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1
00:00:01,025 --> 00:00:04,813
You were so unadventurous.
You should have tried those fish cakes.
2
00:00:04,985 --> 00:00:08,500
- Fish cakes, yeah.
- I think you should try everything once.
3
00:00:08,665 --> 00:00:12,101
- Once, yeah.
- Do I have your complete attention?
4
00:00:12,265 --> 00:00:13,903
Aagh!
5
00:00:16,465 --> 00:00:19,184
- Gareth!
- Don't worry, Aria. I've got him.
6
00:00:19,345 --> 00:00:20,824
Anthea.
7
00:00:32,745 --> 00:00:34,542
Blood. I feel sick.
8
00:00:34,705 --> 00:00:37,617
Sometimes, Gareth,
you have to suffer to be beautiful.
9
00:00:37,785 --> 00:00:39,855
- Give me the bag.
- No, wait.
10
00:00:40,025 --> 00:00:43,904
The "Telegraph" and the "Standard"
are both strangers to sudden movement.
11
00:00:44,065 --> 00:00:47,614
Give them time,
then saunter out like you're Russell Crowe.
12
00:00:47,785 --> 00:00:50,140
Saunter, Gareth. Don't waddle.
13
00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:52,819
Give it the full boom-shacka-lacka, yeah?
14
00:00:54,585 --> 00:00:56,064
Oh, Gawd.
15
00:01:17,505 --> 00:01:21,180
You are one hell of a tough guy, Gary Hunt.
16
00:01:21,345 --> 00:01:24,382
- Gareth.
- Go for the broadsheets, Anthea!
17
00:01:33,705 --> 00:01:37,823
Banging the gong for hunting with hounds
one minute, bloody footpaths the next.
18
00:01:37,985 --> 00:01:39,737
It's all such a muddle.
19
00:01:39,905 --> 00:01:43,944
- This Welsh fellow, MP for Henley...
- Johnson's not Welsh, is he?
20
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:47,461
Comic grotesque.
Couldn't find his arse with a guide book.
21
00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:49,934
How can he help the poor bugger
on the tractor?
22
00:01:50,105 --> 00:01:52,335
God help you if you need an ambulance.
23
00:01:52,505 --> 00:01:57,420
My spleen's on the blink.
I hardly dare go back to Chippenham.
24
00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:02,295
- One can't afford to die in Wiltshire.
- Country people have no voice.
25
00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:07,698
We're drifting, gentlemen...
rudderless, towards extinction.
26
00:02:08,745 --> 00:02:10,895
What's your view, Martin?
27
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,101
In all the years you've represented me,
28
00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:17,816
I've never quite got a handle
on you and rural affairs.
29
00:02:17,985 --> 00:02:21,341
Essentially, Ronnie, I think... yes.
30
00:02:21,505 --> 00:02:24,338
There is a great crisis in the country -
31
00:02:24,505 --> 00:02:28,020
or countryside
as we're obliged to call it now.
32
00:02:28,185 --> 00:02:32,701
It's time someone stuck their standard
in the sod and said, "Enough!"
33
00:02:33,825 --> 00:02:36,100
The land is the heart of the nation.
34
00:02:36,265 --> 00:02:41,214
Treat it and the men who care for it
with the greatest respect or...
35
00:02:42,185 --> 00:02:45,063
suffer the consequences.
36
00:02:49,825 --> 00:02:53,022
Well, I think you're the man for us.
37
00:02:54,025 --> 00:02:57,256
Oh, am I really? That's handy.
38
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:00,983
Jolly good.
39
00:03:01,985 --> 00:03:05,580
You should have seen me, Charles,
how I reeled them in.
40
00:03:05,745 --> 00:03:08,339
I had that glassy, unfocused look. You know?
41
00:03:08,505 --> 00:03:10,302
Oh, I do.
42
00:03:10,465 --> 00:03:14,140
You're looking at me with the air of a man
refusing an overdraft.
43
00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:19,379
Roddy Growse and the utter unreconstructed
stiffs of Upper Brook Street?
44
00:03:19,545 --> 00:03:22,264
The utter unreconstructed rich stiffs.
