHES DOIN' TONIGHT?

LOOK HERE - IF I DON'T GET SOME TRIM

IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES, I'M-A EXPLODE.

NOW, I KNOW YOU CAN ASK A BITCH

FOR SOME ASS BETTER THAN THAT.

OKAY, OKAY.

CAN I PLEASE HAVE SOME OF YOUR WOLF VAGINA

BEFORE I SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST INSIDE MY DICK?

Man: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE KING OF THE JUNGLE DEEP!

PUT YOUR PAWS TOGETHER FOR LIONHORN!

COME ON, GIRL. FORGET THIS LITTLE PUPPY.

IT'S SHOWTIME.

FUCK YOU THEN, BITCH!

Woman: YO! YO! SCREW THE PO-PO!

THAT'S RIGHT!

I LAY MY ANACONDA DOWN ALL THROUGH THE JUNGLE DEEP!

I FUCK SHE-ELEPHANTS AND WOLF PUSSY BY THE HEAP!

Broto: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.

Y'ALL DON'T WANT THIS DICK.

ALL RIGHT, BROTO, DON'T START NO SHIT.

I'M THE BADDEST, MEANEST MOTHERFUCKIN' LION AROUND!

I MAKE RHINOS TIPTOE

AND GIRAFFES DRAG THEIR HEAD ON THE GROUND.

I AIN'T LYIN'!

I FUCKED UP A HUNDRED MOTHERFUCKAS

AND THEN FUCKED ALL THEY MOTHERS!

I FUCKED A WILDEBEEST AND AN APE JUST TO STAY IN SHAPE.

I AIN'T LYIN'!

THEY CALL ME KING DING-A-LING!

THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKA THEY EVER DID SEEN!

BIATCH!

I RUN THE JUNGLE DEEP!

WHEREVER I LAY MY DICK DOWN, I LAY IT STEEP!

100 FEET DEEP!

I AIN'T LYIN'!

I'M SO COLD, I ATE THE SUN AND SHIT OUT ICE CUBES!

I'M-A SUPERSTAR-A, BUT TOO RATED R-A FOR YOUR PICTURE TUBE!

I AIN'T LYIN'!

I DRANK THIS MORNING AND PISSED OUT AFTERNOON,

MADE LEAP YEAR JUMP OVER THE MOON.

TOLD CHRISTMAS DAY, "GET YOUR ASS IN MAY,"

AND SMACKED THIS MORNING FOR BEING LATE YESTERDAY.

I STUCK MY FINGER IN THE GROUND

AND TURNED THE WHOLE WORLD AROUND!

MAN, STOP THE BULLSHIT.

YOU CAN'T DO NONE OF THAT SHIT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT.

[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]

THAT'S ENOUGH, BROTO. LET THE LION DO HIS SHOW.

SAY WHAT?! MAN, YOU BETTER GRAB YOUR MUTT!

YOU HEARD ME.

YOU GOT ALL THIS WOLF PUSSY GOIN' CRAZY OVER YOU.

I WANT TO SEE YOU DO JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

PUT YOUR FINGER IN THE GROUND AND TURN THE WHOLE WORLD AROUND.

DO IT.

[ GRUNTING, AUDIENCE GASPS ]

[ BROTO LAUGHS ] SEE? HE CAN'T DO SHIT!

YOU JUST A LYIN' LION!

[ CROWD JEERS ]

YO' MAMA AND YO' UNCLE!

I'LL TAKE ON THIS WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN' PUSSYFOOT

OF A JUNGLE!

DAMN IT, BROTO! NOW I GOT TO STOP THIS SHIT.

SUEY!

LOOK HERE, LIONHORN,

I'M SORRY ABOUT MY DOG BROTO FUCKIN' UP YOUR GIG.

I-I-I DIDN- I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID IN THERE, MAN.

I WAS JUST TRYIN' TO GET SOME WOLF PUSSY MAN.

THE GIRLS WERE JUST FEELIN' ALL THAT, MAN.

I'M - I'M - I'M SORRY.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN IT WOULDN'T LAST.

MY MOUTH WAS WRITING CHECKS,

BUT THERE WAS NO CASH IN MY ASS.

YEAH, YOU DO TALK A LOT OF SHIT.

BUT HOW MANY MOTHERFUCKAS DO YOU KNOW

THAT CAN RHYME EVERY DAMN LINE THEY SAY?

THAT'S A REAL TALENT. MAYBE YOU JUST NEED

A MUZZLE SOMETIMES.

