Original subtitles

>> NOW YOU KNOW IT TAKES MORE THAN JUST LAYIN' THERE, GOIN'

"OH! OH! OH! GIVE IT TO ME DADDY,

GIVE IT TO ME DADDY!"

YOU GOT TO REALLY SELL THAT

TRICK!

OTHERWISE, HE MIGHT CUM ON YOUR BACK BUT HE AIN'T

CUMMIN' BACK Y'ALL KNOW! HA HA HA!

>> ARNOLD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ASKED EUPHORIA TO BE OUR PARENT

FOR CAREER DAY.

>> WELL, LIKE BLACK DYNAMITE ALWAYS SAYS, "A HO MAMA'S BETTER

THAN NO MAMA."

>> AND FOR THIS DICK DEMONSTRATION, I'LL NEED A

PAYING VOLUNTEER.

YOU, SIR.

ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOU SPIT OUT YOUR GUM FIRST.

[ SPITS ] >> OKAY.

THANK YOU, MISS EUPHORIA.

THAT - THAT'S ENOUGH.

UH, OFFICER PAYSINGER, UM, THIS WOULD BE A NICE SEGUE INTO

SHOWING THE KIDS HOW YOU ARREST SOMEONE.

>> AW, HELL, NAW!

WHAT I DID IN THE BACK SEAT OF YOUR SQUAD CAR IN THE SCHOOL

PARKING LOT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE THAN ENOUGH TO COVER

MY BAIL!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> ♪ HE'S DYNAMITE

♪ SO DYNAMITE ♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH

♪ OOOHHH ♪ AHHHH

♪ HE'S DYNAMITE ♪ DY-NO, DY-NO

♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH ♪ OOOOHHHH

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> THIS WEEK...

>> KISS MY ASS, MOTHERFUCKA! 10 BUCKS IS A BARGAIN, AND

THAT'S THE SPECIAL RATE I ONLY GIVE TO THE FUZZ.

THE CIVILIAN SLOPPY GARFIELD IS DOUBLE THAT PRICE!

>> EUPHORIA, CAN WE JUST GO?

>> NOT UNTIL I FUCK US UP THE CAB FARE HOME!

HEY, PERRY MASON [CHUCKLES] THERE A CLOSET AROUND HERE?

>> SO, BOYS, I GUESS HAVING A PROSTITUTE FOR A MOTHER CAN

KIND OF SUCK.

>> YEAH, IT KIND OF SUCKS.

FUCKS, LICKETY SPLITS, ANNIE OAKLEYS - YOU NAME IT,

THESE HO'S DO IT. HEY, I'M ARNOLD, AND THIS IS MY

BROTHER, WILLIS.

WHO ARE YOU?

>> OH, HOW RUDE OF ME.

I'M, UH, MR. PHILIP DRUMMOND.

SO, DO THEY ALWAYS BRING THEIR WORK HOME, ARNOLD?

>> YEAH, IF YOU WANT TO CALL A WHOREPHANAGE A HOME.

>> WHOREPHANGE, YOU SAY?

IS THAT RIGHT?

WELL, THAT SOUNDS JUST DANDY!

>> HEY NIGGA YOU WANT TO STOP RUNNING YOUR DAMN MOUTH?

YOU KNOW BLACK DYNAMITE TELL US TO SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN

GROWN FOLKS IS TALKIN', ESPECIALLY ABOUT HIS BUSINESS.

>> IF THE WHORES ARE DOING THEIR BUSINESS IN MY BED, THEN IT'S MY

BUSINESS, TOO.

>> DON'T YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE THIS MOTHERFUCKER

IS HERE ON CAREER

DAY AND AIN'T GOT NO CHILD AT THIS SCHOOL?

I DON'T TRUST THIS NIGGA. >> YOU KNOW, BOYS, I WAS

THINKING I COULD GIVE YOU ALL A RIDE HOME IN MY FANCY LIMO AND

YOU COULD SHOW ME THE LAY OF THE LAND.

>> LIMO? OHH! SHIIIIT I CAN LAY YOU IN ANY LAND YOU

WANT - THAILAND, FINLAND, DISNEYLAND.

HA! LET'S GO.

[ CHILDREN SHOUTING PLAYFULLY ] I'M SO SORRY.

HOLD UP A MINUTE.

LADIES, WE GOT COMPANY, AND BY "COMPANY," I MEAN A RICH WHITE

TRICK WITH A TELEPHONE IN HIS LIMO!

>> Honey Bee: GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR, AND WELCOME TO YOUR

PARADISE.