45
00:03:22,425 --> 00:03:25,576
The Real Country Union -
a new political party.
46
00:03:25,745 --> 00:03:29,135
Roddy's not in charge.
They're fielding Harry Harcourt.
47
00:03:29,305 --> 00:03:32,217
- Oh, God!
- What?
48
00:03:32,385 --> 00:03:34,694
Martin, if I may casually ejaculate,
49
00:03:34,865 --> 00:03:38,778
Roddy Growse is an author of political
thrillers. He is not a politician.
50
00:03:38,945 --> 00:03:43,223
Lord Harcourt is an old imbecile
who sits with his arse in a bucket of cream
51
00:03:43,385 --> 00:03:47,697
at his estate in Oxfordshire,
writing letters to the "Times" about voles.
52
00:03:47,865 --> 00:03:50,538
Harcourt and his party are now our clients.
53
00:03:50,705 --> 00:03:53,777
Fighting for the unfetterment
of the farmer in the field.
54
00:03:53,945 --> 00:03:56,937
- Saucy alliteration.
- "Unfetterment" is not a word.
55
00:03:57,985 --> 00:03:59,976
- This is excellent.
- Not bad, is it?
56
00:04:00,145 --> 00:04:02,101
He's never going to be Pierce Brosnan.
57
00:04:02,265 --> 00:04:04,938
Jamie, must you broadcast to the world
58
00:04:05,105 --> 00:04:07,539
exactly where
you stick your colossal salary?
59
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:12,938
In at the start. Prentiss McCabe can put
its imprimatur on this one from the top.
60
00:04:13,105 --> 00:04:16,654
- We are doing the job.
- So it would seem.
61
00:04:16,825 --> 00:04:18,543
So what's the foreplay?
62
00:04:18,705 --> 00:04:22,334
- It's er... What is it, Jamie?
- A phase one chemistry meet.
63
00:04:22,505 --> 00:04:23,904
One of those.
64
00:04:24,065 --> 00:04:27,262
No, we're really not being obstructive.
Honestly.
65
00:04:27,425 --> 00:04:32,101
No. We just think that entering
a Peter Stringfellow lookalike contest
66
00:04:32,265 --> 00:04:34,904
won't necessarily
bring you closer to the people.
67
00:04:35,065 --> 00:04:39,934
And I must say, I think the palace will take
a rather dim view on it, Mrs Parker-Bowles.
68
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:46,218
Gentlemen. Now... One of you I've met before
and the other one has the brains.
69
00:04:46,385 --> 00:04:48,535
Which is which? You must be Jimmy.
70
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,015
Charles, sir. A bit like Jimmy,
but all the letters are different.
71
00:04:52,185 --> 00:04:54,745
You'll have to speak up.
I've got aids in both ears.
72
00:04:54,905 --> 00:04:57,578
I said... You've got what?
73
00:04:57,745 --> 00:05:00,418
What's a fellow have to do
to get a bloody drink?
74
00:05:00,585 --> 00:05:05,659
- Harry? Harry. We're in the agency now.
- I'm deaf, Roddy, not stupid.
75
00:05:05,825 --> 00:05:09,704
I want to know if they have the wherewithal
to wet my tyrannous whistle.
76
00:05:09,865 --> 00:05:13,540
I'm sure we have. I was just
saying to Tit Face here, my partner,
77
00:05:13,705 --> 00:05:16,265
it would be a good idea
to have some champagne.
78
00:05:16,425 --> 00:05:18,859
Champagne makes me fart. I'll drink beer.
79
00:05:19,025 --> 00:05:22,734
- Absolutely. Alison?
- It doesn't do that to me.
80
00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:29,304
(LAUGHS) Sorry, I... I'd love
some champagne if you're opening it.
81
00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:31,376
- Thanks.
- Fetch some beer.
82
00:05:31,545 --> 00:05:33,615
Right. Yup. Good.
83
00:05:35,425 --> 00:05:39,816
Harry, let's go to my office. Charles
has some rather clever ideas to share.
