Original subtitles

Ready, B?

Ready, T.

Okay.

This is the story of our most excellent dads.

I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.

And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.

And we're Wyld Stallyns!

This was probably the first time you saw 'em.

Let's rock!

And this was probably the last.

Not long before we were born,

they were told they were gonna write a song

that was gonna unite the entire world.

Which they thought they had done

with their hit single...

Those Who Rock.

Not only did it not unite the world,

but the band fell apart.

And our dads, alone now, were trying harder and harder.

But the problem was, the harder Dads tried...

The less interested

people seemed to be in their music.

Not only was it wearing on them and on the family...

But the universe they were told

they were gonna bring together...

Was actually starting to unravel.

Yeah, time was folding in on itself.

It was bad.

What, what?

Totally, dude.

Make some noise!

Anyways, this is how we got to where we are now.

Hello, friends and loved ones.

Let us welcome you, one and all

to this most joyous of occasions!

Ted and I have known Missy in different capacities

for many decades.

First, she was our babysitter when we were ten.

Then we both invited her to the prom

when she was a senior and we were freshmen.

Yeah!

Two years later, she married my dad

and Missy became Mom.

After divorcing Bill's dad, she married my dad

and became my mom.

Yeah.

And now she's marrying Ted's little brother,

Officer Deacon Logan.

Yeah.

Missy, Bill and I,

along with my beautiful wife, Elizabeth,

and our daughter, Billie...

And my beautiful wife, Joanna, and our daughter, Thea,

all wanna welcome you back...

With open arms.

This happy event would seem to make

Deacon his own father-in-law

and Ted his own uncle.

Not to mention making my dad his own son.

And with that beautiful thought in mind,

for your first dance,

we wish to present you with a matrimonial offering.

A sneak peek at the world premiere

of our newest sonic creation.

We're not sure if this is going to be

the song that unites the world.

We're pretty sure it might.

- At least we hope. - Yeah.

Sure to be another real doozy from the Wyld Stallyns.

Check one, two.

Let's dance, Freaky Deaky.

You got it, Kissy Missy.

Oh, shh. Your dad used to call me that.

Totally aware of that, babe.

Please enjoy the first three movements of...

That Which Binds Us Through Time...

The Chemical, Physical, and Biological Nature of Love...

An Exploration of the Meaning of Meaning.

Part One.

- Ready, Bill? - Ready, Ted.

- One. - Two.

One, two, three, four.

Dad, I've told you a thousand times,

Bill and I have to keep going till...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Till your music unites the world.

Chief Logan, the people in the future told us...

Bill, Bill, Bill, you didn't time-travel.

We did.

Your wives aren't from medieval England.

They are.

And you didn't go to Heaven and Hell.

We did!

- You didn't! - We did!

And you know why?

Because it's impossible.

Here's a real idea for you two.

Here it comes, dude.

Get real jobs.

Be role models to your daughters.

Oh, never mind.

You are.

They're 24, they live at home

and they're unemployed.

You remember when you used to call them

"Little Bill," "Little Ted"?

We thought it was cute, Gramps.

Hey.

Yeah. Well, it turned out to be a curse.

All I ever see them do is sit around, listen to music.

That is our primary activity,

- definitely. - Yeah.

You guys okay?

Joanna, Elizabeth,

how do you feel about being

the only adults in your families?

The only ones with actual jobs?

Let's pack up.

- Don't listen to him. - Ouch.

I really appreciate you doing this.

I know it wasn't your choice.

Of course, Jo.

I really want this to work for both of us.

Yeah.

Oh, hey.

How's it goin', dude?

Good, dude.

- Hi! - Hey, Jo.

Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry, is this the right day?

Yeah, totally.

So, do you understand why this situation

might seem at all strange to your wives?

No. Not at all. Why?

Well, when your wives suggested couples therapy,

do you think that this is what they had in mind?

Well, definitely.

I mean, we're a couple of couples, right?

- That is true. - Yeah.

But usually, with couples therapy,

it just means one couple.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

Well, but, you know, we're here,

so let's work with that.

- Yes? - Yeah.

Okay, great.

Um...

Ted, is there something you feel

your wife needs to hear from you?

Yeah. Totally.

We love you guys.

Ah, that is good, dude.

In a way, yes.

I mean, it is great to feel loved.

But do you understand

how that might sound strange to your wives?

I'll shoot this at Bill.

No.

I mean, we love 'em.

Oh. "We love them."

- Yeah. - Yeah. We do.

Okay. It's the "we" part.

Um... Ted, can you say the same thing,

but instead of "we," say "I" in the sentence.

- Oh. Yeah. - Okay.

Of course.

Okay.

- Elizabeth? - Yes.

I and Bill love you and Joanna.

Okay.

Dude, with all due respect,

I don't think you're quite getting this.

Go for it, dude.

Okay.

I'm gonna do one.

Yes, go for it, dude.

- Great. - Okay.

- Joanna? - Mmm-hmm?

From the very, very bottom of I

and Ted's hearts,

I and Ted totally love and worship you

and Elizabeth.

Perfect, dude.

Ah, awesome, dude, thanks.

Joanna, would you or Elizabeth like to respond to that?

Oh, well...

Would you...

Well, it has been tough for us.

At home.

You know, it's been so hard watching you

beat your heads against the wall for 25 years

and I'm not sure how much longer

we can keep going on like this.

What?

Well...

Bill, Ted,

I'd love to spend the last part

of this session with your wives.

Alone?

Yes, alone.

