Original subtitles

♪♪

Ah, the age-old camp tradition of lying around

waiting for your leave-in conditioner to work.

It's like my Uncle Rick always said,

when you have gorgeous curls,

you deserve the shine and pH balance it takes

to keep the modern woman looking good on-the-go.

Your Uncle Rick always said that?

He owned a hair salon.

(MEOWING)

Did you hear that?

Yeah. It sounded like a...

Kitty!

Aw, the poor girl.

I'm going to bring this little thing back to my cabin

and take care of her.

"This little thing" is a vicious predator

that can take care of itself.

You don't like cats?

But look how cute she is,

with her little nose, and her little whiskers!

How could anyone not be smitten by kittens?

Well, first of all, they make people say things like that.

Also, they're heartless bird-killers,

they cough up balls of hair,

and their primary emotion is stone cold judgment.

Who hurt you, Matteo?

Isn't it obvious? A cat!

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

So what do you guys want to do with your free time today?

Okay, get this.

We train a bunch of snakes

to go to every cabin selling products,

and we call them "door-to-door scalesmen."

Okie-doke.

Hey, how about a card game?

Like Hearts?

I've never heard of that one.

It's super fun.

The goal is to collect as many hearts as you can.

Oh, my family used to play a version of that.

It was called Livers.

But we didn't use cards.

Okay. No more suggestions.

Hey, I know!

Let's play Stay Off the Lava.

What's that?

You've never played Stay Off the Lava?

You pretend the floor is lava,

then someone yells out, "stay off the lava,"

and then you have to stay off the lava.

It's complicated, but you'll get it.

The only rule is, you can't touch the ground,

and you play until there's one person left.

The winner is crowned Lord or Lady of Lava.

All right, so when do we start?

Right now.

Stay off the lava!

Okay. Now prepare to lose,

because I'm undefeated at this game.

That's just because you have the longest legs.

Hey! My mama gave me these gams!

And don't be bitter just because you've never won.

You've never won?

I tend to fall off things a lot.

But if I lose,

I have a backup plan on how to spend my free time.

Hint, it involves snakes

and a multi-level marketing pitch.

Hey, Lou. How's it going?

I'm sorry.

Did you just ask me "How's it going?"

without a hint of sarcasm?

Okay, which one of your campers is missing?

None of them. I think.

Anyway, I'm just in a good mood

because my favorite brother Alex is about to get here.

He's visiting for the weekend.

I thought you didn't like your brothers.

Well, Alex is actually pretty cool.

He's studying mechanical engineering

and he wants to design cars.

And we have the most amazing thing in common.

We love to complain about stuff

and hate on everything together!

Great, there's two of you.

How's my favorite sister?

I'm your only sister.

Come here.

Well, here it is. Camp Kikiwaka!

Oh, you weren't kidding.

This place is the worst!

Right?

Oh, man, you gotta meet the camp director who loves this place.

Lou, this is Alex.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LEAF BLOWER WHIRRING)

Oh, come on, Hank! You're the groundskeeper!

Let's keep things on the ground!

Nice to meet you, Alex.

Yes, uh... You, too.

Uh, sorry about the grease.

I've been trying to fix our camp's riding mower.

Is that industrial-strength hydroxy lithium-12?

That's my go-to grease.

Really? Mine, too!

Okay.

Lou, why don't you leave

before things get weird-er.

Oh, right. (CHUCKLES)

Nice to Alex you meet!

What?

Hey, you wanna go see the lake? It's super disgusting.

Yeah. That sounds awesome!

And later, can we make fun of people playing badminton?

Uh, yeah. Bad's right there in the name.

They're asking for it.

Hey, Destiny. Here's your shower cap.

Oh, I don't need that back.

I know, but I had to get it away from Finn.

He wanted to fill it up with frosting

and pretend he was a cupcake.

He's going through an "ideas" phase.

Well, speaking of hair care...

Look who just got brushed!

(MEOWING)

You made a bed for the cat in your dresser?

