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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,504
Previously on
"Black Dynamite"...
2
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:11,179
Aah! Sueeey!
3
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,231
You know and I know that
That Frog Kurtis is a --
4
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:17,059
Jive-ass motherfucker!
5
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,735
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
6
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,278
Wait, Black Dynamite,
7
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,106
I'm part of every lesson
you ever learned.
8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,191
I got you -- I got you out
of peeing in the bed.
9
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,821
Your daddy wasn't there for
that, Black Dynamite.
10
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,494
Your daddy wasn't there
for that, Black Dynamite.
11
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,992
Okay?
12
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,501
[tone sounds]
13
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:38,331
Black Dynamite, thank you for
coming on the puppet show
14
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,336
as my special guest
and best friend.
15
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,669
And you kids can forget
about everything
16
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,754
That Frog Kurtis...
17
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,511
[crying]
18
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,594
Ribbit, motherfucker!
Ribbit!
19
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,438
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
20
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,480
? He's dynamite ?
21
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,654
? So dynamite ?
22
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,323
? Ooohhh, ooohhh ?
23
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,117
? Ooohhh ?
24
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,409
? Ahhhh ?
25
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:14,040
? He's dynamite ?
26
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,618
? Dy-no, dy-no ?
27
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:19,296
? Ooohhh, ooohhh ?
28
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,373
? Oooohhhh ?
29
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:25,461
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
30
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,630
This week...
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ALL:
? Hooray, hooray, hooray, for whores ?
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00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:40,359
? That little pussy
can open up doors ?
33
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:44,314
? Hooray, hooray, hooray,
for whores ?
34
00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:45,943
That brings back good
and bad memories,
35
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,445
but memories nonetheless.
36
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,367
These orphans are
so excited about
37
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,241
going disco skating
with you, Black Dynamite,
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00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,618
that they little asses
slept with their skates on.
39
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,325
These orphans have spent
their whole lives being orphans.
40
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,455
Sometimes they need
a break.
41
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,457
And there's nothing
like some good disco skating
42
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,413
to take the misery out
of being an orphan.
43
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,419
Lord knows I can use a break,
and I got a mama.
44
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,421
It's hard being a grown-ass pimp
living with your mama.
45
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,468
Oh yeah, I forgot to go potty
before we left.
46
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:10,297
Cream Corn, hold your horses
and your wee-wee, please.
47
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,973
[tires screech]
48
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,426
Looks like the traffic done
jammed and squeezed
49
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,761
with Tasty Freeze.
- TASTY FREEZE: Black Dynamite!
50
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,437
You kids sit tight.
51
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,139
Don't worry, this traffic
jamming's not gonna
52
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,940
interrupt
our disco jamming.
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00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,895
ALL: ? Hooray, hooray, hooray,
for whores ?
54
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,275
Man, I'm glad to see you,
Black Dynamite!
55
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,449
Some preaching-ass fool
is having church
56
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,070
right in the middle
of all my pussy.
57
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,994
I can't make no money.
- My camel toe need water.
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00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,164
Reverend
Daddy Dynamite?
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00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,956
My long-estranged
daddy's name was
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"Reverend Daddy Dynamite,"
and he was a reverend.
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00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,957
? Get along, everybody,
cooperation is the key ?
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00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,338
DADDY DYNAMITE:
Now, I could lie to you and say
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00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:50,387
I'm just going out
for a pack a cigarettes,
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00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,181
but the truth is,
I'm leaving you
65
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,430
to raise 8-year-old
Black Dynamite by yourself.
66
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,638
Now dig it while you can,
67
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,940
because the light just turned
motherfuckin' green.
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00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,813
Bye, bitch.
69
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,234
I never thought
I'd see the day when I'd get
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00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,281
to meet my daddy face-to-face
as Grown Dynamite.
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00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,780
This total coincidence might
just give Black Dynamite
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00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,782
a sense of wholeness that
has eluded him
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00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,455
for most of
his childhood life.
