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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,476 - Previously, on "A.P. Bio..." 2 00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:11,644 [dramatic music] 3 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,713 - Little tweetie bastard. He got me again. 4 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,391 Yeah, he was just... just perched up there, you know, 5 00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:16,459 waiting for me to get out of my car. 6 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:17,660 So I'm gonna go kill it right now. 7 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,386 You guys should cut class today too. 8 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,121 - But I have perfect attendance. 9 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,322 - Hey, loosen up. Loosen up. 10 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,556 In fact, you know what? 11 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,734 If you don't walk out of this class right now, 12 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,459 I will mark you absent. 13 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,163 All right, now does anyone know where I can buy a gun? 14 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,332 Probably everywhere, right? Yeah? 15 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,134 ♪ 16 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,536 - Raw horse meat. 17 00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,338 It's a delicacy in Japan. 18 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,206 - I'll try it. 19 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,242 My pallet is sophisticated. 20 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,178 Arigato. 21 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,348 Marissa, give me your jacket. 22 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,492 [whispering] Give me your jacket. 23 00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,217 Gimme your jacket. 24 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,253 - You just crapped your capris, didn't you? 25 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,255 [dramatic sting] 26 00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,657 - Also previously on "A.P. Bio..." 27 00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,160 - The donor insemination worked. 28 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,561 It's positive! 29 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,530 - They've all been positive. 30 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,231 It's weird that you keep checking. 31 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,509 - Ooh, girl. You know I'm thorough. 32 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,301 And you can never be too sure. 33 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:09,636 Ooh. Ow. 34 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,438 [chuckles] The legs are growing. 35 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,372 - Oh, no. No, no, wait. 36 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,406 I'm... I'm still here. 37 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,642 No... yeah, I understand. 38 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,177 Bad news. 39 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,345 [dramatic sting] 40 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,546 The mall's shut down. 41 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,286 - Well, fundraiser raised enough cash 42 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,456 for Pam's veterinary bills, but time is running out! 43 00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,392 - She's one of the most important rams in my life. 44 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,228 [dramatic music] 45 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,464 Jack, are you leaving? - Uh, yes. 46 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,300 I'm going to do some, uh, bird watching. 47 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,701 For Biology. 48 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,404 - I got a real ram-ergency on my hands. 49 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,449 Would you deposit this in Pam's account at First Federal? 50 00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:47,574 - No, I... 51 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,275 - I gotta go give her a sponge bath. 52 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:50,443 Stat! 53 00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:56,216 [dramatic music builds] 54 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,717 [dramatic sting] 55 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,453 - Also previously on "A.P. Bio..." 56 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:01,755 [school bell ringing] 57 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,290 - Now that's the kind of guy who skips class. 58 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,558 Travis. 59 00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,627 - He's the baddest boy in school. 60 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,330 I heard he's a drug dealer. 61 00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,431 - Out of my way, nerds. 62 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,599 - Oh! 63 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:15,435 Sir, you dropped your... 64 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,338 drug money. 65 00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,540 [dramatic sting] 66 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,542 - God, I hope Pam pulls through. 67 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,744 No principal should outlive their mascot. 68 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,580 - Hey, do we really need all the trees 69 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,815 outside around the school? 70 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,383 - Did you make the deposit? 71 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,551 - The... the... the deposit? 72 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:32,719 Wh... oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. 73 00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,455 Yeah. 74 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,323 Well, that's gone. But you know what? 75 00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:38,734 I'm more than happy to help cover the... 76 00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,461 - Pam's $10,000 is gone? 77 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,296 She's gonna die without it. 78 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,598 - Uh, yeah... no. Like you said, um, 79 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:49,302 you know, I'm more than happy to help find the thief 80 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,671 who stole it off my desk! 81 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,707 [dramatic sting] 82 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,809 - Well, where are we gonna do our mall walks? 83 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,611 - Do we break into the school at night and do them here? 84 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,314 - Oh, you know what? I like that idea. 85 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,716 Let's keep it just between us. 86 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,751 - You guys, I am so sorry. 