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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,833
ANNIE: Okay, everybody.
2
00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:07,397
Look at this
sweet little baby
I just picked up. Ooh!
3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,095
[CHUCKLES] Ooh!
4
00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:11,793
A cornucopia is
a traditional,
I don't know.
5
00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:13,621
I really just don't know
what it is.
6
00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:14,969
I know it's used
for Thanksgiving,
7
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,628
which is why I want to
use it here when we...
8
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:20,193
[IMITATES TRUMPET FANFARE]
Host our first Thanksgiving!
9
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:23,071
What? No, no, no, no,
my mom always hosts.
10
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:26,113
And she hosts the crap
out of it, by the way,
you know.
11
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,720
Her gwavy is subwime.
12
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:29,900
Her tuwkey is
a wittle swice of heawen.
13
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,376
That is not
a good look, buddy.
14
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:32,546
Agwee to disagwee.
15
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:34,901
Jake, since we are now
"engagedlyweds..."
16
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:37,521
Give it a chance,
we need to start
hosting things ourselves.
17
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,472
Growing up, I never had
a normal Thanksgiving.
18
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,081
My dads always took us
to "ibitha,"
19
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:43,351
and eating turkey fajitas
to thumping techno music
20
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,134
is not as charming
as it sounds.
21
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,479
It sounds like
a damn nightmare.
22
00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:48,398
Jake, please, I really want
to host this, like,
23
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:51,093
Norman Rockwellesque
Thanksgiving,
24
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,051
where I come out,
and I'm holding
the turkey like this,
25
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,100
and everyone's like,
"Oh, my God,
how does she do it?
26
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:57,005
"She makes it look so easy.
27
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,800
"She's like Jackie O
meets Murphy Brown
28
00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,234
"with, like,
Jennifer Aniston's arms."
29
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,763
Or whatever stuff
you guys want to say
in the moment.
30
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,717
Is Jen pregnant,
or isn't she?
31
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,365
I feel like
she's just toying with me
at this point.
32
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,109
Please,
it will be really fun.
33
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,900
We can cook and watch
those sports games,
34
00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:13,604
and all our friends
can pitch in. [EXHALES]
35
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:15,812
Cheese and crackers!
I call cheese and crackers.
36
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,601
Yes! Easiest dish!
37
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:19,556
♪ Cheese and cracks
38
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,264
♪ Cheese, cheese
and cracky-crackers
39
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,822
♪ Ooh, ooh
40
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,259
Napkins! Damn it!
41
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:26,516
Ice! Man alive!
42
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:27,828
Do those really count?
43
00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:30,483
See? Half of the work
is already done already.
44
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,878
This thanky-G is gonna be
a piece of C.
45
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,182
What are you talking about?
Zero of the work is done,
okay?
46
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:37,269
I mean, Annie,
you're crazy if you think
47
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,798
that I'm not on board
with what you want to do,
48
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:42,622
because I totally am. Aw. Thank you.
49
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,281
But let's figure out
how we're going to
handle your mom,
50
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:45,755
because I think
it should be delicate.
51
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,934
We should probably tell
her together,
52
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,760
most likely somewhere
between her third
and fourth gin and tonic.
53
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,368
Yeah, totally.
No, she'll be fine.
54
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:53,720
She'll be good.
I mean, it'll be great.
55
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:54,549
It will be good.
It'll be grood,
56
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,806
you know,
so really, really grood.
57
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,029
"Grood?"
58
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,598
She'll be really "grood."
59
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,344
[WHISTLING]
60
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:04,035
♪ Oh, no,
you can't hold me back ♪
61
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,560
JAKE: Wow, Mom.
Another amazing meal.
62
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,559
I mean, you sure know
how to fricassee a rabbit.
63
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:12,131
That was a rabbit?
My favorite animal.
64
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,869
You know, if I had my way,
65
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,439
you two would have dinner
here every night.
66
00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,216
Oh. Except Saturday,
67
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:18,751
when Cici has her bath.
68
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,794
Aw, little Cici. Aw, little Cici.
69
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:22,359
ANNIE: Oh, little Cici. JAKE: That little dog...
70
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,526
It always looks so hungry.
71
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,321
I can see through
the flesh on her legs.
72
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,096
Yeah, she's more
eel than dog.
