Original subtitles

>> ♪ HE'S DYNAMITE ♪ SO DYNAMITE

♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH ♪ OOOHHH

♪ AHHHH ♪ HE'S DYNAMITE

♪ DY-NO, DY-NO ♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH

♪ OOOOHHHH ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

>> THIS WEEK...

>> RONDELL?

RONDELL?

RONDELL?!

>> Black Dynamite: MOTHERLESS AND FATHERLESS ORPHANS?!

>> TRICK OR TREAT!

>> Black Dynamite: DAMN, IT'S JUST PARENTED KIDS.

HAVE Y'ALL SEEN A GROUP OF ORPHANS ABOUT CHILD HEIGHT,

WALKING WITH A SKINNY HALF-PIMP WITH A PERM?

COME ON!

YOU HAD TO SEE THEM.

THEY WHERE DRESSED UP LIKE A BUNCH OF LITTLE BIGFOOTS,

GOBLINS, VAMPIRES, AND SHIT, SORTA LIKE Y'ALL AND ALL THE

OTHER KIDS RUNNING AROUND HERE.

>> MAN, FUCK YOUR ORPHANS.

NOW EITHER YOU GONNA GIVE US SOME CANDY, OR WE TPing THIS

WHOLE GOD DAMNED WHOREPHANAGE!

>> Black Dynamite: FOOLISH KID TRICK-OR-TREATER!

YOU DONE FUCKED UP NOW!

AH, SUEY!

OKAY, I'M ONLY GONNA ASK YOU ONE MORE AGAIN.

NOW, I'M LOOKING FOR SOME ORPHANS WALKING AROUND WITH A

SKINNY HALF-PIMP WITH A PERM.

HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?!

>> Honey Bee: MOVE, BLACK DYNAMITE.

I GOT THIS.

HERE YOU GO, KIDS.

HMM, THAT'S STRANGE.

I COULD HAVE SWORN WE HAD A WHOLE BOWL OF...

I KNOW THIS NEGRO DIDN'T.

>> Bullhorn: AT LEAST I LEFT THE CANDY CORNS AND THE SUCKERS FOR

THESE SUCKERS!

BUT Y'ALL SHOULD KNOW NOT TO LEAVE CHOCOLATE ROUND ME, 'CAUSE

I WILL EAT THAT MOTHER FUCKERS! >> Black Dynamite: DAMN THE

SUCKERS AND CANDY CORNS!

WE NEED TO BE FOCUSED ON ORPHANS AND CR CORN.

NOW IT'S TWO MINUTES PAST THEIR CURFEW, AND THEY STILL AIN'T

HERE YET.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ] THAT'S THEM!

FRANK THE JOHN, AIN'T YOU A LITTLE TOO OLD FOR TREATS?

>> MAN, YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T TRICK MY DICK WITH NO TREATS.

I JUST WANT SOME PUSSY >> Honey Bee: I'M SORRY,

FRANK THE JOHN.

COME ON IN.

GIRLS, YOUR TRICK IS HERE!

>> Black Dynamite: I THINK SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM,

HONEY BEE.

AND THE SOMETHING I'M THINKING IS SOMETHING BAD.

>> Honey Bee: BLACK DYNAMITE, WILL YOU CALM DOWN?

WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED?

THEY'RE WITH CREAM CORN.

ON SECOND THOUGHT...

YOU MIGHT WANNA FIND THOSE KIDS.

>> Cream Corn: HEY, BLACK DYNAMITE!

>> Black Dynamite: I TOLD YOU TO HAVE THESE ORPHANS BACK AT 7:31!

WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM, CREAM CORN?

HUH?! HUH?!

>> Cream Corn: LIKE WHAT, BLACK DYNAMITE?!

>> Black Dynamite: LIKE, LIKE...

SUCKTHAT DICK - THAT'S WHAT!

>> Cream Corn: WHAT THE HELL IS SUCKTHAT DICK,

BLACK DYNAMITE?

>> Black Dynamite: SUCKTHAT DICK IS NOT A WHAT,

CREAM CORN.

HE'S A WHO, A WHY, AND A WHAT.

THIS IS ONE FLASHBACK BLACK DYNAMITE NEVER THOUGHT

HE'D HAVE IN FRONT OF Y'ALL.

BUT SINCE I ALREADY SPILLED A FEW BEANS, I MIGHT AS WELL MAKE

A MESS ALL OVER THE FLOOR.

IT WAS HALLOWEEN AND I, AKA TODDLER BLACK DYNAMITE, WAS LOST

IN A DARK ALLEY LOOKING FOR SOME TREATS BUT ENDED UP

SURROUNDED BY TRICKS.

>> YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS, STUPID.

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, TODDLER BLACK DYNAMITE, HE AIN'T NEVER

BEEN SCARED OF ANYTHING THAT STOOD ON TWO LEGS TO TAKE A

PISS.

THAT WAS, UNTIL THE DAY I MET...

SHIM.

SOMETHING TOLD ME THIS TRICK DIDN'T HAVE ANY TREATS THAT

TODDLER BLACK DYNAMITE WOULD LIKE.

BUT BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS WEARING A COSTUME, I TOOK MY

CHANCES.

AT THAT MOMENT HE LEANED DOWN, STARING AT ME WITH THOSE BIG,

BLOODSHOT RED EYES AND THOSE LONG LADY EYELASHES AND SAID...

>> SUCKTHAT DICK >> Black Dynamite: NOW, MY MAMA

ALWAYS TOLD ME NEVER TO SUEY A MOTHER FUCKA THAT DIDN'T HAVE

BALLS.

SO, A MAN IN A DRESS CONFUSED TODDLER BLACK DYNAMITE.

SO, I JUST CLOSED MY EYES AND PEED ON MYSELF AND RAN AWAY.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

PEEING ON YOURSELF IS COOL WHEN YOU'RE A BABY TODDLER.

>> Bullhorn: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU DIDN'T WANT THESE ORPHANS OUT LATE GETTING A TREAT OR A

TRICK BECAUSE A GROWN MAN IN A DRESS WANTED TO SUCK TODDLER

BLACK DYNAMITE'S DICK?

AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

IT'S NOT FUNNY, BULLHORN!

IF IT COULD HAPPEN TO ME AS A TODDLER BLACK DYNAMITE, IT

COULD HAPPEN TO THEM, TOO.

>> Cream Corn: ALL I KNOW IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS AIN'T

ABOUT TO RUIN MY HALLOWEEN.

THIS HOLIDAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT EVIL DEMONS AND SCARY

SHIT, NOT SUCKTHAT DICK! >> Honey Bee: YOU KNOW WHAT?

CREAM CORN'S RIGHT, BLACK DYNAMITE.

WE SHOULD GO OUT TONIGHT.

>> Cream Corn: AS A MATTER OF FACT, I GOT AN INVITATION TO A

HALLOWEEN PARTY ACROSS TOWN.

>> YAY!

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!

>> Black Dynamite: CREAM CORN, I TOLD YOU I JUST DON'T FEEL

COMFORTABLE ABOUT THE ORPHANS BEING OUT THIS LATE ON

HALLOWEEN.

>> Cream Corn: WHY DON'T WE GET SOMEBODY TO ENTERTAIN THEM HERE,

AND WE CAN GO OUT?

>> Bullhorn: WHAT ABOUT THAT LOCAL CAT, JOHN GACY?

I HEARD HE'S GOT A KILLER CLOWN KIDS-WATCHING AGENCY.

>> Honey Bee: OOH, THAT'S PERFECT, AND I CAN MAKE US SOME

COSTUMES REAL QUICK!

WHAT SHOULD WE BE, Y'ALL?

>> Bullhorn: MAN, WE CAN'T GO AS NO PUSSYFOOTING SINGERS,

SUMO WRESTLERS, OR ROCK QUARRIERS!

WE SHOULD GO AS A BADASS STREET GANG AND CONVENIENTLY CALL

OURSELVES THE WARRIORS!

HONEY BEE, THIS GETUP IS OUT OF SIGHT!

WE ARE GONNA KILL THEM AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY TONIGHT!

>> Black Dynamite: BEE, I MUST ADMIT, THESE ARE SOME TOUGH

THREADS.

HELL, I MIGHT WANT TO WEAR THIS EVERY DAY.

>> Cream Corn: UH, HONEY BEE, IS MY ASS SUPPOSED TO BE OUT IN THE

BACK LIKE THAT?

>> Honey Bee: UH, OF COURSE, CREAM CORN.

I GAVE YOU THAT NEW PRINCE LOOK.

>> Cream Corn: OOH-WHAA!

COOL!

>> Honey Bee: I ACTUALLY RAN OUT OF MATERIAL.

SHHH!

[ LAUGHS ] >> Black Dynamite: NOW, POGO,

I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO KEEP THESE ORPHANS SAFE.

IT'S HALLOWEEN, AND THERE'S AN ASSLOAD OF SUCKTHAT DICK'S ON

THE LOOSE.

>> SURE, BLACK DYNAMITE.

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE JUST GREAT.

