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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:28,716 --> 00:00:33,716 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:02:12,069 --> 00:02:15,434 Fuck Wolverine. 3 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:18,234 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 4 00:02:18,236 --> 00:02:22,767 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 5 00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:24,934 What a dick. 6 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,334 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 7 00:02:27,336 --> 00:02:29,833 I'm dying in this one, too. 8 00:02:33,002 --> 00:02:35,034 To understand why I took a cat-nap 9 00:02:35,036 --> 00:02:37,434 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 10 00:02:37,436 --> 00:02:38,668 I need to take you back 11 00:02:38,670 --> 00:02:41,234 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 12 00:02:41,236 --> 00:02:42,634 I'd gone international, 13 00:02:42,636 --> 00:02:44,534 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 14 00:02:44,536 --> 00:02:46,135 unspeakable monsters. 15 00:02:46,137 --> 00:02:49,068 People nobody would touch. Except me. 16 00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:51,934 I'm gonna touch them all over. 17 00:02:54,802 --> 00:02:56,767 Hey, it's Gail calling. 18 00:02:56,769 --> 00:02:58,168 Love the shiny suit. 19 00:02:58,170 --> 00:02:59,035 Really brings out 20 00:02:59,037 --> 00:03:00,700 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 21 00:03:02,869 --> 00:03:07,000 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 22 00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:09,068 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 23 00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,900 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 24 00:03:13,969 --> 00:03:16,967 Which literally translates to... 25 00:03:16,969 --> 00:03:20,234 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 26 00:03:29,303 --> 00:03:30,534 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... 27 00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:45,800 I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 28 00:03:45,802 --> 00:03:47,267 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. 29 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,733 Don't make me say it. 30 00:03:48,735 --> 00:03:50,334 Hit it, Dolly. 31 00:04:07,269 --> 00:04:10,136 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 32 00:04:18,269 --> 00:04:19,469 Whoo! Do not go in there! 33 00:04:29,735 --> 00:04:32,833 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 34 00:04:32,835 --> 00:04:36,534 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 35 00:04:36,536 --> 00:04:38,467 Oh, that's so gross. 36 00:04:39,536 --> 00:04:41,102 Fuck. 37 00:04:41,835 --> 00:04:43,937 Scoutmaster Kevin? 38 00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:51,835 Too exotic? 39 00:04:54,203 --> 00:04:55,935 My world tour brought me home 40 00:04:55,937 --> 00:04:58,568 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 41 00:04:58,570 --> 00:05:00,001 But we'll get to him in a moment. 42 00:05:00,003 --> 00:05:01,301 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 43 00:05:01,303 --> 00:05:04,534 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 44 00:05:04,536 --> 00:05:05,935 But that's where you'd be wrong. 45 00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:08,935 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 46 00:05:08,937 --> 00:05:13,401 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 47 00:05:13,403 --> 00:05:14,668 True story. 48 00:05:14,670 --> 00:05:18,434 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 49 00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:21,301 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 50 00:05:21,303 --> 00:05:24,767 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 51 00:05:24,769 --> 00:05:27,501 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 52 00:05:27,503 --> 00:05:31,201 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 53 00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:32,201 But this guy? 54 00:05:32,203 --> 00:05:34,769 He was one of the worst of 'em. 55 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,733 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 56 00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:40,015 and let's kill this motherfucker! 57 00:05:47,269 --> 00:05:49,334 Ugh. So gross. 58 00:05:49,336 --> 00:05:52,034 A panic room? Really? 59 00:05:52,036 --> 00:05:54,234 Can you come out? 60 00:05:54,236 --> 00:05:57,702 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 61 00:06:03,069 --> 00:06:04,568 Over and over, I hear people say, 62 00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:06,067 "I just don't have enough confidence." 63 00:06:06,069 --> 00:06:08,201 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 64 00:06:08,203 --> 00:06:09,733 It's something you create. 65 00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:11,834 And you can create it at any moment in time. 66 00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:13,634 A sense of confidence is nothing 67 00:06:13,636 --> 00:06:15,067 but a sense of power within yourself... 68 00:06:15,069 --> 00:06:17,067 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 69 00:06:17,069 --> 00:06:19,000 Start the car! Start the fucking car! 70 00:06:19,002 --> 00:06:19,868 Dopinder! 71 00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:21,870 Start the fucking car! 72 00:06:28,903 --> 00:06:30,634 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 73 00:06:30,636 --> 00:06:32,901 Actually, that may have been me. 74 00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:34,367 Oh, mission accomplished? 75 00:06:34,369 --> 00:06:36,067 Well, in a George W. Sort of way. 76 00:06:36,069 --> 00:06:38,067 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 77 00:06:38,069 --> 00:06:39,700 Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 78 00:06:39,702 --> 00:06:41,601 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 79 00:06:41,603 --> 00:06:42,868 and who'da thought? 80 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,601 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 81 00:06:45,603 --> 00:06:47,534 Passion of the Christ, then me. 82 00:06:47,536 --> 00:06:48,767 At least domestically. 83 00:06:48,769 --> 00:06:49,967 We beat them overseas, 84 00:06:49,969 --> 00:06:52,034 where there's no such thing as religion. 85 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,201 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 86 00:06:54,203 --> 00:06:56,700 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 87 00:06:56,702 --> 00:06:58,367 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 88 00:06:58,369 --> 00:07:01,668 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 89 00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:03,100 Can't maintain an erection 90 00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:04,767 without buying shoes online? 91 00:07:04,769 --> 00:07:06,767 I've never experienced that last one. 92 00:07:06,769 --> 00:07:08,067 Talk to me, Goose. 93 00:07:08,069 --> 00:07:10,868 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 94 00:07:10,870 --> 00:07:14,267 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 95 00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:15,868 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 96 00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:17,936 You never cease to surprise me. 97 00:07:19,136 --> 00:07:22,067 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 98 00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:23,834 We all need a sense of belonging. 99 00:07:23,836 --> 00:07:25,700 We all need a genuine sense of home. 100 00:07:25,702 --> 00:07:26,768 A place in this world. 101 00:07:26,770 --> 00:07:28,134 I want to become a contract killer. 102 00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:29,834 I'm sorry. What did you say? 103 00:07:29,836 --> 00:07:31,868 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 104 00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,434 and threatened him with great violence? 105 00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:34,834 You kind of killed him. 106 00:07:34,836 --> 00:07:36,801 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 107 00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:37,934 Don't want to. 108 00:07:37,936 --> 00:07:39,000 When Tom Cruise fed 109 00:07:39,002 --> 00:07:40,900 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 110 00:07:40,902 --> 00:07:42,134 for the first time... 111 00:07:42,136 --> 00:07:44,668 and she looked up at his smooth, 112 00:07:44,670 --> 00:07:47,136 handsome face and said... 113 00:07:47,603 --> 00:07:49,301 "I want some more." 114 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:53,336 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 115 00:07:54,269 --> 00:07:56,801 I'll never not picture that. 116 00:07:56,803 --> 00:07:58,634 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 117 00:07:58,636 --> 00:08:00,534 as soon as possible. 118 00:08:00,536 --> 00:08:03,203 We're here. 119 00:08:05,336 --> 00:08:06,234 You're my Tom Cruise! 120 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,201 And you're my Kristen Dunst! 121 00:08:08,203 --> 00:08:09,770 Kristen? Kirsten? 122 00:08:14,636 --> 00:08:16,334 Sorry I'm late. 123 00:08:16,336 --> 00:08:17,834 There was a bunch of 124 00:08:17,836 --> 00:08:19,934 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 125 00:08:19,936 --> 00:08:21,401 - and I had to, uh... - Uh-uh. 126 00:08:21,403 --> 00:08:24,234 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 127 00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:27,000 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 128 00:08:27,002 --> 00:08:28,301 No. 129 00:08:28,303 --> 00:08:29,303 Traffic? 130 00:08:30,002 --> 00:08:31,036 Hmm? 131 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,501 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 132 00:08:33,503 --> 00:08:34,803 Well, come here. 133 00:08:46,269 --> 00:08:48,867 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 134 00:08:48,869 --> 00:08:50,034 Don't you want your surprise? 135 00:08:50,036 --> 00:08:52,102 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 136 00:08:52,736 --> 00:08:54,136 I got one for you, too. 137 00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:56,701 Happy anniversary, baby. 138 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,369 Open, open, open. 139 00:09:00,369 --> 00:09:02,201 Skee-Ball token. 140 00:09:02,203 --> 00:09:03,534 Our first date. 141 00:09:03,536 --> 00:09:04,867 Yup. 142 00:09:04,869 --> 00:09:07,969 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 143 00:09:10,671 --> 00:09:13,167 I'll keep it forever. 144 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,703 Thank you, baby. 145 00:09:15,969 --> 00:09:17,936 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 146 00:09:18,636 --> 00:09:20,102 Oh... 147 00:09:21,203 --> 00:09:23,334 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 148 00:09:23,336 --> 00:09:24,734 I don't know what this is. 149 00:09:24,736 --> 00:09:26,568 My IUD. 150 00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:27,768 A bomb? 151 00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:30,867 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 152 00:09:30,869 --> 00:09:31,934 What, you mean that your... 153 00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:33,800 Baby factory's open for business. 154 00:09:33,802 --> 00:09:35,067 Oh, my God! 155 00:09:35,069 --> 00:09:38,334 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 156 00:09:38,336 --> 00:09:41,401 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 157 00:09:41,403 --> 00:09:44,469 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 158 00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:48,167 Like Cher or Todd. 159 00:09:48,169 --> 00:09:50,134 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 160 00:09:50,136 --> 00:09:51,201 Yes, I do. 161 00:09:51,203 --> 00:09:53,167 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 162 00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:54,169 Let's do that. 163 00:09:55,269 --> 00:09:57,334 ♪ Papa... ♪ 164 00:09:57,336 --> 00:09:59,436 ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ 165 00:10:01,069 --> 00:10:03,669 ♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪ 166 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,069 Does this song sound familiar to you? 167 00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:10,267 May. 168 00:10:10,269 --> 00:10:14,236 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 169 00:10:16,769 --> 00:10:19,134 So weird. 170 00:10:19,136 --> 00:10:21,869 Family was always an F-word to me. 171 00:10:23,069 --> 00:10:27,467 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 172 00:10:27,469 --> 00:10:29,867 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 173 00:10:29,869 --> 00:10:32,169 to draw off of for Todd. 174 00:10:33,203 --> 00:10:35,902 Hey. Look at me. 175 00:10:36,835 --> 00:10:39,169 You are not your father. 176 00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:42,000 Besides... 177 00:10:42,002 --> 00:10:47,069 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 178 00:10:47,869 --> 00:10:48,934 But here's the thing, 179 00:10:48,936 --> 00:10:50,336 isn't that how it always works? 180 00:10:50,869 --> 00:10:52,301 Like in Star Wars, 181 00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:55,100 men are destined to become their father... 182 00:10:55,102 --> 00:10:58,201 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 183 00:10:58,203 --> 00:11:01,700 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 184 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,967 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 185 00:11:03,969 --> 00:11:06,234 Baby, that's Empire. 186 00:11:06,236 --> 00:11:08,902 The point is, kids... 187 00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:13,002 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 188 00:11:13,671 --> 00:11:16,434 Better than we used to be. 189 00:11:16,436 --> 00:11:18,936 You're a lot smarter than I look. 190 00:11:19,769 --> 00:11:21,602 I'm gonna go make dessert. 191 00:11:21,604 --> 00:11:25,967 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 192 00:11:25,969 --> 00:11:28,436 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 193 00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:33,100 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 194 00:11:33,102 --> 00:11:35,167 It's too stripper-y. 195 00:11:35,169 --> 00:11:36,602 Kevin with a "K"! 196 00:11:36,604 --> 00:11:38,869 No, too stripper-y, too. 197 00:11:39,336 --> 00:11:41,100 Uh, Earl! 198 00:11:41,102 --> 00:11:43,602 He's gonna go straight to jail 199 00:11:43,604 --> 00:11:45,800 if we name him Earl. 200 00:11:45,802 --> 00:11:47,902 What about Bruce? 201 00:11:48,902 --> 00:11:50,234 No. 202 00:11:50,236 --> 00:11:51,467 Get down. 203 00:11:51,469 --> 00:11:52,869 What? 204 00:12:21,403 --> 00:12:23,502 Baby? Baby? 205 00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:28,267 I'm okay. 206 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:31,067 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 207 00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:07,036 Please. 