Original subtitles

I gotta go.

I want to head home before work.

Thought you, of all people, would have a spare suit in their car.

- "Of all people"? - "Be prepared."

- Isn't that the boy scout motto? - Yeah,

but a man knows a Gucci suit "don't" belong in no trunk.

I'm working tomorrow,

but I'm off the day after, so...

Actually, I had something else in mind.

Oh, should I be concerned?

It's the one-year anniversary of my dad's death.

Oh, my bad. Didn't know.

You wouldn't. I don't talk about it.

I thought I'd have a poker game in his honour,

invite a few people over. If you're interested...

Sure. Why not? Chance to hang out, take your money.

Haha! Good luck with that.

I really gotta go.

I know.

Those homicides won't solve themselves.

Wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Hm, what's going on?

We fell asleep?

- Yeah. - Dad, are you

- driving me or what? - Yeah, I'll be right there.

- Oh, OK. You... - You stay here.

- Stay here, I'll go. - No, I...

- Dad! - Yeah, I'm coming, honey!

Just stay here. Stay here. Go!

Hurry up!

Oh! Hey! Everybody's up

and ready to start a run-of-the-mill old day.

What are you talking about? Did you just get up?

Yeah, I slept through my alarm.

- You never do that. - Set it wrong.

You know, AM, PM; It's crazy, right?

Yeah, that can be a real brain buster.

I think I better take Jules to school.

- Again. - Bye, Mom!

Oh, she's asleep. In her room.

Are you having a stroke? I know a guy, he's got a kid

about your age and he started to babble and poof.

I'm fine, Dad. Goodbye.

OK. Bye.

Oof! Hell of a way to wake up. Although,

who could blame us for needing the extra rest after last night?

Haha! Yeah, Becca, about that...

Nothing we haven't done before.

We'll just chalk it up to stress relief.

Oh, my God! I have to go.

Today is the final callback for the talk show!

Wish me luck.

Hey, I got your message.

- What's going on? - Hey, guys, you wanna take

a pee break? Not together obviously, but...

Thank you.

Love the new digs. Boy, that promotion really paid off, huh?

Hahaha!

We're a little tight on office space right now, OK?

Okay.

What's with the cloak and dagger routine?

OK, look. What I'm telling you right now does not leave

this room. Now there's a woman I've been seeing.

Oh, I'm skeptical already.

Her name is Heather. She works in Court Services.

Oh, let me guess. She's

a little crazy, but it's hot and you want us to find out if she's

- gonna burn down your house? - She screwed up,

and she needs help or she's gonna lose her job.

OK, and why can't you help her?

I can't do it officially, and I can't keep a lid on this

for much longer. So what I'm doing is cashing in

on one of the million bajillion favours that you owe me.

How big a screw-up are we talking?

This morning, Heather got a call to transfer a perp,

name of Galen Baxter, from the hospital

to his bail hearing.

Check it out.

- I'm not seeing a problem here. - Wait for it.

Here they are, arriving at the courthouse.

Is that a rabbit?!

So, where is Galen?

That is the million-dollar question.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -

I found Galen's website.

Turns out he's a professional magician

who specializes in elaborate illusions.

- I'll say. - Shade,

- the rabbit is not Galen. - Yeah, I know.

According to the police report,

Galen was returning from Mexico when he was caught

trying to smuggle some ancient Mayan artifacts.

Hm, looks like some kind of stone monkey.

What would a magician want with this?

No idea. I posted it

in some online archeological forums to see if I could

- find out how valuable it is. - Says his wrist was broken.

He resisted arrest, was transferred to a hospital.

No criminal record, no history of violence;

- why the sudden change? - Maybe it's a publicity stunt.

A low-level magician upping his profile by pulling off

- a major escape. - There's easier ways

to get attention. So do we start with Fugitive 101?

- Talk to his known associates? - Galen's website says

he's a member of the Magic House. It's a magicians' hangout downtown.

Maybe somebody there knows how to make him reappear.

