Original subtitles

>> ♪ HE'S DYNAMITE ♪ SO DYNAMITE

♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH

♪ OOOHHH ♪ AHHHH

♪ HE'S DYNAMITE

♪ DY-NO, DY-NO ♪ OOOHHH, OOOHHH

♪ OOOOHHHH

♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! >> THIS WEEK...

>> Black Dynamite: IT'S THE FIRST BLACK HISTORY MONTH IN

BLACKS' HISTORY, A TIME FOR US

TO REFLECT ON HOW GREAT OUR BLACK ASSES ARE.

BUT INSTEAD, WE ABOUT TO BEAT OUR BLACK ASSES TO DEATH.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] >> Honey Bee: MAN, IT IS FINALLY

GREAT TO BE BLACK AT LEAST ONE

TIME OUT OF THE YEAR.

>> Cream Corn: YEAH, IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE BEING WHITE.

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, BLACK DYNAMITE AIN'T CELEBRATING

HIS BLACKNESS ON ANY MONTH THAT

THE WHITE MAN TELLS HIM TO.

SO FOR ALL OF FEBRUARY, I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE DAMN GREAT

THING MY PEOPLE HAVE DONE.

>> GOOD EVENING, BLACK COMMUNITY!

I AM THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON, YOUTH DIRECTOR OF

OPERATION BLACKMALE AND FOUNDER

OF THE PRE-PAID RACE CARD.

ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHY THEY HAVE PAID ME TO BE HERE TODAY.

>> Bullhorn: MAN, THAT REVEREND SHARPTON IS SHARPER

THAN A TACK!

HE KNOWS HOW TO DROP THAT KNOWLEDGE WHILE STILL LOOKIN'

LIKE A MACK!

>> ON BEHALF OF OUR SPONSORS ROSCOES, ANACONDA MALT LIQUOR,

AND SMOKEY'S BBQ CIGARETTES, I

PRESENT TO YOU THE NEWEST AND BIGGEST, BLACKEST MEMBER OF THE

BLACK COMMUNITY, THE GREAT

DR. KING!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Black Dynamite: DREAM

ACHIEVED?

IS HE DREAMIN' ABOUT TAKIN' A SHIT?

>> Honey Bee: MM, HE DOES LOOK A LITTLE CONSTIPATED.

AND COULDN'T THEY HAVE PUT A LEAF ON THAT THANG?

>> Bullhorn: MAN, THAT'S A SIGHT I WISH I'D NEVER SEEN!

A KING-SIZE, MARTIN LUTHER KING DING-A-LING!

>> I SEEN TONS OF DING-A-LING, AND THAT IS DEFINITELY A BALL

SACK.

BUT WHY IS IT SO BIG?

>> Bullhorn: DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ART, YOU WHORE?!

IT'S OBVIOUS MARTIN'S BIG- ASS NUTS IS JUST A METAPHOR!

>> THAT'S RIGHT, BROTHER!

BUT THIS STATUE IS ABOUT MORE THAN METAPHORICAL BALLS AND

SHITTY DREAMS.

IT'S ABOUT STRUGGLE!

[ CROWD CHEERS ] >> Honey Bee: SO HE IS

CONSTIPATED.

>> AND UNITY!

SO THAT BLACK AND WHITE CHEEKS ALL OVER THE WORLD CAN COME

TOGETHER AND DOO-DOO FOR PEACE,

JUSTICE, AND EQUALITY FOR ALL!

[ CROWD CHEERS ] GIVE IT UP FOR THE KING AND HIS

MIGHTY DEUCE OF UNITY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ] >> AWW, MAN, DR. KING IS

SHITTIN' IN THE SAME PLACE I WAS

GONNA SHIT! MOVE YO ASS, DR. KING!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE >> Black Dynamite: BLACK HISTORY

MONTH HAD THE BLACK COMMUNITY

FEELING MORE HISTORICALLY BLACK THAN ANY MONTH THEY EVER HAD.

BUT NOT BLACK DYNAMITE.

HE'S BEEN FEELIN' LIKE A BAD BLACK MOTHER SINCE HE CAME OUT

HIS BAD BLACK MOTHER.

>> MMM! MMM!

THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE FIRST DAY OF

BLACK HISTORY THAN WITH A PLATE

OF CHICKEN TITTIES AND FIDDLE FADDLE, A STATUE OF DR. KING ON

A WHITE SHITTER AND THE WORLD

PREMIERE OF "ROOTS" THE MINISERIES AT ROSCOES.

>> Cream Corn: "ROOTS"?

WHAT'S THAT, A GARDENING SHOW?

>> Bullhorn: NO, I THINK IT'S ABOUT BLACK MAGIC OR MAYBE

VOODOO!

BUT HOW DOES IT TIE INTO DR. KING'S STATUE TAKING A

BOO-BOO?

