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1
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,827
- You all know
I'm not big on speeches.
2
00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:11,068
All right,
who am I trying to kid?
3
00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:12,068
I love speeches.
[laughter]
4
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,310
Love 'em.
5
00:00:14,379 --> 00:00:16,793
Everybody in this room
has given
6
00:00:16,862 --> 00:00:18,724
their heart and their soul
to this project.
7
00:00:18,793 --> 00:00:20,103
You have worked overtime.
8
00:00:20,172 --> 00:00:21,586
You have worked weekends.
9
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,344
You have worked holidays.
10
00:00:23,413 --> 00:00:24,620
[inspiring music]
11
00:00:24,689 --> 00:00:26,724
Mark missed the birth
of his firstborn.
12
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,068
♪ ♪
13
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:31,068
Saul missed the birth
of his second born.
14
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:35,034
Mary missed the births
of her third,
15
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:38,137
her fourth,
and her fifth born,
16
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:42,137
and it is all in the idea
of sacrificing
17
00:00:42,206 --> 00:00:45,068
to achieve something
greater than ourselves.
18
00:00:45,137 --> 00:00:46,965
♪ ♪
19
00:00:47,034 --> 00:00:50,310
So whether or not this
wacky thing actually works,
20
00:00:50,379 --> 00:00:53,275
we all oughta be damn proud
21
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:54,896
of the work
that we have done here.
22
00:00:54,965 --> 00:00:56,758
[machine whirring]
23
00:00:56,827 --> 00:00:58,448
Here we go.
24
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,172
Everybody raise your glasses.
25
00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:04,241
all: Five, four, three,
26
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:06,206
two, one.
27
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,034
- Stop the test!
It's been called off!
28
00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:10,517
- What the fuck are you saying?
29
00:01:10,586 --> 00:01:12,275
- The entire product
has been terminated.
30
00:01:12,344 --> 00:01:13,931
We're all being let go
without severance.
31
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,000
- On whose orders?
32
00:01:15,068 --> 00:01:16,344
- Christian DeVille's.
33
00:01:16,413 --> 00:01:17,793
[all murmuring]
- Christian DeVi--
34
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:20,689
I--I can't turn it on?
35
00:01:20,758 --> 00:01:22,379
Not even once?
36
00:01:22,448 --> 00:01:24,034
This is bullshit!
37
00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:26,068
I gave my life to this project!
38
00:01:26,137 --> 00:01:27,620
[dramatic opera music]
39
00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:28,655
My life!
40
00:01:28,724 --> 00:01:31,655
[rock music]
41
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:38,758
♪ ♪
42
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:50,793
- Rain jackets, lawnmowers,
piña colada mix.
43
00:01:50,862 --> 00:01:53,517
If you can name it,
Hampton DeVille makes it.
44
00:01:53,586 --> 00:01:57,034
And now, you can add hurricane
machine to that list.
45
00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:59,896
Our guest today is dashing
investigative journalist
46
00:01:59,965 --> 00:02:01,310
Bonan Marrow,
47
00:02:01,379 --> 00:02:03,068
whose reporting
led to the public outcry
48
00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:04,586
that caused
the hurricane machine
49
00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:05,758
to be shut down.
50
00:02:05,827 --> 00:02:07,413
Now, Bonan,
51
00:02:07,482 --> 00:02:10,793
why would Christian DeVille
build a hurricane machine?
52
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:13,689
- Well, inside sources say he was planning to sell this
53
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:17,206
as a superweapon to the U.S. military.
54
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:18,965
- Well, I know a lot of people
are calling
55
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:21,103
for Christian DeVille
to step down.
56
00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,103
This is just one
in a long line
57
00:02:23,172 --> 00:02:24,793
of questionable decisions
he's made.
58
00:02:24,862 --> 00:02:27,965
I think we all remember
the Obelisk.
59
00:02:28,034 --> 00:02:29,206
[laughter]
60
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:32,137
Why do you need an iPad
that big?
61
00:02:32,206 --> 00:02:34,103
- Well, you're the one who dated Christian.
62
00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:35,413
Maybe you can tell us.
63
00:02:35,482 --> 00:02:38,068
Is this man compensating
for something?
64
00:02:38,137 --> 00:02:39,344
audience: Ooh!
65
00:02:39,413 --> 00:02:40,862
- Bonan, I will never tell.
66
00:02:40,931 --> 00:02:42,000
- [laughs]
67
00:02:42,068 --> 00:02:43,827
- Except in my tell-all book,
68
00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:46,000
which you can preorder now.
69
00:02:46,068 --> 00:02:47,103
[dramatic musical flourish]
70
00:02:47,172 --> 00:02:49,000
[cheers and applause]
71
00:02:50,413 --> 00:02:51,931
- There's something
I need to discuss with you,
72
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,206
but you have to swear
on the Bible
73
00:02:53,275 --> 00:02:55,413
that this stays between us.
74
00:02:55,482 --> 00:02:56,448
- Okay, I swear.
75
00:02:56,517 --> 00:02:57,689
- Both hands.
76
00:02:57,758 --> 00:02:59,413
- John, what is it?
