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THEA: Ready, B?

BILLIE: Ready, T.

THEA: Okay.

BILLIE: This is the story of
our most excellent dads.

I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.

And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.

BOTH: And we're Wyld Stallyns!

BILLIE: This was probably
the first time you saw 'em.

BOTH: Let's rock!

THEA: And this
was probably the last.

BILLIE: Not long
before we were born,

they were told
they were gonna write a song

that was gonna
unite the entire world.

THEA: Which they thought
they had done

with their hit single...

Those Who Rock.

BILLIE: Not only did it not
unite the world,

but the band fell apart.

And our dads, alone now,
were trying harder and harder.

THEA: But the problem was,
the harder Dads tried...

BILLIE: The less interested

people seemed to be
in their music.

THEA: Not only was it wearing
on them and on the family...

BILLIE: But the universe
they were told

they were gonna
bring together...

THEA: Was actually
starting to unravel.

BILLIE: Yeah, time was folding in on itself.

It was bad.

What, what?

THEA: Totally, dude.

Make some noise!

BILLIE: Anyways, this is how
we got to where we are now.

BILL: Hello,
friends and loved ones.

Let us welcome you,
one and all

to this
most joyous of occasions!

Ted and I have known Missy
in different capacities

for many decades.

First, she was our babysitter
when we were ten.

Then we both invited her
to the prom

when she was a senior
and we were freshmen.

BILL: Yeah!

Two years later,
she married my dad

and Missy became Mom.

After divorcing Bill's dad,
she married my dad

and became my mom.

Yeah.

And now she's marrying
Ted's little brother,

Officer Deacon Logan.

Yeah.

Missy, Bill and I,

along with my beautiful wife,
Elizabeth,

and our daughter, Billie...

And my beautiful wife, Joanna,
and our daughter, Thea,

all wanna welcome you back...

BOTH: With open arms.

This happy event
would seem to make

Deacon his own father-in-law

and Ted his own uncle.

Not to mention making my dad
his own son.

BILL: And with that
beautiful thought in mind,

for your first dance,

we wish to present you
with a matrimonial offering.

A sneak peek
at the world premiere

of our newest sonic creation.

We're not sure
if this is going to be

the song
that unites the world.

We're pretty sure it might.

-At least we hope.
-Yeah.

Sure to be another real doozy
from the Wyld Stallyns.

BILL: Check one, two.

Let's dance,
Freaky Deaky.

You got it, Kissy Missy.

Oh, shh.
Your dad used to call me that.

Totally aware of that, babe.

Please enjoy the first
three movements of...

That Which
Binds Us Through Time...

The Chemical, Physical, and
Biological Nature of Love...

An Exploration of
the Meaning of Meaning.

Part One.

-Ready, Bill?
-Ready, Ted.

-One.
-Two.

BOTH: One, two, three, four.

Dad, I've told you
a thousand times,

Bill and I
have to keep going till...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Till your
music unites the world.

Chief Logan, the people
in the future told us...

Bill, Bill, Bill,
you didn't time-travel.

TED: We did.

Your wives
aren't from medieval England.

BILL: They are.

LOGAN: And you didn't go
to Heaven and Hell.

We did!

-You didn't!
-BILL: We did!

And you know why?

Because it's impossible.

Here's a real idea
for you two.

Here it comes, dude.

Get real jobs.

Be role models
to your daughters.

Oh, never mind.

You are.

They're 24,
they live at home

and they're unemployed.

You remember
when you used to call them

"Little Bill," "Little Ted"?

We thought
it was cute, Gramps.

BILL: Hey.

Yeah. Well, it turned out
to be a curse.

All I ever see them do is
sit around, listen to music.

That is our primary activity,

-definitely.
-Yeah.

You guys okay?

Joanna, Elizabeth,

how do you feel about being

the only adults
in your families?

The only ones
with actual jobs?

Let's pack up.

-JOANNA: Don't listen to him.
-TED: Ouch.

I really appreciate you
doing this.

I know it wasn't your choice.

Of course, Jo.

I really want this
to work for both of us.

Yeah.

Oh, hey.

How's it goin', dude?

Good, dude.

-ELIZABETH: Hi!
-TED: Hey, Jo.

Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry,
is this the right day?

Yeah, totally.

So, do you understand
why this situation

might seem at all strange
to your wives?

No. Not at all.
Why?

Well, when your wives
suggested couples therapy,

do you think that this is
what they had in mind?

Well, definitely.

I mean, we're
a couple of couples, right?

-That is true.
-Yeah.

But usually,
with couples therapy,

it just means one couple.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

DR. WOOD: Well, but, you know,
we're here,

so let's work with that.

-Yes?
-BILL: Yeah.

Okay, great.

Um...

Ted, is there something
you feel

your wife needs to hear
from you?

Yeah. Totally.

We love you guys.

Ah, that is good, dude.

DR. WOOD: In a way, yes.

I mean,
it is great to feel loved.

But do you understand

how that might sound strange
to your wives?

I'll shoot this at Bill.

No.

I mean, we love 'em.

DR. WOOD:
Oh. "We love them."

-Yeah.
-Yeah. We do.

Okay. It's the "we" part.

Um... Ted, can you say
the same thing,

but instead of "we,"
say "I" in the sentence.

-Oh. Yeah.
-DR. WOOD: Okay.

Of course.

Okay.

-Elizabeth?
-ELIZABETH: Yes.

I and Bill love you
and Joanna.

ELIZABETH: Okay.

Dude,
with all due respect,

I don't think
you're quite getting this.

Go for it, dude.

Okay.

I'm gonna do one.

Yes, go for it, dude.

-Great.
-Okay.

-Joanna?
-Mmm-hmm?

From the very,
very bottom of I

and Ted's hearts,

I and Ted
totally love and worship you

and Elizabeth.

Perfect, dude.

Ah, awesome, dude, thanks.

Joanna, would you or Elizabeth
like to respond to that?

Oh, well...

Would you...

Well, it has been tough
for us.

At home.

You know, it's been so hard
watching you

beat your heads
against the wall for 25 years

and I'm not sure
how much longer

we can keep going on
like this.

What?

DR. WOOD: Well...