>> [ LAUGHS ] IT'S TIME, Y'ALL!

THE MOMENT WE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR - "ROOTS" THE MINISERIES!

[ CROWD CHEERS ] >> MAN, YOU BULLSHITTIN' MAN.

THEY ACTUALLY SHOWIN' "ROOTS," MAN, UP IN HERE?

>> Honey Bee: WE FINALLY GET TO LEARN OUR HISTORY!

THIS IS SO EXCITING!

>> Black Dynamite: DON'T GET CAUGHT UP IN THE PAST,

HONEY BEE.

REMEMBER, IT AIN'T WHERE YOU COME FROM.

IT'S WHERE YOU GOT YOUR DICK RIGHT NOW.

[ WHIP CRACKING ] >> [ GROANING ]

[ CROWD GASPS ]

>> WHAT?

>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?

>> LeVAR BURTON!

>> IT'S TOBY!

>> LOOK AT THAT - OOH - RIGHT THERE.

>> I'M ANGRY NOW.

>> Cream Corn: WAIT A MINUTE!

BLACK PEOPLE WERE SLAVES?

I THOUGHT WE WERE FROM CLEVELAND!

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT "ROOTS" TALKIN' ABOUT 'CAUSE I AIN'T

BEEN A SLAVE TO NOTHIN'.

>> Honey Bee: HOLD UP.

THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT! I KNEW WE WAS SLAVES, BUT WHO

THE FUCK THEY YELLIN' AT LIKE

THAT?!

AND WHAT'S WITH THE WHIPS?!

I WISH AN N-WORD WOULD!

>> Bullhorn: NOW, I'M NOT SAYING I WOULD HAVE WILLINGLY PICKED

COTTON ON MY KNEES!

BUT AT LEAST THEM MEAN MOTHAFUCKA'S COULD HAVE SAID

PLEASE!

>> MAN, IF BLACK FOLKS HAD SLAVES, WE'D BE LIVING LIKE

WHITE FOLKS, TOO!

I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW MUCH MONEY THEY MADE SELLING SLAVES.

[ CASH REGISTER DINGS ] >> THAT'S ENOUGH WITH THE WHIP,

MOTHER-

>> THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

>> Black Dynamite: OKAY, OKAY NOW, BEFORE YOU GET YOUR SLAVERY

SHACKLES IN A BUNCH, WE DON'T

EVEN KNOW IF THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

ROSCOE, CHECK OUT THE TV GUIDE AND SEE WHAT IT SAYS.

>> OKAY, BLACK DYNAMITE.

LET'S SEE.

IT SAYS HERE THAT "ROOTS" THE MINISERIES IS BASED ON THE TRUE

STORY OF BLACKS BEING ENSLAVED

BY WHITE MAN FOR 465 YEARS?!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> NO WAY!

THAT CAN'T BE TRUE.

>> HOLD ON. THERE'S MORE.

THE DEPICTION OF SLAVERY IN THIS MOVIE IS NOT AT ALL ACCURATE.

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, SEE THERE.

KEEP GOIN', ROSCOE.

>> "IN FACT IT WAS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE.

THERE IS NO WAY ON GOD'S EARTH WE COULD SHOW HOW BAD REAL

SLAVERY WAS TO BLACK FOLKS

'CAUSE THEY WOULD LOSE THEY COTTON-PICKIN' MINDS?!"

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

>> Honey Bee: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL, BUT I FEEL LIKE WHOOPIN'

SOME ASS - WHITE-CHEEKS-ONLY

ASS!

>> I THINK THE BIBLE SAYS SOMETHING LIKE, "DO UNTO OTHERS

AS THEY HAVE DONE UNTO YOU!

AND AN EYE FOR AN EYE IS LIKE A SLAVE FOR A SLAVE" OR SOMETHING

LIKE THAT.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY, AS MY

GOOD-FOOTED BROTHER JAMES BROWN

WOULD SAY, IT IS TIME FOR THE BIG PAYBACK!

[ CROWD CHEERS ] >> ♪ I NEED SOME GET-BACK!

♪ OH, YEAH

♪ I'M MAD! >> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> HEY, SUCKA, YOU BLACK OR

WHITE?

>> UH, UH, UH THAT DEPENDS ON WHY YOU'RE ASKING?

>> OKAY, OKAY, LET'S RUN IT THIS WAY.

DO YOU PREFER GRAPE JUICE OR PURPLE DRINK?

>> UH, UH, GRAPE JUICE?

I MEANT DRINK! PURPLE DRINK!

NO!

>> "INSIDE ANNIE'S HALL," TAKE SIXTY-NINE!

>> AND ACTION!

[ GROANS ] >> Black Dynamite: NOW, I DIDN'T

AGREE WITH REV'S BIG PAYBACK AS

A WAY TO TAKE OUR 400 YEARS OF SLAVERY PAIN AWAY.

