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1
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:07,610
2
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,480
- Previously, on "A.P. Bio..."
3
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:11,636
[dramatic music]
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,708
- Little tweetie bastard.He got me again.
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,377
Yeah, he was just--just
perched up there, you know,
6
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,445
waiting for me
to get out of my car.
7
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,653
So I'm gonna go
kill it right now.
8
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,394
You guys should
cut class today too.
9
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,119
- But I have
perfect attendance.
10
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,324
- Hey, loosen up.
Loosen up.
11
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,555
In fact, you know what?
12
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,720
If you don't walk out
of this class right now,
13
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,458
I will mark you absent.
14
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,163
All right, now does anyone
know where I can buy a gun?
15
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,326
Probably everywhere, right?
Yeah?
16
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,125
♪
17
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,537
- Raw horse meat.
18
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,339
It's a delicacy in Japan.
19
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,211
- I'll try it.
20
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,240
My pallet is sophisticated.
21
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,180
Arigato.
22
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,346
Marissa, give me your jacket.
23
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,481
[whispering]
Give me your jacket.
24
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,216
Gimme your jacket.
25
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,251
- You just crapped your capris,
didn't you?
26
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,256
[dramatic sting]
27
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,658
- Also previouslyon "A.P. Bio..."
28
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,161
- The donor
insemination worked.
29
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,563
It's positive!
30
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,534
- They've all been
positive.
31
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,233
It's weird that
you keep checking.
32
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,495
- Ooh, girl.
You know I'm thorough.
33
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,303
And you can never be too sure.
34
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:09,635
Ooh.
Ow.
35
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,439
[chuckles]
The legs are growing.
36
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,371
- Oh, no.
No, no, wait.
37
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,405
I'm--I'm still here.
38
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,640
No--yeah, I understand.
39
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,175
Bad news.
40
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,350
[dramatic sting]
41
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,548
The mall's shut down.
42
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,287
- Well, fundraiser
raised enough cash
43
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,459
for Pam's veterinary bills,
but time is running out!
44
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,389
- She's one of the most
important rams in my life.
45
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,225
[dramatic music]
46
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,461
Jack, are you leaving?
- Uh, yes.
47
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,297
I'm going to do some,
uh, bird watching.
48
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,703
For Biology.
49
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,395
- I got a real ram-ergency
on my hands.
50
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,437
Would you deposit this in
Pam's account at First Federal?
51
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:47,573
- No, I--
52
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,277
- I gotta go give her
a sponge bath.
53
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,439
Stat!
54
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:56,221
[dramatic music builds]
55
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,719
[dramatic sting]
56
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,451
- Also previouslyon "A.P. Bio..."
57
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:01,757
[school bell ringing]
58
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,288
- Now that's the kind
of guy who skips class.
59
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,564
Travis.
60
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,632
- He's the baddest boy
in school.
61
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,330
I heard
he's a drug dealer.
62
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,433
- Out of my way, nerds.
63
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,604
- Oh!
64
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,442
Sir, you dropped your...
65
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,338
drug money.
66
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,541
[dramatic sting]
67
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,543
- God, I hope Pam
pulls through.
68
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,735
No principal should
outlive their mascot.
69
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,578
- Hey, do we really need
all the trees
70
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,824
outside around the school?
71
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,378
- Did you make the deposit?
72
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,547
- The--the--the deposit?
73
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:32,724
Wh--oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
74
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,462
Yeah.
75
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,318
Well, that's gone.
But you know what?
76
00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:38,727
I'm more than happy
to help cover the--
77
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,458
- Pam's $10,000 is gone?
78
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,304
She's gonna die without it.
79
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,599
- Uh, yeah--no.
Like you said, um,
80
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:49,302
you know, I'm more than happy
to help find the thief
81
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,666
who stole it off my desk!
82
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,705
[dramatic sting]
83
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,810
- Well, where are we gonna
do our mall walks?
84
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,612
- Do we break into the school
at night and do them here?
85
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,305
- Oh, you know what?
