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1
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:08,341
.
2
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,377
- I don't want to hear it.
3
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:13,222
Cinderella doesn't have to
put up with this shit.
4
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,526
I have given you enough chances.
5
00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:17,193
Do you know how many times
I've heard you say,
6
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:21,154
"I'll change;
I swear I'll change"?
7
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,156
But you don't change.
8
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,724
I got bit,
9
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,426
and I don't know
which one of you did it,
10
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:29,429
'cause you all look alike,
but it's time to go.
11
00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:30,563
Please leave.
12
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:34,401
[rats chittering]
13
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,303
Over your dead bodies, huh?
14
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:38,672
We will see about that.
15
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,407
- One, two, three, four!
16
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,676
- ♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪
17
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,445
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
18
00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:52,385
♪
19
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,222
- Mr. Griffin, what are you
doing here so early?
20
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,525
- And why are you wearing a tie?
21
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,226
Did someone die?
22
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,295
- As a matter of fact, yes,
Anthony,
23
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,230
Professor Bruce J. Vogel
24
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,533
of the University of Wisconsin
philosophy department.
25
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,768
And the University of Wisconsin
needs to replace him,
26
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,770
so I'm polishing up a lecture
on transcendentalism
27
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,240
that I'm going to record
and submit.
28
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,443
Wisconsin can be, like,
my rebound school.
29
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,520
- I thought we were
your rebound school.
30
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:19,245
- No, Grace.
31
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:22,415
Whitlock is, like... like,
my drunken back alley hookup.
32
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:26,219
- Winter break is coming up
just in time, Mr. Griffin,
33
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:27,620
a little respite
from the doldrums?
34
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,389
- Do not engage me
in small talk.
35
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,358
- You'll never guess
what Captain Nasty
36
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,193
is doing for winter break.
37
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,527
- I'm just staying home.
38
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:37,597
- Me.
I'm Captain Nasty.
39
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:40,233
Everyone please call me that.
40
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,436
- Mr. Griffin, U.W. Madison
is eight hours away.
41
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,672
If you move, will you miss us?
42
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:48,742
And also, what will happen with
you and the lovely Lynette?
43
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,778
- I'm not worried about that.
We'll be fine.
44
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:54,280
I won't miss any of this.
45
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:57,817
Yeah, no...
46
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,452
- If we're doing nicknames,
47
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:02,222
I would like people to begin
calling me Chop Shop.
48
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,289
[bell rings]
49
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,425
- So he says, "Time for lunch."
50
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,826
And I says,
"How about Wendy's?"
51
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,496
And he says,
"I'd prefer Burger King."
52
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,297
- Hi.
- So I says,
53
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,700
"Why don't we go to Arby's
so no one gets what they want?"
54
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:17,337
[laughs]
55
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,672
- Hey, Ms. Hofstadter.
56
00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,740
- Hey... laundry day?
57
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,442
- [laughs]
58
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,644
No, I'm actually recording
that lecture today.
59
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,313
Figured I'd give them
the full Harvard shock and awe.
60
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,548
- Oh.
61
00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:29,825
Hey, it's not too late
for you to join me
62
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,618
on my Habitat for Humanity trip.
63
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:35,288
I'd love to see you
in Daisy Dukes and a tool belt.
64
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:38,324
- You know, this is the third
time you've brought that up.
65
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,878
Is this a real thing
you need me to do?
66
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:46,700
[indistinct chatter]
67
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,601
- Mary, I renew my rejection
of this whole
68
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,303
cabin in the woods business.
69
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,814
I mean, I don't know how many
times I have to tell you.
70
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,474
I don't do full nature.
71
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,476
- Are you kidding?
We are gonna have so much fun.
72
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,778
Three foxy mamas
in the great outdoors.
73
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,613
We're either gonna meet
a Bigfoot,
74
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:03,316
a Brawny paper towel man,
or a Leatherface.
75
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,684
And as you know,
76
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,753
two out of the three
are my type.
77
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:07,797
- I'm mean, it's sure to beat
Michelle's pick
78
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,623
of San Antonio from last year.
79
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,768
- I promised my dad I would
tour the Pace Picante factory
80
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,296
before he died, so I did it,
and then he died right away,
81
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,598
and now my mom sort of
blames me for it,
82
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,867
so yeah, Stef, really dull trip.
