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♪ (MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
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(CLAPS)
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KEITH RANIERE:
ESP is a methodology
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for optimizing or enhancing
human experience and behavior.
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WOMAN: Some of the questions
that the coaches asked
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were just so spot on.
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If you could have
or be anything,
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what would that feel like?
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Raniere proposed this map
of how everything worked.
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MAN 2: It was a unified theory
to explain
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why people do what they do
and how to change that.
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This is a code
to understand myself.
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WOMAN 2:
It was like, holy shit, I can be
the ideal version of myself,
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to write my own character.
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RANIERE:
The deeper the commitment,
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the better and clearer
life becomes.
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BONNIE: Hey, can you talk quick?
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MAN 2: Bonnie got there first.
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BONNIE PIESSE:
If I look at those women,
they're all not doing well.
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MAN 2: It took me longer.
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BONNIE: There's a lot of things
I'm starting to see
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about the organization.
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It's not right.
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I feel like my life and body
was stolen.
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I want to have that life.
I want to get it back.
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♪
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Mark Vicente:
Hmm.
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(Bonnie Piesse speaking)
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(Piesse sighs heavily)
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(voice breaking)
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♪
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♪
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♪ Days we were young ♪
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♪ We took photographs of
everything we could see ♪
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♪ We had to run from it ♪
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♪ Priest and prophetess ♪
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♪ We were nothing
we would defy ♪
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♪ Oh, invisible skin ♪
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♪ Where is the world within ♪
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♪ Invincible skin ♪
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♪ It's how we all begin ♪
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Bonnie Piesse:
Okay, so I feel wounded
right now.
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And I've been trying
really hard to turn it around
and stay positive,
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and, you know, trust that,
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that good always wins.
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That, that light
wins over darkness.
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But Keith head-fucked us,
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the girls that were
in that group, specifically,
in a way that...
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I don't know that everyone
got head-fucked like that.
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(voice breaking): So...
So that's the daily struggle.
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Vicente:
Huh.
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(Piesse speaking)
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-Vicente: Well...
-Piesse: But, yeah.
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Vicente:
Hmm.
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(group applauding)
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All:
♪ Happy birthday, Vanguard ♪
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(indistinct chatter)
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Piesse:
When I first met Keith,
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my gut feeling was like...
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Ew! You know,
something's a bit gross.
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He would kiss you
on the lips.
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That's just kind of
what he did.
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And everyone else
did it, as well.
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But at the same time,
I had really enjoyed
the five-day
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and was very moved
and he was the creator of that,
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and so I need to like,
let go of that,
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and just see what's
right in front of me,
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which is a guy who's saying
he wants to help me.
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If this guy's created
all these things that are
helping so many people,
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like, who cares about the
kissing on the lips thing?
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(playing gentle piano music)
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Keith Raniere:
Mm-hmm.
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(Piesse singing
vocal exercise)
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(Raniere plays low note)
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(Piesse singing
vocal exercise)
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Piesse:
Keith said to me, you know,
you could be in Simply Human,
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the singing group of ESP.
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That's when I started
spending a lot of time
with Allison Mack.
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Allison saw Keith
as like a guru,
a spiritual master,
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and she was very committed
to the mission.
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Allison Mack:
If we actually understood
compassion,
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the world would be
a much better place.
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Like, not even the world.
Like .00 percent.
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Three percent of the world.
If they could just have
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this little dose of love,
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everything would change.
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Everything.
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-Everything.
-(applause)
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Are you ready for promotions?
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(crowd cheering)
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Our proctors have met
various ethical standards
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to qualify to enter into
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an independent contractor-ship
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on one of our career paths.
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-You ready?
-Yes.
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Nancy Salzman:
Bonnie Piesse.
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(crowd cheering)
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Allison Mack.
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(crowd cheering, applauding)
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Our new one-stripe
full proctors.
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(crowd applauding)
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Piesse:
I was amazed by the EM tech.
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(thwacks)
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-Ta-da! (chuckles)
-Man: Yeah!
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Yay! (laughs)
Thank you.
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-(thwacks)
-Ow!
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Piesse:
Where you break
a Pavlovian link
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to help a person overcome
a limiting belief.
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And I wanted to do that
right away.
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But then you're told that
you need to wait till
you're a two-stripe coach
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to even start learning the tech.
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Then you had to
go out and practice.
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And so I, I practiced
two and a half years.
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Like, 1,500 EMs
to get to two stripe.
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I was told that
I could earn money
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by the time I got to EM one.
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And by the time I got there,
they said,
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"Oh, no, we've changed
the standards."
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Now you have to pass,
like, we're thinking,
EM five.
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Financially, I was going
deeper into debt.
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I was kind of just getting by
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going to "Star Wars"
conventions,
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going and playing shows
at colleges.
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-Thank you so much!
-(audience applauding)
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It wasn't working.
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And Keith kept saying to us,
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"Give it a few months
and you guys will be
earning great money."
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But instead, it felt like
once I got to proctor,
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suddenly I was more obligated
to give for free.
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And so you're strung along,
practicing, practicing,
practicing.
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Then Keith invited some of us
into development teams.
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And that's when the workload
started to get
heavier and heavier.
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A typical day during
that time would be
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-up at five...
-(alarm beeping)
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shove some breakfast
in my body,
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run a yoga class,
get feedback from Keith,
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coach intensives,
go and give free EMs.
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As a facilitator, you couldn't
really get up and even
use the bathroom.
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I wouldn't have a lunch break.
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I would eat on the way
in the car.
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Meetings, meetings, meetings.
I was still trying to uphold
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my obligation to
being a proctor.
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And then drive to
Simply Human practice.
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-(singing vocal warm-up)
-(playing piano)
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And then I'd be on the phone
practicing EMs
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until two or three.
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-(alarm buzzing)
-Up at five.
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So like, we were all
running on no sleep.
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And even as you're working
23 hours a day,
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you're getting feedback
of like, "Why aren't you
doing more?"
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What is comfort?
Think about it for a second.
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Piesse:
It was about productivity,
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but it was about
pushing through.
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Like, we were taught
in everything
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that to have character
you need to, like,
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overcome your body feelings.
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And you don't need as much rest
as you think and, like, it's...
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It shows you how strong you are.
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Comfort is like an addiction,
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and when you find comfort,
you try to be more comfortable,
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and just everything comfortable
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and we don't push
our bodies too much,
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and comfortable, comfortable,
comfortable, right?
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The more we indulge
in this addiction,
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the more we have to lose.
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So it feels like tough love.
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It feels like you've got
these people who care
about you,
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who are saying,
"You need to do this.
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"This is all for your own good.
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And for the good of the world."
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And you're even thankful.
You're like, "Thank you for,
for pushing me,
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and like, trying to help me
get through this."
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Salzman:
So welcome to the world
of discomfort.
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If you are not uncomfortable,
you are not working on anything.
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Your life should be
a life of discomfort
if you want to grow.
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If you don't want to grow,
hey, sent shit away.