208 00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:13,800 Please. Please. 209 00:13:13,802 --> 00:13:17,167 Baby, I'm so sorry. 210 00:13:17,169 --> 00:13:21,036 No! 211 00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:28,936 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 212 00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,234 Is it just me, or does 213 00:16:31,236 --> 00:16:33,368 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 214 00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:34,767 sound suspiciously like 215 00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:36,967 Papa, Can You Hear Me? From Yentl? 216 00:16:37,869 --> 00:16:40,535 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 217 00:16:41,869 --> 00:16:44,267 And nobody fucking realizes it. 218 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:47,500 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 219 00:16:47,502 --> 00:16:49,734 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 220 00:16:49,736 --> 00:16:51,234 after it had become gangrenous. 221 00:16:51,236 --> 00:16:53,567 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 222 00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:55,201 Doesn't make any sense. 223 00:16:55,203 --> 00:16:56,800 I love Frozen. 224 00:16:56,802 --> 00:17:00,334 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 225 00:17:00,336 --> 00:17:01,734 An ocean is water. 226 00:17:01,736 --> 00:17:06,767 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 227 00:17:06,769 --> 00:17:07,934 George Michael was right. 228 00:17:07,936 --> 00:17:10,401 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 229 00:17:10,403 --> 00:17:11,602 He's dead, too. 230 00:17:12,702 --> 00:17:14,700 At least we still have Bowie. 231 00:17:14,702 --> 00:17:18,769 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 232 00:17:19,236 --> 00:17:20,500 I'm sorry. 233 00:17:20,502 --> 00:17:21,834 Shot after shot, 234 00:17:21,836 --> 00:17:23,834 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 235 00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:25,234 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 236 00:17:25,236 --> 00:17:28,267 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 237 00:17:28,269 --> 00:17:30,167 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 238 00:17:30,169 --> 00:17:31,500 There you go, Dopinder. 239 00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:33,468 If you want to be a contract killer... 240 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,934 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 241 00:17:35,936 --> 00:17:37,201 Although I don't quite understand 242 00:17:37,203 --> 00:17:38,500 how they are at all similar. 243 00:17:38,502 --> 00:17:40,936 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 244 00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,533 Go home, Wade. 245 00:17:43,535 --> 00:17:46,434 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 246 00:17:46,436 --> 00:17:48,935 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 247 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:49,800 I'm fine. 248 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,700 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 249 00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:55,500 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 250 00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:56,902 According to the... 251 00:17:58,169 --> 00:17:59,567 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 252 00:17:59,569 --> 00:18:01,533 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 253 00:18:01,535 --> 00:18:04,368 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 254 00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:06,667 Jesus Christ, Buck! 255 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,802 No more speaking lines for you. 256 00:18:44,769 --> 00:18:46,267 "I'm thinking it over!" 257 00:18:46,269 --> 00:18:47,734 Motherfuck! 258 00:18:47,736 --> 00:18:48,736 Fuck! 259 00:18:51,535 --> 00:18:53,234 The hell you doin' here? 260 00:18:53,236 --> 00:18:55,101 Don't you know how to knock? 261 00:18:55,103 --> 00:18:57,134 I thought you saw me... 262 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,533 with your ears. 263 00:18:58,535 --> 00:18:59,901 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 264 00:18:59,903 --> 00:19:00,834 The wall? 265 00:19:00,836 --> 00:19:04,535 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 266 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,734 I heard the news, sweetie. 267 00:19:08,736 --> 00:19:11,034 I'm very sorry. I am. 268 00:19:11,036 --> 00:19:12,834 What am I gonna do, Al? 269 00:19:12,836 --> 00:19:14,769 Probably something terrible. 270 00:19:15,903 --> 00:19:17,234 Knowing you. 271 00:19:17,236 --> 00:19:18,870 It was my fault. 272 00:19:20,036 --> 00:19:22,633 I fucking did this. 273 00:19:22,635 --> 00:19:24,700 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 274 00:19:24,702 --> 00:19:26,736 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 275 00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:30,633 She's gone. 276 00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:34,334 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 277 00:19:34,336 --> 00:19:35,734 It's a little hard to hear you 278 00:19:35,736 --> 00:19:37,201 with that pity dick in your mouth. 279 00:19:37,203 --> 00:19:40,401 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 280 00:19:40,403 --> 00:19:41,633 Thank you... 281 00:19:41,635 --> 00:19:44,700 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 282 00:19:44,702 --> 00:19:46,800 Listen to the pain. 283 00:19:46,802 --> 00:19:49,633 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 284 00:19:49,635 --> 00:19:53,167 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 285 00:19:53,169 --> 00:19:57,101 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 286 00:19:57,103 --> 00:20:00,069 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 287 00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:03,837 Wade? 288 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,267 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 289 00:20:08,269 --> 00:20:11,101 And that is the most beautiful thing 290 00:20:11,103 --> 00:20:13,001 I've ever heard. 291 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,635 You're absolutely right. 292 00:20:18,370 --> 00:20:20,870 I'm about to do something terrible. 293 00:20:24,569 --> 00:20:26,868 There. All caught up. 294 00:20:26,870 --> 00:20:29,801 You can't really live until you've died a little. 295 00:20:29,803 --> 00:20:31,769 Let's test that theory, shall we? 296 00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:46,600 Baby factory's open for business. 297 00:20:50,036 --> 00:20:52,201 Your crazy matches my crazy. 298 00:20:52,203 --> 00:20:54,468 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 299 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,234 Skee-Ball token. 300 00:20:57,837 --> 00:21:00,967 Happy International Women's Day. 301 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,301 Listen, I've been thinking a lot. 302 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,468 Really? 303 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,533 About why we're so good together. 304 00:21:04,535 --> 00:21:05,967 I love you, Wade Wilson. 305 00:21:08,303 --> 00:21:09,837 Ness? 306 00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:12,502 Ness? 307 00:21:13,169 --> 00:21:14,735 Ness. 308 00:21:14,737 --> 00:21:17,602 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 309 00:21:19,036 --> 00:21:21,700 Your heart's not in the right place. 310 00:21:21,702 --> 00:21:24,434 Wait, hold on. What? 311 00:21:24,436 --> 00:21:26,500 Your heart's not in the right place. 312 00:21:26,502 --> 00:21:27,735 Wait. What do you mean 313 00:21:27,737 --> 00:21:29,697 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 314 00:21:48,902 --> 00:21:51,600 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 315 00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:53,301 You're broken. 316 00:21:53,303 --> 00:21:56,770 Oh, God. I know that voice. 317 00:22:00,436 --> 00:22:01,934 "Heart's in the right place." 318 00:22:01,936 --> 00:22:03,533 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 319 00:22:03,535 --> 00:22:05,401 You've been sleep for three days. 320 00:22:05,403 --> 00:22:07,267 I took the liberty of dressing you. 321 00:22:07,269 --> 00:22:08,533 No shit. 322 00:22:08,535 --> 00:22:10,500 Why can't I fucking die? 323 00:22:10,502 --> 00:22:12,134 Take your mask off, Wade. 324 00:22:12,136 --> 00:22:13,701 We must talk. 325 00:22:13,703 --> 00:22:16,234 You need fresh start. 326 00:22:16,236 --> 00:22:18,633 With training, you can be X-Man. 327 00:22:18,635 --> 00:22:20,768 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 328 00:22:20,770 --> 00:22:22,234 I'm not X-Man material. 329 00:22:22,236 --> 00:22:23,902 Understatement of the year. 330 00:22:24,269 --> 00:22:25,269 Wade, Yukio. 331 00:22:25,836 --> 00:22:27,600 Yukio, Wade. 332 00:22:27,602 --> 00:22:29,834 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 333 00:22:29,836 --> 00:22:32,468 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 334 00:22:32,470 --> 00:22:34,434 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 335 00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:36,434 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 336 00:22:36,436 --> 00:22:39,167 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 337 00:22:39,169 --> 00:22:41,067 I like this guy. 338 00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:42,967 Give him a chance. 339 00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,267 It's great seeing you like this. 340 00:22:44,269 --> 00:22:46,602 Yeah. 341 00:22:46,969 --> 00:22:48,067 Bye, Wade! 342 00:22:48,069 --> 00:22:50,668 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 343 00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:53,533 "Rule number one. No killing... 344 00:22:53,535 --> 00:22:56,900 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 345 00:22:56,902 --> 00:22:59,834 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 346 00:22:59,836 --> 00:23:00,836 Wade? 347 00:23:01,737 --> 00:23:02,900 Wade? 348 00:23:02,902 --> 00:23:04,067 Wade! 349 00:23:04,069 --> 00:23:05,701 Don't try to chase me. 350 00:23:05,703 --> 00:23:08,067 I'm not ready to be touched again. 351 00:23:08,069 --> 00:23:10,401 All these elderly white men on the walls... 352 00:23:10,403 --> 00:23:12,234 Should have brought my rape whistle. 353 00:23:12,236 --> 00:23:13,500 Hi. 354 00:23:13,502 --> 00:23:16,167 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 355 00:23:16,169 --> 00:23:18,101 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 356 00:23:18,103 --> 00:23:20,500 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 357 00:23:20,502 --> 00:23:23,301 And how would I do that exactly? 358 00:23:23,303 --> 00:23:26,067 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 359 00:23:26,069 --> 00:23:27,067 It's always just you 360 00:23:27,069 --> 00:23:29,100 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 361 00:23:29,102 --> 00:23:30,367 Enough! 362 00:23:30,369 --> 00:23:32,402 I said no touching! 363 00:23:34,003 --> 00:23:37,268 What the fuck? 364 00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:39,634 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 365 00:23:39,636 --> 00:23:42,133 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 366 00:23:42,135 --> 00:23:44,268 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 367 00:23:44,270 --> 00:23:45,434 What do those do anyway, huh? 368 00:23:45,436 --> 00:23:46,968 Carry him three feet off the ground 369 00:23:46,970 --> 00:23:49,034 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 370 00:23:49,036 --> 00:23:51,201 No, no, no! 371 00:23:51,203 --> 00:23:54,168 I am not X-Man material at all. 372 00:23:54,170 --> 00:23:56,567 First off... 373 00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:58,836 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 374 00:24:00,970 --> 00:24:02,068 I should have left you 375 00:24:02,070 --> 00:24:03,934 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 376 00:24:03,936 --> 00:24:06,968 But this is what friends do. They show up! 377 00:24:06,970 --> 00:24:09,001 Not when convenient or easy. 378 00:24:09,003 --> 00:24:13,334 When hard, and you always make it hard. 379 00:24:13,336 --> 00:24:15,767 You are unwell. 380 00:24:15,769 --> 00:24:18,068 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 381 00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:19,934 Wait. One of the assholes 382 00:24:19,936 --> 00:24:21,536 who killed Vanessa got away. 383 00:24:24,003 --> 00:24:26,367 Oh, Jesus Christ! 384 00:24:26,369 --> 00:24:28,534 Wade, whoever they are... 385 00:24:28,536 --> 00:24:31,569 we track them down and bring them to justice. 386 00:24:31,903 --> 00:24:33,369 It was me. 387 00:24:36,236 --> 00:24:38,801 I'm the asshole who got away. 388 00:24:38,803 --> 00:24:42,001 I killed every last one of them, except me. 389 00:24:42,003 --> 00:24:43,769 Couldn't kill me. 390 00:24:47,003 --> 00:24:49,203 We were gonna start a family. 391 00:24:50,836 --> 00:24:52,834 We were, uh... 392 00:24:54,003 --> 00:24:56,601 We were gonna be a family. 393 00:24:56,603 --> 00:24:57,534 Wade... 394 00:24:57,536 --> 00:25:00,536 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 395 00:25:02,003 --> 00:25:04,300 This may not be family you want... 396 00:25:04,302 --> 00:25:06,867 but it's family you need. 397 00:25:06,869 --> 00:25:08,134 You have a good heart. 398 00:25:08,136 --> 00:25:09,769 It belongs here where it can grow. 399 00:25:11,603 --> 00:25:12,636 What did you say? 400 00:25:14,636 --> 00:25:16,103 About my heart? 401 00:25:21,302 --> 00:25:23,502 I think I'm in the right place. 402 00:26:37,803 --> 00:26:38,803 Wade. 403 00:26:39,402 --> 00:26:40,801 Wade! 404 00:26:40,803 --> 00:26:43,934 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 405 00:26:43,936 --> 00:26:45,734 looking deep into the future. 406 00:26:45,736 --> 00:26:47,035 Phew. This thing... 407 00:26:47,037 --> 00:26:48,934 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 408 00:26:48,936 --> 00:26:50,934 Yes. Yes, it is. 409 00:26:50,936 --> 00:26:52,701 - We have mission. - We have mission. 410 00:26:52,703 --> 00:26:54,667 We do. You do. 411 00:26:54,669 --> 00:26:55,767 You guys be safe out there. 412 00:26:55,769 --> 00:26:58,736 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 413 00:27:00,235 --> 00:27:01,667 I'm sorry, what? 414 00:27:01,669 --> 00:27:03,134 You are ready. 415 00:27:03,136 --> 00:27:04,667 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 416 00:27:04,669 --> 00:27:06,934 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 417 00:27:06,936 --> 00:27:08,069 It's on my head 418 00:27:08,071 --> 00:27:10,167 and smells like Patrick Stewart. 419 00:27:10,169 --> 00:27:12,069 Be at the X-Jet in five. 420 00:27:15,037 --> 00:27:17,567 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 421 00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:19,534 Live here at a breaking news situation 422 00:27:19,536 --> 00:27:22,334 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 423 00:27:22,336 --> 00:27:24,300 A mutant boy is appearing to have 424 00:27:24,302 --> 00:27:25,667 some sort of an incident... 