Yep! I also made a litter box.

Don't open the bottom drawer.

Matteo, meet Scampy!

Want to hold her? No, I...

Quit being such a hater.

What's that sound?

Is she growling?

Can she smell my fear?

She's purring. It means she likes you.

Really?

I mean... I guess the validation is kind of nice.

You want me to take her back? No, it's okay.

It's actually kind of relaxing.

I've almost forgotten that she buries her poop in your dresser.

The ground may be lava,

but victory will be mine!

Nothing can stop my soup pot shoes!

I beg to differ!

Your soup pot shoes are no match for my kiddie pool carriage.

The important thing is,

we've both outsmarted Noah.

These ideas are way better than his dumb long legs.

NOAH: Not so fast, amateurs!

Hank, turn around!

You're ruining my big entrance!

Behold!

This is why I'm Stay Off the Lava champion!

Because you're a strategic genius who thinks outside the box?

That, and I'm also willing to throw cash at the problem.

Like a whole lot.

I'm paying Hank so much to carry me around,

I'm basically counseling for free now.

Oh, man, why didn't I think of the Hank chair?

And right in the middle of my "ideas" phase!

You play with the lava, you're gonna get burned.

Hank! Dramatic exit!

Walk forward!

No, my forward.

Seriously, it's like this is the first time

you've had someone harnessed to your back!

I can't believe people actually enjoy water-skiing.

That one guy who fell was twisted up like a pretzel!

(CHUCKLES) I know!

All he needed was some mustard!

And some immediate medical attention.

Lou, you never said you were fixing

an XL 8-Series lawn tractor with hydrostatic transmission.

A guy who knows his riding mowers.

You're a fan of the 8-Series?

Are you kidding? It's the...

BOTH: Gold standard of gardening equipment!

Great, there's two of you.

I work on mowers a lot.

That is, when I'm not reading historical pirate fiction.

Ahoy, matey.

You like it, too?

Um, Alex, we should really stick to our schedule.

We're supposed to be in arts and crafts making fun of batik.

What's batik? I don't know,

but I wanna make fun of it!

Just a sec.

So what exactly is the problem with the mower?

It just won't start. I've tried everything.

Flushing the oil, charging the battery.

Did you try replacing the spark plug?

(CHUCKLES)

No.

You're wasting your time.

That piece of junk will never work.

Come on, Ava. Don't be so negative.

Don't be so negative?

All right, here goes nothin'...

(ENGINE STARTS)

Well, thar she mows!

Little pirate pun there.

Aye got that.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Well.

Now that the mower is fixed,

do you want to come do something with us?

Sure! How about some badminton?

Sounds great! What?

You said badminton was stupid. Remember?

Because there's "bad" right in the name?

But there's also "ton" and "mint."

And who doesn't like a ton of mint?

Excellent point, Alex.

Is it?

Come on, Scampy, like this!

Matteo, I know this is my cabin,

but should I leave?

I had some spare time

and thought I'd keep the Scampster company.

She really loves this toy.

Yes, I can see she's having a blast.

So I did some research,

and it turns out cats, or felis catus,

are more fascinating creatures than I thought.

Did you know cats only sweat through their paws and nowhere else?

Just like me!

We'll unpack that later.

You've come a long way from hating cats.

The most important thing a scientist can do

is admit when their hypothesis is wrong.

And speaking of faulty hypotheses,

it turns out you can teach a cat to use the toilet

with an 85% success rate.

Don't use the sink.

Load up on those carbs, Hank.

We're going on a hike later.

Thank you.

What's the matter, Gwen?

Couldn't fit your kiddie pool through the door?

The toddlers I stole it from took it back.

Their vengeance was swift, and bitey.

And what happened to you, Finn?

Did Chef Jeff have to take his soup pots back?

Yep. Between the soup shoes and the cupcake hat,

it's been a bad day for food clothes.

Well, sooner or later, you're gonna have to touch the ground.

And I've still got six more days paid on the Hank-o-meter.