Your choice.
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Piesse:
I found myself, like,
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sitting in Clifton Park going,
"What are, like--
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"How'd I get here?
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This is my life now."
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And that didn't feel good.
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And I was looking around
at all these people
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that just didn't seem
joyful to me.
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And I was like, I feel like
everyone's being squished.
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And I started to see
red flags with Allison.
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I noticed that she was getting
obsessed with her weight.
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Like, it started
to feel weird.
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And I couldn't really
put my finger on it.
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But it was just like
a feeling that I had.
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The coaches didn't really
deny intuition,
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but they led you to believe
that your intuition
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was just a feeling,
just a viscera,
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and that you needed
to try to fix it.
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Like, if you had a normal
emotional reaction
to something,
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they explained that
it was just the world
controlling you,
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and it was something that
you needed to overcome
and work through.
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Raniere:
We want to empower people,
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particularly the way our will
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interfaces with our body,
our neurology, our viscera.
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And we have these
different techniques
that help people,
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if you will,
drive their vehicle better.
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Piesse:
In exo/eso,
we were taught that
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00:13:18,771 --> 00:13:20,312
just like you can
stretch your body,
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00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:23,604
you can also stretch
your emotions and
unlock feelings
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that are holding back
your growth.
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00:13:26,229 --> 00:13:30,146
They give you exercises
where you can literally
open up the viscera,
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and expand it into, like, joy.
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Woman:
Find yourself in
a comfortable position.
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Maybe lay
on the ground, and...
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just relax your body.
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00:13:46,354 --> 00:13:51,021
Now transition to the feeling
of suffering.
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Think back to the last time
you suffered.
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00:13:54,479 --> 00:13:56,521
Just feel that feeling.
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00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,187
(ominous music playing)
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00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,688
Now intensify it.
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00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:01,855
Bring it up to
the most intense
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00:14:01,938 --> 00:14:04,021
that you can make
the suffering.
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00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:06,563
To 25, up to 50.
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00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,354
Seventy-five.
Push a little harder.
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00:14:09,438 --> 00:14:11,271
All the way up to 100!
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One-hundred percent suffering!
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00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:14,521
Now switch.
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00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,354
(serene music playing)
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Bring up
this opposite emotion.
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What is it for you?
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00:14:20,187 --> 00:14:21,938
What do you call it?
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00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,021
Now start to intensify
that even further.
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00:14:26,104 --> 00:14:28,479
Bring it all the way up
to the 100 of it.
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00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,146
(joyful music playing)
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00:14:30,229 --> 00:14:33,146
One-hundred percent
of the opposite emotion.
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00:14:33,229 --> 00:14:35,354
What is this?
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00:14:35,438 --> 00:14:38,563
What do you call it?
Have you felt it before?
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00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:43,062
And now you're going to
switch back to suffering.
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Go ahead. Switch.
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00:14:44,938 --> 00:14:46,980
(dark music playing)
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Were you able to
bring it back up?
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00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,938
And now switch.
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00:14:51,021 --> 00:14:53,813
How do you feel now
that you've stretched,
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00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:57,521
and explored your internal
emotional experience?
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00:14:57,604 --> 00:14:59,730
(light music playing)
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00:14:59,813 --> 00:15:01,896
Piesse:
And that's great,
in a lot of ways.
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00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,730
It feels powerful.
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00:15:03,813 --> 00:15:05,604
It feels like you can go out
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00:15:05,688 --> 00:15:07,855
and achieve the things
that you want.
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00:15:07,938 --> 00:15:10,146
And that's in your hands.
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00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:16,521
But looking back,
I can see how that's
really misused.
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00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:19,855
It's a way to get you
to ignore your gut feelings.
248
00:15:24,438 --> 00:15:26,104
-(Vicente claps)
-(all clap)
249
00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:27,730
Piesse:
I had to tread
really carefully.
250
00:15:27,813 --> 00:15:30,312
Like I couldn't really say
what I thought to Mark.
251
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,104
He was very defensive.
252
00:15:32,187 --> 00:15:35,855
And he'd fight back and say,
"You have to stop."
253
00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:39,021
But I couldn't stop.
254
00:15:49,438 --> 00:15:50,646
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
255
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:53,146
(Piesse speaking)
256
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,229
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
257
00:16:14,354 --> 00:16:16,521
Piesse:
Keith used to teach
some of us that
258
00:16:16,604 --> 00:16:18,396
on the path to enlightenment,
259
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:20,938
you'd reach this
barren wasteland.
260
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:23,688
Like, you reach
a space of nothing
261
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:26,396
before you find
this ultimate joy.
262
00:16:26,479 --> 00:16:30,146
Raniere:
Joy feels like your, your cells
are gonna burst apart.
263
00:16:30,229 --> 00:16:31,688
As a matter of fact,
264
00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:34,563
the more pain we feel,
the more we feel,
265
00:16:34,646 --> 00:16:37,521
uh, alive in a body.
266
00:16:37,604 --> 00:16:40,187
My body was starting
to fall apart.
267
00:16:40,271 --> 00:16:42,312
(alarm beeping)
268
00:16:42,396 --> 00:16:45,062
And I was having
blood sugar crashes.
269
00:16:45,146 --> 00:16:50,062
(vocal warm-up warping,
distorting)
270
00:16:50,146 --> 00:16:52,062
And I felt like
I couldn't breathe
271
00:16:52,146 --> 00:16:54,229
when I was in the classrooms.
272
00:16:55,438 --> 00:16:58,604
And then Mark encouraged me
to talk to Keith.
273
00:17:07,104 --> 00:17:08,896
-Piesse: Yep.
-Raniere: Well...
274
00:17:12,312 --> 00:17:14,438
-Piesse: Um-hmm.
-(Raniere speaking)
275
00:17:32,563 --> 00:17:34,146
-Raniere: You know?
-Piesse: Mm-hmm.
276
00:17:34,229 --> 00:17:37,688
(Raniere speaking)
277
00:17:47,229 --> 00:17:49,771
-Piesse: Right.
-(Raniere speaking)
278
00:17:53,896 --> 00:17:55,146
Piesse: And it just...
279
00:17:59,021 --> 00:18:00,604
(Piesse sobbing)
280
00:18:02,271 --> 00:18:04,021
-Piesse: No.
-(Raniere speaking)
281
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:45,688
Piesse:
Usually, I had just obeyed.
282
00:18:45,771 --> 00:18:49,187
But at that point,
my intuition was, like,
screaming at me.
283
00:18:49,271 --> 00:18:51,896
It was like,
"You have to get out."
284
00:18:53,229 --> 00:18:56,396
♪
285
00:18:56,479 --> 00:18:59,646
Before I left,
Allison invited me for a walk.
286
00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:01,312
She was kind of
at her skinniest.
287
00:19:01,396 --> 00:19:04,312
She looked like her back bones
were sticking out.
288
00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:06,855
But I confronted her and I said,
"I think you're sick.
289
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,146
"You're not eating.