Bill, Ted,

I'd love to spend
the last part

of this session
with your wives.

Alone?

Yes, alone.

Right. Okay.

JOANNA: We'll see you
at home, okay?

ELIZABETH:
Okay. All right, then.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

TED: Dude, did you know
they felt that way?

BILL: We have to fix this.

The thing is,
they're right, Bill.

They're princesses.

Yeah.

We pulled them out of their
lives to be here with us.

And they didn't come
all this way for this.

That's why we gotta
keep working, dude.

But isn't that the problem?

Yeah.

But it's also the solution.

Yeah. I guess.

Dude, this is transcendent.

Is this Fillmore '66?

No, Monterey Pop, '67.

That second sound check
where they did that riff

on Amazing Grace.

BOTH: How's it goin', Dads?

BOTH: How's it goin', girls?

BILLIE: How was therapy?

-It went okay. Yeah.

Hey, Dad, by the way,
Gramps was wrong.

The wedding song
was most luminous.

Oh, thank you, B.

Glad you dug it, Billie.

THEA: No, seriously,
Uncle Ted,

when did you get so excellent
on theremin?

Your playing rivaled,
and I'm not kidding,

Clara Rockmore.

Aw, thanks, T.

Clara Rockmore
was definitely an inspiration.

Yeah.

-And, Uncle Bill!
-BILL: Yeah.

The throat singing, I mean,

it was a whole new level
of eloquence.

Some serious buga khoomei.

Whoa.

Your musical acumen
is most impressive, girls.

Hey, Dad,
good luck on the song.

You got this.

What is it, Ted?

Liz is right.

We have been banging our heads
against a wall for 25 years.

And I'm tired, dude.

Ted.

We have a destiny to fulfill.

TED: Yeah.

And think
about our fans, dude.

Bob and Wendy
will totally understand.

Eileen we haven't heard from
for several years.

Bill?

What?

I went into
Cyrus Adler Music yesterday.

He said he'd give me $6,400
for the Les Paul.

Are you saying...

Yeah.

I think I am.

Yeah.

BOTH: Yeah.

BOTH: Whoa!

Dude! Dude!

It's the future!

Greetings,
my excellent friends.

Do we know you?

I'm Kelly.

Wait, you're Rufus' daughter!

I am.

And I've been wanting to
meet you my whole life.

It must be very disappointing.

Not at all.

We have a problem, gentlemen.

Potentially,
a very serious problem.

About the music?

About the music.
They just wanna talk to you.

Mmm-hmm.

Dude, I got a very bad feeling
about this.

It'll be fine, Ted.

They totally love us
in the future, dude.

BOTH: Whoa!

Dude, our dads
are totally in trouble.

I feel so bad for 'em.

They've been doing this
on their own

for the longest time.

Yeah, I wish
there was some way

we could help 'em out,
you know?

Yeah. But how?

BOTH: Whoa!

-Dude.
-Yeah?

The future.

Yeah.

BOTH: Rufus.

Greetings,
my excellent friends.

What you're looking at is the original phone booth...

Gentlemen?

...that I used on my first
visit to the Great Ones

way back in 1989.

The prophecy tells us...

THE GREAT LEADER:
Bill and Ted.

Step forward.

How's it goin'...

Great Ones?

It's, uh...

It's good to be back.

What have you got to say
for yourselves?

Be...

excellent to each other.

And party on, dudes.

Yeah.

Twenty-five years ago,

Wyld Stallyns played a concert

at the Grand Canyon.

That's true.

One month ago,

you played the Elks Lodge

in Barstow, California,
for 40 people,

most of whom were there only
because it was $2 taco night,

whatever the hell that means.

-Well, yeah. We did!
-Yeah. We did!

You were supposed to
unite the world in song.

According to her father,

a song
created by Preston/Logan...

That's us, dude.

...at a concert performed
by everyone in the band

at 7:17 p.m.

at MP 46,

that's tonight,

will save reality
as we know it,

uniting humanity
across all time.

Wait...

I'm sorry.

What?

Did you say,

"Reality as we know it"?

ALL: Yes!

BOTH: Oh.

BOTH: Whoa.

THE GREAT LEADER:
We need to hear the song

in 77 minutes and 25 seconds.

You have
everything you require.

Get to work.

Dude, they totally hate us.

And I've never even
heard of MP 46.

Yeah.

Kelly!

How does a song save reality?

That I can't tell you,
but it has to.

Somehow.

The Great Turntable
is tipping.

That there is the center
of space and time.

San Dimas 700 years ago,
7:17 p.m.

My father believed
that the song

could be the nexus point
that brings

humanity into rhythm
and harmony.

How?

KELLY: We only discovered
this recently, but without it,

reality will collapse,

and time and space
will cease to exist.

So until 7:17 p.m...

Anything is possible.

And after 7:17 p.m.?

Without the song,
there is no after 7:17 p.m.

This was my dad's.
He'd want you to have it.

It'll help keep track
of the time in San Dimas.

TED: "Sometimes
things don't make sense..."

"...until the end
of the story."

That's what my dad
always said.

I'll leave you to it?

Okay.

Now alls we gotta do

is write the greatest song
ever written.

That brings the entire world
into rhythm and harmony.

And saves reality
as we know it.

All through...

time.

Dude.

We've spent our whole life

trying to write the song
that will unite the world.

What makes us think we can
write it in, like, 75 minutes?

Ted, we had to have written
that song.

The people in the future
told us we did.

Yeah. I guess.

Which means
we have it in us, dude.

Maybe we just haven't
written it yet.

Maybe we're still gonna.

Well, if we haven't
written it yet,

but we know
we're gonna at some point,

why can't we just
go to the future

when we have written it?

And take it from ourselves!

Yeah!

Ted! You have had many

counterintuitive ideas
over the years,

but this is by far

the counterintuitivest
of them all, dude!

Except, won't that be stealing?

How is that stealing

if we're stealing it
from ourselves, dude?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

BILL: I hope it still works.

TED: Yeah.

How far into our future
do you think we gotta go?

It depends on when we think
we wrote that song.

Let's be conservative.
Say, two years?

Sounds good, Ted.

Then, once we get the song,

we'll go back home
to right before we left.

And then what?

