Original subtitles

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During W.W.II came a dark period in Northern china

And some strange and humorous incidents took place

This film is based on those funny occurrences

All the characters herein are fictional...

and resemblance to anyone is purely coincidental

You treated me very unjustly then...!

You were so unfair to me...!

Oh, sorry!

You wronged me that time

Mr. Cao

Well? Want me to rub your back?

Nope. I'm giving my voice a tune-up, see!

You wronged me that time...!

Hey, who has wronged you?

Let's hear about it.

What's it to you?

You take your bath and I'll sing my song

Mind your own business

Honestly!

That was like asking for trouble

What a guy!

You didn't treat me well...

Phew! You son of a...

Xiao cao

coming

Mr. Luo

I thought you weren't coming

What about the thing I asked you for?

It's right here

10 Gold pills, made in India

Will they be useless like last time?

Money isn't an issue.

Losing face in front of girls is a problem

compensate you 10 times if it fails

But after taking this pill,

it won't have immediate effect

It'll be effective after 3 hours.

Would've to wait three hours?

Say, driving to Hong's place from here,

will just take 15 minutes.

Have one at 3 o'clock

After that,

have a leisurely bath for 2 hours

Leave here at 5 o'clock

Approximately... 15 minutes to get there.

When you meet Ms. Hong,

start with some sweet-talk first

and set up the mood.

At 6 o'clock...

What then?

At 6 you'll turn into a tough guy

A tough guy?

Yep, tough and hard

She'll definitely fall for you,

and worship you as a hero

An acclaimed hero

How long does it last?

Half an hour

Just for half an hour?

Better than getting it hard for just a second

How much did you say it cost?

10 grand each; 100,000 for all

Pardon? 100,000 dollars!

How come it's so expensive?

There're many who want it if you don't

A face-wash costs 2 grand these days

100,000 isn't a great deal, considering!

Do you want it?

All right, a hundred grand it is then

Great, I'm taking them here

An acclaimed hero!

Mas... master!

Mr. Han of the opposite shop...

he... he passed out in the pool

Go take a look

Does it matter?

You know, one can't judge a person...

from looks alone

From appearance he might look strong...

sort of the womanizing type.

But his physical state...

could be weak and fragile.

I hear he's taken an aphrodisiac

Right, to keep the pistol upright

The pistol does, but he collapsed!

That was so unfair of you...

So is this it?

What? What're you talking about?

Never look down upon it

It helps the weak and stiffens the soft

Hard like hell!

You're welcome to try it before paying

If it doesn't work, no need to pay

It's 3 o'clock now

Both of you...

Not allowed for adult woman

Men and women can't use the same pool

children are allowed, but not adults?

Why isn't it for adults?

Two Japanese girls want to bathe here

They don't follow what the master says

They think they're in Japan.

Men and women bathing in same pool

You... do not mind

I... do mind it

You... do mind

I... do not mind

What's going on?

Why didn't you stop them?

They... themselves did it

It's... it's nothing to do with me

Don't squeeze!

No need to squeeze!

There's nothing to watch

Isn't it the same?

For men... allowed

For women, not allowed

Not allowed

I give many many money

Goodbye

Aunt...

come on, don't make a spectacle!

Chinese call the Japanese "little Jap."

The Japanese think they're great

Little or great, it's evident today

Little or great Japanese...

china and Japan are brother nations

Same language, origin and bath...

It's no big deal

Everybody, please...

Waiter, check please

Yes

Thanks

Over here

coming

Mister...

Where to?

Zhuantai Alley

That'll be 8,000

What? 8,000 for Zhuantai Alley!

Honestly, it'd just be 10 minutes on foot

Sir, I'll settle for 7,000.

7,000?!

Get in...

Hey, why do you monkey around?

I say 8,000 and you ask 7,000

Trying to snatch customers, huh?

Bastard, don't you know the rules?

I walk my own way,

and you go on yours.

It's none of your business

Okay, it doesn't matter

Sir, please get on, 6,000 only

come on... 6,000

Great kid!

Sir, take mine

5,000 here, come on...

