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1
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,960
Audiovisual events coordinator.
Yeah. For weddings.
2
00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:13,605
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
3
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:17,125
Fuck off! I'm trying to win an
election.
4
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,120
What? I thought you'd like it.
I like it. Whatever.
5
00:00:20,155 --> 00:00:21,817
Dad! Stuart!
6
00:00:21,852 --> 00:00:23,480
This is Igor.
7
00:00:23,515 --> 00:00:25,165
Yeah.
8
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,480
Have you ever heard of something
called a Ponzi scheme?
9
00:00:28,515 --> 00:00:30,765
Yeah.
I've done a Ponzi scheme.
10
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,520
You're gonna end up back in prison.
I'll go and put her down.
11
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:36,040
She thinks I'm no fun.
I made shitty beef. Bollocks!
12
00:00:36,075 --> 00:00:37,605
Charlie's bleeding me dry.
13
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,565
Surprise!
My IBS is out of control,
14
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,720
and now I've eaten a tub of Dad's
drugs. Gordon Bennett!
15
00:00:43,755 --> 00:00:46,640
You're absolutely useless!
Have you been crying?
16
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,800
Ted!
I don't feel very well!
17
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:11,920
Oh, shit!
18
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,960
Sorry. Traffic. Yeah, I'm doing 80
now in the fast lane,
19
00:01:21,995 --> 00:01:23,800
so I'd better get off the phone.
20
00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:25,320
Yeah, be there in 20, max.
21
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,840
Stu! Why aren't you at work?
I thought you were DJing tonight.
22
00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:31,085
Where is it?
23
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,205
I forgot my iPad.
It's got all my music on.
24
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,560
Oh, Daddy Bear... We wish you didn't
have to go.
25
00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:38,760
Bertha wants you to come to
baby Pilates.
26
00:01:38,795 --> 00:01:40,725
She didn't fancy the swings?
27
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,680
I got a deal on 12 sessions.
Only 300 quid.
28
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:45,885
They fixed the slide.
29
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,800
Hope that's OK, Daddy Bear?
30
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:50,925
Yeah, it's absolutely fine.
31
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,920
Have you seen my iPad?
Willie's got it.
32
00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:54,880
Right.
We'll miss you.
33
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,220
You were amazing last night.
34
00:02:00,255 --> 00:02:02,600
Thanks.
Sorry about the noises.
35
00:02:02,635 --> 00:02:03,680
It's fine.
36
00:02:03,715 --> 00:02:05,160
Yeah.
37
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:08,880
Bye-bye.
38
00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:12,240
Dad!
39
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,445
Dad!
40
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,885
I'm in the middle of
something!
41
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:19,640
Oh, Christ. We talked about this.
It's a free country!
42
00:02:19,675 --> 00:02:22,737
Have you got my iPad?
Stop lurking. Enter!
43
00:02:22,772 --> 00:02:25,800
Don't you need a minute to...?
Just come in!
44
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,205
What's this?
Huh, eBay.
45
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,160
Why?
Healthy body, healthy balls.
46
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,880
Have you seen my iPad? Oh, that wee
gadget's a revelation.
47
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,920
It's opened the floodgates
to a world of endless filth.
48
00:02:46,955 --> 00:02:48,557
Ever heard of Grindr?
49
00:02:48,592 --> 00:02:50,336
Grindr?
Gay Tinder.
50
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,045
Right. What's Tinder?
51
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,120
Straight Grindr. It's for hook-ups.
I turned on location services
52
00:02:55,155 --> 00:02:58,560
and every randy bugger in the
area comes knocking!
53
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,205
I'll never leave the house again!
54
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,660
I've asked you not to bring
strangers into the house.
55
00:03:02,695 --> 00:03:05,080
It makes April feel uncomfortable.
And me. And Bertha.
56
00:03:05,115 --> 00:03:07,257
I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
57
00:03:07,292 --> 00:03:09,686
A great big randy mouse.
58
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,080
Dad, iPad.
Charlie took it.
59
00:03:12,115 --> 00:03:13,165
Charlie!
