Original subtitles

No labels...

...nothing in his pockets except these extra clips.

Prints removed from the ends of his fingertips by surgery.

An assault force from Thrush.

That is their way.

Manganese and thermite, Illya.

What do you think their purpose?

To kill him.

Quite right, Mr. Solo.

Their idea was to prevent me from acting on some new information we just received.

Here. You can have the information.

Then Thrush can try and kill you for a while.

And just, uh, who is this Andrew Vulcan?

He, uh...

He's the president of the United Global Chemical Corporation in Maryland.

He's also the Eastern Seaboard head of operations for Thrush.

Can we take him?

Not yet, unfortunately.

However, we intercepted his last communication from Thrush...

...and decoded it to read:

"When the premier of Western Natumba visits our plant...

...we must assassinate."

That's all?

At that point, the message was garbled and lost.

Now, the premier of this newly independent nation...

...is visiting Washington, D.C. Right now.

You, Mr. Solo, must go there immediately...

...and prevent the assassination of this man.

Channel D will brief you.

This just came in.

The arrival of the Western Natumba delegation.

Ashumen is premier.

Nobuk, minister of war.

Soumarin, economics minister.

Andrew Vulcan keeps himself a very private person.

That's his plant in Maryland.

And watch out for the private army. They aren't afraid to use those things.

Well, that's the lot.

Plus what you can dig out of that file.

Well, thank you, my little agent provocateur.

Napoleon, Mr. Waverly thought this might be of some use to you.

Ruttenberg College Yearbook, 1949.

Andrew Vulcan is listed as a senior with a degree in engineering.

But what's more interesting...

...in his university days, he also had a girlfriend.

That is interesting.

According to his file, a girlfriend's a luxury he hasn't permitted himself since then.

And what was her name?

She's the one.

Elaine May Bender of Middleton, New York.

- Well, I just don't understand. - Nor do I, Elaine.

All I can tell you is that I had a call from my bishop.

Excuse me.

Yes, uh, my name is Solo.

Reverend Anderson.

You've had time to, uh, talk to Mrs. Donaldson, I believe.

- Talk, yes. Uh, understand, no. - Oh, the car pool. Excuse me.

- I forgot. Danny? I washed. Bye.

He did not. Bye, Mommy. Florie. Oh...

- I'm sorry. Ahem.

All I can say to you is that the bishop asked me to vouch for Mr. Solo.

In all conscience, the best I can do is vouch for the bishop.

- Goodbye, Elaine. Oh, goodbye.

My superior is a very close friend of your reverend's bishop.

I thought this, uh, introduction might save you many, uh, doubts.

- Doubts? About what, Mr. Solo? - There's a flight from Middleton...

...to Washington, D.C. Leaving tonight at 11:15.

I want you to take that flight...

...with me.

Well, I have to do my hair. My husband and I are going out this evening.

Oh, this room is a mess.

What the devil sort of proposition is that?

Your maiden name was Bender.

In 1949, you were a freshman at Ruttenberg College.

And you were, I believe the expression is "going steady"...

...with a boy named Andrew Vulcan. Remember?

Andy? Well, of course.

Well, I haven't seen him since then. What of it?

He heads a corporation started for him by Thrush.

Oh.

Who's Thrush?

We don't know.

Thrush might be a man, or a woman.

Or a committee that heads a secret, international organization.

Very powerful, very wealthy.

Thrush has no allegiance to any country, nor to any ideal.

It will embark upon any undertaking it may decide is in its own interest.

And where Thrush succeeds, many, many people pay a terrible price.

Oh...

And you, what do you do?

I'm an agent for an organization...

...designated as the U.N.C.L.E.

U. N... Oh, U.N.C.L.E.

Oh...

You know, I've heard of that. I've read about that somewhere.

Now, your group wants to stop this, uh, Thrush?

Along with others.

Let's say that U.N.C.L.E. Is set up for the protection of people all over the world.

Oh.

Well, what's all that got to do with me?

I mean, I'm just a housewife with two children.

And a husband, don't forget him.

Well, I assure you that although you must not tell your husband about this...

...he will insist that you take that plane tonight.

What?

I have very little time to prevent the assassination...

...of the leader of a new nation.

Now, we can place people all around Vulcan...

...but they couldn't get through the way you could.

Only you might get close enough, quickly enough, to be of any help.

Well, I couldn't.

It's preposterous.

No. I won't even consider it.

Now, uh, what ever happened to red lipsticks?

You know, this is a fraud against men.

Why? Under the new lipsticks are the same old lips.

Well, that's a comfort.

Now, let's get down to business.

Did, uh, your husband insist?

Yes. He did.

Really, getting me appointed special delegate...

...to the National Parents Conference in Washington.