Now it's a matter of face, not money

4,500, mister

T ake mine, for only 4,500

What're you doing?

Settle on 4,500 and I'll take you

You're shameless!

Damn it, I need to make a living

It's called Japanese eating Gaoliang rice

There's nothing I can do

Only you need to make a living, eh!

Okay, it doesn't matter

Sir, 3,500

Get in

Mister

Two thousand

Okay, mister. Free of charge

What? Free?

You'd give me a ride for free?

You're a filthy rich fellow!

Are you trying to mess with me?

It doesn't matter, young man

Sir, you please take mine

I'll give you 500

You'll GIVE him?! What the...

Sir, come on

Sir, over here

Shit! I've never taken a cab...

and been paid by the driver

You take me for a fool, don't ya?

Forget it

Sir...

- Please! - Please!

Sir, what is it? Stomachache?

Zhuantai Alley... quickly

- Who is it? - It's me

Xiao Ren

Xiao Hong

Xiao Hong, come on...

What the heck!

What the heck!

No...!

Come on

No way

What's wrong?

It's half past six

What is it?

What's the matter?

It's something to do with you

About sending you to heaven

Damn you, bullshit!

You've had the drug,

what'd it have to do with me?

Send you to heaven

Oh really!

You ever seen a bandit being executed?

Bandit's execution?!

The Blade-T eam escorts the bandit in red...

to the bridge

The bandit loudly shouting and singing

What was he shouting?

What was he yelling about?

20 odd years later, I'll be dauntless

He's shot 3 times, but yet stood erect

What's it got to do with you?

A great deal

After 3 hours, I um...

I'll be a tough guy

My pistol standing erect

You've had an aphro...

Aphro... it has a miraculous bounce

Oh, you're bad

Xiao Ren

Let me tell you...

You know, later I'm gonna...

give you a "hard" time

How will I be dealt with?

Which heaven would I be sent to?

I'll send you to 7th heaven,

and your mind soaring to 9th

Screaming and moaning...

And then again deliver you to 33rd heaven

Jeez, 33rd heaven?

The Paradise!

Fat... salty... chicken...

Xiao Ren...

My Xiao Ren...

My great little sweetheart

The chicken today is so small

It's quite big

What a bluff!

Come along

You seem so desperate

The door

My God!

Help!

What's the matter?

Is it an Indian?

An African?

It's... a chinese

chin... chinese!

What're you doing?

Jingcha...

Police (jingcha)?

Of which region?

Not police. It's Jingcha

Which means Beijing tea leaves, scented

A Tea dealer! Should've said earlier

What's your name?

Ji Letian

Which Ji?

Is it "Zi"?

No

It's Ren Letian

Ren Letian, is it?

President of the dealers association

President?

The chief superintendent is here

Salute.

Salute

Fall out

So it's this one?

What's the trouble?

Reason of death is still unknown

Still unknown?

You are... what's your name?

I'm Xiao Hong

So your surname is Hong, is it?

No

Hong is my screen name for the opera

My surname is "Ma"

And your first name?

It's Ma... Xingfeng.

Ma Shengfeng?

Oh, no...

It's Ma Xingfeng

Xing, which means apricot

Feng, which means phoenix

Phoenix?

Shouldn't it be "Wind"?

No, it's Phoenix

The opera "King T easing The Phoenix"

The King T easing the Phoenix, eh?

T easing the Phoenix...

He's Ren Letian, the president

A close friend of Yamada

We had better cover it up

Has his family been notified?

Not yet

You may go out. I need to speak to her

Yes

c'mon leave. All of you

Go on... hurry up

Now about this incident...

If I go about it with normal procedure,

the impact on his reputation...

wouldn't be that substantial;

But to yours...

it'll mean a great deal.

From now on, you...

I didn't do anything wrong.

T ch cry, how'd that help?

Have a little less fun when enjoying,

you wouldn't meet such trouble; right?

Please do help me out

I'll give a few hundred thousand for the chief

What's this you're doing?

What do you mean by it?

It isn't just for you

It's for all you guys to share

those who'd help me out

T ake care of...

you mean only for a few hundred thousand?

T o help out just for a few...

Then how about...