BUT BLACK DYNAMITE MUST ADMIT, IT FELT KIND OF GOOD TO SEE

"THE MAN" IN SHACKLES.

>> DON'T TOUCH ME!

LET ME GO!

GET YOUR DAMN STINKING PAWS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!

>> HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I LOVE THE SHOW "GOOD TIMES."

TEMPORARY LAYOFFS!

>> NOW, BULLHORN, I'M PUTTIN' YOU IN CHARGE OF THE SELLING AND

MASTERING OF ALL THE SLAVES.

YOU WILL BE MY DEPUTY OVERSEEING OFFICER OVERSEER.

>> Bullhorn: AL SHARPTON, I'LL WORK THESE SLAVES TO THE BONE

AND SELL 'EM BY THE POUND!

SO DON'T WORRY YOUR PRETTY PERM.

OFFICER OVERSEER BULLHORN WON'T LET YOU DOWN!

[ FEEDBACK ] NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE USED TO SWAP

MEETS THAT HAVE EVERYTHING YOUR

HEART COULD BUY!

BUT WHO WOULD EVER THUNK WE'D BE HAWKIN' HONKIES, 2 FOR 25!

>> THEY SELLIN' THESE WHITE BOYS 2 FOR 25!

THAT'S A DEAL.

>> Cream Corn: WHAT A BARGAIN, BLACK DYNAMITE!

WAIT. WHAT?

DO THEY COME WITH THE SHACKLES OR THOSE SOLD SEPARATELY?

>> IS THERE SUCH THING AS A SLAVE LAYAWAY?

LIKE A "SLAVEAWAY"?

>> LIKE A SLAVEAWAY, YEAH.

>> Honey Bee: MMM, I THINK I'M GONNA GET THAT LITTLE CUTE,

CHUBBY, BALD-HEADED ONE RIGHT

OVER THERE.

HE GOT SOME NICE TOE-SUCKIN' LIPS.

>> Black Dynamite: SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE, WHITE SLAVERY

FEELS RIGHT.

BUT I KNOW IT'S A WRONG RIGHT.

AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I LEARNED ABOUT WRONG RIGHTS, IS

THAT THEY NEVER RIGHT THE WRONG.

>> Bullhorn: FIRST UP ON THE SLAVE BLOCK IS THE SMALLEST,

NEUROTIC, SERIAL-KILLIN',

PEDOPHILE-LOOKIN' MOTHAFUCKA WE GOT IN STOCK!

>> WAIT. YOU DON'T WANT ME!

I'M A BIG-TIME FILM DIRECTOR.

MY ONLY TALENT IS MAKING FILMS.

>> IF ALL HE DID WAS MAKE MOVIES, AIN'T NOBODY HEARD OF

HIM, WE OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO GET

HIM FOR $10.

>> Bullhorn: MAN, NOBODY HERE RECOGNIZES YO ASS!

NOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW IS CAN YOU CUT GRASS?!

>> MAYBE WHEN I WAS A KID, I DID IT ONCE?

>> Bullhorn: THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY, AND YOU AIN'T GOT TO SAY

NO MORE!

NOW THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS.

WHO NEEDS A LAWNMORA!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I'M ALREADY A SLAVE!

I WORK IN HOLLYWOOD!

>> Black Dynamite: SLAVERY WAS IN FULL SWING, AND THE BLACK

COMMUNITY WAS LIVING LIFE LIKE A

17th-CENTURY WHITE MAN.

EVEN BASEHEAD.

>> COME ON, COLEMAN.

I'M AIN'T PAYIN' YOU NOTHIN' FOR NOTHIN' NOW.

WHERE'S MY BASE?!

>> HERE IT IS, YOUR BASEHEADEDNESS.

SHALL I FIND A VEIN, SIR?

>> YES, YOU MAY, MY DEAR COLEMAN.

AND, COLEMAN, WHY AM I RUBBIN' MY OWN NIPPLES?

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE [ CHILDREN LAUGHING ]

>> Bullhorn: UH-OH! HELL NO!

LIL ORPHAN PENNY, THESE SLAVES AIN'T FOR YOU TO BE SHUCKIN' AND

JIVIN' WIT'!

THIS IS OUR BIG PAYBACK!

SO YOU BETTER PICK UP A WHIP!

>> BUT WHAT ABOUT DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING'S DREAM

OF RACIAL EQUALITY?

>> Bullhorn: REVEREND SHARPTON SAYS MARTIN LUTHER KING'S DREAM

CAN KICK ROCKS!

FROM NOW ON, MAKE YOUR CRACKER SLAVES PICK UP YO' MOTHERFUCKIN'

BLOCKS!

