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1
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,200
I don't know why.
I've always been big on happy endings.
2
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,200
To me, the most romantic,
beautiful love stories...
3
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,000
...were the ones where
two people meet, fall in love...
4
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,000
...then 50, 60 years later
one of them dies.
5
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:27,300
A few days after, the other one dies...
6
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,300
...because they just can't live
without each other.
7
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:35,600
Not that that's such a happy ending.
You got two dead people.
8
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,600
That's how I thought things would be
for Katie and me.
9
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,400
Not that we'd be dead,
but that we would be together forever.
10
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,900
Now, High/Low.
Who wants to go first? Erin?
11
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:54,600
Okay, my high today is that
I sat next to Austin Butler at lunch.
12
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,900
- Nice.
- He has the three-legged dog?
13
00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,300
Joel has the three-legged dog.
Austin has the snoring turtle.
14
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,800
And your low?
15
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,000
- Camp.
What about camp?
16
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,400
I don't know.
17
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,800
You had such a good time last year.
18
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,500
- I know.
What is it?
19
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,700
Are you afraid you'll lose touch
with Austin?
20
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,000
- I don't know.
You can write to each other.
21
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:21,200
You can put X's and O's on there.
Guys love that, right?
22
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,200
Can't get enough of it.
23
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,100
Honey, you'll have a great time.
24
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,700
What about you?
What was your high today?
25
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,200
Gary Ellis' mom bought a new juicer...
26
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,600
...and I went to his house
and drank a chicken.
27
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,500
And your low?
28
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,000
I don't have a low.
29
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,700
You gotta have a low.
30
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,000
I've been racking my brain.
I do not have a low.
31
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:45,000
We'll enter the chicken smoothie
in the high and low category.
32
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,300
How about you, Mama?
33
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,300
I know. It's your anniversary.
What are you guys doing tomorrow?
34
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:55,200
- I'm taking her to a romantic dinner...
- Dad's taking me dancing.
35
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,000
...and possibly some dancing.
36
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,200
But you're right.
That is our high.
37
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,400
I'd love to stick around for your low...
38
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,400
...but Dodgers are playing Giants.
39
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:04,600
Go.
40
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,300
- Can I go too?
- Go.
41
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:19,000
I really don't care what we do
tomorrow night.
42
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,300
Even if we're
at different restaurants.
43
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:27,100
Just as long as the kids see us leaving
together and coming home together.
44
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,100
On our first anniversary,
I gave Ben a plastic spoon.
45
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,200
You know, the takeout kind
from a Chinese restaurant?
46
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,000
It was the one we had used...
47
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:43,600
...when we shared our first bowl
of won ton soup in the park.
48
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,800
He was afraid he'd lost it...
49
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,100
...and I remember how his face lit up...
50
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,700
...when he opened the jewelry box
I had wrapped it in.
51
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,400
I keep asking myself:
52
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,800
"When is that moment in a marriage...
53
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:02,300
...when a spoon becomes just a spoon?"
54
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:22,400
When I met Katie,
I wrote on a comedy show...
55
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,900
...and she had been hired as a temp.
56
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:29,500
I don't know. It's hard to explain.
There was an instant connection...
57
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,200
...this simpatico.
I felt like she just got me.
58
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,500
And there is no greater feeling
in this world than to feel gotten.
59
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,400
The loudest silences are the ones...
60
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,200
...filled with everything that's been said...
61
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,100
...said wrong, said 300 times.
62
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,900
You're not hearing me.
63
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,700
You're so goddamn critical!
64
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,100
It's hard with two kids.
I don't need a third.
65
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,600
You're perfect, and I've done
nothing right in 15 years!
66
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000
You're not listening!
67
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,700
You can't let go of anything!
68
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,100
You never listen!
69
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,900
You hold on to every thing!
70
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,100
Why should you be responsible for anything?!
71
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,400
You're critical of every fucking thing!
72
00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,600
I take care of everything here.
73
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:10,900
- Fine!
- Fine!
74
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,400
- Fine!
- Fine!
75
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:17,300
Until fighting becomes the
condition rather than the exception.
76
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:21,400
And suddenly, it turns into
the language of the relationship...
77
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:26,200
...and your only option is
a silent retreat to neutral corners.
78
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,200
Okay, are you a person?
Yes.
79
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,600
Are you a man?
80
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,800
- That's debatable.
- Debatable?
81
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,900
- Do you have a mustache?
- A thick one.
82
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,400
- Aunt Rose.
- Right.
83
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,700
Good old Aunt "5:00 Shadow" Rose.
84
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,000
God, it's almost 9.
We're gonna miss the camp bus.
85
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,300
Now, that is what I call a mobile home.
86
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,200
Can you get around it?
It's 5 to 9!
87
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,600
- They must change their zip code a lot.
- It happens as we speak.
88
00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:59,400
Look. 91604. 91604.
89
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,100
91605!
90
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,600
- Pass it.
- Their mailman must go crazy.
91
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,900
The kids will miss their bus.
92
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,600
Up on the second floor!
Somebody's about to use the bathroom!
93
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,900
We're in the line of fire!
94
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,900
Would you just pass the goddamn house?!
95
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,000
Look, the house is making a right.
96
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,700
When I was in college,
we had to write a term paper.
97
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,500
It was for some philosophy course
I was taking...
98
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:37,100
...on any book we considered...
99
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,800
...to be the one that best depicted
how we viewed the world.
100
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:44,400
I remember some people picking books
by the great thinkers...
101
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,400
...like Kierkegaard and Plato.
Some kids chose the Bible.
102
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:52,200
I did my paper on
Harold and the Purple Crayon.
103
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,900
It's a small book about a little boy...
104
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,000
...who draws the world
the way he wants it to be...
105
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,000
...with his magic crayon.
106
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,700
And I just loved that book because...
107
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,700
...it was about everything that I wasn't.
108
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,700
You wanna write crossword puzzles?
109
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,100
That's a job somebody wants to do?
110
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,900
- Yes.
- And you'd get paid to do this?
111
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,800
So you know stuff like Ra is the sun god.
112
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:24,000
And the symbol for radium
and the abbreviation for regular army.
113
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,500
Should I be impressed or terrified?
114
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,600
I find it soothing and reassuring...
115
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,200
...because you know
there are always answers.
116
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,300
Yeah, but not to the really
big questions like:
117
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,100
"Does God exist?"
"What is the meaning of life?"
118
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,800
"Why does my pee smell funny
when I eat asparagus?"
119
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,400
Aspartic acid, hence the name.
120
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,900
And this soothes you?
121
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:51,000
Yes, since you'll never find
the answers to the big questions...
122
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,800
...there's a comfort in finding
the answers to the little ones.
123
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,100
When you finish, there's this...
124
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,300
...wonderful sense of closure, knowing...
125
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:04,300
...that that little world
on that half-page is complete.
126
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,800
You left yourself wide open.
127
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,800
Come to Papa!
128
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000
But the problem in a marriage is...
129
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:24,300
...if one person is always Harold,
drawing the world the way they want...
130
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:29,200
...the other person has no choice
but to draw it the way it is.
131
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,800
Which is why they never wrote a book
about Harold's wife.
132
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,800
- They're leaving!
- They're not!
133
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,400
Grab your bags!
134
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,800
Wait! Wait!
135
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:44,800
Hold it!
136
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,500
Two more coming!
137
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,200
- Thank you, Marty.
- No problem.
138
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,700
I love you.
Have a great time.
139
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,600
All right, kid.
Bye, Dad.
140
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,700
Take your sister's bag.
Have a great time.
141
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,400
Love you.
142
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,600
I love you.
I love you.
143
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,300
- Bye.
- Bye, honey.
144
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,700
Okay.
145
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,800
If you need me for anything,
I'll be at the Oceana.
146
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,500
Anything comes up with the kids,
give me a call.
147
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,300
Of course.
148
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,800
Isn't this the moment
where one of us says:
149
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,300
"This is ridiculous.
We love each other.
150
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,700
All couples go through this.
Let's give it another try"?
151
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,300
My ass was on television this morning.
152
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:49,900
What are you telling us?
153
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,100
I'm telling you,
my ass was on TV.
154
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,200
That's right. That was that special.
155
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,500
"The Kennedy Center Salutes
50 Years of Stan's Ass."
156
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,000
I went to the doctor, he took a tube
with a little camera on it...
157
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:05,100
...stuck it up my ass and we
watched it on a monitor in his office.
158
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,400
- You had a sigmoidoscopy.
- Exactly.
159
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,000
That's different
than your ass being on TV.
160
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,000
- How?
First of all...
161
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,000
...a network can't cancel your ass.
162
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,600
Point well taken.
163
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,400
What demographics
do you hope to knock down...
164
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,800
...with that big crack winking at you?
165
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,500
We're in public. Can we
elevate the level of conversation?
166
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,100
- Fine with me.
- Good.
167
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,800
I jerked off to your secretary.
Do you mind?
168
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,800
- Why should I mind?
I don't know.
169
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,200
I wanna forge ahead
with a clear conscience.
170
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,600
Pound away.
171
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,200
You're a good friend.
172
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,900
Larry wanted to have sex last night.
He even gave me the 30-second massage.
173
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,800
You mean the "I really care
that you had a bad day" back rub...
174
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,300
...that stops just before you relax...
175
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,300
...then quickly heads south
towards the promised land?
176
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:51,900
So did you make love?
177
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,700
- I was too tired.
How'd you get out of it?
178
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,200
I pretended to fall asleep
during the massage.
179
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,000
I did that heavy breathing thing.
180
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,100
So he thinks you're in deep REM?
181
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,100
But it backfired
because when I really fell asleep...
182
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,800
...the baby started crying,
then Larry pretended he was asleep.
183
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,500
Fool! If he had just gotten up
with the baby, you would've...
184
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:15,300
...opened the gates and welcomed
the troops home for Christmas.
185
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,900
In a heartbeat.
186
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,900
What's up with you and Charlene?
187
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,300
Oh, we had a great night last night.
188
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,900
And you still claim you're not cheating?
189
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,300
I maintain that with every fiber of my being.
190
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,000
On-line sex isn't cheating.
191
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,400
How do you figure?
192
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,600
It's 3 a. m., your wife and kids
are sleeping upstairs...
193
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,900
...and you're downstairs
fucking some bimbo in cyberspace.
194
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,600
First of all, we're not fucking.
We're typing.
195
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,200
Second, and this is me taking umbrage...
196
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,900
...Charlene is not some bimbo.
197
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,900
She's a stockbroker named Ralph...
198
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,300
...pretending to be some bimbo
named Charlene.
199
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,400
Why piss on something so beautiful?
200
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,400
What'd I say?
201
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:54,800
It's not an affair.
202
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,700
Teresa never had sex with him.
They just kissed.
203
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,000
- A kiss is an affair.
- You think so?
204
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,200
Absolutely.
205
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:06,000
Once you establish anything
truly intimate with another person...