290
00:19:09,229 --> 00:19:11,312
"Like, there's a problem,
and you need to address it,
291
00:19:11,396 --> 00:19:12,646
and start eating."
292
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:16,396
And she said,
"Well, Keith is measuring
my calories.
293
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:20,229
And he says as long as
I'm having my period,
I'm fine."
294
00:19:20,312 --> 00:19:22,479
And then she said
that she'd made
295
00:19:22,563 --> 00:19:24,730
a lifetime vow to Keith.
296
00:19:25,396 --> 00:19:27,646
And I think she said it was
297
00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:29,730
a vow of devotion.
298
00:19:29,813 --> 00:19:33,646
And she lifted up her shirt
and showed me her belly chain.
299
00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:38,187
She said, "And this is
to symbolize the vow
that I've made."
300
00:19:38,271 --> 00:19:40,730
I certainly didn't
understand it.
301
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,604
But I didn't see
the darkness in it
302
00:19:42,688 --> 00:19:44,771
that was really there
at that point.
303
00:19:47,438 --> 00:19:49,604
(sighs heavily)
304
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,730
(laptop keys clicking)
305
00:19:52,813 --> 00:19:54,479
I reached out to someone
who had quit
306
00:19:54,563 --> 00:19:56,271
and who had kind of
dropped hints
307
00:19:56,354 --> 00:19:58,938
that they knew
what was going on.
308
00:19:59,021 --> 00:20:01,813
And I felt like
they knew something
that I didn't.
309
00:20:02,479 --> 00:20:03,813
I just said, like,
310
00:20:03,896 --> 00:20:06,021
"Would you trust me enough
to tell me what you see?
311
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:09,312
"'Cause I don't intellectually
know what I'm looking at.
312
00:20:09,396 --> 00:20:10,980
I know what I'm feeling."
313
00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:14,855
And she said, "Well,
314
00:20:14,938 --> 00:20:17,271
in a high-control group..."
315
00:20:17,354 --> 00:20:19,187
And I don't even remember
the rest of the sentence,
316
00:20:19,271 --> 00:20:22,354
but, like, when I heard
high-control group...
317
00:20:24,521 --> 00:20:25,896
It--
I didn't know what it was,
318
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:28,312
but it just doesn't sound
very good.
319
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:33,438
♪
320
00:20:39,062 --> 00:20:41,521
And I actually asked,
"Do you think Keith knows?
321
00:20:41,604 --> 00:20:43,104
Like, maybe
we need to tell him."
322
00:20:43,187 --> 00:20:47,771
And she was like,
"I think it's deliberately
designed that way."
323
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:50,980
And so I called him
and I said, you know,
"Here's what I see.
324
00:20:51,062 --> 00:20:53,938
"I see that all your
companies are...
325
00:20:54,021 --> 00:20:56,438
"built on abuse,
obligation, guilt,
326
00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:58,688
and coercion.
I can't support it."
327
00:20:59,688 --> 00:21:01,771
And he said...
328
00:21:01,855 --> 00:21:03,688
"Oh, I think, you know,
329
00:21:03,771 --> 00:21:06,479
"there are some issues
that you never worked.
330
00:21:07,354 --> 00:21:09,521
"You seem to have a...
331
00:21:09,604 --> 00:21:12,021
a commitment
to being a victim."
332
00:21:14,104 --> 00:21:16,563
Salzman:
We have a fight
or flight mechanism,
333
00:21:16,646 --> 00:21:19,396
which triggers this thing
we call fear.
334
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:20,771
When we're fearful,
335
00:21:20,855 --> 00:21:23,521
when we're making decisions
based on fear,
336
00:21:23,604 --> 00:21:24,896
we are at effect.
337
00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:27,604
It's the lowest state
of existence.
338
00:21:27,688 --> 00:21:30,771
As you make your decision
based on fear,
339
00:21:30,855 --> 00:21:33,479
now it's not your
psyche controlling,
340
00:21:33,563 --> 00:21:35,646
it's the body and the world
341
00:21:35,730 --> 00:21:37,479
controlling your psyche.
342
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:40,271
Now we have joy.
What is joy?
343
00:21:40,354 --> 00:21:43,813
And what's the opposite of joy?
We talk about joy and misery.
344
00:21:43,896 --> 00:21:47,021
When someone is miserable,
345
00:21:47,104 --> 00:21:48,980
they feel small.
346
00:21:49,062 --> 00:21:51,312
Misery is constrictive.
347
00:21:51,396 --> 00:21:53,438
It's self-oriented,
348
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,354
and it's destructive.
349
00:21:55,438 --> 00:21:57,896
You know,
it's involved with suffering,
350
00:21:57,980 --> 00:21:59,980
self-pity,
things along those lines,
351
00:22:00,062 --> 00:22:01,771
or malice.
352
00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:10,521
No.
353
00:22:10,604 --> 00:22:12,146
So, I lost my opportunity
354
00:22:12,229 --> 00:22:14,688
to talk to people freely,
because...
355
00:22:14,771 --> 00:22:17,896
I think a lot of people
saw it as...
356
00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:20,771
dishonorable and weak
that I left.
357
00:22:21,563 --> 00:22:23,563
I feel unsure of myself.
358
00:22:23,646 --> 00:22:27,688
We were taught
you need to push through.
359
00:22:27,771 --> 00:22:29,813
It shows you
how strong you are.
360
00:22:29,896 --> 00:22:32,604
Like, maybe I really
am a bad person
361
00:22:32,688 --> 00:22:36,146
for questioning and
being disloyal and leaving.
362
00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:38,312
Maybe I'm the problem.
363
00:22:41,855 --> 00:22:43,479
Piesse (on voicemail):
Hi. You've called Bonnie.
364
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:46,021
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you
as soon as I can.
365
00:22:46,104 --> 00:22:47,479
(voicemail beeps)
366
00:23:16,354 --> 00:23:18,104
(voicemail disconnects)
367
00:23:23,730 --> 00:23:26,229
Piesse:
"Finally, I wish to remain
on good terms with the company
368
00:23:26,312 --> 00:23:30,146
and have no ethical
or unresolved issues
with NXIVM and ESP."
369
00:23:44,312 --> 00:23:45,688
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
370
00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:48,730
(Piesse speaking)
371
00:23:51,062 --> 00:23:52,479
Vicente:
Yeah.
372
00:24:25,980 --> 00:24:28,104
Piesse:
I finally opened up
with a friend.
373
00:24:28,187 --> 00:24:31,813
I just, like, let it all out,
and told her everything.
374
00:24:31,896 --> 00:24:34,980
And she said, "You know,
you might need to
break up with him.
375
00:24:35,062 --> 00:24:37,062
You might need to leave him."
376
00:24:39,813 --> 00:24:41,646
It's so sad that
a lot of relationships
377
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:44,062
go from being great
in the beginning,
378
00:24:44,146 --> 00:24:46,312
to there's all this
resentment and anger,
379
00:24:46,396 --> 00:24:48,604
and they just seem to get
kind of more and more bitter.