NOW, WHO WANTS TO MAKE FOSTER BALLOON PARENTS?

[ ALL GROAN ] >> Black Dynamite: ALL RIGHT,

WARRIORS, LET'S ROLL.

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

> OKAY, NO MORE FUCKIN' MAGIC

TRICKS.

IT'S TIME TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

NOW, WHO WANTS TO GET SAWED IN HALF FIRST!

>> ME!

>> ME!

>> ME!

>> YOU DO UNDERSTAND THIS ISN'T A TRICK, RIGHT?

I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO SAW YOU IN HALF.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SCREAMING FOR YOUR LIVES RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

[ ALL LAUGH ] NO, SERIOUSLY, I'M A SERIAL

KILLER.

I'M REALLY GONNA KILL YOU!

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

>> THE HALLOWEEN PARTY IS ALIVE

IN WEST HOLLYWOOD.

GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW, 'CAUSE EVERY TOM'S DICK

IS IN HARRY.

IT'S TIME TO PA-A-RTAY!

>> ♪ AND HAVE OUR WAY WITH THOSE... ♪

♪ HAVE OUR WAY WITH THOSE. .. >> Black Dynamite: CREAM CORN,

THIS PARTY LOOKS GAY.

>> Cream Corn: I KNOW, RIGHT?

EVERYBODY LOOKS SO HAPPY!

>> Black Dynamite: NO, I MEAN LIKE LITTLE RICHARD GAY.

>> Cream Corn: THIS IS A HALLOWEEN PARTY.

THOSE ARE JUST COSTUMES.

>> WHOO!

SHUT UP!

>> Black Dynamite: I'M SORRY, Y'ALL.

I-I-I CAN'T DO THIS.

I-I-I CAN'T!

>> Bullhorn: MAN, IT'S A SHAME THAT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO

LITTLE BLACK DYNAMITE WAY BACK IN THE DAYS WOULD MAKE BIG

BLACK DYNAMITE SCARED OF GAYS!

>> Black Dynamite: NOW JUST BECAUSE BLACK DYNAMITE FEELS

UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT THAT DICK SUCKING BOOTH OVER

THERE...

>> THAT'S GONNA BE EXTRA.

>> Black Dynamite: ...AND THAT DRAG QUEEN RACE OVER HERE...

>> AND THEY'RE OFF!

COMING UP IN THE REAR, IT'S HERSHEY'S KISS.

>> Black Dynamite: ...DOES NOT MEAN BIG BLACK DYNAMITE IS

SCARED OF GAY PEOPLE.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

>> BOOTY FOR BASE!

GET YOUR HOT BOOTY FOR BASE!

CREAM CORN, YOU SELLING ASS, TOO?!

YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER BLOCK 'CAUSE THIS IS ALL MINE.

>> Black Dynamite: BASEHEAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> WHAT YOU THINK I'M DOING?

TO A BASEHEAD, THIS GAY BASH IS LIKE VALENTINE'S DAY TO A

FLORIST.

COME ONE, COME ALL!

GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!

BOOTY FOR BASE!

>> Black Dynamite: OKAY, IT'S REALLY TIME TO GO NOW!

>> Bullhorn: HOLD ON, BLACK DYNAMITE.

I CAN'T GO NOWHERE TILL I FIND A LATRINE!

THOSE CHOCOLATE BARS ARE STARTING TO GIVE ME THE SHITS

SOMETHING MEAN!

>> OOH, LOOK AT MISS HIDE-YOUR-THING RIGHT HERE!

>> BITCH, YOU KNOW HOW TO TUCK SOME BALLS.

>> Honey Bee: WHY, THANK YOU!

WAIT A MINUTE!

JUST BECAUSE A BITCH GOT BIG SHOULDERS DON'T MEAN SHE A MAN!

>> Cream Corn: LOOK, BLACK DYNAMITE!

THE PARADE IS STARTING!

IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY IS COMING OUT!

THE PIPE LAYERS!

HA HA HA HA!

THE BEAN QUEENS!

THE DLs!

HA HA!

>> Black Dynamite: I CAN'T WAIT FOR BULLHORN ANYMORE.

I'M A SPLIT.

[ CROWD CHEERS ] [ SIGHS ]

>> HERE SHE IS, THE QUEEN OF QUEENS!

THE HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, THE MOTHER OF THE

CONFETTI PIRATES!

THE ONE, THE ONLY...

RIP TAYLES!

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

>> [ As Rip Taylor ] OH, MY GOODNESS!

LEZZIES AND TRANNIES AND BEARS, OH, MY!

THE FUTURE BELONGS TO US, BITCHES!

