Original subtitles

[Music]

boney

i have retrieved it until on the scarlet

bitch i will return to base shortly

but first i have to handle some business

hey fuck sticks who's in charge of this

shit box

holy heisenberg those are some big

titties boss didn't order another hooker

dressed like stack widow did he

huh you two are cute who's the pitcher

and who's the catcher

the fuck baby girl i'm about to get my

what

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you're going to put your first square

that's what i thought

oh shit

i know you have it where is it i know

it's in

jesus here where is it where's what

you know what do you ah yeah

okay i mean

where is it ugh what do you mean all the

drugs are right there

how can you not see them the drugs

bitch i'm talking about the sex tape

with me in the she-bulk

i know you have it where is it hold up

no i don't have that you kidding me

uh you made a tape with the shebo

damn that but that would be good to see

you all right i bet you that's good

i guess we're gonna have to do this the

hard way

what do you mean let's go that's a bit

extreme isn't it don't you think

the hard way i just

i just i ripped

oh

i really don't oh um

oh my god i hope i'm not lactose

intolerant

not going to talk huh well you're really

in for it now

what do you mean i mean since wolverine

retired

he showed me all these torture

techniques many many times

now come over here get on your knees and

eat my juicy ass

[Music]

it's going to explode it's going to come

right now no it's this one

no it's not all right all right

check it in there it's in one of them

cupboards it is

fuck you better make me come

better be the only coffee bitch

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uh sir you have a visitor

ah jesus you startled me stack

widow director dick fury gave me this

file to give to you

it's on that scarlet bitch i want you to

check it out

um what were you just doing

i was running diagnostics

l-o-l enough jarvis

so what about this file

oh hell yeah i'm into this this project

is definitely worth my time so what do

you know about this scarlet bitch

not much she's rumored to have magical

pussy powers

supposedly it enchants men's minds

so is this what you've been keeping your

closet this whole time

no this is something entirely different

this is

me hard on i had to make something

uh because i'm so busy and women all

over the world need satisfaction

i can't always be there to do it i

actually made the perfect

fucking machine i like the sound of that

but on is so much more than that

he can think he never runs out of juice

he can fuck he's always horny if you're

horny

he will find you and he will fuck you

artificial horniness

i always wondered what billionaire

geniuses did in their spare time

you haven't seen the best part

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where did you get that donated

oh wait donated

from who oh um

yeah uh it was um somebody uh bruce

jenner

[Music]

bunny it looks like you need a recharge

more like discharge ma'am

god damn it jarvis say one more goddamn

thing

yeah i've been kind of overworked um

recharge would be great actually let's

find out why they call you iron can

oh yeah baby this 10 man is ready to get

waxed fuck

you jarvis you're just a glorified

onstar say one more peep and i'm going

to rip you out of the ceiling with my

bare hands

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all right that's more like it

that's it

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that's so good jarvis records

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hmm

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hmm

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um

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oh

[Applause]

hmm

oh my god

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oh

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um

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[Applause]

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oh

my god

oh

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um

wow

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oh

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oh

oh

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oh fuck you're safe don't worry

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oh

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[Applause]

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you

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oh

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ah

yeah fuck yeah

[Applause]

good

i also was able to check your body with

cancer and it said that you were

fine

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there you go huh yeah yeah that's

it oh

oh yeah huh two fingers and a cock

what's going on

wow

jarvis you better fucking be making

copies of this

sent to everybody oh

that's how you kill you guys yeah

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it's awesome

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dancing

[Applause]

oh

oh

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babies fuck

uni sploots

boney i think your

ultimate fucking machine just ran away

bonnie god damn it boney

well at least i know how to make you

shut up looks like i'm gonna have to

take on the heart on myself

this is stopped widow in pursuit of hard

on

over hey

hey hey hey you got my semen on your

face

yes oh

jarvis tell me you got that

ugh

i found you

[Applause]

[Music]

scan complete now prepare yourself for

ultimate

fucking pleasure

i was designed to pleasure all the women

of planet earth

i think i'll start with you i'm going to

tear you apart from the inside

guys a little back up here i think i bit

off more than i can chew

next time on avengers age of hard on

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looks like you're a plan b

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previously on avengers age of hard-on

meet pardon i actually made the perfect

fucking machine where did you get that

donated from who uh bruce jenner

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i think your ultimate fucking machine

just ran away

so

uh

i found you

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[Applause]

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scan complete now prepare yourself for

ultimate

fucking pleasure

i was designed to pleasure all the women

of planet earth

i think i'll start with you i'm gonna

tear you apart from the inside

guys a little back up here i think i bit

off more than i can chew

buy some time stacked widow i'm going to

bring some more avengers to this party

i don't see how that's much of a party

uh maybe i could still do

bruce jenner's cock and we can hard on

until you guys get here

all right you dirty hobot if i could

take on the bulk

then you are gonna be a walk in the park

ah

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um

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hmm

do your very best

um

um

um

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it's not going to work

that's proof dinner's car you think

you can't have it i stole it from me

don't worry bruce jenner's cock i'll

save you

who's gonna save you little widow

now i think it's time to show you what i

was really built for

oh my god

oh

oh my god here yeah

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oh yes oh yes

oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god yes

oh my god

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this pussy gonna defeat you

oh my god oh my god

oh fuck oh my god

oh my god

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[Applause]