Unite the world
and save reality, dude.

-Bill, my friend.
-Yes, Ted, my friend?

I have a feeling
things are about to change

in a most outstanding way.

I could not agree more.

You okay, dude?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.

Let's go say hello to
ourselves and get that song.

It's a rusty bucket, dude.

50-YEAR-OLD BILL AND TED:
To those who rock

Over here, dude.

They say
we're talking the talk

But we're walking the walk

BILL: Wait. We're playing
Those Who Rock?

Here?

...rock, yeah!

We are those who rock

Everybody!

We are those who rock

Clap your hands now!

We are those who rock

Yeah, rock!

Oh, dude, that's us!

Don't look
and they won't see us, dude!

Bill, wait!

50-YEAR-OLD BILL:
Go, go, go!

-Almost at the van!
-Hey, us's, stop!

Oh, hello!

We totally forgot
you were coming.

-Yeah.
-How great to see you.

What are you talking about?
You totally ran away from us.

Look, guys, we know exactly
what you're thinking.

Why would we be playing
Open Mic Night at 6:15 p.m.

when, in fact, we have become
such huge rock stars again.

Yeah.

50-YEAR-OLD TED:
Here's the answer.

-Yeah.
-Us being here

is humorously ironic.

Do you believe us?

No.

Not at all.

Well, I feel sorry
for you, then.

Dude,
I think we came too early.

These other us's
don't have the song.

Why don't you go
write it yourselves

instead of trying
to steal it from us?

You're the one
who couldn't write it, Ted.

Well, you're the one
who lost his wife, Ted.

BOTH: What?

What are you talking about?

Here's what happened, Bill.

After you failed
couples therapy,

Liz and Jo were visited by
other thems from the future

who gave them a phone booth

and sent them all
through time and space

looking for just one life

where they could be happy
with you!

50-YEAR-OLD TED:
And guess what?

BOTH: They didn't find one!

And now we've been alone
for two years

'cause you sent
our wives away.

BOTH: No way.

BOTH: Yes way!

Our wives have been gone
for two years

and you didn't do anything
about it?

Oh, you did, all right.

You went back
and you made it worse!

50-YEAR-OLD TED:
And guess what else?

Your daughters
won't even talk to you.

What?

-You're a dick, Ted.

-You want a piece of me, Ted?
-Ted, he's not worth it!

Hey! He's not worth it, dude.
We gotta go.

Yeah!
And save our marriages.

Losers! Has-beens!

-TED: Whatever!
-Stop fighting with yourself!

Flashes in the pans!

50-YEAR-OLD BILL:
Stop fighting with yourself!

That did not go well.

Yeah. And your you is
a very contentious dickweed.

Bill, we gotta go back
and talk with Liz and Jo.

On it, dude.

Please, Mother,
Dad said Preston/Logan

and everyone in the band
will unite...

I remember what he said.
Every word.

Well, then,
give them a chance.

I gave them a chance

and everything they could
possibly need,

but they bolted.

Kelly,

you know your father and I
agreed on everything,

but there are
other interpretations

of the information
he was acting on.

I'm aware of that.

Many on the council believe
that it is, in fact,

the death of Bill and Ted

that will bring the new epoch.

Well, I disagree
with that completely!

That's atrocious!

Well, maybe someday
when you're the Great Leader,

you can make the decisions

that will affect
all time and space.

You could just say "Leader."

-So pretentious.
-Is it ready?

LEAD SCIENTIST: Yes,
Great Leader. It should be.

THE GREAT LEADER: "Should be"?

LEAD SCIENTIST: Is.

Madam.

Do you know who I am?

Yes, Great Leader.

You know what to do.

You must not fail.

Must...

not...

fail.

I cannot believe you're gonna
kill Bill and Ted!

Dad would be so mad at you.

We're out of options, Kel.

The unravelling
has already begun.

Future dude! You're back?

I'm looking for your fathers.
Have they been here?

THEA: No.

BILLIE: Where are our dads?

They're in a tribulation,
aren't they?

They are.

Listen, you didn't see
a scary-looking robot

from the future, did you?

Oh, what? No.

My mom, who overreacts
about everything

-just sent one.
-To get our dads?

Don't worry.
I won't let that happen.

Well, we're trying
to help 'em, too.

Hey.

Hey, this can go, like...

like, anywhere, right?
Like, all throughout time?

That's correct,
but I need to stay.

My guess is that
my mom's emissary

will be looking for them here.

BILLIE: Well,

Thea and I were gonna help
our dads with their music

by putting together
samples for 'em.

Yeah, but now it appears

we could put together
an actual band.

BILLIE: I mean, it's just
them, and they're all alone!

THEA: Hey, so, do you mind

while you stay here and wait
for the scary-looking robot,

you could show us
how to use the booth?

Dude, we gotta remember.

Make it better, not worse!

TED: Yeah.
I hope they're still there.

It's just that the job that
they've been given, it is...

-Impossible.
-...impossible.

-Joanna!

-Elizabeth!
-ELIZABETH: Hi!

BOTH: We need to talk to you.

Oh, and we're back.

This is super important,
Dr. Wood.

We just saw ourselves
two years in the future.

Wait, you're
time-travelling again?

Only to save reality
as we know it.

Okay. Maybe...

BILL: But we just found out
something way worse.

-You're leaving us.
-JOANNA: What?

-What? No, we're not.
-No, are we?

Yes. You are.

Yeah. And you have real
good reason to, Jo.

TED: 'Cause
we seriously appear

to be living in our van.

Oh, dude, we are totally
living in that van.

And I'm drinking way too much.

Darling, you don't even drink.

-TED: Not yet.

But I'm going to. A lot.

-ELIZABETH: What?
-Yeah. And the lying.

You cannot believe
what liars we are.

Yeah, desperate, pathetic,
lying losers.

Oh, no!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Okay, let's stop for a moment

and take notice
of the dynamic.

Uh, threatened by the thought
of losing your...

Princesses.

Sure. That's a word.

No, we actually
are princesses.

We were born in 1410.
1408.

Okay.
What about us leaving you?

BILL: Oh, man.

That's totally why we're here.

Yeah. To prove that we're not

the losers
we just saw we were.