83
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,635
- So just so I have
this straight,
84
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,871
you guys pick an unappealing
destination each year,
85
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,773
and then you just sit around
all week?
86
00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,609
- We talk.
We make dinners.
87
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,778
We play our own original games.
- Mm-hmm.
88
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:34,681
- Oh, my God, and the games
are gonna be so good this year.
89
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,783
We've got "Armpit, Knee Pit,
Toe Pit, Mouth,"
90
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,852
"Roof or Scare,"
"Guess Whose Butt,"
91
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:42,389
and "Try Not To Puke:
Dog Food Edition."
92
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,923
Woof.
- Arf.
93
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,792
- Well,
those games sound terrible.
94
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,594
- Only if you don't like
dog food.
95
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,529
Hey, what's with the tie, Jack?
96
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,706
Are you covering up
a soup stain?
97
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,933
- Did you have soup
for breakfast, Jack?
98
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:58,405
- No, I'm taping a lecture
on transcendentalism
99
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,540
as described
by Henry David Thoreau.
100
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,942
- Well, I'm more interested
in Justin Theroux,
101
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,678
speaking of
Brawny paper towel men.
102
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,479
- Hey, gang.
103
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:07,523
You want to know what I'll
be up to over winter break,
104
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,783
you'll have to get "inline."
105
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:10,884
[all groaning]
106
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,520
'Cause my skates.
107
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:14,954
[bell rings]
108
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,966
- But do it quick like you're
ripping off a Band-Aid,
109
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,392
unless the Band-Aid
is the only thing
110
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,670
holding on a chunk
of your finger.
111
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:21,695
- Oh, yeah, Ralph.
112
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,463
- Oh, oh, hey...
- Oh, hey, Jack.
113
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:27,634
- Jack, do you tell your
siblings that you love them?
114
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,502
- Um, I don't have any siblings,
115
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,438
but I like to think
that if I did,
116
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,506
I, uh... I would not.
117
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,442
- Oh.
- Well, I do.
118
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,510
I have a brother, Dennis Durbin,
119
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,879
and this is the week
that I finally tell him
120
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:40,947
that I love him.
121
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,383
- Wow, hey, big step.
- Right?
122
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,528
I'm gonna hold him down,
and I'm gonna yell in his face,
123
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,454
"Bro, I love you.
124
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:48,488
Deal with it."
125
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:49,532
- You can do it.
- [exhales]
126
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,524
- Okay, hey, great plan.
127
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:52,992
So the reason I'm here is, uh...
128
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,661
- What's my break like?
- No.
129
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,596
- Oh, well,
every year around this time,
130
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,773
I meet up with an old friend.
131
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,008
You want to know the backstory?
132
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,867
- No, I don't,
but thank you for asking.
133
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,936
- Would you change your mind
if I told you
134
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:06,673
that she's been accused
of eating eight people?
135
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:10,010
- Oh, yes, obviously.
Eight people.
136
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,012
Yeah, no, go, go, go, go, go.
What happened?
137
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,647
- 15, 20 years ago
I spent my last pesos
138
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,751
getting from Cancun
to Isla Mujeres,
139
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:22,489
which I misunderstood to be
some magical lesbian paradise,
140
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,424
you know,
where it's only accessible
141
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,659
to horny young ladies
with the purest of hearts.
142
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:29,029
But it turns out it was
just a resort town.
143
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:32,766
Anyhow, I got a job
feeding chum to sharks
144
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,535
at the local shark sanctuary.
145
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,904
So one day in the sanctuary...
- This part.
146
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:39,773
- I was a little late
on feeding time,
147
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:42,609
and one of these babies,
oh, she got hangry.
148
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:45,712
And she tried to chomp
my me-meat.
149
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,681
- Yikes.
- Now, if I would have followed
150
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,516
Mexican fish laws,
151
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:50,826
I would have had to have her
put down,
152
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,486
but I refused to testify
much to the chagrin
153
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:56,990
And then that toothy gal,
154
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,825
she thanked me
with a little bow,
155
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,461
so every year now
I fly down there,
156
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:02,829
and we boop noses,
157
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,664
and I feed her a bucket of chum.
158
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:07,500
It's really sweet.
159
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,903
- You tricked me, Helen.