The rabbit stays.

See you later, Galen.

Excuse me. Maybe you could help us.

Welcome to the Magic House.

My name is the Amazing Dwight!

Supposed to be a flower growing out of my hand,

- but clearly, that didn't work. - We'll take your word for it.

Is there someone in charge here?

Krishna the Magnificent owns the club.

I can take you to her, but first...

- Oh no, we don't have time for... - This is a good one,

I promise. Please, just let me have this, OK?

Wow! You should

ditch that flower bit. This one's a showstopper.

It's magnets, right?

Magicians never tell. Krishna's over there

if you would like to go see her.

Thanks.

That was cool.

I started the Magic House 20 years ago

as a place for magicians to hone their craft.

Since then, we've expanded

added the theatre for public shows.

I understand that Galen's been a member here for 10 years.

I knew right away there was something special about Galen.

He's devoted to the art of magic. He's a true master

of misdirection. He's got this signature trick,

Edison's Dream, it's remarkable.

When's the last time he was here?

A week ago, maybe. He's been going down to Mexico

once a month for the past year. He's performing at a resort.

Is that a long way to go for a job?

Not a lot of local gigs to go around. Unless you're

David Blaine, a regular show like that is as good as it gets.

Is there anyone that Galen was close to? A girlfriend maybe?

- Not since Donatella. - "Donatella"?

The Demonic Donatella.

She and Galen had a two-person stage act.

Pretty successful until a year ago.

- What happened? - They split up.

It was out of the blue. Galen wouldn't say why.

I stopped performing over a year ago.

I'm surprised that you found me.

When was the last time you saw Galen?

Not since we broke up.

- You or your act? - Both.

Galen and I are different.

In the beginning, that's what made us work,

but about a year ago, we got into a fight and things fell apart.

Must have been some fight if you quit the business.

Galen thinks that magic can solve

all of life's problems,

and somewhere along the way, I stopped believing.

What is this about anyway?

Galen was arrested last night coming back from Mexico.

What?!

He got caught smuggling Mayan artifacts.

That... that doesn't make sense.

I knew he had a gig down there,

but Galen's not a criminal!

Becca, what's up?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

OK, I'll be right there.

- Trouble in paradise? - Yeah. Becca wants me

to come meet her, says it's some kind of emergency.

Hi-ho, Silver.

Becca! Hey, what's up?

- What's the emergency? - Everything's falling apart.

I keep forgetting my lines, and my mouth is so dry,

and the decor clashes with my suit!

This is why you called me? I was working!

- This is the biggest day of my life! - You say that about everything!

Birthdays, haircuts, sidewalk sales.

Excuse me for caring about the things that make me happy.

Becca, I can't come running every time you have a meltdown!

Come on! You're so good at "pesting" me out of these funks.

- Please, Shadow. Do it. - Fine.

You're one of those

rare women who gets more beautiful with age.

- Like Susan Sarandon. - People used to watch the news

just to see your weather report.

The ratings always skyrocketed whenever I wore a V-neck.

Who's giving this pep talk?

Let's face it, it's not your best work.

Feel free to give the job to someone else.

I just figured it out. You used to be Becca Shade.

And I'm a huge fan of yours, Mr. Shade.

Maggie Melroy. I'm the producer here.

Thanks.

But I'm nothing compared to my ex-wife.

She put up with me for 8 years. Trust me, she can do anything.

Let's hope this job has better benefits.

You two are hilarious together, you know that?

Matt always did say humour was one of my good qualities.

Actually, I said humour was your one good quality.

Only because you can't count any higher.

Hey, listen, if you're not doing anything,

why don't you stick around and watch

the auditions. She's gonna kill it.

False wall.

He's not listening! I'm having flashbacks to our marriage.

I gotta go. Nice to meet you, Maggie.

Is he always this mysterious?

That's Shade for you.

Always keeps you in the dark.

What are we doing

here, Shade? You'll thank me when your girlfriend gets clear of this

and wants to play "Search and Seizure" in your pants.

