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1
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:36,932
'S wonderful
2
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,064
'S marvelous
3
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:43,572
You should care
4
00:00:43,609 --> 00:00:44,940
For me
5
00:00:46,779 --> 00:00:49,247
'S awful nice
6
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:52,251
'S paradise
7
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:54,913
'S what I love
8
00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:57,514
To see
9
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,650
You make
10
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:03,594
My life so glamorous
11
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:07,963
You can't blame me
for feeling amorous
12
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:11,960
Now, is this
a bit of terrific, hmm?
13
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:17,766
Last night, she was banging
on my door for 45 minutes...
14
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:18,890
but I wouldn't let her out.
15
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:30,178
'S wonderful
16
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:33,454
'S marvelous
17
00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:40,661
That you should care for me
18
00:01:45,838 --> 00:01:47,806
Don't worry. I'll get the mail.
19
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,137
I'll get it.
20
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,803
Uh-oh. Speaking of my mo...
21
00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:53,106
I have an amazing mother.
22
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:57,310
You know, she's 85 years old,
and she don't need glasses.
23
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:58,710
She drinks
right out of the bottle.
24
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,048
She don't even
open them anymore.
25
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,419
She goes
right through the label.
26
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,759
Oh, and drinking?
27
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,762
My doctor said,
"Stop drinking"...
28
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,855
so I'm not gonna drink anymore.
29
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:15,265
I'm gonna freeze it now
and eat it like a Popsicle.
30
00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:22,264
'S wonderful
31
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,277
'S marvelous
32
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,779
You should care
33
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:28,781
For me
34
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,282
2, 3, 4.
35
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,285
'S awful nice
36
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,787
'S paradise
37
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,620
'S what I love
38
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,285
To see
39
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,294
I guess you all know
this is my last night here.
40
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,806
Tomorrow morning
I'm going to Hollywood...
41
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:44,956
and make a new picture...
42
00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:47,591
me, Frank Sinatra,
Sammy Davis Jr...
43
00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:49,191
and Joey Bishop...
44
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,668
called "Little Women."
45
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,306
But before that,
I'm gonna do a TV special...
46
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,807
with Mr. Bing Crosby.
47
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,901
Now, why Bing works so hard,
I'll never know.
48
00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:00,310
He's got $21 million...
49
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,938
on him.
50
00:03:12,391 --> 00:03:14,359
My dear
51
00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:18,022
It's four-leaf clover time
52
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:21,898
From now on,
my heart's working overtime
53
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,336
I don't care
who you are, fat man.
54
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,202
You get them reindeers
off my roof.
55
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:32,037
'S wonderful
56
00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:34,876
'S marvelous
57
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,041
That you should care
58
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:41,918
For me
59
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:44,389
Good night! Good night!
60
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:46,254
See you next year!
61
00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:52,223
Great, Dino. Only great.
62
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,130
They were rolling in the aisles.
63
00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:56,464
Why didn't somebody
take their dice away?
64
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:58,794
Dino.
65
00:03:58,838 --> 00:03:59,805
Hmm?
66
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:01,670
Am I going to see you
before you leave?
67
00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:03,231
Just one last nightcap?
68
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,334
You got it.
69
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,368
I'll be in my room.
70
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:07,879
Keep your hat on.
71
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,349
What's her name? Mitzi?
72
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,851
No, no. Sylvia.
73
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:13,977
Sylvia.
74
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,011
This one is Mitzi.
75
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,022
Dino.
76
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,023
Hmm?
77
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:20,025
Are we going to
get together tonight?
78
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,152
Just one for the road, huh?
79
00:04:22,194 --> 00:04:23,194
It's a must.
80
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:25,288
My room later, OK?
81
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:28,277
This is beginning to look
like Custer's last stand.
82
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,268
Like what?
83
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,270
Because it isn't
just Sylvia and Mitzi.
84
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,635
There are all those
other Indians.
85
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,049
You've got Janet
in the dressing room...
86
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,472
Juicy Lucy up in your suite...
87
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:36,475
and those German twins...
88
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:37,753
waiting for you
in the steam room.
89
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:38,903
That's the whole idea.
90
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,277
Now that I got everybody
stashed away, I can beat it.
91
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,282
So you pack my stuff
and put it in the car.
92
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:44,593
You're going to leave
just like that,
93
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:45,914
without saying good-bye?
94
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,296
Damn right, because
if I start saying good-bye...
95
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,287
to all these dames,
96
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,846
you'll have to carry me
out of here...
97
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:54,690
what's left of me...
in a cigar box...
98
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:55,989
baby.
99
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,870
What's the matter?
100
00:05:38,904 --> 00:05:40,735
That Sinatra kid missing again?
101
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,741
We had a bad pileup
down the highway.
102
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:44,868
You'll have to take the detour.
103
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:46,207
Where does that lead to?
104
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:49,681
You come out at Barstow,
by way of Warm Springs...
105
00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:52,548
Paradise Valley, and Climax.
106
00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:54,075
That's the only way to go.
107
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:40,599
Fill 'er up?
108
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:43,158
Yeah. No, no. Over here.
109
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,974
Anything else?
110
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,444
No, thanks.
111
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,912
Hey! You forgot
your green stamps!
112
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:06,516
Hi, Barney!
113
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:57,537
Deedle, deedle, deedle
114
00:07:57,576 --> 00:08:00,238
Deedle, deedle, d...
115
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:01,712
No, no, Mulligan.
116
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,045
You've got an extra
deedle in there.
117
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,051
It's six deedles, not seven.
118
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:09,054
Let's not monkey around
with Beethoven, shall we?
119
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,022
Once more.
120
00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:15,026
Orville.
121
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,527
Yes, dear?
122
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,859
What's the matter?
123
00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:23,557
Please, dear, not now.
124
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,553
Mulligan, not only
do you have a tin ear...
125
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:20,718
you have lead fingers.
126
00:09:20,759 --> 00:09:22,624
Whoever told you
to take up the piano?
127
00:09:22,661 --> 00:09:24,060
You did, sir.
128
00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:26,496
Well, I need the money,
but what's your excuse?
129
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:29,296
It says here
molto espressione...
130
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,394
which means with much
expression...
131
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,997
with feeling, with heart.
132
00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:59,189
From the top again.
133
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:31,424
A-natural!
134
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,497
Just a minute, you.
135
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:37,502
Oh, hi there, Mr. Spooner.
136
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:38,536
Don't you "hi there" me.
137
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:41,266
I know your type,
sneaking around to back doors.
138
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,797
All right, let's have it.
139
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:43,967
Have what?
140
00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:44,976
That note my wife left you.
141
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:47,570
You must think I'm blind
or stupid or something.
142
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,740
Oh, yeah, the... sure.
The note.
143
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,444
She wanted, uh, two quarts
of milk and a dozen eggs.
144
00:10:52,484 --> 00:10:56,250
A likely story.
145
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:59,951
"Two quarts of milk.
One dozen eggs."
146
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,254
What's it all about?
147
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:02,692
I'll tell you
what it's all about.
148
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:03,956
It's about, um...
149
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,020
buttermilk!
150
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:06,274
And she forgot
to order buttermilk.
151
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,265
She always forgets.
152
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:09,299
She doesn't like buttermilk,
but I like buttermilk.
153
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,700
There's nothing
like buttermilk...
154
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:13,261
especially if you
have a lazy colon.
155
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,670
Excuse me.
156
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:36,993
No, no, no, Mulligan.
157
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,758
Now you're leaving out a deedle.
158
00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,822
There are six deedles, not five.
159
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,356
Orville!
160
00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:51,075
Yes, lambchop?
161
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,305
Zip me up, will you, please?
162
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,312
Going somewhere?
163
00:11:54,346 --> 00:11:55,608
Yes, and I'm late.
164
00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:57,046
I don't want
to keep him waiting.
165
00:11:57,082 --> 00:11:59,744
Of course not. Him? Whom?
166
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:00,911
The dentist.
167
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,443
Oh. You got a toothache?
168
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:03,921
No. Time to have
my teeth cleaned.
169
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,116
You just had them cleaned.
170
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:06,468
I have to go in
every three months.
171
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:09,552
Dr. Sheldrake says I have
very tender gums.
172
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:12,155
Oh, he does, does he?
173
00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:13,425
Bye, darling.
174
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:14,932
Bye.
175
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:16,298
Where did you get those flowers?
176
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:17,996
They're from Johnnie.
177
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,464
I picked them myself.
178
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:22,838
Isn't he sweet?
179
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,069
Yes, isn't he?
180
00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:25,940
Well, I'm off.
181
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:27,809
See you, Johnnie.
182
00:13:08,387 --> 00:13:10,480
How old are you, Mulligan?
183
00:13:10,522 --> 00:13:12,752
Fourteen... going on fifteen.
184
00:13:16,895 --> 00:13:18,988
Pretty big for your age,
aren't you?
185
00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:20,862
That's what they tell me.
186
00:13:27,106 --> 00:13:28,971
You stay away from my wife,
do you hear me?
187
00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:29,974
What?
188
00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:31,532
Pussyfooting around
behind my back!
189
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,602
Bringing flowers
to a married woman!
190
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:35,203
Let go of me!
191
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:45,022
You ought to be horsewhipped!
192
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:52,530
And don't you ever
come back here again...
193
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:54,590
you teenage wolf!
194
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,667
You male Lolita!
195
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:01,032
Orville!
196
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,768
Hey, you, Orville!
197
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:17,782
Listen to this!
I think I got it. I...
198
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:20,553
Are you ready?
I'm a poached egg.
199
00:14:20,592 --> 00:14:21,559
You're a what?
200
00:14:21,593 --> 00:14:22,753
I'm a poached egg.
201
00:14:22,794 --> 00:14:24,455
That's it... the title
of the song.
202
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:25,463
What song?
203
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:26,777
The one you played me yesterday.
204
00:14:28,233 --> 00:14:29,233
Oh, that one.
205
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,278
I got the whole lyric
worked out.
206
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,269
You want to hear it?
207
00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:32,270
Not now, Barney.
208
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,271
I got other things on my mind.
209
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:34,272
Oh, come on. Come on.
210
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:35,273
I'm not in the mood.
211
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:36,865
It's a dilly, I'll tell you.
212
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,934
Give me a pickup.
213
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,172
I'm a poached egg
214
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,649
Without a piece of toast
215
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:47,914
Yorkshire pudding
216
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,250
Without a beef to roast
217
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:51,279
I'm a haunted house
218
00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:53,314
That hasn't got a ghost
219
00:14:53,358 --> 00:14:55,519
When I'm without you
220
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,687
Brilliant?
221
00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,687
I'm a mousetrap
222
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:01,198
Without a piece of cheese
223
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,292
I'm Vienna
224
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:04,802
Without the Viennese
225
00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:06,963
I'm da Vinci
226
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:08,905
Without the Mona Lis
227
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:10,169
When I'm...
228
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:11,870
Mona Lis?
229
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:13,810
That's what makes it...
230
00:15:13,845 --> 00:15:15,335
the irregularity...
231
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:18,747
that unexpected little twist.
232
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,775
Keep playing.
233
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:22,684
It's ridiculous.
234
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:23,765
What do you mean ridiculous?
235
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:26,121
I mean this whole
songwriting business.
236
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,183
What are we knocking
ourselves out for?
237
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,270
We must have written
fifty songs by now.
238
00:15:29,294 --> 00:15:30,261
Sixty-two.
239
00:15:30,295 --> 00:15:32,126
And what's happened? Nothing.
240
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:33,324
We write them. I copy them.
241
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:34,992
We send them out to
all the publishers...
242
00:15:35,033 --> 00:15:37,160
and the record companies
and the singers...
243
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:38,726
Tony Bennett,
Barbra Streisand...
244
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,635
Nat "King" Cole,
the Four Freshmen.
245
00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:42,469
And do we ever hear
from any of them?
246
00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:44,270
No! They just steal
the stamps...
247
00:15:44,309 --> 00:15:46,675
from the return
self-addressed envelopes.
248
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,737
Are we gonna
go through that again?
249
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:50,091
Irving Berlin wrote
a hundred songs...
250
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,709
before he hit it with
"Alexander's Ragtime Band."
251
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,686
And what about George Gershwin
and Richard Rodgers?
252
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:56,864
But they were professionals...
253
00:15:56,888 --> 00:16:00,551
and we're amateurs buried here
in Climax, Nevada.
254
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:02,651
Where do you think
Cole Porter came from?
255
00:16:02,694 --> 00:16:04,184
Peru, Indiana.
256
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:06,356
Hank Mancini?
Aliquippa, Pennsylvania.
257
00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:08,696
Johnny Mercer?
Savannah, Georgia.
258
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:12,033
And he only won
four Academy Awards.
259
00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:14,265
So play!
260
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,210
I'm Las Vegas
261
00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:20,677
Without a slot machine
262
00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:22,771
I'm a gypsy
263
00:16:22,814 --> 00:16:24,247
Without a tambourine
264
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,251
I'm Napoleon
265
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,048
Without a Josephine
266
00:16:28,086 --> 00:16:30,384
When I'm without you
267
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:33,482
Gets better all the time, huh?
268
00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:35,550
I'm a doctor
269
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,027
Without a single pill
270
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:39,087
I'm a lawyer
271
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,621
Who never drew a will
272
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,293
I'm a dentist
273
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,495
Without a tooth to fill
274
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:45,594
When I'm...
275
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,242
Tender gums.
276
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:54,473
That's a hell of a thing
to say to a married woman.
277
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,107
Oh, what are you talking about?
278
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,446
It's that new dentist.
279
00:16:58,483 --> 00:16:59,950
I can't keep her
away from the place.
280
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:01,885
She's there right now,
in the chair.
281
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,480
He's tilting her
all the way back.
282
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,252
He's giving her laughing gas.
283
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,452
She's laughing.
He's laughing, too!
284
00:17:08,493 --> 00:17:10,290
They're both laughing...
at me!
285
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,296
Relax, will you, Orville?
286
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:12,490
You'll drive yourself crazy.
287
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:13,691
Dr. Sheldrake.
288
00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:14,756
Sheldrake.
289
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,131
Dr. Sheldrake. Dr. Sheldrake.
290
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,168
Sheldrake.
291
00:17:18,403 --> 00:17:20,803
Did you hear the one
about the nearsighted turtle...
292
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,636
who fell in love with a helmet?
293
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,810
Then there's the one
about the nearsighted snake...
294
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,510
who proposed to a piece of rope!
295
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,022
Hello?
296
00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,683
This is Dr. Sheldrake.
297
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,454
I told you. Listen to them.
298
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:46,063
I know what
you're laughing at...
299
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,065
you and my wife,
300
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,659
and I'm going to report you
to the Dental Association!
301
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:52,431
Who is this?
302
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:53,768
This is the husband...
303
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:54,916
and you're not
kidding me for a second.
304
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,170
I know what you're doing to her.
305
00:17:57,209 --> 00:18:00,337
I'm putting an inlay
in her lower left bicuspid.
306
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,405
I thought so.
Let me talk to her.
307
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:05,712
Mrs. Mulligan,
your husband on the phone.
308
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,718
Mrs. Mulligan?
309
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:07,862
I don't want to talk
to Mrs. Mulligan.
310
00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,854
I want to talk
to Mrs. Spooner!
311
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:12,049
Mrs. Spooner? She isn't here.
312
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:14,183
Her appointment
isn't till next Wednesday.
313
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,057
Next Wednesday?
314
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:18,756
Oh! I'll give her the message
when she comes home.
315
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:21,994
You were right.
I was worrying about nothing.
316
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:23,557
She isn't even there.
317
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,035
You nut!
318
00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:29,731
I'm a bullfight
319
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,174
Without a matador
320
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:33,234
I'm a heckler
321
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,745
Who never gets the floor
322
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,645
Casanova
323
00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:38,478
The night he didn't score
324
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:39,517
Each time...
325
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:43,519
Why isn't she there?
Where is she?
326
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:44,522
Why was she lying to me?
327
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:46,387
Oh, for heaven's sakes, Orville.
328
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,017
It's Johnnie Mulligan,
of course.
329
00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:49,686
His mother's at the dentist...
330
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,696
he's at home alone, and
she's with him!
331
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:55,097
Johnnie Mulligan? Come off it.
He ain't even shaving yet.
332
00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:02,973
The milkman! He's shaving.
It must be some kind of code.
333
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,238
A dozen eggs... that's twelve.
334
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:07,711
They're meeting behind
the dairy at 12:00.
335
00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:09,441
Now you're running amok.
336
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,449
You can't go around
suspecting everybody.
337
00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:15,477
Sometimes I'm not even
so sure about you.
338
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,612
Me?
339
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,555
I'm scared, Barney.
I'll tell you, I'm scared.
340
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,201
I'm married to
the prettiest girl in town...
341
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,469
and she's gonna leave me
one of these days.
342
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,460
I just know it.
343
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:23,722
- She will?
- Yes, she will.
344
00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:25,730
And you know why?
Because you're a nobody.
345
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,732
Giving piano lessons
for a buck and a quarter.
346
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:30,428
Maybe once a week you play
a wedding or a funeral.
347
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:31,800
Big deal.
348
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,738
Why, a beautiful girl like that,
she should be spoiled.
349
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:36,832
A touch of mink,
fun in Acapulco...
350
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,001
breakfast at Tiffany's!
351
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:39,271
Fat chance.
352
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:42,246
Orville, all it takes
is one hit, just one hit.
353
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,724
"How Much is That Doggie
in the Window?"...
354
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:44,748
three million records.
355
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:47,547
"White Christmas"...
eight million records.
356
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:50,316
You think Irving Berlin's
afraid of losing his wife?
357
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:51,322
No, I guess not.
358
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,448
That's why you got to keep
359
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,288
putting those
nickels in the slot.
360
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:57,124
Because you never know when
you're gonna hit the jackpot.
361
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:59,824
Yeah. I guess so.
362
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,026
Well, then, let's go.
363
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:06,398
I'm a poached egg
364
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:07,803
Without a piece of toast
365
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,602
Yorkshire pudding
366
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:11,131
Without a beef to roast
367
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:12,973
I'm a haunted house
368
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,501
That hasn't got a ghost
369
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,037
When I'm without you
370
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:23,888
I'm a mousetrap
371
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:26,220
Hey! Hey!
372
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,725
I'm Vienna
373
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:28,759
Without the Viennese
374
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:29,919
I'm da Vinci
375
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,396
Without the Mona Lis
376
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,022
When I'm without you
377
00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:35,776
You know, I'm beginning
to like that Mona Lis.
378
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:36,926
What did I tell you?
379
00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:43,104
Aw, hold it, mister!
I'm coming.
380
00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:45,041
Stay with it, will you?
381
00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:54,811
What'll it be?
382
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:58,687
A shave and a haircut.
The works, baby.
383
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:16,807
Hey.
384
00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:18,776
What's the matter?
385
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:19,834
You know who you are?
386
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:22,278
Sure. I'm the greatest.
I'm the prettiest.
387
00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:24,373
Y-y...
388
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,256
What do you do for
cigarettes around here, huh?
389
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:29,185
- Cigarettes?
- Yeah.
390
00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:30,585
Hmm.
391
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,222
Or...
392
00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,558
Orville!
393
00:21:37,596 --> 00:21:39,894
Hey, Orville!
394
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,437
Come here quick!
395
00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:49,846
You know, I've been here
for five years...
396
00:21:49,874 --> 00:21:51,933
but this is the first time
that anybody...
397
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,137
oh, sure, back in '61...
398
00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:55,237
Liberace pulled in here
with a flat tire...
399
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:59,546
but we never had anybody
that's somebody like you.
400
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:01,211
Where's the men's room?
401
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:04,355
Oh.
402
00:22:04,389 --> 00:22:05,583
Wait a minute.
403
00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:07,216
I want you to meet
a friend of mine.
404
00:22:07,258 --> 00:22:08,748
Orville, look who we got here!
405
00:22:08,793 --> 00:22:10,260
Who?
406
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:12,490
It's Dino!
407
00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:14,760
Oh! How do you do?
408
00:22:14,799 --> 00:22:15,766
This is Orville Spooner.
409
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,394
He plays the piano and the organ
at the church.
410
00:22:18,436 --> 00:22:20,165
Oh, he's a terrific musician.
411
00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:21,172
Well...
412
00:22:21,206 --> 00:22:22,173
the face is familiar.
413
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:23,367
Oh?
414
00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:24,932
Not yours, his.
415
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,136
Oh.
416
00:22:26,177 --> 00:22:28,509
OK if I go to the john now?
417
00:22:33,217 --> 00:22:36,186
Orville, this is it.
This is our jackpot.
418
00:22:36,220 --> 00:22:38,848
Remember "That's Amore"?
Top single for 37 weeks.
419
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:40,187
Or "Memories are Made of This"?
420
00:22:40,224 --> 00:22:42,454
Over two million copies!
421
00:22:42,493 --> 00:22:44,825
And he's got his own
recording company.
422
00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:46,625
I'll run over and get
some of our songs!
423
00:22:46,664 --> 00:22:48,075
No, no, no. That's
not the way to do it.
424
00:22:48,099 --> 00:22:49,623
You got to be more subtle.
425
00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:51,191
Subtle?
426
00:22:51,235 --> 00:22:53,567
Just start singing him
one of our tunes, casual-like.
427
00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:55,299
Or hum a little. Catch his ear.
428
00:22:55,339 --> 00:22:56,339
I see.
429
00:22:56,374 --> 00:22:58,706
What are you waiting for? Go!
430
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,078
I'm a poached egg
431
00:23:11,122 --> 00:23:12,680
Without a piece of toast
432
00:23:12,723 --> 00:23:14,054
Yorkshire pudding
433
00:23:14,091 --> 00:23:15,524
Without a beef to roast
434
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,323
I'm a haunted house
435
00:23:17,361 --> 00:23:18,885
That hasn't got a ghost
436
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:21,296
When I'm without you
437
00:23:35,012 --> 00:23:36,707
I'm a western
438
00:23:36,747 --> 00:23:38,647
Without a hitching post
439
00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:41,709
There's paper towels
in the ladies' room.
440
00:23:58,102 --> 00:23:59,865
I'm a mousetrap
441
00:23:59,904 --> 00:24:01,303
Without a piece of cheese
442
00:24:01,339 --> 00:24:02,931
I'm da Vinci
443
00:24:02,974 --> 00:24:04,566
Without the Mona Lis
444
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:06,702
Mona Lis?
445
00:24:14,985 --> 00:24:16,282
I'm Las Vegas
446
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,582
Without a slot machine
447
00:24:17,621 --> 00:24:19,020
I'm Napoleon
448
00:24:19,056 --> 00:24:20,717
Without a Josephine
449
00:24:20,758 --> 00:24:21,816
What's with him?
450
00:24:21,859 --> 00:24:23,690
Catchy tune, isn't it?
We wrote it together.
451
00:24:23,727 --> 00:24:24,989
- No.
- Yeah.
452
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,506
We're gonna call it
"I'm a Poached Egg."
453
00:24:26,530 --> 00:24:30,864
I'm a poached... cuckoo.
How much do I owe you?
454
00:24:30,901 --> 00:24:32,994
$5.15. Too bad
you're in such a hurry...
455
00:24:33,036 --> 00:24:35,004
because if we had just
a little more time...
456
00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:36,505
Here you are.
457
00:24:36,540 --> 00:24:40,135
100? Oh, I can't change this.
I'll have to run to the bank.
458
00:24:40,177 --> 00:24:41,855
Why don't you have a cup
of coffee with Orville?