NOW, THERE'S PLENTY OF WHIPS, SO GRAB YOU ONE AND LET

OVERSEER BULLHORN SHOW YOU HOW

TO DO THIS YOUNG!

[ WHIP CRACKS ] >> WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?!

>> TIMOTHY BRADLEY!

>> NO! IT'S KUNTA!

A-AND NEXT TIME YOU- YOU GON' PICK UP MY MOTHERFUCKIN' BLOCKS!

>> OKAY, HE-HE- YEAH.

>> Black Dynamite: LITTLE ORPHAN PENNY, WHAT KIND OF

WHITE-OPPRESSION "ROOTS"

TREACHERY HAS TAKEN OVER YOU?!

>> BULLHORN'S WHITE-OPPRESSION "ROOTS" TREACHERY TOOK OVER US,

BLACK DYNAMITE!

>> Bullhorn: REVEREND AL SAYS GIVE A MAN A SLAVE -

>> Black Dynamite: BULLHORN, I

DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT AL SHARPTON SAYS!

WHIPPIN' CRACKERS AND PUTTIN' 'EM IN CHAINS IS SOME RACIST

HONKY SHIT!

>> Bullhorn: EITHER MY EYES ARE DECEIVING ME OR MAYBE I'M JUST A

WEE DUMB!

BUT IT APPEARS TO ME THAT BD IS FIGHTIN' FOR THE WHITE MAN'S

FREEDOM!

>> Cream Corn: LOOK, BLACK DYNAMITE, I FINALLY GOT ME

SOME HOES!

I MEAN, IT AIN'T LIKE THEY HAD A CHOICE, BUT A HOE IS A

HOE, RIGHT?

>> Black Dynamite: WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY

SHACKLED TO YOU?

YOU AIN'T THE SLAVE, CREAM CORN!

>> Cream Corn: WELL, YOU KNOW HOW PIMPS ALWAYS SAY, "WHERE MY

BITCHES AT?"

WELL, THIS WAY I ALWAYS KNOW WHERE MINE ARE.

I MEAN, THEY ARE A LITTLE TIGHT.

THAT'S THE PRICE OF PIMPIN', YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

>> [ WHIMPERING ] >> Honey Bee: WHERE'S MY LITTLE

WHITE SEX SLAVE SO I CAN STOMP

HIS ASS IN THE NUTS?!

[ WHIMPERING CONTINUES ] WHAT?

LOOK, AIN'T NOBODY SAY WHAT KIND OF SLAVE!

IF I WANT TO TOUCH A WHITE SCHALANGALANG AND SOME NUTS,

THAT'S WHAT I'M GON' DO.

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE

DOMINATRIX BITCH.

IT'S STARTIN' TO LOOK LIKE DR. KING'S BIG OLE UNITY DUMP IN

THAT WHITE-CHEEKS-ONLY TOILET

WAS JUST A BIG OLE UNITY DUMP IN VAIN.

>> All: ♪ NEGROES ♪ THREW US HONKIES IN SHACKLES

♪ CHANGED MY NAME FROM TIMMY TO

JERO-O-O-O-ME! ♪ ♪ SOLD US AT THE SWAP MEET FOR

2 FOR 25 ♪

♪ NOW WE'RE PICKIN' COTTON WITH A COMB ♪

>> NOT A PICK.

>> All: ♪ WHITEY AIN'T NEVER BEEN CALLED SO MANY HONKIES ♪

♪ BLUE-EYED DEVIL, CRACKER, PINK

TO-O-O-ES ♪ ♪ NEGROES THE WORD WE CHOSE

♪ BECAUSE WE CAN'T SAY NIG-

♪ N-WORD ♪ CRACKERS GONNA CRY WHEN WE GET

HO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ME ♪

>> [ GROANING ] >> OH, DAMN!

MAYBE I SHOULD LET ONE OF MY HOES GIVE HIM MOUTH TO MOUTH.

>> SHE-E-E-ET!

MY HOES AIN'T PUTTIN THEY MOUTH ON NO MOTHERFUCKER THAT AIN'T

PAYIN'.

>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

>> I THINK OUR SLAVE FRIEND HERE IS ABOUT TO DIE!

>> SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

>> MAN, ALL THESE SUCKAS LOOK LIKE THEY 'BOUT TWO COTTON BALLS

AWAY FROM CROAKIN' OVER.

>> WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

[ WHIP CRACKS ] >> Bullhorn: GIVE IT TO ME

STRAIGHT, DOC, WITH NO CHASER,

NO JIVE!

ARE ALL MY WHITE SLAVES GONNA DIE?

>> WELL, OF COURSE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU GAVE US A TEA BREAK, OR A LATTE, OR A

MAYONNAISE SANDWICH?

>> MAYONNAISE?

UGH. THAT'S DISGUSTING.

>> YOU HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN US ANY SUNTAN LOTION.

