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1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,240
(ENGINE REVVING)
2
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,280
(TRAIN HORN BLASTS)
3
00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,080
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
4
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,360
- Hello.
- Hello, everybody!
5
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,400
Thank you so much.
6
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,680
- Thank you!
- Thank you.
7
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,080
JEREMY: Greetings!
8
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,480
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
9
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,000
Thank you, everybody.
Thank you.
10
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,360
And welcome, and thank you all
11
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,080
for braving these treacherous
conditions to get here.
12
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,080
- It took me nearly nine minutes this morning.
- (LAUGHTER)
13
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,240
His slippers got all soggy
on the way.
14
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,080
I nearly fell over once,
but I made it.
15
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:29,960
Don't worry,
16
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,520
because we have an incredible
reward for you all.
17
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,720
Because, in this
action-packed show...
18
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,720
...James wears a red anorak...
19
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,440
...Richard looks at a pipe
of some sort...
20
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,640
...and I make a cup of tea.
21
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,480
(CHEERING)
22
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,560
It is non-stop action.
23
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:59,040
Non-stop. But...
but we begin with mankind.
24
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,440
- Wow! Big start!
- It is a big start.
25
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,280
You see, the thing is,
as a species,
26
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,080
we are very pleased
with ourselves,
27
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,680
because we have the Porsche 918
28
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,960
and the Ferrari TheFerrari:
29
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,200
cars that can travel at
212mph, an incredible speed.
30
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,800
Whereas cows and ants and...
31
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,200
- What are you going on about?
- Well, think about it, OK.
32
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,240
A cow is exactly the same now
33
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,840
as it was a million years ago.
34
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,720
Well, maybe a bit more
delicious now,
35
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:25,920
but basically the same.
36
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,480
It still stands around
all day long
37
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,920
in a field eating grass.
38
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,440
Whereas we think
that we've improved.
39
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,360
But have we?
40
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,480
- Yes.
- Yeah, we have.
41
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,880
Well, now, you say that,
42
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:40,320
but we were travelling
at way more than 212mph
43
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,560
in our cars 25 years ago.
44
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,320
JEREMY: This is
the Jaguar XJ220.
45
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,120
And with a top speed of 217mph,
46
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,400
it was the fastest car
in the world.
47
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,680
For about five minutes.
48
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,560
And then this came along.
49
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:23,720
The 218mph
Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport.
50
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,960
Both these cars
were conceived in the '80s,
51
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,920
when Gordon Gekko
was running amok,
52
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,760
and the world
was awash with money.
53
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,400
But by the time they went
on sale in the early '90s...
54
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,400
An incredible day
on Wall Street.
55
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,440
The market has fallen
over 400 points.
56
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,880
JEREMY: ...the stock market
had crashed.
57
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,880
There's only one word to
describe what's happening,
58
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,440
and that is "panic".
59
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,880
JEREMY: So, the only people
who might have bought them
60
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,800
were too busy hurling themselves
out of their office windows
61
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,080
on Wall Street.
62
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:07,960
So, these cars,
they came, they conquered,
63
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,840
and no-one noticed.
64
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,520
Today, though, 25 years later,
65
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,960
there are only three cars
in current production
66
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,880
that are faster than this.
67
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,840
However, while there is
a lot of performance,
68
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,880
the way it's delivered is...
quite old-fashioned.
69
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,040
You put your foot down,
and then you wait
70
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,080
while the turbo-chargers
spool up.
71
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,120
It takes quite a while,
cos there are four of them.
72
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,160
(WHIRRING)
73
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,760
Talk among yourselves.
74
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,640
However, when the 3.5l V12
75
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,080
is finally getting
all the food it needs...
76
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,160
Oh, God!
77
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,920
...all hell breaks loose.
78
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,240
(ENGINE ROARS)
79
00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,320
Oh!
80
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,440
Through the corner.
81
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,840
Mild terror.
82
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,920
The speed is hilarious!
83
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,960
And terrifying.
84
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,720
That's probably why
they fitted it
85
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,000
with this plastic sheeting
rather than carpets,
86
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,600
because they knew that one
day you would soil yourself.
87
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,240
You did have to be good
88
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,960
to get the best
out of this thing.
89
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,400
Which brings me on to
Michael Schumacher.
90
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:41,680
He could have had any car
he wanted back in the day,
91
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,280
but he had one of these.
92
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:45,480
Weirdly, however,
93
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,920
and mainly because
I think it looks better,
94
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,240
I'd have chosen the Jag.
95
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:06,000
It was supposed to have been
a four-wheel drive V12,
96
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,040
like the Bugatti,
97
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,200
but Jaguar found that
much too complicated.
98
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,880
So, they gave it
the turbo-charged V6
99
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,440
from a Metro rally car,
100
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,880
rear-wheel drive, the rear
lights from a Rover 200,
101
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,680
and then they said,
"That'll do,"
102
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,880
and went to the pub.
103
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,000
So, does that mean the Jag
is embarrassed by the Bugatti
104
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,800
in a drag race?
105
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,640
Right, before we do this,
106
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,240
I have to tape
the cassette player in place,
107
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:48,080
because the last time I did
a full-bore standing start
108
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,960
in an XJ220,
109
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,200
the acceleration was so vivid,
110
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,520
the stereo shot out
of its slot in the dashboard,
111
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,760
ricocheted off the gear lever,
112
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,480
and then speared
into my left plum.
113
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520
It was very uncomfortable.
114
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,880
Oh, the end's come off.
115
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,760
That's good.
Right, window up.
116
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,360
(WHIRRING)
117
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,000
(SQUEAKING)
118
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,520
(SQUEAKING CONTINUES)
119
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,840
Right, let's do this!
120
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,760
(ENGINES REV)
121
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:45,920
(TYRES SCREECH)
122
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,440
(ENGINES ROAR)
123
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,800
Don't know when to change gear,
124
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,680
because the rev counter's
broken.
125
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,360
This is close.
126
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,120
Oh, my word! Ha!
127
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,040
Score one for the Jag!
128
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,120
Whoa! That was some speed!
129
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,240
After a quarter of a mile,
130
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,280
the badly-made Jag
was doing 135mph,
131
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,320
and a modern day Lamborghini
Huracan couldn't do that.
132
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:33,080
Which proves that in the last
25 years, we've come nowhere.
133
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,360
Except, we have.
134
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,400
You see, back in '92 and '93,
135
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,160
there was no Wi-Fi,
there was no PlayStation,
136
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,640
DVD hadn't been invented,
137
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,520
Justin Bieber hadn't been born.
138
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,920
There was no Google,
Amazon was a river.
139
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,840
There was no
internet pornography.
140
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,360
Well, that's probably
a good thing,
141
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,880
cos there was no Viagra, either.
142
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,640
The early '90s
were the dark ages,
143
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,360
and when you drive
these cars, it shows.
144
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,720
In here,
there's no power-steering.
145
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,000
No air conditioning.
146
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,600
No anti-lock brakes.
147
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,080
And obviously,
no driver aids of any kind.
148
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,360
Got a 525bhp engine back there.
149
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,600
Ooh, shi...
150
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,320
Being fed by a turbo-charger
the size of a wheelie bin.
151
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,880
And all there is in here
to tame it is me!
152
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,560
Ah!
153
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,120
Oh!
154
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,680
After a couple of laps
in this thing,
155
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,560
you really are aching.
156
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,040
And sweating.
157
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,320
And you're frightened.
You really are.
158
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,920
Cos this is not a car that's
just gonna forgive you.
159
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,440
If you overdo it,
you're gonna hit a tree,
160
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,240
and that's just an end of it.
161
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,760
So, there we are.
162
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,160
A modern supercar
may be no faster
163
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,720
than these monsters
from the past,
164
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,640
but a modern supercar
makes the speed fun and easy,
165
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:57,240
not terrifying and bathed in an
unholy mix of sweat and faeces.
166
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,920
(CHEERING)
167
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,320
Well done.
168
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,400
Covered it all there.
169
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,680
No, seriously, well done,
170
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,600
because nobody's ever
finished a road test
171
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,480
with the word "faeces" before.
172
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,720
No, that was a first.
173
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,880
But I'm just thinking,
174
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,320
it isn't just supercars
that are getting slower,
175
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,320
because you remember
the Lotus Sunbeam?
176
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,160
- When was that, 1979, '78?
- Yeah.
177
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,920
That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds,
178
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,240
and there aren't many
hot hatches
179
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,920
that would keep up with that,
even today.
180
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,200
And then you've got trains.
The Mallard, the steam train,
181
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,640
is quicker
than most electric trains.
182
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:37,560
SR-71 Blackbird, nothing
in the skies as fast as that.
183
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,880
I suppose, if you think about
it, we used to be able
184
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,000
to get across the Atlantic
in three hours,
185
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,800
- and now it takes us seven.
- Exactly.
186
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,760
And now we must put some
numbers on our argument
187
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,480
by sending the Bugatti
round the Eboladrome.
188
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,360
(ENGINE REVS)
189
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,040
Come on, old-timer!
190
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,080
JEREMY: And she's off.
191
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:57,960
A smooth start.
192
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,600
Four-wheel drive system
maintaining traction
193
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,520
in these wet conditions.
194
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,200
It really is soaking
out there today!