459
00:24:41,879 --> 00:24:42,846
Get acquainted.
460
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:43,923
We've got a lot of songs...
461
00:24:43,947 --> 00:24:46,347
and they really sound
better on the piano.
462
00:24:46,383 --> 00:24:47,577
Uh, just a minute.
463
00:24:47,618 --> 00:24:49,518
Here, here. Here's $10.
464
00:24:49,553 --> 00:24:51,214
Keep the change.
465
00:24:53,056 --> 00:24:54,148
Oh, wait!
466
00:24:54,191 --> 00:24:56,819
I forgot to check the oil.
467
00:24:56,860 --> 00:24:59,420
You know, uh, "I Left My Heart
in San Francisco?"
468
00:24:59,463 --> 00:25:00,555
Big hit, right?
469
00:25:00,597 --> 00:25:01,564
They stole it from us.
470
00:25:01,598 --> 00:25:02,496
Is that so?
471
00:25:02,533 --> 00:25:04,010
We wrote it first,
only it was called...
472
00:25:04,034 --> 00:25:05,626
"I Left My Heart
in San Diego."
473
00:25:05,669 --> 00:25:08,103
Exactly the same idea.
474
00:25:08,138 --> 00:25:10,197
We just missed by a few miles.
475
00:25:13,243 --> 00:25:14,767
All set.
476
00:25:14,812 --> 00:25:16,780
We also have an
Italian-type song...
477
00:25:16,814 --> 00:25:18,304
like "Volare," only better.
478
00:25:18,348 --> 00:25:20,043
It would be just perfect
for you.
479
00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:21,050
Shove it in an envelope...
480
00:25:21,084 --> 00:25:22,779
and send it to
my office in Hollywood.
481
00:25:23,787 --> 00:25:25,618
Oh, no. All you guys want to
do...
482
00:25:25,656 --> 00:25:28,648
is steal those return stamps!
483
00:25:28,692 --> 00:25:33,527
Aww, the hell with him.
He sings flat anyway.
484
00:25:33,564 --> 00:25:35,930
Flat, sharp, or round...
he sells, doesn't he?
485
00:25:35,966 --> 00:25:37,763
Yeah. I guess we muffed it.
486
00:25:37,801 --> 00:25:40,599
Who knows when we'll get
a chance like this again?
487
00:25:40,637 --> 00:25:43,071
Oh, I'd say
in about three minutes.
488
00:25:43,106 --> 00:25:44,073
Three minutes?
489
00:25:44,107 --> 00:25:45,540
I disconnected his fuel line.
490
00:25:45,576 --> 00:25:46,586
He's got enough gas
in the carburetor...
491
00:25:46,610 --> 00:25:49,443
to go a couple blocks.
492
00:25:49,479 --> 00:25:50,446
Cuckoo!
493
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,447
Yeah. Right now he's stalled...
494
00:25:51,481 --> 00:25:53,039
on the corner
of Citrus and Yucca.
495
00:25:53,083 --> 00:25:54,661
He's going into Pringle's
hardware store.
496
00:25:54,685 --> 00:25:56,710
He's asking if he
could use the phone.
497
00:25:56,753 --> 00:26:00,189
We should be hearing from him
in about ten seconds.
498
00:26:00,224 --> 00:26:04,593
Five, four, three, two, one.
499
00:26:06,196 --> 00:26:08,494
You answer it.
I'll get the tow truck.
500
00:26:14,638 --> 00:26:16,731
Barney's Service Station.
501
00:26:16,773 --> 00:26:21,733
Oh, hello there.
Of course I remember you.
502
00:26:21,778 --> 00:26:23,905
What seems to be the trouble?
503
00:26:55,212 --> 00:26:57,339
What is this,
a gag or something?
504
00:26:57,381 --> 00:26:58,905
A gag?
505
00:26:58,949 --> 00:27:00,793
You're sure you didn't
mess around with that motor?
506
00:27:00,817 --> 00:27:02,785
That's a terrible thing to say.
507
00:27:02,819 --> 00:27:05,014
Well, what's wrong with it?
508
00:27:05,055 --> 00:27:08,081
Look. If this is your attitude,
I'm not even gonna tell you.
509
00:27:08,125 --> 00:27:09,820
He's a factory-trained mechanic.
510
00:27:09,860 --> 00:27:11,838
That's like being a doctor.
You got to take an oath.
511
00:27:11,862 --> 00:27:13,796
All right, doc, what's the word?
512
00:27:15,666 --> 00:27:17,156
You know anything about cars?
513
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,296
Me? I need a copilot to turn on
the windshield wiper.
514
00:27:21,338 --> 00:27:22,382
The left intake valve
is cracked...
515
00:27:22,406 --> 00:27:24,533
on account of that
double camshaft...
516
00:27:24,574 --> 00:27:26,542
because of
the internal combustion.
517
00:27:26,576 --> 00:27:27,702
That bad?
518
00:27:27,744 --> 00:27:30,645
It happens once in a while.
You know these Italian cars.
519
00:27:30,681 --> 00:27:32,258
Well, don't stand there
talking to each other.
520
00:27:32,282 --> 00:27:34,614
Fix it!
521
00:27:34,651 --> 00:27:36,243
"Fix it," he says.
522
00:27:37,354 --> 00:27:39,345
I have to send to L.A.
For a new part...
523
00:27:39,389 --> 00:27:40,466
and if they don't have it,
it has to come...
524
00:27:40,490 --> 00:27:41,889
from the distributor
in New York...
525
00:27:41,925 --> 00:27:43,002
and if he doesn't have it...
526
00:27:43,026 --> 00:27:45,790
it has to come from
the factory in Milan.
527
00:27:45,829 --> 00:27:46,796
Milan?
528
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:48,559
That's ridiculous.
He's a busy man.
529
00:27:48,598 --> 00:27:49,690
You bet I am.
530
00:27:49,733 --> 00:27:51,633
I got to get back and do
a television special.
531
00:27:52,168 --> 00:27:53,863
Oh, really? What channel?
532
00:27:53,903 --> 00:27:55,461
What the hell difference
does it make?
533
00:27:55,505 --> 00:27:56,597
I want to watch it.
534
00:27:56,639 --> 00:27:57,606
Well, we'll watch it together...
535
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,073
because I'll probably
still be here.
536
00:27:59,108 --> 00:28:02,544
Quiet, will you? Let me think.
537
00:28:02,579 --> 00:28:04,046
What I could do
is take a valve...
538
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,708
from that old Chevy
and grind it down to fit.
539
00:28:06,749 --> 00:28:08,216
That should get you
to Hollywood.
540
00:28:08,251 --> 00:28:09,343
He knows his business.
541
00:28:09,385 --> 00:28:10,545
And how long will that take?
542
00:28:10,587 --> 00:28:11,781
Well, if I work all night...
543
00:28:11,821 --> 00:28:13,914
I can have it for you
first thing in the morning.
544
00:28:13,957 --> 00:28:15,601
You mean I got to spend
the night in this dump?
545
00:28:15,625 --> 00:28:17,616
They just opened
a brand-new motel here.
546
00:28:17,660 --> 00:28:19,560
He wouldn't like it.
It stinks.
547
00:28:19,596 --> 00:28:20,563
How can you say that?
548
00:28:20,597 --> 00:28:22,588
It's got all the modern
conveniences.
549
00:28:22,632 --> 00:28:23,599
Didn't you hear what happened?
550
00:28:23,633 --> 00:28:24,600
A skunk got into
the air conditioning.
551
00:28:24,634 --> 00:28:25,711
I don't care where I sleep.
552
00:28:25,735 --> 00:28:27,669
Just find me
an empty pool table.
553
00:28:27,704 --> 00:28:29,171
I'm sure Mr. Spooner
would be glad...
554
00:28:29,205 --> 00:28:30,399
to put you up for the night.
555
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:31,634
Wouldn't you, Orville?
556
00:28:31,674 --> 00:28:34,165
Me? Oh, of course I would.
557
00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:35,507
He's got a spare room...
558
00:28:35,545 --> 00:28:37,604
and it's right
across the street.
559
00:28:37,647 --> 00:28:40,582
His wife... oh, his wife's a
great cook.
560
00:28:40,617 --> 00:28:41,777
I get the scene.
561
00:28:41,818 --> 00:28:43,046
This way.
562
00:28:43,086 --> 00:28:44,951
No, not you. You stay here...
563
00:28:44,988 --> 00:28:47,684
and start grinding
that little grabber.
564
00:28:47,724 --> 00:28:49,487
Come on. Let's go.
565
00:28:56,599 --> 00:28:58,658
Tell me, since we're both
in the same racket...
566
00:28:58,701 --> 00:28:59,963
Tin Pan Alley...
567
00:29:00,003 --> 00:29:03,131
don't you think that rock'n'roll
is on the way out?
568
00:29:03,172 --> 00:29:05,184
They're just not writing them
the way they used to...
569
00:29:05,208 --> 00:29:07,199
I mean those evergreens
like "Star Dust"
570
00:29:07,243 --> 00:29:08,574
and "Melancholy Baby."
571
00:29:08,611 --> 00:29:10,511
Look, let's cut out
all the small talk.
572
00:29:10,547 --> 00:29:11,673
I'm bushed.
573
00:29:13,550 --> 00:29:14,710
It's real quiet here.
574
00:29:14,751 --> 00:29:16,218
You can take a nice long nap...
575
00:29:16,252 --> 00:29:18,720
then we'll have some dinner,
and afterwards...
576
00:29:18,755 --> 00:29:21,246
we can sit around the piano
and sing some songs.
577
00:29:21,291 --> 00:29:22,781
Is that the only
action in this town?
578
00:29:22,825 --> 00:29:24,315
Oh, no. There's a bowling alley.
579
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,453
Or you can stand outside
Pringle's hardware store...
580
00:29:26,496 --> 00:29:28,555
and watch color
television in the window.
581
00:29:28,598 --> 00:29:29,808
Hey, you're not
reading me right, pal.
582
00:29:29,832 --> 00:29:31,629
What's with the broads
around here?
583
00:29:31,668 --> 00:29:34,637
Broads? Oh, you mean
action action.
584
00:29:34,671 --> 00:29:37,196
Yeah. It's a habit
with me, like breathing.
585
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,037
I should have known
from the gossip columns.
586
00:29:39,075 --> 00:29:40,474
Well, it's not that I like to.
587
00:29:40,510 --> 00:29:42,671
You see, I have to
because if I skip one night...
588
00:29:42,712 --> 00:29:44,737
I wake up the next morning
with such a headache.
589
00:29:44,781 --> 00:29:46,476
Oh.
590
00:29:46,516 --> 00:29:48,814
No, no.
This is our bedroom.
591
00:29:48,851 --> 00:29:50,478
You're in there.
592
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,754
This is it...
593
00:29:58,795 --> 00:30:01,787
a sort of a combination
sewing room and guest room.
594
00:30:04,834 --> 00:30:06,529
You ought to have this tuned.
595
00:30:06,569 --> 00:30:07,729
Tuned?
596
00:30:08,571 --> 00:30:10,300
About your problem...
you know...
597
00:30:10,340 --> 00:30:11,784
that headache you
were talking about...
598
00:30:11,808 --> 00:30:14,436
maybe you ought
to try the Belly Button.
599
00:30:14,477 --> 00:30:15,477
The what?
600
00:30:15,511 --> 00:30:18,002
There's this roadhouse
just outside town...
601
00:30:18,047 --> 00:30:19,105
called the Belly Button.
602
00:30:19,148 --> 00:30:21,343
They've got these
cocktail waitresses.
603
00:30:21,384 --> 00:30:22,408
They're very friendly.
604
00:30:22,452 --> 00:30:24,463
At least, that's what I hear.
I've never been there myself.
605
00:30:24,487 --> 00:30:26,011
After all, I'm a married man.
606
00:30:28,625 --> 00:30:29,625
This your wife?
607
00:30:29,659 --> 00:30:31,092
Yes, sir. Her name is lambchop.
608
00:30:31,127 --> 00:30:33,789
It's really Zelda.
I call her lambchop.
609
00:30:33,830 --> 00:30:34,956
How about that?
610
00:30:34,998 --> 00:30:37,660
She sews and she knits
and she puts up preserves.
611
00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:40,567
And she grows her own parsley.
612
00:30:40,603 --> 00:30:41,968
Must be a great girl all around.
613
00:30:42,005 --> 00:30:44,132
Oh, she is.
614
00:30:44,173 --> 00:30:46,664
You lucky dog!
615
00:30:52,782 --> 00:30:54,545
Well, I guess
you're all set here.
616
00:30:54,584 --> 00:30:55,812
You know where everything is.
617
00:30:55,852 --> 00:30:58,446
It takes a few minutes
for the hot water to get hot.
618
00:30:58,488 --> 00:31:01,889
And if there's anything
else you want...
619
00:31:01,924 --> 00:31:03,289
bye now.
620
00:31:28,451 --> 00:31:29,418
Oh, hello, darling.
621
00:31:29,452 --> 00:31:30,714
Hello.
622
00:31:30,753 --> 00:31:32,015
Sorry I'm late.
623
00:31:32,055 --> 00:31:35,752
Dr. Sheldrake sends
you his regards.
624
00:31:35,792 --> 00:31:37,589
That's nice.
625
00:31:37,627 --> 00:31:38,594
How'd it go there?
626
00:31:38,628 --> 00:31:40,391
- Where?
- At the dentist.
627
00:31:40,430 --> 00:31:41,590
Oh, fine. Fine.
628
00:31:41,631 --> 00:31:42,598
Did he hurt you?
629
00:31:42,632 --> 00:31:45,499
No. But he thinks he'll have to
pull my wisdom tooth.
630
00:31:47,704 --> 00:31:49,296
You're lying, Zelda.
631
00:31:49,338 --> 00:31:50,669
Well, maybe he can save it.
632
00:31:50,707 --> 00:31:52,299
You weren't
at the dentist at all.
633
00:31:52,341 --> 00:31:54,309
Your appointment
isn't till next Tuesday.
634
00:31:54,343 --> 00:31:55,310
It's next Wednesday.
635
00:31:55,344 --> 00:31:56,811
So where were you today?
636
00:31:56,846 --> 00:31:58,837
If you must know,
I was at my mother's.
637
00:31:58,881 --> 00:31:59,905
On a Saturday?
638
00:31:59,949 --> 00:32:01,660
Isn't that when she works
at the blood bank?
639
00:32:01,684 --> 00:32:03,662
Orville, I'm not going to
answer any more questions.
640
00:32:03,686 --> 00:32:05,347
You haven't answered any so far.
641
00:32:05,388 --> 00:32:07,253
I'm sick and tired
of you spying on me...
642
00:32:07,290 --> 00:32:08,314
and cross-examining me...
643
00:32:08,357 --> 00:32:09,984
and checking the mileage
on my car.
644
00:32:10,026 --> 00:32:11,687
Don't change the subject.
645
00:32:11,728 --> 00:32:12,854
I have myself vaccinated...
646
00:32:12,895 --> 00:32:14,506
and right away you want
to know who bit me.
647
00:32:14,530 --> 00:32:16,327
All right, who bit you?
648
00:32:16,365 --> 00:32:20,563
I mean, where were you?
And what's in that box?
649
00:32:21,571 --> 00:32:22,970
You really want me to tell you?
650
00:32:23,005 --> 00:32:24,996
Yes.
651
00:32:25,041 --> 00:32:26,838
It's a present for my lover.
652
00:32:26,876 --> 00:32:29,606
Oh! Oh, it is, huh?
653
00:32:42,992 --> 00:32:44,584
It's today?
654
00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,288
September 30th.
655
00:32:46,329 --> 00:32:49,093
I thought it was the 31st.
656
00:32:49,132 --> 00:32:51,862
It was going to be a surprise,
and now you've spoiled it.
657
00:32:51,901 --> 00:32:54,768
I'm sorry, darling.
I guess I'm a monster.
658
00:32:54,804 --> 00:32:55,930
Yes, you are.
659
00:32:55,972 --> 00:32:57,462
I don't know why
you put up with me.
660
00:32:57,507 --> 00:32:58,474
I don't, either.
661
00:32:58,508 --> 00:33:00,533
Talk about mental cruelty.
662
00:33:00,576 --> 00:33:01,543
Jealousy.
663
00:33:01,577 --> 00:33:05,445
Suspicion, nagging,
and cross-examining.
664
00:33:05,481 --> 00:33:06,525
Do you want to know
why I'm late?
665
00:33:06,549 --> 00:33:08,039
You don't have to explain.
666
00:33:08,084 --> 00:33:09,745
Because of those
idiots at the bakery.
667
00:33:09,786 --> 00:33:12,721
I ordered pistachio cake,
and they made it chocolate.
668
00:33:12,755 --> 00:33:14,382
I know how you hate chocolate.
669
00:33:14,423 --> 00:33:16,891
Pistachio, chocolate...
who cares?
670
00:33:16,926 --> 00:33:18,951
I love you.
671
00:33:18,995 --> 00:33:20,553
Actually, I didn't mind waiting
672
00:33:20,596 --> 00:33:22,962
because otherwise I never
would have seen him.
673
00:33:22,999 --> 00:33:24,261
Who?
674
00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:25,733
I looked out the window...
675
00:33:25,768 --> 00:33:29,363
and there he was,
driving by in his car.
676
00:33:29,405 --> 00:33:30,963
Who?
677
00:33:31,007 --> 00:33:34,340
He wore sunglasses,
and he needed a shave...
678
00:33:34,377 --> 00:33:37,346
but I recognized him anyway.
679
00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:38,813
Who?
680
00:33:42,418 --> 00:33:43,783
Dino?
681
00:33:43,820 --> 00:33:45,344
I nearly fainted.
682
00:33:45,388 --> 00:33:47,788
I've been crazy about him
since I was 16.
683
00:33:47,824 --> 00:33:48,791
You never told me.
684
00:33:48,825 --> 00:33:51,020
I used to be president of
his fan club...
685
00:33:51,060 --> 00:33:52,652
and secretary-treasurer.
686
00:33:52,695 --> 00:33:53,787
There were just two of us...
687
00:33:53,830 --> 00:33:55,730
me and Rosalie Schultz,
but she chickened out...
688
00:33:55,765 --> 00:33:56,909
and went over to Mitch Miller.
689
00:33:56,933 --> 00:33:58,798
I don't blame her.
690
00:33:58,835 --> 00:34:01,929
Imagine, Dino in person...
driving down Citrus Avenue.
691
00:34:01,971 --> 00:34:04,405
You must be imagining it.
It's ridiculous.
692
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,965
What would a guy like that
be doing in Climax?
693
00:34:07,009 --> 00:34:08,854
Anyway, I read somewhere
that he's in Hollywood.
694
00:34:08,878 --> 00:34:10,255
Television or something.
What are you doing?
695
00:34:10,279 --> 00:34:11,246
I just want to play "Volare."
696
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:12,247
Oh, no, you don't.
697
00:34:12,281 --> 00:34:13,305
Why not?
698
00:34:13,349 --> 00:34:15,283
You never know
who's going to barge in.
699
00:34:15,318 --> 00:34:16,444
Who?
700
00:34:16,485 --> 00:34:19,648
I don't know. Rosalie Schultz,
Mitch Miller, anybody.
701
00:34:19,689 --> 00:34:22,624
And besides, I don't want
a strange man singing to you.
702
00:34:22,658 --> 00:34:23,658
There you go again.
703
00:34:23,693 --> 00:34:28,096
I mean, after all,
it is our anniversary.
704
00:34:32,134 --> 00:34:33,761
I've got another
surprise for you.
705
00:34:33,803 --> 00:34:34,963
Another?
706
00:34:35,004 --> 00:34:36,266
You'll love it.
707
00:34:36,305 --> 00:34:38,535
I'd better go in the sewing
room and finish it.
708
00:34:38,574 --> 00:34:39,802
You do that.
709
00:34:45,581 --> 00:34:47,481
Sewing room!
710
00:34:47,516 --> 00:34:50,576
Zelda. Wait!
711
00:34:50,620 --> 00:34:51,882
What are you going in there for?
712
00:34:51,921 --> 00:34:53,149
I have some sewing to do.
713
00:34:53,189 --> 00:34:54,554
What sewing?
714
00:34:54,590 --> 00:34:55,852
It's a secret.
715
00:34:55,892 --> 00:34:57,553
You know I don't like secrets.
716
00:34:57,593 --> 00:34:58,617
All right, if you insist.
717
00:34:58,661 --> 00:35:01,152
I'm making myself
a black chiffon negligee.
718
00:35:01,197 --> 00:35:02,674
I just have to put
the lace on the collar.
719
00:35:02,698 --> 00:35:04,757
I want it to be
ready for tonight.
720
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,598
You don't need lace
on the collar.
721
00:35:07,637 --> 00:35:10,401
You don't even need a negligee.
722
00:35:10,439 --> 00:35:12,907
And we don't have
to wait for tonight.
723
00:35:17,446 --> 00:35:18,743
I have no more lessons today...
724
00:35:18,781 --> 00:35:21,011
and we're all alone
in the house...
725
00:35:21,050 --> 00:35:22,017
so why don't we...
726
00:35:22,051 --> 00:35:24,212
In the middle of the afternoon?
727
00:35:24,253 --> 00:35:25,982
That's what makes it...
728
00:35:26,022 --> 00:35:27,819
the irregularity...
729
00:35:27,857 --> 00:35:29,882
that unexpected little twist.
730
00:35:29,926 --> 00:35:32,656
Orville, have you been
reading "Playboy" again?
731
00:35:32,695 --> 00:35:34,162
You just relax.
732
00:35:34,196 --> 00:35:37,165
I'll be with you
in a minute, lambchop.
733
00:36:22,110 --> 00:36:23,188
I was just coming to see you.
734
00:36:23,212 --> 00:36:24,236
Look what I got...
735
00:36:24,279 --> 00:36:25,990
all the Italian food
they had at the market.
736
00:36:26,014 --> 00:36:28,539
Macaroni, parmigiana,
frozen pizza, chianti.
737
00:36:28,584 --> 00:36:29,551
Forget it.
738
00:36:29,585 --> 00:36:30,609
That's what he likes.
739
00:36:30,652 --> 00:36:31,663
You'll gonna give him
an Italian dinner...
740
00:36:31,687 --> 00:36:33,018
play him our Italian song.
741
00:36:33,055 --> 00:36:35,353
Oh, no. He's gonna get into
his Italian car and beat it!
742
00:36:35,390 --> 00:36:36,390
What do you mean?
743
00:36:36,425 --> 00:36:38,503
I don't want him in the house.
We got to get rid of him.
744
00:36:38,527 --> 00:36:39,494
After all the trouble
we went to?
745
00:36:39,528 --> 00:36:41,519
- You heard me.
- Why?
746
00:36:41,563 --> 00:36:42,689
Because he's a sex maniac.
747
00:36:42,731 --> 00:36:43,925
So what? That's his problem.
748
00:36:43,966 --> 00:36:46,264
But it's my wife!
He's already after her.
749
00:36:46,301 --> 00:36:48,769
And what's worse, she's crazy
about him, too.
750
00:36:48,804 --> 00:36:52,296
Oh. What's wrong with that?
He likes her. She likes him.
751
00:36:52,341 --> 00:36:53,618
So while you're
plugging the songs...
752
00:36:53,642 --> 00:36:55,633
she's sort of
putting him in the mood.
753
00:36:55,677 --> 00:36:57,736
Why, you miserable...
