All language subtitles for Marry.Me.S01E14_English

(SNORING)

Sorry, babe.

Ugh!
Janet kept me late again.

Can we still make
our dinner reservation?

Oh, no.
I don't think so, sweetie.

It's 4:00 A.M.
Wow.

What... Why are
your pants on
inside-out?

Oh. I caught that mid-day,
but I was too busy to fix it.

Babe, this is the third
date night is a row
you've missed.

I know, I'm sorry.
It's just that we're
redoing the entire place.

I mean, you don't just
snap your fingers

and create a stunning
yet understated
European-style hotel

with rooftop vodka bar,
smoking grotto,

and clothing optional spa.

Jugs.
It's just...
This job is a lot.

No, I get it.
You know,

that's the beauty
of my new job.

Punch in at 10:00,
I crunch some numbers,

I'm home by 5:00, you know?
Do I know what I'm crunching?

No. You know,
should I have been
there at 9:00?

(CHUCKLES)
Probably.

But, it's all chell.

Chell?
Yeah, chell.

It's a cheller way
of saying "chill."
Oh.

Babe, work is supposed
to be something
you don't care about,

that ends early
enough so you can
get home and just...

Chell?
Yeah, now we're cooking
with jazz.

But I don't want
to chell, babe.

I mean, I have
aspirations and dreams,

and if it means I have
to work till 4:00 A.M.,
so be it.

You know what?
That's what makes us tick.
Right?

You live to work,
I work to live, you know?

But together, we...
Lurk to wiv.

We're... Oh, I had it,
I had it, I had it.
I lost it.

The point is,
is I just want to
hang out with you.

Me too. But hey,
date night doesn't
have to be over.

We still have
plenty of time to...

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Crap.

What? Oh, no.
There's always
time to crap.

No. It's Janet.
I got to...

No. No, no, no.
No. It is date night.

Or morning, okay?

So, now I'm going
to reheat that tub,

skim the hair off the top,

and put on
the Sleepless In Seattle
soundtrack.

Deal. Oh, my God.
(PHONE RINGING)

The landline.

Wait.
We have a landline?

I always thought that
was a hipster cookie jar.

I got to answer it.
It's Janet.
No.

You're right.
You're right. You're right.
Date morning.

You go do that
weird tub stuff,

and I will open up
a bottle of wine.

Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

(LAUGHS) Bip.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)

Ooh.
Ahh.

(SNAPS FINGERS)
Yes.

Careful.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Are you...
Just walk in.

I'm just gonna go.
Okay. Careful.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Janet, what are you
doing here?

Annie, I need you.

All the work you did
caught on fire.
What?

Well, not really.
But it was so bad
I should have burned it.

Come on. We gotta go
to the Fabric Mart.

It about to open.
If I lose any more chiffon

to gay Tony, I'm going
to, uh, freak, uh!

What day...
Come on, let's go.
Come on, let's go.

Hey, uh, Annie,
I found a snake
in the bathroom,

but, um, he seems
pretty friendly.

(CHUCKLES)

Annie?

(MAN WHISTLING)

* Oh, no
* Hey

* Can't hold me back

* Can't hold me back
from you *

Mmm. I'm sorry,
but this card
is also declined.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Really?
Okay, how about...
Ew.

Give that one
the old college try.

Declined.
Ah!

Oh, Jake. Don't worry about
it, buddy.

We'll wait while
you call your bank.

You know, if I don't
keep switching this damn thing

from pocket to pocket,

my back starts scoliosin'
something fierce.

So, Kay,
I don't get it.

You brought us here
to meet some girl?

I thought you were
dating Hailey?

I am. Which is why
I need to break it off

with all these
side salads I've
been nibbling on.

I wanted you guys here
in case she flips out.

When you take the Kay away,
they go a little cray.

Human operator.
Human.

Human.
Oh, my God,
there she is.

Act like you're asleep.
Oh, that won't do anything.

