Original subtitles

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS DRAMATICALLY)

(SIGHS LOUDLY)

(SIGHS) What's wrong?

Doesn't it get you down? It gets me down.

That depends on what you're talking about. What are you talking about?

Our chins.

Hmm? Our double chins.

You and me, we don't have jaws.

I mean, we... we do, but we don't have strong jawlines.

OK... It's not fair.

Look at it. Doesn't do anything.

Doesn't keep me warmer.

Doesn't let me fit more food in my mouth like a pelican.

Yeah, it does get me down. Right?

It's one of the reasons I've never had my portrait painted.

At least you can grow a beard and cover it up. It's not fair.

I can't. Yes, you can.

And, yeah, I'd tease you pretty consistently for a couple of weeks,

but I'd tire myself out.

It looks all patchy. Like only some of my face has gone through puberty.

I'm in the same boat as you.

Just walking around all lumpy.

When some people are like, bam!

(ALARM WAILS)

OLIVE: (OVER LOUDSPEAKER) Testing one, two, three.

This is a test of Rosehaven's emergency warning broadcast system.

I can't believe Olive finally got it.

Can we ask her to turn it down?

I think that would defeat the purpose.

You will now hear an alarm sound.

This is just a drill, not a real emergency.

FRANK: Can I push the button? Shh, Frank!

(ALARM WAILS)

That mic is ripe for pranks.

I was in a department store once

and someone left the mic on at the register.

I tapped it and it went out to the whole store.

(GASPS) What did you say?

Nothing. I couldn't think of anything. I just walked off.

You what?

It was too much pressure!

Why didn't you just say 'genitals' or something?

'Genitals'?

Well, it's better than what you said, which was nothing!

(PHONES CHIME)

That was another test.

You should have also received a text message on your phones.

Oh, wow. Ugh!

It's like they're forcing us to listen to their podcast

and we can't turn it off.

DAMIEN: Hi, guys. Everything alright?

Yeah. It was just a test.

Oh, we know. She means, what's up?

Oh, right. Um, I just got something you guys might want to see.

Oh, no.

"Now servicing your area"? Gross!

No, there's another real estate agent in Rosehaven.

(ALARM WAILS)

FRANK: Can I do the next one? OLIVE: No, Frank!

# Yeah, we know

# Even if we had so far to go

# Even if the pace is slow

# Well, I'll be coming home to you again

# If we find

# Something to feel that we belong

# If we could right all the wrongs

# Well, I'll be coming home to you again. #

Learn Thai more flexible & enjoyable with Banana Thai osdb.link/bananathai

Mum, have you seen this?

Yep. So, what do we do?

Can you call Geoff at the post office

and see how many of those Donovan sent out?

Can he just do that? Move into our area?

Yep. But it's OUR area.

I want you to contact Pen and Pippa.

Their house has been on the market the longest.

Donovan's gonna go for them first. First?

Yeah, probably try and undercut our commission.

I'll pay a visit to the businesses leasing through us,

see if they've been approached.

I've never seen you nervous, Barbara.

I'm not nervous!

What's the worst-case scenario?

Close the office? Have to move the business to Rosstown?

Oh, Em! Never!

Take that back! Sorry!

You being nervous makes me nervous.

I told you, I'm not nervous, just...

Worried. Scared.

Seriously concerned for our future. Hungry. I can't read you.

Focused!

And I need you to be too.

OK. OK.

Hey, I know this is bad,

but it's also a little bit exciting, isn't it?

It does feel like it's the four of us

teaming up against a bigger threat, Avengers-style.

We just shouldn't underestimate him.

Well, all he's done so far is send out some flyers. Not a big deal.

Holy shit!

Oi! Hey, Bruce!

Bruce!

What are you doing?!

What?

Oh. I got a new job.

Advertising for the competition?

Hey, I just ride the bike.

Whatever I'm dragging's got nothing to do with me.

But, yeah, looks like it. Well, can you stop it?

If I did that, I wouldn't be doing my job very well, now, would I?

Ugh!

He's actually a really nice bloke, Donovan.