754
00:36:57,779 --> 00:36:59,747
are you suggesting
that I use my wife?
755
00:36:59,781 --> 00:37:02,045
Watch that chianti.
756
00:37:02,084 --> 00:37:03,711
I don't care if
I never sell a song.
757
00:37:03,752 --> 00:37:06,277
I'd rather starve first
because I love my wife.
758
00:37:06,321 --> 00:37:07,720
I adore her. I worship her.
759
00:37:07,756 --> 00:37:08,780
Don't you trust her?
760
00:37:08,824 --> 00:37:11,691
No. Excuse me.
761
00:37:42,858 --> 00:37:44,689
Hurry up, playboy.
762
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,698
It is no use arguing, Barney.
763
00:37:53,735 --> 00:37:56,602
Just reconnect
his fuel line and... pssst.
764
00:37:56,638 --> 00:37:58,663
Well, not so fast.
765
00:37:59,875 --> 00:38:01,900
Why do we have to
get rid of him?
766
00:38:01,944 --> 00:38:03,912
Why don't we get rid of her?
767
00:38:03,946 --> 00:38:04,913
Zelda?
768
00:38:04,947 --> 00:38:06,574
Sure. Just send her away
for the night...
769
00:38:06,615 --> 00:38:07,673
if you're so worried.
770
00:38:07,716 --> 00:38:09,227
Send her away.
That's already better...
771
00:38:09,251 --> 00:38:10,445
but it won't work.
772
00:38:10,485 --> 00:38:11,452
Why not?
773
00:38:11,486 --> 00:38:13,078
Didn't you hear what I said?
774
00:38:13,121 --> 00:38:15,453
This guy is only
interested in action.
775
00:38:15,490 --> 00:38:16,668
He's not going to spend
the night here...
776
00:38:16,692 --> 00:38:19,786
just with me, eating macaroni
and listening to our songs.
777
00:38:19,828 --> 00:38:21,239
He's going to be
at the Belly Button...
778
00:38:21,263 --> 00:38:23,595
looking for broads.
779
00:38:23,632 --> 00:38:25,293
Hold it. Hold it, hold it.
780
00:38:25,334 --> 00:38:27,063
Why does he have to go
to the Belly Button?
781
00:38:27,102 --> 00:38:29,297
Why don't we bring
the Belly Button to him?
782
00:38:29,338 --> 00:38:30,600
Now you're going too fast.
783
00:38:30,639 --> 00:38:31,749
Once Zelda's out of the way...
784
00:38:31,773 --> 00:38:33,741
we pick up one of those
cocktail waitresses...
785
00:38:33,775 --> 00:38:34,775
and get her over here.
786
00:38:34,810 --> 00:38:36,334
Mmm. That'll keep him
in the house.
787
00:38:36,378 --> 00:38:37,689
How am I going to
explain it to him?
788
00:38:37,713 --> 00:38:39,724
That I was afraid he was going
to make a pass at my wife...
789
00:38:39,748 --> 00:38:41,010
so we got him a chippy instead?
790
00:38:41,049 --> 00:38:43,210
You don't have to
explain anything.
791
00:38:43,251 --> 00:38:46,243
Just introduce her as your wife.
792
00:38:46,288 --> 00:38:47,983
What?
793
00:38:48,023 --> 00:38:49,200
Does he know
what Zelda looks like?
794
00:38:49,224 --> 00:38:50,657
- No, but...
- Then that's it.
795
00:38:50,692 --> 00:38:53,559
He's going to get
all the action he wants.
796
00:38:53,595 --> 00:38:55,722
Barney, you're sick!
797
00:38:55,764 --> 00:38:58,961
Uh-huh. He can
tickle her and pinch her...
798
00:38:59,001 --> 00:39:01,663
grab her, wrestle with her.
799
00:39:03,305 --> 00:39:04,829
Excuse me.
800
00:39:53,111 --> 00:39:55,341
Nice little lambchop.
801
00:39:58,517 --> 00:40:00,144
Coming, Orville.
802
00:40:02,054 --> 00:40:03,885
All right, all right.
803
00:40:03,922 --> 00:40:04,946
So it's a great idea.
804
00:40:04,990 --> 00:40:06,958
But just tell me one thing
if you're so clever...
805
00:40:06,992 --> 00:40:08,550
how do I get rid of my wife?
806
00:40:08,593 --> 00:40:11,153
That's the easiest part.
Hit her.
807
00:40:11,196 --> 00:40:12,288
Hit her?
808
00:40:12,330 --> 00:40:14,696
Or start an argument
or get her sore at you.
809
00:40:14,733 --> 00:40:18,100
Shove a grapefruit in her face.
There's lots of ways.
810
00:40:18,136 --> 00:40:19,831
You want me to
louse up my marriage?
811
00:40:19,871 --> 00:40:21,736
It's just for one night.
812
00:40:21,773 --> 00:40:23,773
So she cries a little.
She goes home to her mother.
813
00:40:23,809 --> 00:40:25,286
And tomorrow morning
you can explain...
814
00:40:25,310 --> 00:40:26,310
the whole thing to her.
815
00:40:26,344 --> 00:40:28,005
You buy her a nice present.
816
00:40:28,046 --> 00:40:29,323
By that time,
you can afford it...
817
00:40:29,347 --> 00:40:31,781
because we'll have
sold all those songs.
818
00:40:31,817 --> 00:40:34,945
You mean for no reason
at all... a grapefruit?
819
00:40:34,986 --> 00:40:36,681
Right in the kisser.
820
00:40:36,722 --> 00:40:37,722
Oh, I couldn't do that.
821
00:40:37,756 --> 00:40:39,155
You've got to
because you love her.
822
00:40:39,191 --> 00:40:41,284
It's for her own good.
823
00:40:41,326 --> 00:40:42,554
Orville!
824
00:40:43,929 --> 00:40:46,454
Good luck. And you better
get her out of here fast...
825
00:40:46,498 --> 00:40:47,775
because I'm on my way
to the Belly Button...
826
00:40:47,799 --> 00:40:49,664
to pick up that dame.
827
00:40:55,407 --> 00:40:56,772
Orville!
828
00:40:58,810 --> 00:41:02,712
Oh, Barney brought this...
a little anniversary present.
829
00:41:02,748 --> 00:41:03,825
Why did you get dressed again?
830
00:41:03,849 --> 00:41:04,941
Again?
831
00:41:04,983 --> 00:41:06,314
After you took a shower.
832
00:41:06,351 --> 00:41:08,751
I did? Oh, of course.
833
00:41:08,787 --> 00:41:12,188
And I got dressed again
because I was feeling chilly.
834
00:41:12,224 --> 00:41:14,249
You certainly didn't act chilly.
835
00:41:14,292 --> 00:41:15,259
When?
836
00:41:15,293 --> 00:41:16,885
When I was in the shower.
837
00:41:16,928 --> 00:41:19,396
I thought you were going to
climb right in with me.
838
00:41:19,431 --> 00:41:23,128
You did? I mean, did I?
839
00:41:23,168 --> 00:41:26,968
We could save a lot of money
on our water bill. Hmm?
840
00:41:27,005 --> 00:41:28,267
Hmm.
841
00:41:28,306 --> 00:41:29,773
Look what I dug up.
842
00:41:29,808 --> 00:41:30,775
What?
843
00:41:30,809 --> 00:41:32,276
Our wedding pictures.
844
00:41:32,310 --> 00:41:35,973
Oh? Just let me get
rid of this stuff.
845
00:41:36,014 --> 00:41:37,379
All right.
846
00:41:49,027 --> 00:41:50,619
Hey, you.
847
00:41:51,663 --> 00:41:53,654
Beethoven.
848
00:41:57,836 --> 00:42:00,532
When am I going to meet
that wife of yours?
849
00:42:00,572 --> 00:42:03,200
She's taking a nap because she
just took a shower...
850
00:42:03,241 --> 00:42:05,266
but I guess you know that.
851
00:42:05,310 --> 00:42:07,710
Did you say she grows
her own parsley?
852
00:42:07,746 --> 00:42:10,044
Yes. You'll have
some for dinner.
853
00:42:10,081 --> 00:42:11,810
That's when you'll
meet her... at dinner.
854
00:42:11,850 --> 00:42:14,216
I think I'll catch a little
shut-eye myself...
855
00:42:14,252 --> 00:42:16,311
so I can be nice and fresh.
856
00:42:16,354 --> 00:42:17,912
Fresh?
857
00:42:17,956 --> 00:42:21,790
I have a hunch this may turn
out to be a big night.
858
00:43:06,170 --> 00:43:09,469
Come here, darling.
You'll get a kick out of these.
859
00:43:09,507 --> 00:43:11,168
Out of what?
860
00:43:11,209 --> 00:43:13,473
Our wedding pictures.
Remember that day?
861
00:43:13,511 --> 00:43:17,345
Do I? It was
the worst day of my life.
862
00:43:17,382 --> 00:43:18,940
I thought it was beautiful.
863
00:43:18,983 --> 00:43:20,712
Oh, you did?
864
00:43:20,752 --> 00:43:21,719
It was just that
you tried to do...
865
00:43:21,753 --> 00:43:23,948
too many things
at the same time.
866
00:43:23,988 --> 00:43:25,099
Whoever heard of a bridegroom...
867
00:43:25,123 --> 00:43:29,253
playing the organ
at his own wedding?
868
00:43:29,293 --> 00:43:31,557
Look at mother...
crying her eyes out.
869
00:43:31,596 --> 00:43:35,828
I'm glad you brought that up.
870
00:43:35,867 --> 00:43:38,802
You want to know how
I feel about your mother?
871
00:43:38,836 --> 00:43:39,803
No.
872
00:43:39,837 --> 00:43:43,102
All right, I'll tell you.
She makes me throw up.
873
00:43:43,141 --> 00:43:45,234
The way she treats your father.
874
00:43:45,276 --> 00:43:47,676
And you know
what she looks like?
875
00:43:47,712 --> 00:43:48,804
Godzilla!
876
00:43:48,846 --> 00:43:50,245
Now, now, Orville.
877
00:43:50,281 --> 00:43:51,839
Now, now, what?
878
00:43:51,883 --> 00:43:53,475
Mother may be a little
difficult, but...
879
00:43:53,518 --> 00:43:55,645
Difficult? She's impossible.
880
00:43:55,686 --> 00:44:00,055
A mean, vicious, loud-mouthed,
interfering old bag!
881
00:44:00,091 --> 00:44:02,582
Now, what do you think of that?
882
00:44:02,627 --> 00:44:05,596
Well, basically I have
to agree with you.
883
00:44:05,630 --> 00:44:06,961
You do?
884
00:44:06,998 --> 00:44:09,796
Why do you think I got married?
To get away from her.
885
00:44:09,834 --> 00:44:13,361
Oh, so that's the reason
why you married me.
886
00:44:13,404 --> 00:44:17,898
Not the only reason.
I also love you.
887
00:44:17,942 --> 00:44:20,069
Oh.
888
00:44:20,111 --> 00:44:23,547
Here are some pictures
from our honeymoon.
889
00:44:23,581 --> 00:44:25,549
Honeymoon?
890
00:44:25,583 --> 00:44:29,212
Boy, was that ever a flop.
891
00:44:29,253 --> 00:44:30,618
I wouldn't say that.
892
00:44:30,655 --> 00:44:33,351
Oh, you wouldn't?
893
00:44:33,391 --> 00:44:36,519
I'll admit the first night
was a little disappointing...
894
00:44:36,561 --> 00:44:37,638
when they didn't
have a room for us...
895
00:44:37,662 --> 00:44:39,527
and we had to sleep
out in your old rambler.
896
00:44:40,765 --> 00:44:42,892
It was a Volkswagen.
897
00:44:42,934 --> 00:44:44,162
Darling, here's a picture.
898
00:44:44,202 --> 00:44:45,726
It was a rambler,
a blue rambler.
899
00:44:45,770 --> 00:44:48,295
It was pink.
900
00:44:48,339 --> 00:44:49,306
Don't tell me.
901
00:44:49,340 --> 00:44:50,830
Of course it was blue...
902
00:44:50,875 --> 00:44:52,638
exactly the same color
as my eyes.
903
00:44:52,677 --> 00:44:56,408
Your eyes are pink.
904
00:44:56,447 --> 00:44:58,779
What are you talking about?
I have blue eyes.
905
00:44:58,816 --> 00:45:00,113
I say they're pink.
906
00:45:00,151 --> 00:45:02,984
You want to make
something of it?
907
00:45:03,020 --> 00:45:06,717
Orville, what is this...
some kind of a new game?
908
00:45:09,026 --> 00:45:10,721
I wonder who that could be.
909
00:45:15,766 --> 00:45:17,199
Good afternoon, Mrs. Spooner.
910
00:45:17,235 --> 00:45:18,235
May we come in?
911
00:45:18,269 --> 00:45:19,964
Of course, Reverend.
912
00:45:21,038 --> 00:45:22,038
Hello,
Mrs. Spooner.
913
00:45:22,073 --> 00:45:23,040
Mrs. Mulligan.
914
00:45:23,074 --> 00:45:24,084
- Hi, Zelda.
- Hi, Rosalie.
915
00:45:24,108 --> 00:45:26,201
We hate to intrude
on you like this...
916
00:45:26,244 --> 00:45:27,521
but we're collecting
signatures...
917
00:45:27,545 --> 00:45:29,638
for a petition
urging the city council...
918
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,444
to close down
that dreadful place...
919
00:45:32,483 --> 00:45:34,576
if the ladies
will forgive my language...
920
00:45:34,619 --> 00:45:37,782
the Belly Button.
921
00:45:37,822 --> 00:45:41,690
Of course. We'll be glad
to sign, won't we, Orville?
922
00:45:41,726 --> 00:45:43,057
We will?
923
00:45:43,094 --> 00:45:47,121
Well, it's a disgrace,
a cesspool...
924
00:45:47,164 --> 00:45:48,563
a blot on our community.
925
00:45:48,599 --> 00:45:51,329
I understand they let minors
use the cigarette machine.
926
00:45:51,369 --> 00:45:53,633
Rosalie and I went
in there to investigate...
927
00:45:53,671 --> 00:45:55,332
and two strange men
approached us...
928
00:45:55,373 --> 00:45:57,204
and offered to
buy us Bloody Marys.
929
00:45:57,241 --> 00:45:59,004
I got the distinct impression
930
00:45:59,043 --> 00:46:01,409
that there's love for sale
on the premises.
931
00:46:01,445 --> 00:46:07,543
"Love For Sale," Cole Porter...
a million and a half copies.
932
00:46:07,585 --> 00:46:10,577
Well, what are we waiting for?
Who's got a fountain pen?
933
00:46:19,697 --> 00:46:22,097
Oh, I see you're celebrating
your anniversary.
934
00:46:22,133 --> 00:46:23,133
Our fifth.
935
00:46:23,167 --> 00:46:24,828
What a lovely cake.
936
00:46:24,869 --> 00:46:25,869
Pistachio?
937
00:46:25,903 --> 00:46:27,097
Would you like a piece?
938
00:46:27,138 --> 00:46:29,129
I wouldn't want you to spoil it.
939
00:46:29,173 --> 00:46:31,403
Oh, well, maybe just
a little piece.
940
00:46:31,442 --> 00:46:33,433
In that case, I'll have
a little piece, too.
941
00:46:33,477 --> 00:46:34,444
Reverend?
942
00:46:34,478 --> 00:46:35,445
No, thank you.
943
00:46:35,479 --> 00:46:36,707
Cholesterol, you know.
944
00:46:36,747 --> 00:46:38,977
Thank you.
945
00:46:39,016 --> 00:46:42,315
However, if you happen to
have half a grapefruit.
946
00:46:44,889 --> 00:46:49,053
Well, actually, I was
saving it for my wife.
947
00:47:18,889 --> 00:47:20,618
What do you say, Barney?
948
00:47:23,060 --> 00:47:24,060
Is Polly working today?
949
00:47:24,095 --> 00:47:25,585
- Sure.
- Where?
950
00:47:25,630 --> 00:47:29,327
She's gone back to
being a blond again.
951
00:47:36,907 --> 00:47:38,738
Hey, Polly,
we were just wondering...
952
00:47:38,776 --> 00:47:41,506
how do you get that thing
to stay in there?
953
00:47:41,545 --> 00:47:42,807
I glue it in.
954
00:47:42,847 --> 00:47:44,576
Ha ha ha!
955
00:47:45,783 --> 00:47:48,411
What would happen
if I unglued it?
956
00:47:48,452 --> 00:47:50,352
You'd get beer in your eye.
957
00:47:50,388 --> 00:47:51,548
From there?
958
00:47:51,589 --> 00:47:54,285
From here.
959
00:48:06,237 --> 00:48:08,398
Look, Bertha, you still want
those new seat covers...
960
00:48:08,439 --> 00:48:09,838
in your station wagon?
961
00:48:09,874 --> 00:48:10,874
Why?
962
00:48:10,908 --> 00:48:13,069
I'll give them to you
for half price...
963
00:48:13,110 --> 00:48:14,509
if you'll do me a little favor.
964
00:48:14,545 --> 00:48:16,172
Like what?
965
00:48:19,016 --> 00:48:22,042
It's OK with me
if it's OK with Polly.
966
00:48:22,086 --> 00:48:23,417
Muah!
967
00:48:29,727 --> 00:48:33,185
Listen, Polly, I got
a proposition for you.
968
00:48:33,230 --> 00:48:35,357
Step back.
Here comes a big one.
969
00:48:36,534 --> 00:48:37,501
Gesundheit.
970
00:48:37,535 --> 00:48:39,230
Like I said,
I got a proposition.
971
00:48:39,270 --> 00:48:40,237
I need you.
972
00:48:40,271 --> 00:48:41,295
Right now?
973
00:48:41,338 --> 00:48:42,305
It's an emergency.
974
00:48:42,339 --> 00:48:43,931
Yeah, it must be.
975
00:48:43,974 --> 00:48:46,442
Actually, it's not for me.
It's for a friend of mine.
976
00:48:46,477 --> 00:48:48,255
He's giving a little party.
It's an all-night job.
977
00:48:48,279 --> 00:48:49,837
I just got on duty.
978
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:51,848
I won't be through
till 1:00 in the morning.
979
00:48:51,882 --> 00:48:54,043
It's OK. I talked to Big Bertha.
980
00:48:54,085 --> 00:48:55,279
It's all fixed.
981
00:48:55,319 --> 00:48:57,082
You better get yourself
another girl.
982
00:48:57,121 --> 00:48:59,817
I'm coming down with this cold,
and I feel lousy.
983
00:48:59,857 --> 00:49:02,018
Well, if you want to
pass up 25 bucks.
984
00:49:02,059 --> 00:49:04,527
- How much?
- 25 bucks.
985
00:49:04,562 --> 00:49:06,553
Huh?
986
00:49:06,597 --> 00:49:07,825
Suddenly I feel better.
987
00:49:08,866 --> 00:49:10,493
Atta girl. Let's go.
988
00:49:10,534 --> 00:49:11,878
Don't you want me to
change my clothes first?
989
00:49:11,902 --> 00:49:13,233
Come on.
I got my motor running.
990
00:49:13,270 --> 00:49:14,532
At least let me put on a coat.
991
00:49:14,572 --> 00:49:15,539
What for?
992
00:49:15,573 --> 00:49:17,507
Do you want me
to catch pneumonia?
993
00:49:17,541 --> 00:49:18,940
On an outside job like this...
994
00:49:18,976 --> 00:49:20,603
I'm not covered
by any Blue Cross.
995
00:49:20,644 --> 00:49:21,736
Ok, but step on it.
996
00:49:21,779 --> 00:49:22,823
I'll pick you up
around the back.
997
00:49:22,847 --> 00:49:23,871
Yeah.
998
00:49:35,993 --> 00:49:38,791
Bang! Bang! Bang!
999
00:50:09,827 --> 00:50:10,885
Here's your dinner, Sam.
1000
00:50:11,896 --> 00:50:14,262
I won't be home till late.
1001
00:50:14,298 --> 00:50:15,492
Polly!
1002
00:50:15,533 --> 00:50:18,195
I'm coming!
1003
00:50:18,235 --> 00:50:20,430
Now, don't stay up
all night watching TV.
1004
00:50:20,471 --> 00:50:21,597
It's not good for your eyes.
1005
00:50:26,310 --> 00:50:27,743
Are you kidding?
1006
00:50:27,778 --> 00:50:29,803
I'm not going in any truck.
1007
00:50:29,847 --> 00:50:34,113
Listen to her... Princess Grace.
Get your keister in here!
1008
00:50:34,151 --> 00:50:37,177
You know what you are?
No gentleman.
1009
00:50:37,221 --> 00:50:39,314
Come on! Come on!
1010
00:50:39,356 --> 00:50:40,789
OK.
1011
00:50:58,709 --> 00:51:00,939
Say, what kind of party
is this anyway?
1012
00:51:00,978 --> 00:51:02,969
My friend will explain
the whole thing to you.
1013
00:51:03,013 --> 00:51:04,708
What are you so worried about?
1014
00:51:04,748 --> 00:51:07,911
Well, the last time I took
a job like this was July 4th.
1015
00:51:07,952 --> 00:51:09,529
It was one of those
bachelor barbecues...
1016
00:51:09,553 --> 00:51:13,250
with fireworks and everything,
and they raffled me off.
1017
00:51:13,290 --> 00:51:14,882
I went for $83.
1018
00:51:16,060 --> 00:51:17,960
Except the next day,
the check bounced...
1019
00:51:17,995 --> 00:51:21,328
so all I got out of it
was a case of poison ivy.
1020
00:51:26,770 --> 00:51:29,170
Thank you, Mrs. Spooner.
1021
00:51:29,206 --> 00:51:30,173
Bye, Rosalie.
1022
00:51:30,207 --> 00:51:31,333
Happy anniversary, Zelda.
1023
00:51:31,375 --> 00:51:33,119
Come, come, ladies.
We have a lot of work to do.
1024
00:51:33,143 --> 00:51:35,475
We need another 400 signatures.
1025
00:51:38,315 --> 00:51:39,543
Reverend.
1026
00:51:41,886 --> 00:51:43,330
Are you sure you
don't need some help?
1027
00:51:43,354 --> 00:51:45,288
After all, 400 signatures.
1028
00:51:45,322 --> 00:51:46,812
Why don't you take
my wife along?
1029
00:51:46,857 --> 00:51:48,301
She's very good
at this sort of thing.
1030
00:51:48,325 --> 00:51:49,402
Oh, I wouldn't think of it.
1031
00:51:49,426 --> 00:51:51,189
Not on your anniversary.
1032
00:51:53,597 --> 00:51:55,224
This way, playboy.
1033
00:52:06,076 --> 00:52:09,409
In case there are
any more petitions.
1034
00:52:09,446 --> 00:52:10,538
Yeah.
1035
00:52:14,618 --> 00:52:15,846
Now...
1036
00:52:15,886 --> 00:52:17,513
Where were we?
1037
00:52:19,256 --> 00:52:22,555
You know, this town isn't
going to be the same...
1038
00:52:22,593 --> 00:52:25,824
if they close down
the Belly Button.
1039
00:52:25,863 --> 00:52:26,863
Why should you care?
1040
00:52:26,897 --> 00:52:28,228
Why should I care?
1041
00:52:28,265 --> 00:52:30,233
I happen to be their
biggest customer.
1042
00:52:30,267 --> 00:52:31,234
You?
1043
00:52:31,268 --> 00:52:32,758
All those nights
when you thought...
