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1
00:00:01,610 --> 00:00:03,000
JAKE: That ballet
was awesome!
2
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,270
You know what
my favorite part was... Oh!
3
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,622
ANNIE: The bar.
We had a lot of drinks.
4
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,882
JAKE: We killed
three bottles of wine.
5
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,395
Look, look.
I'm a ballerina lady.
6
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:12,879
Leapy thing.
First position.
7
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,539
Oh, hey,
hey, hey, ooh.
8
00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:15,713
What if you and I
do a first position?
9
00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,228
Like, with sex.
10
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,671
[LAUGHS]
Oh, okay.
11
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,072
[MAN CLEARS THROAT]
12
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,554
You're gumming up
my spokes.
13
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,814
Oh.Oh, hey.
14
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:28,506
Atlas, right?
15
00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:30,163
Sorry about that.
We're just in love.
16
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:31,417
Sometimes it
gets on things.
17
00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:33,379
Yeah, we didn't mean
to mess with your bike.
18
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:35,768
It's not a bike.
It's a penny-farthing.
19
00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:37,951
Ooh, excuse me. Oh.
20
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,338
[IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Didn't mean to mess
with your penny-farthing.
21
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:40,740
Sorry.Uh, okay.
22
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:42,653
Sorry. Ow, ow!
23
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,168
Okay, bye, sorry. [STRUMS]
24
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:45,781
[BOTH GIGGLING]
25
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:48,221
Oh, my God.
That guy is
so pretentious!
26
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,309
Yeah. Leaving his old-timey bike
in the lobby?
27
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:52,398
Having an
old-timey bike
in the first place?
28
00:00:52,487 --> 00:00:54,837
Yeah, and what
non-Renaissance
human plays the lute?
29
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,494
I love this apartment,
30
00:00:56,578 --> 00:00:58,148
but some of our neighbors
are uh-not great.
31
00:00:58,232 --> 00:00:59,362
Oh. Case in point.
32
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:01,150
"Building Art Show"?
33
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:02,845
JAKE: Oof! You know what we need to do.
34
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:04,892
[LAUGHS]
Of course I do.
35
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:05,937
It's not my first barbecue.
36
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,202
Eh, pen please.
37
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:08,464
There you go. [CHUCKLES]
38
00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:11,509
Okay.[LAUGHS]
39
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:12,643
There.
40
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,474
Oh, my gosh.
It's brilliant.
41
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:15,992
We're brilliant!
42
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,206
So clever.
So important.
43
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,170
I have never been
more in love with you.
44
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,174
[WHISTLING]
45
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,557
♪ Oh, no ♪ Hey
46
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,219
♪ Can't hold me back
47
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,916
ANNIE: Ugh, I'm so hungover!
48
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,703
Despite how badly
we're suffering for it,
49
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:33,748
last night was fu-u-un!
50
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,532
So fun!
51
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,047
I think I passed out
with my finger in your...
52
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,530
[MAN CLEARS THROAT]Dads?
53
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,580
Uh-oh, I suppose
you two forgot
54
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,185
that you invited us
over here for brunch.
55
00:01:42,276 --> 00:01:43,446
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry!
56
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,058
I totally forgot.
57
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,668
This feels more like
a pants-on conversation.
58
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,149
So I guess
the frittata
you promised
59
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:50,759
won't be making
an appearance?
60
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:51,889
You expected food?
61
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,901
Sweetie,
you literally said,
"Come hungry."
62
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,463
Why do you keep
listening to me?
63
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:56,730
Well, we have
good news
and bad news.
64
00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,992
The RSVPs
for your wedding
are all in,
65
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:00,595
and the good news is,
everyone's coming! [SQUEALS]
66
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,115
The bad news is,
everyone is coming.
67
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,730
What?
68
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,560
In this case, the good news
and bad news are the same.
69
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:07,778
Yeah.
70
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,516
People keep adding
plus-ones and plus-twos,
71
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,217
and who are we to tell
Aunt Karen and Uncle Teddy
72
00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:12,695
that they can't bring
their boyfriend?
73
00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:13,834
What? Oh, Aunt Karen's
in a throuple.
74
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:15,526
People are
writing in names?
75
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,053
This is a wedding invite,
76
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,617
not a political ballot thingy!
77
00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,403
Have you ever voted? Yes.
78
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:21,748
JAKE: Have you? ANNIE: Mmm-hmm.
79
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:23,667
Who'd you vote for?
80
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,752
I voted for myself
for class president.
81
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,061
Anyway, we are
one away from
the venue's capacity,
82
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,668
but do not worry,
83
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,058
we have come up
with a solution.
84
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,941
If Dennah, Kay, and Gil
85
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:33,812
all agree that
only one of them
can bring a plus-one,
86
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,462
then we're okay.