87 00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,287 I just texted our whole mall walking group. 88 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,889 - Oh, tell me you didn't include Mr. "On your Left!" 89 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,359 - I'm bad at secrets! 90 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:13,760 [dramatic sting] 91 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,562 - We should invest it. I'm telling you. 92 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,664 [overlapping chatter] In mutual bonds. 93 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,600 - We can't spend this! It's too hot. 94 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:22,535 And until we know what to do, 95 00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,671 Victor holds the money. 96 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,506 [suspenseful music] 97 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,341 [chime] 98 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,378 ♪ 99 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,579 - I'm holding the money now. 100 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,383 ♪ 101 00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,717 [chime] 102 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:42,355 ♪ 103 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,924 - These thirsty boys can't be trusted. 104 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,861 [dramatic sting] 105 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,430 - Also previously on "A.P. Bio..." 106 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:51,531 [suspenseful music] 107 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,532 - Oh. - Oh! 108 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,566 - Hey, excuse me. 109 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,535 - Yeah, no. My bad. 110 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,779 - I don't think we've officially met. 111 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,338 Gary, geometry. 112 00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,407 - I'm Dave, geology. 113 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,676 Such a pleasure. Here we are. 114 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,853 - Yeah. - Do you want some coffee? 115 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:04,944 - Yeah. 116 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,413 - [laughs] That's exactly 117 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,547 what I was gonna drink. 118 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,616 [dramatic music builds] 119 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,751 - Hm. 120 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,353 [dramatic sting] 121 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,422 - Why would anyone dance like no one's watching? 122 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:17,457 That doesn't make any sense. - [gasps] 123 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:18,792 Who would do this? 124 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,494 - Well, I know a few women who are none too pleased 125 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,729 with my behaviors. 126 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,898 And you wanna know the worst part? 127 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,701 Stuff like this tends to get me more followers 128 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,936 on my Whitlock live stream. 129 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,873 [dramatic sting] 130 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,878 - Coach, can I tell you something? 131 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,548 My wife is coming to visit me at work tomorrow. 132 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,451 - Okay. Why is your nose sweatin'? 133 00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,454 - 'Cause I might have told her that... I'm a teacher. 134 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,856 - Oh, man. 135 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,926 [laughing] You're in trouble. 136 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,828 [dramatic sting] 137 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,831 [dramatic music] 138 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,500 ♪ 139 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,469 - [sighs] 140 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,871 Have you seen an envelope with 10 grand? 141 00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,873 - I'm the one who found the money. 142 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,908 I am the money finder! 143 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,478 - Keep it up, you're gonna find my foot in your ass. 144 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,480 - Are you wearing a wire? - Hey... 145 00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:15,015 It's my puka shell necklace. 146 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,484 I... I was trying something new. 147 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,986 - Grandma told me I should've gone to parochial school. 148 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,922 But no, I needed to have a drama program. 149 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,891 Well, here's your drama, Anthony! 150 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,694 - Why did I try horse again? 151 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,029 - All right, y'all. Stop, stop. 152 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,597 STOP! 153 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,900 The money is tearing us apart. Don't y'all see that? 154 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,670 We're gonna return everything that we bought, 155 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,673 and then we're gonna give the money back to Travis. 156 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,741 That's the only way we're gonna be free, y'all. 157 00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,046 - I've always had this coat. 158 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,647 [dramatic sting] 159 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,816 - Also previously on "A.P. Bio..." 160 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,485 - I've been vandalized. 161 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,522 And do you wanna know who the real homewrecker is? 162 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,058 It's the guy reno-ing my bathroom. 163 00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,993 He came in with a sledgehammer... 164 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,928 - Joyce. You did it. 165 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,630 - I'm sick. I'm sick. 166 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:04,698 I'm sick. I'm sick. 167 00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,799 Please don't hate me. 168 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,734 - Of course not. You're my friend. 