195
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,760
Right, a measured line
through the first curve,
196
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,240
and then carefully
working the throttle
197
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,000
to keep things in check.
198
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,600
Approaching the sweep
down to Your Name Here,
199
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,240
and smoothly done.
200
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:19,640
(TYRES SQUEAL)
201
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,560
Crikey! Managing to get
the tyres squealing,
202
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,760
even on this damp section.
203
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,920
And then winding up
the little V12
204
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,200
to fire it back onto the Isn't.
205
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,880
Single wiper
batting away the drizzle,
206
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,040
as she hustles it
towards the braking zone
207
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,040
for the tricky
Old Lady's House complex.
208
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,080
How will it get on here?
209
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,800
Very neat.
210
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,160
Very controlled.
211
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,760
And now back on the gas
for the run to Substation.
212
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,640
And you can hear the fizz
213
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,680
from those four
furiously spinning turbos.
214
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,000
Keeping it together there
nicely.
215
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,200
Field Of Sheep to go.
216
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,520
Glides through there,
and across the line.
217
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,680
(CHEERING)
218
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,680
So, let's see where
it goes on the board.
219
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,360
I'm imagining pretty high up.
220
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,560
Oh.
221
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,720
- That's not very fast.
- No, it isn't very fast.
222
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,000
But we put the Jag round,
as well,
223
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,480
and that did it in...
224
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,800
Hang on, I've got the time here.
Just bear with me.
225
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,840
...one thirty-five one.
226
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,920
JAMES: So...
slower than the Bugatti?
227
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,800
Yes.
228
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,240
Slower, in fact, than everything
229
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,800
except a small, cheap
Volkswagen hatchback,
230
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,120
which also went round
in the soaking wet.
231
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,600
Yes.
232
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,440
So, contrary to what
you were saying earlier on,
233
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,680
supercars have got much faster
234
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,600
over the last 25 years.
235
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,280
Yes.
236
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,760
Right! Moving on!
237
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,280
Because now it's time
238
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,600
to order
some doughnuts of debate
239
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:55,640
from the Chat Café,
on Conversation Street.
240
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,680
(SMOOTH JAZZ)
241
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,480
- I was terrified.
- Yeah.
242
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,840
Right, good. Now...
243
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,080
- ...you know the BMW Z4?
- Yes.
244
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:09,960
The only car, incidentally,
245
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160
designed on the interior
and the exterior by women.
246
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,280
- OK?
- It was.
247
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,240
Well, they're dropping it,
and replacing it with this.
248
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,080
This has been designed
by a man, so...
249
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,240
Mm-hm. And where are you
going with this one, Jeremy?
250
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,520
So, it won't be able
to take its jumper off
251
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,360
by folding its arms.
252
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,720
- What?
- What are you on about?
253
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,760
Men can't take their jumpers
off like women do,
254
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,360
- crossing their arms.
- I can do that!
255
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,320
- You're not a man.
- Oh, right.
256
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,560
I take my jumper...
257
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,480
That's how you take
a jumper off, like that.
258
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,000
How do you know?
259
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,280
You just wait for the
paramedics to come along,
260
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,160
cut it off after your accident.
261
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,480
Yes, but that's how
you take a jumper off.
262
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,880
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Take your jumper off.
263
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,920
Just take your jumper off. Watch this.
How does he take it off?
264
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,360
Er, like this.
265
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,800
JEREMY: There, you see?
Like a man.
266
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,320
Are there any women
wanna take...
267
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,840
Oh, no, we can't do that.
268
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,200
Seriously, women, do you know
what I'm on about?
269
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,440
WOMEN: Yes.
270
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,560
Women cross...
271
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,200
If I tried to do that,
I'd dislocate my shoulder!
272
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:13,440
Thank you for that nonsense,
Jeremy.
273
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,480
Can we maybe get back to
the BMW now, which is a car?
274
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,800
Yes, it is.
Now, I have to say,
275
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,960
the old one was never
as good to drive
276
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,640
- as it was to look at.
- I know what you mean.
277
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,360
It wasn't. It was sort of
baggy, wasn't it?
278
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000
Yeah, and there was never
an M version.
279
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,200
You know,
it was all just unexciting.
280
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,920
But I'm hoping this new one
281
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,640
is as good to drive as it looks,
282
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,120
and it does look very good,
283
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,640
- even though it will struggle with its jumper.
- Yeah, whatever.
284
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,280
Anyway, if I was looking
for a new BMW Z4,
285
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,200
actually, I'd have one of these,
286
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,880
because this is
the new Toyota Supra.
287
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,400
I know, it looks phenomenal!
288
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,000
And that underneath
is basically a Z4.
289
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,960
- Same engine and everything.
- Same chassis.
290
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,640
It is a Z4, but with that body.
291
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,560
And that body,
I have to say, looks amazing.
292
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,240
And do you know
the most amazing thing is,
293
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,520
they're talking about a price
between 40,000 and 60,000,
294
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,560
which is much less
than it looks like.
295
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,200
RICHARD: See, I think that is
actually filling a gap in the market.
296
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,200
There is a need right now
for a mid-price sportscar,
297
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,520
because there really
aren't many, if any.
298
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,160
There's the Audi TT RS.
299
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,960
Well, that'll definitely take its
jumper off like that, won't it?
300
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,720
And then stow it
in the overhead lockers,
301
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,720
tell you where the doors are.
302
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,760
Now, Volkswagen's
US Head of Regulation -
303
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,800
that was his job title -
a guy called Oliver Schmidt.
304
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,520
He's just been done
for his part in Dieselgate.
305
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,480
And they've given him
seven years in jail.
306
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,680
Or, as he would put it,
4.2 years.
307
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,760
And a fine of £400,000,
308
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,920
or whatever that translates
into VW money.
309
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,640
Two hundred
and seventy thousand.
310
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:42,080
The fascinating thing is, there was a
warrant out for his arrest in America,
311
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,400
but he was in Germany.
312
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,000
And then, for some reason,
313
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,320
he decided to take his
annual holiday in Florida,
314
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,800
and got arrested at the airport.
315
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,120
"Oh, nein!"
316
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,200
- Why did he do that?
- Because he's a moron?
317
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,520
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, he must be!
318
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,520
He must be!
The only thing I can think of
319
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,920
is that Volkswagen needed
someone to do some jail time
320
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,200
- for what had happened.
- And he volunteered to do it?
321
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,600
No, I reckon they probably said,
322
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,600
"You are ze employee
of ze month, Mr Schmidt,
323
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,800
and you have won
a fortnight's holiday
324
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,280
in Disney World!"
325
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
- "Ah, danke!"
- And off he toddled.
326
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,040
"Oh, no,
they have arrested me!"
327
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:18,520
That's actually a seven-year
holiday, Mr Schmidt,
328
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,880
and the catering is terrible.
329
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,760
Now, do you remember
the Rimac we had
330
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,200
in programme one of this season?
331
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,440
- There it is.
JEREMY: Yeah.
332
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,320
RICHARD: Well, they've announced
there is a new one coming out.
333
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,080
Well, what happened to that one?
334
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,680
No, that was called
the Concept One.
335
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,960
- JEREMY: Mm-hm.
- And they only made eight of those, actually.
336
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,360
- How many are left?
- Seven. Shut up!
337
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,680
What happened
to the other one, Hammond?
338
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,400
Just stop saying things!
339
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,360
The new one is gonna be
called the Concept Two,
340
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,200
and amazingly they're saying
it's gonna be even faster,
341
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,680
and that was blindingly fast.
342
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,760
I actually don't believe
that you can make a car go...
343
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,160
Well, they say
it's gonna be faster,
344
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,360
and it's a bit bigger inside.
345
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,960
Which you did need, cos
that one was quite cramped.
346
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,960
- You can fit in this one.
- I could fit in the last one.
347
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,360
You'd be less like Spam, though,
348
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,080
if you rolled it
over and over and over.
349
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,800
It should be more dangerous,
you're right.
350
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,480
We've actually got a picture
of the new Concept Two.
351
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,400
Here it is, Hammond.
You'll like this.
352
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,920
RICHARD: Oh, God. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHTER)
353
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,000
Ooh, now,
there's a new McLaren, OK?
354
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,520
I've got a picture of it here.
355
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,400
This is staggering. OK?
I've got some of the details.
356
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,360
It's their new flagship,
kinda replaces the P1.
357
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,240
Super hard-core. 789 horsepower
mentalist that thing.
358
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,880
And they've called it... And this
is a tremendous name, I think.
359
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,920
- They've called it the Senna.
RICHARD: Ooh, cool.
360
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,000
JEREMY: I mean, that is a really
cool name for a car like that.
361
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,120
I'm glad they didn't
call it the Mansell.
362
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,640
- No, less cool.
- With its droning engine note.
363
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,480
And it would have a stupid
moustache above its number place.
364
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,560
(DRONES) And if it were a
convertible, a tweed roof.
365
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,280
McLaren Hunt could work,
cos he was quite cool.
366
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,920
A terrible thirst, though,
it would have.
367
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,240
Yeah, a lot of smoke coming out.
368
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,680
Every now and again it would try and
mount another car. But it'd be cool.
369
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,840
On balance, I think Senna's
probably the best name
370
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,200
they could have come up with.
