Original subtitles

♪♪

(WIND HOWLING)

Wow, it's really windy out there.

I know. Matteo flew by like two minutes ago.

I thought he was just waving hi,

but now that I think about it,

he may have been signaling for help.

How could it be this cold in July?

Maybe it's the forest spirits getting revenge.

Did someone take a hike poo and not bury it?

(WIND HOWLING)

(BOTH SIGH)

I was swimming in the lake,

and suddenly the temperature just dropped!

I'm practically frozen.

My hair was still wet.

(HAIR SNAPS) (SCREAMS)

My curl broke off.

Quick, get a cooler,

maybe the doctors can reattach it at the hospital.

Sweetie, it's okay.

It was just one curl. (HAIR SNAPS)

(GASPS QUIETLY)

Yep.

Just like I said, one curl.

(TEARFULLY) What did I do to deserve this?

Have you been on a hike recently?

(QUIETLY) Pooper.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Evening, campers!

(GASPS) I can see my breath.

(WHISPERS) Evening, campers!

Ooh, garlic dogs are fightin' back.

As I'm sure you all have noticed,

it's a bit chilly outside.

Phew. Chili's fightin' back too.

A bit chilly?

This morning, Finn sneezed and it made a snotsicle.

It's true.

Hey, if I drink juice and you make me laugh,

maybe I can do different flavors.

You know, this isn't the first time

a cold snap has happened in Maine.

1816 was known as "the year without summer."

I looked it up.

It was also known as

"The Year the Crops Froze and People Had to Eat Their Clothes,"

AKA "The Summer of Naked."

Matteo, remember what we learned.

(SIGHS)

"Just because we know information

"doesn't mean we share it."

I have arranged for your parents

to send you all winter clothes.

I've also ordered space heaters,

but they're in high demand,

so it might take a while.

In that case, I'm changing into warmer head-shorts.

Guys, let's make the best of this.

Let's think of it as Christmas in July.

(GASPS) Holy sleigh bells!

Even half frozen, I'm still firing on all cylinders.

Everyone, we're gonna celebrate Christmas in July.

(ALL CHEERING)

Why is everyone excited?

Christmas isn't a happy time.

It's for surviving in frigid conditions,

rationing food for the harsh winter.

Gwen, I know for you, winters have been pretty rough,

but Christmas can be the most beautiful, magical time of the year.

I guess there is a certain magic

to watching your pee freeze before it hits the ground.

Can I go outside? I want to try something.

No.

Gwen, aren't you excited for all the cookies, and decorations, and gifts?

Huh? We never did any of those things.

You didn't? (GASPS)

Gwen, I am gonna show you the magic of Christmas.

We are gonna turn this camp into a winter wonderland.

We'll decorate,

we'll have a Christmas show where everybody can do skits and sing songs,

and then we'll have a big ole Christmas party.

A party, of course.

To remember the dead.

No.

We're also gonna need a Christmas tree.

We need to send someone out into the woods to cut us down a fresh one.

Boys, do you think you can handle that?

Cut one? Consider it done.

Come on, Destiny,

Lou wants us to help make decorations.

I'd rather sleep in.

It's too cold.

If you want a fur coat, I can make you one.

You're not gonna recycle that rug

that you made out of a family of possums, are you?

No, this one will be fresh.

Only the best for my girl.

Come on Destiny, let's go.

I'm not going, all right?

Please, just leave me alone. (SCOFFS)

Okay, I get it. You need some space.

You want me to make you a fur coat, Ava?

Oh, Gwen.

I would like nothing less.

Let's just find our tree, and get back before we freeze to death.

There's so many. How are we gonna find the perfect one?

Whoa!

(CHORUS VOCALIZES)

Does anyone else hear angels?

A tree like this makes you believe there's good in the world.

All right, let's chop this sucker down.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm having second thoughts,

which is two more than usual.

Do we have to cut it down?

Well, yeah. We need a Christmas tree.

It seems mean to hurt the tree just to put presents under it.

Trees can't feel pain. Tell him, Matteo.

Well, trees don't have nerve endings,

so no, they can't feel pain.

See?

But it is a living thing,

and you are cutting it off from its root system,

so I guess it would be a little like

the tree was dying of thirst over a slow, agonizing period of time.

See?

Okay, we cannot cut down this tree.

Finn, relax, trees die in the woods all the time.