380
00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:51,688
This helps you
resolve those things,
so that you can
381
00:24:51,771 --> 00:24:54,229
make your relationship
get better.
382
00:24:55,521 --> 00:24:58,229
This marriage is one of the most
successful things in my life.
383
00:24:58,312 --> 00:24:59,813
For certain.
384
00:24:59,896 --> 00:25:02,354
I believe we have a really
successful relationship,
385
00:25:02,438 --> 00:25:04,062
and it didn't just happen.
386
00:25:32,271 --> 00:25:34,438
(indicator clicking)
387
00:25:36,187 --> 00:25:37,896
(jet engine roaring)
388
00:25:39,146 --> 00:25:40,730
Piesse (on voicemail):
Hi. You've called Bonnie.
389
00:25:40,813 --> 00:25:43,646
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you
as soon as I can.
390
00:26:05,062 --> 00:26:07,980
(Piesse sobbing)
391
00:26:37,021 --> 00:26:41,146
(whimsical piano music playing)
392
00:26:43,062 --> 00:26:44,771
(camera shutters clicking)
393
00:26:44,855 --> 00:26:46,938
So you want to
interview me or something,
or... ?
394
00:26:47,021 --> 00:26:48,521
Vicente:
Light bulbs out.
395
00:26:48,604 --> 00:26:50,771
(man laughing)
396
00:26:50,855 --> 00:26:52,187
Okay, so you're gonna sit there.
397
00:26:52,271 --> 00:26:54,980
-I'll interview you,
and film you?
-(laughter)
398
00:26:58,271 --> 00:26:59,896
Vicente:
So,
399
00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:02,187
um, Keith, in the time
that I spent with you,
400
00:27:02,271 --> 00:27:04,271
it's clear that you have
a whole series of ideas
401
00:27:04,354 --> 00:27:05,730
that are really amazing.
402
00:27:05,813 --> 00:27:07,479
Well, first of all,
403
00:27:07,563 --> 00:27:09,855
I, I don't know if the ideas
are amazing or not.
404
00:27:09,938 --> 00:27:11,563
I...
405
00:27:11,646 --> 00:27:14,771
My assumption is that I,
I have some,
406
00:27:14,855 --> 00:27:17,146
uh, relatively strong ideas,
407
00:27:17,229 --> 00:27:19,896
uh, that I communicate
pretty well.
408
00:27:21,396 --> 00:27:25,229
(crowd applauding)
409
00:27:29,229 --> 00:27:30,563
My name is Mark Vicente.
410
00:27:30,646 --> 00:27:34,479
I'm a filmmaker from
the apartheid era
South Africa.
411
00:27:34,563 --> 00:27:37,146
George Lucas had as his mentor
Joseph Campbell,
412
00:27:37,229 --> 00:27:39,187
an American mythologist.
413
00:27:39,271 --> 00:27:41,604
I have as my mentor
an American scientist
414
00:27:41,688 --> 00:27:43,938
and philosopher
by the name of
Keith Raniere.
415
00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:46,146
He asked me a question,
416
00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:48,021
and the question
he asked me was,
417
00:27:48,104 --> 00:27:49,896
"What is bravery?"
418
00:27:50,938 --> 00:27:52,271
What does that mean?
419
00:27:52,354 --> 00:27:54,396
Well, there's
a dictionary definition.
420
00:27:54,479 --> 00:27:58,438
But in the deepest sense,
it means to be able to
bear pain.
421
00:27:58,521 --> 00:28:00,438
You know, you look at
all the people who
422
00:28:00,521 --> 00:28:02,021
are allegedly enlightened.
423
00:28:02,104 --> 00:28:04,604
All the different gurus,
whether it be the Buddha,
424
00:28:04,688 --> 00:28:06,354
the Jesus, or, or Gandhi.
425
00:28:06,438 --> 00:28:08,813
They're not just
sitting on a pillow.
426
00:28:08,896 --> 00:28:11,021
They're not just
being fed grapes
427
00:28:11,104 --> 00:28:12,521
and doing nothing,
you know?
428
00:28:12,604 --> 00:28:15,146
And struggle,
there's nothing
negative about it.
429
00:28:15,229 --> 00:28:17,146
It's the nature of life.
430
00:28:17,229 --> 00:28:20,312
Vicente:
When I first met Keith,
he said to me,
431
00:28:20,396 --> 00:28:22,104
"You know, it'd be good
if you just moved here
432
00:28:22,187 --> 00:28:25,688
so we could, like, have more
of these conversations."
433
00:28:25,771 --> 00:28:28,146
Train conductor:
Albany, anybody?
Albany?
434
00:28:31,146 --> 00:28:32,771
Vicente:
It wasn't really
in Albany proper.
435
00:28:32,855 --> 00:28:35,604
It was more north
in Clifton Park.
436
00:28:36,980 --> 00:28:40,146
Everybody knew, pretty much,
where everybody lived.
437
00:28:40,229 --> 00:28:42,813
So you'd always
run into people.
438
00:28:42,896 --> 00:28:45,104
And in between,
we're just the civilians.
439
00:28:45,187 --> 00:28:47,146
You know, those people
who just live there.
440
00:28:48,187 --> 00:28:49,396
And then at night,
441
00:28:49,479 --> 00:28:51,938
you know, you were expected
to go to volleyball.
442
00:28:52,021 --> 00:28:55,187
It was like, you know,
midnight to 7:00 a.m.
443
00:28:56,479 --> 00:28:59,396
And around, um, 10:30 or 11,
444
00:28:59,479 --> 00:29:01,980
the A team and Keith Raniere
would show up.
445
00:29:03,312 --> 00:29:05,813
-(balls bouncing)
-(indistinct chatter)
446
00:29:07,438 --> 00:29:09,187
-(thwacks)
-(ball bounces)
447
00:29:09,271 --> 00:29:11,312
Help, help. Help!
448
00:29:11,396 --> 00:29:13,479
Producer:
Why volleyball?
449
00:29:14,354 --> 00:29:16,855
I didn't understand
volleyball at first.
450
00:29:16,938 --> 00:29:19,938
But it became
a big social event.
451
00:29:20,021 --> 00:29:21,479
When intensives were going on,
452
00:29:21,563 --> 00:29:24,354
you could have like 50,
60 people in the bleachers,
453
00:29:24,438 --> 00:29:26,604
basically just watching,
454
00:29:26,688 --> 00:29:30,021
EM-ing each other,
whispering to each other,
talking,
455
00:29:30,104 --> 00:29:31,771
and then in between games,
456
00:29:31,855 --> 00:29:33,771
everybody would gaggle
around him, you know,
457
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:35,730
and ask him question
after question
after question,
458
00:29:35,813 --> 00:29:37,604
and we'd stand there
for like half an hour
sometimes,
459
00:29:37,688 --> 00:29:39,980
cooling down
while he was talking,
460
00:29:40,062 --> 00:29:42,021
and then we'd play again.