NOW LOOKY, LOOKY HERE.

WHAT DOES RIP TAYLES SEE BEFORE HIM?

THE FIRST LADIES NEXT TO THE BONE COLLECTORS, THE BROWNIE

KINGS NEXT TO THE TURD BURGLARS, THE PETER PUFFERS NEXT TO THE

FAIRY BOTTOMS.

AND NOBODY'S BLOWING ANYBODY...

AWAY!

[ CROWD LAUGHS ] THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY DAMN

FAIRIES TO FIT IN THIS ONE LITTLE CREVICE OF HOLLYWOOD.

I MEAN, YES, WE RUN WEST HOLLYWOOD.

WHAT ABOUT EAST HOLLYWOOD, NORTH HOLLYWOOD,

SOUTH HOLLYWOOD?

WELL, I SAY, HOLLY WOULD IF HOLLY COULD, BUT HOLLY CAN'T,

SO A GAY MOTHER FUCKER SHOULD!

CAN YOU DIG IT?

>> YEAH, YEAH!

>> CAN YOU DIG IT?

CAN...YOU...DIG...IT?

>> I'M DIGGING IT RIGHT NOW.

>> YOU? A SERIAL KILLER?

COME ON, POGO!

>> I'M SERIOUS!

I DRESS UP LIKE A CLOWN SO NO ONE WOULD EXPECT ANYTHING, AND

THEN I VIOLENTLY MURDER PEOPLE.

SEE?

IT SAYS RIGHT HERE.

"JOHN GACY, ALSO KNOWN AS POGO THE CLOWN, IS A SERIAL

KILLER."

>> WOW!

A REAL, LIVE SERIAL KILLER RIGHT HERE IN OUR WHOREPHANAGE!

MAN, THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!

>> YOU JUST- YOU REALLY DON'T GET THIS, MAN.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

>> RIP TAYLES! RIP TAYLES!

>> AS YOU ALL KNOW, WE HAVE MANY POWERFUL CIVIC LEADERS WHO ARE

VERY, VERY GAY.

AND RIP TAYLES IS GONNA PULL THEM OUT OF THEIR CLOSETS FOR

THE STRAIGHT WORLD TO SEE!

>> Bullhorn: UNISEX PORTA POTTIES!

MAN, I TELL YOU, I'VE SEEN IT ALL!

AND I WILL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS OF WHAT'S GOING ON IN

THOSE STALLS!

>> Black Dynamite: OKAY, BULLHORN IS BACK, AND THE CROWD

IS STARTING TO LOOSEN UP.

LET'S GO!

>> Cream Corn: AW, MAN, RIP TAYLES IS ABOUT TO TELL US

WHO ALL THE GAY LEADERS ARE.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW?

>> Black Dynamite: LOOK, CREAM CORN.

BLACK DYNAMITE AIN'T - >> THE FIRST NAME IS - OH,

SHIT >> Black Dynamite: NO!

>> SON OF A BITCH, I JUST GOT SHOT.

HAS ANYBODY HERE BEEN SHOT?

I MEAN, I'M ALREADY GONE, SO DON'T WORRY.

TELL TIM I LOVE HIM.

>> HERE, HOLD THIS!

>> Cream Corn: OKAY!

SAY WHAT?

>> Black Dynamite: CREAM CORN!

TOSS THAT GUN BEFORE THEY - >> AAHHH!

>> HE'S THE ONE!

THE WARRIORS DID IT!

THE WARRIORS DID IT!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> COME ON, BITCHES.

LET'S GET 'EM!

YOU'RE GONNA GET PUNCHED IN THE DICK.

>> GET HIM!

>> OH, YEAH!

>> Cream Corn: THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM, BLACK DYNAMITE!

WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

SHOULD WE RUN?

>> Black Dynamite: CREAM CORN, BLACK DYNAMITE DON'T RUN FROM

NO HOMOSEXUALS.

IN FACT...

>> OH, YOUR FRIENDS GONE?

>> HUH?

>> Black Dynamite: BEFORE YOU ASK, I'M NOT RUNNING AWAY FROM

THOSE FAIRIES.

I'M RUNNING BECAUSE I HAVE NOT DONE MY CARDIO TODAY.

SO, FOR THE RECORD, THIS IS JUST AN EXERCISE THAT BLACK DYNAMITE

WAS GONNA DO, ANYWAY, RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT.

>> OKAY, THIS THE MOST FUN WE'RE GONNA HAVE ON HALLOWEEN, SO

LET'S ENJOY IT BEFORE BLACK DYNAMITE GETS BACK.