87
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:36,366
And they're
all still single,
aren't they?
88
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,460
Oh, God, yes.[ALL LAUGHING]
89
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:39,378
[ALL LAUGHING]
90
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,773
Who's gonna tell them?
Not it.
91
00:02:40,856 --> 00:02:42,506
Oh no, I can't.
I love them.
92
00:02:42,597 --> 00:02:44,077
Don't worry. We will take care
of that for you.
93
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,514
We'll call that
our wedding present to you.
94
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,520
Aw!
Thanks, Dads!
95
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:48,992
Along with
a real wedding
present, right?
96
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,131
Yeah, we were expecting
something substantial.
97
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,914
Thought we were paying
for the wedding,
but sure, yeah.
98
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,568
[DOORBELL RINGS LOUDLY] [ANNIE EXCLAIMING]
99
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:56,052
Why are they
making bells
so loud nowadays?
100
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,222
Let's get 'em
a new doorbell.
101
00:02:57,307 --> 00:02:58,347
You want to? Mmm-hmm.
102
00:02:58,439 --> 00:02:59,789
Ay-yi-yi! Building alert!
103
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,825
Aah! Oh, hi, Julie.
104
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,100
And for what would you
like us to apologize today?
105
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,194
Listen, I don't have time
for your humor jokes.
106
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,933
I am here to inform you
that there is
an emergency meeting
107
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,234
because there has been
a hate crime in our building.
108
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,450
Poor Mr. Kwan!
109
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:12,979
What?
No, it's not Mr. Kwan.
110
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:15,152
Oh, no.
It's Mrs. Rubenstein.
111
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:16,458
No. Fat Olga?
112
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,944
The mad Greek?
No-Legs Jenny?
113
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:19,593
No, her legs...
She has them,
114
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,107
she just...
They don't work.
115
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,511
[WHISPERS] Black Benny? It's just Benny.
116
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,383
Annie, sweetie,
just stop guessing.
117
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:25,465
You're kind of
digging a ditch. Guys.
118
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:28,033
I need everybody
to focus up here, okay?
119
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,600
George in 8A is putting on
the building's art show,
120
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:33,038
and some hate monger
defaced his sign
with the F-word.
121
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,092
[WHISPERING]
Fart.
122
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:38,442
[LAUGHS] But that's such
a hilarious word.
123
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:39,872
How could that be
a hate crime?
124
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:40,958
Hilarious?
125
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:43,346
George is
a longtime sufferer
of IBS.
126
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,617
Irritable bowel syndrome? Okay.
127
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:50,395
It's a debilitating
disease that should
not be taken lightly!
128
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,361
He can't spend
more than 15 minutes
away from a bathroom!
129
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:53,969
How was he going
to do the art show?
130
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,579
Quickly! Yeah, no, that stinks.
131
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:56,800
All right.
132
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,108
I mean,
that's a crappy
situation.
133
00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,594
I get it.
It's a play on words.
134
00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:01,814
Oh, God, I'm having
diarrhea of the mouth.
135
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,683
Save it for
the funny pages,
Calvin and Hobbes.
136
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,505
I didn't mean any of that!
I didn't... Oh!
137
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,599
You meant all that,
right?
138
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,643
More than anything
I've ever meant.
139
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:13,638
So all the RSVPs are in
for Annie's wedding.
140
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,821
We crunched
all the numbers,
did some maths...
141
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,867
Did you know that there's
a calculator on my phone?
142
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:19,133
Yeah. Uh-huh.
143
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,475
And there's only
one plus-one left,
144
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:22,645
which means only one
of you gets to bring
a date to the wedding.
145
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,740
Oh, my God!
Gil, Kay.
146
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,569
I'm so sorry you guys
can't bring someone.
147
00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:27,787
What?
Why would you
get the plus-one?
148
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,046
I need it.
149
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:30,268
There's nothing
more pathetic
than being single
150
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:31,617
at your best friend's wedding. I can't.
151
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,486
I mean, I won't.
I can't, I just can't.
152
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:34,837
My mom can't be right.
153
00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:37,226
It's way more important
for me to bring a date!
154
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,320
I'm divorced.
Everybody
thinks I'm a loser.
155
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,719
Exactly!
One wedding's not gonna
change anybody's mind.
156
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:43,673
Look, you guys
can fight for this.
157
00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:47,111
I don't mind going stag.
More single ladies for me.
158
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,459
I am a playa,
and my instrument
is the ba-gina.
159
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:50,940
Kay nasty!
160
00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,599
Yes, I am.
I am nasty.
161
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:53,823
Mmm!
162
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,512
You better know it.
You better know it!
163
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,039
Huh! You don't even
know what I do.
164
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,652
You don't even know! Ha!
165
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,823
So to settle this,
I thought we would
just flip a coin.