77
00:02:59,482 --> 00:03:00,793
- I always believed
78
00:03:00,862 --> 00:03:04,172
that Christian
had some master plan,
79
00:03:04,241 --> 00:03:07,034
even if to us,
it might seem strange
80
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,827
or confusing
81
00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:10,896
or illegal,
82
00:03:10,965 --> 00:03:13,724
but lately,
83
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,793
I've started to have doubts.
84
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,310
To be self-critical,
85
00:03:17,379 --> 00:03:21,517
I may be blindly following
an absolute madman.
86
00:03:21,586 --> 00:03:23,448
- I'm glad to hear you
say this.
87
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:25,896
The board of directors
88
00:03:25,965 --> 00:03:28,655
is holding an emergency meeting
tomorrow.
89
00:03:28,724 --> 00:03:30,379
Christian is vulnerable,
90
00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:32,206
and you and I both know someone
91
00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:34,620
who would make
a much better CEO.
92
00:03:34,689 --> 00:03:36,655
- Oh, no, no, no.
93
00:03:36,724 --> 00:03:38,896
I'm much happier
as a supplicant.
94
00:03:38,965 --> 00:03:41,310
My podiatrist and I came
to that conclusion years ago.
95
00:03:41,379 --> 00:03:42,689
- I meant me.
96
00:03:42,758 --> 00:03:45,586
I am going to make a play
against Christian,
97
00:03:45,655 --> 00:03:47,310
and I need your support.
98
00:03:47,379 --> 00:03:49,586
- Whoa, Kate.
99
00:03:49,655 --> 00:03:52,586
You're a full-blown Judas?
100
00:03:52,655 --> 00:03:54,724
- I can't believe I ever wanted
to be like Christian.
101
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,586
Too much stress, and for what?
102
00:03:56,655 --> 00:03:57,827
Billions of dollars
103
00:03:57,896 --> 00:03:59,275
and the power
to destroy the world?
104
00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:00,586
Who has the energy?
105
00:04:00,655 --> 00:04:02,413
- It's funny, the fact
that our company is evil
106
00:04:02,482 --> 00:04:04,068
doesn't bother me
the way that it used to.
107
00:04:04,137 --> 00:04:05,068
I'm powerless,
108
00:04:05,137 --> 00:04:06,068
and quite frankly,
109
00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:07,689
I find that to be empowering.
110
00:04:07,758 --> 00:04:09,172
- We're honestly lucky
to be where we're at.
111
00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:10,379
Nobody can blame us
for anything,
112
00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:11,620
plus we get free bagels.
113
00:04:11,689 --> 00:04:13,068
- Oh, right.
It's Bagel Tuesday.
114
00:04:13,137 --> 00:04:14,689
[dramatic sting]
115
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,482
- Where the fuck
are the fucking bagels?
116
00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:17,827
- This company is evil.
117
00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:20,827
[dramatic music]
118
00:04:20,896 --> 00:04:25,965
♪ ♪
119
00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:29,034
[all cheering]
120
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,758
- [laughs]
121
00:04:30,827 --> 00:04:32,862
Is everyone excited
for Bagel Tuesday?
122
00:04:32,931 --> 00:04:34,275
- Yes!
[all cheering]
123
00:04:34,344 --> 00:04:37,068
- Let's see,
I have plain bagels,
124
00:04:37,137 --> 00:04:40,068
egg, onion, everything, poppy,
jalapeño cheddar,
125
00:04:40,137 --> 00:04:43,068
and even a few cinnamon raisin
for the freaks.
126
00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:44,517
- Yes.
[laughter]
127
00:04:44,586 --> 00:04:46,379
- And we all know
what goes perfectly
128
00:04:46,448 --> 00:04:47,965
with delicious bagels:
129
00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:50,793
freshly roasted coffee.
130
00:04:50,862 --> 00:04:52,275
[sighs]
131
00:05:02,551 --> 00:05:04,206
And don't forget
the fresh-squeezed OJ.
132
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,103
- Oh.
133
00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:11,172
Oh.
134
00:05:12,965 --> 00:05:14,448
- All right.
135
00:05:14,517 --> 00:05:16,344
Eat up!
[chuckles]
136
00:05:19,758 --> 00:05:21,586
I'm sorry.
137
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:25,137
I thought everyone was excited
for Bagel Tuesday.
138
00:05:25,206 --> 00:05:26,827
Are you not all grateful
139
00:05:26,896 --> 00:05:28,724
for the feast
I have provided you?
140
00:05:31,172 --> 00:05:32,448
Hmm.
141
00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:34,931
Well, you know, apparently,
142
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,931
a lot of people
don't appreciate
143
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,931
what I do for this company.
144
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,068
Some people even think
145
00:05:41,137 --> 00:05:44,620
I should step down as CEO.
146
00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:47,241
[chuckles]
147
00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:50,103
Well, let me explain something
to you.
148
00:05:50,172 --> 00:05:53,206
There is no Hampton DeVille
149
00:05:53,275 --> 00:05:56,103
without Christian DeVille.
150
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:59,206
I put the roof over your heads,
151
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,655
I put the clothes
on your backs,
152
00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:05,413
and I feed you scraps of bread
like ducks in a pond!