WE GOT 'EM IN EVERY SHAPE, SIZE, COLOR, AND FREAKY AS THEY WANT

TO BE.

WE CLEAN, DISCREET, AND WE FULLY INTEGRATED.

THIS IS CONNIE LINGUS, AND THAT'S -

>> OH, YES.

THESE WHORES ARE...LOVELY, BUT I'M MORE INTERESTED IN A TOUR OF

THE FACILITIES, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

>> Honey Bee: TOUR?!

THIS AIN'T UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!

WHAT YOU THINK - YOU ON AN ASS SAFARI?

[ Laughing ] OH!

ONE ASS SAFARI COMING RIGHT UP.

>> HEY, LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD, WHY DON'T YOU BE MY ASS-SAFARI

GUIDE?

>> UH...

BEHIND THE DOORS OF THIS HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE IS WHERE ALL THE

MAGIC HAPPENS.

>> Honey Bee: WAIT! NO, NO, NO!

>> LOOK UP IN THE SKY.

IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PLANE.

YEAH, FATBACK...

>> Honey Bee: YEAH, BUT YOU GOT TO PAY EXTRA FOR MAGIC, THOUGH.

SPIDER WEBS AIN'T CHEAP.

[ SNAP! ] >> UGH! AAH!

>> MY BAD, FATBACK TAFFY.

UH, SORRY, COUNCILMAN McCRACKEN.

>> FATBACK TAFFY - SHE'S QUITE A WEBSLINGER!

OHH!

WE USED TO KEEP OUR TOYS IN THE TOY BOX, BUT, UH, YOU CAN SEE

THE WHORES GOT THEIR OWN TOYS.

>> Honey Bee: ARNOLD, REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU -

SHARING IS CARING.

>> AND HERE'S THE PERPETUALLY UNDERSTOCKED KITCHEN, WHERE

THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH FOOD TO SATISFY A LITTLE ORPHAN'S BIG

APPETITE.

>> Honey Bee: WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ATE THE WHOLE DAMN

KITCHEN FOR BREAKFAST.

NOW ALL WE GOT LEFT IS TITTY MILK.

>> TITTY MILK?

ARNOLD, DO YOU LIKE TITTY MILK?

>> NAH, NOT PERSONALLY.

IT'S TOO WARM AND TASTES LIKE BABY POWDER, AND I ALWAYS HAD

TROUBLE LATCHING ON.

>> WELL, BOYS, I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL I NEED TO SEE.

I GUESS I'LL BE GOING NOW.

BOYS, BITCHES, BYE.

>> Honey Bee: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

NO, NO, NO, NO!

I DIDN'T GET TO TELL YOU ABOUT OUR PTA SPECIAL -

PUSSY, TITS AND ASS!

IT'S THE NUMBER-5 COMBO ON OUR MENU!

>> Black Dynamite: SMELLS LIKE DIRTY MONEY AND HONKY IN HERE.

>> Honey Bee: YEAH, WELL, THERE WAS A RICH HONKY TRICK HERE, BUT

THE ORPHANS RAN HIM OFF.

I LOVE THESE LITTLE MOTHERFUCKERS BUT SOMETIMES

THEY'RE BAD FOR BUSINESS, BLACK DYNAMITE.

>> ARNOLD, I KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF FUCKIN' GOING ON AROUND HERE,

BUT AT LEAST WE GOT A FUCKIN' HOME.

REMEMBER AFTER MOM AND DAD DIED?

WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THAT.

>> A WHOREHOUSE IS NOT A HOME, WILLIS, AND BETWEEN ALL THE

SUCKIN' AND FUCKIN' THAT GOES ON AROUND THIS

PLACE, NOBODY HAS ROOM FOR US.

I'M TIRED OF LIVING HERE!

>> ♪ DA-DA-DA DA-DA-DA-DA ♪ SUPER PUSSY!

[ ZOOM! ] HEY, YOU KNOW A BITCH TOO BIG TO

BE LEAPIN' FROM THE DRESSER.

YOU GONNA START PAYING EXTRA FOR ALL THIS ROLE-PLAYING SHIT

HEY, LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD.

HEY, LITTLE ORPHAN WILLIS.

SORRY I DESTROYED Y'ALL'S ROOM AGAIN.

>> I REITERATE - A WHOREHOUSE IS NOT A HOME.

[ VEHICLE APPROACHES, TIRES SCREECH ]

>> VIOLATION 91 - UNSANITARY RECREATIONAL FACILITIES.

VIOLATION 92 - SERVING TITTY MILK WARMER THAN ROOM

TEMPERATURE.