160
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,605
Ralph, I came to ask you
if I could borrow
161
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,016
the AV equipment
that's in your office
162
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,809
to make a quick video
after school tonight.
163
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,610
- To record your side of our
"Amazing Race"
164
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,546
submission video?
165
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:21,514
- Uh, still no on that, bud.
166
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,692
Yeah, it's hard for me to tell
where to come in
167
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,850
on some of those raps.
168
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,027
- They're...
They're a little advanced.
169
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,722
They're all yours, just lock up
afterward, because...
170
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,957
♪ School's out
171
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,559
♪ For one week
172
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:35,962
[laughter]
173
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:37,697
[bell rings]
- Whoo!
174
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,932
- Have a nice break.
175
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,834
- You too. Bye.
176
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,969
- Whoo-whee.
177
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,871
[crickets chirping]
178
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:49,676
- Okay.
179
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,644
[upbeat quirky music]
180
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,713
To achieve its perfect form,
181
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,116
a caterpillar must withdraw
and complete itself alone
182
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,118
in its cocoon.
183
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,821
Likewise, for us to achieve
spiritual perfection
184
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,623
in the view
of transcendentalists
185
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:04,991
like Henry David Thoreau,
186
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:08,128
it is necessary to retreat
from the mindless
187
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:11,131
and negative influences
of society.
188
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,700
Which is why Walden concludes
with the idea
189
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,002
of that selfsame butterfly,
190
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,138
whose beauty is a call to action
191
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,775
for all to seek enlightenment
along the path set forth
192
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:25,545
by Justin Theroux.
193
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:28,014
Oh, Justin Theroux.
194
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:30,150
Justin Theroux?
Oh, God.
195
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:34,621
Augh, I was right at the end.
196
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,790
God, that's frustrating.
197
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,792
To achieve its perfect form,
198
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,627
a caterpillar must withdraw...
199
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,697
Subscribed to the Lockean image
of the mind,
200
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:46,066
but Thoreau thought
that that interpretation...
201
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:49,035
th... that interpre... th... that?
202
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,036
[scoffs]
203
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,172
To that?
204
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,175
Okay, yeah, no,
Thoreau thought that that...
205
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,844
Thoreau thought that that...
That...
206
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,088
Thoreau thought
that that... that... that...
207
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,114
that... that... that...
[chuckles]
208
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:04,017
Is that right?
209
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,685
Oh, boy.
210
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,958
Here we go.
Here we go!
211
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,194
To achieve its perfect form,
212
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:17,897
a caterpillar must withdraw
and complete itself alone...
213
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,691
[vacuum whirring]
214
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:50,230
The icy pond water awakened
215
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,967
not just his body but...
216
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,103
oh, why can't...
Why can't I do this?
217
00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,907
[stomach rumbling]
218
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,710
Of course, low blood sugar.
219
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:05,779
I need food.
220
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:09,882
[sighs]
221
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:20,193
[classic music]
222
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:27,167
♪
223
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,180
To achieve its perfect form,
224
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:43,183
a butterfly... no,
not a butterfly yet,
225
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,719
caterpillar first.
226
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,096
Thoreau thought
that that... that...
227
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,857
Well, now, that...
That feels like too many.
228
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:55,795
Thoreau thought that that...
229
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:59,733
Thoreau thought that that...
230
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,301
Thoreau thought that that...
231
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:06,039
Thoreau thought that that...
that... mm.
232
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:07,273
Just say it normal,
233
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,075
because it's a normal thing
to say, you know?
234
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,311
I think that that is my jacket.
235
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,080
We agreed that that
is for Grandpa.
236
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:19,052
No, I know that that
is for Grandma.
237
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,720
[clears throat]
238
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,923
Thoreau thought that...
239
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:28,895
that...
240
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:30,296
That! That! That! That!
241
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,931
That! That! That! That!
242
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,767
That! That! That! That!
243
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,802
That! That! That!
That! That! That!
244
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:38,838
That! That! That! That!
That! That!
245
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,840
[microphone feedback]
246
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:42,876
[sighs]
247
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:45,845
[eerie music]
248
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:50,083
♪
249
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:55,088
[grunting]
250
00:10:55,121 --> 00:11:02,062
♪
251
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:08,234
[groans]
252
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,371
[groans]
253
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:15,275
[hissing noise]
254
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:21,281
.
