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1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:06,011
? He's dynamite ?
2
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,932
? So dynamite ?
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,558
? Ooohhh, ooohhh ?
4
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,230
? Ooohhh ?
5
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,477
? Ahhhh ?
6
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:20,062
? He's dynamite ?
7
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,738
? Dy-no, dy-no ?
8
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,363
? Ooohhh, ooohhh ?
9
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,615
? Oooohhhh ?
10
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:31,995
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
11
00:00:32,074 --> 00:00:34,168
This week...
12
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,922
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Howard Cosell.
13
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,219
Today we explore
the phenomenon
14
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,012
that is Race War I,
15
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,261
billed as the race
to end all races,
16
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,342
for the races
and by the races.
17
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:53,304
Is it racist?
You better believe it is.
18
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,764
I'm told we can expect to see
19
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,598
every color of people
in the rainbow ...
20
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,060
the Blacks, the browns,
the whites,
21
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,735
the reds, the purple,
and yellows.
22
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,905
- Hey! What about the negroes?
- Negro, hush!
23
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,280
Racing from Los Angeles
to New York City.
24
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,577
The prize ... a superior
race trophy,
25
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:12,077
as well as bragging rights
to being the official race
26
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,783
of the upcoming Olympic
games in Munich.
27
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,164
Finally a way
to show everyone in town
28
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,497
that the Black race is the
baddest motherfuckers around.
29
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,503
Black Dynamite's been
racing against the man
30
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,550
his whole life, and
it ain't never been televised.
31
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,798
- This sounds ridiculous.
- I don't know.
32
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,380
"The Black Superior Race"
does got a nice ring to it.
33
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,886
I mean, if somebody
from the Black race wins,
34
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,684
they will be on the cover
of magazines, newspapers,
35
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,306
and even the Wheaties box.
36
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,933
Imagine eating some
Black Wheaties!
37
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,606
"Black Wheaties"?
Ha Ha! Come on!
38
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,308
I'm with Black Dynamite.
That sounds stupid.
39
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,938
Ain't that right,
Black Dynamite? Ha ha!
40
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,440
Not necessarily.
41
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,146
Being on the Wheaties box
might be just the thing
42
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,856
Black Dynamite needs
to put the man away
43
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,158
once and for all ...
and with a trophy to prove it.
44
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,907
Racer Rex, the Caucasian
for the occasion.
45
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,579
You are representing
46
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,577
the genetically inferior
white man in America
47
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,409
who has stolen practically
everything in this country,
48
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,745
including this country.
49
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,705
Do you think you can steal
this race, too?
50
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,415
Well, Howard,
the white man will do
51
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,091
whatever it takes
to win.
52
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,794
I will lie, cheat,
and steal my way
53
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,675
all across that goddamn
finish line
54
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,177
just like we've done
for thousands of years.
55
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,429
And if you don't believe me,
just check the history.
56
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,431
Are you worried that you
might lose your title
57
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,854
to a darker competitor,
such as the Blacks?
58
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,055
Hell, no, Howard.
59
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,858
The Black are too busy hanging
out in Roscoe's all day
60
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,810
eating chicken and watching
television.
61
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,738
Mmm! Somebody need to teach
that racist cracker a lesson!
62
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,281
And everybody loves chicken!
63
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,234
We need a Black man
that can drive a car fast
64
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,864
and whup some ass!
65
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,820
Somebody that the Black
community can depend on!
66
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,282
Somebody who's
super bad and out-of-sight,
67
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,742
Black and dynamite.
68
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,872
I don't know about y'all,
but I'm drawing a blank.
69
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,328
Who could we get?
70
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,505
You know anybody Black,
Black Dynamite?
71
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,753
What about a young Bill Cosby?
Ooh! Or Sidney Poitier?
72
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,505
That's it! I went to school
with Sidney Poitier.
73
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,006
I'll go call him.
74
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:51,009
Or little Stevie Wonder
might do just fine.
75
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,965
No, wait, never mind,
I just remembered
76
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,800
the motherfucker's blind.
77
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,806
Ooh, what about Billy Dee
Williams with his fine ass?