461
00:30:05,730 --> 00:30:07,521
You know, he was like
the rock star.
462
00:30:11,021 --> 00:30:12,563
ESP Member:
Is that okay?
463
00:30:12,646 --> 00:30:14,563
(laughing)
464
00:30:16,855 --> 00:30:18,146
(camera shutter clicks)
465
00:30:18,229 --> 00:30:19,813
Vicente:
And in the end,
it was all about
466
00:30:19,896 --> 00:30:21,604
-seeing him.
-...tries to handle the ball.
467
00:30:23,813 --> 00:30:26,730
Vicente:
That's what everybody said.
It's a chance to see him.
468
00:30:27,896 --> 00:30:30,980
I basically try every day
to reach him.
469
00:30:31,062 --> 00:30:34,146
We're gonna--
Let's talk about projects.
Let's talk about things.
470
00:30:34,229 --> 00:30:36,896
And it's very frustrating,
because he won't respond.
471
00:30:36,980 --> 00:30:38,771
And I go to volleyball,
like, three times a week,
472
00:30:38,855 --> 00:30:40,730
and I'm talking to him and say,
"When are we gonna start?
473
00:30:40,813 --> 00:30:42,938
When are we gonna start?
When are we gonna start?"
474
00:30:43,021 --> 00:30:44,938
And it's like he just--
475
00:30:45,021 --> 00:30:47,312
almost like he forgot.
476
00:30:47,396 --> 00:30:49,354
And so I'm in this state
of complete insecurity.
477
00:30:49,438 --> 00:30:51,312
Like, I just uprooted my life.
478
00:30:51,396 --> 00:30:53,104
Six weeks go by.
479
00:30:53,646 --> 00:30:54,896
On my birthday,
480
00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:57,604
seven o'clock in the morning,
Keith Raniere calls me.
481
00:30:57,688 --> 00:31:00,396
And he says, "Hey,
you wanna take a walk?"
I mean...
482
00:31:00,479 --> 00:31:02,354
And I'm like fuckin' ready.
483
00:31:02,438 --> 00:31:03,896
You know, I'm there.
484
00:31:03,980 --> 00:31:05,104
I've got my recorder with me,
485
00:31:05,187 --> 00:31:06,604
I've got a little
note pad with me,
486
00:31:06,688 --> 00:31:08,646
and I'm so excited.
487
00:31:09,730 --> 00:31:11,396
He's gonna work with me now.
488
00:31:24,896 --> 00:31:26,354
Vicente:
Uh-huh.
489
00:31:30,896 --> 00:31:32,688
Nancy said to me,
"You know what?
490
00:31:32,771 --> 00:31:34,938
"It would be great if you'd
document Keith now that
you're here,
491
00:31:35,021 --> 00:31:37,980
'cause you know how
to shoot and everything.
Could you document him?"
492
00:31:41,479 --> 00:31:43,146
Mark is trying to film me.
493
00:31:43,229 --> 00:31:46,229
I'll just keep on asking
and shooting until
someone says no.
494
00:31:46,312 --> 00:31:49,604
Okay. Very cool idea.
495
00:31:49,688 --> 00:31:51,187
-Vicente: You guys ready?
-Woman: Mm-hmm.
496
00:31:51,271 --> 00:31:54,062
I started shooting,
like, in 2005,
497
00:31:54,146 --> 00:31:56,771
and then a number of people
said to me they'd like to learn.
498
00:31:56,855 --> 00:31:57,896
Switch it to "camera."
499
00:31:57,980 --> 00:32:00,479
So I began this program
of like teaching people,
500
00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:02,646
you know, how to shoot,
how to do sound,
501
00:32:02,730 --> 00:32:04,271
you know, how to edit.
502
00:32:04,354 --> 00:32:07,563
-Cool!
-(people laughing)
503
00:32:07,646 --> 00:32:09,271
And it grew to people,
504
00:32:09,354 --> 00:32:10,896
you know,
recording with audio,
505
00:32:10,980 --> 00:32:13,271
you had people
shooting with video.
506
00:32:13,354 --> 00:32:15,396
And then you had, like,
people that were basically
507
00:32:15,479 --> 00:32:18,646
writing down what he said
and categorizing it, you know.
508
00:32:18,730 --> 00:32:21,229
It was, it was a whole
operation constantly.
509
00:32:25,771 --> 00:32:26,813
Raniere:
Good.
510
00:32:26,896 --> 00:32:28,312
And he just said, like,
it's important to
511
00:32:28,396 --> 00:32:31,104
document this because,
you know, we're talking about
512
00:32:31,187 --> 00:32:32,730
the generations in the future.
513
00:32:32,813 --> 00:32:34,438
Like, at some point
in the future,
514
00:32:34,521 --> 00:32:36,730
my hope is this work
that we're doing
515
00:32:36,813 --> 00:32:39,021
will end up in universities,
will end up in books.
516
00:32:39,104 --> 00:32:41,604
And wouldn't it be wonderful
if the world could look back
and say,
517
00:32:41,688 --> 00:32:43,521
"Oh, that's what happened."
518
00:32:43,604 --> 00:32:47,146
I take walks with him
at like, 2:00 a.m.,
3:00 a.m., 4:00 a.m.
519
00:32:47,229 --> 00:32:50,688
And when we're done,
I go home and I transcribe
the entire thing.
520
00:32:52,813 --> 00:32:54,146
Vicente: Uh-huh.
521
00:32:54,229 --> 00:32:57,855
(Raniere speaking)
522
00:33:00,187 --> 00:33:02,896
-Vicente: Mm-hmm.
-(Raniere speaking)
523
00:33:09,396 --> 00:33:12,730
-Vicente: Mm-hmm.
-(Raniere speaking)
524
00:33:20,396 --> 00:33:22,312
Vicente:
And in that moment,
I remember thinking,
525
00:33:22,396 --> 00:33:24,730
this guy fuckin' knows me
like nobody has ever
known me.
526
00:33:24,813 --> 00:33:27,479
Like, nobody in
my family knows me.
He knows me.
527
00:33:29,021 --> 00:33:30,396
And I'm astounded,
528
00:33:30,479 --> 00:33:32,187
and I remember going--
I didn't sleep much that night,
529
00:33:32,271 --> 00:33:34,229
and I was writing in journals,
and writing about, like,
530
00:33:34,312 --> 00:33:37,479
all these things, and,
and how much that it
impacted me.
531
00:33:37,563 --> 00:33:40,396
And how much I
yearned to be this--
532
00:33:40,479 --> 00:33:42,479
I yearned to be like him.
533
00:33:51,271 --> 00:33:52,646
Raniere:
Mm-hmm.
534
00:33:55,104 --> 00:33:56,146
Vicente:
Okay.
535
00:33:56,229 --> 00:33:59,604
(Raniere speaking)
536
00:34:02,021 --> 00:34:03,146
Vicente:
Right.
537
00:34:14,146 --> 00:34:16,855
-Vicente: Yes.
