Original subtitles

♪ As far as I could tell you It's not as bad as all of that ♪

♪ And I promise Not to be reckless, oh ♪

Fuck sake.

Look, if things are shitty,

they kind of have to get better, right?

Like, bounce back.

Once you hit bottom, there's only up to go, that sort of thing.

You know, like physics.

I don't think it works like that in this case.

I'm pretty sure things can get worse.

Yeah, maybe physics doesn't apply for emotional well-being,

but you get what I mean.

Mm, I don't think so.

I feel like things can actually get worse once they're worse

and then they continue to get worse

until it's not funny anymore and then they get a little better

and then they get worse again, and then you die.

So, uh, Laura... you okay?

Yeah, just everyone keeps asking what I'm doing next

and it's like, I don't know.

So, yeah, that's fun.

Well, hey, at least you're done with that job

and taking some time off, starting fresh.

That's great!

Yeah, there's that.

It's going to be okay.

I don't know.

It's gonna be alright.

It's not like anybody chooses to move to Los Angeles

because they were pumped on their lives beforehand.

I was born there so I guess I can't really say.

Best case scenario, they get the idea like myself

that maybe they can make some change

through art or some shit.

So, I take it you're pretty happy with things these days.

Super fucking pumped.

You're just a radiant bundle of sunshine, aren't you, Michael?

Everything's bad all the time.

Oh, yeah, you're so edgy.

Come on. Let's get the fuck out of here.

This is my room.

You have roommates, right?

Yes, of course I have roommates. It's San Francisco.

Nobody's rich enough not to have roommates.

It's nice, right?

Yeah, it's like... I mean, I take it works really well.

Yeah, well, it's fun.

- Yeah, it's fun. - Is it?

Yeah, it's just... it takes some time.

Like all of it.

Yeah, your early 20's, right?

Yeah, hopefully I'll at least have some stories.

- Where's Neha? - Oh, fuck! That's right.

She's like picking up a friend or a friend of a friend or something.

I don't know, but I think she's bringing people.

- People? - Guys.

Couple of guys.

All right, let's get drunk.

Yeah.

That doesn't even sound fun, Frank.

Yeah, that's 'cause it wasn't.

Then why?

I don't know.

Sometimes things just sound like a good idea when you're drinking.

But really, your ex?

That is the cliché.

It's like you could be a little more original with your fuck-ups, dude.

- I could. - That is pretty bad.

You know guys, as much as I appreciate the concern, I don't.

And either way, she didn't answer and I didn't leave a voice mail,

so we chillin'

Yeah, totally chillin'.

Yeah, totally chillin'

- I'm going to tell your mother that you're being rude. - You are my mother, Neha,

and I'm sorry for talking back.

No, I'm not. Fuck you.

You little bitch!

Neha!

Ro!

- Friends! - Ro!

Ro?

Yeah, so this is Frank and Michael.

Hi, Frank. Hi, Michael.

- Whoa! There's your door. - Windy out!

I'm Frank, that's Michael.

I'm Michael and that's Frank.

- Frank. Michael. Cool, got it. - Yeah. No, no. Frank...

- We're doing a hug. Come on in. - Oh, this is going really well.

Stop.

Hell, yeah. Laura.

Like are you looking for roommates by any chance?

No, I'm not, Frank.

Are you so excited you travelled, you little adventurer?

Yeah, I'm so excited, yeah, excited, woo!

- Well, what's going on? - You guys want beer?

Yes.

Yeah, so this is Michael and Frank.

- Hey, Michael and Frank. - Hey.

- Which one's which? - Oh, my bad.

Uh, Michael.

- Michael. - Yeah.

- Frank. - Have we met before?

Yeah, I think so.

Oh, my God! No, dude, it's when you came up for your 21st birthday.

- What? I'm pretty sure I was blitzed that whole time. - You were.

Wait!

Oh, holy shit! You were with that... that dude.

The one that kept trying to get us to ditch you girls because...

- Oh, my God! - ...Saturdays were for the boys.

- Shit! That was awesome. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - He was super awesome.

That was definitely awesome. Puka shells?

Yeah, nice to meet you guys too.

Anyway, here's something about good health or something, right?

- Yeah, take it. - Fuck dying, right?

Ooh!

It was such an eloquent toast from you all. I'm so inspired.

So, this girl tells me

that she wants to be buried in one of those tree urns when she goes.

Who are you dating?

And I'm like... oh, I have great taste in women,

you should just ask Michael.

Oh, yeah. You and Laura should start the saddest dating app ever.

- Nice. - We'd be millionaires.

Like you have like that one bad ex.

- No, never. Not once. - All right.

Frank, aren't you telling a story?

Oh, yeah, okay, anyhow.

So, then I told her that when I go,

I want my ashes to be shot out of the ocean out of a t-shirt cannon.

Out of the ocean though?

Into the ocean with a t-shirt cannon, sorry. I can't talk.

But, yeah, I think that... What's that? What did you say?

Well, you said out of the ocean and I was like who are you going to give...

No, I'm going to give it to a mermaid and she's going to shoot it out of the ocean...

- Guys, we can go, it's turning green. - We can go? Oh, okay.

Well, no, but then I was like, "I want to go to Davy Jones' locker.

Like I'm a fuckin' pirate, baby!"

Whatever, like the world is filled with mean people.

You're cheery.

Yeah, well, okay, but the point is like nobody thinks they're mean, right?

Like and then all of these mean people...

Well, actually all of us mean people

go around using other people's meanness just for our meanness.

- So, it's like... - Is she always this sad?

Usually much sadder.

Oh, okay. Then good.

People are exactly the reason why people can't have nice things.

- Yeah, what? - Who do you mean?

- I don't know, people. - Yeah, well, like not everybody.

- Well, yeah, okay. - Most people.

It's kinda how it goes. People are going to people.

That's... Yeah, exactly.

I should know better by now.

Well, you can't blame yourself for that.

I mean, you can but you shouldn't.

It sounds a little like you really don't like the fact that you see good in people.

Ooh!

What?

Hey.

Hey, where did everybody go?

Um, Ro and Neha went for a smoke.

I don't know if Frank smokes but he went with them, so...