73
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,930
But beautiful,
just a beautiful specimen.
74
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:31,538
[CHUCKLES]So, uh, what else?
75
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:33,719
Anybody else got anything?
Oh, Jake!
76
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:36,285
Didn't you have something
you wanted to talk about?
77
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,033
Mmm, honestly, not really.
78
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,514
I mean,
we covered the rabbit.
We talked about the dog.
79
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:42,065
I'm good. Nothing else?
80
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,117
Hit it. [LAUGHING]
81
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,728
Okay.
82
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,558
So, Myrna...
83
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,426
Thanksgiving is coming up,
and you always do
84
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:51,608
such a beautiful
job hosting.
85
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,133
Oh... But we were thinking,
86
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,436
this year...
87
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,140
This year...
88
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,664
I have a bathroom
emergency.
89
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,358
Excuse me one second.
I'm so sorry.
90
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:06,836
Okay, you are classy
till the end, Jake.
91
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:11,023
You were saying?
I was saying, Myrna...
92
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:14,373
Or mom-na,
can I call you that?
Mom-na?
93
00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:15,925
Let's just
stick with Myrna.
94
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:18,421
How would you feel
about maybe Jake and I
95
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,292
hosting Thanksgiving
this year?
96
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,684
Oh.
97
00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:23,156
Oh?
98
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,466
Oh. Oh?
99
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:26,122
Oh. Oh.
100
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:30,116
Oh, yes, oh, as in
"oh, what a good idea."
101
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,170
It'll be so cute.
102
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,385
Great.
103
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,044
Great. Great.
104
00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,347
Great.Great!
105
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:37,913
Great! Great!
106
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,740
Oh, you figured out
the whole Thanksgiving thing.
107
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,348
I'm sorry,
I wish I was here.
108
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:42,738
I always miss
the good stuff.
109
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:45,271
But you have to let me
contribute in some way.
110
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:47,305
Oh, mom, don't be silly.
111
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,361
I know.
Why don't I get you
a dining-room table?
112
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,796
Your empty dining room
makes me sad.
113
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:54,503
Oh, I don't want you
to be sad when
you come to our house.
114
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:57,192
No, come on.
Oh, thanks, mom.
That's so sweet.
115
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,020
Isn't that sweet, Annie? So sweet.
116
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,848
It's crazy how sweet it is.
117
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:02,846
JAKE: Getting a table
out of the deal.
118
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,718
Psst, napkins and ice.
119
00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:07,119
You two women should be
ashamed of yourselves
120
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,423
for taking those ideas
before I thought of them.
121
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:12,160
Hey, napkins are
a lot harder to buy than
most people think.
122
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,252
Ooh!
There they are.
123
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:16,389
Oh, hello.
124
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,393
All righty,
ready when you are.
125
00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:20,125
You're taking
American cheese singles
126
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,386
to a holiday dinner party?
127
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,569
Was the last Thanksgiving
you went to hosted by
a garbage pail kid?
128
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:27,045
Ha-ha.
You're hilarious, Kay.
129
00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:28,786
But you know
you're not supposed to
encourage my belief
130
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,527
that the garbage pail kids
are real.
131
00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:34,578
God. Talking to you
is not great.
132
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:37,355
Couldn't help but overhear
that you might be in the
market for some cheese.
133
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,761
Yeah. How formal is your soiree,
134
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,504
on a scale from
governor's ball to
tete-a-tete?
135
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,805
It's casual,
but there will be pants.
136
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:47,462
Okay, here,
why don't you try some
easy-going gouda?
137
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:50,378
Mmm,
that is easy-going...
138
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:53,514
Smokey, rich, hint of cocoa. Uh-huh.
139
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:56,247
Just a kiss of, walnut?
140
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,169
Wow. That is quite a palette
you have there.
141
00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,654
Could I interest you
in something
a little stronger?
142
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,304
Sure, I got nothing else
going on. Okay.
143
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,089
Here, try this.
Be careful.
144
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,003
It's pretty intense.
145
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,348
Mmm.
Well, that's very nice.
146
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:11,308
I'm tasting the wet earth
of a cave?
147
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,568
Oh, my God.
That is incredible.
148
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:16,451
That is
a cave-aged reblochon.