I, uh, met him at the radio. Said he sees a lot of potential in me.

Yeah, or he just sees someone who can ride a bike.

Yeah.

You know, Donovan says that negative people, they attract negativity.

Might want to think about that.

We won't think about that!

So...!

Thanks for meeting with us so quickly.

(CHUCKLES) No problem.

I just wanted to let you know

that we are doing everything we can to sell your property.

How satisfied are you with our service so far?

Give us a number between 9 and 10.

Well, it... it has been on the market for a while now.

I understand, but at the price you're asking for, it'll take time.

And who's to say that would change if you had a different agent?

You wouldn't leave us, would you?

Oh, well...

You've already spoken to him, haven't you?

Did he call you?

Did you call him?

Well... we got that flyer

and then we saw this guy riding past on a bicycle, pulling, like...

I'm gonna kill him.

And it seemed like a sign to, you know, talk to him at least.

That's fair enough. You have a right to know your options.

Even if one of them is terrible and not even from here.

What did Donovan say?

Well, he has a lot of experience...

He's from the city.

And, um, he talked about techniques he uses.

Like, cutting-edge techniques.

Yeah, to gain more interest, um, in a place. Like making a video.

We can do a video!

Oh. I didn't realise that you guys did that.

Yeah! Oh, yeah. Absolutely. In fact, we've already started.

This whole conversation, I have been mentally choosing shots.

Wow. OK, yeah.

I guess we'd rather not change agents if we didn't have to.

So, that would be great if you could make a video.

Happy to.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah...

Yes, I appreciate that, Terry.

Just give it some thought before you make any decisions, will you?

Hey, Barbara. Chicken and avo?

Thanks, Dawn, and I'll grab a coffee too, please.

Sure. Take a seat.

DONOVAN: Could I interest you in this chair?

It's in a great location. Donovan.

We wouldn't let him leave his flyers here.

I took one and I put it in the recycle bin.

That's fine. A bit of competition makes things interesting.

How are you finding Rosehaven? Bit of a change of pace?

It's lovely here. Lots of opportunities.

And the vanilla slice is perfection.

We know!

Do you invade the town of every agent that turns down a job offer?

Oh, come on.

You just said a bit of competition keeps things interesting.

Yeah, well, you came out swinging.

I'm surprised I didn't see your name in skywriting on my way here.

Or is that planned for day two?

Well, to be honest, I did try to organise that,

but the guy who does it was already booked.

He was doing a fair in Greenvale.

Trent's pretty shit at it anyway. You dodged a bullet.

Well, that's good to know.

You know, I'm surprised that you're willing to share

so much of your local knowledge with me.

I'm a generous spirit.

My team sent through all the data on Rosehaven,

so that knowledge gap between us might be smaller than you think.

There's a lot numbers can't tell you.

Mmm. We'll see.

Have you picked a spot for your office yet?

In front of ours, I assume.

I haven't decided yet.

I'm not just thinking about Rosehaven.

There are so few offices servicing the Tassie Midlands.

A lot of room for growth.

There you go, Barbara. Thanks, Dawn.

So, how bad was his skywriting?

One marriage proposal became, "Jenny, will you bury me?"

(CHUCKLES) Wow.

Remember, we're not trying to sell a house, we're trying to tell a story.

The story of a house... for sale. DAMIEN: Uh-huh.

Damien, is it better for lighting if the blinds are open or closed?

Open.

Close.

Actually, do you mind if I say I don't know?

Because I don't. I'd just be guessing.

Have you used a camera like that before?

Nup. You look like you have.

I think you might be a natural.

Yeah, maybe.

I, uh... I think I've been recording the entire time,

so if you want to use anything so far, it's there.

We'll probably cut out the self-doubt

and the cameraman saying he doesn't know what he's doing.

Yep. Makes sense. (KNOCK AT DOOR)

(GASPS) Oh, my God. It's Donovan.

What? Why? What's he doing here?

I don't know. Should I open the door?

My hand's already on the handle. I don't remember doing that.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Let's appear confident.

OK. I got this.

Wait, did you mean open the door now?