206
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,900
...even talking...
207
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,400
...it affects the person you're
the most intimate with.
208
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:15,200
But Teresa could fuck her husband,
she just couldn't kiss him.
209
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,100
I mean, really kiss him.
210
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,600
It's not so crazy.
211
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,300
Sometimes I'm so angry at Stan,
I could fuck him...
212
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,500
...but I don't want
that cow tongue near me.
213
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,000
A kiss can be so much more
intimate than sex.
214
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,800
Why is that?
215
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,200
Because fucking means
"Yeah, I love you." But a kiss...
216
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,800
A kiss means "I like you."
217
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,700
That's so right.
218
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:42,500
I haven't made out, I mean,
really made out with Larry for years.
219
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,400
Doesn't that make you sad?
220
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,300
Not really.
221
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:48,500
Why?
222
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,700
I don't know.
223
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:54,100
Because it's inevitable.
It's the wear and tear of the job.
224
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,700
The diapers, the tantrums, the homework.
225
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,400
The kingdom, species, your mom, his mom.
226
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,800
Suddenly, all you're aware of is,
the wet towels on the floor...
227
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,800
...he hogs the remote, and
he scratches his back with a fork.
228
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,700
And you come face to face with
the truth that it's impossible...
229
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,600
...to kiss a person who leaves
the new roll of toilet paper...
230
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,900
...on top of the empty cardboard roll!
231
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,700
God forbid he takes the two seconds
to actually replace it!
232
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,500
Does he not see it?!
233
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,100
I'm telling you, marriage is
the Jack Kevorkian of romance.
234
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,900
Oh, God!
235
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,800
Jesus! Shit!
236
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,900
He hit me!
I didn't!
237
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,700
I was leaving the room,
she stood in my way.
238
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000
- He did it on purpose.
- Guys, hold on!
239
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,200
Hello?
240
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,600
Ben? What?!
241
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,600
Katie, you won't believe
what I'm standing in front of.
242
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,100
They're tearing down our old apartment.
243
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,600
- What?
- See?!
244
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:57,200
Josh, did you hit her?
245
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,900
She started it!
246
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,400
I told her never to come in my room
without asking.
247
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,500
It's heading for Mrs. Gutierrez's.
248
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,100
There goes her window!
249
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,300
You borrowed her Discman without asking?!
250
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,500
Yeah, but she was done with it.
251
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,100
She hasn't used the Discman in two days!
252
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,000
Just hit Jack Roikman's place.
Remember his patriotic orgasms?
253
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:20,700
"God bless America! God bless America!
Land that I love!"
254
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,700
Can't you let him use yours?
255
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,700
No! He never lets me use it!
256
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:27,600
Ben, I can't talk right now.
257
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:31,500
This is where you and I started.
This is where we became an "us."
258
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,900
Just hit where we used to
measure the kids' heights.
259
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,800
Ben, I- Josh, you shouldn't have
hit your sister. No TV for a week.
260
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,400
You're so unfair!
261
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:42,900
Wait until I tell Dad!
262
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,000
Jesus Christ! I gotta go!
Are you okay?
263
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,500
Katie!
264
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,200
Katie!
265
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,600
Goddamn it!
266
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,500
Fantasizing isn't cheating?
267
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,700
Oh, please! Who is getting hurt?
268
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,600
Yesterday, I met this
stunning blond woman...
269
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,100
...at the Beverly Center food court.
270
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,100
She had a little ring in the bellybutton.
271
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,900
But you know what?
272
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,100
I forgave her because
it wasn't in her eyebrow or tongue.
273
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,100
Beautiful. We start chatting...
274
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,600
...and we strike up a conversation,
waiting for our turkey.
275
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,600
I'm telling you, she's smiling, I'm smiling...
276
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,900
...and just that 30-second encounter...
277
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,800
...will do wonders for me when
I'm shaking hands with the sheriff.
278
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,100
I know exactly what
you're talking about.
279
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,400
- Am I wrong?
- No, you're right!
280
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,700
The other day, I told a joke
to this intriguing woman...
281
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,700
...that I met at the cleaners.
282
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,500
If this were the '30s, she'd be a Communist...
283
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,800
...or at least a Communist sympathizer.
284
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,400
But the point is, the way
she laughed at that joke...
285
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,300
...reminded me of how Rachel
used to laugh at my jokes.
286
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,400
You gonna follow up?
287
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:51,900
I could never do that.
288
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:56,200
I think the Ten Commandments were
probably a lot easier to stick to...
289
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,300
...when you dropped dead at 35.
290
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,700
I mean, we-
They should be amended.
291
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,100
A little amendment, like the Constitution.
292
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,200
"Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's house, wife or ass.
293
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,300
But if you have to covet
your neighbor's wife's ass...
294
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,700
...don't do it in thy neighbor's house."
295
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,600
A simple amendment, two-thirds
majority, slide through both Houses.
296
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:21,600
Seriously, name me one guy you know
who's never cheated on his wife.
297
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,400
I wasn't cheating!
298
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:27,700
I walk into your office,
and I hear you telling some Sara...
299
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,300
...intimate details about our
relationship, about our problems.
300
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,800
Obviously there's something going on
between you and her.
301
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,000
Nothing is going on between us!
We were just talking!
302
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,300
About us?! About our life?!
303
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,400
We were just talking!
304
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,400
That's not talking!
That's a relationship!
305
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:49,600
Why didn't you tell me about her
if there's nothing to hide?
306
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:52,000
I just needed somebody to talk to!
307
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:55,500
Bullshit! Why didn't you talk to me?!
308
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,600
Mommy, I need a drink of water!
309
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,800
I'll be right there!
310
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,100
You wanna know why I don't talk to you?
311
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,900
You treat me like I'm a big pain
in the ass that gets in the way...
312
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,400
...of what otherwise would be
a normal, organized life!
313
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,100
Have you ever thought that
everything isn't always about you?
314
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:18,100
Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing
with 5000 things all day long!
315
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,300
Maybe every need you have
doesn't have to be met...
316
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,900
...at the exact moment
you need it to be met!
317
00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:27,800
God, we have actual kids here, Ben.
318
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,100
I am not a third child!
319
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,200
I am not talking about having
each of my needs met!
320
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,200
I'm talking about a connection!
321
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:39,600
A look! Something that says
that we're on the same side here!
322
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,200
Why don't you talk to your girlfriend?
323
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,600
I'm sure she can help us
get back on the same side.
324
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:57,100
To have a happy marriage is to accept
the chasm between men and women.
325
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:58,500
Which is?
326
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,600
He can mend a fight with sex.
327
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,100
She can't have sex
until the fight's resolved.
328
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:04,600
Why is that?
329
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:07,300
It's the difference between
the penis and the vagina.
330
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,300
A penis is a thruster,
a battering ram, if you will.
331
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:14,600
Even if it's mad, it can ram.
Sometimes it even helps.
332
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,400
It's the "mad-ram principle."
However, the vagina...
333
00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:18,900
The vagina!
334
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:24,800
The vagina has to be relaxed
in order to open and receive.
335
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,700
It can't be a gracious hostess
in a state of anger.
336
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,000
That goes for blowjobs and kissing too.
337
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,900
Every female point of entry needs
to know that the penis is coming...
338
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:36,800
...in peace.
339
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,200
- Do you have Sweet'N Low?
Is Equal okay?
340
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:40,600
Whatever.
341
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:49,100
I've always felt no matter what
we were going through...
342
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,100
...no matter how painful things got...
343
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,600
...if our feet found each other
under the blankets...
344
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:55,900
...even just the slightest connection...
345
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,900
...it'd tell us we'd entered
the demilitarized zone...
346
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,800
...that we were gonna be okay,
that we were still an "us."
347
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:08,700
There are some hurts that you
never completely get over.
348
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:13,000
And you think that time will diminish
their presence...
349
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,500
...and to a degree it does...
350
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,600
...but it still hurts because, well...
351
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,100
...hurt hurts.
352
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,200
If you lose your room key...
353
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,200
...contact the front desk.
354
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:33,700
And if you've got valuables,
keep them in the hotel safe.
355
00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:35,500
It's complimentary.
356
00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,400
For family dining,
how about a pizza poolside...
357
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:41,000
...from our Wolfgang Puck Caf�?
358
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:44,000
Then it's a quick walk to
the Santa Monica Pier and beach.
359
00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:48,400
When the kids are acting up,
the waves will set them straight.
360
00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:06,400
The Patriot is proof positive...
361
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:08,700
...that missile defense works.
362
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,300
As we've been taught by Saddam Hussein...
363
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,700
Something about how that man says
"Saddam" makes me want you even more.
364
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,700
Oh, my God!
365
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,400
- The tooth fairy.
- Where?
366
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,800
Josh's tooth. We forgot to put
money under his pillow.
367
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,200
Josh is asleep. I'm sure
this can wait a few minutes.
368
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:42,100
No, no, baby, we might forget later.
369
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,300
Who goes?
370
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,500
Rock, paper, scissors!
371
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,000
Shit!
372
00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:56,900
Mr. President, I'm entrusting you
with my soon-to-be-naked wife.
373
00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:58,900
Take care of her, the country.
374
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,900
My love to Barbara.
375
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,800
I'll be right back.
376
00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:04,200
- Ben!
- What?
377
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,700
I'll be right back!
378
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,400
Everything that's important in
the world is in this bed right now.
379
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,700
I love you.
380
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,400
I love you.
381
00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:51,500
You've reached the home
of Jordan, Jordan, Jordan and Jordan.
382
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,600
Nary a Jordan is present now.
383
00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:56,700
If you wanna leave a message
for Katie, Ben, Josh or Erin...
384
00:25:57,100 --> 00:25:59,400
...what better time than...
385
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,800
Hi, it's me.
386
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,800
I'm just calling to see
how the kids are doing.
387
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,400
See if you got any post cards
from them.
388
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:12,500
Anything comes up,
you can give me a call.
389
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,600
Bye-bye.
390
00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:33,600
- Hello?
- Hi.
391
00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:34,800
Hi.
392
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:40,000
Listen, I just got your message.
I was in the shower when you called.
393
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,400
The kids seem to be doing really well.
394
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,100
I just put the post cards in an envelope.
395
00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:49,200
You should be getting them tomorrow.
396
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,600
Good.
397
00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:54,200
You okay?
398
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:57,300
Yeah, I'm okay. You okay?
399
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,500
Yeah, I'm okay.
400
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,700
Okay.
401
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:07,900
Bye.
402
00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:11,100
Bye.
403
00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:50,700
Hello?
404
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,200
It's me.
405
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,600
Hi.
406
00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,300
How are you?
407
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,600
I'm good. Yeah, really good.
408
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,000
Good.
409
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:04,600
What's up?
410
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:07,300
What's up?
411
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,700
Oh...
412
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,400
I was thinking about the upstairs
bathroom, and I wanted to remind you...
