Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ [theme]

xq [phone rings]

- Wilbur? - It's for you.

Thanks, Ed. Hello?

Can you come in for a minute? The vacuum cleaner's stuck.

Be right over, honey. Oh, sweetheart,

give me a little kiss. [kissing sound]

Sickening.

- Wilbur? - Hi, Roger.

- Have you any plans for the weekend? - Just work. Why?

According to this fishing report, the marlin are running wild at Ensenada.

They say they're practically leaping into the boat.

Well, they must be using Mexican jumping beans for bait.

What to you say? Tomorrow morning we pack our fishing gear,

and in a few hours, we'll be south of the border.

♪ La cucaracha La cucaracha ♪

- I'll tell Carol to get packed. - No, wait a minute, wait a minute.

This trip is for men only.

- Oh, you mean you want to leave Kay and Carol at home? - Exactly.

We don't need our wives. We'll have the marlin. And they talk less.

- The trouble with you is you're henpecked. - I am not!

I wear the pants in my family.

That's the spirit. And be firm.

Right. See you later, Roger.

♪ La cucaracha La cucaracha ♪

♪ [vocalizing]

- Ed. - Huh?

Ed, I can't take you with us.

You heard Mr. Addison. This trip is for men only.

What do I look like? A girl?

Ed, it's impossible.

You're leaving me alone on my birthday?

- Your birthday? - Yep.

Seven years ago, that old vet

slapped me on the back and said to my father,

"Congratulations. It's a boy."

Seven years old, huh? Hmm.

You know, you don't look more than... 5 and a half.

I try to stay in shape.

What time do we leave?

Look, Ed, we'll discuss it later. Carol's waiting for me.

- Wilbur... - Yeah?

Be firm. Just us men.

♪ La cucaracha La cucaracha ♪

Carol, I had a talk with Roger Addison.

Honey, when you get that out, will you please put this extension in?

- I have to vacuum those drapes. - Yes.

- He showed me this newspaper article. - You got it loose yet?

Oh, no, no.

It's a very exciting article.

They're leaping into the boat at Ensenada.

- The marlin, I mean. - What?

Marlin. Honey, will you please listen to me?

Why, yes, dear. What is it?

Well, the...

- Yes? - Uh... Can I help you with the drapes?

Oh, you're so sweet.

You know, honey, I... I've been working pretty hard lately,

and I thought, you know,

it isn't good for a fellow-- all work and no play.

And I thought perhaps maybe...

Be careful!

As I said, I've been working kind of hard lately...

- I'll get the hammer so you can fix the rod. - I thought perhaps...

Ñ Hello, operator?

would you please test my phone?

Yes. Will you ring...

will you ring STATE-1-1781?

Right away. Thank you. Thank you.

Here, dear.

Oh, thank you.

Now, what were you saying, dear?

Who, me? I wasn't saying anything.

- [phone rings] - I'll get it, honey!

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, yes, Roger.

It's Roger Addison.

Oh, Roger. What? Three days?

Ensenada? Oh, sure. I love to go fishing.

Just us men, huh?

Well, I don't know, Roger.

I hate to leave Carol alone.

Oh, no. You're wrong about Carol.

If I were to ask Carol, I know she'd let me go in a minute.

Yeah? They're leaping into the boat, huh?

Hello, Roger. Well, I'll talk to Car...

Wilbur, who are you talking to?

Must've been some practical joker.

Well, he certainly sounded like you.

I guess he has a twin brother. Have you?

Carol, I'm leaving tomorrow morning on a 3-day fishing trip.

Your husband would like to accompany me, but he hasn't the nerve to ask you.

Well, for heaven's sake. Is that all?

Honey, of course you can go.

- You'd let me go alone? - If you'd like to.

But I'll miss you.

Well, it was your idea.

You didn't say you wanted to go along.

- You never asked me. - You could've suggested it.

But I thought you wanted to go alone with Roger.

Look, Carol, I did not marry you to go on trips with this man.

Wilbur, don't raise your voice to me.

Carol, you're fighting me. Your place is with your husband.

But, dear...

Legally, you haven't got a leg to stand on.

Wherever the husband goes, the wife has to go. Right, Roger?

You tell him.

Oh, here's my darling breadwinner.

Addison, would you mind driving me to--

Kay, guess what? The boys want us to go along with them to Ensenada.

No!

Why, Addison, doll, whatever made you change your mind?

It seems it's illegal for a husband to catch a fish

unless accompanied by his wife.

Ensenada. What a lovely idea.

Honey, we'd better start shopping right away.

We've got no time to lose.

Right. I've got a million things to do.

Wilbur, you'd better find a place for Mister Ed to stay while we're gone.

What do you mean?

Since you're not married to the horse, I don't believe

you're legally obligated to include him on the trip.

Well, I thought we could hitch a trailer to the car and take him along with us.

Well, good thinking. Then if you boys get tired,

the horse can take his turn at the wheel.

Darling we can put him in a stable.

Put Mister Ed in a stable?

He's too big for a kennel.

Darling, don't look so worried. There must be a good place around.

Yeah, but I mean, it would break his heart.

Tomorrow's his birthday.