YOU HAVE TO PAMPER WHITE PEOPLE IF YOU WANT US TO...

[ GASPS ] WANT US TO...

IF YOU WANT US TO LIVE.

[ GROANS ] >> ALL RIGHT, I GUESS WE GOT TO

GET THESE MOTHERFUCKERS SOME

MAYONNAISE.

BULLHORN, GIVE ALL THOSE SLAVE MASTERS SOME MONEY TO BUY SOME

PAMPERIN'.

NOW I GOT TO GO.

I'M-A BE LATE FOR MY BRAZILIAN SCROTUM WAX.

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE >> Black Dynamite: FOR THE FIRST

TIME, BLACK DYNAMITE FELT LIKE

THERE WAS NOTHING HE COULD DO TO TURN HIS COMMUNITY AROUND.

I GUESS SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO LET THE BAD THINGS GET WORSE BEFORE

THE WORST THINGS CAN GET BETTER

THAN BAD.

>> Cream Corn: MAN, WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHITE OPPRESSION

WOULD BE SUCH HARD WORK?

>> Bullhorn: IF WE CAN JUST GET SOME CREAM CHEESE AND BAGELS,

EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE.

LOOK!

THEY GOT A SLAVERY SALE ON MANISCHEWITZ WINE!

>> Black Dynamite: THE COMMUNITY WAS BREAKIN' THEIR BACKS TO

PAMPER ALL THEIR WHITE MINIONS.

AT THIS POINT, I WASN'T SURE WHO WAS WORKIN' FOR WHO NO MORE.

>> I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I'M HERE.

I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT FOR SLAVERY.

AND MY FILM!

OH, GOD, WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT MY FILM?

I'M GONNA GET FIRED.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

[ PANTS ] [ SCREAMS ]

>> Black Dynamite: LOOK WHAT THE

FUCK YOU DID TO MY CAR!

>> I'M SORRY.

I'M JUST A POOR WHITE RUNAWAY SLAVE TRYING TO GET BACK TO

HOLLYWOOD.

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!

>> Black Dynamite: HEY, AREN'T YOU THAT PEDOPHILE-LOOKIN' HONKY

FILM DIRECTOR THAT GOT SOLD AS A

LAWN MOWER ON THE SLAVE BLOCK THE OTHER DAY?

>> YES. WOODY ALLEN. PLEASE - >> Black Dynamite: WAIT.

THE WOODY ALLEN FROM THE "PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM"

WOODY ALLEN?

>> YEP, YEP, THAT'S ME.

NOW IF YOU COULD - Black Dynamite: [ LAUGHS ]

MAN, I LOVE THAT MOVIE!

YOU WERE ONE CLUMSY, WEAK MOTHERFUCKER

[ LAUGHS ]

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

HOW DID THAT SCENE GO AGAIN?

REMEMBER WHEN THE GUYS CAME OUT OF THE BAR AND THAT ONE DUDE PUT

YOU IN A HEADLOCK LIKE THIS?

AND - AND - AND HE SAID, "ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, SHORTY!"

NOW YOU GO, WOODY.

>> [ Choking ] I-I CAN'T BREATH!

>> Black Dynamite: NAH, THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID.

IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE, "YOUR TATTOOS ARE RUBBING OFF MY

NECK."

>> YOF TAFTOOS OPH ROMUF OFFAMUNEPH!

>> Black Dynamite: YEAH, YEAH, THAT WAS IT!

[ LAUGHS ] WOODY MOTHERFUCKIN' ALLEN!

NOW, WHY THE HELL DID YOU RUN INTO MY CAR?

>> LOOK, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET BACK HOME TO HOLLYWOOD!

>> Black Dynamite: HMM. ONLY BECAUSE BLACK DYNAMITE LIKES

YOUR MOVIES AND HE'S ON THE

FENCE ABOUT WHITEY SLAVERY IS HE EVEN TAKIN' THE TIME TO

UNDERSTAND YOUR WHITEY PLIGHT.

[ HOOVES CLACKING ] >> OH, GOD, THEY'RE COMING!

PLEASE HELP ME.

>> Black Dynamite: ALL RIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU, BUT

BLACK DYNAMITE DON'T DRIVE NO

MS. DAISIES OR MR. WOODYS.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

[ WHIP CRACKS ] >> [ Panting ] THIS IS NOT

EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND,

BLACK DYNAMITE.

>> Black Dynamite: THE KEY WORD IN "RUNAWAY SLAVE" IS "RUN."

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE >> Black Dynamite: AND JUST WHEN

I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET

WORSE, I THOUGHT ONE MORE TIME AND THEN THEY DID.

THESE TURKEYS TURNED BLACK DYNAMITE'S DOJO INTO A

SLAVE QUARTERS, SPA, SLAVERY

PAMPERING SUITE, WHATEVER IT IS!

