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00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:03,743
KAY: In the past year,
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00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,609
I have lost my job,
3
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,181
my uncle died,
4
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:10,098
and I found a raccoon
in my bed.
5
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:12,534
But, Gil, this cake makes up
for all that noise.
6
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,321
ALL: Mmm-hmm.
7
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:15,965
You're getting really good
at this baking thing, man.
8
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,279
And that vagina cake
that you made for
my bachelor party,
9
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:19,576
oh, my gosh. [BLOWS KISS]
10
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:22,111
It was as tasty
as it was photorealistic.
11
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,066
Ew.Speaking of weddings...
12
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,504
DENNAH: Why are you
even saying "speaking of"?
13
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:27,110
It arguable draws
more attention to the fact
14
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,461
that we weren't
speaking of weddings.
15
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:29,680
Speaking of
more attention
to weddings...
16
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,248
Okay, that works.This weekend is
17
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,075
the Chicago Wedding Expo.
18
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,863
Yay! Oh.
19
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,297
I thought we were
doing one of those
20
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,214
"everybody says yay"
things.
21
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,209
Jake, you are going
to "lerve" it.
22
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:42,221
Am I? There are champagne
tastings,
23
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:43,963
and flower workshops,
and a seminar
24
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,574
on how to keep
your bridesmaids
from porking out
25
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:47,314
but still staying
chunky enough to make
the bride feel skinny.
26
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:49,955
Here's looking
at you two.
27
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,050
Oh, and Gil, they even have
a wedding cake competition.
28
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,839
Ooh, I'm competition-ready.
29
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,623
I'm somewhat
of a master baker.
30
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,877
GIL: Hold for laughs.
31
00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,280
Who's gonna laugh first?
32
00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:02,114
Hey, you know, Annie,
if this wedding expo
33
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,592
is more of a
"you, your dad,
34
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,072
"Gil, your other dad"
sort of thing,
35
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:08,162
I'm happy to bow
[INHALES] in,
36
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:11,292
which is the most
respectful way
to enter an expo.
37
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:12,715
You bow into it.
You just...
38
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,031
Don't worry, Jake.
I'm going too.
39
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,947
You know, you and I
could do some
cool guy stuff.
40
00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:17,952
Okay.Like making our
own candles.
41
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,734
Okay. Classic guy stuff.
42
00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:21,858
Classic.Well, since I'm getting
married this year,
43
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:24,081
we can finally
participate in
the main event.
44
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,391
The wedding gown...
45
00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:27,216
BOTH: Grapple!
46
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:28,914
[LAUGHS] What is that?
47
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,221
Every bride
brings her mom,
48
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:31,657
or in Annie's case,
her me.
49
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:34,313
And you have 2 minutes
to grapple for any gown.
50
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,358
And then you can buy it
for a fraction of the cost.
51
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,194
Mmm-hmm. And that grapple is
for real, all right?
52
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,882
Last year,
a bride tore
her meniscus.
53
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:43,060
I already have my gown
all picked out
54
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,536
and the grapple's
the only way I could
ever afford it.
55
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,976
Jake, close your eyes. I'm gonna do
you one better.
56
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,672
I'm gonna take a nap.
57
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:50,069
Ladies and gentlemen,
a one-of-a-kind
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00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:51,333
strapless beaded
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00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,155
silk shantung Vera Wang
60
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:56,253
in eggshell, not cream,
because cream is for...
61
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,943
BOTH: Second weddings.
Ugh!
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00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,380
My mom wore
a Garfield sweatshirt
to her second wedding.
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00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:01,638
Instead of cake,
they had lasagna.
64
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,080
To be honest, it was
a whole Garfield theme.
65
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,556
And no, it didn't last.
66
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,997
It was also weird,
because she had it
on a Monday.
67
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,224
Well, I put in some
quality time with
my boos, my gals,
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00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:11,744
my Gils, and my Dads.
69
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,217
And if there isn't
anything else important
70
00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:14,437
to discuss, I'm gonna...
71
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:15,525
Annie, hold on.
Come on.
72
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:17,624
You have to tell them.
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00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:18,492
ANNIE: Fine.
74
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:20,844
Dads...
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00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,876
I am thinking about
getting bangs.
76
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,540
No, sweetie, please. Not on my watch.
77
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:27,584
Uh-uh. We've talked
about this.
78
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:30,449
Annie, bangs changed
my life.
79
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:32,541
Okay, it's not
about bangs, okay?
80
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,240
Pam contacted Annie.