I like that idea.
86
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,718
Let's keep it just between us.
87
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,749
- You guys, I am so sorry.
88
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,294
I just texted
our whole mall walking group.
89
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,890
- Oh, tell me you didn't
include Mr. "On your Left!"
90
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,363
- I'm bad at secrets!
91
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,762
[dramatic sting]
92
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,563
- We should invest it.
I'm telling you.
93
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,655
[overlapping chatter]
In mutual bonds.
94
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,597
- We can't spend this!
It's too hot.
95
00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:22,543
And until we know what to do,
96
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,669
Victor holds the money.
97
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,514
[suspenseful music]
98
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,339
[chime]
99
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,375
♪
100
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,581
- I'm holding the money now.
101
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,380
♪
102
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,716
[chime]
103
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:42,361
♪
104
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,919
- These thirsty boys
can't be trusted.
105
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,858
[dramatic sting]
106
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,434
- Also previouslyon "A.P. Bio..."
107
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:51,533
[suspenseful music]
108
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,534
- Oh.
- Oh!
109
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,565
- Hey, excuse me.
110
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,540
- Yeah, no.
My bad.
111
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,768
- I don't think
we've officially met.
112
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,343
Gary, geometry.
113
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,411
- I'm Dave, geology.
114
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,680
Such a pleasure.
Here we are.
115
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,839
- Yeah.
- Do you want some coffee?
116
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:04,937
- Yeah.
117
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,408
- [laughs]
That's exactly
118
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,546
what I was gonna drink.
119
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,620
[dramatic music builds]
120
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,749
- Hm.
121
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,345
[dramatic sting]
122
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,416
- Why would anyone dance
like no one's watching?
123
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,455
That doesn't make any sense.
- [gasps]
124
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:18,790
Who would do this?
125
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,485
- Well, I know a few women
who are none too pleased
126
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,728
with my behaviors.
127
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,902
And you wanna know
the worst part?
128
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,701
Stuff like this tends
to get me more followers
129
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,944
on my Whitlock live stream.
130
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,865
[dramatic sting]
131
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,875
- Coach, can I tell
you something?
132
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,552
My wife is coming to visit me
at work tomorrow.
133
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,451
- Okay.
Why is your nose sweatin'?
134
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,454
- 'Cause I might have told her
that...I'm a teacher.
135
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,857
- Oh, man.
136
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,929
[laughing]
You're in trouble.
137
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,829
[dramatic sting]
138
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,831
[dramatic music]
139
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,504
♪
140
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,473
- [sighs]
141
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,872
Have you seen an envelope
with 10 grand?
142
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,874
- I'm the one
who found the money.
143
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,906
I am the money finder!
144
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,482
- Keep it up, you're gonna
find my foot in your ass.
145
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,481
- Are you wearing a wire?
- Hey--
146
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:15,023
It's my puka shell necklace.
147
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,478
I--I was trying something new.
148
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,987
- Grandma told me I should've
gone to parochial school.
149
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,920
But no, I needed
to have a drama program.
150
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,886
Well, here's your drama,
Anthony!
151
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,694
- Why did I try horse again?
152
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,027
- All right, y'all.
Stop, stop.
153
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,602
STOP!
154
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,898
The money is tearing us apart.
Don't y'all see that?
155
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,673
We're gonna return
everything that we bought,
156
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,673
and then we're gonna give
the money back to Travis.
157
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,736
That's the only way
we're gonna be free, y'all.
158
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,051
- I've always had this coat.
159
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,649
[dramatic sting]
160
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,821
- Also previouslyon "A.P. Bio..."
161
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,489
- I've been vandalized.
162
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,519
And do you wanna know
who the real homewrecker is?
163
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,055
It's the guy reno-ing
my bathroom.
164
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,991
He came in
with a sledgehammer--
165
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,926
- Joyce.
You did it.
166
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,631
- I'm sick.
I'm sick.
167
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:04,703
I'm sick.
I'm sick.
168
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,801
Please don't hate me.