One...

A million

One million? Are you trying to negotiate?

A mill... The headlines would still say,

he died of a stroke while having sex

You think a million is a big among?

How about two then

Two million...

Um for two, the headline would read...

Died of only a stroke, alright?

Had a stroke here! That isn't good too

A stroke doesn't sound good

In that case, how about "a cold", okay?

I mean, a simple cold can't kill a fella

Won't a cold kill a man?

Um, then...

We will say, he was a rebel

A rebel?

He was a spy sent by the enemy

You'll be dubbed as our comrade

Let's say, for the peace of Great East Asia,

he was assassinated.

He's with War of resistance against Japan

And you...

You'd be a patriotic hero

I'll be, a hero of peace and treaty

Ladies and gentlemen,

We have today, a triple cause for joy

First, the opening of Public hospital

What'll be its objectives?

T o sacrifice for the public

T o plan for well-being of people

It'll all be scientific

Everything for the common man

A blend of Western and oriental medicine

A breakthrough of ideas and classes

We also hope that...

the hospital will always be of service,

and prosper and flourish

Our second cause of happiness is that...

An epidemic prevention station...

will start today in region 4

Fellow citizens may avail of...

the FREE prevention vaccine

There'll be no charge whatsoever

Every household has to pay quarterly,

just ten thousand as fee

That's the second celebration

And what's the third?

A check-point for prostitutes will open

As regards that facility;

T o you, gentlemen...

may not mean anything directly

But there're indirect advantages

Isn't that right?

For gentlemen, they may have fun...

in spare time at ease

Right?

And ladies... no fear of

being infected with sexual diseases

Who'll be in charge of this?

It's the wife of Master Wang here...

Ms. Mai Yixiang

I present here the chief doctor,

Mr. Cai Youkang

We've the honour of inviting,

the police Superintendent to join us

We hope he'd tell us about...

how the revolutionary Ren Luotian...

was caught.

Regarding,

how we nabbed the rebel...

I...

will state it in three points

The 1 st point is very simple

We confirmed him without evidence

Without evi...? What does that mean?

No, no... not without evidence

He was...

identified at first glance

We recognised him to be a revolutionary

It was unusually simple

Nothing special to speak about

The second point?

Extraordinarily complicated

The background of Ren...

The way he communicated with enemies,

teamed up with his gangs to stir-up...

turmoil in the Great East Asia region;

It's a complicated issue

As the saying goes;

It's a long story to explain,

how a child lost his mother!

In other words...

a lengthy and boring account

Unusually complicated, I'd say!

I can't justify it in short time

Right?

The 3rd point...

it concerns military secrets

And can't be disclosed in public

Am I right?

So these 3 points give the reasons for...

the death of revolutionary Ren

Hope everyone would have understood

I'd like to end my speech herewith.

The party now begins

Sir...

Is it Xiao Hong?

Xiao Hong

This is the Head Nurse

Miss Fong

This is the chief Superintendent

Hello

It's a pleasure

I mistook you for someone else

What branch do you specialise in?

Venereal or Sexual Disease (SD)

Sex Diseases?

It's a disease of great men

You're really somethin'!

Common people always deny being sick

Or else, how'd I call you a hero?

One ought to go for a cure when sick

Have a 606 and you'll be alright

Like the attendant of a shop,

or secondary school students;

They become sick and then hide it

Discreetly go to see some lousy doctor,

or even buy an unknown medicine.

You know those ad.'s posted on toilet walls

That's only bound to make it worse

Very correct

Especially people like me who,

need to go about business and socialize

I mean, spotting and nabbing spies

Isn't it?

We've to visit...

night spots like this...

Have some injections and go there again

After leaving, discover the problem

We've come again for the injection

I've been to more than 20 different hospitals

Speaking of injections...

Ms. Fong is a specialist in the field

It feels comfortable

Very comfortable indeed!

Since it's like this...

let's have a monthly package here.

Monthly package?

Better to have injection 1 after another

Okay... let's fix it month-wise

It's because of Ms. Fong.

I'd like a monthly package too

T omorrow the main check for prostitutes

Better if you come a little earlier

Ah Wang...