Yeah, sometimes we all have our vices.

Glad that we got that out of the way.

- That's it? - Just taking a break.

Woo! Ow!

Neha hasn't said one word since we got her food.

Fuck you! I'm trying to enjoy my food and I'd appreciate it if you didn't interrupt me.

Yeah, fuck you, Frank.

Oh, come on. Jesus!

You know you can just buy a slice, right?

I could, but I could also have a bite of yours.

- I think she's just using me for my pizza, guys. - One bite, come on.

- All right. - Definitely.

All right. Be careful, it's hot.

Okay. What did you do to this pizza?

- I bit it. - Murderer!

Fuck, that's hot!

You all right?

So, is it that bad?

Let's get this thing right here.

Why is it so hot?

Why are you eating it? They just said it's hot.

Why are you trying to eat it? They just said it's hot.

Once second, could you repeat that for a photograph?

They're going to go through life

with just like the tiniest bit of doubt and questioning

about whether they really are part cyborg or not

and then one day in college,

they'll finally discover that it's obviously not true

and they've just been lying to them the whole time.

And what, the lesson is to just never trust anyone

'cause your father is a sadistic liar

and you should just never trust anybody?

Yeah, exactly. Ro, you get me.

The world is a bad, bad place and you should just never trust anybody.

Aside from the fact that your kids are going to be super fucked up in the head,

they'll just be like cutting their arm open,

like looking for cyborg parts and shit.

Well, yeah, I mean those are minor details

but it's a great plan though, right?

And Michael is the one that gave me the idea for it.

Okay, look, just to be clear, I never condoned for it to go for this long.

How did this even come up?

Uh, me and Frank were having a conversation about how parents fuck up their kids.

- Oh, yeah, as one does. - Yeah, as one does.

Are your parents divorced?

Ooh, and the conversation takes a turn.

We live in the future now, of course they are.

Love is dead and all that shit.

Oh, yeah, I'm Michael, I have a dark soul.

Yada-yada-yada.

I love when Neha talks shit.

Yes, I'm an asshole. I agree with that,

but I know for a fact that you all hate your jobs.

Aside from the part where it just kinda dominates my life,

I actually enjoy my job. Yep.

Ro! I love you.

That's kinda like really unhealthy. Right?

No, I mean no, I get it.

It's pretty much the same for me, but I don't know. I still love it.

What is it that you do again?

- I work... - I think they're broken.

I work at a hospital as a Strategic Advancement Director.

Silly business.

Uh, yeah.

Wait, wait. Your job acronym is S.A.D.

It's like literally, sad.

Ah, it is. I never realized that.

You know what? I kinda love that.

Oh my God! If you say you love your job one more time, I might actually believe you.

I love my job as a Strategic Advancement Director

for a remote hospital in the boonies of California.

- Well, all right. - You guys are fucking weird.

And you guys are fucking hippies.

Okay, that's like the meanest thing that anyone's ever said to me.

That was pretty sick.

- Right? - What?

Fellow job lover Ro, what do you do?

I'm an assistant.

Obviously, a good one.

Well, it's nice to have something to show considering the hours and stuff.

Yeah, like I don't know. How do you guys know that you love your jobs? Just...

I don't know. Shit's just tight.

- Yeah. - Meanwhile on this couch, oh...

Oh!

And the award for the saddest high five of the evening goes to...

- Oh! Gross. - Hey boo, that's not fair.

- Oh, my God! - Get a room.

- Come on, girl. - Neha's watching!

She's never watched that.

Ow!

That was definitely your fault.

Are you kidding?

No, that was like a hundred percent you.

No, you're the one that was on top and then you started to fall...

Oh, did you just kiss me to shut me up?

No, I kissed you to kiss you but that was a very nice bonus.

You're such a brat. Oh!

All right, that was fun. See you around.

Yeah, cool. See you later.

- I'm kidding. - I'm not.

I'm kidding?

I promise.

You know, it works better if you don't say it like a question.

I know.

You're actually the one who's running away

from everything and everyone you love in a week.

What? I'm not running away.

Pretty casual life event.

I know, right?

How's that feeling?

Exciting?

You know, it works better if you don't make it sound like a question.

Ooh, yeah, yeah. I know.

I mean, it's exciting. It is. It's gonna be... refreshing.

Where are you going again? And for what?

I'm starting out by helping a small organic farm in Spain...

Are you a hippie?

You say that like someone just stabbed you.

If you are, then someone did just stab me.

I'm not. I promise.

I mean, I promise?

- It's a nice farm too. - Okay.

Yeah, anyways.

So, yeah, I'm going to go there and then I go to London

for my Master's.

- For like a year. - I'm so disappointed with myself.

I'm sorry. What was that?

I'm starting a nudist commune in Berkeley.

Fuckin' knew it.

Okay, so London.

Mm-hmm.

Why would it go for two?

Mm-mm. I guess I'm bad at school.

Are you bad at school?

Mm-mm, more like if I get bored with it.

Why would you ever get bored of school?

I know, right?

No, more like if I lose interest, I guess.

Which would happen because...?

'Cause I just like signed up for this Master's

because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

Ah!

I hadn't said that out aloud yet.

It's really depressing.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I, like you,

am also completely unsure of what I'm doing with my life too.

- Nope. - No?

- No. - Okay.

How about this?

I'm pretty sure that a majority of our peers

are also completely unsure of the current paths their lives are on

and the uncertainty is slowly killing them unknowingly.

All of us are just lost,

even the ones who seem like they know what they're doing,

even the ones working for Médecins Sans Frontières

saving lives just completely, overwhelmingly lost,

flailing at nothing.

Well, maybe not them but everyone else's super lost.

Life is fun.

Yeah.

Why are you cool?

Hmm? Oh, what?

That's a weird question.

I mean like why are you cool and why am I meeting you right now

before I'm about to leave for a fucking long time?

Stop being cool.

- No promises. - Stop it.

And it's because the world don't give no fucks about timing or love or...

or cool people being cool together...

- Mm-hmm. - You know what I mean.

Yeah, it sucks.

Yeah.

Am I going to see you tomorrow?

Maybe.

Yes.

Yes?

Sweet.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're here...