1044
00:52:32,803 --> 00:52:34,794
I was at choir practice
or bowling...
1045
00:52:34,838 --> 00:52:37,102
or watching color television
outside Pringle's...
1046
00:52:37,141 --> 00:52:38,870
I was really
at the Belly Button.
1047
00:52:38,909 --> 00:52:40,206
Doing what?
1048
00:52:40,244 --> 00:52:43,042
Using that cigarette machine,
drinking Mary Bloodies...
1049
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:45,258
and a lot of other things, but
I'd rather not talk about it...
1050
00:52:45,282 --> 00:52:48,012
because you'll just get sore
and walk out on me.
1051
00:52:48,052 --> 00:52:49,314
What other things?
1052
00:52:49,353 --> 00:52:50,664
You may think I'm
sort of a square...
1053
00:52:50,688 --> 00:52:53,521
but ask any of those
cocktail waitresses there...
1054
00:52:53,557 --> 00:52:56,583
I am a swinger.
1055
00:52:56,627 --> 00:52:57,889
Sure you are.
1056
00:52:57,928 --> 00:53:00,362
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
1057
00:53:14,445 --> 00:53:17,812
Poor Zelda. I guess the wife
is always the last to know.
1058
00:53:17,848 --> 00:53:18,848
Know what?
1059
00:53:18,882 --> 00:53:21,612
For your information, I have
been playing around for years.
1060
00:53:21,652 --> 00:53:22,676
Oh?
1061
00:53:22,720 --> 00:53:23,897
And not just with those
waitresses...
1062
00:53:23,921 --> 00:53:25,320
with some of your best friends.
1063
00:53:25,356 --> 00:53:26,356
Like who?
1064
00:53:26,390 --> 00:53:28,401
Well, I'm too much of
a gentleman to mention names...
1065
00:53:28,425 --> 00:53:29,585
but last Thanksgiving...
1066
00:53:29,626 --> 00:53:31,890
there was a little incident
in the organ loft.
1067
00:53:31,929 --> 00:53:34,227
Oh, you and Rosalie Schultz.
1068
00:53:34,264 --> 00:53:35,264
How did you know?
1069
00:53:35,299 --> 00:53:37,699
She told me all about it.
We had a big laugh.
1070
00:53:37,735 --> 00:53:38,778
You mean, you were discussing...
1071
00:53:38,802 --> 00:53:40,235
my sex life
with another woman...
1072
00:53:40,270 --> 00:53:41,498
and laughing about it?
1073
00:53:41,538 --> 00:53:42,698
What sex life?
1074
00:53:42,740 --> 00:53:44,207
So you chased her
up the bell tower.
1075
00:53:44,241 --> 00:53:46,436
It just so happens
that she chased me.
1076
00:53:46,477 --> 00:53:49,207
What difference does it make?
Nobody caught anybody.
1077
00:53:49,246 --> 00:53:50,873
And anyway, I trust you.
1078
00:53:50,914 --> 00:53:52,905
You trust me?
1079
00:53:52,950 --> 00:53:55,282
That's a lousy thing to say
about your husband.
1080
00:53:55,319 --> 00:53:57,787
Don't you think I'm attractive
to other women?
1081
00:53:57,821 --> 00:54:00,153
You're attractive to me.
1082
00:54:01,191 --> 00:54:02,852
So come to bed.
1083
00:54:05,729 --> 00:54:06,957
Oh, no.
1084
00:54:06,997 --> 00:54:08,464
You're not going
to weasel out of it.
1085
00:54:08,499 --> 00:54:10,899
The truth is, you don't
give a damn about me...
1086
00:54:10,934 --> 00:54:13,368
because if you did,
you'd be jealous.
1087
00:54:13,404 --> 00:54:14,871
You'd fight for me.
1088
00:54:14,905 --> 00:54:16,770
It's the most primitive
emotion there is.
1089
00:54:16,807 --> 00:54:18,069
You take the Watusis.
1090
00:54:18,108 --> 00:54:20,338
I read all about it
in the "National Geographic"...
1091
00:54:20,377 --> 00:54:22,072
in Dr. Sheldrake's office.
1092
00:54:22,112 --> 00:54:23,875
If a Watusi wife
catches another woman...
1093
00:54:23,914 --> 00:54:25,939
with a Watusi husband, you
know what she does?
1094
00:54:25,983 --> 00:54:28,577
She buries her in sand up to
her neck...
1095
00:54:28,619 --> 00:54:30,712
and smears honey
all over her head...
1096
00:54:30,754 --> 00:54:32,813
and lets the red ants
loose on her.
1097
00:54:32,856 --> 00:54:34,881
But what do you do
when Rosalie Schultz...
1098
00:54:34,925 --> 00:54:36,586
tries to steal your husband?
1099
00:54:36,627 --> 00:54:38,891
You give her a piece
of pistachio cake!
1100
00:54:38,929 --> 00:54:41,124
Well, if that's
all you care about me...
1101
00:54:41,165 --> 00:54:42,189
I've had it.
1102
00:54:42,232 --> 00:54:44,427
I'm not staying here
another minute.
1103
00:54:44,468 --> 00:54:46,800
Where do you think you're going?
1104
00:54:46,837 --> 00:54:48,805
I'm going home to mother.
1105
00:54:51,475 --> 00:54:55,468
Orville! Wait a minute.
What are you doing?
1106
00:54:55,512 --> 00:54:57,173
That's right. What am I doing?
1107
00:54:57,214 --> 00:54:58,408
It's the other way around.
1108
00:54:58,449 --> 00:55:00,508
You're going home
to your mother.
1109
00:55:00,551 --> 00:55:02,985
Darling, what's
the matter with you?
1110
00:55:03,020 --> 00:55:04,885
All day you've been
trying to pick a fight.
1111
00:55:04,922 --> 00:55:06,150
It's for your own good.
1112
00:55:06,190 --> 00:55:08,181
There isn't room enough
here for the three of us.
1113
00:55:08,225 --> 00:55:09,556
The three of us?
1114
00:55:09,593 --> 00:55:12,756
I mean the four of us.
Out you go.
1115
00:55:12,796 --> 00:55:15,321
Orville, you're not
making any sense.
1116
00:55:15,365 --> 00:55:18,095
This is me, your wife.
Zelda, remember?
1117
00:55:18,135 --> 00:55:19,397
Five years ago today...
1118
00:55:19,436 --> 00:55:22,337
we promised to love, honor,
and cherish each other...
1119
00:55:22,372 --> 00:55:23,566
and you were so nervous...
1120
00:55:23,607 --> 00:55:26,041
you put the ring
on the minister's finger.
1121
00:55:26,076 --> 00:55:30,342
Oh, cut out that sentimental
slush!
1122
00:55:30,380 --> 00:55:31,779
Out!
1123
00:55:31,815 --> 00:55:32,839
Oh...
1124
00:55:35,752 --> 00:55:37,947
Don't cry, lambchop. Please.
1125
00:55:37,988 --> 00:55:39,615
Maybe I'm not
making any sense now...
1126
00:55:39,656 --> 00:55:40,967
but I'll make a lot
of sense tomorrow...
1127
00:55:40,991 --> 00:55:42,458
when I explain the whole thing.
1128
00:55:42,493 --> 00:55:43,493
Don't bother!
1129
00:55:43,527 --> 00:55:45,392
Tomorrow or any other time!
1130
00:55:53,604 --> 00:55:55,401
Zelda!
1131
00:56:13,724 --> 00:56:17,490
Nice timing, Orville.
Now we're cooking.
1132
00:56:17,528 --> 00:56:21,988
I wish I were in hell
with my back broken.
1133
00:56:22,032 --> 00:56:24,796
Just wait till you see
what I brought for dessert.
1134
00:56:26,170 --> 00:56:28,035
This is Polly.
1135
00:56:30,908 --> 00:56:31,908
My friend Orville.
1136
00:56:31,942 --> 00:56:33,239
Hi.
1137
00:56:33,277 --> 00:56:34,869
Not here.
1138
00:56:34,912 --> 00:56:36,472
You want the whole
neighborhood to know?
1139
00:56:36,513 --> 00:56:38,378
Get her in the house.
1140
00:56:38,415 --> 00:56:39,609
That's some welcome.
1141
00:56:39,650 --> 00:56:42,210
Stop beefing.
This is cash on the line...
1142
00:56:42,252 --> 00:56:43,879
and no poison ivy.
1143
00:56:43,921 --> 00:56:45,513
Come on. Come on.
1144
00:56:54,798 --> 00:56:57,562
You got a wastepaper basket
someplace?
1145
00:56:59,836 --> 00:57:01,269
Well, what do you think of her?
1146
00:57:01,304 --> 00:57:03,204
I guess she's all right,
but I wouldn't know.
1147
00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:07,107
You can take my word for it.
She's a pistol, a real pistol.
1148
00:57:07,143 --> 00:57:08,201
Say, what is this?
1149
00:57:08,244 --> 00:57:09,973
You brought me all
the way here on approval?
1150
00:57:10,013 --> 00:57:12,413
No, no. You got a deal. Right?
1151
00:57:12,449 --> 00:57:13,780
Oh, sure. We've gone this far.
1152
00:57:13,817 --> 00:57:15,250
We may as well
go through with it.
1153
00:57:15,285 --> 00:57:17,014
Don't force yourself, mister.
1154
00:57:17,053 --> 00:57:18,520
Oh, I didn't mean it that way.
1155
00:57:18,555 --> 00:57:19,632
I think you're
most attractive...
1156
00:57:19,656 --> 00:57:21,385
and you're going to do
a very good job.
1157
00:57:21,424 --> 00:57:23,551
What does he want now,
references?
1158
00:57:23,593 --> 00:57:25,686
Simmer down. You, too...
1159
00:57:25,729 --> 00:57:27,492
because it's gonna work out
just great.
1160
00:57:27,530 --> 00:57:28,929
I hope so.
1161
00:57:28,965 --> 00:57:30,899
Don't bet on it, hon.
1162
00:57:30,934 --> 00:57:32,078
I better leave you alone now.
1163
00:57:32,102 --> 00:57:33,126
Do you have to?
1164
00:57:33,169 --> 00:57:34,689
I'm supposed to be
grinding that valve.
1165
00:57:36,272 --> 00:57:37,398
And one more thing...
1166
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,772
you got all night,
so take it easy.
1167
00:57:39,809 --> 00:57:41,868
You don't have to start
on the piano right away.
1168
00:57:41,911 --> 00:57:45,847
Build up to it slowly.
1169
00:57:45,882 --> 00:57:47,577
Know what I mean?
1170
00:57:47,617 --> 00:57:48,948
Maybe while you have dinner...
1171
00:57:48,985 --> 00:57:50,782
you can sneak it
into the conversation.
1172
00:57:50,820 --> 00:57:53,721
And then after dinner,
you can really go all out.
1173
00:58:01,296 --> 00:58:03,264
Well, shall we get organized?
1174
00:58:03,298 --> 00:58:06,756
Look, I'm a good sport...
I mean, you could ask anybody...
1175
00:58:06,801 --> 00:58:09,167
but none of that
crazy stuff, huh?
1176
00:58:09,203 --> 00:58:10,966
You see, I got this bad cold.
1177
00:58:11,005 --> 00:58:14,236
Did you ever hear of anybody
with a... with a good cold?
1178
00:58:14,275 --> 00:58:15,503
Huh.
1179
00:58:17,312 --> 00:58:19,303
It's a nice place you got here.
1180
00:58:19,347 --> 00:58:20,780
Oh, you'll like it.
1181
00:58:20,815 --> 00:58:23,283
It's not very big,
but it's clean.
1182
00:58:23,318 --> 00:58:24,785
What is?
1183
00:58:24,819 --> 00:58:26,286
What is what?
1184
00:58:26,321 --> 00:58:28,915
I don't know.
You brought it up.
1185
00:58:30,391 --> 00:58:32,536
First thing you have to do
is get out of those clothes.
1186
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,790
Just like that?
1187
00:58:35,329 --> 00:58:36,296
You're so right.
1188
00:58:36,330 --> 00:58:39,197
First thing, we'd better make
sure my wife isn't coming back.
1189
00:58:39,233 --> 00:58:41,030
Yeah. I think we better.
1190
00:58:49,910 --> 00:58:52,037
You realize if it weren't
for venetian blinds...
1191
00:58:52,079 --> 00:58:53,569
it would be curtains
for all of us?
1192
00:58:53,614 --> 00:58:55,548
I guess you can't
be too careful...
1193
00:58:55,583 --> 00:58:57,175
a man in your position.
1194
00:58:57,218 --> 00:58:58,549
My position?
1195
00:58:58,586 --> 00:59:00,019
Oh, I recognized you right away.
1196
00:59:00,054 --> 00:59:02,716
I see you at church
every Sunday playing the organ.
1197
00:59:03,791 --> 00:59:05,258
You go to church?
1198
00:59:05,292 --> 00:59:06,452
All of us girls go.
1199
00:59:06,494 --> 00:59:08,758
Big Bertha takes us
in the station wagon.
1200
00:59:08,796 --> 00:59:10,457
Well, you know what they say...
1201
00:59:10,498 --> 00:59:12,523
the family that
prays together...
1202
00:59:12,566 --> 00:59:16,297
It's just that Bertha thinks
it's good for public relations.
1203
00:59:18,339 --> 00:59:19,806
We mustn't wake him up,
not yet...
1204
00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:21,284
because if he catches on,
we'll be dead.
1205
00:59:21,308 --> 00:59:22,275
Who?
1206
00:59:22,309 --> 00:59:23,276
Barney and me.
1207
00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:24,868
No, I mean, who's gonna
catch on?
1208
00:59:24,912 --> 00:59:26,174
Nobody, I hope.
1209
00:59:26,213 --> 00:59:28,113
So, shall we...
1210
00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:29,445
Oh, OK.
1211
00:59:29,483 --> 00:59:30,450
No, no.
1212
00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:34,215
Not in here. In the bedroom.
1213
00:59:34,255 --> 00:59:35,586
You name it.
1214
00:59:40,327 --> 00:59:42,522
Don't mind me
if I'm a little nervous...
1215
00:59:42,563 --> 00:59:44,121
but so much depends on this.
1216
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:45,290
I just hope we can swing it.
1217
00:59:45,332 --> 00:59:46,424
We'll do our best.
1218
00:59:46,467 --> 00:59:47,695
Thank you.
1219
00:59:49,403 --> 00:59:52,497
Now if you'll just put on
one of my wife's dresses.
1220
00:59:53,607 --> 00:59:54,733
What for?
1221
00:59:54,775 --> 00:59:56,402
That's the only way it'll work.
1222
00:59:56,443 --> 00:59:58,604
We've got to pretend
you're my wife.
1223
01:00:00,781 --> 01:00:03,579
What are you,
some kind of a weirdie?
1224
01:00:03,617 --> 01:00:04,879
Didn't Barney tell you?
1225
01:00:04,919 --> 01:00:07,387
He didn't tell me to expect
anything like this.
1226
01:00:08,389 --> 01:00:10,050
I'm getting out of here.
1227
01:00:10,090 --> 01:00:11,216
Now just a second.
1228
01:00:11,258 --> 01:00:13,624
You know, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
1229
01:00:13,661 --> 01:00:15,253
All those people
in the congregation...
1230
01:00:15,296 --> 01:00:17,992
do they know what you're doing
the other six days of the week?
1231
01:00:18,032 --> 01:00:19,090
You don't understand.
1232
01:00:19,133 --> 01:00:22,034
It's not for me. It's for him.
1233
01:00:22,069 --> 01:00:23,161
Who's him?
1234
01:00:23,203 --> 01:00:25,763
Back there. He's asleep.
1235
01:00:25,806 --> 01:00:28,934
What are we playing,
musical chairs?
1236
01:00:28,976 --> 01:00:31,274
Barney says it's not for him,
it's for a friend of his.
1237
01:00:31,312 --> 01:00:34,076
Now you say it's not for you,
it's for a friend of yours.
1238
01:00:34,114 --> 01:00:35,547
Oh, but he's not
exactly a friend.
1239
01:00:35,583 --> 01:00:37,060
It's more like
a business promotion...
1240
01:00:37,084 --> 01:00:38,847
and he likes action
all the time.
1241
01:00:38,886 --> 01:00:41,855
I got nothing against that,
but not with Zelda.
1242
01:00:41,889 --> 01:00:43,516
Oh. Who's Zelda?
1243
01:00:43,557 --> 01:00:44,751
You are.
1244
01:00:44,792 --> 01:00:46,089
Me?
1245
01:00:46,126 --> 01:00:48,458
It's my wife,
but tonight you're her...
1246
01:00:48,495 --> 01:00:50,793
so you're Zelda.
1247
01:00:50,831 --> 01:00:53,299
What did I get myself into?
1248
01:00:53,334 --> 01:00:55,495
Oh, you just wait till you
find out who he is.
1249
01:00:55,536 --> 01:00:56,503
You'll flip.
1250
01:00:56,537 --> 01:00:57,731
Huh. I will?
1251
01:00:57,771 --> 01:00:59,068
Oh, boy.
1252
01:00:59,106 --> 01:01:01,131
So who can it be...
Richard Burton?
1253
01:01:01,175 --> 01:01:05,339
No, but you're getting warm.
Here, try this.
1254
01:01:05,379 --> 01:01:08,542
It may be a little tight,
but that can't hurt any.
1255
01:01:21,595 --> 01:01:23,062
What's the matter now?
1256
01:01:23,097 --> 01:01:24,530
I lost my navel.
1257
01:01:24,565 --> 01:01:26,260
Where?
1258
01:01:26,300 --> 01:01:28,530
I think it rolled under there.
1259
01:01:58,064 --> 01:01:59,326
Where am I?
1260
01:01:59,366 --> 01:02:00,526
In Climax.
1261
01:02:00,567 --> 01:02:01,693
Where?
1262
01:02:01,735 --> 01:02:02,702
Don't you remember?
1263
01:02:02,736 --> 01:02:04,499
You had that cracked valve?
1264
01:02:04,538 --> 01:02:06,096
Beethoven?
1265
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:07,367
Oh.
1266
01:02:07,407 --> 01:02:08,669
What time is it?
1267
01:02:08,708 --> 01:02:12,007
Oh, it's only 4:00, so why don't
you go back to sleep?
1268
01:02:17,083 --> 01:02:19,313
What are you doing down
there, anyway?
1269
01:02:19,352 --> 01:02:21,650
I'm looking for my wife's navel.
1270
01:02:21,688 --> 01:02:22,882
Oh.
1271
01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,342
Looks real nice, Polly.
1272
01:03:17,376 --> 01:03:19,844
Thanks, and the name is Zelda.
1273
01:03:19,879 --> 01:03:21,346
Oh, yes, of course.
1274
01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:23,348
Hey, candles.
1275
01:03:23,382 --> 01:03:25,850
I found them in the drawer.
1276
01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:29,150
For intimate dining,
candlelight is a romantic must.
1277
01:03:29,188 --> 01:03:30,188
Oh?
1278
01:03:30,223 --> 01:03:31,366
I used to read up
on all that stuff...
1279
01:03:31,390 --> 01:03:32,948
in Ladies' Home Journal...
1280
01:03:32,992 --> 01:03:36,257
what every bride should know,
how to keep your husband happy.
1281
01:03:36,295 --> 01:03:38,763
Say, maybe we should have
some place cards.
1282
01:03:38,798 --> 01:03:39,765
I don't think so.
1283
01:03:39,799 --> 01:03:41,562
There's just the three of us.
1284
01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:45,666
Tell me, how did you and I meet?
1285
01:03:45,705 --> 01:03:47,082
What do you mean?
Barney brought you.
1286
01:03:47,106 --> 01:03:48,573
Oh, no. You and Zelda.
1287
01:03:48,608 --> 01:03:49,608
I'm Zelda, remember?
1288
01:03:49,642 --> 01:03:51,337
How did we meet,
in case it comes up?
1289
01:03:51,377 --> 01:03:53,174
Oh. Well, you were
singing in the choir...
1290
01:03:53,212 --> 01:03:56,409
and I noticed you right away
because you were always off-key.
1291
01:03:56,449 --> 01:03:58,383
Hmm. So you kept me after hours.
1292
01:03:58,417 --> 01:04:00,329
I wanted to, but your mother
used to watch us like a hawk.
1293
01:04:00,353 --> 01:04:01,320
She never liked me much.
1294
01:04:01,354 --> 01:04:02,321
So?
1295
01:04:02,355 --> 01:04:04,186
So in order to
ingratiate myself...
1296
01:04:04,223 --> 01:04:05,734
you see, she works
at the blood bank...
1297
01:04:05,758 --> 01:04:09,216
I'd go in three times a week
and give a pint of blood.
1298
01:04:09,262 --> 01:04:10,627
Three pints a week?
1299
01:04:10,663 --> 01:04:11,907
Well, the other days,
I'd sneak over...
1300
01:04:11,931 --> 01:04:15,059
to the hospital in Silver City
and get a transfusion.
1301
01:04:15,101 --> 01:04:19,094
Boy, you must have
been nuts about me.
1302
01:04:19,138 --> 01:04:20,571
I certainly was.
1303
01:04:20,606 --> 01:04:25,100
And, uh, how did
you propose to me?
1304
01:04:25,144 --> 01:04:27,874
Well, I wrote this love song...
1305
01:04:27,914 --> 01:04:30,348
and one afternoon while
I was tuning your piano...
1306
01:04:30,383 --> 01:04:33,819
I played it to you,
and that did it.
1307
01:04:35,888 --> 01:04:36,912
Imagine...
1308
01:04:36,956 --> 01:04:39,550
somebody writing
a whole song for you.
1309
01:04:41,060 --> 01:04:44,689
You know, when I was
in high school...
1310
01:04:44,730 --> 01:04:46,197
there was this boy.
1311
01:04:46,232 --> 01:04:48,325
He used to write me poems.
1312
01:04:48,367 --> 01:04:49,698
What kind of poems?
1313
01:04:49,735 --> 01:04:53,296
In chalk, on sidewalks
and fences.
1314
01:04:53,339 --> 01:04:55,899
Why, I had to go
all over town erasing them.
1315
01:04:56,909 --> 01:04:58,934
Polly... I mean, Zelda...
1316
01:04:58,978 --> 01:05:00,946
keep an eye
on the meat sauce, will you?
1317
01:05:00,980 --> 01:05:02,004
Sure.
1318
01:05:02,048 --> 01:05:04,175
I hate to put you
to work like this...
1319
01:05:04,217 --> 01:05:05,241
I mean, like a housewife.
1320
01:05:05,284 --> 01:05:06,376
Oh, I enjoy it.
1321
01:05:06,419 --> 01:05:07,852
As a matter of fact...
1322
01:05:07,887 --> 01:05:09,514
I was almost a wife once myself.
1323
01:05:09,555 --> 01:05:10,681
Almost?
1324
01:05:10,723 --> 01:05:13,385
That's how I happened
to wind up in nevada.
1325
01:05:13,426 --> 01:05:14,825
Where are you from?
1326
01:05:14,861 --> 01:05:17,022
Jersey City, New Jersey.
1327
01:05:17,063 --> 01:05:19,827
I was working at the Plaza Hotel
as a manicurist...
1328
01:05:19,866 --> 01:05:22,835
and I had this 1,200 bucks
my father left me.
1329
01:05:22,869 --> 01:05:25,497
So I was going to open
a little beauty shop... my own.
1330
01:05:25,538 --> 01:05:27,699
Then I met this guy.