So you registered too, eh?

Didn't you hear the chief took 606, syphilis

How does that concern you?

Of course not much

However his wife...

What, you've an affair going with her?

Oh shit!

What is it?

If the chief is infected,

his wife would have it too!

And if his wife is infected,

so will you be.

If I've the disease,

then you'll have it too

Your wife is infected

If your wife is infected,

then I...

How terrible!

What's so terrible about it?

Ask her to have a shot then

It's got nothing to do with your wife

Hey, it's me I'm concerned about!

What? My wife has an affair with you?

No... it's too complicated!

I'll have to go for an injection too

No. 18, Xiao Jinbao

No. 19, Green Jade

No. 20, Big Jade

You see it clearly?

Yeah sure

You've 40% and Ah Wang 60.

I don't have any advantage from it

Whatever I have is yours.

You'd have told me about your infection

Ah Wang had a shot last night

Ask him to have a monthly deal

What do you think?

This one? No way!

She can't be compared to you

No. 45, Xiao Fong

Where's the chief?

He's inside

No. 46, Soft jade

This one... no good

Slowly, be careful...

Madam was really lucky last night

She always won

Really? That's terrific!

Madam, please follow me

Wait a moment

I'm telling you

The little Japs. Will lose the war.

How come?

Why?

Don't you see?

The flag of Sino-Jap. Manchuria

Red, yellow, blue, white and black here

It has five colours

Over there red, blue, white, black, yellow

Also five colours

A 1 in between these two five colors

It's "Yan-hou"

Why?

Do you play mahjong?

Yan-hou

Have a seat

Madam, the deluxe rooms upstairs...

are fully booked

This one is luxurious. Please take it

These two are better than deluxe

One wouldn't need to go up and down

Isn't that right, ma'am?

Yes

Look, it's more like a doctor now

You said this patient doesn't feel good

What's wrong?

I'll tell you

You see... doctors at Xiehe Hospital...

aren't humans

How did you conclude that?

That bunch of fools...

How long have you stayed?

Two days and almost got killed!

Thank God you stayed just for 2 days

What were you there for?

You'd better not ask

I really feel annoyed!

You know? I had pain in the chest

It's stomach trouble

True, gastric problem

You can tell right away, huh!

Guess what they did to me

What?

They... didn't give me anything to eat

What? Didn't give you any food!

No food for stomach illness

Such morons!

I mean, human beings are not metals

How can we survive without food?

Don't say I'm a patient

Even a normal person can't bear it

Besides, at your age...

What?

How old...

Still young, just 58

That's same as my mom

Even she has stomach pain at times

Madam, please stay here

Your illness is sure to be cured

You should rest properly to get well

Eat whatever you may wish to

When you're satisfied after eating,

you'll feel comfortable.

Your pain will ease off somewhat

Am I right? Madam...

Yes, Sir

I'd like somethin" hard to eat

They forced me to eat congee

The gruel and diluted soups...

really make me mad

Your teeth are good.

That's lucky, you may have some solids

Ah, wait till you hear this

I've to wait till meal time for food;

...even if I'm starving!

I mean, one's in a hospital,

not a bloody concentration camp!

Sometimes when I'm sleeping soundly,

They have a small tube...

poked into my mouth

They say it's to check... something...

What the heck!

Sometimes I need a bed pan

Guess what the nurse said

She asked me...

to wait till the doctor came,

and was done with the rounds.

Godammit!

There've been times when I wish to sit up

You know what they did!

Ordered me to lie down like this

So disgusting!

Sir, the operating room...

is ready to begin operation

Okay, I'll be there

What, you've nurses here too?

Yeah, but it's alright

Didn't you bring your maid along?

Ask them to be with you

Feels good to be amongst own kin

Excellent

Any place for someone to stay here?

You know, my cook...

could he like, move-in here?

Sure, why not?

You may eat whatever you like

There'll be no extra charge

For cook and amah living here,

it'd be... 100,000 dollars a day.

A hun... what? 100,000 dollars?!

What's that to you after all!

You're lucky, a good surname too

Fuyu, which means wealthy

True, but money isn't the criteria

Ah Wang, you go back,

and bring their luggage here.