- Are you drunk already? - No.

- Are you sure? - Are you sure?

Yeah, but I forgot what I was going to say. So, to you guys!

- Yeah! - To us!

- Yeah! Sure! - Cool.

I mean, are you going to say it?

I don't know about you guys,

but I think I'm really drunk.

- Me too actually. - You look very composed.

- You? - Yeah!

You couldn't tell?

I swear there was two people at this table...

I forgot how cold it is here.

It's also like his house.

It's so creepy.

This whole place is like made of noise.

Yeah.

Argh, ah!

What are you doing?

I'm laying down.

And you should know, you look great from here.

Mm-hmm.

And you also look great from behind and when you're above.

Overall anytime you're naked.

Thank you.

Can I have your number?

I just realized I don't have your number

and I also know that you're leaving soon

and it isn't exactly useful and I'm saying too many words but, yeah.

Yes.

To the number part or are you agreeing with this being pretty futile.

- Both. - Hmm.

Your sense of humor is kinda weird.

Ugh, thanks.

Most people say it tethers between completely unfunny and morbidly depressing

so, I'll take weird.

Mmm.

So, are we going to talk about how much we miss each other

when we never see each other again?

Obviously.

That is the perfect relationship.

We get to have all the emotional baggage

and none of the fun.

By which I mean sex.

- Mm-hmm. - All sadness, no sex.

Yeah, it's like when I cry myself to sleep at night when I miss you,

it's like nobody will be there to hold me.

Way to ratchet things up, Laura.

- Damn. - I'm kidding. It's a joke.

I know.

Honestly, this is a bummer.

Yeah.

You're gone in a week?

Uh-huh.

That's unfortunate.

You're just going home? Where are you from again?

Yeah, I'm just going to go drop my car off back in Berkeley.

- Ah! - Hang out there for a week.

I was going to see my parents, but they went to Hawaii.

- Well, that's pretty cold. - Nah, it's fine.

I see them like all the time. I saw them two weeks ago actually.

Ah, well, in that case, fuck, yeah, Hawaii.

Yeah.

You should just come down to LA.

I know, right?

Fuck it, do it.

I'm serious. Fuck it, just start your vacation early.

Are you serious?

I just said I'm serious.

But like are you serious, serious or you're like...

If you're about it,

I can take the week off

or well, I can probably start my weekend early.

You're serious.

Fuck, yeah, I am.

You just invited me to your house in LA.

Do it!

Why are you still sitting?

Come on down, the weather's fine.

Are you talking about the bed or LA or...

Well, neither. I don't know. Just trying to get you to lay down.

I hope I don't hate you.

Oh, well, I'm pretty hateable

so that's almost definitely going to be very bad.

Damn!

I guess for me it's like kinda bummer to realize

that what I wanted to do may not actually be what I want to do.

Yeah, hence the life-changing move.

Yeah, I know.

It's like the most entitled thing ever to be like.

I feel like I'm wasting my life so I'm going to go to Europe.

At least you're doing something productive.

Sun set.

It's pretty.

Try packing for an entire year. Like it would be any smaller.

Okay, how you doing there?

- I have a technique with my knee. - Ah-ha!

Laura, has of course refused all help with that thing.

How about the stairs? Want some help now?

Welcome to my apartment which is decorated by a boy.

It's nice. It's clean.

Thanks, I like to think so.

So, you want to unpack now or just grab food or drinks

or just fucking go nuts and black out and wake up in Mexico. What's up?

Um, food in Mexico after blacking out?

Yes, I like where your head's at.

Yeah, so my 12-year-old self is sitting there bawling my eyes out,

crying about how Beanie Babies are going out of business

and they'll be gone forever and everyone's going to forget about them

which means one day I'll be gone forever

and everyone is going to forget about me.

Wow!

Yeah, and my parents who by now are completely un-amused

are looking at me like, "Why?"

Mm-hmm.

I took a good second to catch my breath

and they go, and I wish I could do the accent better,

"Okay, well, your food is getting cold."

That's awesome!

- Yeah. - Or sad.

Well, I think... I think they were right though, you know.

Excellent handling of prepubescent existential crisis I think.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so that was my very graceful first encounter

with the recognition of death as an inevitability.

Your turn for formative childhood memory.

Hmm, yours was cute and funny.

No. No, no, no. It's going to be great.

Unless you like murder someone in it or something.

How'd you know?

Okay.

I remember hiding under the covers with my brother

because our parents were fighting outside of our room

which happened a lot.

Um, and this time,

I kinda like just decided

that I was not ever going to end up

like living in a house having arguments with someone I hated.

Hmm.

- Yeah. - Hmm.

It was like my first sense of agency, you know,

which is kinda depressing to have

and all that when you realize you can try out your own path to be

in response to never wanting to become your parents.

Yeah.

I told you that was dark.

I'm not very good at this whole casual conversation thing.

Yeah. We're good at being bad at stuff.

- Which, you know, fun. - Yeah.

We're good at being... does that make sense?

- Absolutely. - We're good at being bad at stuff.

- Yeah, I'll take it. - Good.

I know doing something good is better than nothing,

but like, I don't know.

I was starting to feel like I was just going to be like spending my entire life,

like, like I don't know, walking across the world.

Sort of like just slowly going nowhere...

- On foot. - Yeah, exactly.

- I get it. - Yeah, anyways. I don't know.

It was really frustrating so I quit and, yeah.

I guess I feel like going back to school will open up more doors

so I'll probably be able to do more, you know.

Yeah.

But I don't want to be a politician though so.

I'd hope not.

What about you?

What's this job you're supposed to be at in like...

...five hours?

Uh, it's like...

Okay, so the people are awesome

and I was pretty blessed to fall into it.

And?

I fucking hate it.

I was asking what it was, but that's good to know too.

Oh, right, yes, the original question.

Um, I work at a small boutique ad agency

as a project manager.

Basically I pamper clients.

I'm like essentially an ad man.

I'm part of the team that had a huge hand

in sending pop culture down the super productive path it's currently on.

It's like I'm literally one of the bad guys.

The world runs because good people do bad things.

Yeah, I agree.

I mean it's not nice but I feel like it's true.