255
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:25,018
[hissing noise]
256
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,088
[eerie music]
257
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:35,028
♪
258
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:44,004
Oh,
what is that god-awful smell?
259
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:51,011
♪
260
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,880
[coughs]
261
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,017
Hello?
262
00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:02,155
♪
263
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:05,025
Are you in
a caterpillar costume?
264
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,426
Ahh!
265
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,195
[tense music]
266
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,231
Ahh! Ohh!
267
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,233
- Get out of here.
- Ahh! Ahh!
268
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,902
[gasping]
269
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,304
♪
270
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:19,873
[birds chirping]
271
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:23,443
That! That! That!
272
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:27,013
[groans]
273
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,915
Sleep on a filthy floor,
274
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,852
you're gonna have
some weird nightmares.
275
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,320
- Hi!
- Ahh!
276
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,356
- Jesus, Helen,
what are you doing here?
277
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:39,225
- Oh, you know I can't
stay away from Whitlock long.
278
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,995
I've got school spirit
buzzing deep in my guts,
279
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,329
like when I swallowed that fly.
280
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,265
- Helen, I can't do this
right now.
281
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,109
- The only way I could catch it
was to send out
282
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,170
a spider after it, but oh,
that bugger wiggled
283
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,905
and jiggled and wriggled.
284
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:55,241
So then I swallowed a bird to
catch the spider and that fly.
285
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,012
- [exhales]
286
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:02,015
- Basic cartoon logic
after that.
287
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,950
I swallowed a cat
to catch the bird.
288
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,919
Then I swallowed a dog
to catch the cat.
289
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,063
Then I was in a real pickle.
290
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,289
I couldn't figure out
what was gonna catch the dog.
291
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:12,492
But by then I had
pretty serious angina.
292
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,394
[cackling]
293
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:20,233
- Okay.
294
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,449
To achieve its perfect form,
the...
295
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,009
- Jack, you're here.
296
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,519
We thought that that video
would be done by now.
297
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,146
- Yeah, unfortunately, it's not.
298
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,223
What happened with the cabin?
299
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,181
- You should play with us.
300
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,484
Want to be the first guesser
and "Dirty Durbs"?
301
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,353
- You guess which one of us
is Durbin peeing,
302
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,156
pooping, or masturbating.
303
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,491
[together]
Pee, poop, masturbate.
304
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,294
Pee, poop, masturbate.
305
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,096
- Okay, well,
that's definitely peeing.
306
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,065
Wait, no, no, no, no.
307
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,034
I don't have time for your dumb
fun games.
308
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,404
I've got to do this video.
309
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,939
- Want to play "Hot Butt,
Cold Butt"?
310
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,074
- No, I...
311
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,243
[together]
Come play with us.
312
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,246
[tense music]
313
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,548
♪
314
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:11,551
[eerie music]
315
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:18,491
♪
316
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,013
Both:
To achieve its perfect form,
317
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,481
a caterpillar must withdraw...
318
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,551
- Marcus, stop saying
everything along with me.
319
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:50,056
♪
320
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,367
- [in Marcus' voice]
To achieve its perfect form,
321
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,493
a caterpillar must...
322
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:54,594
What the hell?
323
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,563
Do I sound like Marcus
right now?
324
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,498
♪
325
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:03,336
[gasping]
326
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,305
Ahh!
327
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,374
[whimpering]
328
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:15,148
- Mm... augh.
329
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,452
[grunts]
330
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,522
Ahh!
331
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:27,327
Ahh!
332
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,398
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
333
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,053
I want this job.
334
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,522
I'm so overqualified.
335
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,091
- Jack, you're still here.
336
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,126
Working on your video.
337
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,529
- Yeah, but everybody
keeps stopping me.
338
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,264
- Let's get you back
on the right track.
339
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,331
What's the problem?
340
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,434
- I got sketty on my shirt.
341
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:11,271
- I've got what you need
right here.
342
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:15,542
Everything you need is always
right in front of you, Jack.
343
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,311
Always check the lost and found.
344
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:21,114
Which is why Walden concludes
with the idea
345
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,682
of that selfsame butterfly,
346
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,617
whose beauty is a call to action
347
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:28,088
for all to seek enlightenment
along the path set forth
348
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,622
by Henry David Thoreau.
349
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,625
Thank you.