YOU HAVE VIOLATIONS VIOLATING YOUR VIOLATIONS!

AND YOUR 93rd VIOLATION, AND MOST HEINOUS, IS CITY ORDINANCE

CODE 227, WHICH STIPULATES THAT A WHOREHOUSE AND AN ORPHANAGE

CANNOT EXIST IN THE SAME DWELLING - ALL TIGHT, ALL CLOSE

UP AND NEAR TOGETHER.

OF COURSE, I COULD BE PERSUADED TO OVERLOOK SOME OF THESE

VIOLATIONS IF YOU'D BE WILLING TO - OH, I DON'T KNOW - BEND

ME OVER THE COUCH AND FUCK ME IN THE ASS.

>> Cream Corn: AAH!

FIRST OF ALL, HELL.

SECOND OF ALL, NAH.

THIRD OF ALL, HELL NAH!

>> SUIT YOURSELF.

>> Cream Corn: OH, NO!

IT SAYS WE GOT TO SHUT DOWN, AS OF NOW?!

>> THAT'S RIGHT, HOT BUNS!

EITHER SHUT DOWN THE WHOREHOUSE AND TOSS THESE HOS ON THE STREET

OR LOSE THE ORPHANS.

YOU GOT TO PICK ONE OR THE OTHER.

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, YOU WAIT A MINUTE,

CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES BITCH!

NOW, NOBODY SEPARATES BLACK DYNAMITE'S WHORES FROM HIS

ORPHANS.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

>> OH, YEAH?

AND WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, BLACK DYNAMITE?

YOU GONNA HIT AN OLD LADY?

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

>> HOLD ON, BLACK DYNAMITE.

BEFORE YOU FUCK UP THAT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICE BITCH,

I THINK I MAY BE OF SOME HELP.

>> Honey Bee: IT'S THE RICH WHITE TRICK THAT SMELLS LIKE

MONEY AND HONKY!

>> BEING A WEALTHY WHITE MAN, YOU SEE, I HAVE MANY WEALTHY

WHITE FRIENDS THAT ARE ALL WILLING AND WAITING TO ADOPT

EVERY SINGLE ORPHAN YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW, ON THE SPOT.

>> Black Dynamite: WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, MR. DRUMMOND?

>> I MEAN, THAT IS WHAT THIS PLACE IS FOR, RIGHT?

I ASSUME YOU DO WANT TO FIND A NICE, SAFE HOME FOR

THESE ORPHANS.

>> Black Dynamite: HELL, NO!

I MEAN, YES.

I MEAN, WHY THE FUCK WOULD A BUNCH OF WEALTHY HONKIES WANT TO

ADOPT A WHOREHOUSEFUL OF ORPHANS?

>> I'M JUST DOING WHAT ANY BENEVOLENT WHITE

MULTIMILLIONAIRE WOULD DO FOR GHETTO CHAPS LIVING IN A HOUSE

OF, UH, ILL REPUTE.

>> YOU HEAR THAT?!

WE'RE GETTING ADOPTED!

THIS IS OUR BIG BREAK, WILLIS!

>> NIGGA CALM DOWN AND STOP ACTING ALL GAY.

SOMETHIN' AIN'T RIGHT ABOUT THIS MR. DRUMMOND.

HIS STROKES JUST SEEM DIFFERENT.

>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] I'M READY! WHERE'S THE CAR?!

>> AS YOU AND I BOTH KNOW, BLACK DYNAMITE, THESE ORPHANS

ARE HUNGRY FOR A BETTER LIFE.

>> Black Dynamite: NO DICE, FATHER FLANAGAN.

THESE ORPHANS AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.

>> I'M AFRAID YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, MR. DYNAMITE!

>> Bullhorn: MAN, THESE ORPHEENS ARE 'BOUT TO GO FROM

BLACK DYNAMITE'S DIRTY HO HOUSE OF FUCKS TO LIVIN' IN A

MANSION WITH DADDY WARBUCKS!

>> Cream Corn: I MEAN, IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE ONE OF OUR ORPHANS

HAS BEEN ADOPTED.

HAS ONE OF OUR ORPHANS EVER BEEN ADOPTED?

>> Black Dynamite: IT'S JUST HARD FOR BLACK DYNAMITE NOT TO

THINK ABOUT HIMSELF, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S THE ONLY ONE DOIN'

THE THINKIN'.

CHILD SERVICES BITCH, I'M SORRY THAT THE LOVE I HAVE FOR THESE

ORPHANS ALMOST MADE ME KICK A HOLE THROUGH YOUR THROAT, BUT

FIRST I'MA NEED TO APPROVE WHERE THESE MISSIONARY HONKIES ARE

TAKING THEM.