LOOK, IF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MAGIC JOHNSON

CAN GIVE ME A SET OF BALLS, I'M SURE HE HAS A SET OF MUZZLES.

WAIT! YOU CATS ARE GOING TO SEE

THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MAGIC MOTHERFUCKIN' JOHNSON?!

OH! YOU KNOW I WANTS IN!

OH SHIT! IT'S FLYING JUNKIES!

Tinbee: OH! WHAT?!

AAH!

OH, THEY GONNA SMOKE US!

GET 'EM, BLACK DYNAMITE!

BASEHEAD?! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN IN MY FUCKED UP FANTASY?

FANTASY OR NOT, I WANT MY $2, BLACK DYNAMITE!

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

AAAAH!

BLACK DYNAMITE, IF YOU DON'T HELP ME REAL FAST,

THESE MOTHERFUCKIN' FLYIN' JUNKIES

ARE GONNA TRY TO SMOKE MY ASS!

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

OKAY! YOU WANT TO PLAY ROUGH?

WELL, SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

AHA!

YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP A FLYIN' BASEHEAD

WITH A LITTLE STINKY HOT PISS IN THE FACE?!

I SLEEP WITH STINKY HOT PISS IN THE FACE.

NO!

OH. [ GRUNTS ]

TAKE THAT! NOOOOOO!

WHAT? I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

AHA!

IF I CAN'T GET MY $2,

I GOT TO BE ABLE TO GET SOMETHIN' FOR THESE.

TO THE PAWN SHOP, FLYIN' JUNKIES!

THAT'S RIGHT! YOU BETTER FLY AWAY, SUCKA!

YOU FREEBASING FLYIN' MONKEY MOTHERFUCKA!

Black Dynamite: NOW THAT THEY HAVE THE

MAGICAL ASS-KICKING SHOES,

THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT THEY'LL DO.

I'M SORRY, BLACK DYNAMITE.

[ Crying ] A TITTY! A TITTY!

NO REASON TO GET ALL RUSTY, METAL BITCH.

WE JUST GOT TO GET TO THE LAND OF OZ-WATTS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

SO WE CAN WARN THEM?

NO, SO I CAN GET A ROOM

AND ENJOY MY STAY-CATION BEFORE ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

HA! FOLLOW THOSE FLYING JUNKIES!

[ DOOR BEEPS ]

MAN, THESE SHOES ARE SO HOT, THEY SMOKIN'.

ARE YOU IMPLYIN' THAT THE FLYING JUNKIES IS THIEFS?!

I TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL GIVE YOU 63 CENTS FOR THEM.

COME ON, BO DIDDLEY. I JUST NEED $2.

I'LL SUCK YO' DICK!

HELL NAW! I JUST GOT MY DICK SUCKED.

NOW WHAT THE FUCK CAN ALL Y'ALL DO WITH $2 ANYWAY?

WHAT COULD A FLYIN' JUNKIE DO WITH $2?

♪ I SAID WE SNIFF, SNORT COKE

♪ WE SHOOT IT TILL WE SEE UNICORNS, SASQUATCH

AND WOOKIEES ♪

♪ SUCK A THANG FOR SOME COOKIES, NO, WE AIN'T NO ROOKIES ♪

♪ JUST JUNKIES THAT NEED SOME BASE ♪

SAY WHAT?

♪ NOW, WHAT WE SMOKE IS NOT THE BEST ♪

♪ BUT FUCK IT, YOU KNOW WE FIENDS ♪

♪ AND ME, THE DOPE

♪ AND THIS SYRINGE ALREADY TRIED TO GO CLEAN ♪

♪ SEE, I AM BASEHEAD

♪ AND I LIKE TO GET HIGH

♪ WITH THE SMACK AND THE WHITE, THE GREEN AND THE HAZE ♪

♪ AND THE PURPLE THAT MAKES ME FLY ♪

♪ BUT FIRST, I GOT TO FIND A VEIN ♪

♪ I TAP IT AND I TAP IT

♪ I REACH IN MY JACKET AND PULL OUT THE SMACK ♪

♪ AND JUST RISE TO THE SKY FOR THAT TRIP, MAN ♪

♪ I'LL SUCK YO' DICK

♪ NOW I'M FUCKED UP

♪ YOU CAN TELL BY MY EYES

♪ AND I BROUGHT TWO FRIENDS ALONG ♪

♪ AND NEXT ON THE PIPE IS MY MAN BASE ♪

♪ COME ON, BASE, SMOKE THAT BONG ♪

♪ CHECK IT OUT, WE THE F-L-N

♪ THE J-U-N-K

♪ THE REST IS E-I-S

♪ SAY WHAT?