I felt that way.

Except, you do good stuff

like preserving our environment for future generations

and you've spent all of your early 20's

working towards that exact goal.

Yeah, but on a personal level it's exactly the same thing, you know,

it's like that joke you made the other day.

What joke I...

Like the one about...

I kinda say... I kinda say a lot of stuff, right?

- The one about... - I just say shit.

...depressed doctors at MSF, you know.

You said it like it may or may not be true so,

I don't know, but whatever the point is it's like

you're "flailing at nothing" was the phrase.

Ah, yes that. That definitely sounds like me.

Yeah, I remember that.

So, you know how as Americans we hate being told what to do?

Fuck, yeah!

We love freedom more than life itself.

Right, and like even if we were going to do it anyway

is we don't want to be told to do it.

Probably.

So, like as a result we have a lot of personal freedom.

Well, hold on. Some more than others.

Okay, so there's always more work to be done,

but like generally speaking,

we have more personal freedom now than we used to, you know?

- Yeah. - Like in my case,

I didn't like what I was doing so I quit

and now I'm literally flying across the world because I've decided to.

Yeah.

And it's like, we haven't really thought about what to do with all that freedom, you know.

We're like, maybe we have but like not really.

You look like someone killed your cat.

Dana just put her two weeks in.

So that meeting went well.

- Damn! - Yeah.

Jim really knows how to understaff a place.

It's that "start-up" vibe.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, at least there's beer in the fridge.

Nobody ever drinks it, but at least it's there.

Hey there, can I get you anymore tea?

Uh, sure.

Okay, give me one more minute, ma'am.

Thank you.

So, how's LA honey?

It's nice or maybe it's just like better than I imagined.

I don't know why I always thought I hated LA.

Oh, probably because you got sick when we went to Disneyland

and cried in all of the lines

so we never went back to Los Angeles again.

Well, no I didn't.

Yeah, yeah, you did. You don't remember?

Your brother thought it was his fault and felt bad the whole time,

which was kinda adorable.

- I know. - Um, I did that?

You did that. Yes. Oops.

Sorry.

You should have seen your dad.

Ugh, I can imagine.

Anyway, I've been looking at apartments in London.

- Uh-huh. - And...

My first takeaway is that they're very expensive.

You're having second thoughts?

No, it's just like eye-opening and like... expensive.

I told you, honey, it was going to be quite a change.

Yeah, I know. I didn't plan it very well.

No, it's not that. I mean, that's all fine.

Well, for me at least. I'm not the one figuring out my life.

Well, thanks, Mom.

I'm sorry.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

Is this like a good decision?

Laura, honey, I honestly can't say.

I mean, I think what you're doing is pretty drastic,

but I also can't blame you.

If I was in your shoes,

I might have done what you're doing.

I love your father very much

and I'm happy with where I'm at in life

and how I did things.

I mean, it wasn't easy and there were things I had to give up on the way,

but like I've said before,

you live in an absolutely new age.

I can't imagine things now.

I mean, I don't know what it is like for you nowadays.

I mean, for me, I got my degree, started a family

and I've been at my job working it for 20 years.

It's okay.

The people are good and we're not destroying the earth,

but for me that's all I need.

But it's different now for people your age.

I mean, endless possibilities have been presented.

Whether or not that's better,

well, that is the part where I think you have to figure things out on your own.

Yeah, but like...

- Okay... - Basically honey, look,

I don't have any way to know whether or not you're doing the right thing,

but you're young and you'll probably live twice as long as we will,

so, why not, you know?

Okay, thank you.

You also need to come to Hawaii.

It's beautiful.

Me and your dad jumped off some rocks into the ocean yesterday

- and wow! - You what?

We jumped off some rocks into the ocean.

It was amazing.

That's nice.

Oh, honey, you're home so soon.

How was work? Would you like a meatloaf?

Uh, I'm not going to lie, that was pretty frightening.

That's me, your worst domestic nightmare.

Oh, God!

No, really, how was work?

I just stared at the computer and had a sandwich at some point

and had some coffee,

stared at the computer some more,

had some more coffee.

Oh, yeah, Neha says, "Hey."

How much do you get paid to do that, again?

I don't know.

I stopped counting because it was so much.

Oh, also I decided to just take the week off.

What?

Yeah, 'cause things are slow

and I've been hauling ass for months and I'm about to again in a couple of weeks

and you're here and fuck it, you know.

You can just do that?

We have one of those "we trust our employee" paid time off policies.

I think I'm blushing.

It'll be fun.

What should we do to celebrate?

Uh, I haven't thought that far.

You know it works better when you don't say it like a question.

What I mean is I get terribly lonely sometimes.

Me too.

You like your wine to taste like wine.

You're gonna taste it or something?

Tried really hard not to, I promise.

Hmm, what are we going to do with you?

We are in a wine store.

Is that you trying to tell me to drink myself into ruin?

Are you trying to ruin me?

Duh!

Oh, good 'cause it's been a while since I've had a good ruining.

Oh, yeah? It's like a side hobby of yours, an annual ruining?

Yeah, it's the best. You should try it.

Well, I'm a connoisseur of ruin.

You're fucking nuts.

Aren't we all?

- Drink? - Yeah.

What are you making?

Um, Gatorade and soda water,

so it's a Gatorade and gin or soda water.

Which one was the first one?

"Stay free, stay true."

Yeah, I think it's pretty self-explanatory.

- Hmm. No. - No?

All right, my 18-year-old self is like,

"You're going to fucking sell out one of these days, you motherfucker.

So this is to remind you that you used to have morals."

Hmm, I love that.

Yeah, that's awesome.

I kinda think that's the point of tattoos really, you know.

Mini time capsules of whatever was important at the time.

Only in this case, it was important then

and now just well, quietly ignored every day.

Hmm, and this one?

- Uh, yeah. - Cut ups?

Uh, yeah, also 18, me and my group of friends

were going to college or whatever the fuck we were doing.

There were five of us.

We, uh... it's dumb.

So, because we were cool as shit,

uh, we called ourselves "Cut ups",

sort of like joke bastardization of fuck ups.

- Right. - I don't know.

It's clever.

We were all about to leave, so we got matching tattoos.