78
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,637
CREAM CORN:
Oh, yes! That'll be perfect.
79
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,643
I got an idea ...
how about y'all stop acting
80
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,645
like Black Dynamite ain't
sitting here
81
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:05,648
listening to you call out
all these old, blind, weak,
82
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,650
Colt 49, malt-liquor-drinking
motherfuckers
83
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,652
when you know I'm the only
one in the damn race
84
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,154
that can win the race
farhis race?
85
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:14,157
Uhh, never mind,
Sidney Poitier.
86
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,238
Black Dynamite it is.
87
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,870
[all cheering]
88
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:28,251
[engine revs]
89
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,129
[tires screech]
90
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,381
[gun cocks]
91
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,133
Black Dynamite.
92
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,465
C.I.A. operative
and third-generation inventor
93
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,425
George Washington Carver III,
A.K.A. "G"?
94
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,885
What are you doing here?
95
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,561
Well, I was on my way
to Roscoe's to get some
96
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,604
peanut butter brittle
and chicken gizzards, but then
97
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,682
I heard on the radio you was
racing in The Race War.
98
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:44,857
WOMAN'S VOICE:
Ooh, mm-hmm.
99
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,311
You remember your old
partner, don't you?
100
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:50,318
Eartha K-I-double-T,
is that you, baby? You look ...
101
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,149
Purr-fect, yes, I know,
I know.
102
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,825
I have to admit
I'm pretty excited
103
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,073
to get you back
inside me.
104
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,281
I see this KITT still purrs
like a pussycat.
105
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:02,459
Oh, this pussy roars now,
Black Dynamite.
106
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:06,459
CARVER:
Go ahead, get in. Pop that transmission.
107
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,916
[engine revs, tires squeal]
108
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,970
[engine roars]
109
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,552
Mm-hmm, Black Dynamite.
110
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,888
That was just the tip, baby.
Just the tip.
111
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,894
Uh-huh.
You like that, don't you?
112
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,021
[laughs] She got that new
and improved good power
113
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,024
She is now fully equipped with
everything you need.
114
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,105
Machine guns...
115
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,284
surface-to-air missiles...
116
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:41,623
and she squirts.
117
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:42,574
[tires screech]
118
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,000
[metal crashes]
119
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:47,204
I'm telling you, Black Dynamite,
the bitch is bad.
120
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,665
And not "bad" meaning bad,
but "bad" meaning "good."
121
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,671
George
Washington Carver III,
122
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,468
you are one scientific
motherfucker.
123
00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,590
[control panel beeps]
124
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,763
Agent Carver.
It's Agent Dennis Flynn.
125
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,590
I can see you, motherfucker.
Go ahead.
126
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,550
I have an update on code:
missing menthol
127
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,601
Y'all found my shit?
128
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,474
Of course not,
but our intel suggests
129
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,976
it is most likely
an inside or outside job.
130
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,605
But no definitive word
either way yet.
131
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,778
What kind of intel is that?
Get the fuck out my car!
132
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,605
Code ...
Missing Menthol "X"?
133
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,065
Sounds like some top-secret
heavy, G.
134
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,446
Well, I developed a series of
secret menthol derivatives,
135
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,824
and the 10th one is called
Menthol
136
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,530
Menthol "X" is so powerful,
137
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,160
when inhaled, it can be
used to control minds.
138
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,992
And it's "exskremely"
addictive.
139
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,622
Makes me want
to do what you say
140
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,169
just thinking about it ...
go on.
141
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,168
Well, somebody stole
all of it from my lab,
142
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,669
and I hope we find out who
143
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,625
before it falls
in the wrong hands.
144
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,460
Hmm.
The Man's hands.
145
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:38,093
What? Why is everything
"The Man" with you, huh?
146
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,923
Uh, Black Dynamite,
we should go, baby.
147
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,633
We have a race to win.
148
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,185
Yeah, I should get out of here
and let you two be alone.
149
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,854
Good luck, Black Dynamite.
150
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,806
Or, as my great grandaddy said,
"Bust a nut."
151
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,108
Solid. And I'll keep my eyes
open for that Menthol
152
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,311
Now, before I drop you off,
one question, G ...