166
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,389
Which we did, and I won,
167
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,686
so I got to decide
how we decide.
168
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,521
And I decided
169
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,129
it's a Wedding
Date Duel-Down!
170
00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:10,009
And the only rule is
there are no rules!
171
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,752
I always wanted
to say that.
172
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,183
And now you have,
so don't ever
say it again.
173
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:15,529
So, Gil, Dennah,
174
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,319
rustle up
your prospective
wedding dates.
175
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,544
Come over
to our house
tomorrow,
176
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,762
and we will decide
177
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:23,112
which couple
is wedding-worthy.
178
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:25,242
A date by tomorrow?
That's fast!
179
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,325
[LAUGHS] I mean...
180
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,113
Not for me.
181
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:29,457
Gil, are you scared?
182
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,286
Only for your mom. What?
183
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,124
I know she just had
that break-in recently.
184
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,072
Will you tell her
I'm thinking of her?
185
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,899
Mmm, she'll be fine.
186
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:38,727
ANNIE: So we'll just walk
into this meeting and confess.
187
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:41,556
I'm sure it's just
Julie doing her
Julie overreacting thing.
188
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,605
I'm sure nobody cares
about this "hate crime."
189
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,082
Who would care?
190
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,611
[INDISTINCT TALKING]Oh, Lordy!
191
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,479
Did you hear?
192
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:51,827
No, what's going on,
Mr. Davis?
193
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,136
Oh, please.
Call me Black Benny.
194
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:54,352
Oh, I don't feel
comfortable with that.
195
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,271
The co-op board
is out for blood.
196
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,396
They say that whoever
did this is gonna
get a strike.
197
00:05:58,488 --> 00:05:59,878
Oh, a strike?As they should.
198
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,668
[BOTH CHUCKLING]A strike.
199
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:03,452
Yeah. Three strikes
and you get evicted.
200
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:04,707
We already have two strikes.
201
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:06,279
I take responsibility
for that mailroom fire,
202
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,316
but I maintain that dog
I rescued was not a wolf!
203
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:09,671
BENNY: They will pay!
204
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,150
ALL: Yeah!
205
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,460
You know,
confessing
is overrated.
206
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,286
You know what's underrated?
207
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,904
Cowering out of a meeting
like little tiny bitch babies.
208
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,334
Totally agree.
209
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,512
Hey, babe.
210
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,429
Why are you
so out of breath?
211
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,604
Did you get scared
in the trash room again?
212
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,210
I told you,
there is no such thing
as a garbage Gollum.
213
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,690
I have seen things
in that chute.
214
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,480
Why won't you
believe me?
215
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,475
But no,
I took the steps.
216
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:34,827
I couldn't face
our neighbors
in the elevator.
217
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:36,306
Well, you're gonna
have to face them tonight
218
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,176
at Julie's Carefrontation.
219
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,052
"Let us come together
to end the hate.
220
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:44,881
"Renters not welcome."
221
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,279
Annie, we can't go to this.
222
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,712
As soon as
they see my face,
223
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:50,849
they're gonna know
that I'm the mastermind
behind the F-word, okay?
224
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,502
And then they're
gonna give us
a third strike and evict us!
225
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,586
Look at me!
Do I look
innocent to you?
226
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:57,105
[GULPS] Hey, hey, hey!
227
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,459
We have to go to this
Carefrontation thingy,
228
00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:01,329
or we're gonna
look guilty as all "hurl"!
229
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,601
Okay, it's why killers
go to their victims' funerals,
230
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:04,954
to throw people
off the scent.
231
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,383
But won't Julie know that,
232
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:07,639
and she'll be looking
for the guilty person
233
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,041
at the Carefrontation?
234
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,954
No, because she would know
that the perp would know
235
00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:11,909
that she would be
looking for them there,
236
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,126
so only
a not-guilty
person would go!
237
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,256
I am working on,
like, six different
levels here, buddy!
238
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,478
Please keep up with me.
239
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,047
Wow, that was impressive.
240
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,924
You know a lot
about crime.
241
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,655
I'm, like, drained
from that.
242
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,046
You're like a regular
Sherlock Holmes
with great jugs.
243
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,970
Thank you. I calls 'em like I sees 'em.
244
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,395
And speaking of which,
may I seize them?
245
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,151
Absolutely. Whip 'em out!
246
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:31,672
WES: Very nice.
247
00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:34,885
And let's go
into side plank,
please.
248
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,496
Oh, wow. Namast-hey, girl!
249
00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:39,197
[CHUCKLES] Um...
250
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:40,904
You know how you
offered me private lessons?
251
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,332
I was thinking
maybe we could
252
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:43,418
just have
a relationship
instead?
253
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,899
Yes!
254
00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:48,207
I've felt a spiritual
connection to you
for some time, Dennah.