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00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:20,250
I'm just saying.
75
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,498
REVEREND:
Wait, please, don't leave.
76
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,329
I -- I was just about to send
77
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:28,668
the collection plate
around again.
78
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,673
- Daddy Dynamite?
- I know, I know.
79
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,299
Here's your tithes back.
80
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,427
No, Daddy, it's me,
your son, Black Dynamite.
81
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,100
Son, a lot of people have
that n--
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00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,312
Boy, I can't believe it.
83
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,641
You got the same mustache
you had
84
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,476
when you was 8 years old.
85
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,187
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
86
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:51,865
BLACK DYNAMITE: You know,
I never forgave Mama for running you away.
87
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,238
'Til this day I have yet to put
a flower on her grave.
88
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,945
Well, actually, son, I just
did a little cool spin
89
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,701
and walked the fuck out
on my own.
90
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,205
Oh, well, I guess who left who
don't matter no more.
91
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,833
But what brought you back here
after all these years, anyway?
92
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,584
I read in the classifieds
93
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,757
that there was great
preaching opportunities
94
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,459
in the Black community.
95
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,044
So I came here to spread
the word.
96
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,800
But I don't know, son.
97
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,552
God's words don't seem to pay
like they used to.
98
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,257
Well, you
can't give up, Daddy.
99
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,887
You're the only preacher I know
that tells it like it is.
100
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,890
I mean, you could have lied
to my mama you was
101
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,063
going out for a pack of
cigarettes, but you didn't.
102
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,561
Yeah, well, son, those were
the good old days.
103
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,483
Been nice chatting with you,
104
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,186
but Daddy Dynamite shall
be going.
105
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,567
Maybe I'll see you
in another 25 years, son.
106
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,490
But Daddy, we just reunited,
and it feels so good.
107
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,489
Why don't you just stay around
for a while?
108
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,991
Maybe I could help you out.
- Well, if you insist.
109
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,743
Uh, I didn't.
110
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,871
I mean, all I just need is a place
to freeload for a while.
111
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,294
You know, somewhere I can
shit, shower, and shave,
112
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,791
and pay nothing,
113
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,589
just until I get
my congregation up.
114
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,462
Well, we got plenty of toilets
to shit in
115
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,794
and enough whores to shower
and shave you for a lifetime.
116
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,345
You can stay
at the whorephanage.
117
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,593
- HONEY BEE: Whorpha-who?
- That would be perfect, son.
118
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,595
It will also give us
a opportunity to catch up,
119
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,597
do some of that
father-and-son shit
120
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,428
you always dreamed about.
121
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,264
Honey Bee, call the whores
at the whorephanage
122
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,600
and tell them to pick up
about 3,000 razors and enough
123
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,980
shaving cream to keep my daddy
in my life for good.
124
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,152
HONEY BEE:
But Black Dynamite --
125
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,901
This is gonna be like living
at home together again,
126
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,481
just like when I was 8.
127
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,781
But this time, I'm a grown man
128
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,905
with whores and orphans
and a bunch of other shit,
129
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,611
but you -- you get
the picture, Daddy.
130
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,287
Now, this won't mean a damn
thing to me
131
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,036
until I get to know you
a little bit better,
132
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,036
Black Dynamite.
133
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,833
Maybe even then
it still won't.
134
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:29,504
But in the meanwhile,
give your daddy a hug, son.
135
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,378
Now, I hate to bring down this
whole room with a frown,
136
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:35,677
but I just remembered
we left a whole load of orphans
137
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,050
on wheels in a bus downtown.
138
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,053
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
139
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:45,433
[crying]
Black Dynamite, you ain't shit!
140
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,890
[upbeat music playing]
141
00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,277
Come on, son!
Come on!
142
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,960
DADDY DYNAMITE: You know this
father son shit ain't that bad.
143
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,010
Dynamite, dynamite.
144
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,054
[both laugh ]
145
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,678
Mm, you looking
mighty sharp, Black Dynamite.