153
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,317
what's this button do?
- Huh.
154
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:55,773
You know, I'm not really ...
155
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,608
Aaaaah!
156
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,741
I think
you're in the wrong line.
157
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,577
The colored line is
over yonder.
158
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,128
No, I think
you're in the wrong line.
159
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,705
This is the "cracker getting
your ass whooped
160
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,290
for fuckin' with
Black Dynamite" line.
161
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:17,003
You really think you the best
your race has to offer, boy?
162
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,553
Now, look here,
honky doodle dandy.
163
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,050
Black Dynamite used to be
a children,
164
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,632
but he ain't never
been a boy, can you dig it?
165
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,058
Now, I suggest you shut
the fuck up
166
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,601
when grown folks is
registering!
167
00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:26,144
Why don't you just go back
to your ghetto
168
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,017
with the rest of your race
and keep fighting
169
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,598
and complaining
about the white man
170
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,854
while we keep
kicking your ass?
171
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,686
Go ahead. Hit me,
Black Dynamite.
172
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,897
I ain't scared of you, boy!
173
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,607
Hey, hey, guys, save your
overt racism for The Race War.
174
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,692
You're gonna get disqualified!
Jeez, I spilled my coffee.
175
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,573
REX:
I'm begging you, man. Go ahead.
176
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,450
Hit me, Black Dynamite.
Hit me.
177
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,373
Heh, heh, this shit's gonna
be easier than slavery!
178
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:50,703
And twice as fun!
[laughs]
179
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,164
This is Howard Cosell,
and I am here
180
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,420
with the heavyweight champion
of the world,
181
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,628
Mr. Muhammad Ali,
A.K.A. Cassius Clay.
182
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,715
Mm, Howard Cosell,
you keep calling me Clay,
183
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,549
and I'm gonna make it look
like your toupee
184
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,351
took a shit between
your shoulders.
185
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,349
Very funny, champ,
but how do you feel
186
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,351
about the white man being
favored to win,
187
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,353
as he most often does?
188
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,355
Howard, as the honorable
Elijah Muhammad say,
189
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,357
"The white man's days
are over!"
190
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,905
Somebody needs to go ahead
and retire his whole race,
191
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,233
or I'm gonna have to do it
myself once and for all.
192
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,160
I am the greatest
of all time!
193
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:27,284
Champ, your often-repeated
claim of total superiority
194
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,661
has been noted.
195
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,162
There you have it, folks.
196
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,165
A lot of racial pride and
tension is riding on this one.
197
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,497
Let's go to the starting line.
198
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,675
First we have the red Chinese,
Dr. Wu's Tang Clan.
199
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,548
I don't know much about them,
200
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,756
but something tells me
the Wu's Tang Clan
201
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,215
ain't nothing to fuck with.
202
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,517
Next up we have
the Japanese.
203
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,892
Take note ... they're exactly
like the Chinese,
204
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,191
except the women have
sideways vaginae.
205
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,108
And next we have
the Native Americans,
206
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,937
A.K.A.
"the little Injuns that could."
207
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,615
By the way, "hai-yai-yai-yai,
hai-yai-yai-yai, "
208
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,534
translates into,
"I'm an alcoholic.
209
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,782
Now, please,
take all my land."
210
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,329
And now the Eskimos.
211
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,658
I'm told they have
100 words for snow,
212
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,414
but I only need two words
to describe them ...
213
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,086
"frozen wetbacks. "
214
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,414
And finally the real
greatest of all time,
215
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,967
white America's
favorite racer, Racer Rex!
216
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,589
Howard, you know the only
difference
217
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,091
between Racer Rex
and a snake?
218
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,592
One's a slimy, venomous,
filthy creature,
219
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,094
and the other one's
a snake.
220
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,267
Last and certainly not least,
221
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,810
the champ's personal pick,
222
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,729
The Black race's Black racer,
Black Dynamite.
223
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,523
I haven't had that much Black
in my mouth
224
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,396
since accidentally tripping
and falling
225
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,569
face-first
onto Rosey Grier's crotch.
226
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,567
Driving the lovely
Miss Eartha KITT,
227
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,570
sponsored by Roscoe's
Popcorn Shrimp and Twinkies.