413
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,000
...to schedule that guy to recaulk the tub.
414
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,300
I've already done it.
415
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,600
Oh.
416
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:22,700
Well.
417
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,200
Good.
418
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,400
Okay...
419
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,900
Then...
420
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:32,300
...bye.
421
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:34,200
Bye.
422
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:50,400
Hello?
423
00:28:50,900 --> 00:28:55,000
I'm calling to see if you remember
the name of that tree surgeon we used.
424
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:56,600
Joey Bishop.
425
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,100
Yeah, but no.
426
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,100
- But it was one of those Rat Pack guys.
- Right.
427
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:03,300
Frank Sinatra?
428
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,500
Dean Martin?
429
00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:07,100
Sammy Davis Jr.?
430
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,700
That's it! Joey Davis Jr.
431
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,400
Joey Davis Jr., the tree surgeon.
432
00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:15,500
I can still see the sign
on that blue truck of his.
433
00:29:15,900 --> 00:29:18,400
Right. Okay, thanks.
434
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,400
Okay.
435
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,200
Bye.
436
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,500
Listen, your shirts came back from the cleaners.
437
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:31,000
Cool. I'll come by and get them.
438
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,000
I can drop them off.
439
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,900
It's fine. I'll be happy to come and get them.
440
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,700
What would be a good time?
441
00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:40,200
I don't know...
442
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,200
Why don't you come over tomorrow?
I'll be home by 7.
443
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:45,000
You can stay for dinner.
444
00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:47,200
You sure?
445
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,100
No.
446
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,300
Okay.
447
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,200
See you tomorrow.
448
00:31:59,100 --> 00:31:59,900
Hi.
449
00:32:00,900 --> 00:32:02,000
Hi.
450
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:06,900
You look like...
451
00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:08,900
...like you.
452
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:13,000
You too.
453
00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:24,300
I guess I could stand on the porch
all night. I've seen the house.
454
00:32:24,700 --> 00:32:28,700
How many times have we said,
"We should use this porch more often"?
455
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,600
Come in. My house is literally your house.
456
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:33,800
Thank you.
457
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,000
- There's my dry cleaning.
- Yeah, I left it out for you.
458
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,900
Good. I'll remember to take it with me.
459
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,700
Because I could put it
in the closet, but I-
460
00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,000
No, no.
461
00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:51,700
That is perfect
dry cleaning placement.
462
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,600
- You want a drink?
- You want something-?
463
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,800
- Want some wine?
- Yeah.
464
00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:02,000
I think I remember where it is.
465
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,400
- If memory serves, you like red wine.
- Right.
466
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,900
Yeah, it's all coming back to me.
467
00:33:10,700 --> 00:33:13,300
Wine is breathing a lot better than I am.
468
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:18,400
So, hey...
469
00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:21,300
You'll never believe what I did last night.
470
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,900
I attempted to do one of your crosswords.
471
00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:26,400
- No.
- Yes.
472
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,000
I have a question.
473
00:33:28,500 --> 00:33:31,300
What was 3 down?
Just couldn't get it.
474
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,600
Four letters, "Feeling of
psychological discomfort."
475
00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:36,800
Blah.
476
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,500
Blah.
477
00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:43,400
Cheers.
478
00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:44,900
Cheers.
479
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,500
Was this always here?
480
00:33:58,900 --> 00:34:01,000
No, I bought it last week.
481
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,300
Any other new appliances
I should know about?
482
00:34:07,100 --> 00:34:09,800
Well, as long as we're spilling our guts here...
483
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,900
...I also got this new garlic press.
484
00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:17,000
The body's not even cold,
and she's out buying garlic presses.
485
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,300
How do you think the kids are?
486
00:34:31,700 --> 00:34:34,100
From the cards, it sounds like they're good.
487
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,600
I think Erin misses us, but she's okay.
488
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,100
Yeah. She seems okay.
489
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:40,800
You think she's okay?
490
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:42,600
I think she's okay.
491
00:34:42,900 --> 00:34:45,700
Because I think she senses
that we're not okay...
492
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,900
...and Parents' Weekend is coming.
493
00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:53,300
We'll just have to give her...
494
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,900
...a lot of extra attention...
495
00:34:56,300 --> 00:34:57,600
...and really love her up.
496
00:34:58,500 --> 00:34:59,600
Yeah.
497
00:35:08,700 --> 00:35:09,600
Should we eat?
498
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,400
Yeah, I could eat.
499
00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:17,300
This is really good.
500
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:18,700
Thanks.
501
00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:23,500
High/Low?
502
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:24,800
Sure.
503
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:26,600
Your high?
504
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:28,900
- Honestly?
- Yeah.
505
00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:31,600
Right now.
506
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:34,900
And your low?
507
00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:39,500
Every minute of the last two weeks.
508
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:42,500
How about you?
509
00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:49,300
My high would have to be the Cuisinart
because I wanted it ever so badly.
510
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:50,900
And your low?
511
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,900
The garlic press. It's not nearly
as handy as I thought it'd be.
512
00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:59,600
I lay myself open, and you mock me
with kitchenware.
513
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,900
All the while making me
more attractive to you.
514
00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:06,400
Is that your intention?
515
00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:13,100
I'm not sure.
516
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,500
Well...
517
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:17,600
It's working.
518
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,800
It looks like I haven't been
doing too much reading.
519
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,700
Okay, I'm ready. How about you?
520
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,500
- I...
- What?
521
00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:03,800
Come on. Remember what Dr. Tischner said:
522
00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:07,500
"If you had it once,
you can always get it back."
523
00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:12,000
Was that Dr. Tischner
or was that Dr. Hopkins?
524
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:13,800
Hopkins?
525
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,700
The one with the sibilant "S."
526
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:16,800
Right.
527
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,800
Wrong. It was a lateral lisp.
528
00:37:21,100 --> 00:37:23,600
Sex is simply a symbolic expression...
529
00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:26,600
...of the emotional status
of a relationship.
530
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:32,000
Sustained lack of sex is
symptomatic of disassociation.
531
00:37:32,700 --> 00:37:35,400
No, the one with the lateral lisp
was Dr. Rifkin.
532
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,700
Dr. Hopkins was the one with the
Rorschach birthmark on his forehead.
533
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,600
It looked like California. How could
you pay attention to what he said?
534
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,800
This cycle of closeness, then estrangement...
535
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:48,700
...you've both told me about...
536
00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:52,100
...what instigates it?
First thing that comes to your mind.
537
00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:54,500
- Sacramento.
- Governor Gray Davis.
538
00:37:55,100 --> 00:37:59,500
My personal favorite was the Freudian
with the prostate problem.
539
00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:02,300
When two people go to bed...
540
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,900
...there are actually six people in that bed.
541
00:38:07,100 --> 00:38:08,600
If you'll excuse me.
542
00:38:11,300 --> 00:38:13,300
Are we allowed to talk when he's gone?
543
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,200
I don't know.
544
00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:17,500
What do you think?
545
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,100
To be on the safe side, maybe we better not.
546
00:38:28,100 --> 00:38:30,700
The six people in bed are the two of you...
547
00:38:31,300 --> 00:38:34,300
...and your parents and your parents.
548
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:37,700
Now, the key is...
549
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,000
Will you excuse me, please?
550
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,200
He charged us for the full session.
551
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:49,000
The man was peeing on our time!
552
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,900
All that therapy was
a waste of time and money.
553
00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:58,000
Where did all that therapy really get us?
554
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,700
It got us here, laughing about it.
555
00:39:01,100 --> 00:39:04,600
- He's right.
- Once it's broken, it can't be fixed.
556
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,100
- I don't know.
- The queen has spoken.
557
00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:10,300
- Maybe it's too soon.
- What are you talking about?
558
00:39:10,700 --> 00:39:14,900
The whole point of having a fight is
playing "hide the salami" afterwards.
559
00:39:16,100 --> 00:39:19,100
Let hard times bring you together.
Nobody said it'd be easy.
560
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,700
Can't hard times bring us together?
Nobody said it'd be easy.
561
00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:25,800
Like the Andrews Sisters.
After "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy"...
562
00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:28,100
...before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree."
563
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,100
Big career slump there.
564
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,100
Like the Andrews Sisters before
"Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree."
565
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:34,800
The Andrews Sisters?
566
00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:37,000
They didn't stop because of a few flops.
567
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,400
They hung in there. The rest is history.
568
00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:41,600
Don't sit under the apple tree
569
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,000
Why are you bringing up
the Andrews Sisters now?
570
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:47,300
- You're singing!
- It's an example.
571
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:49,600
They're in trouble,
and you're singing?
572
00:39:49,900 --> 00:39:53,600
Dot, put out once in a while.
Your face won't be so tight.
573
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:54,800
Slut.
574
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:59,300
I don't know what their career slump
has to do with our marital problems.
575
00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,100
What should we do?
576
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,700
Make matters worse by dwelling
on every little thing all our lives?
577
00:40:05,100 --> 00:40:07,500
Is that what you think I do?
578
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,000
- You're a child.
- I just dwell on everything?
579
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,500
You're a 72-year-old infant!
580
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,400
There are real problems that we
haven't even begun to deal with.
581
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,800
Don't you think I know that?
What happened to you?
582
00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:22,700
What happened to that fun girl
with the pith helmet?
583
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,000
You don't think I ask myself
that every day?
584
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:29,800
You beat her out of me!
There's no room here for her!
585
00:40:30,100 --> 00:40:31,400
You think it's all fun and games.
586
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,600
So it's my fault you hang on
to every little thing!
587
00:40:34,900 --> 00:40:37,300
It's my fault you can't let go of anything!
588
00:40:38,500 --> 00:40:40,900
It's my fault you turned into your mother?!
589
00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:42,800
Fuck you!
590
00:41:20,900 --> 00:41:22,400
- Katie, you-
- No.
591
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:33,100
- I still think that there's a chance-
- Ben, you love who we were.
592
00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:36,700
You couldn't possibly love
what we've become.
593
00:41:37,900 --> 00:41:39,900
I think I spotted us at dinner tonight.
594
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,700
We can't stay together just because we...
595
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,400
...get a glimpse of "us" every once in a while.
596
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,000
It was less than 15 minutes ago.
597
00:41:52,100 --> 00:41:55,300
All we proved is, if we're apart
for weeks at a time...
598
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,400
...we might get through a dinner.
That's not a marriage.
599
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,000
It's over.
600
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,000
A book about your grandmother?
601
00:42:45,300 --> 00:42:47,400
Yeah. She was an extraordinary woman.
602
00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:50,500
I'm sure she was.
Did she fuck a President?
603
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,600
- No.
- No. Did she discover uranium?
604
00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:57,300
A cure for cancer?
Nothing like that?
605
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,200
Why would anybody wanna read
a book about her?
606
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,900
She was 4'9". She emigrated
from Europe as a little girl.
607
00:43:05,300 --> 00:43:09,300
She worked in a sweatshop making
buttonholes 14 hours a day and yet...
