All language subtitles for Marry.Me.S01E07_English

ANNIE: Sorry guys,
we got to go.

Jake and I are
having dinner

with my favorite
and only cousin, Scooby,

legally changed
from Barry Scooberstein.

He's a cruise director
so he's rarely in port.

Ah, Scooby
is the coolest guy ever.

He's like the Ryan Gosling
of cousins.

Jake, you are going
to love him.

He's the life
of the party.

Literally, that's what
his business cards say.

My business cards say FBI.
Female body inspector.

Interesting, but I think
that's more of a hallway
conversation,

so let's move those
cute little hineys
out the door.

Okay then.
We're just really late.

Well, as if my life couldn't
get any worse, it did.

Oh, we'd love to be there
for you, buddy, but...

Good. Hey, you guys
can sit down,

no need for the formality.

Okay.
So...

My place is
getting fumigated

'cause I have fleas from
that alley cat I fought.

It was just a piece
of chicken, man,

you should've let it go.
(WHISPERS) Yeah.

I'm so happy to be hanging
with my crew tonight.

I'm thinking
Law & Order Marathon?

I don't know
that there is one,

but that show is
never not on.

Oh, that sounds like
a blast, buddy,

but Annie and I have
dinner plans with
her cousin, Barry.

Scooby. His name
was changed by the
American government.

All right then,
Dennah, Kay,
who wants at me?

Sorry, I have a work event.
Or as I like to call it,

an hour and a half
of Bob in HR asking me

what kind of gay I am.

Well, you're obviously
a soft butch lipstick
flannel queen, right?

Word.

And I have a little date.

Literally, he's 5'4".

That's a small drink
of water.

There's a lot of
cute guys out there
living below boob level.

Loving all of this, but...

Oh, my God, you guys,

you gotta see what
they did to the elevator.

They vacuumed,
and they got the
booger off the 14.

Come on, please leave.
GIL: Hey,

I get it.
My crew's busy.

And I love a busy crew,
I'm busy too.

Law & Order's not going
to watch itself,

although, I wouldn't be
surprised if it could,

'cause it's that awesome.

But Jake, you and I are
still on for b-ball tomorrow,
right, buddy?

I'm in. Or, actually,
I'm not in

because
I'm realizing that

Scooby is here all weekend,
which I am thrilled about.

Unless I can get away
for a few hours to
play some basketball.

Which I cannot,
nor do I want to.

Why would you bring that up?
How dare you?

I am livid with you.

You guys are all so busy
with your grown-up stuff.

Meanwhile, here I am,
single, unemployed,

inexplicably 2 inches
shorter than last year.

It's like your lives
are chugging forward,

and mine's just slipping
backwards.

Oh, come on, buddy.

Sometimes moving backwards
can be cool, right?

Case in point,
the moonwalk.
What?

That shouldn't help,
but it does.

Hey, I'll play basketball
with you tomorrow, Gilly.

Yeah, me too.
Really?
Thanks, guys.

Okay, then it's settled,

we'll all walk out of here
together right now.

You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.

By the way, Gil,
you don't currently
have fleas, right?

No. But...

You know, apropos of nothing,
maybe I'll just take
this chair with me.

Okay, scoot.
(CHAIR SCRAPING)

(WHISTLING)

* Oh, no
Can't hold me back *

So the wedding was
totally nose-diving,
the DJ doesn't show,

the best man speech
was way too Vietnam-heavy,

but then here comes
cousin Scooby.

Armed only with an iPod
and a Coors Light.

He throws on a little
"whoomp! There it is"

and whoomp!
There everyone is,
up on the dance floor.

Everyone was dancing,
even aunt Karen
with the clubfoot.

Scooby
is the wedding whisperer.

Wait, so aunt Karen has
a clubfoot and a glass eye?
My God.

And male pattern baldness.

That's a lot.
She's one of life's

real soldiers.
Yeah.

Is she still alive?

Yes and no.
Yes and no.