425 00:27:25,669 --> 00:27:27,434 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 426 00:27:27,436 --> 00:27:29,969 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 427 00:27:29,971 --> 00:27:31,334 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 428 00:27:31,336 --> 00:27:32,601 A scene of absolute chaos here. 429 00:27:32,603 --> 00:27:33,500 Calm down. 430 00:27:33,502 --> 00:27:36,469 I'll burn you! You stay back! 431 00:27:37,037 --> 00:27:38,701 Get away from me! 432 00:27:38,703 --> 00:27:41,469 You wanna fucking die? 433 00:27:56,202 --> 00:27:59,601 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 434 00:27:59,603 --> 00:28:01,069 Scatter! 435 00:28:01,071 --> 00:28:02,901 With what appears to be a trainee. 436 00:28:02,903 --> 00:28:06,133 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 437 00:28:06,135 --> 00:28:07,400 We're the X-Men! 438 00:28:07,402 --> 00:28:09,969 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 439 00:28:09,971 --> 00:28:11,869 So, respect. 440 00:28:12,636 --> 00:28:13,836 At ease, Officer. 441 00:28:15,302 --> 00:28:17,135 What are you doing? 442 00:28:17,502 --> 00:28:18,567 My job! 443 00:28:18,569 --> 00:28:20,133 You're the one who said I was ready, 444 00:28:20,135 --> 00:28:21,567 and I frankly disagreed with you. 445 00:28:21,569 --> 00:28:24,133 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 446 00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:26,669 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 447 00:28:27,336 --> 00:28:28,834 "Please, stop cheating on me." 448 00:28:28,836 --> 00:28:29,969 Hey! 449 00:28:29,971 --> 00:28:31,300 This is the fifth incident. 450 00:28:31,302 --> 00:28:33,701 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 451 00:28:33,703 --> 00:28:35,334 Russell belongs in our care. 452 00:28:35,336 --> 00:28:37,133 Not in prison. I assure you... 453 00:28:37,135 --> 00:28:38,267 we have everything under control. 454 00:28:38,269 --> 00:28:39,567 Stay back! I'll burn you! 455 00:28:39,569 --> 00:28:40,601 Not getting a real 456 00:28:40,603 --> 00:28:42,867 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 457 00:28:42,869 --> 00:28:44,734 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 458 00:28:44,736 --> 00:28:47,267 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 459 00:28:47,269 --> 00:28:51,603 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 460 00:28:53,669 --> 00:28:54,801 You wanna die? 461 00:28:54,803 --> 00:28:55,734 This kid's adorable. 462 00:28:55,736 --> 00:28:57,002 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 463 00:28:57,004 --> 00:28:58,400 I'll burn your balls off! 464 00:28:58,402 --> 00:29:01,902 First day. I'm so nervous! 465 00:29:01,904 --> 00:29:03,701 Did you just say "hollow points"? 466 00:29:03,703 --> 00:29:04,902 Yeah, probably should've 467 00:29:04,904 --> 00:29:07,135 brought a Super Soaker. 468 00:29:07,636 --> 00:29:08,636 Hi, there! 469 00:29:09,836 --> 00:29:12,267 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 470 00:29:12,269 --> 00:29:15,836 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 471 00:29:17,102 --> 00:29:18,935 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 472 00:29:18,937 --> 00:29:22,034 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 473 00:29:22,036 --> 00:29:23,634 Okay? Let's just talk! 474 00:29:23,636 --> 00:29:25,200 It's Russell, right? 475 00:29:25,202 --> 00:29:27,434 - Firefist. - Firefist. 476 00:29:27,436 --> 00:29:29,667 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 477 00:29:29,669 --> 00:29:31,469 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 478 00:29:36,369 --> 00:29:39,001 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 479 00:29:39,003 --> 00:29:41,667 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 480 00:29:41,669 --> 00:29:44,734 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 481 00:29:44,736 --> 00:29:46,267 Just stand down! 482 00:29:46,269 --> 00:29:48,567 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 483 00:29:49,636 --> 00:29:52,434 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 484 00:29:56,837 --> 00:30:00,868 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 485 00:30:00,870 --> 00:30:02,200 Put your hands behind your knees 486 00:30:02,202 --> 00:30:03,902 and get down on your head! Now! 487 00:30:03,904 --> 00:30:06,100 Wade! What was first rule? 488 00:30:06,102 --> 00:30:07,902 Label everything in the refrigerator! 489 00:30:07,904 --> 00:30:10,667 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 490 00:30:10,669 --> 00:30:12,233 That's the exact opposite 491 00:30:12,235 --> 00:30:13,736 of what they're meant for! 492 00:30:14,669 --> 00:30:16,467 Fuck! Fine! 493 00:30:16,469 --> 00:30:18,200 I'll start from the beginning. 494 00:30:18,202 --> 00:30:20,767 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 495 00:30:20,769 --> 00:30:22,703 - Trainee! - Shut it! 496 00:30:23,636 --> 00:30:25,870 Look, I get it. 497 00:30:27,003 --> 00:30:28,703 All right, you're scared. 498 00:30:29,336 --> 00:30:30,233 Alone. 499 00:30:30,235 --> 00:30:31,334 You got no family. 500 00:30:31,336 --> 00:30:32,400 I didn't have a family, either. 501 00:30:32,402 --> 00:30:34,200 You live in this dump. Guess what? 502 00:30:34,202 --> 00:30:36,701 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 503 00:30:36,703 --> 00:30:39,434 But you know something? To make matters worse... 504 00:30:39,436 --> 00:30:41,300 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 505 00:30:41,302 --> 00:30:45,034 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 506 00:30:45,036 --> 00:30:47,001 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 507 00:30:54,169 --> 00:30:56,200 That was effervescent. 508 00:30:56,202 --> 00:30:58,634 Stay in school, kid. 509 00:30:58,636 --> 00:31:00,434 Or don't. I didn't. 510 00:31:00,436 --> 00:31:02,334 And I'm an X-Man. 511 00:31:02,336 --> 00:31:03,467 Trainee. 512 00:31:03,469 --> 00:31:04,701 Fuck it! 513 00:31:04,703 --> 00:31:06,502 Superhero landing coming up! 514 00:31:10,135 --> 00:31:11,802 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 515 00:31:11,804 --> 00:31:13,835 That is so not practical. 516 00:31:34,402 --> 00:31:36,400 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 517 00:31:36,402 --> 00:31:37,701 Trainee! 518 00:31:37,703 --> 00:31:38,667 Trainee! 519 00:31:38,669 --> 00:31:40,601 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 520 00:31:40,603 --> 00:31:43,869 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 521 00:31:45,804 --> 00:31:47,267 What's that do? 522 00:31:47,269 --> 00:31:48,901 Power-dampening collar. 523 00:31:48,903 --> 00:31:50,200 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 524 00:31:50,202 --> 00:31:52,835 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 525 00:31:52,837 --> 00:31:56,133 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 526 00:31:56,135 --> 00:31:57,502 Thank you! 527 00:31:59,102 --> 00:32:01,601 That was absolutely thrilling. 528 00:32:01,603 --> 00:32:03,735 True heroism in action. 529 00:32:03,737 --> 00:32:05,469 We are in your debt. 530 00:32:06,102 --> 00:32:07,901 We can take it from here. 531 00:32:07,903 --> 00:32:10,100 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 532 00:32:10,102 --> 00:32:11,367 Anywhere's better than here. 533 00:32:11,369 --> 00:32:12,534 Believe me, son, 534 00:32:12,536 --> 00:32:14,200 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 535 00:32:14,202 --> 00:32:16,233 Let's get you inside, young man. 536 00:32:16,235 --> 00:32:18,233 No, wait, wait. Wait. 537 00:32:18,235 --> 00:32:19,836 You guys stay there. 538 00:32:29,836 --> 00:32:31,536 Those guys hurt you? 539 00:32:32,869 --> 00:32:34,102 Who? 540 00:32:35,936 --> 00:32:38,670 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 541 00:32:40,036 --> 00:32:41,636 Both of 'em? 542 00:32:45,737 --> 00:32:47,001 Oh, fuck it. 543 00:32:47,003 --> 00:32:48,668 Four or five moments! 544 00:32:48,670 --> 00:32:49,735 I'm sorry? 545 00:32:49,737 --> 00:32:53,102 Four or five moments! 546 00:32:54,102 --> 00:32:57,102 That's all it takes to be a hero. 547 00:32:57,936 --> 00:33:00,200 People think you wake up a hero... 548 00:33:00,202 --> 00:33:02,367 brush your teeth a hero... 549 00:33:02,369 --> 00:33:05,534 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 550 00:33:06,603 --> 00:33:10,603 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 551 00:33:11,869 --> 00:33:13,500 A few moments... 552 00:33:13,502 --> 00:33:16,400 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 553 00:33:19,737 --> 00:33:20,836 No! 554 00:33:23,369 --> 00:33:24,867 Stand down! Hold your fire! 555 00:33:24,869 --> 00:33:27,100 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 556 00:33:27,102 --> 00:33:28,534 That kid was abused! You can tell. 557 00:33:28,536 --> 00:33:30,233 - You can always tell! - We have rules! 558 00:33:30,235 --> 00:33:33,100 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 559 00:33:33,102 --> 00:33:36,100 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 560 00:33:36,102 --> 00:33:37,702 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 561 00:33:37,704 --> 00:33:41,235 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 562 00:33:44,135 --> 00:33:46,400 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 563 00:33:46,402 --> 00:33:49,001 Take them to the Ice Box. 564 00:34:10,204 --> 00:34:11,204 Hey, baby! 565 00:34:12,069 --> 00:34:14,501 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 566 00:34:14,503 --> 00:34:15,900 Yeah! 567 00:34:15,902 --> 00:34:18,303 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - Hi. 568 00:34:20,204 --> 00:34:21,204 Go! 569 00:34:24,369 --> 00:34:25,769 Hard left, douchebag. 570 00:34:29,902 --> 00:34:32,135 Please, after you. 571 00:34:32,137 --> 00:34:34,534 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. 572 00:34:34,536 --> 00:34:35,668 God bless America. 573 00:34:35,670 --> 00:34:36,934 Let's get a taco. 574 00:34:40,536 --> 00:34:43,204 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 575 00:35:15,204 --> 00:35:18,467 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 576 00:35:18,469 --> 00:35:20,135 Toilet paper. 577 00:35:20,137 --> 00:35:23,534 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 578 00:35:23,536 --> 00:35:25,733 But, then... 579 00:35:25,735 --> 00:35:28,301 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 580 00:35:28,303 --> 00:35:29,700 That's your main course. 581 00:35:29,702 --> 00:35:33,334 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 582 00:35:33,336 --> 00:35:36,634 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 583 00:35:36,636 --> 00:35:38,234 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 584 00:35:38,236 --> 00:35:39,934 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 585 00:35:39,936 --> 00:35:41,202 if you can get you a hair dryer. 586 00:35:41,204 --> 00:35:43,869 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 587 00:35:47,436 --> 00:35:48,436 The fuck? 588 00:35:49,636 --> 00:35:50,869 Year? 589 00:35:51,670 --> 00:35:52,869 What? 590 00:35:53,802 --> 00:35:55,634 What year is it? 591 00:35:55,636 --> 00:35:57,700 What kind of dumb-ass question is that to ask? 592 00:36:16,902 --> 00:36:19,401 You're a long way from your superpowers. 593 00:36:19,403 --> 00:36:20,568 Yeah. 594 00:36:24,236 --> 00:36:25,367 Fuck! 595 00:36:25,369 --> 00:36:27,135 I wanted to be a superhero. 596 00:36:27,137 --> 00:36:29,401 Always wanted a real super suit. 597 00:36:29,403 --> 00:36:31,068 What happened? 598 00:36:31,070 --> 00:36:33,190 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 599 00:36:33,702 --> 00:36:35,334 Never. 600 00:36:35,336 --> 00:36:37,733 The industry discriminates. 601 00:36:37,735 --> 00:36:39,469 Fuck superheroes. 602 00:36:40,137 --> 00:36:41,334 Fuck everyone. 603 00:36:41,336 --> 00:36:44,434 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 604 00:36:44,436 --> 00:36:46,501 burn the headmaster alive... 605 00:36:46,503 --> 00:36:50,001 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 606 00:36:50,003 --> 00:36:52,267 Who says prison isn't reformative? 607 00:36:52,269 --> 00:36:54,070 Fucker hates mutants. 608 00:36:54,869 --> 00:36:56,434 Blessed are the wicked 609 00:36:56,436 --> 00:36:58,702 who are healed by my hand. 610 00:36:59,137 --> 00:37:00,369 Your abilities. 611 00:37:01,769 --> 00:37:04,167 I know how seductive they are. 612 00:37:06,369 --> 00:37:07,700 Now, please don't cry. 613 00:37:14,403 --> 00:37:18,303 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 614 00:37:18,902 --> 00:37:20,234 and we'll make him our... 615 00:37:24,003 --> 00:37:25,501 What was that? 616 00:37:25,503 --> 00:37:28,001 That is the biggest guy in here. 617 00:37:28,003 --> 00:37:30,301 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 618 00:37:30,303 --> 00:37:32,001 though no one's ever seen it, 619 00:37:32,003 --> 00:37:34,401 they keep a monster in the basement. 620 00:37:34,403 --> 00:37:36,035 Right next to a huge, 621 00:37:36,037 --> 00:37:37,869 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 622 00:37:38,369 --> 00:37:39,369 Look. 623 00:37:40,369 --> 00:37:42,601 I can't protect you. 624 00:37:42,603 --> 00:37:43,767 With this collar on, 625 00:37:43,769 --> 00:37:46,900 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 626 00:37:46,902 --> 00:37:50,501 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 627 00:37:50,503 --> 00:37:52,601 Now, if you'll excuse me... 628 00:37:52,603 --> 00:37:55,867 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 629 00:37:55,869 --> 00:37:58,167 I'll start by making us a shank. 630 00:37:58,169 --> 00:38:00,167 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 631 00:38:00,169 --> 00:38:02,434 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 632 00:38:02,436 --> 00:38:04,467 if you know what I'm saying. 633 00:38:04,469 --> 00:38:06,968 Prison wallet? 634 00:38:06,970 --> 00:38:09,403 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 635 00:38:11,636 --> 00:38:14,534 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 636 00:38:18,902 --> 00:38:20,434 And to update you 637 00:38:20,436 --> 00:38:21,833 on the story reported earlier, 638 00:38:21,835 --> 00:38:23,267 after a lengthy standoff 639 00:38:23,269 --> 00:38:26,067 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 640 00:38:26,069 --> 00:38:27,568 two mutants were arrested 641 00:38:27,570 --> 00:38:29,201 and transported to the Ice Box... 642 00:38:29,203 --> 00:38:30,903 Entering repair mode. 643 00:38:35,069 --> 00:38:36,401 Several police cars were destroyed 644 00:38:36,403 --> 00:38:38,802 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 645 00:38:59,735 --> 00:39:01,767 Cells seven and nine 646 00:39:01,769 --> 00:39:05,301 now off-limits for medical personnel. 647 00:39:05,303 --> 00:39:06,733 Cells seven and nine 648 00:39:06,735 --> 00:39:09,369 now off-limits for medical personnel. 649 00:39:11,336 --> 00:39:12,835 Psst! 650 00:39:15,203 --> 00:39:17,167 Don't do that. 651 00:39:17,169 --> 00:39:20,334 What? Why are you winking at me? 652 00:39:24,203 --> 00:39:25,501 I got your back. 653 00:39:25,503 --> 00:39:26,700 Oh, my God. 654 00:39:26,702 --> 00:39:28,201 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 655 00:39:28,203 --> 00:39:30,303 Just leave me alone, kid. 656 00:39:31,303 --> 00:39:32,369 Oh, great. 