Right. Okay.

We'll see you at home, okay?

Okay. All right, then.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Dude, did you know they felt that way?

We have to fix this.

The thing is, they're right, Bill.

They're princesses.

Yeah.

We pulled them out of their lives to be here with us.

And they didn't come all this way for this.

That's why we gotta keep working, dude.

But isn't that the problem?

Yeah.

But it's also the solution.

Yeah. I guess.

Dude, this is transcendent.

Is this Fillmore '66?

No, Monterey Pop, '67.

That second sound check where they did that riff

on Amazing Grace.

How's it goin', Dads?

How's it goin', girls?

How was therapy?

It went okay. Yeah.

Hey, Dad, by the way, Gramps was wrong.

The wedding song was most luminous.

Oh, thank you, B.

Glad you dug it, Billie.

No, seriously, Uncle Ted,

when did you get so excellent on theremin?

Your playing rivaled, and I'm not kidding,

Clara Rockmore.

Aw, thanks, T.

Clara Rockmore was definitely an inspiration.

Yeah.

- And, Uncle Bill! - Yeah.

The throat singing, I mean,

it was a whole new level of eloquence.

Some serious buga khoomei.

Whoa.

Your musical acumen is most impressive, girls.

Hey, Dad, good luck on the song.

You got this.

What is it, Ted?

Liz is right.

We have been banging our heads against a wall for 25 years.

And I'm tired, dude.

Ted.

We have a destiny to fulfill.

Yeah.

And think about our fans, dude.

Bob and Wendy will totally understand.

Eileen we haven't heard from for several years.

Bill?

What?

I went into Cyrus Adler Music yesterday.

He said he'd give me $6,400 for the Les Paul.

Are you saying...

Yeah.

I think I am.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whoa!

Dude! Dude!

It's the future!

Greetings, my excellent friends.

Do we know you?

I'm Kelly.

Wait, you're Rufus' daughter!

I am.

And I've been wanting to meet you my whole life.

It must be very disappointing.

Not at all.

We have a problem, gentlemen.

Potentially, a very serious problem.

About the music?

About the music. They just wanna talk to you.

Mmm-hmm.

Dude, I got a very bad feeling about this.

It'll be fine, Ted.

They totally love us in the future, dude.

Whoa!

Dude, our dads are totally in trouble.

I feel so bad for 'em.

They've been doing this on their own

for the longest time.

Yeah, I wish there was some way

we could help 'em out, you know?

Yeah. But how?

Whoa!

- Dude. - Yeah?

The future.

Yeah.

Rufus.

Greetings, my excellent friends.

What you're looking at is the original phone booth...

Gentlemen?

...that I used on my first visit to the Great Ones

way back in 1989.

The prophecy tells us...

Bill and Ted.

Step forward.

How's it goin'...

Great Ones?

It's, uh...

It's good to be back.

What have you got to say for yourselves?

Be...

excellent to each other.

And party on, dudes.

Yeah.

Twenty-five years ago,

Wyld Stallyns played a concert

at the Grand Canyon.

That's true.

One month ago,

you played the Elks Lodge

in Barstow, California, for 40 people,

most of whom were there only because it was $2 taco night,

whatever the hell that means.

- Well, yeah. We did! - Yeah. We did!

You were supposed to unite the world in song.

According to her father,

a song created by Preston/Logan...

That's us, dude.

...at a concert performed by everyone in the band

at 7:17 p.m.

at MP 46,

that's tonight,

will save reality as we know it,

uniting humanity across all time.

Wait...

I'm sorry.

What?

Did you say,

"Reality as we know it"?

Yes!

Oh.

Whoa.

We need to hear the song

in 77 minutes and 25 seconds.

You have everything you require.

Get to work.

Dude, they totally hate us.

And I've never even heard of MP 46.

Yeah.

Kelly!

How does a song save reality?

That I can't tell you, but it has to.

Somehow.

The Great Turntable is tipping.

That there is the center of space and time.

San Dimas 700 years ago, 7:17 p.m.

My father believed that the song

could be the nexus point that brings

humanity into rhythm and harmony.

How?

We only discovered this recently, but without it,

reality will collapse,

and time and space will cease to exist.

So until 7:17 p.m...

Anything is possible.

And after 7:17 p.m.?

Without the song, there is no after 7:17 p.m.

This was my dad's. He'd want you to have it.

It'll help keep track of the time in San Dimas.

"Sometimes things don't make sense..."

"...until the end of the story."

That's what my dad always said.

I'll leave you to it?

Okay.

Now alls we gotta do

is write the greatest song ever written.

That brings the entire world into rhythm and harmony.

And saves reality as we know it.

All through...

time.

Dude.

We've spent our whole life

trying to write the song that will unite the world.

What makes us think we can write it in, like, 75 minutes?

Ted, we had to have written that song.

The people in the future told us we did.

Yeah. I guess.

Which means we have it in us, dude.

Maybe we just haven't written it yet.

Maybe we're still gonna.

Well, if we haven't written it yet,

but we know we're gonna at some point,

why can't we just go to the future

when we have written it?

And take it from ourselves!

Yeah!

Ted! You have had many

counterintuitive ideas over the years,

but this is by far

the counterintuitivest of them all, dude!

Except, won't that be stealing?

How is that stealing

if we're stealing it from ourselves, dude?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I hope it still works.

Yeah.

How far into our future do you think we gotta go?

It depends on when we think we wrote that song.

Let's be conservative. Say, two years?

