Original subtitles

[ SOUNDS OF DIGGING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

[ THUNDER CRACKLING ]

>> COME ON, MAN.

HURRY UP.

>> IF YOU IN SUCH A HURRY,

YOU COULD HELP.

[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

DON'T TELL ME,

YOU SCARED OF THAT THING.

>> YOU HEARD THE STORIES,

YOU KNOW THE LEGENDS.

>> MAN, THAT'S ALL THEY IS--

STORIES.

>> AREN'T WE DIGGIN'

BASED ON STORIES?

>> YEAH, BUT STORIES OF GOLD

AND FAMILY HEIRLOOMS IS MUCH

MORE BELIEVABLE OVER MONSTERS

AND LIVING SCARECROWS.

[ MUSIC ]

[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

MAN, GET OFF ME.

[ LAUGHING ]

MAN, LEAVE OFF THAT THING.

COME AND HELP ME.

[ MUSIC ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ GAGGING ]

WHAT WAS THAT, OL' JEFFERS?

YOU GONNA FINALLY HELP?

YOU, SIR,

ARE STARTIN' TO ANNOY--

[ SNARLING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ GROWLING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ ROCK MUSIC ]

[ ROCK MUSIC ]

[ ROCK MUSIC ]

[ ROCK MUSIC ]

>> JESUS CHRIST, WHAT A DUMP.

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

>> YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.

I'VE MISSED THIS PLACE.

GOOD BURGERS.

>> UGH.

>> HEY, IT HAS CHARACTER.

I LIKE IT.

>> YOU WOULD.

>> YOU'RE TOO SPOILED

BY CITY LIFE, JAN.

>> IT'S JANELLE.

>> JAN, JANELLE, WHATEVER.

>> YOU WANTED TO

BRING HER ALONG.

>> SO, YOUR FRIEND,

OR COUSIN, WORKS HERE?

>> YEAH.

>> AND THIS GUY, RALPH,

HE KNOWS WHERE WE'RE GOING?

YOU'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE, RIGHT?

>> YES.

>> SHIT, ARE YOU WRITING

A BOOK ON THIS TRIP?

>> HEY, MAYBE.

WHAT, ARE YOU AFRAID THE WORLD'S

GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT YOU?

>> WHAT?

[ CHUCKLING ]

NO.

YOU'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

>> RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

LET'S GO.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> MY MOM AND HER MOM

THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA

TO BRING HER.

LIKE SHE MIGHT

LOOSEN UP OR SOMETHING.

>> I DUNNO.

IT'S A PRETTY LONG STICK

UP HER ASS.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> EXCUSE ME, YOUNG 'UNS?

YOU KIDS,

YOU AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE!

>> WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?

>> GOIN' UP IN THE HILLS?

CAMPIN' ARE YA?

>> YES, SIR.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE, BUT, UM--

I THINK WE'RE GONNA

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

>> BOOZE AND ROCK N' ROLL,

I EXPECT!

>> IT'S JUST GONNA BE

SOME HARMLESS FUN, MISTER.

>> HARMLESS?

HA!

OKAY, YOU KIDS GO HAVE SOME FUN.

WHY, I REMEMBER SOME

ADVENTURES UP THERE.

[ CHUCKLING ]

HAD MYSELF SOME LADIES UP THERE,

IF'N YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

TO BE YOUNG AGAIN!

HA HA!

>> AH...

THAT'S A CRAZY OLD COOT.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> SURE IS.

>> RALPH!

>> HEY MAN, COOL!

YOU'RE HERE.

>> HEY, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

>> SURE HAS, MAN.

WOW, FAR OUT.

>> YEAH, HEY, UH-- YOU REMEMBER,

UH, JANELLE AND CLAIRE?

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> AND THIS IS

MY COUSIN JOSEPHINE

I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

>> UH...

HI, I'M RALPH.

>> JUST JO IS FINE.

>> OH, UH...

HI, JO.

LET ME SHOW YOU THE PLACE.

>> OKAY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

[ FAINT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ]

>> NOT THIS TIME.

>> THAT'S UNFAIR!

>> SHE'S MY COUSIN.

>> AND I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.

>> RALPHIE, COULD YOU

GET ME A BEER, PLEASE?

>> SURE.

[ GLASSES CLINKING ]

>> OH MY GOSH.

>> IT'S ON THE HOUSE.

>> LIKE HELL IT IS, BOY!

THAT'LL COME OUT OF YOUR CHECK.

>> IT'S ON ME.

>> AH, DON'T WORRY.

IT'S ON THE HOUSE.

YOU GUYS WANT ONE?

>> YEAH.

[ BOTTLE OPENING ]

>> YOU GUYS OFF TO A WILD

WEEKEND UP IN THE HILLS?

>> YEAH, I WAS, UH--

THINKIN' ABOUT NORTH LAKE.

>> AND WHO DID I JUST

BUY FREE BEERS FOR?

>> JOSEPHINE.

EVERYBODY CALLS ME JO.

>> CHARMED.

SHE'S GOT MANNERS, TOO.

>> I GOTTA GO FINISH

PUTTIN' AWAY THE ORDER.

>> HEY, I REMEMBER THIS

TROUBLEMAKER FROM YEARS AGO.

>> YES, SIR.

HEY, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

I'VE MISSED THIS PLACE.

>> WE HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE.

EVERY TIME YOU COME UP,

WE'RE HERE.

>> YEAH?

>> I SUSPECT YOU FOLKS

ARE HEADED OFF TO SAND LAKE

TO DO SOME CAMPIN'.

>> NO, ACTUALLY THEY WANNA

GO OVER TO THE OLD ORCHARDS,

BY HARPER LAKE.

>> YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT DONE,

BOY, YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.

>> AW, SIR, YOU WOULDN'T TAKE

OUR GUIDE AWAY, WOULD YOU?

>> CALL ME DOC, DARLIN'.

AND NO, I WOULDN'T.

BUT...

HARPER LAKE, HUH?

>> IS IT NOT A GOOD SPOT,

DOC, SIR?

>> IF YOU'RE GOIN',

YOU OUGHTA KNOW.

>> KNOW WHAT?

>> THEM ORCHARDS AND LAKE,

THAT WHOLE PATCH IS HAUNTED.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.

HE'S JUST TRYING TO SCARE US.

>> NO, NO, NO.

LISTEN HERE...

THERE'S AN EVIL

IN THOSE REGIONS.

WAKES UP EVERY 30 YEARS OR SO.

>> AND LET ME GUESS,

IT'S BEEN 30 YEARS?

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> OR... 15.

>> FIVE, 15, 30...

DOES IT MATTER?

THIS IS THE YEAR

IT WAKES UP, RIGHT?

>> WELL, NO.

>> SO, WHAT'S THE POINT

OF WARNING US?

>> I CAN'T HELP SPINNIN' TALES

TO PRETTY YOUNG GALS LIKE YOU.

>> OH, THAT MAKES IT

SO MUCH BETTER.

>> IT'S A COOL STORY...

IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT.

REALLY GOOD.

REAL GOOD.

CREEPY.

>> FINE, I'LL BITE.

TELL US THE STORY.

>> IF YOU INSIST.

>> I'D INSIST

YOU LET RALPH LEAVE.

>> WHAT'S THE STORY ABOUT?

>> AN EVIL SCARECROW.

[ ALL LAUGHING ]

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> AW, NO.

ARE YOU, UH, TELLIN' THEM

ABOUT THAT OLD THING AGAIN?

I, UH...

I DON'T KNOW.

THAT, UH--

THAT DOESN'T SEEM WISE.

>> IT'S JUST A STORY, RIGHT?

IT'S A GHOST STORY?

>> WELL, YEAH, I GUESS.

THEY'VE ALWAYS SAID

THIS AREA'S BEEN CURSED.

WEIRD ACCIDENTS,

STRANGE THINGS HAPPENING.

>> RALPH, YOU DON'T BELIEVE

IT'S A SCARECROW, DO YOU?

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> 'COURSE HE DOESN'T.

HE'S YOUNG AND DUMB,

JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU ARE.

IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT,

OR TOUCH IT, OR SMELL IT,

YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN IT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU

ABOUT THE BEGINNING

OF THE CURSE-- OR THE EVIL,

IN THIS REGION.

[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

IT ALL STARTED JUST

BEFORE THE TURN

OF THE LAST CENTURY.

THEY SAY IT WAS A GROUP OF

WITCHES AND WARLOCKS

THAT STARTED IT ALL.

OR THEY SAY IT WAS A GROUP

OF ESCAPED MENTAL PATIENTS

FROM THE OLD ASYLUM

THE NEXT COUNTY OVER.

>> OKAY, SO WAIT A MINUTE.

WHICH IS IT?

'CAUSE THAT'S, LIKE, TWO

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORIES.

>> I THOUGHT YOU

WERE THE NICE ONE.

>> I'M SORRY.

>> AW, THAT'S OKAY.

BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW,

IT WAS BOTH.

[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

LEGEND HAS IT,

THERE WAS A FAMILY OF WITCHES

AND WIZARDS THAT FOUNDED

THIS HERE AREA AND TOWN.

THEY KEPT TO THEMSELVES, MOSTLY,

NOT HARMIN' NO ONE.

ALTHOUGH, THERE WERE RUMORS,

AND PEOPLE WERE AFRAID OF THEM,

OF COURSE.

>> OF COURSE.

>> SHH!

>> SORRY.

>> SHH!!

>> ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYIN'...

AFTER TIME, FOLKS GOT TO

AVOIDING THEM FOR THE MOST PART.

YOU SEE, THERE WAS A COUSIN,

AND HE WEREN'T QUITE

RIGHT IN THE HEAD.

HE WOULD PRACTICE HIS

INCANTATIONS OPENLY, SO PEOPLE

COULD SEE, SCARIN' PEOPLE.

ONE DAY, THOUGH, HE KIDNAPS

HIMSELF ONE OF THE TOWNSFOLK'S

KIDS, AND HE DOES SOMETHING

TERRIBLE, AND TORTURES

THE POOR KID, AND SACRIFICES HIM

IN A DARK RITUAL.

[ CHILD SCREAMING ]

>> NO, NO!

[ KNIFE STABBING ]

>> WELL, THE TOWNSFOLKS

GET ALL STIRRED UP,

AND THEY GO TO THE FAMILY'S

HOUSE AND STORM IT.

THEY GRAB THE COUSIN

AND TWO OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS,

AND HAD A QUICK TRIAL.

[ COLLECTIVE ANGRY CHATTER ]

[ GAVEL CLACKING ]

THEY FOUND THEM

ALL GUILTY, AS THE COUSIN

LAUGHED AND SPAT.

[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]

WELL, THE TOWNSFOLK

HAD THEM ALL COMMITTED

TO THE ASYLUM, WHERE, THROUGH

TREATMENT, THEY WENT MAD.

[ ELECTRICAL ZAPPING ]

[ SCREAMING ]

NOW, THE HEADS OF THE FAMILY

GOT PLENTY ANGRY,

AND THEY WENT TO THE ASYLUM

AND KILLED EVERYONE THERE.

PATIENTS, DOCTORS, ANYONE

AND EVERYONE TO FREE THEIR KIN.

THEY ESCAPED, AND MADE IT BACK

TO THEIR HOMESTEAD.

WHEN THE TOWNSFOLKS FOUND OUT,

THEY BROKE INTO THE HOUSE

AND DRUG THEM ALL OUT,

AND HANGED THEM.

[ COLLECTIVE ANGRY CHATTER ]

[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]

THEN, THEY BURNED

THE HOUSE AND PROPERTY DOWN,

AND SALTED THE EARTH

TO MAKE SURE NOTHING

HAPPENED THERE.

THE FAMILY TOOK A LONG TIME TO

DIE, THOUGH, WHILE SPOUTING OFF

CURSES AND SPELLS.

[ MYSTICAL INCANTATIONS ]

WHEN THEY FINALLY DIED,

THE TOWNSFOLK DIDN'T WANT

TO BURN THE BODIES.

SO THEY TOOK THEM DEEP

INTO THE WOODS,

SECRET-LIKE, 'CAUSE NOT

ALL THE FAMILY WAS CAUGHT.

THE TOWNSFOLK BELIEVED

THAT THE FREE ONES COULD

RESURRECT THE DEAD ONES,

OR SOME SUCH NONSENSE.

[ CHANTING ]

SO A FEW OF THE BRAVE

TOWNSMEN BURIED THE BODIES

IN A SMALL CEMETERY THAT

THEY HAD CREATED, HIDDEN AWAY

SO NO ONE COULD FIND THEM.

>> THIS IS ALL FASCINATING,

BUT WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO

WITH THE SCARECROW?

>> PATIENCE, LAD.

CHILL OUT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, WHERE WAS I?

OH YES, THE SCARECROW.

YOU SEE, THE TOWNSFOLK DIDN'T

THINK TO WARD OFF THE CEMETERY,

OR GET A WISE WOMAN

OR WICCAN TO BLESS IT,

SO THE DARK POWER SEEPED OUT.

IT HAD FOUND, NOT TOO FAR AWAY--

THERE WAS A CORNFIELD,

LONG OVERGROWN, COMPLETE WITH

AN ABANDONED SCARECROW.

WELL, THOSE POWERS SEEPED INTO

THAT THING, AND GAVE IT

A HORRIBLE LIFE.

SOME SAY IT AVENGES UPON

THE DESCENDANTS OF THE TOWNSFOLK

WHO HUNG THE FAMILY.

SOME SAY IT SEARCHES FOR

THE REMAINING FAMILY MEMBER.

BUT IT LIVES AND EXISTS

FOR PURELY EVIL PURPOSES.

[ HISSING ]

[ THUNDER CRACKLING ]

>> SO DID THE ESCAPED FAMILY

MEMBER EVER COME BACK?

DID ANYTHING EVER HAPPEN?

>> NO, NOTHING EVER

REALLY HAPPENED.

THEY SAY HE CHANGED HIS NAME,

MOVED OUT OF TOWN.

BEEN HIDDEN EVER SINCE.

>> HE?

>> OR SHE.

>> SO, THAT REALLY HAPPENED?

>> WELL, KIND OF, SORTA.

>> WELL, WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE JUST

GO DIG UP THE CEMETERY

AND WARD IT, OR BIND IT

LIKE YOU SAID?

>> NO ONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.

>> YOU SAID IT ONLY COMES OUT

EVERY 30 YEARS?

>> 15.

>> EVERY 15 YEARS?

>> OOO, SCARY!

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> WELL, THE GRAVEYARD'S

SUPPOSED TO BE AROUND

THE HARPER LAKE AREA.

SO THERE YOU GO.

>> HASN'T ANYONE EVER

GONE LOOKING FOR IT?

>> WOULD YOU?

ANYONE THAT HAS IS--

>> THEY'VE ALL DISAPPEARED,

RIGHT?

[ LAUGHING ]

>> WELL, SOME HAVE.

SOME GET LOST AND NEVER FIND

THEIR WAY BACK, AND SOME

DON'T FIND ANYTHING AT ALL.

>> DON'T WORRY.

I'VE LIVED HERE MY WHOLE LIFE.

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.

I MEAN, I'VE HEARD THE STORIES,

BUT THAT'S ALL THEY ARE,

STORIES TO SCARE KIDS.

YOU DON'T GO TO SLEEP,

THE SCARECROW'LL GET YA.

STUFF LIKE THAT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> EAT YOUR VEGGIES

OR THE SCARECROW'LL GET YA!

[ SQUEALING AND LAUGHING ]

>> AW, DON'T WORRY

YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD.

YOU GOT RALPH TO

TAKE CARE OF YA.

IT'S JUST A STORY,

IN EXCHANGE FOR FREE DRINKS.

I DON'T GET TO SPEND MUCH TIME

WITH PRETTY GIRLS LIKE YOU.

>> YOU OLD CHARMER.

>> MM-HMM.

[ SCOFFING ]

>> WE SHOULD GET GOING.

>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

LET'S GET A PICTURE WITH DOC.

>> SHIT.

YOU ARE WRITING A BOOK.

>> I JUST LIKE PICTURES.

EXCUSE ME, WILL YOU

TAKE THIS SHOT FOR US?

>> UH, SURE.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

>> THANK YOU.

>> OOH.

[ CAMERA CLICKING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ FROGS CROAKING ]

>> OVER HERE.

I THINK I FOUND IT.

>> YUP, THIS IS IT.

HARPER LAKE.

>> OKAY, SO I THINK THE TENT

SHOULD GO HERE, AND FIRE HERE.

>> I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

LAST ONE IN'S A SQUARE!

[ SPLASHING AND GIGGLING ]

>> NOT... NOT YOU?

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> NO.

THEY'RE GONNA BE DRINKING AND

SMOKING, AND THE TENT WON'T BE

PUT UP, AND THE FIRE

WON'T BE BUILT.

>> I'LL HELP.

>> NO, IT'S FINE.

GO HAVE FUN.

>> I CAN'T SWIM.

>> OKAY, COME ON.

[ DISTANT COYOTE HOWLING ]

>> YOU'RE NOT STILL WORRIED

ABOUT DOC'S STORIES, ARE YA?

>> UM, NO.

I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST STORIES,

RIGHT?

[ SIGHING ]

I'M JUST WORRIED

ABOUT THOSE TWO,

AND MY IDIOT COUSIN JANELLE.

>> I WOULDN'T WORRY,

THEY'RE WITH GEORGE.

>> THAT'S WHAT

I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE A LOT MORE FUN

THAN SHE SAID YOU'D BE.

>> WHO?

>> JANELLE.

SHE SAID YOU CAN BE KIND OF A...

A PRUDE.

