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1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,710
[bell ringing, audience cheering]
2
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:03,754
PERSON: All right, who's ready
to have a good time, huh?
3
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:05,923
That's right. That's what I like to hear.
4
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,175
Uh, show of hands,
how many people have, uh,
5
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,219
been to a taping of a TV show before?
6
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:11,845
- Thank you. Okay.
7
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,806
Just remember: "The movie's hilarious.
8
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,225
Everyone buy tickets."
9
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,643
- Let me ask you a question.
- Yeah.
10
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,728
- Do you think I'm good in the movie?
11
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,897
- Come on, Kev. I'm your agent.
Of course I think you're good
12
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,941
in the movie. You know who else
thinks you're good in the movie?
13
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,859
The studio.
14
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,736
Now go knock 'em dead.
Big smiles, big laughs.
15
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:30,322
America's funny man.
16
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,491
PERSON: And, uh, we're gonna
have a great time, all right?
17
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,909
- "America's funny man."
18
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,079
- [TV show theme playing,
audience cheering]
19
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,831
- Oh, now, Kev, people are just raving
20
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:42,876
about this new movie of yours.
- Oh, my God, they're raving.
21
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,461
MIKEY:
You are working with
22
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,463
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
23
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,257
playing his comedy sidekick again.
24
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,883
What is this, the sixth time now?
25
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,051
- Number six.
26
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,803
- How do you keep it so fresh?
27
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,097
- I mean, look, Dwayne and I are, um...
28
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,515
You know, we're friends.
29
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:57,641
- #Jealous.
- Lucky.
30
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,059
- [laughter]
31
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,937
- He's lucky, too. He's lucky, too.
32
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,730
But I mean, look, when you are friends,
33
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,148
you feed off of each other.
34
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,734
That energy, of course, transfers,
but, uh,
35
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,820
I don't know, I would like to think of
my, my characters
36
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,822
as, as heroes, as well.
37
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,907
- [laughter]
38
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,909
- I-I don't know what the...
39
00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,744
I don't know why they laugh.
40
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,371
I'm very serious.
41
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,998
You know, I've-I've actually...
I've been...
42
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,292
I've been trying to become
a leading man, you know?
43
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,127
Do more of an action star thing.
44
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,212
But I've been...
I've been somewhat typecast.
45
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,131
For some reason,
people only see me as the funny guy.
46
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,049
- You make me laugh.
- Yeah.
- No. Thank you. Glad...
47
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,676
Glad, you know, appreciate it.
MIKEY: I'm not an easy audience.
48
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,178
- [laughter]
49
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,180
- Yeah, you know, but it's just...
It's... I can do more
50
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:40,267
than show up and do the funny
or do the dance. I'm...
51
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,102
- Would you, though?
- Would you do that dance?
52
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:43,228
LEAH: Come on.
- Come on.
53
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,605
Who wants to see Kevin dance?
54
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,190
- [cheering, applause]
- Huh?
55
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,816
- We'll get the Macarena going. Anybody?
56
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,443
- We would love that.
- No.
57
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,278
No.
58
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,030
I'm not... I'm not gonna dance.
59
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,199
MIKEY:
Next time. Next time, then, for sure.
60
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,783
- Oh, dear.
- Uh, but getting back to the movie,
61
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,660
t-tell-tell us
just how great this movie is.
62
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,078
- The, uh, the movie's garbage.
- [audience gasping]
63
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,496
- [Mikey clears throat]
- Sorry.
64
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,498
KEVIN:
Yeah. The movie's garbage.
65
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,125
Take the movie, ball it up,
66
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,543
throw it in the trash can.
67
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,128
How many times do you need to see me
68
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,881
in a car with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
69
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,383
and I'm the comedy sidekick,
and he's saving lives,
70
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,178
and I got a catchphrase: "Oh, hell no!"?
71
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,429
- We love it when you say that.
72
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,056
- Oh, yeah. Can you do it again?
- Yeah.
73
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,849
- Here's my question:
why can't I be an action star?
74
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,893
MIKEY:
[laughs] I read something online
75
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,686
a-about, uh, you being
76
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,939
afraid of woodland creatures.
- Oh, yes.
77
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,565
- About me what?
- A beaver?
78
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,526
It was a s-squirrel. A squirrel.
- A squirrel. It was a squirrel.
79
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:31,527
-Yes, that you have a fear of squirrels.