149
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,013
You know, I don't throw
this word around a lot,
150
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,710
mainly because
it's a little silly,
151
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,357
but you are what we
in the cheese community
152
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:24,321
like to call
a Prodi-cheese.
153
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:27,891
Wow. That's the first
compliment I've gotten
in 11 weeks.
154
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,939
Listen, uh,
155
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:31,675
there's only so much
I can serve
during the day,
156
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:32,586
if you want to taste
something really special,
157
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:34,677
come back after hours.
158
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,339
You know
I'm not gay, right?
159
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,513
Not that I have an issue
with that kind of thing.
160
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,209
Frankly, if I was gay,
you'd probably be my type.
161
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:44,037
I mean, we clearly have
a rapport going here,
162
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:45,166
and I am pretty lonely
these days.
163
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,427
Not gay. Great!
164
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,480
Okay, great. Yeah.
165
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:48,964
I'll see you tonight.
166
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,054
Well, that was
a freakin' nightmare.
167
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:52,663
Wait. What?
What are you
talking about?
168
00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:54,483
Not only is she totally cool
with us hosting,
169
00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:56,531
but she's also buying us
a table!
170
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:57,967
I mean, you yourself
said it was sweet.
171
00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:01,363
Aw. Simple, pretty,
blue-eyed Jake.
172
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,878
Thank you. Don't you get it?
173
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,931
The moment you proposed,
your mother and I entered
174
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,666
into a lifelong chess match
175
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:08,757
to determine who
is the most important woman
in your life.
176
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,106
You did? The war between wife
177
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,365
and mother-in-law is a tale
178
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,328
as old as
Everybody Loves Raymond.
179
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:15,806
What? No, honey,
I think you've got it
completely wrong.
180
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:17,507
I mean, my mom is known
for three things...
181
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,944
Her sweater sets,
her generosity,
182
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,471
and keeping our house
at a cool 66 degrees,
and that's it.
183
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:23,766
Didn't you see
what she just did in there?
184
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,601
She sacrificed her
Thanksgiving-hosting rook
185
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:28,299
to king my queen
in the dining room
with a candlestick.
186
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,388
That analogy is
barely chess.
It's mostly checkers.
187
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:31,827
And you sprinkled in
a little clue at the end.
188
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,093
It's the last great
board game, and I love it!
189
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,996
Well, I think Trivial Pursuit
would have something to
say about that.
190
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,311
Look, this table
is about more than a holiday.
191
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,358
It's permanent,
and it's chock-full of
judgment about me,
192
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,754
about my
table-buying abilities,
and if we accept it,
193
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,538
every dinner we host
will only be
because of Myrna.
194
00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,842
Every Zappos box
and piece of mail
195
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,279
will only have a place to sit
because of Myrna.
196
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,105
Every time we have sex
on that table,
197
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:53,063
she'll be there,
judging my technique.
198
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:54,501
Well, your technique
is flawless.
199
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:57,498
Look, I just really want
you to be on my team
with this one.
200
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,591
It is really important to me
201
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,250
that we do this
Thanksgiving ourselves.
202
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,073
Okay, yes,
of course, sure.
203
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,341
I mean,
what am I thinking? Yes.
204
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,084
You can tell my mom that
you don't want the table.
205
00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:08,524
Ooh.What? Oh, no. I'll...
206
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:09,952
Well, how about I call her?
I'm gonna call her.
207
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,648
I'll call her up,
and I'll just tell her
208
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:13,776
you don't want the...
I don't want the table.
209
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:20,353
Great news, dads...
I am finally hosting
my first Thanksgiving.
210
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,700
Oh, my God,
sweetie, that's amazing.
211
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,140
Of course we'll be there.
212
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:27,616
Your first Thanksgiving
hosting as a couple...
213
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,358
It's going to be
so precious.
214
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,579
And remember, baby,
just brine everything. Yeah.
215
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:32,708
Okay.
216
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,760
Bye. Bye.
217
00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:37,325
Damn it.
What about Ibitha?
218
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,203
It'll "beeth" there
next year. Oh.
219
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:44,734
Well, I did it.
220
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,812
I told my mom that we
didn't want her to buy us
221
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:50,121
a dining-room table,
and she said she was
totally cool with it.
222
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:53,168
Really? What did she say,
like, word for word?
223
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,555
Word for word...
Well, she said,
224
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,078
"I can't wait
for Thursday, sweetie.