I need to be smarter with my money.

Normally, I wouldn't team up with the enemy,

but if either of us want to beat Noah,

we need to join forces.

Ah, work as a team. Just like hyenas,

distracting then disemboweling their prey.

Or like kids, playing a game.

You were right, Lou. Woodworking hardly feels like working.

They should really call it woodfunning.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(BOTH SIGH)

What is happening?

Alex, I was thinking, maybe before you go home tomorrow,

you might want to join me for a scenic hike to Kikiwaka Falls?

Like a date?

It could be.

I think it should be. Okay.

First of all... (RETCHES)

And second, Alex...

We hate waterfalls!

Maybe I'm changing my mind.

After all, I've never seen a waterfall with Lou.

Well, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of yum!

Wow, when I like someone, I really go full pirate.

Give me indifference!

Give me arrogance!

Now one for yourself.

Ooh, indifferent arrogance.

Me-ow!

Matteo,

I know I told you to stop hating cats,

but I think you've gone too far in the other direction.

It's not healthy.

What are you talking about?

That!

That's what I'm talking about.

Plus, you haven't left the cabin all day!

As your friend, I can't let this continue,

because frankly, it's hard to watch.

And smell. What is that?

Scampy was hogging the toilet,

so I had to use the litter box.

When you have a moment, it could use a scooping.

That's it! I'm telling Lou about the cat!

What? Why?

Because you've officially turned into

one of those weird cat people

and it's freaking me out!

Besides, you know if Lou found out

we were keeping a stray animal in the cabin,

she'd be furious!

I have a date! I have a date!

Hi, Dr. Kitty!

You were saying?

Noah. Wake up.

Hey, guys. What's going on...

Wait, are you standing on the floor?

We realized we could never beat you.

Looks like you're the winner. Again.

Yes! The streak continues!

I'm the Lord of Lava! I'm the Lord of Lava...

Not so fast, pal!

What?

How's it feel to be outsmarted by a couple of amateurs?

I can't believe I got fooled

by two kids on stools in bathrobes,

again.

Stool me twice, shame on me.

And then there were three.

Close. And then there were two?

Better.

Ava, why are you dragging me out here?

I have to get ready for my date.

There's something really horrible I need you to see in the old outhouse.

And we have a new contender

for "least appealing sentence ever spoken."

Someone wrote some very unflattering things about you on the wall.

(GASPS) They did?

I don't get it. The only thing written in here is "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry!

Ava! What are you doing?

You are staying in there until my brother leaves!

Maybe, if he thinks you're not into him any more,

he'll go back to the way he was.

So you really locking me in here?

Come on, I'm not heartless.

I brought you these.

Ava. Ava!

You better hope one of these has an article

on 30 ways to break out of an old outhouse!

Hey, Ava. Have you seen Lou?

She was supposed to meet me here an hour ago for our hike.

Oh, yeah, that's Lou. She's a total flake.

Really? But she seems so responsible and on top of things.

Nope, she's actually irresponsible

and on bottom of things.

I really thought she liked me.

I was going to give her my copy of A Walk the Plank to Remember.

Spoiler alert, the treasure

was their love.

Hmm. Hey, I know what'll cheer you up!

Why don't we go inside to stare at our phones

and complain about being bored? You love that.

Actually, why don't we just go on the hike?

You mean you still want to go, even without Lou?

Yeah, it'll be fun!

We might see some cute little groundhogs,

or maybe even a fox.

And the spray from the waterfall

is supposed to create a really pretty rainbow.

A pretty rainbow?

Do you even hear yourself? What?

Lou has changed you!

You've turned into a positive person who enjoys things

and it's gross!

Huh. I guess I have changed a little.

But it's not just because I like Lou.

It's this awesome camp.

Something about it really gets under your skin.

Those are the ticks!

Always making fun of things.

Because making fun of things is our thing!

Well, maybe we need a new thing.

I don't even recognize you any more.

Wait, should I be concerned about the ticks?