169 00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,070 I would do anything for you. 170 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,538 - Anything? 171 00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,772 [dramatic sting] 172 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,874 - Dale! There you are. 173 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,776 I just went into the ladies room, 174 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:19,079 and one of the toilets is clogged up again, 175 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,680 so could you take a look at that? 176 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,550 Maybe hit it with the fecal snake. 177 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,752 Thanks. Hi. 178 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,063 - What a weird thing to say to a teacher. 179 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,688 - [giggles] 180 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,899 - Normally, people just ask me about outer space 181 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:30,890 or bibliographies. - Mm-hmm. 182 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,692 - Good morning. 183 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,728 I'm Dick. I'm the principal. 184 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,563 Of the school. 185 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,865 ♪ 186 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,101 [suspenseful music] 187 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,703 - That was Pam's veterinarian. - Oh. 188 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,081 - Pam's taken a turn for the worse. 189 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,574 If she doesn't get surgery soon... 190 00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,509 ♪ 191 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,111 It's bad news. 192 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,946 [dramatic sting] 193 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,781 Hey, Winston. Hey. 194 00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,983 It's Ralph! I was thinking. 195 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,718 What if we got the ska band back together? 196 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,920 Huh? Yeah, do a couple of benefit shows. 197 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,656 Make some, uh... Oh, you never broke up? 198 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,993 Oh. You... 199 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,562 Oh, you just kicked me out. 200 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,997 Hey, Mom! Hey! 201 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,900 Listen. Um, how much money do you have? 202 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:17,837 Okay, and that's supposed to last you... 203 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,040 through the rest of the time? 204 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,808 'Cause you know... 205 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,743 It's just like oatmeal and Mr. Pibb with you. 206 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,146 I don't... what else are you spending the money on? 207 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:30,583 How much for a mint condition Sensation Comics ♪1, 208 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,586 the first-ever cover appearance of Wonder Woman. 209 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,689 Really? Oh, okay. 210 00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,590 How would I get one of those? 211 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,892 [dramatic sting] 212 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,828 ♪ 213 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,006 - I thought it was at least something more like surprising. 214 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:44,998 - No way. - [laughs] 215 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,067 - On your left! 216 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,002 - Oh, hell no! 217 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,638 ♪ 218 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,139 [dramatic sting] 219 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,650 - Thank you. I appreciate your cough drop. 220 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:55,942 That was very nice. 221 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,043 - Hmph. 222 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,912 - Oh. Hey, Gary. 223 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,115 [dramatic music builds] 224 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:09,189 ♪ 225 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,791 All: Also previously on "A.P. Bio..." 226 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,760 [suspenseful music] 227 00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,862 - I know what kind of person you are, 228 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,197 and I know what you can do. 229 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,800 So, your money is in my locker. 230 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,702 ♪ 231 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,839 [dramatic sting] 232 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,974 - [breathing heavily] 233 00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,645 Oh, quit faking, you old baby. 234 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,882 [crashing] 235 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:37,984 Oh, no. That's not good. 236 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,019 Oh. 237 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,920 - I'm calling 911. 238 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,790 Oh, God. Are we gonna get in trouble? 239 00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,101 - Um, a medical emergency on school grounds? 240 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,826 Yeah. 241 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,062 - All right, if we all just keep our mouths shut, 242 00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,630 we'll all be okay. 243 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,633 [dramatic music] 244 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,169 ♪ 245 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,773 - So, uh, we cut class like you told us to. 246 00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,842 And we ended up with this. 247 00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,846 - Uh... 248 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,124 - It seems that the drug dealer and I 249 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,183 have had a deep misunderstanding. 250 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,819 - Yeah? 251 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,988 [suspenseful music] 252 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,924 - Somebody at this school knows where that stolen money is! 253 00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,126 - I'm declaring martial law. 254 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,728 Attention, Whitlock. 255 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,263 The school is officially on lockdown. 