608
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,400
...raised five kids and stayed married
to the same man for 57 years.
609
00:43:13,700 --> 00:43:16,600
Dave, this will be the greatest
love story ever told.
610
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:21,200
Let me explain something to you.
Not as your agent.
611
00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:23,400
This is as a friend.
612
00:43:27,900 --> 00:43:29,100
Come here.
613
00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:31,800
You see all these people?
614
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,000
They're getting into buildings.
They're driving cars.
615
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,100
They're crossing the street.
They're walking around.
616
00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:40,900
Every single one of these people...
617
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,200
...is going to die someday...
618
00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:44,900
...and they all know it.
619
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:47,500
Which is why...
620
00:43:48,300 --> 00:43:51,600
...they regard the time they have
on this planet as precious.
621
00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:54,200
There are things that take up that time...
622
00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:57,400
...even if they don't enjoy it.
They have to go to work.
623
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,000
They have to get dressed, wait in lines...
624
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,600
...clean yards, get batteries.
625
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,900
They visit the eye doctor.
They're doing all these things.
626
00:44:06,300 --> 00:44:11,000
Now, add that to the time they spend
sleeping and eating...
627
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,200
...and washing up and voting...
628
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,700
...and buying gifts for people
they don't like, and you see...
629
00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:21,700
...why they're so choosy about
how they spend their leisure time.
630
00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:25,200
You can understand why
unless she went down on somebody...
631
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:29,100
...really interesting, they won't
waste their valuable time...
632
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,700
...reading a book about
your fucking grandmother!
633
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:38,100
So if I read you right,
you don't like the idea.
634
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:39,600
It's not that.
635
00:44:50,500 --> 00:44:54,200
You know, I find the Ariana
much more fragrant than the Raphaela.
636
00:44:56,300 --> 00:44:57,800
I'll keep that in mind.
637
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,200
- How you doing?
- Fine.
638
00:45:00,500 --> 00:45:03,900
I never got a chance to thank you
for holding the camp bus.
639
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,900
Anytime you need a bus held,
I am your guy.
640
00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:10,000
- Erin's teeth are looking good.
- Thanks to you.
641
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,700
I hope she remembers to wear her retainer.
642
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,800
You know how kids are at camp.
643
00:45:15,100 --> 00:45:18,600
The minute my Kevin gets off that bus,
it's "Goodbye, biteplate."
644
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,700
Is that for you?
645
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,700
When Deirdre and I divorced,
I decided to learn how to cook.
646
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,200
The Wok-y World of Thai Cooking?
647
00:45:28,500 --> 00:45:29,700
I'm branching out.
648
00:45:29,900 --> 00:45:32,700
I'm taking a Thai cooking course this summer.
649
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,300
Really? I've always been interested
in Asian cooking.
650
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:37,700
Really?
651
00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:39,500
Why don't you join me?
652
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:43,900
When I think about it...
653
00:45:44,300 --> 00:45:46,800
...over the years there were
less and less moments...
654
00:45:47,100 --> 00:45:48,500
...in the course of the day...
655
00:45:48,900 --> 00:45:51,600
...when Ben and I actually made
real eye contact.
656
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,300
- You're not gonna believe-
- Shh!
657
00:45:54,700 --> 00:45:57,000
- What?
- He's almost asleep.
658
00:45:58,700 --> 00:46:00,600
Maybe it was the stuff of life.
659
00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:02,800
Who's taking Erin to school?
660
00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:06,400
Who will pick up Josh
from his clarinet lessons?
661
00:46:07,300 --> 00:46:09,600
After a while, there was a disturbing comfort...
662
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,900
...in not having to deal with each other...
663
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,700
...because somehow you just
get used to the disconnection.
664
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,600
Even at night, when we could finally
come together, we faced forward.
665
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,900
Yeah, we were tired,
but I think we were afraid...
666
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,500
...that if we faced each other,
there'd be nothing there.
667
00:46:28,100 --> 00:46:30,000
We're learning Mee Krob next week.
668
00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:31,700
Mee Krob.
669
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,800
I'll let you know.
670
00:46:38,700 --> 00:46:41,300
I'll call you. Oh, you call me.
671
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,400
When we drove to the camp
for Parents ' Weekend...
672
00:46:49,700 --> 00:46:51,600
...I was scared to face the kids.
673
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:56,500
You'd talk about it with a best friend.
But Katie had been my best friend.
674
00:46:56,900 --> 00:47:00,900
Now I didn't know what we were,
except Josh and Erin's parents.
675
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,000
What?
676
00:47:30,900 --> 00:47:32,200
Nothing.
677
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:36,700
- is nothing?
678
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,300
This is not going to be easy.
679
00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,800
The kids do not need to be burdened
with our problems.
680
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:46,800
They have half a summer left.
681
00:47:47,100 --> 00:47:49,800
Like my plan was to burden
the kids with our problems.
682
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,300
Jesus Christ, will you give me
some fucking credit?
683
00:47:53,700 --> 00:47:55,000
Mom!
Dad!
684
00:47:55,900 --> 00:47:56,900
Hey!
685
00:48:00,300 --> 00:48:01,500
I missed you.
686
00:48:01,900 --> 00:48:03,600
I missed you so much.
687
00:48:03,900 --> 00:48:05,500
I missed you both so much.
688
00:48:06,900 --> 00:48:08,600
Dad. Dad.
689
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,500
Dad, pull yourself together.
690
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,000
Dad, get off of me!
691
00:48:14,900 --> 00:48:17,700
You guys both look terrific.
Show us your bunks.
692
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,300
I wanna see your bunks too.
693
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,200
Did you get your favorite room?
The Acorn Cabin?
694
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:24,800
Yeah, we did.
695
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,200
We got the Acorn Cabin.
696
00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:16,000
God, I hate lying to them.
697
00:49:16,300 --> 00:49:18,900
Me too. We're not even good at it.
698
00:49:19,300 --> 00:49:21,800
Even if we were good at it, they'd still know.
699
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:46,800
What is that?
700
00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:48,300
What's what?
701
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,600
- The thing you just put in your mouth.
- It's my biteplate.
702
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,000
- Biteplate?
- Yeah. It's my biteplate.
703
00:49:55,300 --> 00:49:57,900
- Why do you have a biteplate?
- For my bite.
704
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:00,500
What's wrong with your bite?
705
00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:03,300
It's askew.
706
00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:04,300
Askew?
707
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,200
Yes, it's askew.
708
00:50:06,900 --> 00:50:10,000
So this would be an attempt to de-skew it?
709
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,300
- You order room service?
- No.
710
00:50:22,900 --> 00:50:23,700
Erin.
711
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:24,800
Erin?
712
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,100
What's the matter?
Nothing. I'm okay.
713
00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:28,700
Honey, are you okay?
714
00:50:29,100 --> 00:50:30,900
I'm okay. I'm fine.
715
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,200
I couldn't sleep, so I snuck out after lights out.
716
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,100
I just wanted to sleep with you guys.
717
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:43,300
It's okay. I'll call the camp
and let them know you're here.
718
00:50:43,700 --> 00:50:44,700
Okay.
719
00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:50,700
Why is the bed made up on the couch?
720
00:50:52,700 --> 00:50:56,300
Daddy was doing a little reading,
and I didn't wanna wake Mommy up.
721
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:32,300
Sometimes you just can't
climb out of the abyss.
722
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,300
I thought of last summer, when we still hoped...
723
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,400
...that if we put ourselves in some idyllic setting...
724
00:51:38,700 --> 00:51:41,100
...we'd somehow get rid of all the tension...
725
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:42,900
...jump-start our marriage...
726
00:51:43,300 --> 00:51:46,200
...and rediscover why we fell in love
in the first place.
727
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,700
So last year, after Parents' Weekend...
728
00:51:48,900 --> 00:51:51,500
...we thought maybe
in a trattoria in Venice...
729
00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:55,300
...looking at a beautiful sunset,
next to a bottle of Chianti...
730
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,200
...we just might find a set of jumper cables.
731
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,800
How you doing?
Two Italian ices, please.
732
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:07,000
Honey, you don't have to say Italian.
We're here. They know.
733
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:11,300
So if I'm in Belgium, and I order
a Belgian waffle, I just say waffle?
734
00:52:11,700 --> 00:52:14,700
Like if you were in Ireland
and you wanted Irish stew...
735
00:52:15,100 --> 00:52:16,500
...you'd just say stew.
736
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,200
If you're in China and you want Chinese food...
737
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,200
...you say, "Bring on the food."
738
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:25,400
We couldn't help but overhear
your delightful repartee.
739
00:52:25,900 --> 00:52:28,200
We're the Kirbys from Cleveland.
And you are...?
740
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:30,800
- The Mansons.
- From Spawn Ranch.
741
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:36,000
That's a good one.
742
00:52:52,100 --> 00:52:54,000
Look, right there. The red cape.
743
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:55,600
I like that.
744
00:52:59,300 --> 00:53:00,900
Hey!
745
00:53:01,500 --> 00:53:02,300
It's you...
746
00:53:02,700 --> 00:53:03,500
...people.
747
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:06,700
- The Kirbys from Cleveland.
- Joanie and Eddie.
748
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:10,300
How could we forget?
We haven't stopped talking about you.
749
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,700
This is fate. We have to
get together, break bread.
750
00:53:14,100 --> 00:53:16,700
Sounds great.
We're at the Hotel Pasta e Fagioli.
751
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,200
You call us.
We're at the Europa Regina.
752
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:22,700
Great. We'll call you.
753
00:53:23,100 --> 00:53:24,200
Oh, right on!
754
00:53:26,900 --> 00:53:27,800
Look at this.
755
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,700
This is beautiful.
This way.
756
00:53:30,100 --> 00:53:32,100
Thank you.
Canal-side seating.
757
00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:33,700
Very nice.
758
00:53:36,300 --> 00:53:38,200
Oh, my God!
759
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:40,700
Meant to be!
760
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,700
Kismet! Kismet!
761
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,900
We went looking for your hotel,
but we couldn't find it anywhere.
762
00:53:48,300 --> 00:53:51,900
- Yeah, it's pretty hard to find.
- Well, all's well that ends well.
763
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:57,700
It was just like fate,
the first time I met Joanie.
764
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,400
I worked on the 6th floor,
and Eddie worked on the 4th floor.
765
00:54:01,900 --> 00:54:04,000
- Hand to God.
- Every day in the cafeteria...
766
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,800
- ... on the 3rd floor-
- I saw Joanie at the salad bar.
767
00:54:07,100 --> 00:54:09,400
And she smiled at me. Not just a smile.
768
00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:11,500
I mean, a really big smile.
769
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,000
One day at the salad bar at Beefsteak Charlie's...
770
00:54:15,300 --> 00:54:17,500
...I thought I saw her at that salad bar.
771
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,300
- But it wasn't me.
- It wasn't Joanie!