81
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,758
Pam is the woman
who donated the egg
82
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,551
that later became
the Annie.
83
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,715
ANNIE: She's gonna be
in town this weekend,
84
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:42,251
and she thought it'd
be cool to meet up
if I wanted to.
85
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:44,376
But, Dads, I will not go
if you're uncomfortable.
86
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,858
I know you guys
had a weird history.
87
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,168
Uh, no, sweetie,
it's okay.
88
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,605
Your Dad and I knew
that this day was
going to come.
89
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,432
And Pam is a part
of who you are.
90
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,090
So we're happy
for you.
91
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,314
Right, Kevin?
92
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:02,660
Yes.
93
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,229
Wow, super convincing.
94
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,355
[SINGER WHISTLING]
95
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,057
♪ Oh, no
♪ Hey
96
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,624
♪ Can't hold me back
97
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,410
Babe, you sure you're not
nervous about meeting Pam?
98
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,667
No. I'm
totally chill.
99
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,760
You can call me
a trapped miner,
'cause I'm so Chilean.
100
00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:19,419
It's okay if you're
a little freaked out.
101
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:21,423
I mean, you are sort of
meeting your mom.
102
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,765
Yeah. When I met my mom
for the first time,
103
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,375
I cried like a baby...
104
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:28,336
because I was a baby,
and I just popped out of her!
105
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:29,905
I'm sorry. Kay likes
to keep it light.
106
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,392
Seriously, Annie,
are you okay?
107
00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:32,782
Guys, I'm not
meeting my mom.
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00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,824
I'm meeting the woman
that donated an egg
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00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,350
that was subsequently
scienced together
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00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,173
into a sort of
soft-serve swirl
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00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,311
with both my
dads' spunks.
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00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:40,573
[LAUGHS] Wow.
113
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,865
You sound like
Grey's Anatomy.
114
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,570
Pam and I share DNA,
but she is not my mom.
115
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:46,309
I mean, Jake and I
share nachos all the time.
116
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,490
Does that make him
my mom?
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00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,265
Well, technically,
we don't share nachos.
118
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,929
I order them and then
you eat most of them.
119
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,363
Hey, maybe don't do that.
120
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,189
Guys, don't worry
about me.
121
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:57,367
I have absolutely zero
emotional attachment
to this woman.
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00:03:57,454 --> 00:04:00,154
Annie, you have an emotional
attachment to dryer lint.
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00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,240
Only the lint from
the sweater I wore
the first time
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00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,849
I made love
to this little angel
sent from heaven.
125
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,459
Guys, I know that usually
high-stress situations
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00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,070
turn me into a bit of,
what Oprah would call,
127
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,290
an emotional tsunami,
128
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,250
but like I said,
I'm totally chill.
129
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:13,639
Hey, honey, are we out
of almond milk?
130
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,341
I drank it!
I'm bad!
131
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,819
Oh, God, no, it's okay.
Calm down. It's okay.
132
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:18,949
[INHALES]
133
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,431
[BOTH EXHALE]
134
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,351
ANNIE: It's a temporary
slipup,
135
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:25,176
and I'm back, and I'm
excited to meet Pam.
136
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,525
So, apropos of nothing
that happened in
the last 45 seconds,
137
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,525
I'm probably gonna
come with you.
138
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:31,047
Yeah, well, I assumed
you'd come with me
to prescreen her.
139
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,710
Huh? You know, you meet
Pam first,
140
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,104
check her out
for any red flags.
141
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,576
'Cause if she's
carrying red flags,
142
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,756
she's insane or plays
a ton of flag football.
143
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:39,282
I'm keeping it
light like Kay.
144
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,316
But definitely vet her. Yeah, vet her.
145
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,021
What am I, stupid?
Come on, Jake.
146
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:45,288
I mean, act like
you've helped a woman
meet the woman
147
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:48,772
who donated the egg
who became the woman
whose boobs you love.
148
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,903
[MUTTERING]
Think, shut...
149
00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:52,246
What the hell
are you doing?
150
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:54,897
It's a coping technique
I just got
151
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,470
from this new
self-help book I bought
152
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,337
called Think, Shut, Feel.
153
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,258
I'm supposed to think
about my problem,
154
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:03,093
shut my mouth,
feel the emotion.
155
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,912
Hmm. I don't know if you've
noticed this, Kevin,
156
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,740
but in certain
high-stress situations,
157
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,128
I can be a little bit of,
what Oprah calls,
158
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,440
an emotional tsunami.