371
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,080
Right. Now, what else? What
more conversation have we got?
372
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,280
- I have some conversation.
- You have some conversation?
373
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,960
You know last week,
you were talking about
374
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,440
how you ended up
following a pigeon?
375
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,480
- How fast did you reckon it was going?
- Thirty-five?
376
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,720
Thirty-five, I think you said.
377
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,480
The other day, I was going
down a country lane
378
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,960
and I ended up following
a blackbird,
379
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,920
and that only does 28.
380
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,920
And that's interesting, cos that
means a blackbird, in level flight,
381
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,240
is slower than a pigeon.
382
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,560
What is wrong with you two?
383
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,880
Why are you following birds?
384
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,920
Why not follow Russian spies
or straying husbands?
385
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,920
No, listen, Hammond.
Pay attention.
386
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,760
RICHARD: Oh, God.
- I did some research on this.
387
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,760
You know
the top speed of a pigeon,
388
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,600
if it really puts
its foot down, is 90,
389
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,880
in level flight.
390
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,400
- Ninety miles an hour!
- Ninety? That is amazing,
391
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,880
cos you wouldn't think a pigeon's
wings could shift enough air.
392
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,480
- No, I wouldn't think about it!
- No, no, stop!
393
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,960
You say that: a hummingbird
can fly faster than a goose.
394
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,880
JAMES: Can it?
- Even though it's like that.
395
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,320
- Nobody cares!
- They do!
396
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,640
Stop ranking birds!
397
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,800
What?
398
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,280
- R-r-r-ranking.
- (LAUGHTER)
399
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,360
Anyway, I think that the top speed
of birds is a new hit show.
400
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,600
And you and I can host it,
401
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,280
and you'll end up as Buttons
in panto in Swindon.
402
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,640
And then you'll shoot yourself
403
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,480
in a room
in a Premier Inn one night.
404
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,680
- Yeah.
- There'll only be one police car outside,
405
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,160
and it'll be a Vauxhall Astra.
406
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,360
That's your future!
407
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,080
Anyway, that is enough Conversation
Street this week, so let's move it on.
408
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,840
Thank you very much.
409
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,560
(CHEERING)
410
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,080
Now...
Now, as I'm sure you know,
411
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,000
trying to set a speed record
is very, very dangerous,
412
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,520
and especially if you try
to do it on water.
413
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,640
In fact, over the years,
and this is a true fact,
414
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,520
85% of everyone
415
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,760
who's tried to break
a speed record on water
416
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,640
has been killed in the process.
417
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,840
- Eighty-five percent!
- Yeah.
418
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320
But that's not the sort
of figure that puts us off!
419
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,560
Exactly. Because there was
a 15% chance of surviving it,
420
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,560
we decided to try and break
the UK speed record
421
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,600
for amphibious vehicles.
422
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,760
Yeah, first, though,
we had to build a car
423
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,600
that could be driven legally
on the road,
424
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,240
but that would also go
very quickly on the water.
425
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,160
Mm. And how hard can that be?
426
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:03,600
JEREMY:
Since we were trying to break
427
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,760
an amphibious speed record,
428
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,120
the obvious
starting point... was here.
429
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,680
At Huddersfield
International Airport.
430
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,600
Why are we at Huddersfield
International Airport?
431
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,000
Yeah, why aren't we at a lake?
432
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,960
Because I'm project leader,
433
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,600
and one of the many, many
things that I know
434
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,120
is that to go fast on water,
435
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,280
you have to have a lot of power.
436
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,080
To demonstrate
what I was on about,
437
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,240
I'd set up a test,
438
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,800
using the jet engine
from an RAF Nimrod.
439
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,080
- Did you build all this?
- Yes.
440
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,760
JAMES: Can I just ask...
JEREMY: What?
441
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,480
...what is the current speed
record for amphibious vehicles?
442
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,560
Thirty-nine point one
miles an hour.
443
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,960
Well, isn't this
rather overkill?
444
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,480
Listen, Usain Bolt can run
at 27mph on land, OK?
445
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,320
If he were waist-deep in water,
446
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,120
he'd have a top speed
of about one.
447
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,080
Water's really sticky,
you need loads of power.
448
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:11,360
I've got a word in my head for all
this, and it's "impractical".
449
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,760
I've got a word, it's "shut up".
450
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,880
- All right.
- We're going.
451
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,120
(ENGINE POWERS UP)
452
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,760
- Is it loud?
- Very.
453
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,720
- (BANG)
- That's fired up.
454
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,720
That's gonna drive air
into the big engine.
455
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480
- (ENGINE WHINES)
- We've gotta get those in the green.
456
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,480
I hate it
when you've got buttons.
457
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,440
I can't hear anything.
458
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,400
Ignitors on.
459
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:32,840
(WHIRRING)
460
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,240
I'm gonna give it
some thrust now.
461
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,120
(ENGINE WHINES)
462
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,120
Gonna go up to 100% power.
463
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,720
(ENGINE SCREAMS)
464
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,280
(ENGINE DROWNS OUT DIALOGUE)
465
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,200
(ENGINE DROWNS OUT DIALOGUE)
466
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,280
(ENGINE POWERS DOWN)
467
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,320
JAMES:
You are a witless dodo!
468
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,080
RICHARD: Look at it!
469
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,120
JEREMY: Ah!
470
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,600
On the upside -
there is an upside here -
471
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,520
if it's capable of doing that,
472
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,560
imagine how fast
we're gonna go on the lake.
473
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,160
- You're a cretin.
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
474
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,720
None of this is based on any
scientific reasoning whatsoever.
475
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,240
You say,
"It's got a lot of power."
476
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,720
"How much thrust has it got?"
"A lot!"
477
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,560
Look what it's done,
it's blown two aeroplanes over
478
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,040
and given us a massive bill...
479
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,760
JEREMY: Having proved
to my sceptical colleagues
480
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,640
that jet power
was the way forward,
481
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:11,120
we moved
to our technology centre.
482
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,680
Here, we would fuse together
this Russian jet...
483
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,160
...this speedboat...
484
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,000
...and this Suzuki Jimny,
485
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,400
and we'd end up with the
fastest amphibious vehicle
486
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,200
Britain had ever seen.
487
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,280
- We have an old Suzuki car.
JEREMY: Yes.
488
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,200
A small, old, plastic boat
and a jet engine.
489
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,520
And you're suggesting that
somehow we unite them all
490
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,960
into some sort of symphony
of success and glory?
491
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:37,960
Yes.
492
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,200
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever been involved with.
493
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,560
JAMES: It's idiotic.
494
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,520
JEREMY: Having convinced my
sceptical colleagues once more
495
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,160
that my plan was a good one,
we set to work.
496
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,120
And soon, our amazing
creation was ready.
497
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,880
Right, as you can see, everyone,
498
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,760
this is fully road legal.
499
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,600
Lights, indicators,
number plate.
500
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,560
And a massive jet engine
just behind us.
501
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,720
JEREMY: Yes.
502
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,800
RICHARD:
More of an issue, though,
503
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,240
was the passenger's seat layout.
504
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,360
I've gotta change gear,
505
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,400
and it's right where
your penis is.
506
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,480
I never want your hand that
near my gentleman's sausage!
507
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,640
RICHARD: What are these things
above our heads exactly?
508
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,400
These are the
stabilisation tanks, yeah?
509
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,160
When we go in the water, you lower
them down and they keep us afloat.
510
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,360
I've got that. I've got that
when we fitted them,
511
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,800
but what we're now discovering
512
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,840
is they make us more stable
on water,
513
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,760
but a lot less on land!
514
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,560
JEREMY: James,
why are you being so quiet?
515
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,200
JAMES: I'm waiting for it
to fall over.
516
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,320
JAMES AND RICHARD: Whoa!
517
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:09,400
Will you stop making
stupid, childish noises!
518
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,280
I think we've done
an incredible job,
519
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,600
and I think I've been
a remarkable project leader.
520
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,600
Why has no-one
thought to do this before?
521
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,480
It's so logical
when you look at it.
522
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,400
The car bit of it's working,
but it was already a car.
523
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,080
That's not much
of an achievement.
524
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,280
I'm gonna do a brake test.
525
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,120
Ah! Oh! Oh.
526
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,360
- What?
- Wait.
527
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:33,480
(GASPS) Is that that...
528
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,680
- Ooh!
- Oh!
529
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,840
Yeah.
530
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:40,680
JEREMY: Eventually,
we arrived at the lake.
531
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,400
For our first
high-speed test run.
532
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,240
And immediately,
Hammond chickened out.
533
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,040
Why aren't you wearing
a fire suit?
534
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,320
Um, jet engines
just aren't my thing.
535
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,240
I'm gonna watch this
from the bank.
536
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,720
Are you really not coming in it?
537
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,280
No, I'm gonna watch--
I'm gonna be the observer.
538
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,800
Oof!
539
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,680
JEREMY: Oh. She's ready.
540
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,080
My big fear is, let's be modest
541
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:20,560
and let's say we reached 80.
542
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,360
So from here, we've got to
just use drag to slow us down
543
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:25,600
before we hit the far bank.
544
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,240
Well,
we have to think ahead, yes.