-(Raniere speaking)
538
00:34:19,021 --> 00:34:20,312
Vicente: Mm-hmm.
539
00:34:26,730 --> 00:34:28,312
Vicente: Right.
540
00:34:29,813 --> 00:34:30,771
Vicente:
Right.
541
00:34:30,855 --> 00:34:32,438
(Raniere speaking)
542
00:34:32,521 --> 00:34:33,688
Vicente:
Right.
543
00:34:33,771 --> 00:34:36,271
(Raniere speaking)
544
00:34:38,813 --> 00:34:41,604
-Vicente: Mm-hmm.
- (Raniere speaking)
545
00:34:50,896 --> 00:34:52,312
Vicente:
Right.
546
00:35:02,604 --> 00:35:04,021
Vicente:
Right.
547
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:09,646
Vicente:
Over time, these ideas evolved
into a screenplay
548
00:35:09,730 --> 00:35:11,354
called "Carbon Crimes."
549
00:35:12,438 --> 00:35:13,604
It follows Joe,
550
00:35:13,688 --> 00:35:16,354
an idealistic aide
to a powerful Senator.
551
00:35:16,438 --> 00:35:19,271
So, Joe, who's spirited
and impulsive.
552
00:35:19,354 --> 00:35:20,604
Wants to prove he's good.
553
00:35:20,688 --> 00:35:23,354
Passionate and hopeful.
Struggles with lying.
554
00:35:23,438 --> 00:35:25,229
He meets Erik Einhaert,
555
00:35:25,312 --> 00:35:29,563
a world-renowned scientist,
professor, and humanitarian.
556
00:35:29,646 --> 00:35:32,104
-Vicente: Yes.
-(Raniere speaking)
557
00:35:32,187 --> 00:35:34,896
(keyboard clacking)
558
00:35:39,021 --> 00:35:41,438
-Vicente: Yep.
-(Raniere speaking)
559
00:35:43,396 --> 00:35:44,396
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
560
00:35:44,479 --> 00:35:46,563
Einhaert takes Joe
under his wing,
561
00:35:46,646 --> 00:35:49,938
and challenges Joe to question
all of his assumptions
562
00:35:50,021 --> 00:35:51,896
about the entire universe.
563
00:35:53,104 --> 00:35:54,563
So he gave me all the ideas.
564
00:35:54,646 --> 00:35:56,062
And part of it was cool,
'cause it was like,
565
00:35:56,146 --> 00:35:57,271
"Oh, now I'm like Nancy."
566
00:35:57,354 --> 00:35:59,479
Like, he's downloading
all the ideas to me
567
00:35:59,563 --> 00:36:01,312
and I'm gonna, like,
turn this into something,
you know.
568
00:36:01,396 --> 00:36:02,646
So she would turn it
into modules,
569
00:36:02,730 --> 00:36:03,896
and I was gonna
turn this into a movie.
570
00:36:03,980 --> 00:36:05,229
(phone rings)
571
00:36:10,855 --> 00:36:13,104
-Vicente: Mm-hmm.
-(Raniere speaking)
572
00:36:18,187 --> 00:36:19,604
Vicente:
I'm in heaven.
573
00:36:19,688 --> 00:36:22,312
We're doing an EM in a movie,
574
00:36:22,396 --> 00:36:24,646
which is all I ever
wanted to do.
575
00:36:35,438 --> 00:36:37,354
Vicente:
I suppose I was like this
576
00:36:37,438 --> 00:36:39,271
very eager student.
577
00:36:39,354 --> 00:36:41,563
So for seven years of my life,
578
00:36:41,646 --> 00:36:44,187
I call him every single day.
579
00:36:44,271 --> 00:36:45,938
(line ringing)
580
00:36:49,771 --> 00:36:51,187
Hello.
581
00:36:51,771 --> 00:36:52,896
-Hi.
-Hi!
582
00:36:52,980 --> 00:36:54,104
How's it going there?
583
00:36:54,187 --> 00:36:55,646
(phone ringing)
584
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:11,771
Correct.
585
00:37:13,521 --> 00:37:14,980
Right. Is that...
586
00:37:36,563 --> 00:37:37,563
Yeah.
587
00:37:39,312 --> 00:37:42,021
Vicente:
I felt that there was
a closeness.
588
00:37:42,104 --> 00:37:45,271
You know, the highest IQ
in the world is telling you
589
00:37:45,354 --> 00:37:46,980
that you're the one.
590
00:37:47,062 --> 00:37:49,312
You're smart enough to get me.
591
00:37:49,396 --> 00:37:52,604
That's... I don't know.
It could be pretty
intoxicating.
592
00:37:52,688 --> 00:37:54,938
Nancy said to me,
"It's extraordinary,
593
00:37:55,021 --> 00:37:57,146
this relationship
you have with Keith."
And I was like, "Why?"
594
00:37:57,229 --> 00:37:59,438
She says, "'Cause you're
his only male friend."
595
00:37:59,521 --> 00:38:01,312
-Raniere: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
-(indistinct chatter)
596
00:38:01,396 --> 00:38:03,771
(woman laughing)
597
00:38:03,855 --> 00:38:05,688
Vicente:
I have the Vanguard.
I have the Prefect.
598
00:38:05,771 --> 00:38:08,354
-I have Sarah,
my business partner.
-Namaste.
599
00:38:08,438 --> 00:38:09,938
Vicente:
I have all these
people that, like,
600
00:38:10,021 --> 00:38:11,646
anytime I need anything,
I'll say, "Listen.
601
00:38:11,730 --> 00:38:13,438
Hey, can I talk
something through with you?"
602
00:38:13,521 --> 00:38:16,104
They'll say,
"Of course you can.
Let's go for a walk." You know?
603
00:38:16,187 --> 00:38:18,896
♪ ♪
604
00:38:20,312 --> 00:38:22,479
Actually, let's have everybody
stand up for a second.
605
00:38:22,563 --> 00:38:24,813
-(class laughing)
-For the first time
in my life,
606
00:38:24,896 --> 00:38:26,688
I had the feeling of like,
607
00:38:26,771 --> 00:38:28,813
I am with me, and I love me,
608
00:38:28,896 --> 00:38:30,104
and I remember just
being like,
609
00:38:30,187 --> 00:38:32,396
"Oh, my God.
This is what self-love is."
610
00:38:33,813 --> 00:38:35,354
This feeling is the thing
611
00:38:35,438 --> 00:38:38,354
every single human being
in the world wants.
612
00:38:38,438 --> 00:38:40,604
It's priceless.
613
00:38:50,688 --> 00:38:53,062
(indicator clicking)
614
00:38:55,062 --> 00:38:56,813
(line ringing)
615
00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:17,604
-Vicente: Right.
-(Sarah Edmondson speaking)
616
00:39:19,730 --> 00:39:21,104
-You know, like...
-(Vicente sighs)
617
00:39:22,021 --> 00:39:23,229
(Vicente laughs)
618
00:39:30,438 --> 00:39:33,146
-Edmondson: Yeah. Yeah.