146
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,433
Hadn't seen you in a while.
147
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,514
Well, at least not
without your daddy.
148
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:31,851
Honey Bee, I know this has been
a big transition for y'all,
149
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,981
but a daddy is what I've been
missing my whole life.
150
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,064
Well, yeah, well you just gotta
be careful, Black Dynamite.
151
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:40,697
Remember, he didn't come back
here for you.
152
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,277
And by the way, you know
you missed
153
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,862
little orphan Willis'
birthday party yesterday.
154
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,698
Not little orphan Willis'
birthday!
155
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:52,879
[echoing]
Nooooooooooooo!
156
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,547
- How was it?
- It was good.
157
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,717
But he missed you.
They all did.
158
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,418
I don't know if you
realize this,
159
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,550
but you're a daddy too,
Black Dynamite.
160
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,726
Ladies and gentlemen, the man
whose life I walked out of
161
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,803
when he was an 8-year-old
children.
162
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,764
The one that has not only
provided us
163
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,849
with a place
for whores and orphans,
164
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,901
but also for the word of God.
165
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:18,355
Give it up for my most beloved
son, Black Dynamite!
166
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,156
Can I get a "Dynamite,
Dynamite"?
167
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,949
ALL:
Dynamite, Dynamite.
168
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,868
You know, when I look around
this room,
169
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,618
I see nothing but players,
pushers, pimps, and pros.
170
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,448
That's right.
That's what we are.
171
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,078
Preach, Daddy Dynamite,
preach.
172
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:33,002
Now, God's just got one thing
for me to lay on you cats
173
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,796
and one thing only.
174
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,044
Daddy Dynamite
and Black Dynamite are
175
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,718
declaring holy war on anybody
hustling, pushing,
176
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,297
pimping, or selling hoes
in this community.
177
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:46,930
But -- but Daddy Dynamite --
Slick Berg Ice, Master Fly,
178
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,807
Pimp Slick Micky, Black Zeus,
and myself,
179
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,389
we all sell hoes
to the community.
180
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,349
I know you're selling hoes.
181
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:57,732
But the problem is you're not
giving the proceeds to God.
182
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,563
Can I get a "Dynamite,
Dynamite"?
183
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,899
Dynamite --
Wait, what?
184
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,700
And hoes, hah,
185
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,243
stop dragging your funky, ha
186
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,538
moose knuckles
up and down the street, ha
187
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,660
every night, ha,
188
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,083
only to give all your money away
189
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,411
to these pimps of sin,
ha ha ha!
190
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:17,088
And if you're gonna sell
your pussy, ha ha,
191
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,666
sell that pussy for God.
192
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,343
If you're gonna pimp
that pussy, ha,
193
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,171
pimp that pussy, ha
194
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,473
for the lord!
195
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,267
You think that pussy belongs
to you, ha!
196
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,185
That is God's pussy
197
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,979
He created it, didn't he?
198
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,227
Can I get a "Dynamite,
Dynamite"?
199
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,104
Whoo! Dynamite.
200
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,185
So I say to you all!
201
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,863
Bitch, ha...
Bitch, ha-ha...
202
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,737
Bitch, ha-ha,
y'all better have...
203
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,945
y'all better have, aha..
204
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,749
Go-o-o-o-od's money!
205
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:55,202
Can I get a "dynamite"?
- [all cheer]
206
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,332
What the hell
is going on?
207
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,630
Why you doing this,
Daddy Dynamite? Why?
208
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,378
Why? Why?
209
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,175
[organ plays]
210
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,048
Listen and learn,
Black Dynamite,
211
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,630
because that God
who art in heaven
212
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,216
is a straight-up pimp.
Dynamite, Dynamite!
213
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,881
That's right. Bring your money
to me -- Daddy D.
214
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,308
The only way to heaven is
through my pockets, baby.
215
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,806
Dynamite, Dynamite.
216
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,309
Now everybody gimme that
money-y-y-y!
217
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,389
[cheers and applause]
218
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,726
Oooooh!