159
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,396
No, Kevin, I've never
noticed you're emotional
160
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,225
because I don't have eyes.
161
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,103
You're right.
162
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,584
We should go and support
Annie when she meets Pam.
163
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:17,844
You know, Kevin,
you can't just say
164
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:19,316
"you're right"
when you have an idea
165
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,096
that you want people
to agree with.
166
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,410
You're right.
Let's go sooner
rather than later.
167
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:23,626
Okay, I'll get my coat.
168
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:26,544
Ugh. Damn it, Kevin,
you did it again.
169
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,290
I don't get it.
How are you okay with
Annie meeting Pam?
170
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,462
She totally stabbed us
in the back.
171
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:33,247
Kevin, this is good
for Annie.
172
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,683
You have to give her
the freedom
to explore this.
173
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,470
I'm thinking maybe
you might be
174
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,774
a little threatened
by Pam,
175
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,821
like she's gonna
replace you or something.
176
00:05:41,906 --> 00:05:45,426
Uh, no. I am just trying
to protect our girl.
177
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:48,519
But you're right.
I'll back off.
178
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,609
Thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
179
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,258
I'm just gonna go
take a little walk
180
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,012
to celebrate
my backing off.
181
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:55,786
[SIGHS]
182
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,436
Pam?
183
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,921
Hi.Hi.
184
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,400
I know you're
expecting Annie.Oh.
185
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,190
Let me explain.
186
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,284
I'm Jake, I'm her fiance,
and I just...
187
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,674
Oh. [SIGHS]
188
00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:06,926
I just wanted to
sit down with you,
189
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,928
just to make sure... I wasn't a lunatic
190
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,110
before you let me
meet your future wife?
191
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,545
[LAUGHS] Bingo.
192
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,162
[LAUGHS] Well, hey, I don't
see any red flags.
193
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,502
You look
perfectly normal.
194
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:15,901
Consider yourself vetted.
195
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,814
Great. Okay? Uh, Annie!
196
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:18,639
Caw-caw!
197
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:21,028
Hi.
198
00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,119
Annie,
this is Pam. Hi.
199
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,337
Pam, this is Annie.
200
00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:25,167
Oh, my gosh.
It's so nice
to meet you, Pam.
201
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,264
Likewise.
202
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,433
You seem normal. And you seem so...
203
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:30,909
...great. Oh?
204
00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,607
Actually,
I'm Pam.
205
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:34,657
Oh. Hmm. This is
my assistant.
206
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:35,922
You can go back
to New York now.
207
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:38,272
Off she goes. Yeah.
208
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:39,834
Wow. Oh, okay.
209
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,231
Does she even have a name?
210
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,493
I had her sit with
you to make sure
you weren't insane.
211
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,797
You vetted me?
I vetted you!
212
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,063
I'm so proud of you! Oh, my God!
213
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:48,755
I love your funky coat!Really?
214
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,243
I had someone
do my colors.
215
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,722
I've always wanted to do that.
I suspect I'm a winter,
216
00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:53,112
but maybe a spring? Yes, you are,
217
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,275
because you
have the dark hair
218
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,551
and then you have
this beautiful skin,
like Snow White.
219
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,723
Oh, my God!
220
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:58,938
My God!
221
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,157
Shut up!
222
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:01,725
You shut up!Both of you shut up.
223
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,949
Uh, oh, I was...
224
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,692
jumping in,
but it's more
your thing,
225
00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:06,863
and I apologize.
I'm sorry about that.
226
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,954
So your family
has no history
227
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,220
of juvenile diabetes
or lupus? Mmm-mmm.
228
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:15,613
Come on.
Don't you really
229
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:16,866
just want to ask me
how my boobs held up?
230
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,528
Yes. All I care about is
231
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,572
if Jake's gonna want
a motorboat my ta's in 20.
232
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:21,957
[LAUGHS]
You want a peak?
233
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,400
Yes! Get in here.
234
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,306
[GASPS] Nice!
235
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:27,101
Babe, you're gonna
be happy.
236
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,485
Nice. [LAUGHS] You know...
237
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:31,278
I always knew that
donating my egg
all those years ago
238
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,633
was the best thing
I could have done.
239
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,413
Because I took
that money
240
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,407
and started
my consulting company.
241
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:40,679
But getting to meet
the person my egg
became is even better.
242
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:43,384
This beautiful, intelligent,
engaging young woman.
243
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,643
Aw. You called me young.