Yeah, Frank has one.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Long story short, we're idiots.

It's my favorite one.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- A heart skewered on a big ass knife? - Mm-hmm.

All right.

How about yours?

Does that say, "Carry on!"?

Mm-hmm, I know.

- It's pretty bad. - I don't know, it's kinda cool.

I see we have this two-word phrase thing going.

Hmm, I knew I liked you for a reason.

- Story. - Mm-mm, no.

- No? - No, it's embarrassing.

Come on, I still want to hear it.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

- You know it. Come on. - How sure?

Very sure.

Like you would get married with me sure?

- That's uh... - Or like you would bet your life on it, sure?

- ...a really weird thing. - I know.

That one didn't really work.

Story. Story.

Okay, okay.

Uhm...

So, I was very depressed in college.

My junior year, or whenever you're 21.

- Is that junior year? - Yeah, junior year.

Anyways, um, yeah, I...

I was finished taking my finals and my roommates were also taking their finals

and I just kind of...

I don't know. I had a lot of time and like kind of just...

I don't know. I was pretty unhappy with things at home,

with how things were at school, people I was hanging out with,

my roommates included,

and so I just kinda went off by myself and got a tattoo.

Hmm.

I guess as some sort of...

I don't know. It felt good.

Good enough for me I'd say.

Yeah.

Some friends are having a little party at their house today.

On a Wednesday?

Yeah, apparently some people follow their dreams or whatever.

Yeah, they're having a little thing.

It's usually pretty chill.

Sounds like my kind of party.

How are you? Are you close with your parents?

Are they from here?

Yeah, they were immigrants and um, yeah, I'd say so.

Yeah, pretty good.

It's just sort of impossible to thank them enough, ever though, you know.

Because?

I mean, basically it's so hard for me to even imagine

giving up everything you know and have grown up with

solely in order to give your kids who haven't even been conceived yet

a better shot at things,

all by like the age of 25.

So, it's not even a question about them caring.

I just feel like kind of a little shit

every time the thought, "Why am I at a job I hate?"

Or "This is a monumental waste of my time.

I'm wasting my life away. Oh, my God!

I'm wasting my life away" creeps in, you know?

Yeah, well, I mean it's like a very valid feeling for you

because advertising is useless.

- Yes, yes, yes. - I'm kidding.

I also kinda feel like your parents wouldn't really mind if you mixed it up.

Yeah. You're probably right.

What did you think of me when you first met me?

Uh, first time or just last weekend?

First time, because I'm assuming you were in love by last weekend.

I've been yours since I was born, Laura.

Uh... First time.

- Honest? - No, lie to my face.

That's a pretty weird request.

- Come on. - Okay, all right.

You came out of I think Neha's room

and you sat down with us and started talking bad shit.

Spitting vitriol and I was done for.

Also you're hot

and you were wearing these high-waisted leather pants

and I was just dead.

And then the guy you were with popped out and I was like, "I'm out."

And promptly forgot about you.

Okay, so you went from like being in love to over it in like five seconds.

Probably more like one or two.

- Oh! Men! - We're fun.

- You're not curious? - I didn't say that.

What'd you think?

And before anything, I'd like to request a pass

because I was smashed.

Sure, you don't need one, but fine.

Okay, so I was on the side room with that guy I was seeing.

He was basically pouring his heart out to me

because we weren't serious enough.

And every time he would pause,

there would be this huge laugh coming from the next room.

It was you.

And like the timing of it, kinda made it seem like you were laughing at him.

That is so brutal.

Yeah, it was like your laugh was making me feel weirdly good

in a moment when I should not ever feel good.

And then I walked out and I was just like, "Oh, fuck!"

Good oh, fuck? Bad oh, fuck?

You've seen me naked.

Sweet.

Good morning.

Look at this.

It's a Michael

in his natural habitat, hungover and asleep

deep into the morning.

No, no, no.

Oh, notice how he tries to cover his eyes

with a pillow to shield them from the morning light.

Too early for this act.

Now, we're in for a real treat.

We're just going to...

Hi, my name's Laura

and I've sailed 13 oceans and traveled 18 continents

waking up hungover people all over the world.

Ah-ha and here we see the wild Michael using sarcasm

in an attempt to ward me off

which is quite a shame because he is really very pretty.

You know, my head will probably explode if you had an accent.

I know.

We'll put him back under his rock.

What do you want to do today?

I'm still kinda tired and hungover.

You and I both.

Is this what it feels like to get old and die together with someone?

Hmm, yeah, I think so.

Maybe a movie?

Yeah, that could be nice.

Cool.

We should probably put pants on.

Perhaps, yeah.

- What shall we see? - That looks good, no?

Comedy, yeah. I'll fuck with that.

I'm sorry?

I said, I'll fuck with that.

- You'll fuck with that? - Yeah, it's an expression.

Yeah, he kinda brought it up a couple months ago while we were talking

and it's just been nagging at me since.

About how you guys met so young?

Yeah, and I think it passed for him,

but it's just been bothering me since.

Okay, I met this girl

and she's married her boyfriend of several years

and she was telling me how she felt like it was vibrant all the time.

Well, yeah, it's because people are always trying to seem happier than they actually are

and besides that's not for everyone.

I know,

but it's just weird harsh reality

that I have been on and off with John since high school

and all that time it's never been nearly as intense as she describes.

And he is great and I love him,

but I just couldn't shake this question of, "Are we doing this wrong?"

And it's shitty because he's genuinely a good person.

And how many good people do you come across in your lifetime, you know?

Well, at least you've been thinking through it very thoroughly.

Yeah, uh, maybe too much. I don't know.

Like look at you two,

it's just so apparently intense.

Uh, no, I think it's pretty different.

- We sort of just make shit up as we go. - Yeah.

I don't think you should compare yourself to us.

Besides I'm crazy, remember?

- Yeah, that's just college. - I don't know.

All honesty, Neha, because we've been friends

for longer than either of us would like,

I think, if something's nagging at you endlessly,

you got to quash it, you know.

Whether by getting over it or doing something about it,

you got to stitch the cut, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Well, sorry for this bummer story guys.

- Oh, my God! No, no. - No need to worry.