772
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:25,100
What are the odds of another person
at a salad bar looking like Joanie...
773
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:27,200
...and yet not being Joanie?
774
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,300
What, like a trillion to one?
775
00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,400
Could be higher than that.
776
00:54:32,700 --> 00:54:36,600
Anyway, when I realized it wasn't
Joanie, I was so disappointed.
777
00:54:36,900 --> 00:54:40,700
And I began to think about how much
I'd hoped that it was Joanie.
778
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,500
But at this point
you still hadn't met.
779
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:48,300
No. And I couldn't get over how much
I wanted this person to be Joanie.
780
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,500
And I think that was the defining moment.
781
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,000
I went back to my wife at the table
at Beefsteak Charlie's...
782
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,100
...and I realized I felt more alive
thinking about that stranger...
783
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:03,400
...I thought was Joanie than I did
with the stranger who was my wife.
784
00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:05,800
We were both in marriages we'd outgrown.
785
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,900
You know, maybe I didn't
wanna admit it, but maybe...
786
00:55:09,300 --> 00:55:12,800
...I didn't like myself enough
to be with someone who liked me.
787
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,900
Can you imagine anybody not liking Eddie Kirby?
788
00:55:16,300 --> 00:55:18,200
I'm not so perfect.
789
00:55:18,500 --> 00:55:20,100
Beg to differ!
790
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:25,200
That year we both mustered up
enough courage to leave our marriages.
791
00:55:25,700 --> 00:55:27,400
So at this point you had met.
792
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:28,400
No.
793
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:29,400
Still hadn't met.
794
00:55:29,700 --> 00:55:34,200
No. But, you know, after you've had
such a horrible marriage...
795
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,400
...you don't wanna make
the same mistakes twice.
796
00:55:37,700 --> 00:55:40,000
So I made an inner pact with myself.
797
00:55:40,300 --> 00:55:43,700
I said, "Eddie, you will never
let anger build up to the point...
798
00:55:44,100 --> 00:55:46,000
...where you don't like your partner."
799
00:55:46,300 --> 00:55:48,600
- I made the same pact.
- That became our credo.
800
00:55:48,900 --> 00:55:51,400
"Never go to bed angry."
801
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,200
So now we talk everything through.
802
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:58,000
We won't let even the tiniest pea
be under our mattress.
803
00:55:58,500 --> 00:56:00,700
That's why we never eat in bed.
804
00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:06,200
Me too.
805
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,300
Who'd have thought the Kirbys...
806
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,900
...the happiest couple never to have met...
807
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,000
...would be the greatest
aphrodisiac known to man?
808
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,400
If only you could bottle
that unfettered state of mind...
809
00:56:45,700 --> 00:56:47,700
...that comes with being on foreign soil...
810
00:56:48,300 --> 00:56:49,600
...to just hold on to it...
811
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,400
...even for a day, an evening...
812
00:56:53,300 --> 00:56:54,500
...an hour.
813
00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:57,900
Last year, when we
got back from Italy, God knows...
814
00:56:58,300 --> 00:57:00,000
...we gave it a try.
815
00:57:15,100 --> 00:57:16,400
Hey, look at this.
816
00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:21,100
While we were away, we got a message
from His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
817
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:25,000
About a softball team he's getting started.
818
00:57:26,900 --> 00:57:30,500
You wanna write a letter to the kids
together, let them know we're back?
819
00:57:36,100 --> 00:57:38,800
"Dear Josh...
820
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:40,900
...and Erin."
821
00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:44,200
Oh, sure. You get the easy part.
822
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:48,900
"We're...
823
00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:51,500
...back."
824
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:56,400
"From...
825
00:57:57,300 --> 00:57:58,400
...Europe."
826
00:57:59,500 --> 00:58:01,900
That's not a sentence.
It's a preposition and a continent.
827
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:04,400
I crossed out your period and made a sentence.
828
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,700
See? "We're back from Europe."
Your turn.
829
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:09,100
Thank you.
830
00:58:10,100 --> 00:58:13,800
Exclamation point.
Comma. Close parentheses.
831
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:16,100
"But I...
832
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:18,700
...don't want to talk...
833
00:58:19,100 --> 00:58:21,300
...about grammar."
834
00:58:21,700 --> 00:58:25,900
Colon. "I want to...
835
00:58:26,900 --> 00:58:28,900
...make love to...
836
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:31,200
...your mother."
837
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,900
No, you didn't write that.
838
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:37,300
Ben!
839
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,500
What? I do. I want to.
840
00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:42,600
After we finish the letter.
841
00:58:42,900 --> 00:58:46,800
No, let's make love right now.
Then we write the letter.
842
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:50,400
Come on, we only had
a couple of sentences to go.
843
00:58:50,700 --> 00:58:53,700
In Europe, you would've made love first.
844
00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:57,400
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
845
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,300
- That I'm not spontaneous?
- I'm not saying that.
846
00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:02,200
But that's what you implied.
847
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:04,700
That in Europe I'd have made love, but here-
848
00:59:05,100 --> 00:59:07,100
I don't want us to get to the point...
849
00:59:07,500 --> 00:59:10,700
...where we can't make love unless
there's a concierge downstairs.
850
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:15,500
I wanted to take three minutes
to finish a letter to our children...
851
00:59:15,900 --> 00:59:17,200
...who I haven't seen-
852
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,900
What's that supposed to mean?
That I don't care about our children?
853
00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:23,400
If I finish the letter,
I could be spontaneous.
854
00:59:23,700 --> 00:59:26,500
That's not spontaneous!
That's making an appointment!
855
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,400
I was in the mood for unscheduled affection...
856
00:59:29,700 --> 00:59:31,600
...but sorry, we're home. I forgot...
857
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,300
...everything's gotta be on a schedule!
858
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,500
You try raising children
where everything's unscheduled...
859
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:40,600
...when everything's spontaneous!
860
00:59:40,900 --> 00:59:44,100
You know what? The kids need
a little spontaneity too!
861
00:59:44,700 --> 00:59:46,300
I know that!
862
00:59:46,700 --> 00:59:50,800
I'm sick and tired of being
the designated driver of this marriage!
863
00:59:51,300 --> 00:59:54,000
Nobody designated you!
It's a role you gave yourself!
864
00:59:54,300 --> 00:59:56,400
Bullshit! You gave me that role!
865
00:59:56,700 --> 01:00:00,700
Because God forbid Ben should ever
remember to cancel the newspapers...
866
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:02,700
...or put washer fluid in his car...
867
01:00:03,100 --> 01:00:05,800
...or participate in disciplining his children...
868
01:00:06,100 --> 01:00:09,100
...instead of flirting on the phone
with your girlfriend!
869
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:11,200
You're not bringing that up again!
870
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,600
You're damn straight I'll bring it up again!
871
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,700
I haven't spoken to her in six months!
872
01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:18,500
Not once have you seen it through my eyes!
873
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:21,900
We don't have a pea under our mattress.
You know what we have?
874
01:00:22,300 --> 01:00:23,400
A fucking watermelon!
875
01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:25,700
And you never wanna deal with it!
876
01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:27,700
Oh, fuck it!
877
01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:29,800
Jesus!
878
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:39,100
Welcome home.
879
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:48,600
Bye, Dad.
880
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:51,000
Thanks.
I love you.
881
01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:53,800
Bye, Mom.
Buddy.
882
01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:57,400
Love you.
883
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,100
See you guys in a month.
884
01:01:06,900 --> 01:01:08,200
Bye, you guys.
885
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:10,600
Bye, Daddy.
- Couple of weeks.
886
01:01:10,900 --> 01:01:12,800
- Watch your toes.
- See you.
887
01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:14,500
Bye, kids.
888
01:01:30,500 --> 01:01:32,800
Do you think we should get one lawyer or two?
889
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:38,600
One.
890
01:01:40,300 --> 01:01:43,000
Maybe we can at least make this part...
891
01:01:45,700 --> 01:01:49,800
All I care about is that we make it
as easy for the kids as possible.
892
01:01:50,900 --> 01:01:52,000
Yeah.
893
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,800
You noticed the bathroom has
the original tiling from the '20s.
894
01:01:59,300 --> 01:02:00,100
It's nice.
895
01:02:00,300 --> 01:02:03,500
You know, since you're a writer,
I know you'd appreciate...
896
01:02:03,900 --> 01:02:06,300
...that the sister
of Bette Davis' chauffeur...
897
01:02:06,700 --> 01:02:09,800
...once had Thanksgiving
in the apartment next door.
898
01:02:10,500 --> 01:02:11,600
Really?
899
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:15,000
Are there any other kids in this building?
900
01:02:15,300 --> 01:02:19,100
Oodles! Including, if I might add,
the nephew of the actor...
901
01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:22,800
...who jumped third into
the fourth lifeboat on Titanic.
902
01:02:23,100 --> 01:02:25,700
Rent the film, you'll see. I'll introduce you.
903
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:29,800
I'm showing it to another family today,
but if you're interested...
904
01:02:30,300 --> 01:02:33,100
...I can hold it for you,
give your wife a look-see-
905
01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:34,400
I'm interested.
906
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:38,500
Who wouldn't be? Look how the light
from that window fills the room.
907
01:02:39,300 --> 01:02:41,000
When I showed this apartment...
908
01:02:41,300 --> 01:02:44,000
...to the man who did the voice
of Charlie the Tuna...
909
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:47,900
...he said, and I quote,
"Wow," unquote.
910
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,100
I think that says it all.
911
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,400
First, you put olive oil...
912
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,400
...garlic and tofu.
913
01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:59,200
Saut� until garlic turn light brown.
914
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:02,800
Make sure that your wok have
a strong heat underneath it.
915
01:03:03,300 --> 01:03:06,200
Now take an egg and crack it to the hot oil.
916
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:12,200
Make sure all the ingredients
are cooked thoroughly.
917
01:03:13,700 --> 01:03:14,600
You okay?
918
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:17,000
Yeah, I'm fine.
919
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,100
Now we add some Pad Thai noodle.
920
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:25,600
I saw Deirdre up at Parents' Weekend,
but I didn't see you.
921
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:27,800
I went up the weekend before.
922
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,000
You know, since the divorce...
923
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:33,900
...it's a lot easier for everyone
if we come up at separate times.
924
01:03:34,500 --> 01:03:37,300
Kevin and I took a great hike
up to that waterfall.
925
01:03:37,700 --> 01:03:39,200
You and Ben take that hike?
926
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,700
Yeah, it was beautiful.
927
01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:45,000
Spice it up with some chili pepper.
928
01:03:45,300 --> 01:03:48,200
You know, spicy food make a better lover.
929
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,700
The hotter you eat, the hotter you get.
930
01:03:52,300 --> 01:03:54,600
Well, the spicier the better for me.
931
01:03:56,300 --> 01:03:57,400
Rice vinegar.
932
01:04:01,700 --> 01:04:03,000
Does Ben like Thai food?