Brianna!
Kay.

I am so glad
that you called...

Who the hell is this?

Just a friend.
Not gay.

Well then, who's that
lesbian on the phone
over there?

Oh, that's just Jake.

Although, he does have a bit
of a Rachel Maddow vibe
cooking today.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

I think
that was mine.

Okay. All right.
Oh, perfect.

Well, thank you so much.
All right, bye.

Well, my identity's
been stolen. Damn it.

Why would anyone want
to be you? No offense.

How... How would I not
be offended by that?

Now I gotta
restore my credit,

unfreeze my bank account.

My Yogurtland punch card
is probably invalid.

I could fix
that all for you.

You can?
(SCOFFS)
I don't know.

Did I hack
the network firewall
for Chicago One bank

in under ten minutes?
(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) I...
I don't know. Did you?

Depends. Who's asking?

You.

You're asking.

Yeah.
I'm a programmer.

I can do anything
in three keystrokes.

BOTH: Mmm.

Listen, girl,
we need to talk.

Oh, about you
clearing up my identity.

Preferably before
giving or receiving

any big relationship news.

Yeah. Anything for a friend
of my little Kay.

I'd take a freight train
to the face for you, baby.

Oh, that's sweet.
Right, Kay?

Fine.
Okay. Okay.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, my God.

It's like, stop staring,
hungry Barbie.

She's not into you.

Oh, man.
This video game
is so realistic.

I mean, if I had a Camaro
and a baseball bat,

this is exactly what
I would do.

Dude, don't you have
to get to work?
It's 11:00 A.M.

Ah, no one's
gonna notice.

Yeah. I'm one of 400 employees
on my floor alone.

What I do is I put a jacket
on the back of my chair,

and then people
think I'm there.
It's the perfect gig.

Man. I gotta get back
in the corporate game.

Any news on that resume
I gave you?

Oh, you're in the system,
buddy.

HR says you're next
in line.

Well, then actually let me
give you my new resume.

It's on cardstock.
My Kinko's guy says

it's the same paper
people use to apply to be

President of
the United States.

Well,
that's 100% not true.

Hey, guys. My boys,
my fellas, my dawgs.

Woot, woot.
Oh, no.

Kay, what did you do?

Nothing.

I just, uh,
thought I'd come by

to see if you happened
to get your identity
fixed yet.

No, why?
No reason.

Just, uh, Hailey and I
bumped into Brianna.

Made me think of it.
No big.

Wait a second.
Brianna saw you
with Hailey?

Was she pissed?
Short answer
is yes, but...

Oh, terrific.

So I gave
my social security
number to a crazy,

jealous hacker who probably
has a vendetta against you.

Don't worry about it.
She said she's gonna
take care

of your whole
identity thing anyway.

She did?
Yeah.

As she was storming off,
she turned around,

she touched all
of her fingertips
together, and said,

"Don't worry.
I'm gonna take care of
your friend's identity."

And ended it with
a pretty standard
"mark my words" sign off,

and then just
laughed and laughed.

Uh-huh.
It'll be fine.

Ah, somehow
I don't believe you.
(PHONE CHIMES)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh.

Here's a little news
you might be
interested in, Kay.

Apparently there's been
a death at my company.

Oh.
Yeah.
In my department.

My God.
On my floor.

Jesus.
In my seat.

(GASPS) We got to get
you a new chair, buddy,

in case that
one's haunted.
It's me.

Somehow your
crazy ex-girlfriend
made me dead.

(HORN HONKING RINGTONE)
GIL: Oh, my God.

I just got an email
from CLM Solutions too.

A temp position
just opened up.

Best day ever!
(LAUGHING)

Okay, look,
wait a second.

So, Mr. Schuffman,
comma, Jacob,

it says here in the system
that you are deceased.

Now, that's a bummer.

Well, obviously,
that wrong.

Because I'm here
talking to you,
right, so...