60
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,600
Fuck it! Jesus Christ! You're meant to
be a sure thing. Thanks a lot, Stuart!
61
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,245
I've got a fiver on this.
62
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,400
Well, you have. Unless I win. In which case we'll split it
- in my favour.
63
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,280
I told you not to mess with my iPad.
It's got my work playlists on.
64
00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:33,805
I had to send an e-mail.
Use your phone.
65
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,405
I can't. They trace phones.
No-one's after you, Charlie.
66
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,285
That's because I go to great
lengths to conceal my whereabouts.
67
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,760
Stay off social media, always clear your
cookies, never use the same device twice.
68
00:03:42,795 --> 00:03:45,440
I am the Invisible Man.
I do not exist.
69
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:46,960
Dad's turned on location services.
70
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,880
What people? I was doing some accounts
for a small family of debt collectors.
71
00:03:53,915 --> 00:03:55,640
And I might have invested
some of their money
72
00:03:55,675 --> 00:03:57,440
into my high-yield investment
programme.
73
00:03:57,475 --> 00:03:58,840
You mean Ponzi scheme.
74
00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:00,725
Yeah.
And?
75
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,685
Oh, come on, Stu. Debt
collectors.
76
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,440
Bunch of bald shithouses with thick
necks and fingers like sausages.
77
00:04:06,475 --> 00:04:09,365
If they've traced my e-mail, that
means they know where I am.
78
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,600
And that means I'll be bundled off into
a van and dragged into a shallow grave.
79
00:04:12,635 --> 00:04:14,245
Maybe you should pack up
your things and go.
80
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,040
No shit. Give us some cash.
I need going-away money.
81
00:04:17,075 --> 00:04:18,680
No chance.
I know where your iPad is.
82
00:04:18,715 --> 00:04:20,397
All right, fine.
83
00:04:20,432 --> 00:04:22,045
Madonna's got it.
84
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,640
Oi!
There's 20 quid in the biscuit tin!
85
00:04:24,675 --> 00:04:25,725
I've had that!
86
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,640
Stu! Got a moment to discuss Doyle?
87
00:04:28,675 --> 00:04:31,485
Not really.
Only we're off in a tick.
88
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,880
What is it, Barry? You're supposed
to be looking after her.
89
00:04:34,915 --> 00:04:38,165
Am I? Gordon Bennett! Did April not
tell you?
90
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,320
I've really got to get to work.
Two minutes of your time.
91
00:04:41,355 --> 00:04:44,440
Pop in the house. Need to talk
you through her routine.
92
00:04:44,475 --> 00:04:46,565
It's vital you're aware of her
whims.
93
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,560
You don't want her squirting
up your curtains.
94
00:04:49,595 --> 00:04:50,885
Oh...
95
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:54,660
All right, two minutes. But it's
going to have to be really quick.
96
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:58,400
Little tip for you. She gets a
bit bitey, so have some TCP to hand.
97
00:04:58,435 --> 00:05:00,537
Right.
She's a sweetheart, really.
98
00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:02,640
Right.
Except when she's angry.
99
00:05:02,675 --> 00:05:03,925
OK.
100
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,160
She's been angry quite a lot
recently. Has she?
101
00:05:07,195 --> 00:05:09,445
But I'm sure she'll be fine with
you.
102
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,960
Grab a seat and I'll get the
instructions.
103
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,240
Sandy.
104
00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:26,485
Doyle.
105
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:30,120
Look at her.
Doesn't she look sad?
106
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,880
Can't really tell.
107
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,600
Poor little baby's...
108
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,200
...got a fungal infection.
109
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,320
Right, first things first. She's not
well, so don't let her out of the house.
110
00:05:44,355 --> 00:05:48,080
She'll stuff herself with grass
and then void her bowels.
111
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,325
She's not been the same since
we lost Bodie.
112
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,280
She sits at the end of the bed
and wails all night.
113
00:05:53,315 --> 00:05:55,005
Right. Is that it?
114
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,845
She likes it when you
squeeze her.
115
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,440
Yes, but not too hard.
She's got a dicky bladder.