♪ YOU SEE, WE DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE SCHOOL HAD A RULE, EVERYBODY TAKE A DRUG TEST ♪

♪ YOU SEE, MY TEETH IS GONE, AND I LOST A TON ♪

♪ BUT I CAN STEAL A TV

♪ SAY WHAT?

♪ YOU SEE, I STOLE A LOT OF CLOTHES FROM MUHAMMAD ALI ♪

♪ AND I'LL SELL 'EM FOR A Q.P. ♪

♪ I GOT RADIOS

♪ A BOX OF ROSCOE'S CHICKEN TITTIES AND APPLE JACKS ♪

♪ I COULD STEAL A LINCOLN CONTINENTAL ♪

♪ AND HIDE IT IN MY CRACK

♪ SAY WHAT?

♪ SO AFTER THAT, I TAKE A HIT OF THE SMACK ♪

♪ THEN I RUN THROUGH THE MALL

♪ I SNATCH A COLOR TV, THEN I CAN FLEE ♪

♪ AND SELL IT FOR SOME SPEEDBALL ♪

♪ HEAR ME TALK ABOUT COCAINE, WHITE HORSE ♪

♪ MORE HEROIN THAN A SMOKER COULD EVER SMOKE ♪

♪ SAY WHAT?

♪ BUT I COULD'VE BEEN A DOCTOR OR A LAWYER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M SMARTER, BUT IT'S HARDER TO THINK WHEN BROKE ♪

♪ EVERYBODY GOES BASEHEAD, BASEHEAD ♪

♪ WHAT YOU GOT TO SELL TODAY?

♪ SAY WHAT?

♪ I GOT TO TWO STEREOS

♪ NOW GIVE ME $20 SO I CAN GO GET BLAZED ♪

♪ EVERYBODY GOES BASEHEAD, BASEHEAD ♪

♪ I ONLY GOT $10

♪ SO SINCE MY NIPPLES ARE ITCHIN' ♪

♪ I WILL TAKE THAT $10

♪ PCP!

♪ HERE'S THE MELLOW

♪ IT'S ON YOU, SO WHAT YOU GONNA DO? ♪

♪ THEN I WAS GONE, AND A-GONE, A-GONE, GONE, A-GONE ♪

♪ THE HIGH DON'T STOP TILL THERE'S NOTHIN' TO PAWN ♪

♪ THEN I WAS GONE AND A-GONE, A-GONE, GONE, A-GONE ♪

♪ THE HIGH DON'T STOP TILL THERE'S NOTHIN' TO PAWN ♪

♪ SNIFF, SNORT, SMOKE

♪ WE SHOOT IT TILL WE SEE UNICORNS ♪

♪ SASQUATCH AND WOOKIEES

♪ SUCK A THANG FOR SOME COOKIES, NO, WE AIN'T NO ROOKIES ♪

♪ JUST SOME JUNKIES THAT NEED SOME BA- ♪

♪ SAY WHAT?

NO, THESE ARE NOT FOR SALE!

THESE BELONG TO THE WICKED BITCH OF THE -

OH, HI, OFFICERS!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MAN WAS TRYIN' TO GIVE ME BASE MONEY

FOR YOUR MAGICAL ASS-KICKING SHOES?

THE NERVE! I'M PERSONALLY OFFENDED.

I GOT A PLACE I GOT TO BE RIGHT NOW, THOUGH.

UH, BYE!

OW! OOH! OHH!

Man: AND NOW TO OZ-WATTS!

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL, BUT MY BACK IS TOUCHING MY GUT!

MAN, I'M HUNGRIER THAN FOUR FAT BITCHES TRAPPED IN A DOUGHNUT!

I SAY WE STOP AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I TOLD YOU WE GOT TO GET TO OZ-WATTS

BEFORE THE WICKED BITCH GETS THERE.

COME ON, BLACK DYNAMITE. WE GOT TO EAT SOMETHIN'.

YOU KNOW A SCAREHOE CAN'T LIVE ON JUST PIMPIN' ALONE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

BUT WE'VE GOT TO GET IT TO-GO. YOU DIG?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

THE DEPARTMENT OF FUCKED UP FOOD COMBINATIONS

HAS FOUND ROSCOE'S FOOD EMPORIUM TO BE...