Sounds good, Ted.

Then, once we get the song,

we'll go back home to right before we left.

And then what?

Unite the world and save reality, dude.

- Bill, my friend. - Yes, Ted, my friend?

I have a feeling things are about to change

in a most outstanding way.

I could not agree more.

You okay, dude?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.

Let's go say hello to ourselves and get that song.

It's a rusty bucket, dude.

To those who rock

Over here, dude.

They say we're talking the talk

But we're walking the walk

Wait. We're playing Those Who Rock?

Here?

...rock, yeah!

We are those who rock

Everybody!

We are those who rock

Clap your hands now!

We are those who rock

Yeah, rock!

Oh, dude, that's us!

Don't look and they won't see us, dude!

Bill, wait!

Go, go, go!

- Almost at the van! - Hey, us's, stop!

Oh, hello!

We totally forgot you were coming.

- Yeah. - How great to see you.

What are you talking about? You totally ran away from us.

Look, guys, we know exactly what you're thinking.

Why would we be playing Open Mic Night at 6:15 p.m.

when, in fact, we have become such huge rock stars again.

Yeah.

Here's the answer.

- Yeah. - Us being here

is humorously ironic.

Do you believe us?

No.

Not at all.

Well, I feel sorry for you, then.

Dude, I think we came too early.

These other us's don't have the song.

Why don't you go write it yourselves

instead of trying to steal it from us?

You're the one who couldn't write it, Ted.

Well, you're the one who lost his wife, Ted.

What?

What are you talking about?

Here's what happened, Bill.

After you failed couples therapy,

Liz and Jo were visited by other thems from the future

who gave them a phone booth

and sent them all through time and space

looking for just one life

where they could be happy with you!

And guess what?

They didn't find one!

And now we've been alone for two years

'cause you sent our wives away.

No way.

Yes way!

Our wives have been gone for two years

and you didn't do anything about it?

Oh, you did, all right.

You went back and you made it worse!

And guess what else?

Your daughters won't even talk to you.

What?

You're a dick, Ted.

- You want a piece of me, Ted? - Ted, he's not worth it!

Hey! He's not worth it, dude. We gotta go.

Yeah! And save our marriages.

Losers! Has-beens!

- Whatever! - Stop fighting with yourself!

Flashes in the pans!

Stop fighting with yourself!

That did not go well.

Yeah. And your you is a very contentious dickweed.

Bill, we gotta go back and talk with Liz and Jo.

On it, dude.

Please, Mother, Dad said Preston/Logan

and everyone in the band will unite...

I remember what he said. Every word.

Well, then, give them a chance.

I gave them a chance

and everything they could possibly need,

but they bolted.

Kelly,

you know your father and I agreed on everything,

but there are other interpretations

of the information he was acting on.

I'm aware of that.

Many on the council believe that it is, in fact,

the death of Bill and Ted

that will bring the new epoch.

Well, I disagree with that completely!

That's atrocious!

Well, maybe someday when you're the Great Leader,

you can make the decisions

that will affect all time and space.

You could just say "Leader."

- So pretentious. - Is it ready?

Yes, Great Leader. It should be.

"Should be"?

Is.

Madam.

Do you know who I am?

Yes, Great Leader.

You know what to do.

You must not fail.

Must...

not...

fail.

I cannot believe you're gonna kill Bill and Ted!

Dad would be so mad at you.

We're out of options, Kel.

The unravelling has already begun.

Future dude! You're back?

I'm looking for your fathers. Have they been here?

No.

Where are our dads?

They're in a tribulation, aren't they?

They are.

Listen, you didn't see a scary-looking robot

from the future, did you?

Oh, what? No.

My mom, who overreacts about everything

- just sent one. - To get our dads?

Don't worry. I won't let that happen.

Well, we're trying to help 'em, too.

Hey.

Hey, this can go, like...

like, anywhere, right? Like, all throughout time?

That's correct, but I need to stay.

My guess is that my mom's emissary

will be looking for them here.

Well,

Thea and I were gonna help our dads with their music

by putting together samples for 'em.

Yeah, but now it appears

we could put together an actual band.

I mean, it's just them, and they're all alone!

Hey, so, do you mind

while you stay here and wait for the scary-looking robot,

you could show us how to use the booth?

Dude, we gotta remember.

Make it better, not worse!

Yeah. I hope they're still there.

It's just that the job that they've been given, it is...

- Impossible. - ...impossible.

Joanna!

- Elizabeth! - Hi!

We need to talk to you.

Oh, and we're back.

This is super important, Dr. Wood.

We just saw ourselves two years in the future.

Wait, you're time-travelling again?

Only to save reality as we know it.

Okay. Maybe...

But we just found out something way worse.

- You're leaving us. - What?

- What? No, we're not. - No, are we?

Yes. You are.

Yeah. And you have real good reason to, Jo.

'Cause we seriously appear

to be living in our van.

Oh, dude, we are totally living in that van.

And I'm drinking way too much.

Darling, you don't even drink.

Not yet.

But I'm going to. A lot.

- What? - Yeah. And the lying.

You cannot believe what liars we are.

Yeah, desperate, pathetic, lying losers.

Oh, no! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Okay, let's stop for a moment

and take notice of the dynamic.

Uh, threatened by the thought of losing your...

Princesses.

Sure. That's a word.

No, we actually are princesses.

We were born in 1410. 1408.

Okay. What about us leaving you?

Oh, man.

That's totally why we're here.

Yeah. To prove that we're not

the losers we just saw we were.