657 00:39:34,036 --> 00:39:36,700 Well, hello there, new fish. 658 00:39:36,702 --> 00:39:39,767 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 659 00:39:39,769 --> 00:39:42,000 I've done some light catalog work... 660 00:39:42,002 --> 00:39:44,634 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 661 00:39:44,636 --> 00:39:47,301 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 662 00:39:47,303 --> 00:39:50,834 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 663 00:39:50,836 --> 00:39:53,401 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 664 00:39:53,403 --> 00:39:56,935 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 665 00:39:56,937 --> 00:39:59,668 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 666 00:39:59,670 --> 00:40:02,067 You don't look like much to me. 667 00:40:02,069 --> 00:40:04,767 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 668 00:40:04,769 --> 00:40:06,767 find the biggest guy and make him your... 669 00:40:10,702 --> 00:40:12,901 Second biggest guy. 670 00:40:12,903 --> 00:40:15,201 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 671 00:40:15,203 --> 00:40:18,767 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 672 00:40:18,769 --> 00:40:20,767 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 673 00:40:21,937 --> 00:40:24,134 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 674 00:40:24,136 --> 00:40:26,733 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 675 00:40:26,735 --> 00:40:29,036 Zip it. We're not friends. 676 00:40:30,603 --> 00:40:31,883 You're about to get dick-slapped. 677 00:40:44,236 --> 00:40:46,134 I had so much fun! You were like... 678 00:40:46,136 --> 00:40:48,367 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 679 00:40:48,369 --> 00:40:50,000 Just let me die in peace. 680 00:40:50,002 --> 00:40:52,234 We make a great team! 681 00:40:52,236 --> 00:40:54,868 Oh, God! We're not a team. 682 00:40:54,870 --> 00:40:59,034 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 683 00:40:59,036 --> 00:41:01,870 We're not partners or friends. 684 00:41:03,002 --> 00:41:05,201 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 685 00:41:05,203 --> 00:41:07,367 It ends with me dying of cancer... 686 00:41:07,369 --> 00:41:11,401 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 687 00:41:12,736 --> 00:41:14,501 There's only one person in this world 688 00:41:14,503 --> 00:41:16,269 that I care about, and she's gone. 689 00:41:17,902 --> 00:41:21,067 You wanna survive? 690 00:41:21,069 --> 00:41:24,434 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 691 00:41:24,436 --> 00:41:26,436 and make friends with them. 692 00:41:27,670 --> 00:41:29,336 Make friends with someone. 693 00:41:30,303 --> 00:41:32,469 Anyone but me. 694 00:41:33,336 --> 00:41:35,803 Maybe even Black Tim. 695 00:41:36,536 --> 00:41:38,034 Black Evan, I don't know. 696 00:41:38,036 --> 00:41:40,836 All I remember is he was African-American. 697 00:42:26,736 --> 00:42:29,034 System malfunctioning. 698 00:42:29,036 --> 00:42:32,067 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 699 00:42:32,069 --> 00:42:34,667 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 700 00:42:34,669 --> 00:42:38,036 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 701 00:42:39,003 --> 00:42:40,702 Searching. 702 00:42:42,069 --> 00:42:44,669 Cell 04 located. 703 00:42:45,936 --> 00:42:47,867 Door won't open! 704 00:42:47,869 --> 00:42:49,769 On your fucking knees! 705 00:43:26,471 --> 00:43:28,236 That was our cell. 706 00:43:30,136 --> 00:43:32,567 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 707 00:43:32,569 --> 00:43:33,902 with a Winter Soldier arm? 708 00:43:43,471 --> 00:43:45,069 Get away from me, kid! 709 00:43:52,437 --> 00:43:53,902 Listen to me! Go! 710 00:43:59,136 --> 00:44:00,736 Hello, Russell. 711 00:45:24,169 --> 00:45:25,635 Hello, superpowers. 712 00:45:43,535 --> 00:45:44,736 Who are you? 713 00:45:45,470 --> 00:45:46,836 I'm Batman. 714 00:45:58,103 --> 00:45:59,103 Ooh! 715 00:46:03,736 --> 00:46:06,836 Oh. That's got some zip. 716 00:46:14,769 --> 00:46:18,335 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 717 00:46:18,337 --> 00:46:19,800 Talk! 718 00:46:19,802 --> 00:46:21,667 What kind of spineless shit stick 719 00:46:21,669 --> 00:46:23,502 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 720 00:46:24,403 --> 00:46:25,734 You might wanna start talking! 721 00:46:25,736 --> 00:46:28,602 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 722 00:46:29,669 --> 00:46:31,667 The name's Cable. 723 00:46:31,669 --> 00:46:35,134 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 724 00:46:35,136 --> 00:46:36,434 Oh! 725 00:46:36,436 --> 00:46:38,434 So, you're from the future. 726 00:46:38,436 --> 00:46:40,434 I have three questions then. 727 00:46:40,436 --> 00:46:43,934 One, is dubstep still a thing? 728 00:46:43,936 --> 00:46:46,967 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 729 00:46:46,969 --> 00:46:49,934 And three, at what point do audiences say... 730 00:46:49,936 --> 00:46:51,270 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 731 00:47:34,569 --> 00:47:36,633 Dubstep's for pussies. 732 00:47:36,635 --> 00:47:37,900 You're so dark! 733 00:47:37,902 --> 00:47:40,069 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 734 00:47:40,969 --> 00:47:42,468 I love dubstep! 735 00:48:08,470 --> 00:48:09,900 Is that a fanny pack? 736 00:48:09,902 --> 00:48:13,567 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 737 00:48:13,569 --> 00:48:15,700 Something to remember you by. 738 00:48:15,702 --> 00:48:19,533 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 739 00:48:19,535 --> 00:48:22,036 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 740 00:48:31,569 --> 00:48:33,900 Why are you protecting the kid? 741 00:48:34,902 --> 00:48:37,368 I don't give a fuck about him... 742 00:48:37,370 --> 00:48:39,902 and his Are You My Mother? Complex! 743 00:48:42,370 --> 00:48:43,769 What's this one do? 744 00:48:57,502 --> 00:48:59,034 In every film, there's a moment 745 00:48:59,036 --> 00:49:01,567 when the hero hits rock bottom. 746 00:49:01,569 --> 00:49:03,567 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 747 00:49:03,569 --> 00:49:05,267 prized bobsled broke. 748 00:49:05,269 --> 00:49:08,533 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 749 00:49:08,535 --> 00:49:10,334 signed on to be in that movie. 750 00:49:10,336 --> 00:49:12,368 But in this film, well... 751 00:49:12,370 --> 00:49:13,700 you're looking at it. 752 00:49:13,702 --> 00:49:15,702 On your fucking knees, mutant. 753 00:49:18,370 --> 00:49:19,569 Rock... 754 00:49:23,403 --> 00:49:25,003 meet bottom. 755 00:49:35,470 --> 00:49:36,867 I love you, Wade Wilson. 756 00:49:36,869 --> 00:49:38,070 Ness? 757 00:49:39,070 --> 00:49:40,635 Hey, Ness! 758 00:49:41,336 --> 00:49:43,168 Ness, can you let me in? 759 00:49:43,170 --> 00:49:45,502 Please! Please. 760 00:49:47,336 --> 00:49:48,468 Jesus. 761 00:49:51,370 --> 00:49:53,201 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 762 00:49:53,203 --> 00:49:55,102 I'm at the end of my rope. 763 00:49:57,436 --> 00:49:59,767 Then I joined the X-Men. 764 00:49:59,769 --> 00:50:01,836 I went to prison. I, uh... 765 00:50:05,902 --> 00:50:07,502 Is it the kid? 766 00:50:09,137 --> 00:50:12,269 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 767 00:50:13,602 --> 00:50:14,802 The kid! 768 00:50:28,303 --> 00:50:29,867 That's exactly what she meant. 769 00:50:29,869 --> 00:50:31,401 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 770 00:50:31,403 --> 00:50:33,201 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 771 00:50:33,203 --> 00:50:36,002 He's never had anyone, ever. 772 00:50:36,004 --> 00:50:37,301 I need to be selfless. 773 00:50:37,303 --> 00:50:39,301 Yeah, but what does that mean? 774 00:50:39,303 --> 00:50:42,600 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 775 00:50:42,602 --> 00:50:44,068 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 776 00:50:44,070 --> 00:50:47,167 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 777 00:50:47,169 --> 00:50:49,368 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 778 00:50:49,370 --> 00:50:51,035 I literally don't know what that means. 779 00:50:51,037 --> 00:50:52,002 Jesus Christ. 780 00:50:52,004 --> 00:50:54,834 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 781 00:50:54,836 --> 00:50:56,934 those muties are being transferred 782 00:50:56,936 --> 00:50:58,600 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 783 00:50:58,602 --> 00:51:00,500 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 784 00:51:00,502 --> 00:51:02,667 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 785 00:51:02,669 --> 00:51:04,700 We're talking about an armored convoy... 786 00:51:04,702 --> 00:51:06,900 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 787 00:51:06,902 --> 00:51:09,767 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 788 00:51:09,769 --> 00:51:11,334 You know what we need to do? 789 00:51:11,336 --> 00:51:13,267 We need to build a fucking team. 790 00:51:13,269 --> 00:51:15,434 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 791 00:51:15,436 --> 00:51:16,734 and young enough so they can carry 792 00:51:16,736 --> 00:51:18,201 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 793 00:51:18,203 --> 00:51:19,937 My body is an instrument of death. 794 00:51:21,103 --> 00:51:22,600 Not now, Dopinder. 795 00:51:22,602 --> 00:51:24,667 I could be of great use. 796 00:51:24,669 --> 00:51:26,535 What's your superpower? 797 00:51:27,802 --> 00:51:29,600 - Courage. - That's adorable. 798 00:51:29,602 --> 00:51:31,201 Do you have the courage to check and see... 799 00:51:31,203 --> 00:51:33,935 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 800 00:51:33,937 --> 00:51:34,800 Yes, sir. 801 00:51:34,802 --> 00:51:36,267 I'm sorry you had to see that, 802 00:51:36,269 --> 00:51:38,567 although I'm glad you heard it. 803 00:51:38,569 --> 00:51:40,533 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 804 00:51:40,535 --> 00:51:42,767 But we're not paying medical or dental. 805 00:51:42,769 --> 00:51:45,004 It's time to get back on Linkedln. 806 00:52:22,802 --> 00:52:26,334 Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 807 00:52:26,336 --> 00:52:27,434 Oi. 808 00:52:27,436 --> 00:52:28,834 What the fuck do you want? 809 00:52:28,836 --> 00:52:30,800 That's my fucking pudding. 810 00:52:30,802 --> 00:52:32,700 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 811 00:52:54,069 --> 00:52:55,069 Hello? 812 00:52:57,303 --> 00:52:59,769 I know you're in there. 813 00:53:15,236 --> 00:53:17,837 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 814 00:53:18,736 --> 00:53:21,201 Lonely at the top, eh? 815 00:53:21,203 --> 00:53:23,169 They're moving us tomorrow. 816 00:53:25,535 --> 00:53:28,533 Maybe I can get you out of here. 817 00:53:28,535 --> 00:53:31,870 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 818 00:53:33,535 --> 00:53:35,535 We need a secret code. 819 00:53:38,403 --> 00:53:41,203 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 820 00:53:48,269 --> 00:53:49,734 We're a team. 821 00:53:49,736 --> 00:53:51,734 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 822 00:53:51,736 --> 00:53:55,700 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 823 00:53:55,702 --> 00:53:58,134 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 824 00:53:58,136 --> 00:53:59,001 I like that. 825 00:53:59,003 --> 00:54:00,868 Terrific, these are all terrific. 826 00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:02,500 Meet Bedlam. 827 00:54:02,502 --> 00:54:04,967 Cool name! Superpowers? 828 00:54:04,969 --> 00:54:06,001 I can distort 829 00:54:06,003 --> 00:54:07,533 electrical fields. 830 00:54:07,535 --> 00:54:09,734 Including the one inside your brain... 831 00:54:09,736 --> 00:54:12,434 causing anxiety, confusion... 832 00:54:12,436 --> 00:54:13,736 pain. 833 00:54:14,569 --> 00:54:16,700 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 834 00:54:16,702 --> 00:54:18,003 We can use him. 835 00:54:19,602 --> 00:54:21,368 I'm Zeitgeist. 836 00:54:21,370 --> 00:54:22,633 Cool. I like it. 837 00:54:22,635 --> 00:54:23,900 So you have the power 838 00:54:23,902 --> 00:54:26,535 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 839 00:54:27,370 --> 00:54:28,533 No. 840 00:54:28,535 --> 00:54:30,234 No, I spit acidic vomit. 841 00:54:30,236 --> 00:54:31,368 - Oh. - Do you want me 842 00:54:31,370 --> 00:54:32,700 - to demonstrate? - No! 843 00:54:32,702 --> 00:54:34,067 We'll take your word for it. 844 00:54:34,069 --> 00:54:36,309 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 845 00:54:36,470 --> 00:54:39,169 And this is the Vanisher. 846 00:54:42,436 --> 00:54:43,635 But... 847 00:54:44,569 --> 00:54:46,201 Vanisher! 848 00:54:48,569 --> 00:54:50,502 Nice! Right? 849 00:54:51,535 --> 00:54:52,667 He's not here, is he? 850 00:54:52,669 --> 00:54:54,502 He may be running late. 851 00:54:55,669 --> 00:54:58,567 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 852 00:54:58,569 --> 00:54:59,867 That's good, yeah. 853 00:54:59,869 --> 00:55:01,934 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 854 00:55:01,936 --> 00:55:04,835 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 855 00:55:04,837 --> 00:55:07,067 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 856 00:55:07,069 --> 00:55:08,633 How does that, uh, help us? 857 00:55:08,635 --> 00:55:11,600 I'm basically better than you at everything. 858 00:55:11,602 --> 00:55:13,401 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 859 00:55:13,403 --> 00:55:14,900 that are worse than me at everything. 860 00:55:14,902 --> 00:55:17,101 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 861 00:55:17,103 --> 00:55:19,334 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 862 00:55:19,336 --> 00:55:20,401 Isn't that Canada? 863 00:55:20,403 --> 00:55:22,936 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 864 00:55:24,269 --> 00:55:25,701 - Meet... - Domino. 865 00:55:25,703 --> 00:55:27,934 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 866 00:55:27,936 --> 00:55:30,067 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 867 00:55:30,069 --> 00:55:31,267 I don't know yet. 868 00:55:31,269 --> 00:55:32,401 What's that supposed to mean? 869 00:55:32,403 --> 00:55:33,867 It means that I don't know yet. 870 00:55:33,869 --> 00:55:35,468 But there's a reason why I'm here, 871 00:55:35,470 --> 00:55:36,600 and I'll know when I know. 872 00:55:36,602 --> 00:55:38,234 Everything usually works out for me. 873 00:55:38,236 --> 00:55:39,934 Luck isn't a superpower. 874 00:55:39,936 --> 00:55:41,468 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 875 00:55:41,470 --> 00:55:42,735 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 876 00:55:42,737 --> 00:55:44,167 - Mmm-hmm. - Mario No-pez. 877 00:55:44,169 --> 00:55:45,301 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 878 00:55:45,303 --> 00:55:46,401 No, it definitely is. I really... 879 00:55:46,403 --> 00:55:47,468 There's no way that it... 880 00:55:47,470 --> 00:55:49,001 Sorry, I was interrupting you. 881 00:55:49,003 --> 00:55:50,533 - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. - No, no, no. You can go first. 882 00:55:50,535 --> 00:55:52,001 Oh, I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 883 00:55:52,003 --> 00:55:54,768 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 884 00:55:54,770 --> 00:55:56,533 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 885 00:55:56,535 --> 00:55:59,668 - But it is. - Okay. 886 00:55:59,670 --> 00:56:01,401 - You're hired! - You're hired. 