Even though those loser us's
tried to tell us

not to come and talk to you.

Yeah. Like we were somehow
gonna make it worse.

But we're not
making it worse, right?

Elizabeth?

-Joanna?
-JOANNA: Hmm?

TED: Dr. Wood?

Huh?

Dude,
we totally made it worse.

-We'll be back.
-TED: And make it better.

When you say 1408,
you mean the year...

-Oh, one last thing.
-Yeah.

Older yous from the future
are just about to show up

to take you on a trip

in search of a happy life
with us.

Don't go. 'Cause you're not
gonna find one.

Yeah, but you're gonna go.

-So, don't go.
-So, go?

No. I guess, go.

BOTH: We love you guys.

We're gonna fix it.

That went terrible, dude.

Two years forward
was clearly not enough.

Let's try five this time.

Dude, I miss Liz already.

Hang in there, Ted.

Things are about to get
a whole lot better.

What time is it, dude?

TED: Fifty-eight minutes.

Okay, let's go.

Actually, we have to go, too.

Right. Those older us's
they referred to are outside.

I'm a little bit nervous

to time-travel again,
to be honest.

As am I.
We haven't time-traveled

in more than two decades.

-JOANNA: No, I know.
-You know what, ladies?

I'd like to recommend
we see each other

a minimum of two to three,

five days a week.

-All right, then.
-Lovely, lovely. Thank you.

DR. WOOD: No. No.

No!

It worked.

Most indubitably.

BILLIE: You sure this is it?

Uh, excuse me,
Mr. Jimi Hendrix?

Can I just say it is an honor
to be in your presence, dude?

I mean, Electric Ladyland,
what can we even say?

Who are you two?

Oh. Um...

Willamina "Billie" S. Logan,
and Thea "Theodora" Preston.

Yeah. We're here for our dads
to help them unite the world.

Like, no exaggeration,
literally unite the world.

By putting together
a killer band for 'em,

and we had to start
with you, dude.

So, question...

how would you like to be a key
part of this epochal song?

No.

Dude, we have to have
Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah.

But how are we gonna get him
to be in a band

with people he hasn't
even heard of?

Well, okay.

Who's somebody
he has heard of?

LOUIS ARMSTRONG:
Oh, when the saints

Go marching in

Oh, when the saints
go marching in

Well, I want to be
in that number

Oh, when the saints
go marching in

All right, all right,
all right. All right.

Can I help you, young ladies?

Uh, we're so sorry.

Please excuse us,
Mr. Armstrong, sir.

Uh...

Might we have a word with you?

THEA:
So, that is Amazing Grace

played by a Mr. Jimi Hendrix.

Who's in the band.

And specifically requested
your presence, so...

THEA: And here's why.

Your improvisations,
obviously influenced

by Bunk Johnson
and King Oliver...

Yeah, but ultimately
sui generis.

...totally inspired him, sir.

You gotta come
see this, fellas.

MAN: What you got there, Lou?

BILLIE: You liberated
all music, dude.

MAN:
Hey, what's that doohickey?

BILL: Damn it!

We did it!

Dude, look at where we live!

One song did all this?

Ted, what if it wasn't
just one song?

What if after we wrote it
and saved the universe,

a dam broke and the songs
just kept comin' and comin'?

Oh, yeah.

53-YEAR-OLD BILL: Hello!

Younger us's, hello!

-Hello!
-Hello!

This time,
we were expecting you.

Yes, and unlike those
sad Open Mic blokes

from three years ago...

We are now finally able

to muster some compassion
for them.

...we actually do have...

BOTH: ...the goods.

To your futures.

-We did it, dude.
-Yeah!

ALL: Cheers!

So, uh, why do you both have
English accents?

Ah. Funny story. Please.

Once Bill and I were knighted,

things got so good
with Liz and Jo

that we decided, as families,

to start summering
in medieval England.

And I suppose it just
bloody well rubbed off!

And I can't say how chuffed
we are about it.

BOTH:
That is such a relief!

I must say,

as much as I disliked
those previous us's,

I like these us's.

Yeah. I didn't have
a big problem

with that other me,

but I do like this other me
even more.

Yeah.

Enough talking, mates.

Are you ready...

...for everything...

BOTH: ...to change?

Whoa.

That is truly...

the most amazing song...

I have ever heard.

TED: It's great.

Honestly, I wouldn't have
thought we had it in us.

Ah.

But you do!

And now it's time...

to get it out to the world.

Yeah!

I'll never forget you,
Sir Bill.

Right back at you,
Billie boyo.

So long, I guess.

And thanks!

Yeah.

So long.

53-YEAR-OLD BILL: Tallyho!

Marvelous!

BILL: Ted, why were you acting
so weird with yourself, dude?

I don't know. I always seem
to act weird with myself.

Yeah, you do!
You gotta get over that, dude.

We got the song!

BOTH: Dave Grohl!

Who are you guys?

What're you doin' in my house?

BOTH: Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Now we'll wait
for those other us's

to go back
and change everything.

To our lives
getting a whole lot better.

Yeah.

Ted, seriously, slow down
on the vodka, dude.

You guys totally lied to us!

Why haven't you taken the song
back to San Dimas?

Maybe 'cause it's not
our song!

Poppycock!

It's Dave Grohl's!

And he's outside right now
calling the cops.

Ted, I told you

Dave Grohl came back
this week.

Totally thought
he came back next week.

What were you guys
even thinking?

Just 'cause you two couldn't
come up with a great song...

And Dave Grohl did!

...doesn't mean we should
be punished for that.

We're not gonna do it.

You have to!

It's your only chance
to get our wives back.

You were lying about that?

Of course we were lying.

Oh, man.

Yeah, they don't want anything
to do with you!

'Cause they traveled
all through time

and finally realized
you are losers.

Yeah, 'cause you make
bad choices!

Like this!

Now, take the song!

Guys, seriously,

you don't have to
pull guns on us.

Yeah? Watch what happens
when we don't.

See?

I have to admit, Bill.
You were right.

Ted!

-You have to do it.
-Yeah!

-Our life is hell!
-Yeah!

And if you don't go back
and change it...

Change it!

This ends now.
The lies, the delusions.

I'm done with him.
I'm done with both of them.