255
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:50,603
In fact, I send you
deep tantric vibrations
256
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,117
that you may not
even be aware of.
257
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,860
My God,
I think I felt them.
258
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,781
Like, I've had
this tingling and chills
and a slight rash.
259
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,957
I was told
it might be shingles.
260
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,872
No, that was me.
261
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,477
And let's all go
into up dog, please.
262
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,349
Up dog, very simple pose.
263
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:08,361
No, Dennah,
not like that.
Like this.
264
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,054
You're doing it right,
I just didn't want
them to be jealous.
265
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,451
Oh, thank you.
266
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,104
You know, in my mind,
267
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,448
we've been in
a relationship
268
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,097
already for
about three months.
269
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:17,501
I feel so close to you,
270
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:18,724
and it's not just because
271
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,592
I can feel your thang
on my leg.
272
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,334
And let's all
close our eyes
273
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:23,594
and mind
our own business,
please.
274
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,977
Cassie.
275
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,811
What are you doing
at my office, Gil?
276
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,809
I already told you,
you're not getting
custody of the parakeet.
277
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,251
I know, this is not about
Meredith Baxter Bird-ney.
278
00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:35,558
I get it...
A child needs
to be with its mom.
279
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:37,075
I already changed her name,
anyway...
It's now Larry Bird.
280
00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:38,608
I thought we agreed
that's too on the nose.
281
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:40,262
If we were going
to change the name,
282
00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,425
it was supposed to be
Feather Locklear.
283
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,041
I don't think
she's classy enough.
284
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,221
I don't like that actress. Okay, relax!
285
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:46,437
That's not
why I'm here anyway.
286
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,086
I came here to ask you
287
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,660
if you would attend
Jake and Annie's
wedding with me.
288
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,138
What? No way.
289
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,358
I hate them,
and they hate me.
290
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,406
Please, please, please.
I'm desperate.
291
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:58,802
I already asked
every other woman
I know
292
00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:01,446
and some who were
just looking to
buy a futon
293
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,331
on Craigslist
that I listed
under false pretenses.
294
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,073
That is how we met.
295
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,504
Please?
296
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,640
All right!Hmm?
297
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,253
I'll go, I'll go!Yes!
298
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,553
Little hitch...
299
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,290
First, you are gonna
have to come to
Annie's dads' with me
300
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,691
and prove that
you're wedding-worthy.
301
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,124
What? And while we're there,
302
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,560
do you think
you could go against
303
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,387
all your natural instincts
and act like you like me?
304
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,165
Well, I did do that
for the last year
of our marriage.
305
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,700
[LAUGHS] All right.
306
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:29,133
Free at last!
Free at last.
307
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,480
Thank God Almighty,
we are free at last!
308
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,091
[APPLAUDING]
309
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:34,181
Thank you.
I wrote that myself.
310
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,229
She didn't write that. What?
311
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,364
JULIE: Now George
would like to say
a few words.
312
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:38,486
Keep it short, George.
313
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,448
No one wants to
hear you drone on.
314
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,802
Um, I would like
to thank you
315
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:43,886
who came here tonight
316
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:45,544
to support
irritable bowel syndrome.
317
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:46,928
I'm really glad
I passed out
these candles.
318
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,201
It adds to the authenticity.
319
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,854
I don't know, Annie,
I'm feeling kind of
weird being here.
320
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,498
Maybe we should go.What? Calm down.
321
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,552
Nobody suspects a thing.
322
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:54,716
I know you did it.
323
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,641
[BOTH SCREAM]
324
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,286
That... That's crazy. Oh, is it?
325
00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,900
Or isn't it?
326
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:02,040
We found this
at the scene
of the crime,
327
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:03,993
so we know the culprit
loves Cheese Blams!
328
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,431
Congratulations, Julie.
329
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:06,737
You've narrowed it down
to the whole world!
330
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:07,963
Oh, really?
331
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,832
Well, then,
why is Jake the only one
332
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,183
who ate from
my Cheese Blams
bowl trap I set?
333
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:13,703
Tonight wasn't
a Carefrontation at all.
334
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,477
It was a Carefrontraption!
335
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:16,621
[LAUGHS]
Good one, Julie!
336
00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,363
You've got
nothing on me, lady.
337
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:20,403
Oh, I've got something.
338
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:22,009
I've got this
Cheese Blams bag,
339
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,799
my tiger-mom intuition,
340
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,284
and a strike
with both of
your names on it.
341
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:26,763
Oh, I'm gonna getcha.
342
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:29,243
And when I getcha,
you're gonna get gone.
343
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,074
Buh-bye.
344
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,412
[CRUNCHES LOUDLY]
345
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,240
I want to assault her.
346
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:36,550
Is she on something?