Hold on a sec.

Get me two ducks as well

We should keep this

With cabbage, it'll be a nice soup

Without your order no one'd dare throw it

Hey wait

This... don't toss it off

Later... ask Xiao Liu to lit up the light

Madam, try it when it's hot

Doesn't taste so good when it's cold

Yeah

Hmm delicious!

Sir...

What is it?

The chief slinked off

Why'd he do that?

Owing to corruption

The zillions he had was dirty money

His only option was to flee

Oh, forget it

For now...

What do you intend to do?

You guys bunch up like some gang

Are you going to rebel?

Didn't you see this?

Wired

I hear he's filthy rich

How come he's still fine?

He said the money belongs to his wife.

What does his wife do?

How can she earn such a lot!

He said she was sort of a hooker

could it be true?

True is false... false becomes true

How can one decide?

Strange, there's always something new

The lady in room 13 needs an operation

Why?

Had too much to eat and choked

Hurry up

It'll be alright. Come on

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

1, 2, 3, 4

5, 6, 7

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Duck, pork, goose...

How's it going?

I'm short of pincers

Pincers?

Oh shit!

What now?

It's left inside her belly

What's the matter?

Is it over?

The operation...

It's finished... but...

I'd need to go through it again

What? Operate again, why?

I mean, it's no big deal

Just a small operation

A little... pair of pincers

is left in your body

A pair of pincers inside my body?!

Hey, open it up now

Honestly!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

can't you say somethin' else?

Something else, like what?

Like apple, banana, orange...

pear, chestnut, persimmon...

Like apple, banana, orange...

pear, chestnut, persimmon...

Like apple, banana, orange...

pear, chestnut, persimmon...

pear, chestnut, persimmon...

What happened?

The scissors...

What?

The scissors...

What's the matter, doc?

A pair of scissors...

What about scissors?

Damn, it's inside your body

What? Scissors in my stomach!

So you'll need an operation again

What? Operate again, incredible!

Shit! Open, open it right up

chief surgeon...

Yes?

I don't mind the operation

But when you're done,

don't close up my belly.

Why ever so?

The best would be to have my belly...

sewed up with a zipper!

Hitting the plates and I'm coming

The business is good in side streets

This gold and silver sign...

The "Happy-Go-Lucky" sign is on

The jerk hasn't come for days.

The manager made big money

I'm happy to see you earn a lot

I'll visit you.

1 st bow to the King, 2nd to officers

3rd to Manager's greatness

Manager, you're great like an ocean

Liu Bi had the West Sichuan

Xiao Liu, the water is ready

chang is Liu's guardian

He's huge and his horse big

His roar collapsed a bridge

Happy-go-Merry is a hair saloon

The manager is a shrewd businessman

The saloon is Luo Zhuliu

Hair dangling at the door

Master Luo is great

He got a good blade in July,

at the Louyang Bridge.

Rocks at the bridge can sharpen a blade

3 above and 3 from below.

And three from in between.

T o sharpen with the rough one.

The Blade was sharpened brightly

Men cut hair in the front, women at back

Monks and Taoists cut on both sides.

National gov't. Founded after ching.

General Yuan occupied Beijing.

Yuan was bold.

He asked the people to cut the hair.

Cut the hair short.

The hair was plastered with pomade.

Xiao Liu, pour some water.

And it sure looked great!

But one couldn't hurl a bomb with it.

The merchant gets hoarded stuff for cheap

Even a 100 dollar means nothing now

Inflation is rising everyday

The prices going higher and higher.

No one wants the 100-dollar bills.

You save it to boil the water.

Hell!

Happy Go Merry, A moment of happiness

The Manager makes a cut by mistake.

Son-of-a...

Your mouth and eyes are out of shape

like a rabbit of Mid-fall festival.

Master, we've run out of soap.

Go and buy some.

100 dollars? What can one buy with it?

Get it on credit

I want soap.

The price has gone up

The price has gone up again?

Increased again by 20%% .

With the money you buy things today,

becomes less valuable tomorrow.

What a time!

It's tough doing business!