244
00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:46,936
[BOTH LAUGH]
245
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,421
Thank you.
246
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:50,341
Annie, did you
order that? No.
247
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,906
But it's here,
and we're here.
So, you know...
248
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:53,914
there's no better
way to find out
249
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,335
if you've outgrown
your shellfish allergy
250
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,691
than by eating a huge
undercooked portion of it.
251
00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:59,261
Annie's not a
send-her-food-back
kind of gal.
252
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:01,348
She's more of
a "eat around
the contact lens
253
00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:03,217
"and then get a corn dog
on the way home" kind of gal.
254
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:05,268
Hey, no egg of mine
255
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,364
should have to
eat something
she doesn't want.
256
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,362
Take this and bring
this woman
257
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:09,754
her fully loaded,
family-sized tater tots. [GASPS]
258
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:12,323
Wow,
259
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:14,104
Pam, you're awesome.
260
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,019
Gosh, thank you.
261
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,244
She defended her egg.
262
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,932
What? Who? Where?
Sometimes why?
263
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,460
Oh, my God,
look who's here.
264
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:23,113
Dads? Kevin and Kevin.
265
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,638
Pamela and the daughter
we raised from birth.
266
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:28,642
Guys, listen,
I am so sorry
267
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,155
that things went sideways
268
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:31,688
with us all those
years ago.
269
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,342
I have matured. KEVIN 1: You're right.
270
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,945
It was a long time ago.
271
00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:36,076
Right, Kevin?
272
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,560
Yes.
273
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:41,910
Gosh, my Dads,
my egg donor,
274
00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:43,439
correct food order
on the way.
275
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,873
Best night ever.Oh.
276
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,880
[KAY CHUCKLES]
277
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,922
Gil, this cake is so
good I'd eat it even
if I wasn't high.
278
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:51,267
I think you're going
to win this competition,
buddy.
279
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:54,316
[LAUGHS]
280
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,843
As if the quality of
the cake has anything
to do with it.
281
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,357
You guys are such rookies.
282
00:08:58,450 --> 00:08:59,970
Nobody wins things
by being good.
283
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,801
You win things
by being bad.
284
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,109
Very bad. KAY: What?
285
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,675
Maybe I am too high.
286
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,292
Guys, I didn't win
Miss Teen Skokie
287
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:09,642
by not erasing
Samantha Lemon's
talent music
288
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,993
and not giving
one of the judges
a western grip HJ
289
00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:13,383
in his mom's
parked Saturn.
290
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,595
Back up, baby girl.
Did you really do all that?
291
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,855
Were you really
Miss Teen Skokie?
292
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,077
Yes, I was, and I did.
293
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,817
And I would do it again.
294
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,468
If you're not willing
to fight dirty,
295
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,042
then you don't
stand a chance.
296
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,828
So, are you in?
297
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,663
No, because
you're insane.
298
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:31,402
It's just gonna be a bunch
of little old ladies
having a bake-off.
299
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:33,703
More importantly,
what makes it
a western grip?
300
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,230
Wouldn't you
like to know?
301
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:36,583
Uh-bah-bah-bah.
302
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,713
Okay, okay,
so long story short,
303
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,355
never wear
the same pajamas
304
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:42,409
as Rosie O'Donnell
to a dinner party.
305
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:44,634
[LAUGHS] She broke a size 13
Croc off in your ass.
306
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,114
Damn. [ALL CHEERING]
307
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:49,024
Whoa, yes!
And the Bulls
are up...
308
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,890
which is not
as interesting
309
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:53,241
as your story about
Rosie O'Donnell's...
310
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:54,641
...foot. Hey.
311
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,384
You ever seen a game
from the skybox? ANNIE: No.
312
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:57,805
And I'm going to pretend
I know what a skybox is.
313
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,031
I assume it's light blue.
314
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,514
Hey, James, it's Pam.
315
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,691
Room in the box?
Great. Thank you.
316
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,257
Okay, we're in,
but we're gonna miss
317
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,523
the first quarter.
Do you still want to go?
318
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,476
I mean, it would be great
to spend more time together,
319
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,264
but we're supposed to go
to the opening night
of the expo tonight.
320
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,738
No, no, sweetie,
it's okay.
321
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,478
You should go.
Right, Kevin?
322
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,439
Right?
323
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,087
[CHUCKLES]
Yes. Of course.
324
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,621
Have fun, honey.
And you know what?
325
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,005
The grapple's not till
tomorrow anyway,
326
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,487
and that's what's
really important.