347
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:41,824
Annie, we need
to confess!
348
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:43,472
And then maybe
Julie and the board,
349
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,375
they'll be easy on us,
350
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,080
and they won't evict us
and throw us out
on the street!
351
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,078
The streets?
You need sleep.
352
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,480
You're sleep!
We gotta confess!
353
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:52,002
We have to confess!
354
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,646
Ah! Sorry! I'm so sorry.
355
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,180
I tried to throw
a drink in your face
356
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:56,353
to calm you down,
but the glass slipped.
357
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:57,698
There wasn't even
water in the glass!
358
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,697
Well, maybe if you weren't
freaking out so much,
359
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:00,699
I could pay attention
to what water was
in what glass.
360
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,710
I'm sorry!
361
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,492
Apology accepted.
362
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:07,226
I just don't want
to get evicted because
of some silly prank.
363
00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,708
I feel like we're
the real victims here.
364
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:10,709
[GASPS]
Wait, that's it!
365
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,984
People of this building,
come quick!
366
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,455
We're victims
of a hate crime!
367
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:18,455
What a horrible,
accurate slur!
368
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:21,067
JAKE: Oh, the vandals
have certainly
struck again!
369
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:22,898
As alcoholics,
we're offended!
370
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,946
Who, who would do this?
371
00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,472
I mean...
372
00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:29,645
What do you...
What do you make of this?
373
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,872
Think you've got
what it takes to
get the plus-one?
374
00:11:31,952 --> 00:11:33,652
Huh. We'll be
the judge of that.
375
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,386
Today on
Wedding Date Duel-Down...
376
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:37,518
Ooh, that was a good take.
377
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:38,739
Yeah, you're on fire.
378
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,398
Thanks, sweetie. Mmm-hmm.
379
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,792
You're filming this? Well, just for posterity.
380
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:45,046
But if it happens
to turn into a reality
competition show
381
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,179
that ends up
on Bravo, so be it.
382
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:49,271
Yeah, this is
crappy enough
to be a real show.
383
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,800
Right? Couple one,
couple two, dazzle me.
384
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:53,625
I know it's only
been two days,
385
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,633
but Wes and I feel like
this is so real.
386
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,275
WES: Yeah,
to a yogi like myself,
387
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,018
time has no meaning,
388
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:01,809
so two days
is the same thing
as an eternity.
389
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,895
Yeah, I know what you mean.
390
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:04,684
It took you
five seconds
to say that,
391
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,197
but it felt like forever.
392
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:08,860
Slam! Come on, girl.
393
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:11,335
Cassie, Gil,
you've already failed
the preliminary round...
394
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,076
AKA your marriage...
395
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,167
So why go to
this wedding together?
396
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,686
Well, we're just one
of those cool
divorced couples
397
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:20,300
that still hangs out,
waters each
other's plants,
398
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:22,001
shares dating stories.
399
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,269
Yeah, like recently,
I did it with
an uncircumcised guy.
400
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:25,092
It was fun.
401
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:26,752
See?
402
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:28,876
I love that story.
403
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,395
This is working for me.
Points!
404
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:32,839
[RINGS BELL] What?
405
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,446
Wes and I have sex stories!
406
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,186
Yeah, one time
we were in my yurt...
407
00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,367
I'll give you points
to not finish that story.
408
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:39,763
[SCOFFS]
409
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,366
Dennah, you want this?
Then you gotta work, bitch!
410
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,886
Wes!
Chair pose!
411
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,939
You got it.
412
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:47,285
Our bodies are one.
He's my chair!
413
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,585
Do something! Points!
414
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,550
[RINGS BELL]Yes!
415
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,729
Whose uncircumcised penis
did you have sex with,
Cassie?
416
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:53,855
You remember
our dry cleaner?
417
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,987
Oh, that reminds me.
418
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,299
BOTH: We gotta
get a kosher option
for our wedding.
419
00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:58,645
Jinx, mani-pedi.
420
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,214
You owe me a mani-pedi, yes!
421
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,171
I gotta say, I have never
been happier to be single.
422
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,699
You know what?
I've made my decision.
423
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,133
[DRUM ROLL]
424
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,259
Gil and Cassie.
425
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:07,570
DENNAH: What? Oh, no, no way.
426
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,136
They failed before.
They'll fail again.
427
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:11,313
Well, Dennah's
gonna die alone.
428
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:12,619
True, but Gil's
gonna die soon,
so what does he care?
429
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,014
We're right here. Hey!
430
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,057
Mmm-hmm?I'm gonna die soon?
431
00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,272
Yes, you are.
432
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,100
Kay, it looks like
you're the tie-breaker.
433
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:19,278
Which couple
do you pick?
434
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,583
Me? Yeah.
435
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:21,979
What do I know
about relationships?