Yes! Shit.

Well, well, well.

Come to see how REAL real estate agents do it?

Hello, you two. Look, sorry to interrupt.

Pippa called me to let me know that they no longer require my services,

because McCallum Real Estate will be doing a video for them.

That's right.

Look, we all know what's going on here.

I just thought I'd come by to make sure

there's no bad blood between us, it's just...

What? Just business?

Is that what you were gonna say? It's just business?

Because that's what assassins say right before they murder someone.

Why did you even come to Rosehaven?

Because of you.

Me?

Well, you mentioned at the awards night

how easy it was to land a listing in Rosehaven

because there's nobody else out here.

Well, it doesn't matter why you came here...

I'm not just looking at Rosehaven.

I'm also looking at expanding Pratchett Real Estate

to Rosstown and Rosegarland.

I don't really know how to tell the difference, to be honest.

I think Rosstown has a slightly... nicer vibe.

Well, this has been lovely, Donovan, but we should get back to it.

Yeah. This video we're making already has Oscar buzz.

Of course it does. I can't wait to see the finished product.

I assume it's going online?

Yeah. Go viral, probably.

Well, I just... I hope it's for the right reasons.

Adios.

"Adios"? Ugh!

Come on. Let's make a movie.

Now, please keep in mind we were on a very tight deadline.

Very tight.

But we think we've captured what makes your property special.

Whilst having a bit of fun along the way.

OK, great. Yeah.

DAMIEN: OK. That looks good.

Hi. I'm... Daniel McCallum from McCallum Real Estate.

And I'm Emma Dawes!

And we're here to show you the wonderful...

BOTH: 53 Hardcourt Lane!

SONG: # Hello, sunshine

Come on! # Hello, blue skies

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

DAMIEN: Um, cut.

Wait, stop.

Let me just... Oh.

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

You'll love this two-bedroom property in the heart of Rosehaven.

We're talking close to... local schools, close to the supermarket,

and when you see the property, close to your heart!

Close to YOUR heart.

I'm just a busy working mum home from a long day of work.

Thank goodness I can get some R&R

in one of the very spacious bedrooms.

Ahh...

DAMIEN: Yep.

I was just charging my phone

at one of the many conveniently placed power points.

They're all convenient, conveniently placed in all the bedrooms.

Remember how we said this was a two-bedroom property?

There's actually three! What?!

If I wasn't wearing clothes, I'd turn this shower on,

because it... is... good.

BOTH: Huge backyard!

Perfect for hosting guests. Or playing a sport.

DAMIEN: Recording.

And that was 53 Hardcourt Lane.

You know what? Maybe I'LL buy it.

Uh-oh! You'd better get in quick.

Thanks for watching.

They're gonna go with Donovan.

It's OK. We've only lost one listing, right?

For now.

He'll keep spamming people till he gets a foothold here.

And we don't have his advertising budget.

But we do have...

Personalised service, longstanding relationships

and a deep understanding of the town.

Yeah, and he's got more money, a larger online presence

and a bigger team.

What's up?

Listen. BRUCE: Anyway, it's a bit off topic.

Sounds like you've got exciting plans for Rosehaven, Donovan.

Bruce, you suck! DONOVAN: I do, mate. I do.

Rosehaven and a lot of rural towns in this area

really don't have a choice on who they go to sell their property to.

Now I plan on changing that, using a custom algorithm...

BRUCE: Ooh, algorithm! Sounds fancy!

Yep. Not as fancy as Trent's skywriting, though.

Yeah, you're not wrong.

And just a reminder to everyone,

Donovan will be giving a presentation.

Yes - what Pratchett Real Estate can do for you.

That's this afternoon, 5pm,

hosted by yours truly and broadcast live on this station.

No-one will care about that.

It'll be at the pub,

and Donovan has very generously put some money over the bar.

We're screwed.

(TURNS RADIO OFF) We should go.

So people can see our faces as he destroys us?

Well, if I know Donovan, he'll have projectors, videos, the works.

We need to know what we're up against.

(DOORS OPEN)

Afternoon.

Am I interrupting something?