327
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:23,407
What do you think? Oh, gosh.
328
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,762
Wedding expo,
Bulls skybox.
That's...
329
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:26,972
KEVIN 1:
Oh, don't worry, Jake,
330
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,411
the candle-making
is tomorrow too.
331
00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:30,057
Oh, it's tomorrow?
Oh, okay, great.
332
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,111
Then I say
Bulls game it is. Okay.
333
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:32,805
JAKE: Great. [PAM LAUGHING]
334
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,333
Pam, wait! KEVIN 1: You know,
335
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:35,976
it seems like Pam
has really changed,
right?
336
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,850
Mmm.
337
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,552
Not for nothing,
but your self-help
technique,
338
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,692
it looks a lot
like vogueing.
339
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:49,037
DENNAH: Annie,
tell us about Pam.
340
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:51,216
Is she nice?
Is she cool?Is she hot?
341
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,743
I'm sorry.
342
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,567
Don't answer that,
unless you want to. Guys.
343
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,215
Pam is incredible.
We had so much fun last night.
344
00:10:58,309 --> 00:10:59,529
She came back
to our casa after.
345
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:01,175
We had a few drinks.
346
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:02,659
She knows so much
about wine. Yeah.
347
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,059
Did you know there are
different varieties
of red grapes?
348
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:06,322
Everybody
knows that. Yeah.
349
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:08,764
What's really cool is
that we're so similar.
350
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,412
We both have that
levelheaded super-logical
351
00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:12,575
non-emotional
businesswoman
kind of vibe.
352
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,632
Like surgeons,
or Judge Judy. KAY: Yeah.
353
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,547
That sounds
so like you.
354
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:18,552
Like yesterday,
when you cried
over croutons.
355
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,114
They're baby bread.
356
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,251
Hi.
357
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,422
ALL: Hey!
358
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:25,157
I brought bagels.
359
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,859
Well, I brought more bagels.
360
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:27,817
[LAUGHS] Listen...
361
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,384
I had a lot of fun
with Pam.
362
00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:30,251
Mmm-hmm. And she's
only in town
363
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,431
till Monday.
364
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,336
Is it cool if I invite
her to the expo,
365
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,781
since you guys
made up and all?
366
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,128
Oh, of course, babe.
367
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:37,387
You think Dad will be
okay with it?
368
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:43,963
Yes.
369
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:44,751
Great! I'm gonna
call her. Mmm. Okay.
370
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,800
Hey, Jake, thanks for
looking out for Annie
during all of this.
371
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,802
She says it's not
a big deal,
372
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,804
but I know that
meeting Pam is really
important to her.
373
00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:54,016
Oh, no problem at all.
374
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:55,804
I mean, you know,
Pam's great.
375
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:56,929
And it's nice to
have somebody
in Annie's family
376
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,410
who likes to
talk about sports.
377
00:11:58,500 --> 00:11:59,720
[LAUGHS]
378
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:03,112
Oh, you were serious.
379
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,730
Well, I guess you don't think
the Westminster Dog Show
is a sport.
380
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,512
[LAUGHS]
381
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:10,987
Oh, you were serious.
382
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,728
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]DENNAH: All right, Gil...
383
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,729
Sure you want to
just go in there
384
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,521
and play by the rules
like some kind of sissy
that sits down to sissy?
385
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:20,436
Hey, standing
makes me tired.
But yes.
386
00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:21,832
I don't need
any of your trickery.
387
00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:23,605
My cake's tight.
388
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,699
I almost feel
sorry for these
little old ladies.
389
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:27,618
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, are you
gonna be like,
390
00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:30,623
"Don't let the door
hit you in the balls
on the way out.
391
00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:32,576
"The tennis balls on
the bottom of your walker,
392
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,194
"you old bag of beans!"
393
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,355
[LAUGHS]
394
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:36,970
Okay.
395
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,540
Quite the ageist rant.
396
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:41,935
GIL: What the...
397
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,552
Where are all
the old ladies?
398
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:44,852
Excuse me.
399
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,718
Is this the cake
competition?
400
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:49,119
Yeah, you're in
the right place.
401
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,473
But you're gonna
end up in last place.
402
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:55,080
Whoa, are you Top Chef's
Michael Voltaggio?No.
403
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,245
No, I'm your
worst nightmare's
Michael Voltaggio.
404
00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:58,911
And I've won
this competition
three years in a row.
405
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,385
No one's gonna
take this title
from me.
406
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,606
Nice to meet you.