436
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,192
You don't have to
decide now, baby girl,
437
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,280
just take your time!
438
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:25,718
Go on home,
think about it.
439
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,325
GIL: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take your time.
440
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:28,935
Hey, stay cool.
[BLOWS ON HER]
441
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,675
Ugh!
Wet garbage!
442
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:32,376
Ooh, I'm out!
443
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:33,553
DENNAH: I love your hair. Perfect.
444
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,248
Cliffhanger!
445
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,896
Andy Cohen's
gonna love this!
446
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,470
Oh, I forgot
to press "record."
447
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,206
Oh, Kevin.
448
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:42,687
You're right, "hate" is
the real four-letter word.
449
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,088
My God, this is going
even better than I hoped.
450
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,482
All the heat is off us,
451
00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:47,874
and that lady
with the man's haircut
452
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:49,647
brought us
a sympathy kugel.
453
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,221
It's a Jewish lasagna.
454
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,308
I don't know, Annie.
What if they don't buy it?
455
00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:54,006
I don't buy it. Oh, we're caught!
456
00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:55,364
Sorry, I was just
finishing up a call.
457
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:57,713
$200 for
a nanny tracker?
458
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,663
I didn't buy it.
I'll track her myself.
459
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:01,321
At any rate,
how are you
guys feeling?
460
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:02,535
Are you all right?
461
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:03,894
Well, you know,
comes in waves.
462
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,283
It's a low point
for us, certainly.
463
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:06,926
Yeah, I mean,
to be hated this much,
464
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,110
I just...
I can't imagine.
465
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,456
That must be tough.
466
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,885
You sure
you can't imagine it?
467
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,071
Nope, I'm trying,
but I... I just can't.
468
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:15,117
Nothing's coming? No.
469
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,552
I'll let you know.Keep me posted.
470
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,768
Just so beloved
in this community.
471
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:19,948
Are you? Really?
472
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,123
Yeah. I'm like
a white Oprah.
473
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,598
That's what
I've been told, anyway.
474
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:24,647
At any rate,
once I realized
you were victims
475
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,693
and not suspects,
I thought about it,
476
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,518
and I remembered
that weirdo Atlas
always calls you "lushes."
477
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:30,907
Not like the rest
of the building,
478
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,390
who calls you "drunks."
479
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,660
Tough but fair.
480
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,442
So I did a little
Snoop-Doggy-Dogging,
481
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:37,956
and sure enough,
Atlas's adult Big Wheel
482
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,231
was covered
in orange
Cheese Blam dust.
483
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,274
He's obviously
the one that done did it.
484
00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:43,749
Really? Wow!
485
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,539
Yeah, so any-be-whoozle,
486
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,893
the board's going to meet
to discuss Atlas's eviction.
487
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,504
Oh. Just wanted to let you know.
488
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:50,764
[WHISPERS]
Congrats. Okay.
489
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,626
All right, everybody,
Annie and Jake
490
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:53,887
have gotten
enough attention.
Let's go!
491
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,680
One last dig. Thank you all for coming.
492
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,294
Thank you. Please leave your mugs.
493
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,464
Give peace a chance.
That's all we're saying!
494
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,340
Hey, that was
my Cheese Blams dust
495
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:03,082
on Atlas's stupid
penny-farthing.
496
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,953
Yeah, I know! Hee, hee, hee, yes!
497
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,044
[LAUGHS]
We're in
the clear, baby!
498
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,433
Now let's celebrate,
like the lushes we are.
499
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,557
So Atlas gets a strike.
Who cares, right?
500
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,259
That guy deserves
at least 10 strikes
501
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:15,307
for composting
in his apartment,
502
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,002
practicing urban falconry.
503
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,270
Ah, justice is served.
504
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:19,832
Yeah. You were right, Annie.
505
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:20,919
Thank God
we didn't confess.
506
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,657
Jake,
we need to confess.
507
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,967
[GASPS]
Unexpected twist.
508
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,971
We can't let
an innocent guy
get evicted!
509
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,629
Innocent?
510
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:33,893
No grown man
who wears saddle shoes
is without blame.
511
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,886
This was fine
512
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:36,978
when it was
a victimless crime,
but now there's a victim,
513
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,676
and his stupid,
stupid name is Atlas.
514
00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:40,333
Confessing is
the right thing to do.
515
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,767
Oh. Do we have to?
516
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,204
Can't we just blame
somebody else?Who?
517
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:47,508
Black Benny?
518
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,038
Jakey, don't make me
try to throw a drink
at you again.
519
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:50,302
Mmm, I don't
want you to do that.
520
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:51,604
Nobody does. Mmm-mmm.
521
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:55,688
Fancy meeting you here,
Dennah. Oh!
522
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,650
Say, are those perchance
chocolates to bribe Kay,
523
00:15:58,740 --> 00:15:59,920
so she'll give you
the plus-one?