THEY'RE INTERRUPTING MY KUNG FU.

THIS WHITE SLAVERY SHIT HAS OFFICIALLY GONE TOO FAR.

BULLHORN?! HONEY BEE?!

>> Honey Bee: BLACK DYNAMITE, OOH, I'M IN HERE, I'M IN HERE!

>> Black Dynamite: HONEY BEE, I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR HIDE-N-SEEK

RIGHT NOW.

>> Honey Bee: SHH!

NOW YOU SHUSH YO' MOUTH.

MY WHITE SEX SLAVE GON' HEAR YA NOW.

>> Black Dynamite: WHAT?!

>> Honey Bee: THIS MOTHER[BLEEP]'S IN LOVE!

OHH, HE SAYS HE WANTS US TO BE SHACKLED TOGETHER, SO I CAN WHIP

HIS ASS FOREVER!

HE'S SICK, I'S TELLS YA.

HE'S SICK.

>> Black Dynamite: HONEY BEE, DO ME A FAVOR WHILE WE HAVIN' THIS

CONVERSATION.

STOP TALKIN' LIKE A GODDAMN SLAVE AND GET THE FUCK OUT

THE FREEZER!

>> Bullhorn: NOW, BLACK DYNAMITE, I KNOW YOU DON'T

BELIEVE A WORD THE WHITE MAN

SAY!

BUT THIS RUNAWAY SLAVE I CAUGHT SAYS YOU HELPED HIM RUN AWAY!

>> Honey Bee: CREAM CORN, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?

>> Cream Corn: I GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH CRENSHAW PETE OVER

SOME SUNTAN LOTION.

HE MIGHT HAVE BRANDED ME LIKE A BITCH, BUT GUESS WHO GOT THE

SUNTAN LOTION?

>> Honey Bee: THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

LOOK AT YOUR ANKLES - THEY'RE BLEEDING.

>> Cream Corn: YEAH, I THINK I GOT TO GIVE MY HOES A BREAK

'CAUSE THESE SHACKLES, THEY'RE

KILLIN' ME.

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, BULLHORN, IT'S TIME TO PUT WHITE

SLAVERY TO AN END!

>> Bullhorn: BLACK DYNAMITE, LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY AND MAKE

SURE YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID!

THESE ARE BULLHORN'S SLAVES, TOP DEPUTY OVERSEER OF THE WORLD,

CRAIG!

>> Black Dynamite: WHO THE FUCK IS CRAIG?

I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS SHIT

HONEY BEE, CALL UP THE REVEREND.

WE NEED TO HAVE A BLACK COMMUNITY TOWN MEETING.

[ GAVEL BANGS ] [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> WHY IS THIS MEETING HAPPENING

RIGHT NOW?

I GOT TOO MANY WHITE SLAVES THAT NEED MY MASTERIN'.

>> WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT, BLACK DYNAMITE?

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTIN' MY HUR' DID.

>> Black Dynamite: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHEN GROWN FOLKS IS ABOLISHING

SLAVERY!

>> ABOLISHIN'?

BULLHORN, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

I WANT YOU TO STOP HIM RIGHT NOW!

>> Black Dynamite: [ GRUNTS ] >> Bullhorn: [ GRUNTS ]

>> THAT'S IT!

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY FIRED AS DEPUTY OVERSEER OFFICER

OVERSEER OF THE WORLD!

NOT JUST THE COMMUNITY.

THE WORLD!

>> Black Dynamite: NOW, I KNOW YOU ALL THOUGHT THAT WHITE

SLAVERY WAS THE RIGHT THING TO

DO AFTER DISCOVERING YOUR ROOTS IN A MINISERIES.

BUT IT'S DESTROYING THIS COMMUNITY!

>> BLACK DYNAMITE, DON'T WHOOP MY ASS, BUT I DISAGREE!

MY WHITE LAWYER SLAVE HERE NOT ONLY HELP ME BEAT THE TRIPLE

HOMICIDE I WAS FACING, BUT HE

ALSO HELPED ME SAVE MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE.

[ CROWD CHEERS ] >> WELL, MY WHITE SLAVE IS

WORTHLESS!

HE DON'T KNOW HOW TO ROLL A JOINT, WASH A CADILLAC, COOK A

POT ROAST, NOTHIN'!

AND I GOT TO KEEP FEEDIN' HIM FISH EGGS AND MAKIN' TEA ALL

DAY!

I'M WITH BLACK DYNAMITE.

I SAY WE NEED TO END WHITE SLAVERY!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> SHUT UP! EVERYBODY, SHUT UP!

WHAT WE NEED IS SOME DEMOCRACY UP IN THIS BITCH!

