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1
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,476
- Previously, on "A.P. Bio..."
2
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:11,644
[dramatic music]
3
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,713
- Little tweetie bastard.
He got me again.
4
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,391
Yeah, he was just... just
perched up there, you know,
5
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,459
waiting for me
to get out of my car.
6
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,660
So I'm gonna go
kill it right now.
7
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,386
You guys should
cut class today too.
8
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,121
- But I have perfect attendance.
9
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,322
- Hey, loosen up.
Loosen up.
10
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,556
In fact, you know what?
11
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,734
If you don't walk out
of this class right now,
12
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,459
I will mark you absent.
13
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,163
All right, now does anyone
know where I can buy a gun?
14
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,332
Probably everywhere, right?
Yeah?
15
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,134
♪
16
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,536
- Raw horse meat.
17
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,338
It's a delicacy in Japan.
18
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,206
- I'll try it.
19
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,242
My pallet is sophisticated.
20
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,178
Arigato.
21
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,348
Marissa, give me your jacket.
22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,492
[whispering]
Give me your jacket.
23
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,217
Gimme your jacket.
24
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,253
- You just crapped your capris,
didn't you?
25
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,255
[dramatic sting]
26
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,657
- Also previously
on "A.P. Bio..."
27
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,160
- The donor insemination worked.
28
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,561
It's positive!
29
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,530
- They've all been positive.
30
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,231
It's weird that
you keep checking.
31
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,509
- Ooh, girl.
You know I'm thorough.
32
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,301
And you can never be too sure.
33
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:09,636
Ooh.
Ow.
34
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,438
[chuckles]
The legs are growing.
35
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,372
- Oh, no.
No, no, wait.
36
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,406
I'm... I'm still here.
37
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,642
No... yeah, I understand.
38
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,177
Bad news.
39
00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,345
[dramatic sting]
40
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,546
The mall's shut down.
41
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,286
- Well, fundraiser
raised enough cash
42
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,456
for Pam's veterinary bills,
but time is running out!
43
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,392
- She's one of the most
important rams in my life.
44
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,228
[dramatic music]
45
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,464
Jack, are you leaving?
- Uh, yes.
46
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,300
I'm going to do some,
uh, bird watching.
47
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,701
For Biology.
48
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,404
- I got a real ram-ergency
on my hands.
49
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,449
Would you deposit this in
Pam's account at First Federal?
50
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:47,574
- No, I...
51
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,275
- I gotta go give her
a sponge bath.
52
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,443
Stat!
53
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:56,216
[dramatic music builds]
54
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,717
[dramatic sting]
55
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,453
- Also previously
on "A.P. Bio..."
56
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:01,755
[school bell ringing]
57
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,290
- Now that's the kind
of guy who skips class.
58
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,558
Travis.
59
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,627
- He's the baddest boy
in school.
60
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,330
I heard he's a drug dealer.
61
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,431
- Out of my way, nerds.
62
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,599
- Oh!
63
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,435
Sir, you dropped your...
64
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,338
drug money.
65
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,540
[dramatic sting]
66
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,542
- God, I hope Pam pulls through.
67
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,744
No principal should
outlive their mascot.
68
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,580
- Hey, do we really need
all the trees
69
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,815
outside around the school?
70
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,383
- Did you make the deposit?
71
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,551
- The... the... the deposit?
72
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:32,719
Wh... oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
73
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,455
Yeah.
74
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,323
Well, that's gone.
But you know what?
75
00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:38,734
I'm more than happy
to help cover the...
76
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,461
- Pam's $10,000 is gone?
77
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,296
She's gonna die without it.
78
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,598
- Uh, yeah... no.
Like you said, um,
79
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:49,302
you know, I'm more than happy
to help find the thief
80
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,671
who stole it off my desk!
81
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,707
[dramatic sting]
82
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,809
- Well, where are we gonna
do our mall walks?
83
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,611
- Do we break into the school
at night and do them here?
84
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,314
- Oh, you know what?