I SIMPLY CANNOT FATHOM A MORE LOVING AND POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT

THAN THIS.

I MEAN, REALLY - HOW MUCH BETTER COULD THIS PLACE BE?

[ "DIFF'RENT STROKES" THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> OH, MAN!

[ MUSIC CONTINUE S] [ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]

>> Children: WOW!

[ VIDEO GAMES BEEPING ] >> Cream Corn: WOW!

MR. DRUMMOND IS LIKE A REAL- LIFE DADDY WARBUCKS, WITH WAY MORE

BUCKS!

>> Black Dynamite: HMPH.

HE AIN'T GOT SHIT ON WILLY WONKA.

>> Cream Corn: HEY! PONY TIME!

GIDDYUP! OH, HO, HO!

>> LOOK, WILLIS - PONIES!

>> AW, MAN.

IT'S JUST A ASS WITH A SADDLE, AND AN ASS DON'T MAKE A HOME

EITHER, ARNOLD!

>> Cream Corn: SHIT!

THE HELL IT DON'T.

I AIN'T NEVER GOING BACK TO THE WHOREPHANAGE!

[ CHILDREN LAUGHING ] >> UH, MR. DRUMMOND, WHAT'S

WRONG WITH THIS BED?

THERE'S NO RUSTY SPRINGS STICKIN' OUT OF IT?

>> NO NEED FOR A TETANUS SHOT BEFORE BEDTIME HERE, ARNOLD.

>> LOOK! THE SHEETS DON'T HAVE WET SPOTS [SNIFFS] AND

AIN'T NO CUM ON THE SPREAD!

>> SHH! LISTEN, EVERYBODY!

YOU CAN'T HEAR NOT ONE SUCK OR FUCK!

WE CAN FINALLY SLEEP AT NIGHT!

>> THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS - NO SOUNDS OF WHORES HERE.

[ CHILDREN CHEER ] ANYONE FEELING HUNGRY?

[ CHILDREN SHOUTING EXCITEDLY ] >> Black Dynamite: STILL AIN'T

GOT SHIT ON THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

GOODBYE, MY BELOVED ORPHANS.

MAY YOUR LITTLE LIVES BE WONDERFUL FROM THIS DAY FORWARD.

MY FONDEST MEMORIES WILL ALWAYS REMAIN -

>> [ BURPS ] HERE, WILLIS.

YOU BETTER GET SOME OF THIS SOCK-IT-TO ME CAKE.

>> I'D RATHER EAT SUGAR SMACKS AND TITTY MILK.

>> Honey Bee: BYE-BYE, BABIES.

I'M GONNA MISS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU LIKE MY OWN

CHILDRENS!

OHHH!

>> Bullhorn: MAN, I DON'T KNOW IF THESE ORPHANS COULD TURN

THEIR BACKS ON US ANY FASTER, BUT ONE THING'S FOR CERTAIN -

THEY SURE ARE SOME SELFISH LITTLE BASTARDS!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> Cream Corn: WOW!

TALK ABOUT RIDING IN CLASS!

THEY GOT A LIMO TO TAKE US BACK TO THE WHOREPHANAGE!

[ LAUGHS ] >> Black Dynamite: YOU KNOW, I-I

THINK I'M GONNA WALK HOME.

>> Honey Bee: ARE YOU SURE, BLACK DYNAMITE?

BUT IT'S 70 MILES.

>> Black Dynamite: YEAH.

RIDING IN THIS LIMO IS JUST GONNA REMIND BLACK DYNAMITE OF

THE TIME HE RODE IN THIS LIMO TO DROP HIS ORPHANS OFF FOR GOOD.

>> Honey Bee: HAVE A NICE WALK!

>> Cream Corn: CATCH YOU LATER, BLACK DYNAMITE!

>> Honey Bee: THEY GOT A BIDET IN HERE.

[ MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ] [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,

UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]

>> Black Dynamite: NO, THESE

MOTHERFUCKERS DIDN'T.

BUT SOMETHIN' TELLS ME THESE MOTHERFUCKERS DID.

>> Cream Corn: HEY, BLACK DYNAMITE!

YOU LIKE THE ORPHANS' GOING-AWAY PARTY?!

>> Black Dynamite: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A GOING-AWAY

PARTY BEFORE THEY GO AWAY!

AND WHY THE FUCK IS BLACK DYNAMITE THE ONLY ONE

THAT'S SAD THAT THEY'RE GONE?!

>> Honey Bee: NO, NO, BLACK DYNAMITE!