- Sure this is the right truck? - Uh, yeah.

Krishna told us that Galen was a master at misdirection, right?

He wanted us to focus on the rabbit.

Not the vehicle.

- Telling me he hid in there? - Nice work!

Now all we have to do is find a guy who disappears for a living.

- What exactly are we looking for here? - I'll know it when I see it.

There.

That's Galen.

Two guards go in, three come out.

Son of a bitch hid a uniform behind the wall.

Oh, this makes Heather look even worse.

- How well do you know her? - Why?

If Galen had access to a paddy wagon to build a false wall,

maybe he was working with someone on the inside.

I know what this is. You never like any woman that I date.

- That is not true. - Um, Tabitha, Serena,

- Kyla. - Stalker, hoarder,

- borderline personality disorder. - OK, the last one,

I'll give you, but...

Look, Heather had nothing to do with this. She's a sweet girl,

and her career will be destroyed if we don't find Galen.

Where is his trunk? Galen was in Mexico

for a gig. Wouldn't he have had a trunk filled with magic?

Tricks. Magic tricks.

We checked with the airline. All he brought was carry-on.

- Doesn't that seem a little weird? - Maybe he left it in Mexico.

No. He needs his trunk here; it's part of his act.

- Maybe shipped it separately. - Maybe it's filled with clues

on how we find him. Look at the size of it.

Probably contains every trick he has.

OK, so why don't you two find the trunk,

and I'll find out how Galen got access to the paddy wagon.

And I'll prove to you that Heather's not crazy.

Sounds good. Oh, wait. Just in case, don't let her near the bunny.

Hi there!

I was supposed to pick up a shipment for my boss,

- and I totally forgot. - Do you have a tracking number?

Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, totally should have.

- At some point. - It's a pretty big trunk,

about three by six, decorated

with moons and stars. Guy's name is Galen Baxter.

It's not here. It was claimed earlier today.

By this guy?

I don't exactly remember.

- No. - Seriously?

- Then who did pick it up? - All I have is a squiggly

signature. But that trunk must be something special

- to get so much attention. - What do you mean?

Someone else tried to claim it an hour ago.

Hat, sunglasses.

He seemed really pissed when it was gone.

And he gave me a hundred bucks.

Well, looks like I just saved 40 bucks.

First, Galen disappears, now his trunk...

Maybe there's more to this monkey business than we're seeing.

Oh, come on, it was right there.

Speaking of which, I just got an email from one of the members

of the archaeology forum I posted in.

"Omar Torkia." He's an art collector.

Let's see what he has to say.

One espresso, two coffees.

You know, many people mistake espresso

with a type of bean

or roast. But espresso

is actually just the method by which the coffee is prepared.

So in fact, we are all having coffee.

Neat.

Thanks so much for coming in and talking to us, Mr. Torkia.

I never pass up an opportunity

- to discuss Mayan artifacts. - I understand

- you're an expert on the topic. - Specifically

the classic era, 500 to 800 A.D.

You know, to the ancient Mayans,

the howler monkeys were revered as patrons

- of the arts. - Huh.

Uh, what would something like this go for?

Oh-oh... This is a rare piece.

Part of a set of ten.

"The Stone Monkeys of Calakmul."

Is this a police matter? I notice it's been tagged as evidence.

We're not at liberty to discuss that.

Wow! People really say that?

Actually my first time. Been waiting for the right moment.

Hahaha! Aaah...

On its own, it's hard to assess its value.

But as a complete set of ten,

pheww, it would be worth

at least half a million on the black market.

Antiquities trading is illegal. Collectors are willing

- to pay a hefty premium. - Here we are.

- "The Stone Monkeys of Calakmul." - Ah yes, yes, yes.

That's them!

- Would you like another coffee? - Yes, thank you.

- What's up? - I'm thinking

Galen got arrested with one monkey to distract

from the fact that he had nine more in his trunk.