Take this pussy now, lord,
219
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,107
and fill it with your
holy spirit.
220
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:06,941
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
221
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:10,402
[thunder crashes]
222
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:14,035
Y-Your life meant
everything to me, dad.
223
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:18,836
A-A-A-A-nd I'm gonna pick up
where you left off.
224
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:22,335
But there's just one thing
I got to do first.
225
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,212
And that's teach
B-B-B-B-Black Dynamite
226
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,259
that puppet blood ain't cheap.
227
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:29,929
Ribbit, motherfucker!
Ribbit!
228
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,256
Ribbit, motherfucker. Ribbit!
229
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:35,060
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
230
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,722
[door latch clicks]
231
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,227
DADDY DYNAMITE:
There he is, my son.
232
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,308
Look here, Black Dynamite --
Dynamite!
233
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:44,861
I'm thinking about moving
them whorephans/orphans,
234
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,859
or whatever you call them
to the basement
235
00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:49,987
and turning their bedroom into
a gambling den for the lord.
236
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,318
What do you say, son?
237
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,369
Look here, Daddy,
I'm not gonna stand here
238
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,446
and let you take advantage
of my community's sins.
239
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,828
Now enough is enough.
- Hold on a second, son.
240
00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,410
Will you hoes please
excuse us?
241
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,291
Ooh, praise God.
242
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,544
Uh, yeah, your daddy was just
giving them some anointing.
243
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,001
Cut the bullshit, Daddy.
You're robbing the people.
244
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,086
Now, Black Dynamite don't believe
in fuckin' up his own daddy,
245
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,764
but I'm about to anoint my foot
in your ass, can you dig it?
246
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,637
What the devil has gotten
into you, boy?
247
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,343
I don't know who's been
raising you,
248
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,099
but it damn sure ain't
been me.
249
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,725
Now you will show me
and the lord some respect.
250
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,772
Son, I might be making
a dishonest living,
251
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,850
but at least
I'm doing it honestly.
252
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,810
Now, when these motherfuckers
stop giving me
253
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,113
all their money and pussy,
I'll stop taking it.
254
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,986
Now, you're the one
who wanted me to stay.
255
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:32,237
That's because I wanted you
back in my life, Daddy.
256
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,536
But I guess nostalgia
ain't what it used to be.
257
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,329
You don't know
what it's like to grow up
258
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,156
with nobody to teach you
how not to pee in the bed
259
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,241
or how to make green
from yellow and blue.
260
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,668
Is that how they make it?
261
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,290
Well shit, I couldn't have
taught you that anyway.
262
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,588
- That's not the point.
- Look, all I hear from you...
263
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,336
is what you didn't have
264
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,088
'cause your daddy
wasn't there to raise you.
265
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,965
What about how dynamite
you turned out
266
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,842
because I didn't
raise you'?
267
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,219
I think it's
time for you to go, Daddy.
268
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,175
- I beg your pardon?
- You heard me! I said scram.
269
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,931
Split the scene, my daddy.
270
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,763
Your daddy walking out on you
made you the man you are today,
271
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,269
and this is the thanks I get.
272
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,316
Now, I could lie to you
and say --
273
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:10,817
Daddy!
274
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,447
Bye, bitch.
275
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,654
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
276
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,341
Excuse me,
B-Brother Daddy Dynamite.
277
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,464
Daddy Dynamite is no brethren
to no puppets.
278
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:34,170
Now, who the hell are you?
279
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,097
Allow me to introduce myself.
280
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,174
I am Brother Minister
That Bastard Kurtis,
281
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,511
son of the late
That Frog Kurtis.
282
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,436
And I must say that I was
truly touched
283
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,435
by your message
the other night.
284
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,892
Su-su-su-su-such a powerful
word, my brother.
285
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,693
- You really think so?
- Oh, yes.
286
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,736
You see, brother,
I'm a minister, too.
287
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,530
I run a very successful temple
spreading
288
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,825
bean pies and incense all over
Pu-pu-pu-puppet Street.