Speaking of the greatest
weddings of all time,

Annie, do you remember
Princess Kate's
wedding bouquet?

Hmm, no,
I can't say I recall

the understated yet
meaningful blend of
lily of the valley

and sweet William, Dad.
Of course I remember.

Because I found a florist
here in town

that can recreate
that very arrangement.

Dad, that is so sweet,
that is, like,
my dream bouquet.

Actually I was talking
about for my wedding.

Oh, my God.
How stupid of me.

I guess it didn't
even occur to me

that you would be carrying
a bouquet.

No, no,
that would be crazy.

It's not a bouquet.
Okay.

It's an oversized
boutonniere
that has a handle

so I can walk around
like a princess.

Yeah, my little princess
with a penis.

Your queenie with a weenie.
(LAUGHS)

Don't talk about my penis.

Fair enough.
I'm sorry about that.

Honey, I didn't even
realize you'd want it
for your wedding.

I'm so sorry.
No, no, I mean,

you know, why would you
even be thinking about
my wedding?

No, I do think
about your wedding.

It is so fine.
Besides, I was planning on

using these live birdcage
centerpieces,

so I'll just go with
the tropical theme
for my bouquet.

Ouch. I pinned those
birdcages too.

Ouch.
Ouch-e-wa-wa.

This is so silly.
You know what?

You take the bouquet
and the birdcages.

No, no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes.

Listen, I am not going to
get into a bride war
with my own daughter.

'Cause that would be,
like...

Like...

And, hey,
let's face it,

I wouldn't stand a chance
anyway, would I?

Because I learned
from the best.
You are the OG Bridezilla.

Only because the student
is now the master.

Oh, thank you, sir.

(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, you.

I feel uncomfortable,
but I shouldn't, right?

No, we should.
Who needs a drink?

Waiter?
Oh, I'm sorry,

we're all out of drinks.
But I can offer you

the best night
of your life!

ALL: Scooby!

Oh, this is Scooby.
Well, uncle Kevs!

Yay.
I have literally

been over here for
20 minutes waiting
for you guys

to call me over.
Oh, here, Lo Fang.

Let me give you your vest,
thanks again, dude.

Oh, and I dropped
those spring rolls off
at table seven.

Thanks, Scooby.
You're the best.

No, you are, dude.
Seriously,
don't stop believing

in yourself, okay?
No matter what
that girl said.

What an entrance.

You must be Jake.

Ah, yes, guilty as charged.

The man, the myth,
the supermodel?

Wow, you are
a very attractive man.

Look at this...
Dah-dah-dah-dah!
Hey.

Come over here, bro.
Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow, look at that.

We're instantly
good at that.

Aw, Annie.

Look at this girl.

Gorgeous, brilliant,
and with a heart of
Gold-schlager.

(LAUGHING)
Jake, you got an angel.

Can I get an "amen"
or what?
Amen!

Oh, I thought
we were all gonna do it.

That's okay.
Do that.

How is life on
the concert cruise circuit?

You still working
"the DeBarge barge?"

No, no, no,
I'm with the Maroon 5,
"Cruise like Jagger,"

yeah, and we turn down
for what?

Nothing!

You know
what I'm saying?

I honestly don't,
but I love how you say it.

I missed you guys so much.
You know?

And I heard the great news,
two weddings in one year?

Whoa!
How's the bride-to-be?

Excited.
Thrilled.

'Cause we're both brides,
and that's fine.

(MAN SPEAKING ON TV)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(COMMOTION ON TV CONTINUES)

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Ugh.

My date was a disaster.

I couldn't get past
how short he was.

Literally,
I could not get past him,
he was so underfoot.

Dennah,
how did you get in here?

Uh, you let me in?

What is going on?

Law & Order.

I've never seen it before.
Gil was right, it's awesome.

Oh, come on,
it can't be that good,
skeletal remains?

But how?

Okay, so we're all good for
tomorrow for dinner, right?

Dude, wild hangovers
wouldn't keep me away.