Which he shipped in separately and which he had someone else

- pick up for him. - And someone else is after.

Hat and sunglasses could be the buyer.

Except he made a monkey out of him. Ha!

Oh, come on, it was right there.

- What's all this? - I don't know,

but a guy could die of thirst waiting for you to get home.

Maggie called.

She loved our audition!

What?!

Wow! OK. Congratulations!

What? Uh, "our audition"?

- The combination... - Heh! Heh! Heh!

- There we go. - The combination

of my effervescence and your former celebrity

was "undeniably electric." Her words,

- darling. - But we weren't auditioning;

- we were fighting! - Potato, potahto.

Maggie talked to her bosses,

and she pitched them a whole new idea for a show.

Instead of Breakfast with Becca,

it's going to be Exes for Breakfast!

Haha!

- Um, I already have a job. - Are you telling me you'd

rather choose going through someone's trash than doing this?

That is not what I do!

- All the time. - This would be our own show.

Our faces would be on millions of TV screens.

And we get to go to all the best parties.

Check out the offer.

Yeah, I knew you'd see it my way.

OK, we have a meeting with Maggie tomorrow

to discuss all the details.

I need to plan an outfit.

Co-hosts! Hee! Hahaha!

So, not celebrating.

- Lay off, Dad. - No, if you don't want

- to do it, just tell her. - Did you see how excited

she was? I don't want to burst her bubble like that.

Pretty tempting though.

The parties, the fame, the cash...

I'm not that guy any more, Dad.

Maybe you should tell Becca that.

Hey, boss, what's up?

I was lying in bed thinking about the case...

I like where this is going so far.

I found something. I just sent you the link.

OK, hold on a sec.

And now for my signature illusion

I call Edison's Dream. I need everyone

to be very, very quiet.

Look familiar?

The Amazing Dwight is an amazing liar.

- Hey, Dwight! - Oh, hey!

You guys want to see another trick?

Maybe there's one of Galen's you want to show us.

You can steal a man's trunk, but not his talent.

I didn't steal anything, so...

So it's just a coincidence you're performing Galen's signature trick?

I stole that, sure, yeah, great,

but it's not what you think. Galen called me from Mexico.

He asked me to pick up his trunk for him on the QT.

- So where is Galen now? - I don't know.

He just asked me to keep it here until he shows up.

And in the meantime, you got greedy.

I just thought if I could master one good trick,

I could finally have a show of my own.

- What else is in the trunk? - That thing is a gold mine.

OK? There's like this shrinking coin trick. You stick it

- in your ear and then... - Just show it to us.

OK, yeah.

I don't see anything.

Let's get it back to the agency.

Tell Galen if he wants it, he can pick it up there.

Hold on.

There's a secret compartment.

Just big enough to hide nine stone monkeys.

Or a bunch of little red pills.

Whoa.

Or a bunch of little red pills.

OK, here we go: Acedrox.

Says here it's an experimental drug that hasn't been

approved yet in Canada. Used in the treatment

of cardiac angiosarcoma, a rare form of cancer.

I can't imagine an experimental drug that treats

an incredibly rare disease has much street value.

Why does Galen have a trunk full of it?

- Sure? Your dad's old office? - Where else are we gonna put it?

I'm not even allowed to go in there.

You're the boss.

Watch out for the...

I meant to tell you. I'm throwing a poker game

in honour of my Dad. The anniversary of his death

- is tomorrow. If you're free... - Yeah, sure. Wouldn't miss it.

It's not gonna be fancy. My dad's idea of a perfect night

is poker, friends, and a bottle of 16-year-old Lagavulin.

- Sounds like Xanadu. - 8 o'clock.

And bring lots of cash 'cause Mama needs a new pair of shoes.

- Hmm... - Hello?

- Ah, hope I'm not interrupting. - What are you doing here?

Did you forget about our meeting?

- Meeting? - Oh, Matt didn't tell you?

The morning show that I auditioned for wants to hire us both!

Oh, I'm Becca by the way.