289
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,404
So I can respect a man that's
out there getting God's money.
290
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,161
Yeah, well, I thought that
was the way to go, too.
291
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,959
But apparently I can't even make
a believer out of my own son.
292
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,708
You and I have a lot in common,
Brother Daddy Dynamite.
293
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,256
We should go for a ride.
294
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,175
You see, people are like diapers.
They're like diapers, yes.
295
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:15,549
Hard to change
and fu-full of shit.
296
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,630
Bu-Bu-Bu-But puppets,
on the other hand,
297
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,182
are full of cotton.
298
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:20,554
Once your hand goes up they ass,
299
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,601
you can make them
believe anything.
300
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,930
I-I-I-I believe puppets need
a master,
301
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:29,268
a-a-a-a somebody to control
the strings of their lives.
302
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:32,024
And if that don't float
the shit in your toilet,
303
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:33,946
they got a whole lot of money,
304
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,649
Br-Br-Br-Brother
Daddy Dynamite.
305
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,575
Well, Brother
That Bastard Kurtis,
306
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,527
if you possess so much
profound insight,
307
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,953
why don't you reach
these puppets
308
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,451
and get their
money yourself?
309
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,407
Do you hear this fuckin'
st-stutter?
310
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:49,087
Nobody will listen to a-a-a-a
stuttering frog puppet,
311
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,505
Daddy Dynamite.
312
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:51,957
But you got that gift
and that gab,
313
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,293
just like my daddy had.
314
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,298
Now, I got a st-st-studio
315
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,596
where my daddy used to shoot
his puppet shows at.
316
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,639
I want to bring it back
so we can do
317
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,184
the first human puppet show
ever on TV.
318
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,227
With your message and my show,
319
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,556
you can be the biggest
TV puppet evangelist
320
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:11,814
in the w-w-w-world!
321
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,736
Brother Reverend
Daddy Dynamite
322
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:16,234
and Brother Minister
That Bastard Kurtis.
323
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,158
Sounds like a match made
in heaven, right here on Earth.
324
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,076
[laughs]
Like Martin and Malcolm.
325
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,574
Now, what do you say
we start promoting
326
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,451
our new show,
D-D-D-Daddy?
327
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,830
You don't mind if I call you
"D-D-D-D-D-Daddy," right?
328
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:32,085
Well, nobody ever called me
"D-D-D-D-D-Daddy" before.
329
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:35,042
But I guess I could get
used to it.
330
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:39,550
- Bean pie, my daddy?
- Don't mind if I do, son.
331
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:42,098
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
332
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,677
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Wait, what?
333
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,513
"Daddy Dynamite and Brother
That Bastard Kurtis."
334
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,143
Hmm.
335
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,902
I don't know about this, man.
We fuckin' with Black Dynamite.
336
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,730
You know what? You acting like
a little bitch right about now.
337
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,532
Now, we gonna roll up
in the rink,
338
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,905
find these little marks,
and smoke them.
339
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,321
[disco music playing]
340
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,706
Awwwww shit, hey!
That's my song!
341
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,583
I'm about to shake what
my mama gave me and boogie.
342
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,630
Man, what I wouldn't give
to have a normal daddy
343
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,548
under some
normal circumstances.
344
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,342
At least you had a daddy
to leave you when you was 8.
345
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,091
[voice breaking]
My daddy was a test tube.
346
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,139
Cream Corn, this moment is about
Black Dynamite's father issues.
347
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,216
Now, you gonna have to save that
test-tube-daddy B-story
348
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,301
for another day, you dig?
349
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,058
Sorry, Black Dynamite.
350
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:34,852
[disco music playing]
351
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,232
Here's the get-back, bitch.
352
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,734
[all screaming]
353
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:48,073
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
354
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,466
[screams]
355
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,673
Now, tell me
who sent you puppet fuckers
356
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,132
and why are you here?