>> WHAT?

[ LOUD YELLING ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE

SEEN YOUR FACES.

OH MY GOD.

>> THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

>> YEAH, IT IS.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> CHECK OUT WHAT WE FOUND.

[ MUSIC ]

>> WHERE'D YOU FIND THAT?

>> UH, I FOUND IT ON A SCARECROW

IN THE FIELD BACK THERE.

>> BY THE CEMETERY?

>> YEAH, WHY?

>> YOU HEARD THE STORIES.

>> WHA-- WHAT DID YOU

DO THAT FOR?

>> SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THAT

OLD MAN SAID, ABOUT SCARECROW

OF THE LAKE, OR SOME DUMB SHIT.

YOU ARE SO NAIVE.

THOSE STORIES WERE JUST MADE UP

TO KEEP US FROM

HAVING A GOOD TIME.

>> WELL?

>> DON'T WORRY, DEAR.

IN ALL THE MONSTER STORIES,

IT'S ALWAYS THE VIRGIN

THAT GETS TO BE THE HERO.

YOU CAN SAVE US ALL.

>> FUCK YOU.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> JUST LET HER GO.

SHE CAN COOL OFF.

>> BESIDES, I BROUGHT THIS.

HEYYYY.

>> NOW WE HAVE A CHANCE TO CHAT.

[ THUDDING FOOTSTEPS ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ BONG BUBBLING ]

>> I'M GOIN' AFTER HER.

>> UGH, IT'S NOT LIKE

YOU'RE GONNA GET ANY!

AT LEAST FROM HER, ANYWAY.

>> COOL IT, BITCH.

I SAID HE'S OFF LIMITS.

>> YEAH, BUT...

>> MAYBE WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN

WITH CLAIRE LATER?

>> THAT SOUNDS PEACHY.

I'D RATHER HAVE SOME FUN

RIGHT NOW.

[ BONG BUBBLING ]

>> COME ON.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> I SAID LATER.

MAYBE.

>> THERE YOU GO.

BYE.

>> HE'S OFF LIMITS...

SHE'S MY COUSIN...

I SAID, LATER...

MAYBE...

YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE OUT HERE?

FUCKIN' BITCH!

FUCKIN' HOPE THE FUCKIN'

SCARECROW GETS YOU.

[ MUSIC ]

FUCKIN' BITCH.

[ GASPING ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ GAGGING ]

>> SMOOTH.

I'M SO GONNA GET LOST.

WITHOUT A FRICKIN' FLASHLIGHT,

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

>> ONE-PUMP CHUMP.

HOW FUCKING ANNOYING.

I CHANGED MY MIND, CLAIRE,

YOU CAN HAVE...

>> HEY, COME BACK, COME BACK,

I NEED TO TRY AGAIN.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!

GIVE--

[ GROWLING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ GROANING ]

[ SKULL CRUNCHING ]

>> JO!

JOSEPHINE, RUN!

[ SCREAMING ]

[ STICKS CRACKING ]

>> OH, SHIT!

[ SIGHING ]

IT'S JUST A SCARECROW.

WHAT THE FUCK?

[ SNARLING ]

>> AND...

AS RALPH DROPPED HIS LIGHTER,

THE CREATURE DEVOURED HIM...

SWALLOWED HIS SOUL...

DAMNING HIM FOR ALL ETERNITY.

>> WAIT, WAIT, SO WAS THERE

MORE THAN ONE SCARECROW?

OR HOW DID IT GET FROM

CAMP TO RALPH SO FAST?

>> WHO'S TELLIN' THE STORY HERE?

>> JESUS, TRAV,

IT'S JUST A STORY.

AM I RIGHT, BEC?

>> HMM?

>> GOD, STOP FLIRTING

WITH EVERY MALE YOU SEE.

>> I WASN'T FLIRTING WITH YOU.

>> OOH, BURN!

>> COME ON, YOU TWO, LOCK IT UP.

I WANNA HEAR THE REST OF THIS.

>> NO, COME ON, TRAVIS,

I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

>> AW, YOU SCARED?

>> HOLD UP.

IT'S JUST AN URBAN LEGEND,

RIGHT?

>> WELL, THERE IS TRUTH TO ALL

URBAN LEGENDS, ISN'T THERE?

>> SO WHAT HAPPENED?

>> COME ON, IT KILLED THEM ALL,

RIGHT?

>> BECAUSE THEY SKINNY DIPPED

AND HAD SEX?

>> AND GOT DRUNK, AND HIGH.

>> AND LET'S NOT FORGET,

SOMEBODY DEFILED THE SCARECROW.

>> AND IT GOT THEM ALL.

>> EXCEPT...

THE VIRGIN.

[all together]

>> EXCEPT THE VIRGIN.

>> WELL, I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO

TELL THE REST OF THE STORY,

SINCE YOU ALL HAVE IT

FIGURED OUT.

>> WAIT, SO...

WAS ALL THIS UP AT THE LAKE,

BY THE HILLS?

>> AYE, T'WAS, T'WAS.

LET ALL WARY TRAVELERS BEWARE,

SPOIL NOT NATURE.

>> HEY, WE ARE

ONLY GOING CAMPING.

>> YEAH, YOU'RE KINDA

HARSHING OUR BUZZES.

>> YOU CITY FOLK

ARE ALL THE SAME,

TRAIPSIN' THROUGH NATURE

AND GOIN' WHERE

YOU AREN'T WANTED.

YOU NEED TO LEARN TO RESPECT

WHAT ISN'T YOURS.

STRANGE AND DARK THINGS

LURK IN THE NIGHT...

AND IN THOSE WOODS.

YOU'D BEST BE CAREFUL.

[ CLATTERING ]

DAMN IT, DOC!

STOP MAKIN' A MESS!

>> SORRY, JO.

I GOT ALL CAUGHT UP

IN YOUR STORY.

>> THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GUYS.

>> OH, SHE'S JUST

TRYING TO SCARE US.

WE WOULD HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, WHY WASN'T IT

ON THE NEWS?

>> WAIT A MINUTE,

HOLD THE GODDAMN PHONE.

DOC, DID YOU SAY?

AS IN, DOC FROM THE STORY?

AND THEN, JO?

JO IS SHORT FOR JOSEPHINE?

>> WAIT, SO YOUR COUSIN WAS

KILLED BY THE SCARECROW?

>> AND RALPH?

POOR RALPH?

>> CLEARLY, DOC AND JOSEPHINE

WERE MEMBERS OF THE COVEN

THAT WAS TERRORIZING THE TOWN.

AT LEAST, JOSEPHINE WAS.

WHAT THE FUCK?

PAY ATTENTION TO THE STORY.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> HOW ABOUT THIS,

CAN WE GET ONE MORE

ROUND OF SHOTS?

I'LL PICK UP THE TAB, AND THEN

WE'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

>> WOULD YOU STOP THAT?

>> WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT MY MOM,

QUIT TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO.

>> THERE YOU GO, ON THE HOUSE.

>> WHY THANK YOU, LADY.

>> I'M REALLY NOT SURE

I WANT ONE.

>> FINE, YOU CAN DRIVE.

SALUTE!

>> NOSTROVIA.

>> HERE'S TO A WEEKEND,

AND HONOR.

>> HA, YOU WISH!

>> OH, BEC.

>> I'LL TELL YOU SOMETIME.

>> DON'T YOU MEAN SHOW HER?

EW...

>> HEY, WHATEVER.

LET'S JUST TAKE THESE SHOTS.

I GOTTA RUN TO

THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM.

>> YOU SAID IT, NOT US.

>> WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS WAY?

>> WHAT WAY?

YOU'RE JUST WAVING AT ME.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> YUP.

>> WHY DID YOU DO THAT

TO YOUR HAIR?

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> YOU'RE ALWAYS

ACTING LIKE MY MOM, GOD.

>> SHOT?

>> YEAH.

>> HOLY SHIT.

>> OH, FUCK.

>> YO, HOLY SHIT.

IS THIS DOC RIGHT HERE?

>> WHAT THE FUCK, DOC?

YOU WERE OLD BACK THEN, TOO?

>> HEY, DON'T BE RUDE.

I'VE STAYED YOUNG

ALL THESE YEARS.

>> MAN, I HOPE TO LOOK

HALF AS GOOD AS YOU, MAN,

WHEN I'M WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE.

AND THEY SAY BLACK DON'T CRACK,

FUCK.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> OH MY GOD,

JOSEPHINE, IS THAT YOU?

YOU WERE SO PRETTY.

YOU'RE STILL SO PRETTY!

>> YOU'RE TOO KIND.

>> IS THAT RALPH AND GEORGE?

THEY'RE CUTE.

>> ALL RIGHT,

THAT'S ENOUGH REMINISCING.

YOU GUYS GO ON, HAVE FUN.

BE SAFE.

>> DOC.

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE.

>> COOL BAR.

I HATE CAMPING.

I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK.

AT LEAST KEL AND I.

>> LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT

I'M THINKIN', WYATT?

>> WELL, I'M A' GUESSIN' IT

AIN'T THE GEOPOLITICAL UPHEAVAL

OUR COUNTRY'S BEEN GOIN'

THROUGH, NOR THE IMPLICATIONS

OF THE RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD

CONSPIRIN' TO BRING ABOUT

THE END TIMES, NOR ANY

OF THE SO-CALLED

CONSPIRACIES FACING

OUR CORRUPT BANKING SYSTEM,

OR THE RAMPANT CAPITALISM

FOR THE LAST THREE DECADES.

>> I MEAN, THAT IS ON MY MIND,

BUT NO.

>> UH, DWINDLIN' POPULATION OF

THE WORLD'S BEES, AND WHAT

THAT MEANS WHEN THE CROPS

AREN'T FERTILIZED?

UH, SUPER CORPORATIONS PUSHING

THE GMOs ON THE WORLD,

WHEN IN FACT, IT'S THOSE

SAME CORPORATIONS AND GMOs

ENGINEERING SAID

DISTRACTION OF BEES?

>> I MEAN, I DO KIND OF HAVE MY

OWN THEORY ON THAT, BUT PERHAPS

WE COULD COVER THAT

ANOTHER TIME?

>> PERHAPS...

SPACE EXPLORATION,

AND THE DECLINE

OF THE SPACE PROGRAM?

>> NOPE.

>> TAYLOR SWIFT'S NEW SINGLE?

>> NO!

> WELL, JUDGING BY THE GLEAM

IN YOUR EYE, THE STORY

OLD JOSEPHINE WAS

TELLIN' THEM KIDS,

THE FACT THE ONE WAS SCARED,

ONE WAS RUDE,

AND ONE WAS FLIRTIN' WITH YA,

I'D SAY YOU WANNA GO OUT

AND SCARE THE EVER-LIVIN'

BEJEEZUS OUT OF THOSE KIDS WITH

SOME OLD SCARECROW OUTFITS, EVEN

THOUGH THAT WOULD NOT BE P.C.

>> IT'S AMAZIN', MAN.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT WYATT?

YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.

THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT

I WAS THINKIN', MAN.

>> WELL WHY COULDN'T YOU

JUST SAY THAT?

I'M IN LIKE FLYNN.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> WAIT, WYATT, WHO'S FLYNN?

>> IT'S JUST AN

EXPRESSION, VIRG.

>> OH, OKAY.

>> WHAT DO YOU TWO MISCREANTS

THINK YOU'RE UP TO?!

>> OH, NOTHIN' JOSEPHINE!

>> YOU'RE LEAVIN' EARLY

ON FRIDAY NIGHT?

SOMETHIN' SMELLS FISHY.

>> UH, WELL, YOU DID MAKE US

A FISH FRY EARLIER, MA'AM.

>> YOU DID DO THAT.

>> DON'T GET SMART

WITH ME, FOOL.

YOU TWO ARE FIXIN' TO GO UP AND

DO SOMETHING TO THOSE CITY KIDS.

>> OH, COME ON NOW,

WE WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.

THAT'S JUST CRUEL, JOSEPHINE.

>> YOU GO TRAIPSIN' THROUGH

THOSE WOODS, YOU DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'LL STIR UP.

>> OH, COME NOW.

THOSE WAS JUST STORIES YOU WAS

TELLIN' THEM KIDS, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, FAIRY TALES TO AMUSE

THE FANTASTICALLY BORED,

UNCARING YOUTHS OF

THE TECHNO AGE?

>> METAPHORS.

METAPHORS AGAINST THE DANGERS

OF PREMARITAL SEX, DRUG USE,

RECKLESS DRINKIN',

AND WILD ABANDON OF YOUTH.

>> WELL, SINCE YOU TWO

KNOW BETTER, DON'T SAY

I DIDN'T WARN YA.

ANOTHER BEER, DOC?

>> YOU KNOW, IT JO-JO.

>> WYATT, HOW DO YOU THINK

SHE KNEW, MAN?

>> THEY SAY SHE'S A WITCH,

A WOMAN OF THE WOODS.

>> A WITCH?

COME ON, YOU DON'T BELIEVE

THAT B.S., NOW WHAT--

>> SHH.

I DUNNO.

I KNOW THAT THERE'S STRANGE

THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THIS WORLD

THAT ARE BEYOND THE REASONIN'

AND RECKONIN' OF US MORTALS.

BUT IF SHE IS, OR HAPPENS TO BE

A DABBLER IN THE ARTS, I DO NOT

WISH TO COME AFOUL OF HER.

>> SO WHAT I'M HEARIN' IS,

YOU DON'T WANNA

SCARE THESE KIDS, NOW?

>> OH, HELL NO.

WHAT ELSE WE GOT TO DO?

[ LAUGHING ]

>> LET'S GO.

>> OH, BOYS...

I AM NOT A WITCH.

[ CHUCKLING ]

AND DON'T COME CRAWLIN' BACK

HERE WHEN YOUR PLAN BACKFIRES!

>> BYE-BYE!

>> PRETTY SURE ONE OF THESE

GOTTA BE THE NORTH STAR, RIGHT?

>> HEY!

>> THINKIN' I GOT IT

THIS TIME, MAN.

>> THANK YOU FOR YET ANOTHER

CONSISTENTLY TERRIBLE IDEA.

>> MAYBE JUST PRETEND

YOU'RE WORKIN' ON YOUR

SCARY SCARECROW WALK.

SORRY.

>> HEY, THESE OUTFITS

ARE REALLY STUPID.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA, MAN?

COME ON!

>> WELL, NO, BUT WHY DIDN'T

WE WAIT UNTIL WE FOUND 'EM

TO PUT ALL THIS CRAP ON?

>> I MEAN, THEY'RE STAYING OUT

BY THE OLD LAKE.

GONNA BE THAT WAY

OR THAT WAY, RIGHT?

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING ]

WHA-- OH CRAP, YOU HEAR THAT?

>> YOUR IMAGINATION

IS RUNNIN' AWAY WITH YOU.

>> BUT, EH--

>> JOSEPHINE'S STORIES

ARE MESSIN' WITH YOUR HEAD.

>> OH, LET'S--

LET'S TRY THIS WAY, HUH?

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING ]

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

>> IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME.

>> MM-HMM.

>> YOU, UH, HEADED HOME

TO THE MISTER?

GONNA HAVE SOME

FRIDAY NIGHT ACTIVITIES?

[ CHUCKLING ]

WELL?

>> DON'T YOU WORRY

ABOUT IT, DEAR.

>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT--

ABOUT WHAT?

ARE YOU STAYIN' AROUND HERE?

BECAUSE--

WELL, I-- I GOT THIS.

I AM A-OK.

THE SHERIFF APPOINTED ME

HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN.

THE RIGHT HAND OF THE LAW.

>> MM-HMM, YOU KIDS THESE DAYS.

>> KIDS?

I THINK I'M OLDER THAN YOU ARE.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

>> VERY WELL.

I SUPPOSE THERE'S NOTHING

TO WORRY ABOUT, SINCE YOU HAVE

THAT LAW ENFORCEMENT DEGREE.

>> CRIMINAL JUSTICE.

>> CRIMINAL JUSTICE.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE JUST FINE,

THEN, COMIN' FROM THE BIG CITY,

SHOULDN'T YA?

>> EVERYONE LOVES ME.

THEY ALL KNOW ME.

I'VE BEEN HERE NEARLY A YEAR.

>> MM-HMM, I SEE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME THINGS IN

THIS COUNTRY THAT YOU CITY FOLKS

JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF.

>> LIKE WHAT?

LIKE WITCHES?

MONSTERS?

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

>> DON'T BURN THE PLACE DOWN,

MORGAN.

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

>> YES, MA'AM.

>> AND DON'T MESS WITH MY DESK.

[ BANJO MUSIC ]

>> HEY, WYATT?

>> HUH?

>> WYATT, DID YOU EVER HEAR ANY

OF THOSE STORIES OL' JOSEPHINE

WAS TELLIN' BEFORE, MAN?

>> ABOUT THE SCARECROW?

>> THOSE ARE THE ONES.

>> VIRG, IF YOU KNEW THE STORIES

I'VE HEARD ABOUT MOST THINGS,

YOU'D NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.

>> WHOA-WHOA-WHOA,

SO IT IS TRUE?

>> I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

>> SO IT'S NOT TRUE?

>> DIDN'T SAY THAT EITHER.

>> WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU SAYIN', MAN?

>> I'M SAYIN', DAMN IT, VIRG,

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE,

DO YOU?

YOU DUN GOT US LOST!

>> AIN'T YOU THE OLDER ONE?

AIN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THE WHOLE WOODS LIKE

THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, WYATT?