- We haven't met. - Angie.

Sorry, uh, the... the "morning show"?

Well, It's a tremendous opportunity. I mean, Matt and I would be co-hosting

together. Broadcast live on 16 affiliate stations.

Wow! Congratulations.

Nothing's been decided yet. It wasn't even an audition.

Yeah, but our chemistry was really undeniable.

I mean, they changed the whole format of the show for it

- and everything. - Right. Good luck with that.

Can you lock up when you leave? I don't want just anyone wandering in.

- Angie, wait. - Matt, we have to go.

- I'll meet you in the car. - No, but they specified

that we cannot be late because everyone's gonna be there:

the network and the sponsors, that woman who does the news

- with a beaky nose. Hurry up. - Yeah, I know. I'll be there.

Well, that's some emergency

- you ran off for yesterday. - It's not what you think, OK?

They saw us fighting and came up

with this ridiculous idea about us hosting this show together.

But I'm not gonna take the job.

- Does Becca know that? - She will.

Look, I'm just gonna meet with the producers to pave the way

for her to host the show on her own.

Ange, you gotta believe me.

I'll be back in two hours. You won't even miss me.

Wouldn't bring that up around bonus time.

You pay bonuses?

So I did some digging. It turns out Galen worked

for a few days in the police garage.

He would have had access to paddy wagons, keys, uniforms, schedules.

Well, that's one mystery solved.

And one beautiful woman absolved.

- Did you find the trunk? - Actually, yes.

Oh, and Galen didn't happen to be inside, did he?

No. No. But we did find

a secret compartment full of pills.

OK, so first, he's smuggling artifacts, and now drugs?

We gotta nail this guy.

It's more complicated than that!

I mean, the pill's experimental. It's used to treat

- a rare form of cancer. - What's your point?

Galen didn't bring it in for kicks. It's obviously meant for someone.

Excuse me, are you trying to make feel sorry for this guy?

Alright, he smuggled contraband. He escaped police custody.

Yeah, but it doesn't make sense. I mean, why wouldn't he

put the monkey in the compartment with the drugs?

Why would he walk through customs with it in his pocket?

- I don't know. - Because he planned it that way.

He needed someone to believe that he had been caught. The question is who?

Angie, you're supposed to be helping me.

Not some two-bit magician with a taste for ancient art and cutting-edge medicine.

I'm just trying to figure out what happened.

I just asked you

to find the guy who made my almost-girlfriend look bad.

Look, this is not just about Heather.

My ass is on the line too. If it gets out

that I'm helping her before we get Evil David Copperfield

back in custody, I will lose my promotion. I could lose my job.

- But I just don't think that... - No buts, OK?

Just find Galen, please. That's it.

And that was the last time I set foot in Albuquerque.

Excuse me. Hey, can we steal you for a minute?

Yeah. Duty calls. Nice talking to you guys. Yeah, thank you.

Oh, you seem to be enjoying yourself.

I forgot how much fun these "meetings" could be.

So, that's a head of network over there.

She is a huge fan of yours.

- Oh yeah? Is she single? - Easy, cowboy.

Oh, this is exactly the kind of banter

that is gonna make Exes for Breakfast a big hit.

Yeah, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

OK, listen. I know that this is moving really fast,

and Becca's told me you have some concerns, but you have to

trust me when I tell you, Matt, you're a natural. Charming,

funny and not to mention this bad-boy allure.

People like us belong on camera, babe. Just not married.

Don't answer yet. I have a big surprise for you, and once you see it,

I guarantee you will change your mind.

And you're waiting right here. Don't go anywhere!

Stay right there!

Hey.

I talked to Maz. He says...

The secret to good coffee

is a little salt in the grounds. I made enough

for two. Unless you want some, Conrad?

I'm good.

Mr. Torkia. What can I do for you?

I believe you have something that belongs to me.

You tried to claim the trunk at the shipping depot.

- Hat and sunglasses. - Hahaha!