>> ORPHANS, POGO THE CLOWN DOESN'T TAKE HIS SERIAL KILLING

AS A JOKE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU SHOULDN'T, EITHER, BECAUSE WHEN I - OH-OH!

[ ALL LAUGHING ] THAT'S WHY YOUR PARENTS ARE

DEAD!

[ GROANS ] >> POOF!

[ COUGHING ] POOF!

WAIT! EVERYBODY STOP!

I KNOW WHO SHOT RIP TAYLES!

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, WHO WAS IT, THEN, BASEHEAD?

>> HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER?

I WAS HIGH AT THE TIME!

>> Bullhorn: DON'T HOLD BACK, BLACK DYNAMITE!

JUST KICK SOME SISSY BEHIND, AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT!

>> Black Dynamite: I TRIED TO HIT THESE SISSIES, BULLHORN, BUT

I CAN'T, ALL RIGHT!

>> Honey Bee: WHAT?! WHY NOT?!

>> Black Dynamite: MY MOMMA TOLD ME TO NEVER HIT ANYBODY

WITHOUT BALLS, AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M NEVER GOING TO

DO.

HOW CAN I KICK THEIR ASSES IN THE DICK IF I DON'T KNOW IF

THEIR ASSES HAVE DICKS OR NOT?

>> WE'RE GONNA KICK YOUR ASS.

IT'S - OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?

[ GAGS ] OH!

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD, I'M GONNA - [ GAGS ]

OH, MY GOD, 'CAUSE THAT'S NOT A FART.

SOMEBODY SHIT HIMSELF IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

YOU ARE CRAZY.

>> Bullhorn: I CANNOT TELL A TALE, TINY OR TALL, BUT THIS

RUNNING MIXED WITH THESE MARS CANDY BARS DONE MADE ME SHIT

IN MY DRAWERS!

>> Black Dynamite: BULLHORN, I THOUGHT YOU DROPPED YOUR LOAD

BACK AT THE GAY BASH.

>> Bullhorn: WELL, I TRIED BUT I COULDN'T CONCENTRATE AT ALL.

IT'S HARD TO SHIT WHEN YOU'RE DODGING DICKS POKING

THROUGH THE WALL!

>> YEAH, YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD.

I'M GONNA CUT YOU ALL IN HALF.

[ LAUGHS ] >> WHATEVER YOU DO, POGO, DON'T

COME DOWN HERE!

THERE'S NOTHING BUT ORPHANS WAITING TO BE SERIAL-KILLED!

[ ALL LAUGHING ]

>> Cream Corn: WHAT SHOULD WE DO, BLACK DYNAMITE?

SHOULD WE JUST BEND OVER AND TAKE IT?

>> HEY, IF YOU CAN GET ME HIGH AGAIN, I CAN TELL YOU WHO KILLED

RIP TAYLES, AND Y'ALL WILL BE OFF THE HOOK!

>> Honey Bee: HOW WE GONNA SCORE SOME DAMN BASE IF EVERYBODY IN

THE CITY WANTS TO KILL US?

>> DON'T WORRY.

I GOT A SECRET STASH AT SANTA MONICA PIER.

>> Cream Corn: BUT THAT'S LIKE TEN MILES AWAY!

>> Bullhorn: MAN, SAVE THAT FOR THE BIRDS, 'CAUSE AIN'T NO WAY

IN HELL I'M RUNNING TEN MILES WITH MY ASS DROPPING TURDS.

>> Cream Corn: OOH, I KNOW!

WE COULD CATCH THE BUS.

I NEVER SEEN A GAY DUDE ON THE BUS.

>> Black Dynamite: ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL, WE NEED TO SPLIT UP AND

THROW THESE LADIES... MEN...

WHATEVER, PEOPLE OFF TRACK.

HONEY BEE, CREAM CORN, AND BULLHORN, YOU GO THAT WAY.

BLACK DYNAMITE AND BASEHEAD ARE GONNA GET HIS BASE AT THE

SANTA MONICA PIER.

MEET US THERE.

ON ONE...

BREAK!

>> Bullhorn: HMM?

HUH, WHAT? WHO?

>> LOOK, ORPHAN, NORMALLY I WOULD TURN THIS WHOLE PLACE INTO

AN OCEAN OF BLOOD.

BUT IF YOU COME DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW, I PROMISE I'LL JUST

LEAVE A LITTLE PUDDLE.

>> DO YOU POGO PROMISE?

>> I DOUBLE POGO PROMISE.

>> OKAY! HERE I COME.

>> ARE YOU THROWING FUCKING DILDOS?

