All language subtitles for Bunkd s04e17.WEB-DL.x264-ION10

♪♪

What are you doing?

It looks like
the leaning tower
of...pizza!

May I take that back?

I will forgive.

But I will never forget.

So what are you doing?

Matteo,
I've discovered
I have a gift.

Stacking.

I mean, look at her.

She's beautiful.

Like, an example
of something beautiful.

Uh, I hate to say this,

but I think
it just might be
a big pile of nothing.

Whoa! Look at
that big, beautiful
pile of nothing.

See? This kid gets it.

Greetings, fellow
stacking aficionado.

Come and
enjoy the nothing
from this angle.

What happened to you?

Well, I finally
got the courage

to go into that
creepy crawlspace
under my cabin.

Because I accidentally
fell through

some rotting floorboards
and landed in it.

Every time I think
about that crawlspace,
I get chills.

I'll bet it's haunted.

Well, as it turns out,
it's a shame we were all
scared of it for so long.

Did I feel a cold hand
on my neck while I was
down there? Yes.

Am I sure
I heard someone
whispering in Latin?

Absolutely.

But look at this box
of Jedediah Swearengen's
old things I found.

Cool. Definitely
makes up for
being cursed.

Jedediah's spectacles.

His winter underwear.

His...list of
camper fatalities.

Anyhoo,
there are more boxes
where this came from.

And I'm gonna
use what's in them

to turn this area
of the mess hall

into the "Jedediah
Heritage Corner."

Why?

Why?

Our great camp history
is part of what sets us
above Camp Champion,

that soulless
snob factory
across the lake.

In some people's opinion.

I agree with Lou.

Good. Because you two
are gonna be helping me

sort through
all the boxes.

What? No!

I just agreed with you
to get points
with the boss,

not to get extra work.

See, this is what happens

when you pretend
to be a nice person.

I am not going
in that haunted
crawlspace.

There is no such thing
as ghosts.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

But whatever that was,
it must have gotten past
that ring of salt I left.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Hey, Noah.
You wanted to see me?

Yeah! I'm just having
a few one-on-ones
with some campers.

You wanna go
one-on-one with me?

What? No! I just
wanna have a chat
to get to know you better.

Okay.

Whatcha got?

Well, I brought
a list of some
fun questions

to kick off
the conversation.

Question one.
What's your idea of
a perfect Saturday?

Depends. Do I have
a crossbow?

Uh... No crossbow.

Great. So on
my perfect Saturday,
I'm getting my hands dirty.

Okay, question two.

Um, what's your
favorite movie?

I've never actually
seen a movie.

Wait. Not even
Star Battles?

What's Star Battles?

Only the greatest movie
in the history of movies.

Have you been living
under a rock
this whole time?

Yes. That's where
my parents
built the shelter.

I found more
long underwear.

Ooh! Is there
a flap on the back

for the founder's tushy?

Say what now?

You're a real
Jedediah fan,
aren't you?

We're actually
called "Jed Heads."

He was such a great man.

Whenever I'm at a loss,
I always ask myself,
"What would Jedediah do?"

And the answer
is always nothing,
because he's dead.

Turns out it's not
a very helpful exercise.

Well, there was one thing
he did when he was alive,

paint pictures
of cross-eyed dogs.

"Jedediah's
Daily Log."

Guys, I think
this is his diary.

Finally, something
interesting!

Destiny, we can't
read that.

What do you mean?
He's your hero.

Aren't you interested
in who he had a crush on?

Who he was
in a fight with?

That time
he gave himself
really unfortunate bangs?

I'm so sorry,
but we cannot
violate his privacy.

If the man was
concerned about privacy,

he wouldn't have
saved his butt flaps

for future generations
to find.

I'm sorry, but it just
doesn't feel right.
This one stays in the box.

I'm gonna go recheck
the crawlspace for things
I might've missed.

It gets really dark
down there,

and every flashlight
I've used stops working.

If you don't
come back by sunrise,
we'll send a search party.

Or you could
ask yourselves
why you waited

until sunrise
to come look for me.

ALL: Ooh!

Mmm, what's going on?

The Stacker
just finished his
greatest stack yet.

He's out-stacked
himself.

The Stacker?

You got a nickname
just for stacking things?

I guess
I'm kind of a hero
to these kids.

Frankly, it's
embarrassing.

So embarrassing that
you're wearing a T-shirt
that says "The Stacker"?

Oh, is that
what it says?

I can't read
upside down.

I can't believe
you got a camp
nickname before I did.