WE'RE SAD THAT THEY'RE GONE, TOO!

BUT WE ARE HAPPY THE MOTHERFUCKERS AIN'T HERE!

WE NEEDED A BREAK!

>> Cream Corn: YEAH!

WE GOT A LIMITED TIME BEFORE WE GET SOME NEW ORPHANS, SO WE

MIGHT AS WELL CUT LOOSE NOW!

>> Black Dynamite: DAMN IT, CREAM CORN!

THEY TOOK OUR LICENSE!

WE CAN'T GET ANY MORE!

>> Bullhorn: BLACK DYNAMITE, IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I COULD

DO MY THANG AND LET MY MOTHERFUCKIN' THANG

SWING-A-LANG!

HA HA HA HA!

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> ARNOLD. ARNOLD.

ARNOLD, WAKE UP!

MAN, LOOK AT YOU.

YOUR GREEDY ASS FELL ASLEEP IN THE JELLO.

NIGGA YOU COULD HAVE DIED.

>> THEN WHY'D YOU WAKE ME UP, WILLIS?

THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO GO.

OOH! IT'S GOT TO BE TIME FOR BREAKFAST.

>> ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WHICH ONE OF THESE DOORS IS THE KITCHEN?

>> UH, HELLO!

DOES ANYBODY GOT SOME - [ GASPS ]

[ ELECTRICITY BUZZES ] AH! THERE YOU ARE, MR. DRUMMOND!

WHEN WE GONNA EAT AGAIN?

IT'S BEEN SO LONG, MY HUNGER PAINS GOT HUNGER PAINS.

>> WELL, BOYS, SOMETIMES APPETITES CAN BE PRETTY PAINFUL.

BUT NOT TO WORRY - YOUR APPETITES ARE GOING TO GET YOU

EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED.

>> WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, MR. DRUMMOND?

>> [ SNAPS FINGERS ] >> HUH?!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> NOW, WE'VE HAD COCKFIGHTS,

DOGFIGHTS, AND EVERY KIND OF THRILL THAT BORED RICH WHITE

PEOPLE COULD THINK OF.

AND NOW, JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THERE WERE NO THRILLS LEFT, WE

PUT ORPHAN AGAINST ORPHAN IN A STRUGGLE TO THE DEATH FOR

SUSTENANCE!

I BRING YOU HUNGER PANG GAMES!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU KIDS HAVE TASTED THE GOOD

LIFE.

NOW, IF YOU WANT TO EAT AT ALL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR

LIVES, BECAUSE THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE SURVIVOR!

>> WHAT THE...?

>> KILL AND YOU LIVE AND EAT IN LUXURY.

LOSE AND, WELL, YOU DIE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> MAN, THAT MOVIE WAS SOME

BULL SHIT CAN WE WATCH "WILLIE DYNAMITE"?

>> OH, THIS IS NO MOVIE, LITTLE ORPHAN TERRIO.

THIS IS YOUR NEW LIFE - I MEAN, IF YOU KNOW HOW TO KILL.

>> OH, I KNOW HOW TO KILL 'EM.

>> OOH. OOH. KILL HIM.

OOH. OOH. OOH. KILL HIM.

OOH! OOH! AHH! HAH!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] [ CHILDREN GASP ]

OOH! KILLED HIM!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> Black Dynamite: MAN, MAYBE

BLACK DYNAMITE SHOULD TRY SPENDING SOME TIME WITH A FEW OF

THESE KIDS THAT DO HAVE PARENTS TO TEMPORARILY FILL THE VOID IN

HIS HEART.

>> ♪ WHO CAN MAKE A WHOREHOUSE >> Black Dynamite: HEY, KIDS!

I GOT SOME CANDY!

CAN I PLAY WITH YOU?

[ CHILDREN SCREAM ] [ GROANS ]

>> ♪ PUT 'EM BOTH TOGETHER, MAKE A WHOREPHANAGE FOR YOU? ♪

♪ BLACK DYNAMITE >> ♪ BLACK DYNAMITE

>> ♪ OH, BLACK DYNAMITE CAN >> ♪ BLACK DYNAMITE CAN

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

>> EXCUSE ME, MR. MAN!

>> GET OUT OF THERE!

YOU'RE A GROWN MAN!

>> WHACK! WHACK!

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY, SUEY!

[ CHILDREN SHOUT PLAYFULLY ] >> ♪ WHO CAN THROW A BOOMERANG

>> ♪ WHO CAN THROW A BOOMERANG >> IS THAT THE SAME MAN?

GUYS, GET OVER HERE!