84
00:05:39,985 --> 00:05:42,260
Who's Charles?
85
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,781
He's Charles? Why did he tell me
his name was Jimmy?
86
00:05:47,745 --> 00:05:50,054
Martin, you made this bed...
87
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,739
prepare to eat it.
88
00:05:52,905 --> 00:05:56,739
For three generations, country people
have been taking it up the arse -
89
00:05:56,905 --> 00:05:59,658
saving your presence, my dear -
from ministry men
90
00:05:59,825 --> 00:06:03,704
who'd burst into tears if they were left
alone in a field with a cow.
91
00:06:04,705 --> 00:06:06,696
Talk to the people who work the land.
92
00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:10,540
There's only the dimmest flicker of hope
left in them.
93
00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:16,177
Our task, gentlemen, is to coax
that flicker to a life-sustaining blaze.
94
00:06:16,345 --> 00:06:20,941
Are you fit for it? "Have the best
or go without", my father used to say.
95
00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:24,700
I'm told that you two
are undoubtedly the best.
96
00:06:25,705 --> 00:06:27,980
Are you good enough for us?
97
00:06:28,145 --> 00:06:32,423
No. The question is
are you good enough for us?
98
00:06:32,585 --> 00:06:36,783
- How much do you pay the estate carpenter?
- None of your damn business.
99
00:06:36,945 --> 00:06:40,062
It will be if you found this party -
everybody's business.
100
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:43,695
The truth is you don't even know yourself,
do you?
101
00:06:43,865 --> 00:06:48,302
- I suppose you're all fox hunters.
- Oh, no. Hunting's a lost cause.
102
00:06:48,465 --> 00:06:52,981
It's a poisoned chalice from which
no ambitious party can afford to drink.
103
00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:56,535
I'm certain that it's television
that would be my undoing.
104
00:06:57,545 --> 00:07:00,139
I'm not immense
at speaking on the wireless either,
105
00:07:00,305 --> 00:07:02,296
though one's done a bit of it.
106
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:07,858
I tend to put on altogether too much dog.
I sound like Lord Emsworth. Nerves.
107
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:10,220
Television, though, I think I'd clam up.
108
00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:14,173
If Paxman got hold of me, I'd sit there
with a grin like a wanking chap.
109
00:07:15,425 --> 00:07:18,735
Certainly vocabulary
is something we could work on.
110
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:22,136
"Wireless", for instance,
is not altogether current.
111
00:07:22,305 --> 00:07:26,901
Good! You see, Rodders,
that's the stuff one needs to know.
112
00:07:27,065 --> 00:07:30,853
(RADl0) So, Jim Moore,Controller of all good things BBC,,,
113
00:07:31,025 --> 00:07:34,904
One last question about the future
of this fine vessel in which we sail.
114
00:07:35,065 --> 00:07:37,659
What about the old hands like yours truly?
115
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:43,024
Is there still room for us aboard the good
ship Auntie or shall we walk the plank?
116
00:07:44,025 --> 00:07:47,574
What a terrible thought. I can't imagine
the BBC without Sandy Morters.
117
00:07:47,745 --> 00:07:51,294
- Don't say it...
- You're like the Queen Mother,
118
00:07:51,465 --> 00:07:53,695
The Queen Mother's dead.
119
00:08:04,225 --> 00:08:06,295
(MOBILE RINGS)
120
00:08:08,185 --> 00:08:11,461
Hello? Jim? How are you?
121
00:08:12,465 --> 00:08:14,933
Yes, as a matter of fact, I was listening.
122
00:08:15,105 --> 00:08:18,939
Thanks very much.
There is a bit of a problem though.
123
00:08:21,025 --> 00:08:25,064
Johnny Vegas has just signed.
Yeah. Paw actually to paper.
124
00:08:26,985 --> 00:08:30,455
No. I couldn't tell him on the air.
He'd have had a coronary.
125
00:08:31,665 --> 00:08:35,453
Who's going to tell him?
I thought you might. He's your client.
126
00:08:35,625 --> 00:08:38,503
We're putting out a press release tomorrow.