>> I JUST GOT WORD THAT THE WARRIORS HAVE DONE A NICE

SEXY-ASS SPLIT.

BUT YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR ASSES, BECAUSE HERE COME THE

RUMP RANGERS, AND THEY ARE READY TO RIDE YOU LIKE A RODEO!

YOU BETTER GIDDYUP NOW!

[ SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE ] >> BLACK DYNAMITE, I CAN'T RUN

NO MORE!

A BASEHEAD NEEDS A BREAK!

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, YOU KNOW I CAN'T BE FIGHTING NO LADY

MEN.

SO, IF WE TAKE A BREAK WE'RE IN TROUBLE!

>> NE-E-E-IGH!

I'M A HORSE, BITCH.

>> DAMN!

I ONLY SEE SHIT LIKE THIS WHEN I'M HIGH.

>> Black Dynamite: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEIR MISTAKE WAS,

BASEHEAD?

NOT DRESSING UP LIKE LADIES, WHICH MEANS BLACK DYNAMITE DOES

NOT FEEL LIKE HIS CODE OF ETHICS ARE BEING VIOLATED, WHICH MEANS

THESE RUMP RANGERS ARE IN FOR ONE LITERAL AND FIGURATIVE ASS

WHOOPIN'.

OH, SUEY!

>> HA HA!

YOU ROASTED THOSE RUMP RANGERS.

CREAM CORN, YOU SELLING ASS, TOO?

>> Black Dynamite: YOUR MEMORY IS SLIPPING BY THE SECOND.

WE GOTTA GET THAT BASE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

>> Cream Corn: LOOKS LIKE WE SHOOK 'EM.

>> Bullhorn: MAN, I CAN'T RUN NO MORE.

I TELL YA, I CAN'T, ESPECIALLY SINCE I DONE POOPED IN MY PANTS!

>> Honey Bee: DAMN!

>> Cream Corn: OOH, THERE'S A BUS STOP THAT GOES RIGHT TO THE

SANTA MONICA PIER.

>> Bullhorn: OH!

FUCK THE BUS STOP, I'M LOOKING AT THEM BADASS BITCHES

IN FISHNETS AND TUBE TOPS.

PARDON ME, LADIES.

I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND PUSHY, BUT WE SURE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE

SOME OF YOUR PUSSY >> MMM, I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE

MY PUSSY RHYME.

>> Honey Bee: COME ON, BULLHORN!

NOW YOU KNOW WE GOT TO MEET BLACK DYNAMITE AT

SANTA MONICA PIER!

NOW, YOU TWO CAN'T BE PLAYING AROUND!

>> Cream Corn: WHERE Y'ALL TWO MUSCULAR CHUNKALICIOUS LADIES

GOING TONIGHT BESIDES MY WET DREAMS?

HA HA.

>> Honey Bee: UH, THIS AIN'T...

THAT'S - THEY'RE NOT - DO Y'ALL NEED GLASSES?

>> OH, WE GOING TO THE BIG GAY AFTER BASH.

YOU BOYS WITH BIG, BOUNTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL BALLS WANT TO COME?

>> Honey Bee: THIS IS NOT OUR BUS, Y'ALL!

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR WAY TO THE- UGH!

THAT'S - OH, SO, WE'RE ADVENTUROUS NOW?

OKAY, SO, WE'RE JUST GONNA TAKE AN ADVENTURE NOW?

OKAY.

>> OOH, CHILD, THAT'S CRAZY.

YOU'RE CRAZY!

>> Honey Bee: OKAY, NOW, Y'ALL HAD YOUR FUN.

NOW WE GOT TO GO!

>> AW, COME ON.

THEY JUST GOT HERE.

>> YEAH, WE GOT A BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU TWO.

I HOPE YOU LIKE PACKAGES, CAUSE WE GOT A SWEET SET OF SEXY SACKS

FOR BOTH OF YOU.

>> Cream Corn: THE BIGGER THE BETTER, BABY.

SHOW ME TO THEM SWEET AND SEXY SACKS.

>> Honey Bee: WHAT THE HELL?!

NOW, THIS IS JUST GETTING JUST REALLY RIDIC-

>> Bullhorn: HELL, YEAH, I LIKE TO PARTY!

NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS!

HOW CAN A MAN RESIST WITH THESE TITTIES, THESE THIGHS, AND

THESE BIG-ASS...

>> Cream Corn: WHAT THE?!

>> Bullhorn: ...NUTS!

>> Cream Corn: AAHHH!

>> THEY KILLED RIP TAYLES!

HERMORPHADYKES ATTACK!

GET THEM!