Okay, please, change the topic. Tell me about your week.

Um, our week has been great.

Lots of cheap food and drink.

Ah, what she's saying is she's been drunk the whole time.

Um, not the whole time just part of the time.

Yeah, I mean, it's just like the weather's so nice, alright,

so you have to drink in the afternoons.

- Yeah, obviously. - And then in the evening with dinner.

- Yes. - And then she's totally wasted.

I mean...

I think it's just a buzz, right?

I mean you can't blame her for that.

Thank you.

Got you, girl.

Oh, God, that is so hot!

Yeah, but it's the best though, right?

Oh, uh, mm-hmm. Oh, Jesus!

You two heading out?

Yeah, we are actually because we're going to Runyon tomorrow.

Oh, that sucks.

No, it's like a really nice hike.

Yeah, yeah. I'll take your word for it.

It is. Hey, Seb, you riding with?

- Yeah, I'm fucking tired. - Okay, cool.

Well, I will see you guys soon

and I better see you before you leave.

- Yes. - Post-hike lunch?

- Yes? - Yes.

Yes. Okay, cool. Well, I'll text you.

See you soon. Bye, cuties.

Bye, Neha. Later on, Seb.

- Later, dude. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

We should probably get going too, right?

I don't know, I thought it might be a cool date thing

to try and watch the taco truck pack up and leave, you know.

Oh, yeah.

No, yeah. I got a car.

Now I'm kinda set on watching the truck pack up, so.

Okay.

Should we talk about what happens after this week?

Yeah, probably.

What are your thoughts on it?

Uh, honestly I don't know. What do you think?

Uh, kinda in the same boat.

I guess we should probably sort it out.

Yes.

I mean, you are going to be several thousand miles and an ocean away.

Yeah.

Fuck, would you wanna like stay in touch?

Yeah, I mean, if you do.

- Yeah. - Then, fuck, yeah.

I guess it would probably be good to leave any expectations at home.

Definitely, yeah.

I just thought it would be nice to like stay in touch.

I agree.

The car is here.

Oh.

This is going to sound kinda weird, but...

Go on.

You have to admit that if we did have kids,

they would be pretty cute.

You're fucking great.

I mean, you know I'm right. Look at us.

- I'm not disagreeing. - Don't you think...?

Wouldn't he and I have the most beautiful children?

Yeah, yeah. Definitely.

- Right? - Fuck, yeah.

I didn't disagree with you.

- We would. - We would.

I can't believe I leave tomorrow.

Yeah, it'll be all right though.

I guess.

It's not like we're dying or anything

which, you know, "Hooray!"

It could be worse.

Yeah. It always could be worse.

Yeah, it brightens my day every time I think of it.

Like, no matter how bad it is, at least you're not dead?

Exactly. Not dead in a ditch, it's a good day.

Your standards for a good day are worryingly low.

When I'm dead, my headstone's going to have,

"Could be worse" emblazoned across it in giant block font.

Sort of like my final "Fuck you" to the world, you know or...

I don't know.

I like you.

Good. I like you.

- Sorry, dude. - Oh, no, dude, do whatever back there, man.

Got everything?

Yes. I thought I forgot my passport for a sec.

What time is it?

Looking for excuses to come back early already, huh?

4:15.

Fuck. Yeah, maybe.

So, you're saying yes?

Ooh, 10%.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

So, at what point in this conversation do we start the conversation?

Mm.

How is day 685 million

of your European captivity going?

I'm a little bit worried that Stockholm Syndrome has fully set in.

So you're just like, fully in love

with what must be a very torturous existence in England?

It really is just awful.

It's like my God, the British with their dry humor and well-dressed ways.

Sounds just... unbearable.

- I miss you. - I miss you too.

School still going well?

Yeah, it's pretty relaxed.

- I'm halfway through. - Hey, hooray for halfway.

Sorry it's been so long since we talked.

I mean, it's a two-way street on that.

If you're sorry, I'm sorry.

Yeah. That's true.

I hate this. I fucking hate this.

Me too.

It's like every time I think about you,

I like miss you and then I feel sadder

and then it's just like, "Fuck!"

It's just...

Sorry.

There's nothing to be sorry about.

Yeah, but that almost makes it worse, right?

'Cause it's like there's a fucking ocean between us

and there's nothing we can do about it.

I mean, fine, like obviously we can do anything.

But like it would be... it's like it sounds absurd.

Like, "Oh, Michael. Just come to London

and follow me while I wander around aimlessly."

Or like, "Hey, Laura. Ditch that Master's and come to LA

and we can play in the sun together."

I just wish you were here.

Me too.

Well, actually I'm not choosy about here or there,

but you know what I mean.

Anyway, so I take it things are going well?

Yeah, things are... yeah.

What about for you?

Same old, same old.

Frank visited the other day though, so that's cool.

Hmm, that's nice.

Yeah, that was pretty great.

Frank threw stuff at a bartender

who then gave us free drinks in return.

I don't think it's supposed to work like that.

I mean, she's our friend, but, yeah, me neither.

She did threaten to kick us out.

Frank has promised to return

and force her to make good on her threat.

He's in love with her, isn't he?

Yeah, right.

Sorry, I'm so like tired.

I don't know I just feel like I've been very bummed all the time lately.

Lately?

Right.

Things get frustrating on this god-forsaken space rock.

We're all trapped here by our own choices

which is like paradoxical or...

which, whatever, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I know. I do know what you mean.

It's like give them enough rope,

but in this case freedom is the rope

and we've given it to ourselves.

Yeah, the world's on fire anyway.

It's fine. A small fire, it's still a fire though.

Not dead in a ditch, right?

Not just yet.

I miss you.

Yeah, I miss you too.

Do you think we'd be happy together?

Yeah, I think we'd be pretty good.

Yeah.

I worry you would hate me though.

Well, if anyone's hateable, it's definitely you.

Oh, boo!

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

I like you.

I don't think it's supposed to work like that.

Tell me things about your life.

Oh, my fucking fuck, dude.

Shut the fuck up for a fucking minute.

Fuck you dogs.

Hey, did you get that raise at least?

Yea, but not as much as I had asked.

Oh.