You know, I had started

to give up hope,

especially when you told me that the police were involved.

But then I met this young magician...

- Dwight. - That's him. Nice guy.

Unfortunately, when I asked him

about the trunk, he tried to hold out on me.

Conrad had to "convince" him

to cooperate.

I hope you'll make it easier on yourself.

If you're looking for the monkeys, I don't have them.

Don't even joke about that. I paid Galen

far too much for them.

No! No!

You give me what I want or first Conrad breaks your office,

then he breaks your bones.

So, one last time, where's the trunk?

Haha! Oh, crap!

I gotta go. Nice to meet you guys.

Oh no, no, no. You're not going anywhere.

- Not until you see your surprise. - What?

Becca mentioned you had a thing for sports cars.

Maybe this might make your decision a little easier.

Angie? Sorry I'm late. I...

What happened? Are you OK?

- Where were you? - I got held up at the party.

Ha! I thought it was a meeting.

- What happened here? - Omar Torkia happened.

- The coffee guy?! - Yeah.

He thinks the monkeys belong to him. He and his goon found out that we had

the trunk, so they paid us a visit. Paid me a visit.

You're acting like I knew this was gonna happen.

Maybe if you would have been here, it wouldn't have.

So this is my fault?

You're the one out playing Ken and Barbie with your ex-wife!

Becca had nothing to do with this!

I don't care about Becca. I care about this business,

and whether or not, you want to be part of it.

Look, my thing went longer than I planned. Give me a break!

I already did! I gave you a job when you had nothing else.

Which I've been auditioning for ever since.

They offered me a job within five minutes!

Hard to resist for a shortcut guy.

Oh. So now we're back here.

Angie Everett's people-never-change theory.

- Call 'em like I see 'em. - No. You see what you wanna see.

No matter what, I'll never be good enough for you

because I'll never be your dad.

You obviously want to take the other job,

so I'll make it easy for you. You're fired.

Don't do me any favours. I quit.

Good! Get out of here!

- Is your mom gone already? - Uh, yeah, yeah.

She said she needed to be at the studio early

because she told them that she was a "winter,"

but the samples that they sent were for an "autumn."

I was hoping to get her to help me pick out a tie.

So you're really doing this, huh?

Sure.

Why?

I-I thought you liked being a P.I.

I do.

I mean, I did.

It's a great opportunity for your mom, honey.

For both of us.

For more money you mean? For Ellard?

Your school fees have nothing to do with this.

Look, if this is what you want to do, then great.

But all I know is it didn't work out

so well last time when you were constantly fighting with Mom.

I'm saying I'm a little surprised we're shooting the camera test already.

Ah, the network was so thrilled that you're taking

the next step, they wanted to test it right away.

Trust me, this is a good thing.

Here you go. OK?

- Hey. - Isn't this exciting?

Yeah.

Have you seen this? Seems a little negative.

Come on,

when you were a sportscaster, didn't you want to say

Gilmour couldn't make ice without a recipe?

Well, yeah, but that was a long time ago. What's Jules

- gonna think of this? - Don't screw this up for me,

alright, Matt? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just...

I'm stressed out. This is a big opportunity for me.

For both of us.

I just think we should tone it down.

Well, I think it just reads negative.

You know, picture saying it with a little wink and a smile.

Give it some of that trademark Matt Shade magic.

Look, just be yourself.

- You'll be fine. - Alright.

Exes For Breakfast camera test, take one.

And...

- action! - Hi, I'm Becca D'Orsay.

And this is my ex-husband, Matt Shade.

- You know him as a hockey player. - And you know her

as the woman who took half my money in the divorce.

If you want to find out why I deserved

all that money and more, join us for...

- Exes For Breakfast! - OK. Cut!

OK. That was great.

Really great.

But I'm gonna need you to say that last line

- together. Remember? - Yeah, right. Sorry about that.

Hey, come here. Let's have a little talk.

Listen.

I get it. It's weird working with your ex.

You don't gotta tell me. That's my ex right over there.