>> Bullhorn: LET'S SPLIT!

THEY GOT DICKS!

AAHHH!

>> Cream Corn: AND I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE HER, TOO!

>> Honey Bee: YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT THE HELL Y'ALL GET!

>> Bullhorn: NOW I DONE FUCKED SHE-ELEPHANTS, WHALES,

DINOSAURS, AND ALL!

BUT I WOULD NEVER FUCK A WOMAN WITH MAN-SIZED BALLS!

>> THE HERMORPHADYKES COULDN'T GET THE JOB DONE.

MAYBE IT WASN'T THEIR TURN TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET JUST YET.

WELL, STICK 'N BALLS, IT'S YOUR TURN UP TO BAT.

AND, WARRIORS, THESE BITCHES SURE AIN'T AFRAID TO COME OUT TO

PLAY.

>> Black Dynamite: BASEHEAD, I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL WE ARE

RIGHT NOW.

AND WHEREVER WE ARE, I COULDN'T TELL YOU WHERE THE HELL IT WAS.

WE GOT A PROBLEM, BASEHEAD.

I CAN'T TELL IF THEY'RE MEN OR WOMEN.

ARE THOSE SOFTBALL BATS OR BASEBALL BATS?

>> WHY, THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION!

>> PLAY BALL!

>> ALTHOUGH THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A SOFTBALL BAT AND A

BASEBALL BAT ARE NOT MONUMENTAL, THEY DO EXIST.

SOFTBALL BATS HAVE A MAXIMUM BARREL OF 2 1/4".

ON THE OTHER HAND, BASEBALL BATS HAVE A MAXIMUM DIAMETER OF

2 3/4" AND HAVE A LONGER RANGE.

>> Black Dynamite: ANYTHING ELSE?!

>> SOFTBALL BATS HAVE TWO MARKINGS THAT BASEBALL BATS

DON'T HAVE.

ONE OF THESE MARKINGS IS THE ASA LOGO, WHICH ALL SOFTBALL

BATS MUST HAVE.

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, THERE ARE NO MARKINGS ON THIS BAT,

WHICH MEANS IT'S NOT A SOFTBALL BAT, WHICH MEANS THEY'RE

BASEBALL PLAYERS, WHICH MEANS THE STICK 'N BALLS GOT STICKS

AND BALLS!

SUEY!

MAN, I WISH WE HAD A MAP.

>> MAN, WE DON'T NEED A MAP!

I CAN SMELL BASE FROM A MILE AWAY.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ] THAT'S GONNA BE SOME GREAT

SHIT. IT'S THATAWAY!

[ SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE ] >> SHH!

>> SHH!

>> SHH!

>> SHH!

>> SHH!

>> SHH!

>> SHH!

OHH!

>> ALL RIGHT, ORPHANS, LET'S MAKE THIS A SERIAL-KILLING

HALLOWEEN NIGHT TO REMEMBER!

HEE-YAH!

>> OH, IT IS ALMOST MORNING, QUEENS, AND I AM AS MAD AS A

FRESH FUCKED FOX IN A FIRE.

THE WARRIORS HAVE SLIPPED THROUGH YOUR SOFT HANDS YET

AGAIN.

>> Black Dynamite: GOOD.

Y'ALL MADE IT.

WE ARE ALMOST HOME FREE.

>> Cream Corn: WAIT A MINUTE!

THIS AIN'T OVER YET, BLACK DYNAMITE.

LISTEN TO THIS.

>> LOOKS LIKE THE WARRIORS HAE HIT THE PIER, QUEERS.

IT'S UP TO YOU, MONEY SHOTS!

YOU'VE GOT THE JUICE.

NOW REALLY POUR IT ON THICK!

>> Black Dynamite: Y'ALL HANDLE THE MONEY SHOTS AND TRY NOT TO

GET WHATEVER THAT IS ON YOU.

NOW, WHERE THE HELL'S THAT BASE, BASEHEAD?

>> IT'S UP ON THAT THERE FERRIS WHEEL.

>> Black Dynamite: [ SIGHS ] SUEY!

THERE'S NOTHING HERE, BASEHEAD!

>> OH, YEAH?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I ALREADY SMOKED THAT BASE.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME BACK TO THE GAY BASH?

>> Black Dynamite: GOD DAMN IT, BASEHEAD!

HONEY BEE, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MONEY SHOTS?

>> Honey Bee: SHIT AFTER ONE SHOT, THE MOTHER FUCKA'S FELL

ASLEEP.

[ ALL SNORING ]

>> WARRIORS! COME OUT LIKE A GA-A-A-Y!