The lady who was training me decided to leave two weeks earlier than expected,

so I'm pretty much... she was just like get over it, I guess.

So, now I'm just kinda like fumbling around in the dark.

Huh.

So everything is still,

"Holy shit, this is so much more work than I ever expected and everything is broken."

Pretty much, yeah.

So it goes.

Yeah, how is the battle of Britain going?

You mean Laura?

Yeah, how is that going?

Uh, it's not.

Bummer. Bad?

No.

Out with a whimper.

So, who stopped talking to who?

Both.

So, her?

Yeah, but...

But both.

Well, so it goes.

- You'll be alright. - Yeah.

Yeah, shit happens when you party naked.

You know, for the longest time

I thought that I was square enough

and I dedicated just enough to a shitty job

that I didn't even care about and I was alright with that.

Or at least find some sort of solace elsewhere aside from work.

But just statistically speaking, right?

Because you spend most of your life at work,

you very quickly come to understand that if you're miserable there

then your life is predominantly miserable, right?

Aren't you going to help?

So... and so I left and now I am at school with you

and I tried a lot of things before to try to figure out

why I was, you know, so bummed about things.

But, girl, never in a million fucking years

did I think that digging holes in a farm was going to be an answer to things.

You're fucking crazy for doing this for a month, you know that?

I feel like all I do is dig holes.

Oh, yeah, whatever.

I don't believe that for a second.

But how are you anyway?

Have you been feeling better about things?

Yeah...

I guess so.

Trying new things to see at least.

I'm a little bit worried I'm kinda doing exactly the same thing

no matter where I am.

What, like, digging holes and shit?

No, that's actually new, surprisingly enough.

No, I just mean like the same patterns of frustrations

and doing the same thing in response

and like feeling trapped and all of that.

Well, aren't you just a little ray of sunshine?

But I mean, you know, at least you're trying.

You're out and you're working toward positive at least,

so that's a good thing.

I just don't know how I feel about

this whole "back to the earth" thing though.

- No? - It's a bit crackers, babe.

You could give it a try.

Absolutely no go.

That bartender is definitely into you.

Don't fucking look right at her.

Dude.

Now, we're in for a real treat.

We're just going to...

Hi, my name's Laura

and I've sailed 13 oceans and traveled 18 continents

waking up hungover people all over the world.

Hello you.

How are you feeling?

Sorry.

Honestly, immensely hungover.

Uh-oh, oops.

Well, worth it.

Good.

You?

Yeah, I think I'll...

I think I'll live.

Mmm.

And don't you have to go?

You kept saying last night,

"I'm going on an adventure tomorrow."

Oh, God, yeah, that sounds like me.

♪ Mother told me Not to ride in cars with boys ♪

♪ I don't get nervous So I let you take the wheel ♪

♪ And drive ♪

♪ And I realize When I close my eyes ♪

♪ I'll never have a kiss For the first time ♪

You actually look like shit.

It kinda looks like you got into a fight with a semi-truck,

but it didn't just like hit you, it just like smoked you

and then just drug you for miles and miles.

Feel like a roadkill.

I feel like my soul is hungover.

Yeah, you look like a bad day had a long night.

What?

At least the bartender seemed chill.

Yeah, yeah.

Good news is she's already put up with me smashed out of my mind so.

I don't know, you're pretty bad sober.

Nice.

Good job.

That's loud,

but my hangover is worse.

Yeah, dude. It's a gun. It goes bang.

How's your...

how's your journey to the depths of the meaninglessness of existence going?

Ah, it's nice to get out of town for a bit.

Yeah, yeah. It's... it's good for the soul out here you know.

Let the... let the heat heal you.

But seriously though, you should probably take some time off.

Yeah, maybe a little trip out of town.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you know, whatever.

Uh, anyway,

hope your hangover likes loud noises

'cause it's about to get lit.

Freedom, baby!

Woo-hoo!

All right, you beautiful little sulk-monster, let's get some fucking drinks.

- Now? - Yes, right now.

We just finished our Master's programs. Come on.

It's like not even 11 o' clock.

And come on, it doesn't matter.

You don't have to be sad forever.

Like let's go do something. Let's go get some drinks.

- Let's have fun. - Okay. All right, all right.

You do realize that you're allowed to drink when you're not sad

like celebrating once in a while is okay.

Mm-hmm.

Plus, you don't have long before they ship you back to California

where I hear things are just so awful.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means you have to drink to forget about that.

Oh!

All right, well, I thought that was funny anyway.

You know, who gives a fuck if this degree means shit

all just like our first degrees.

It's like I'm done and I'm happy at least for now.

So, I might as well enjoy it, right?

Right?

Yes!

Drink when you're happy, drink when you're sad,

the Erika story.

It's called hair of the dog, okay?

- I'm not that drunk. - It's hair of the dog.

If you drink it, then you get over your...

- Are you on drugs today? - Woo!

Woo-hoo! Yeah, I'm on drugs bitches!

No, I'm not. Literally, I'm not.

No, I just want to party with my boys.

I am so glad that you're back

and I can't wait to hear about everything.

I'm going to get a drink, do you want something?

Actually, no. I'm going to go sit outside.

Oh, yeah, it's so pretty outside.

Just a heads-up, Michael's out there.

- Okay. That's fine. - Okay. Alright.

Hey.

Hello.

Uh...

Good to see you.

You just got back, right?

Yeah, straight from Berlin.

How's that jet lag? How's Germany?

I'm tired and Germany was great.

- Good to hear. - Yeah.

So, well, shit.

How's everything since we, uh...

It's been what, half a year?

Yes.

Miss the fog yet?

It's actually a lot worse than you can even imagine.

People take the day off when the sun comes out.

Wow, that's the saddest thing I've heard all year.

No, it was good.

I mean, I got sun in Berlin and I have a Master's now.

Yay!

Look at you, all educated.

Yeah.

How are you?

Good. Yeah.

Same deal with work,

but they're paying me more now, so, that's chill.

How about you? What's the future like for Laura?

Oh, my God!

- Yeah, me too. - Yeah.

At least you've got a Master's now?

You know it works better if you don't say it like a question.

Um, yeah.