Even though those loser us's tried to tell us

not to come and talk to you.

Yeah. Like we were somehow gonna make it worse.

But we're not making it worse, right?

Elizabeth?

- Joanna? - Hmm?

Dr. Wood?

Huh?

Dude, we totally made it worse.

- We'll be back. - And make it better.

When you say 1408, you mean the year...

- Oh, one last thing. - Yeah.

Older yous from the future are just about to show up

to take you on a trip

in search of a happy life with us.

Don't go. 'Cause you're not gonna find one.

Yeah, but you're gonna go.

- So, don't go. - So, go?

No. I guess, go.

We love you guys.

We're gonna fix it.

That went terrible, dude.

Two years forward was clearly not enough.

Let's try five this time.

Dude, I miss Liz already.

Hang in there, Ted.

Things are about to get a whole lot better.

What time is it, dude?

Fifty-eight minutes.

Okay, let's go.

Actually, we have to go, too.

Right. Those older us's they referred to are outside.

I'm a little bit nervous

to time-travel again, to be honest.

As am I. We haven't time-traveled

in more than two decades.

- No, I know. - You know what, ladies?

I'd like to recommend we see each other

a minimum of two to three,

five days a week.

- All right, then. - Lovely, lovely. Thank you.

No. No.

No!

It worked.

Most indubitably.

You sure this is it?

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Jimi Hendrix?

Can I just say it is an honor to be in your presence, dude?

I mean, Electric Ladyland, what can we even say?

Who are you two?

Oh. Um...

Willamina "Billie" S. Logan, and Thea "Theodora" Preston.

Yeah. We're here for our dads to help them unite the world.

Like, no exaggeration, literally unite the world.

By putting together a killer band for 'em,

and we had to start with you, dude.

So, question...

how would you like to be a key part of this epochal song?

No.

Dude, we have to have Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah.

But how are we gonna get him to be in a band

with people he hasn't even heard of?

Well, okay.

Who's somebody he has heard of?

Oh, when the saints

Go marching in

Oh, when the saints go marching in

Well, I want to be in that number

Oh, when the saints go marching in

All right, all right, all right. All right.

Can I help you, young ladies?

Uh, we're so sorry.

Please excuse us, Mr. Armstrong, sir.

Uh...

Might we have a word with you?

So, that is Amazing Grace

played by a Mr. Jimi Hendrix.

Who's in the band.

And specifically requested your presence, so...

And here's why.

Your improvisations, obviously influenced

by Bunk Johnson and King Oliver...

Yeah, but ultimately sui generis.

...totally inspired him, sir.

You gotta come see this, fellas.

What you got there, Lou?

You liberated all music, dude.

Hey, what's that doohickey?

Damn it!

We did it!

Dude, look at where we live!

One song did all this?

Ted, what if it wasn't just one song?

What if after we wrote it and saved the universe,

a dam broke and the songs just kept comin' and comin'?

Oh, yeah.

Hello!

Younger us's, hello!

- Hello! - Hello!

This time, we were expecting you.

Yes, and unlike those sad Open Mic blokes

from three years ago...

We are now finally able

to muster some compassion for them.

...we actually do have...

...the goods.

To your futures.

- We did it, dude. - Yeah!

Cheers!

So, uh, why do you both have English accents?

Ah. Funny story. Please.

Once Bill and I were knighted,

things got so good with Liz and Jo

that we decided, as families,

to start summering in medieval England.

And I suppose it just bloody well rubbed off!

And I can't say how chuffed we are about it.

That is such a relief!

I must say,

as much as I disliked those previous us's,

I like these us's.

Yeah. I didn't have a big problem

with that other me,

but I do like this other me even more.

Yeah.

Enough talking, mates.

Are you ready...

...for everything...

...to change?

Whoa.

That is truly...

the most amazing song...

I have ever heard.

It's great.

Honestly, I wouldn't have thought we had it in us.

Ah.

But you do!

And now it's time...

to get it out to the world.

Yeah!

I'll never forget you, Sir Bill.

Right back at you, Billie boyo.

So long, I guess.

And thanks!

Yeah.

So long.

Tallyho!

Marvelous!

Ted, why were you acting so weird with yourself, dude?

I don't know. I always seem to act weird with myself.

Yeah, you do! You gotta get over that, dude.

We got the song!

Dave Grohl!

Who are you guys?

What're you doin' in my house?

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

Now we'll wait for those other us's

to go back and change everything.

To our lives getting a whole lot better.

Yeah.

Ted, seriously, slow down on the vodka, dude.

You guys totally lied to us!

Why haven't you taken the song back to San Dimas?

Maybe 'cause it's not our song!

Poppycock!

It's Dave Grohl's!

And he's outside right now calling the cops.

Ted, I told you

Dave Grohl came back this week.

Totally thought he came back next week.

What were you guys even thinking?

Just 'cause you two couldn't come up with a great song...

And Dave Grohl did!

...doesn't mean we should be punished for that.

We're not gonna do it.

You have to!

It's your only chance to get our wives back.

You were lying about that?

Of course we were lying.

Oh, man.

Yeah, they don't want anything to do with you!

'Cause they traveled all through time

and finally realized you are losers.

Yeah, 'cause you make bad choices!

Like this!

Now, take the song!

Guys, seriously,

you don't have to pull guns on us.

Yeah? Watch what happens when we don't.

See?

I have to admit, Bill. You were right.

Ted!

- You have to do it. - Yeah!