350
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,694
- That's enough screen time
for you, mister.
351
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,138
- Helen, Helen, no.
What are you doing?
352
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,430
Don't sabotage me.
353
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:41,134
- [cackling]
354
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,406
[laughter]
355
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,407
- Mom?
356
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,710
- Mm, Jackie.
357
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,545
[laughs]
358
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,315
Hi, honey. Come in. Come in.
359
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,583
- Hey, Jack.
360
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:57,717
Come on in, buddy.
361
00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,552
- [laughs]
362
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,596
[eerie music]
363
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,332
- Hey, have you guys seen
my iPad?
364
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,733
- [laughs]
365
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:19,339
[indistinct chatter]
366
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,674
- Yo, J.G.,
367
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:24,144
you got a funny-looking spleen,
man.
368
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,345
No offense.
369
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,746
- I think I found the heart.
370
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,581
- Girl, that's a bladder.
371
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,583
- How would we know?
372
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,452
We never learned biology.
373
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,221
- I have to go.
374
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,724
Why are you keeping me
from leaving?
375
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,627
- Oh, we're not keeping you
from anything, Mr. Griffin.
376
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,395
You're doing all of this.
377
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:46,299
Your mind has created
an entire world of distractions
378
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,734
to keep you from doing
that video.
379
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,679
- You know, it's almost like
you don't want to leave.
380
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:52,739
- Yes, I do.
381
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,407
I think I do.
382
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,610
- Does anyone know
where this goes?
383
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,312
- I'll make room for it.
384
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,614
♪
385
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,183
- Ahh!
386
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:07,754
.
387
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,656
[together]
Pee, poop, masturbate.
388
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,290
Pee, poop, masturbate.
389
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,560
Come play with us.
- Ahh!
390
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:17,430
[birds chirping]
391
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:20,400
Ohh.
392
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,406
[clears throat]
393
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,709
Oh, my God. It's Monday.
394
00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:33,279
It's been a whole week.
395
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,281
Oh, no.
396
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,584
Oh, no.
397
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:46,593
- Ooh, Durbs, guess what.
398
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,595
We just added a new body part
399
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,397
to "Armpit, Knee Pit,
Toe Pit, Mouth."
400
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,399
- Oh, please,
don't tell me at school.
401
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,300
- Earhole.
402
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,702
[laughter]
- Thank God.
403
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,437
- Yes.
- I had assumed exactly
404
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,772
that color, a three-piece.
405
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,573
It was a swimsuit.
- Elegant.
406
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:03,476
- Oh, I'm so glad
to see you guys.
407
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,412
- Oh, Helen, what happened?
408
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:08,314
- Well, I'm starting to think
that the relationship I have
409
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,351
with that animal is not
what I thought it was.
410
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,453
Hi, friend.
- Mmm.
411
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,654
- How did it go?
412
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,523
Did you tell your brother
that you loved him?
413
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:20,293
- Uh, well,
I kind of sort of choked
414
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,562
on saying that exact phrase,
so...
415
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,831
- That's okay, Ralph.
It's hard to be vulnerable.
416
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,533
- Yeah, and you have to respect
the fact
417
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,834
that he may not be there yet.
418
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,536
- Yeah, I just feel kind of bad,
419
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,671
because a bunch of times
he said, "I love you,"
420
00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:34,441
and I said, "Yeah, good, good,
good, good, good."
421
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:37,577
- Oh, well, I'm sure he knows
how you feel.
422
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:41,314
- Well, at one point he said,
"Do you love me?
423
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,582
Because I can't tell."
424
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,417
And I said, "I don't know,"
425
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,795
and I got into a Lyft
and went to the airport.
426
00:19:45,819 --> 00:19:47,354
Just full choke.
427
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,621
- Thank you.
428
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:53,326
You know who else choked
maybe the hardest of all?
429
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,461
[together]
Jack!
430
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,671
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Yay, you're back.
431
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,772
Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
432
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,331
- How are you, bud?
We missed you.
433
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,734
- I choked Rollerblading.
434
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,736
- Hello, Ms. Hofstadter.
- Hi.
435
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,337
- Mwah! Hi.
436
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,507
- Hey, I got you this
from a Tennessee gas station
437
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,443
whose bathroom I ultimately
could not bring myself to use.
438
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,879
- "In dog beers,
I've only had one."