256 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,698 - Lock it up! 257 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,672 - Our community has experienced 258 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,893 a serious violation of trust. 259 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,034 - Not funny! 260 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,302 - No one is leaving 261 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:30,904 until we get to the bottom of it. 262 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,772 - Don't even try it. 263 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,742 - Helen and I are coming to every classroom. 264 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:38,244 And may God have mercy on your souls. 265 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,979 [dramatic music] 266 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,848 - Was that about us? 267 00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,884 - We... are... hosed. 268 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,921 [dramatic string music] 269 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,889 - That was definitely about us. 270 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,825 - Mm-hmm. 271 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,761 We are deeply, deeply hosed. 272 00:09:54,794 --> 00:10:01,701 ♪ 273 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,944 [Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"] 274 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,312 - One, two, three, four! 275 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:15,048 - ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪ 276 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,717 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 277 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:27,827 . 278 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,362 - And now, "A.P. Bio." 279 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,032 [school bell rings] 280 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,833 - Why did we let in 281 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,835 that old dude with a weak heart? 282 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,204 I mean, it felt so good smoking his old ass, 283 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,839 but at what cost? 284 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,975 - I mean, now he's sitting pretty in the hospital 285 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,077 and we're probably gonna lose our damn jobs. 286 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,845 - I can't lose my job! 287 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,089 Keith just subscribed to one of those 288 00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,849 expensive meal delivery services. 289 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:50,993 - We're gonna get out of this. 290 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,194 We just have to get our story straight 291 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,887 before Durbin starts sniffing around. 292 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,121 - Yeah. 293 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,956 Yeah, like weren't sneaking in. - Mm-mm! 294 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,391 - Okay, we were staying late. 295 00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,993 Grading papers. 296 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:00,994 - Yeah. Yeah. 297 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,395 And the old dude was... 298 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,265 an Uber driver, uh, and we had to call him 299 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,800 because I was having car trouble. 300 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,134 - Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 301 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,403 And he begged, okay, to come into the school, okay? 302 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,038 Because he... 303 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,182 - He always had a weird thing about peeing 304 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,875 in the smaller toilets you find in school bathrooms. 305 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:20,013 - Or we just say he had to pee. 306 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,815 Okay, it's simple. 307 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,316 Grading, Uber, pee. - Right, okay. 308 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,918 Grading, Uber, pee. 309 00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:27,020 You got it, Michelle? You can do this. 310 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,998 - That's the same thing you said when I caught you 311 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,423 eating Steph's last fudge pop, 312 00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,158 and I just told her now, 313 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,827 and I'm still telling her! 314 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,161 Somebody stop me. Help! 315 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,363 - Just stick to the script. 316 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,831 Okay, Michelle? - Yeah. 317 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,165 - Mary, 318 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,167 you owe my baby some fudge. 319 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,169 [dramatic music] 320 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,838 - Hey, hey. Calm down. 321 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,106 Hey, hey! Chill out. 322 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,283 - Principal Durbin and Ms. DeMarcus 323 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,408 are going to be here soon. 324 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,243 What do we do? - We're dead. 325 00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,278 - You can all go down for this, but not me. 326 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,313 I'm clean. 327 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,081 - Your pants might disagree. 328 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,316 - [clears throat] - [chuckles] 329 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,084 - Private joke. Just ignore it. 330 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,053 - You got diarrhea from eating horse meat. 331 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,254 They filled me in. 332 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,056 - Look, it might be embarrassing, 333 00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,924 but at least it's not illegal. 334 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,960 - You know, she's right. Okay? 335 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,304 Your petty little squabbles are nothing compared 336 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,363 to Possession with Intent to Distribute. 