- Our life is hell! - Yeah!

And if you don't go back and change it...

Change it!

This ends now. The lies, the delusions.

I'm done with him. I'm done with both of them.

You're not gonna kill Ted, Dad.

He broke into Dave Grohl's house!

Dad, slow down.

We don't have the whole story yet.

Can't get away from us, Bill and Ted.

Ted, they're right. They're us.

They remember everything we're gonna do!

That means we gotta do something

we can't possibly remember.

Shoot 'em.

Oh, no. They're gonna do the thing.

I was hoping

they wouldn't remember that this time.

No one leaves the building.

Dude, what do we do?

No idea, that's the point!

I'm confused!

Me, too!

Ted, that totally worked!

Yeah. Maybe we should always not know what we're doing.

Time?

Forty-seven minutes.

All right, we gotta keep going further into the future.

At some point, we must've written that song.

- Try in five years. - Okay.

Dude.

What's that?

I don't know.

But it's most alarming.

- Bill? - I'm tryin', dude.

- Bill? - Almost there, dude.

Bill!

I got it!

Come on! You again? I said no.

To us. But I bet you can't say no to this man.

Mr. Jimi Hendrix, meet Mr. Louis Armstrong.

That lick you played was the cat's meow, man.

It's blues, but also...

What's the word you used, young ladies?

- Psychedelic. - Psychedelic.

Exactly.

Very funny, whoever you are.

Louis Armstrong's, like, 65 years old.

Dude, dude, I told you

we should've gotten older Louis.

It was your idea, too!

Well, the young ladies picked me up in 1922, Jim.

Which supports both that we're putting together

a most extraordinary band...

Yeah. And that we are doing so

by traveling all throughout time.

Come on, give me a break.

He dug that jive, hey?

Potato Head Blues?

What kind of title is that?

A definitive one, Mr. Armstrong.

So, what you're all saying

is that you love a song that I wrote in my future?

Which is in your past.

But we're all here in this present.

Which is actually the past?

Exactly, gentlemen.

Fascinating.

Herr Mozart. Now we're talkin'.

Yeah! Hey, Wolfie.

Jimi.

Dude, the future totally sent a killer robot after us.

That's why we gotta find the song, dude.

Hopeless,

helpless dying breath.

Hopeless, helpless dying breath.

This can't possibly be the song, dude.

- Pain! - Pain!

- Death! - Death!

Welcome to...

...the end!

No way!

- Enough! Stop! - Enough! Stop!

Come forward.

How's it goin', Bill and Ted?

How'd you like our song?

- Is that a song? - Yes!

It's a little on the dark side,

but, you know, that's cool.

Why are you guys in prison?

Oh, maybe because you guys left us

to take the fall five years ago.

Ah. That's funny, 'cause for us

it's only, like, five minutes ago.

- Huh? - So, we'll be leaving now.

You're not goin' anywhere, pretty boy.

We've been waiting for years

to make things right.

But everything's gonna be different.

'Cause unlike those last us's, we actually have a song.

Is it a song?

Yes!

Bill, Ted, seriously, we can't take that song back.

Oh, you're not taking it back, Curly.

We're taking it back!

You're gonna stay here and rot

and we're gonna go get lives and our wives back!

And unite the world!

And save reality!

- You are? - Yes!

Freeze, Preston/Logan.

You know what happens if he kills them, dude.

He kills us, dude.

Hold on!

You want some Bill and Ted, punk?

Get him!

That was not a song.

Hmm?

You're being a rotten idiot!

That was horrible, dude.

Those are the worst us's yet, dude!

Yeah. They did save us, though.

Yeah.

Oh, no!

- Jo! - Liz!

- Oh, hi! - How's it goin'?

- Good. - Oh, my God, is that you?

- No, no, no! - We love you guys.

- You've gotta go. - You should probably go.

- All right. - Okay.

- We're gonna fix it! - I got it.

Oh, good Lord. Oh, good heavens.

Dude, what now?

The watch says sometimes things

don't make sense till the end of the story.

So?

Maybe we gotta go all the way to the end to find out, Ted.

Most... non-triumphant.

Pull yourself together.

You're a robot!

Get to where they're going next and wait.

We are running out of time.

The myth of Ling Lun turns out to be true, T.

I know. And she's a she.

Oh.

Hey, you wanna be in our band?

- Yeah. - Oh.

Grom. You're gonna love her.

Ling Lun says she's the greatest drummer of all time.

What?

Hello. Excuse me. Hi. Miss... Miss Grom...

Well, I'm trying to save the world, too, Mother.

It's not like your generation's done that great.

It's getting worse and worse here, if you were wondering.

Ah. Well, the Sahara Desert

just showed up in San Dimas, Mother.

Queen Elizabeth

is looking right at it.

No. No, I'm not gonna tell you where I am.

Because how do I know you won't send

your killer robot after me, Mom?

I gotta go, Mom.

This is bad. This is really happening.

What's happening?

Whoa! Kid Cudi!

Hey, how's it goin', dude?

Can someone please tell me what the hell is happening?

Basically, all time and space are about to end

unless their dads come up with a song by 7:17 p.m.

- Wait. What? - Wait. What?

We thought this was about the music.

It is. It's also about the end of space and time.

Dude, this is way worse than we thought.

So, this is some kind of error in our holographic dual field?

Or is it a Wilsonian loop

causing a temporal singularity?

Well, seems to me your

classical tautological causal circuit.

I don't know. Seems like textbook entanglement to me.