Ooh, it's just...
It's out of my hands.

Once you get
your whole identity
situation straightened out,

just come back in,
and then we can fill out

the proper paperwork
to prove that
you are "alive."

I am alive.
There's no need
for the air quotes.

"Okay."
(CHUCKLES)

But in the meantime,

you are gonna have to
vacate the premises,

for insurance purposes.

I mean, can you imagine
if you were injured

while on the job
while you were dead,
you know?

Paperwork nightmare
for old Eugene.

Are you Eugene?
I wish I were.

It looks like standard
operating procedures

are already in effect,
so flowers are gonna be sent

to your next of kin,
and there's gonna be

a small memorial for you

at the next
weekly staff meeting.

Well,
can't you just stop that?

Hey, that's an idea.

But, no,
there's nothing
I can do.

Well, thank you so much
for literally not helping
me at all.

You're welcome.

So, we needed
a short-term temp,

that's you,
because we bumped
everyone up the ladder.

We had a death
in Accounts.

A man named Jake...

Schuffman?
Hey!

Someone's done
their research.

Hey, keep this up
and maybe this "temp"

could become a "perm."

You know, according
to Teen Vogue,

I have the perfect bone
structure for a perm.

(LAUGHING) Hey...

It's been tense around
here since Jake died.

Thanks for giving me
permission to laugh again.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, babe.

ANNIE: Oh, hey.
Just a quick question.

No big whoops,
but did you happen to die?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I should have called
you earlier, my bad.

Uh, you might be
receiving some flowers
from my company.

Yep. I got 'em.

Kay's crazy ex-girlfriend
somehow convinced the world

and every computer in it
that I'm dead.

Okay.
Well, just a heads-up.

This is on that
list of things
you're supposed to

immediately call me about.

That and if you see
Lamar Odom.

It's weird that
he's still your hall pass.

(SIGHS)
Why is the bathroom key
wet again?

Oh, I gotta go.
Janet's here.

Annie, these patterns
are all wrong.

Oh, but they're
exactly what you
asked for last night.

Well, last night
I was on Percocet
for my...

I don't know,
ear pain?

Sure.
Let's go with that.

Now this means we gotta
come in on a Sunday.

And by "we,"
I mean "you."

And by "you,"
I mean, "Ugh. You."

Okay.
No problem.

Who's this?
CLM Solutions.

Condolences.
Ah, who's Jake?

Um, that's my fiance,
but it's not...

Your fiance died?
What are you even
doing here?

You should be at home,
lousy with grief.

Really?

Maybe I should...
Maybe I should be home.

I am feeling
pretty grieve-y.

And I've been trying
to work through it, but...

Oh, I'm so sorry,
you poor thing.

Oh, and I've been
so hard on you.

And that explains
why your work

has been so subpar
and childlike.

Okay.
I'm gonna go.

Human operator.
Human.

Oh, no, babe.
What are you doing?

That was the
Social Security office.

Jake, stay dead.

Because as long
as you are, you don't
have to go to work,

I don't have to go to work,

we can finally
have a date night.

We can have
a whole date week.

So just forget about this,
and kiss me

with your corpse mouth.
Oh, yeah, baby.

I'm gonna shove
my dead tongue down
your living throat.

Oh, yes, please.

Ooh.

You know, we're just not
these kinds of people.

No, no.
We eat off this thing,
you know?

It's not sanitary.
It's so low
with your back.

Yeah. Soft bed
in the other room
right there waiting for us.

Yeah. Just gonna brush
my teeth. I'll be right in.

All right. Very good.

Wow, Annie,
this hotel is so chell.

I can't believe
you designed all of this.

Thanks, babe.
I couldn't have done it

without Janet screaming
at me and taking credit
for my work.

Ah, she just sucks all
the joy out of my job.

I'm really glad we came.
Seeing everything I created

really reminds me
of how much
I love this stuff.