225
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,351
"I'm sure it's going to be
the best Thanksgiving ever."
226
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,654
Well...
[APPLAUDS SLOWLY]
227
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:06,049
[SIGHS] Slow clap.
Why the slow clap?
228
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:08,137
Damn it, she's good.
229
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,096
She really raised the bar.
"Best Thanksgiving ever?"
230
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:12,925
So now I literally
have to pull off the best
Thanksgiving ever,
231
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,194
or we will all die.
232
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,926
Die? What?
I'm confused.
233
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,367
I thought Thanksgiving
was supposed to be
234
00:08:17,453 --> 00:08:19,153
about celebrating family.
235
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,847
No, it's about
who celebrates
family better.
236
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,235
Okay, I think
you're overreacting.
237
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:23,757
Okay, Jake, you know what?
238
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,771
Myrna thinks
she's got me backed
into a corner, but, no, no.
239
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,203
Nope. No.
I ain't going out
like that!
240
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,420
[I AIN'T GOIN' OUT LIKE THAT
PLAYING]
241
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,900
What's happening?It's my voice-activated
sonos,
242
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:35,780
but luckily,
it's perfect music
to get me pumped up
243
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:38,303
while I show you this
dining-room table
and chair set.
244
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,133
Wow, hand-carved mahogany?
You sure?
245
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:44,177
I mean, the only
hand-carved wood that we own
246
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:47,442
is a pipe that we smoke out
of occasionally,
not habitually.
247
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,397
Best Thanksgiving ever.
248
00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,046
Okay. The only thing
we have to do now
249
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,710
is look up
some next-level recipes
250
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:55,144
that Myrna would
never attempt.
251
00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,100
Take my sweaters
out of the oven,
252
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,617
and I'll work
on a shopping list.
253
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,671
♪ Billy ray cypress hill ♪ Chill
254
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,016
♪ I bust that grill
255
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,055
♪ Grab my gat
and load up the steel
256
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:05,551
♪ We ain't goin' out
like that
257
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,902
♪ We ain't goin' out
like that ♪
258
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:08,982
JAKE: This whole thing
is nuts.
259
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,680
Annie thinks
she's in some sort
260
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,067
of weird Thanksgiving
thunder dome with my mom.
261
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,471
She's sending me
all over town to get
these weird ingredients.
262
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,034
Look, tread lightly
here, man.
263
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,170
You play this thing wrong,
264
00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,562
you're gonna end up
a divorced orphan.
265
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,295
So, in your scenario,
266
00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:22,815
the woman I'm not even
married to divorces me,
267
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:25,040
and my mom is so sad
that she dies?
268
00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:25,869
More or less.
269
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,695
Hey, where are we,
anyway?
270
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,125
I thought we were
going to a bar.
271
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,701
You know, it's like a bar
272
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,088
for illegal cheeses.
273
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:37,141
They call it
a "Speakcheesy."
274
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,228
So you're still
just kind of circling
around rock bottom, huh?
275
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,064
[WHISPERING] So glad
you could make it.
276
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:44,627
[NORMAL VOICE]
Is he cool?
277
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,674
Not since he got engaged,
but he won't tell on us.
278
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:47,980
[BOTH LAUGH]
279
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,163
All the secrecy
is a little silly, I know,
280
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:57,675
but the FDA prohibits
the sale of certain
foreign cheeses
281
00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:01,301
aged fewer than 60 days
for "safety reasons."
282
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,473
Sure, there's a chance
of listeria,
283
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,739
which can cause sepsis
and meningitis.
284
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,002
Americans can be
so provincial.
285
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,305
Here, try this
raw camembert.
286
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:11,962
No, I'm good.
Thank you.
287
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:15,086
Don't be so provincial.
Very American that way.
288
00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,179
I was born in Canada,
you know.
289
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,268
Well, close to Canada.
290
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,187
Here in Chicago,
actually. Mmm.
291
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:22,362
Mmm!
292
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,707
Oh, my God.
293
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:28,108
So milky and sweet
and young.
294
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,932
It's like licking
a newborn calf.
295
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,630
This is ridiculous. Hey!
296
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,148
I'm finally good
at something.
297
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:34,851
I don't make fun of you
for loving Annie.
298
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:36,288
Hey, well... It's a raid!