Look, everyone! I've left the cabin!

This is me being healthy!

Good girl, Scampy!

(MEOWS) Oops!

Looks like you have a little something on your face, Scampy.

Don't worry,

I'll get it.

Matteo!

No!

Why did you do that?

Trust me, I'm asking myself the same question.

What's going on?

I put posters up all over Moose Rump

with Scampy's face on them.

It turns out this woman is the rightful owner of the cat.

Her name is Barbara.

Scampy's name is Barbara?

No, the woman's name is Barbara.

The cat's name is Miss Kitty.

Ugh, that's worse than Barbara.

Hi, Barbara!

Matteo, as interesting as it's been

watching you fall in love with cats,

I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye.

Right meow?

Right meow.

Scampy, what can I say?

You showed me how to love.

You showed me how to care.

And you showed me your butt.

Like a lot.

Goodbye, Scampster.

Ahem.

Sorry. Miss Kitty.

How many seconds did it take you to come up with that one?

Are you okay?

The scratch marks will heal.

But coughing up the hairball

of sorrow in my stomach will take some time.

Well, I have something that might make you feel better.

I know it was your favorite game to play with her.

Go ahead, get it! Get it!

Destiny, what are you doing?

Higher.

Lou! Your stupid camp ruined my brother!

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have a reason to be mad at me?

Alex has only been here for two days,

and he's already gone soft.

He's started talking about rainbows, Lou!

Rainbows!

Yeah, well, camp will do that to you.

The more you open yourself up to new experiences, the easier it gets.

He's changing just like you did.

Camp has not changed me.

Oh, really? Since you've gotten here,

you've promised to say yes to more things,

you've taken on the role of a song leader,

and I've even seen you ask for seconds of Mound of Brown.

There's just something about the texture that keeps you coming back.

You're a more positive person than you think, Ava.

Before Alex's visit, you hadn't gone down to the lake

to laugh at water-skiers in weeks.

Wow.

All this time I thought my brother was becoming someone I didn't recognize.

But I guess now the person I hardly recognize is me.

I have completely changed.

Well, not completely.

You did lock me in an outhouse for three hours.

I did do that. (CHUCKLES) Let me out of here, Ava.

I'm sorry, Lou.

Alex is right.

It does feel good not to be so negative all the time.

But I'm going to miss not sharing that with him.

Your relationship with your brother is going to change over time.

You guys will find new things to share.

Things you actually like.

I think we already have.

Me? No. This camp.

Cool, cool.

So, are we good?

Yep.

In three hours.

Enjoy the magazines!

You did all of the quizzes? You monster!

Okay, we need to finally declare a winner of Stay Off the Lava.

So whoever gets to the obstacle course first

without touching the ground is the champ!

Good luck, Gwen. No matter what happens,

there's no one else I'd rather be trapped with

on an imaginary volcano.

Aw, same, Finn. Same.

Ready? On your mark, get set, go!

(ALL CHEERING)

I'm doing it! I'm finally going to win!

Ahhh!

(CROWD GASPING)

So this is how I go.

Death by make-believe lava.

I can't believe that fortune cookie was right!

Finn! You can do this!

Just let me go, Gwen!

I'll never let you go!

Finn is the winner!

(ALL CHEERING)

Gwen! Why did you do that?

Because you would have finished first if you hadn't been leaf blowered!

You deserve to win,

and all the prizes that come with it.

So what does Finn win

now that he's the new Lord of Lava?

Show her, Finn.

I am the Lord of Lava!

I get to do that a lot.

That's it? You guys really need to learn to play Livers.

At least when that game's over,

you got yourself a bag of livers.

I can't believe you're leaving already.

I know. I'm gonna miss this place.

But maybe we could stay in touch?

That would make me one jolly roger.

Well, shiver me timbers! (LAUGHS)

Polly want a group hug?

Who's Polly? I don't get it.

Never mind. Just go.

I am the Lord of Lava!

Let's just pretend we didn't see that.