The price has gone up by 20%% . Shit!

20%% again? What the hell!

Screw it! Have to pluck chicken feathers

No. I mean business is hard to do.

Up by 20%% . It's now 2,400 dollars.

What? 2,400.

Wait a sec.

Am I charged old or new price?

Of course the new price.

Mister, who's rising these prices,

Who's that asshole?

The burden shifts back to the customer.

Xiao Liu...

Xiao Liu, the madam is back.

Help her take the stuff

Xiao Liu...

coming.

Shit! Price of flour rises by 30%%

Price of rice up by 25%% .

Even the price of water soars by 20%%% .

20%% % again?

Right.

T errible! 20%% % more again. Now 2,800.

Oh, forget it...

Mister, what happened?

I'm leaving. If it goes on like this...

even a shave will cost 10,000 dollars

Here're 2,500. Keep the change.

Lord San...

Xiao Hong...

What's up? Haven't seen you in a while.

Have you got a new lover or what?

Hong, I've been busy lately.

I'll see you when I'm free.

So long

Asshole!

Could I use your phone please?

Go ahead.

Hello, it's Eastern Region 606.

Can I speak to Mr. Wang?

Wang, you've no conscience at all

Why didn't you come? Are you dead?

Who's it?

So you don't even remember me, huh!

Well, guess who then.

Jinbao? Phew, I'm Yinbao.

I'm your grandma.

Oh, come on!

I reckon even your ancestors would remember me

If you don't come, I'll go to your house

I wouldn't dare?

I'm a piece of shit if I dare not.

Damn!

Oh puh-leaze...

You sly son of a bitch!

You'd have died already.

The earlier the better.

Bastard

I'll wait for you tomorrow. Be there

Shit!

See you

See you

Manager, thanks.

Come 'n use the phone tomorrow too

Screw it!

Damn

Goodbye

Hey, are you coming or not?

Well, you go ahead, I won't be long

You're a gentleman.

You've my word

Little Fu...

I'm going to Lehua Bath.

I'm having trouble with my waist and feet

could be a bit long, don't wait up

Okay

chamber pot...

Master, this stuff

it's not proper to put it here.

Please put it somewhere else.

Let me tell you

If the boss' wife sees it,

she'll create a havoc

She's notorious for her temper.

Especially good at bullying honest people.

Trampling the poor and pitiful.

She only does evil things. What a witch!

Fly... fly to the garden.

Hold it!

You said I'm a witch.

Say, what makes me a witch?

Screw you! Did I harm you?

She's really a witch.

Well, dare to call me a witch, eh!

Some guts you have!

How dare you bully me around?

What are you doing?

What are you shouting at?

Why are you shouting?

Look at your students...

How are they?

The students of other people

are always smart and hard-working.

Your students...

are only jerks.

What's really the matter?

The business is ruined.

Peace is fortune.

No wonder, people call you a witch

Even you say the same

Ain't surprised people say I'm a witch

What makes me look like a witch?

Look at yourself. You're a witch now.

You're an asshole.

- Witch - Asshole

You're a witch.

You're an asshole.

T ake a mirror and look at yourself.

See if you look like a witch.

T ake a mirror and look at yourself.

See if you look like an asshole.

- Witch - Asshole!

Mister, be a judge for this matter.

Since I've married this bastard,

I'm leading a poor life.

He runs such a tiny hair shop.

The business is always bad.

It can't even fetch us a living

How can I bear this kind of life?

Mister...

Don't just listen to her words, okay

Listen to what I've to say...

She shouts and screams without reason

She's really a... bitch.

Really a bitch.

Always being unreasonable.

Yes, that's what she is

Absolutely a bitch.

People always have a fair judgment.

You listen what this man will say.

I don't care...

Okay...

come on. You're a couple after all.

It's not proper to fight like this.

If you go on in this way,

I've to give you big and small lessons.

No one can avoid it.

No more fighting.

Jeez, it's you!

I'm confused

I'm stuck in the middle.

Who the hell are you?

Who are you after all?

I um... trying to calm you down.

Calm us down. I ask you...

For whom are we fighting?

How would I know?