299
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,554
Go! What happened?
300
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,767
What's happening? Come on!
301
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:39,935
What's happening? We got to go!
302
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,250
GIL: We got to go now!
What's going on?
303
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:43,467
JAKE: What's happening?
304
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,118
Who were
all those people?
305
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,650
I don't know.
306
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,434
We gonna smoke this thing
or what?
307
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,042
Oh.
308
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:55,995
I mean, Jake thinks
I'm overreacting, but...
309
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,750
Annie, she said,
"Best Thanksgiving ever."
310
00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:00,012
Yeah, the only way
to interpret that is...
311
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,274
"Die, bitch."Right?
312
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:02,836
I mean, I just wish
he would get on my side.
313
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,973
He's making me feel crazy. Oh, I hate that.
314
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:07,135
The last time a guy
made me feel crazy,
315
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:08,671
I broke into his house,
switched all his
pills around,
316
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:09,795
and gave his dog up
for adoption.
317
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,146
Dennah, that is crazy.
318
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:15,406
I know.
That's why I didn't do it.
319
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,940
The worst part about this is
320
00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,774
that Myrna is
an awesome cook.
321
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,642
Jake won't shut up about her
stupid "dewicious" food.
322
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:24,254
But you know what?
I am just gonna go
super gourmet on this.
323
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:25,375
She's not even gonna know
what hit her.
324
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,297
Uh, try this.
325
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,913
Wow. That's delicious. I want to try!
326
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,958
That's the only bite I made.
Took me six hours.
327
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,794
Okay. But, okay, if we have
328
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,352
eight people tomorrow
and everybody has
two bites for dinner,
329
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,748
that'll just take me
another 144 hours.
330
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:43,752
Mmm, baby girl. Oh, God,
331
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:44,973
what's happening to me?
332
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,322
[IMITATES TURKEY GOBBLING]
Ha...
333
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:52,232
Hey! Ah, there's my little
Rachael Ray of sunshine.
334
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,630
Oh, wow. Did you catch
and kill the turkey
right here in the kitchen?
335
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,154
Oh, jokes are so funny.
336
00:11:57,978 --> 00:12:00,588
So I got you three different
kinds of cooking sherry,
337
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,416
but, unfortunately,
there's no place in Chicago
338
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:03,984
that has Hawaiian salt.
339
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,381
No worries. I've been
sweating and crying
340
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:06,553
into the gravy
all afternoon,
341
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,248
so hopefully that'll
take care of the seasoning.
342
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:09,466
You okay, babe?
343
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:10,564
Yeah. Yeah?
344
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,042
You sure?
'Cause you're stirring air.
345
00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,524
Oh, my God.
346
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,044
Look, this is just a lot
for me right now...
347
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,427
Little overwhelmed. No, I get it.
348
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,170
And I wish I could help,
349
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,311
but I'm just not an expert
at all this stuff.
350
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,093
Why don't we
just call my... Don't say it.
351
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,658
Shh. Mmm-mmm. Uh-uh, uh-uh.
352
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,565
No, go ahead and say it. Well, why not?
353
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,879
I mean, why can't we ask
my mom for help?
354
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,486
Because then she wins,
and she will dance
all over my grave-y.
355
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:35,057
Okay, I know
I'm not supposed
to say, relax,
356
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:37,095
calm down, or,
you're acting crazy.
357
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,191
But relax, calm down,
you're acting crazy!
358
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,890
[GASPS]
359
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,457
We got to get out of here.
My shoes are
in the other room.
360
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,554
Leave them.
I will carry you. Okay.
361
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:46,813
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
362
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:50,597
[DOORBELL RINGS]
363
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:55,857
Aw, I know that face.
364
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:57,249
That's the same face
you made
365
00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,431
when that girl punched you
at volleyball camp.
366
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,077
Annie would kill me
if she knew I was here.
367
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:04,221
Why? Well, we're fighting.
368
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,915
I mean, this whole hosting
Thanksgiving thing
369
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:07,222
has gotten
way out of hand.
370
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:09,178
Well, it's so cute
that you guys tried...
371
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,266
Very brave,
372
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:11,754
and there's no shame
373
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,584
in coming to your old mama
for some help...
374
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:15,933
Or for anything.