337 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,065 We need a plan here. 338 00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,300 - We could flush it, get the little fishies 339 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,436 in the Maumee River all hopped up good. 340 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,937 - [clears throat] 341 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,472 Speaking hypothetically, 342 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,941 I don't think the school's plumbing can handle 343 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,486 even a simple pair of cotton underwear, 344 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:26,079 let alone... all of that. 345 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,081 - We're not flushing anything, okay? 346 00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,358 We're gonna hide the drugs until we can sell them 347 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:31,384 and get the money back. 348 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,087 I hate to be that guy, but... 349 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,989 you're all drug dealers now. 350 00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,059 [suspenseful music] 351 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,395 - And that's basically the Vietnam War. 352 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,065 Definitely no picnic. 353 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,166 Okay? 354 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,968 Helen, Principal Durbin. 355 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,437 Welcome. 356 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,038 - I think you know why we're here. 357 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,107 If anyone has anything 358 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,210 they would like to own up to first... 359 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,978 - Yeah. Right. 360 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,947 Um, okay, so see, what had happened was, 361 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,049 um, if y'all were curious, 362 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,160 is that we were here last night. 363 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,052 Grading papers. 364 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,089 Um, and we called an Uber because Mary had car trouble. 365 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,290 - What? - Yeah. 366 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,992 - Corollas are usually so reliable! 367 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,296 - Yeah. You know, of course they are. 368 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,399 Uh, but her tires were slashed. 369 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,068 - What is happening at this school? 370 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,546 Now we gotta go check out the parking lot, I guess. 371 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,405 - Oh, you checking out the parking lot... 372 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:28,008 You know, you guys know an amusing thing 373 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,443 about pregnant women is how frequently they urinate. 374 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,312 So, excuse me. 375 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,051 - Have you guys texted your friends 376 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,519 about buying some cocaine? 377 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,022 I mean, I feel like you're not helping here. Wh... 378 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,057 - You made us skip. You lost the money. 379 00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,525 It's kind of all your fault. 380 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,293 - Well, let's... 381 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,996 Let's set that aside for the moment, Sarika, okay? 382 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,165 Let's... let's fish that out of a clogged toilet, 383 00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,500 ball it up, and throw it deep 384 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,202 into the bathroom garbage, okay, for the moment. 385 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,314 For the moment, maybe toss a few paper towels on top, okay? 386 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,006 'Cause I'm not going down for this! 387 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,208 - If they come for you, boss, I'll take the fall. 388 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,452 I thought I'd be the first in my family 389 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,078 to go to college, 390 00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,047 but instead, I'll be the 19th in my family 391 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,281 to go to jail. 392 00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,583 - Okay, no. Heather, you can't do that. 393 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,586 Look, I'll confess to it all. 394 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,355 I'll take the fall for you. 395 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,991 All: Aww. 396 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,193 - Dan, no. 397 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,262 You're a good friend. 398 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,999 I can't let you go down for this. 399 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,201 I'll take the fall. 400 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,074 S-somebody gonna... 401 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:37,177 - That daisy-chain lost momentum quickly. 402 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,579 No, no one person is taking the fall for this. 403 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,348 We'll find a place to hide it, okay? 404 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,316 I mean, obviously we can't keister it, you know? 405 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,985 - If you change your mind, I do have 16 condoms. 406 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,223 - Well, th... uh... 407 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,591 Good. 408 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,027 I support that. 409 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,229 But what's something else? 410 00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,565 - Eyes on your own paper, Marie. 411 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,066 Oh. 412 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,234 - So real quick. 413 00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,103 Mary's tires got slashed last night 414 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,271 when we were here together working. 415 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,207 - Grading, Uber, pee. - Right. 416 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,042 Plus, when Durbin came to my classroom, 417 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,643 I told him that we stayed extra late 418 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,345 because we're all writing a play 419 00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,514 called "The Princess and the Snow Cone." 420 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,116 - A play? - No, no, no. 421 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,393 Don't even worry about it. It's super simple. 