You're not
gonna kill Ted, Dad.

He broke into
Dave Grohl's house!

Dad, slow down.

We don't have
the whole story yet.

BOTH: Can't get away from us,
Bill and Ted.

Ted, they're right.
They're us.

They remember
everything we're gonna do!

That means
we gotta do something

we can't possibly remember.

Shoot 'em.

Oh, no.
They're gonna do the thing.

I was hoping

they wouldn't remember
that this time.

No one leaves the building.

BILL: Dude, what do we do?

TED: No idea,
that's the point!

BILL: I'm confused!

TED: Me, too!

Ted, that totally worked!

Yeah. Maybe we should always
not know what we're doing.

Time?

TED: Forty-seven minutes.

All right, we gotta keep going
further into the future.

At some point,
we must've written that song.

-Try in five years.
-Okay.

Dude.

What's that?

BILL: I don't know.

But it's most alarming.

-Bill?
-I'm tryin', dude.

-Bill?
-Almost there, dude.

Bill!

I got it!

Come on! You again? I said no.

To us. But I bet
you can't say no to this man.

Mr. Jimi Hendrix,
meet Mr. Louis Armstrong.

That lick you played
was the cat's meow, man.

It's blues, but also...

What's the word you used,
young ladies?

-BOTH: Psychedelic.
-Psychedelic.

Exactly.

Very funny, whoever you are.

Louis Armstrong's,
like, 65 years old.

Dude, dude, I told you

we should've gotten
older Louis.

It was your idea, too!

Well, the young ladies
picked me up in 1922, Jim.

Which supports both that
we're putting together

a most extraordinary band...

Yeah. And that we are doing so

by traveling
all throughout time.

Come on, give me a break.

He dug that jive, hey?

LOUIS ARMSTRONG:
Potato Head Blues?

What kind of title is that?

BILLIE: A definitive one,
Mr. Armstrong.

LOUIS ARMSTRONG:
So, what you're all saying

is that you love a song
that I wrote in my future?

Which is in your past.

But we're all here
in this present.

Which is actually the past?

Exactly, gentlemen.

Fascinating.

HerrMozart.
Now we're talkin'.

Yeah!
Hey, Wolfie.

Jimi.

Dude, the future totally
sent a killer robot after us.

That's why we gotta find
the song, dude.

58-YEAR-OLD BILL AND TED:
Hopeless,

helpless dying breath.

PRISONERS: Hopeless,
helpless dying breath.

This can't possibly be
the song, dude.

-58-YEAR-OLD TED: Pain!
-PRISONERS: Pain!

-58-YEAR-OLD BILL: Death!
-PRISONERS: Death!

58-YEAR-OLD BILL:
Welcome to...

ALL: ...the end!

BOTH: No way!

-Enough! Stop!
-Enough! Stop!

Come forward.

BOTH:
How's it goin', Bill and Ted?

How'd you like our song?

-Is that a song?
-Yes!

It's a little
on the dark side,

but, you know, that's cool.

Why are you guys in prison?

Oh, maybe because
you guys left us

to take the fall
five years ago.

Ah. That's funny,
'cause for us

it's only, like,
five minutes ago.

-58-YEAR-OLD TED: Huh?
-So, we'll be leaving now.

You're not goin' anywhere,
pretty boy.

58-YEAR-OLD BILL:
We've been waiting for years

to make things right.

But everything's
gonna be different.

'Cause unlike those last us's,
we actually have a song.

Is it a song?

BOTH: Yes!

Bill, Ted, seriously,
we can't take that song back.

Oh, you're not taking it back,
Curly.

We're taking it back!

You're gonna stay here
and rot

and we're gonna go get lives
and our wives back!

And unite the world!

And save reality!

-BOTH: You are?
-BOTH: Yes!

Freeze, Preston/Logan.

You know what happens
if he kills them, dude.

He kills us, dude.

Hold on!

You want some
Bill and Ted, punk?

Get him!

That was not a song.

BOTH: Hmm?

You're being a rotten idiot!

TED: That was horrible, dude.

Those are the worst
us's yet, dude!

Yeah. They did
save us, though.

Yeah.

BOTH: Oh, no!

-Jo!
-Liz!

-ELIZABETH: Oh, hi!
-BOTH: How's it goin'?

-Good.
-Oh, my God, is that you?

-BILL: No, no, no!
-TED: We love you guys.

-BILL: You've gotta go.
-TED: You should probably go.

-JOANNA: All right.
-ELIZABETH: Okay.

-We're gonna fix it!
-ELIZABETH: I got it.

Oh, good Lord.
Oh, good heavens.

Dude, what now?

The watch says
sometimes things

don't make sense
till the end of the story.

TED: So?

Maybe we gotta go all the way
to the end to find out, Ted.

-Most... non-triumphant.

Pull yourself together.

-You're a robot!

THE GREAT LEADER: Get to where
they're going next and wait.

We are running out of time.

BILLIE: The myth of Ling Lun
turns out to be true, T.

THEA: I know. And she's a she.

LING LUN: Oh.

Hey,
you wanna be in our band?

- Yeah.
-LING LUN: Oh.

THEA: Grom.
You're gonna love her.

BILLIE: Ling Lun says she's the
greatest drummer of all time.

MOZART: What?

THEA: Hello. Excuse me. Hi.
Miss... Miss Grom...

Well, I'm trying to save
the world, too, Mother.

It's not like your
generation's done that great.

It's getting worse and worse
here, if you were wondering.

Ah. Well, the Sahara Desert

just showed up
in San Dimas, Mother.

Queen Elizabeth

-is looking right at it.

No. No, I'm not
gonna tell you where I am.

Because how do I know
you won't send

your killer robot
after me, Mom?

I gotta go, Mom.

This is bad.
This is really happening.

What's happening?

BOTH: Whoa! Kid Cudi!

THEA:
Hey, how's it goin', dude?

Can someone please tell me
what the hell is happening?

Basically, all time and space
are about to end

unless their dads come up
with a song by 7:17 p.m.

-Wait. What?
-Wait. What?

We thought this was
about the music.

It is. It's also about
the end of space and time.

Dude, this is way worse
than we thought.

So, this is some kind of error
in our holographic dual field?