439
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,614
- [laughs]
440
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:15,882
- You were thinking about me.
441
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,751
- Yeah.
442
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:19,428
- Um, hey, I have to talk
to you about something.
443
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,655
Yeah, in fact, I actually
have to tell all of you
444
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:25,525
about something important that
I realized while you were gone.
445
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,659
I realized...
- Oh, hey.
446
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,428
What's your beef, brother?
447
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,330
Is this about Jodie?
448
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,598
- Who's Jodie?
449
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,733
- Uh, I... sorry,
I don't know what this is.
450
00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:35,535
- Why'd you pop me, man?
451
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,579
I was trying to fumigate
the school,
452
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:37,904
and you friggin' popped me.
453
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:38,905
- Wait, you were here?
454
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,374
- Yeah, Einstein.
455
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,308
I was trying to get you
out of here
456
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,377
before you breathed in
that rodenticide.
457
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:47,380
That stuff could kill a rat
in one sniff.
458
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,691
And they trip balls
on the way out.
459
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,550
[squealing]
460
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,818
- Wait a minute. Wait.
461
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,887
So I was tripping
on rat poison the whole time?
462
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,789
- Yeah, probably, Einstein.
463
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,657
- Einstein.
464
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:58,925
Well, that's great news, Dale.
465
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,536
I've got to say,
it's really great news, man.
466
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,570
I'm so sorry I punched you
in the face.
467
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,662
Come here. Come here.
468
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,664
- Oh, Jack.
[laughs]
469
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,433
I can't stay mad at you.
470
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,869
- Okay. All right.
471
00:21:09,903 --> 00:21:11,738
- So, Jack, what did you learn?
472
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,740
[gentle music]
473
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:18,812
- Uh, well, I, uh,
I invented a new game.
474
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,847
- Yes. Thank God.
- Okay, all right.
475
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,749
- Yes, here we go.
476
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:23,959
- Yeah,
it's called "Dirty Durbs."
477
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:26,486
[together] Awesome. Oh, my God.
I like it. "Dirty Durbs."
478
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:27,763
- Yeah, and...
And the way it works is,
479
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,757
based on the level of ecstasy
or pain that you're perceiving
480
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,659
in his face,
you have to determine
481
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:34,961
whether he's peeing, pooping,
or masturbating.
482
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:36,429
[together]
Ohh. Oh, my God.
483
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,506
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
and the thing is...
484
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:38,732
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great.
485
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:43,570
All right, everybody shut your
precious, beautiful mouths.
486
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,939
You know, after spending
an entire week alone
487
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,942
in this empty school,
488
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:52,912
I realized that I can't survive
without community.
489
00:21:52,946 --> 00:21:55,515
And I came to appreciate
all of you.
490
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,518
[gentle music]
491
00:21:58,551 --> 00:21:59,753
♪
492
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:03,690
And I decided
that I wanted each of you
493
00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,926
to finish this year
knowing more biology
494
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,728
than any student ever has.
495
00:22:08,762 --> 00:22:12,565
- Mr. Griffin, I know we've had
our differences in the past.
496
00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:14,734
- Uh, yeah, hold that thought,
Sarika,
497
00:22:14,768 --> 00:22:16,770
because the biggest thing
that I learned is that
498
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:19,472
prolonged exposure
to rodent-killing gas
499
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:23,443
causes hallucinations
and irrational ideation.
500
00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:25,945
And all these things
that I thought I'd learned,
501
00:22:25,979 --> 00:22:28,648
well...
502
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:31,751
chemically induced illusions
503
00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:33,486
caused by a dying brain.
504
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:38,558
But now...
505
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:41,027
I've got my thinker back
in the pink.
506
00:22:41,061 --> 00:22:43,897
And everything's back to normal.
507
00:22:43,930 --> 00:22:46,866
[quirky music]
508
00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:50,737
- Um, boss.
509
00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,010
- ♪ I touch you twice
510
00:22:57,043 --> 00:23:00,980
♪ I won't let go
at any price ♪
511
00:23:01,014 --> 00:23:04,918
♪ I need you now
like I needed you then ♪
512
00:23:04,951 --> 00:23:12,025
♪
513
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:13,793
- That! That! That!
514
00:23:13,827 --> 00:23:14,828
Heh-heh!
35681
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