I must say, your understanding

of our dire circumstance is most impressive.

You should put it to good use and help us save reality!

Yeah!

That's great. 'Cause it is the end of space and time.

Right.

Mr. Armstrong, Mr. Hendrix, Herr Mozart,

Miss Grom, Miss Ling Lun, and Mr. Cudi,

we're gonna take you into our dads' studio

and start practicing.

So that when our dads get back here

with the song that will unite the world,

you guys can play it for 'em.

Sound good?

Let's get practicing.

Oh.

Bogus.

Oops.

I'm so sorry, Great Leader.

Oh, no.

Oh... Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Are you okay?

I think so, dude.

Are you okay?

I think so, dude.

Dude, where are we?

Are you guys okay?

My mother just had me killed.

I didn't think she'd actually do it, but she did.

Our sincerest apologies that we're here, great musicians.

We just wanted to help our dads.

Which we clearly utterly failed at.

Time?

6:48 p.m.

Whoa.

Dude!

Are Jo and Liz here?

Yes.

And no.

What did you mean

"yes and no"?

There are infinite pasts.

Each is entangled with infinite futures.

So, what are you sayin'?

Where you end up...

all depends...

on what happens...

with this.

Is that...

It's the answer to everything.

It's called...

Face The Music.

Dudes...

who is that on guitar?

It's you two.

It is us.

Face The Music.

Preston/Logan!

Recorded at 7:17 p.m.

At MP 46.

It's in your hands now.

Go make it happen.

Thank you, wise old us's.

Yeah.

I just wanna say thank you, Bill,

for all the times you've been there for me.

I feel like I never really knew you, Ted.

Oh.

That's my fault.

I never truly opened myself up to you.

The truth is, I looked at you and saw myself.

Yeah. I know. Me, too.

I'm sorry for the times I let you down, Bill.

You never have, Bill.

You never have.

I'll never forget you, Bill.

Ever.

Catch you later, Ted.

Catch you later, Bill and Ted.

They're nice boys.

Yeah.

Dude! We got the actual real song!

Now alls we gotta do is figure out

how to unite the whole world with it.

And save reality.

Yeah.

- Dude! - What?

The booth is gone.

What?

Where did it go?

I don't know. Let's go back and ask those wise old us's.

Yeah. I hope we're still alive.

Freeze, Preston/Logan.

Oh, this is exactly what we don't need right now.

We can't. We gotta get back to the present, like, now.

Yeah. Look, we know you were sent here

to kill us if we didn't have the song.

But we actually do have the song now, so...

Wait. You have the song?

Oh...

Uh...

Mistakes were made.

Apologies are given.

You're forgiven. No problem. But we gotta go, robot dude.

Wait! No, must expiate guilt.

For what? We're fine, dude. Let us go!

For... murdering family.

Wait. What?

What are you talking about?

I lasered your daughters.

You lasered them?

You lasered our daughters?

Where are they?

Daughters are...

in Hell.

You sent our daughters to Hell?

We have to go get them.

Shoot us.

I can't shoot you. You have the song.

Well, guess what?

Now there's no song.

Now you got no choice, Robot.

You gotta kill us!

Can no longer take life.

What?

Failure. Failure. Failure. Failure.

Dude, we need this guy to laser us

but he appears to be having

some kind of nervous breakdown.

Shoot us, Robot!

I can't. I'm a failure.

I don't even deserve to live, you know?

Shoot us!

Can't do it. Shoot myself.

- Wait, don't! - You can't!

We gotta go save Billie and Thea.

- Let's do it! - Yeah.

I'm so sorry! Goodbye, cruel world!

It worked!

Yeah!

...world!

That is unexpected.

Yeah. How can a robot even die?

Let's find the girls.

Can I come with you?

He did kill us.

Come on, Robot!

Wait. I have a name.

It's Dennis.

Dennis McCoy.

Okay. Let's go, Dennis McCoy.

- Thea! - Billie!

Dennis Caleb McCoy. That's the full name.

Let's go, dude!

I feel gratitude. Gratitude.

Okay, we get it.

You're a grateful, totally insecure,

somehow dead robot named Dennis Caleb McCoy.

- Thea! - Billie!

How're we gonna find them, dude?

I don't know, dude.

Yeah, I don't even know, dude.

Thea! Billie!

Great Leader?

Bill and Ted are dead. Did it work?

No.

Nothing is working.

Oh...

They were very nice. Very nice. Good group.

- Group? - Yeah. They went that way.

Thanks, demons.

- You betcha. - Enjoy Hell, y'all.

- Thanks, demons. - Have a good time, boys.

I know that's strange.

What is that, a robot?

Yeah, that's a robot in Hell.

- Thea? - Billie?

- Thea? - Billie!

No!

- Apology not accepted, Mother. - Kelly?

Ah! Bill and Ted are here. Did it work, Mom?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Where are they?

They're that way.

I'm Dennis Caleb McCoy. I am so...

No! No.

Oh, yeah. This is way worse than the Christmas incident.

And you named him Dennis? After my ex?

Get outta here!

- Thea! Billie! - Billie! Thea!

Dads!

Dads!

How're you doin'?

Well, you know, we're dead.

And we're in Hell.

But how're you doin'?

We're good!

Yeah. Look who we found.

Dad?

Hi, Ted.

I was wrong. I mean, you're here.

Which implies that you also traveled through time

and that your wives actually are princesses.

All of which proves that it is imperative

that you write the song

that will unite the entire world.

And save reality.

Wait, is that new?