153
00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:06,517
Quack, quack!
154
00:06:06,586 --> 00:06:08,344
- Quack, quack, amen.
155
00:06:08,413 --> 00:06:11,931
♪ ♪
156
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,620
- Now, I demand
complete and total loyalty
157
00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:16,034
from my employees,
158
00:06:16,103 --> 00:06:18,137
so if there are any doubters
amongst you,
159
00:06:18,206 --> 00:06:19,517
speak now
or forever hold your--
160
00:06:19,586 --> 00:06:22,310
[farts]
161
00:06:22,379 --> 00:06:23,310
- No!
162
00:06:23,379 --> 00:06:26,517
[employees whispering]
163
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:29,482
- [grunting]
164
00:06:29,551 --> 00:06:30,482
[screams]
165
00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:31,551
[all gasp]
166
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:33,517
Oh, my fucking foot and butt!
167
00:06:33,586 --> 00:06:35,517
[yelps]
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
168
00:06:35,586 --> 00:06:37,551
- No, I'm not okay,
you fucking morons!
169
00:06:37,620 --> 00:06:38,827
- Somebody call the 5-0!
170
00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:43,551
♪ ♪
171
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:45,827
- John.
172
00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:47,137
John.
173
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,620
John!
174
00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:51,103
- Kate!
175
00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:52,448
You were right.
176
00:06:52,517 --> 00:06:54,379
Christian isn't a god.
177
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,137
He's the devil.
178
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:57,931
It's right there in the name!
179
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,655
Christian DeVille!
180
00:06:59,724 --> 00:07:01,000
[gasps]
181
00:07:01,068 --> 00:07:02,827
Like Cruella De Vil.
182
00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:04,172
Wow.
183
00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,551
Looking back, she was
a pretty bad egg herself.
184
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:08,862
- Does this mean
you'll help me?
185
00:07:08,931 --> 00:07:10,482
- Yes.
186
00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,310
But we're gonna do it my way,
187
00:07:12,379 --> 00:07:14,206
which is whatever way
you think is best.
188
00:07:14,275 --> 00:07:15,827
I make the rules,
189
00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:18,034
and the first rule
is whatever you say goes.
190
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,448
There's something
we need to discuss with you,
191
00:07:21,517 --> 00:07:23,000
but you have to swear
on the Bible
192
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,172
that this stays between us.
193
00:07:24,241 --> 00:07:25,448
This has the New Testament
for Matt
194
00:07:25,517 --> 00:07:26,724
and the prequel for Jake.
195
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:27,862
- John,
forget the goddamn Bible.
196
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,620
- Yes, sir.
197
00:07:29,689 --> 00:07:33,275
- We are making a play
against Christian,
198
00:07:33,344 --> 00:07:34,620
and if you side with us,
199
00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:37,310
you will have more money
and power
200
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:38,551
than you ever dreamed of.
201
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,068
- Congrats, sluts.
202
00:07:40,137 --> 00:07:42,379
Your days of doing grunt work
are finally over.
203
00:07:42,448 --> 00:07:43,793
- From this moment forward,
204
00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:46,448
you are no longer
junior executives in training.
205
00:07:46,517 --> 00:07:48,068
- You're now senior executives.
206
00:07:48,137 --> 00:07:49,379
- In theory.
207
00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:52,275
All you have to do
is walk out that door.
208
00:07:54,827 --> 00:07:57,206
- Actually, we decided
we like where we're at.
209
00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:59,068
- You guys just seem
really stressed out
210
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:00,655
all the time.
211
00:08:00,724 --> 00:08:03,172
- With very little power comes
very little responsibility.
212
00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:05,620
- We're Buddhists now.
213
00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:07,689
- Well, sucks to be you then!
214
00:08:07,758 --> 00:08:09,310
You're gonna have
more money and power
215
00:08:09,379 --> 00:08:10,689
whether you like it or not!
216
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:11,758
- And a bigger office.
217
00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:13,931
- We like this office.
218
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,310
- How do you like it now?
- Hey.
219
00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:16,344
- Huh?
- Ow!
220
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,448
- How 'bout now?
- Whoa, what?
221
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:19,103
- Huh?
222
00:08:19,172 --> 00:08:20,103
- How 'bout now?
223
00:08:20,172 --> 00:08:22,413
- We are taking Christian down!
224
00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:23,758
- And so are you!
225
00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:25,655
Want more, you sluts!
Want more!
226
00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:28,655
[upbeat rock music]
227
00:08:28,724 --> 00:08:31,896
♪ ♪
228
00:08:31,965 --> 00:08:33,931
- Ouchy!
Ouch!
229
00:08:36,896 --> 00:08:39,275
- Welcome to the inner circle.
230
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,586
You're all here
because we trust you.
231
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,620
- Or because you were
standing nearby
232
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,724
when we were trying to recruit
somebody else
233
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,896
and it would've been awkward
not to invite you.
234
00:08:47,965 --> 00:08:49,275
Kevin.
235
00:08:49,344 --> 00:08:51,793
- Christian
is a psychopathic dictator
236
00:08:51,862 --> 00:08:54,482
who has run this company
into the ground.