127
00:08:38,665 --> 00:08:41,657
Good old Dire Straits with "Tunnel of Love".
128
00:08:55,585 --> 00:08:59,134
(OPERA ON RADIO)
129
00:09:04,785 --> 00:09:08,573
Come on, Charles, don't be such a Sulky Sue.
This is the country.
130
00:09:08,745 --> 00:09:11,418
This frail and vulnerable commodity
is our client.
131
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,735
Well, it could do with a haircut.
132
00:09:13,905 --> 00:09:16,977
Roddy and the Union want you.
They need you.
133
00:09:17,145 --> 00:09:21,184
They see that what's been missing
in the presentation of rural grievances
134
00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:23,142
is the metropolitan sheen.
135
00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:27,344
The urban edge
without which no Whitehall ice is cut.
136
00:09:27,505 --> 00:09:32,295
Am I an edge or a sheen, Martin? Do let me
know so I can comport myself accordingly.
137
00:09:32,465 --> 00:09:37,016
(RADl0) This is the Sandy Morters Show,I've had a letter about a beastie from,,,
138
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:40,097
(ALISON) I'd better get that.
(JAMIE) Leave that.
139
00:09:40,265 --> 00:09:44,736
- It's my phone.
- What I have to say may frighten you.
140
00:09:44,905 --> 00:09:46,736
While they're out of the office,
141
00:09:46,905 --> 00:09:51,023
Martin wants you to compose
an election-winning slogan
142
00:09:51,185 --> 00:09:54,063
for the Real Country Union. All right?
143
00:09:54,225 --> 00:09:56,341
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Fine. Certainly.
144
00:09:56,505 --> 00:09:59,099
Political. Not what I normally do. Any clues?
145
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,621
Sometimes you just have
to come up with that little bit extra.
146
00:10:02,785 --> 00:10:05,618
If you can't squeeze it out,
it's time to get off the potty.
147
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,454
Alison, Charles, Just a gentle reminder,
148
00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:15,699
Do explain to Rigor Morters he's finishedbefore the old duffer sees it on the news,
149
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,664
Oh, Cat? Pick this up, will you?
150
00:10:27,825 --> 00:10:31,500
- What is it?
- Don't ask questions. Just get it.
151
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,781
Barnes? Can I take a cab?
152
00:10:33,945 --> 00:10:36,300
If you think you can afford it.
153
00:10:44,465 --> 00:10:49,459
- Christ! What's that?
- That is the seat of our host.
154
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:55,176
And that is the seat of his daughter
Virginia - Party Treasurer.
155
00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:02,461
How was the motorway? Was it bloody?
156
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:05,617
- Moderately bloody, thank you.
- Ginny Harcourt.
157
00:11:05,785 --> 00:11:07,821
Haven't you got warm hands?
158
00:11:07,985 --> 00:11:11,295
- Warm hands, cold heart.
- I like to think so.
159
00:11:15,025 --> 00:11:17,414
Everyone else is here, I think.
160
00:11:17,585 --> 00:11:20,736
My father will probably
have them all pissed as farts by now.
161
00:11:20,905 --> 00:11:22,896
Somebody's bound to get shot.
162
00:11:25,025 --> 00:11:28,495
This little flag indicates
that a joke was intended.
163
00:11:30,185 --> 00:11:33,894
- Today's rough, by the way. Is that OK?
- Er... excellent.
164
00:11:34,065 --> 00:11:36,818
Charles hasn't been a gun before.
165
00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:39,499
Ah. A virgin for Virginia.
166
00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:42,541
A rough shoot means no beaters.
167
00:11:44,025 --> 00:11:47,062
You haven't got the faintest idea
what I'm talking about.
168
00:11:48,585 --> 00:11:51,338
Don't worry, darling. I'll hold your hand.
169
00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:07,013
(PHONE RINGS)
170
00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:20,463
- Pick it up, Ali.
- You pick it up.
171
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,616
I'm creative. I don't do physical.
172
00:12:24,145 --> 00:12:25,464
Right.
173
00:12:27,905 --> 00:12:31,375
- You have four messages,,,
- OK, Jamie. How about this?