169
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,732
- Of course not.
You're my friend.
170
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,067
I would do anything for you.
171
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,543
- Anything?
172
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,771
[dramatic sting]
173
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,866
- Dale!
There you are.
174
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,778
I just went
into the ladies room,
175
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,080
and one of the toilets
is clogged up again,
176
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,682
so could you take
a look at that?
177
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,554
Maybe hit it
with the fecal snake.
178
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,753
Thanks.
Hi.
179
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,045
- What a weird thing
to say to a teacher.
180
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,687
- [giggles]
181
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,892
- Normally, people just ask me
about outer space
182
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,893
or bibliographies.
- Mm-hmm.
183
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,694
- Good morning.
184
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,726
I'm Dick.
I'm the principal.
185
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,561
Of the school.
186
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,866
♪
187
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,098
[suspenseful music]
188
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,704
- That was Pam's veterinarian.
- Oh.
189
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,067
- Pam's taken a turn
for the worse.
190
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,565
If she doesn't
get surgery soon...
191
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,507
♪
192
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,112
It's bad news.
193
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,954
[dramatic sting]
194
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,779
Hey, Winston.
Hey.
195
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,984
It's Ralph!
I was thinking.
196
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,717
What if we got
the ska band back together?
197
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,922
Huh? Yeah, do a couple
of benefit shows.
198
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,664
Make some, uh--
Oh, you never broke up?
199
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,990
Oh.
You--
200
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,557
Oh, you just kicked me out.
201
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,996
Hey, Mom!Hey!
202
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,901
Listen.
Um, how much money do you have?
203
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,843
Okay, and that's supposed
to last you...
204
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,041
through the rest of the time?
205
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,813
'Cause you know--
206
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,741
It's just like oatmeal
and Mr. Pibb with you.
207
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,147
I don't--what else are you
spending the money on?
208
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:30,579
How much for a mint condition
Sensation Comics ♪1,
209
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,587
the first-ever cover appearance
of Wonder Woman.
210
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,690
Really?
Oh, okay.
211
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,592
How would I get one of those?
212
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,894
[dramatic sting]
213
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,825
♪
214
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,001
- I thought it was at least
something more like surprising.
215
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,000
- No way.
- [laughs]
216
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,071
- On your left!
217
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,000
- Oh, hell no!
218
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,635
♪
219
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,141
[dramatic sting]
220
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,643
- Thank you.
I appreciate your cough drop.
221
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:55,944
That was very nice.
222
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,035
- Hmph.
223
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,907
- Oh.
Hey, Gary.
224
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,115
[dramatic music builds]
225
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:09,188
♪
226
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,792
all: Also previouslyon "A.P. Bio..."
227
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,755
[suspenseful music]
228
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,863
- I know what kind
of person you are,
229
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,195
and I know what you can do.
230
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,800
So, your moneyis in my locker.
231
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,704
♪
232
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,836
[dramatic sting]
233
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,972
- [breathing heavily]
234
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,653
Oh, quit faking,
you old baby.
235
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,880
[crashing]
236
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,975
Oh, no.
That's not good.
237
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,018
Oh.
238
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,922
- I'm calling 911.
239
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,794
Oh, God.
Are we gonna get in trouble?
240
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,093
- Um, a medical emergency
on school grounds?
241
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,825
Yeah.
242
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,060
- All right, if we all
just keep our mouths shut,
243
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,625
we'll all be okay.
244
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,633
[dramatic music]
245
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,167
♪
246
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,772
- So, uh, we cut class
like you told us to.
247
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,836
And we ended up with this.
248
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,851
- Uh...
249
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,110
- It seems that
the drug dealer and I
250
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,178
have had
a deep misunderstanding.
251
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,816
- Yeah?
252
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,992
[suspenseful music]
253
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,921
- Somebody at this school knows
where that stolen money is!
254
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,127
- I'm declaring martial law.
255
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,730
Attention, Whitlock.
256
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,261
The school is officially
on lockdown.
257
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,696
- Lock it up!