116
00:06:00,475 --> 00:06:02,445
Which reminds me. Pills!
117
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,840
Barry, I've really got to go.
Half a tick.
118
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,940
Where are you going?
West Country.
119
00:06:24,975 --> 00:06:27,800
Weekend of rumpy-pumpy
and scrumpy!
120
00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:29,777
He means sex.
121
00:06:29,812 --> 00:06:31,720
And cider.
122
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,845
Blue ones under the tongue.
123
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,720
Red ones right up inside the
anus.
124
00:06:37,755 --> 00:06:39,357
Easy way to remember.
125
00:06:39,392 --> 00:06:40,925
Blue tongue. Red bum.
126
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,100
Got it. Is that all?
It's important
127
00:06:43,135 --> 00:06:45,205
you get it right.
Oh, God, yes.
128
00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,440
Don't get it the other way
round. You'll kill her.
129
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:48,680
What is it?
130
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,925
Blue tongue. Red bum.
131
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,440
Teacher's pet.
She's terrific company!
132
00:06:55,475 --> 00:06:57,280
Provided you don't make her angry.
133
00:06:57,315 --> 00:06:58,565
Or ignore her.
134
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,120
Or forget to stroke her tummy.
135
00:07:00,155 --> 00:07:02,040
Just like me.
136
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,680
I should go. I'll drop her off
before we leave.
137
00:07:06,715 --> 00:07:10,360
Barry, she's leaking again!
Get a cloth!
138
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,200
You.
139
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,320
Is that Stuart?
140
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,120
Hi, Kate. You look nice.
This is all your fault.
141
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:42,840
Sorry. You truly are a lingering
disappointment.
142
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:45,205
Yes, thank you, Mother.
What have I done?
143
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,160
You were supposed to be
at Madonna's gig last night.
144
00:07:47,195 --> 00:07:49,520
Was I? Oh, she doesn't ask you for
much.
145
00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:51,205
She didn't ask me. Did she?
146
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,080
She's been crying all morning and
now she won't come out of her room.
147
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,165
He's piled it on.
148
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,565
I binge when I'm tired.
149
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,805
I'm giving a speech
at the Teen Hero awards.
150
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,520
We're supposed to be going as a family,
so you need to sort this out right now.
151
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,920
Olive, Pat?
Stop trying to butter me up
152
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,365
Where's your dad?
153
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,600
He's in the car. You know how he
feels about conflict.
154
00:08:20,635 --> 00:08:22,245
It didn't stop him sinking the
Belgrano.
155
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,640
He was a naval Commodore.
What have you ever done?
156
00:08:25,675 --> 00:08:27,717
I DJed Frankie Dettori's wedding.
157
00:08:27,752 --> 00:08:29,760
We know, Stuart. Everybody knows.
158
00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:31,365
Go on.
159
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,365
He shook my hand.
Stuart.
160
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,960
Fuck off!
Don't talk to me like that!
161
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,120
Have you got my iPad?
162
00:08:41,155 --> 00:08:42,605
This isn't about you.
163
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,205
I'm not going to
the awards!
164
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,125
Can I come in? I'm sorry
about your gig.
165
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,280
Your dad's come to apologise.
Can we come in?
166
00:08:49,315 --> 00:08:51,040
Whatever!
167
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:57,440
Oh, sweetheart! I know your dad can
be an idiot, but he really is sorry.
168
00:08:57,475 --> 00:09:02,280
I'm sorry, love. I must have
forgotten. I've got a lot on my plate.
169
00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:04,800
You never have any time for me!
170
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,165
Dad... What are you doing?
171
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,400
What's going on? You're going to
ruin everything.
172
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,245
I thought you were upset.
I am now!
173
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,360
I'm sorry. I don't remember anything
about a gig.
174
00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:25,925
Cos I didn't invite you.
175
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,160
I just needed a reason to be upset so
I wouldn't have to go to these awards.
176
00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:32,160
Why did you have to blame me?
Easy target.
177
00:09:32,195 --> 00:09:34,365
Oh, thanks.
I'm not going.
178
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,720
I have to sort this out, or your
mum won't let me go to work.