They get struck by lightning, they get disease...

Think of Christmas as just another disease.

Are you trying to get on the naughty list?

Okay, here we go.

One,

two,

three...

Did he forget what comes after three?

Been there.

Dang it, Finn, you messed with my head.

I can't cut down this beautiful tree.

Yay!

So, I'll become someone who can.

I can take this as a acting challenge.

Tomorrow, I'll come back as a rough-and-tumble guy

who can chop down a tree.

Uh, is this rough-and-tumble guy

going to spend all night trying to find the perfect outfit?

(EXHALES) He sure is.

Look at you all in your red and green.

It's like an elf exploded in here.

Ooh, that got dark real quick.

Speaking of dark, why is Destiny all in black?

Destiny, you came after all.

You ready to get into the Christmas spirit and make some ornaments?

I just came for a snack. Pump the brakes, Tiny Tim.

What partridge got stuck in her pear tree?

You know what? I think I know what's wrong with her now.

I've had it myself.

A wedgie that needed to be medically addressed?

What Destiny has is a classic case of tween angst.

Sleeping in late, thinking everything's uncool,

not wanting to participate.

I used to be that girl.

Uh, "used to"? (CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

All Destiny needs is some tough love.

And if there's one thing I'm good at,

it's doing really nice things in a super-angry way.

Who gave her heart a wedgie?

Hey, Gwen, are you ready for your first glimpse of the magic of Christmas?

I had my mom send me a mess of decorations.

(GASPS)

A Christmas wreath.

To hang on your door to welcome all holiday visitors.

Holly berries? Those are poisonous.

But I guess nothing says "come on in"

like toxic clusters of the devil's jelly beans.

Moving on.

(GASPS) Here it is,

the most magical part of the holidays.

The Hockhauser family

Christmas lights.

It'll definitely take some magic to untangle those.

Don't worry. This won't take too long.

I'll have these hung up in a jiffy.

I didn't know a jiffy was seven hours.

And I didn't know you could get a splinter in your neck.

Look at us learning things.

Gwen, I know winters have been rough for you.

No food, no heat, no lights.

But let what's about to happen symbolize the first steps

in a very merry journey.

Everyone, get ready to have some joy in yo face.

Let there be

light.

ALL: Whoa!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

LOU: Don't... say... anything.

GWEN: Wasn't gonna.

Great news, Destiny.

You and I will be performing Jingle Bells

at the Christmas show tonight.

I know, right?

Yay!

I bet there's a smile under there.

Ava, I don't feel like doing anything,

especially singing Christmas carols.

Can't you just leave me alone again?

No, I will not leave you alone

because I tried that yesterday

and clearly, it hasn't worked.

Besides, I already signed us up.

And let's not forget the true meaning of Christmas.

Doing what I say.

Fine. I will sing in that show with you.

Can't wait.

Wow.

That was a quick turn.

I am good.

Noah, please don't do this.

Shh.

I'm trying to get into Character.

Starting now, I'm no longer Noah,

a counselor who's afraid to chop down this tree.

Wanna know who I am?

Hipster Paul Bunyan?

Forest pirate?

More beard than man?

No, I'm Lumberjack Pete.

That would have been my next guess.

Lumberjack Pete. A man of the woods.

Extremely rugged and outdoorsy.

Now stand back.

As far as I understand it,

I have to use the sharp part.

If we're gonna do it, just get it over with.

Um, fine.

I, um...

I just need to warm up. Hold this.

Uh, Lumberjack Pete,

what's the deal with this axe?

What do you mean?

(AXE SQUEAKING)

Okay.

It's not a real axe, it's just a toy.

I didn't fully commit to my character.

Lumberjack Pete deserves better.

I don't understand.

Why can't you just cut it down?

Because I agree with Finn.

I don't wanna chop down this tree either.

And while we're confessing things,

this beard is also fake.

No!

What?

(SIGHS) You can feel the magic in here.

Everyone's setting up for the party,

just like Santa's elves.

It is truly magical the way Santa's able to get free labor.

Do not ruin elves for me.

What is that?

That, Gwen, is one of the most magical parts of Christmas,

the gingerbread house.

I could definitely go for a snack.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't eat the gingerbread.

You just build with it.

So you make food no one eats,

and then use it to make a house no one lives in?

Well,

eventually, the ants will move in.

Lou,

come on out, we got a tree.