375
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:18,542
If you ever just feel
like talking
376
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:21,713
or if you're out late
and you need a place
to crash out,
377
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,801
come sleep over,
like the old days.
378
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,371
You mean like
when I was a child?
379
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:29,807
I'm just saying it's
dangerous to drive tired.
380
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,326
[SNIFFS] Hey,
what's that smell?
Is that turkey?
381
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:36,120
Oh. I've started making
my own sandwich meats.
382
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,986
Really? Saves money.
383
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:40,208
And I don't have to talk
to that man at the store
384
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:42,207
about his dead son.
385
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:43,079
Huh.
386
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:48,611
Oh, no.
Did Cici get out?
387
00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:50,177
It looks like those birds
are chasing her.
388
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:51,834
Oh, those damn finches!
389
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,623
Yeah, they might swallow
that dog up whole.
390
00:13:57,749 --> 00:14:00,099
Oh, my God.
391
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,627
Mom made backup
tuwkey and gwavy.
392
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:06,242
Annie, you were right.
Mom is trying to
undermine you.
393
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,113
She made an entire
Thanksgiving dinner.
394
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,365
She's waiting
for you to fail.
395
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,457
You weren't crazy.
It was chess.
396
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:12,756
Annie?
397
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,585
Annie? Are you drinking
cooking sherry?
398
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:17,861
It's sweet.
399
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,514
It's so sweet.
400
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,207
Don't look at me.
401
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:23,295
Come on, Annie,
we can still beat mom.
402
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:24,864
It's too late.
403
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,341
Myrna's gonna be here
in ten hours
404
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:28,520
expecting a Thanksgiving
extravaganza.
405
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,956
Why did I have to describe
it as an extravaganza
on the invite?
406
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:33,224
What's wrong
with the word "dinner?"
407
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:34,827
Look, I know I wasn't
on your team before,
but I am now,
408
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:37,307
and we can do this!
409
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,658
We just need to simplify.
Screw the Hawaiian salt.
410
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:42,448
You only need one ingredient
for turkey... Turkey.
411
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,973
Now, are we looking
at an all-nighter? Yes.
412
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:46,318
Are both of us gonna cry?
413
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,757
A bunch.
414
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:49,453
A bunch.
415
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:50,760
I am not always
gonna be kind.
416
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,796
I will sometimes be
needlessly cruel.
417
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,682
It will almost seem
like I am enjoying
that part of it.
418
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:57,643
But if we focus,
if we stick together, baby,
419
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,552
come on,
we can pull this off!
420
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:01,467
I just have one question. Shoot.
421
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:02,952
Are we gonna have time
to bang one out first?
422
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,082
Because this take-charge
attitude is a real turn-on.
423
00:15:05,165 --> 00:15:06,205
We always have
time for that. Okay!
424
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,654
Doesn't look that hard.
425
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,921
♪ We ain't goin' out
like that
426
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,565
♪ We ain't goin' out like that ♪ We ain't goin' out
427
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,569
♪ We ain't goin' out
like that
428
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,531
♪ We ain't goin' out like that ♪ We ain't goin' out
429
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:27,881
♪ We ain't goin' out
like that ♪
430
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,410
[VOCALIZING]
431
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,153
Guys, I just scored us
some of the rarest,
432
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,324
most illegal cheese
in the world.
433
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:34,059
I can't tell you
where I got it, but...
434
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,200
No one cares.
435
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,889
[VOCALIZING]
436
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,500
[SCREAMING]
437
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:42,811
JAKE: Break those grapes.
Whip that cream.
438
00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:45,468
Don't worry, everyone.
The napkins are here.
439
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:48,163
No, wait.
I left them at home.
BRB, y'all.
440
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,951
Where the hell
is that damn table?
441
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,726
Okay, got the napkins.
442
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,170
Oh, wait.
Am I wearing a bra?
443
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:56,086
BRB, y'all.
444
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:59,392
Okay, turkey's stuffed,
gravy gravied, Dennah Bra'd.
445
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,830
Finally. People are coming
in 20 minutes.
446
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:04,007
Wait. The food won't be
ready for two hours.
447
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,833
Ooh, I know.
How about we just turn
everything up?
448
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,581
Jake, that is brilliant!
449
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:09,272
Right?
Just turn it all up.
450
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,319
[DOORBELL RINGS] Ah! That's the table!