-(Vicente speaking)
619
00:39:54,521 --> 00:39:56,271
Vicente:
When Bonnie leaves in 2017,
620
00:39:56,354 --> 00:39:58,688
I'm like, "What the fuck
am I gonna do?"
621
00:39:59,896 --> 00:40:02,438
If I took in what she said,
622
00:40:02,521 --> 00:40:04,646
it was,
it was pretty horrifying.
623
00:40:05,438 --> 00:40:07,646
Because I'd have to question...
624
00:40:07,730 --> 00:40:09,271
Questioning him
625
00:40:09,354 --> 00:40:12,229
felt like I'd question
everything about myself.
626
00:40:12,312 --> 00:40:14,146
And I wanted her just to stop.
627
00:40:14,229 --> 00:40:16,438
Like, "Can we stop?
Can we not talk
about this right now?
628
00:40:16,521 --> 00:40:18,563
Can we, can we talk about it
some other time?"
629
00:40:18,646 --> 00:40:20,229
And she was insistent.
630
00:40:20,896 --> 00:40:22,312
I was like, constantly,
631
00:40:22,396 --> 00:40:24,062
every day, trying to
get him to understand.
632
00:40:24,146 --> 00:40:25,438
Putting evidence
in front of him,
633
00:40:25,521 --> 00:40:29,855
begging him to listen,
begging him to read cult books.
634
00:40:29,938 --> 00:40:32,271
He begged me to
not keep pushing him,
635
00:40:32,354 --> 00:40:35,479
and to let him have
his own process with it.
636
00:40:35,563 --> 00:40:38,146
But he was still
talking to Keith.
637
00:40:38,229 --> 00:40:42,271
And I was like, "Fuck."
You know, like, all...
638
00:40:42,354 --> 00:40:45,646
All the work,
all the progress
that I was...
639
00:40:45,730 --> 00:40:47,813
trying to make with him
would then be, like,
640
00:40:47,896 --> 00:40:49,354
flushed down the toilet.
641
00:40:50,146 --> 00:40:53,396
♪ ♪
642
00:41:56,396 --> 00:41:58,730
(Vicente laughing)
643
00:41:58,813 --> 00:42:00,855
(sighs)
You know what Bonnie
said to me?
644
00:42:00,938 --> 00:42:04,062
Like, "What will it take?"
I said, "Data."
645
00:42:04,146 --> 00:42:05,771
(cars honking)
646
00:42:08,813 --> 00:42:10,187
Piesse:
Soon after I left,
647
00:42:10,271 --> 00:42:13,354
another person left
and came to LA,
648
00:42:13,438 --> 00:42:15,688
and we started talking
about everything.
649
00:42:15,771 --> 00:42:18,688
She gave me information
about things that she'd seen
650
00:42:18,771 --> 00:42:20,604
that were very concerning.
651
00:42:22,104 --> 00:42:24,521
And she agreed
to talk to Mark.
652
00:42:24,604 --> 00:42:26,980
(indicator clicking)
653
00:42:37,980 --> 00:42:40,771
(ominous music playing)
654
00:42:46,771 --> 00:42:47,730
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
655
00:42:47,813 --> 00:42:50,312
(friend speaking)
656
00:43:36,771 --> 00:43:39,021
♪ ♪
657
00:44:04,813 --> 00:44:07,563
Vicente:
I'm like, "What the fuck
is going on here?"
658
00:44:08,187 --> 00:44:09,479
There's something wrong.
659
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:13,104
Keith is amazing,
but something is fucked up.
660
00:44:26,980 --> 00:44:27,938
Raniere: Mm!
661
00:44:28,021 --> 00:44:29,604
(Vicente speaking)
662
00:44:36,438 --> 00:44:37,521
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
663
00:44:37,604 --> 00:44:39,980
(Raniere speaking)
664
00:44:40,062 --> 00:44:41,312
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
665
00:44:41,396 --> 00:44:43,271
(Raniere speaking)
666
00:44:46,771 --> 00:44:49,187
-Vicente: Mm-hmm.
-(Raniere speaking)
667
00:44:49,271 --> 00:44:51,479
-Vicente: Mm-hmm.
-(Raniere speaking)
668
00:44:51,563 --> 00:44:52,646
Vicente: Mm-hmm.
669
00:45:08,104 --> 00:45:09,479
Vicente: Yep.
670
00:45:10,771 --> 00:45:12,312
Vicente: Yep.
671
00:45:18,688 --> 00:45:20,229
Vicente:
It was very hard,
672
00:45:20,312 --> 00:45:23,229
because you're going
up against the leader.
673
00:45:23,312 --> 00:45:26,646
And in this case,
a leader who had spent
12 years
674
00:45:26,730 --> 00:45:29,855
working his way into my psyche.
675
00:45:32,646 --> 00:45:33,813
(laughing)
676
00:45:44,146 --> 00:45:46,146
♪ ♪
677
00:46:16,438 --> 00:46:18,730
(shoes squeaking, ball bouncing)
678
00:46:24,187 --> 00:46:25,521
Yep.
679
00:46:25,604 --> 00:46:27,855
-Boom. There you go. Yeah.
-Oh, yeah. That felt good.
680
00:46:28,688 --> 00:46:29,813
Right.
681
00:46:55,396 --> 00:46:56,563
Vicente: Um...
682
00:47:06,688 --> 00:47:09,229
Edmondson: Yes, yeah.
683
00:47:32,521 --> 00:47:33,521
Edmondson: I-- I--
684
00:47:33,604 --> 00:47:35,312
(Vicente speaking)
685
00:47:39,604 --> 00:47:42,062
Vicente:
You feel like
you're going crazy.
686
00:47:42,146 --> 00:47:44,813
He got my best friend
to basically spy on me.
687
00:47:45,980 --> 00:47:48,354
Every single thing that
I was suspecting him of,
688
00:47:48,438 --> 00:47:50,146
I kept on explaining it away,
689
00:47:50,229 --> 00:47:52,062
like, maybe there's
a good reason.
690
00:47:52,146 --> 00:47:53,688
That day I allowed myself
691
00:47:53,771 --> 00:47:55,938
to like question,
what if there's not?
692
00:47:56,521 --> 00:47:58,187
(line ringing)
693
00:48:02,146 --> 00:48:05,354
-Raniere: Uh-huh.
-(Vicente speaking)
694
00:48:07,312 --> 00:48:08,646
Raniere:
Okay.
695
00:48:10,312 --> 00:48:12,980
(Vicente speaking)
696
00:48:13,896 --> 00:48:15,646
Raniere: Mm-hmm.
697
00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:18,146
Raniere:
Uh-huh.
698
00:48:19,312 --> 00:48:20,563
Vicente:
Mm-hmm.
699
00:48:20,646 --> 00:48:23,271
(Raniere speaking)
700
00:50:19,104 --> 00:50:21,104
♪ ♪
701
00:50:22,813 --> 00:50:24,604
Vicente:
He's lying to me.