1331
01:05:29,208 --> 01:05:30,675
This needs more salt.
1332
01:05:30,710 --> 01:05:31,677
What guy?
1333
01:05:31,711 --> 01:05:36,671
He was a salesman,
a hula hoop salesman.
1334
01:05:36,716 --> 01:05:38,149
Remember those things?
1335
01:05:43,122 --> 01:05:44,987
He wanted to marry me.
1336
01:05:47,493 --> 01:05:48,858
That figures.
1337
01:05:50,963 --> 01:05:52,863
So I bought this
secondhand car and trailer.
1338
01:05:52,899 --> 01:05:55,493
We drove to Nevada,
spent the night here.
1339
01:05:55,534 --> 01:05:59,732
The next day, we were supposed
to go to Vegas and get hitched.
1340
01:05:59,772 --> 01:06:02,366
Could use some pepper, too.
1341
01:06:02,408 --> 01:06:03,966
What happened?
1342
01:06:04,010 --> 01:06:05,773
When I woke up in the morning...
1343
01:06:05,811 --> 01:06:08,245
the guy was gone,
and the car was gone.
1344
01:06:08,281 --> 01:06:10,181
That was it.
1345
01:06:10,216 --> 01:06:13,583
You know anybody who can use
six dozen plastic hula hoops?
1346
01:06:13,619 --> 01:06:15,519
They come in assorted colors.
1347
01:06:15,554 --> 01:06:18,182
You mean he just took off?
1348
01:06:18,224 --> 01:06:20,624
Eh, I should have known
he was a fink.
1349
01:06:20,660 --> 01:06:22,457
He had small moons.
1350
01:06:22,495 --> 01:06:24,156
He had what?
1351
01:06:24,196 --> 01:06:28,132
You know, small moons
on the fingernails.
1352
01:06:30,136 --> 01:06:32,764
Now, you, for instance,
you got big moons.
1353
01:06:32,805 --> 01:06:33,999
Is that good?
1354
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,837
It means you're a gentleman.
1355
01:06:35,875 --> 01:06:37,172
When you're a manicurist,
1356
01:06:37,209 --> 01:06:38,176
you can tell a lot
about people...
1357
01:06:38,210 --> 01:06:39,700
just from their hands.
1358
01:06:39,745 --> 01:06:41,474
I never had a manicure
in my life.
1359
01:06:41,514 --> 01:06:43,175
Nobody in this town has.
1360
01:06:43,215 --> 01:06:45,294
That's why I had to take a job
at the Belly Button...
1361
01:06:45,318 --> 01:06:48,014
trying to scrape up
enough money to get another car.
1362
01:06:48,054 --> 01:06:49,851
But something always
seems to happen.
1363
01:06:49,889 --> 01:06:51,618
I guess I'm stuck here for good.
1364
01:06:51,657 --> 01:06:55,024
A girl like you... I'm sure
you'll find some nice guy.
1365
01:06:55,061 --> 01:06:57,859
Not a chance, unless I get
out of this place.
1366
01:06:57,897 --> 01:07:02,095
Around here, I'm just somebody
the bartender recommends.
1367
01:07:02,134 --> 01:07:03,624
"Try Polly the Pistol."
1368
01:07:03,669 --> 01:07:06,263
'S marvelous
1369
01:07:06,305 --> 01:07:07,772
You should care
1370
01:07:09,375 --> 01:07:11,605
'S paradise
1371
01:07:22,822 --> 01:07:27,054
'S awful nice, woo, pow
1372
01:07:27,093 --> 01:07:28,093
Paradise
1373
01:07:29,428 --> 01:07:30,395
Let's get ready.
1374
01:07:30,429 --> 01:07:31,726
He'll be out in a minute.
1375
01:07:31,764 --> 01:07:33,322
I know that voice
from someplace.
1376
01:07:33,366 --> 01:07:35,095
Of course you do. He's a singer.
1377
01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:36,101
Who?
1378
01:07:36,135 --> 01:07:37,625
Now don't flip.
1379
01:07:37,670 --> 01:07:38,694
Well, who is it?
1380
01:07:38,738 --> 01:07:40,330
It's Dino.
1381
01:07:40,373 --> 01:07:41,340
Dino?
1382
01:07:41,374 --> 01:07:42,341
That's right.
1383
01:07:42,375 --> 01:07:43,342
Hmm.
1384
01:07:43,376 --> 01:07:44,486
I like Andy Williams better.
1385
01:07:44,510 --> 01:07:46,637
Shh! For heaven's sake,
watch it.
1386
01:07:46,679 --> 01:07:47,646
You're supposed
to be nice to him.
1387
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:49,671
Don't worry. I know my job.
1388
01:07:49,715 --> 01:07:51,774
Now let me look at you.
1389
01:07:51,817 --> 01:07:53,910
Maybe we'd better open
a couple of buttons.
1390
01:07:53,953 --> 01:07:56,319
Your wife wouldn't do that.
1391
01:07:56,355 --> 01:07:58,346
I guess not.
1392
01:07:58,391 --> 01:08:00,689
Oh, the ring.
You should have a ring.
1393
01:08:00,726 --> 01:08:02,193
Here, put this on.
1394
01:08:03,696 --> 01:08:05,926
You suppose there's
a law against this?
1395
01:08:05,965 --> 01:08:07,398
Against what?
1396
01:08:07,433 --> 01:08:09,424
Wearing a ring
without a license.
1397
01:08:09,468 --> 01:08:10,526
Don't be silly.
1398
01:08:10,569 --> 01:08:12,400
Come on, let's go
into the living room.
1399
01:08:14,807 --> 01:08:17,435
Domestic, domestic.
1400
01:08:17,476 --> 01:08:19,341
We've got to
make it look domestic.
1401
01:08:19,378 --> 01:08:22,677
You sit here, and I'll sit here.
1402
01:08:24,884 --> 01:08:26,749
No, that's not domestic enough.
1403
01:08:27,987 --> 01:08:30,922
You knit, and I'll read.
1404
01:08:30,956 --> 01:08:34,357
Uh... uh, I don't
know how to knit.
1405
01:08:35,528 --> 01:08:38,292
Well, then you read,
and I'll knit.
1406
01:08:39,865 --> 01:08:42,527
No, that's no good.
1407
01:08:42,568 --> 01:08:44,433
Now, let me see...
1408
01:08:46,906 --> 01:08:49,397
'S wonderful
1409
01:08:49,442 --> 01:08:52,343
'S marvelous
1410
01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:56,405
You should care for me
1411
01:08:56,449 --> 01:08:59,577
Mmm, 's awful nice
1412
01:08:59,618 --> 01:09:01,552
Paradise
1413
01:09:02,822 --> 01:09:05,188
Hard to see
1414
01:09:23,409 --> 01:09:25,400
Pardon me.
1415
01:09:25,444 --> 01:09:27,105
Is this the way to Disneyland?
1416
01:09:29,081 --> 01:09:31,311
Oh, we didn't hear you.
1417
01:09:32,351 --> 01:09:34,717
This is my wife Zelda.
1418
01:09:34,754 --> 01:09:36,051
Howdy, ma'am.
1419
01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:38,181
My husband told me
you were staying with us.
1420
01:09:38,224 --> 01:09:39,816
What a delightful surprise.
1421
01:09:39,859 --> 01:09:40,869
Zelda has all your records.
1422
01:09:40,893 --> 01:09:42,554
She's a big fan of yours.
1423
01:09:42,595 --> 01:09:43,755
I'm a big fan of hers.
1424
01:09:43,796 --> 01:09:45,354
I picked these on the way here.
1425
01:09:45,398 --> 01:09:47,764
Oh, they're lovely.
1426
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:49,495
Cocktail time.
What would you like?
1427
01:09:49,535 --> 01:09:52,231
Martini? Old fashioned?
Vodka on the rocks?
1428
01:09:52,271 --> 01:09:53,238
No, thanks.
1429
01:09:53,272 --> 01:09:54,330
Nothing to drink?
1430
01:09:54,373 --> 01:09:56,341
Just a bowl of bourbon
and some crackers.
1431
01:09:56,375 --> 01:09:58,275
Bourbon. Good idea.
1432
01:09:58,310 --> 01:09:59,641
How about you, Zelda?
1433
01:09:59,679 --> 01:10:01,909
Uh, do we have any buttermilk
in the house?
1434
01:10:01,947 --> 01:10:03,710
Buttermilk! Coming right up.
1435
01:10:08,988 --> 01:10:09,955
Well, just don't...
1436
01:10:09,989 --> 01:10:13,152
stand there, you two. Talk.
1437
01:10:13,192 --> 01:10:14,784
Mingle.
1438
01:10:16,395 --> 01:10:17,862
Uh, tell me something.
1439
01:10:17,897 --> 01:10:19,797
Anything.
1440
01:10:19,832 --> 01:10:21,629
How'd you happen
to get stranded here?
1441
01:10:21,667 --> 01:10:23,225
Oh, just lucky, I guess.
1442
01:10:25,905 --> 01:10:27,532
Oops.
1443
01:10:27,573 --> 01:10:29,803
You know, that dress dummy
don't do you justice...
1444
01:10:29,842 --> 01:10:31,469
even with all the padding.
1445
01:10:31,510 --> 01:10:33,603
I suppose I've put on
a few pounds.
1446
01:10:33,646 --> 01:10:35,011
Well, don't you worry about it.
1447
01:10:35,047 --> 01:10:36,014
As far as I'm concerned...
1448
01:10:36,048 --> 01:10:38,778
there couldn't
be enough of you...
1449
01:10:38,818 --> 01:10:40,285
baby.
1450
01:10:40,319 --> 01:10:41,319
Huh.
1451
01:10:41,353 --> 01:10:43,878
How much do you
think she weighs?
1452
01:10:51,297 --> 01:10:52,662
Guess.
1453
01:10:56,969 --> 01:10:57,969
May I?
1454
01:10:58,971 --> 01:11:00,131
Help yourself.
1455
01:11:08,614 --> 01:11:09,706
115.
1456
01:11:09,749 --> 01:11:11,649
Guess again.
1457
01:11:11,684 --> 01:11:13,845
Glad to.
1458
01:11:19,492 --> 01:11:20,459
120?
1459
01:11:20,493 --> 01:11:22,222
You're getting warm.
1460
01:11:22,261 --> 01:11:23,853
Oh, boy.
1461
01:11:25,898 --> 01:11:27,889
Oh, that's close enough.
1462
01:11:32,505 --> 01:11:33,904
How much you think I weigh?
1463
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:39,271
Go ahead, lambchop.
1464
01:11:39,311 --> 01:11:40,539
Take a crack at it.
1465
01:11:40,579 --> 01:11:41,978
Yeah.
1466
01:11:42,014 --> 01:11:44,073
1731/2.
1467
01:11:44,116 --> 01:11:46,050
That's not fair.
1468
01:11:46,085 --> 01:11:47,985
Right on the nose.
1469
01:11:48,020 --> 01:11:48,987
Skol.
1470
01:11:49,021 --> 01:11:49,988
What?
1471
01:11:50,022 --> 01:11:50,989
Skol!
1472
01:11:51,023 --> 01:11:52,423
Sure, it's cold.
It's got ice in it.
1473
01:11:54,493 --> 01:11:56,051
Funny! Funny!
1474
01:12:00,166 --> 01:12:03,397
Well, drink up and be somebody.
1475
01:12:03,435 --> 01:12:04,902
Why don't we sit down?
1476
01:12:04,937 --> 01:12:05,904
Why don't we?
1477
01:12:05,938 --> 01:12:10,238
Ah, lambchop, Dino,
and I'll sit back here.
1478
01:12:10,276 --> 01:12:11,971
Where'd you get
this crazy couch?
1479
01:12:12,011 --> 01:12:13,808
Oh, it's been
in the family for years.
1480
01:12:13,846 --> 01:12:15,575
It's a love seat.
1481
01:12:15,614 --> 01:12:18,481
Love seat? For three?
1482
01:12:18,517 --> 01:12:20,075
Victorian, you know.
1483
01:12:20,119 --> 01:12:22,917
Two lovers and a chaperone,
but that didn't stop anyone.
1484
01:12:22,955 --> 01:12:26,015
It was usually an old lady,
half-deaf, half-blind...
1485
01:12:26,058 --> 01:12:28,686
sitting there and... knitting.
1486
01:12:29,895 --> 01:12:31,192
Knitting?
1487
01:12:31,230 --> 01:12:32,390
It's good therapy.
1488
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:33,864
I took it up
when I quit smoking.
1489
01:12:33,899 --> 01:12:34,866
It keeps my hands busy.
1490
01:12:34,900 --> 01:12:35,867
You know what they say...
1491
01:12:35,901 --> 01:12:38,927
the devil finds work
for idle hands.
1492
01:12:59,158 --> 01:13:01,319
What are you knitting?
1493
01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:02,827
A sock.
1494
01:13:02,862 --> 01:13:04,454
With a turtleneck?
1495
01:13:10,703 --> 01:13:12,364
He's got small moons.
1496
01:13:12,404 --> 01:13:13,371
Oh?
1497
01:13:13,405 --> 01:13:14,372
I got what?
1498
01:13:14,406 --> 01:13:15,873
Oh, it's this theory
my wife has.
1499
01:13:15,908 --> 01:13:17,773
If you've got small moons
on your nails...
1500
01:13:17,810 --> 01:13:19,744
you're a gentleman
and a scholar.
1501
01:13:19,778 --> 01:13:20,745
Interesting.
1502
01:13:20,779 --> 01:13:22,474
Now, you take me.
I've got big moons.
1503
01:13:22,514 --> 01:13:25,711
That means I'm a fink.
1504
01:13:27,353 --> 01:13:29,287
Well, you're only half right
about me.
1505
01:13:29,321 --> 01:13:30,549
I'm no scholar.
1506
01:13:30,589 --> 01:13:33,558
Knit one, purl two.
1507
01:13:33,592 --> 01:13:36,755
Hmm. Something around here
smells good.
1508
01:13:36,795 --> 01:13:38,126
It's the meat sauce.
1509
01:13:38,163 --> 01:13:39,357
It's making my mouth water.
1510
01:13:39,398 --> 01:13:40,797
We also got you some pizza.
1511
01:13:40,833 --> 01:13:43,233
How about a little antipasto?
1512
01:13:47,673 --> 01:13:50,039
You'll spoil your appetite.
1513
01:13:50,075 --> 01:13:51,235
You want to bet?
1514
01:13:55,047 --> 01:13:56,412
Damn!
1515
01:13:56,448 --> 01:13:57,779
What's the matter?
1516
01:13:57,816 --> 01:13:59,010
I've dropped a stitch.
1517
01:13:59,051 --> 01:14:00,450
Oh.
1518
01:14:02,221 --> 01:14:05,657
You know, you can lose
a hand that way.
1519
01:14:08,627 --> 01:14:12,961
Did you hear the story
about the girl and the lobster?
1520
01:14:12,998 --> 01:14:14,329
No. How does it go?
1521
01:14:14,366 --> 01:14:16,334
Well, this girl was sitting
in a movie house...
1522
01:14:16,368 --> 01:14:18,461
and this guy sat down
next to her...
1523
01:14:18,504 --> 01:14:19,994
and they were
sitting in the dark...
1524
01:14:20,039 --> 01:14:21,802
and they were watching the
picture, see...
1525
01:14:21,840 --> 01:14:24,172
and suddenly
she felt something...
1526
01:14:24,209 --> 01:14:25,938
crawling up her leg
and pinched her.
1527
01:14:25,978 --> 01:14:26,945
Ah!
1528
01:14:26,979 --> 01:14:28,071
Go on.
1529
01:14:28,113 --> 01:14:29,391
Then she felt something
crawling again...
1530
01:14:29,415 --> 01:14:30,575
and pinched her again.
1531
01:14:30,616 --> 01:14:33,312
She said, "What is the idea
of you pinching me?"
1532
01:14:33,352 --> 01:14:37,083
And he said,
"Well, it wasn't me.
1533
01:14:37,122 --> 01:14:38,180
It was my lobster."
1534
01:14:38,223 --> 01:14:40,316
His lobster?
1535
01:14:40,359 --> 01:14:41,986
He explained it. He said...
1536
01:14:42,027 --> 01:14:43,858
"A friend of mine
gave me a live lobster"...
1537
01:14:43,896 --> 01:14:45,073
and I said,
"Gee, that's wonderful.
1538
01:14:45,097 --> 01:14:46,308
"I think I'll take it
home for dinner."
1539
01:14:46,332 --> 01:14:48,527
He said, "No,
it already had dinner.
1540
01:14:48,567 --> 01:14:50,228
"Why don't you take it
to a movie?"
1541
01:14:53,005 --> 01:14:56,702
Take it to a movie!
1542
01:14:56,742 --> 01:14:58,266
...to a movie.
1543
01:14:58,310 --> 01:15:00,778
I told you. He's a funny man.
1544
01:15:00,813 --> 01:15:02,212
Yeah. Funny.
1545
01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:06,928
You got any more
stories like that?
1546
01:15:06,952 --> 01:15:08,146
Yeah. I got...
1547
01:15:08,187 --> 01:15:10,417
Oh, yeah. There was the one
about this doctor, you see.
1548
01:15:10,456 --> 01:15:13,118
He was examining
a girl's knee, and he said...
1549
01:15:13,158 --> 01:15:16,594
"What's a joint like this doing
on a pretty girl like you?"
1550
01:15:18,864 --> 01:15:21,526
Oh! Oh, I got to remember
that one.
1551
01:15:23,402 --> 01:15:26,371
Excuse me. I've got
something on the stove.
1552
01:15:29,975 --> 01:15:31,875
I think this belongs to you.
1553
01:15:31,910 --> 01:15:35,038
Me. You. What's the difference?
1554
01:15:35,080 --> 01:15:36,047
Maybe I'd better help you.
1555
01:15:36,081 --> 01:15:37,048
No, no, no, no.
1556
01:15:37,082 --> 01:15:39,050
You stay right
where you are, lambchop.
1557
01:15:39,084 --> 01:15:40,051
Make him feel at home.
1558
01:15:40,085 --> 01:15:42,713
Show him a little
western hospitality.
1559
01:15:43,856 --> 01:15:47,019
We don't want him to have
a headache tomorrow.
1560
01:15:53,032 --> 01:15:56,263
What is this, Candid Camera?
1561
01:15:56,301 --> 01:16:00,362
You must think my husband
is sort of, uh, peculiar.
1562
01:16:00,406 --> 01:16:01,930
Oh, no.
As a matter of fact...
1563
01:16:01,974 --> 01:16:03,874
I'm getting very fond of him.
1564
01:16:03,909 --> 01:16:05,103
So am I.
1565
01:16:05,144 --> 01:16:07,135
And I'm crazy about his wife.
1566
01:16:07,179 --> 01:16:09,079
Do you know what
I'd like right now?
1567
01:16:09,114 --> 01:16:13,210
Sure. Another bowl
of bourbon and crackers.
1568
01:16:14,620 --> 01:16:15,678
Tell me something.
1569
01:16:15,721 --> 01:16:17,985
Anything.
1570
01:16:18,023 --> 01:16:21,117
How come he calls you lambchop?
1571
01:16:21,160 --> 01:16:25,187
Maybe it's because
I wear paper panties.
1572
01:16:25,230 --> 01:16:27,664
Paper panties?
1573
01:16:27,699 --> 01:16:30,190
I also wear a gold ring.
1574
01:16:35,874 --> 01:16:37,569
Talk about finks.
1575
01:16:37,609 --> 01:16:39,543
This guy's got no moons at all.
1576
01:16:39,578 --> 01:16:40,772
Never mind the moons.
1577
01:16:40,813 --> 01:16:43,008
You should be out there
entertaining him.
1578
01:16:43,048 --> 01:16:45,642
What right has he got to treat
your wife like that?
1579
01:16:45,684 --> 01:16:47,028
It's a good thing
you're not my wife...
1580
01:16:47,052 --> 01:16:49,179
or I'd throw him
out of the house.
1581
01:16:50,222 --> 01:16:52,053
Yeah.
1582
01:16:52,091 --> 01:16:54,958
Oh, I'm sorry.
1583
01:16:58,063 --> 01:17:00,588
Paper panties. Ooh.
1584
01:17:06,004 --> 01:17:08,939
Hot stuff. Don't touch.
1585
01:17:08,974 --> 01:17:10,703
I can't help myself.
1586
01:17:10,742 --> 01:17:13,438
How would you like
a macaroni shampoo?
1587
01:17:13,479 --> 01:17:14,503
Anything you say, baby.
1588
01:17:14,546 --> 01:17:18,107
Sprinkle me with parmesan.
Stab me with a breadstick.
1589
01:17:18,150 --> 01:17:20,414
You're quite
an operator, aren't you?
1590
01:17:20,452 --> 01:17:22,464
Well, not really, but all we
have is just this one night...
1591
01:17:22,488 --> 01:17:23,648
so I have to work fast.
1592
01:17:23,689 --> 01:17:26,419
It's sort of
an emergency operation.
1593
01:17:27,426 --> 01:17:30,554
It's that little
old winemaker, me!
1594
01:17:30,596 --> 01:17:32,564
Sit down. Sit down.
1595
01:17:32,598 --> 01:17:34,429
You didn't have to go
to all this trouble.
1596
01:17:34,466 --> 01:17:36,229
What trouble? I'm very grateful.
1597
01:17:36,268 --> 01:17:38,634
You see, this is our fifth
wedding anniversary...
1598
01:17:38,670 --> 01:17:40,230
and I forgot to buy
my wife a present...
1599
01:17:40,272 --> 01:17:42,763
so instead, she's getting you.
1600
01:17:47,646 --> 01:17:48,613
You know what they say...
1601
01:17:48,647 --> 01:17:52,048
white wine with fish,
red wine with lambchop.
1602
01:18:00,658 --> 01:18:04,458
Believe me, it's the best thing
that could've happened to you.
1603
01:18:04,495 --> 01:18:07,157
If I told you once, I told you
a thousand times...
1604
01:18:07,198 --> 01:18:09,723
don't marry him.
1605
01:18:09,767 --> 01:18:11,758
Orville J. Spooner.
1606
01:18:11,802 --> 01:18:13,497
You know what the "j"
stands for? Jerk.
1607
01:18:13,538 --> 01:18:15,597
That's what he is, a jerk.
1608
01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:18,040
Never made more than sixty
dollars a week in his life.
1609
01:18:18,075 --> 01:18:20,475
No ambition, no future.
1610
01:18:20,511 --> 01:18:22,172
When I think that
you could've married...
1611
01:18:22,213 --> 01:18:26,149
Wally Coates...
Dr. Wallace Coates...
1612
01:18:26,184 --> 01:18:29,984
the second-most-successful
chiropractor in Carson City.
1613
01:18:30,021 --> 01:18:32,751
Henry, stop rocking.
1614
01:18:32,790 --> 01:18:36,988
Or take Tom Pringle.
He was dying to marry you.
1615
01:18:37,028 --> 01:18:41,158
Only the president of the Junior
Chamber of Commerce...
1616
01:18:41,199 --> 01:18:44,327
but you let Gladys Bukitsch
grab him off.
1617
01:18:44,368 --> 01:18:46,029
Gladys Bukitsch.
1618
01:18:46,070 --> 01:18:50,439
Four foot six, bad complexion,
pigeon-toed.
1619
01:18:50,474 --> 01:18:52,772
I could cry.
1620
01:18:52,810 --> 01:18:54,539
You know what he did
for her folks?