Yeah. And I'm glad
Brianna killed me.

Otherwise I'd be stuck
in a sterile cubicle

instead of
straight up chelling.

Yeah.
Correct me if I'm wrong,

but didn't you say
that this Euro-spa is...

Clothing optional?
Uh-oh.

Hide your field mice,
the snake is loose.

Yeah. And thirsty.

Don't be gross.
Uh, no, no.

I just meant
can you grab us
a few more drinks?

Oh, yes. Of course.
No problem.

Two more Moscow Mules,
please.

Oprah and Gayle
love them, so do I.

Annie?

Janet.
What are you doing here?

You hate interacting
with clients.

Yeah, true,
but I had to drop off
these lobby designs

because you were supposed
to be at home grieving.

Yeah, I was,
but I can't stay
in that house.

Not... Not the house
that we shared as lovers.

I had to come here
to get away from the sadness

and the memories...

Oh, and the drinks?

Yes.

Just pouring one out
for my homie.

R.I.P., Jake. R.I.P.

Annie, what's the 411
on those drinks?

I want to wet my whistle
while I wet my willy.

Oh, Annie,
is this naked guy
with you?

Um, yes. Yes.

This... Put this on. This...
This is Jake's brother,

Ja... Jezz. Jazz.
Jazz, Jazz.

This man's name is Jazz.

Jazz, I would like for you
to meet my boss from work

Janet L'Amour of "Janet
for Janet L'Amour designs

"by Janet L'Amour."

Oh, Janet.
Annie's told me so,
uh, little about you.

Yeah, because we...
We don't really see
much of each other

and know much of each other
because I was in Afghanistan

and my brother, Jake,
did not support the troops,

which vis-a-vis was me,
so... (CHUCKLES)

...we had a falling out,
you know?

So, it's hot there,
you know?

A lot of people don't know
that about Afghanistan.

Okay, that's good.

So, the two of you
came here together?

To a nude spa?
Yes, because we...

We both feel that Jake
would want us to be nude...
Yep.

...as a symbol of rebirth.

Yeah. This is for you,
big brother.

And we miss you a lot.
No, no, wait.
Ahh.

Well, it's real nice
of you, Jazz,

to come all the way
from Afghanistan

to support Annie here.

And, um,
hey, you know,

if you need another
shoulder to cry on,

I just want you to know
that my door is always open,

and the clothes
are optional.

That's a joke.
(CHUCKLES)

JAKE:
That's... Whew.

Thank God I took those
military improv classes.

Yeah.
Those really helped.
Right?

I can't believe
Janet was there.

I didn't think
this thing through.

I mean, what am I
going to tell her

when I have to go
back to work,

and she sees that
I'm still planning
a wedding with you?

Okay, here's the deal.
Jake stays dead.

Jazz steps up,
does the honorable thing,

marries his brother's widow.
(GRUNTS)

Old school.
She's gonna figure it out.

Babe, Janet doesn't
think twice about
what you do

in your personal life.

Besides, you know
she's just gonna
Percocet it and forget it.

Jacob, emergency powwow.

We need our key back.

If you'll excuse me,
I have some

cry-heaving to do
in the bathroom.

Whoa, Gil,

you're wearing an outfit
that actually makes sense.

What's up, pal?
I need advice.

I'm doing the announcements
at this week's staff meeting

at CLM Solutions,
which involves a five-minute
memorial segment

on the deceased,
vis-a-vis, you.

They're only giving me
five minutes?

Hey, I had to push for five.
They wanted to give you
a hard two.

What?
But anyway,
I want to make sure

it's really awesome.
Oh, thanks, buddy.

So I can impress Hank.
Ugh.

Now think for a second.

What's a better song
to go with pictures
of dead Jake?

Is it I Will Remember You
by Sarah McLachlan,

or Mambo No. 5
by Lou Bega?

Is that a joke?

You want to play a song
to pictures of dead me?