GET OVER HERE BEFORE I SMACK YOU!

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> Black Dynamite: AND THAT'S

WHY I DON'T FUCK WITH PARENTED KIDS!

>> WHEN YOU SUCCESSFULLY KILL, A CANNON WILL SOUND AND YOU WILL

COME BACK HERE TO EAT YOUR REWARD MEAL.

>> WOW!

>> THEN THE LAST CHILD LEFT IS THE VICTOR, AND THAT CHILD WILL

LIVE AND EAT FOREVER IN LUXURY!

>> TO HELL WITH THAT!

WE'D RATHER EAT SUGAR SMACKS AND TITTY MILK THAN KILL OUR

FELLOW ORPHANS!

RIGHT, ARNOLD?!

>> UH...

>> ARNOLD?

>> UH...

UH...

HUH?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

JUST LIKE YOU SAID - WE AIN'T DOIN' THAT.

OOH.

IS THAT A SOCK-IT-TO-ME CAKE?

>> ARNOLD, SNAP OUT OF IT!

>> WILLIS, IF WE WIN THE HUNGER PANG GAMES, WE CAN LIVE

THE LAVISH LIFE I ALWAYS WANTED.

I MEAN, WE HAVEN'T KNOWN THE OTHER ORPHANS THAT LONG, SO YOU

CAN'T BE TOO ATTACHED.

>> ARNOLD, YOUR HUNGER PANGS HAVE DROVE YOUR LITTLE ASS

INSANE!

>> LET THE HUNGER PANG GAMES BEGIN!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ GUN COCKS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ GUN COCKS ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ] >> WHAT THE...?

MAN, I'M SO HUNGRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME!

[ STOMACH GROWLS ] >> LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD, STOP

ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH AND GRAB THEM MOTHERFUCKIN'

40 OUNCES AND SOCK IT TO 'EM SO WE CAN EAT SOME SOCK-IT-TO-ME!

>> SOCK-IT-TO-ME CAKE?

LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD LOVES SOCK-IT-TO-ME CAKE!

>> MAN, ARNOLD.

DUDLEY WENT CRAZY AND ALMOST KILLED ME DOWN THERE!

>> I'M SORRY, WILLIS, BUT IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.

>> WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, ARNOLD?

>> KILL HIS ASS, LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD!

THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO EAT!

>> SNAP OUT OF IT!

IT'S ME - YOUR BROTHER, WILLIS!

>> TO BE HONEST, I DON'T EVEN THINK HE'S YOUR REAL BROTHER!

>> I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU, ARNOLD.

NOW STOP!

>> [ GRUNTS ] AAAAH!

>> Black Dynamite: OKAY, Y'ALL.

WE NEED TO COME UP WITH A NEW BUSINESS MODEL THAT'S GONNA

REPLACE THE "PHANAGE" IN "WHOREPHANAGE."

ANY IDEAS?

>> Cream Corn: OOH, I KNOW!

>> Black Dynamite: WHAT YOU GOT?

>> Cream Corn: HOW 'BOUT A WHORESPITAL?

IT'S A WHOREHOUSE AND A HOSPITAL IN ONE!

>> DR. DYNAMITE! DR. DYNAMITE!

UH, FRANK THE JOHN HERE SOMEHOW GOT A GERBIL STUCK UP HIS ASS,

AND YOU ARE THE PHYSICIAN ON DUTY, RIGHT?

>> Black Dynamite: OH, HELL, NO.

WE AIN'T DOIN' THAT.

>> Bullhorn: OH. NOW HERE'S AN IDEA I LOVE, BUT I CAN'T COURT

IN MARRIAGE.

WE CAN PUT US SOME HOS ON HORSEBACK, AND WE CAN CALL IT

WHORES 'N CARRIAGE!

>> YEAH. OHH. OHH.

YEAH, RIDE THAT.

YEAH, DADDY. GIDDYUP.

FASTER! FAS- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NOT YOU! WAIT, HORSES, WAIT!

>> Black Dynamite: HMM.

>> Honey Bee: I GOT IT!

[ MID-TEMPO FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ] [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,

LAUGHTER ] >> ♪ HEY

♪ NOW, WE MAY NOT GET TO TURN TRICKS ♪

BUT LET ME SAY IT'S BETTER THAN SUCKIN' A... ♪

>> Black Dynamite: I DON'T KNOW.

IT JUST AIN'T THE SAME.

WITHOUT THE ORPHANS, THIS WHOREPHANGE, NO MATTER WHAT WE

CALL IT, IS JUST SOME BRICK AND MORTAR WITH A WHOLE LOT OF

HOING GOING DOWN.