80
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:32,736
- And who's afraid of a squirrel?
81
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,071
- I'm not fucking afraid of a squirrel!
82
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,948
- Okay.
- I'm not afraid of shit.
83
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,241
MIKEY: Okay, you've said it.
You've made your point there.
84
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,243
- I'm not afraid of shit.
- Yeah.
85
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,577
- And I'm more than just the guy
that does comedy.
86
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,995
I'm a fucking action star, all right?
87
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,622
So why don't you start taking me
a little serious?
88
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:46,083
Tell me what I am and what I'm not.
89
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,044
If I didn't have what the fuck it takes,
would I show this?
90
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,214
Or that?
91
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,632
Back up!
- Yup.
92
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,217
- Whoa, Kev, Kev, Kev. Kev, hey.
93
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,177
You got to go back out there,
say it was a joke.
94
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,221
- Talking about "it was a joke"?
You don't get it, man.
95
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,014
All right?
I'm trying to be taken seriously.
96
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,350
My whole life,
I've dreamed of becoming an action hero.
97
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,102
- Well, you know,
maybe instead of dreaming,
98
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,854
you should just stay in your own lane.
99
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,105
- What the fuck did you just say?
100
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,648
- [stammers] What are you doing?
101
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,442
- [grunts]
102
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,195
[exhales]
103
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,573
- It was a bit. We were doing a bit.
104
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:21,118
[dramatic music plays]
105
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,078
- I'm not afraid of [bleep].
- Okay, you've said it.
106
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,746
You've made your point there.
- I'm not afraid of [bleep].
107
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,164
- Yeah.
- And I'm more than just
108
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,666
the guy that does comedy.
109
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,084
I'm a [bleep] action star, all right?
110
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,335
So why don't you start [bleep]?
111
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,462
LEAH:
That was our star Kevin Hart,
112
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:36,675
and apparently he's...
going through something.
113
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,886
- To say the least.
You don't see Tom Cruise...
114
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,262
[phone buzzing]
115
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,101
- I already know what you're gonna say.
116
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,020
You're gonna say, "Apologize,"
and then after that if I go...
117
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,063
DANNY: No, no, no.
Kev, it's too late to apologize.
118
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,149
The studio already removed you
from the fucking billboard.
119
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,776
- So I'm done? Just like that, I'm done?
120
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,195
- Maybe not.
121
00:03:56,278 --> 00:04:01,116
Claude Van De Velde wants
to meet with you.
122
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,205
- Claude Van De Velde?
You're talking about the director?
123
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,040
- Yes. Claude Van De Velde,
124
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:10,083
director of four
of the six biggest action movies
125
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:14,796
of all time,
saw the interview and wants to meet.
126
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,298
- Why? What-what...?
127
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,925
You know what? It don't matter.
128
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,636
It d... It doesn't even fucking matter.
I'm there, okay?
129
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,846
I'm there.
130
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,640
[exhaling]
131
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,433
Oh, shit.
132
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,435
[dance music playing]
133
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,359
CLAUDE:
I have seen all your films.
134
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,779
I like all your films, but you, Kevin--
135
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,281
you don't like your films.
- Wow, you can tell, huh?
136
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,283
- Of course I can tell.
- [both laugh]
137
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:46,328
- You and I-- we are the same.
138
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,956
My movies have grossed
billions of dollars.
139
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,166
- Mm.
- Who cares?
140
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,585
- Yeah, I mean,
it's not about the money, right?
141
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:58,549
- It is about finding yourself
inside an artistic expression.
142
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,050
- Yes.
143
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,302
- I want to find you, Kevin.
144
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,222
Will you let me find you?
145
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,433
- You found me. I'm right here, man.
146
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:13,146
- My next project is a serious,
gritty action film.
147
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:16,859
It requires a serious, gritty actor.
148
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,903
You, Kevin.
149
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,406
I want you in the leading role.
150
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,783
- Holy shit, man. You got to be...
- Oh.
151
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,201
- Excuse you.
152
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,870
Watch it, man.
- My apologies, sir.
153
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:30,622
- Mark Wahlberg would not scream
at a party server.
154
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,875
- Oh, I didn't scream.
I didn't... I didn't scream...
155
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:35,294
- An action star is tough, confident,
156
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:40,257
unfazed by minor details
that disrupt the average layperson.
157
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,259
- Yeah, I... I was unfazed.
158
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,095
I wasn't fazed at all from that.