>> WELL VIRG, CONSIDERING THIS

WAS YOUR IDEA, I WAS OPERATING

UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU

WAS THE LEADER OF THIS HERE

EXPEDITION, AND DESPITE

THE NUMEROUS OCCASIONS

WHEN YOUR PLANS BACKFIRED

UPON US, I WAS GIVIN' YOU

A CHANCE TO SHOW OFF

YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITY

AND WOODCRAFT LORE.

IT SEEMS I MAY HAVE ERRED.

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING ]

>> SHH-SHH-SHH!

>> YOU DON'T HEAR SHIT.

[ ANIMAL SCREECHING LOUDER ]

>> HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

OH GOD!

WYATT?

WYATT, IS THAT YOU, MAN?

THIS IS NO TIME TO BE MESSIN'

AROUND WITH ME, WYATT.

YOU OUT THERE?

[ YELPING ]

[ SCREAMING ]

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD.

[ WHIMPERING ]

DAMN IT, WYATT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN', MAN?

TRYIN' TO SCARE THE PISS

OUT OF ME, MAN?

WALKIN' AROUND IN THESE WOODS.

CAN WE JUST GET THE KIDS?

GOD--

[ GROWLING ]

OH.

OH YOU'RE GETTIN' INTO

CHARACTER, I SEE, OKAY.

SAVE IT FOR THEM, MAN.

[ GROWLING ]

HEY!

COME ON!

[ MUSIC ]

[ GROWLING ]

>> IT'S YOUR TURN.

DO JAMES EARL JONES.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> ALL RIGHT.

SIMBA, YOU DELIBERATELY

DISOBEYED ME.

EVERYTHING THE LIGHT

TOUCHES IS OUR KINGDOM--

[ ANIMAL HOWLING ]

>> THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE.

>> STOP BEING SUCH A BABY.

>> I DUNNO, BEC.

THOSE GUYS AT THE BAR

CREEPED ME OUT, TOO.

>> CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE?

>> I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY,

BUT IT'S FUN, THOUGH.

>> IT'S NOT FUN ANYMORE.

>> COME ON, MAN, LIKE,

AN EVIL SCARECROW?

LIKE, I'D BE MORE CREEPED OUT

ABOUT FUTURE PEDOPHILES

OF AMERICA...

AT THE BAR.

>> RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN'.

IF MISS HUMPS-LOT OVER HERE

DIDN'T FLIRT WITH THEM THE WHOLE

TIME, GETTIN' 'EM ALL RILED UP.

>> WHATEVER.

>> YOU WERE REALLY FLIRTY.

>> WHORISH.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

[ STICKS CRACKING ]

>> WHO THE FUCK IS OUT THERE?!

I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

>> SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE DOING?

>> I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT 'EM

TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE.

>> YEAH, LIKE THEY CAN'T SEE

THAT IN THE FUCKIN' DARK.

>> FUCK OFF.

>> CAN WE PLEASE GO HOME?

>> ALL RIGHT, COME ON,

COME ON, CALM DOWN.

MAYBE REBECCA WAS RIGHT.

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STEP AWAY

FROM THE FIRE

AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> OH YEAH.

I GOT THIS.

>> OH MY GOD.

ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES

HAVE DONE WONDERS FOR YOU.

>> WHO BETTER TO PROTECT US?

>> NO, HE STAYS WITH ME!

>> YEAH, LET'S GO

GET US A SCARECROW.

OR A REDNECK.

WHATEVER.

>> NO.

>> OH, LET'S GO GET US A

SCARECROW, OR A REDNECK,

WHATEVER-- NO!

I JUST WANNA FUCKIN' SIT HERE

AND DRINK MY GODDAMN BEER.

>> LET'S GO!

>> NOPE, NOPE.

>> LET'S GO!

[ MUSIC ]

>> DAGNABBIT, VIRG!

WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN US INTO?

I HATE YOU.

OH, SHIT.

IT'S THEM KIDS.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

>> DO YOU SEE-- DO YOU--

>> WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

>> OKAY, SHH!

>> DID YOU SEE?

>> OKAY.

>> FUCK!

>> YEAH.

>> WELL, SHIT.

AIN'T THIS GRAND.

ANYBODY HERE?

>> LOOKIN' FOR US, CREEP?

[ GROANING ]

>> DO YOU THINK THIS

IS FUCKING FUNNY,

TRYING TO SCARE US LIKE THAT?

WE'LL SHOW YOU.

[ GRUNTING ]

>> VIRG...

[ GROANING ]

[ MUSIC ]

>> WE DID IT.

>> YEAH!

WE KILLED IT!

>> HEY, HEY, HEY!

GET BACK HERE!

[ INDISTINCT YELLING ]

>> SEE, TOLD YOU, MAN.

REBECCA CAN TAKE CARE

OF HERSELF.

>> YEAH, I GUESS SO,

BUT I REALLY THOUGHT

THERE WERE TWO OF 'EM.

>> I SHALL PROTECT YOU.

>> MY HERO.

>> STRANGE THINGS, JO.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

>> THINK IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT?

>> WHO'S TO SAY?

IT'S BEEN QUIET FOR YEARS.

>> YEAH, WELL, CAN'T BE HELPED.

BEST TO PREPARE, JUST IN CASE.

>> ALL RIGHT,

WE'LL TRY THAT AGAIN.

YOU WANT YOU TO GO HIGH,

AND I'LL GO LOW?

OR YOU WANNA GO LOW?

>> OH...

I'LL-- I'LL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.

>> GOOD CHOICE.

[singing] GLORY GLORY

>> WAIT.

MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE COMING

OF THE GLORY OF THE LORD

>> I GUESS WE DON'T

KNOW THE LYRICS, FATHER.

>> WE DON'T KNOW THE LYRICS.

AND SAINTS GO MARCHING IN

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON

>> OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL SONG.

>> WELL DONE, WELL DONE.

>> WONDERFUL SONG.

>> I LOVE YOUR VOICE, FATHER.

IT'S LIKE A CHORUS OF ANGELS.

>> YEAH, I REALLY FELT

THE SPIRIT ON THAT ONE.

>> MAN, I STILL CAN'T SEE

NOTHIN' OUTTA THESE MASKS, MAN.

[ GRUNTING ]

DAMN IT, WYATT,

WE FOUND MORE ASPHALT, MAN.

UNLESS THESE KIDS ARE CAMPIN'

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET,

I DON'T THINK WE GOING

THE RIGHT WAY!

OH CRAP, THERE'S

A CAR COMIN', MAN!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH

THEY CAN'T SEE US

LIKE THIS, MAN!

HALLELUJAH

>> DEAR GOD,

WHAT IS THAT UP THERE?

>> OH MY...

>> YOU SEE THAT?

>> IT'S HORRIBLE.

[ CAR HORN HONKING ]

>> COME ON, MAN!

>> OH GOD, IT'S TERRIBLE!

>> GO, GO, GO, GO!!!

[ TIRES SQUEALING ]

JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL?!

OH MY GOD, JESUS CHRIST!

>> LET'S GET THE FUCK

OUT OF HERE!

[ BANJO MUSIC ]

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

[ PHONE RINGING ]

>> HELLO, GOOD EVENING,

SHERIFF'S STATION.

DEPUTY SHERIFF MORGAN SPEAKING.

WHOA!

WHOA, EASY.

FATHER...

FATHER ROTHSTEIN.

SETTLE DOWN, WHAT--

A WHAT?

UH, REALLY?

YOU DON'T SAY?

AND IT'S A SCARECROW?

OKAY.

OKAY, UH--

SURE, A SCARECROW.

UH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, FATHER, ISN'T IT--

ISN'T IT A SIN FOR

A MAN OF THE CLOTH TO

PARTICIPATE IN PRANKS ON PEOPLE?

REALLY?

OKAY.

OKAY, SURE.

WELL, DID THE SHERIFF

PUT YOU UP TO THIS?

I BET HE DID.

YEAH, WELL HE'S NOT

GONNA GET ME OVER AGAIN.

OKAY, WHERE?

OKAY, I'M HEADED THERE

RIGHT NOW.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

MAN OH MAN.

[ DOG BARKING ]

>> BETTY, I SUSPECT

THAT DOG HAS TO GO OUT.

>> SOMETHIN' OUT THERE

GOT HIM ALL RILED UP.

[ GROWLING ]

[ BARKING ]

>> ALRIGHTY THEN.

[ BARKING ]

>> GO ON, NOW!

COME ON, GIT!

GIT!

HA!

[ BARKING CONTINUES ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

>> LITTLE FELLA

SEEMS ALL RILED UP OUT THERE.

I'D BEST GO CHECK.

WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER

SKUNK INCIDENT.

>> OR WORSE.

[ SCOFFING ]

>> OR WORSE.

[ GROWLING ]

IT'S WORSE.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S

GOTTEN INTO YOU, WYATT,

BUT THAT SURE WAS FUNNY, MAN.

OH, JESUS.

>> WHERE'S MY PISTOL?

THERE'S SOMETHIN' OUT THERE.

>> COME ON, MAN.