Hey, so I hate to register
on the dickter scale,

but I only get one more
shore leave this year,

so I can only come
to one of your weddings.

Oh.
Oh.

Ooh.
I know.

Well, it's a good thing
we talked about

the whole bride wars thing,
because I do not
want to fight

over who gets Scooby
at their wedding.

Absolutely. Scooby,
why don't you just

take your time and decide
whose wedding you'll be at,
and we'll roll with it.

Because that's what
I'm known for,
rolling with it.

You can call me
Adele, 'cause I'm
Rolling In The Deep.

And I'm just
Rollin' With The Homies.

"Papa's Like
A Rolling Stone."

"Rollin',
Rolling Down The River."

Okay, we're gonna go.
We'll see you guys
tomorrow.

Okay, us too.
Okay.

Hey, Scooby.
Scoobs.

So I know you're
staying at that cute
Bed and Breakfast

on 4th street,
better known as
the murder hotel.

What?
No it's not, is it?

Why don't you stay
with us tonight?
Stay safe.

We can all kind of
have more of a chance
to catch up.

Yes!
I would love that.

Hope you guys are up
for a midnight jam sesh,

because that
is where I come alive.

Yes!
Yeah, you are.

Yes!
(JAKE MURMURS)

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Didn't say it yet.
Saying it now.

You and your dad agreed
to not compete over Scoobs

and what wedding
he's attending.

I'm not, I just want to
spend some time with

my favorite
and only cousin.

Oh, and we're giving him
our bed

and any of your clothes
that he may want.

Just so you know,
there is evidence mounting

that you're not great
at rolling with it.

Oh, hey, bae.
Is bae really that much
shorter than babe?

It's literally the same
amount of syllables.

But that extra "b"
makes my mouth so tired.

Aww.
Ooh, we should be quiet.

I don't want to
wake Scooby.
Oh, Scooby's gone.

He got a call this morning,
he downed three Red Bulls,

high-fived my hand into
premature arthritis,

and then...
(WHISTLES)
Took off.

And I just spent
20 minutes to find his
favorite cro-cronuts.

(GASPS)
He's with my dads.

"Shopping with the guncles,
buying me a suit.

"#blessed.
#freeballin'."
Scoob.

I can't believe my dad
is buying him a suit.

I mean, he said
he didn't want to
have a bride war,

and yet here he is,
starting one.

Uh, devil's advocate.
Didn't you start
the bride war

when you invited him
over here to sleep?

(LAUGHING)
No. What?

We have to have Scooby.

Your wedding sets the tone
for your whole marriage,

and Scooby sets the tone
for your wedding.

We don't want to
end up like my aunt Tig
and uncle Bloom.

Aunt Tig and unc...
Wait, didn't they die
in a plane crash?

Wes, but they were
on their way to their
second honeymoon,

because their
marriage was in trouble,
which it wouldn't have been,

had Scooby been
at their wedding.

Yeah, sure, that tracks.

I just want our wedding
to be perfect,

and I don't have
a lot of family,

so it means everything to
me to have Scooby there.

Look, I want our wedding
to be perfect too, but...

Great! So we're on
the same page.
Let's go down there.

Yo, dude.
You wanna play with us?
We need a fourth.

Oh, sorry, guys.
I'm waiting on my
lady friends.

They're two hours late.

God, is this what
it's come to?

The only people that
want to hang out with me

are a bunch of
fifth-graders?

Dude,
we're sixth-graders.

Oh, really? Well,
that's totally different.

But I warn you,
if we do this,

I'm not going to go
easy on you.

Huh?
Huh?

Huh, huh?
(GROANS)

Awesome!
Cool.

Sick.
Oh!

It is pretty cool, huh?
Yeah, right on.

(LAUGHING) Okay.
No, it is...

It's really coming out.

All right, well,
what are you gonna do?

Huh? All right,
well, you still

wanna play with me?
I can still play.

How many episodes of
Law & Order have we
watched at this point?

13.