451
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,535
We might actually
pull this off.
452
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,017
[GASPS]
453
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:17,850
Where's the kids' room?
454
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,463
Excuse me?
We don't have kids.
455
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,463
Oh, are you married
to a little person?
456
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,365
Uh, there must be
some sort of mistake.
457
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:26,200
Um, we ordered a very
expensive dining-room table
458
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:27,549
that looks
exactly like that,
459
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,468
but for normal
human adults.
460
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:30,343
I don't know
what to tell you, lady.
461
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:32,644
It's Thanksgiving.
I got to go.
462
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,600
Honey, by any chance,
463
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,559
did you check
the dimensions
when you bought this?
464
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,257
I think we know
the answer to that. I do.
465
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:39,645
Cute table!
466
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,477
My niece has the same one
in her playroom,
467
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:42,475
but hers is bigger.
468
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:44,570
[GASPS]
469
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,265
Not to alarm anyone,
but everything is on fire.
470
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,574
[GASPS][GASPS]
471
00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:50,569
Oh, fire! [DOORBELL RINGS]
472
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:51,841
Oh, okay,
everything's cool.
Everything's cool.
473
00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:53,063
Uh-oh, it's Myrna.
474
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,142
Now, that's a pantsuit.
475
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:56,021
Oh, my God! [ALARM BEEPING]
476
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,106
[NERVOUS CHUCKLES]
477
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,070
JAKE: Aah.
478
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,857
Myrna, are you sure
we can't get you something...
Glass of wine?
479
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:13,512
Um, we burned the wine. How do you burn wine?
480
00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:15,207
We used it to cook the
things that burned.
481
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,375
Ugh. The Ibiza gang
just checked in
482
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:18,521
at the foam party. [SCOFFS]
483
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:19,912
Kevin, would you let it go?
484
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,515
We'll find some other way
to get pink eye.
485
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:23,775
Mom, how about a nice
refreshing glass of water?
486
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,518
Ooh, with unlimited
refills on ice.
487
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:27,699
We also have
two napkin choices...
488
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,175
Cocktail and dinner size.
489
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,825
Ooh, we also have
grenadine and a half bottle
of pedialyte
490
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,100
from the time
I tried exercise.
491
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,442
Uh, water sounds fine,
I guess.
492
00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:35,661
Yes.Water.
493
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:36,530
Oh, oh, the knees.
[CHUCKLES]
494
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:38,361
Excuse me.
495
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,279
Okay, what are we working
with dinner-wise?
496
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,016
Okay, we got a bowl of gravy,
Gil's cheese and crackers,
497
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,457
a whole lot of napkins
and a coffee filter
498
00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:47,763
full of
pumpkin pie filling.
499
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,239
Are we not commenting
on the table?
500
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,639
Just drink
your pedialyte, Kevin.
501
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:54,772
Chicago water,
fresh from the tap.
502
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:56,286
You must tell me
where you got this table.
503
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:57,949
It is so unique.
504
00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:00,253
Well, small is in right now.
505
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:01,730
It's kind of a thing that
everybody knows,
506
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,469
am I right? ALL: Mmm-hmm.
507
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,210
I told you our table
was too big.
508
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,391
Okay!
I hope everybody's hungry.
509
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:08,607
ALL: Ooh!
510
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,346
Oh, my God,
how does she do it?
511
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:13,177
She makes it look
so easy. Jennifer Aniston's arms.
512
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,006
Are you sure you want to
put this down?
513
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,884
I just don't want you to
break your table.
514
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:19,185
Well, it's mahogany.
It's what houses
are made out of.
515
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:20,362
Guys, a little help?[ALL AGREEING]
516
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:23,706
Whoa. [CHUCKLES]
517
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,018
ANNIE: Easy does it.
518
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:28,724
Ooh, okay.
519
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:32,285
[TABLE CREAKING]
520
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:34,242
[SIGHS WITH RELIEF][ALL LAUGHING]
521
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,940
Well, I'd like to make
a little toast.
522
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:38,067
I am thankful that everybody
is here today.
523
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,290
Thank you for being here,
Mom.
524
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,509
And a toast
to my wonderful fiancee,
525
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,638
who made this
fabulous feast.It was really nothing.
526
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,341
No, it is something. Stop it.