545
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,000
Start decelerating
when you pass that mid-point,
546
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,080
- you should be all right.
JAMES: I think he's right.
547
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,480
The middle
is the critical point.
548
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,160
RICHARD: Then just back off
the throttles.
549
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,960
- And then we'll use the drag of the pontoons to slow us down?
- Yeah.
550
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,560
OK.
551
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,920
Right.
552
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,160
JEREMY: Soon, James and I
were ready for the test,
553
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,000
and not at all nervous.
554
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,880
When we fire up the jet, this
Perspex that I put in here,
555
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,680
I put it in.
556
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,000
So what if that just goes?
557
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,480
You shouldn't have said that.
558
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,320
You know in Die Hard 2,
559
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,360
when the enormous soldier
is sucked into the engine?
560
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,120
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's like that.
561
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,480
It will be like that, won't it?
562
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,680
(ENGINE STARTS)
563
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,560
JEREMY: Ready?
564
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,520
We are going in.
565
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,560
Oh, I feel buoyancy.
566
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,320
I am proud of my two colleagues.
567
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,360
This is... this is historic.
568
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,640
JEREMY: We are now
gonna fire up the jet engine.
569
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,760
Right. Put your thing on,
it's gonna be bloody loud.
570
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:31,880
- What thing?
- These things.
571
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,240
That's a good point.
572
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,840
- Right.
- Comms check, comms check.
573
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,960
Dials are engaged.
574
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,120
This is the speedometer.
575
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,080
OK, we've got ignitor on,
bilge pump off,
576
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,200
throttle set at idle.
577
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480
- Go.
- Starting jet.
578
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:46,960
(ENGINE POWERS UP)
579
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,240
Holy shit!
580
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:49,400
(WHIRRING)
581
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,480
It's going...
Don't look at it!
582
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,320
JEREMY: Don't look
in the rear-view mirror.
583
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,040
(BOOM)
584
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:01,000
(ENGINE WHINES)
585
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Oh, this is phenomenal!
586
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,080
Taking up the power now.
Fifty percent.
587
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,640
Is that 50%?
588
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,640
Yeah, that's about 50,
but 70 is 100.
589
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,480
What do you mean, "70 is 100"?
590
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,560
I couldn't find a dial that
exactly matched the revs,
591
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,200
so 70 on here is 100% thrust.
592
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,480
JEREMY: I'm going full power.
Here we go.
593
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,720
Hold tight. You wanna hold
on to something, seriously.
594
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,080
Right, go.
595
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,680
(ENGINE ROARS)
596
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,840
JEREMY: That's 100% thrust.
597
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,640
(ENGINE SCREAMS)
598
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,960
Right, well, we're doing 2mph.
599
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,440
JEREMY: Come on!
600
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,640
We're doing three!
601
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,720
Why is it so slow?
602
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,520
I mean, that jet
is from a Russian fighter!
603
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,480
That is capable of keeping
a Russian fighter in the air.
604
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,120
Why won't it make us
go more than three?
605
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,160
In the air,
that's the point - the air!
606
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,160
Hammond is keeping up with us.
607
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:23,960
That's it?
608
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,920
Come on!
609
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,360
- Can I just say something?
- We're sinking.
610
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,280
No, my half is sinking.
611
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,680
Oh, God! We really do need...
I'm gonna go in to shore.
612
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,560
I don't think they needed
the neck braces in the end.
613
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,960
JAMES: And throttle back.
614
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,000
(ENGINE POWERS DOWN)
615
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,920
- Speed?
- Three.
616
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,440
RICHARD: Three?
- Yeah, it does three.
617
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,080
That's your top speed,
it's three?
618
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,720
You could row at 3mph.
619
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,880
JEREMY: On the upside,
and there is one,
620
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,280
neither of us were killed.
621
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,680
And that's an upside?
622
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:11,800
No, the issue at hand is...
623
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,360
- RICHARD: It doesn't work.
- Yes.
624
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,080
Why doesn't it work?
625
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,320
Well, it's mainly to do with
the shape of the car,
626
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,800
the shape of the sawn-up bits
of tatty old boat
627
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,360
that you've Blu-Tacked to it.
628
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,960
The drag of the pontoons,
629
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,400
the size and power
and position of the engine,
630
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,880
the amount of fuel it will run,
631
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,240
the basic physics.
632
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,240
The fact that water is
750 times as dense as air...
633
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,400
JAMES: It was time to go back
to the drawing board.
634
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,280
And this time, we gave Jeremy
a job he could actually do.
635
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,760
Now, this is the car that
currently holds the record
636
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,560
for amphibious vehicles.
637
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,520
It's the Gibbs Humdinga,
638
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,080
and, as you can see,
it is not an ancient Suzuki
639
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,200
with an old Russian
jet engine on the back.
640
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,080
No, it's a light, plastic car
with a hull,
641
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,240
and, as you can see,
retractable wheels.
642
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,840
Exactly. And that's why
we have chosen,
643
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,360
as the basis for our project,
this.
644
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:19,480
Which is a Reliant Robin
in a 1970s leisure suit.
645
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,600
No, it is a Bond Bug:
646
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,480
one of the coolest cars
from the '70s.
647
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:28,080
And I can see why you chose
this particular one, Hammond.
648
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,560
It's got your name on it.
649
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,520
Shut up. The only reason these
things never really caught on
650
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,640
was because nobody thought
of making them amphibious.
651
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,000
Yes, but we have, you see.
652
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,560
So we're gonna fit it with retractable
wheels, same as the Gibbs,
653
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,680
and we're gonna use the
engine from one of these.
654
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,080
JEREMY: A jet engine.
- Yes. Sort of, but different.
655
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:47,200
JEREMY: It's my idea.
656
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,000
The jet engine
was not your idea.
657
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,720
No, the jet engine
isn't my idea,
658
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,440
but the idea of making
an amphibious car
659
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,400
using a jet engine was my idea.
660
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,880
This is a water jet,
it's different.
661
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:58,600
And anyway, this is genius,
662
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,560
because you can rent
one of these
663
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,040
from pretty much
any beach in the world,
664
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,960
that will do 50mph
out of the box.
665
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000
- This one will do 67.
- It will. Exactly.
666
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:06,960
Well, that's plenty.
667
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,840
So, all we've gotta do
is incorporate this
668
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,120
into the roadworthy shell
of the Bond Bug,
669
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,600
and we've got a very fast car and a
very fast boat in the same thing.
670
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,480
Which is exactly
what I was doing.
671
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,440
JAMES: At this point,
we sent Jeremy home
672
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,040
and set to work
on building our masterpiece.
673
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,160
(CHEERING)
674
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,400
I don't know
why you're applauding.
675
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,480
They know nothing about boats.
676
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,920
Absolutely nothing.
677
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,200
Old planes? Yes.
Helicopters? Yes.
678
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,240
Old motorcycles? A lot.
But boats? Nothing!
679
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:50,640
But, we shall see what
they came up with later on.
680
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,440
Now, though, it is time
for Celebrity Face-Off.
681
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,480
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
682
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,000
It's a simple question
this week.
683
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,960
Who is the world's
fastest magician?
684
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,080
To find out, would you please
welcome Dynamo,
685
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,800
and Penn and
his silent partner, Teller.
686
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,840
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
687
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:22,320
Amazing!
688
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,120
I'm already amazed!
689
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,880
I've gotta be honest, magic is my
favourite thing in the entire world.
690
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,040
Apart from boating
in the south of France.
691
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,640
But we must begin with cars,
obviously.
692
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,720
This being a car show,
occasionally.
693
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,080
You both started with 4x4s,
as far as I can work out,
694
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,560
or they have featured
in your life.
695
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,320
You are a G-Wagen man, yeah?
696
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:42,480
Yeah, yeah.
697
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,040
So, at the beginning, when my
TV show got a bit of success,
698
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,720
Mercedes came and they
would give me cars to drive.
699
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,000
But then,
I did a commercial with Fiat,
700
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,720
and Mercedes weren't
too happy about that.
701
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,600
(LAUGHTER)
702
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,520
I used some of the money
from Fiat to...
703
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,480
I still love the G-Wagen,
so I bought one.
704
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,440
So, you used Fiat money
to buy a Mercedes?
705
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,760
- Yeah.
- That is quite good. But you had a Ford Bronco.
706
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,240
But only because
I watched OJ do the...
707
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,200
- (LAUGHTER)
- And I said, "He's kind of a big guy.
708
00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:12,480
Maybe I'd fit in that car."
709
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,160
And I got the whole thing,
and it was all too masculine,
710
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,440
so I painted it stripper pink
for Vegas.
711
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,720
When you're driving to work, do
they think you're a stripper?
712
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:22,880
I hope so.
713
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,040
Didn't you have a Ford Falcon
at some stage?
714
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,880
Well, when I was
in high school...
715
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,680
I'm from a rural area.
716
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:34,280
...my mother gave me her car,
which was a Ford Falcon.
717
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,360
But for me, that was just a place
to have sex in high school.
718
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,600
And then
you started touring together.
719
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,640
- Mm-hm.
- So you presumably needed some kind of tour...
720
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,880
You know, we're carny trash.
721
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,280
We did carnivals and outdoor
shows and all of that.
722
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,080
We're the worst kind of people.