17 if you count the ones
without Jerry Orbach,
which I do not.

That man is sex in a suit.
Mmm.

Think my fave is the one
where they found that
bloated body

floating in the river.

(GASPS)
We forgot to meet Gil.

(WHISPERING)
I can't believe you're
trying to win Scooby over

by buying him
a new suit.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear
anything you just said.

I'm just so mesmerized
by your bulging bis...

Well, I have been
working out
on my definit...

Okay, you're trying
to distract me.

You are in a bride war
with our daughter.

Psst, Annie and I
are just two brides

who want the
best weddings ever.

That's not a war.
That's wedding season.

Uncle Kev,
I am loving
this new suit.

It's been so long
since I've had fabric
below my knees.

This is all
the other Kevin's idea,

I can't take
any credit for it.

And in fact, I won't.

And if Annie finds out,
please don't mention
my name.

Okay.
Scooby, you just need
a suit that isn't swim,

and if you happen to
wear it at our wedding,
then great.

Whoo, hey, Scoobs.

Dads!
Hey.

(PANTING)

Did you guys run here?

Reluctantly.

Loving that suit,
Scoobs.
Thanks.

So nice of my dads.
No-oh, singular.

Dad.
Oh. Nice of my dad
to get it for you.

Hmm, it was nice
of you to put Scooby
up for the night.

Well, he's family,
and nothing's more
important than family.

I couldn't agree more.

And that is why
I would be so happy
to pay for your airfare

should you decide
to come to our wedding.

Dude, that would be amazing.

Money is a little tight
right now, 'cause I mostly
get paid in drink tickets.

Did you think that
we wouldn't pay for you
to come to our wedding?

Because we've
been planning on it.

Since we want you
to be our best man.

Wait, what?

I would be so honored.

Oh, Scoob,
sorry we can't put you
in our wedding party,

because we want you
to officiate it!

(JAKE LAUGHS)

Wait, what?

I don't see Gil anywhere,
do you think he left?

Well, we are
two hours late,

and Gil isn't usually
outside for more than
half hour at a time.

Hmm.

Wait, is that his shirt?

Why would Gil be walking
around without a shirt?

Oh, my God, do you think
something happened to him?

Calm down.
All that Law & Order
made you paranoid.

Oh, my God!
Oh, baby, Gil!

He's missing and bleeding.
This is seriously not good!
And it's all our fault!

Okay, think.
If this was Law & Order,

what would Orbach do?

He would go to a payphone
and call his technology guy.

Where are all the
damn payphones?

GIL: Hey, thanks
for inviting me over, bros,

and for this
perfect-fitting T-shirt.

Who knew I was
a child's medium?
(LAUGHING)

You guys got
a pretty killer
setup down here.

Yeah, my mom bought me
the big screen

after dad moved in
with Susan.

Nice.

(PHONE VIBRATES)
GIL: Oh.

Oh, sorry.
I don't have time
for you now.

Whoa, dude, how'd you get
to this level so fast?

Oh, I've beaten
this game three times.

Would've been more,
but I started getting
bed sores

from my sweet bean bag.

I gotta get that thing
re-beaned.

You're so cool.

Yes, thank you.

You guys are like
my new crew now.

My old crew's like...
"Eh, we can't hang,

"we gotta put on
our sweater vests
and pay our forms."

New crew's like,
"We can hang out
all we want!"

(KEVIN 1 CHUCKLING)
This battle over Scooby
is getting out of control.

Want more dipping sauce?
Yeah.

And that's my calamari.

You know,
I always thought this
whole bridezilla thing

was just a myth,
but Annie has changed
right in front of my eyes.

Like Chris Pratt's body.

Oh, I know.
He is right
and tight now.

What did he do?
How does he get it done?

Where does he
find the time?

He works so hard.
Yeah.

Well, I tried to
talk to Kevin,

but he's gone
wedding-mad too.

You know, competing
with your own daughter

is not a good look
for him.

It's worse than the time
that he got a perm.