You guys are partners now, OK?

So you're gonna have to commit or else this thing,

it's not gonna work. And if you can't commit,

fake it. Alright? Alright.

Shall we try this again? OK!

Good as new.

Considering my dad picked it up off the curb in the first place.

Hey. Hey, hey. Leave some dust. Clients won't take me seriously.

You're the one who needs to be taking this seriously.

Who the hell were these guys?

It doesn't matter. They wanted the trunk; they got the trunk. End of story.

And where was Shade during all this?

It's just as well Shade wasn't here. He would've

just tried to be the hero and made everything worse.

Must have been

some fight to make you go back to being a lone wolf.

One fight broke up a partnership.

- What are you talking about? - I gotta go.

I think one of my witnesses is lying to me.

What are you doing here?

I had a thought about Donatella.

- Your new job permits that? - Very funny.

I was thinking that her and Galen are still partners, that they faked their breakup.

I had the same thought. It seemed odd

that one fight could break two people up like that.

So I guess one of us should go talk to her.

You can come in, but it doesn't change anything.

I didn't say it did.

I already told you, I don't know where Galen is.

Come on, Donatella!

He's in trouble. You need to tell us how to find him.

So you can turn him over to the police?

Better that than Torkia catching up to him.

Galen can take care of himself.

You know, some woman's gonna lose her job over this, right?

- It's not my problem. - No.

Your problem is that you've run out of meds.

You're the one with the cancer. That's why you stopped performing.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I read about Acedrox online.

If you don't maintain the dose, it loses its effectiveness.

That's why Galen had to go every month.

That's why he was trying to get a big supply, so you wouldn't

run out. That's why you pretended to be broken up.

- Get out of my house! - Let us help.

Tell us how we can find him. We'll figure out some solution.

Like what? Smuggle in the drugs yourself?

And what is the point of living if you don't have a partner?

That's enough! Leave her alone!

Baby, no!

It's OK.

She has nothing to do with this.

I'm the one you want.

How much do you know?

Almost all of it. You can fill in the blanks.

Torkia approached me after one of my shows,

offered me a cut of the 500 grand

if I brought the monkeys back for him.

- So what went wrong? - I'd been going back and forth

to Mexico for a year, but between the cost of the drugs,

the flights, we just...

we couldn't keep up.

I thought of all the good that money could do.

So you used it to buy meds instead.

I know it was wrong.

But I would have done anything to save her.

It's OK.

But what about the paddy wagon?

How did you know which one would come?

They use a paddy wagon for hospital pickups

in case there's a wheelchair.

I memorized the schedule before I left.

And then broke your wrist to seal the deal.

Are you going to turn him in?

We kind of have to.

What about the drugs?

I'm sorry, babe.

I tried. I'm sorry.

Can we tell Mazhari we couldn't find him?

He's got too much riding on this.

But?

But by now, Torkia has probably figured out

there are no monkeys in that trunk, so maybe we can convince

- him to give the drugs back. - How are we gonna do that?

You got an extra 500 grand kicking around?

We'll have to use a little magic of our own.

Welcome to the Magic House.

I must say, I didn't know

you were such grandstanders.

- People rarely surprise me. - Then you're gonna love this.

- What's he doing here? - I'm here to repay my debt.

Speaking of which, where's my money?

Not so fast. Let's see the drugs.

- So, did you bring my money? - Actually, we brought something you might prefer.

I thought that was locked up in police evidence.

We've got friends on the inside.

- Let me see! - Drugs first.

Ohhh...

Ohhh, it's beautiful!

So do we have a deal?

You must be joking.

This is no good without the entire set.

But you know I don't have the others.

I'll just take the drugs back.

Oh, give me a break. They're worthless to you.

Now hand over that case!

Can't say we didn't try.

That wouldn't happen to be an illegal antiquity in your hand

now, would it?

Ta-da!

Hey, Bentworth! I gotta tell you

this turned out pretty great. And your man Galen's

gonna confess? The escape, the smuggling,

- everything? - Probation? Whatever it takes.