933
01:04:03,300 --> 01:04:04,900
Yeah, yeah.
934
01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:07,200
You and Ben been to Tommy Tang's?
935
01:04:07,500 --> 01:04:08,800
Ben and I are di-
936
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:10,700
Separated.
937
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:13,800
Gee, I had no idea.
938
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,300
We're not really telling people.
939
01:04:16,700 --> 01:04:18,400
I understand.
940
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:21,200
I'm so sorry. How long?
941
01:04:22,300 --> 01:04:26,100
72 hours, four weeks, five years...
942
01:04:26,500 --> 01:04:28,700
...depending on when you start counting.
943
01:04:29,100 --> 01:04:32,100
I'm really sorry.
I know how hard it can be.
944
01:04:35,300 --> 01:04:36,800
This will sound crazy...
945
01:04:37,100 --> 01:04:40,400
...but I always enjoyed
Erin and Josh's appointments...
946
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,600
...because it gave me a chance
to get to know you.
947
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,900
But when you called me about your bite...
948
01:04:47,300 --> 01:04:51,600
...I felt myself looking forward to it
because I knew we'd be alone.
949
01:04:53,100 --> 01:04:56,000
And just tell me if it's too soon...
950
01:04:56,900 --> 01:05:00,200
...but I wondered if maybe you
wanted to have dinner sometime?
951
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:04,100
We are having dinner.
952
01:05:06,100 --> 01:05:09,400
I was thinking of something
that didn't involve a teacher.
953
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,100
You always hear people say...
954
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,600
...they stayed too long in a bad marriage.
955
01:05:17,900 --> 01:05:21,500
For the longest time, I never thought
of my marriage as being bad.
956
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:25,500
I thought love was something you
were allowed to fall in and out of.
957
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:27,600
You know, peaks and valleys.
958
01:05:28,300 --> 01:05:29,900
But after a while...
959
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:33,200
...the peaks get lower and further apart.
960
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:37,300
Then one day you find yourself
wondering, "Is this who I really am?
961
01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:41,000
Someone who has taken up permanent
residence in the valley?
962
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:45,000
Or is this just who I am with this person?"
963
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:49,000
And then, you ask yourself:
964
01:05:49,300 --> 01:05:52,700
"Maybe there is another version
of my life, of myself...
965
01:05:53,100 --> 01:05:55,200
...that's a happier one."
966
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:13,900
Bullshit.
967
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:18,800
"Yossel looked into Minnie's eyes and felt...
968
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:21,800
...nothing.
969
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:26,200
For two years they'd been apart.
970
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:29,900
And now, as she stepped off the boat...
971
01:06:30,300 --> 01:06:33,200
...he realized he was looking into the eyes...
972
01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:36,200
...of a stranger.
973
01:06:38,300 --> 01:06:40,600
A girl he no longer knew.
974
01:06:41,300 --> 01:06:44,600
He had become an American.
975
01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:50,100
And she was still the poor...
976
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:55,300
...unaffectionate...
977
01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:57,600
...daughter...
978
01:06:59,500 --> 01:07:02,700
...of a blind Lithuanian violin maker."
979
01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:07,800
It was all about fear.
Fear's what kept them together.
980
01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:11,400
This whole time I've idealized
my grandparents' marriage.
981
01:07:11,900 --> 01:07:14,300
But this was not the love of the ages.
982
01:07:14,700 --> 01:07:17,600
The two stayed together
because they were terrified.
983
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:21,000
Fear of loneliness, fear of failure,
fear of the unknown.
984
01:07:21,500 --> 01:07:24,800
Sure, fear. That's the main
motivator for everything.
985
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:28,500
That and guilt are the two emotions
that keep a society humming.
986
01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:31,100
You and Rachel stay together because of fear?
987
01:07:31,500 --> 01:07:33,200
- In a word, yes.
- You're okay with that?
988
01:07:33,500 --> 01:07:35,600
In three words, yes and no.
989
01:07:36,300 --> 01:07:40,000
See, it's not that simple.
You're looking for clear-cut answers.
990
01:07:40,300 --> 01:07:43,600
In reality, there's nothing clear-cut.
Life is not clear-cut.
991
01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:45,900
Life is gray.
992
01:07:46,300 --> 01:07:47,600
For instance:
993
01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:51,100
What do you see right here?
994
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:56,300
- What are you asking me?
- I'm asking you, what do you see?
995
01:07:56,700 --> 01:07:58,200
I see your ass.
996
01:07:58,700 --> 01:08:02,700
That's what you think you see.
But in reality, there is no ass.
997
01:08:04,500 --> 01:08:07,200
What the f-?
What are you telling me?
998
01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:12,100
There is no ass, just the fatty part
at the top of each leg...
999
01:08:12,500 --> 01:08:14,800
...that is butted up
against each other.
1000
01:08:15,300 --> 01:08:16,700
Hence the word "butt."
1001
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:18,600
See, essentially...
1002
01:08:19,000 --> 01:08:22,500
...what we're dealing with here is
just a continuation of the leg.
1003
01:08:22,900 --> 01:08:24,900
Okay, all right, now you lost me.
1004
01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:29,400
It's all illusions.
There is no such thing as an ass.
1005
01:08:29,900 --> 01:08:34,000
Just like there's no such thing as
the perfect marriage, job or child.
1006
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:38,400
The whole notion of staying together
and living happily ever after...
1007
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:40,100
...all illusions.
1008
01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:43,100
You're saying you don't believe
in everlasting love?
1009
01:08:44,500 --> 01:08:48,000
You're seeing the ass again
and not the tops of the legs.
1010
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,500
Love is just lust in disguise.
And lust fades.
1011
01:08:52,900 --> 01:08:56,300
So you damn well better be
with someone who can stand you.
1012
01:08:56,800 --> 01:09:00,300
Katie and I have moved way past
being able to stand each other.
1013
01:09:00,700 --> 01:09:02,600
We've moved right
into the hatred part.
1014
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:05,700
I wouldn't worry about it.
Hate fades.
1015
01:09:06,900 --> 01:09:08,400
Hate fades?
1016
01:09:10,700 --> 01:09:14,600
That's what you're gonna send me out
into the world with?
1017
01:09:15,100 --> 01:09:18,600
"Hate fades. Love is lust.
There is no ass."
1018
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:22,600
What a disappointment
you've turned out to be.
1019
01:09:25,700 --> 01:09:27,400
Just promise me one thing.
1020
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:31,400
Please promise me that you will not
say any of this to Rachel.
1021
01:09:31,900 --> 01:09:34,500
Are you crazy?
This conversation ends here.
1022
01:09:35,100 --> 01:09:37,600
When Stan called me, I couldn't believe it.
1023
01:09:37,900 --> 01:09:39,900
I knew it was rough for you guys-
1024
01:09:40,200 --> 01:09:43,100
We didn't wanna say until we
knew we weren't getting back together.
1025
01:09:43,500 --> 01:09:45,000
Oh, my God.
1026
01:09:45,700 --> 01:09:46,900
Wow!
1027
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:48,700
How are you doing?
1028
01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:51,800
I don't know.
I thought I'd be devastated.
1029
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:54,500
Maybe it just hasn't hit me.
1030
01:09:57,000 --> 01:10:00,300
- You're having an affair.
- What are you talking about?
1031
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,400
You're only not devastated
if you're seeing someone else.
1032
01:10:03,700 --> 01:10:05,200
I'm not seeing someone else.
1033
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:07,500
Are you serious about who you're not seeing?
1034
01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:10,000
I don't know.
I know he's nothing like Ben.
1035
01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:13,200
He's responsible, plans ahead,
has a Swiss Army knife.
1036
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,100
He even wants to cook me dinner.
1037
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:16,900
- He's a sandbag.
- A what?
1038
01:10:17,300 --> 01:10:19,600
He's just a sandbag
against the storm...
1039
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,800
...holding off the inevitable devastation.
1040
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:27,300
Rachel, you okay?
1041
01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:31,400
Honey?
1042
01:10:33,900 --> 01:10:35,200
I'm sorry.
1043
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,900
I know I'm supposed to be the one
holding your hand...
1044
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:42,300
...but I just feel terrible.
1045
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:46,200
I mean, the thought of you guys
not being together...
1046
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:47,900
You're our best friends.
1047
01:10:48,700 --> 01:10:52,300
Fourth of Julys and Thanksgivings
and Christmases.
1048
01:10:53,100 --> 01:10:55,700
You guys were our Fred and Ethel Mertz.
1049
01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:59,100
We thought you guys were
our Fred and Ethel Mertz.
1050
01:11:00,300 --> 01:11:01,600
Really?
1051
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:05,900
I never thought this was
going to happen to me and Ben.
1052
01:11:06,300 --> 01:11:09,800
I thought we were going to be the ones
to go the distance.
1053
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:14,700
But I just couldn't seem to get him
to put down that purple crayon.
1054
01:11:15,900 --> 01:11:19,800
But that's Ben.
That's who you fell in love with.
1055
01:11:20,100 --> 01:11:22,900
Katie, you are at 80 who you are at 8.
1056
01:11:23,300 --> 01:11:25,700
People don't change!
1057
01:11:26,300 --> 01:11:29,300
People change over time.
You've got to expect that.
1058
01:11:29,600 --> 01:11:34,400
The only way a relationship works is
if people grow and change together.
1059
01:11:35,900 --> 01:11:37,700
Mr. and Mrs. Cogen, Mr. Jordan.
1060
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:42,100
Nice to have you tonight. Is Mrs.
Jordan not joining us this evening?
1061
01:11:42,500 --> 01:11:46,200
No, she's not. Stan, I told you
to make the reservation for three!
1062
01:11:46,700 --> 01:11:48,800
- I forgot.
- How could you forget that?
1063
01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:51,600
Say it louder. The guy
in the lot didn't hear you.
1064
01:11:51,900 --> 01:11:53,500
It wasn't that loud.
1065
01:12:00,300 --> 01:12:02,400
Did you see Sunday's 7 down?
1066
01:12:02,700 --> 01:12:04,800
- I missed that one.
- Five-letter word.
1067
01:12:05,300 --> 01:12:07,400
"Wants, requirements."
1068
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:09,600
Rhymes with weeds.
1069
01:12:10,100 --> 01:12:11,000
"Needs"?
1070
01:12:11,300 --> 01:12:13,900
Exactly.
It was a direct attack on me.
1071
01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:16,000
Come on. You're being silly.
1072
01:12:16,300 --> 01:12:18,500
It was just a clue in a crossword puzzle.
1073
01:12:19,100 --> 01:12:22,900
I know my wife.
She was specifically attacking me.
1074
01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:24,600
And for what?
1075
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:26,600
For having needs.
1076
01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,500
Like having needs is some terrible thing.
1077
01:12:30,100 --> 01:12:33,000
Show me one person that doesn't have needs.
1078
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:38,600
Try this bread dipped in
the olive oil. It's delicious.