THIS ALLOWS THE CITIZENS OF THIS COMMUNITY TO PARTICIPATE EQUALLY

BY ENCOMPASSING THE DAMN SOCIAL,

ECONOMIC, AND CULTURAL CONDITIONS THAT ENABLE THE FREE

AND EQUAL PRACTICE OF POLITICAL

SELF-DETERMINATION, ALL BY HAVING A SIMPLE ASS VOTE!

WHAT?

A BASEHEAD COULDN'T USE TO BE A POLITICAL SCIENTIST?

>> SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN TO ME.

OKAY, BY SHOW OF HANDS, ALL THOSE FOR HONKY SLAVES?

>> Honey Bee: I GOT 237.

>> Black Dynamite: AND THOSE FOR FREE HONKIES?

>> Honey Bee: 237 AGAIN.

>> Black Dynamite: DAMN.

IT'S A TIE.

NOW WHAT?

>> WHAT ABOUT BASEHEAD?

HE DIDN'T VOTE.

>> HOLD ON. I'M STILL THINKIN'!

HMM...

COLEMAN IS REALLY GOOD AT FINDIN' MY VEINS, AND HE DOES

COOK MY HEROIN JUST THE WAY I

LIKES IT.

>> THANK YOU, SIR.

I DO MY BEST.

>> BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU NOT REALLY GOOD AT STEALIN'

SHIT COLEMAN, AND YOU KNOW I

CAN'T AFFORD TO PAY FOR MY HABIT SO UH...

FOR THAT REASON ALONE, I AM VOTIN' TO END WHITE SLAVERY!

>> SORRY, COLEMAN.

[ CROWD CHEERING, GRUMBLING ] >> Black Dynamite: THERE YOU

HAVE IT - WHITE SLAVERY IS

OFFICIALLY ABOLISHED.

[ GAVEL BANGS ] >> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

WE'RE FREE.

I GUESS I SHOULD BE HAPPY, BUT I'M NOT.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT I WANTED TO GO BACK HOME, BUT HOW CAN I AFTER

THIS TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE?

WAIT! EVERYONE, LISTEN UP!

WE CAN'T GO HOME.

>> Black Dynamite: WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WOODY ALLEN?

>> HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION IN WHITE SOCIETY

NOW, HUH?

BEING A SLAVE FOR A WHOLE MONTH HAS DESTROYED US

PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

WE HAVE LOST ALL OUR WHITE SELF-ESTEEM.

WHERE'S THAT WHITE ARROGANCE THAT OUR ANCESTORS HAD WHEN THEY

KILLED THE INDIANS, HUH?

WHERE'S ALL THAT AMBITION THAT DROPPED THE BOMB ON HIROSHIMA?

IT'S GONE!

SO WE CAN'T GO BACK TO BEING OURSELVES ANYMORE BECAUSE WE ARE

NOT OURSELVES ANYMORE.

I GUESS WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO ASSIMILATE OURSELVES INTO THE

BLACK COMMUNITY UNTIL WE CAN

BUILD UP THE SELF-CONFIDENCE TO STEAL IT, 'CAUSE WE DAMN SURE

CAN'T GO BACK TO BEVERLY HILLS

OR BEVERLY HILLS ADJACENT.

WE WOULD BE A SHAME TO OUR WHOLE RACE.

[ CHEERS, APPLAUSE ] SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY, WHITE

FOLKS?

LET'S GO GET US SOME ROSCOES!

[ CROWD CHEERS ] >> Black Dynamite: AND

ASSIMILATE THEIR WHITE ASSES

THEY DID.

THEY WERE DRIVING CADILLACS, PIMPIN', HUSTLIN;, WEARING

AFROS.

THEY EVEN PUT THEIR MOUTHS ON OUR WATER FOUNTAINS, AND THAT'S

JUST NASTY.

I GUESS THEY WANTED EQUAL RIGHTS, BUT THE BLACK COMMUNITY

JUST AIN'T THE BLACK COMMUNITY

WITHOUT THE COMMUNITY BEING BLACK.

HM.

>> HM.

>> Black Dynamite: ROSCOE, WHAT'S UP WITH OUR SEATS, AND

WHY ARE ALL THE BLACK PEOPLE

OUTSIDE?

>> I'M SORRY, BLACK DYNAMITE, BUT I'M AFRAID THEY HAD

RESERVATIONS.

SEE, THAT'S WHAT WHITE FOLKS DO WHEN THEY GO OUT TO EAT.

AND DID YOU KNOW THEY HAD A THING CALLED "TIPS"?

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, HERE'S A TIP FOR THEM.

AN ASS IN BLACK DYNAMITE'S SEAT, NO MATTER WHAT COLOR IT IS, IS

AN ASS IN BLACK DYNAMITE'S SEAT.

>> WE HAVE JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO EAT HERE AS YOU DO,

BLACK DYNAMITE, AND WE DESERVE

TO BE TREATED LIKE BLACK PEOPLE.