WARRIORS!

COME OUT LIKE A GA-A-A-Y!

[ GUN COCKS ] THANK YOU, BASEHEAD.

>> Cream Corn: BASEHEAD, YOU SOLD US OUT, SUCKER!

>> YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!

WAIT. I DID?

WELL, WHAT Y'ALL EXPECT?

I'M A BASEHEAD!

>> I BET YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE SET YOU UP AND WHO WE ARE, HUH?

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, J. EDGAR HOOVER,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU SET UP MY MAN, CREAM CORN.

>> OH, MY GOD!

WHO THE FUCK TOLD BLACK DYNAMITE?!

I SWEAR, I AM GOING TO PUNCH SOMEBODY IN THE FUCKING DICK!

>> Black Dynamite: EVERYBODY ALREADY KNEW YOU WERE STRICKLY

DICKLY.

PLUS, THAT WIG AIN'T HIDING THAT UGLY FACE OF YOURS.

SO, ARE YOU THE ONE THAT KILLED RIP TAYLES?

>> YEAH, IT WAS ME!

I WANTED TO KEEP HIM FROM OUTING ME!

AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO, IF IT WASN'T FOR

YOU DARN KIDS.

>> Black Dynamite: J. EDGAR HOOVER, SINCE I GOT YOU HERE,

BLACK DYNAMITE'S GONNA NEED YOU TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT A TRANNY

IS, BECAUSE JUST WHEN HE THOUGHT HE HAD THIS HOMO SHIT FIGURED

OUT, IT JUST GOT ONE DICK DEEPER.

>> OKAY, SERIOUSLY, YOU REALLY WANT ME TO -

[ SIGHS ] ALL, RIGHT, THERE'S HOMOS,

TRANSSEXUALS, AND TRANSVESTITES.

HOMOS DRESS LIKE MEN BUT LIKE MEN.

TRANSSEXUALS GET THEIR GENITALS SWITCHED.

THEY HAVEN'T REALLY GOT THAT SURGERY PERFECTED YET.

THAT'S PRETTY NEW, SO THEY AREN'T TOO MANY OF THEM.

TRANSVESTITES ARE MEN WHO DRESS UP LIKE WOMEN.

THEY COULD LIKE MEN OR NOT LIKE MEN.

THE FIRST LADIES HERE FIT INTO THE LATTER CATEGORY.

>> Black Dynamite: SO, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT YOU STILL

HAVE YOUR BALLS INTACT.

>> CORRECT.

>> Black Dynamite: SO, WHAT I REALIZE NOW IS THAT MOST OF

Y'ALL ACTUALLY HAVE BALLS.

AND AT FIRST I WAS CONFUSED WITH ALL THE DRESSES AND WHATNOT.

BUT EVERYTHING'S CLEAR TO BLACK DYNAMITE NOW.

>> WELL, I'M GLAD YOU CAME TO THAT REALIZATION.

NOW PREPARE TO DIE!

>> All: AAH!

>> HUH?

OKAY, WHAT, SERIOUSLY?

YOU CAUGHT MY LOAD IN YOUR MOUTH?

THAT IS SOOOO GAY!

>> Black Dynamite: J. EDGAR HOOVER, NOBODY SHOOTS HIS LOAD

AT BLACK DYNAMITE'S FACE AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT, YOU

GAY-ASS MOTHERFUCKA!!! >> AAHHH!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

>> WE HEARD J. EDGAR HOOVER'S CONFESSION.

SORRY ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE.

YOU WARRIORS ARE GOOD...

REAL GOOD.

>> Black Dynamite: A GAY-ASS LIFESTYLE IS STILL A LIFESTYLE

NONETHELESS.

SO, HOWEVER YOU ROLL, YOU'RE STILL A FRIEND OF

BLACK DYNAMITE.

HEY, YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

DO I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?

>> MMM, I DON'T THINK SO.

BUT UH...

SUCKTHAT DICK.

>> Black Dynamite: SUEY!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> Black Dynamite: I SURE AM

GLAD I DIDN'T LET THE ORPHANS COME TO THAT HALLOWEEN PARTY.

YOU SEE, CREAM CORN, I TOLD YOU ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN.

[ ALL CLAMORING ] >> MAN, YOU MISSED IT,

BLACK DYNAMITE!

WE HAD SO MUCH FUN.

MAN, POGO THE CLOWN TRIED TO SERIAL-KILL US, AND WE THREW

DILDOS AT HIM, AND HE SLIPPED IN SOME KY JELLY!

THIS IS THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! [ POGO WHIMPERING ]

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

♪♪♪

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