MAYBE IF BLACK DYNAMITE WAS MORE LIKE MR. DRUMMOND, NONE OF THIS

WOULD BE HAPPENING.

>> Cream Corn: YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE A LITTLE BIT MORE LIKE

MR. DRUMMOND.

>> Honey Bee: NO, IT'S MY FAULT, BLACK DYNAMITE.

THEY WERE WAY TOO OLD TO BE DRINKIN' TITTY MILK.

>> Bullhorn: I AIN'T GONNA LIE!

IT SURE FELT GOOD TO LET MY NUTS HANG, BUT I'D GIVE EVERY HANGIN'

NUT SAC BACK TO SEE THOSE ORPHEENS AGAIN!

>> [ WHIMPERING ] BLACK DYNAMITE.

>> Black Dynamite: [ Echoing ] NO!

LITTLE ORPHAN, UH...

>> DUDLEY.

>> Black Dynamite: YEAH, LITTLE ORPHAN DUDLEY.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU NOT AT

MR. DRUMMOND'S, LIVING IN THE LAP OF LUXURY?

>> [ WHEEZES, COUGHS ] HUN...GRY.

>> Black Dynamite: HOW CAN YOU BE HUNGRY - YOU, WHOSE EVERY

APPETITE SHOULD BE SATISFIED?

>> MR. DRUMMOND AND HIS HONKY FRIENDS MAKE US FIGHT EACH

OTHER FOR SCRIMPS!

>> Black Dynamite: ♪ DU- DU-DUN NOT FOR SCRIMPS! I KNEW IT!

I'M GONNA MAKE THESE JIVE SUCKERS PAY FOR THIS IF IT'S THE

LAST THING I DO!

>> Honey Bee: BUT, BLACK DYNAMITE, THAT

SKYSCRAPER'S AT LEAST 50 FLOORS OF RICH WHITE HONKY TRICKS.

HOW ARE OUR BLACK ASSES GONNA GET IN THERE UNDETECTED?

>> [ COUGHS ] BLACK DYNAMITE, IS THERE

CRUSTACEANS IN HEAVEN?

>> Black Dynamite: OF COURSE NOT, AND WHAT KIND OF STUPID

FUCKIN' QUESTION IS THAT TO WASTE YOUR LAST BREATH ON?

>> [ GASPS ] I'M DEAD.

>> Black Dynamite: [ Echoing ] NOOOOOOOOOO!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> HMM.

MMM.

>> HUH? UGH!

UH...

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> I CAN'T DO IT!

I WON'T KILL MY BABY BROTHER OVER A PIECE OF CAKE!

[ CRYING ] [ SPECTATORS BOOING ]

>> AHA.

[ WHIP! CLANK! ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> SO, THIS IS IT, HUH?

HUH?!

THIS IS ALL MY LIFE IS WORTH, ARNOLD - A SOCK-IT-TO-ME CAKE?!

WELL, THEN, SOCK IT TO ME, ARNOLD!

I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY!

>> IT'S NOT JUST THE CAKE.

IT'S FOR THE SALMON, FRIED CHICKEN, MASHED POTATOES,

CHITTERLINGS, AND THE RIBS THAT COME RIGHT OFF THE BONE!

>> DON'T BE A LITTLE BITCH, LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD!

FINISH HIM AND FEAST LIKE A KING!

>> THAT MAN JUST CALLED YOU A BITCH.

DON'T BE NO PUSSY, LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD!

KILL HIM!

DID YOU SEE THEM MOTHERFUCKIN' MUSTARD GREENS?

WHOO!

>> Honey Bee: BLACK DYNAMITE, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK?

>> Black Dynamite: HMPH.

IS A PIG'S PUSSY STILL PORK?

JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD.

>> OH, GOOD EVENING, MY FELLOW RICH HONKY COMRADES.

ARE YOU HERE TO WATCH THE INNOCENT KIDNAPPED NEGRO

CHILDREN SLAUGHTER EACH OTHER FOR FOOD, WHICH IS REALLY A

COMMENTARY ON THE PLIGHT OF THE URBAN NEGRO AT LARGE?

>> Black Dynamite: UH, YEAH.

ABSO-POSITIVELY CORRECTA-MUNDO

SUPERCALIFRAGILI- OH FUCK IT!

SUEY! HYAH! HYAH!

>> [ GROANING ] >> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

>> DAMN!

BLACK MOTHERFUCKIN' DYNAMITE!