I like that idea.
85
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,716
Let's keep it just between us.
86
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,751
- You guys, I am so sorry.
87
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,287
I just texted
our whole mall walking group.
88
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,889
- Oh, tell me you didn't
include Mr. "On your Left!"
89
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,359
- I'm bad at secrets!
90
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,760
[dramatic sting]
91
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,562
- We should invest it.
I'm telling you.
92
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,664
[overlapping chatter]
In mutual bonds.
93
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,600
- We can't spend this!
It's too hot.
94
00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:22,535
And until we know what to do,
95
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,671
Victor holds the money.
96
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,506
[suspenseful music]
97
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,341
[chime]
98
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,378
♪
99
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,579
- I'm holding the money now.
100
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,383
♪
101
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,717
[chime]
102
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:42,355
♪
103
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,924
- These thirsty boys
can't be trusted.
104
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,861
[dramatic sting]
105
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,430
- Also previously
on "A.P. Bio..."
106
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:51,531
[suspenseful music]
107
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,532
- Oh.
- Oh!
108
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,566
- Hey, excuse me.
109
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,535
- Yeah, no.
My bad.
110
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,779
- I don't think
we've officially met.
111
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,338
Gary, geometry.
112
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,407
- I'm Dave, geology.
113
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,676
Such a pleasure.
Here we are.
114
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,853
- Yeah.
- Do you want some coffee?
115
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:04,944
- Yeah.
116
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,413
- [laughs] That's exactly
117
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,547
what I was gonna drink.
118
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,616
[dramatic music builds]
119
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,751
- Hm.
120
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,353
[dramatic sting]
121
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,422
- Why would anyone dance
like no one's watching?
122
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,457
That doesn't make any sense.
- [gasps]
123
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:18,792
Who would do this?
124
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,494
- Well, I know a few women
who are none too pleased
125
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,729
with my behaviors.
126
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,898
And you wanna know
the worst part?
127
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,701
Stuff like this tends
to get me more followers
128
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,936
on my Whitlock live stream.
129
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,873
[dramatic sting]
130
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,878
- Coach, can I tell
you something?
131
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,548
My wife is coming to visit me
at work tomorrow.
132
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,451
- Okay.
Why is your nose sweatin'?
133
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,454
- 'Cause I might have told her
that... I'm a teacher.
134
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,856
- Oh, man.
135
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,926
[laughing]
You're in trouble.
136
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,828
[dramatic sting]
137
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,831
[dramatic music]
138
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,500
♪
139
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,469
- [sighs]
140
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,871
Have you seen an envelope
with 10 grand?
141
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,873
- I'm the one
who found the money.
142
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,908
I am the money finder!
143
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,478
- Keep it up, you're gonna
find my foot in your ass.
144
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,480
- Are you wearing a wire?
- Hey...
145
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:15,015
It's my puka shell necklace.
146
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,484
I... I was trying something new.
147
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,986
- Grandma told me I should've
gone to parochial school.
148
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,922
But no, I needed
to have a drama program.
149
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,891
Well, here's your drama,
Anthony!
150
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,694
- Why did I try horse again?
151
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,029
- All right, y'all.
Stop, stop.
152
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,597
STOP!
153
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,900
The money is tearing us apart.
Don't y'all see that?
154
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,670
We're gonna return
everything that we bought,
155
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,673
and then we're gonna give
the money back to Travis.
156
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,741
That's the only way
we're gonna be free, y'all.
157
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,046
- I've always had this coat.
158
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,647
[dramatic sting]
159
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,816
- Also previously
on "A.P. Bio..."
160
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,485
- I've been vandalized.
161
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,522
And do you wanna know
who the real homewrecker is?
162
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,058
It's the guy reno-ing
my bathroom.
163
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,993
He came in with a sledgehammer...
164
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,928
- Joyce.
You did it.
165
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,630
- I'm sick.
I'm sick.
166
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:04,698
I'm sick.
I'm sick.