723
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,880
And we had to drive all over
the United States of America.
724
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,360
So, we went to an auction place
725
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,160
and bought a Datsun 210
station wagon,
726
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,960
with the back seat down, and then our
trunks in there with all our stuff.
727
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,960
We were so terrified
of having our props stolen,
728
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,520
that we had a magnetic sign
we put on the side
729
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,880
that said, "Atlanta Centre
for Disease Control
730
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:11,840
Specimen Transfer Unit."
731
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,720
We put that on the side, with
the big boxes in the back,
732
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,200
and that worked really well,
733
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,200
until the sign was stolen.
734
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,080
I wanna talk about cars,
735
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,240
but who would rather here
see some magic?
736
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:24,880
AUDIENCE: Yes!
737
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,440
I know
we're supposed to do cars.
738
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,840
Would you mind awfully
if you now do some?
739
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,880
Have you actually--
You've brought something with you?
740
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,240
I'm gonna try something
with you.
741
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,040
Just hold your hands out for me.
742
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,400
- What, both?
- Both, like this.
743
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,880
- Like that?
- A little bit wider.
744
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,480
Are you left or right-handed?
745
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,840
Right-handed. Unless
we're talking about shooting.
746
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:43,640
- Close it in a fist.
- Like that? That one?
747
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,440
Yeah, then turn
this left one over.
748
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,960
I'm gonna put a little cross
right there.
749
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,440
Can you show that to everyone?
750
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,640
- Show the cross to everybody.
- I've got a cross there.
751
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:53,960
Let's have a look.
752
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,760
So, make sure it's dry.
753
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,360
It's Sharpie,
so it shouldn't come off.
754
00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:58,520
Yeah, it's still there.
755
00:36:58,560 --> 00:36:59,760
The idea...
756
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,840
...is to make it...
757
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:04,800
...disappear from there...
758
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,560
If it's in this hand now,
I'm going to be...
759
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:12,600
(BLEEP) sake!
760
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,640
How is that?
761
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,320
Go on, do another one. Who'd
like to see another one?
762
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:27,640
AUDIENCE: Yes!
763
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,320
- Come on, what have you got?
- Have you got a piece of paper there?
764
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,000
Er, yes.
765
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,720
I've got a pen here.
766
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,200
I'm just gonna just do
some markings for you.
767
00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:38,320
We'll start here.
768
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,480
Take the pen.
769
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:40,920
- Take the pen.
- Yeah.
770
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,880
Give me a number
from, say, one to ten.
771
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,120
Nine.
772
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,560
Nine. Write it down.
773
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:47,840
JEREMY: Nine.
DYNAMO: Great.
774
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,600
We'll go for, let's see,
775
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,360
the lady right there
with the glasses.
776
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,160
Yeah. I need another number,
from 9 to 19.
777
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,880
Er, 11.
778
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,240
- Eleven.
- I think it was a man.
779
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,960
That's a bit embarrassing.
780
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,800
We may be
in a world of trouble here.
781
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:07,720
(APPLAUSE)
782
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,080
Let's move it on, quickly!
783
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:14,200
Yes.
784
00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,880
- Richard!
- Yes?
785
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,360
A number from 11 to 21.
786
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:19,840
Nineteen.
787
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,880
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
788
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,560
- Nineteen, write it down.
- There, yeah?
789
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:24,800
Perfect. Yes
790
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,120
Uh, we'll go for this guy
here in the blue jacket.
791
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,920
- How you doing?
- Actually, that's a woman.
792
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,520
- (APPLAUSE)
- It's so hard to tell.
793
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,840
A number from 19 to 29, please.
794
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,520
27.
795
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:44,960
Twenty-seven, write that down.
796
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:46,960
Gilles Villeneuve's old number.
797
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,080
We'll go for this gentleman right
here with a white t-shirt.
798
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,760
- The gender-fluid gentleman.
- Yes. Yes!
799
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,480
DYNAMO: A number from 27 to 37.
800
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,680
Thirty-three.
801
00:38:57,720 --> 00:38:59,000
Thirty-three, write that down.
802
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,480
Finally, the lady at the end
with the long hair.
803
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,680
Can we have a number
between 33 and 49?
804
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:06,840
- Forty-two.
DYNAMO: Forty-two.
805
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,720
So, nine, 11, 19, 27, 33 and 42.
806
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,640
These are the numbers
we randomly generated today.
807
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:15,200
A couple of years ago,
808
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:17,320
I picked six numbers myself.
809
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:18,680
They're like my lucky numbers,
810
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:21,200
and I went to a shop and
I bought a lottery ticket.
811
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:22,520
And I won.
812
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,600
Only a tenner, but, you know,
I won something.
813
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,080
And I actually keep
that ticket in my wallet.
814
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,520
- There we go.
- No, no, no. No!
815
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,920
Keep it in my wallet
for good luck.
816
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,200
Where's the camera?
817
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:36,640
Can you see that?
818
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,920
There's one ticket there.
819
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,680
- This is a lottery ticket?
- I think you'll find the numbers quite interesting,
820
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:43,240
if you wanna read them out loud.
821
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,680
So, you...
822
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,640
I'll need my glasses
on a lottery ticket.
823
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:49,800
So, let's just...
824
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,600
- What was the first number?
- Nine.
825
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,760
Nine, right there.
826
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:53,920
- Eleven.
- Eleven.
827
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,560
- Nineteen.
- Nineteen for Richard.
828
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,360
JEREMY: Twenty-seven.
DYNAMO: Twenty-seven.
829
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,160
JEREMY: Thirty-three.
DYNAMO: Thirty-three.
830
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:00,800
DYNAMO: The last one?
JEREMY: Forty-two.
831
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,480
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
832
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,080
That's actually a lottery
ticket. It is a lott...
833
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,320
I'm...
Well, I'm staggered.
834
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,600
But anyway, look,
we haven't finished yet.
835
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,120
Shall we see
what the Americans can do?
836
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,920
- AUDIENCE: Yes!
- Come on, you two, let's have a look. What have you got?
837
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,640
Well, you know,
I was asking Dynamo,
838
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,360
you're a member
of the Magic Circle, right?
839
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,600
- Yeah.
PENN: We are not.
840
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,280
Teller and I have a reputation,
841
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,560
not ill-deserved, for
giving away magic secrets.
842
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,200
You do. You always say
how your tricks work.
843
00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:37,520
We have done that, so they
will not let us be members.
844
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,680
So that got us thinking.
845
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:42,280
Could we do a trick that
would fool the Magic Circle,
846
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:43,920
while giving away...
847
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,920
...all the very principles
we've given away?
848
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,840
And the first thing we gave
away, in 1985, way back then,
849
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,600
we're on
the David Letterman programme,
850
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,440
and gave away the idea
of fake blindfolds
851
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:55,920
that are used by magicians.
852
00:40:55,960 --> 00:41:00,480
We said, "Every blindfold used by a
magician is fake," which we've stood by.
853
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,880
We're gonna have a blindfold that
can't be faked, which is-- Dynamo.
854
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,160
Teller's gonna stand up here,
855
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,280
and, Dynamo, just make sure
that Teller can't see.
856
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,480
Come over there and
just make sure that Teller...
857
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,560
- Not permanently, but just for now.
- (LAUGHTER)
858
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,840
Just put your hands right over
his eyes there so he can't see.
859
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,480
No need to be gentle,
it's not me.
860
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,280
- Cool, cool.
- All you've gotta do is make sure he can't see.
861
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,640
How many fingers
am I holding up?
862
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,080
Now, we've been accused
863
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,880
of giving away the idea
of marked cards.
864
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,480
Marked cards are very hard to...
865
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,160
Even professional gamblers
866
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,600
sometimes can't determine
if they're marked.
867
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,360
But Dynamo's gonna
make sure they're not marked.
868
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,000
The cards will be dealt face-down
in Teller's right hand.
869
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,040
If the cards were marked,
which they're not,
870
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,160
Teller would have to see,
871
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,920
and Dynamo's
making sure he can't see.
872
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,760
- He can't see.
- The other thing we gave away
873
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,000
was on the Johnny Carson
programme.
874
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,520
We gave away
the idea of a card force:
875
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,360
that it's easy to do a trick
876
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,400
if you know in advance
what card's gonna be picked.
877
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,360
And one of the ways you can
do a force like that, Jeremy,
878
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,680
is to have all the cards
be the same.
879
00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,040
- JEREMY: Yeah.
- Then just have a card selected,
880
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,800
where you know what's
it's gonna be.
881
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,200
- Stand up for a second, Jeremy.
- Yeah, I can become vertical.
882
00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:08,280
I want you to make sure
you look over these,
883
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,200
and make sure
they are not all the same.
884
00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:13,360
- I'll try to fan them all out.
- No, that's a pack of cards.
885
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:14,520
Yeah, it's a pack of cards.
886
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,360
Now, another way
you can do a card force
887
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:18,800
is you can use sleight of hand
888
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,680
to force the bottom card
or the top card,
889
00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,080
or even a card in the middle.
890
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,120
I'm gonna eliminate sleight
of hand by using your hands.
891
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:25,960
OK?
892
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,280
So, I'm gonna give you
most of the deck right there.
893
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:30,480
And I'm gonna...