1079
01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:40,500
Stan, give Ben the bread!
1080
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:41,800
Why must you yell?
1081
01:12:42,200 --> 01:12:43,400
- Who yelled?
- You.
1082
01:12:43,700 --> 01:12:44,500
That's not a yell.
1083
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:47,000
He hears everything as a yell.
1084
01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:49,500
On anyone's yell-o-meter, that was a yell.
1085
01:12:49,900 --> 01:12:52,000
Was that a yell?
He didn't hear it as a yell.
1086
01:12:52,300 --> 01:12:54,300
His mom was a yeller.
He still hears her.
1087
01:12:54,700 --> 01:12:57,100
How could I hear her?
You drown her out.
1088
01:12:57,500 --> 01:12:58,400
It's true.
1089
01:12:58,700 --> 01:13:01,000
The last few years,
when Katie opened her mouth...
1090
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:03,100
...all I'd hear was her mother.
1091
01:13:04,100 --> 01:13:05,000
Dot.
1092
01:13:05,900 --> 01:13:10,300
It wasn't easy for Katie to be raised
by a woman as complicated as Dot.
1093
01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:12,600
Please, she wasn't complicated.
1094
01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:16,600
She was an idiot who made
everyone else's life complicated.
1095
01:13:16,900 --> 01:13:20,100
You wouldn't believe the beautiful,
psychological heirlooms...
1096
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:22,600
...this snapping turtle handed down.
1097
01:13:23,100 --> 01:13:25,400
Everything's gotta be
in a neat little box...
1098
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,000
...with a little blue bow on it.
1099
01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,700
Punctual.
1100
01:13:29,900 --> 01:13:31,100
Ordered.
1101
01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:34,500
God forbid anything unexpected
should happen...
1102
01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:38,000
...any perchances, happenstances...
1103
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:41,100
...left turns, serendipities!
1104
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:43,900
Nope, no way! Not allowed!
1105
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:46,500
Out-of-bounds! Foul ball!
1106
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:50,700
15-yard penalty!
Too much time being spontaneous!
1107
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:54,200
Everything's gotta be connected.
Gotta connect the dots.
1108
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:56,600
Maybe that's why they call her Dot.
1109
01:13:56,900 --> 01:14:00,300
You notice that her name wasn't
Gay or Joy or Fun!
1110
01:14:00,700 --> 01:14:01,900
Try the bread-
1111
01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:04,700
You can't even fuck
unless everything's just right!
1112
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:09,500
Like a plane waiting for takeoff.
Windows shut? Check.
1113
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:13,400
Doors locked? Check!
Heat on? Check!
1114
01:14:13,700 --> 01:14:16,400
Have we covered every possible,
single reason...
1115
01:14:16,900 --> 01:14:18,400
...why everything is my fault?!
1116
01:14:18,700 --> 01:14:23,000
Houston, we got a problem
and her name is Dot!
1117
01:14:23,400 --> 01:14:26,200
- Ben, bread.
- There are people like Katie and Dot...
1118
01:14:26,700 --> 01:14:29,200
...who color inside the lines,
and people like you...
1119
01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:32,600
...who wander outside.
That can be a very endearing quality.
1120
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:36,100
That's why Katie fell in love
with you. Once you have kids-
1121
01:14:36,600 --> 01:14:38,200
I am not a third child!
1122
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:41,100
Excuse me if my watch has no hands on it.
1123
01:14:41,500 --> 01:14:45,000
That's fine. It's just somebody
has to establish the routine-
1124
01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:47,600
Are you saying it's all my fault?!
1125
01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:50,200
It's nobody's fault!
1126
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:53,400
When people say it's nobody's fault,
they don't mean that.
1127
01:14:53,900 --> 01:14:57,200
They mean it's your fault!
The nobody's fault things are...
1128
01:14:57,500 --> 01:15:01,000
...hurricanes, earthquakes,
tornadoes, acts of God!
1129
01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:05,100
But when a marriage fails,
it's gotta be somebody's fault!
1130
01:15:05,500 --> 01:15:06,700
And it's not mine!
1131
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,300
Take that fucking bread and shove it
up the tops of your legs!
1132
01:15:54,600 --> 01:15:58,600
Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm
dealing with 5000 things all day long!
1133
01:15:59,100 --> 01:16:01,600
Maybe every need you have
doesn't have to be met...
1134
01:16:01,900 --> 01:16:04,100
...at the exact moment you need it to be met!
1135
01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:08,000
I'm sick and tired of being
the designated driver of this marriage!
1136
01:16:08,300 --> 01:16:11,100
Nobody designated you!
It's a role you gave yourself!
1137
01:16:11,500 --> 01:16:14,300
Not once have you seen it through my eyes!
1138
01:16:14,700 --> 01:16:18,000
We don't have a pea under our
mattress. You know what we have?
1139
01:16:18,300 --> 01:16:20,500
A fucking watermelon!
1140
01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:32,100
You okay?
1141
01:16:34,100 --> 01:16:35,800
Take me to Katie's.
1142
01:16:39,700 --> 01:16:40,400
Ben!
1143
01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,300
What are you doing here?
1144
01:16:43,100 --> 01:16:45,400
I wanted to know what your high was today.
1145
01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:49,200
You should've called.
1146
01:16:49,900 --> 01:16:51,700
My high was about you.
1147
01:16:54,900 --> 01:16:57,600
Tonight I saw myself through your eyes.
1148
01:16:59,700 --> 01:17:00,800
Ben...
1149
01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:04,000
And I'm sorry.
1150
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:05,900
It might be a nice touch...
1151
01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:09,300
...if you add some roasted peanuts
to the sesame-
1152
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:10,800
I'm...
1153
01:17:15,700 --> 01:17:18,700
At some point we should discuss
how to tell the children.
1154
01:17:50,800 --> 01:17:52,700
How you doing? Come on in.
1155
01:17:54,000 --> 01:17:55,300
This is nice.
1156
01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:56,500
Thanks.
1157
01:17:56,800 --> 01:17:59,700
It's close to the park.
The kids and I can walk.
1158
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:02,000
You want something to drink?
1159
01:18:02,400 --> 01:18:05,100
I'll take water if you don't have anything else.
1160
01:18:07,900 --> 01:18:09,800
We have pretty much anything you want.
1161
01:18:10,100 --> 01:18:11,900
Beer, Gatorade...
1162
01:18:12,200 --> 01:18:14,300
...fruit juice, iced tea.
1163
01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:16,200
Iced tea is fine.
1164
01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:24,700
Here you go.
1165
01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:26,800
You have a watch.
1166
01:18:27,400 --> 01:18:28,300
Yeah.
1167
01:18:29,300 --> 01:18:30,500
Come on in.
1168
01:18:32,800 --> 01:18:34,100
Sit down here.
1169
01:18:44,200 --> 01:18:46,100
I think we should...
1170
01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:52,300
When we pick the kids up Thursday,
we should just tell them that night.
1171
01:18:53,600 --> 01:18:56,400
We don't have to tell them right away.
1172
01:18:56,700 --> 01:18:57,800
Why?
1173
01:18:58,300 --> 01:19:00,600
What will change between now and Thursday?
1174
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,000
Katie, you're seeing someone else.
1175
01:19:05,300 --> 01:19:07,500
I'm not seeing him.
1176
01:19:07,800 --> 01:19:09,600
We're just talking.
1177
01:19:11,600 --> 01:19:12,600
Right.
1178
01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:19,600
I won't put up with any more of this
bullshit lying to the kids.
1179
01:19:20,100 --> 01:19:23,600
We take them to Chow Fun's, their
favorite restaurant, to tell them.
1180
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:26,600
We can't really talk at Chow Fun's.
1181
01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:29,200
We'll go to the house and tell them at dinner.
1182
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:30,500
After dinner.
1183
01:19:30,700 --> 01:19:33,200
We'll all sit down and...
1184
01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:36,000
Jesus, how do we say this?
1185
01:19:39,500 --> 01:19:43,300
We'll just tell them how much we love them...
1186
01:19:44,300 --> 01:19:46,500
...how amazing and beautiful they are...
1187
01:19:46,800 --> 01:19:49,800
...so they don't think
that any of this is their fault.
1188
01:19:50,100 --> 01:19:52,000
That's the important thing.
1189
01:19:53,700 --> 01:19:55,400
We'll just say that...
1190
01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,700
...Mommy and Daddy...
1191
01:19:59,400 --> 01:20:01,500
...or Mom and Dad...
1192
01:20:02,300 --> 01:20:03,500
You think Mom and Dad?
1193
01:20:03,900 --> 01:20:05,000
Mommy and Daddy.
1194
01:20:07,200 --> 01:20:09,800
We'll say that Mommy and Daddy
have grown apart.
1195
01:20:10,600 --> 01:20:14,200
I was just thinking about Erin.
She'll probably say something like:
1196
01:20:14,500 --> 01:20:18,100
"Well, there must be something right
about you guys...
1197
01:20:18,500 --> 01:20:22,400
...for you to produce
such beautiful and amazing kids."
1198
01:20:26,300 --> 01:20:28,800
She might say something like that,
you know?
1199
01:20:37,900 --> 01:20:40,200
We'll just tell her that they were...
1200
01:20:41,600 --> 01:20:43,700
...born in love and we'll always love them...
1201
01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:46,600
...but Mommy and Daddy
don't love each other anymore.
1202
01:20:48,700 --> 01:20:52,500
Well, wouldn't it be better if we told them...
1203
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:58,800
...we still love each other,
but in a different way?
1204
01:21:00,900 --> 01:21:01,900
Fine.
1205
01:21:03,300 --> 01:21:05,900
- We shouldn't say that?
- I said it was fine.
1206
01:21:06,900 --> 01:21:09,700
Well, it was kind of a weird "fine."
1207
01:21:11,000 --> 01:21:15,300
Should I be thrilled about how we
love each other in a different way?
1208
01:21:26,900 --> 01:21:29,500
Who is it?
Your couch is here.
1209
01:21:29,800 --> 01:21:32,700
Where have you guys been?
Come on in.
1210
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:37,100
They were supposed to be here
first thing this morning.
1211
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:46,100
I'll pick you up at 5:00
on Thursday?
1212
01:22:00,500 --> 01:22:01,800
So is there...
1213
01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:04,900
...anything else we need to talk about?
1214
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:06,400
Like what?
1215
01:22:09,700 --> 01:22:10,700
Nothing.
1216
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:15,100
Bye.
1217
01:22:36,700 --> 01:22:38,000
What happened to you?
1218
01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:41,300
What happened to that fun girl
with the pith helmet?
1219
01:22:41,700 --> 01:22:45,500
You don't think I ask myself
that every day?
1220
01:22:46,000 --> 01:22:47,600
I'm talking about a connection!
1221
01:22:48,000 --> 01:22:52,100
A look! Something that says
that we're on the same side here!