COME ON.

WYATT, YOU GOT A MEAN

OL' STREAK IN YOU, MAN.

[ GROWLING ]

[ CHUCKLING ]

OKAY, I KINDA FIGURED

YOU'D SAY THAT.

NOW CAN WE STOP FOOLIN' AROUND

AND GO FIND THOSE KIDS?

COME ON, MAN.

>> HOW ABOUT OREOS?

>> I LIKE THEM.

>> HOW ABOUT BEING ONE?

>> WHAT?

[ PANTING ]

>> OL' JOSEPHINE WAS RIGHT,

NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.

>> SCARECROW!

>> WE'RE GONNA GET YA!

[ LAUGHING ]

>> OH, CHRIST ALL FRIDAY!

>> COME OUT AND PLAY!

[ BANJO MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

[ BELL RINGING ]

>> SHERIFF, SHERIFF!

YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A HAND

ON SOMETHIN'.

HEY, UH, NICE TO SEE YOU DEPUTY.

>> HOW YA DOIN', BILL?

>> HOW ARE YA?

>> GOOD, GOOD.

HOW'S IT GOIN'?

>> I WAS WONDERIN' IF, POSSIBLY,

UH, YOU COULD GET THE SHERIFF

TO COME OUT OF THE BACK?

I'M HAVIN' A SITUATION

WITH MY DOG.

>> YEAH, WHAT'S THE SITUATION

WITH THE DOG?

>> WELL, I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE

REGULAR DOG SITUATIONS,

BUT BELIEVE ME,

THIS IS A--

UNUSUAL DOG SITUATION,

AND, UH--

>> REALLY?

>> WE'D JUST AS SOON HAVE

THE SHERIFF'S EXPERTISE

AND YEARS OF EXPERIENCE

ON THE CASE.

>> RIGHT.

UH, HE'S NOT REACHABLE

RIGHT NOW.

I COULD HELP YOU OUT

IF YOU NEED IT.

>> YES, THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.

BUT IF WE COULD PERHAPS

HAVE THE SHERIFF, UH,

CONSULTED BY PHONE?

>> WELL, I CAN LEAVE HIM

A MESSAGE, TELL HIM

TO GET AHOLD OF YA.

>> WELL, IS HE ON VACATION

MUCH LONGER, DEPUTY?

>> UH, A FEW MORE DAYS.

>> I GUESS I'LL WAIT AT HOME

FOR MY ANSWER, AND YOU COULD

HAVE HIM, UH, CALL ME

AT YOUR FIRST CONVENIENCE?

>> OKAY.

>> OKAY, THANK YOU, DEPUTY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> HAVE A GOOD DAY.

>> YOU TOO.

[ BELL RINGING ]

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> AND SLEEP TIGHT.

AND MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP.

[ MUSIC ]

>> TIMMY!

TIMMY!

>> WHAT?

I WAS SLEEPIN'.

MOM'LL GET MAD.

>> TIMMY, I'M SCARED.

>> OF WHAT?

GO TO SEEP.

>> THE SCARECROW.

>> THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

>> OH YEAH?

LOOK.

[ BOTH SCREAMING ]

>> WYATT!

WHAT IN THE SAM HILL

ARE YOU DOIN' NOW, MAN?

I SWEAR, WHAT HAS

GOTTEN INTO YOU, DUDE?

>> IT'S A SCARECROW,

IT'S A SCARECROW AT THE WINDOW!

>> GET YOUR GUN, DAD,

AND BLAST IT!

>> WE GOT TO GIT, WYATT!

COME ON, MAN!

WYATT, DO YOU KNOW

WHAT GIT MEANS?

COME ON!

>> YOU SEE ANYTHING?

>> NO.

I'M GONNA GO CHECK.

YOU LOCK THE DOOR AND HOLE UP

WITH THE KIDS, OKAY?

>> OKAY.

CAREFUL, YOU DAMN FOOL.

[ SHOTGUN RACKING ]

>> JUST IN CASE.

>> YOU KNOW THAT WON'T

DO NO GOOD.

EXCEPT MAKE IT MAD.

>> WELL, JO, I'M JUST HOPIN'

IT'S NOTHIN' BUT YOUR NERVES.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

TOLD THAT STORY.

JUST SAYIN'.

>> EVERY TIME I GET TO SCHOOL,

I TELL HIM HE HAS TO GO

TO THE BATHROOM

AND LICK THE TOILET.

I EVEN TOLD HIM, "MY DAD'S

THE SHERIFF, YOU HAVE TO

DO WHAT I SAY."

THERE'S REALLY NO OPTION.

>> I TELL YOU WHAT!

>> OH, I DON'T WANNA KNOW THAT!

>> YEAH, I PANCAKED HIM.

IT WAS-- IT WAS TERRIBLE, MAN.

>> THAT'S GROSS.

>> OH YEAH, WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT

TO DO WITH HIM, SO WE KINDA JUST

THREW HIM OUT IN THE BACK,

AND WE JUST-- YOU KNOW,

JUST ANOTHER GOPHER IN THE YARD.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> I-- I FULLY SUPPORT

WHAT YOU TOLD US.

>> EVAN!

EVAN!

EVAN!

OKAY, YOUR MOM WAS TALKIN'

TO MY MOM ABOUT HOW

SHE WAS TALKING TO YOUR UNCLE--

IT'S KINDA LIKE, MY GRANDPA,

HE WAS TALKIN' TO

THE CONVENIENCE STORE GUY,

WHICH I THINK WAS TALKIN'--

>> WELL GET ON WITH IT, NOW!

>> THIS SCARECROW POPS

OUTTA NOWHERE, AND SCARES

YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER.

>> MY BROTHER AND SISTER?

>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

>> WE'RE GONNA GET

THAT SUMBITCH!

>> YEAH!

LET'S GET 'UM!

>> YEAH!!!

>> COME ON!

[ CAR ENGINE REVVING ]

[ PANTING ]

>> JUST GOTTA CATCH MY BREATH.

I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR

THE EXERTION TODAY.

[ CAR APPROACHING ]

[ HOOTING AND HOLLERING ]

WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?

VIRG, WHEN I GET

MY HANDS ON YOU...

[ APPROACHING CAR STOPS ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

>> WAIT, DID YOU

BRING IT THIS TIME?

>> YEAH.

>> NOT LIKE LAST TIME?

>> YEAH.

>> WELL, WHERE IS IT?

>> SHIT, IT'S IN THE CAR.

>> YOU'D BEST GO GET IT, THEN.

AND MORE WINE, TOO.

HURRY, BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.

YOU'RE MINE NOW, YOU BIG DUMMY.

[ GROWLING ]

[ SCREAMING ]

[ LAUGHING ]

>> THAT WAS SOME

FUNNY SHIT, WYATT!

[ GROWLING ]

>> WHAT THE HELL?

I'LL GET YOU,

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

>> COME ON, JOE.

I WANT TO GO HOME.

>> DAMN IT.

>> I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!

>> IF I FIND THAT GUY...

> OH MAN, YOU'RE PISSIN' OFF

EVERYBODY TONIGHT.

LET'S SKEDADDLE, MAN.

[ CAR ENGINE STARTING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ STICK DRAGGING ON GROUND ]

>> COME ON, KELLY, KEEP UP.

>> I'M GETTIN' KINDA BORED.

AND TIRED.

>> DO YOU WANNA GO BACK?

DON'T YOU WANNA CATCH THIS GUY?

THERE'S A HOUSE RIGHT THERE.

WE'LL GO AND SEE

IF THEY SAW ANYTHING.

>> WHAT IF IT'S NOT A GUY?

>> DO YOU MEAN,

"WHAT IF IT'S NOT A GUY?"

AS IN, IT'S AN ACTUAL SCARECROW?

[ LAUGHING ]

WE'LL STILL BEAT ITS ASS.

>> HEY!

WHO GOES THERE?

WHO ARE YOU?

I HAVE A GUN AND I WILL USE IT.

>> YEAH?

WELL I HAVE THIS STICK,

AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

>> DUDE, WAIT.

HI, I'M-I'M KELLY,

AND THIS IS REBECCA.

WE-- WE'RE JUST CAMPIN'

WITH SOME FRIENDS, AND--

WHAT WE ASSUME WAS A DUDE

DRESSED AS A SCARECROW

CAME TO TERRORIZE US.

WE BEAT HIM UP, AND NOW

WE'RE JUST CHASIN' HIM.

MY FRIEND WILL KICK YOUR ASS

IF YOU TRY TO HURT US.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

FAIR ENOUGH.

I-- I TOO AM CHASING A MAN

DRESSED AS A SCARECROW.

HE SCARED THE BEJEEZUS

OUT OF MY LITTLE ONES.

WE DON'T NEED THIS KIND

OF CRAP AROUND HERE.

[ SCREAMING ]

>> WHAT THE HELL?

>> I'LL GET YOU,

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

>> WE GOTTA GO HELP.