174
00:12:33,145 --> 00:12:35,136
Take a good look at your breakfast.
175
00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:38,183
That muesli comes straight
from the heart of Britain.
176
00:12:39,185 --> 00:12:43,622
Alison, the one you just came up with
about putting the "tree" in "country"?
177
00:12:43,785 --> 00:12:47,824
That I said wasn't a winner
because it draws attention to the syllables
178
00:12:47,985 --> 00:12:50,340
- and it might backfire...
- You said it was shite.
179
00:12:50,505 --> 00:12:52,496
- This is worse.
- Why?
180
00:12:52,665 --> 00:12:55,304
One, it's got too many words.
Two, it's too specific.
181
00:12:55,465 --> 00:12:59,663
Three, nobody wants to be nagged
over breakfast. Four...
182
00:12:59,825 --> 00:13:05,582
Shit. Charles. Have we told Rigor? They're
announcing his retirement on the news.
183
00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:08,782
- That's more your sort of thing.
- I've got to do this.
184
00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:11,937
- You've got to do both.
- Why can't you do Rigor?
185
00:13:12,105 --> 00:13:16,417
'Cause I am waiting for a ley to open
and while I am waiting I am thinking.
186
00:13:16,585 --> 00:13:18,064
- Ah...
- Silently.
187
00:13:25,385 --> 00:13:30,505
So, are the people here a representative
cross-section of country dwellers?
188
00:13:30,665 --> 00:13:33,862
They've had privileges of education
and upbringing
189
00:13:34,025 --> 00:13:38,541
but decided to use those privileges
for the benefit of less fortunate rural people.
190
00:13:40,425 --> 00:13:44,896
- I think that's admirable.
- Harcourt, you bastard! Get off my line!
191
00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:49,343
Yes. The problem is a tone of voice -
a manner that the public finds resistible.
192
00:13:49,505 --> 00:13:52,417
I don't give a fish's tit! My covey!
193
00:13:53,905 --> 00:13:57,944
When did you last see politicians
actually relaxing and having fun
194
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,858
without fretting
about how they looked or sounded?
195
00:14:01,025 --> 00:14:04,938
Honest men. Couldn't that be represented
to the public as a virtue?
196
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:07,665
Yes. But they're not politicians yet, are they?
197
00:14:07,825 --> 00:14:10,658
- I'm not sure you could afford my fee.
- Try me.
198
00:14:12,305 --> 00:14:14,102
In my capacity as Treasurer.
199
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:19,940
If I were to see the campaign through,
you'd be looking at ?180-190,000.
200
00:14:20,105 --> 00:14:21,936
- Plus expenses.
- Done.
201
00:14:22,105 --> 00:14:25,415
What? Let's say 200,000.
202
00:14:25,585 --> 00:14:29,498
Let's say that, then.
That wasn't too distressing, was it?
203
00:14:29,665 --> 00:14:32,657
- Not to me.
- Nor me. I'd budgeted quarter of a million.
204
00:14:33,985 --> 00:14:36,055
- (SQUAWK!)
- Christ on a bike!
205
00:14:36,225 --> 00:14:38,944
He shot a bloody peacock!
206
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:42,584
- Is that a bad thing?
- It's unusual.
207
00:14:43,585 --> 00:14:46,702
Quite right. Can't stand peacocks.
208
00:14:56,985 --> 00:15:00,978
I'm going to have to call Rigor
and explain the situation myself.
209
00:15:02,065 --> 00:15:03,498
That's what's happening.
210
00:15:03,665 --> 00:15:09,900
Now, I am going to pretend that I am
Charles and do exactly what he would.
211
00:15:13,305 --> 00:15:15,261
- (MOBILE RINGS)
- Cat here.
212
00:15:15,425 --> 00:15:17,222
- Cat, Rigor's been sacked
- What?
213
00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:20,934
He's been sacked and no one has told him.
214
00:15:21,105 --> 00:15:23,494
- Oh, God. That's awful.
- I know,
215
00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:26,577
- That mustn't happen.
- I'm not sure what to do,
216
00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:29,737
I'll get this bloody package
and get straight on to Rigor.