No, I'm still kinda in the same place and feeling the same...

I don't even know what the word is.

Inherently dissatisfied.

- I wasn't thinking quite that sad. - Okay.

I'm thinking more like figuring things out still, but, yeah.

Inherently dissatisfied sounds better.

I'm sorry, I'm just fucking around.

That's okay but, yeah, no.

I'm just again trying to decide what to do.

Yeah, I feel that.

Yeah, between moving and like finding a job,

I don't have a ton of time to ponder, so that's nice.

I don't know if you know what nice means.

Probably not.

How are things outside of work?

All right, um, a little bit of drinking,

a little bit of not drinking,

a little bit of traveling around California,

which has been nice.

- That does sound nice. - Yeah.

The mountains are pretty cool.

They've got tons of rocks and snow.

Really just a bunch of stuff that you can throw at other stuff

which is pretty much the most fun a kid could have.

Oh, my God! I'm glad your sense of humor is still strange.

What about you? What kind of fun did you get into after everything?

Ooh, uh, honestly I kinda just went out a lot.

Super honestly, um,

I was pretty miserable and did a lot of drinking.

- So, yeah, you know. - The healthy way out?

Yeah.

How about now?

Better. I think.

Yeah, better.

- Yeah. - I've made some changes for the better, so.

Uh, would you say you're doing better?

Yeah, better.

Like better or...?

I mean, maybe better than better actually, you know.

Perhaps the betterest.

If you will.

Mmm.

You know how when you travel

or like when people are traveling, they're always like,

"I feel so aware when I'm traveling"

and like discovering this new culture makes me feel

like all my worries are like so silly.

Uh, yeah, you mean the, "Going to Thailand was amazing,

and it's so amazing to travel the world,

and life is amazing"

approach to "finding yourself",

also known as being rich as shit.

And you know or pretending everything's okay.

Yeah. No, it's fucking bullshit, isn't it?

I mean, like it is and it isn't but, yeah.

Hey, you don't have to convince me.

I mean, I love traveling and food while I'm traveling.

But, yeah, I mean, finding yourself on vacation

has gotta be probably one the worst clichés

this side of "everything happens for a reason."

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I mean like for me at least I felt like

the moments of traveling that were the most beneficial were when...

I mean, it kinda like could have been anywhere.

Like it was like the moments where I was the most miserably alone, you know,

and just had to live with myself.

Yeah, I'd agree with that.

So, I take it things are fun?

No, I'm just complaining. Things are very good.

Yeah. Gotta do it sometimes.

I gotta be honest though, I think,

sometimes even with living with yourself

and even like enjoying yourself as a person

really doesn't lift the weight of,

you know, what we talked about way back

about being trapped by having so many options.

I don't know if that like...

No, no. I remember it. Yeah.

No, I felt like...

I felt like at first, you know,

being present was like really helpful and like, you know,

just kinda like choosing how to do your things

or like perceive experiences and stuff.

But it kinda got tiring.

And like...

Like I know that receiving information and experiences

was like, of course, good for me,

but... I don't know.

I guess it kinda feels weird

to just be like learning about things and about yourself

and to like not get anywhere,

you know, just like I'm still completely unprepared to answer the question

of like what I want to do with my life.

And it's like after all this time and education and everything,

it's still like I'm doing the same shit,

which is, yeah, basically my fucking life.

I guess as long as I'm not fucking things up more.

You know, I kinda think

sometimes it's the only thing you can do.

I did miss you.

I missed you too.

Moving back to Portland?

Um, no.

I'm going to go home, figure things out.

That's chill.

California misses you.

Yeah, what?

I don't know. I'm just saying shit.

Should we head inside?

Get new drinks?

Oh, yeah.

- Let's do it. - Okay.

What we should talk about is the graduation story.

- Yeah, yeah. - Right?

When they're out of reach...

I'm tired.

That makes sense.

You did literally just fly across the world.

True.

Are you trying to head out?

No, I'm alright.

Cool.

I'm sorry.

No, don't be.

Hey there.

Hi.

This is new. What does it say?

Oh, yeah.

- Could be worse. - Oh, my God! You would.

I try.

Hi.

No, I'm okay. I overslept in... where are we?

- Echo Park. - Echo Park.

Okay. Okay, cool. I'll be over soon then.

Yeah, I'll figure it out.

Okay, thanks.

You, uh, need a ride?

Oh, um... really?

Yeah, it's a fucking car ride not a kidney.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Where's your... where does your friend live?

Let me pull it up.

- It's... it's my cousin, it's... - Oh!

Yeah, that's right here.

- Thanks for the ride. - No problem.

Uh...

Let me know if you're visiting again.

It was... it was good to see you.

Yeah, it was good to see you too.

- Have a good day. - You too.

Good luck with everything.

Thank you.

Thank you, again for the ride.

No problem.

Oh. Oh, okay.

All right, cool. Bye.

Bye.

You alright?

Yeah, yeah. I'm just pretty tired.

It seems to be a thing with you.

Is it?

Yeah, I mean, I get it. It's... it's whatever.

Next time we go out,

we should just not and like take a nap instead.

Okay.

I could... I could do that.

Yeah, but it's always very fun.

Good.

Hey, I'm going to head out.

Try and get some sleep this time.

I'll see you.

Hi, future me. This is Michael.

You know that already because you're me.

Uh, anyhow this is day one

of Michael's poorly planned road trip to fix his fucking head

or at least take some real time off.

I'd like to remind future me why I'm on this trip.

This year was dumb. Last year was dumb.

And next year will probably be dumb.

I hate my job even though it's not that bad and pays well.

Give a shit about a girl who's hundreds of miles away

while another girl who's too good for me or at least seems pretty chill

is waiting for my time.

I'm healthy, I have enough money,

which is pretty much anything I've ever asked for,

but despite my best efforts to ignore it,

my head is still completely fucked

which is naturally a bit irritating.

And I have no idea what the fuck to do about it,

so I'm taking this trip to, uh, to do anything...

just something new, just to do something different.

I guess this is the best I've felt for a while,

probably a long time.

Anyway, I'm hungover

and seem to be out of things to say.

So, I'll return to this later.

God speed to me I guess.