258
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,002
- Our communityhas experienced
259
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,633
a serious violation of trust.
260
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:28,774
- Not funny!
261
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,002
- No one is leaving
262
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:30,900
until we getto the bottom of it.
263
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,774
- Don't even try it.
264
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,740
- Helen and I are coming
to every classroom.
265
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,235
And may God have mercy
on your souls.
266
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,978
[dramatic music]
267
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,853
- Was that about us?
268
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,881
- We...are...hosed.
269
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,918
[dramatic string music]
270
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,894
- That was definitely
about us.
271
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,833
- Mm-hmm.
272
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,758
We are deeply, deeply hosed.
273
00:09:54,794 --> 00:10:01,704
♪
274
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,939
[Ramones'"Listen to My Heart"]
275
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,307
- One, two, three, four!
276
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,045
- ♪ Next time,I'll listen to my heart ♪
277
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,721
♪ Next time,well, I'll be smart ♪
278
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:27,833
.
279
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,361
- And now, "A.P. Bio."
280
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,031
[school bell rings]
281
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,825
- Why did we let in
282
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,837
that old dude
with a weak heart?
283
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,199
I mean, it felt so good
smoking his old ass,
284
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,838
but at what cost?
285
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,983
- I mean, now he's sitting
pretty in the hospital
286
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,078
and we're probably
gonna lose our damn jobs.
287
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,850
- I can't lose my job!
288
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,079
Keith just subscribed
to one of those
289
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,853
expensive meal delivery
services.
290
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:50,983
- We're gonna get out of this.
291
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,187
We just have to get
our story straight
292
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,888
before Durbin
starts sniffing around.
293
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,120
- Yeah.
294
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,955
Yeah, like weren't sneaking in.
- Mm-mm!
295
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,390
- Okay, we were staying late.
296
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,985
Grading papers.
297
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:00,986
- Yeah.
Yeah.
298
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,397
And the old dude was...
299
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,269
an Uber driver,
uh, and we had to call him
300
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,798
because I was having
car trouble.
301
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,133
- Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
302
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,398
And he begged, okay,
to come into the school, okay?
303
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,037
Because he--
304
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,172
- He always had a weird thing
about peeing
305
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,876
in the smaller toilets
you find in school bathrooms.
306
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:20,007
- Or we just say he had to pee.
307
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,816
Okay, it's simple.
308
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,318
Grading, Uber, pee.
- Right, okay.
309
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,920
Grading, Uber, pee.
310
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:27,021
You got it, Michelle?
You can do this.
311
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,993
- That's the same thing
you said when I caught you
312
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,422
eating Steph's last fudge pop,
313
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,157
and I just told her now,
314
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,832
and I'm still telling her!
315
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,160
Somebody stop me.
Help!
316
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,355
- Just stick to the script.
317
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,826
Okay, Michelle?
- Yeah.
318
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,174
- Mary,
319
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,169
you owe my baby some fudge.
320
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,171
[dramatic music]
321
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,843
- Hey, hey.
Calm down.
322
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,111
Hey, hey!
Chill out.
323
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,269
- Principal Durbin
and Ms. DeMarcus
324
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,407
are going to be here soon.
325
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,241
What do we do?
- We're dead.
326
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,276
- You can all go down for this,
but not me.
327
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,312
I'm clean.
328
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,076
- Your pants
might disagree.
329
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,315
- [clears throat]
- [chuckles]
330
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,079
- Private joke.
Just ignore it.
331
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,048
- You got diarrhea
from eating horse meat.
332
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,246
They filled me in.
333
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,057
- Look, it might
be embarrassing,
334
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,919
but at least it's not illegal.
335
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,958
- You know, she's right.
Okay?
336
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,293
Your petty little squabbles
are nothing compared
337
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,358
to Possession with
Intent to Distribute.
338
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,067
We need a plan here.
339
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,298
- We could flush it,
get the little fishies
340
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,444
in the Maumee River
all hopped up good.