228
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:48,699
Roscoe's ...
A negro's gotta eat.
229
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,116
[gong crashes]
230
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,792
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Fiendish Dr. Wu.
231
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,337
I'd about forgotten you even had
a racer in this race war.
232
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,585
Well, I do, Black Dynamite.
233
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,507
And I would tell you why.
234
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,711
But good storytelling
dictates
235
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,091
that I withhold the reveal
'til later
236
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,050
so I could
build dramatic tension!
237
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:14,013
I hope you win!
[cackles maniacally]
238
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,848
[cheers and applause]
239
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,854
BULLHORN:
Man, this one's for the ghetto,
240
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,776
so put your pedal
to the metal.
241
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,775
Ha! Y'all can vote for
Black Dynamite if you want,
242
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,777
but since we can't get
Sidney P. and Billy Dee,
243
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,824
I'm putting my money
on the white boy.
244
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,904
And today's race war is
bought to you by McDeviFs,
245
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,614
Murder King, and
the Notorious B.l.G. Tobacco,
246
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,416
the official sponsors
of Race War I.
247
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:39,372
Bringing people together by
tearing each other apart.
248
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:45,086
[engines revving]
249
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,170
[engine roars, tires squeal]
250
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,051
Yee-haw!
251
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,007
COSELL:
And Racer Rex jumps the gun!
252
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,265
And that's how you start
a race war!
253
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,722
ALI:
Just like the white man,
254
00:09:56,805 --> 00:10:00,309
cheating and looking
for a beating.
255
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,653
KITT:
I love it!
256
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,901
Just like old times,
huh, baby?
257
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,903
[laughs]
It's exactly like old times, except it was
258
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,905
a whole different time and you
was a whole different car
259
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,657
and we was never
in a race war.
260
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,579
But besides that, it feels
exactly the same.
261
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,453
[engine revs]
262
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,160
[funk music plays]
263
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,338
ALI: I'll tell you what ... them
Asians never could drive.
264
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,089
COSELL:
That's a very racist thing to say
265
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,920
on a very racist day.
266
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,927
Is that all the dynamite
you got, boy?
267
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,929
ALI:
Oh, he did not' just call him "boy. "
268
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,635
I heard that from up here.
269
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,642
COSELL: They do say you negroes
have an extra bone in your leg
270
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,723
and an extra drum
in your ear.
271
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,434
KITT:
Ooh, I've waited so long for this.
272
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,064
That's what I'm talking about!
273
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,774
Give it to me, baby!
Give me everything you've got!
274
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,733
ALI:
I'll give you an extra bone, Howard.
275
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,693
COSELL:
This is no place for prison threats.
276
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,902
Let's enjoy the race.
277
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,489
[tires screech]
278
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,041
[music continues]
279
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,744
[engine revs, tires screech]
280
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,417
Black Dynamite, what are
you doing?
281
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,423
Black Dynamite ain't never
lost a game of chicken
282
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,425
in his whole life, and he damn
sure ain't gonna lose now,
283
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,256
especially
to a white-meat turkey!
284
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,966
You like playing chicken,
boy?
285
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,929
I do, too, but, hell,
everybody loves chicken!
286
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,148
COSELL:
In a game of chicken,
287
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,100
it's certain Black Dynamite
will win.
288
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:28,405
[engines revving]
289
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,449
KITT: Oh, Black Dynamite!
Ohh! I can't take it baby!
290
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,528
It's too much!
291
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,121
[engine clanks, whines]
292
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,915
Damn it,
KITT!
293
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,914
[tires screech]
294
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,995
REX:
Sometimes the white man wins,
295
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:47,173
and sometimes the white man
w-i-i-i-ins!
296
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,626
"Ariva-dirty,"
Black Dynamito!
297
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:53,179
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
298
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,215
[shouts]
299
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,510
Damn it, KITT, what the hell
was that about?
300
00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,594
KITT?
301
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,352
Hmm, Eartha K-I-double-T,
302
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,183
you used to purr like
a pussycat,
303
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:08,440
but now you're just
a cold, dead pussy.