179
00:09:36,755 --> 00:09:39,057
And if I don't go to work, I won't
be able to pay the mortgage.
180
00:09:39,092 --> 00:09:41,360
And if I don't pay the mortgage,
we'll be out on the street.
181
00:09:41,395 --> 00:09:43,720
And then who's going to pay
for baby Pilates?
182
00:09:43,755 --> 00:09:46,240
All right. Calm down.
I'll go, then.
183
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:47,365
Really?
184
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,880
On one condition.
What?
185
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,205
250.
186
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,800
Oh, piss off! I'll get the
cheapest one.
187
00:09:55,835 --> 00:09:57,557
That is the cheapest one.
188
00:09:57,592 --> 00:09:59,280
Sorry, love. It's too much.
189
00:09:59,315 --> 00:10:00,320
OK.
190
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,140
Oh! All right.
191
00:10:03,175 --> 00:10:04,805
Thanks, Dad.
192
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,360
Where's my iPad?
Gave it to Grandpa Ron.
193
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,360
He wanted to watch something.
194
00:10:09,395 --> 00:10:10,757
Hello!
195
00:10:10,792 --> 00:10:12,085
Yeah.
196
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,200
Almost there. Overshot.
Doing 90 as we speak.
197
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,805
There you go.
198
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,045
Wow.
Bloody miracle.
199
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,200
So, you're coming, then?
Yeah. Can't wait.
200
00:10:24,235 --> 00:10:27,525
OK. Well... Thank you, Stuart.
201
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,720
You're welcome. What have
you bribed her with this time?
202
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:34,165
Mum... Nothing. I've just got
that fatherly knack.
203
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,640
She talked, I listened, and we
came to a mutual understanding.
204
00:10:36,675 --> 00:10:38,880
He's buying me a ticket to
Glastonbury.
205
00:10:38,915 --> 00:10:40,120
Thar she blows.
206
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,805
He said I could go!
207
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,280
You know how your mum
feels about raves.
208
00:10:47,315 --> 00:10:49,277
It's a music festival, moron.
209
00:10:49,312 --> 00:10:51,416
You're not going.
I hate you!
210
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,485
You've ruined my fucking life!
211
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,640
Madonna, you get back here right
now!
212
00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:57,245
You're coming to these awards!
213
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,600
Who cares if some kid pulled
his nan off a bonfire?!
214
00:11:00,635 --> 00:11:02,560
Some of those kids haven't
got legs!
215
00:11:03,492 --> 00:11:04,285
Well...
216
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,060
We've told her time and time again
she's not going to Glastonbury
217
00:11:08,095 --> 00:11:11,800
until she's 18! Do you know
what happens at festivals, Stuart?
218
00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:13,685
No.
She'll drink too much,
219
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:18,240
she'll probably take drugs, and no doubt
end up sleeping with a guitarist from...
220
00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:19,725
...I don't know, Shed Seven.
221
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,085
How do you think
that's going to make me look?
222
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,240
Like you've gone back to the '90s.
All right, then. The Shamen.
223
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:28,045
'90s.
224
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,805
This is an important day for me.
225
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,285
New MP does her bit for
heroic kids.
226
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,440
I wanted to be seen with my
daughter. It's good for the image.
227
00:11:35,475 --> 00:11:37,920
Thanks, Stuart. Thanks a bunch!
228
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,800
Wanker.
Nice one, Pat.
229
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,445
You as well.
Righto.
230
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:48,200
Come on, Kate, pull yourself
together. I'll get us another drink.
231
00:11:48,235 --> 00:11:49,325
You'll be sick.
232
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,160
I think you'd better get the hell
out of my casa, chum.
233
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,480
Right.
234
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,200
Hi, Ron.
235
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:26,995
Need my iPad.
236
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,160
Hm. Hunt For Red October.
237
00:12:32,195 --> 00:12:33,760
Classic.
238
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,040
It's all kicking off at Kate's.
239
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,880
I'm like you, Ron.
Best to keep your head down.
240
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,040
All right, Ron?
241
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,880
Fuck. Oh, fuck.