Yeah.

Well, then, I should help you instead of criticizing you.

And I am very, very, very sorry.

Thanks, Dad!

Yeah, thanks, Chief Logan!

I wasn't talking to you, Bill.

Oh. Cool.

Well, Dads, this is the band we put together for you.

This is Jimi Hendrix, Louis Armstrong...

And Mozart, and Ling Lun, and Grom.

A pleasure, gentlemen.

You raised two fine young girls.

- Thank you. - And this is Kid Cudi

who's not technically a historical figure.

- Kinda am now, I think. - Yeah.

It's a great honor to meet you all.

Yeah. Welcome to, and sorry about, Hell.

My bad.

Oh. That's Dennis Caleb McCoy.

We've met. He killed us.

I'm really sorry

that I lasered you all.

And...

I just need to tell you...

My name is Dennis Caleb McCoy, and...

Thank you, Dennis.

Well, thanks for coming to get us.

How're we gonna get outta here?

We're gonna go talk to Death.

Oh. Well, isn't he still mad at you guys?

Oh, yeah.

- And we're still mad at him. - Yeah.

Oh.

Nineteen minutes.

Everyone, follow us.

Yes way!

Best 75 out of 81.

Is he playing Hopscotch by himself?

I have bested you again.

He looks miserable, dude.

Yes!

Dude, he's cheating!

Yes!

- Take a hike. - Let's go, dude.

Good luck, Dads.

- Be sweet. - Okay.

Okay.

Hey, Death.

Why, if it isn't the Wyld Stallyns.

Have you come to sue me again?

No, Death. Not at all.

No. We just need to talk to you, Death.

Talk to the hand.

It will only take a second, dude.

- Death! - Come on, dude.

Who is it?

Bill and Ted!

What? Did your restraining order run out?

Did the judge change his mind?

So, now I am allowed to get close to you? Hmm?

Is this too close?

Death.

We didn't want to sue you, dude.

- Remember, be sweet, dude. - You're right.

You tried to take the name Wyld Stallyns.

I was Wyld Stallyns.

What are you talking about?

You kicked me out because you was jealous of me.

- No, no, no, dude. - Yes, yes, yes.

You quit the band to go out on your own!

You wouldn't let me play!

Dude, you were playing 40-minute bass solos.

No one but you could play!

I was in the groove!

- What? - Those 40-minute solos,

that was the highlight of your shows.

It's no wonder you went down in the tubes.

What're we gonna do?

Oh...

Death, the reason we came here is 'cause

we have to play a song at some place

called MP 46,

- like, right now. - Hmm.

All of time is gonna fold in on itself, dude.

I have been demoted down here

because I took two so-called "friends" back up

who should not have gone back up.

So, if that is why you're here...

Sorry, not sorry.

Bye!

- What now? - I don't know, dude.

Dads, we have an idea.

You mind if we try?

I mean, the dude is the most rad bass player, like, ever.

Yeah.

Please.

- Okay. - Come on.

- All right. - He's kind of a dick.

Okay.

Dads, we think you should wait outside.

- Oh. - Excuse us, Mr. Death, sir.

It's good to see you again, Mr. Death, sir.

Well, if it isn't Little Bill and Little Ted.

We're still your hugest fans.

Yeah.

Don't fudge with me.

We're not fudging with you, sir.

- It's legit. - Yeah.

- Really? - Yeah.

I mean, The Lonely Soul Surfer

was the most underrated album in 1998.

The critics hated it.

Well, they just weren't ready

for an album that was all bass.

"It was all over the place," they said.

"It was a raging, confused mess," they said.

"It was even worse than Pale on Pale," they said.

Well...

It was, in parts.

But in other parts...

The outro in I'll Never Be Loved

is the most bodacious.

I mean, the last three bars

before the chorus in Too Pale to Cry...

Oh, well...

What did you think of the hook in Boogie Down With Doctor D?

What can we even say?

Insane. We've never seen left-hand technique like that.

I know! I was self-taught.

You have some crazy, crazy skills, dude!

Well...

- You know what you need? - Hmm?

You just need a band.

And the band needs you.

Oh.

- T? - B.

Come on in.

Dads,

is there something you would like to say to Death?

Oh...

We're sorry for how things went between us, Death.

Yeah.

Sincerely sorry.

I am sorry that fame went to my head.

It's very intoxicating.

We really did love playing with you, dude.

We really did rock, didn't we?

We definitely did.

And if it's not too late, Death...

Yeah?

Would you consider rejoining...

Wyld Stallyns?

Oh... I...

I suppose.

Okay, let's go!

Right. Right.

It's Dennis. Hi.

- I got lost. - Get in, Dennis.

Okay. Thank you, guys.

- Hey, Kid Cudi. - Hey, Dennis.

Oh, hello. Hello, everyone.

Hey. Hey. Yeah, okay, friends.

Let's rock!

It was cool when you said, "Let's rock,"

because it made me want to rock.

Uh-huh.

You don't just get to rock.

You got to earn the right to rock.

Dude! We got 11 minutes.

Anyone know where MP 46 is?

Depends on your perspective.

To really dig the groove of the quantum realm,

you gotta choose a place to dig it from.

Dig?

Anyone know where MP 46 is?

We're never gonna make our flight.

Deac, Deac. Look at that.

Whoa!

I got this.

Stop!

We're back!

What?

This is bad.

Really bad.

Okay, guys, let's go!

Come on!

Come on, Mozart.