Well, conveniently, the original delegate became ill.

I swear, I don't know what I'm doing here.

As of now, you are Elaine Van Every of Northridge, Oklahoma.

Well, what's wrong with being just me?

Well, because it will help if you're a little more important than you.

You see, Elaine Bender made a brilliant marriage.

You're a very wealthy woman now. A widow.

Oil wells.

I have your breakfast in the other room.

French toast must be eaten while hot.

I'm sorry to be using your cup...

...but the ladies of the conference might have strong feelings...

...about a delegate ordering two breakfast settings in her bedroom.

Just orange juice for me, please.

That's all I ever have for breakfast.

You always eat a very large breakfast, Mrs. Van Every.

And quite sensibly too.

Yes. Well, I'll bet she's fat.

Adults overeat in this country.

Now, Danny and Florie, they're my children...

...they'll eat anything that doesn't...

...move.

Oh...

What's all this for?

Vulcan is having a party this evening at his estate near Arlington.

As of 8:00 last night, you were on the guest list.

A lot of important people are going to be there.

The party from Western Natumba, for instance.

- Hey, it's all real, isn't it? - Why not? You're rich.

I recommend the, uh, third dress from the left.

It's been worn once before at a presidential soiree.

You'd be very flattered to know who wore it.

It's beautiful, but it's all black.

Black has never been a good color for me.

It hasn't? - Uh-uh.

That's right, I'm supposed to be in mourning. Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Well, you mustn't forget.

I've told you about the organization we're dealing with.

They kill people the way people kill flies.

A careless flick of the wrist. A reflex action.

I'll protect you in every way possible.

But in the end, your safety depends on you.

So don't forget who you are or what you are.

I won't forget again.

All right.

The premier is to inspect tomorrow.

That gives us a few hours to stop the assassination.

What am I supposed to do at this party?

Just be there. Let Vulcan make the approaches.

- Will you be there? - I'll be just another guest.

At the party, you are to treat me as a stranger.

What if I learn something from Andy? I mean, Vulcan.

If anything there puzzles you or seems urgent, signal me.

A hairdresser will be here at 5:00.

I've checked out everyone. They're all tourists.

It's safe to stay in your room until 9. Then go to the west entrance.

A chauffeur and limousine will be waiting for you.

You don't overlook anything, do you?

I'd better not.

Elaine May Bender?

Elaine May Donaldson?

Elaine May Van Every.

Well, look at you.

Thank you.

Good evening. I'm Gracie Ladovan.

Acting as hostess for Mr. Vulcan this evening.

And you must be?

Uh, Mrs. Elaine Van Every. A friend of mine.

Oh, yes, Oklahoma. Oil, wasn't it?

And you're just in town for a few days? Let me introduce you to a few people.

Oh, Charlie. Over here, he's a senator.

And here are our friends from Western Natumba.

The premier, Mr. Sekue Ashumen.

- How do you do? - Minister of war, General Molte Nobuk.

And the brilliant minister of economy, Mr. Jean Francis Soumarin.

- May I present... - Elaine?

Is this your first visit to the States?

Excuse me, won't you? I must get back.

So many undesirables try to crash an affair like this.

Well, to answer your question.

I graduated from Dover University some years ago.

This is my first visit since then.

You have a lovely nation.

But for my temperament, I prefer the English way of life.

Creating a new nation must be a terribly difficult undertaking.

Difficult? It's an impossible undertaking.

However, you have an admirer.

I never thought Mr. Vulcan was so shy.

- It is. Elaine. Andy. Oh...

Elaine Bender. Of all things and people.

Oh, look at you. I don't believe it. In a tuxedo.

There was a time when I couldn't get him to wear even a sports jacket.

Ah, then you're old friends?

Shall we give them a chorus of the Ruttenberg Rally?

Oh, let's spare them that.

Well, I've been reading about you.

You've done so well and I'm pleased for you.

And you. You're married, of course.

Well, my husband died two months ago in an accident.

Carl Van Every. You might've heard of him.

I am sorry.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. - No damage, friend.

Hazards of war.

I find myself remembering what it feels like to be moved by the look of a woman.

It's a luxury I haven't permitted myself in many years.

Well, I think you've missed a lot, then.

Have you found whatever it was you always wanted?

Yes, but now that I've seen you again...

...I remember wanting even more.

Go slow, Andy.

There's been a gap of more than 10 years.

You can't just leap across it.

Well, then let me back up and approach again.

In a different manner.

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing. Just, uh, see some party crashers.

Wouldn't be a Washington party without them.

Ah, there you are. I wanted to say good night.

It's time I got to the plant to, uh, check the arrangements for the tour.