>> Black Dynamite: MR. DRUMMOND, I MAY NOT FEED THESE ORPHANS

LOBSTER, SHRIMP, OR EVEN TUNA FISH, WHICH IS WAY TOO EXPENSIVE

AT $1 A CAN, BUT WHAT WE DO FEED THEM IS LOVE AND A LITTLE BIT OF

TITTY MILK.

AND NO MATTER HOW HUNGRY THEY GET, WE WOULD NEVER MAKE THEM

KILL EACH OVER THAT TITTY MILK, BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE LOVE -

>> UH, HELLO?

I'M SORRY.

I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR HEARTFELT TITTY MILK SPEECH,

BUT ARNOLD'S ABOUT TO SHOOT A MISSILE IN MY ASS OVER SOME

MUSTARD GREENS!

>> Black Dynamite: OH.

UH, WELL, A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME, AND A WHOREPHANAGE IS SOMETHING

LIKE A HOUSE, OR A WHOREHOUSE IS NOT A - GOD DAMN IT!

I HAD IT BEFORE I CAME OVER HERE.

AW FUCK IT!

SUEY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

DON'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP,

BLACK DYNAMITE, OR LITTLE ORPHAN WILLIS HERE WILL

BE GOING TO A PLACE WHERE THEY WON'T HAVE CRUSTACEANS.

SO, IF I WERE YOU, I'D - AAAAH!

LITTLE ORPHAN ARNOLD, YOU AIN'T SHIT.

>> OOH, KILL HIM.

[ BEEPS ] >> WA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

[ CHILDREN CHEERING ] >> DUDLEY?

WHAT THE HELL?

NIGGA WE THOUGHT YOU WAS DEAD.

>> Black Dynamite: YEAH.

I JUST WATCHED YOU WASTE YOUR LAST BREATH ON A STUPID

FUCKING QUESTION.

>> MAN, TURNS OUT I WAS JUST IN A SUGAR COMA FROM ALL THE

SOCK-IT-TO-ME CAKE.

BUT THE HO'S GAVE ME SOME TITTY MILK.

NOW I'M BACK TO MY OLD SELF.

[ CHILDREN CHEERING ] >> HEY, WILLIS.

I'M SORRY THAT I TEMPORARILY LOST MY NATURAL BLACK MIND.

YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T HAVE KILLED YOU OVER NO SOCK-IT-TO-ME CAKE.

BUT IF IT WAS TWO SOCK-IT-TO- ME CAKES, I WOULD HAVE KILLED YOUR

ASS!

[ LAUGHS ] I AIN'T LYING!

>> YEAH. SURE, YOU WEREN'T.

BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS I'M READY TO GET A DOGGY BAG AND GET UP

OUT OF HERE!

>> Cream Corn: HA!

YOU AIN'T GOT TO TELL ME!

I'M ALREADY ON IT.

>> Black Dynamite: LET'S GO HOME, Y'ALL.

>> Honey Bee: UH, Y'ALL KNOW THAT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES

BITCH AIN'T GONNA LET US BRING THE ORPHANS BACK WITHOUT GETTING

FUCKED IN THE ASS.

[ MID-TEMPO FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ] >> Black Dynamite: ALL RIGHT,

Y'ALL.

AFTER THIS LAST WASH, WE'RE SHUTTING DOWN THE WHOREWASH.

>> Cream Corn: WHAT LAST WASH, BLACK DYNAMITE?

AND WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WEARING THIS T-SHIRT?

[ TIRES SCREECHING ] I'LL HAVE THE DELUXE PACKAGE -

HA HA! - OOH, WITH THE UNDERCARRIAGE SPRAY.

DRIP, DRIP, DRIP.

>> Black Dynamite: CREAM CORN, YOU GOT TO TAKE ONE FOR THE

TEAM, OR TWO OR THREE - WHATEVER'S ON SPECIAL.

>> Cream Corn: WHAT?!

OH, GOD!

OH, GOD!

DON'T ASK ME ABOUT MY SPECIALS.

DON'T ASK ME ABOUT MY SPECIALS!

I AIN'T GOT NO SPECIALS, GIRL!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

>> ♪ THIS IS HOW WE PAID OUR BILLS ♪

♪ WE CLEAN YOUR CAR WITH THEM GOOD TITTIES ON THE WINDSHIELD ♪

♪ JERKIN' AT THE >> ♪ WHOREWASH

>> ♪ JERKIN' AT THE >> ♪ WHOREWASH, YEAH

>> ♪ COME ON AND SING IT WITH ME ♪

>> ♪ WHOREWASH >> ♪ WHOA-OH, WHOA-OH, WHOA-OH

♪ JERKIN' AT THE >> ♪ WHOREWASH

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