Or is it a Wilsonian loop

causing a temporal
singularity?

Well, seems to me your

classical tautological
causal circuit.

I don't know. Seems like
textbook entanglement to me.

I must say, your understanding

of our dire circumstance
is most impressive.

You should put it to good use
and help us save reality!

Yeah!

That's great. 'Cause it is
the end of space and time.

Right.

Mr. Armstrong, Mr. Hendrix,
HerrMozart,

Miss Grom, Miss Ling Lun,
and Mr. Cudi,

we're gonna take you
into our dads' studio

and start practicing.

So that when our dads
get back here

with the song
that will unite the world,

you guys can play it for 'em.

BOTH: Sound good?

THEA: Let's get practicing.

Oh.

BOTH: Bogus.

Oops.

I'm so sorry, Great Leader.

Oh, no.

Oh... Oh, no.

Oh, no.

-Are you okay?

I think so, dude.

Are you okay?

I think so, dude.

Dude, where are we?

Are you guys okay?

KELLY: My mother
just had me killed.

I didn't think she'd actually
do it, but she did.

Our sincerest apologies that
we're here, great musicians.

We just wanted
to help our dads.

Which we clearly
utterly failed at.

Time?

6:48 p.m.

BOTH: Whoa.

Dude!

BILL: Are Jo and Liz here?

Yes.

And no.

What did you mean

"yes and no"?

There are infinite pasts.

Each is entangled
with infinite futures.

So, what are you sayin'?

Where you end up...

all depends...

on what happens...

with this.

Is that...

It's the answer to everything.

It's called...

BOTH: Face The Music.

Dudes...

who is that on guitar?

It's you two.

It is us.

BOTH: Face The Music.

Preston/Logan!

Recorded at 7:17 p.m.

At MP 46.

It's in your hands now.

Go make it happen.

Thank you, wise old us's.

Yeah.

I just wanna say
thank you, Bill,

for all the times
you've been there for me.

I feel like I never really
knew you, Ted.

Oh.

That's my fault.

I never truly opened
myself up to you.

The truth is, I looked at you
and saw myself.

Yeah. I know. Me, too.

I'm sorry for the times
I let you down, Bill.

You never have, Bill.

You never have.

I'll never forget you, Bill.

Ever.

Catch you later, Ted.

Catch you later, Bill and Ted.

They're nice boys.

Yeah.

Dude! We got the actual
real song!

Now alls we gotta do
is figure out

how to unite
the whole world with it.

And save reality.

Yeah.

-Dude!
-What?

The booth is gone.

BILL: What?

Where did it go?

I don't know. Let's go back
and ask those wise old us's.

Yeah. I hope
we're still alive.

Freeze, Preston/Logan.

Oh, this is exactly
what we don't need right now.

We can't. We gotta get back
to the present, like, now.

Yeah. Look, we know
you were sent here

to kill us if we didn't have
the song.

But we actually do have
the song now, so...

Wait. You have the song?

Oh...

Uh...

Mistakes were made.

Apologies are given.

You're forgiven. No problem.
But we gotta go, robot dude.

Wait! No, must expiate guilt.

For what? We're fine, dude.
Let us go!

For... murdering family.

Wait. What?

What are you talking about?

I lasered your daughters.

You lasered them?

You lasered our daughters?

BOTH: Where are they?

Daughters are...

in Hell.

BOTH: You sent our daughters
to Hell?

We have to go get them.

Shoot us.

I can't shoot you.
You have the song.

Well, guess what?

-BILL: Now there's no song.

TED: Now you got
no choice, Robot.

You gotta kill us!

-Can no longer take life.

What?

Failure. Failure.
Failure. Failure.

Dude, we need this guy
to laser us

but he appears to be having

some kind of
nervous breakdown.

Shoot us, Robot!

I can't.
I'm a failure.

I don't even deserve to live,
you know?

BOTH: Shoot us!

Can't do it. Shoot myself.

-Wait, don't!
-You can't!

TED: We gotta go
save Billie and Thea.

-Let's do it!
-Yeah.

I'm so sorry!
Goodbye, cruel world!

It worked!

Yeah!

THE ROBOT: ...world!

That is unexpected.

Yeah. How can a robot
even die?

Let's find the girls.

Can I come with you?

He did kill us.

Come on, Robot!

Wait. I have a name.

It's Dennis.

Dennis McCoy.

Okay. Let's go, Dennis McCoy.

-Thea!
-Billie!

Dennis Caleb McCoy.
That's the full name.

Let's go, dude!

ROBOT:
I feel gratitude. Gratitude.

Okay, we get it.

You're a grateful,
totally insecure,

somehow dead robot
named Dennis Caleb McCoy.

-Thea!
-Billie!

How're we gonna
find them, dude?

I don't know, dude.

Yeah, I don't even know, dude.

BOTH: Thea! Billie!

LEAD SCIENTIST: Great Leader?

Bill and Ted are dead.
Did it work?

No.

Nothing is working.

Oh...

They were very nice.
Very nice. Good group.

-BOTH: Group?
-Yeah. They went that way.

BOTH: Thanks, demons.

-DEMON 1: You betcha.
-Enjoy Hell, y'all.

-Thanks, demons.
-Have a good time, boys.

I know that's strange.

What is that, a robot?

Yeah, that's a robot in Hell.

-Thea?
-Billie?

-Thea?
-Billie!

KELLY: No!

-Apology not accepted, Mother.
-BOTH: Kelly?

Ah! Bill and Ted are here.
Did it work, Mom?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

BOTH: Where are they?

They're that way.

I'm Dennis Caleb McCoy.
I am so...

No! No.

Oh, yeah. This is way worse
than the Christmas incident.

And you named him Dennis?
After my ex?

Get outta here!

-Thea! Billie!
-Billie! Thea!

BOTH: Dads!

BILLIE: Dads!

How're you doin'?

Well, you know, we're dead.

And we're in Hell.

But how're you doin'?

BOTH: We're good!

Yeah. Look who we found.

Dad?

Hi, Ted.

I was wrong.
I mean, you're here.

Which implies that you also
traveled through time

and that your wives actually
are princesses.

All of which proves
that it is imperative

that you write the song

that will
unite the entire world.