167
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,799
Please don't hate me.
168
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,734
- Of course not.
You're my friend.
169
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,070
I would do anything for you.
170
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,538
- Anything?
171
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,772
[dramatic sting]
172
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,874
- Dale!
There you are.
173
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,776
I just went
into the ladies room,
174
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,079
and one of the toilets
is clogged up again,
175
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,680
so could you take
a look at that?
176
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,550
Maybe hit it
with the fecal snake.
177
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,752
Thanks.
Hi.
178
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,063
- What a weird thing
to say to a teacher.
179
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,688
- [giggles]
180
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,899
- Normally, people just ask me
about outer space
181
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,890
or bibliographies.
- Mm-hmm.
182
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,692
- Good morning.
183
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,728
I'm Dick.
I'm the principal.
184
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,563
Of the school.
185
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,865
♪
186
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,101
[suspenseful music]
187
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,703
- That was Pam's veterinarian.
- Oh.
188
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,081
- Pam's taken a turn
for the worse.
189
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,574
If she doesn't
get surgery soon...
190
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,509
♪
191
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,111
It's bad news.
192
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,946
[dramatic sting]
193
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,781
Hey, Winston.
Hey.
194
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,983
It's Ralph!
I was thinking.
195
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,718
What if we got
the ska band back together?
196
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,920
Huh? Yeah, do a couple
of benefit shows.
197
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,656
Make some, uh...
Oh, you never broke up?
198
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,993
Oh.
You...
199
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,562
Oh, you just kicked me out.
200
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,997
Hey, Mom!
Hey!
201
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,900
Listen.
Um, how much money do you have?
202
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,837
Okay, and that's supposed
to last you...
203
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,040
through the rest of the time?
204
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,808
'Cause you know...
205
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,743
It's just like oatmeal
and Mr. Pibb with you.
206
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,146
I don't... what else are you
spending the money on?
207
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:30,583
How much for a mint condition
Sensation Comics ♪1,
208
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,586
the first-ever cover appearance
of Wonder Woman.
209
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,689
Really?
Oh, okay.
210
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,590
How would I get one of those?
211
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,892
[dramatic sting]
212
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,828
♪
213
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,006
- I thought it was at least
something more like surprising.
214
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:44,998
- No way.
- [laughs]
215
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,067
- On your left!
216
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,002
- Oh, hell no!
217
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,638
♪
218
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,139
[dramatic sting]
219
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,650
- Thank you.
I appreciate your cough drop.
220
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:55,942
That was very nice.
221
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,043
- Hmph.
222
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,912
- Oh.
Hey, Gary.
223
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,115
[dramatic music builds]
224
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:09,189
♪
225
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,791
All: Also previously
on "A.P. Bio..."
226
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,760
[suspenseful music]
227
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,862
- I know what kind
of person you are,
228
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,197
and I know what you can do.
229
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,800
So, your money is in my locker.
230
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,702
♪
231
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,839
[dramatic sting]
232
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,974
- [breathing heavily]
233
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,645
Oh, quit faking, you old baby.
234
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,882
[crashing]
235
00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,984
Oh, no.
That's not good.
236
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,019
Oh.
237
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,920
- I'm calling 911.
238
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,790
Oh, God.
Are we gonna get in trouble?
239
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,101
- Um, a medical emergency
on school grounds?
240
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,826
Yeah.
241
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,062
- All right, if we all
just keep our mouths shut,
242
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,630
we'll all be okay.
243
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,633
[dramatic music]
244
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,169
♪
245
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,773
- So, uh, we cut class
like you told us to.
246
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,842
And we ended up with this.
247
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,846
- Uh...
248
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,124
- It seems that
the drug dealer and I
249
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,183
have had
a deep misunderstanding.
250
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,819
- Yeah?
251
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,988
[suspenseful music]
252
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,924
- Somebody at this school knows
where that stolen money is!
253
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,126
- I'm declaring martial law.
254
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,728
Attention, Whitlock.