304
00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,147
And there's only one way to
jump-start a cold, dead pussy.
305
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,983
And that's with a slow jam
306
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,534
and 1,000 watts
of Black Dynamite.
307
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:15,952
Can you dig it?
308
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,576
[slow-tempo funk music plays]
309
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:29,916
KITT:
Mmm.
310
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:34,379
? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ?
311
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,716
Oh, I never dreamed it could
be like this. Ooh.
312
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:38,925
[drill whirs]
313
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:42,182
[Purrs, yelps]
314
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,764
Ooh, yeah!
315
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,065
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Whose car is this? Whose car is this?
316
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,813
KITT:
It's your car, daddy! It's your car!
317
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,065
It's yours, it's yours,
it's yours, it's yours!
318
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,148
It's your car, daddy!
[screams]
319
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:59,367
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to let you down.
320
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,072
That's why you left
the C.I.A.
321
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,873
It wasn't the honkies,
it was me,
322
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,292
wasn't it,
Black Dynamite?
323
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,085
Of course it was
the honkies, Eartha KITT,
324
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,083
Without you, I couldn't have
made it through the C.I.A..
325
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,288
I need you, baby.
326
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:13,218
Ohh. Oh, Black Dynamite,
I love you!
327
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,216
I know you do.
Now, let's get back out there
328
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,218
and win this race war
for the Black man ...
329
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,265
and the bitches who
love him.
330
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,718
[engine turns over, revs]
331
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,269
COSELL:
Black is back as Dynamite breaks a way
332
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,270
from the Puerto Ricans.
333
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,727
Puerto Ricans, Mexicans ...
334
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,562
if you're brown-skinned
and you can swim,
335
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,318
well, you're a Mexican!
336
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,024
Black Dynamite's
back in the race,
337
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:38,030
and he done returned to grace
with steps retraced.
338
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,032
And now he's taking
3rd place,
339
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,035
and soon he'll be telling that
no-good peckerwood Racer Rex,
340
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,037
"in your face,"
with all upper case!
341
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:48,461
And that shit right there
will be his coup de grace!
342
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,130
Disgrace. First base.
Space, place, face ...
343
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,832
Sorry to interrupt you,
Bullhorn,
344
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,838
but as many words
that rhyme with "race,"
345
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,295
we'll be here all damn day.
346
00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,382
[engine revs]
347
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:09,141
[laughing]
348
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,146
Now, if he can catch
that light-speed
349
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,398
devil of the racetrack,
Racer Rex.
350
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,357
KITT: [laughs]
Go, baby! Go!
351
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,487
[laughs]
352
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,949
COSELL: I heard the Indians
almost didn't enter the race.
353
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,452
Someone offered them a blanket
and a handful of beads.
354
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,033
[engine revs, tires squeal]
355
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,585
ALI: Black Dynamite just pulled
the old rope-a-dope on them.
356
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,038
That paleface better watch
his red neck, Howard.
357
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,215
COSELL: When they called you
"The Modern Day Shakespeare,"
358
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,792
they're calling you that
because you literally
359
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,343
shake a spear.
360
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,466
ALI: I'm warning you, Howard.
Don't you say "chuck."
361
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:43,220
All right, boys, try a little
smallpox on for size.
362
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,177
Aaaah!
363
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,933
Aah!
364
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,389
[tires squeal]
365
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:51,349
COSELL:
And down goes lnjun Joe!
366
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,400
ALI:
I have to admit, that was pretty ingenious.
367
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,150
Authentic white man evil
at its finest right there.
368
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,152
They took it back
to the 1800s with that one!
369
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,154
Black Dynamite
and Eartha KITT have just
370
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,985
crossed the New York
state line
371
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,490
and are on a rampage.
372
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,492
Your boy Racer Rex is
in first,
373
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,665
followed by the Japanese
Yakuza Twosome.
374
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,663
My man Black Dynamite
is in 3rd,
375
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,244
and in 4th place,
376
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,170
the wild card from parts
unknown,
377
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,214
Dr. Wu's Tang Clan.
378
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,882
It's any race's race,
379
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,631
except of course any
of the inferior races
380
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:22,304
who have already proven
themselves total losers.