217
00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:32,578
- Are you sure?
- I'll deal with it. What's his number?
218
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,824
- Are you quite ready for this?
- When have I ever let you down?
219
00:15:49,985 --> 00:15:52,943
Chronologically or in order of seriousness?
220
00:15:55,105 --> 00:15:56,936
- Gentlemen...
- Speak up.
221
00:15:57,105 --> 00:16:00,654
Gentlemen, my colleague Martin and I
222
00:16:00,825 --> 00:16:04,215
have been privy
to the birth of several political parties -
223
00:16:04,385 --> 00:16:06,899
the UK Independence, the SDP,
224
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:10,774
the Jimmy Goldsmith and Taki one,
whatever that was called -
225
00:16:10,945 --> 00:16:14,062
and we declined to represent any of them.
226
00:16:14,225 --> 00:16:19,538
They were all doing whatever they felt like
and passing it off as principle.
227
00:16:19,705 --> 00:16:25,541
Fumbling that old whore Parliament,
rummaging in her tired and tattered gusset
228
00:16:25,705 --> 00:16:27,775
for the keys to power.
229
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:32,541
We could have told them, gentlemen,
the keys aren't in there.
230
00:16:32,705 --> 00:16:36,778
The keys are in the grip of the ordinary people.
231
00:16:37,665 --> 00:16:42,420
You know, we all of us contain a chord
that others must strike.
232
00:16:43,425 --> 00:16:45,814
You have struck mine
233
00:16:45,985 --> 00:16:50,900
and I believe you can strike those
of the common folk.
234
00:16:52,785 --> 00:16:56,061
Martin and I are proud
to have you as our clients.
235
00:16:56,225 --> 00:17:01,094
We will serve you to the best of our ability
and you shall triumph.
236
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,820
Gentlemen, a toast.
237
00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:15,101
To a cleaner, fresher, invigorated,
238
00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:18,496
more English rural England.
239
00:17:19,785 --> 00:17:21,901
(ALL) To England!
240
00:17:39,665 --> 00:17:41,656
Yes, I'll hold.
241
00:17:42,665 --> 00:17:46,453
I'm looking for Jacksons. I don't
know if it's an edit facilities place...
242
00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,775
- It's a heel bar.
- I'm sorry?
243
00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:51,776
- 6.99
- He's on what?
244
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,175
- He's on air.
- Please put me through,
245
00:17:55,185 --> 00:17:58,575
So, Father, whither the Church
in the age of virtual marriage?
246
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,784
I have a caller from Barnes, West London.
Yes, Catherine?
247
00:18:02,945 --> 00:18:07,257
Meet me at Prentiss McCabe after the show,It's very important,
248
00:18:07,425 --> 00:18:08,858
Taxi!
249
00:18:18,025 --> 00:18:21,938
I want you to tell me
what you think our problems are.
250
00:18:22,105 --> 00:18:26,383
Very well. Allow me to demonstrate
by means of an exercise.
251
00:18:26,545 --> 00:18:29,059
Simple word association can be illuminating.
252
00:18:30,465 --> 00:18:32,774
- Shell.
- What's he say?
253
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,664
He says, "Shell", you say...
254
00:18:36,665 --> 00:18:38,656
Oh, like word association?
255
00:18:38,825 --> 00:18:41,897
You say, "Shell",
I say, "Already on the board, old boy".
256
00:18:42,065 --> 00:18:45,614
- Chelsea and Westminster.
- Residents' parking.
257
00:18:45,785 --> 00:18:49,095
- European Union.
- Wog trouble.
258
00:18:49,265 --> 00:18:51,859
- Rape.
- Er... seed.
259
00:18:52,025 --> 00:18:54,664
- Seed.
- Wimbledon.
260
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,495
- Money.
- Trees.
261
00:18:57,665 --> 00:19:00,225
Thank you. I rest my case.
262
00:19:00,385 --> 00:19:06,096
All right, there's an image problem,
but are you two truly onside?
263
00:19:06,265 --> 00:19:11,737
Do you believe that in, say, five years
we would have wrought significant change?