242
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,080
Ron, don't be dead, Ron.
243
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,120
Oh, bloody hell, you are dead!
244
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,040
Oh, Kate...
245
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,480
What are we going to do, Ron?
246
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,960
Haven't really got time for this.
247
00:13:45,995 --> 00:13:47,240
No offence.
248
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,520
There are two of you.
249
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,800
Yeah.
250
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,920
I don't mind.
251
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,440
OK.
252
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,760
Should I start?
253
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,700
Start what?
254
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,080
Whatever you like.
255
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,680
What do you want?
256
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,680
What do you want?
257
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,840
I want to get to work.
258
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,800
I'm ready when you are.
259
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,560
Ron's dead.
260
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:23,960
I'm game.
261
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,205
Here she is, Stu.
262
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,640
Now, she's had her blue. She'll need
the red in about ten minutes.
263
00:15:33,675 --> 00:15:34,685
All right, Ron!
264
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,680
I've left a bag with all her
gubbins in the kitchen.
265
00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:39,445
Key's in the usual place.
266
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,400
Any problems, give us a tinkle.
267
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,800
I don't mean to be rude,
but...who the hell are you?
268
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,960
Bareback78.
269
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,685
Right.
270
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,640
You're...Highland Fling?
271
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,920
Oh, no.
272
00:16:05,955 --> 00:16:07,725
God!
273
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,520
You want me dad.
274
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,360
Oh. This is embarrassing.
275
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,320
He's at number 2.
276
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:17,520
OK.
277
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,640
Is he really...?
278
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,120
Never mind.
279
00:16:27,735 --> 00:16:29,200
Oh, God.
280
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,160
You've got a bloody nerve.
281
00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:14,520
Hi, Pat. Can I come in?
282
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,685
Why have you got a cat?
283
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,480
I really need to speak to Ted.
He's on the toilet.
284
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,040
Do you mind if I come in?
285
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,200
She's still not coming.
286
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,160
We're going to be so late.
287
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:36,260
I'm so sorry, Kate.
288
00:17:36,295 --> 00:17:37,960
Why have you got Doyle?
289
00:17:37,995 --> 00:17:39,525
She stinks!
290
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,165
I've got her for the weekend.
291
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,240
Stuart, I know you mean well, but
you've really buggered up my day.
292
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,980
I know.
I wouldn't, Pat.
293
00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,565
Use the one upstairs.
294
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,380
Right, ready when you are.
295
00:17:50,415 --> 00:17:52,160
Oh, Christ, what is it now?
296
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,640
It's a bit...
297
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,480
...delicate.
Go on, then.
298
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,240
What's the matter?
299
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,040
It's sort of...
300
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,780
..man's problems.
301
00:18:12,815 --> 00:18:14,325
God, can't this wait?
302
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,960
Can we just have a quick chat?
303
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,240
Hurry up!
304
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,320
He's dead.
Who is?
305
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,685
Ron.
Fuck off!
306
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,560
You need to come outside.
307
00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:32,240
Jesus!
308
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,885
Back in a sec!
309
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,400
Well, hurry up. And tell
Dad we're ready to go!
310
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,600
I didn't want anyone
finding him like this.
311
00:18:49,635 --> 00:18:51,757
Oh, but you're happy for me
to deal with it?
312
00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:53,880
Knowing you,
he's probably not even dead.
313
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,240
Oh, God, he is dead.
314
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,240
I told you. I really need to get to
work. You're going to have to tell Kate.
315
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:02,685
You tell her. You found him.
316
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,920
I really need this job.
And, anyway, she's your wife.
317
00:19:04,955 --> 00:19:08,480
She was your wife first.
Oh, please, Ted.
318
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:11,200
All right, I'll tell her.
Thanks.
319
00:19:12,572 --> 00:19:13,805
Sorry, Ron.
320
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,920
On one condition. We're never going to
hear the end of this Glastonbury bollocks,
321
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:19,337
so you're going to have to
take Madonna. I hate festivals.
322
00:19:19,372 --> 00:19:21,720
And it's 250 quid a ticket!