BOTH: And save reality.

Wait, is that new?

BOTH: Yeah.

Well, then, I should help you
instead of criticizing you.

And I am very,
very, very sorry.

Thanks, Dad!

Yeah, thanks, Chief Logan!

I wasn't talking to you, Bill.

Oh. Cool.

Well, Dads, this is the band
we put together for you.

This is Jimi Hendrix,
Louis Armstrong...

And Mozart,
and Ling Lun, and Grom.

JIMI HENDRIX:
A pleasure, gentlemen.

You raised
two fine young girls.

-BOTH: Thank you.
-BILLIE: And this is Kid Cudi

who's not technically
a historical figure.

-Kinda am now, I think.
-Yeah.

It's a great honor
to meet you all.

Yeah. Welcome to,
and sorry about, Hell.

My bad.

Oh.
That's Dennis Caleb McCoy.

We've met. He killed us.

ROBOT:
I'm really sorry

that I lasered you all.

And...

I just need to tell you...

My name is
Dennis Caleb McCoy, and...

TED: Thank you, Dennis.

Well, thanks for
coming to get us.

How're we gonna
get outta here?

We're gonna go talk to Death.

Oh. Well, isn't he still mad
at you guys?

Oh, yeah.

-And we're still mad at him.
-Yeah.

Oh.

Nineteen minutes.

Everyone, follow us.

DEATH: Yes way!

Best 75 out of 81.

Is he playing Hopscotch
by himself?

DEATH: I have
bested you again.

BILL:
He looks miserable, dude.

DEATH: Yes!

Dude, he's cheating!

Yes!

-DEATH: Take a hike.
-Let's go, dude.

Good luck, Dads.

-Be sweet.
-TED: Okay.

BILL: Okay.

BOTH: Hey, Death.

Why, if it isn't
the Wyld Stallyns.

Have you come to sue me again?

TED: No, Death. Not at all.

No. We just need
to talk to you, Death.

Talk to the hand.

It will only take
a second, dude.

-TED: Death!
-BILL: Come on, dude.

DEATH: Who is it?

Bill and Ted!

What? Did your
restraining order run out?

Did the judge change his mind?

So, now I am allowed
to get close to you? Hmm?

Is this too close?

Death.

We didn't want to sue you,
dude.

-Remember, be sweet, dude.
-You're right.

You tried to take the name
Wyld Stallyns.

I was Wyld Stallyns.

What are you talking about?

You kicked me out
because you was jealous of me.

-No, no, no, dude.
-Yes, yes, yes.

You quit the band
to go out on your own!

You wouldn't let me play!

Dude, you were playing
40-minute bass solos.

No one but you could play!

I was in the groove!

-What?
-Those 40-minute solos,

that was the highlight
of your shows.

It's no wonder
you went down in the tubes.

What're we gonna do?

Oh...

BILL: Death, the reason
we came here is 'cause

we have to play a song
at some place

called MP 46,

-like, right now.
-Hmm.

All of time is gonna fold
in on itself, dude.

I have been demoted down here

because I took two so-called
"friends" back up

who should not have gone
back up.

So, if that is why
you're here...

Sorry, not sorry.

Bye!

-What now?
-I don't know, dude.

Dads, we have an idea.

You mind if we try?

I mean, the dude is the most
rad bass player, like, ever.

Yeah.

BOTH: Please.

-BILLIE: Okay.
-Come on.

-THEA: All right.
-He's kind of a dick.

THEA: Okay.

BOTH: Dads, we think
you should wait outside.

-Oh.
-Excuse us, Mr. Death, sir.

It's good to see you again,
Mr. Death, sir.

Well, if it isn't Little Bill
and Little Ted.

We're still your hugest fans.

Yeah.

Don't fudge with me.

We're not fudging
with you, sir.

-It's legit.
-Yeah.

-DEATH: Really?
-Yeah.

I mean, The Lonely Soul Surfer

was the most underrated album
in 1998.

The critics hated it.

Well, they just weren't ready

for an album
that was all bass.

"It was all over the place,"
they said.

"It was a raging,
confused mess," they said.

"It was even worse than
Pale on Pale,"they said.

BOTH: Well...

It was, in parts.

But in other parts...

The outro
in I'll Never Be Loved

is the most bodacious.

I mean, the last three bars

before the chorus
in Too Pale to Cry...

Oh, well...

What did you think of the hook
in Boogie Down With Doctor D?

What can we even say?

Insane. We've never seen
left-hand technique like that.

I know! I was self-taught.

You have some crazy,
crazy skills, dude!

Well...

-You know what you need?
-Hmm?

You just need a band.

And the band needs you.

Oh.

-T?
-B.

Come on in.

Dads,

is there something you would
like to say to Death?

Oh...

We're sorry for how things
went between us, Death.

Yeah.

Sincerely sorry.

I am sorry that fame
went to my head.

It's very intoxicating.

We really did love playing
with you, dude.

We really did rock, didn't we?

-We definitely did.

And if it's not too late,
Death...

DEATH: Yeah?

Would you
consider rejoining...

BOTH: Wyld Stallyns?

Oh... I...

I suppose.

Okay, let's go!

Right. Right.

It's Dennis. Hi.

-I got lost.
-TED: Get in, Dennis.

Okay.
Thank you, guys.

-Hey, Kid Cudi.
-Hey, Dennis.

-Oh, hello. Hello, everyone.

Hey. Hey. Yeah, okay, friends.

Let's rock!

It was cool
when you said, "Let's rock,"

because it made me
want to rock.

Uh-huh.

You don't just get to rock.

You got to earn the right
to rock.

Dude! We got 11 minutes.

Anyone know where MP 46 is?

Depends on your perspective.

To really dig the groove
of the quantum realm,

you gotta choose a place
to dig it from.

Dig?

Anyone know where MP 46 is?

We're never gonna
make our flight.

MISSY: Deac, Deac.
Look at that.

Whoa!

I got this.

Stop!

BOTH: We're back!

What?

BOTH: This is bad.

BOTH: Really bad.

BILLIE: Okay, guys, let's go!

Come on!

Come on, Mozart.

BILL: Oh, Ted! Even if we knew

where we were
supposed to play,

there's no way
we'd ever get there in time.