887 00:56:01,403 --> 00:56:02,735 Oh, lucky me. 888 00:56:02,737 --> 00:56:03,936 She's great. 889 00:56:05,203 --> 00:56:06,768 And last, but not least... 890 00:56:06,770 --> 00:56:07,869 Peter. 891 00:56:08,902 --> 00:56:11,567 Am I getting catfished here or...? 892 00:56:11,569 --> 00:56:13,401 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 893 00:56:13,403 --> 00:56:15,234 No. 894 00:56:15,236 --> 00:56:16,834 I don't have one. 895 00:56:16,836 --> 00:56:20,103 Um, I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 896 00:56:21,036 --> 00:56:22,201 You're in. 897 00:56:22,203 --> 00:56:23,869 - Yeah. - Fuck! 898 00:56:26,403 --> 00:56:28,136 It's fulfilling work. 899 00:56:32,470 --> 00:56:33,902 Let's go! 900 00:56:48,103 --> 00:56:51,201 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 901 00:56:51,203 --> 00:56:52,703 We are en route. 902 00:56:59,769 --> 00:57:02,470 Peacetime makes people soft. 903 00:57:03,936 --> 00:57:05,769 I was born into war. 904 00:57:07,203 --> 00:57:08,536 Bred into it. 905 00:57:09,270 --> 00:57:10,367 Okay. 906 00:57:10,369 --> 00:57:12,069 People think they understand pain. 907 00:57:13,270 --> 00:57:15,636 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 908 00:57:17,602 --> 00:57:18,867 These restraints are pretty... 909 00:57:18,869 --> 00:57:19,869 I've got a list. 910 00:57:21,203 --> 00:57:23,370 We're gonna work down it. 911 00:57:23,936 --> 00:57:24,936 Together. 912 00:57:26,069 --> 00:57:29,134 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 913 00:57:29,136 --> 00:57:31,434 Something that was not meant to bend. 914 00:57:31,436 --> 00:57:32,534 I'm gonna stop you right there 915 00:57:32,536 --> 00:57:33,901 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 916 00:57:33,903 --> 00:57:35,234 I won't even make it to one. 917 00:57:35,236 --> 00:57:36,667 I don't do well with pain, you know. 918 00:57:36,669 --> 00:57:39,468 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 919 00:57:39,470 --> 00:57:42,067 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 920 00:57:42,069 --> 00:57:43,567 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 921 00:57:43,569 --> 00:57:45,168 I have one right now. 922 00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:46,967 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 923 00:57:46,969 --> 00:57:47,867 I don't want you to hurt me, 924 00:57:47,869 --> 00:57:50,436 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 925 00:57:51,203 --> 00:57:53,500 Except for where they are. 926 00:57:53,502 --> 00:57:54,901 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 927 00:57:54,903 --> 00:57:56,034 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 928 00:57:56,036 --> 00:57:57,767 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 929 00:57:57,769 --> 00:57:59,134 You all know the plan. 930 00:57:59,136 --> 00:58:00,767 Intercept the convoy, 931 00:58:00,769 --> 00:58:03,067 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 932 00:58:03,069 --> 00:58:04,201 You know what, 933 00:58:04,203 --> 00:58:05,468 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 934 00:58:05,470 --> 00:58:07,901 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 935 00:58:07,903 --> 00:58:10,600 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 936 00:58:10,602 --> 00:58:13,300 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 937 00:58:13,302 --> 00:58:16,534 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 938 00:58:16,536 --> 00:58:19,567 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 939 00:58:19,569 --> 00:58:21,602 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 940 00:58:22,469 --> 00:58:24,436 there's a wind advisory in effect. 941 00:58:35,370 --> 00:58:37,036 A little turbulent up here. 942 00:58:44,403 --> 00:58:46,301 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 943 00:58:46,303 --> 00:58:47,567 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 944 00:58:47,569 --> 00:58:49,569 as many people as melanoma has. 945 00:58:50,869 --> 00:58:52,234 We're getting close! 946 00:58:52,236 --> 00:58:54,001 As a former X-Man... 947 00:58:54,003 --> 00:58:55,834 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 948 00:58:55,836 --> 00:58:58,301 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 949 00:58:58,303 --> 00:59:00,001 in the group's name. 950 00:59:00,003 --> 00:59:01,867 X-Men! Men! 951 00:59:01,869 --> 00:59:05,101 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 952 00:59:05,103 --> 00:59:06,467 Gender neutral. 953 00:59:06,469 --> 00:59:08,803 From now on, we'll be known as... 954 00:59:11,036 --> 00:59:12,467 X-Force. 955 00:59:12,469 --> 00:59:14,201 Isn't that a little derivative? 956 00:59:14,203 --> 00:59:16,736 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 957 00:59:17,903 --> 00:59:19,469 That wasn't me. 958 00:59:26,303 --> 00:59:28,667 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 959 00:59:28,669 --> 00:59:30,500 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 960 00:59:30,502 --> 00:59:31,667 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 961 00:59:31,669 --> 00:59:33,667 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 962 00:59:33,669 --> 00:59:34,734 Yeah! 963 00:59:34,736 --> 00:59:36,667 I can't wait to kill! 964 00:59:36,669 --> 00:59:39,301 Hey! Hey! Hey! 965 00:59:39,303 --> 00:59:42,067 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 966 00:59:42,069 --> 00:59:44,801 You know, you guys look amazing! 967 00:59:44,803 --> 00:59:47,934 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 968 00:59:47,936 --> 00:59:48,834 This is the family 969 00:59:48,836 --> 00:59:50,602 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 970 00:59:51,636 --> 00:59:52,734 Ah, shit. 971 00:59:54,170 --> 00:59:55,734 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 972 00:59:55,736 --> 00:59:57,834 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 973 00:59:57,836 --> 00:59:59,168 about the high winds? 974 00:59:59,170 --> 01:00:00,534 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 975 01:00:00,536 --> 01:00:02,433 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 976 01:00:02,435 --> 01:00:04,001 You've been chosen by a higher power. 977 01:00:04,003 --> 01:00:06,467 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 978 01:00:06,469 --> 01:00:08,235 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 979 01:00:08,237 --> 01:00:10,600 the McRib to be available year round, 980 01:00:10,602 --> 01:00:12,567 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 981 01:00:12,569 --> 01:00:14,667 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 982 01:00:14,669 --> 01:00:16,001 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 983 01:00:16,003 --> 01:00:17,433 because of a light breeze? 984 01:00:17,435 --> 01:00:20,067 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 985 01:00:20,069 --> 01:00:22,269 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 986 01:00:22,271 --> 01:00:24,801 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 987 01:00:24,803 --> 01:00:26,967 Leonard, hit it! 988 01:00:35,669 --> 01:00:37,702 Go! Go! Go! 989 01:01:13,204 --> 01:01:14,767 Let's get some! 990 01:01:14,769 --> 01:01:15,934 Whoo! 991 01:01:15,936 --> 01:01:17,169 Oh, yeah! 992 01:01:17,171 --> 01:01:20,036 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 993 01:01:21,003 --> 01:01:22,667 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 994 01:01:22,669 --> 01:01:23,803 Whoa! 995 01:01:29,003 --> 01:01:30,936 Little off course here. 996 01:01:33,171 --> 01:01:35,669 Holy mommy fucking shit! 997 01:01:36,836 --> 01:01:37,967 Ah, there they are. 998 01:01:37,969 --> 01:01:41,634 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 999 01:01:41,636 --> 01:01:43,769 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1000 01:01:48,636 --> 01:01:53,102 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1001 01:01:53,104 --> 01:01:55,969 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1002 01:01:56,903 --> 01:01:58,001 Left! 1003 01:01:58,003 --> 01:01:59,333 Left! 1004 01:01:59,335 --> 01:02:01,702 No, stage left, you idiot! 1005 01:02:05,402 --> 01:02:07,067 Well, I guess we found something 1006 01:02:07,069 --> 01:02:08,335 you're not better at. 1007 01:02:10,171 --> 01:02:11,600 Vanisher. 1008 01:02:11,602 --> 01:02:13,602 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1009 01:02:16,702 --> 01:02:17,901 Oh! Really? 1010 01:02:17,903 --> 01:02:20,400 All right, we could do this with four. 1011 01:02:20,402 --> 01:02:23,433 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1012 01:02:23,435 --> 01:02:25,736 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1013 01:02:26,702 --> 01:02:29,068 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1014 01:02:29,070 --> 01:02:30,801 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1015 01:02:30,803 --> 01:02:31,967 We did it! 1016 01:02:31,969 --> 01:02:33,700 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1017 01:02:33,702 --> 01:02:34,736 X-Force! 1018 01:02:35,204 --> 01:02:36,402 X-Force. 1019 01:02:40,769 --> 01:02:42,669 Oh! 1020 01:02:46,203 --> 01:02:47,333 Peter. 1021 01:02:47,335 --> 01:02:48,600 I got you, buddy! 1022 01:02:48,602 --> 01:02:49,734 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1023 01:02:49,736 --> 01:02:52,201 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1024 01:02:52,203 --> 01:02:53,667 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1025 01:02:53,669 --> 01:02:55,969 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1026 01:02:59,936 --> 01:03:01,801 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1027 01:03:01,803 --> 01:03:03,367 Fucking acidic vomit! 1028 01:03:05,502 --> 01:03:08,300 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1029 01:03:11,369 --> 01:03:13,700 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1030 01:03:13,702 --> 01:03:15,769 Where did the rest of the team land? 1031 01:03:16,435 --> 01:03:18,201 Good news and bad news. 1032 01:03:18,203 --> 01:03:21,400 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1033 01:03:21,402 --> 01:03:22,634 The good news is, 1034 01:03:22,636 --> 01:03:24,567 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1035 01:03:24,569 --> 01:03:27,967 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1036 01:03:27,969 --> 01:03:29,035 Peter! 1037 01:03:29,037 --> 01:03:30,433 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1038 01:03:30,435 --> 01:03:31,567 But there is a slight chance 1039 01:03:31,569 --> 01:03:33,002 Vanisher could make it. 1040 01:03:33,004 --> 01:03:35,834 - -Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1041 01:03:35,836 --> 01:03:36,801 The whole team? 1042 01:03:36,803 --> 01:03:39,035 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1043 01:03:39,037 --> 01:03:40,333 Fuck, you are dumb. 1044 01:03:40,335 --> 01:03:42,734 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1045 01:03:42,736 --> 01:03:44,867 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1046 01:03:44,869 --> 01:03:47,567 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1047 01:03:47,569 --> 01:03:49,369 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1048 01:03:58,435 --> 01:04:00,536 They're headed into the tunnel. 1049 01:04:01,335 --> 01:04:02,734 I'm that kid's only hope, 1050 01:04:02,736 --> 01:04:04,836 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1051 01:04:05,435 --> 01:04:06,534 Whatever. 1052 01:04:06,536 --> 01:04:07,834 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1053 01:04:07,836 --> 01:04:10,667 Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1054 01:04:10,669 --> 01:04:13,333 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1055 01:04:13,335 --> 01:04:16,433 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1056 01:04:19,469 --> 01:04:22,035 Seriously, I don't get it! 1057 01:04:22,037 --> 01:04:24,803 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1058 01:04:26,736 --> 01:04:28,634 It's just it's hard to picture. 1059 01:04:28,636 --> 01:04:30,937 And certainly not very cinematic. 1060 01:04:33,469 --> 01:04:35,201 I mean, luck? 1061 01:04:35,203 --> 01:04:37,667 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1062 01:04:37,669 --> 01:04:39,201 freakshow comic book artist... 1063 01:04:39,203 --> 01:04:40,801 came up with that little chestnut? 1064 01:04:40,803 --> 01:04:43,369 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1065 01:04:54,004 --> 01:04:57,467 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1066 01:04:57,469 --> 01:04:58,667 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1067 01:04:58,669 --> 01:04:59,935 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1068 01:04:59,937 --> 01:05:01,634 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1069 01:05:01,636 --> 01:05:02,500 I'm in. 1070 01:05:02,502 --> 01:05:04,602 How in the fuck are you in already? 1071 01:05:04,970 --> 01:05:06,834 Oh, shit. 1072 01:05:06,836 --> 01:05:08,067 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1073 01:05:08,069 --> 01:05:09,168 Okay. 1074 01:05:09,170 --> 01:05:11,567 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1075 01:05:11,569 --> 01:05:14,400 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1076 01:05:14,402 --> 01:05:16,302 I'm coming up on your six. 1077 01:05:24,335 --> 01:05:26,367 That gun is amazing! 1078 01:05:35,402 --> 01:05:37,467 Hey! Asshole! 1079 01:05:37,469 --> 01:05:39,201 Where is he? I can't see him. 1080 01:05:39,203 --> 01:05:40,803 He's on top of you. 1081 01:05:42,769 --> 01:05:44,935 He's going in through the back! 1082 01:05:44,937 --> 01:05:46,134 Oh, God, he's inside! 1083 01:05:46,136 --> 01:05:47,400 You hear yourself, right? 1084 01:05:47,402 --> 01:05:49,034 Accidental double entendres! 1085 01:05:49,036 --> 01:05:51,367 Russell! Russell Collins! 1086 01:05:51,369 --> 01:05:53,502 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1087 01:05:58,803 --> 01:06:00,003 No, no, no! 1088 01:06:03,769 --> 01:06:04,870 Shit! 1089 01:06:26,569 --> 01:06:28,702 Two can play that game! 1090 01:06:30,803 --> 01:06:32,669 Got it! No, I don't. 1091 01:06:33,469 --> 01:06:34,534 Showtime, mama! 1092 01:06:34,536 --> 01:06:36,435 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1093 01:07:13,769 --> 01:07:15,902 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1094 01:07:15,904 --> 01:07:18,001 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1095 01:07:34,402 --> 01:07:35,602 Hang in there, Doms! 1096 01:07:36,870 --> 01:07:38,433 Oh, this is really hard. 1097 01:07:51,136 --> 01:07:52,669 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1098 01:07:56,102 --> 01:07:57,935 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1099 01:07:59,703 --> 01:08:01,768 I guess dubstep never dies. 1100 01:08:06,136 --> 01:08:07,169 Whoo! 1101 01:08:14,069 --> 01:08:16,902 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1102 01:08:19,503 --> 01:08:20,603 That's unfortunate. 1103 01:08:23,870 --> 01:08:25,200 We got no brakes! 1104 01:08:25,202 --> 01:08:26,603 Figure it out! 1105 01:08:30,902 --> 01:08:32,536 There's nothing I can't kill. 1106 01:08:34,770 --> 01:08:36,033 Ooh. 1107 01:08:36,035 --> 01:08:39,469 Somebody knows karate. 1108 01:08:41,870 --> 01:08:43,536 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1109 01:08:58,770 --> 01:08:59,969 Ow. 1110 01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:02,002 Here we go. 1111 01:09:02,836 --> 01:09:05,134 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1112 01:09:05,136 --> 01:09:07,434 Here goes nothing. 