264
00:19:11,905 --> 00:19:16,137
Tell us where you want to be in five years
and we'll make sure you get there.
265
00:19:16,305 --> 00:19:18,899
Show us the enemy, we'll take him on.
266
00:19:20,305 --> 00:19:22,500
These are difficult questions.
267
00:19:22,665 --> 00:19:26,943
Not at all. They're not difficult... at all.
268
00:19:28,905 --> 00:19:33,342
- You have our attention.
- But do we have your absolute discretion?
269
00:19:34,705 --> 00:19:39,825
If we're going to begin by not trusting each
other, by keeping secrets from each other,
270
00:19:39,985 --> 00:19:42,215
this relationship is mortally undermined.
271
00:19:57,785 --> 00:20:00,424
I wonder if this is entirely wise.
272
00:20:00,585 --> 00:20:04,419
Daddy wouldn't do it if it wasn't.
And we have to know.
273
00:20:15,945 --> 00:20:17,742
Now...
274
00:20:19,025 --> 00:20:21,744
So... er... paintings...
275
00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:25,181
in the style of John Sell Cotman,
276
00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:27,495
Tom Girtin, Turner...
277
00:20:29,745 --> 00:20:33,454
The great tradition of English watercolourists
278
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:36,822
and by extension, therefore,
your enemy is...
279
00:20:38,385 --> 00:20:41,058
painters who prefer to use acrylics?
280
00:20:41,225 --> 00:20:43,136
Um... help me out.
281
00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:45,614
Um... right.
282
00:20:47,465 --> 00:20:49,217
"A.H."
283
00:20:50,225 --> 00:20:53,456
They're all signed A.H. Er...
284
00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:59,257
That would be Alice? Agatha?
Give me a clue.
285
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,904
Adolf Hitler.
286
00:21:03,145 --> 00:21:06,501
The Commandant's desk from Auschwitz.
287
00:21:07,945 --> 00:21:09,936
His chair.
288
00:21:11,065 --> 00:21:15,502
This key once unlocked
the main gate at Belsen.
289
00:21:17,785 --> 00:21:21,778
And over here -
and this is particularly recherche -
290
00:21:21,945 --> 00:21:26,735
a little canister, unused... marked "Zyklon".
291
00:21:29,305 --> 00:21:31,899
Could you spare us a moment, please?
292
00:21:32,065 --> 00:21:35,296
Oh, yes, of course.
It is a bit overwhelming.
293
00:21:36,305 --> 00:21:38,899
Take your time.
294
00:21:44,425 --> 00:21:49,579
God forgive me, Charles. We've got to get
out of here. This is quite impossible.
295
00:21:49,745 --> 00:21:53,101
Nothing's impossible, Martin,
if we've set our mind to it.
296
00:21:53,265 --> 00:21:55,654
- We don't falter.
- What?
297
00:21:55,825 --> 00:22:00,023
When Edwina revealed so vividly to us
that she was actually a man,
298
00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:02,176
did we hesitate in promoting her memoir?
299
00:22:02,345 --> 00:22:04,859
Charles, we need to get you back to London.
300
00:22:05,025 --> 00:22:08,017
If I want your opinion,
Martin, I'll give it to me.
301
00:22:08,185 --> 00:22:10,016
No. We took the client.
302
00:22:10,185 --> 00:22:13,814
We're not about to ditch the client
because things have got a bit eggy.
303
00:22:13,985 --> 00:22:17,660
A bit eggy? Charles, they're fucking Nazis.
304
00:22:17,825 --> 00:22:20,897
That's the ultimate PR challenge, isn't it?
305
00:22:21,065 --> 00:22:25,104
Decades of terrible press,
but what did they actually achieve?
306
00:22:25,265 --> 00:22:29,622
Apart from the slaughter of millions
of Jews? I can't believe I'm hearing this!
307
00:22:30,865 --> 00:22:33,902
You cannot spin the Final Solution.