Thank you.
407
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:03,964
Well, on the one hand,
408
00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:06,614
I'm like, "Cool,
free switchblade."
409
00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:09,478
Then of course
on the other hand,
I'm like, "I'm terrified."
410
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,311
And then if I add
that elusive third hand,
411
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:14,009
I'd be like, "Go get
Voltaggio's autograph.
You still love him."
412
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,927
You know how Dennah's
only right once a year?
413
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,542
Today might be the day,
big boy.
414
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,062
Oh, God, I hope not.
415
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,366
Just give me the word, Gil.
Do you want to win?
416
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,322
[SIGHS]
Yeah, I want to win.
417
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:25,501
Okay. Presentation
is a big part of the score.
418
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:26,717
So...
419
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:28,591
Ow.
420
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,937
Oh, what am I supposed
to do, make a wish?
421
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:34,157
I wish to win
the competition.
[BLOWS]
422
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,728
No. I want you to
put this hair
on Voltaggio's cake.
423
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,856
You got to mess
with his presentation.
424
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:41,338
I didn't win
Miss Junior Skokie
by not splashing paint
425
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,869
on Tiffany Stoller's
poise and appearance gown.
426
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,778
Fine.
I'll do it.
427
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,219
[SIGHS]
428
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:50,996
You're almost as hard
to follow in person
as you are on Twitter.
429
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:53,531
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
430
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,045
JAKE: Wow, this place
is no joke.
431
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,358
I just saw a girl
in a helmet.
432
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,194
What? They're allowing
helmets this year?
433
00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,272
Hey, organizers,
how about you send
a group e-mail
434
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:01,881
to let us know
the rules have changed?
435
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,841
Who are you talking to?
436
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,150
Hey, Dad! Whoo! Hey. You ready?
437
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,235
Where's Dad? Oh, he's right here.
438
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:07,763
Hey, Jake.
439
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,587
How about those
Chicago Bulls? Yeah.
440
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,724
Yeah, how about them?
441
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,457
Jersey looks
a little strange
442
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,158
with a purple sweater
draped over it.
443
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:17,115
It's lavender. Focus.
444
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:19,344
When that whistle blows,
we are no longer humans.
445
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,253
We are terminators
446
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,038
who have been programmed
447
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:26,653
to get that
Vera Wang
at all costs.
448
00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:28,645
Annie, you were right.
449
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,257
Pam is amazing.
450
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:31,607
And hot.
451
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,916
Hello, Pamela.
It is so very nice
452
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,273
to see you today.
453
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:36,702
Hello, Kevin.
454
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:39,308
Wow, I'm so proud of you.
You almost sound sincere.
455
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,360
Oh, hey, babe,
the wedding gown
grapple is about to start.
456
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,875
Yeah. I don't want you
to see my dress.
457
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,969
So, I'm here because...
458
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:47,149
I'm the light
of your life?
459
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,368
Okay. Have fun. Get one of these.
460
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,634
Jake, the candle-making
booth I'm taking you to
461
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,157
is the Michael Jordan
of candle-making booths.
462
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:56,372
[WHISTLE BLOWS] [GASPS] This is it.
463
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,290
Brides, grab your moms,
464
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,245
because we're starting in
three, two, one!
465
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:02,675
Go!
466
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:04,991
[ALL SHOUTING]
467
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,996
Annie! Brides and mothers
only.
468
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,912
You have to
let me in there.
469
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,867
[WHISTLE BLOWS] Hey, girls,
break it up.
470
00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,435
Excuse me, excuse me,
my mom... Well...
471
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:15,742
My Dad, but he has
court-ordered maternal rights.
472
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,347
He didn't make it in.
473
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:18,828
Every bride only gets
one other person.
474
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,398
And isn't that your mom
over there?
475
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:21,964
Hey, what do you think
about this one?
476
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,401
Oh, my God!
That's the dress!
477
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,137
So this woman
with the one-of-a-kind
478
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:26,268
Vera Wang
is not your mom?
479
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,360
Hey, lady,
put the dress back.
480
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:29,749
No, no, that's not
my mom... I mean...
481
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,501
That...that woman
is my Mommy.
482
00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:32,632
Oh. That's my Mommy.
483
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:33,984
Hi, Mommy. Hi.
484
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,113
Hey, how are you?
485
00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:36,975
Oh, my God.
486
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,626
Get the hell away
from my daughter!
487
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,110
Kevin! Did she hurt you?
488
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,510
No! Relax.