1113 01:09:38,102 --> 01:09:40,270 Knock, knock. 1114 01:09:46,669 --> 01:09:47,768 That's my boy. 1115 01:09:54,202 --> 01:09:55,401 Holy... 1116 01:10:05,469 --> 01:10:07,201 I'll be first to admit... 1117 01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:09,603 this did not go according to plan. 1118 01:10:10,969 --> 01:10:12,467 I'll also be the first to admit that 1119 01:10:12,469 --> 01:10:14,401 that plan was written in crayon. 1120 01:10:14,403 --> 01:10:17,534 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1121 01:10:17,536 --> 01:10:19,335 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1122 01:10:19,337 --> 01:10:22,467 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1123 01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:25,868 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1124 01:10:25,870 --> 01:10:26,933 A mood that is 1125 01:10:26,935 --> 01:10:28,969 about to get significantly worse. 1126 01:10:52,369 --> 01:10:54,902 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1127 01:10:57,870 --> 01:10:59,436 Oh. 1128 01:11:01,069 --> 01:11:02,669 Oh, God, that hurt. 1129 01:11:07,935 --> 01:11:09,203 Russell. 1130 01:11:11,770 --> 01:11:13,035 Russell! 1131 01:11:13,536 --> 01:11:15,603 Russ, where are ya? 1132 01:11:19,102 --> 01:11:21,300 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1133 01:11:21,302 --> 01:11:24,868 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1134 01:11:24,870 --> 01:11:26,300 Juggernaut! 1135 01:11:27,436 --> 01:11:29,300 I thought that was you! 1136 01:11:29,302 --> 01:11:32,201 I should've worn my white pants. 1137 01:11:32,203 --> 01:11:36,067 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1138 01:11:36,069 --> 01:11:39,567 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1139 01:11:39,569 --> 01:11:40,834 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1140 01:11:40,836 --> 01:11:43,000 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1141 01:11:43,002 --> 01:11:44,933 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1142 01:11:44,935 --> 01:11:47,033 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1143 01:11:47,035 --> 01:11:48,900 I don't mean right now. 1144 01:11:48,902 --> 01:11:50,967 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1145 01:11:50,969 --> 01:11:53,768 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1146 01:11:57,203 --> 01:12:01,467 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1147 01:12:01,469 --> 01:12:02,902 I can't feel... 1148 01:12:03,703 --> 01:12:05,768 Oh, no, they're right here. 1149 01:12:05,770 --> 01:12:07,634 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1150 01:12:07,636 --> 01:12:09,503 I have a mission. 1151 01:12:10,103 --> 01:12:11,900 To get my revenge. 1152 01:12:11,902 --> 01:12:14,168 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1153 01:12:14,170 --> 01:12:16,501 You're not the revenge type. 1154 01:12:16,503 --> 01:12:18,033 Take it from a friend. 1155 01:12:18,035 --> 01:12:21,933 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1156 01:12:21,935 --> 01:12:24,101 You said it yourself. 1157 01:12:24,103 --> 01:12:26,900 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1158 01:12:26,902 --> 01:12:28,467 So I did. 1159 01:12:29,803 --> 01:12:31,967 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1160 01:12:31,969 --> 01:12:36,000 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1161 01:12:36,002 --> 01:12:37,933 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1162 01:12:37,935 --> 01:12:40,300 I care about you, Russell. 1163 01:12:40,302 --> 01:12:42,434 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1164 01:12:42,436 --> 01:12:46,200 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1165 01:12:46,202 --> 01:12:49,236 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1166 01:12:51,170 --> 01:12:54,168 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1167 01:12:54,170 --> 01:12:56,569 You get back here, young man! 1168 01:12:57,603 --> 01:12:59,000 Doms! 1169 01:12:59,002 --> 01:13:01,200 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1170 01:13:01,202 --> 01:13:04,336 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1171 01:13:06,503 --> 01:13:07,434 I think we may have found 1172 01:13:07,436 --> 01:13:09,801 your cosmic reason for being here. 1173 01:13:09,803 --> 01:13:11,701 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1174 01:13:11,703 --> 01:13:13,103 X-Force. 1175 01:13:26,236 --> 01:13:28,101 No child is hopeless. 1176 01:13:28,103 --> 01:13:29,501 Don't give up on the boy. 1177 01:13:29,503 --> 01:13:31,768 How could he just walk away? 1178 01:13:31,770 --> 01:13:34,567 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1179 01:13:34,569 --> 01:13:36,236 You should've heard it. 1180 01:13:37,969 --> 01:13:40,369 I guess family really is an F-word. 1181 01:13:41,103 --> 01:13:43,300 Rub my legs, Mama. 1182 01:13:43,302 --> 01:13:44,868 Why would I rub your legs? 1183 01:13:44,870 --> 01:13:47,834 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1184 01:13:50,902 --> 01:13:52,667 What in the... 1185 01:13:52,669 --> 01:13:55,467 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1186 01:13:55,469 --> 01:13:57,167 That's not my hand. 1187 01:13:57,169 --> 01:13:59,501 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1188 01:13:59,503 --> 01:14:01,467 That was nice for me. 1189 01:14:01,469 --> 01:14:04,534 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1190 01:14:08,870 --> 01:14:11,134 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1191 01:14:11,136 --> 01:14:13,334 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1192 01:14:13,336 --> 01:14:15,334 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1193 01:14:15,336 --> 01:14:17,601 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1194 01:14:17,603 --> 01:14:19,034 toddler-style. 1195 01:14:19,036 --> 01:14:20,968 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1196 01:14:20,970 --> 01:14:23,001 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1197 01:14:23,003 --> 01:14:24,300 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1198 01:14:24,302 --> 01:14:25,968 - It's like, um... - Here we go. 1199 01:14:25,970 --> 01:14:27,200 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1200 01:14:27,202 --> 01:14:28,868 but they quit halfway through. 1201 01:14:28,870 --> 01:14:30,001 They got the legs out, and they said, 1202 01:14:30,003 --> 01:14:31,367 "You know what, I'm done." 1203 01:14:31,369 --> 01:14:32,367 Happy? 1204 01:14:32,369 --> 01:14:33,634 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1205 01:14:33,636 --> 01:14:34,968 But this time, you can see 1206 01:14:34,970 --> 01:14:36,367 the Muppet's dick. 1207 01:14:36,369 --> 01:14:37,768 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1208 01:14:37,770 --> 01:14:39,100 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1209 01:14:39,102 --> 01:14:41,036 I've had three tickets already. 1210 01:14:42,269 --> 01:14:45,100 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1211 01:14:45,102 --> 01:14:47,634 This has happened before? 1212 01:14:47,636 --> 01:14:49,234 - -Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1213 01:14:49,236 --> 01:14:50,734 The indecision is killing me. 1214 01:14:50,736 --> 01:14:52,636 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1215 01:14:54,302 --> 01:14:56,300 Oh. Wow! 1216 01:14:56,302 --> 01:14:58,067 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1217 01:14:58,069 --> 01:15:00,067 I'm talking about your face. 1218 01:15:00,069 --> 01:15:02,001 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1219 01:15:02,003 --> 01:15:04,200 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1220 01:15:04,202 --> 01:15:06,167 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1221 01:15:06,169 --> 01:15:08,202 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1222 01:15:09,669 --> 01:15:11,167 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1223 01:15:11,169 --> 01:15:14,067 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1224 01:15:14,069 --> 01:15:15,801 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1225 01:15:15,803 --> 01:15:18,167 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1226 01:15:18,169 --> 01:15:19,501 beat me within an inch of my life. 1227 01:15:19,503 --> 01:15:20,634 He was torturing me! 1228 01:15:20,636 --> 01:15:23,768 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1229 01:15:23,770 --> 01:15:26,334 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1230 01:15:26,336 --> 01:15:27,667 So we can go after him without me. 1231 01:15:27,669 --> 01:15:29,001 No! 1232 01:15:29,003 --> 01:15:30,601 I'm doing this alone. 1233 01:15:30,603 --> 01:15:31,667 The Juggernaut 1234 01:15:31,669 --> 01:15:33,001 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1235 01:15:33,003 --> 01:15:34,968 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1236 01:15:34,970 --> 01:15:36,100 - under me. - What will you do? 1237 01:15:36,102 --> 01:15:37,667 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1238 01:15:37,669 --> 01:15:38,901 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1239 01:15:38,903 --> 01:15:40,267 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1240 01:15:40,269 --> 01:15:42,267 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1241 01:15:42,269 --> 01:15:44,100 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1242 01:15:44,102 --> 01:15:45,167 The first order of business is 1243 01:15:45,169 --> 01:15:46,467 to get me in front of Cable... 1244 01:15:46,469 --> 01:15:48,134 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1245 01:15:48,136 --> 01:15:50,601 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1246 01:15:50,603 --> 01:15:52,267 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1247 01:15:52,269 --> 01:15:55,536 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1248 01:15:57,003 --> 01:15:58,669 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1249 01:16:07,403 --> 01:16:09,234 What in the ass? 1250 01:16:09,236 --> 01:16:12,534 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1251 01:16:12,536 --> 01:16:14,936 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1252 01:16:15,803 --> 01:16:18,436 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1253 01:16:20,636 --> 01:16:23,534 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1254 01:16:23,536 --> 01:16:25,100 What can we help you with? 1255 01:16:25,102 --> 01:16:27,002 I'm here to proposition you. 1256 01:16:28,403 --> 01:16:29,334 Oh, boy! 1257 01:16:29,336 --> 01:16:30,667 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1258 01:16:30,669 --> 01:16:32,567 Who gets to make the first joke? 1259 01:16:32,569 --> 01:16:34,234 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1260 01:16:34,236 --> 01:16:35,134 Good call. 1261 01:16:35,136 --> 01:16:36,601 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1262 01:16:36,603 --> 01:16:38,200 I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1263 01:16:38,202 --> 01:16:39,134 Fuck! 1264 01:16:39,136 --> 01:16:40,434 The Proposition has a wonderful 1265 01:16:40,436 --> 01:16:41,467 Guy Pearce performance. 1266 01:16:41,469 --> 01:16:43,367 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1267 01:16:43,369 --> 01:16:46,067 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1268 01:16:46,069 --> 01:16:48,367 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1269 01:16:48,369 --> 01:16:51,701 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1270 01:16:51,703 --> 01:16:54,033 I can't bring him down alone. 1271 01:16:54,035 --> 01:16:55,669 So here we are. 1272 01:16:56,936 --> 01:16:58,802 We're no longer accepting applications 1273 01:16:58,804 --> 01:17:00,367 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1274 01:17:00,369 --> 01:17:01,567 Even if we were... 1275 01:17:01,569 --> 01:17:03,334 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1276 01:17:03,336 --> 01:17:04,534 We don't have a lot of time. 1277 01:17:04,536 --> 01:17:06,501 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1278 01:17:06,503 --> 01:17:08,067 No offense, but if you know so much... 1279 01:17:08,069 --> 01:17:11,000 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1280 01:17:11,002 --> 01:17:12,067 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1281 01:17:12,069 --> 01:17:13,134 kill baby Hitler. 1282 01:17:13,136 --> 01:17:15,167 I use a device to slide through time. 1283 01:17:15,169 --> 01:17:17,933 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1284 01:17:17,935 --> 01:17:20,667 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1285 01:17:20,669 --> 01:17:21,835 one to get me home. 1286 01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:23,000 Well. 1287 01:17:23,002 --> 01:17:24,967 That's just lazy writing. 1288 01:17:24,969 --> 01:17:26,200 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1289 01:17:26,202 --> 01:17:27,901 of the orphanage tonight. 1290 01:17:27,903 --> 01:17:30,033 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1291 01:17:30,035 --> 01:17:32,869 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1292 01:17:32,871 --> 01:17:34,835 So he keeps killing... 1293 01:17:34,837 --> 01:17:36,267 and killing, and killing, 1294 01:17:36,269 --> 01:17:37,701 and killing. 1295 01:17:37,703 --> 01:17:41,269 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1296 01:17:43,736 --> 01:17:45,236 My people. 1297 01:17:49,136 --> 01:17:50,134 Relax. 1298 01:17:50,136 --> 01:17:52,735 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1299 01:17:52,737 --> 01:17:55,234 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1300 01:17:55,236 --> 01:17:57,933 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1301 01:17:57,935 --> 01:17:59,669 The difference is night and day. 1302 01:18:01,536 --> 01:18:03,769 You remind me of my wife. 1303 01:18:03,771 --> 01:18:05,200 I'm sorry. 1304 01:18:05,202 --> 01:18:06,300 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1305 01:18:06,302 --> 01:18:07,601 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1306 01:18:07,603 --> 01:18:10,667 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1307 01:18:10,669 --> 01:18:12,002 She always struggled. 1308 01:18:12,935 --> 01:18:14,367 But she was funny... 1309 01:18:14,369 --> 01:18:17,802 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1310 01:18:17,804 --> 01:18:20,169 Something I could never master. 1311 01:18:20,902 --> 01:18:23,269 It was my fault she died. 1312 01:18:24,771 --> 01:18:28,334 It was my job to stop people like him. 1313 01:18:28,336 --> 01:18:30,469 I came close a few times. 1314 01:18:34,436 --> 01:18:36,369 He wasn't too happy about that. 1315 01:18:37,935 --> 01:18:39,267 He was trying to hurt me... 1316 01:18:39,269 --> 01:18:41,569 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1317 01:18:45,704 --> 01:18:47,501 Blessed are the wicked 1318 01:18:47,503 --> 01:18:49,169 who are healed by my hand. 1319 01:18:51,836 --> 01:18:54,234 He came into my home... 1320 01:18:54,236 --> 01:18:57,336 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1321 01:19:01,403 --> 01:19:02,902 Sound familiar? 1322 01:19:03,836 --> 01:19:05,567 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1323 01:19:05,569 --> 01:19:07,302 No, I'm really sorry. 1324 01:19:09,469 --> 01:19:11,434 But that isn't Russell. 