We're actually pretty busy at the moment. We're under attack.

What sort of attack?

Environmental?

Nuclear? Real estate attack.

Now is not a good time, Olive.

So, if there's an emergency,

you'd prefer not to know where the meeting point is?

Fine. Where is it?

Well, that depends on what kind of emergency it is.

Oh!

Now, Barbara, I am speaking with the manager of each business

about the town's new emergency procedures.

Oh, God!

Five minutes now could save the lives of you and your employees.

And... I'd also like to get to the pub before the tab runs out.

Fine. Let's get it over and done with.

It's hopeless.

On the radio AND free beer? We can't compete with that.

He's gonna win everyone over in one go.

What? Where are we going? Just...

Why are you pushing? Let's just...

What?

What?

OK. I may have a harebrained plan.

Go on.

Well, there is something that can reach more people than the radio.

Prayer?

The emergency broadcast system.

It goes out to the whole town and everyone's phone.

Plus, if Olive's at the pub, it might be unguarded.

OK.

I think we use it to turn the town off Donovan.

You think we should smear him?

Yeah, pretty much. I know morally it's...

I love it. We could say that he's corrupt. Or he sells shonky houses.

His coat is made from whale skin that he killed. He killed a whale.

Yeah, let's try and think of one that doesn't get us sued.

What about that thing he said about Rosstown?

Oh, as if Rosstown has a nicer vibe than us!

They don't even have a lavender farm!

See? Everyone in Rosehaven is very sensitive about that.

And he actually said it, so he can't sue.

Yeah, but he might just deny it.

Well, if Damien was recording the whole time,

maybe he got the audio of when Donovan said it.

Yes. And if we had that, we could play it over the speakers.

Barbara would not want us to do this.

Well, obviously not,

but I'd rather ask her forgiveness instead of permission in this case.

Are we doing this?

I think we're doing this.

We really need to come up with a secret handshake.

It's crazy we don't have one already. I know.

(LIVELY CONVERSATION)

Two more, thanks, Dave.

You can't drink a whole tab by yourself, Phil.

I've got to try, Dave. I have to try.

MRS MARSH: Haven't been here for a long time.

Yeah, it was good of Dave to lift your ban.

(CHUCKLES) Yes!

Can you see Emma and Daniel?

BRUCE: And we're back!

If you're listening, come on down to the pub

to watch as well as listen to us.

That's me, Bruce,

and the person who put a very large tab on the bar today,

Mr Donovan Pratchett!

(ALL CHEER)

DONOVAN: Thank you, Bruce.

Look, it is so awesome seeing you here today,

and I'm pumped to be talking about Pratchett Real Estate.

This is so exciting. I can't believe we're doing a heist.

Shh! It's not a heist. We're not stealing anything.

(GRUNTS)

Here. Here. I'm fine.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God!

Oh!

(SIGHS) Shit.

Now what? I don't know.

What are you doing? I don't know. I just thought...

I don't know how to open a door? I don't know. Don't get mad at me.

I'm not. It's just a very stressful situation...

MADDRICK: How did you get in here? Oh, shit!

Maddrick. Um... through the... front door.

I locked that door.

Oh, we came in before it was locked.

We were in the toilet. Got some digestive issues.

Both of you?

Yep.

How come you're not at Donovan's free drinks?

Don't you mean Bruce's new best mate?

Sorry?

Bruce interviewed him today without me.

Said that him and Donovan have got some natural chemistry

and he didn't want me to feel left out.

But by leaving me out, I feel pretty left out.

And I didn't want the same thing happening again at the pub,

so... I left myself out.

OK.

We're here to take down Donovan.

What do you mean?

We're gonna use the emergency broadcast system to...

..smear him.

We have an audio recording of him saying

Rosstown has a nicer vibe than Rosehaven.

Well, that's bullshit! We didn't say it, Donovan did.

He ate my yoghurt straight out of the fridge.

Bruce said he could have it. My yoghurt!

Well, it's time for revenge.

You need to unlock the door.

Olive would kill me.

Yeah, well, if you want your friend back and your... yoghurt left alone,

we need to get inside that room.