524
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,572
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
525
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,917
I borrowed chocolates
from Kay, and
I'm just returning them.
526
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,657
You're a big fat sneak.
527
00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:08,178
I need
this plus-one
more, Gil!
528
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:09,451
High school friends
will be at the wedding.
529
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,193
You're the real sneak,
bribing Kay with...
530
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,278
A pinata?
Really?
531
00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,193
I don't know
what she's into.
532
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,368
Yeah, obviously. [INDISTINCT LAUGHING]
533
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,243
Oh, Kay's got a girl over.
534
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,065
They're coming!
Hide, hide, hide, hide!
535
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,114
Oh.
536
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:24,069
Don't go.
I hate it when
you leave.
537
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,767
Ooh, me too, Kay-Bay.
538
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,644
But I won't be late,
539
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,595
and I'll bring you
some pot stickers home
from the restaurant.
540
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,644
Ooh, nummy!
541
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,299
Ooh, and can you grab
some toilet paper?
We're almost out.
542
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,213
Ooh, another sexy errand.
543
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:36,908
Mmm-hmm.
544
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:38,694
Ooh.
545
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,650
KAY: Miss you, Shmoo Shmoo!
546
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:42,478
Catch my kisses!
Catch my kisses.
547
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:44,176
Catch my kisses.
Catch 'em.
548
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,834
Got it, got it!Mwah, mwah, catch them.
Faster, faster.
549
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,267
Catch 'em, faster!
Now... One fell, one fell.
550
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,534
Oh, oh.
Five-second rule!
551
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:50,787
[GIGGLES]
552
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,362
BOTH: You have a girlfriend!
553
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:57,058
[GASPS]
Heart attack!
554
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,536
BOTH: [SING SONG]
Kay's got a girlfriend!
555
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,717
No, I don't.
Quit it, you guys.
556
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:04,413
Fine then, this lady
who isn't your girlfriend,
557
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:06,201
how often is
she staying over?
558
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:08,506
And can she get
pot stickers
for other people?
559
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:09,682
DENNAH: Yeah,
and when's the last time
560
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:11,027
that you went out
with someone else?
561
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,597
Oh, pfft.
You know me.
562
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,384
Hit it and quit it, girl.
563
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:17,989
I am a player
of the ba-gina.
564
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,870
I am a concert ba-ginist
in the pleasure symphony.
565
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,303
We've been together
for two months.
566
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,040
She sleeps here every night,
she asked for a drawer,
567
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,961
and I brought
her a dresser...
It's bad.
568
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,786
I don't get it.
Why don't you
want the plus-one?
569
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,353
You're the
only one of us
in a real relationship.
570
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:34,441
No way... Asking her
to my best friend's wedding
makes it official.
571
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,451
So that's great.
You like her.
572
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,013
That's the problem.
I like her too much.
573
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,580
What if she rejects me?
574
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:42,017
This is my healthiest
relationship so far.
575
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,114
Yeah, remember that
woman who used
to steal your urine
576
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,283
and make tea out of it?
577
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:47,149
But if you don't
make it official,
you might lose her.
578
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,980
Take the plus-one.
579
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,328
I'll just tell everyone
that my boyfriend died,
580
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:51,327
and then everyone
will feel sorry for me.
581
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,808
Damn it,
I was gonna say that.
582
00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:53,987
Well, you snooze,
you lose.
583
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,343
You guys would
do that for me?
584
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,382
Only if you come out
of the relationship closet.
585
00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:00,557
It might be hard at first,
but, Kay, it gets better.
586
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,214
Yeah.
587
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,168
I don't think
straight people are
allowed to say that.
588
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,167
You're probably
right about that.
589
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,218
Yeah.
590
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,223
Now, I know it's not
in the budget to
have a building jail,
591
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,865
but be great to
have somewhere
to punish people.
592
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,090
Stop, stop...
Everybody,
stop the presses.
593
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:14,699
Hold the presses.
594
00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:16,229
Annie, Jake, this is
a closed meeting.
595
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:17,712
We're very sorry,
but we have something
important to say.
596
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,492
Yeah.
597
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:20,656
[CLEARS THROAT]
598
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,061
Dear distinguished
board members,
599
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,454
we have made
an error in judgment,
600
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,237
and so we apologize
to this Congress,
601
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:28,592
to the Olympic women's
volleyball team, and also,
602
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:31,152
to my wife of 15 years. What?
603
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,890
I'm sorry,
I copied the apology
from the Internet.
604
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,551
Okay, hey.
We wrote the F-word.
605
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,675
We were drunk,
and we had
no idea about the IBS,
606
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,937
and then we hate-crimed
our own door to
protect ourselves.
607
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,030
We are so sorry.