FUCKED UP,

RESULTING IN AN IMMEDIATE CLOSING OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

MY FUCKED UP FOOD COMBINATIONS AIN'T FUCKED UP!

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, Y'ALL?

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

WELL, YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY TO SERVE GOOD FOOD COMBINATIONS,

LIKE MEATBALLS AND SPAGHETTI OR HAMBURGERS AND FRIES.

BECAUSE AS LONG AS YOU ARE PUTTING DISGUSTING THINGS

TOGETHER LIKE CHICKEN AND WAFFLES - UGH! -

NO ONE WILL BE ALLOWED TO EAT HERE!

NOW, YOU WAIT A MINUTE, MR. FUCKED UP FOOD INSPECTOR.

NOW, IF A MAN WANTS TO PUT A PIECE OF OX ASS

AND FIDDLE FADDLE IN HIS MOUTH AT THE SAME TIME,

THAT'S HIS BUSINESS.

AND JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

TO MY FRIENDS, I'M BLACK DYNAMITE,

BUT TO YOU I'M JUST A HUNGRY CAT

THAT'S TRAVELING WITH HIS FRIENDS

IN AN IMAGINARY LAND ON HIS WAY

TO FIND A GREAT AND POWERFUL BADASS MOTHERFUCKER

BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

NOW, UNLESS YOU GOT A WHOLE ARMY OF INSPECTORS READY TO RUMBLE,

I SUGGEST YOU GET THE FUCK OUT THE WAY

WHEN GROWN FOLKS IS HUNGRY.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪ ROSCOE'S FOOD EMPORIUM

♪ ROSCOE'S FOOD EMPORIUM

♪ JUST BECAUSE I LIKE CHICKEN TITTIES ♪

♪ AND OX ASS IN MY STEW

I LIKE ASS, TOO.

♪ ROSCOE WILL NEVER BRING YOU NO FUCKED UP FOOD ♪

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ 'CAUSE I LIKE MIXING FIDDLE FADDLE ♪

♪ CHITTERLINGS AND FONDUE

♪ BUT ROSCOE WOULD NEVER BRING YOU NO FUCKED UP FOOD ♪

♪ NOW, IF YOU WANT TO EAT WITH ROSCOE ♪

♪ YOU BETTER BONE UP ON THE RULES ♪

♪ ROSCOE WILL NEVER BRING YOU NO FUCKED UP FOOD ♪

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ BETTER GET YOU SOME GRITS AND JELLO ♪

♪ A FROG LEG OR TWO

♪ ROSCOE WILL NEVER BRING YOU NO FUCKED UP FOOD ♪

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ ROSCOE WILL NEVER BRING YOU NO FUCKED UP FOOD ♪

♪ NO FUCKED UP FOOD

♪ 'CAUSE I'LL MAKE YOU SOME SNAUSAGES ♪

♪ WITH EGGLOAF AND SOME PRUNES

♪ BUT I WILL NEVER BRING YOU NO FUCKED UP FOOD ♪

♪ I WILL NEVER BRING YOU

♪ I SAID, I WOULD NEVER BRING YOU ♪

♪ I WOULD NEVER BRING YOU, BRING YOU, BRING YOU ♪

♪ NO FUCKED UP F-O-O-OOD

YEAH! [ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, BLACK DYNAMITE!

WELL, WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

BADASS MOTHERFUCKIN MAGIC JOHNSON.

THAT'S IT! IF MAGIC JOHNSON

WAS TO PUT HIS NAME ON MY ESTABLISHMENT,

THEY WOULDN'T KEEP TRYIN' TO SHUT ME DOWN!

[ SIGHS ] COME ON, ROSCOE.

LOOK, Y'ALL!

THERE IT IS!

SWEET STAY-CATION, HERE I COME!

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Man: I'M COMIN MOTHERFUCKA!

I'M C-C-COMIN'!

WAIT. I KNOW THAT VOICE. IT CAN'T BE.

WHO THE FUCK IS KNOCKIN' AT MY DOOR?

THAT FROG KURTIS?

THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKA!

THAT FROG KURTIS.

WHAT? Y'ALL THOUGHT Y'ALL WASN'T GONNA SEE ME?!

THAT FROG KURTIS?!

RI-RI-RI-RIBBIT MOTHAFUCKA!

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, HELL NO!