(GRAND, INSPIRING MUSIC)

DONOVAN: As you can see, this really gives the potential buyer a feel

of what it's like to live in your own property.

And for those listeners at home, you can check it out on our website.

ALL: Ooh! BRUCE: Yeah, amazing.

Tell me, would a... like, a PlayStation work

hooked up to a projector like this?

Are we in trouble?

Might be.

OK, so I'll say, "The following is a recording of Donovan Pratchett,"

then you press play, everyone hears it, hates him,

he returns to the Matrix.

Let's test it.

DONOVAN: I'm not just looking at Rosehaven.

I'm also looking at expanding Pratchett Real Estate

to Rosstown and Rosegarland.

I don't really know how to tell the difference, to be honest.

I think Rosstown has a slightly... nicer vibe.

Perfect.

OK. So... let's do it.

Yep, OK. I'll just turn this on.

(AMPLIFIER HUMS)

Yep.

All... good to go.

Alright.

(HUM INTENSIFIES)

Wait! What?

I don't think we should do it.

I don't want to either, but we... have to. Don't we?

It doesn't feel right. It's not us.

We're adorable. This is not adorable.

Yeah, but if we don't...

We can get through it another way,

like, I don't know, getting better at our jobs.

We'll make a less rubbish video.

You, me, Barbara, Mrs Marsh all working together.

Avengers-style?

Yeah.

Whatever that is.

Let's just attack Donovan's bar tab instead.

We'll work out the rest later.

Yeah. I...

OK. Yep.

What are you doing?

And look, Bruce, I'm speaking from the heart.

That's why Pratchett Real Estate...

DANIEL: Genitals.

(PHONES CHIME)

What the hell?!

Genitals.

Hey.

Finally! Sorry we're late.

How's it going? Too well.

We can take him.

You're not worried about him running us out of business anymore?

Terrified. But if he does, I'll just get a job at the bakery.

Or the police station. What?!

Yeah, I mean, worst case, he runs us out of business.

But he can't run us out of town. We live here.

I could work at the information centre.

I'd still rather we beat him.

Oh, agreed. Well, of course.

BRUCE: OK, so, we're coming to the end of the broadcast.

I believe you have a mock-up of your new office, Donovan?

That's right, Bruce.

This will become the new base of operations

for Pratchett Real Estate.

(APPLAUSE) Wow!

Very nice. Thank you.

I plan on building strong bonds all over the Tasmanian Midlands.

And I've chosen somewhere central.

So you will now find me at 55 Sage Road...

..Rosstown!

(ALL YELL IN UPROAR)

MAN: Get out! MAN: Rosstown?!

Mate! Rosstown?!

PHIL: Why don't you go there now, mate?!

Go with your Rosstown mates now! You dog!

OK, I did not know about this, OK? I just met this man.

And I would like to state for the record that Rosstown is scum!

(ALL SHOUT) Yeah! Scum!

Up you get, you and your trench coat. Let's go.

Up. Up!

Yep.

That took a turn.

He did mention at lunch that he was considering locating to Rosstown,

and... I didn't dissuade him.

DAVE: Tab's nearly out, everyone! I'm on it.

So, do you mind telling me

why my son said "genitals" on the public intercom?

# Yeah, we know

# Even if we had so far to go

# Even if the pace is slow

# Well, I'll be coming home to you again

# If we find

# Something to feel that we belong

# If we could right all the wrongs

# Well, I'll be coming home to you again. #

Cheers!

We won! Sort of.

I don't think he'll be the last agent to try and service our area.

Well, let 'em try.

Or, you know, let 'em give up and leave us alone.

Ohh!

I don't think these are gonna fix our chins, Em.

You've barely given it a chance.

Maybe we could work on our diet. Exercise.

Yeah, you're right.

Want to work on our secret handshake?

Yes. OK.

No, we can't start there.

Nuh. You've got to actually shake my hand.

So, we'll go regular shake...

..fist bump... (LAUGHS)

..flick...

That's terrible. Start again.

Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk) www.opensubtitles.org

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