1325 01:19:11,436 --> 01:19:13,601 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1326 01:19:13,603 --> 01:19:15,401 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1327 01:19:15,403 --> 01:19:17,067 maybe a small learning disability... 1328 01:19:17,069 --> 01:19:18,634 splash of diabetes... 1329 01:19:18,636 --> 01:19:19,933 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1330 01:19:19,935 --> 01:19:21,501 If you could go back... 1331 01:19:21,503 --> 01:19:24,567 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1332 01:19:24,569 --> 01:19:26,369 Of course I fucking would! 1333 01:19:26,969 --> 01:19:28,834 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1334 01:19:28,836 --> 01:19:30,367 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1335 01:19:30,369 --> 01:19:31,534 I'll kill the kid. 1336 01:19:31,536 --> 01:19:35,167 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1337 01:19:35,169 --> 01:19:37,467 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1338 01:19:37,469 --> 01:19:39,534 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1339 01:19:39,536 --> 01:19:42,933 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1340 01:19:42,935 --> 01:19:46,134 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1341 01:19:46,136 --> 01:19:47,933 Give me a chance to save him. 1342 01:19:47,935 --> 01:19:49,334 - What? - You said... 1343 01:19:49,336 --> 01:19:51,067 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1344 01:19:51,069 --> 01:19:53,601 If we can get to him before that happens... 1345 01:19:53,603 --> 01:19:55,134 promise you'll give me a chance 1346 01:19:55,136 --> 01:19:57,033 to put him on a different path. 1347 01:19:57,035 --> 01:19:58,300 Define "chance." 1348 01:19:58,302 --> 01:19:59,434 I don't know. How long does it take 1349 01:19:59,436 --> 01:20:00,933 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1350 01:20:00,935 --> 01:20:02,267 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1351 01:20:02,269 --> 01:20:04,467 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1352 01:20:04,469 --> 01:20:05,902 Take it or leave it. 1353 01:20:16,069 --> 01:20:17,534 He's doing it! 1354 01:20:17,536 --> 01:20:19,200 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1355 01:20:19,202 --> 01:20:21,401 There he goes. 1356 01:20:21,403 --> 01:20:22,868 Jesus Christ! 1357 01:20:22,870 --> 01:20:24,434 Just shirt-cocking it. 1358 01:20:24,436 --> 01:20:26,234 Ugh. 1359 01:20:26,236 --> 01:20:27,670 There you go, little fella. 1360 01:20:28,469 --> 01:20:30,067 Go on, you're doing it! 1361 01:20:30,069 --> 01:20:33,136 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1362 01:20:35,302 --> 01:20:36,467 Christ! 1363 01:20:36,469 --> 01:20:38,234 That's disturbing. 1364 01:20:38,236 --> 01:20:39,503 30 seconds. 1365 01:20:44,803 --> 01:20:46,403 - Deal. - Deal. 1366 01:20:49,670 --> 01:20:52,167 I have no idea what's happening. 1367 01:20:52,169 --> 01:20:55,435 Probably for the best. 1368 01:20:55,437 --> 01:20:59,201 And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1369 01:20:59,203 --> 01:21:01,435 It's just common sense. 1370 01:21:01,437 --> 01:21:02,833 Where the hell are we going? 1371 01:21:02,835 --> 01:21:04,167 You said it yourself. 1372 01:21:04,169 --> 01:21:07,100 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1373 01:21:07,102 --> 01:21:10,100 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1374 01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:16,069 Can you turn off the music? 1375 01:21:16,869 --> 01:21:18,967 You'll do no such thing. 1376 01:21:18,969 --> 01:21:21,335 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1377 01:21:21,337 --> 01:21:22,301 What the hell are you...? 1378 01:21:22,303 --> 01:21:24,501 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1379 01:21:24,503 --> 01:21:26,100 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1380 01:21:26,102 --> 01:21:28,000 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1381 01:21:28,002 --> 01:21:31,034 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1382 01:21:31,036 --> 01:21:32,800 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1383 01:21:32,802 --> 01:21:34,501 And that's a twist. 1384 01:21:34,503 --> 01:21:35,668 So what exactly do you 1385 01:21:35,670 --> 01:21:36,733 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1386 01:21:36,735 --> 01:21:38,467 Some kind of soldier? 1387 01:21:38,469 --> 01:21:40,167 Yeah, something like that. 1388 01:21:40,169 --> 01:21:42,601 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1389 01:21:42,603 --> 01:21:45,067 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1390 01:21:45,069 --> 01:21:47,167 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1391 01:21:47,169 --> 01:21:49,967 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1392 01:21:49,969 --> 01:21:51,435 Boom! 1393 01:21:51,437 --> 01:21:52,700 Spoiler alert. 1394 01:21:54,203 --> 01:21:55,335 Planets. 1395 01:21:55,337 --> 01:21:56,767 Next time, Uber. 1396 01:21:56,769 --> 01:21:58,269 Here's a spoiler alert. 1397 01:21:59,404 --> 01:22:01,302 You're not a fucking hero. 1398 01:22:01,304 --> 01:22:05,434 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1399 01:22:05,436 --> 01:22:06,634 Well, I got news for you. 1400 01:22:06,636 --> 01:22:07,934 My heart is in the right place. 1401 01:22:07,936 --> 01:22:09,402 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1402 01:22:09,404 --> 01:22:11,900 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1403 01:22:11,902 --> 01:22:13,335 Because of you, I'll always know 1404 01:22:13,337 --> 01:22:15,668 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1405 01:22:15,670 --> 01:22:18,100 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1406 01:22:18,102 --> 01:22:19,568 I should've finished college. 1407 01:22:19,570 --> 01:22:20,800 Right here! 1408 01:22:38,835 --> 01:22:40,867 I made mistakes! 1409 01:22:40,869 --> 01:22:42,767 I wanna take them back! 1410 01:22:42,769 --> 01:22:45,767 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1411 01:22:45,769 --> 01:22:47,302 and turned it into a glory hole 1412 01:22:47,304 --> 01:22:48,700 in an airport bathroom. 1413 01:22:48,702 --> 01:22:51,469 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1414 01:22:52,436 --> 01:22:53,767 Colossus! 1415 01:22:53,769 --> 01:22:55,867 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1416 01:22:55,869 --> 01:22:57,934 That kid needs our help! 1417 01:22:57,936 --> 01:23:00,100 I know you're listening! 1418 01:23:00,102 --> 01:23:01,501 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1419 01:23:01,503 --> 01:23:02,800 The Juggernaut! 1420 01:23:02,802 --> 01:23:04,268 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1421 01:23:04,270 --> 01:23:05,934 but you should never meet your heroes... 1422 01:23:05,936 --> 01:23:08,900 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1423 01:23:08,902 --> 01:23:11,534 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1424 01:23:11,536 --> 01:23:13,335 and causes nothing but problems! 1425 01:23:13,337 --> 01:23:15,067 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1426 01:23:15,069 --> 01:23:15,934 Please don't. 1427 01:23:15,936 --> 01:23:17,302 You guys make a super cute couple. 1428 01:23:17,304 --> 01:23:19,201 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1429 01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:21,367 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve 1430 01:23:21,369 --> 01:23:23,501 your friendship or your help. 1431 01:23:23,503 --> 01:23:25,202 But this kid does. 1432 01:23:25,204 --> 01:23:28,169 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1433 01:23:29,769 --> 01:23:31,936 Oh, come on! 1434 01:23:35,902 --> 01:23:39,000 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1435 01:23:39,002 --> 01:23:41,568 That's just fine! That's fine! 1436 01:23:41,570 --> 01:23:43,034 No! You know what? 1437 01:23:43,036 --> 01:23:45,934 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1438 01:23:45,936 --> 01:23:49,202 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1439 01:23:49,204 --> 01:23:52,668 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1440 01:23:52,670 --> 01:23:54,969 while we go get our fuck on! 1441 01:23:57,769 --> 01:23:59,270 You're doing great. 1442 01:24:04,735 --> 01:24:06,168 So you wear that helmet because 1443 01:24:06,170 --> 01:24:08,000 your brother tries to read your mind? 1444 01:24:08,002 --> 01:24:11,235 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1445 01:24:11,237 --> 01:24:13,833 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1446 01:24:13,835 --> 01:24:15,833 He's not alone. 1447 01:24:15,835 --> 01:24:17,802 Secure the children. 1448 01:24:22,036 --> 01:24:24,900 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1449 01:24:24,902 --> 01:24:28,969 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1450 01:24:32,036 --> 01:24:34,767 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1451 01:24:34,769 --> 01:24:37,204 Amen, brother. 1452 01:24:42,835 --> 01:24:44,568 Time to make the chimichangas. 1453 01:24:44,570 --> 01:24:46,733 30 seconds. 1454 01:24:46,735 --> 01:24:49,367 I finally know why I'm here. 1455 01:24:49,369 --> 01:24:51,168 I was raised in this place. 1456 01:24:51,170 --> 01:24:53,601 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1457 01:24:53,603 --> 01:24:56,534 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1458 01:24:56,536 --> 01:24:57,833 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1459 01:24:57,835 --> 01:24:59,000 Yeah! 1460 01:24:59,002 --> 01:25:00,634 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1461 01:25:00,636 --> 01:25:04,202 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1462 01:25:04,204 --> 01:25:07,869 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1463 01:25:09,936 --> 01:25:11,867 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1464 01:25:11,869 --> 01:25:13,534 So one glass of wine, I just... 1465 01:25:14,969 --> 01:25:15,969 Yeah. 1466 01:25:19,503 --> 01:25:20,668 Wish we could head back in time, 1467 01:25:20,670 --> 01:25:22,501 and I could take all that back. 1468 01:25:22,503 --> 01:25:24,401 We should just cue the music. 1469 01:25:48,869 --> 01:25:51,835 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1470 01:25:53,002 --> 01:25:53,934 Russell! 1471 01:25:53,936 --> 01:25:56,403 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1472 01:25:57,236 --> 01:25:59,000 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1473 01:26:03,269 --> 01:26:04,267 That's why! 1474 01:26:04,269 --> 01:26:05,767 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1475 01:26:05,769 --> 01:26:07,601 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1476 01:26:07,603 --> 01:26:09,967 Hey! 1477 01:26:09,969 --> 01:26:13,269 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1478 01:26:14,369 --> 01:26:16,634 My body and my hands are so soft. 1479 01:26:16,636 --> 01:26:17,767 You should probably head back to the car. 1480 01:26:17,769 --> 01:26:19,735 I think I'll head back to the car. 1481 01:26:20,670 --> 01:26:23,403 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1482 01:26:26,336 --> 01:26:27,769 That gun is amazing! 1483 01:26:28,835 --> 01:26:30,203 Say it! 1484 01:26:32,336 --> 01:26:35,401 You are an abomination! 1485 01:26:42,403 --> 01:26:45,867 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1486 01:26:45,869 --> 01:26:48,403 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1487 01:26:52,735 --> 01:26:54,568 Gotcha! 1488 01:26:54,570 --> 01:26:55,902 Beat it, midget! 1489 01:26:58,702 --> 01:27:01,800 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1490 01:27:01,802 --> 01:27:03,070 Oh, shit fuck! 1491 01:27:16,769 --> 01:27:18,436 Come here, beautiful. 1492 01:27:20,536 --> 01:27:21,802 Say it! 1493 01:28:21,102 --> 01:28:22,367 You came for me. 1494 01:28:22,369 --> 01:28:23,767 I'm not giving up on you, 1495 01:28:23,769 --> 01:28:25,968 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1496 01:28:25,970 --> 01:28:27,968 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1497 01:28:27,970 --> 01:28:30,501 It's time to fight dirty. 1498 01:28:30,503 --> 01:28:31,901 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1499 01:28:31,903 --> 01:28:34,700 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1500 01:28:34,702 --> 01:28:36,800 That's such a you thing to say! 1501 01:28:36,802 --> 01:28:38,800 Go get him, tiger! 1502 01:28:38,802 --> 01:28:40,702 Big CGI fight coming up! 1503 01:29:03,702 --> 01:29:05,234 He's doing great. 1504 01:29:05,236 --> 01:29:06,403 Say it! 1505 01:29:10,536 --> 01:29:12,069 - Russell. - Bingo! 1506 01:29:23,870 --> 01:29:26,036 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1507 01:29:26,769 --> 01:29:27,833 Oh, great! 1508 01:29:27,835 --> 01:29:29,134 There they are! Those freaks! 1509 01:29:29,136 --> 01:29:31,534 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1510 01:29:31,536 --> 01:29:33,634 Can I have one of those guns? 1511 01:29:33,636 --> 01:29:35,501 - No. - That's fine. 1512 01:29:35,503 --> 01:29:37,434 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1513 01:29:37,436 --> 01:29:38,636 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1514 01:29:39,269 --> 01:29:40,367 Maximum effort. 1515 01:29:46,169 --> 01:29:48,169 Who says you can't go home again? 1516 01:29:56,802 --> 01:29:58,336 Oh! 1517 01:30:05,269 --> 01:30:06,269 Yeah! 1518 01:30:08,436 --> 01:30:10,000 Say it. 1519 01:30:10,002 --> 01:30:13,236 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1520 01:30:13,670 --> 01:30:14,935 Say it! 1521 01:30:14,937 --> 01:30:17,937 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1522 01:30:18,903 --> 01:30:21,201 Blessed are the wicked... 1523 01:30:21,203 --> 01:30:22,369 who are healed... 1524 01:30:22,769 --> 01:30:24,369 by my hand. 1525 01:30:42,403 --> 01:30:44,803 You commie motherfucker! 1526 01:31:10,969 --> 01:31:13,634 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1527 01:31:13,636 --> 01:31:16,002 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1528 01:31:18,836 --> 01:31:21,467 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1529 01:31:21,469 --> 01:31:22,836 Now we're getting it. 1530 01:31:27,203 --> 01:31:29,601 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1531 01:31:35,002 --> 01:31:36,036 Orphans. 1532 01:31:37,169 --> 01:31:38,336 Oh, geez. 1533 01:31:39,670 --> 01:31:42,267 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1534 01:31:42,269 --> 01:31:45,069 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1535 01:31:53,636 --> 01:31:54,902 Russell! Wait! 1536 01:32:00,770 --> 01:32:02,102 Oh! 1537 01:32:09,169 --> 01:32:11,267 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1538 01:32:11,269 --> 01:32:13,501 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1539 01:32:13,503 --> 01:32:14,701 He's just a kid! 1540 01:32:14,703 --> 01:32:16,803 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1541 01:32:29,136 --> 01:32:32,369 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1542 01:32:52,637 --> 01:32:55,401 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1543 01:32:55,403 --> 01:32:56,703 Listen to me! 1544 01:33:19,835 --> 01:33:21,800 That's how we do it 1545 01:33:21,802 --> 01:33:23,369 in Mother Russia. 1546 01:33:25,203 --> 01:33:28,036 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1547 01:33:29,269 --> 01:33:32,701 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1548 01:33:33,869 --> 01:33:36,800 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1549 01:33:36,802 --> 01:33:38,701 Go home, Wade! 1550 01:33:38,703 --> 01:33:40,769 You're ruining everything! 