237
00:08:54,551 --> 00:08:56,034
I think we can all agree
238
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,724
I will be
a more democratic leader.
239
00:08:57,793 --> 00:09:00,206
So without further discussion,
let's move on.
240
00:09:00,275 --> 00:09:03,206
- Our job today is to build
a case against Christian
241
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:05,379
that Kate and I can present
to the board tomorrow.
242
00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:09,482
So we need to make a list
of everything he's done wrong.
243
00:09:09,551 --> 00:09:11,793
- We only have one whiteboard?
244
00:09:11,862 --> 00:09:13,103
- Good point.
245
00:09:13,172 --> 00:09:15,310
Matt, Jake, fetch us
some more whiteboards.
246
00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:17,344
- I thought we weren't doing
any more grunt work.
247
00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:19,068
- Save your crying
for bath time
248
00:09:19,137 --> 00:09:20,689
like the rest of us.
249
00:09:21,724 --> 00:09:23,068
- The surgery was a success.
250
00:09:23,137 --> 00:09:26,172
Your foot and butt will make
a full recovery.
251
00:09:26,241 --> 00:09:27,586
However, I'd like
to keep you overnight
252
00:09:27,655 --> 00:09:28,965
just for observation.
253
00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:30,310
- Is that really necessary?
254
00:09:30,379 --> 00:09:31,758
- Don't worry.
You won't be bothered.
255
00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:33,137
When we learned
you were coming,
256
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,586
we moved all the other patients
on this floor
257
00:09:34,655 --> 00:09:35,931
to the wet basement.
258
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,793
If you want the whole building
to yourself,
259
00:09:37,862 --> 00:09:40,241
we can have them thrown out
to the streets.
260
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,413
- Hmm.
No, they can stay.
261
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,344
- Anyways, it'll just be you
and Nurse Richard here.
262
00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:46,965
- I'll take it from here, Doc.
263
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:49,965
[suspicious music]
264
00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:51,137
Mm.
265
00:09:51,206 --> 00:09:53,103
- [sighs]
266
00:09:54,758 --> 00:09:56,206
- You don't remember me?
267
00:09:56,275 --> 00:09:57,448
- I'm afraid I don't.
268
00:09:57,517 --> 00:09:58,689
- [laughs]
269
00:09:58,758 --> 00:10:01,551
I used to work
at Hampton DeVille.
270
00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:03,275
Wrote a funny tweet
about a hurricane,
271
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:05,482
then you fired me.
272
00:10:05,551 --> 00:10:07,206
- If you say so.
Now, if you don't--
273
00:10:07,275 --> 00:10:10,379
- You know, my life took
a real dark turn after that.
274
00:10:11,379 --> 00:10:13,655
Started drinking, gambling.
275
00:10:13,724 --> 00:10:15,758
I got into dogfighting.
276
00:10:15,827 --> 00:10:19,103
Those hounds
tore my ass up good.
277
00:10:19,172 --> 00:10:23,448
Funny thing is,
I blamed you for all of it.
278
00:10:23,517 --> 00:10:26,482
I vowed
if I ever saw you again,
279
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:30,827
I would do terrible,
terrible things to you.
280
00:10:31,793 --> 00:10:33,758
Mm.
281
00:10:33,827 --> 00:10:35,965
But then I found God.
282
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:39,068
Stitched my ass up,
enrolled in nursing school,
283
00:10:39,137 --> 00:10:41,793
dedicated my life
to helping other people.
284
00:10:41,862 --> 00:10:43,758
Now here I am.
285
00:10:45,034 --> 00:10:46,103
All 'cause of you.
286
00:10:46,172 --> 00:10:48,448
So...
287
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:49,965
thank you.
288
00:10:50,034 --> 00:10:51,862
- Glad I was able to help.
289
00:10:51,931 --> 00:10:53,689
- You know, when I saw you
290
00:10:53,758 --> 00:10:56,172
admitted into the hospital
today,
291
00:10:56,241 --> 00:10:58,344
I immediately knew
292
00:10:58,413 --> 00:11:02,413
that it was all part
of God's master plan
293
00:11:02,482 --> 00:11:04,862
so that I can do some good
294
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,448
and make you pay
295
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,413
for all the evil
that you've done to the world.
296
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:10,172
- Oh, wait, no, no!
What are you doing?
297
00:11:10,241 --> 00:11:12,241
Ooh!
That's--that's just--
298
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:14,793
- [shushing]
- [stuttering incoherently]
299
00:11:14,862 --> 00:11:16,172
[cheery music]
300
00:11:16,241 --> 00:11:18,517
- [smooches]
301
00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,000
- Okay.
What else?
302
00:11:20,068 --> 00:11:21,655
- Christian's responsible
for turning 9/11
303
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,137
into a commercial holiday.
304
00:11:23,206 --> 00:11:25,517
- How could we forget
Remember Day?
305
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:26,724
What else?
306
00:11:26,793 --> 00:11:28,068
- I hit a fisherman
with my truck
307
00:11:28,137 --> 00:11:29,379
a few nights back.
308
00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:31,137
We could pin that on Christian
if you want.