P" His birth...

His birthday? How do you know?

Well, he...

I think it said so on his papers.

So it's his birthday.

You could send him a singing telegram from Ensenada.

Let's go, Carol. Those dress racks are calling.

Darling, would you mind putting away those things and fixing the drapes?

Kay, I just hate to shop in a hurry.

What's the difference? Buy now, return later.

Listen, it'll only take me a minute to change. Come on up with me.

All right, dear. Say, I hear the water's very warm in Ensenada.

Ed, you'd better sit down.

Uh-oh. Here comes the snow job.

Ed, I can't take you along.

That's nice.

You'll be having a ball in Mexico

while I stand around here

Ñ twiddling my hoofs.

Ed, I'm not gonna leave you alone.

What are you gonna do?

Get me a horse-sitter?

Be sensible. What fun would a horse have

sitting around watching people fish?

What fun do people have watching horses run?

Well, you're such a great talker. Why don't you talk to Carol about coming along?

Try her again, will you?

All right.

As soon as she gets back from shopping.

Muchas gracias, amigo.

♪ [humming "La Cucaracha"]

Uh-oh.

I just bought this one dress. All these are Kay's.

Yes, and that's just what I could carry. The rest I'm having delivered.

- Kay, you'd better rush back to the store. - Why?

You forgot to get snowshoes in case there's a blizzard.

No fooling. What are you gonna do with all these?

No problem. I'm running a sale on Monday.

Kay, I think I'll wear the brown belt with this. What do you think?

Mm, maybe.

- I'm worried about leaving Ed. - Oh, he'll be fine.

It would break your heart to see Ed.

He feels terrible about being left behind.

That's silly. You're just imagining things.

Why, whoever heard of taking a horse along on a fishing trip?

Carol, Ed wouldn't be any trouble.

Wilbur, I'm beginning to think you're using Mister Ed as an excuse.

- "Excuse"? - To make me stay at home.

[sobs] Why, you're...

you're sorry you asked me to come along.

- Why didn't you say so? - Carol...

Oh, well.

There's no sense in watching you two fight.

I may as well go home and start my own.

You know, Ed, I've been thinking about Mexico,

and, uh, with this change of climate,

you're gonna feel really logy.

Then there's the difference in the food, you know?

The water and the altitude.

Maybe you should reconsider.

I can see the handwriting on the wall.

Look, Ed, I tried,

but Carol just doesn't want you to come along.

Okay. Leave me alone on my birthday.

Ed, pull yourself together.

It's only for 3 days.

Besides, Carol started to cry. When I see tears,

I just can't say no.

[Ed sniffles]

Ed, don't!

[sniffling]

Okay, Ed. You're going.

[sniffling continues]

Anything she can do,

I can do better.

We can pick up some new handbags in Ensenada.

Mm-hmm. That's right Oh, sure.

All right. Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, dear? Just a minute, Kay.

Honey, I was just out in the barn, and if you could see Ed,

it tears your heart out.

No, don't cry. He's gonna stay.

[Carol] He wanted to take that horse to Ensenada again.

[Kay] Oh, these men will try to get away with anything.

[Carol] I guess I'll just have to cry again.

So, I got the ax again, huh?

I have asked you not to listen in on that phone.

You don't like me.

Oh, stop saying that.

I might as well go to work

in a... a... kiddie park.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Those kids will ride me, kick me,

beat me, but what do you care?

Ed, be reasonable. If I have to pick between you and Carol,

you know what my decision has to be.

Yep.

Just break it to her gently.

Ed, I'm gonna have to board you in a stable for a few days.

Do anything you want.

I don't care.

[sniffling]

Oh, now I don't know what to do.

- Can I help you? - Yes, my name is Post.

I phoned Mr. Kramer about boarding my horse here.

I'm Mr. Kramer. How long do you want to leave him?

Well...

xx Well, um,

[low voice] I'd like to leave him here for 3 days.

[low voice] All right. I think we can arrange that.

- I'll pick him up Sunday night. - What time Sunday...

- What are we whispering about? - Shh!

My horse feels terrible about coming here.

This is his first time away from home.

Don't let it worry you. We've got some horses been here for months.

No!

I'd like to leave him here for just 3 days.

- 3 short days. - Has he been fed?

No, he's on a hunger strike today.

Just leave the horse here. We'll take care of him.

Come on, Ed. It's only for 3 days.

[sniffling]

Come on, Ed.

Post, we've got more stuff in here than you can get in the average freight car.

Most of your wife's.

Wilbur, do you mind

if I sit in the car with the rest of the group?

Can't have you blocking the license plate, can we?

I told the girls we wouldn't have room for all these suitcases.

I didn't think we'd be able to squeeze it all in.

Well, this is it.

Sweetie, don't forget to close the door.

Can you fit these in, dear?

Look, if I squeeze all that stuff in, I'll have to drive from the glove compartment.

Ladies, we're only going away for the weekend.

We're not fleeing the country.

Is it our fault you men don't know how to pack a car?

Do you girls have any suggestions?

I have. Here. Put all this stuff in the back seat, Wilbur.