255
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,263
The school is officially
on lockdown.
256
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,698
- Lock it up!
257
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,672
- Our community has experienced
258
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,893
a serious violation of trust.
259
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,034
- Not funny!
260
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,302
- No one is leaving
261
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:30,904
until we get
to the bottom of it.
262
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,772
- Don't even try it.
263
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,742
- Helen and I are coming
to every classroom.
264
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,244
And may God have mercy
on your souls.
265
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,979
[dramatic music]
266
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,848
- Was that about us?
267
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,884
- We... are... hosed.
268
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,921
[dramatic string music]
269
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,889
- That was definitely about us.
270
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,825
- Mm-hmm.
271
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,761
We are deeply, deeply hosed.
272
00:09:54,794 --> 00:10:01,701
♪
273
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,944
[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
274
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,312
- One, two, three, four!
275
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,048
- ♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪
276
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,717
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
277
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:27,827
.
278
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,362
- And now, "A.P. Bio."
279
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,032
[school bell rings]
280
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,833
- Why did we let in
281
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,835
that old dude with a weak heart?
282
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,204
I mean, it felt so good
smoking his old ass,
283
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,839
but at what cost?
284
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,975
- I mean, now he's sitting
pretty in the hospital
285
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,077
and we're probably
gonna lose our damn jobs.
286
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,845
- I can't lose my job!
287
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,089
Keith just subscribed
to one of those
288
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,849
expensive meal delivery
services.
289
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:50,993
- We're gonna get out of this.
290
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,194
We just have to get
our story straight
291
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,887
before Durbin
starts sniffing around.
292
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,121
- Yeah.
293
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,956
Yeah, like weren't sneaking in.
- Mm-mm!
294
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,391
- Okay, we were staying late.
295
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,993
Grading papers.
296
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:00,994
- Yeah.
Yeah.
297
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,395
And the old dude was...
298
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,265
an Uber driver,
uh, and we had to call him
299
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,800
because I was having
car trouble.
300
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,134
- Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
301
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,403
And he begged, okay,
to come into the school, okay?
302
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,038
Because he...
303
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,182
- He always had a weird thing
about peeing
304
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,875
in the smaller toilets
you find in school bathrooms.
305
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:20,013
- Or we just say he had to pee.
306
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,815
Okay, it's simple.
307
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,316
Grading, Uber, pee.
- Right, okay.
308
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,918
Grading, Uber, pee.
309
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:27,020
You got it, Michelle?
You can do this.
310
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,998
- That's the same thing
you said when I caught you
311
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,423
eating Steph's last fudge pop,
312
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,158
and I just told her now,
313
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,827
and I'm still telling her!
314
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,161
Somebody stop me.
Help!
315
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,363
- Just stick to the script.
316
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,831
Okay, Michelle?
- Yeah.
317
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,165
- Mary,
318
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,167
you owe my baby some fudge.
319
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,169
[dramatic music]
320
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,838
- Hey, hey.
Calm down.
321
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,106
Hey, hey!
Chill out.
322
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,283
- Principal Durbin
and Ms. DeMarcus
323
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,408
are going to be here soon.
324
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,243
What do we do?
- We're dead.
325
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,278
- You can all go down for this,
but not me.
326
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,313
I'm clean.
327
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,081
- Your pants might disagree.
328
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,316
- [clears throat]
- [chuckles]
329
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,084
- Private joke.
Just ignore it.
330
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,053
- You got diarrhea
from eating horse meat.
331
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,254
They filled me in.
332
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,056
- Look, it might
be embarrassing,
333
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,924
but at least it's not illegal.
334
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,960
- You know, she's right.
Okay?
335
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,304
Your petty little squabbles
are nothing compared
336
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,363
to Possession with
Intent to Distribute.
337
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,065
We need a plan here.
338
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,300
- We could flush it,
get the little fishies
339
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,436
in the Maumee River
all hopped up good.