309
00:11:31,206 --> 00:11:32,482
- Toss it on the board.
- Wonderful!
310
00:11:32,551 --> 00:11:34,172
Okay.
What else?
311
00:11:34,241 --> 00:11:36,827
Well, I guess
there's the hurricane machine.
312
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,586
- Says a lot that it took us
this long to even get to it.
313
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,310
- To be fair, Kate,
you were pretty involved
314
00:11:41,379 --> 00:11:42,862
in those hurricane machine
meetings.
315
00:11:42,931 --> 00:11:44,310
I don't know if you can
pin that entirely on Christian.
316
00:11:44,379 --> 00:11:46,034
- Hold your tongue!
- No.
317
00:11:46,103 --> 00:11:47,862
John, he's right.
318
00:11:47,931 --> 00:11:49,344
If Christian is going down,
319
00:11:49,413 --> 00:11:51,551
he's gonna wanna take us down
with him.
320
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:53,586
We should see what there is
in writing.
321
00:11:53,655 --> 00:11:56,724
- Okay, so the first email
about the hurricane machine
322
00:11:56,793 --> 00:11:59,379
was sent by...
323
00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:00,448
Kate.
324
00:12:00,517 --> 00:12:02,793
- "Let's get the ball rolling
325
00:12:02,862 --> 00:12:05,448
on this fantastic
hurricane machine idea."
326
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,620
- And then I responded with,
327
00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:09,310
"Count me in."
328
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:12,068
Okay, but Christian's gotta
be on here somewhere, right?
329
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:13,068
Let's see.
330
00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:14,655
Uh, here's Jake.
331
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:17,448
- "I'm in as long as we test it
on New Jersey first."
332
00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:19,344
- To which Kevin replied...
333
00:12:19,413 --> 00:12:20,551
- "LOL."
334
00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:22,620
- Christian's not even on
this thread.
335
00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:24,482
- That delegating motherfucker.
336
00:12:24,551 --> 00:12:27,068
If Christian goes down,
we all go down.
337
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:28,448
- I'm not going back
to the clink.
338
00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:30,103
- No one's going to the clink,
you idiot!
339
00:12:30,172 --> 00:12:32,965
- If I go back to the clink,
I'm taking you with me, Katie.
340
00:12:33,034 --> 00:12:34,551
And you, too, Johnny Boy!
341
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,931
- Kevin,
don't you dare threaten
342
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,448
to put me in the clink,
you fucking murderer!
343
00:12:37,517 --> 00:12:38,931
- Everyone stop calling it
the clink!
344
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,137
- That's what they call it
in the slammer.
345
00:12:41,206 --> 00:12:42,620
- Guys, can we please
stop arguing
346
00:12:42,689 --> 00:12:43,758
and just order some food?
347
00:12:43,827 --> 00:12:44,827
We're all just on edge
348
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:46,206
because Christian
ruined breakfast.
349
00:12:46,275 --> 00:12:48,758
- Okay, let's just cross
hurricane machine off the list
350
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:50,172
and order some food.
351
00:12:50,241 --> 00:12:53,103
What does everybody want?
352
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,689
- Well, I don't want any fish.
353
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:56,379
- Well, great, Kev.
That narrows it down.
354
00:12:57,241 --> 00:13:01,482
- Look who got a visit
from the dinner fairy.
355
00:13:01,551 --> 00:13:04,344
[suspenseful music]
356
00:13:04,413 --> 00:13:07,241
- Man, what the fuck
is going on?
357
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:08,655
Help!
Help!
358
00:13:08,724 --> 00:13:10,206
- Help!
Help!
359
00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:11,758
Hel--
360
00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:13,862
right, I'm the only nurse
on duty.
361
00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:15,517
I don't know about you,
362
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,931
but I'm feeling
a little naughty.
363
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,655
What do you say
we start with dessert?
364
00:13:19,724 --> 00:13:22,655
[imitating airplane]
365
00:13:22,724 --> 00:13:25,517
♪ ♪
366
00:13:25,586 --> 00:13:28,793
[laughs]
That's good.
367
00:13:28,862 --> 00:13:31,344
- Oh, I get it.
368
00:13:31,413 --> 00:13:33,517
You see me as some...
- [imitating airplane]
369
00:13:33,586 --> 00:13:34,965
- Evil billionaire
370
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:37,896
who's ruining the world
with my evil corporation.
371
00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:40,620
[chuckles]
Well, grow the fuck up.
372
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,448
That hurricane machine
everyone's so mad about
373
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,689
employed thousands
of hard-working people
374
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,103
until that bonehead
Bonan Marrow had to butt in
375
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:48,206
and get them all fired.
376
00:13:48,275 --> 00:13:50,551
He's evil!
I'm the good guy!
377
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,482
Will you stop
making airplane sounds?
378
00:13:52,551 --> 00:13:53,620
- Uh-oh!
379
00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:55,689
This plane is off course!
380
00:13:55,758 --> 00:13:58,310
It's gonna make
a crash landing!
381
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,034
[imitating airplane]
382
00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:02,551
- [screams]
383
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:04,413
- Oat Zone.