702
00:50:27,896 --> 00:50:32,354
♪ ♪
703
00:50:32,438 --> 00:50:34,479
Twelve years of spending
time with him,
704
00:50:34,563 --> 00:50:37,896
thinking that every
single thing that
comes out of his mouth
705
00:50:37,980 --> 00:50:39,938
is honest.
706
00:50:44,396 --> 00:50:47,396
♪ ♪
707
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:49,438
Wait, okay, so that's a lie.
708
00:50:50,354 --> 00:50:52,604
What if it's not the only one?
709
00:50:53,563 --> 00:50:57,479
It was like there was
a crack in the dam.
710
00:50:57,563 --> 00:50:59,187
(high-pitched tone)
711
00:51:01,312 --> 00:51:03,646
You collapse in a puddle...
712
00:51:04,646 --> 00:51:06,646
of, of horror and shock.
713
00:51:07,771 --> 00:51:09,813
That's waking up.
714
00:51:09,896 --> 00:51:12,229
It's a very, very deep
and disturbing
715
00:51:12,312 --> 00:51:14,021
dark night of the soul.
716
00:51:14,104 --> 00:51:16,271
(crickets chirping)
717
00:51:18,521 --> 00:51:20,271
Piesse:
We went for a hike,
718
00:51:20,354 --> 00:51:22,062
and he said to me,
"My eyes are open,
719
00:51:22,146 --> 00:51:25,146
and I want you to know
that I am loyal to you
above them."
720
00:51:26,646 --> 00:51:29,438
And for the first time,
he started asking me questions
721
00:51:29,521 --> 00:51:31,229
about what I thought.
(sniffles)
722
00:51:36,187 --> 00:51:37,730
Vicente (on voicemail):
Hello, this is Mark.
723
00:51:37,813 --> 00:51:39,813
Please leave a message
after the beep.
724
00:51:39,896 --> 00:51:41,021
(phone beeps)
725
00:52:11,062 --> 00:52:12,688
Vicente:
"Dear Keith, Nancy,
726
00:52:12,771 --> 00:52:14,479
"and members
of the executive board,
727
00:52:14,563 --> 00:52:17,604
"as I've expressed
in many different ways
over the last years,
728
00:52:17,688 --> 00:52:18,980
"I've had strong aspirations
729
00:52:19,062 --> 00:52:21,855
"to return my focus
and effort to my career.
730
00:52:22,896 --> 00:52:25,438
"As such, I am resigning
from ESP.
731
00:52:26,187 --> 00:52:27,312
"With respect to the centers,
732
00:52:27,396 --> 00:52:29,646
"I will be discussing
my transition with Sarah,
733
00:52:29,730 --> 00:52:31,813
"and I will apprise the Greens
of which coaches
734
00:52:31,896 --> 00:52:33,146
need to be transferred."
735
00:52:33,229 --> 00:52:34,730
(indistinct chatter)
736
00:52:34,813 --> 00:52:37,688
It was the point of no return.
737
00:52:37,771 --> 00:52:40,271
And I now understand
I have to tell Sarah.
738
00:52:47,354 --> 00:52:48,688
Edmondson:
Mm-hmm.
739
00:52:48,771 --> 00:52:51,771
(Vicente speaking)
740
00:54:21,187 --> 00:54:24,312
(indistinct chatter
in background
on Edmondson's line)
741
00:54:25,855 --> 00:54:27,896
(voices fade)
742
00:54:50,855 --> 00:54:52,396
(recorder beeps off)
743
00:54:52,479 --> 00:54:54,229
Vicente:
When we switched
off the recording,
744
00:54:54,312 --> 00:54:57,896
Sarah tells me that
she is in this thing,
745
00:54:57,980 --> 00:55:00,938
that it's called DOS,
and then she tells me,
746
00:55:01,021 --> 00:55:02,813
um, "They branded me as well."
747
00:55:02,896 --> 00:55:04,688
And I remember going,
something like, "What?
748
00:55:04,771 --> 00:55:06,604
They b-- They did what?"
749
00:55:07,229 --> 00:55:08,438
(phone bloops)
750
00:55:10,146 --> 00:55:12,271
What the fuck?
751
00:55:20,438 --> 00:55:23,563
(ominous music playing)
752
00:55:26,021 --> 00:55:30,813
(music intensifies)
753
00:55:30,896 --> 00:55:32,896
("Hit Me Where It Hurts"
by Caroline Polachek playing)
754
00:55:32,980 --> 00:55:35,062
♪ I'm feeling like a butterfly
trapped inside a plane ♪
755
00:55:35,146 --> 00:55:38,021
♪ Maybe there's something
going on ♪
756
00:55:38,104 --> 00:55:39,521
♪ I'm not insane ♪
757
00:55:39,604 --> 00:55:41,938
♪ If I'm already out of time ♪
758
00:55:42,021 --> 00:55:43,438
♪ Then make it worse ♪
759
00:55:43,521 --> 00:55:45,855
♪ Go on and hit me
in the heart ♪
760
00:55:45,938 --> 00:55:47,771
♪ Hit me where it hurts ♪
761
00:55:47,855 --> 00:55:49,396
♪ Go on and hit me
in the ♪
762
00:55:49,479 --> 00:55:53,312
♪ Bullseye, dead end,
moving target ♪
763
00:55:53,396 --> 00:55:57,604
♪ Carousel, carousel,
Baggage, claim it ♪
764
00:55:57,688 --> 00:56:01,688
♪ Promise one day
you will hate me ♪
765
00:56:01,771 --> 00:56:03,855
♪ But right now
just ride it out ♪
766
00:56:03,938 --> 00:56:05,855
♪ Ride it out, ride it out ♪
767
00:56:05,938 --> 00:56:09,771
♪ Magic carpet,
over London ♪
768
00:56:09,855 --> 00:56:12,104
♪ Through the ceiling ♪
769
00:56:12,187 --> 00:56:14,062
♪ Watch you dreaming ♪
770
00:56:14,146 --> 00:56:17,980
♪ Promise one day
you will hate me ♪
771
00:56:18,062 --> 00:56:20,688
♪ But right now just
ride it out, ride it out ♪
772
00:56:20,771 --> 00:56:24,521
♪ I'm feeling like a butterfly
trapped inside a plane ♪
773
00:56:24,604 --> 00:56:27,062
♪ Maybe there's
something going on ♪
774
00:56:27,146 --> 00:56:28,771
♪ I'm not insane ♪
775
00:56:28,855 --> 00:56:31,312
♪ If I'm already out of time ♪
776
00:56:31,396 --> 00:56:32,813
♪ Then make it worse ♪
777
00:56:32,896 --> 00:56:34,980
♪ Go on and hit me
in the heart ♪
778
00:56:35,062 --> 00:56:36,896
♪ Hit me where it hurts ♪
779
00:56:36,980 --> 00:56:38,563
♪ Go on and hit me
in the ♪
780
00:56:38,646 --> 00:56:40,855
♪ Blind spot,
Achilles heel... ♪
58322
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