341
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,939
- [clears throat]
342
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,471
Speaking hypothetically,
343
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,936
I don't think the
school's plumbing can handle
344
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,475
even a simple pair
of cotton underwear,
345
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,080
let alone...all of that.
346
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,082
- We're not flushing anything,
okay?
347
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,354
We're gonna hide the drugs
until we can sell them
348
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,382
and get the money back.
349
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,088
I hate to be that guy, but...
350
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,990
you're all drug dealers now.
351
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,062
[suspenseful music]
352
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,396
- And that's basically
the Vietnam War.
353
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,069
Definitely no picnic.
354
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,168
Okay?
355
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,969
Helen,
Principal Durbin.
356
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,442
Welcome.
357
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,040
- I think you know
why we're here.
358
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,112
If anyone has anything
359
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,210
they would like
to own up to first...
360
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,983
- Yeah.
Right.
361
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,952
Um, okay, so see,
what had happened was,
362
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,050
um, if y'all were curious,
363
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,153
is that we were
here last night.
364
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,054
Grading papers.
365
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,086
Um, and we called an Uber
because Mary had car trouble.
366
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,292
- What?
- Yeah.
367
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,993
- Corollas are
usually so reliable!
368
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,296
- Yeah.
You know, of course they are.
369
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,399
Uh, but her tires were slashed.
370
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,072
- What is happening
at this school?
371
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,542
Now we gotta go check out
the parking lot, I guess.
372
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,410
- Oh, you checking out
the parking lot--
373
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,008
You know, you guys know
an amusing thing
374
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,441
about pregnant women is how
frequently they urinate.
375
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,307
So, excuse me.
376
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,053
- Have you guys
texted your friends
377
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,524
about buying some cocaine?
378
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,022
I mean, I feel like
you're not helping here. Wh--
379
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,055
- You made us skip.
You lost the money.
380
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,530
It's kind of all your fault.
381
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,288
- Well, let's--
382
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,997
let's set that aside
for the moment, Sarika, okay?
383
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,170
Let's--let's fish that out
of a clogged toilet,
384
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,498
ball it up, and throw it deep
385
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,203
into the bathroom garbage,
okay, for the moment.
386
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,296
For the moment, maybe toss a
few paper towels on top, okay?
387
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,008
'Cause I'm not
going down for this!
388
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,210
- If they come for you, boss,
I'll take the fall.
389
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,442
I thought I'd be
the first in my family
390
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,076
to go to college,
391
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,051
but instead,
I'll be the 19th in my family
392
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,280
to go to jail.
393
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,584
- Okay, no.
Heather, you can't do that.
394
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,587
Look, I'll confess to it all.
395
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,360
I'll take the fall for you.
396
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,988
all: Aww.
397
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,194
- Dan, no.
398
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,256
You're a good friend.
399
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,995
I can't let you
go down for this.
400
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,202
I'll take the fall.
401
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,071
S-somebody gonna...
402
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:37,177
- That daisy-chain
lost momentum quickly.
403
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,580
No, no one person
is taking the fall for this.
404
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,352
We'll find a place
to hide it, okay?
405
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,321
I mean, obviously we can't
keister it, you know?
406
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,990
- If you change your mind,
I do have 16 condoms.
407
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,224
- Well, th--uh...
408
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,586
Good.
409
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,034
I support that.
410
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,230
But what's something else?
411
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,572
- Eyes on your own paper,
Marie.
412
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,068
Oh.
413
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,230
- So real quick.
414
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,097
Mary's tires
got slashed last night
415
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,266
when we were
here together working.
416
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,205
- Grading, Uber, pee.
- Right.
417
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,040
Plus, when Durbin
came to my classroom,
418
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,635
I told him that
we stayed extra late
419
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,347
because we're all
writing a play
420
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,509
called "The Princess
and the Snow Cone."
421
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,117
- A play?
- No, no, no.
422
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,379
Don't even worry about it.
It's super simple.
423
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,547
Okay, the king
of an ancient tropical land
424
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,416
tells the princess
that she can have anything
425
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,424
that her heart desires
for her birthday.