384
00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:06,448
[marker squeaks]
385
00:14:06,517 --> 00:14:08,896
Another for Barley Barn.
[marker squeaks]
386
00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:11,034
And...
387
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:12,241
Pesto Palace?
388
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,965
- God damn it!
389
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:15,551
It's another tie!
390
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:18,793
Okay, who keeps throwing away
their vote on Pesto Palace?
391
00:14:18,862 --> 00:14:21,000
It's a third-party candidate
and you know it!
392
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,551
- I vote on principle!
393
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,344
- Why don't we just order
a bunch of pizzas?
394
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:26,379
- [screaming]
What are we, a softball team?
395
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,241
- Okay, you know what?
[laughs]
396
00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:29,241
I'm in charge!
397
00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:31,448
And we're going to Oat Zone!
398
00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:33,068
- What happened to being
a democratic leader?
399
00:14:33,137 --> 00:14:34,689
- Shut up and tell me
what kind of oats you want!
400
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:35,862
Rolled or steel cut?
401
00:14:35,931 --> 00:14:37,689
- Well, Oat Zone's closed.
402
00:14:37,758 --> 00:14:38,862
- Fuck!
403
00:14:38,931 --> 00:14:39,931
- Well, I'm thrilled,
404
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,689
because I voted
for Barley Barn.
405
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,586
- That's closed too.
- God! Jesus Christ!
406
00:14:43,655 --> 00:14:45,206
[grunting]
407
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,689
Like no one ever wanted barley
after 2:00 a.m.?
408
00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:49,517
They're leaving money
on the farm-to-table!
409
00:14:49,586 --> 00:14:52,620
- Matt, Jake,
go out and get us some food!
410
00:14:52,689 --> 00:14:54,586
- I thought you said we didn't
have to do grunt work anymore.
411
00:14:54,655 --> 00:14:55,896
- You go do the goddamn food,
you son of a bitch!
412
00:14:55,965 --> 00:14:56,965
- Go and get us
the fucking food!
413
00:14:57,034 --> 00:14:59,551
- Go!
- Get up and get us food!
414
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:02,448
- What I'm remembering now
is that being powerless sucks.
415
00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:03,827
- Yeah.
I definitely want money.
416
00:15:03,896 --> 00:15:05,137
And power.
417
00:15:05,206 --> 00:15:06,724
I don't know what
Buddhists are talking about.
418
00:15:06,793 --> 00:15:07,965
- Maybe you can only
be a Buddhist
419
00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:09,965
if you already
have money and power?
420
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,310
- Yeah, like how celebrities
only care about the environment
421
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:15,275
once they're bored
of having sex with each other.
422
00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:17,379
Wait, Matt.
423
00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:18,862
We do have power.
424
00:15:18,931 --> 00:15:20,137
If we go to Christian
right now,
425
00:15:20,206 --> 00:15:21,586
we could tell him
what Kate and John are up to
426
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:22,862
and sabotage the coup.
427
00:15:22,931 --> 00:15:24,551
I bet he'd promote us
as a reward.
428
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:26,068
- That's genius.
429
00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:28,310
We'll get everything we want,
then become Buddhists.
430
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:29,517
- Then have a ton of sex,
431
00:15:29,586 --> 00:15:30,931
then start caring
about the environment.
432
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,413
- Then...
433
00:15:33,482 --> 00:15:34,655
- No, Matt, that's it.
434
00:15:34,724 --> 00:15:36,413
- Oh.
435
00:15:36,482 --> 00:15:38,586
Don't you ever just wish
there was more?
436
00:15:41,068 --> 00:15:42,379
- And then I wrote,
437
00:15:42,448 --> 00:15:43,724
"Sell consumer data
to the Chinese government
438
00:15:43,793 --> 00:15:46,517
"to disrupt
the next presidential election?
439
00:15:46,586 --> 00:15:48,586
I'm down to clown."
440
00:15:48,655 --> 00:15:50,206
To which Kevin replied...
441
00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:51,482
- "LOL."
442
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,931
- "LOL."
443
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,827
Looks like we're complicit
in this one too.
444
00:15:58,172 --> 00:15:59,275
- Oh, great.
445
00:15:59,344 --> 00:16:01,103
At least we're saving energy.
446
00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:02,689
There's one thing
Hampton DeVille's doing
447
00:16:02,758 --> 00:16:04,310
that's not evil.
448
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:08,034
- I'm gonna say something
controversial.
449
00:16:08,103 --> 00:16:11,344
I don't think
Hampton DeVille is evil.
450
00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:15,965
I mean, what even is
Hampton DeVille?
451
00:16:16,034 --> 00:16:17,344
- A corporation.
452
00:16:17,413 --> 00:16:20,827
- Right,
but what is a corporation?
453
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,172
- A building?
454
00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:23,344
- Money.
455
00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:25,517
- A group of people...
Maroon 5...
456
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:27,137
- Maroon 5.
- Maroon 5!
457
00:16:27,206 --> 00:16:30,275
That's what I'm talking about.
458
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:32,793
What the fuck
459
00:16:32,862 --> 00:16:35,827
is Maroon 5?