489
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,552
You relax, Pam. Oh.
490
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:46,118
Look, I found it,
Annie. I did.
491
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:47,726
Me. I found
the Vera Wang.
492
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:49,636
Daddy found the Vera...
493
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,781
[IN DEEP VOICE] ...Wang![FABRIC RIPPING]
494
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,479
[IN DEEP VOICE] No!
495
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,085
[GASPS]
496
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,572
Uh, we can...
we can fix this.
497
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:02,396
Oh, my God. We can fix this.
498
00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:04,053
Totally fix this.
499
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,137
The Wang.
It's ruined!
500
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,746
I am so sorry
for your loss.
501
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,747
Okay, buddy,
you're out of here!
502
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:11,669
Oh, no.
No, no, no. Oh, yeah.
503
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:13,968
[INAUDIBLE]
504
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:20,072
[SIGHS]
Tough break
on the dress.
505
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,243
[MOANS]
506
00:16:22,329 --> 00:16:23,369
You know,
my consulting firm
507
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,590
does some
work in fashion.
508
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,860
I might be able to
see if I can get you
something similar.
509
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,682
Really? Yeah.
510
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,030
That would be amazing.
Thank you.
511
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,820
Listen...Hmm.
512
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:35,914
I do feel like
I need to apologize
for my dad.
513
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,385
He's just being protective.
I know his heart is
in the right place.
514
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:41,035
Oh, don't sweat it.
Kevin has always
been this way.
515
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:43,520
Totally. I mean, he's not
tough and levelheaded
and logical like us.
516
00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:47,961
Annie, you and I
see the world in
the exact same way,
517
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,230
which is why I don't
have to sugarcoat
the real reason
518
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:51,143
I wanted to
meet up with you.
519
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,753
I want one of your eggs.
520
00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:56,539
Egg? I'm sorry.
521
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:58,634
Egg...what...what...
What egg now?
522
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:01,463
I'm engaged to
this terrific woman
named Jean,
523
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,372
and Jean wants kids,
you know?
524
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:04,937
So, we need your egg.
525
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,724
Oh. Huh.
526
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,719
Oh, yeah, I'll pay you
and everything.
527
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:10,861
I mean, just think of it
as a business thing.
528
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,552
We don't need to stay
in touch or anything.
529
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,290
Of course.
530
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,081
[CHUCKLES]
Right. Right!
531
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,945
Because why would
you want to start
a relationship with me,
532
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,298
or, like, watch Beaches
over Skype together?
533
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,298
[LAUGHS] Beaches.
534
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,130
I love this idea. I do.
535
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:26,828
And, um,
you know what?
536
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:29,265
I could not
like an idea more.
537
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:30,612
I'm dropping eggs
every month,
538
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,141
so it's, like,
it's no bigs.
539
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,835
But let's table
this idea for right now.
540
00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:37,192
I'm just going to run
and check on my daddy-os.
541
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,883
I got my checkbook.
542
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,540
You know, I'm digging
this candle-making thing.
543
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:42,544
You're not that
good at it. Oh.
544
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:45,146
Hey, basketball score.
Two credits. Ugh.
545
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:46,408
Hey, guys. Hi.
546
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,150
We thought we'd stop by
547
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,201
and give you
a little moral support.
548
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,025
Plus, black Kevin
loves cake.
549
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,163
Well, sorry,
no morals here.
550
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,806
Nothing moral at all.
551
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:56,339
You know what,
Kay, Dennah?
552
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:58,083
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
553
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:00,253
What?
554
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,520
Everybody,
pay attention to me.
555
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:04,523
When I first entered
this contest,
556
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:07,165
I had but two things
on my mind. Cake...
557
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,090
and friendship.
558
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,736
But somewhere
along the way,
559
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,010
the pubin' started.
560
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,223
Oh, God.
561
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:18,181
I put pubes
in Voltaggio's cake.
562
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,321
Then I went over
and started pubin'
563
00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:20,492
that guy's cake.
564
00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:21,667
I mean, if there's a cake
565
00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:23,152
in this room,
it's got pubes on it.
566
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,499
At the height
of my activities,
you would have been
567
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,373
within your rights
to refer to me
as Mark Pubin.
568
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:29,845
The point is,
569
00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,984
this thing shouldn't be
about these devious
little tricks.
570
00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:35,724
It should be
about the cake.
571
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:38,254
And the friendship.
572
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,509
[SLOW APPLAUSE] MAN: Yeah.