357
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,183
Brother Minister
That Bastard Kurtis is
358
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,261
a very hateful puppet,
Black Dynamite.
359
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,188
He set this whole thing up.
360
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,232
He brought your daddy back
into your life
361
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,061
just to tear him away
from you.
362
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,146
But your daddy is in trouble.
363
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,731
Honey Bee,
Cream Corn, Bullhorn!
364
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,566
I need you to round up
these orphans
365
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,617
and get these wheels off them
quick, fast, and in a hurry.
366
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,616
My daddy's in trouble,
and he needs me.
367
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:30,574
[coughs]
Black Dynamite. Black Dynamite!
368
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,704
Black Dynamite,
you ain't shit.
369
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,332
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
370
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,413
As you all know, I am
the Brother Minister
371
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,295
That Bastard Kurtis,
372
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,341
and I want to thank you all
for coming out
373
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:45,672
to the all-new God's Dynamite
Puppet Show-w-w-w!
374
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:49,635
[cheers and applause]
375
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,890
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Suey!
376
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,238
Uh, can I help you puppets?
377
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,656
Daddy, it's me,
your son.
378
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,574
Now, hold on, puppet.
379
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,903
Daddy Dynamite has bumped
a whole lot of uglies in his day,
380
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,987
but I know for a fact I ain't
never laid no pipe
381
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,914
in no puppet poontang.
382
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,287
No, it's me,
Black Dynamite.
383
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,040
Boy, what the hell
are you doing
384
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:17,620
disguised in a damn
puppet costume,
385
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,376
looking like a damn
puppet?
386
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,457
Well, that's why it's called a dis--
Look, Daddy...
387
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,839
there's something you need to know
about this That Bastard Kurtis.
388
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:26,546
He can't be trusted.
He's trying to kill you.
389
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,631
Impossible --
That Bastard Kurtis has been
390
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,512
more of a son
in these last few days
391
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:33,014
then you've been your whole
life, Black Dynamite.
392
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,812
That's because you walked out
on me when I was 8.
393
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,231
Oh, yeah.
394
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,525
KURTIS:
N-Now it is time, brothers and s-s-sisters,
395
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,978
to give a warm welcome
to Reverend Bro-Brother
396
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,780
Daddy D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Dynamite!
397
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,983
[cheers and applause]
398
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,910
Well, that's me.
Maybe I should scram.
399
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,954
- But Daddy...
- Bye, bitch.
400
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,953
Brother That Bastard Kurtis --
Kurtises?
401
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:01,539
[laughs] Look at your face,
Black Dynamite.
402
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,750
What -- what you thought I was
the only one, Black Dynamite?
403
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,427
Oh, yeah, I was the only seed,
Black Dynamite? Huh?
404
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,504
These brothers here are
my F.O.I. Brothers --
405
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,590
the Frogs of Incense.
406
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,675
Ribbit, motherfucker. Ribbit.
[ laughs ]
407
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,102
And by "brothers" I mean
biological, not Black.
408
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,225
Cut the toad shit,
That Bastard Kurtis.
409
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,602
You and I both know what
this is about.
410
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,683
That's right.
411
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,564
[cheers and applause]
412
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:26,944
Can I get a "Dynamite,
Dynamite"?
413
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,900
Now, next time I ain't gonna
use no gun, 'cause us Kurtises
414
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,611
are packing in more than just
one place, brother.
415
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,696
You ever been smacked
across your face
416
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,750
by 50 fuckin' frog
d-d-d-d-dicks? Huh?!
417
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,873
[unzipping]
418
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,546
[laughs] Huh?
[laughs] Huh?
419
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,215
I have. It ain't a good look,
Black Dynamite.
420
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,292
Don't flinch. It ain't coming yet.
The shit ain't coming yet.
421
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,298
When it's coming,
I'll let you know,
422
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,845
and I'm not coming at you
from one side.
423
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,673
I'm coming at you from both
sides, from up, from under.
424
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,180
You ever have your face
uppercutted by a -- a frog dick'?