340
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,937
- [clears throat]
341
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,472
Speaking hypothetically,
342
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,941
I don't think the
school's plumbing can handle
343
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,486
even a simple pair
of cotton underwear,
344
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,079
let alone... all of that.
345
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,081
- We're not flushing anything,
okay?
346
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,358
We're gonna hide the drugs
until we can sell them
347
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,384
and get the money back.
348
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,087
I hate to be that guy, but...
349
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,989
you're all drug dealers now.
350
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,059
[suspenseful music]
351
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,395
- And that's basically
the Vietnam War.
352
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,065
Definitely no picnic.
353
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,166
Okay?
354
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,968
Helen, Principal Durbin.
355
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,437
Welcome.
356
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,038
- I think you know
why we're here.
357
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,107
If anyone has anything
358
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,210
they would like
to own up to first...
359
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,978
- Yeah.
Right.
360
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,947
Um, okay, so see,
what had happened was,
361
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,049
um, if y'all were curious,
362
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,160
is that we were here last night.
363
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,052
Grading papers.
364
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,089
Um, and we called an Uber
because Mary had car trouble.
365
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,290
- What?
- Yeah.
366
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,992
- Corollas are
usually so reliable!
367
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,296
- Yeah.
You know, of course they are.
368
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,399
Uh, but her tires were slashed.
369
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,068
- What is happening
at this school?
370
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,546
Now we gotta go check out
the parking lot, I guess.
371
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,405
- Oh, you checking out
the parking lot...
372
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,008
You know, you guys know
an amusing thing
373
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,443
about pregnant women is how
frequently they urinate.
374
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,312
So, excuse me.
375
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,051
- Have you guys
texted your friends
376
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,519
about buying some cocaine?
377
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,022
I mean, I feel like
you're not helping here. Wh...
378
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,057
- You made us skip.
You lost the money.
379
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,525
It's kind of all your fault.
380
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,293
- Well, let's...
381
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,996
Let's set that aside
for the moment, Sarika, okay?
382
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,165
Let's... let's fish that out
of a clogged toilet,
383
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,500
ball it up, and throw it deep
384
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,202
into the bathroom garbage,
okay, for the moment.
385
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,314
For the moment, maybe toss a
few paper towels on top, okay?
386
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,006
'Cause I'm not
going down for this!
387
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,208
- If they come for you, boss,
I'll take the fall.
388
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,452
I thought I'd be
the first in my family
389
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,078
to go to college,
390
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,047
but instead,
I'll be the 19th in my family
391
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,281
to go to jail.
392
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,583
- Okay, no.
Heather, you can't do that.
393
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,586
Look, I'll confess to it all.
394
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,355
I'll take the fall for you.
395
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,991
All: Aww.
396
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,193
- Dan, no.
397
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,262
You're a good friend.
398
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,999
I can't let you
go down for this.
399
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,201
I'll take the fall.
400
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,074
S-somebody gonna...
401
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:37,177
- That daisy-chain
lost momentum quickly.
402
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,579
No, no one person
is taking the fall for this.
403
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,348
We'll find a place
to hide it, okay?
404
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,316
I mean, obviously we can't
keister it, you know?
405
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,985
- If you change your mind,
I do have 16 condoms.
406
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,223
- Well, th... uh...
407
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,591
Good.
408
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,027
I support that.
409
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,229
But what's something else?
410
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,565
- Eyes on your own paper, Marie.
411
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,066
Oh.
412
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,234
- So real quick.
413
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,103
Mary's tires
got slashed last night
414
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,271
when we were
here together working.
415
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,207
- Grading, Uber, pee.
- Right.
416
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,042
Plus, when Durbin
came to my classroom,
417
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,643
I told him that
we stayed extra late
418
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,345
because we're all writing a play
419
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,514
called "The Princess
and the Snow Cone."
420
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,116
- A play?
- No, no, no.
421
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,393
Don't even worry about it.
It's super simple.
422
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,552
Okay, the king
of an ancient tropical land
423
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,421
tells the princess
that she can have anything
424
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,423
that her heart desires
for her birthday.