1222
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:55,700
Isn't this the moment
where one of us says:
1223
01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:58,000
"This is ridiculous. We love each other.
1224
01:22:58,300 --> 01:23:01,300
All couples go through this.
Let's give it another try"?
1225
01:23:14,600 --> 01:23:16,500
It was supposed to rain today.
1226
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:19,300
Glad it didn't.
1227
01:23:20,800 --> 01:23:21,900
Me too.
1228
01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:28,500
Turn here. If you take Sepulveda...
1229
01:23:31,300 --> 01:23:32,200
What?
1230
01:23:33,700 --> 01:23:34,800
Nothing.
1231
01:23:48,400 --> 01:23:50,800
Do you, Katie, take Ben...
1232
01:23:51,100 --> 01:23:52,900
...to have and to hold...
1233
01:23:53,300 --> 01:23:55,300
...in sickness and in health...
1234
01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:57,500
...for better or for worse...
1235
01:23:58,000 --> 01:24:00,600
- ... till death do you part?
- I do.
1236
01:24:04,200 --> 01:24:05,900
It's a boy.
It's a girl.
1237
01:24:06,200 --> 01:24:07,000
It's a bunny!
1238
01:24:07,400 --> 01:24:08,600
It's a home run!
1239
01:24:08,900 --> 01:24:10,100
It's chickenpox.
1240
01:24:10,400 --> 01:24:11,200
It's over.
1241
01:24:11,400 --> 01:24:12,600
I love you.
1242
01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:13,800
Damn you!
1243
01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:14,800
I love you.
1244
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:16,600
Damn it!
1245
01:24:17,000 --> 01:24:17,800
I love you.
1246
01:24:18,100 --> 01:24:19,700
I love you. I love you. I love you.
1247
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:21,300
I hate you!
1248
01:24:21,600 --> 01:24:23,300
Fuck me. Fuck me.
1249
01:24:23,700 --> 01:24:24,500
Fuck you!
1250
01:24:28,100 --> 01:24:29,100
I love you.
1251
01:24:29,500 --> 01:24:30,300
I'm pregnant.
1252
01:24:30,600 --> 01:24:31,700
My goldfish died.
1253
01:24:32,100 --> 01:24:33,000
My hamster died.
1254
01:24:33,300 --> 01:24:34,100
My father's dying.
1255
01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:35,600
I'm pregnant.
1256
01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:57,600
Maybe we should separate.
1257
01:25:37,300 --> 01:25:39,200
Mom! Dad!
1258
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:40,800
- You ready?
- Yeah.
1259
01:25:45,700 --> 01:25:47,900
What's up? It's good to see you.
1260
01:25:48,300 --> 01:25:49,600
How you doing?
1261
01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:52,000
What's the matter?
1262
01:25:52,600 --> 01:25:54,700
She just missed you, that's all.
1263
01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:57,400
You've both just grown so big.
1264
01:25:57,800 --> 01:26:00,300
Look at you guys.
I hardly recognize you. Wait.
1265
01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:02,400
Which one is Erin?
1266
01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:04,900
Check it out, Dad.
1267
01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:09,200
I guess we know what your high
is today."Best All-Around Camper."
1268
01:26:09,700 --> 01:26:11,000
Congratulations. Look.
1269
01:26:11,300 --> 01:26:14,400
I guess this calls for a celebration!
Come on! Riverdance!
1270
01:26:15,200 --> 01:26:17,600
I'm the best all-around Riverdancer
1271
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:21,100
Come on. Kind of like
a little Latin loopy-loo thing.
1272
01:26:22,100 --> 01:26:23,600
Go with the big finish!
1273
01:26:23,900 --> 01:26:25,600
- Dad!
- Come on! What?
1274
01:26:25,900 --> 01:26:29,100
- I have to see these kids next summer.
- Come on, we're hungry.
1275
01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:32,000
Okay. All right.
1276
01:26:33,400 --> 01:26:34,600
Okay.
1277
01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:38,700
Let's go home.
1278
01:26:51,700 --> 01:26:53,900
I think we should go to Chow Fun's.
1279
01:27:02,500 --> 01:27:03,900
Chow Fun's?
1280
01:27:06,300 --> 01:27:08,800
We agreed that we couldn't talk at Chow Fun's.
1281
01:27:09,400 --> 01:27:10,600
I know.
1282
01:27:12,500 --> 01:27:13,600
What are you saying?
1283
01:27:14,100 --> 01:27:15,900
I'm saying Chow Fun's.
1284
01:27:20,400 --> 01:27:23,300
Are you saying Chow Fun's
because you can't face telling them?
1285
01:27:23,600 --> 01:27:26,000
If that's why, don't say Chow Fun's.
1286
01:27:26,400 --> 01:27:30,500
That's not why. I'm saying Chow Fun's
because we're an "us."
1287
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,100
There's a history here...
1288
01:27:34,400 --> 01:27:37,100
...and histories don't happen overnight.
1289
01:27:38,100 --> 01:27:39,900
In Mesopotamia or ancient Troy...
1290
01:27:40,200 --> 01:27:43,900
...or somewhere, there are cities
built on top of other cities...
1291
01:27:44,400 --> 01:27:47,400
...but I don't wanna build
another city. I like this city.
1292
01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,400
I know where we keep the Bactine...
1293
01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:52,900
...and what mood you're in
by which eyebrow is higher.
1294
01:27:53,300 --> 01:27:57,800
You always know that I'm quiet in
the morning and compensate accordingly.
1295
01:27:58,200 --> 01:28:00,800
That's a dance you perfect over time.
1296
01:28:01,100 --> 01:28:03,900
And it's much harder
than I thought it would be...
1297
01:28:04,300 --> 01:28:08,300
...but there's more good than bad.
And you don't just give up!
1298
01:28:08,800 --> 01:28:11,300
And it's not for the sake
of the children.
1299
01:28:11,600 --> 01:28:13,600
But they're great kids, aren't they?
1300
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:16,400
And we made them!
I mean, think about that.
1301
01:28:16,700 --> 01:28:19,700
There were no people there,
and then there were people.
1302
01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:21,300
And then they grew.
1303
01:28:22,100 --> 01:28:25,700
I won't be able to say to some
stranger, "Josh has your hands"...
1304
01:28:26,200 --> 01:28:29,600
...or "Remember how Erin threw up
at the Lincoln Memorial?"
1305
01:28:30,000 --> 01:28:32,700
And I'll try to relax.
1306
01:28:34,000 --> 01:28:37,700
Let's face it, anybody will have
traits that get on your nerves.
1307
01:28:38,200 --> 01:28:41,900
Why shouldn't it be your annoying
traits? I'm no day at the beach.
1308
01:28:42,300 --> 01:28:45,700
But I do have a good sense
of direction, so I can find the beach.
1309
01:28:46,100 --> 01:28:48,400
Which is not a criticism of yours...
1310
01:28:49,700 --> 01:28:51,600
...it's just a strength of mine.
1311
01:28:51,900 --> 01:28:56,600
God, you're a good friend.
And good friends are hard to find.
1312
01:28:58,100 --> 01:29:00,300
Charlotte said that in Charlotte's Web.
1313
01:29:00,700 --> 01:29:02,600
I love the way you read that to Erin.
1314
01:29:03,000 --> 01:29:05,800
You take on the voice of Wilbur
with such commitment...
1315
01:29:06,200 --> 01:29:07,800
...even when you're bone tired.
1316
01:29:08,200 --> 01:29:12,000
That speaks volumes about character.
And ultimately...
1317
01:29:12,700 --> 01:29:15,900
...isn't that what it comes down to?
What a person's made of?
1318
01:29:16,400 --> 01:29:19,600
Because that girl in the pith helmet...
1319
01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:21,600
...is still in here.
1320
01:29:25,000 --> 01:29:28,000
I didn't even know she existed until I met you.
1321
01:29:28,400 --> 01:29:30,500
And I'm afraid if you leave...
1322
01:29:31,400 --> 01:29:33,200
...I may never see her again.
1323
01:29:33,500 --> 01:29:37,100
Even though I said you beat her
out of me. Isn't that the paradox?
1324
01:29:37,600 --> 01:29:40,900
Haven't we hit the essential paradox?
Give and take, push and pull.
1325
01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:44,000
The best of times, the worst of times.
Dickens said it best.
1326
01:29:44,500 --> 01:29:48,100
The Jack Sprat of it. He could eat
no fat. His wife could eat no lean.
1327
01:29:48,500 --> 01:29:52,500
But that doesn't apply here, does it?
I guess what I'm trying to say is...
1328
01:29:54,300 --> 01:29:56,600
...I'm saying Chow Fun's because...
1329
01:29:57,300 --> 01:29:58,800
...I love you.
1330
01:30:08,200 --> 01:30:09,400
I love you too.
1331
01:30:17,500 --> 01:30:19,100
Did you hear that, kids?
1332
01:30:19,400 --> 01:30:21,900
Your mom wants to go to Chow Fun's!
1333
01:30:23,100 --> 01:30:25,700
Isn't that great?
I love Chow Fun's!
1334
01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:28,500
The egg rolls are good, but not that good.
1335
01:30:28,900 --> 01:30:30,700
The egg rolls are fantastic!
1336
01:30:31,000 --> 01:30:33,200
They're warm, crispy, greasy as all hell.
1337
01:30:33,500 --> 01:30:36,000
- Everything you want in an egg roll!
- Exactly!
1338
01:30:36,400 --> 01:30:37,800
High/Low. Erin, you first.
1339
01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:41,000
My high for the summer is,
Austin wrote me 111 times.
1340
01:30:41,400 --> 01:30:43,600
How did you come up
with High/Low anyway?
1341
01:30:43,900 --> 01:30:46,400
I don't know.
But I've got another game.
1342
01:30:46,800 --> 01:30:49,300
I'm thinking of seven words.
What are they?
1343
01:30:50,000 --> 01:30:51,500
- Do I get a hint?
- No.
1344
01:30:51,900 --> 01:30:52,700
- A category?
- No.
1345
01:30:53,000 --> 01:30:56,000
- Any seven words in English.
- That's right.
1346
01:30:56,300 --> 01:30:57,500
Fair enough.
1347
01:30:58,500 --> 01:31:01,200
"MacArthur Park is melting
in the dark."
1348
01:31:01,600 --> 01:31:03,100
- No?
- No.
1349
01:31:04,800 --> 01:31:07,700
"And they lived happily ever after."
1350
01:31:08,600 --> 01:31:11,100
That's six words, but you're very close.
1351
01:31:12,500 --> 01:31:15,600
"And they lived mostly happily ever after"?
1352
01:31:16,500 --> 01:31:17,900
I hope so.
1353
01:31:18,700 --> 01:31:20,200
I think so.
1354
01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:23,400
Think so?
1355
01:31:23,900 --> 01:31:25,000
I do.
1356
01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:27,700
I do...
1357
01:31:28,300 --> 01:31:29,300
...too.
104234
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