608
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,469
Please don't evict us.
609
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,556
Guess I won't be
needing this anymore.
610
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,295
Well, we appreciate
you bringing
the truth forward,
611
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:49,426
but I'm afraid the board
must reject your confession.
612
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:50,649
What? Can you do that?
613
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,698
Order! Order!
Everybody sit down!
614
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:54,263
Look, we have
bigger fish to fry.
615
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,310
Okay, yes,
you are awful tenants,
616
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,346
but Atlas is way worse.
617
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,231
The circus bicycle's
a real eyesore.
618
00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:03,013
He's always wearing
a top hat, which
I find offensive.
619
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,798
He keeps trying
to pay his rent
in Bitcoins,
620
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,192
whatever those are,
621
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,705
his gluten-free muffins
taste like a bunch of sand,
622
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,759
and his ferret scats
all over the place,
623
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:13,015
even when it's wearing
those little Capri pants
he made it.
624
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,538
The board's been trying
to get rid of him for months.
625
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,241
We don't understand him.
626
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:17,289
Therefore, we hate him.
627
00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:19,073
Well said, Walter.
628
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,808
I... I'm sorry,
but isn't that the
definition of hate crime?
629
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,549
Point is,
he makes
one more slipup,
630
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,470
he and his loom,
out on the street.
631
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:28,685
In the spirit
of confessions,
I don't have IBS.
632
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,076
I just said that
'cause of the time
I tooted in the elevator
633
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,390
and you freaked out.
634
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,385
Oh, too late, George.
You have IBS.
635
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:35,437
See what I gotta deal with?
636
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:37,392
All right,
get out of here.
637
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,390
What just
happened in there?
638
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:39,701
Evil triumphed,
639
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,087
the good guys lost,
640
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,920
and George
definitely farted.
I smelled it.
641
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,397
Yeah.
642
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:45,917
Hey!Hey, Atlas.
643
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:48,010
Hey, we just
want you to know,
we're on your side.
644
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:50,449
Yeah, we know
what it's like to be
outsiders in this building.
645
00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:51,887
So if you ever
need a friend...
646
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:53,713
Can you get
your hand off
my frock coat?
647
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,541
The oil in your fingers
stains the suede.
648
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,240
Thanks.
649
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:01,977
So he's got it
coming, right?
650
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,200
Let him burn.
651
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:07,078
And this piece is called
652
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:08,992
My Neighbor
Doesn't Have Curtains.
653
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:09,857
Great use of paint.
654
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:11,247
Hmm.
655
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,260
Hey, that's you.
Nice scar.
656
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,562
How'd you get that?
Appendicitis?
657
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,779
[GASPS] Chupacabra?
Shark bite?
658
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,738
Sorry, Madeline.
659
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,827
Since when do you
even care about
your building or art?
660
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:24,396
Well, we plan
on being here
a long time,
661
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:25,794
so we figured,
why not get involved?
662
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:27,656
Yeah. Plus,
Julie's blackmailing us.
663
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,838
She's got eyes
everywhere.
664
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:30,934
DENNAH: Hey, guys.ALL: Hey.
665
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,709
So, terrible news.
666
00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:35,887
Wes and I have decided
to take a spiritual break.
667
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:37,933
So you dated and broke up
with someone in two days?
668
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,019
That's our girl. Yeah.
669
00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:42,068
And I've decided
to go to the
wedding alone.
670
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:43,813
That's Where I'm At,
And That's Okay
671
00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,424
is the name of the book
I've been reading
672
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,325
to get me to feel good
about going to
a wedding alone.
673
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,640
BOTH: I never
liked her anyways.
674
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:50,205
Jinx, you owe me
a mani-pedi.
675
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,642
But if the plus-one's
not going to Dennah or Gil,
676
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:53,899
then that means...
677
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:55,471
Ladies and gentlemen,
678
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,258
I would like you
to meet Hailey,
679
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,783
my girlfriend!
680
00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:00,996
Oh! [KAY CHUCKLING]
681
00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:02,995
Sorry, Kay insisted
on introducing me
682
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:04,127
like it was
my quinceanera.
683
00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:05,699
Oh, my God, Hailey!
684
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:07,266
I hope you know we are
gonna be best friends.
685
00:21:07,353 --> 00:21:08,753
So you're definitely Annie.
686
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:09,752
Tell us everything
we need to
know about you.
687
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,313
Where did you grow up?
What do you do?
688
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,050
Can you get me
a 30% discount? Off what?
689
00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:14,801
What's your karaoke song? What's your favorite flower?
690
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,712
Is it Azaleas?
Is it Azaleas?
691
00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:17,927
Say it's Azaleas.
692
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,275
I... It's Azaleas.
693
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,705
[ALL CHEERING]
694
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:21,451
Yes!
50818
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