Yay! The boys found a tree.

Just when I thought hope was...

Dead?

What is this?

It's your Christmas tree.

That's it? This thing needs water

and a time machine.

That's because we found it dead.

So everyone wins.

Except for the tree.

And you.

Just so you know, Lou,

we found a perfect green tree that I wanted to cut down,

but Finn and Noah...

Lumberjack Pete.

Let it go, man!

They didn't want to.

Guys,

I am doing my best to show Gwen the magic of Christmas,

and all you hockey pucks had to do was go out there

and cut me down the perfect gosh darn tree.

And I don't wanna see you again until you do.

So get your grizzly butts out there and bring me back some magic!

Well, that doesn't seem very Christmassy.

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... ♪ Live with it!

Wow, look at you!

Are you ready to perform?

Sure am. Can't wait.

Thank you, Ava, for fixing me.

Aw, you're welcome.

Welcome, everyone,

to the first annual Camp Kikiwaka Christmas show.

I hope you all are ready to tap your mistletoes

and have a bell.

I know what you all are thinking,

and no-ho-ho, I'm not stoppin'.

Now, we have a duo from Woodchuck cabin

who are gonna perform a classic Christmas carol.

So take your hands out of your mittens

and put 'em together for Ava and Destiny!

Here's a feel-good Christmas favorite,

and we hope you enjoy it.

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells

♪ Jingle all the way

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh

Take it, Destiny.

♪ Dashing through the snow

♪ In a stupid freezing sleigh

♪ I'd rather be inside

♪ 'Cause I hate Christmas Day...

What are you doing?

♪ I don't wanna wrap

♪ Or help you decorate

♪ No fun it is to force a smile

♪ 'Cause Christmas stinks so great

♪ Oh, jingle bells, cider smells

♪ Ava made me sing

♪ I hate cheer this time of year

♪ And can't stand caroling Oh... ♪

(MUSIC STOPS) Yay!

Thank you, Ava and Destiny.

Gwen, forget you ever heard that.

♪ I hate cheer this time of year

♪ And can't stand caroling ♪

Dang it.

Next up, Stan will regale us with his original one-act play.

"Gold, frankincense

"and myrrh-der"?

Seriously?

What was all that about?

All what?

The hot Yule log you just dropped on stage.

I told you I didn't wanna perform,

but you forced me.

Because I thought it would snap you out

of this tween angst thing you've been going through.

That's not what this is.

You're not getting it. I just don't like Christmas, okay?

(SCOFFS)

So that's a real axe this time, right?

Yeah.

Before you start, may I say a few words?

Of course.

Tree,

big,

green...

Powerful stuff, brother.

Step aside, boys. This has to be done.

One... (WHIMPERING)

...two, three...

Stop!

Did you hear that?

It's coming from the tree.

(WHIMPERING)

(GASPS)

Baby foxes. Three of them.

We can't chop down this tree.

It's their home.

Come on, Matteo, even you have to agree.

I know I've been a staunch proponent of carrying out our duties,

but I have to admit,

it could disrupt what appears to be a very delicate ecosystem.

And in addition,

(IN BABY VOICE) look at their wittle baby faces.

So what do we do?

Lou says we can't have Christmas without a tree.

It's July.

We're gonna have Christmas without December.

I say we start a new tradition.

And I have an idea.

It doesn't involve Lumberjack Pete, does it?

Well, it doesn't now.

Hi.

Hi.

You okay?

Yeah.

Is everyone still talking about what I did back there?

No.

They have bigger problems to worry about now.

Stan is doing his three wise men murder mystery.

And I think we're about to find out one of the camels did it.

(SIGHS) I just wanna hibernate this week.

Until all this Christmas stuff is over.

Can you tell me what's really going on?

Why do you hate Christmas so much?

Well... (SIGHS)

I used to love it.

Christmas is a really special time for me and my family.

My grandpa and I always baked Christmas cookies

and decorate the tree together.

And go sledding. My favorite.

He sounds awesome.

Yeah.

When I was little, and scared to go down the hill, he'd say,

(VOICE BREAKING) "Don't worry, sweet pea, I'm here."

And...

now he's not.

He passed away this year.

Oh, Destiny. I'm so sorry.

Me too.

I've been dreading Christmas because

it doesn't seem right to celebrate without him.

And do all the fun things that he loved that

(SHUDDERING) he's not here to do anymore.