425
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,011
You try to rope-a-dope
like Ali,
426
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,971
but it's --
it's too many dicks!
427
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,901
You motherfucker brother
Black Dynamite.
428
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,650
Kill they assess!
P-P-P-P-P-Please! Please!
429
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,857
Shoot his ass!
Everybody shoot!
430
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:13,490
Everybody shoot!
Yeah! Yeah! F.O.I., baby!
431
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:17,369
[gun clicks]
432
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:21,078
You mean to tell me
n-n-n-n-none of y'all motherfuckers
433
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,753
know how to shoot a gun?
Huh?
434
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,171
Are you kidding me right now?
435
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,214
I'm try-- I'm trying not
to get upset.
436
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,292
Ahhh suey!
437
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,300
[cheers and applause]
Bitch, a-ha! Bitch, ha-ha!
438
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:38,557
Bitch, a-ha!
Oh, lord, bitch, ha!
439
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,191
Suey!
440
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,486
[voice breaking]
You killed my fucking daddy.
441
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,690
You ripped my daddy in pieces,
motherfucker!
442
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,777
I'ma kill your ass right now.
You dead, motherfucker!
443
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,159
DADDY DYNAMITE:
Now everybody, gimme that moneeyyyy!
444
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,707
[cheers and applause]
445
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,120
DADDY DYNAMITE:
Bitch, ah! Bitch, a-ha!
446
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,626
Aaaah!
447
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,708
[all gasp]
448
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,427
Like my daddy used to say,
449
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:14,881
"R-R-Ribbit, motherfucker!
R-R-Ribbit!
450
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,841
Aaaaah!
451
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:21,604
And like my daddy used to say,
"dig it while you can,
452
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:24,057
'cause the light just
turned motherfuckin' green.
453
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,483
Bye, bitch!"
454
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,233
Ahhhhhhhh!
- Dynamite!
455
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,530
The buck stops here, son.
456
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,357
Don't you see he's got
tadpoles in his shoes?
457
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,910
You kill him and this shit
will never stop.
458
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,578
In 13 weeks, we will
have another
459
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:40,702
little angry frog puppet
seeking revenge.
460
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,204
Look, your daddy's
messed up, son.
461
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,752
And if I wouldn't have
left you,
462
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,500
this frog's daddy wouldn't
have raised you
463
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,252
to be the man
you are today.
464
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,300
You'd probably be out there
polluting and not giving a hoot,
465
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,127
not preventing forest fires.
466
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,962
And who knows what colors
you would have been
467
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,968
trying to mix together
to get green.
468
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,095
And even though leaving you
made you a better man,
469
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,018
it doesn't make it right.
470
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,516
I'm sorry, son.
471
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,566
And I'm sorry I killed
your daddy on national TV,
472
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:07,641
That Bastard Kurtis.
473
00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:09,944
But he was destroying the minds
of the children.
474
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,441
Fuck the minds
of the children.
475
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,612
He was slapping people
in the face with frog dicks.
476
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,361
I know, Brother
Black Dynamite, I know.
477
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,692
Well, he's gone now.
478
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,402
So maybe you and I can
share your daddy.
479
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,704
He can be like both ours, but we
can keep him at my house.
480
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,326
But he still both our daddys.
481
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,499
You two are grown men
and frogs now.
482
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:26,327
You don't need a daddy like me
in your life no more.
483
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,583
Besides, you got your own
daddying to do.
484
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,005
And do me a favor --
485
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,048
if you ever feel like walking
out on your kids,
486
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,469
just go get a pack
of cigarettes instead.
487
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,012
[all laugh]
488
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:40,387
Well, I know this ain't the storybook
way to end the scene,
489
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,093
but once again it seems like
490
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:45,146
we done left
the motherfucking orphans.
491
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,441
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
492
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:50,735
[disco music playing]
493
00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:15,801
Whoo!
494
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:20,131
? Dynamite! Dynamite ?
495
00:22:20,181 --> 00:22:24,731
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