425
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,292
But he never counted on her
asking for a snow cone,
426
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,129
an impossible wish due
to the lack of refrigeration
427
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,398
and aforementioned tropicality.
428
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,266
Also there's a bear?
429
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,602
- I think I got this, okay?
I can do it.
430
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,303
Good morning, Ralph.
431
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,406
Mm... that was too forced, right?
432
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,274
Good morning, Ralph.
No, that's the same.
433
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:42,609
Welcome to the classroom, Ralph.
434
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,244
Ralph, hello.
435
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,554
Everybody gets
into accidents walking.
436
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,280
Some people
have to practice walking.
437
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,549
Yoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
It's okay.
438
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,085
It's okay.
Everybody take a breath.
439
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,187
You all take a breath too.
Tale a breath in and out.
440
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,289
In and out!
But keep your eyes down.
441
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,691
You keep your eyes up!
442
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,292
Ralph, get out of my classroom!
443
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,094
Nobody can come in here!
444
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,429
This is my room!
445
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,264
- Oh, God.
They're closing in.
446
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,565
- Okay, Jack.
Um, think.
447
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,267
We've gotta hide it.
Um...
448
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,511
What do we do, what do we do,
what do we do?
449
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:09,636
Um...
450
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,639
[dramatic music]
451
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,674
♪
452
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,143
- And this guy starts like,
"Oh!"
453
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,445
- I can't believe she caved.
454
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,213
- Like, really, really.
455
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,315
And we didn't know
what to do with him!
456
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,451
Yes.
We did it.
457
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,720
It was us.
458
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,689
We are the ones
that brought the ice down
459
00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,358
from the misty mountains.
460
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,293
Take this back to the princess,
461
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,463
and she can have her snow cone!
462
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,265
Curtain.
Intermission.
463
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,202
- Wow, that... that all happens
in act 1?
464
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,738
That's amazing!
- I have a few notes.
465
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,274
I feel like it owes a big debt
to "Emperor's New Groove."
466
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,377
- Well, yeah, that's... oh!
Oh.
467
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,446
Michelle was telling us about
the new play you guys wrote.
468
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,491
- Oh, my God, Ralph, we have
to go find the missing money.
469
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,484
- We... oh, my God.
470
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,686
- Did she say "missing money"?
471
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,322
- I can't wait to see
the rest of this.
472
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,424
I can't believe
you open in a week!
473
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,558
[chuckles]
474
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,727
- [sighs]
475
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,229
[laughs nervously]
476
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,599
[dramatic music]
477
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,334
- Little bit more...
478
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,635
Little bit more... oh!
479
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:18,705
Just about...
[grunts]
480
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,540
Hi.
Hey.
481
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,476
Durbin, Helen.
Yeah, come on in.
482
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,679
So yeah, as you guys can see,
standing up on something
483
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,682
flexes the tibialis
interior muscle
484
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,617
which stabilizes
the leg and the foot.
485
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,253
All: Oh!
486
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,287
- Yeah.
487
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,355
- Oh, okay.
488
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,457
Well, we'll just
make this quick.
489
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,559
We are looking for a...
490
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,592
[thud]
491
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,207
- Any update on Pam?
492
00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:58,511
.
493
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,413
[bell rings]
- On the next "A.P. Bio..."
494
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,716
[dramatic music]
495
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,617
- I know exactly what that is.
496
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,253
We snorted a lot
of it in the '80s.
497
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,855
It's pure baking flour.
498
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,323
♪
499
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,459
It's called a bread bump.
500
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,428
♪
501
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,331
- Yeah, so I found the guy who
sold Victor that fake cocaine.
502
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:19,866
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I tackled him,
503
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,410
and he whipped around
and grabbed my throat.
504
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,602
- Gouge his eyes!
505
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,337
- Yeah, uh,
well, this already happened.
506
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,405
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
507
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,674
So, anyway, um, I broke free.