1621
01:18:54,579 --> 01:18:57,241
Bought them a house
in Del Webb's Sun City.
1622
01:18:57,281 --> 01:18:58,942
So now they're retired...
1623
01:18:58,983 --> 01:19:02,919
playing shuffleboard
with the other senior citizens.
1624
01:19:02,954 --> 01:19:04,649
Oh, Zelda, Zelda...
1625
01:19:04,689 --> 01:19:05,966
what a mess you made
of your life.
1626
01:19:05,990 --> 01:19:08,185
That's enough, Mamie.
Now leave her alone.
1627
01:19:08,226 --> 01:19:10,592
Did you say something?
1628
01:19:10,628 --> 01:19:12,391
Not recently.
1629
01:19:12,430 --> 01:19:15,160
First thing tomorrow,
you go and see a lawyer...
1630
01:19:15,199 --> 01:19:20,227
Charlie Green, whom you also
could've married.
1631
01:19:20,271 --> 01:19:23,570
You'll have no problem
getting a divorce.
1632
01:19:23,608 --> 01:19:24,575
Just wait till I get up there...
1633
01:19:24,609 --> 01:19:27,100
and tell the judge
how he treated me...
1634
01:19:27,144 --> 01:19:29,305
slamming the piano cover
on my hand...
1635
01:19:29,347 --> 01:19:33,044
just because I said
he was a no-talent slob.
1636
01:19:34,752 --> 01:19:35,719
Where are you going?
1637
01:19:35,753 --> 01:19:37,448
Home.
1638
01:19:37,488 --> 01:19:38,819
Back to Orville?
1639
01:19:38,856 --> 01:19:40,414
Yes, mother.
1640
01:19:40,458 --> 01:19:42,585
He's so right about you.
1641
01:19:42,627 --> 01:19:44,652
You're a mean, loud-mouthed...
1642
01:19:44,695 --> 01:19:47,721
interfering old...
1643
01:19:47,765 --> 01:19:49,289
you want to know
what he calls you?
1644
01:19:49,333 --> 01:19:51,198
What?
1645
01:19:51,235 --> 01:19:52,964
I better not tell you.
1646
01:19:55,072 --> 01:19:57,097
Godzilla?
1647
01:20:01,812 --> 01:20:04,645
I'd like to propose
a toast to my beloved wife...
1648
01:20:04,682 --> 01:20:06,115
who has stood by me
so valiantly...
1649
01:20:06,150 --> 01:20:08,414
for the last five hours...
five years...
1650
01:20:08,452 --> 01:20:10,079
and to our distinguished
guest...
1651
01:20:10,121 --> 01:20:12,282
star of stage, screen,
and television...
1652
01:20:12,323 --> 01:20:13,722
a man who needs
no introduction...
1653
01:20:13,758 --> 01:20:15,316
where is he?
1654
01:20:15,359 --> 01:20:17,725
He dropped his napkin again.
1655
01:20:19,630 --> 01:20:22,224
It seems I have
a very slippery lap.
1656
01:20:22,266 --> 01:20:24,097
Slippery lap.
1657
01:20:24,135 --> 01:20:25,397
Cheers!
1658
01:20:25,436 --> 01:20:27,734
Oh! In the words
of Rossani Brazzi...
1659
01:20:27,772 --> 01:20:31,230
grazie, grazie.
1660
01:20:31,275 --> 01:20:33,368
Uh, shall we move
into the living room?
1661
01:20:33,411 --> 01:20:34,901
You go ahead.
1662
01:20:34,945 --> 01:20:36,310
I'll clear the table.
1663
01:20:36,347 --> 01:20:37,644
No, no, Zelda. Not yet.
1664
01:20:37,682 --> 01:20:38,692
Let's not break up the party.
1665
01:20:38,716 --> 01:20:40,183
Oh, I'm with you.
1666
01:20:40,217 --> 01:20:43,778
Oh, you don't mind if I, uh,
bring along a friend?
1667
01:20:43,821 --> 01:20:46,415
As long as you don't
bring your lobster.
1668
01:20:46,457 --> 01:20:48,391
Funny! Funny!
1669
01:20:48,426 --> 01:20:50,553
All right. Everybody line up
for a square dance.
1670
01:20:50,594 --> 01:20:52,528
Square dance?
1671
01:20:52,563 --> 01:20:56,124
We got wine, we got women,
and we got songs.
1672
01:20:56,167 --> 01:20:57,327
What would you like to hear?
1673
01:20:57,368 --> 01:20:58,892
Well, do you know Old Man River?
1674
01:20:58,936 --> 01:21:01,234
Darling, why don't you play
one of your own songs.
1675
01:21:01,272 --> 01:21:02,239
One of mine?
1676
01:21:02,273 --> 01:21:04,366
Oh, I wouldn't want to
impose on our guest.
1677
01:21:04,408 --> 01:21:07,241
Well, how about
"Cuddle Up a Little Closer"?
1678
01:21:07,278 --> 01:21:09,576
I'm sorry, but we have
a request from a lady...
1679
01:21:09,613 --> 01:21:10,671
in the balcony.
1680
01:21:10,715 --> 01:21:11,682
Let's see now.
1681
01:21:11,716 --> 01:21:13,684
There's this little Italian
number we wrote...
1682
01:21:13,718 --> 01:21:15,618
which may be of some
interest to you.
1683
01:21:21,492 --> 01:21:24,825
Every day I sit and pray I
1684
01:21:24,862 --> 01:21:27,330
Win you over soon
1685
01:21:27,365 --> 01:21:29,959
Say yes, won't you?
1686
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:31,467
Do you, don't you
1687
01:21:31,502 --> 01:21:34,960
Want this world in tune?
1688
01:21:35,005 --> 01:21:38,406
What does it take
to persuade you?
1689
01:21:38,442 --> 01:21:44,472
And how much more
must I serenade you?
1690
01:21:44,515 --> 01:21:47,348
Listen to me, Sophia
1691
01:21:47,385 --> 01:21:50,946
Have you any idea
1692
01:21:50,988 --> 01:21:54,048
How much you mean to me-a?
1693
01:21:54,091 --> 01:21:58,187
How much, you'll never know
1694
01:21:58,229 --> 01:22:01,630
If I'm all agitato
1695
01:22:01,665 --> 01:22:05,431
Every heartstring vibrato
1696
01:22:05,469 --> 01:22:09,462
Every look passionato
1697
01:22:09,507 --> 01:22:12,874
Who but you made me so?
1698
01:22:12,910 --> 01:22:16,937
It's love, it's love, crescendo
1699
01:22:16,981 --> 01:22:21,941
Never, ever diminuendo
1700
01:22:21,986 --> 01:22:25,444
Say the word, Sweet Sophia
1701
01:22:25,489 --> 01:22:29,448
Or from earth I resign
1702
01:22:29,493 --> 01:22:33,020
Oh, Sophia, be mine
1703
01:22:34,999 --> 01:22:38,264
Well? What do you
think of it, huh?
1704
01:22:38,302 --> 01:22:41,135
Oh, it's a grabber,
a real grabber.
1705
01:22:41,172 --> 01:22:42,139
It is?
1706
01:22:42,173 --> 01:22:43,731
Takes one to know one.
1707
01:22:43,774 --> 01:22:45,071
What a great piece of material.
1708
01:22:45,109 --> 01:22:47,236
Boy, what I could do with it.
1709
01:22:48,345 --> 01:22:50,404
You mean you like the song?
1710
01:22:50,448 --> 01:22:51,972
What song? Oh, yeah.
1711
01:22:52,016 --> 01:22:53,643
It's another
"Arrivederci, Roma."
1712
01:22:53,684 --> 01:22:54,651
I'll take it.
1713
01:22:54,685 --> 01:22:55,652
You'll take it?
1714
01:22:55,686 --> 01:22:57,244
He'll take it!
1715
01:22:57,288 --> 01:22:59,381
Did you hear that, darling?
He'll take it!
1716
01:22:59,457 --> 01:23:02,392
Oh! Stay right
where you are, lambchop.
1717
01:23:02,426 --> 01:23:03,426
Play it again.
1718
01:23:03,461 --> 01:23:04,951
Yes, indeedy!
1719
01:23:14,104 --> 01:23:17,437
Listen to me, Sophia
1720
01:23:17,475 --> 01:23:19,375
Have you any idea
1721
01:23:20,978 --> 01:23:24,436
How much you mean to me-a?
1722
01:23:24,482 --> 01:23:27,280
Every day more and more
1723
01:23:27,318 --> 01:23:31,118
You're sweeter than spumoni
1724
01:23:31,155 --> 01:23:35,717
Sweeter even than zabaglione
1725
01:23:35,759 --> 01:23:38,785
Say the word, sweet Sophia
1726
01:23:38,829 --> 01:23:42,560
Let our hearts intertwine
1727
01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:44,500
Oh, Sophia, be mine
1728
01:23:53,811 --> 01:23:55,779
Ole!
1729
01:23:55,813 --> 01:23:57,940
Sweet Sophia, be mine
1730
01:23:57,982 --> 01:24:00,143
Let that honeymoon shine
1731
01:24:01,218 --> 01:24:03,846
Pluck the grape from the vine
1732
01:24:04,889 --> 01:24:05,856
Let our hearts
1733
01:24:05,890 --> 01:24:08,654
Let our hearts intertwine
1734
01:24:08,692 --> 01:24:11,525
And put your love on the line
1735
01:24:11,562 --> 01:24:13,928
Sweet Sophia, be mine
1736
01:24:13,964 --> 01:24:16,728
Let the honeymoon shine
1737
01:24:16,767 --> 01:24:18,359
Paper panties.
1738
01:24:24,108 --> 01:24:26,008
Or from earth I resign
1739
01:24:27,811 --> 01:24:29,472
Oh, Sophia, be mine
1740
01:24:31,581 --> 01:24:33,242
What's going on in there?
1741
01:24:35,351 --> 01:24:37,615
Zelda, you're not
supposed to be here.
1742
01:24:37,654 --> 01:24:39,144
Why not? This is my house...
1743
01:24:39,188 --> 01:24:40,951
and that's my husband,
the swinger!
1744
01:24:40,990 --> 01:24:43,135
Now, now, Zelda, take it easy.
I know this looks pretty bad.
1745
01:24:43,159 --> 01:24:45,457
That miserable liar,
he was telling me the truth.
1746
01:24:45,495 --> 01:24:47,690
No, he wasn't.
I mean, the truth is...
1747
01:24:47,730 --> 01:24:49,425
Look, Zelda.
There are certain things...
1748
01:24:49,465 --> 01:24:51,490
a man cannot ask his wife to do.
1749
01:24:51,534 --> 01:24:53,812
Like what? You mean, now she's
gonna drink out of his shoe?
1750
01:24:53,836 --> 01:24:54,962
Oh, she'll do anything.
1751
01:24:55,004 --> 01:24:56,835
You see, she's getting
twenty-five bucks.
1752
01:24:56,873 --> 01:24:57,840
Twenty-five bucks?
1753
01:24:57,874 --> 01:24:59,774
It's an all-night job.
1754
01:24:59,809 --> 01:25:02,403
Well, if that doesn't
kill him, I will!
1755
01:25:02,445 --> 01:25:04,379
Now, don't blame Orville.
1756
01:25:04,414 --> 01:25:05,724
Actually, the whole
thing was my idea...
1757
01:25:05,748 --> 01:25:07,375
I mean, throwing you
out of the house.
1758
01:25:07,417 --> 01:25:08,417
It was?
1759
01:25:08,451 --> 01:25:10,095
And that girl... Orville
didn't even know her.
1760
01:25:10,119 --> 01:25:11,764
I brought her around
and introduced her to him.
1761
01:25:11,788 --> 01:25:12,812
You did?
1762
01:25:12,855 --> 01:25:14,033
And don't worry about
the money it's costing...
1763
01:25:14,057 --> 01:25:15,935
because Orville and I,
we're going halfsies on this.
1764
01:25:15,959 --> 01:25:17,153
You are?
1765
01:25:18,628 --> 01:25:20,027
OK, Zelda, hit me
if you want to...
1766
01:25:20,063 --> 01:25:21,690
but please don't go in there.
1767
01:25:21,731 --> 01:25:22,993
You'll spoil everything.
1768
01:25:23,032 --> 01:25:24,795
I wouldn't dream of it.
1769
01:25:24,834 --> 01:25:26,927
Atta girl. Now you go
back to your mother's...
1770
01:25:26,970 --> 01:25:28,096
until tomorrow morning.
1771
01:25:28,137 --> 01:25:31,129
I'm going, all right,
but not to my mother.
1772
01:25:37,914 --> 01:25:38,938
Oh, whew.
1773
01:25:38,982 --> 01:25:41,246
Ole!
1774
01:25:41,284 --> 01:25:43,946
Oh, sweet Sophia, be mine
1775
01:25:43,987 --> 01:25:45,784
Or from earth I resign
1776
01:25:45,822 --> 01:25:46,822
Let's...
1777
01:25:50,960 --> 01:25:53,190
Pardon me. Pardon me.
1778
01:25:53,229 --> 01:25:55,857
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I just got carried away.
1779
01:25:55,898 --> 01:25:56,865
Here.
1780
01:25:56,899 --> 01:25:58,127
Don't mind me. Go right ahead.
1781
01:25:58,167 --> 01:26:00,431
Western hospitality.
1782
01:26:00,470 --> 01:26:03,200
Listen to me, Sophia
1783
01:26:03,239 --> 01:26:05,537
Do you realize this is the first
song we ever sold?
1784
01:26:05,575 --> 01:26:06,986
It's a good thing
that valve cracked...
1785
01:26:07,010 --> 01:26:08,102
or I'd have never heard it.
1786
01:26:08,144 --> 01:26:11,841
Yeah, and I never would have
met him... I mean you.
1787
01:26:11,881 --> 01:26:14,213
Now, look, here's... Orville,
kiddo...
1788
01:26:14,250 --> 01:26:16,377
I'll need one copy
for my television producer...
1789
01:26:16,419 --> 01:26:18,614
and my orchestra leader
and my arranger...
1790
01:26:18,655 --> 01:26:20,054
and for the guys
from the agency.
1791
01:26:20,089 --> 01:26:21,056
Let's see.
1792
01:26:21,090 --> 01:26:23,786
I'll need maybe, like,
uh, twelve copies.
1793
01:26:23,826 --> 01:26:24,793
How many?
1794
01:26:24,827 --> 01:26:25,871
I hate to do this to you...
1795
01:26:25,895 --> 01:26:26,972
but since I'm leaving
in the morning...
1796
01:26:26,996 --> 01:26:29,794
you'll have to stay up
all night making copies.
1797
01:26:29,832 --> 01:26:31,390
Did you say twelve?
1798
01:26:31,434 --> 01:26:33,425
And don't you worry
about me or your wife...
1799
01:26:33,469 --> 01:26:35,130
we won't bother you.
1800
01:26:35,171 --> 01:26:39,335
Maybe we'll go in the garden,
and she'll show me her parsley.
1801
01:26:40,943 --> 01:26:42,001
Here we are. Sophia.
1802
01:26:42,045 --> 01:26:45,071
Twelve copies. Isn't that lucky?
1803
01:26:46,683 --> 01:26:48,082
Yeah.
1804
01:26:48,117 --> 01:26:49,778
How lucky can you get?
1805
01:26:49,819 --> 01:26:50,979
Oh!
1806
01:26:54,257 --> 01:26:55,986
All right, lambchop.
Refill the shoes...
1807
01:26:56,025 --> 01:26:57,788
and let's have
a little more music.
1808
01:26:57,827 --> 01:26:59,556
What would you like to hear now?
1809
01:26:59,595 --> 01:27:00,960
"Taps."
1810
01:27:00,997 --> 01:27:02,965
Would you be interested
in a nice little waltz?
1811
01:27:02,999 --> 01:27:05,331
"When it's
Pussy Willow Time in Picardy."
1812
01:27:05,368 --> 01:27:07,029
I don't think
I could do it justice.
1813
01:27:07,070 --> 01:27:09,181
Here's something more lively...
what you'd call a novelty.
1814
01:27:09,205 --> 01:27:11,230
"I'm Taking Mom
to the Junior Prom...
1815
01:27:11,274 --> 01:27:13,504
"'Cause She's a Better Twister
Than my Sister."
1816
01:27:13,543 --> 01:27:15,602
Gets you right here.
1817
01:27:17,080 --> 01:27:19,412
Oh, this is it. It's a ballad.
1818
01:27:19,449 --> 01:27:21,178
I wrote it for Zelda
when we were dating.
1819
01:27:21,217 --> 01:27:23,708
It means a lot to us.
1820
01:27:42,672 --> 01:27:43,639
Hello?
1821
01:27:43,673 --> 01:27:45,903
Orville, are you
out of your mind?
1822
01:27:45,942 --> 01:27:48,001
What are you trying
to do, ruin us?
1823
01:27:48,044 --> 01:27:50,478
What do you mean?
I'm doing great.
1824
01:27:50,513 --> 01:27:51,623
I just sold him
the Italian number.
1825
01:27:51,647 --> 01:27:53,410
You didn't sell anything.
1826
01:27:53,449 --> 01:27:54,814
The broad sold it.
1827
01:27:54,851 --> 01:27:56,148
So get out
of the house, already.
1828
01:27:56,185 --> 01:27:58,551
Leave the two of them alone.
1829
01:27:58,588 --> 01:27:59,850
Oh?
1830
01:27:59,889 --> 01:28:00,856
Oh.
1831
01:28:00,890 --> 01:28:04,451
Make some excuse and beat it,
or we'll blow the whole deal.
1832
01:28:04,494 --> 01:28:05,722
Roger.
1833
01:28:08,731 --> 01:28:11,097
Oh, that was Roger
from the bowling alley.
1834
01:28:11,134 --> 01:28:12,377
I'm afraid I've got
some bad news for you.
1835
01:28:12,401 --> 01:28:13,663
Bad news?
1836
01:28:13,703 --> 01:28:15,898
I forgot this is Saturday...
bowling night.
1837
01:28:15,938 --> 01:28:17,633
Why didn't you remind me, Zelda?
1838
01:28:17,673 --> 01:28:19,300
I'm sorry.
1839
01:28:19,342 --> 01:28:20,832
You see, I'm on the Climax team.
1840
01:28:20,877 --> 01:28:23,402
We've got this big grudge match
against Silver City.
1841
01:28:23,446 --> 01:28:25,607
So I'm afraid I'll have to
leave you alone.
1842
01:28:25,648 --> 01:28:27,240
What are you afraid of?
1843
01:28:27,283 --> 01:28:28,978
Nothing, really.
1844
01:28:29,018 --> 01:28:30,747
I'm sure you'll
look after my wife...
1845
01:28:30,787 --> 01:28:32,812
and she'll look after you.
1846
01:28:32,855 --> 01:28:34,117
Excuse me.
1847
01:28:38,394 --> 01:28:42,091
Something tells me
we're gonna have a ball.
1848
01:28:43,099 --> 01:28:44,532
Won't we, lambchop?
1849
01:28:58,047 --> 01:29:00,845
Oh! The way these
matches drag on...
1850
01:29:00,883 --> 01:29:04,148
I may be gone for hours,
so don't even wait up for me.
1851
01:29:04,187 --> 01:29:05,211
We'll be rooting for you.
1852
01:29:08,724 --> 01:29:10,919
No, darling. E flat.
1853
01:29:13,029 --> 01:29:15,327
Would you play it for me
before you go?
1854
01:29:15,364 --> 01:29:18,731
I haven't heard it
for a long time.
1855
01:29:20,002 --> 01:29:21,002
Sure.
1856
01:29:22,839 --> 01:29:24,864
You don't want to miss
the first inning...
1857
01:29:24,907 --> 01:29:27,273
or the first chukker
or whatever you call it.
1858
01:29:27,310 --> 01:29:28,470
Just one chorus.
1859
01:29:36,185 --> 01:29:38,813
All the livelong day
1860
01:29:38,855 --> 01:29:42,313
And the long, long night
1861
01:29:42,358 --> 01:29:45,953
What do I do-oo-oo?
1862
01:29:45,995 --> 01:29:50,159
Dream about you-oo-oo
1863
01:29:50,199 --> 01:29:56,229
Felt this way the first time
you came in sight
1864
01:29:56,272 --> 01:30:03,405
Suddenly my gloomy old sky
turned magically bright
1865
01:30:04,614 --> 01:30:08,448
You'll find
we're perfect casting
1866
01:30:08,484 --> 01:30:11,942
You and I
1867
01:30:11,988 --> 01:30:15,446
With love that's everlasting
1868
01:30:15,491 --> 01:30:17,959
Will I leave you ever?
1869
01:30:17,994 --> 01:30:21,293
Never, never, never
1870
01:30:21,330 --> 01:30:28,964
All I live for now
is to hold you tight
1871
01:30:29,005 --> 01:30:31,974
All the livelong day
1872
01:30:32,008 --> 01:30:36,911
And the long, long night
1873
01:30:47,523 --> 01:30:49,491
Waiteress!
1874
01:30:49,525 --> 01:30:51,857
Hey, waiteress!
1875
01:30:57,533 --> 01:30:59,524
Another Bloody Mary...
1876
01:31:01,470 --> 01:31:05,873
and drinks for everybody
in the orchestra.
1877
01:31:08,744 --> 01:31:10,507
Fellas!
1878
01:31:10,546 --> 01:31:13,140
Hey, fellas.
1879
01:31:13,182 --> 01:31:15,673
Play "Melancholy Baby."
1880
01:31:25,461 --> 01:31:26,985
Fellas...
1881
01:31:27,029 --> 01:31:28,894
didn't you hear me?
1882
01:31:28,931 --> 01:31:32,458
I said, play "Melancholy Baby."
1883
01:31:32,501 --> 01:31:34,469
Come on now, everybody.
1884
01:31:34,503 --> 01:31:36,334
Shape up!
1885
01:31:41,510 --> 01:31:43,000
Eighty-six.
1886
01:31:45,514 --> 01:31:48,972
Look, honey, don't you think
you had enough?
1887
01:31:49,018 --> 01:31:50,508
No.
1888
01:31:53,522 --> 01:31:54,989
It's my anniversary.
1889
01:31:55,024 --> 01:31:57,492
I've been married
five years today.
1890
01:31:57,526 --> 01:32:00,495
Now, why don't you go home
and celebrate with your husband?
1891
01:32:00,529 --> 01:32:02,929
Oh, no. He's busy.
1892
01:32:02,965 --> 01:32:05,433
You know,
I could have married...
1893
01:32:05,468 --> 01:32:08,437
the second-most-successful
chiropractor in Carson City.
1894
01:32:08,471 --> 01:32:13,465
Instead, I married Orville J...
"j" for jerk... Spooner.
1895
01:32:17,480 --> 01:32:19,311
I think I'm going to be sick.
1896
01:32:19,348 --> 01:32:21,748
Uh-huh. All right,
but not in here, honey.
1897
01:32:21,784 --> 01:32:23,843
Come on.
1898
01:32:23,886 --> 01:32:25,945
That's it. Grab her.
1899
01:32:25,988 --> 01:32:27,683
That's a girl.
1900
01:32:30,993 --> 01:32:32,961
Sick, sick, sick.
1901
01:32:32,995 --> 01:32:34,724
Shall I call a cab?
1902
01:32:34,764 --> 01:32:36,732
We can't send her home
in this condition.
1903
01:32:36,766 --> 01:32:38,063
Don't you know who she is?