>> ♪ WHITE SHALL OVERCOME BLACKS!

♪ WHITE SHALL OVER- [ CROWD CHEERS ]

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

>> Bullhorn: BLACK DYNAMITE, YOU WERE RIGHT FOR BRINGING SLAVERY

TO AN END.

I SHOULD HAVE STUCK BY YOU AND BEEN A BETTER FRIEND.

BUT NOW I KNOW FOLLOWING AL SHARPTON WAS DUMB, 'CAUSE I

SURE WISH THESE PECKERWOODS

WOULD GO BACK FROM WHERE THEY COME.

>> Black Dynamite: IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO FEEL LIKE

PUTTING WHITE PEOPLE IN SHACKLES

SOMETIMES, BULLHORN, BUT REMEMBER, VENGEANCE AIN'T ALWAYS

AS SWEET AS IT TASTES.

>> Honey Bee: UH-OH.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO SLOW DOWN, BLACK DYNAMITE.

CRACKER RIGHTS FREEDOM FIGHTERS, 12:00.

>> [ Chanting ] BEING WHITE IS ALSO RIGHT!

BEING WHITE IS ALSO RIGHT!

>> WE, THE WHITE FOLKS OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY, ARE NOT MOVING

OUR CHEEKS FROM THIS HERE

MONUMENT UNTIL WE RECEIVE REPARATIONS!

>> THAT'S RIGHT!

STICK IT TO THE MAYNE!

>> Bullhorn: SHIT! REVEREND AL DONE FLIPPED THE

SCRIPT.

AL SHARPTON, UNLESS YOU WENT COLOR-BLIND, YOU GOT SOME

'SPLAININ' TO DO ABOUT THESE

WHITE-POWER SIGNS.

>> RACIAL INEQUALITY DOES NOT HAVE A COLOR, BROTHER, BUT IT

DOES HAVE A PRICE, SO THE ONLY

SIGNS I SEE ARE GREEN DOLLAR SIGNS.

>> MAN, GET YOUR WHITE ASSES OFF OUR KING AND TAKE THEM BACK TO

BEVERLY HILLS AND

BEVERLY HILLS ADJACENT!

>> WE DIDN'T LAND ON THIS BLACK COMMUNITY!

THIS BLACK COMMUNITY LANDED ON US!

[ ALL SHOUTING ] >> Black Dynamite: EVERYBODY,

STOP, STOP!

[ ALL SHOUTING ] >> Black Dynamite: EVERYBODY,

STOP, STOP!

SO, HERE WE ARE, IN THE SAME FREEZE FRAME WE STARTED WITH.

BULLHORN IS ABOUT TO KILL AL SHARPTON, AND THE BLACK

COMMUNITY IS ABOUT TO SPRAY

WHITE CIVIL-RIGHTS FIGHTERS WITH HOSES.

THIS IS SOME WEIRD-ASS, HEAVY SHIT

AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY TO

STOP IT.

SUEY!

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, BLACK DYNAMITE?

>> Black Dynamite: THE SAME THING YOU'RE DOING.

>> NO, I'M JUST BEATING UP A WHITE SLAVE FIGHTING FOR RACIAL

EQUALITY.

YOU'RE DESTROYING A MONUMENT THAT IS A SYMBOL OF OUR STRUGGLE

FOR FREEDOM.

>> Black Dynamite: YOU ALL NEED TO WAKE UP.

LOOK AT YOURSELVES, BLACK COMMUNITY.

IF DR. KING WAS HERE TO SEE THIS, HE WOULD SHIT A BRICK.

NOW, WE CAN'T BEAT THE MAN BY BEING THE MAN, AND, WHITE

PEOPLE, DON'T LET AL SHARPTON

GET YOUR ASS WHUPPED.

SO BEFORE THINGS GET ANY WORSE AND SOMEBODY TOUCHES MY CAR,

CAUSING ME TO FUCK UP

EVERYBODY, I SUGGEST WE PRETEND NONE OF THIS EVER HAPPENED AND

GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE.

>> WE'RE SORRY, NEGROES.

WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO?

>> SO, DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO GO BACK HOME?

>> Black Dynamite: WELL, AS FOR YOU, WOODY ALLEN, YOU DON'T HAVE

TO GO HOME.

>> I DON'T?

>> Black Dynamite: NAH.

BUT YOU GOT TO GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF HERE.

>> [ FARTING ] DREAM ACHIEVED!

THANK YOU, DR. KING.

[ SNIFFS ] SOMEBODY GOT SOME INCENSE?

'CAUSE IT DON'T SMELL RIGHT.

[ COUGHS ] I'M BLIND! I'M BLIND!

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

>> [ FARTS ]

>> ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE! ♪ DYNAMITE! DYNAMITE!

>> [ FARTS ]

♪♪

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