- If you really want this part,
159
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:48,265
I need you to attend a training program.
160
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,268
All the best action stars
have gone through it.
161
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,562
- I don't... You're talking, like,
an action star school?
162
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,981
- Stallone. Van Damme.
163
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,608
Steven Seagal.
164
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,277
Jackie Chan. They're all alums.
165
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,696
- Wow. I just kind of assumed
all those guys had the...
166
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,364
had the juice,
167
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,949
the mojo.
- Do you remember
168
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,244
what Matt Damon was
before he was Jason Bourne?
169
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,872
- Yeah, he-he'd just won an Oscar.
170
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:15,250
- Neither do I.
This program turned a no-name Matt Damon
171
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:18,253
into a leading man
revered around the world.
172
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:22,424
- Look, with all due respect,
I don't need that.
173
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,510
I don't, I don't need none of that.
174
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,928
I'm ready now.
175
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:29,181
I'm ready right now.
176
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,807
- Down here, Kevin.
177
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,977
You don't think you need training,
178
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,313
you want the part right now.
179
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:41,151
Well, your new part is waiting
for you on that rooftop.
180
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,196
[suspenseful music playing]
181
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,198
Go and get it!
182
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:49,284
♪
183
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:59,002
- [exhales sharply, pants loudly]
184
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,963
Oh, shit! [screams]
185
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,298
- [crowd gasping]
- Help! Help me!
186
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:05,509
Help me!
PERSON: So good.
187
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,177
He's doing his famous "Help me" scene
188
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,012
from Ride Along 2.
KEVIN: Help me! Help me!
189
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,389
Help!
- [laughter, applause]
190
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,224
[calm music playing]
191
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,518
DANNY:
Look, Kev, I don't love the idea
192
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,186
of you driving out
to the middle of nowhere
193
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,230
to go to some...
KEVIN: Action star school.
194
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,232
- Right, yes. That, Kev.
195
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,317
Maybe we just wait a little longer.
196
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,444
Eventually, the studios will forget
how badly you fucked up,
197
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:25,863
and they'll offer you a new sidekick role.
198
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,740
- No. This is my time to shine!
199
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:31,410
You believe in me, don't you?
200
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,245
Don't you?
201
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:35,414
Danny? You believe in...
202
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,416
[phone beeping]
Oh, shit.
203
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,459
Damn reception.
204
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,461
[suspenseful music playing]
205
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,381
♪
206
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,303
Oh, hell, no.
207
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,932
[car door chimes]
208
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,357
Ron Wilcox?
209
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,358
[chitters]
210
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,277
Shit.
211
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,196
Don't be a bitch, Kevin.
212
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:10,115
Be Academy Award-winning Matt Damon.
213
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:13,243
[chittering]
Get the fuck off my car.
214
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:16,788
[metallic creaking]
215
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:20,292
Um, hello?
216
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,505
Anybody here?
217
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,424
Claude Van De Velde sent me.
218
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,551
WILCOX: No, no.
You tell me what you want to tell me.
219
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,512
Why are you here?
220
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,347
Why are you here?
- Where's my nephew Rodrigo?
221
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,474
- Uh, fellas?
WILCOX: What do you mean,
where's your nephew?
222
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,309
I don't know
where the fuck your nephew is.
223
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,478
- Hey!
224
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,730
Excuse me.
- Now you don't trust me?
225
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,233
- I know you murdered my nephew Rodrigo.
226
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,901
- Bullshit, motherfucker!
227
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,402
I didn't murder Rodrigo.
228
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,696
Look, you got your money,
I got my shipment.
229
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,740
I don't know where Rodrigo is.
- [quietly]: Oh.
230
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,242
- Maybe he's fucking your mother.
231
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,452
- Our training has already begun. Oh.
232
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,954
Okay. Uh... [clears throat]
233
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,372
WILCOX:
Oh, you-you... Oh, come on!
234
00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,831
Bring it! Bring it!
235
00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,542
Come on! Bring that bat, motherfucker!
236
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,836
- Hey!
237
00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:07,589
You want to push somebody around,
try me out.
238
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,424
- [soft laughter]
239
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:13,428
- Hey, and what are you? A tough guy?
240
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:14,972
- Goddamn right I'm a tough guy.
241
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,640
North Philadelphia tough.
242
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,642
I'm Kevin motherfucking...
243
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,727
- Oh.
- [sniffles]
18029
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