Thanks for coming, Alfred. Elaine, this is Mr. Ghist, one of our finest engineers.

How do you do? Pleasure.

By the way, did you notice that our friend's uncle is here?

He's just introducing himself.

I want to be sure he doesn't join us at the plant. He'd only spoil things.

- Well, I'll see to that. - And, uh...

...on your way, will you ask our friend to be careful of what he says.

- I'd like him to avoid an argument. - I'll do that.

- Good night. - Good night.

It's one of those amusing family feuds, but I don't want my party spoiled by a fight.

Oh, it's such a lovely party.

I like the premier, Mr. Ashumen.

Yes, I'm gonna build a plant for him in Western Natumba.

A duplicate of my plant in Maryland.

That's why they're gonna inspect it tomorrow.

It's kind of cold out here.

Have you learned to dance since school?

I've taken lessons...

...but I've had no desire to use them until just this moment.

Now, tell me, are you having success in attracting industry to your country?

Well, it's very difficult, very difficult indeed.

Oh, everyone is sympathetic but reluctant to act.

They want a lot of guarantees.

If the three of you work for the growth of your nation...

...as well as you fought for its independence, I'm certain you will succeed.

We will work together, Mr. Solo.

Where the needs of our people are concerned, we are brothers.

Well, good luck, then. Excuse me.

No, no, no. You see, you're pushing when you should be guiding. Excuse me.

You see, just in here. It's all in the right hand.

Like this. Flat, palm spread right beneath your partner's right shoulder blade...

...arm rigid.

And then when you turn, she follows.

Thus.

Oh, by the way...

...I'm cutting in.

Laugh, I just said something hilarious to you.

Now, you didn't wanna tell me something?

- Vulcan knows you're with U.N.C.L.E. - Oh...

He told someone to keep you away from the plant.

Well, they are well-informed, aren't they?

- With, uh, whom did he discuss this? - Oh, an Englishman.

His name was Alfred Ghist. Ha.

He's over there talking to the Western Natumba delegation.

He's one of Vulcan's engineers.

And he indicated he was to warn someone else...

...to be careful of what they said to you.

Did you notice who Alfred spoke to after he left you?

- He didn't talk to anyone until just now. - Oh, I see.

Well, I want you to do something for me.

I want you to squeeze a drop or two of this into the premier's drink.

But don't get caught.

Oh, what will it do? - Well, it'll probably save his life.

Please, friends, don't fuss.

I warned you. You drank yourself too much.

- Has someone called a doctor? The doctor is on his way.

I'll get your car, sir.

He wants his car. Is it ready?

When the speedometer hits 50, it'll contact a thin wire...

...and then our uncle will go sleepy-bye forever.

Channel D is open.

Report for Number One of Section One. Acknowledge, please.

Report for Number One of Section One.

Can confirm that premier will not be in condition to visit Vulcan's plant tomorrow.

Therefore assassination attempt temporarily delayed.

Repeat, temporarily delayed.

Acknowledge reception.

And turn off that sun lamp before you boil over.

Acknowledged.

And don't worry, I'll keep cool till you get back.

After all, there's a locked steel door between me and the outside world.

Half an hour, then.

You, uh, did that nicely.

What are you so upset about? You're doing better than I am.

Having me put those in the premier's drink.

Elaine, those drops will only make him feel ill.

They'll have no permanent effect.

With tomorrow's inspection postponed...

It hasn't been postponed.

It hasn't. I was there, I heard them.

Nobuk and Soumarin will inspect the plant tomorrow.

Andy insisted.

Vulcan insisted? Without the premier?

Yes. Well, he said it was important.

Now what's the matter? Ashumen won't be along.

- So it's all right. - No, it's not all right.

There's something about that plant.

And I've got to find out what it is tonight.

When Vulcan gets back, get him to show you the plant tonight.

But he wants to take me to a nightclub.

And you would rather see the plant.

Flatter him, admire him and the empire he's built.

Well, I do admire him.

And I don't believe all those things you've told me about him.

He just isn't like that.

If that blood you just washed off my face doesn't impress you...

...then you might go down to the river tomorrow...

...and watch them fish out what's left of my car.

Oh, I don't know what to believe any longer.

And I don't wanna have anything more to do with all this, I won't.

You know, you forgot something, Mr. Solo.

When you said that I might stir up some old emotions in him...

...you forgot that he might stir up some old emotions in me.

You're afraid?

Of course I'm afraid.

You bet I'm afraid.

But not of Vulcan.

She's the one you're afraid of, isn't she?

Look at how well she wears the clothes.

The jewels.

She mixes with important people.

She enjoys meeting them.

The excitement of a Washington party.

But Elaine Donaldson has no place here, has she?

She'll have to go home.

Back to being an ordinary housewife.