I'M THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

MAGIC JOHNSON GATEKEEPER/SECURITY GUARD/

TITTY JUGGLER/FOOT TO THE ASS/

YOUR MAMA'S BABY DADDY/ HUNG LIKE A MOTHAFUCKA

W-W-W-WHAT?!

YOU DIDN'T THINK MAGIC JOHNSON USED PROTECTION? HUH?!

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, THAT, FROG KURTIS.

SECURITY?! MOTHER FUCK ME!

STOP PLAYIN' AND OPEN UP THIS DOOR

BEFORE I PUT ANOTHER HAND UP YOUR ASS, YOU DAMN PUPPET!

[ LAUGHING ]

HAAAAAAA!

YOU THINK THIS SHIT FUNNY?! HUH?!

YOU THINK THAT - YOU THINK THAT FROG KURTIS IS A JOKE?!

YOU EVER BEEN SMACKED ACROSS YOUR FACE

BY A GIANT, 50-FOOT FROG DICK

HE-HE-HELL MOTHERFUCKA

HE-HE-HELL!

MARVEL AT IT, BITCH!

AND I'M ALL SOFT MOTHERFUCKA!

DAMN! I AIN'T INTO FROGS, BUT, UH [CHUCKLES]

RIBBIT RIBBIT.

WHAT? YOU THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA MEET MAGIC JOHNSON

WITHOUT GETTIN' A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH?!

YOU THOUGHT WRONG, MOTHERFUCKA!

YOU THOUGHT WRONG!

HA HA! AAAAAAH!

AAAAAH!

LET'S SPLIT!

RUN!

AAH! OHH!

[ SCREAMING ]

Y'ALL NEED TO GET OFF MY DICK!

[ SCREAMING ]

SUEY!

[ GRUNTING ]

AAH! YOU MOTHERFUCKA!

YOU DONE TOOK THE HEM OUT MY DICK

SUEY! AAAAH!

YOU MOTHERFUCKA!

YOU BLACK, WIDE-NOSED, EGYPTIAN,

STATUE-LOOKIN' MOTHERFUCKA!

SHINY, ARROGANT, AIR BREATHIN' -

[ GROANS, COUGHS ]

THEY SHOULD'VE NEVER GAVE YOU NIGGAS BRUCE LEROY!

[ EXPLOSION, SIREN WAILS ]

THANK YOU, BLACK DYNAMITE!

DAMN. THE WICKED BITCH OF THE WEST-SIDE.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

AND NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US,

WE'RE GONNA PUT OZ-WATTS IN A CHOKEHOLD!

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

YOU THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD HELP?

'CAUSE THEY ARE GETTIN' FUCKED UP.

LOOK, WE CAME HERE TO GET SOME STAY-CATION,

GAME, A PAIR OF BALLS, A FRANCHISE,

AND A MUZZLE, AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

HEY, DON'T FORGET ABOUT MY PUSSY

UH, E-EXCUSE ME.

WHY IS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MAGIC

LETTIN' THESE PIGS FUCK YOU UP WITH A STICK?

YOU KNOW WHAT? UNH!

THAT'S A - A REAL GOOD QUESTION.

'CAUSE HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE IN HIS MAGICAL THRONE

NOT - UNH! - DOING SHIT!

I HOPE Y'ALL DIDN'T - AAH! I HOPE Y'ALL DIDN'T - AAH!

I HOPE Y'ALL DIDN'T COME

EXPECTING TO GET SOME SHIT FROM HIM.

'CAUSE IF YOU DID, Y'ALL JUST - Y'ALL JUST - FUCKED

Y'ALL JUST AS FUCKED AS WE ARE.

WELP, THERE GOES MY BALLS.

MAN, ALL MY HOPES WENT DOWN THE DRAIN REAL FAST.

I GUESS IT'S BACK TO BOUNCIN' CHECKS WITH MY ASS.

WHO THE HELL WANTS TO EAT TRUFFLES WITH OX ASS ANYWAY?

HERE, CUJO, JUST BITE OFF MY PIMP HAND RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T NEED IT NO MORE.

AAAH! YOU JUST DOGGY-STYLED MY HAND!

THERE'S NO NEED IN THROWING AWAY A PERFECTLY USELESS PIMP HAND

WHEN YOU CAN JUST FUCK IT!

HEY, I'M SORRY, MAN.

I'M JUST BACKED UP A LITTLE, ALL RIGHT?

AFTER ALL THE SHIT I BEEN THROUGH,

THIS MOTHERFUCKA IS GONNA GIVE ME A ROOM

AT HIS FINEST HOTEL WITH ALL THE AMENITIES FOR FREE!