All last summer I tried
to get people to call me
"The Pi Guy."

Huh?

The math
concept of pi.

You know, like,
3.14159265...

No wonder why
you didn't get
a math nickname.

Your counting
is all out of order.

Look, I'm happy for you.

I just wish I had
a nickname, too,
that's all.

Sweet Matteo,
you only get
a cool nickname

by doing something
no one else can do.

Like stacking things
on top of other things.

But I can do that.

Tut-tut,
my young friend.

I think not.

Got it!

You took the diary?

Yep. Ready to hear
all of Jed's
juicy secrets?

Not-so-fresh gossip
from the 1800s?

No, thank you.

I would rather hang out
with the creepy
crawlspace ghost.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

Touchy, touchy.

"Fifth of May.
Whilst fording the river,
the wheel fell off our wagon."

Ooh, wheel drama?
Tell me more.

"Third of July.
We are stranded in
the middle of the river,

"attempting to grease
the wheel.

"Ninth of August.
Wagon wheel is still..."

What is with
this guy and wheels?

I'll just skip
to his last entry.

"First of September.
The water supply is green,

"the crops have died,
and I have
unwittingly unleashed

"a ghost in
this crawlspace."

That explains a lot.

"I have made
too many mistakes.

"I fear it is time
to move on."

Move on?
Yeah, what does
that mean?

"I have decided
to found a new camp
across the lake

"and to change my name
to something that
shuns failure.

"Something like...
(GASPS)

"Jedediah... Champion."

Champion, as in
Camp Champion?

So Lou's hero
quit Camp Kikiwaka

and started
the camp she hates?

BOTH: Lou can never
find out about this!

Don't worry,
I'm sure Lou has forgotten
about the diary.

Hey guys,
have you seen
that diary?

Nope. Not once.
Not ever.

Well, just once, earlier.

But definitely
not since then.

And besides,
you didn't want
to read it,

and I don't want
to read it, so why
am I still talking?

See, I thought
about what you said

and I realized,
this isn't just a diary.

It's a historical text
from our camp's
founding father.

A founding father
who didn't leave
much more behind

other than
long underwear
in every shade of brown,

and a raccoon skin cap
with the legs still on it.

But we can all learn
from his exemplary life.

So I've decided to give
a small talk to the camp

about the
Jedediah artifacts,

and I'm gonna read
from that diary.

I'm calling it
my Jed Talk.

So, are you sure
you haven't seen
that diary?

I left it right
in this box.

Okay, we did
see the diary.

But...
But...

I was reading it
and then I dropped it.

In the outhouse.
Right down
the out hole.

You brought
the diary inside

a century-old,
broken, rickety,

windowless outhouse,
hmm, to read?

Well, I didn't
get very far...

Duh.

But the part
where he was
dropping off

the first campers at the pool
was surprisingly topical.

You guys, come on.
What really happened
to Jed's diary?

What aren't you
telling me?

(SIGHS)
Honestly, Lou...

Ghost!

Which one?

The old weeping woman
or the small child
with large hands?

Well played.

(MOVIE THEME
PLAYING ON LAPTOP)

No, keep watching
all the credits until
it's completely over.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Okay, it's
completely over.

So, did you love
Star Battles?

Dumb question.
Of course
you loved it.

But how much
did you love it?

Um, so much.

I knew it.
What was your
favorite part?

I guess when
the Swarm Commandos
were firing lasers

and it was all "pew-pew,
pew-pew-pew, pew-pew."

Hold that thought.

I've had to go to
the bathroom
for an hour,

but I didn't want to miss
a moment of you not
missing a moment.

Sorry, Ava.
I just really
have to...

I recognize
a pee-pee dance
when I see one. Carry on.

Hey, Gwen, you okay?

No! I've been
watching Noah's terrible
Star Battles movie.

It was so dumb.

The main character fights
an army of soldiers, but none
of them can take him down?

Then the big bad guy
just fires lightning
out of nowhere.

And what kind of futuristic
weapons make the sound
"pew-pew-pew"?

So not a fan?

Not at all.

The only good thing
is that the movie is over

and I'm done
with Star Battles forever.

(GIGGLES)

Why are you laughing?

Gwen! You should
take a bathroom break, too.

And get food. We'll start in
on the other eight movies
when I get back.

That's why.

What are you doing?

Stacking.
See? I told you
I could do it.

You also said
a stack was just
a "big pile of nothing."

I just wanted
to show you
it could be done

with some
structural engineering
and simple math.

Math? So you cheated?

I didn't cheat.
I did my homework.

So you admit it?