894
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,160
Just fan them out like this.
Fan them out.
895
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,360
Don't let me see,
but just think of one.
896
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,560
Don't even point to it,
don't cut to it.
897
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,640
Just look over all the cards.
You have most of the deck.
898
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,560
And then just think of one card.
899
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:41,880
Don't look at it,
just think of it.
900
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,720
Then close them up so I can't
see what you're doing.
901
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,640
And then give those cards
a good shuffle.
902
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,280
Or give them
that kind of shuffle.
903
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,560
Good. That's good.
904
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,920
But face-down so I can't tell
what you're shuffling.
905
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,680
- So you've thought of one card?
- Mm-hm.
906
00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:56,040
- You have no idea where it is in the deck? Is that right?
- No. No.
907
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,320
Now, magicians often
want you to misremember
908
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,680
the sequence of events.
909
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:02,800
We want you to very much
remember the sequence.
910
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,920
The card is only
in your head, is that right?
911
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,320
- Yeah.
- It's nowhere else?
912
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,200
- Nowhere else.
- The cards are all mixed up, you have no idea where it is.
913
00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,920
Now, I'm gonna put these
in your hand.
914
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,200
Now, the order of these will
not change. It will not change.
915
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,400
I'm not gonna touch them again.
916
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:15,680
I will no touch them again, OK?
917
00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:18,120
Now that my hands are off,
and I won't touch them again,
918
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,320
what was the name of the card?
919
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,440
- King of Hearts.
- OK.
920
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,520
Now, you're gonna go over there and you're
gonna deal the cards, one at a time,
921
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,000
from the top, face-down,
to Teller's right hand, OK?
922
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,760
- Into his hand?
- Into his right hand.
923
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,120
JEREMY: Face-down?
PENN: Yeah.
924
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,600
PENN: Dynamo, make sure
he can't see.
925
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,760
He can't see nothing.
926
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,880
See, we are just being
whipping boys again, Dynamo,
927
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,720
us English.
928
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,800
- OK, Dynamo, was he able to see, even for a moment?
- Nothing.
929
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:52,960
- Jeremy, what was the name of your card?
- King of Hearts.
930
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,240
Look at the next card.
931
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,600
- Oh, for Christ's sake.
- Thought of card out of a shuffled deck.
932
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,160
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
933
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:04,600
JEREMY: Well...
934
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,200
You came here, of course,
to do your laps.
935
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,560
And, as we can see,
in the rapidly fading light,
936
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,280
the weather
has not been clement.
937
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,640
In fact, when we arrived
at the track this morning,
938
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,000
it looked like this.
939
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,000
And then...
You can see the problem.
940
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,280
That bit, you can sort of see
where the track goes.
941
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,440
But if we've got another shot-- I think
we've got a moving shot.
942
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,160
Now, somewhere in there
is a racetrack.
943
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:31,360
(LAUGHTER)
944
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,560
Which makes it quite tricky,
I should imagine,
945
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,680
to see where you were going.
946
00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:35,960
- You did it first, didn't you?
- Yeah.
947
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,760
And there was a particularly fine
moment, I have to say, on the...
948
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,720
It's supposed to be a flat-out
corner when it's dry,
949
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,240
but it really wasn't.
950
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,200
The weather was improving,
it was thawing.
951
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,000
And it all went, really,
brilliantly wrong.
952
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,520
Who'd like to see Dynamo
going round in a few circles?
953
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,120
- Yeah, we all wanna see that?
AUDIENCE: Yes!
954
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,320
Let's have a look at this.
955
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:56,680
This is a flat-out corner,
956
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,720
and then
you just can see it's going,
957
00:44:58,760 --> 00:44:59,920
and then...
958
00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:03,040
That's a properly big
slide-off, that one is.
959
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,400
Round of applause for that,
though.
960
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:06,960
We like that.
961
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,960
- Was that scary?
- No, it was well fun!
962
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,840
I was like, "I could have
done this all day,
963
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,000
it's so much fun."
964
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,480
Who'd like to see the lap
that eventually resulted?
965
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,520
AUDIENCE: Yes!
- Let's have a look.
966
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,000
Dynamo's lap, here it comes.
967
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,520
Thawed out.
968
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,320
A nice, smooth, quiet start.
And he's away.
969
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,280
Right, let's do this!
970
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,680
JEREMY: OK, that's...
971
00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:29,080
Ooh, that's quick through...
972
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,160
Oh! Yes, that's cutting
that corner, but nicely done.
973
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:33,560
Nicely held.
974
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:38,280
And now we go on to what
is normally gravel, but...
975
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,040
What does it look like now?
It's just mud and slush.
976
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,320
God, that looks tricky!
977
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,640
But you're keeping it...
978
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,440
Ooh, a bit wide through
there, but not bad at all.
979
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:49,720
Again, not bad.
980
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,480
Not fast, but...
981
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,800
I don't think I'm on
the track any more, guys.
982
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,200
JEREMY: No, it's still brown...
983
00:45:57,240 --> 00:46:00,680
No, that is a James May cornering
speed through that one.
984
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,480
Is the car putting
traction down all right?
985
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,560
DYNAMO: No,
it was all over the place!
986
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:06,920
JEREMY: No, that's nice.
987
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:08,920
Yeah, splashing through
the last bit.
988
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,440
Difficult Bit 2 as we call it.
989
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:11,760
It's driving on water, this is.
990
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,080
JEREMY: It is, yeah.
It's almost Jesus-esque.
991
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,800
And then now we get
back onto the tarmac.
992
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,480
Ooh, I say, that was tonnes
of front-end grip there
993
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,160
all of a sudden.
994
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,760
And look at the way
the front's turning in.
995
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,080
That's unbelievable!
996
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,600
Now, we go onto the
really fast bit, ordinarily.
997
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,040
Come on, then. Here we go.
998
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,200
JEREMY: This is where
you lost it in the practice.
999
00:46:33,240 --> 00:46:34,680
But you haven't lost it
this time.
1000
00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:37,480
That front is suddenly
sticking really well!
1001
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,760
Coming up to the last corner.
1002
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,120
And a little bit of understeer
through there, but nicely tamed.
1003
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,360
And there we are,
across the line, everybody!
1004
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:48,000
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1005
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,520
Nicely done. Not easy.
1006
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,360
Not easy.
1007
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,240
Now then, after you'd had
a go, it was your turn.
1008
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,000
- Yes.
- Did you enjoy yourself?
1009
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,160
I had a very good time, yeah. And I had
Teller as a passenger, which was helpful.
1010
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,720
Oh, that would help!
Balance it out nicely.
1011
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,080
PENN: Sure.
1012
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,680
You also had a moment,
shall we say.
1013
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:09,360
I did. I did, yeah.
1014
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:10,840
Would anybody like to see
this moment?
1015
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,640
AUDIENCE: Yes!
- Let's have a look.
1016
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,600
This is quick
coming into the last corner.
1017
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:15,800
That's understeer.
1018
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,640
Oh, somebody's been off there
already,
1019
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,320
you can see the tyre marks,
but not as far you went.
1020
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:21,680
That is impressive.
1021
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:25,040
That's the furthest anybody's
been off that track,
1022
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:25,960
by a long way.
1023
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,360
You're definitely winning that, so far.
Definitely.
1024
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,720
Furthest off the track,
I got that.
1025
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,200
- But then you got a lap together, both of you.
- I did.
1026
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,360
Let's have a look at this lap.
1027
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,600
Yeah, another nice, tidy start.
1028
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,400
Roaring off
down to the first corner.
1029
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,920
So, we're going, Teller.
Can you feel that?
1030
00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:46,960
JEREMY: It's not at all
scary in there.
1031
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,720
Right, that's tidily done
through there,
1032
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,120
keeping it really on the island,
1033
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,360
unlike Dynamo,
who was a bit mad.
1034
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,000
And onto the gravel.
1035
00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,400
Well, the mud.
Well, the slush.
1036
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:57,760
Whatever you wanna call it.
1037
00:47:57,800 --> 00:47:59,200
(RATTLING)
1038
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:00,560
Ahhh!
1039
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:03,160
PENN: I'm going quickly there.
1040
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,520
JEREMY: Oh-hoo-hoo!
1041
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,640
- That was well held there.
PENN: Thank you.
1042
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:08,280
JEREMY: That's nice driving.
1043
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,200
I'm under control.
Shut up, Teller! I got it!
1044
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:13,680
JEREMY: Is he putting you off?
1045
00:48:13,720 --> 00:48:14,800
Now, this is...
1046
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,160
Sometimes, when it appears
to be slow, it's fast,
1047
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,560
and sometimes, when
it looks fast, it's slow.
1048
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,280
This is looking fast,
I'm gonna be honest,
1049
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:24,840
but there's a lot
of sideways action,
1050
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:27,280
which, of course,
isn't forward motion,
1051
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,080
- which is a problem.
- But it looks really good.
1052
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:32,480
JEREMY: It looks tremendous.
This is great television.
1053
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:38,480
And you can hear the bark
of the two-litre there
1054
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:39,720
as you hit the straight.
1055
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,120
- We're going!
- Ahh!
1056
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,280
- Now! Boom!
- Oh!
1057
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,480
JEREMY: And coming up to the...