Oh, Ted! Even if we knew

where we were supposed to play,

there's no way we'd ever get there in time.

Bill, look!

This is MP 46? It makes no sense.

How can the song happen right here?

Because this is where it happened.

Ted, you're right, dude!

But, dude, what're we gonna play?

I don't know, dude.

Uh, Bill and Ted? I saved these.

I'm not sure if...

they're of any use, but...

- Thanks, Dennis. - Dads!

Dads! MP 46.

And the band is ready to play.

Alls we need is the song.

Thea.

Billie.

We don't know how to tell you this.

We don't have the song.

Wait...

You don't?

No.

We're sorry.

We're sorry, Dads.

Yeah, we really wanted to help you out with this.

Dude, you seeing what I'm seeing?

Preston?

Logan?

Preston/Logan.

Whoa.

What is it, Dads?

It's you!

What?

It was you the whole time. We just didn't see it.

We can't write music.

Whatever... We just listen to stuff.

From things we like.

And we just kind of put stuff together.

Yeah, maybe you just listen a little,

make things you like.

And put it all together.

Girls, you're not here to back us.

We're here to back you.

We're your band.

Whoa.

Follow us!

Here you go. Instruments!

Wow!

Dude, I just thought of something.

What is it, Ted?

How is just listening to a song...

...gonna unite the whole world...

...throughout all of time?

That is a good question, dude.

It's almost like they'd all have to hear it

in order to play it.

Ted, of course! That's how we're gonna unite 'em.

We get 'em to play along.

Well, if that's true, alls we gotta do is

get to everyone throughout all time.

Yeah, and get 'em instruments, dude.

In seven minutes and 25 seconds.

What about a tambourine?

I mean, how hard can it be to rock with that?

Tambourine is not as easy as it looks.

What about dancing? I'm a very gifted dancer.

You dance?

- Mmm-hmm. - Really?

Why don't you go over there and rehearse your dance?

Okay.

Dude, we have no power!

Say no more. On it.

Okay.

There! Oh, Jo.

- Theodore. - William!

- Joanna! - Liz!

Hi.

Did you find a reality where we're all happy together?

We did.

We realized we're happiest in this reality.

Sweet!

Now, um, did we hear you say something about

distributing instruments all throughout time?

Ready, T?

Five, six, five, six, seven, eight!

Oh, my God, what's happening?

Excuse me, Mr. Cudi, sir?

Our wives just traveled through multiple realities.

And in doing so, they realized...

They're all happening

- simultaneously. - Simultaneously.

Do we need individual us's

to take instruments to infinite places?

Okay. See, contrary to what some have argued,

universal wave function is,

epistemologically speaking,

both cyclic and separating. In other words...

Excuse me, Kid Cudi. I don't mean to be rude,

but we have, like, four and a half minutes.

Madam. Madam! We have to go. It's not safe to be in here.

Where were you thinking of going?

I think it's a lunar eclipse.

That is not lunar, you guys.

This is a disaster, T.

What are we gonna do, B?

Stop!

All you need to do is go in the quantum superposition

with multiple realities.

But how?

Dudes, the booth is obviously a tunnel to the quantum realm.

Go, go, go!

- Thank you, Mr. Cudi! - Thank you, Mr. Cudi!

Station.

Station!

- Grom! - Grom, you start!

- No, no, no... - Stop, stop!

Here.

And now, Death!

Well... It's... Maybe something like...

Too Pale to Cry.

- That last riff? - Amazing!

Yeah.

What're we gonna tell people to play?

- We'll be right back. - Okay.

Read me the number for the infinite, dude.

Six-nine...

Six-nine...

Two-nine-nine...

- How about that concerto? - Okay, go tell him.

Mozart.

Three-four-five-five...

Five-one-zero-one...

I already said goodbye to the girls.

But I wanna stay here and dance.

Dennis.

Good luck, my excellent friends.

Thanks, Kelly.

Later, Dennis.

My name is Dennis. Dennis McCoy.

Two-one-eight.

Faster, you know? Yeah! Now, D.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah!

Watch this!

Jimi, for the win!

One-eight-two-eight...

Okay. Okay. The girls said C major.

One-hundred thirteen beats per minute.

- Got it. - All right. Yeah.

Four-five-five. Five-one...

- Four-three-five... - Guys, maybe just press

the infinite button.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

One last thing.

I love you, Elizabeth.

I love you, Joanna.

We know.

I love you.

- Okay, let's go. - Okay.

- How's it goin', Deac? - Whoa!

- Missy. - Oh!

In case you're wondering, I'm essentially an infinite me.

Catch you later.

Outstanding!

Yeah!

- Excellent! - Excellent!

Dads!

Wait.

San Dimas, make some noise!

Yeah!

Ten, nine...

eight, seven...

six...

- five... - Dads!

...four, three...

two, one.

Madam, you need to see this.

Your father would be so proud of you.

Wow.

- Bye! - Bye, Kid Cudi!

- Bye! - See ya, Kid Cudi!

It's working!

Yeah!

And so, it wasn't so much

the song that made the difference.

It was everyone playing it together.

And it worked.

Dude...

are you dead yet?

No.

Are you?

No.

There's one more thing we need to do

before we go.

Definitely.

Ready, Bill?

Ready, Ted.

- One... - Two...

One, two, three, four!

Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

- Okay. - Okay.

- We still got it. - We still got it.

- Hey, Bill. - Yeah?

Okay, I have to sit down.

I'm sorry.

- That was fun. - That was good.

Nurse!