This is like Christmas. First, Torkia and his goon,

and now the Magic Man himself.

Good thing we got that monkey off your back.

Yeah... I'm gonna call down to booking.

I'll get a selfie with him and send it to Heather.

So that's your idea of foreplay.

Disturbing.

Hey, hey, hey, aren't you forgetting something?

The meds.

Yeah, right.

So you'll give the pills to Donatella?

Send her my best?

Yeah. I will.

So what happens now?

- With what? - You and me.

- Nothing happens because you quit. - Only because you fired me.

Well, I fired you because you got another job.

I only got another job because I didn't have the first one anymore.

If you had been at the first one, you wouldn't have been

in a position to be offered the second job in the first place!

So that's it? This is goodbye?

I guess it is.

Well, I guess I should leave.

I guess you should.

This is my ex-husband, Matt Shade:

former hockey player, lifetime screw-up.

And this is my ex-wife, Becca D'Orsay:

former weather girl, lifetime nag.

Join us every morning at 9 a.m. where we put

- the "fun" in dysfunction on... - Exes For Breakfast!

Oh, it's you. You scared me!

Sorry. I left my cowbell downstairs.

Wow, that doesn't look like much fun.

These were the early takes. The later ones are much better.

You know, Becca,

I know how much you want this.

And God knows you deserve it.

You more than paid your dues on that weather-girl gig.

And if you insist,

Matt will do it.

But maybe you should think about why

you turned that video off when you heard me coming.

- Hey, guys. - Hey, Matt.

What was that about?

Nothing. How was your day?

It was, uh... It was fine.

Listen,

we need to talk.

- About the show. - You know what? I need to say

something first. Um...

I've been thinking, and

I'm gonna turn down Exes For Breakfast.

- You are? - Yeah.

I don't like the way they're portraying us. You know,

the nagging ex-wife and the boorish ex-husband.

What will Jules think?

Well, you make some valid points.

And of course, if they can't have me, then they won't want you.

- No, of course they won't. - So...

But I feel bad about you missing your opportunity.

Oh, well, I thought

that I might have a casual conversation with Maggie

and see if they're still interested in the whole solo host thing.

- If that's OK with you. - They'd be lucky to have you.

And maybe it's better that we don't work together.

You know, in case we ever wanted to, um...

Listen, that was a really nice illusion,

but I don't think we should let ourselves be fooled by it.

Yeah.

Ha! Ha!

Speaking of fools, do you want

to watch our camera test? I could make some popcorn.

Actually, um...

there's somewhere I need to be.

Won't you quit

sexting long enough to play the poker game, you know?

I'm doing both. Thank you very much.

You hardly have enough for a small blind. After that,

you're gonna have to start throwing clothing into the pot.

See now, that's intriguing.

Great. Now he's gonna start losing on purpose.

What? You mean that wasn't on purpose?

Hey, bring it on. I'm wearing four pairs of underwear.

Oh, isn't it the man who screwed me out

of a drug bust today. Nice work, Houdini.

What? Too soon.

You need me to do something here?

- Let's go get a drink, man. - I have a drink. I wanna see

- how this all plays out. - Now, Mazhari.

Brought this but it looks like you've got everything covered.

Always good to have an extra bottle.

Wanna play a hand?

I've got money.

Thanks to your new TV job.

Actually, I quit.

Seems to be a theme with you.

- What are you gonna do for a job? - I was thinking of talking

to my ex-employer, see if she was willing to bring me back on.

In or out?

In.

All in.

You sure about that?

It's all I got.

I don't think that's a very good bet.

How about I up the ante?

You win? I walk out of here forever.

I win? You hire me back.

Call.

Oof, this isn't looking very good

for you.

Even worse.

I know you're upset.

But I'm done disappearing.

We're a two-person act...

and we both know it.

Let's start a new game.

OK.

I'm gonna take all your money. You better get a drink.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -

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