ALL RIGHT, MAGIC EARVIN JOHNSON, WHERE THE HELL YOU AT?

WHO DARES TO QUESTION THE WHEREABOUTS

OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MAGIC JOHNSON?

BLACK DYNAMITE, THAT'S WHO!

NOW WHY YOU LETTING YOUR PEOPLE GET THEIR ASSES WHIPPED?

YOU AIN'T CHARLES BARKLEY!

SHIIIIIIIT!!!

I GAVE THEM MOVIE THEATERS, STARBUCKS, AND AIDS.

THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH!

WHAT? NEVER MIND.

LOOK, ALL WE NEED ARE SOME BALLS,

A MUZZLE, A PUSSY OR TWO -

I'M SORRY, BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOU

TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHEN GREAT AND POWERFUL BADASS MOTHERFUCKA HAS SPOKEN!

THAT'S MY CATCH PHRASE, SUCKAH!

MAGIC JOHNSON, COME OUT

FROM BEHIND THAT MAGIC JOHNSON RIGHT NOW!

SUEY!

Black Dynamite: WHAT THE -

FUTURE FORMER L.A. CLIPPERS OWNER DONALD STERLING?

THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD BE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

BADASS MOTHERFUCKA IN MY IMAGINATION!

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT - IT'S ME!

AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY

THE BLACKS THINK WHITEY IS SO GREAT AND POWERFUL?

SOCIAL ENGINEERING!

WE MAKE SURE THAT YOU ONLY SEE YOURSELVES

AS "12 YEARS A SLAVE," DJANGO,

"THE HELP," MADEA, AND "POOTIE TANG,"

WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.

YOU THINK WE'RE RACISTS?!

WE'RE ECONOMISTS!

IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY, BLACK DYNAMITE!

AND AS LONG AS NEGROES MAKE THE LEAST MONEY

AND SPEND THE MOST MONEY, WE WILL ALWAYS BE ON TOP!

THOSE MELON MUNCHERS WILL NEVER ORGANIZE

TO CONTROL THEIR OWN ECONOMICS, LAND, AND MEDIA.

AND EVEN IF THEY DO,

WE WILL JUST MAKE MEXICANS THE NEW BLACKS.

[ LAUGHS ]

MAN FUCK THIS!

I REFUSE TO BE TREATED LIKE A CIGARELLO-STEALIN',

CIGARETTE-SELLIN', SYRUP-SIPPIN' STEREOTYPE!

WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING!

WE SHOULD ALL TURN OUR SHIRTS INSIDE OUT! YEAH!

OR YOU COULD FIGHT BACK?

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

[ ALL SHOUTING ]

HMM. IF MAGIC JOHNSON IS NOT

THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MOTHERFUCKA IN MY DREAM,

AND IT COULD NEVER BE THIS OLD-ASS RACIST HONKY,

THEN I GUESS THERE'S NO GREAT

AND POWERFUL MOTHERFUCKA AT ALL.

FUCK YOU, OZ-WATTS!

FUCK YOU, WICKED BITCH!

AND FUCK YOU, MAGIC JOHNSON!

AAH-

WAIT. QUICK - WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT MAGIC JOHNSON,

OTHER THAN HE DOESN'T REALLY OWN ALL THIS SHIT IN THE '70s?

OOH! I GOT IT!

HE'S A POINT GUARD FOR THE LAKERS!

EXACTLY. AND WHAT IS A LAKER?

HMM. HELL, I DON'T KNOW.

NEITHER DO I.

AND WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW SOMETHING, YOU...

OOH! I KNOW! YOU GUESS!

YOU GUESSED RIGHT, HONEYBEE!

NOW WHAT IS THE BEST GUESS WE CAN COME UP WITH?

OH! MAYBE IT'S FISH! MY FAVORITE DISH!

YEAH, SURE, THAT COULD BE IT.

AND WHAT IS THE BIGGEST, BADDEST FISH WE KNOW?

A CARCHARODON CARCHARIAS,

WHICH IS ARGUABLY ONE OF

THE WORLD'S LARGEST MACROPREDATORY FISH,

AND IS ONE OF THE PRIMARY PREDATORS

OF MOTHERFUCKIN' MARINE ANIMALS,

ALSO KNOWN AS THE GREAT WHITE!

AND WHEN A GREAT WHITE LOSES HIS GREATNESS,

HE JUST BECOMES A...