There you go. Now, Addison, you take the rest of the bags.

Carol, dear, look out so Wilbur can get them in there.

- There you go. - In back?

Yes, in the back seat, please.

Oh, there's plenty of room in there.

Now, then, Wilbur, you can get

right into the driver's seat just as easy as pie.

9 Here you go.

Do you really think this is going to work?

Why, certainly. I've done it a million times.

Get right in next to Wilbur. No sense making a mountain out of a molehill.

See? Plenty of room.

There. You see, dear? Nothing to it.

I'll just stand here and wave as you drive away.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Come on. Get in.

Now, squeeze over, everybody.

There now. We've got lots of room.

Oh, Wilbur!

I know. That new bag in the back can go.

Wait a minute. You picked on the one valise containing my things.

Well, it only has fishing clothes in it.

Can't you catch fish in your slacks?

Yes. Or we can go fishing at night and catch them in our pajamas.

- I have the perfect solution. - What?

Send the bags to Ensenada, and we'll stay here.

Come on. Let's be sensible. We've got too much stuff in this car.

This stuff can go. This stuff.

This radio can go. This bag.

- That stays. - [phone rings]

- That's our phone, honey. - Where did you pack it?

Never mind. I'll get it.

Let's compromise. Supposing we leave just a couple of things behind?

Right. Two wives.

Hello.

- Mr. Post? - Yes?

I've got some bad news. Your horse is missing.

Missing? What happeb?ned?

I think he's been stolen. Just before he disappeared,

I heard a voice in his stall.

I don't know. Something about a kiddie park.

I didn't see anybody. That's what makes it peculiar.

He told me he'd run off to a kiddie park.

Addison, have you seen my little black bag?

[all chattering]

I'm going to the kiddie park!

Well, that's one way to settle the packing problem.

- Did he say "kiddie park"? - That's what he said.

Like they say, men are little boys at heart.

♪ [calliope]

Ed! Ed, it's me!

Hmph!

Hold it, Mac. You can't go out there.

That's my horse. He ran away from home.

- What are you talking about? - He's mine. Don't believe what he tells you.

Wait a minute.

That horse has been here ever since I came to...

Who told me?

Excuse me. I'll be back in a minute.

- You looking for trouble, Mac? - I got to get out there.

Only riders are allowed out on the track, see?

How much for a ride?

15 cents. 4 for a half.

Wait a minute. I get it.

This is a hidden camera show.

We're on TV, right?

Where's the camera?

Where'd you hide it?

Boy, you had me fooled for a minute.

Where's the camera? Hiya, honey.

Hiya, Davey boy. This is Daddy.

Where'd you hide the microphone? Under your lapel?

4 rides on that pony, please.

Oh, I beg your pardon, madam. That's my pony. I was here first.

Wait a minute, mister. I was here before you.

No, no, you see, I was talking to the ticket taker when you came up.

Well, you ought to have numbers, like in the butcher shop.

- How long is your child going to ride? - Excuse me.

Are you gonna ride that pony?

Just for a minute. I only bought one ticket.

What's the matter, mister? A big man like you riding a pony?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you big--

Madam, please. You're on television.

- Television? - Hidden camera.

No! [chuckles] Where's the camera?

Oh, this is exciting!

Are they going to give away prizes?

Hello? Mother, are you watching?

Oh, I have to clean you up! We're on television!

Say hello to Grandma!

Come on. Faster. Catch that big horse.

Come on, let's go! Come on!

Whoa. Ed.

Ed, you shouldn't have run away.

Get away from me, boy. You bug me.

Listen, Ed, you know I tried to get Carol to change her mind.

I wouldn't go now if you begged me.

Where does he want you to go?

- Ensenada. - Oh.

I thought you didn't talk in front of anybody but me.

How come you talked to the kid?

Who believes kids anyway?

Follow that big horse!

Come on. Let's go! Come on. Let's go!

Come on. Let's go! Hurry up! Come on!

Ed! Giddap! Giddap! Giddap!

Come on, come on, come on! Ed.

Ed, will you please listen to me?

Ed, you win.

You are going to Ensenada, okay?

Will you put that in writing?

My solemn word, Ed.

Feh!

Ed, where's Ensenada?

- Mexico. - Oh?

Are you coming home now, Ed?

Si, senor.

Check.

♪ [humming]

Well, darling,

did you have a good time?

Mommy, that horse talks.

- What? - He said he didn't want to go to Mexico.

- The horse said that? - Uh-huh.

Children. Where do they get those imaginations?

Wilbur!

Carol!

Remember-- Ensenada.

- What's Mister Ed doing here? - He ran away.

Don't tell me he wanted to visit his relatives on the merry-go-round.

By the time we get to Mexico, our clothes will be out of style.

You'd better take Mister Ed back to the stable, honey.

Carol, Ed is going with us.

And if you feel like crying,

be my guest.

All right, honey. You win.

Excuse us.

Back to the car.

Now, are you all comfy back there?

[horn honks]

Hurry, Wilbur.

Just a minute, dear.

Happy birthday, Ed.

Thanks, amigo. Thanks.

Now, make a wish and blow out the candles.

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ [theme]