>> WELL, HOLD ON NOW.

WE SHOULD STICK TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, FOR SAFETY IN NUMBERS

AND EVERYTHING.

>> WHAT, ARE YOU SCARED TOO?

IT'S JUST A GUY IN A COSTUME,

RIGHT?

>> OH LORD, I HOPE SO.

>> THIS WHOLE SCARECROW THING

IS JUST LEGEND, RIGHT?

>> WELL, I DUNNO, IT'S--

YEAH, IT'S--

IT'S PROBABLY JUST A--

A MAN IN A MASK OR SOMETHIN'.

>> WHY DIDN'T HE

ANSWER MY QUESTION?

>> COME ON, LET'S GO!

>> COME ON.

[ PHONE RINGING ]

>> SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

WHAT?

A SCARECROW?

I'VE HEARD THIS.

IS THIS-- IS THIS A JOKE?

[ PHONE RINGING ]

HOLD, PLEASE.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

OKAY, OKAY.

[ PHONE RINGING ]

HOLD, PLEASE.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

SERIOUSLY?!

[ PHONE RINGING ]

OKAY, HOLD, PLEASE.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

WHERE?

WITH WHO?

YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DOING WHAT?

WITH A SCARECROW?

[ PHONE RINGING ]

OKAY, HOLD, PLEASE.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

HA, HA, HA, HA, FUNNY!

FUNNY, I GET-- OKAY.

BYE.

>> I DUNNO WHAT THE HELL

THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO.

>> I HOPE WE NEVER

SEE THEM AGAIN.

OH MY GOD, JOE!

THERE HE IS!

>> WHAT THE HELL?

>> AHH!

>> HEY, 'SCUSE ME, PARTNER.

>> YOU SON OF A BITCH!

I'M GONNA WHOOP YOUR ASS!

>> WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!

> JOE, GET BACK HERE!

JOE!

I'M SCARED!

[ PANTING ]

>> VIRG, OL' BOY,

I GET THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION

YOU WERE BEHIND THIS SOMEHOWS.

[ ENGINE REVVING ]

>> GET THAT SUMBITCH!

[ HOOTING AND HOLLERING ]

>> AW, HELL.

>> YEAH, THERE HE IS!

>> ALL RIGHT, WYATT,

WHAT YOU THINK, MAN?

SHOULD WE GO THAT WAY,

OR THAT WAY?

LET ME GUESS...

"MMRGH!"

[ GROWLING ]

YEP, ALL RIGHT.

COME ON.

>> WATCH IT, YOU ASSHOLE!

[ GROWLING ]

>> HOLY CRAP, THAT WAS CLOSE!

YOU OKAY, BUDDY?

[ LAUGHING ]

[ GROWLING ]

OW, OKAY!

OKAY MAN, BAD IDEA.

GAME OVER, RIGHT?

LET'S-- LET'S JUST

GO BACK TO JOSEPHINE'S.

MAYBE WE CAN GET LAST CALL,

RIGHT?

[ GROWLING ]

KINDA FIGURED YOU'D

SAY THAT, OL' BOY.

COME ON, MAN.

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

[ BELL RINGING ]

>> SHERIFF, THERE'S A MOB

CONGREGATING-- OH, SHIT.

>> OH, HEY BURT.

HOW YOU DOIN'?

>> I'M DOIN' VERY WELL.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

>> I'M-- I'M GREAT.

HOW CAN I HELP YA?

>> IS THE SHERIFF AROUND?

>> I'M ACTING SHERIFF TONIGHT.

>> WELL, THAT'S MIGHTY CUTE

OF YOU, BUT WE'RE GONNA NEED

THE SHERIFF ON THIS ONE.

THERE'S A MOB GATHERING JUST

OUTSIDE OF THIS BUILDING.

IT'S, LIKE, A LARGE

GROUP OF PEOPLE.

>> OKAY, WELL, THE SHERIFF

ISN'T HERE RIGHT NOW.

I CAN HELP.

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY

HOW TO EXPLAIN IT, BUT THERE IS

A-- THERE IS A, UH--

>> LET ME GUESS, A SCARECROW.

>> WELL, YES.

IT'S EITHER THAT, OR AN

AMBULATORY SACK OF HAY

MADE BY A WIZARD.

NOW WOULD YOU GO

GET YOUR BELT ON?

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DO.

>> ALL RIGHT,

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ PHONE RINGING ]

>> ALL RIGHT.

GO CALL YOUR MOM,

TELL HER YOU MIGHT BE LATE.

AH, YESSS!

ALL RIGHT.

[ BELL RINGING ]

[ PHONE RINGING ]

>> HOW YOU DOIN' TODAY?

SHERIFF.

I'M THE DEPUTY SHERIFF.

[ PHONE CONTINUES RINGING ]

SHERIFF DEPUTY MORGAN...

SPEAKING.

IS THERE A PROBLEM?

NO THAT'S NOT...

IS THERE A PROBLEM?

TOO AGGRESSIVE.

[ RINGING CONTINUES ]

IS THERE A WAY

WE CAN RESOLVE THIS?

THERE'S TWO WAYS THAT

WE COULD FIGURE THIS OUT.

UH, A FRIENDLY MEETING,

SOMEWHERE WITH FOOD,

OR, UH--

YOU GO TO JAIL.

[ ENGINE REVVING ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

>> WHOLE DAMN TOWN'S

IN AN UPROAR.

VIRGIL, THIS IS

A DUMB ASS SHITTIN' IDEA.

YOU'RE STUPID EVEN

FOR INBRED STANDARDS.

DAMN, UGH!

[ SIGHING ]

SCREW IT,

I'M GONNA GET ME A BEER.

>> NOW WE GOT TO ALL CALM DOWN,

AND NOT BE STUPID.

OR MORE STUPID.

>> HE'S A DAMN MENACE, SHERIFF!

[ COLLECTIVE SHOUTING ]

>> I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND.

DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY IDEA

WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS?

>> I THINK IT WAS A COUPLE

OF GUYS WE SAW DOWN

AT THE TAVERN EARLIER.

>> SHERIFF, WHAT ARE

YOU DOIN' HERE?

I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL.

>> YEAH, I KNOW YOU DO.

THAT SUMBITCH SCARED MY KIDS.

>> SHERIFF?

YOU MIGHTA LED WITH THAT ONE.

>> YEAH, I'M SORRY.

IT'S-- YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN

WORRIED ABOUT MY FAMILY, IS ALL.

>> IT'S ALL RIGHT.

LET'S JUST FIND THIS GUY--

GUY, SCARECROW, WHATEVER IT IS.

>> SAW HIM BY

THE OLD TANNER FARM.

LET'S GET HIM!

[ COLLECTIVE SHOUTING ]

>> NOW, HOLD ON!

AH, DAMN.

I BETTER GO WITH THEM.

>> WELL, HOLD UP.

I'LL GO WITH THEM.

YOU TAKE THESE LADIES OVER TO

THE TAVERN, AND SEE IF

JOSEPHINE KNOWS ANYTHING.

>> WHAT?

IT'S MORE FUN THAN CAMPING.

[ SIGHING ]

>> I DON'T THINK OUR IDEAS

OF FUN REALLY MATCH UP.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> WOO, HOLY COW, MAN!

SURE IS ITCH AND STUFFY IN HERE.

[ CHUCKLING ]

UGH, TAKE THIS THING OFF.

OOH.

THANKS FOR THE BEERS, JO.

>> YOU WERE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T

DO ANYTHING FOOLISH.

MORE FOOLISH.

>> OKAY, OKAY,

IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

BUT NOW WE'RE JUST GONNA SIT

HERE AND DRINK OUR BEERS,

RIGHT, BUDDY?

[ GROWLING ]

WHAT THE HELL, MAN?

GAME OVER, DUDE!

FACADE THROUGH, YOU CAN

GET OUT OF CHARACTER NOW.

WYATT, COME ON.

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

>> UH, VIRG, UM--

[ INDISTINCT GRUMBLING ]

>> OH, HEY, VIRGIL.

ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR LIBATION?

WHILE I'VE BEEN OUT--

WHO'S THAT?

>> WYATT?

MAN, BUT IF YOU'RE YOU,

THEN WHO THE HELL IS--

SHIT.

HI.

[ SNARLING ]

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP!

[ WHIMPERING ]

>> GET UP, GET UP!

>> WHAT THE HELL

WAS THAT, WYATT?

>> IT'S A DAMN REAL SCARECROW!

>> YOU SAID HE WASN'T REAL, MAN!

>> OH, YOU WANNA GO TELL IT

IT AIN'T REAL?

>> WYATT, WHAT ABOUT DOC

AND JOSEPHINE, MAN?

[ PANTING ]

[ GUNFIRE ]

>> DID THAT GET HIM?

>> NOPE.

>> MAKE HIM MAD?

>> YUP.

[ GROWLING ]

WHATEVER YOU'RE GONNA DO,

YOU'D BETTER DO IT QUICK!