It's obviously Lou Bega.
No, that's what I thought.

But I wanted to run it
by you out of respect.

Who is this Hank guy
you're talking about?

Hank.
He's the office manager.

He works right next
to Barbara.

Oh, I'm drawing a lot
of blanks here.

Babs. Her daughter
just got out of rehab

for that crippling
bath salts addiction.

They did a story about her.

She was running
through the streets
eating people's faces.

At CLM?
She ate a face
at CLM, yeah.

She ate a face at CLM?
Bring-your-daughter-to-work
day, she ate a face.

She ate Earl's face.

Earl, he organizes
the trivia night.

Trivia night?
I didn't know
they did that.

I love trivia.
Especially when it's
cloaked by the night.

Yeah, it's pretty chell.

Wow. That does
sound pretty chell.

It's hella chell,
if I'm being honest.

You know, I don't know
why you always said

they're some big nameless,
faceless corporation.

We're a family.
A big, 10,000 person family.

We're like Mormons,
except we get
to drink coffee.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Who's that?
I don't know.
But it's somebody.

Annie's boss Janet!

Jazz.
What are you doing here?

Janet, you are here,
and that is neat.

Yes, that is neat. And, uh,
this is my friend, Gil,

from the war.

(WHISPERS) I'm Jazz.
Hmm.

I'm rock and roll.
JANET: Annie,

may I have a word?
Yes.

I think it's pretty clear
why I'm here.

Well, I don't think
it's clear why any
of us are here.

I mean,
the universe, right?

We were once fish.
Pfft!

All right,
you probably noticed

that Jazz and I really
hit it off at the spa.
Huh?

Please. I mean,
the chemistry
was so intense

you could hear
my egg drop.

So, I came over here
to tell you

that I'm going to
actively pursue him.

Huh?
And since
I like to pounce

when they're at
their most vulnerable,

I'm gonna have to go
ahead and attend
that funeral, okay?

The funeral...
Yes, the...
The funeral.

Well,
the tragedy continues

because we aren't
having one of those.

No funeral?
Oh, well, there is gonna
be a memorial service

at his office,
if that helps.

I don't want to get
ahead of myself,

but a lot of people
are calling it

the memorial service
of the fiscal quarter.

I will see you there.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, and I never
wear underwear
at memorial services,

so let's just say
there's not going to be
a dry seat in the house.

Oh, let's not say that.

All right, well,
see you there.

Hey.
Hey, cool guy.

What's up with
the hat and the shades?

Hat-and-shades Thursday
isn't until next Tuesday.

We had to reschedule it
'cause some guy died.

I don't know.
Me, Gil.

I died.

Just trying to keep
a low pro

because I'm not
supposed to be here.

But Jazz is.

I'm Jazz.

And I'm rock and roll.
We've already
been through this.

Ooh, I gotta go say hi
to my friends.

They're having
a tough day.

The toner
didn't come in.

Hey, hey.
(MIMICS EXPLODING)

Look at all those
sweet handshakes
he's doing.

BOTH: Ahh!
Oh, Annie.

Annie, right here.

You might need to move.
Annie, come on.

I have to go sit with her.

I'll stay back.

Oh, isn't Jazz
going to join us?

Uh, he's scared
of PowerPoints,
you know?

Because of the war.
Oh.

I like it.
A fixer-upper.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, you're gonna
wear that?

Yeah, obviously.
I'm already here.

What the hell are
you two doing here?

We wouldn't miss
your funeral, buddy.

Besides, Barbara made
her famous deviled eggs.

Hey, Babs.

And Hank's taking
everybody bowling after.

He's really good.

Wait, so you two
are hanging out with
Barbara and Hank now?

God, I feel like
I'm in one of those movies

where Nic Cage learns what
his life could have been like

if he just made a couple
of different choices.

All right,
let's get started.