You're afraid that when the time comes...

...you won't be able to walk away from what you see in that mirror.

You don't believe that.

When you get to the lobby, ask him to buy cigarettes, stall him for 15 minutes.

No.

I need 15 minutes.

No.

Open the door.

Now.

Ready, darling? - Yes.

Operator, get me the airport.

Vanguard Air Charter Service.

I hate to admit it, but I'm exhausted.

There's only another three or four thousand acres to go.

Ah, well, I did I ask for it, didn't I?

I like that.

I like that you're interested in what I do.

This is of no importance whatever to me. What's important...

...is you.

Look.

What's he doing?

Get the dogs over there, and call security.

You wait inside. I'll be right back.

Stay alert. There's an intruder on the grounds.

Just finished.

There's someone on the grounds.

Oh? It's been quiet as a grave here.

A lovely night for work. Here, look.

Just a hairline.

A very neat job.

If you've finished, let's clear out and seal this room off.

We have to find our intruder.

This is what the parachute brought down, sir.

- A diversion. - Why?

To allow somebody to got to the reactor.

And I led him to it.

This room was sealed off. I want it double-checked...

...for any place where an intruder could hide. Any place.

Mr. Vulcan wants you.

Hey!

Stop him!

Be careful of your target.

The place is loaded with hydrogen. You'll blow us all up!

Come on.

This way, quick.

Oh!

Oh, no...

All right, when we get to that car...

...get down on the floor in the back. I may have to crash through the gate.

All right.

Pardon me for not getting out of the car.

Whatever it was you gave me has left me still feeling a bit weak.

But you don't understand. They mean to kill you.

I think we all understand now.

Too late, I believe, Mr. Solo.

You see, no one intends to kill me.

It's Soumarin and Nobuk who have to die.

Follow him.

Well, I'm sure you'll find this a lovely place to spend the night.

And it's, uh, soundproof.

Come over here, Mr. Solo. You're about to be chained to a pipe.

Up you go.

Your discomfort will last approximately an hour and 45 minutes.

When we leave the room, we'll fill it with steam. Death will come rather slowly.

But then, uh, you're a patient man, Mr. Solo.

And you must have been patient, Mr. Ashumen...

...to have posed as a patriot all those years...

...while you set your country up for Thrush.

Thrush is my country.

So Thrush achieves respectability.

Congratulations, Mr. Vulcan.

With Thrush the government, and with all privileges attendant...

...diplomatic immunity, industrial potential, armed forces at our disposal...

...we achieve a great deal more than respectability, Mr. Solo.

But Nobuk and Soumarin, they would oppose it.

They are two dedicated, intensely patriotic men...

...who will emerge as martyrs.

Victims of an unfortunate accident...

...while negotiating ways to better the lot of our people.

I will erect statues to their martyrdom, mourn their loss...

...rule in their names.

Oh!

The explosion should take place at 9:00 tomorrow morning.

You will return here and arrange for their bodies...

...to be discovered in the fire which follows.

You'd best leave through the tunnel.

I am sorry for you, madam.

Good night, chums.

Sorry.

Oh, you were very clear about the risks involved.

I understood them and I accepted them.

No, you mustn't blame yourself.

Of course I don't blame myself. It had to be done.

Look.

They never saw me.

Danny and Florie, they never saw me.

My husband, they always saw me so ordinary...

...always clean up and pick up and run the car pool.

But you saw.

When I walked into that room, everybody looked and they...

I mean, they all looked at me.

And then they admired me, all those glamorous people, didn't they?

You were the most beautiful woman there.

And now look at me.

- You dropped this. - Oh, thank you.

They'll be here any minute.

Sure you're gonna be able to hold yourself up there?

- I'll manage. - Right.

Step this way, gentlemen, we'll take a closer look.

Whoever comes in first, they'll see you hanging there.

That may give me just the moment I'll need.

I think you'll find this interesting. I'll put the reactor through a typical pressure cycle.

All right. Get out of here, quick.

Well, what about you? - I'm going up there. Go on.

Get out, everybody. This thing is going to explode.

Come on. Move out!

All right, let's get out of here.

Ashumen, did he get out?

Ashumen!

No regrets about Mrs. Van Every?

No regrets.

Maybe, um, just one?

I'm content to go home right now.

A mother would never come home from a trip without presents.

This is a doll.

And a build-it-yourself radio.

And for him, a sweater. It's his size, I absolutely guarantee it.

Thank you.

You do think of everything.

- Are you getting off, Mr. Solo? Hmm?

There will be an hour delay before we return to New York.

- You could stretch your legs. - No.

Would you like some coffee?

- No, no, no. - Is there anything I can do for you?

Well, uh, as a matter of fact...