The thing is,
Annie would give her life
as we know it for Kevin.

They live for each other.
They are each other.

That's why
it's so hard to watch.

We have to get
these two to talk

because it's physically
impossible for Scooby

to go to both weddings.

Wait, I may have an idea.

Wait.

I may have a scotch.

Bartender?

Is that a puca shell?
Hey, everybody.

* Happy, happy, birthday,
happy, happy you

* Happy, happy birthday to
Scooby dooby doo *

Happy birthday.
MAN: Have a good one.

Aw, thank you.
But it's...

It's not my B-day.

I know, but we're going
to miss it, and I hate that.

So Kevin and I thought...
KEVIN 2: No, no,

I had nothing to do
with this.

That we would celebrate
your birthday today.

Our cake is coming,
and it's bigger.

(QUIETLY)
Jake, go get a bigger cake.

Oh, all right.

No more cake, no more cake,
no more cake, no more cake.

No more fighting
over Scooby, that's it!

What? Fighting?
That's so crazy. Who...

I'm her dad.
ANNIE: We don't fight.

Doesn't happen.
It's like, what?
I have a solution

where you can both
have Scooby

and you can both have
the florist,

and you can both have
the endangered birds.

How about we do it up
Brady-sister style

and have a double wedding?

Whoa, wait, you cats
would do that for me?

Yeah!
Double wedding?

Double amazing.
(LAUGHS)

What do you think?

That's cra...
That's...that's stu...

BOTH: (DRAWN OUT)
Ooh...ay...ate.

Great.
Really good.

Double wedding?
I don't want to
get married

with my dads.
I mean, I wanted to marry

my dads when
I was little,

but I also wanted to
marry Donald Rumsfeld.

He's just so strong,
he's decisive, and he's,
off topic.

Look, I am doing this
for you, bae.

Hey, wait, you're right.
Bae is so much easier
than babe.

I know, right?
Look, this is all part

of my master plan to get
Scooby at our wedding.

There's no possible way
that your dads want

a double wedding either,
right?

So the first person
to admit

that they don't want
a double wedding

is also willing to
lose Scooby.

You evil,
handsome genius.

Yeah, it's like that Bible
story with Solomon.

Or is it Shecky?
You know, where they
split the baby in two...

Or is it a T-shirt?

I'm gonna go with baby.
Was the baby
wearing a T-shirt?

Hey, thank you.

Thank you for getting
how important
Scooby is to me.

Hey, of course.
Now, look,
all you have to do

is pretend that you love
the double wedding idea,

all right?
Okay.

And whatever you do,
don't crack,

otherwise we might
lose Scooby.
Okay, I can do this.

I can do this. I mean,
I am a great actress.

I believe that.

I found my ring!
Take it down, madea.

(SOFTLY)
I found my ring.

So, where were we?

We were talking
about the amazing
double wedding idea.

Double wedding, right.

You know,
I am loving this idea.

Yeah,
I'm loving it more.

I mean, the thought of
being in the spotlight
the whole day

is so daunting,
you know,

it'll just be fun
to be up there

together, all four of us.
Yeah, I totally agree.

I mean, the chance
to share the day,
to share an anniversary,

so special.
So special.

Oh, my gosh, we could do
a joint invitation.

Love that! I mean,
with all of our faces

on the card, I mean,
come on!

And I can't wait for
the four-way first dance.

No.
Same time speeches!

I love it.
You know what?

Why even do
a double wedding
when we could...

BOTH: Do a double honeymoon!

Yeah, I can just see it now.
The four musketeers lying

naked on the beaches
of the Maldives.

Yeah,
with joining rooms!

Why should we even spend
a day apart?

Hey, do you guys want
to share a pineapple
ice cream boat?

It looks so good.
No, no!

I do not want to share
a stupid pineapple
ice cream boat thingy,

and I do not want
to share my wedding.

I was just using
my acting.

And it was good
for a while.

Someone should probably
go talk...

I should probably
go talk to her. Okay.

Ruh-roh.