Whoa, looks like
we've got a new
"The Stacker" in town.

Really? I have
a nickname?

No, I'm The Stacker.
The original Stacker.

Read the shirt, people.

Two stackers in one camp,
with such different styles.

What a time to be alive.

Matteo's not
a stacker.
Yes, I am.

The Stacker is right.

Which Stacker
is right?

The... Stacker.
The one who...
I mean, you're both...

(GASPS) We need
a Stack Off.

What's
a Stack Off?

Uh... Obviously, you make
back-to-back stacks

and whoever
stacks the fastest,

stacks the highest,
and whose stack
stays stacked

is the stacker
you wanna back.

Does that track?

I'm in.

Fine. Then so am I.

Prepare to lose.

You prepare
to lose.

No, you prepare
to lose.

No, you prepare
to lose.

No, you prepare
to lose.

Dudes. Save it
for the Stack Off.

This is gonna be
the greatest day ever,

or my nickname isn't...
"The Nickname Giver."

Hello, Gwen.

Hello, Noah?

Are you ready
for the next two movies
of the first trilogy,

that is the best
of all time,

with the possible
exception

of the second
and third trilogies?

You know I am.

Because I told you
I loved the movie,

which set
a sequence of
events in motion

that I now can't escape.

Great! But
before we start,
I got you something

that will make
this viewing
experience perfect...

So, do you love it?

Words cannot express
how I'm feeling
right now.

It's actually
kind of warm.

Duh. You Bok-Boks
live on a desert planet.

Oh, here's a classic.

How does
a Bok-Bok get
from place to place?

You walk-walk.

Get it? Bok-Bok,
walk-walk?

Now you can get
those inside jokes.

Noah, there's something
I need to tell you.

Wait, me first.

I am so happy
I can share this
with you.

Really. It's like
I finally

found someone who gets me.

Okay, what were you
gonna say?

Let's watch-watch.

Get it?

I do, Gwen. I do.

Ava! Destiny!
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

Whoopsie-daisy.
Let me turn
this thing off.

Is that for
your Jed Talk?

(MUSICAL VOICE) Sure is.

Sorry, that was
Auto-Tune.

Still figurin'
this thing out.

And speaking of
figuring things out,

why won't you
give me
Jedediah's diary?

We don't have it,
Lou. I'm sorry.

Very well.

But I promised everyone
a diary reading today

so one way or another,

that's what
they're gonna get.

What does that mean?

Jed Talk.
I just got that.

Welcome, everyone,
to the Jedediah
Heritage Corner.

These artifacts
are a glimpse
into the life

of an
extraordinary man.

May you be as inspired
by him as I am.

Now, I was gonna
read a passage
from Jedediah's diary,

but since that's
gone missing...

I guess I'll just have
to read from a different
diary instead.

(GASPS)
That's my diary.

She won't.
She's bluffing.
She's not gonna.

"Dear diary..."

Ooh, she's gonna.

"...I have a crush
on such a cute boy.

"I guess you could say
there's a real 'fox'
in Koala cabin."

Isn't that a clever
turn of phrase?

Any thoughts
from the audience?

Anything anyone would
like to, hmm, confess?

Just be cool.

Thank goodness
I'm smart enough
not to have a diary.

(GASPS)

Not my book
of personal thoughts
and deepest feelings.

Next up, I will read
the lyrics from a song
entitled Secretly Sensitive.

"A soft gooey center
with a hard candy shell

"Secretly sensitive,
but I'll never tell."

Please stop.

Fine, we read
Jedediah's diary,

but we found
something out

that you definitely
don't want to know.

Seriously? That's why
you're hiding it?

Guys, I know
Jedediah wasn't perfect.

So just tell me what it is.
I promise I won't overreact.

Well, Jedediah
quit Camp Kikiwaka,

and left to start
Camp Champion.

I see.

Hold, please.

LOU: (OVER SPEAKERS)
Jedediah, why?

How could you?

You left the place
I love the most

to create the place
I hate the worst?

(IN MUSICAL VOICE) Why?

Should we tell her
her mike is still on?

She's suffered
enough for one day.

Gwen, there you are.

I was trying to
queue up the eighth
Star Battles for us,

but the Internet
isn't working.

The Internet
isn't working? Weird.

Are those wire cutters?

Nope.

Anyway, I'm super sad
we can't watch
Star Battles today.

I know,
it's a real bummer,
but don't worry.

We still have the
Star Battles novels,

the graphic novels,
the novelizations
of the novels,

my binder with
the interviews

with the cast
about the novels.