381
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:24,970
[tires screech]
382
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,972
These Yakuza motherfuckers
got throwing stars!
383
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,849
And they throwing them!
You okay?
384
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,977
I think so, as long
as I'm with you, Black Dynamite!
385
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,276
[tires squeal]
386
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,274
Hyah!
387
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,281
ALL: Aah!
388
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,124
[tires screech]
389
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,173
[steering wheel clicks]
390
00:15:58,249 --> 00:16:01,549
ALL:
Aah!
391
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,551
[tires squeal ]
392
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,507
What the fuck are
you doing?!
393
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,094
I'm coming down
to do it myself!
394
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:13,557
You're ass is gl-a-a-ass!
395
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,357
KITT, what's the lowdown
on these
396
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,151
Chinese old, dirty
bastards anyway?
397
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,479
Um, I think they are known
as Dr. Wu's Tang Clan,
398
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,441
notorious henchmen
for Fiendish Dr. Wu.
399
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,991
Why the hell
would he be helping me?
400
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,784
Why are you asking me?
I mean, how should I know?
401
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,612
I mean, maybe they just
like you or something.
402
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,413
KITT, I know when you're
hiding something from me.
403
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,082
I hear it in your speaker.
Now, lay it on me.
404
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,704
Oh, Black Dynamite,
you're right,
405
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,456
I could never lie
to you, baby.
406
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,412
It's not in my program.
407
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,590
I wanted to be with
you again,
408
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,792
and they offered me money ...
- Wait, who offered you money,
409
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,468
and what did they offer you
money for?
410
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,295
Fiendish Dr. Wu ...
411
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,756
he wanted a car
to transport Menthol "
412
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,762
That's the brain-washing,
addictive chemical
413
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,764
that G. Carver told me about.
414
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,470
Dr. Wu just sold it to
the B.I.G. Tobacco company
415
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,146
so they can make a super
cigarette that will
416
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,020
make everyone who smokes them
a mindless addict.
417
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,021
But Dr. Wu is really only
using them as pawns
418
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,649
in his plan
for world domination!
419
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,651
All right.
Just so that everybody's clear,
420
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,653
Fiendish Dr. Wu is using
this race war
421
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,700
to smuggle Menthol "X"
across the country
422
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,073
to B.l.G. Tobacco?
- Yes.
423
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,995
- Well, where is it?
- Well, uh...
424
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,199
Tell me where it is KITT,
and who has it hid!
425
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,330
You have it, Black Dynamite,
It's in my trunk.
426
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,002
You're sitting on it!
427
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,080
[tires screech]
428
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,171
Bitch, what
did you just say'?
429
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,797
I'm sorry, Black Dynamite!
430
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,799
KITT, how
could you do this to me?
431
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,552
I did it for us ... our last
chance to be together.
432
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,554
We gave our best years
to the spy life.
433
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,761
Now why shouldn't we live
the high life?
434
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,470
Al! we have to do is win,
and we're home free!
435
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,147
There's no way
I'd win this race
436
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,974
if it means selling out
my own community,
437
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,980
and I could never be
a pawn for Dr. Wu, The Man,
438
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,232
or any other diabolical,
domineering motherfucker.
439
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,153
Can you dig it?
440
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,776
Oh, Dynamite, don't be stupid.
441
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,482
The community doesn't
care about you.
442
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,409
The only thing
I'm fighting for, is us.
443
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,407
Let's win the money,
deliver the menthol,
444
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,113
and run as far
as we can.
445
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,369
We'll buy an island and pave
a road all around it,
446
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,496
then drive until I'm rusty
and you're gray.
447
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,919
Wouldn't that be beautiful?
448
00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,120
Hell, no!
449
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,796
Black Dynamite would never
fuck a car.
450
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,215
And even if I could,
it would be my Cadillac!
451
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,214
Oh... is that right?
452
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,385
Stupid me.
[chuckles]
453
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,712
I should've known.
454
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,548
My girlfriend Christine
says you all do this!
455
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,349
[locks click]
456
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,393
[engine revs, tires squeal]
457
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,312
Eartha KITT, slow down
and turn off the damn heat!