422 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,552 Okay, the king of an ancient tropical land 423 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,421 tells the princess that she can have anything 424 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,423 that her heart desires for her birthday. 425 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,292 But he never counted on her asking for a snow cone, 426 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,129 an impossible wish due to the lack of refrigeration 427 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,398 and aforementioned tropicality. 428 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,266 Also there's a bear? 429 00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,602 - I think I got this, okay? I can do it. 430 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,303 Good morning, Ralph. 431 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,406 Mm... that was too forced, right? 432 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,274 Good morning, Ralph. No, that's the same. 433 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:42,609 Welcome to the classroom, Ralph. 434 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,244 Ralph, hello. 435 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,554 Everybody gets into accidents walking. 436 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,280 Some people have to practice walking. 437 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,549 Yoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! It's okay. 438 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,085 It's okay. Everybody take a breath. 439 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,187 You all take a breath too. Tale a breath in and out. 440 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,289 In and out! But keep your eyes down. 441 00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,691 You keep your eyes up! 442 00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,292 Ralph, get out of my classroom! 443 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,094 Nobody can come in here! 444 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,429 This is my room! 445 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,264 - Oh, God. They're closing in. 446 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,565 - Okay, Jack. Um, think. 447 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,267 We've gotta hide it. Um... 448 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,511 What do we do, what do we do, what do we do? 449 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:09,636 Um... 450 00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,639 [dramatic music] 451 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,674 ♪ 452 00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,143 - And this guy starts like, "Oh!" 453 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,445 - I can't believe she caved. 454 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,213 - Like, really, really. 455 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,315 And we didn't know what to do with him! 456 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,451 Yes. We did it. 457 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,720 It was us. 458 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,689 We are the ones that brought the ice down 459 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,358 from the misty mountains. 460 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,293 Take this back to the princess, 461 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,463 and she can have her snow cone! 462 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,265 Curtain. Intermission. 463 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,202 - Wow, that... that all happens in act 1? 464 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,738 That's amazing! - I have a few notes. 465 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,274 I feel like it owes a big debt to "Emperor's New Groove." 466 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,377 - Well, yeah, that's... oh! Oh. 467 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,446 Michelle was telling us about the new play you guys wrote. 468 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,491 - Oh, my God, Ralph, we have to go find the missing money. 469 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,484 - We... oh, my God. 470 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,686 - Did she say "missing money"? 471 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,322 - I can't wait to see the rest of this. 472 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,424 I can't believe you open in a week! 473 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,558 [chuckles] 474 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,727 - [sighs] 475 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,229 [laughs nervously] 476 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,599 [dramatic music] 477 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,334 - Little bit more... 478 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,635 Little bit more... oh! 479 00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:18,705 Just about... [grunts] 480 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,540 Hi. Hey. 481 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,476 Durbin, Helen. Yeah, come on in. 482 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,679 So yeah, as you guys can see, standing up on something 483 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,682 flexes the tibialis interior muscle 484 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,617 which stabilizes the leg and the foot. 485 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,253 All: Oh! 486 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,287 - Yeah. 487 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,355 - Oh, okay. 488 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,457 Well, we'll just make this quick. 489 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,559 We are looking for a... 490 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,592 [thud] 491 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,207 - Any update on Pam? 492 00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:58,511 . 493 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,413 [bell rings] - On the next "A.P. Bio..." 494 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,716 [dramatic music] 495 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,617 - I know exactly what that is. 496 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,253 We snorted a lot of it in the '80s. 497 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,855 It's pure baking flour. 498 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,323 ♪ 499 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,459 It's called a bread bump. 500 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,428 ♪ 501 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,331 - Yeah, so I found the guy who sold Victor that fake cocaine. 502 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:19,866 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tackled him, 503 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,410 and he whipped around and grabbed my throat. 