573
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:45,601
[CLAPPING INCREASES]
574
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:51,736
Now, judge, just taste
the cakes and...
575
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:52,996
You're disqualified.
576
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,658
[EXHALES]
That makes sense.
577
00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:56,442
Mmm.Oh, that's too bad.
578
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:57,656
Because I think
Gil's cake
579
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:58,875
is the Michael Jordan
of cakes.
580
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:00,923
Oh, God, Kevin,
581
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:02,919
what is with the jersey
and the Michael Jordan
references?
582
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,191
Well, I guess
my feelings were hurt
583
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:07,494
when you got
so excited that Pam
got you Bulls tickets.
584
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,801
All right, well,
I'll tell you what.
585
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:09,886
Why don't you come over
to our house tonight,
586
00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,454
we'll order a pizza,
we'll watch the game.
587
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:14,021
Oh, that's so sweet.
One caveat.
588
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:16,369
I'm several seasons
behind on basketball
right now,
589
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,289
and the only pizza
I enjoy is Mystic.
590
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:23,118
Oh, Annie.
What happened?
Where's Pam?
591
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,985
Did you get the dress?
Did she ask about me?
592
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,506
You told her I'm down
for whatever, right?
593
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,250
The only thing I got
was in a fight with Dad,
594
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:30,911
and cinnamon sugar
Wetzel's on the way back.
595
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,815
Aw, you gonna be
okay, sweetie?
596
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,090
Do you want a hug
from Daddy?
597
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,963
Actually, could you guys
do me another favor?
598
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:37,134
Could you find
Pam and tell her
599
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,399
I'm not gonna
give her my egg.
600
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:41,572
I got to find Dad. I will
explain everything later.
Thank you in advance!
601
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,658
What...
602
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,187
What happened?
We were literally away
from her for 8 minutes.
603
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:47,752
[MUMBLES]
604
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:51,188
Did you put pubes
in your own cake?
605
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,187
I wanted to
keep it fair.
606
00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,194
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
607
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:59,068
[SIGHS] Dad.
608
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:01,114
Listen, I'm...
609
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,510
No, I am.
You know, it's...
610
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:04,512
Been tough on me, too.
But listen, Pam...
611
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:05,864
Did she ask you
for an egg? How did you...
612
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:07,253
She's always
been... I mean...
613
00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,556
Exactly. I thought she was
614
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,172
actually
interested in me,
615
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,692
but she just wanted
a business relationship.
616
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,515
Now I know how
Kris Humphries feels.
617
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:15,613
Pam did the exact
same thing to us.
618
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,562
You know, when your
Dad and I picked her
to be our egg donor,
619
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,521
we thought she was
going to be like family.
620
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:21,999
But then she turned it
into an ugly business deal,
621
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,350
you know, with contracts
and lawyers
and shoulder pads.
622
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:26,918
It was the '80s.
623
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,658
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
624
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,399
And I'm so sorry
I ruined your dress.
625
00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:32,010
No, I'm sorry.
626
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,230
And, Dad,
I hope you know
627
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,060
you're the only mom
I'll ever need.
628
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,447
Hmm. I love you.
629
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,890
I love you, too.
630
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:42,147
You want a cracker?
They're only 30 calories. Ooh.
631
00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,073
All good?
632
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,895
All good.KEVIN 1: Sweetie...
633
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:47,123
I know things didn't
work out with Pam
634
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:48,602
the way you expected,
635
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:51,292
but you should know
the reason we chose
her as our donor
636
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,640
is because we knew
you would have
two mushy dads.
637
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,600
And we needed
an egg with bite.
638
00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:57,649
Aw.Look how great
you turned out.
639
00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:58,824
Yeah.
640
00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:01,349
Well, the hunt
for the dress continues.
641
00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:02,914
You know, actually,
642
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,090
when I was being
forcibly removed
643
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:06,476
from the grapple,
644
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:09,359
I was able to grab this.
645
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:11,442
Ooh. Pants!
646
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:12,791
I thought it was
a Monique Lhuillier,
647
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,320
but it's actually
a Mo'Nique,
648
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,103
the actress/comedienne.
649
00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:18,017
It's from a line
of wedding loungewear
650
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:19,452
that her former assistant
had made in Canada
651
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:21,669
without her knowledge
or her permission. Oh, God.
652
00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:23,368
KEVIN 2: But look
how snappy it is.
653
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:26,326
"We keep big girls comfy
on their big day, girl."
654
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:27,625
The hunt for the dress
continues.
47628
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