1904
01:32:38,100 --> 01:32:39,328
I've seen her in church.
1905
01:32:39,368 --> 01:32:40,335
She's the organist's wife...
1906
01:32:40,369 --> 01:32:42,234
and we're in enough trouble
already.
1907
01:32:42,271 --> 01:32:43,271
This way.
1908
01:32:51,514 --> 01:32:52,572
Bang.
1909
01:33:00,456 --> 01:33:01,889
Where's this plane going to?
1910
01:33:01,924 --> 01:33:02,948
This isn't a plane.
1911
01:33:02,992 --> 01:33:04,584
You're in Polly's trailer.
1912
01:33:04,627 --> 01:33:05,958
Hello, Polly.
1913
01:33:05,995 --> 01:33:06,962
She's gone for the night.
1914
01:33:06,996 --> 01:33:09,430
You can sleep it off here.
1915
01:33:09,465 --> 01:33:10,932
Hang on, everybody.
1916
01:33:10,966 --> 01:33:12,957
Fasten your seat belts.
1917
01:33:27,550 --> 01:33:31,611
No chance you're taking chances
1918
01:33:31,654 --> 01:33:35,454
Taking me on
1919
01:33:35,491 --> 01:33:39,450
Believe me when this man says
1920
01:33:39,495 --> 01:33:43,454
Summer, spring, and fall-time
1921
01:33:43,499 --> 01:33:47,458
You're my one and all-time
1922
01:33:47,503 --> 01:33:54,170
All I live for now
is to hold you tight
1923
01:33:56,846 --> 01:33:59,974
All the livelong day
1924
01:34:00,015 --> 01:34:05,954
And the long, long night
1925
01:34:07,456 --> 01:34:08,980
I bet it would sound
even prettier...
1926
01:34:09,024 --> 01:34:12,425
with like... like twenty violins.
1927
01:34:12,461 --> 01:34:15,225
And a whole chorus of voices.
1928
01:34:20,970 --> 01:34:22,938
Well, time to go.
1929
01:34:22,972 --> 01:34:23,939
Go where?
1930
01:34:23,973 --> 01:34:24,940
Bowling.
1931
01:34:24,974 --> 01:34:26,942
Oh. Have a good time.
1932
01:34:26,976 --> 01:34:29,444
No, not me. You, remember?
1933
01:34:29,478 --> 01:34:31,446
You got a match.
1934
01:34:31,480 --> 01:34:32,947
Oh, sure.
1935
01:34:32,982 --> 01:34:35,951
No. A bowling match
against Silver City.
1936
01:34:35,985 --> 01:34:37,953
And don't worry about the songs.
1937
01:34:37,987 --> 01:34:39,215
I'll buy this one, too.
1938
01:34:39,255 --> 01:34:41,280
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's not for sale.
1939
01:34:43,459 --> 01:34:45,290
You can have "Sophia"
or any of the others.
1940
01:34:45,327 --> 01:34:46,954
What "Sophia"?
1941
01:34:46,996 --> 01:34:49,464
That Italian number
you were so crazy about.
1942
01:34:49,498 --> 01:34:50,624
Oh, that.
1943
01:34:50,666 --> 01:34:52,463
I don't think we should
talk business now.
1944
01:34:52,501 --> 01:34:54,731
I can see you two have different
things on your minds.
1945
01:34:54,770 --> 01:34:56,148
So we'll discuss it
some other time.
1946
01:34:56,172 --> 01:34:57,400
Like when?
1947
01:34:57,439 --> 01:34:59,464
Oh, the next time
I come through town...
1948
01:34:59,508 --> 01:35:01,408
on my way from Vegas...
1949
01:35:01,443 --> 01:35:04,276
if there's a detour
and if my car breaks down.
1950
01:35:04,313 --> 01:35:05,313
Fair enough.
1951
01:35:05,347 --> 01:35:07,042
I don't think
that's fair at all.
1952
01:35:07,082 --> 01:35:08,913
Bye.
1953
01:35:08,951 --> 01:35:10,782
Hold it.
1954
01:35:13,956 --> 01:35:16,823
Orville, you better run along...
1955
01:35:16,859 --> 01:35:20,420
'cause it's not fair
to yourself or to your team.
1956
01:35:20,462 --> 01:35:21,929
My team?
1957
01:35:21,964 --> 01:35:24,262
Why, Barney and everybody.
1958
01:35:25,267 --> 01:35:27,929
You don't want
to let them down, do you?
1959
01:35:27,970 --> 01:35:29,961
I guess I shouldn't.
1960
01:35:30,973 --> 01:35:35,467
Oh, uh, you better put this on.
It gets chilly later.
1961
01:35:37,479 --> 01:35:39,447
She worries about me.
1962
01:35:39,481 --> 01:35:42,314
That's what a wife is for.
1963
01:35:43,986 --> 01:35:45,977
Will you be all right, darling?
1964
01:35:46,021 --> 01:35:46,988
Well, of course she will.
1965
01:35:47,022 --> 01:35:49,252
I'll help her with the dishes
and everything.
1966
01:35:49,291 --> 01:35:52,522
After all, we don't want her
to have ants in the morning.
1967
01:35:55,998 --> 01:35:58,728
Are you sure you want
to be alone with this guy?
1968
01:35:58,767 --> 01:36:02,168
Look, mister, I got a job
to do, and you're in the way.
1969
01:36:04,240 --> 01:36:05,730
Good-bye, darling.
1970
01:36:16,250 --> 01:36:17,717
Come on.
1971
01:36:17,751 --> 01:36:19,742
Come on!
1972
01:36:24,258 --> 01:36:25,225
What took you so long?
1973
01:36:25,259 --> 01:36:27,921
I thought I'd have to
come in and drag you out.
1974
01:36:30,264 --> 01:36:32,232
I've been doing some thinking.
1975
01:36:32,266 --> 01:36:33,343
Now, before he
records that song...
1976
01:36:33,367 --> 01:36:35,597
his lawyers are gonna
send us a contract...
1977
01:36:35,636 --> 01:36:37,729
standard royalties,
a set a copy...
1978
01:36:37,771 --> 01:36:39,238
but we hold out...
1979
01:36:39,273 --> 01:36:40,416
because if we can get
another of our songs...
1980
01:36:40,440 --> 01:36:43,534
on the other side of the record,
that doubles our royalties.
1981
01:36:43,577 --> 01:36:46,239
Why let somebody else
cash in on our hit?
1982
01:36:46,280 --> 01:36:49,374
And if it's a big hit,
maybe he'll do the whole album.
1983
01:36:49,416 --> 01:36:53,182
"Dino Sings Millsap
and Spooner."
1984
01:36:53,220 --> 01:36:55,245
All right. So it's
Spooner and Millsap.
1985
01:36:55,289 --> 01:36:58,224
Who cares so long as it sells
a million copies?
1986
01:36:58,258 --> 01:36:59,748
Then we get a gold record.
1987
01:36:59,793 --> 01:37:01,624
Maybe we win a Grammy award.
1988
01:37:01,662 --> 01:37:03,596
Then come the personal
appearances...
1989
01:37:03,630 --> 01:37:05,029
Ed Sullivan!
1990
01:37:05,065 --> 01:37:07,295
Policemen are holding
the crowds back.
1991
01:37:07,334 --> 01:37:08,665
Ooh! Ooh!
1992
01:37:08,702 --> 01:37:09,879
They're throwing
jellybeans at us.
1993
01:37:09,903 --> 01:37:12,030
He's got a hell of a nerve.
1994
01:37:12,072 --> 01:37:13,039
Huh?
1995
01:37:13,073 --> 01:37:15,906
Does he really think
he can buy my wife for a song?
1996
01:37:15,942 --> 01:37:17,320
What wife? What are you
talking about?
1997
01:37:17,344 --> 01:37:18,311
She's not your wife.
1998
01:37:18,345 --> 01:37:21,542
Him and his rat pack,
they think they own the earth...
1999
01:37:21,581 --> 01:37:24,379
riding around in their white
chariots raping and looting...
2000
01:37:24,418 --> 01:37:26,249
and wearing cuffs
on their sleeves.
2001
01:37:26,286 --> 01:37:27,530
Orville, pull yourself together.
2002
01:37:27,554 --> 01:37:29,545
To them, we're just
a bunch of squares...
2003
01:37:29,589 --> 01:37:30,851
straight men, civilians!
2004
01:37:30,891 --> 01:37:32,381
Any time they want to move in...
2005
01:37:32,426 --> 01:37:34,223
we're supposed to
run up the white flag...
2006
01:37:34,261 --> 01:37:37,753
hand over our homes
and our wives and our liquor!
2007
01:37:38,932 --> 01:37:41,230
Oh, no, you don't!
2008
01:37:41,268 --> 01:37:43,259
Orville!
2009
01:38:08,095 --> 01:38:09,653
Forget something?
2010
01:38:09,696 --> 01:38:12,324
So you're helping
my wife with the dishes?
2011
01:38:12,366 --> 01:38:15,858
Ha! Who's washing, and who's
drying?
2012
01:38:15,902 --> 01:38:19,360
One thing I can't stand
is a sneaky husband.
2013
01:38:19,406 --> 01:38:21,374
Big Hollywood hotshot.
2014
01:38:21,408 --> 01:38:23,968
You think you can walk
in here and snap your fingers...
2015
01:38:24,010 --> 01:38:26,444
and I'll serve my wife
to you on a silver platter...
2016
01:38:26,480 --> 01:38:28,641
with an apple in her mouth.
2017
01:38:28,682 --> 01:38:29,979
Get out of here.
2018
01:38:30,016 --> 01:38:32,450
Orville, please!
2019
01:38:32,486 --> 01:38:34,215
He doesn't mean it.
2020
01:38:34,254 --> 01:38:36,017
You heard me.
2021
01:38:36,056 --> 01:38:38,524
O-u-t.
2022
01:38:38,558 --> 01:38:39,525
Out!
2023
01:38:39,559 --> 01:38:40,787
Take it easy. E-a-z-y.
2024
01:38:40,827 --> 01:38:43,295
Get out of here,
or I'll throw you out.
2025
01:38:43,330 --> 01:38:45,298
I'm going to count to five.
2026
01:38:45,332 --> 01:38:47,357
One, two...
2027
01:38:47,401 --> 01:38:49,266
What happened
to western hospitality?
2028
01:38:49,302 --> 01:38:50,360
Four...
2029
01:38:50,404 --> 01:38:51,894
five.
2030
01:38:55,909 --> 01:38:57,570
Orville!
2031
01:38:59,579 --> 01:39:02,070
Stop it, both of you!
2032
01:39:13,293 --> 01:39:15,989
Are you all right? Don't
mind him.
2033
01:39:16,029 --> 01:39:17,929
He gets these fits
once in a while.
2034
01:39:17,964 --> 01:39:20,125
He just goes crazy and starts
attacking people...
2035
01:39:20,167 --> 01:39:21,998
milkmen and dentists
and pupils and...
2036
01:39:22,035 --> 01:39:23,002
Oh.
2037
01:39:23,036 --> 01:39:25,504
Are you hurt?
Is anything broken?
2038
01:39:25,539 --> 01:39:27,006
No. I'm OK...
2039
01:39:27,040 --> 01:39:30,532
but I'm gonna have
such a headache tomorrow.
2040
01:39:34,481 --> 01:39:37,973
If you want action, buddy,
go to the Belly Button...
2041
01:39:38,018 --> 01:39:41,249
but don't try to muscle in on a
happy home.
2042
01:39:47,561 --> 01:39:49,028
Is my car ready?
2043
01:39:49,062 --> 01:39:50,188
Just about.
2044
01:39:50,230 --> 01:39:51,891
Look. This isn't
going to make...
2045
01:39:51,932 --> 01:39:53,559
any difference about the
song, is it?
2046
01:39:53,600 --> 01:39:55,625
I mean, you still like it?
2047
01:39:55,669 --> 01:39:56,636
Where is that place?
2048
01:39:56,670 --> 01:39:57,637
What place?
2049
01:39:57,671 --> 01:40:00,139
The Belly Button.
2050
01:40:04,010 --> 01:40:05,477
The swine.
2051
01:40:05,512 --> 01:40:07,503
I fixed him good.
2052
01:40:09,516 --> 01:40:10,983
Big idiot.
2053
01:40:11,017 --> 01:40:12,985
I'll say he is.
2054
01:40:13,019 --> 01:40:15,283
I mean you.
2055
01:40:15,322 --> 01:40:18,018
You fixed yourself good.
2056
01:40:18,058 --> 01:40:19,491
You had everything
going for you...
2057
01:40:19,526 --> 01:40:20,857
and you went and loused it up.
2058
01:40:20,894 --> 01:40:21,986
Why?
2059
01:40:22,028 --> 01:40:24,724
I didn't want him to think
you were a pushover.
2060
01:40:24,764 --> 01:40:26,698
What difference does it make?
2061
01:40:26,733 --> 01:40:29,497
One man more or less in my life.
2062
01:40:31,738 --> 01:40:34,263
I'm Polly the Pistol, remember?
2063
01:40:34,307 --> 01:40:37,401
I come highly recommended
by the bartender.
2064
01:40:37,444 --> 01:40:40,504
Well, I'm not the bartender,
and you're not Polly...
2065
01:40:40,547 --> 01:40:41,775
not tonight.
2066
01:40:42,315 --> 01:40:46,251
Tonight, we're Mr. And Mrs.
Orville J. Spooner.
2067
01:40:54,027 --> 01:40:55,551
Look at this mess.
2068
01:40:59,966 --> 01:41:01,399
What does the "j" stand for?
2069
01:41:01,434 --> 01:41:02,434
James?
2070
01:41:03,403 --> 01:41:04,995
No.
2071
01:41:06,506 --> 01:41:07,973
Joseph?
2072
01:41:08,007 --> 01:41:09,497
Uh-uh.
2073
01:41:11,010 --> 01:41:12,500
Jasper?
2074
01:41:14,347 --> 01:41:15,837
Jeremiah.
2075
01:41:17,016 --> 01:41:19,712
I'm sorry I asked.
2076
01:41:31,397 --> 01:41:33,194
Don't throw that away.
2077
01:41:33,232 --> 01:41:35,496
There may be a deposit on it.
2078
01:41:35,535 --> 01:41:37,025
All right, dear.
2079
01:42:03,496 --> 01:42:06,090
Cold getting worse?
2080
01:42:06,132 --> 01:42:08,225
It's not my cold.
2081
01:42:12,505 --> 01:42:15,474
It's been a long day, hasn't it?
2082
01:42:15,508 --> 01:42:16,998
Yes, dear.
2083
01:42:31,524 --> 01:42:33,617
Coming, Mrs. Spooner?
2084
01:43:29,515 --> 01:43:32,450
Hey, pal. Those gorgeous
cocktail waitresses...
2085
01:43:32,485 --> 01:43:33,611
I heard so much about...
2086
01:43:33,653 --> 01:43:34,620
Yes, sir?
2087
01:43:34,654 --> 01:43:35,621
Where are they?
2088
01:43:35,655 --> 01:43:36,986
This is it.
2089
01:43:37,023 --> 01:43:37,990
You must be kidding.
2090
01:43:38,024 --> 01:43:39,889
I've seen better navels on
oranges.
2091
01:43:39,926 --> 01:43:41,518
Take that redhead over there.
2092
01:43:41,561 --> 01:43:43,495
She was runner-up
to Miss Nevada.
2093
01:43:43,529 --> 01:43:45,793
What year? Come on, pal.
2094
01:43:45,831 --> 01:43:47,492
Where do you keep
the real stuff?
2095
01:43:47,533 --> 01:43:50,366
The most popular one
around here is Polly the Pistol.
2096
01:43:50,403 --> 01:43:51,665
Polly the Pistol?
2097
01:43:51,704 --> 01:43:53,672
You can't go wrong with her.
2098
01:43:53,706 --> 01:43:55,674
Fastest draw in the west.
2099
01:43:55,708 --> 01:43:58,176
Now you're talking.
Where is she?
2100
01:43:58,211 --> 01:44:00,076
Must be her night off.
2101
01:44:00,112 --> 01:44:01,272
Oh, that's too bad...
2102
01:44:01,314 --> 01:44:03,748
because I'd sure like
to shoot it out with her.
2103
01:44:03,783 --> 01:44:05,341
Why don't you try the trailer?
2104
01:44:05,384 --> 01:44:07,614
That's where she lives,
right behind the place.
2105
01:44:07,653 --> 01:44:08,620
Which way?
2106
01:44:08,654 --> 01:44:09,951
That-a-way.
2107
01:44:09,989 --> 01:44:10,956
That way?
2108
01:44:10,990 --> 01:44:13,458
Well, if I'm not back by
morning...
2109
01:44:13,492 --> 01:44:14,857
you send a posse out after me.
2110
01:44:38,017 --> 01:44:39,017
Bang!
2111
01:44:47,860 --> 01:44:49,350
Open up!
2112
01:44:51,330 --> 01:44:52,524
I know you're in there.
2113
01:44:54,500 --> 01:44:58,402
We got the place surrounded,
and I'm coming in to get you.
2114
01:44:59,405 --> 01:45:02,272
Who is it?
2115
01:45:02,308 --> 01:45:04,902
The Lone Ranger.
2116
01:45:06,979 --> 01:45:08,446
What do you want?
2117
01:45:08,481 --> 01:45:10,210
I told you. I'm lone.
2118
01:45:10,249 --> 01:45:12,444
I'm so lone like you
wouldn't believe.
2119
01:45:12,485 --> 01:45:14,578
Go away!
2120
01:45:14,620 --> 01:45:17,953
That's no way
to treat a customer.
2121
01:45:17,990 --> 01:45:20,049
Where do you keep your glasses?
2122
01:45:25,031 --> 01:45:30,492
Are you going to get out,
or do I have to call for help?
2123
01:45:30,536 --> 01:45:34,404
From what I hear, you don't
need any help, Polly baby.
2124
01:45:37,509 --> 01:45:39,067
You're...
2125
01:45:39,110 --> 01:45:40,077
you're Dino.
2126
01:45:40,111 --> 01:45:42,204
No names, please.
2127
01:45:42,247 --> 01:45:44,647
I thought I saw you
driving through town.
2128
01:45:44,683 --> 01:45:46,651
I didn't make it.
My car broke down.
2129
01:45:46,685 --> 01:45:49,153
They put me up
with some piano teacher.
2130
01:45:49,187 --> 01:45:51,621
Piano... Orville Spooner?
2131
01:45:51,656 --> 01:45:53,556
That's the joker.
2132
01:45:56,027 --> 01:45:58,018
What an evening.
2133
01:45:58,063 --> 01:45:59,121
What happened?
2134
01:45:59,164 --> 01:46:01,496
Ah, these amateurs, what they
won't do to sell a song.
2135
01:46:01,533 --> 01:46:03,091
He kept throwing his wife at me.
2136
01:46:03,134 --> 01:46:04,134
His wife?
2137
01:46:04,169 --> 01:46:05,932
Yeah. Get the scene?
2138
01:46:05,970 --> 01:46:07,096
I'm beginning to.
2139
01:46:07,138 --> 01:46:09,197
Not a bad-looking dame,
if you like home cooking...
2140
01:46:09,240 --> 01:46:10,901
but me, I like to eat out...
2141
01:46:10,942 --> 01:46:12,773
you know, Chinese one night...
2142
01:46:12,811 --> 01:46:14,540
a little French cuisine
another...
2143
01:46:14,579 --> 01:46:17,514
and a little delicatessen
in between.
2144
01:46:17,549 --> 01:46:19,176
Drink up, baby.
2145
01:46:20,918 --> 01:46:22,909
What song did he play you?
2146
01:46:22,954 --> 01:46:25,081
"Sophia"?
2147
01:46:25,122 --> 01:46:26,555
How did you know?
2148
01:46:26,591 --> 01:46:28,422
Did you like it?
2149
01:46:28,459 --> 01:46:30,017
I need another Italian song...
2150
01:46:30,061 --> 01:46:32,291
like a giraffe needs
a strep throat.
2151
01:46:34,165 --> 01:46:36,565
Well, I think Orville has a
lot of talent.
2152
01:46:36,601 --> 01:46:38,364
You know him?
2153
01:46:39,370 --> 01:46:41,235
See him almost every night.
2154
01:46:41,272 --> 01:46:42,705
He's one of my regulars.
2155
01:46:44,575 --> 01:46:47,601
That mousy little guy
with the Beethoven on his chest?
2156
01:46:47,645 --> 01:46:50,011
No. He's a real swinger.
2157
01:46:51,015 --> 01:46:53,347
What do you think you're doing?
2158
01:46:54,352 --> 01:46:55,376
Guess.
2159
01:46:58,656 --> 01:47:01,181
No coaching from the audience.
2160
01:47:02,193 --> 01:47:06,391
Look. You don't understand.
This is my night off.
2161
01:47:07,798 --> 01:47:09,698
Well, it's my night on,
Polly, baby...
2162
01:47:09,734 --> 01:47:13,397
and if you're worried
about money, I tip large.
2163
01:47:21,045 --> 01:47:25,607
Anyway, in my opinion,
you're all wrong for it.
2164
01:47:25,650 --> 01:47:28,642
I'm all wrong for what?
2165
01:47:28,686 --> 01:47:29,812
That song.
2166
01:47:29,854 --> 01:47:30,931
I told Orville
he should send it...
2167
01:47:30,955 --> 01:47:32,582
to Bobby Darin or Elvis.
2168
01:47:32,623 --> 01:47:33,851
Elvis who?
2169
01:47:33,891 --> 01:47:35,859
I suppose you never
heard of the Beatles, either.
2170
01:47:35,893 --> 01:47:38,828
Oh, sure, and I can sing better
than all three of them.
2171
01:47:38,863 --> 01:47:39,921
There are four of them.
2172
01:47:39,964 --> 01:47:41,022
Oh, haven't you heard?
2173
01:47:41,065 --> 01:47:42,542
One of them got his hair
caught in his guitar...
2174
01:47:42,566 --> 01:47:43,999
and was electrocuted.
2175
01:47:44,035 --> 01:47:45,696
You can make jokes about them...
2176
01:47:45,736 --> 01:47:47,636
but they're young
and they're popular...
2177
01:47:47,672 --> 01:47:49,196
while you...
2178
01:47:49,240 --> 01:47:51,105
What about me?
2179
01:47:51,142 --> 01:47:53,406
Let's face it.
You're over the hill.
2180
01:47:53,444 --> 01:47:55,537
Sure do know how
to hurt a fella.
2181
01:47:55,579 --> 01:47:57,137
I'm sorry,
but can you imagine...
2182
01:47:57,181 --> 01:47:59,172
what Jack Jones
could do with that song?
2183
01:47:59,216 --> 01:48:00,342
What?
2184
01:48:00,384 --> 01:48:03,182
Listen to me, Sophia
2185
01:48:03,220 --> 01:48:04,653
Have you any idea
2186
01:48:04,689 --> 01:48:05,656
Now look, lady.
2187
01:48:05,690 --> 01:48:06,733
You may have heard
a lot of singers...
2188
01:48:06,757 --> 01:48:09,817
but you ain't heard nothing sung
till you heard me sung it.
2189
01:48:09,860 --> 01:48:12,988
Oh, listen to me, Sophia
2190
01:48:13,030 --> 01:48:15,999
Have you any idea
2191
01:48:16,033 --> 01:48:19,992
How much you mean to me-a?