527
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:48,298
And I am thankful
for mahogany...
528
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:50,258
America's most durable
and favorite wood.
529
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:52,963
Dig in, y'all!
530
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,574
[ALL EXCLAIMING] KAY: Oh,
this looks delicious.
531
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,175
This cheese
looks interesting.
What is it?
532
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,226
I'm very glad
you asked that, Myrna.
533
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:02,712
This brie,
believe it or not,
comes directly
534
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:07,893
from a farm-raised,
18-year-old
human female woman.
535
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:09,022
I'm sorry.
It sounded like you said
536
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:11,284
this cheese comes
from a person.
537
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,277
That's right, Jake.
It's human cheese,
538
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:14,409
made from breast milk. Argh.
539
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:15,551
It's all the rage
in Albania.
540
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,162
[ALL GAG] Oh, my God!
541
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,593
[ALL SCREAM]
542
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,949
You know what?
You know what?
543
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,903
Small tables
are so two years ago.
544
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:28,601
The new trend is eating
on the floor.
545
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,389
I knew it. It's fine.
It's done, okay? It's over.
546
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:31,953
Look, I think
we can all agree
547
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,910
this is the worst
Thanksgiving in history.
548
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,168
Well, except for
the first one,
549
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,481
if you're a native
American.
550
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,346
Jake will get your coats
unless I somehow managed
551
00:19:38,438 --> 00:19:39,698
to burn those as well. Annie.
552
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,827
What, Myrna? I get it.
You won. I lost.
553
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,620
No one does Thanksgiving
like you.
554
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,135
No one can
take care of Jake
the way that you do.
555
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:48,358
And you will always be
the most important
woman in his life.
556
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,150
No, Annie,
I was going to tell you
557
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,976
about the first time
I hosted Thanksgiving.
558
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,504
Let me guess, flawless.
559
00:19:57,587 --> 00:20:00,367
Okay, I'm sorry, Myrna,
but I'm human,
much like that cheese.
560
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,460
Actually, the turkey
was so undercooked,
561
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:05,289
I gave four of our relatives
food poisoning.
562
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:07,768
It was an
unmitigated disaster,
like tonight.
563
00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:10,028
Thank you? But it was the
most special
564
00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:11,651
Thanksgiving I ever had,
565
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,392
because it was the
first time that Jake's
father and I hosted it.
566
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:15,954
And that's what
you remember,
567
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,520
that and the fact
that my mother-in-law
568
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,777
was trying to undermine me
the entire night.
569
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,440
That's the real tradition.
She was a serious bitch.
570
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,135
Oh, I love nana.
571
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,443
She always made those
fred and ginger snap
cookies. Yum.
572
00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:28,009
Yes, she was
a wonderful baker.
573
00:20:28,096 --> 00:20:29,356
May she roast
in a lake of fire.
574
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,705
Oh. The point is that
575
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,324
it's hard for every woman
576
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,145
to let go of her son.
577
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,193
And I am sorry
that it has been
so hard for me.
578
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:39,149
But I promise next year
579
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,198
that I will try
to be better,
580
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:45,243
because, Annie,
there is no one I'd rather
turn him over to.
581
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:47,331
Aw. Thanks, Myrna.
582
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:50,809
ALL: Aw.So sweet.
583
00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:52,341
So what are we doing...
Ordering a pizza?
584
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:53,725
'Cause I am starving,
585
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,467
and there's dust bunnies
all over the human cheese,
586
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,388
and that is a-gross.
587
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:58,783
ALL: Argh. Well, actually,
588
00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:01,516
I do have an entire
backup Thanksgiving dinner
589
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,258
in my car,
if anyone is interested.
590
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,530
ALL: Yeah!A Thanksgiving miracle!
591
00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:09,012
MYRNA: Oh, yeah.
592
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:10,703
ANNIE: Oh, okay.
593
00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:12,271
MYRNA: Honey. Happy Thanksgiving, mom.
594
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,708
ANNIE: That's enough.
595
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,194
Here I come! Oh!
596
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,414
Just kidding.
597
00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:20,055
ANNIE: I was kidding.
I was kidding.
598
00:21:20,148 --> 00:21:22,058
MYRNA: Thank you.
599
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:23,850
JAKE: Hey, let's go down
to the food, all right?
45028
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