>> I CAN'T BEAT IT,

NOT ANYMORE, ANYWAY.

BUT I CAN CAST IT OUT.

>> I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS,

JUST GET RID OF IT!

[ GROWLING ]

>> BACK!

BACK, FOUL BEAST!

BACK TO THE HELL

FROM WHENCE THOU CAME!

NOW GIT!

[ GROWLING ]

[ SNARLING ]

[ WHIMPERING ]

>> GET OVER HERE!

COME ON!

>> I'M SCARED, WYATT!

>> DISCRETION, VIRG,

IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR.

>> WELL, WELL, WELL,

LOOK WHO WE GOT HERE.

WHAT DO YOU TWO ASSHOLES THINK

YOU'RE DOING, SCARING PEOPLE

LIKE THAT?

>> YOU OUGHT TO BE

ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

[ COLLECTIVE YELLING ]

>> NOW, NOW, NOW,

THIS AIN'T WHAT IT SEEMS.

>> MMM, LOOKS EXACTLY

LIKE IT SEEMS.

>> WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY, AND

MY VERBOSE NATURE TO ARGUE

AGAINST WHAT IT MAY OR MAY NOT

LOOK LIKE, I MUST INSIST THAT--

>> WYATT!

HE'S COMIN' MAN!

[ SNARLING ]

>> SCARECROW.

>> WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, BECCA?

>> I DUNNO, KELLY.

>> SCARECROW.

>> I CAN SEE THAT.

>> NO, THE SCARECROW.

THE ONE FROM THE STORY.

IT HAS RETURNED.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S AFTER

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING

TO MAKE HIM MAD.

>> FUCK THIS SHIT.

IT'S JUST ANOTHER IDIOT

IN A MASK.

LET'S GET HIM.

>> I GOT THIS.

>> GET HIM, SHERIFF.

>> NOW LISTEN, AS ACTING DEPUTY

SHERIFF, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

TWO CHOICES HERE: THE EASY WAY,

OR THE HARD WAY.

[ GROANING ]

[ BONES CRACKING ]

>> LET'S GET HIM!

[ SNARLING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ GROWLING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ NERVOUS CHUCKLING ]

>> ALL RIGHT, YOU FREAK, I'M

GONNA BEAT THE STRAW OUTTA YOU!

[ MUSIC ]

>> WELL, SHE CERTAINLY IS

A SPIRITED ONE, HUH, WYATT?

>> THAT SHE IS, VIRG.

THAT SHE IS.

>> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T HELP BUT

THINK IT'S OUR DUTY AS FELLOW

HUMAN BEINGS TO MAYBE STEP IN

THERE AND THROW SOME SUPPORT.

>> NOT 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES?

WE COULD USE OUR MANLY SWAGGER

TO SAVE THE DAY?

>> NO, WYATT.

THAT WOULD JUST BE SEXIST.

BUT I DO THINK IT'S

THE PROPER THING TO DO.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

>> AGREED.

>> OKAY.

[ GROWLING ]

>> THIS AIN'T GOIN'

SO WELL, MAN.

>> I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS.

>> YOU CAN'T BEAT IT!

NONE OF YOU CAN!

JUST RUN!

RUN!

[ GROWLING ]

>> I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ GROANING ]

[ GROWLING ]

[ YELLING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ PANTING ]

>> WELL, I'LL BE.

>> TOLD YOU WE'D BE BACK.

>> INDEED YOU DID.

I WILL, OF COURSE, HAVE TO

PROPERLY DISPOSE OF ALL THIS.

>> FOR GOOD THIS TIME, I HOPE.

>> YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE

TO HAVE DONE THIS.

>> WHY NOT?

>> WELL...

>> ONLY A CERTAIN TYPE OF PURITY

CAN BANISH THE EVIL.

>> WHAT-- WHAT ARE THEY TALKIN'

ABOUT, WYATT?

>> WELL, IF I'M READIN' THIS

RIGHT, AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT

I AM, UH, WHAT JOSEPHINE IS

SAYING IS THAT THIS LADY AIN'T

NEVER, UH-- SHE AIN'T

NEVER BEEN WITH ANYONE.

>> UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

BEEN WITH ANYONE?

>> NO, NO, SHE AIN'T, UH--

KNOWN ANYONE.

>> UH...

>> UH, VIRG,

IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE.

[ LAUGHING ]

>> BEC!

>> SHUT UP, KELLY.

YOU HELPED.

>> NOW LADIES, THIS IS NOTHING

TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.

>> WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT.

[ CHUCKLING ]

>> YOU DID SAVE THE DAY.

[ CLEARING THROAT ]

>> MAY I PROPOSE SOMETHIN'?

UH, AFTER THE DAY WE HAVE ALL

HAD, AND THE EVENTS THAT

WE WOULD LIKELY LOVE TO FORGET,

I RECOMMEND THAT WE REPAIR INTO

THE LOVELY ESTABLISHMENT IN

FRONT OF US, WHERE WE PARTAKE IN

SOME CAROUSES AND SPIRITS

OF THE BARREL-AGED TYPE.

>> UH, WYATT, I THINK WE DONE

HAD ENOUGH SPIRITS

FOR ONE DAY, MAN.

>> HE MEANS SHOTS AND BEERS.

>> OH.

>> WHY NOT?

COME ON.

>> THAT'S CELEBRATIN'.

[ LAUGHING ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ]

[ SIGHING ]

>> HOW YOU FEEL?

>> COLD.

>> COLD.

THERE'S A LOT OF...

DARK CHOCOLATE THINGS THAT COULD

WARM YOU UP RIGHT NOW.

>> LIKE FUDGE?

>> YUP.

OR COFFEE.

OR HOT COCOA.

OR-- THERE'S OTHER SHIT.

>> I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

>> YEAH?

LIKE WHAT?

>> IT'S REALLY COOL.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

IT'S REALLY, REALLY COLD!

I BROUGHT IT ALL THE WAY

FROM HOME.

>> I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.

>> YOU KNOW, MY GRANDMA REALLY

HAS A SECRET S'MORE RECIPE.

>> YEAH, WHAT'S SHE HAVE?

CHOCOLATE?

>> NO, IT'S A SPECIAL SAUCE.

>> YEAH?

>> LIKE, A SPECIAL SPICE.

>> WHO THE FUCK PUTS SPICE

IN A S'MORE?

>> EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE SPICE

IN THEIR LIFE.

[ LASH CRACKING ]

HILDEGARD WANTS TO PLAY.

>> NOTICE I'M WEARING GLASSES,

AND I'M FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE.

I DIDN'T DIE IN THIS MOVIE,

SO I'M DEFINITELY ABOUT

TO FUCKIN' SCORE.

[ MUSIC ]

[singing] AS I WAS GOIN' OVER

THE DARK AND SCARY MOUNTAINS

I SAW AN APPARITION

HIS SOULS A' HE WAS COUNTIN'

AT FIRST I WAS FRIGHTENED

AND THEN I STARTED WONDERIN'

I WATCHED AND WITNESSED

AS THE SCARECROW

HE CAME LUMBERIN'

MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR

HE STOOD UP AND HE ROARED

I WEPT AND THEN I FLED

FOR NEVER HAD I FELT

THE TERROR OF SUCH A MONSTER

I RAN DOWN TO THE PUB

BUT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME

THE DEVIL WAS IN THAT SCARECROW

AND HE FOUND ME EASY

MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR

BEING DRUNK AND WEARY

I FLED INTO THE NIGHT

I TOOK THE WHISKEY WITH ME

AND I NEVER KNEW THE DANGER

A FEW SIPS MAYBE TEN

AND AFTER ME THE SCARECROW

I SLIPPED AND DROPPED MY BOTTLE

AND THAT MONSTER HE PURSUED ME

MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR

NOW RUNNIN' FOR MY LIFE

HIS ROARS A WAYS BEHIND ME

I FOUND ANOTHER PUB

AND I HID AMONGST THE BARRELS

I DRANK MYSELF QUITE HEAVY

BLOCKIN' OUT THE ROARS

BUT NE'ER WILL I FORGET

THE DANGERS OF THAT SCARECROW

MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW

THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR

>> BEHAVE, OR I'LL MAIL

YOUR PARTS ACROSS THE GLOBE.

>> DID YOU GET

ALL THE PARTS, JO?

>> YEAH, I GOT ALL THE PARTS.

WE DON'T NEED A MILLION OF

THOSE THINGS RUNNIN' AROUND.

>> SURE AM GLAD THE GIRLS WERE

ABLE TO STOP IT THIS TIME.

>> YEAH, BECAUSE IT WAS WEAK.

WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT IS?

>> THIS PLACE ISN'T STRONG

ENOUGH TO CONTAIN THE EVIL.

RESTLESS.

>> WE WON'T BE ABLE

TO STOP IT NEXT TIME.

>> WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO

DO THE BEST WE CAN.

>> OKAY.