1058
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,880
This is the corner-not
this one, but the next one,
1059
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,920
that caught you out practising.
1060
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,160
Ooh, you're trying to get
a Scandi flick going there,
1061
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:53,520
but a bit too soon.
1062
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,640
Understeer again,
1063
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,240
but you've held it this time.
1064
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,320
And there we are, yeah,
across the line, everybody!
1065
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:00,880
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1066
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,680
Right, I have the times here.
1067
00:49:10,720 --> 00:49:11,800
OK.
1068
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,560
We'll start with you, Dynamo.
1069
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,560
One thirty-nine point three.
1070
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,000
- That's all right
- That's really slow.
1071
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,880
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1072
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,480
But you've got the snow symbol.
1073
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,640
So far, you're
the fastest person ever
1074
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,680
to go round our track
in the snow.
1075
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,600
But are you faster
than Penn and Teller?
1076
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,880
There's actually
excitement here, isn't there?
1077
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:40,600
DYNAMO: Yeah.
PENN: There's nervousness.
1078
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,120
You did it in one...
1079
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:44,640
...thirty...
1080
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,360
...three point eight.
1081
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:49,480
(APPLAUSE)
1082
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:51,640
(CHEERING)
1083
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:53,880
DYNAMO: Bad boy.
1084
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:58,240
Commiserations.
Commiserations.
1085
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,360
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Congratulations.
1086
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,800
That was fantastic!
1087
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,440
And thank you so much,
all of you,
1088
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,440
for coming along
and doing all this magic.
1089
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,520
But we must now say goodbye
to Dynamo
1090
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:12,080
and the world's fastest
magicians, Penn and Teller!
1091
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,800
- World's fastest magicians!
- (CHEERING)
1092
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:23,800
Now, tonight,
we are attempting to break
1093
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:27,160
the British water speed
record for amphibious cars.
1094
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,760
Now, earlier on, Jeremy
had a go at making something,
1095
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,400
and his effort
was, frankly, terrible.
1096
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:33,720
- JEREMY: No, it wasn't.
- It was.
1097
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,400
Yeah, so, Hammond and I
took control of the project,
1098
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,040
and what we decided to do was
take a 1970s three-wheeler
1099
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,080
with a removable roof,
called a Bond Bug...
1100
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:43,200
Here's a picture of it.
1101
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,600
...and mate that with a jet ski,
1102
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,200
to create something that we
had christened the Pond Bug.
1103
00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:51,080
And then, when it was finished,
1104
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,560
take it to the Lake District,
1105
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,680
and something called
Coniston Speed Week.
1106
00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:00,880
JAMES: Over the decades,
many fearless daredevils
1107
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,240
have powered across this
five-mile stretch of water,
1108
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,920
in the pursuit of new records.
1109
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,240
One was the legendary
Donald Campbell.
1110
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,720
Who was killed here in 1967,
1111
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,800
whilst trying to break
the 300mph barrier.
1112
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,560
Today, in Speed Week, that
spirit of adventure lives on,
1113
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,520
as people
from all over the world
1114
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,080
come to push their boats,
their engines,
1115
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,080
and themselves
to the absolute limit.
1116
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,240
This was speed heaven,
1117
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,880
and I felt sure
our fully road legal Pond Bug
1118
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,040
would blend in perfectly.
1119
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,560
Morning!
1120
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:22,560
Look at all this!
1121
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:29,760
Having parked up, I went off
to find Hammond and Clarkson,
1122
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,000
who reckoned he'd come up
with something better.
1123
00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:38,560
- JEREMY: Are you ready?
- (SIGHS)
1124
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,600
You're gonna not believe this.
1125
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:41,800
RICHARD: OK.
1126
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,520
JEREMY: Behold my genius!
1127
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,160
JAMES: Oh, hello!
1128
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,280
JEREMY: Oh, yeah!
1129
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:54,920
RICHARD: That is actually
quite surprising.
1130
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,760
JEREMY: So, the tracks drop
down when you're near land.
1131
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,960
JAMES: Oh, very clever!
1132
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:02,560
I mean, I'm sorry...
1133
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,240
I'm gonna stand back
a little bit.
1134
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:08,280
...have I, or have I not
created something brilliant?
1135
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:10,280
JAMES: No.
RICHARD: You didn't build it.
1136
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,120
And it's very cool,
but you can't use it.
1137
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,200
- Why not?
- Because it's not road legal!
1138
00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:15,520
Well, put a number plate on it.
1139
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,800
It's not an amphibious car,
it's a boat.
1140
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,480
That's a boat with legs on it.
1141
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,760
It's not eligible
for what we're doing.
1142
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,000
- Well, where's your car?
BOTH: Ah!
1143
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:32,280
- What do you think?
- Oh, yeah!
1144
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,880
Look at it!
1145
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,040
That is a quality job.
1146
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,840
Why are you pulling that face?
1147
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,040
It's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
1148
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,200
It's the coolest thing
that has ever been!
1149
00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:45,240
- Look at it!
- What are they?
1150
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,400
- RICHARD: These are the doors.
- JAMES: Yes, undercarriage doors.
1151
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:48,520
What doors?
1152
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:49,800
RICHARD: You retract
the undercarriage.
1153
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,840
The front wheel goes up,
then these doors shut,
1154
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,000
you've got a smooth hull.
1155
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,760
So those...
What do the back wheels do?
1156
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:57,480
(WHISTLES)
1157
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,680
What about the chine?
1158
00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:00,480
What do you mean,
"What about the chine"?
1159
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:02,000
Look at the chine at the back.
1160
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,800
This is to attempt
a water speed record.
1161
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:08,560
- RICHARD: I know!
- JEREMY: This is what you need for a high-speed run,
1162
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:10,800
a smooth, rounded chine.
1163
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:14,120
When this is up here,
it's sharp.
1164
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,760
So, as you're going along,
you catch that,
1165
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,480
and it's gonna go.
1166
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,640
JAMES: We had to make it fit round the wheel,
otherwise it wouldn't work on the road.
1167
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:22,920
You could have made it round!
1168
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:25,880
That was a difficult fabrication job.
It was much easier to do it like that.
1169
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,000
I'm sure it's easier, but
you've created a death trap!
1170
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,640
Weight. Keep the nose down.
1171
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,640
- JEREMY: I know what it's for.
- RICHARD: Well, there you go then.
1172
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,360
Isn't this thing
just gonna porpoise?
1173
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,400
- We don't know.
- No. Probably.
1174
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:39,920
JEREMY: Anyone who gets in that
1175
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,440
- is effectively committing suicide.
- JAMES: No, they're not!
1176
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,160
Anyone who gets in that is gonna look the
coolest person here, that's fact one.
1177
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,440
Which one of
you two's driving it?
1178
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:49,800
Now, that's interesting,
because...
1179
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:52,040
We've had a think about that.
It's gotta be somebody
1180
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:53,840
with a speedboat,
powerboat racing licence.
1181
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,880
- JAMES: Yes. Have you got one of those?
- I haven't got one.
1182
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:59,640
I haven't got one. Do I know
anybody who does have one?
1183
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,960
Yes, I do have a racing licence.
1184
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,440
- Well, there you go, then.
- And here is your racing boat.
1185
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,360
Look what we've built for you.
1186
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:09,040
- I am not getting in that.
- Yes, you are.
1187
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:10,440
No, I'm not doing...
1188
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:12,640
- No!
JAMES: Well, you have to.
1189
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,800
- You have to.
- I am not.
1190
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,160
And with that, back to the tent.
1191
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,920
- This is broken.
- No, line it up with the...
1192
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,520
It is broken,
otherwise it would...
1193
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,040
You've used a removable
steering wheel before.
1194
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,360
JAMES: Line up the...
There you go!
1195
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,600
I've mended it.
1196
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:32,760
JEREMY: Knowing
that 85% of people
1197
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,120
who attempt speed records
are killed,
1198
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,720
and that the boat had been
designed by imbeciles,
1199
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:42,280
I was fervently hoping that it
would, at least, be easy to operate.
1200
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,280
However...
1201
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:48,640
You have to drive it into the water first.
It's still in road mode.
1202
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:51,360
And you do that using this.
That just teases it in.
1203
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,160
A little push, a little push,
and it goes in.
1204
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,600
Once you're in the water, you
have to retract the wheels,
1205
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,960
and then you disengage
the fan and the clutch.
1206
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,920
Then you have to close
the nose wheel doors...
1207
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,080
If you push it down once,
you're in neutral.
1208
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,600
You'll still rotate round, cos
the jet's still running...
1209
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,560
Push it up, you'll see the current
will flow on the ammeter.
1210
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:10,920
When you get a current surge...
1211
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,160
Jet thrust trim is here,
1212
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,800
and it will appear
on your screen here...
1213
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,280
Hold that, and that goes...
1214
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,520
This one,
you pull it fully back.
1215
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:22,720
If you knew, and you
obviously did know all along,
1216
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:24,400
that I was gonna be
driving this,
1217
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:26,280
why have you made this thing
so complicated?
1218
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,320
- That's not complicated.
- We've simplified it.
1219
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,200
These instruments
are from the jet ski.
1220
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:33,000
RICHARD: Comforting.
1221
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,800
Comforting.