Bill, look!

BILL: This is MP 46?
It makes no sense.

How can the song happen
right here?

Because this is where
it happened.

Ted, you're right, dude!

But, dude,
what're we gonna play?

I don't know, dude.

Uh, Bill and Ted?
I saved these.

I'm not sure if...

they're of any use, but...

-Thanks, Dennis.
-THEA: Dads!

Dads! MP 46.

And the band is ready to play.

Alls we need is the song.

Thea.

Billie.

We don't know
how to tell you this.

We don't have the song.

Wait...

BOTH: You don't?

BOTH: No.

We're sorry.

We're sorry, Dads.

Yeah, we really wanted to
help you out with this.

Dude, you seeing
what I'm seeing?

Preston?

Logan?

Preston/Logan.

Whoa.

BOTH: What is it, Dads?

BOTH: It's you!

BOTH: What?

It was you the whole time.
We just didn't see it.

We can't write music.

Whatever...
We just listen to stuff.

From things we like.

And we just kind of
put stuff together.

Yeah, maybe you just
listen a little,

make things you like.

And put it all together.

Girls, you're not here
to back us.

We're here to back you.

We're your band.

BOTH: Whoa.

BOTH: Follow us!

MAN: Here you go. Instruments!

-BOTH: Wow!

Dude, I just thought
of something.

What is it, Ted?

How is just listening
to a song...

...gonna unite
the whole world...

...throughout all of time?

That is a good question, dude.

It's almost like
they'd all have to hear it

in order to play it.

Ted, of course! That's how
we're gonna unite 'em.

We get 'em to play along.

Well, if that's true,
alls we gotta do is

get to everyone
throughout all time.

Yeah, and get 'em instruments,
dude.

TED: In seven minutes
and 25 seconds.

What about a tambourine?

I mean, how hard can it be
to rock with that?

Tambourine is not as easy
as it looks.

What about dancing?
I'm a very gifted dancer.

You dance?

-Mmm-hmm.
-Really?

Why don't you go over there
and rehearse your dance?

Okay.

Dude, we have no power!

Say no more. On it.

THEA: Okay.

There! Oh, Jo.

-Theodore.
-William!

-Joanna!
-Liz!

ELIZABETH: Hi.

Did you find a reality where
we're all happy together?

ELIZABETH: We did.

We realized we're happiest
in this reality.

BOTH: Sweet!

Now, um, did we hear you say
something about

distributing instruments
all throughout time?

Ready, T?

Five, six,
five, six, seven, eight!

Oh, my God, what's happening?

Excuse me, Mr. Cudi, sir?

Our wives just traveled
through multiple realities.

And in doing so,
they realized...

They're all happening

-simultaneously.
-Simultaneously.

Do we need individual us's

to take instruments
to infinite places?

Okay. See, contrary to what
some have argued,

universal wave function is,

epistemologically speaking,

both cyclic and separating.
In other words...

Excuse me, Kid Cudi.
I don't mean to be rude,

but we have, like,
four and a half minutes.

Madam. Madam! We have to go.
It's not safe to be in here.

Where were you thinking
of going?

I think it's a lunar eclipse.

That is not lunar, you guys.

This is a disaster, T.

What are we gonna do, B?

BOTH: Stop!

All you need to do is go
in the quantum superposition

with multiple realities.

ALL: But how?

Dudes, the booth is obviously
a tunnel to the quantum realm.

Go, go, go!

-Thank you, Mr. Cudi!
-Thank you, Mr. Cudi!

Station.

ALL: Station!

-Grom!
-Grom, you start!

-No, no, no...
-Stop, stop!

Here.

And now, Death!

Well... It's...
Maybe something like...

BOTH: Too Pale to Cry.

-That last riff?
-THEA: Amazing!

BILLIE AND THEA: Yeah.

TED: What're we gonna tell
people to play?

-We'll be right back.
-Okay.

Read me the number
for the infinite, dude.

TED: Six-nine...

Six-nine...

Two-nine-nine...

-How about that concerto?
-Okay, go tell him.

Mozart.

Three-four-five-five...

Five-one-zero-one...

I already said goodbye
to the girls.

But I wanna stay here
and dance.

Dennis.

Good luck,
my excellent friends.

BOTH: Thanks, Kelly.

Later, Dennis.

My name is Dennis.
Dennis McCoy.

Two-one-eight.

THEA: Faster, you know?
Yeah! Now, D.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah!

Watch this!

Jimi, for the win!

One-eight-two-eight...

Okay. Okay.
The girls said C major.

One-hundred thirteen
beats per minute.

-Got it.
-All right. Yeah.

Four-five-five. Five-one...

-Four-three-five...
-Guys, maybe just press

the infinite button.

Oh, yeah.

ELIZABETH: Yeah.

One last thing.

I love you, Elizabeth.

I love you, Joanna.

We know.

I love you.

-Okay, let's go.
-Okay.

-How's it goin', Deac?
-Whoa!

-Missy.
-Oh!

In case you're wondering,
I'm essentially an infinite me.

Catch you later.

BOTH: Outstanding!

Yeah!

-Excellent!
-Excellent!

BOTH: Dads!

BOTH: Wait.

San Dimas, make some noise!

Yeah!

ALL: Ten, nine...

eight, seven...

six...

-five...
-Dads!

...four, three...

two, one.

Madam, you need to see this.

Your father would be
so proud of you.

Wow.

-Bye!
-Bye, Kid Cudi!

-Bye!
-See ya, Kid Cudi!

It's working!

Yeah!

BILLIE: And so,
it wasn't so much

the song
that made the difference.

THEA: It was everyone
playing it together.

BILLIE: And it worked.

Dude...

are you dead yet?

No.

Are you?

No.

There's one more thing
we need to do

before we go.

Definitely.

Ready, Bill?

Ready, Ted.

-One...
-Two...

BOTH: One, two, three, four!

95-YEAR-OLD BILL: Okay.

95-YEAR-OLD TED: Yeah. Okay.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-We still got it.
-We still got it.

-Hey, Bill.
-Yeah?

Okay, I have to sit down.

I'm sorry.

-That was fun.
-That was good.

Nurse!