308
00:22:36,225 --> 00:22:41,424
They gave us Gewurztraminer, Riefenstahl...
the Autobahn, the Volkswagen,
309
00:22:41,585 --> 00:22:45,464
the iconic use of dark leathers
and they made the sausages run on time.
310
00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:48,856
You cannot spin the Holocaust.
311
00:22:49,025 --> 00:22:53,780
Well, 20 years ago you couldn't pay people
to have an Alsatian. Devil dogs.
312
00:22:53,945 --> 00:22:56,698
Then rebrand them
as German Shepherds - German -
313
00:22:56,865 --> 00:23:00,175
and suddenly, bingo,
they're top of the poochy pops.
314
00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:03,576
You don't have to "buy" the video,
you can "own" it.
315
00:23:03,745 --> 00:23:05,781
See? All in a word.
316
00:23:05,945 --> 00:23:07,742
Poochy pops?
317
00:23:07,905 --> 00:23:13,025
Above all, Martin, think of the money.
The money's going to be bloody outrageous.
318
00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:31,617
- Where's Rigor? Is he here yet?
- Martin's office.
319
00:23:38,345 --> 00:23:43,897
We've had a lot of rain,We had some across the country yesterday,,,
320
00:23:44,065 --> 00:23:46,021
- Catherine?
- Rigor...
321
00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:49,619
People call me that behind my back,
but never mind.
322
00:23:49,785 --> 00:23:52,618
You have something pressing to say to me
and here I am.
323
00:23:53,545 --> 00:23:55,422
Yes, um...
324
00:23:57,545 --> 00:24:02,573
You look agitated. Perhaps we should
have a cup of tea and then you can tell me.
325
00:24:02,745 --> 00:24:04,781
Yes. Yes, tea.
326
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:07,584
I'll be right back.
327
00:24:07,745 --> 00:24:12,296
The Hebrew - it's always him.
2,000 years and nothing's changed.
328
00:24:12,465 --> 00:24:17,300
Yes. I've never really understood this thing
about the Jews, why they're such a menace.
329
00:24:17,465 --> 00:24:19,695
They look and behave just like us.
330
00:24:21,465 --> 00:24:23,342
Exactly.
331
00:24:25,425 --> 00:24:27,495
I'm a Jew.
332
00:25:02,665 --> 00:25:09,013
Never, never, never let us do
anything like that, Martin, ever again.
333
00:25:12,905 --> 00:25:15,419
("SIX O'CLOCK NEWS" THEME ON TV)
334
00:25:20,665 --> 00:25:22,144
Last call for Sandy,
335
00:25:22,305 --> 00:25:26,583
Veteran broadcaster Sandy Morterssays it's time to call it a day,
336
00:25:26,745 --> 00:25:31,773
BBC spokesmen are "amazed and dismayed"that radio legend Sandy resigned
337
00:25:31,945 --> 00:25:35,540
only hours after supremo Jim Mooreappeared to confirm
338
00:25:35,705 --> 00:25:39,857
that Mr Morters' career as the BBC'slongest-serving broadcaster was secure,
339
00:25:40,025 --> 00:25:44,621
We'll release later today the name of thelucky man or woman chosen to take the reins
340
00:25:44,785 --> 00:25:47,857
of one of broadcasting's most celebrated voices,
341
00:25:51,465 --> 00:25:53,262
Oh, shit!
342
00:25:54,465 --> 00:25:58,822
- It's a dandy. Jamie puts his feet up.
- Actually, I was...
343
00:25:58,985 --> 00:26:02,944
At Prentiss McCabe we find it useful
not to speak when others are doing so.
344
00:26:03,105 --> 00:26:07,383
- It can be a teeny bit confusing.
- Round room now. I want an update.
345
00:26:07,545 --> 00:26:11,504
- Charles...
- Mouth closed. Stops the drivel coming out.
346
00:26:11,665 --> 00:26:13,815
Come on, everybody. Chop chop.
347
00:26:13,985 --> 00:26:18,536
Where's the servant? I want a pint
of gin and tonic and then another one!
348
00:26:18,705 --> 00:26:22,414
Why doesn't anybody do
any bloody work around here?
349
00:26:22,464 --> 00:26:27,014
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