458
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,140
You think this is hot?
459
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,646
Well, it's not half as hot
as it's about to get!
460
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,445
You are going to win
this race,
461
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,318
and we are going to live
462
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,774
happily... ever...
463
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:28,858
after!!
464
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:34,534
Pull over and get the fuck
out of the car!
465
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,208
KITT, I knew underneath
all this metal and iron,
466
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,956
you was just one
crazy bitch!
467
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:43,962
Yeah? Well, I'm gonna show you
one c-r-r-razy bitch!
468
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,919
Can your Cadillac bitch
do this?
469
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,845
BLACK DYNAMITE:
Eartha KITT, no!
470
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,720
ALL:
? All we are saying ?
471
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,268
? is race wars are wrong ?
472
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,267
John Lennon, it ain't
your time yet! Look out!
473
00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,347
[engine roars]
474
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:03,105
[crash]
475
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,812
[tires squeal]
476
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,364
[metal crunches]
477
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,199
Aah!
478
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,701
God damn Asian drivers!
479
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,456
ALI: As usual, everything
come down to Black and white.
480
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:25,460
[cheers and applause]
481
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,836
COSELL:
Isn't it amazing?
482
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,714
Black Dynamite's car
is colored Black.
483
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,170
[laughs maniacally]
484
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,755
It's colored Black.
485
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,465
ALI:
Say it one more time.
486
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,050
Go ahead, Howard.
One more time.
487
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,510
COSELL:
Black.
488
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,391
[engines revving]
489
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,972
ALI:
Things are getting tense out there.
490
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,353
- Huh'?
- KYTT: It's too late!
491
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,150
You're going to win,
Black Dynamite!
492
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,149
Eartha KITT, as much
as Black Dynamite wants to be
493
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:48,775
on the cover
of a Wheaties box,
494
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,481
Black Dynamite would rather
lose this race
495
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,611
than lose his race.
496
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,193
Bye, bitch!
497
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:58,657
Nooooo!
498
00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,661
Aaaah!
499
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,333
I don't get these coloreds,
but they sure do love
500
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,956
the taste of menthol.
501
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,335
And as soon as I get my hands
on it ... aaaaaaaaaaah!
502
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,382
KITT:
Aaaaaaaaah!
503
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:11,882
Black Dynamite,
you ain't shit.
504
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,383
Ooh! Suey!
505
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,385
Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey! Suey!
506
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,386
Wh... uh-oh.
507
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,808
Suey!
508
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,306
[cheers and applause]
ALI: Black Dynamite wins!
509
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,309
The Black race
is the greatest race
510
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,140
of all time!
511
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,146
Put that in your toupee
and smoke it, Howard Cosell!
512
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,148
That doesn't even make
any sense,
513
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,025
but I acknowledge your joy
514
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:32,106
as well as your tendency
to gloat.
515
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,816
A Black man has won
The Race War.
516
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,823
Before we go, I've just
received word from Don King
517
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,406
that there will be a Race War ll
and many more to come.
518
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,162
I'm Muhammad Ali.
519
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,868
And I'm Howard Cosell.
520
00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,828
Good night and God ... ow!
521
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,380
The pain is excruciating.
522
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,595
KITT:
You and me, baby. You and me.
523
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,597
[laughs evilly]
524
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,225
Forever!
525
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:04,305
Hunh!
526
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,392
Su... suey?
527
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,318
Huh?
528
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,020
CREAM CORN:
We did it, Black Dynamite, we did it!
529
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,320
We won!
530
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,023
You whupped every
races' asses!
531
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,779
You was the Blackest
and the fastest!
532
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,735
You put Racer Rex
in his place
533
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:19,695
and made us the superior
Black race!
534
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,907
Told you it got
a nice ring to it.
535
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,741
And look what I got,
Black Dynamite!
536
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,452
Unh! Ha!
I'm gonna eat me
537
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,412
some Billy Dee Williams
Wheaties tonight!
538
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:29,748
Unh!
539
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:33,676
? Dynamite! Dynamite! ?
540
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,379
? Dynamite!
Dynamite! ?
541
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:40,979
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