For you! You bloody kid in the middle,

trying to teach your master, huh!

Not gonna spare you

Okay... you want to run?

Catch him.

Well, don't return if you've guts

You're not allowed to come back here.

I'll get lost if you say so

Hey, you're becoming more serious.

If you ask me to stay, I won't go.

Ask you to stay? So formal!

If you enter this door again,

I'll break your legs.

What's it? Manager...

Nothin'... just an advice for my student

Want a hair cut?

No, a shave.

Have a seat

A smoke?

No, thanks. Have you got The Daily?

Only the Daily Journal.

Mister, you look familiar!

I live near the Sixi House

I'm quite a regular at HuaLe Bath.

I see.

Bastard

You see, we're just...

yelling at my apprentice

Be a bit quick

Have you got to go somewhere?

Don't worry. It'll be fast and neat

Agreed, it's a small place,

but the service here is efficient

I used to work at White Rose

The one in Eastern Market.

Yes, the biggest around

Must be good at your skill then

Drop in to have a chat if you're free

Xiao Liu, get the water ready.

I dare not.

Why?

He said he'll break my legs

Bullshit! Who said so?

Come and pour water for me.

Come on. Speak up...

You've been here for over an year.

You've learnt nothing.

Why don't you practice hard?

Who doesn't want to?

I get up every morning at 5...

to wash food, make fire...

for the breakfast

Wash clothes in the afternoon.

What clothes?

Master's clothes

How about in the evening then?

I practice till 3 or 4 a. M

And then I need to rise at 5 a. M

I just sleep for an hour.

Do you take me to be a bug?

You're here to learn a trade,

not to enjoy yourself.

It's not easy to learn...

specially this kind of business.

What is it?

Look

Standing, requires its own pose

T o stop, also a unique style

Like a bow... hold your breath

Two hands make a circle

come on, let's see you try

A distinct pose to stand and to stop

Say, standing like Guan Yu

What? Guan Yu!

Yours is a friggin' Zhang Fei pose

Bow stance

In bow form, thrust out your teeth

Teeth? How do you expect me to do that?

Hold your breath

Breath held, hands in a circle...

Really stupid

Okay... let me ask you...

Say, if we're busy today,

and we only have one seat,

what would you do?

I've an idea

What is it?

Check this out

Sorry, it's full; Please come early tomorrow

What? You bastard!

How could you say it's full?

You've to request the customer to come in

Ask them to sit, offer a smoke and a book

They'll then feel embarrassed...

even if they wish to leave.

This is how business has to be conducted

I understand, master

So, when'll the customer come?

How can I know?

Let's give it a go...

Say for example you're a customer...

Please come in

What? What happened?

I thought you were gonna hit

What rubbish! No one'd hit a customer

Once again

Sir, one person?

No, six more. They'll be soon here

Please be seated

A smoke?

Sir, you look familiar!

Of course, we're family

What? Which family?

In this way keep the chat going

Keep it going?!

Sir, do you keep very busy?

Yep, I get up at 5 in the morning,

work till midnight and get scolded

What? Who asked you this?

Sir, it's been a hot day

What's that?

I've a little cold

Are you trying to mess with me?

I do have a cold

A cold, my foot!

Sir, have you had your meals?

I don't get to have a proper meal

All I have is just the leftovers

You're trying to make trouble?

Bird's nest, shark fin, fried rice

Sir, do you live nearby?

No, I live in Tianjin.

Tianjin?

I have indeed come a long way

I heard you're quite deft at your skill

Thank you. Have you been here before?

No, it's my first time

Then, someone must have told you abut us

Oh yes... Mr. Wang

You mean the fatso?

He's thin

A little tall?

Shorty

Go to hell!

What are you doing?

This is how it's done.

To shake like this means to check

The hair are all over the place

The customer will see,

it's a small, but tidy place

Hold on to the conversation

Sir, please don't mind that my shop is small

You see, I used to work at a big shop

Which one?

At the White Rose.

Oh, the White Rose?!

You... couldn't be sayin'...