A REGULAR HONKY!

NOW, EVERYBODY,

WHAT'S ANOTHER WORD FOR HONKY?

All: A CRACKER!

NOW WHAT DO YOU GET

WHEN YOU PUT FIRE TO A CRACKER?

THREE TO FIVE, MANDATORY!

A...FIRECRACKER!

THAT'S RIGHT!

AND THE ONLY THING GREATER AND MORE POWERFUL

THAN A WHITE FIRECRACKER IS A...?

DYNAMITE!

AND WHO HAS THE BIGGEST, BADDEST,

MOST MAGICAL JOHNSON IN THE WORLD?!

BLACK-

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

SUEY!

YOU SEE, EVERYBODY? IT'S ME!

LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHO THE GREAT AND POWERFUL MOTHERFUCKA IS!

I WANTS TO GET SOMEBODY'S BALLS.

METAL BITCH, ALL I GOT IN THIS WORLD IS MY BALLS AND MY WORD.

I CAN'T GIVE YOU MY BALLS, BUT I CAN GIVE YOU SOME WORDS.

FRIENDS! WICKED BITCH OF THE WEST-SIDE!

PEOPLE OF OZ-WATTS!

WHILE MAGIC JOHNSONS CAN PROVIDE YOU

WITH ALL THE MOVIE-GOING EXPERIENCES,

LATTES, AND 24-HOUR FITNESSES,

HE CANNOT PROTECT YOUR ASSES FROM GETTIN' KICKED.

THAT IS ONLY A JOB THAT BLACK DYNAMITE CAN DO.

AND NOW I HAVE REALIZED

THAT EVERYTHING MY FRIENDS HERE WERE LOOKING FOR,

THEY CAN ONLY FIND IN ME.

BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU'RE ALL TOO FUCKIN WEAK

TO PROTECT YOURSELVES

WHILE BLACK DYNAMITE IS ON STAY-CATION.

THAT'S JUST THE WAY YOU WERE BORN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THERE'S NO BETTER WAY FOR BLACK DYNAMITE

TO RELAX AND ENJOY HIMSELF

THAN KICKIN' ASS IN THE DICK ALL DAY!

I'VE GOT THE MAGIC ASS- KICKING SHOES, BLACK DYNAMITE!

AND BLACK LIVES DON'T MEAN SHIT,

NO MATTER HOW DYNAMITE YOU ARE!

WICKED HONKY BITCH OF THE WEST-SIDE,

YOU DONE FUCKED UP NOW!

CH-A-A-A-A-ARGE!

SUEY!

SUEY!

AAH! OHH!

SUEY! SUEY!

MAN!

I CAN'T BREATHE. [ GASPS ]

NO! NOOO! DON'T RECORD ME!

NO, NO!

NOT AN IRREFUTABLE VISUAL RECORD OF MY ILLEGAL ACTIONS!

BUT AT LEAST A GRAND JURY WON'T INDICT ME!

[ AIR HISSES ]

Man: FREEDOM!

[ ALL CHEERING ]

I SHOULD'VE FIGURED IT OUT SOONER.

THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT A CROOKED PIG IS TO CATCH 'EM ON TAPE.

♪ I SAY WE SNIFF, SNORT, COKE

THANK YOU, BLACK DYNAMITE!

AAAAH!

OW!

BLACK DYNAMITE, I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE NO FUSS,

BUT ARE YOU GONNA STAY YOUR ASS HERE WITH US?

SHIT. BLACK DYNAMITE JUST NEEDED Y'ALL

SO HE COULD LEARN A LESSON.

AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET MY ASS HOME,

Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKAS ARE ON YOUR OWN.

YEAH, HOW DO WE GET HOME?

O-OR BETTER YET, HOW DO I GET HOME?

HEY, HEY, HEYYY!

BLACK DYNAMITE, YOU COULD'VE GONE ANYTIME YOU WERE READY.

ALL YOU HAD TO DO SING A SONG ABOUT IT.

YOU SEEN "THE WIZ."

WAIT. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

I WENT THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT

AND LEARNED ALL THESE GODDAMN LESSONS FOR NOTHING?!

HEY, YOU THE MOTHAFUCKA

THAT WANTED TO TAKE MALCOLM X BOULEVARD. DAMN!

DAMN IT, FAIRY GODFATHER OF SOUL.

THE ONLY SONGS I KNOW TAKE PLACE AWAY FROM HOME.