2192
01:48:20,037 --> 01:48:24,701
How much, you'll never know
2193
01:48:24,742 --> 01:48:26,471
Then, of course,
there's Robert Goulet.
2194
01:48:26,510 --> 01:48:29,445
If I'm all agitato
2195
01:48:29,480 --> 01:48:32,278
Every heartstring vibrato
2196
01:48:32,316 --> 01:48:36,218
Every kiss passionato
2197
01:48:36,253 --> 01:48:37,584
And Eddie Fisher.
2198
01:48:37,621 --> 01:48:40,954
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2199
01:48:40,992 --> 01:48:44,689
Sweet Sophia, be mine
2200
01:49:29,073 --> 01:49:31,940
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2201
01:49:32,943 --> 01:49:35,468
Sweet Sophia, be mine
2202
01:49:55,866 --> 01:49:57,333
Dino!
2203
01:49:57,368 --> 01:50:00,804
Hey, Dino! Dino!
2204
01:50:00,838 --> 01:50:02,328
Dino!
2205
01:50:32,303 --> 01:50:36,296
Well, good-bye, Mr. Spooner.
2206
01:50:38,309 --> 01:50:40,277
What's the matter?
2207
01:50:40,311 --> 01:50:42,279
I'm contemplating.
2208
01:50:42,313 --> 01:50:43,780
Contemplating what?
2209
01:50:43,814 --> 01:50:45,281
Suicide.
2210
01:50:45,316 --> 01:50:47,284
What are you talking about?
2211
01:50:47,318 --> 01:50:48,785
Look at me...
2212
01:50:48,819 --> 01:50:52,277
yesterday, a solid citizen,
a blood donor...
2213
01:50:52,323 --> 01:50:58,284
a signer of petitions,
and today, the way of all flesh.
2214
01:50:58,329 --> 01:51:04,359
Nonsense. You spent the night
with Mrs. Spooner, remember?
2215
01:51:04,401 --> 01:51:05,766
Yeah.
2216
01:51:06,770 --> 01:51:08,260
That's right.
2217
01:51:10,274 --> 01:51:11,707
Here you are.
2218
01:51:11,742 --> 01:51:13,232
What's that?
2219
01:51:13,277 --> 01:51:14,403
It's your pay.
2220
01:51:14,445 --> 01:51:17,346
You know, the deal
we made? Twenty-five dollars?
2221
01:51:17,381 --> 01:51:20,748
You wouldn't pay
your wife, would you?
2222
01:51:20,784 --> 01:51:22,984
But you need the money if
you're saving up for that car.
2223
01:51:23,020 --> 01:51:23,987
What car?
2224
01:51:24,021 --> 01:51:25,648
I gave up on that
a long time ago.
2225
01:51:25,689 --> 01:51:27,554
I'll never get out of this town.
2226
01:51:27,591 --> 01:51:28,888
Don't say that.
2227
01:51:28,926 --> 01:51:30,416
Oh, you don't have to worry.
2228
01:51:30,461 --> 01:51:32,793
If we ever
run into each other...
2229
01:51:32,830 --> 01:51:35,765
I'll pretend
I never even met you.
2230
01:51:35,799 --> 01:51:37,289
Thanks.
2231
01:51:38,802 --> 01:51:40,793
Nice to have met you.
2232
01:51:42,306 --> 01:51:45,764
I wish there were something
I could do for you.
2233
01:51:45,809 --> 01:51:47,777
You've done a lot.
2234
01:51:47,811 --> 01:51:52,077
For instance,
you cured me of my cold.
2235
01:51:52,116 --> 01:51:53,481
Bye.
2236
01:52:15,773 --> 01:52:19,106
You're just in time.
I'm making coffee.
2237
01:52:20,211 --> 01:52:21,838
Would you like some?
2238
01:52:23,047 --> 01:52:24,742
Don't look so surprised.
2239
01:52:24,782 --> 01:52:27,512
You took my place last night,
so I took yours.
2240
01:52:27,551 --> 01:52:29,314
It's that simple.
2241
01:52:31,622 --> 01:52:33,089
Oh, then you must be Mrs...
2242
01:52:33,123 --> 01:52:34,420
That's right.
2243
01:52:34,458 --> 01:52:36,119
Where do you keep the cups?
2244
01:52:41,565 --> 01:52:45,592
Look. Whatever your husband did,
he did it for you.
2245
01:52:45,636 --> 01:52:48,628
Whatever I did,
I did it for him.
2246
01:52:51,141 --> 01:52:53,302
I've never stayed
in a trailer before.
2247
01:52:53,344 --> 01:52:55,403
It's really quite cozy.
2248
01:52:55,446 --> 01:52:59,007
I liked your house,
especially that big kitchen.
2249
01:52:59,049 --> 01:53:00,607
I made waffles this morning.
2250
01:53:00,651 --> 01:53:02,585
I'll bet there was no syrup.
2251
01:53:02,620 --> 01:53:05,111
I opened up a jar
of your preserves.
2252
01:53:05,155 --> 01:53:09,558
You know, it was sort of fun
being a wife for a night.
2253
01:53:09,593 --> 01:53:11,060
And for one night...
2254
01:53:11,095 --> 01:53:14,064
it was fun being
Polly the Pistol.
2255
01:53:14,098 --> 01:53:16,191
Oh.
2256
01:53:16,233 --> 01:53:18,098
This belongs to you.
2257
01:53:18,135 --> 01:53:19,135
Me?
2258
01:53:21,105 --> 01:53:22,732
Five hundred dollars?
2259
01:53:22,773 --> 01:53:25,071
Large spender from out of town.
2260
01:53:25,109 --> 01:53:27,600
Why don't I ever meet
anybody like that?
2261
01:53:27,645 --> 01:53:28,737
I think you did...
2262
01:53:28,779 --> 01:53:30,178
but you were married at the
time.
2263
01:53:30,214 --> 01:53:34,116
You really want
to give this to me?
2264
01:53:34,151 --> 01:53:37,120
I'll swap you for that ring.
2265
01:53:37,154 --> 01:53:42,114
Oh, sorry. I forgot.
2266
01:53:42,159 --> 01:53:44,093
And if you should
find a loose navel...
2267
01:53:44,128 --> 01:53:46,892
floating around the house,
it's mine.
2268
01:53:46,930 --> 01:53:49,296
I'm not going back home.
2269
01:53:49,333 --> 01:53:50,527
You're not?
2270
01:53:50,567 --> 01:53:52,125
I'm moving in with my folks.
2271
01:53:53,737 --> 01:53:55,261
Maybe I shouldn't butt in...
2272
01:53:55,306 --> 01:53:57,831
but I think you're
making a mistake.
2273
01:53:57,875 --> 01:54:02,812
If I were you... and I was...
I wouldn't leave Orville.
2274
01:54:02,846 --> 01:54:07,044
A woman without a man is like
a trailer without a car.
2275
01:54:07,084 --> 01:54:08,551
You ain't going nowhere.
2276
01:54:08,585 --> 01:54:12,817
So when you find a good guy,
you should stick to him.
2277
01:54:12,856 --> 01:54:16,724
I deal with married men
all the time, the heels.
2278
01:54:16,760 --> 01:54:20,218
Believe me, you got
a wonderful husband.
2279
01:54:20,264 --> 01:54:23,563
I know that, but he'll be
an even better husband...
2280
01:54:23,600 --> 01:54:24,760
when I get through with him.
2281
01:54:29,106 --> 01:54:31,973
What was that
about a loose navel?
2282
01:55:14,718 --> 01:55:16,447
- Hi there, Mr. Spooner.
- Hi.
2283
01:55:16,486 --> 01:55:17,510
Mrs. Spooner around?
2284
01:55:17,554 --> 01:55:19,044
- Why?
- I was just wondering.
2285
01:55:19,089 --> 01:55:20,900
For the last three days,
she hasn't ordered anything...
2286
01:55:20,924 --> 01:55:22,721
no milk, no butter, no eggs.
2287
01:55:22,759 --> 01:55:25,353
Well, we've been eating out.
2288
01:55:25,395 --> 01:55:26,919
I... I mean,
she's been eating out.
2289
01:55:26,964 --> 01:55:27,964
As a matter of fact...
2290
01:55:27,998 --> 01:55:29,042
she's been living out
with her parents...
2291
01:55:29,066 --> 01:55:30,897
but it's only temporary.
2292
01:55:30,934 --> 01:55:32,799
Just a little misunderstanding.
2293
01:55:32,836 --> 01:55:34,929
You know how it is
with married...
2294
01:55:35,973 --> 01:55:37,838
none of your damn business!
2295
01:56:43,640 --> 01:56:45,267
Oh, it's you.
2296
01:56:45,308 --> 01:56:47,435
Didn't I tell you
to stay away from here?
2297
01:56:47,477 --> 01:56:49,389
Wait a minute, Orville.
I've got a message for you.
2298
01:56:49,413 --> 01:56:51,142
Big genius.
2299
01:56:51,181 --> 01:56:52,671
"We're going to be rich,"
you said.
2300
01:56:52,716 --> 01:56:54,707
"Just get rid of your wife
for one night."
2301
01:56:54,751 --> 01:56:56,981
Well, I got rid of her,
all right. Permanently!
2302
01:56:57,020 --> 01:56:57,987
She doesn't want to see me.
2303
01:56:58,021 --> 01:56:59,165
She doesn't want to talk to me.
2304
01:56:59,189 --> 01:57:00,433
That's what I'm trying
to tell you.
2305
01:57:00,457 --> 01:57:02,015
I've got a message from Zelda.
2306
01:57:02,059 --> 01:57:05,085
You fat, miserable,
no-good slob!
2307
01:57:05,128 --> 01:57:06,356
Get lost!
2308
01:57:10,967 --> 01:57:12,195
What message?
2309
01:57:12,235 --> 01:57:13,862
So I'm a fat slob, huh?
2310
01:57:13,904 --> 01:57:15,201
Well, come on. Come on.
2311
01:57:15,238 --> 01:57:16,796
I just talked to Zelda.
2312
01:57:16,840 --> 01:57:17,932
She wants to see you.
2313
01:57:17,974 --> 01:57:19,407
- She does?
- Uh-huh.
2314
01:57:19,443 --> 01:57:21,138
Oh, you beautiful man!
2315
01:57:21,178 --> 01:57:22,440
Where? When?
2316
01:57:22,479 --> 01:57:25,039
8:00 tonight at her lawyer's.
2317
01:57:25,082 --> 01:57:26,049
Her lawyer?
2318
01:57:26,083 --> 01:57:27,483
Charlie Green.
You know, upstairs...
2319
01:57:27,517 --> 01:57:29,246
over Pringle's hardware store.
2320
01:57:29,286 --> 01:57:30,253
Why?
2321
01:57:30,287 --> 01:57:32,312
Why do you think? Divorce.
2322
01:57:32,355 --> 01:57:33,583
Divorce?
2323
01:57:33,623 --> 01:57:35,557
Oh, Barney, this is crazy.
I love her.
2324
01:57:35,592 --> 01:57:36,752
I know...
2325
01:57:36,793 --> 01:57:39,990
but that's the way she wants it.
2326
01:57:40,030 --> 01:57:42,999
Why don't you just bring me
a five-gallon can of gasoline...
2327
01:57:43,033 --> 01:57:44,000
and a match?
2328
01:57:44,034 --> 01:57:45,365
That's no way to talk...
2329
01:57:45,402 --> 01:57:46,892
because I'm gonna
be there, too...
2330
01:57:46,937 --> 01:57:48,370
as a witness.
2331
01:57:48,405 --> 01:57:50,600
Oh, good.
2332
01:57:50,640 --> 01:57:52,505
Then you can swear
how it was all your idea...
2333
01:57:52,542 --> 01:57:53,770
that you put me up to it.
2334
01:57:53,810 --> 01:57:55,437
You don't understand, Orville.
2335
01:57:55,479 --> 01:57:58,414
I'm going to be
a witness for her.
2336
01:57:58,448 --> 01:57:59,574
For her?
2337
01:57:59,616 --> 01:58:02,983
The way you treated
that poor girl.
2338
01:58:03,019 --> 01:58:06,011
You shouldn't
have done it, Orville.
2339
01:58:06,056 --> 01:58:07,819
I shouldn't?
2340
01:58:07,858 --> 01:58:11,350
Why, you fat, miserable slob.
2341
01:58:11,394 --> 01:58:14,557
See you at the lawyer's
at 8:00 sharp.
2342
01:58:45,562 --> 01:58:48,190
Zelda, before we go up there,
I've got to talk to you.
2343
01:58:48,231 --> 01:58:49,909
I warn you, you're not
to make any statements...
2344
01:58:49,933 --> 01:58:51,662
except in the presence
of your lawyer.
2345
01:58:51,701 --> 01:58:53,100
You shut up!
2346
01:58:53,136 --> 01:58:55,161
The way I treated you
was unforgivable...
2347
01:58:55,205 --> 01:58:56,282
but if you'll forgive me...
2348
01:58:56,306 --> 01:58:58,001
everything will be
different from now on.
2349
01:58:58,041 --> 01:58:59,252
There will be
no more jealousy...
2350
01:58:59,276 --> 01:59:01,904
no more suspicion,
no more cross-examining.
2351
01:59:01,945 --> 01:59:03,412
And your eyes are not pink.
2352
01:59:03,446 --> 01:59:05,277
Too little and too late.
2353
01:59:05,315 --> 01:59:07,545
We've drawn up a temporary
property settlement.
2354
01:59:07,584 --> 01:59:08,812
You get the piano...
2355
01:59:08,852 --> 01:59:11,286
the pictures of Beethoven,
and the classical records.
2356
01:59:11,321 --> 01:59:14,848
She gets the popular records,
the bed, and the love seat.
2357
01:59:14,891 --> 01:59:16,358
Let's go.
2358
01:59:16,393 --> 01:59:18,827
Zelda, remember
five years ago...
2359
01:59:18,862 --> 01:59:20,853
when we exchanged
wedding rings...
2360
01:59:20,897 --> 01:59:24,890
we promised for richer,
poorer, better, worse?
2361
01:59:24,935 --> 01:59:26,334
Where is your ring?
2362
01:59:26,369 --> 01:59:28,894
My ring? Oh, yeah.
2363
01:59:28,939 --> 01:59:31,203
You want to know where it is?
2364
01:59:31,241 --> 01:59:32,208
It's in the shower.
2365
01:59:32,242 --> 01:59:33,709
Slipped off,
went down the drain.
2366
01:59:33,743 --> 01:59:35,904
You see, I've lost a lot
of weight since you left.
2367
01:59:37,714 --> 01:59:38,891
What's that song
they're playing?
2368
01:59:38,915 --> 01:59:40,143
Stick to the subject...
2369
01:59:40,183 --> 01:59:41,514
the case of the missing ring.
2370
01:59:41,551 --> 01:59:43,109
Don't worry, Zelda.
I'll get it back.
2371
01:59:43,153 --> 01:59:45,644
Maybe with a string
and a piece of chewing gum...
2372
01:59:45,689 --> 01:59:48,487
or better yet,
we'll... we'll call a plumber.
2373
01:59:52,429 --> 01:59:55,557
Either that's "Sophia,"
or somebody stole it from us.
2374
01:59:55,599 --> 01:59:57,658
And now, the star of our show...
2375
01:59:57,701 --> 02:00:00,192
direct from a successful
appearance at the bar...
2376
02:00:00,237 --> 02:00:01,431
Dino.
2377
02:00:01,471 --> 02:00:02,938
Dino?
2378
02:00:05,775 --> 02:00:09,108
Listen to me, Sophia
2379
02:00:10,313 --> 02:00:13,043
Have you any idea
2380
02:00:14,384 --> 02:00:18,445
How much you mean to me-a?
2381
02:00:18,488 --> 02:00:21,719
How much, you'll never know
2382
02:00:23,126 --> 02:00:26,220
If I'm all agitato
2383
02:00:27,330 --> 02:00:30,891
Every heartstring vibrato
2384
02:00:30,934 --> 02:00:32,128
I don't understand it.
2385
02:00:32,168 --> 02:00:33,846
Why would he sing our song
after what I did to him?
2386
02:00:33,870 --> 02:00:35,394
I guess the bigger they are...
2387
02:00:35,438 --> 02:00:36,905
the nicer they are.
2388
02:00:36,940 --> 02:00:39,272
Who but you made me so?
2389
02:00:39,309 --> 02:00:41,470
Look at it.
It's on all twelve sets!
2390
02:00:41,511 --> 02:00:43,308
Twelve sets, my eye.
2391
02:00:43,346 --> 02:00:45,507
Thirty million people
are watching this show.
2392
02:00:45,548 --> 02:00:48,449
A Nielsen rating of 21.7.
2393
02:00:48,485 --> 02:00:50,229
Did you hear that, darling? Do
you know what this means?
2394
02:00:50,253 --> 02:00:51,311
Sure.
2395
02:00:51,354 --> 02:00:53,032
I'll have Charlie Green
ask for more alimony.
2396
02:00:53,056 --> 02:00:54,956
- Zelda!
- Shh.
2397
02:00:54,991 --> 02:00:56,856
I can't hear my words.
2398
02:00:56,893 --> 02:01:01,296
Or from earth I resign
2399
02:01:01,331 --> 02:01:05,893
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2400
02:01:12,208 --> 02:01:14,472
Thank you. Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
2401
02:01:14,511 --> 02:01:16,843
Now, isn't it a gas, that song?
2402
02:01:16,880 --> 02:01:18,040
Found it myself...
2403
02:01:18,081 --> 02:01:20,208
and there's an interesting
story behind it.
2404
02:01:20,250 --> 02:01:22,343
I was on my way
back from Vegas...
2405
02:01:22,385 --> 02:01:25,548
and I stopped in a place
called Climax, Nevada.
2406
02:01:25,588 --> 02:01:26,885
Lovely little town...
2407
02:01:26,923 --> 02:01:29,414
and I heard one
of the natives humming a tune...
2408
02:01:29,459 --> 02:01:33,054
and as I drove away,
that melody kept haunting me...
2409
02:01:33,096 --> 02:01:34,096
you know...
2410
02:01:34,130 --> 02:01:36,860
so I turned around
and went back...
2411
02:01:36,900 --> 02:01:39,232
and there were these
two amateur songwriters...
2412
02:01:39,269 --> 02:01:42,238
Miller and Spoonsap,
uh, Moonsap and Spiller.
2413
02:01:42,272 --> 02:01:44,365
Millsap and Spooner.
2414
02:01:44,407 --> 02:01:46,272
Spooner and Millsap.
2415
02:01:46,309 --> 02:01:47,435
Well, anyway...
2416
02:01:47,477 --> 02:01:49,945
I stayed up all night
listening to their songs...
2417
02:01:49,979 --> 02:01:51,457
and tonight,
you're hearing one of them...
2418
02:01:51,481 --> 02:01:52,448
for the first time...
2419
02:01:52,482 --> 02:01:53,526
which just goes to prove...
2420
02:01:53,550 --> 02:01:55,381
that if you've got
what it takes...
2421
02:01:55,418 --> 02:01:58,683
sooner or later, somebody
will take what you've got...
2422
02:01:58,722 --> 02:02:00,087
baby.
2423
02:02:00,123 --> 02:02:03,684
Listen to me, Sophia
2424
02:02:04,728 --> 02:02:07,026
Have you any idea
2425
02:02:08,131 --> 02:02:09,655
Can we have your autographs?
2426
02:02:09,699 --> 02:02:11,257
This way, please.
2427
02:02:13,169 --> 02:02:14,898
How much, you'll never know
2428
02:02:14,938 --> 02:02:18,704
Imagine, just this morning,
he was checking my mother's oil.
2429
02:02:18,742 --> 02:02:20,782
I bet you're going to make,
like, a million dollars.
2430
02:02:20,810 --> 02:02:23,938
Who cares? In our bracket,
the government gets most of it.
2431
02:02:23,980 --> 02:02:25,607
Will you sign this for me?
2432
02:02:27,117 --> 02:02:28,880
Can't we try again, lambchop?
2433
02:02:28,918 --> 02:02:30,062
How would it look
when Barney and I...
2434
02:02:30,086 --> 02:02:31,163
are on "The Ed Sullivan Show"...
2435
02:02:31,187 --> 02:02:32,665
and he wants you
to stand up and take a bow...
2436
02:02:32,689 --> 02:02:34,384
and you're not in the audience?
2437
02:02:34,424 --> 02:02:36,187
You can always get someone to
take my place.
2438
02:02:36,226 --> 02:02:37,318
Who'll know the difference?
2439
02:02:37,360 --> 02:02:39,294
Yeah.
2440
02:02:39,329 --> 02:02:40,455
What do you mean?
2441
02:02:40,497 --> 02:02:41,862
Will you sign this for me?
2442
02:02:41,898 --> 02:02:42,990
- Me, too.
- Here.
2443
02:02:43,032 --> 02:02:44,056
- Me, too.
- Me, too.
2444
02:02:51,775 --> 02:02:54,141
Listen to me, Sophia
2445
02:02:54,177 --> 02:02:55,701
He's no Valentino
2446
02:02:55,745 --> 02:02:58,043
Have you any idea
2447
02:02:58,081 --> 02:02:59,446
But there's no one we know
2448
02:02:59,482 --> 02:03:02,246
How much you mean to me-a?
2449
02:03:02,285 --> 02:03:03,445
Who can love like Dino
2450
02:03:03,486 --> 02:03:06,080
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2451
02:03:07,624 --> 02:03:10,092
All the others were so-so
2452
02:03:10,126 --> 02:03:11,616
Skinny like a pony
2453
02:03:11,661 --> 02:03:14,152
Not a one amoroso
2454
02:03:14,197 --> 02:03:15,664
Thin as macaroni
2455
02:03:15,698 --> 02:03:18,690
But with you, I'm aglow
2456
02:03:18,735 --> 02:03:20,202
Bang, bang.
2457
02:03:20,236 --> 02:03:23,000
Only you I adore
2458
02:03:24,007 --> 02:03:28,410
She's sweeter than spumoni
2459
02:03:28,445 --> 02:03:30,242
She's a manicurist I met.
2460
02:03:30,280 --> 02:03:32,248
I had my nails done
while you were gone.
2461
02:03:32,282 --> 02:03:34,216
- I'm not asking any questions.
- That's right.
2462
02:03:34,250 --> 02:03:35,808
There's going to be
no more questions.
2463
02:03:35,852 --> 02:03:37,717
Here. You'd better put this on.
2464
02:03:37,754 --> 02:03:39,244
My ring.
2465
02:03:39,289 --> 02:03:40,779
When our hearts intertwine
2466
02:03:40,824 --> 02:03:41,791
Where did you get it?
2467
02:03:41,825 --> 02:03:43,190
No questions, remember?
2468
02:03:43,226 --> 02:03:44,989
Oh, Sophia, be mine
2469
02:03:45,028 --> 02:03:46,518
I must be going out of my mind.
2470
02:03:46,563 --> 02:03:48,588
I can't figure out any of this.
2471
02:03:48,631 --> 02:03:50,155
Any of what?
2472
02:03:50,200 --> 02:03:53,727
I mean, the ring and the song
and the car and Dino.
2473
02:03:53,770 --> 02:03:55,670
How would you?
2474
02:03:55,705 --> 02:03:56,705
When did she?
2475
02:03:56,739 --> 02:03:58,138
Why would he?
2476
02:03:59,542 --> 02:04:01,442
Kiss me, stupid.
2477
02:04:03,413 --> 02:04:11,413
Oh, Sophia, be mine
161067
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