460
00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:37,896
It's an imaginary concept
461
00:16:37,965 --> 00:16:40,931
made up by a sociopath,
462
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,758
just like Hampton DeVille.
463
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:46,965
It's a triangle
we ascribe meaning to.
464
00:16:47,034 --> 00:16:50,068
But we're the ones who drive
to the office in the morning
465
00:16:50,137 --> 00:16:53,793
to have meetings
about hurricane machines.
466
00:16:53,862 --> 00:16:55,862
Maybe we're the ones to blame.
467
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:59,862
- We did all this evil shit
for a fucking triangle!
468
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,275
- Okay.
469
00:17:01,344 --> 00:17:03,758
You know, it has been fun
catching up,
470
00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:06,413
but I think it's time
we wrap this puppy up.
471
00:17:06,482 --> 00:17:09,137
You know, I'd tell you
that this is gonna be painless,
472
00:17:09,206 --> 00:17:12,172
but I graduated at the bottom
of my class in nursing school,
473
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,517
so I'm just gonna guess
where your artery is.
474
00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:16,655
- Christian,
there's something we need--
475
00:17:18,068 --> 00:17:19,517
Richard?
476
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:21,275
- Oh, my God.
Hey, man.
477
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,034
- Uh, hey, guys!
478
00:17:23,103 --> 00:17:24,034
- You're a doctor now?
479
00:17:24,103 --> 00:17:25,655
- Nurse, but yeah.
480
00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:27,206
- I fucking love nurses.
481
00:17:27,275 --> 00:17:28,827
Best people on Earth.
482
00:17:28,896 --> 00:17:31,000
- Give us a hug, my dude!
483
00:17:31,068 --> 00:17:32,655
- Come on!
- It's great to see you, man.
484
00:17:32,724 --> 00:17:33,965
- Yeah, you guys.
- Yeah.
485
00:17:34,034 --> 00:17:35,241
- God, what's up, man?
I love pink on you.
486
00:17:35,310 --> 00:17:36,724
- You know,
you boys are just in time.
487
00:17:36,793 --> 00:17:37,931
I was about to leave.
488
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,413
- Now, now,
remember your doctor--
489
00:17:39,482 --> 00:17:41,000
- Oh, no, no, no!
I feel right as rain!
490
00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:42,482
Just untie these straps
and let's go.
491
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:44,482
- All right.
You heard the man.
492
00:17:44,551 --> 00:17:47,551
- Wow, they really want you
to stay in your bed here.
493
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:48,655
Like a prisoner or something.
494
00:17:48,724 --> 00:17:52,413
[laughter]
495
00:17:52,482 --> 00:17:54,000
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
496
00:17:54,068 --> 00:17:56,413
And so Kate and John are back
at the office right now
497
00:17:56,482 --> 00:17:57,724
trying to stab you in the back.
498
00:17:57,793 --> 00:17:58,931
- But they didn't count on us
499
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,586
stabbing them
in their backs first.
500
00:18:00,655 --> 00:18:02,482
Or wait, no.
Maybe we did it second.
501
00:18:02,551 --> 00:18:03,965
- Regardless,
it's self-defense,
502
00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:06,103
so legally, we think
we're in the clear.
503
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:09,172
- [grunting]
504
00:18:12,137 --> 00:18:15,172
Seems like everyone
has turned against me.
505
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:16,793
Somewhere along the way,
506
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:20,275
I forgot
what Hampton DeVille really is.
507
00:18:20,344 --> 00:18:21,965
It's people.
508
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,862
Good people,
like the two of you.
509
00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:27,137
I'm afraid I don't
even remember your names.
510
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,379
- I'm Matt--
511
00:18:28,448 --> 00:18:30,689
- I need to start listening
to people.
512
00:18:30,758 --> 00:18:33,862
Is there anything I can do
to win everyone back?
513
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,793
[angelic music]
514
00:18:38,862 --> 00:18:43,379
♪ ♪
515
00:18:43,448 --> 00:18:44,931
- [sighs]
So it's decided.
516
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,620
We're all gonna quit and stop
working for a corporation.
517
00:18:47,689 --> 00:18:50,206
- And just pray
that God forgives us.
518
00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:52,620
- Guess we have to move
to the woods.
519
00:18:52,689 --> 00:18:54,724
Live off the land.
520
00:18:54,793 --> 00:18:57,034
- We could gather lumber
and sell it for money.
521
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,379
- We should incorporate.
522
00:18:58,448 --> 00:18:59,586
Avoid taxes.
523
00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:01,000
- That's a great idea.
524
00:19:01,068 --> 00:19:03,034
Wait, no!
525
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:05,172
- Even if we quit,
we can't escape!
526
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,724
- If only God
would give us a sign.
527
00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:14,448
♪ ♪
528
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:17,137
- Christian's alive?
529
00:19:17,206 --> 00:19:18,413
- You thought he was dead?
530
00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:21,827
- No, I guess I just got
caught up in the moment.
531
00:19:21,896 --> 00:19:24,551
- I know everything
you've been doing.
532
00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:25,689
- Christian, we're sorry.
533
00:19:25,758 --> 00:19:26,689
It was all Kate!
534
00:19:26,758 --> 00:19:28,482
- John!