So, I don't know
what just happened,
but what I do know

is that my behavior
has been

Michael Lohan-level
unfatherly.

And I have been
Dance Moms level
daughter bad.

And I know that
was confusing.
Not to me it wasn't.

Look, I've just been
planning my wedding

since I was a little girl,
and I guess
I always imagined

you guys
planning it with me,
not planning your own.

Oh, honey,
I didn't realize
we'd get so...

But you know how badly
I want you to have
your special day.

Yeah, I know.
I always wished

you and dad
could get married.

I guess I just
didn't think

our weddings would be
happening at the same time.

Of course you didn't.
And I've been
so wrapped up

in myself because
I've been dreaming
about my wedding

since I was a kid too.
I would lock myself

in the bedroom with
my bridal magazines
hoping that my parents

would just think
that I was doing drugs.

Oh. I'm so sorry, Dad.

No, I'm sorry.
Forget it.

Your father
and I will postpone.

No way! No!

What if they
make it illegal again?

I'm just glad that
we're talking about it,

that we got it out
in the open.

Me too.

And now I insist
that you have Scooby
at your wedding.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, I couldn't.

And...

But I can, and so I will.

Thank you.

And I want to give you
your wedding present early.

We have chosen you,
to be our flower girl.

(SQUEALS)

Our fully-grown
adult woman
flower girl.

Oh, my dreams
have come true.

Hey, who else can say
they got in a bride war
with their dad?

I love that about us.

Boy soldiers,
cover me with
reflection shots.

I'm going for
red headquarters.

Light 'em up!

(BOTH SCREAM)

Oh, Gil, thank God
you're all right.

We've been
so worried about you.

How'd you guys know
I was here?

Well, we realized
if we had your password,

we could track
your cell phone,

and since your password
is "password..."
Shh, shh, shh!

What are you
doing here, buddy?
(LASER TAG GUN BEEPS)

I made some awesome
new friends.

Sure, they're children,
but I'm basically
succeeding in life

on a sixth-grade level
anyway, so it plays.

Now, if you'll excuse us,
we're hanging out,

like real friends do.

Come on,
we're your real friends.

And, hey, you just hit
a rough patch, pal,

but you'll
get through it.

I'm sorry we've been
a little busy lately.

But you know we'll
always be here for you.

Well, except for today,
of course, when we weren't.

I'm sorry, we just
fell into a serious
Law & Order wormhole,

but we love you.
You guys think you can

just waltz in here,
with, albeit, a very
valid excuse

and some beautiful words

and expect to just be
instantly forgiven?

Because you can.
(BOTH EXHALES)

Hang on, I gotta go break
some kid hearts.

Gotcha.

Those the friends
who blew you off?
Yeah.

Look, buddy,
this is going to be
hard for you to hear,

but I gotta go.
You see, I'm an adult,

and you're a kid.
I don't belong
in your world.

But this isn't goodbye.

You see,
when you guys are adults,

you'll...
And they're gone.

Good work on the
double wedding plan.

You were right,
they just needed to hit
their breaking point

in order to get to
what was really going on.

Yeah,
I'm proud of myself.

That was some
Devious Maids
level scheming.

I mean, I've never
actually seen the show,

but I assume
they're pretty devious?

Oh, yeah,
but just in maid stuff.

Oh.
Okay, okay.

So I may have
just made friends
with all the busboys,

and they may have
just invited us to

a secret underground
Latin karaoke club.

And I may just have
another scotch.

(SINGING PIANO MAN BY
BILLY JOEL IN SPANISH)

Whoo!

* I apologize to all
Spanish-speaking people

* You have a beautiful
language, we're so sorry

* We're butchering it

Do you think we could do
Islands in the Stream?

Yes, we can.

Ta-da!
Everybody!

(ALL VOCALIZING)

(KISSES)

(ALL VOCALIZING)

Why are we all not naked?

ALL: Scooby!

Yes!
(LAUGHING) Oh!

You son of a bitch!