504 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,602 - Gouge his eyes! 505 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,337 - Yeah, uh, well, this already happened. 506 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:25,405 - Oh, right. - Yeah. 507 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,674 So, anyway, um, I broke free. 508 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,509 And I had an opening for a death blow, 509 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,711 but I didn't wanna kill him 'cause he's a student. 510 00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:34,280 - I wish more of our teachers had your restraint. 511 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,616 - So, long story short... 512 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,884 I got the money back. 513 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,686 - So who is it? 514 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,688 - I can never tell. 515 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,289 - [whispering] He's an undercover cop. 516 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,625 Both: What? 517 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,494 - Yeah, so we better just, you know, 518 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,637 look the other way on this one. 519 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,905 And that's coming down from the brass. 520 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:50,897 - [gasps] Oh! 521 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,599 Pam! 522 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,600 We gotta get our sweet princess to the veterinarian. 523 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,368 - Let's go, let's go, let's go. - Thank you. 524 00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,737 - Also on the next "A.P. Bio..." 525 00:18:57,771 --> 00:19:00,840 - You're the principal, yes? 526 00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,742 You're richer than teacher? 527 00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,477 Powerful? 528 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,413 - Uh, yes, I'm the top dog. 529 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,448 I'm the ♪1 guy. 530 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,583 - [moaning] 531 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,789 [dramatic sting] 532 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,891 - Oh, my sweet princess, 533 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,793 how I failed thee. 534 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,395 What need I hands if not to deliver to you 535 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,531 thy cone of snow? 536 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:27,534 Ow! 537 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,536 [grunts] Shit. Sorry. 538 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,937 [dramatic sting] 539 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,740 - Also on the next "A.P. Bio..." 540 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,676 - So yours truly snuck out his back window, right, 541 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:38,511 when his lady got home. 542 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:41,548 - There you are, you man-stealing bitch! 543 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,749 You slept with my boyfriend, 544 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,684 biology teacher Jack Griffin! 545 00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:46,419 - So what if I did? 546 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,655 And by the way, he was terrible. 547 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:49,756 - [gasps] 548 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,558 - Gotta go. Back soon. 549 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,968 - Okay, I love the part about Jack being bad in bed. 550 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,561 - Oh, thank you. 551 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:55,838 - Did we get a good cliffhanger for you? 552 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,430 - Oh, yeah. 553 00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:58,908 The pigs are definitely sniffing around 554 00:19:58,932 --> 00:19:59,966 for a mushroom. 555 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,601 [both laughing] 556 00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:05,372 - Hey, it's Dave, right? 557 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,440 - [Bleep] off, Gary. 558 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,676 [dramatic music builds] 559 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,611 [dramatic sting] 560 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,880 - Thanks, King Dad. 561 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,715 - And I never could have done it 562 00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:19,452 without the indigenous peoples of this place. 563 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,921 [cheers and applause] 564 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,891 [triumphant music] 565 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,527 ♪ 566 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,430 [louder cheers and applause] 567 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,501 - Whoo-hoo-hoo. 568 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,936 - Also on the next "A.P. Bio..." 569 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,506 - Pam the Ram made it through surgery, Ralph! 570 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,573 - Yeah! 571 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,442 [both laughing] - Ow, oh. 572 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,877 - Helen... 573 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,745 did you give her one of your kidneys? 574 00:20:45,779 --> 00:20:46,980 [gong rings] 575 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,849 Life is crazy. 576 00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:53,553 It's crazy that Pam the Ram survived this whole transplant, 577 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,022 only to be hit by a bus. 578 00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,725 And it's even crazier that she survived 579 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,560 being hit by a bus 580 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,696 and that this 581 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,898 is the bus driver's funeral. 582 00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,434 You know, Neil Young said, 583 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,769 "It's better to burn out than fade away." 584 00:21:09,803 --> 00:21:12,038 And Def Leppard quoted him 585 00:21:12,072 --> 00:21:14,040 in their song, "Rock of Ages," 586 00:21:14,074 --> 00:21:16,810 which Deborah's niece will now play 587 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,812 on the trombone. 588 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,580 Ophelia? 589 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,917 [trombone blaring badly] 590 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,620 ♪ 591 00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,789 - [sighs] 592 00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:34,661 [dramatic music] 40190

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