No! No, no, no, no!

I can't take it anymore.

I lied, okay?
I hate Star Battles.

You do?

They're horrible.
Why did they film
in such a weird order?

Why do Bok-Boks
have so much fur when they
live on a desert planet?

How can a robot co-pilot
a spaceship but still
only talk in beep-boops?

And was that
that guy's sister?

Why didn't you just
tell me you didn't
like the movies?

Because it was
important to you.

I didn't want to hurt
your feelings.

Well... I guess I did
make it hard for you
to be honest.

I'm sorry.

But the whole point
of all of this

was to get to know
the real you.

Not the "you"
you think
I want you to be.

Are you upset?
Of course not.

You're allowed to have
your own opinions
about Star Battles.

Even if they are
dead wrong.

Thanks, Noah.

Now, what's something
you actually like doing

that you want
to share with me?
We'll do it together.

Oh! Well, in my free time
I've been getting really
into spider hunting.

Seriously?

Come on,
I like spider hunting
under the director's cabin.

And you'll
get to meet
my new friends,

Old Weeping Woman
and Small Child
With Large Hands.

Okay, you guys both know
what's at stack here.

The honor of being known
as the one and only
The Stacker.

So everyone,
stack around

to see who will
stack their claim as...

We get it, Brian.
You like stack-related
wordplay. Get on with it.

Geez! Talk about
a stack-in-the-mud.

Okay. So, ready!
Set! Stack!

No copying.

I'm not gonna
copy your stack.

Says the guy
who copied
my nickname.

Look what
you made me do.
I'm losing my gift.

He's a witch.

Okay, time out.

Look, I didn't want
to compete with you
in the first place.

And I didn't try to
steal your nickname.

Well, you did anyway.

Stacking was my thing,
and you took it
away from me.

Why do you care
so much about it
being "your" thing?

Because I only
have one thing.

You don't know
what it's like to be
Silly Finn all the time.

I finally found
something special
that I can do,

and it turns out
you can do it, too.

You can do lots
of special things.

You're good at
more than you think.

Like taking care
of animals,

identifying smells,

creating smells,

and most importantly
being a good friend.

A better one
than I've been.

You forgot
armpit-farting
the alphabet.

No, I didn't.

I really am sorry
that I accidentally
stole your thing.

I didn't realize
how important
it was to you.

Well, I shouldn't
have been so cocky
in the first place.

You're right,
stacking is just
basic psychics.

It's physics.
You know what?
Close enough.

Maybe Brian was right.
We could both be
The Stacker.

What do you think?

(GASPS)

I would be honored
to take your name.

Hey, Brian. From now on,
Finn and I are both
going to be The Stacker.

Huh? Yeah,
whatever, Matteo.

Have you two has-beens
seen The Hooper?

Does "Has-Been"
qualify as a nickname?

No.

Aww. Did you guys
come to check on me?

We actually
just came for
our diaries.

Cool, cool.

Again, mine's
not a diary.

But I did have
a lot of thoughts
and feelings today

that I need
to write down
in my special book.

Fine, it's a diary.

I'm sorry
for taking them.

And for
my meltdown.

It's just that
Jedediah's
such a big part

of why I wanted
to become
a camp director.

His love for the camp,
his hard work,
his dedication...

But now I know
all of that's a lie.

So what if he
was a terrible
camp director?

You're a great one.

And if he was a part of
making you who you are
in any way,

then it doesn't matter
what else he did.

Because you're our hero.

I am?

Here's Jed's
diary back, if you
still wanna read it.

Thanks.
But I don't think
I need to anymore.

Lou, I think
I know exactly

what should
go in this corner

instead of
a Jedediah tribute.

My picture?

I was gonna say
a karaoke machine.

Cool, cool.

Why are
your clothes on
backwards?

(GASPS) Please don't tell me
I forgot a theme day.
I'll never forgive myself.

"The Stacker"
didn't work out,

so we're trying
to get new nicknames.

So if you could
start calling us

"The Backwards Brothers"
from now on,
that would be great.

I look forward
to not doing that.

And what's going on
over here?

Well, we were
hiding our diaries,

but I guess we'll have
to find a new spot.

You know what?
I'm just not gonna
have feelings.

Happy afternoon
to you, too.

Gwen, you're wrong.

Log-rolling is not
as easy as falling off a log.

It's only falling off a log.

I watched 12 hours of people
trying to stab each other
with giant glow sticks.

There's way more
where that came from.

You know, maybe
scrapping this camp

and starting a new one
isn't such a bad idea.