When you're on holiday,
1222
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,160
you've looked at those
and thought,
1223
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:37,440
"I'm having a lovely time."
1224
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,400
That's what you're doing today.
The water will be colder.
1225
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,640
- Why don't you take the checklist with you?
- Because it will blow...
1226
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,040
- It tells you the things you've got to do.
- JAMES: It's so easy!
1227
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:46,760
We've spent hours on that!
1228
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,560
The thing to remember
is that it's...
1229
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,320
Thirty-nine miles an hour
is really fast.
1230
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:52,080
JAMES: It is quite fast.
- It is really fast.
1231
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,840
But if you do 40, then
you're a world record holder.
1232
00:56:54,880 --> 00:56:57,480
- Step out of here...
- JEREMY: Not world. It's a British record.
1233
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,600
- What better record to break?
- What other sort of record would you want?
1234
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,520
JEREMY:
To set a speed record,
1235
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,560
you have to drive past the
start line marker buoys.
1236
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:14,960
You're then timed
over a kilometre,
1237
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,640
after which, you turn round...
1238
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,320
...and do exactly the same thing
1239
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,040
in the opposite direction.
1240
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:28,120
Your result is an average speed
taken from the two runs.
1241
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:33,960
It all sounded very terrifying.
1242
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:41,240
Please sink like a stone.
Please sink!
1243
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,160
Sink! Sink!
1244
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,160
No, it isn't. Damn it!
1245
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,000
- It looks good.
- It looks brilliant!
1246
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:51,720
RICHARD (OVER RADIO):
We have every faith in you.
1247
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,360
- We don't have every faith.
- No.
1248
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:55,600
No faith.
1249
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:56,760
JAMES: Wheels!
1250
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:58,120
Wheels coming up.
1251
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,280
JEREMY: It was now time
for the checklist.
1252
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,680
What do I do with the clutch?
I've forgotten that.
1253
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,840
Doors.
Doors. Is that right?
1254
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:12,400
How do I get it out...
Wait a minute. Right, bilge.
1255
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:13,800
No, that's bilge,
that's not right.
1256
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:15,080
No, it's just...
1257
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:16,720
Oh, this is terrible!
1258
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:18,800
Hammond! May! You idiots!
1259
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,720
JAMES: Why is he just
going round and round?
1260
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,560
Is there a record
for going round and round?
1261
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,840
RICHARD: Don't know, but if
there is, it's in the bag.
1262
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,360
Right. I think we need to go to a
better viewing position to see his run.
1263
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:30,200
Let's go over there.
1264
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,520
JEREMY: With the ridiculous
checklist completed,
1265
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:34,240
I had to get some speed up,
1266
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,240
so I could cross
the start line at full chat.
1267
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,600
(ENGINE REVS)
1268
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,320
Visor down.
1269
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,880
It's on the plain now.
We're on the plain.
1270
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:49,760
It's very spray-y.
1271
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,640
It's a badly-designed hull.
1272
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,320
JEREMY: But the hull
was the least of my problems.
1273
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,320
Jesus Christ! This steering!
1274
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,440
Oh...
1275
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:05,880
It's a (BLEEP) nightmare!
1276
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:08,160
I can't steer it!
1277
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,160
I literally cannot steer it!
1278
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,080
I think
he's experimenting with it.
1279
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,200
I think he's sort of testing.
1280
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:16,520
Oh, my God!
1281
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,400
(GROANS)
1282
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,560
JAMES: It looks pretty good.
RICHARD: It looks fabulous!
1283
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,040
I bet it handles like a dream!
1284
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:25,480
Oh, come on!
1285
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,280
I'm gonna crash
into the bloody safety boat!
1286
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,760
- Look, he's making turns. Yes!
- That looks tremendous!
1287
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,400
JEREMY: Three times
I tried to get the Pond Bug
1288
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,400
pointing in the right direction.
1289
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,520
Absolutely impossible!
1290
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:46,160
And then I thought, "Sod it,"
put my foot down,
1291
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:47,920
and went for it.
1292
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,160
Oh, Christ!
1293
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:57,560
It's only my skill that is keeping
this pointing in a straight line.
1294
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:03,320
And, to make matters worse
for a man on a speed run,
1295
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:07,160
I had no idea
how fast I was going.
1296
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,720
I've got a GPS speedo,
but I can't read it,
1297
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:13,120
because there isn't any GPS.
1298
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,480
Why have they given me
such shoddy workmanship?
1299
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,360
Oh, heavens!
1300
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:27,560
Oh, Christ!
1301
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,520
That's the worst thing
I've ever done, ever.
1302
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:33,640
And now, I've gotta
turn round and do it again.
1303
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,160
I've gotta wait
for my own wash to die down.
1304
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,080
That's what did for Campbell.
He went back too quickly.
1305
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:44,480
Here we go.
1306
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,480
That is my foot
pinned to the floor!
1307
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,960
Jesus!
It's starting to chain lock!
1308
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,560
It's really bad.
1309
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:04,760
Ahhh!
1310
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:07,520
And then...
1311
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,800
Oh, my God!
1312
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:10,760
Oh, no,
we've got a power problem!
1313
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:12,440
I'm losing power!
1314
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,440
May and Hammond have built
a piece of shit here.
1315
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,280
It sounds
a little bit inconsistent.
1316
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,400
That's maybe him
feathering the throttle.
1317
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:27,160
He is possibly finessing it
to keep it on the plain.
1318
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,520
Oh, no! Come on!
1319
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:37,360
(SIGHS)
1320
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:41,120
Jesus! A lot of smoke.
1321
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:43,800
Well, that was a disaster!
1322
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:47,120
I've got no GPS, so I don't
know how fast that was.
1323
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,120
And the engine
is cutting out all the time.
1324
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:54,360
Basically, it was time
for a stern word
1325
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:56,440
with the engineering department.
1326
01:01:57,720 --> 01:01:59,280
- Right, you two...
RICHARD: Yeah?
1327
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:00,560
Not only have you
built something
1328
01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,120
- ugly and complicated...
- It's not...
1329
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:04,040
JEREMY: No,
it's rubbish and lethal.
1330
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,600
- In what way?
- JEREMY: The worst thing is the steering.
1331
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,880
You cannot get it going
in a straight line.
1332
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,400
The steering
is a horrible compromise,
1333
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:13,600
cos it's gotta work the steering
wheel and steer the boat.
1334
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,440
"Horrible compromise"
is a way of describing it.
1335
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,400
"Lethal" is another way.
1336
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:20,040
- It looked great!
- Looked great out there.
1337
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:20,960
- Did it?
JAMES: Yeah.
1338
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:25,040
- I was doing about 4mph.
- RICHARD: Well, that's a start.
1339
01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,120
JEREMY: Then, an official
came on the Tannoy
1340
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:29,080
to announce my result.
1341
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:31,520
Sequence 46, the Pond Bug.
1342
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:33,840
Pilot: Jeremy Clarkson.
1343
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,840
Your run South... 47.362.
1344
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:41,280
Return... 48.274.
1345
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,120
Average: 47.81.
1346
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,560
Which is a new National Record.
1347
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,720
- There you go!
- (LAUGHS)
1348
01:02:48,760 --> 01:02:50,200
We did it!
1349
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:51,480
What do you mean "we" did it?
1350
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:52,760
Would you have swam it?
1351
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,880
- I did it!
- We did it!
1352
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,120
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1353
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:58,320
Thank you so much.
1354
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:00,920
Thank you, thank you.
1355
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,200
Thank you! Thank you all
for applauding me!
1356
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,840
No, wait, they're applauding
us as a team.
1357
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,080
Listen! I'm sorry
to go on about this,
1358
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,320
but Roger Bannister
was the first
1359
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:15,720
to break the four-minute mile.
1360
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:17,440
Not the man who made his shoes.
1361
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,600
Edmund Hillary was the first
to go up Everest.
1362
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:22,240
Not the man
who made his rucksack.
1363
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:23,560
- So?
- So, I was the first...
1364
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:24,960
I was the first to do that!
1365
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,280
I broke the record, not you two!
1366
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:30,160
Yeah, the truth is,
to be honest, we failed.
1367
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:31,640
You didn't fail.
1368
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,240
I mean, if you'd spent less
time getting your hair cut
1369
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:36,960
and more time working on the
engine so that it ran properly,
1370
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:40,360
I reckon that thing
would probably do 60 or 70.
1371
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,160
On flat water,
it definitely would.
1372
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,120
Yeah, but the thing is,
we gave it the square chines,
1373
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,640
that really terrible steering,
1374
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,840
the fantastically complicated
knobs and buttons and things.
1375
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:55,120
Basically, we built a death
trap, and it didn't work.
1376
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:58,880
Well, so you're...
Let me get this straight.
1377
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:01,920
You were hoping I would
become one of the 85%
1378
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:03,640
who died
trying to break a record?
1379
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:06,200
BOTH: Yes.
1380
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,480
So we're now actively trying
to kill each other?
1381
01:04:08,520 --> 01:04:10,840
Yes, and we can't even
do that properly!
1382
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,720
And on that terrible
disappointment, it's time to end.
1383
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,960
Thank you so much for watching.
1384
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,520
- Goodbye!
- Bye-bye.
1385
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:18,560
(CHEERING)
105368