Bragging doesn't mean a thing. Skill counts

That's how we maintain clientele

For example, massaging the back,

there are some personal trade secrets

Look at the mirror while working

Not your lookout, it's mine

Watch the customer's reaction...

to check if he's in right position

If required, press a little more

Skip it, if it's okay

If it makes them feel good,

they'll feel satisfied.

If they feel good and satisfied,

satisfied and pleased,

then no one can compete...

with our shop

You've dozed off!

Damn it, you fall asleep

And all you do is fall asleep

c'mon, get up...

I'll come in as the customer now

You try

Sir, one person?

Yes

There's a chair here, please sit

Would you like a smoke?

What's this you're doing?

I'm offering you a smoke

Oh! Put it in my hand

What's this?

Sir, a smoke?

I say, you do look quite familiar

I live nearby

No wonder!

Sir, newspaper?

Take it like this

How about a shave?

Sir, it's been hot these past 2 days

True, quite hot and damp

Hot like hell I'd say

What're you doing?

Why'd you want to unbutton the clothes?

I'm here for a haircut, not a bath

Sir, take no notice of the small place here

Earlier I used to work at a big shop

Which one do you mean?

My master used to work at... White Rose

And yourself?

I am chardonnay

What, you're drinking?

You've been learning for over a year

come on, give me a shave

Really?

Bullshit

Damn

Xiao Liu...

cigarette...

Uncle, I want to use the phone to call a doctor

Who's not feeling well?

The Manager

He's been sick after coming back from the bath

It really seems serious

Hello...

Master...

Shave only?

No haircut

Shave off the eye-brows?

Not the eye-brows!

You ought to have told me earlier

I... have already done one side

Doctor, you...

can't help, had a stroke while having sex

I mean, at this age...

One way it's good. T o die happily

Uncle, look

What're you saying?

He was fine in the morning!

This...

Please don't panic

Quickly inform his family

I've already sent a telegram

can't say though when they would be here

Uncle, look

Alone at night, I feel so scared!

Please help, will you?

I request people to come and play mahjong

T o keep you company

Mr. Hua of HuaLe Bath,

Mr. Liu of Happy-Go-Merry...

I... I cannot

We need one more person. Please...

What's the matter?

Need 1 more person to play mahjong

T o watch over Mr. Han, ask me...

No way

We need one more here, let him go

We need one more here as well

Xiao Liu

Xiao Liu

Washing it again and again

My boss' socks really stink!

The socks of his wife stink too

Xiao Liu...

Xiao Liu, go and play mahjong with them

I'll compensate if you lose

If you win 20

do I get 80%% %?

Forget it! You get 20%% %

What do we do about the clothes?

Wash them tomorrow

I get... the point

Hard noodles... fancy cakes

Hard noodles... fancy cakes

Xiao Liu, your turn

3 of a kind...

Way to go, bravo!

Why not draw?

You have claimed!

You must do it

You've claimed 3 of a kind. You must do it

You've claimed 3 of a kind. You must do it

come on

Okay

3 of a kind. 9 is already seen...

I did warn you in advance

Don't you believe?

Come on, pull one

How can when you haven't?

Who says I didn't?

What was it?

I've drawn 9 T ong

We did that before

I was the one who hit on Fa cai

I did it, not you

Now it's your turn to draw

Draw

I'll draw... yes

Be quick. C'mon draw

You know, it takes a year to finish 4 rounds

Draw!

What is it?

T ong of 7

8 T ong

Yes, 3 of the same

You've got to show it

How about it?

I can't

So why're you shouting? 5 bamboo

9 T ong

Win the game

Nope

Well, then get one

Okay

Draw

6 T ong

7 T ong

7 T ong...

What about 7 T ong?

You want it!

No, I can't

You don't want to win?

No, I don't

You don't win, I do

Fat... salty... chicken...

How come there's one missing?

5 Wan

3 of a kind...

3 of 5 Wan

come on, Draw. Hurry up

7 Wan...

7 Wan?

Right. It's 7 Wan

Easy, everybody; I've got to hit the John

I'm going for a piss

T o relieve myself, to take a leak

Holy...!

Help, please help...

Ooh, you are killin' me...!

Auntie, let's die together

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