There it is. Take it or leave it.
323
00:19:21,755 --> 00:19:24,360
Is this because I threw up in
your face?
324
00:19:24,395 --> 00:19:25,685
It went straight in my mouth.
325
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,640
I can't afford it.
Boo-hoo. Clock's ticking.
326
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,445
All right.
327
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,440
Stuart! Stu, I really need your
help. All right, Ted?
328
00:19:34,475 --> 00:19:36,360
I haven't got time!
This is really important.
329
00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:37,845
Hold them for a second.
Get off!
330
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,920
Come on, come on, come on.
I've got to get to work!
331
00:19:39,955 --> 00:19:42,137
Just act normal, just act normal.
332
00:19:42,172 --> 00:19:44,320
What's going on?
Just act normal.
333
00:19:44,355 --> 00:19:46,120
Wait till you get inside.
334
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,725
Look.
335
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,280
What have you done?
336
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,405
They found me.
337
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,645
That's Bareback78!
Who?
338
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,160
Dad's Grindr date. That's what they
want you to believe.
339
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,640
Dad! I need to use your car.
Gotta get him out of here.
340
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:01,057
He's not dead, is he?
No. I just knocked him out.
341
00:20:01,092 --> 00:20:03,440
Well, technically,
the radio knocked him out.
342
00:20:03,475 --> 00:20:05,520
It's knackered. That'll need
replacing.
343
00:20:05,555 --> 00:20:06,725
There he is!
344
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,285
Do you know this man?
345
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,080
I was hoping to. Oh, sorry, Dad.
I thought he was someone else.
346
00:20:11,115 --> 00:20:13,720
No bother. There's another
one coming in half an hour.
347
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,260
I'll fetch him a brandy.
348
00:20:17,295 --> 00:20:19,045
I thought you were going.
349
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,445
I was packing!
That one's mine.
350
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,560
I didn't have room for the
PlayStation. Also mine.
351
00:20:23,595 --> 00:20:26,160
Stuart! Stuart!
352
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,440
Come on, bellend.
Haven't got all day.
353
00:20:29,475 --> 00:20:31,445
Hey! Oi!
354
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,640
Nigel Mansell! This is a
residential area!
355
00:20:33,675 --> 00:20:36,320
Agh! Help, help!
Go, go, go!
356
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,005
They took Doyle.
357
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,165
Don't worry. They'll be fine.
358
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,600
As soon as they realise he
isn't me, they'll let them go.
359
00:20:49,635 --> 00:20:51,440
They don't murder the innocent.
360
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,245
See you.
361
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,040
I'll let you know when I'm settled.
You can send me some cash!
362
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,120
Sorry. I'm not going to make it.
363
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:25,960
Have you got an iPad?
364
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,600
Well, just plug that in.
365
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,485
All right, Mum.
366
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,365
Your father hated crying!
367
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,760
Passengers are not permitted to access
the car deck whilst the vessel is at sea.
368
00:22:09,795 --> 00:22:13,200
I've got IBS. I'm starting to
get...really hot farts.
369
00:22:13,235 --> 00:22:14,485
All right, Stu?
370
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,885
What the fuck are you doing here?
371
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,845
There's more than one
Charlie in the boot.
372
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,480
There's no need to search it!
There's no need to search it.
373
00:22:21,515 --> 00:22:23,160
I really need your help.
374
00:22:23,195 --> 00:22:24,725
You fucking idiot.
375
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,285
This is Botty, my pal from uni.
376
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,245
You know it, Todge!
Yeah, I knows it.
377
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,480
She's with me now.
I thought you were her dad.
378
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,280
There's pictures of your penis
in my car?
379
00:22:32,315 --> 00:22:34,897
And, I'm afraid, anus.
380
00:22:34,932 --> 00:22:37,480
They're ever so sordid.
381
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,640
# My name should be trouble
382
00:22:42,675 --> 00:22:45,725
# My name should be woe
383
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:57,160
# For trouble and heartache
is all that I know
384
00:22:57,195 --> 00:23:08,560
# Yeah, lonely lonely blue boy
is my name. #
28081
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