- No.
535
00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,413
No, it's okay.
536
00:19:30,482 --> 00:19:32,068
[soft music]
537
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,793
Yesterday,
538
00:19:33,862 --> 00:19:36,137
I said
there's no Hampton DeVille
539
00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:38,827
without me.
540
00:19:38,896 --> 00:19:41,551
But I was wrong.
541
00:19:41,620 --> 00:19:44,448
There's no Hampton DeVille
542
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,862
without you.
543
00:19:46,931 --> 00:19:48,034
I only hope
544
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,275
that you can find it
in your hearts
545
00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:52,620
to accept my humble offering
546
00:19:52,689 --> 00:19:54,137
and forgive me.
547
00:19:54,206 --> 00:19:58,310
♪ ♪
548
00:19:58,379 --> 00:19:59,620
- Dibs on jalapeño cheddar!
549
00:19:59,689 --> 00:20:02,275
- Wait!
550
00:20:02,344 --> 00:20:04,034
I want the jalapeño cheddar.
551
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,172
- I'll maim you!
552
00:20:05,241 --> 00:20:06,413
I'll maim you all!
[all shouting]
553
00:20:06,482 --> 00:20:07,620
- Oh, not lox!
554
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,172
- There are two important
matters left to discuss.
555
00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:13,931
First,
556
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,103
I wouldn't be here
557
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,241
without two
very courageous people...
558
00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:20,172
[victorious music]
559
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:21,793
- Jake and Matt.
560
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:23,137
- Jake
561
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:24,827
and, of course,
562
00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:26,310
Bradley,
563
00:20:26,379 --> 00:20:29,793
and I think it's time
for a long overdue promotion.
564
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:31,275
From this moment forward,
565
00:20:31,344 --> 00:20:33,482
you are no longer
unpaid interns.
566
00:20:33,551 --> 00:20:35,344
You are now...
567
00:20:35,413 --> 00:20:37,551
junior executives in training.
568
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:39,068
- Hear, hear.
[applause]
569
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,620
Bravo!
570
00:20:40,689 --> 00:20:43,551
- Well, at least he sort of
knows one of our names now.
571
00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:44,689
- Things are looking up.
572
00:20:44,758 --> 00:20:46,206
- And lastly,
573
00:20:46,275 --> 00:20:48,862
I think we need to have
a very serious conversation
574
00:20:48,931 --> 00:20:50,965
about what happened before
575
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:53,689
when I...
576
00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:55,448
broke wind.
577
00:20:58,482 --> 00:20:59,965
Wasn't that funny?
578
00:21:00,034 --> 00:21:02,793
[laughter]
579
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,827
- ♪ Hoodley dup da boom boom ♪
580
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:06,275
- And yet none of you laughed!
581
00:21:06,344 --> 00:21:07,586
- We were scared!
582
00:21:07,655 --> 00:21:09,034
- John said, "No!"
583
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:10,827
- I did!
I did!
584
00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:12,862
[laughter]
585
00:21:12,931 --> 00:21:15,206
- ♪ I wish I was a monkey ♪
586
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,344
♪ And lived up in the sky ♪
587
00:21:17,413 --> 00:21:19,344
♪ I'd sit
upon a fluffy cloud ♪
588
00:21:19,413 --> 00:21:21,000
♪ And watch the world go by ♪
589
00:21:21,068 --> 00:21:23,344
- [imitating fart]
[laughter]
590
00:21:23,413 --> 00:21:25,379
- ♪ I'd grab you by the hand ♪
591
00:21:25,448 --> 00:21:26,931
♪ And lift you up ♪
592
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,379
♪ Then both of us would live
in monkey land ♪
593
00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:31,000
- [screams]
594
00:21:31,068 --> 00:21:33,344
[laughter]
595
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:35,344
- ♪ We'd dance around
the silver moon ♪
596
00:21:35,413 --> 00:21:37,310
♪ And ride
the shooting stars ♪
597
00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:41,000
[uproarious laughter]
598
00:21:41,068 --> 00:21:42,413
[pounding on door]
599
00:21:42,482 --> 00:21:43,586
- Open the door!
600
00:21:43,655 --> 00:21:44,931
[pounding on door]
601
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,965
You're gonna kill us all!
602
00:21:47,034 --> 00:21:49,310
[laughter]
603
00:21:49,379 --> 00:21:51,965
- ♪ I'd sit
upon a fluffy cloud ♪
604
00:21:52,034 --> 00:21:54,206
- Sometimes,
life can be so painful,
605
00:21:54,275 --> 00:21:55,827
you just have to laugh!
606
00:21:55,896 --> 00:21:57,551
[laughs]
607
00:21:57,620 --> 00:22:00,689
- [laughs evilly]
[alarm blaring]
608
00:22:00,758 --> 00:22:03,206
- ♪ Up in ♪
609
00:22:03,275 --> 00:22:06,103
[machine whirring]
♪ The sky ♪
610
00:22:06,172 --> 00:22:10,000
Gee, honey, we'd have fun!
611
00:22:10,068 --> 00:22:13,000
[rock music]
612
00:22:13,068 --> 00:22:20,068
♪ ♪
41716
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