426
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,286
But he never counted on her
asking for a snow cone,
427
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,126
an impossible wish due
to the lack of refrigeration
428
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,402
and aforementioned tropicality.
429
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,271
Also there's a bear?
430
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,599
- I think I got this, okay?
I can do it.
431
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,295
Good morning, Ralph.
432
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,407
Mm--that was too forced, right?
433
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,269
Good morning, Ralph.
No, that's the same.
434
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:42,607
Welcome to the classroom,
Ralph.
435
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,242
Ralph, hello.
436
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,547
Everybody gets
into accidents walking.
437
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,278
Some people
have to practice walking.
438
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,553
Yoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
It's okay.
439
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,092
It's okay.
Everybody take a breath.
440
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,188
You all take a breath too.
Tale a breath in and out.
441
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,290
In and out!
But keep your eyes down.
442
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,692
You keep your eyes up!
443
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,294
Ralph,
get out of my classroom!
444
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,085
Nobody can come in here!
445
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,427
This is my room!
446
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,262
- Oh, God.
They're closing in.
447
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,567
- Okay, Jack.
Um, think.
448
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,268
We've gotta hide it.
Um...
449
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,500
What do we do, what do we do,
what do we do?
450
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:09,635
Um...
451
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,639
[dramatic music]
452
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,672
♪
453
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,138
- And this guy starts like,
"Oh!"
454
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,447
- I can't believe she caved.
455
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,208
- Like, really, really.
456
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,316
And we didn't know
what to do with him!
457
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,449
Yes.
We did it.
458
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,724
It was us.
459
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,693
We are the ones
that brought the ice down
460
00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,363
from the misty mountains.
461
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,291
Take this back
to the princess,
462
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,456
and she can have
her snow cone!
463
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,267
Curtain.
Intermission.
464
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,199
- Wow, that--that all happens
in act 1?
465
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,735
That's amazing!
- I have a few notes.
466
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,271
I feel like it owes a big debt
to "Emperor's New Groove."
467
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,378
- Well, yeah, that's--oh!
Oh.
468
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,450
Michelle was telling us about
the new play you guys wrote.
469
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,480
- Oh, my God, Ralph, we have
to go find the missing money.
470
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,475
- We--oh, my God.
471
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,687
- Did she say "missing money"?
472
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,319
- I can't wait to see
the rest of this.
473
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,415
I can't believe
you open in a week!
474
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,557
[chuckles]
475
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,732
- [sighs]
476
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,231
[laughs nervously]
477
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,602
[dramatic music]
478
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,332
- Little bit more...
479
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,637
Little bit more--oh!
480
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:18,709
Just about...
[grunts]
481
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,538
Hi.
Hey.
482
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,483
Durbin, Helen.
Yeah, come on in.
483
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,680
So yeah, as you guys can see,
standing up on something
484
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,682
flexes the tibialis
interior muscle
485
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,615
which stabilizes
the leg and the foot.
486
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,250
all: Oh!
487
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,286
- Yeah.
488
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,360
- Oh, okay.
489
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,458
Well, we'll just
make this quick.
490
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,560
We are looking for a--
491
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,532
[thud]
492
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,208
- Any update on Pam?
493
00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:58,508
.
494
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,405
[bell rings]- On the next "A.P. Bio..."
495
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,724
[dramatic music]
496
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,619
- I know exactly what that is.
497
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,251
We snorted a lot
of it in the '80s.
498
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,857
It's pure baking flour.
499
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,318
♪
500
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,457
It's called a bread bump.
501
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,432
♪
502
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,332
- Yeah, so I found the guy who
sold Victor that fake cocaine.
503
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:19,865
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I tackled him,
504
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,399
and he whipped around
and grabbed my throat.
505
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,604
- Gouge his eyes!
506
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,335
- Yeah, uh,
well, this already happened.
507
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,411
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
508
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,668
So, anyway, um,
I broke free.