(SIGHS) And then Christmas came early and I...

Well, you saw.

I wasn't ready.

(SOBBING SOFTLY)

You really miss him, huh?

I do.

You... You wanna tell me what he was like?

Well...

(SIGHS)

Instead of snowball fights, (CHUCKLES) we had fruit cake fights.

He said, "It's all that stuff's good for."

Sounds like my kind of grandpa.

Tell me more.

Okay.

He made the best snowmen.

One day, we just stayed outside...

I'm so sorry that everything I've shown you so far

has been disappointing.

But everyone has worked so hard

putting up lights and decorating for the party.

And they are all in there waiting for us.

When you see this,

you will finally understand the true magic of Christmas.

(EXHALES) Behold.

I'm so excited.

What am I beholding?

What in the Kris Kringle happened in here?

Where are all the lights, the decorations, the presents?

(SNICKERS)

(CACKLING)

Lou, are you okay?

(LAUGHING) I am fine.

Why wouldn't I be?

Well, because it's like your mouth

is laughing at a joke that your eyes didn't hear.

All I've been trying to do all week

is show you the magic of Christmas.

And just when I'm about to make the big reveal,

the whole party is stolen by some

hall decking, bell jingling, tinsel tossing,

maid a-milkin', rotten piece of peppermint bark!

(GASPS) Pardon my French!

It's okay, Lou.

You don't have to show me how magical Christmas is.

If you believe it, that enough.

(SIGHS)

I'm starting to wonder if I do believe it anymore.

(INHALES) I mean, look around.

Who would do something like this?

Maybe we'll find out if we follow this trail of tinsel.

What makes you say that?

That sign that says, "Follow this trail of tinsel"?

Well, well, well.

Looks like I'm about to put my stocking

right in some thief's Christmas ham.

I don't know what that means, but I look forward to finding out.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Uh...

What's going on?

Well...

We still couldn't make ourselves cut down this tree.

But we knew this tree would be perfect for your party,

so we brought the party to the tree.

Are you mad?

Guys,

this is so beautiful.

A little heads up would've been nice

so I didn't almost candy cane y'all in the rump roast.

But still,

so beautiful.

(GASPS) Destiny, you came.

I'm not staying. I just had a present for the toy drive.

Well, before you go,

we have a little something for you.

We were gonna leave it under the tree

but since you're here...

(THUDS)

You got me a present?

Ava had the idea.

And she asked for my help to make it.

Go ahead. Open it.

(GASPS)

A sled.

Look, I know you don't feel right

celebrating Christmas without your grandpa

'cause he's not here,

but, maybe if you kept doing all those things he used to love,

then, in a way, he is still here.

In the wonderful memories you have of him.

That's why we added this.

"Don't worry, sweet pea, I'm here."

(SIGHS)

And there's no rush to use it.

You're ready when you're ready.

And, of course, when there's snow.

But from what you told me,

your grandpa doesn't seem like the kind of guy

who'd want you to spend Christmas sad.

No, he wasn't.

He'd want me to be happy. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

And so do we.

This the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten

in any month. (CHUCKLES)

Love you.

What's this feeling?

It's like my internal organs are wrapped in fuzzy blankets,

and I'm really warm inside but I also have goosebumps.

Is this a curse?

Was I the hike pooper?

No, Gwen.

You're finally feelin' it.

Feeling what?

The magic of Christmas.

I got so caught up in showing you all the bells and whistles,

lights, and gingerbread houses.

but that's not really what it's about.

It's about this.

That joy of giving.

Oh.

I see now.

And you were right.

It's amazing.

Can we have Christmas every month?

(CACKLING)

Every month!

(HIGH-PITCHED) She wants to do every month. Every month...

I get it. I get it. (PANTS)

Twice a year's enough.

Okay, time to light up the tree.

Lou, do you wanna do the honors?

I don't know. I'm not very good at this sort of thing.

Okeydoke. I'll do it.

No, I wanna. Gimme, gimme.

ALL: Whoa!

Whoa!

Awesome!

I'm so proud of us.

This is magical.

It's snowing!

I can't believe it.

Wanna go pick out a good hill for sledding?

Only if you think you're ready.

Yeah. I am.

Merry Christmas, Grandpa.

I love the snow.

I hope it stays this cold for a few more days.

(SNEEZES)

Me too.

Snotsicles!