Our buddy Gil's gonna take us
through the announcements

starting with a very special
PowerPoint to commemorate

the passing of one
of our team members,
Jack Chuffman.

(APPLAUSE)

Get it, Gil!
(BARKING)

Thank you.

His death
brought us together.

But my PowerPoint
will lift us up.

This was Jack Chuffman.

Oh, come on.

* A little bit of Monica
in my life

* A little bit of Erica
by my side

* A little bit of Rita
is all I need

* A little bit of Tina
is what I see *

This is sadder than
I thought it would be,

but in a different way.

You gonna get up there
and say a few words?

This song says it better
than I ever could.

Annie, the least
you can do is get up there

and say a few words
about your dead fiance.

Hey, all due respect,
Janet,

I'll grieve in my own way.

Thank you.
You don't need to tell
me what to do here.

We're not at the office.

Well, somebody
should 'cause you're
mourning wrong.

You know what?
I am gonna say a few words.

A little bit
of Monica indeed.

I'm Annie.
I'm Jake's fiance.

And it's been a weird 48.

But if I have
learned anything

from this whole
"Jake is dead" thing,

it's that life is short.

And that is why, Janet,
I'm done. I'm done.

I quit.
What?

I quit, too.

And I quit.
No, no. No.

No, I'm sorry,
I don't work here,

so it's not like
a Jerry Maguire thing.

Never mind.
Second that.
(CHUCKLES)

Sorry, we're all just
such team players here.

And that's a team
I want to be part of.

Hi, I'm Jack Schuffman...
Jake Schuffman.

(EXHALES)
And I'm not dead.

And if I have learned
anything from what

Annie has learned from
this whole "Jake is dead"
thing, it's...

Life is short.

You know,
when I worked here,
I wasted every day

thinking about the second
I can get home and chell.

Chell?
But what I learned is...

That you need
to find a new career
that inspires you.

What?
No, no.

What I learned is
I can just chell out
here right at work.

I'm just realizing
what an amazing group
of people you are.

The problem was me.

And CLM
was the solutions.

ALL: Jack! Jack!
Jack! Jack!
Oh, okay.

Oh.

Stop it.
ALL: Jack! Jack!
Jack! Jack!

Whoo!
No, no, no, no.

You know what?
I learned something

even more important today,
okay?

There is a half
a sheet cake
in the kitchen.

Now let's go in there
and eat the (BLEEP)
out of it!

(ALL CHEERING)

(THUD)

Jazz!
You're alive.

I heard the terrible news
about Jake.

So I left the war
to make love, not war.

You gonna fire off
your musket?

Oh, what?
Musket?

That's old-timey.

No, I use M16s
and things like that.
Other things, okay.

Like handguns
of some sort.
I know. Sorry.

But, uh...
Should we start again?

Yeah, should I go out?
I don't wanna...

You know what?
No.

We're just not these
kind of people either.

Who role-plays?

Too confusing for me...
Right?

...to be so
historically accurate.

Just... And it's a lot
to think about...

I know.
...instead of thinking
about what, you know,

what we really want to do.
I'm thinking about
a backstory.

Yeah.
I wrote a backstory.

I know.
I'll tell you,

I'm glad that Jake
has his identity back.

I am gonna miss Jazz.
Well,
he's a real war hero.

Yeah, he fought
for our country.

Mmm.
Yeah.

So, babe, how are
you feeling about

this whole new job thing?

Have you figured out
what you're gonna do?

I decided I am gonna
go out on my own.

Annie, I am so proud of you.
That's great.

Thanks.
And I'm so proud of you

for figuring out how to...

Brrr, what,
goof off at work?

I don't know what
your lesson was.

You better be
a good dad.

Yeah, I hope I am.

More importantly,
I'm very excited

that we finally get
to have a date night.

Aww.

Well, actually, you know,
I'm gonna have to work.

Because starting
your own company,

it is very time consuming.

Oh, wow. Your new
boss is a real bitch.

She's the worst.