509
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,507
And I had an opening
for a death blow,
510
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,712
but I didn't wanna kill him
'cause he's a student.
511
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:34,275
- I wish more of our teachers
had your restraint.
512
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,624
- So, long story short...
513
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,879
I got the money back.
514
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,687
- So who is it?
515
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,689
- I can never tell.
516
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,291
- [whispering]
He's an undercover cop.
517
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,633
both: What?
518
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,488
- Yeah, so we better just,
you know,
519
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,627
look the other way on this one.
520
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,901
And that's coming down
from the brass.
521
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:50,899
- [gasps]
Oh!
522
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,600
Pam!
523
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,602
We gotta get our sweet princess
to the veterinarian.
524
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,373
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Thank you.
525
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,742
- Also on thenext "A.P. Bio..."
526
00:18:57,771 --> 00:19:00,841
- You're the principal, yes?
527
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,744
You're richer than teacher?
528
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,476
Powerful?
529
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,411
- Uh, yes, I'm the top dog.
530
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,446
I'm the ♪1 guy.
531
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,581
- [moaning]
532
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,789
[dramatic sting]
533
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,892
- Oh, my sweet princess,
534
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,794
how I failed thee.
535
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,396
What need I hands
if not to deliver to you
536
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,529
thy cone of snow?
537
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:27,534
Ow!
538
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,537
[grunts]
Shit. Sorry.
539
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,939
[dramatic sting]
540
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,740
- Also onthe next "A.P. Bio..."
541
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,683
- So yours truly snuck out
his back window, right,
542
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,510
when his lady got home.
543
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,545
- There you are,
you man-stealing bitch!
544
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,751
You slept with my boyfriend,
545
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,682
biology teacher Jack Griffin!
546
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:46,418
- So what if I did?
547
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,663
And by the way,
he was terrible.
548
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,758
- [gasps]
549
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,559
- Gotta go.
Back soon.
550
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,961
- Okay, I love the part
about Jack being bad in bed.
551
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,562
- Oh, thank you.
552
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:55,834
- Did we get a good
cliffhanger for you?
553
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,432
- Oh, yeah.
554
00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:58,904
The pigs are definitely
sniffing around
555
00:19:58,932 --> 00:19:59,972
for a mushroom.
556
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,600
[both laughing]
557
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:05,366
- Hey, it's Dave, right?
558
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,435
- [Bleep] off, Gary.
559
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,684
[dramatic music builds]
560
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,609
[dramatic sting]
561
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,884
- Thanks, King Dad.
562
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,723
- And I never
could have done it
563
00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:19,449
without the indigenous peoples
of this place.
564
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,916
[cheers and applause]
565
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,885
[triumphant music]
566
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,534
♪
567
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,430
[louder cheers and applause]
568
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,499
- Whoo-hoo-hoo.
569
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,944
- Also onthe next "A.P. Bio..."
570
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,510
- Pam the Ram made it
through surgery, Ralph!
571
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,569
- Yeah!
572
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,437
[both laughing]
- Ow, oh.
573
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,875
- Helen...
574
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,750
did you give her
one of your kidneys?
575
00:20:45,779 --> 00:20:46,979
[gong rings]
576
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,853
Life is crazy.
577
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:53,553
It's crazy that Pam the Ram
survived this whole transplant,
578
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,016
only to be hit by a bus.
579
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,726
And it's even crazier
that she survived
580
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,558
being hit by a bus
581
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,703
and that this
582
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,899
is the bus driver's funeral.
583
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,431
You know, Neil Young said,
584
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,767
"It's better to burn out
than fade away."
585
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,043
And Def Leppard quoted him
586
00:21:12,072 --> 00:21:14,042
in their song, "Rock of Ages,"
587
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:16,814
which Deborah's niece
will now play
588
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,813
on the trombone.
589
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,575
Ophelia?
590
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,923
[trombone blaring badly]
591
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,620
♪
592
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,794
- [sighs]
593
00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:34,662
[dramatic music]
594
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:41,534
♪
41003
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