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oh

oh my god oh fuck

oh my god yeah

oh my god

oh my god

oh my god oh

my god oh my god

oh my goodness oh yeah

oh my god oh my god

oh my gosh oh yeah oh my god

[Applause]

oh my god oh my god fuck

oh my god

[Applause]

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oh god oh

my oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god

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oh my god

oh my god oh my god

oh my god

oh

oh

[Applause]

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oh

oh my god yes oh yeah

oh my god yes oh

my god i'm gonna come on that cock

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oh my god

um

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um

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uh

oh

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oh

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oh

[Applause]

oh

what's the matter a little bit look like

you're having trouble

guys my pussy isn't working

i think i'm gonna have to turn my ass

come on hard on i know you want this ass

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um

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oh my god oh yeah

oh my god

oh shit oh my god

[Applause]

my god oh my god

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oh

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oh my god

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[Applause]

oh my

oh my god oh my god

oh my god yeah

oh my god

oh my god oh my god

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oh

oh oh yeah

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oh my god oh fuck yeah

oh yeah oh

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yes

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oh my god

oh fuck yeah oh my god

oh my god oh my god

oh fuck um oh my god you're like that

famous cock in your ass widow

oh holy shit

oh my god fuck fuck

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[Applause]

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oh my god oh my god

oh my god

oh my god

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oh

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oh my god

oh my god

oh my god oh my god

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hardin has escaped

he heard harlem has escaped

anybody got a cigarette god damn

looks like you're plan b sweetie

[Music]

oh

wait wait why wait

you should leave me like that like

you're not even gonna

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oh

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listen up boys and girls so i kind of

created a

sexual robot that's hell-bent on

copulating with every woman on the

planet

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oh i think i have a way of taking them

down

avengers assemble

next time on avengers age of hard-on

[Music]

i think i have a way of taking him down

just leave this magic pussy for heart

[Music]

previously on avengers age of hard one

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looks like you're plan b sweetie

listen up boys and girls so i created

a sexual robot that's hell-bent on

copulating with every woman on the

planet

stack widow has already been compromised

avengers assemble

oh

oh cap you dirty dog you you're

seriously getting your dick sucked off

by a dirty bomb aren't you

well you know it's american way

well if you don't end up getting hep a b

and c

hard on is on the way i'm sending

coordinates now to you

oh you're a dude

i didn't say stop

door oh sore

[Music]

thor come on are you there buddy

do not engage hard-on

little man

oh yeah cap what happened to you you

really uh

let yourself go oh

yeah oh they didn't have cinnabon in the

1940s

have you tried that shit it's delicious

oh wow bruce jenner's cock is glorious

well i'm up first guys i'm going to take

this bastard robot down

cap language

by oran's pubes prepare to get heaven

you're not gonna be as lucky as loki i

don't care how glorious your cock is

stop stop guys you gotta wait hard-on is

a fucking

robot we gotta beat him at his own game

and i have a secret weapon ass vengers

meet our newest member scarlet bitch

just leave this magic pussy

for hard on

oh

witness my true power

you're really

you ready bro come on let's do it

wait what the hell i thought it was

supposed to be green

not angry bulldigs happy

all right that explains yeah

yes

which is nice

thank you

oh

yeah what

ah

maybe you do know a little magic

oh

what

oh

yes

oh

this is your big green monster

come on hey come on bo you've been

hogging

you'll get enough come here

yeah don't worry you'll get down moldy

locks

it just keeps getting better yeah

yes

you jump on top jump up

[Applause]

his teeth cheesy

yes

yes

morning

what

yes

oh

um

yes

i got a few magic tricks

[Music]

oh yes

you remove my blonde hair

i got you you just got fucked

up

oh my goodness come on thunder god put

some steak on it

it's like rude

oh

oh

what

oh

yes

yes

oh

yes

yeah yeah

yeah stay there stay there

oh get in there

that girl

yes

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yes

what

um

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oh

yes

oh yes

yeah just like that just like that oh

yeah

yes

oh my gosh

yes

yes oh

oh

yes come on thunder god your hammer

yes

oh

oh

fucking pussy

what what what

what what

um

what

hmm

[Applause]

oh

oh yeah

oh fuck

there you go

oh

yes

just like that just oh shit

yes

oh

yes

yes

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it's the fucking age of heart one

oh

oh

um

no

what

oh

yes oh

yes

oh

oh fuck

oh come on guys yeah

yes yes oh

yes so yeah there you go

yeah just like that just like this

oh

smash

yes

oh

this magic ass is taking you out how

hard

on

that

ugh

oh

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there you go

oh fucking hard

oh

oh

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oh

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oh

yes

oh

yes

oh yeah

oh yeah there you go yes yes

oh

yes

oh

yes

yes

[Applause]

oh

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oh

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yes

yes

yes yes come on thor i thought you were

supposed to be a north pole

yes yes

yeah come here book

i took so much time

force the severe combine to come

we'll defeat that part one

[Music]

it's getting weaker

oh yeah you ready

common um god i can't

come in the bulk you will be defeated

oh fuck

oh shit ugh

you