508
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,509
And I had an opening
for a death blow,
509
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,711
but I didn't wanna kill him
'cause he's a student.
510
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:34,280
- I wish more of our teachers
had your restraint.
511
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,616
- So, long story short...
512
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,884
I got the money back.
513
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,686
- So who is it?
514
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,688
- I can never tell.
515
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,289
- [whispering]
He's an undercover cop.
516
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,625
Both: What?
517
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,494
- Yeah, so we better just,
you know,
518
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,637
look the other way on this one.
519
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,905
And that's coming down
from the brass.
520
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:50,897
- [gasps] Oh!
521
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,599
Pam!
522
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,600
We gotta get our sweet princess
to the veterinarian.
523
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,368
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Thank you.
524
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,737
- Also on the
next "A.P. Bio..."
525
00:18:57,771 --> 00:19:00,840
- You're the principal, yes?
526
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,742
You're richer than teacher?
527
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,477
Powerful?
528
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,413
- Uh, yes, I'm the top dog.
529
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,448
I'm the ♪1 guy.
530
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,583
- [moaning]
531
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,789
[dramatic sting]
532
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,891
- Oh, my sweet princess,
533
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,793
how I failed thee.
534
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,395
What need I hands
if not to deliver to you
535
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,531
thy cone of snow?
536
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:27,534
Ow!
537
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,536
[grunts]
Shit. Sorry.
538
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,937
[dramatic sting]
539
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,740
- Also on
the next "A.P. Bio..."
540
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,676
- So yours truly snuck out
his back window, right,
541
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,511
when his lady got home.
542
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,548
- There you are,
you man-stealing bitch!
543
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,749
You slept with my boyfriend,
544
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,684
biology teacher Jack Griffin!
545
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:46,419
- So what if I did?
546
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,655
And by the way, he was terrible.
547
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,756
- [gasps]
548
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,558
- Gotta go.
Back soon.
549
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,968
- Okay, I love the part
about Jack being bad in bed.
550
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,561
- Oh, thank you.
551
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:55,838
- Did we get a good
cliffhanger for you?
552
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,430
- Oh, yeah.
553
00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:58,908
The pigs are definitely
sniffing around
554
00:19:58,932 --> 00:19:59,966
for a mushroom.
555
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,601
[both laughing]
556
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:05,372
- Hey, it's Dave, right?
557
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,440
- [Bleep] off, Gary.
558
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,676
[dramatic music builds]
559
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,611
[dramatic sting]
560
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,880
- Thanks, King Dad.
561
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,715
- And I never could have done it
562
00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:19,452
without the indigenous peoples
of this place.
563
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,921
[cheers and applause]
564
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,891
[triumphant music]
565
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,527
♪
566
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,430
[louder cheers and applause]
567
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,501
- Whoo-hoo-hoo.
568
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,936
- Also on
the next "A.P. Bio..."
569
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,506
- Pam the Ram made it
through surgery, Ralph!
570
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,573
- Yeah!
571
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,442
[both laughing]
- Ow, oh.
572
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,877
- Helen...
573
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,745
did you give her
one of your kidneys?
574
00:20:45,779 --> 00:20:46,980
[gong rings]
575
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,849
Life is crazy.
576
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:53,553
It's crazy that Pam the Ram
survived this whole transplant,
577
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,022
only to be hit by a bus.
578
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,725
And it's even crazier
that she survived
579
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,560
being hit by a bus
580
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,696
and that this
581
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,898
is the bus driver's funeral.
582
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,434
You know, Neil Young said,
583
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,769
"It's better to burn out
than fade away."
584
00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,038
And Def Leppard quoted him
585
00:21:12,072 --> 00:21:14,040
in their song, "Rock of Ages,"
586
00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:16,810
which Deborah's niece
will now play
587
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,812
on the trombone.
588
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,580
Ophelia?
589
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,917
[trombone blaring badly]
590
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,620
♪
591
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,789
- [sighs]
592
00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:34,661
[dramatic music]
40190
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