OH, WELL. I GUESS YOU'LL BE STAYIN' YOUR ASS HERE, THEN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

NO, NO! I CAN'T STAY HERE.

MY COMMUNITY IN THE REAL WORLD NEEDS ME.

WELL, I-I GUESS I CAN TRY TO SING SOMETHING.

WHOREPHANAGE.

♪ WHEN I THINK OF HOME

♪I THINK OF A PLACE WHERE THERE'S... ♪

♪ WHORES OVERFLOWIN'

♪ I WISH I WAS HOME

♪ I WISH I WAS BACK THERE

♪ WHERE THERE'S ORPHANS' NAMES I DON'T BE KNOWIN' ♪

♪ WHERE THEY CAN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ♪

♪ WHEN GROWN FOLKS IS TALKIN'

♪ WHERE I CAN'T DO MY KUNG FU WITHOUT INTERRUPTION ♪

♪ WHERE I SCREAM, TURKEYS SPLIT THE SCENE ♪

♪ AND HOES BETTER HAVE MY GREEN ♪

♪ SUDDENLY, MY WORLD MAKES ME WANT TO STAY RIGHT HERE ♪

♪ IN THIS IMAGINARY LAND

♪ BUT IF I DON'T GO HOME

♪ THEN WHO WILL BE THE ONE THAT WILL ♪

♪ STICK IT TO THE MAN?

♪ OH, IF YOU'RE LISTENING, GOD

♪ THIS SHIT IS HARD

♪ TO KNOW IF I SHOULD LEAVE OR LIVE IN MAKE-BELIEVE ♪

♪ TELL ME, SHOULD I RUN AWAY?

♪ SHOULD I TRY AND STAY?

♪ OR SHOULD I LET THESE WEAK-ASS MOTHAFUCKAS BE? ♪

♪ LIVIN' HERE IN THIS BRAND-NEW WORLD ♪

♪ MIGHT BE THE FANTASY I NEED

♪ BUT IT TAUGHT ME THAT I'M

♪ THE ONLY BLACK DYNAMITE

♪ SO DYNAMITE

SUEY!

♪ AND I'VE LEARNED

♪ NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY LOOK INSIDE THEIR HEARTS ♪

♪ TO FI-I-I-IND

♪ EVERYTHING THAT THEY NEED

♪ IS INSIDE BLACK

♪ DYNAMITE-E-E-E

[ GASPS ] I-I'M HOME.

HEY! IT WORKED!

HA! JAMES BROWN?

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY REALITY?

OH! THANK GOODNESS, BLACK DYNAMITE!

YOU HAD US WORRIED FOR A MINUTE, THERE.

I WAS IN THIS CRAZY, BLACKER VERSION OF "THE WIZ,"

WITH WICKED BITCHES, FLYIN' JUNKIES, AND PIGLETS AND SHIT.

WE SEE THAT EVERY DAY UP ON CRENSHAW.

AND YOU WERE THERE, AND YOU,

AND YOU WERE THERE, AND SO WERE YOU.

I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED, I MUST ADMIT.

BLACK DYNAMITE, ARE YOU SMOKIN' THAT SHIT?

BLACK DYNAMITE, ARE YOU OKAY?

LET'S JUST SAY I LEARNED

TO APPRECIATE WHO I AM AND WHAT I HAVE.

AND THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE A HO HOME WITH ORPHANS IN IT.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

OKAY. I'M READY TO KICK SOME ASS,

BUT AFTER THIS, I GOTS TO GET ME SOME PUSSY!

[ CROWD GASPS ]

WHAT?

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

♪ SAY WHAT?

♪ I SAID WE SNIFF, SNORT COKE

♪ WE SHOOT IT TILL WE SEE UNICORNS ♪

♪ SASQUATCH, AND WOOKIEES

♪ SUCK A THANG FOR SOME COOKIES, NO, WE AIN'T NO ROOKIES ♪

♪ JUST JUNKIES THAT NEED SOME BASE ♪

♪ THEN I WAS GONE, AND A-GONE, A-GONE, GONE, A-GONE ♪

♪ THE HIGH DON'T STOP TILL THERE'S NOTHIN' TO PAWN ♪

♪ THEN I WAS GONE AND A-GONE, A-GONE, GONE, A-GONE ♪

♪ THE HIGH DON'T STOP TILL THERE'S NOTHIN' TO PAWN ♪

♪ SNIFF, SNORT, SMOKE, WE SHOOT IT TILL WE SEE UNICORNS ♪

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