1551 01:33:45,835 --> 01:33:47,334 I'm getting good at this shit. 1552 01:33:47,336 --> 01:33:48,369 Go, go, go! 1553 01:33:51,802 --> 01:33:53,800 He dies tonight, Wade. 1554 01:33:53,802 --> 01:33:56,167 You can't stop me! 1555 01:33:56,169 --> 01:33:58,100 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1556 01:33:58,102 --> 01:34:01,102 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1557 01:34:02,236 --> 01:34:03,867 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1558 01:34:03,869 --> 01:34:06,100 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1559 01:34:06,102 --> 01:34:07,501 I got this. 1560 01:34:07,503 --> 01:34:09,733 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1561 01:34:09,735 --> 01:34:12,501 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1562 01:34:12,503 --> 01:34:14,067 That piece of shit... 1563 01:34:14,069 --> 01:34:15,867 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1564 01:34:15,869 --> 01:34:19,369 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1565 01:34:20,069 --> 01:34:21,934 But if you kill him, he wins. 1566 01:34:21,936 --> 01:34:25,867 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1567 01:34:25,869 --> 01:34:27,900 You're just a kid. 1568 01:34:27,902 --> 01:34:29,733 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1569 01:34:29,735 --> 01:34:30,967 How do you know what I want? 1570 01:34:30,969 --> 01:34:32,869 Because I've been inside you. 1571 01:34:33,403 --> 01:34:35,334 That came out wrong. 1572 01:34:35,336 --> 01:34:36,934 I've been inside your shoes. 1573 01:34:36,936 --> 01:34:38,867 Which is also off-putting. 1574 01:34:38,869 --> 01:34:40,467 It's not a great analogy. 1575 01:34:40,469 --> 01:34:42,367 The point is... 1576 01:34:42,369 --> 01:34:43,967 there are people... 1577 01:34:43,969 --> 01:34:47,034 There are people in this fucking world... 1578 01:34:47,036 --> 01:34:49,833 besides him, who will treat you right. 1579 01:34:49,835 --> 01:34:52,735 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1580 01:34:57,936 --> 01:35:00,436 I never should've left you there. 1581 01:35:02,036 --> 01:35:04,136 I never should've left you in that prison. 1582 01:35:11,203 --> 01:35:12,436 I can't trust you. 1583 01:35:14,203 --> 01:35:16,702 I can't trust anybody! 1584 01:35:25,670 --> 01:35:26,967 Wonderful kid. 1585 01:35:26,969 --> 01:35:28,767 You can't stop me, Wade! 1586 01:35:30,902 --> 01:35:33,134 I got one more idea. 1587 01:35:33,136 --> 01:35:36,301 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1588 01:35:36,303 --> 01:35:37,301 Wade, what are you doing? 1589 01:35:37,303 --> 01:35:39,800 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1590 01:35:39,802 --> 01:35:41,900 You're gonna kill someone today... 1591 01:35:41,902 --> 01:35:43,468 Blessed are the wicked... 1592 01:35:43,470 --> 01:35:45,403 then it's gotta be me. 1593 01:35:46,470 --> 01:35:48,403 Who are healed by my hand! 1594 01:35:51,504 --> 01:35:54,036 Fuck this! 1595 01:35:58,069 --> 01:36:01,733 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1596 01:36:01,735 --> 01:36:06,334 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 1597 01:36:06,336 --> 01:36:09,334 ♪ There'll be sun ♪ 1598 01:36:09,336 --> 01:36:16,167 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely ♪ 1599 01:36:16,169 --> 01:36:23,203 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 1600 01:36:28,936 --> 01:36:32,334 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1601 01:36:32,336 --> 01:36:37,301 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 1602 01:36:37,303 --> 01:36:40,700 ♪ Come what may ♪ 1603 01:36:40,702 --> 01:36:46,000 ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya, tomorrow ♪ 1604 01:36:46,002 --> 01:36:50,835 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 1605 01:36:55,337 --> 01:36:58,502 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1606 01:37:03,470 --> 01:37:04,869 Oh, that's not good. 1607 01:37:06,336 --> 01:37:08,069 No, sir. 1608 01:37:15,370 --> 01:37:18,502 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1609 01:37:18,836 --> 01:37:19,800 Yeah. 1610 01:37:19,802 --> 01:37:22,302 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1611 01:37:23,936 --> 01:37:26,268 I told you I care about you. 1612 01:37:26,270 --> 01:37:28,069 You're a good kid, Russell. 1613 01:37:29,836 --> 01:37:30,902 Hey. 1614 01:37:32,136 --> 01:37:33,434 The bear. 1615 01:37:33,436 --> 01:37:34,869 It worked. 1616 01:37:41,436 --> 01:37:43,368 Because of you. 1617 01:37:43,370 --> 01:37:45,769 No, Wade, because of you. 1618 01:37:46,470 --> 01:37:48,767 Stop, stop, stop! 1619 01:37:48,769 --> 01:37:49,902 Stop! 1620 01:37:50,836 --> 01:37:53,834 Just let it happen, okay? 1621 01:37:53,836 --> 01:37:57,633 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1622 01:37:57,635 --> 01:38:00,170 That riddle is so fucked up. 1623 01:38:05,069 --> 01:38:07,600 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1624 01:38:07,602 --> 01:38:08,800 Don't be. Don't be. 1625 01:38:08,802 --> 01:38:11,301 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1626 01:38:11,303 --> 01:38:12,867 Please, just don't leave me. 1627 01:38:12,869 --> 01:38:14,600 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1628 01:38:14,602 --> 01:38:16,168 We are not going anywhere. 1629 01:38:16,170 --> 01:38:18,533 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1630 01:38:18,535 --> 01:38:19,769 Just rest, okay? 1631 01:38:21,436 --> 01:38:22,702 Papa. 1632 01:38:24,669 --> 01:38:26,802 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 1633 01:38:28,802 --> 01:38:35,003 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night? ♪ 1634 01:38:56,204 --> 01:38:57,834 Before I go... 1635 01:38:57,836 --> 01:38:59,802 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1636 01:39:00,269 --> 01:39:01,500 Domino. 1637 01:39:01,502 --> 01:39:06,368 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1638 01:39:08,535 --> 01:39:11,635 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1639 01:39:12,236 --> 01:39:13,535 Thank you. 1640 01:39:14,602 --> 01:39:18,234 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1641 01:39:18,236 --> 01:39:20,502 It has been a pleasure. 1642 01:39:21,836 --> 01:39:24,967 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1643 01:39:26,502 --> 01:39:27,869 And you... 1644 01:39:28,303 --> 01:39:30,135 Chrome Bone. 1645 01:39:30,137 --> 01:39:33,301 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1646 01:39:33,303 --> 01:39:35,633 But you've always been that to me. 1647 01:39:35,635 --> 01:39:37,070 So thank you. 1648 01:39:39,203 --> 01:39:40,869 Say "fuck" for me. 1649 01:39:41,535 --> 01:39:42,800 Just once. Come on, 1650 01:39:42,802 --> 01:39:44,533 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1651 01:39:44,535 --> 01:39:47,800 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1652 01:39:47,802 --> 01:39:48,734 Fuck. 1653 01:39:48,736 --> 01:39:52,169 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1654 01:39:53,436 --> 01:39:56,533 And you, Cable. 1655 01:39:56,535 --> 01:40:00,967 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1656 01:40:00,969 --> 01:40:04,700 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1657 01:40:04,702 --> 01:40:06,267 That you'll start judging people... 1658 01:40:06,269 --> 01:40:07,600 not by the color of their skin, 1659 01:40:07,602 --> 01:40:09,702 but by the content of their character. 1660 01:40:10,303 --> 01:40:11,969 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1661 01:40:13,137 --> 01:40:15,533 There you are. Hey! 1662 01:40:15,535 --> 01:40:17,535 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1663 01:40:18,936 --> 01:40:20,234 Look. 1664 01:40:20,236 --> 01:40:22,936 Family is not an F-word. 1665 01:40:23,535 --> 01:40:24,834 All right? 1666 01:40:24,836 --> 01:40:27,401 There's one out there for you. 1667 01:40:27,403 --> 01:40:29,169 Just keep looking, okay? 1668 01:40:32,535 --> 01:40:35,535 Guys, for a second there... 1669 01:40:36,203 --> 01:40:38,936 we made a pretty good team. 1670 01:40:53,336 --> 01:40:55,535 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1671 01:40:56,769 --> 01:40:59,236 I just love being around you guys so much. 1672 01:41:00,303 --> 01:41:01,702 So, so much. 1673 01:41:02,269 --> 01:41:03,600 Mmm. 1674 01:41:03,602 --> 01:41:06,500 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1675 01:41:06,502 --> 01:41:10,434 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1676 01:41:10,436 --> 01:41:11,635 Yeah. 1677 01:41:13,236 --> 01:41:15,667 Can you see it? 1678 01:41:15,669 --> 01:41:18,004 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1679 01:41:19,370 --> 01:41:20,702 There it is. 1680 01:41:26,702 --> 01:41:27,935 Oh, that's the sun. 1681 01:41:27,937 --> 01:41:30,201 Don't stare directly into that. 1682 01:41:30,203 --> 01:41:31,533 I just have a few final words. 1683 01:41:33,869 --> 01:41:35,169 Woodpecker. 1684 01:41:36,004 --> 01:41:37,269 Gingivitis. 1685 01:41:39,303 --> 01:41:40,802 Codswallop. 1686 01:41:44,869 --> 01:41:47,037 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1687 01:42:25,702 --> 01:42:28,502 ♪ We're talking away ♪ 1688 01:42:29,937 --> 01:42:32,868 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪ 1689 01:42:32,870 --> 01:42:35,502 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪ 1690 01:42:36,602 --> 01:42:41,267 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪ 1691 01:42:41,269 --> 01:42:43,103 ♪ Shying away ♪ 1692 01:42:44,236 --> 01:42:47,203 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay? ♪ 1693 01:42:48,069 --> 01:42:52,702 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1694 01:42:55,436 --> 01:43:00,635 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1695 01:43:01,903 --> 01:43:03,234 Sorry I'm late. 1696 01:43:03,236 --> 01:43:04,700 There was a bunch 1697 01:43:04,702 --> 01:43:06,201 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1698 01:43:06,203 --> 01:43:07,569 - No. - No. 1699 01:43:08,436 --> 01:43:11,533 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1700 01:43:11,535 --> 01:43:13,500 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1701 01:43:13,502 --> 01:43:14,702 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1702 01:43:16,969 --> 01:43:18,269 Is this heaven? 1703 01:43:19,169 --> 01:43:20,535 It is now. 1704 01:43:23,903 --> 01:43:25,803 I am so sorry. 1705 01:43:26,470 --> 01:43:28,700 It's okay. 1706 01:43:28,702 --> 01:43:31,969 ♪ Slowly learning that life is okay ♪ 1707 01:43:32,635 --> 01:43:34,937 ♪ Say after me ♪ 1708 01:43:36,069 --> 01:43:39,702 ♪ It's no better to be safe than sorry ♪ 1709 01:43:40,336 --> 01:43:44,736 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1710 01:43:47,602 --> 01:43:49,702 I missed you so much. 1711 01:43:55,169 --> 01:43:56,903 What is it? What's wrong? 1712 01:43:58,635 --> 01:44:00,700 It's not time. 1713 01:44:00,702 --> 01:44:02,734 What do you mean it's not time? 1714 01:44:02,736 --> 01:44:04,468 I'm here, I made it. 1715 01:44:04,470 --> 01:44:06,067 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1716 01:44:06,069 --> 01:44:09,034 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1717 01:44:09,036 --> 01:44:10,434 It's okay. 1718 01:44:10,436 --> 01:44:13,502 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1719 01:44:14,303 --> 01:44:16,870 - They need you. - Who? 1720 01:44:18,702 --> 01:44:20,136 Your F-word. 1721 01:44:21,336 --> 01:44:22,667 Why? 1722 01:44:22,669 --> 01:44:24,669 You'll find out. 1723 01:44:25,436 --> 01:44:27,569 It's all right. I'll be here. 1724 01:44:28,602 --> 01:44:30,003 I love you. 1725 01:44:32,403 --> 01:44:34,936 I know. I love you, too. 1726 01:44:35,535 --> 01:44:36,737 Now, go. 1727 01:44:37,770 --> 01:44:39,969 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1728 01:44:41,003 --> 01:44:42,003 Go. 1729 01:44:45,069 --> 01:44:46,069 Hey! 1730 01:44:48,870 --> 01:44:51,203 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1731 01:44:51,902 --> 01:44:53,003 Well, come here. 1732 01:44:55,269 --> 01:45:00,602 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1733 01:45:02,569 --> 01:45:07,635 ♪ I'll be gone ♪ 1734 01:45:08,703 --> 01:45:11,803 ♪ In a day or two ♪ 1735 01:45:12,303 --> 01:45:13,701 Don't fuck Elvis. 1736 01:45:13,703 --> 01:45:15,869 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 1737 01:45:25,569 --> 01:45:27,001 Time to make the chimichangas. 1738 01:45:27,003 --> 01:45:27,934 30 seconds. 1739 01:45:27,936 --> 01:45:29,368 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1740 01:45:29,370 --> 01:45:31,801 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1741 01:45:31,803 --> 01:45:33,667 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1742 01:45:33,669 --> 01:45:35,101 Her name's Hope. 1743 01:45:35,103 --> 01:45:36,203 Well... 1744 01:45:37,370 --> 01:45:39,301 What are you doing? 1745 01:45:39,303 --> 01:45:41,167 Somebody swiped right. 1746 01:45:53,470 --> 01:45:56,267 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1747 01:45:59,003 --> 01:46:01,134 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1748 01:46:01,136 --> 01:46:02,737 It would seem I... 1749 01:46:04,770 --> 01:46:06,003 Huh? 1750 01:46:07,103 --> 01:46:09,569 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1751 01:46:11,303 --> 01:46:14,368 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1752 01:46:14,370 --> 01:46:16,036 You did this for me? 1753 01:46:17,737 --> 01:46:20,834 Wait. You can't go back. 1754 01:46:20,836 --> 01:46:22,301 You used the last of your fuel. 1755 01:46:22,303 --> 01:46:23,934 What about your girl, your wife? 1756 01:46:23,936 --> 01:46:27,535 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1757 01:46:28,703 --> 01:46:31,301 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1758 01:46:31,303 --> 01:46:32,533 and make sure the world 1759 01:46:32,535 --> 01:46:34,502 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1760 01:46:35,069 --> 01:46:37,969 No. You did it for me. 1761 01:46:38,569 --> 01:46:40,167 No, I didn't. 1762 01:46:40,169 --> 01:46:41,533 - You did. - I really didn't. 1763 01:46:41,535 --> 01:46:43,434 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1764 01:46:43,436 --> 01:46:45,101 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1765 01:46:45,103 --> 01:46:47,867 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1766 01:46:47,869 --> 01:46:50,636 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1767 01:46:51,036 --> 01:46:51,900 Say it again. 1768 01:46:51,902 --> 01:46:53,668 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1769 01:46:53,670 --> 01:46:55,634 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 1770 01:46:55,636 --> 01:46:57,701 These collars don't just come off. 1771 01:46:57,703 --> 01:46:58,703 Wade. 1772 01:46:59,136 --> 01:47:00,900 I have an idea. 1773 01:47:00,902 --> 01:47:03,034 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1774 01:47:03,036 --> 01:47:05,601 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1775 01:47:05,603 --> 01:47:08,867 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1776 01:47:08,869 --> 01:47:11,234 We need the code. 1777 01:47:11,236 --> 01:47:13,001 Try, uh, seven? 1778 01:47:13,003 --> 01:47:14,701 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1779 01:47:14,703 --> 01:47:16,301 It's not gonna be one number. 1780 01:47:16,303 --> 01:47:17,569 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 1781 01:47:18,370 --> 01:47:19,836 I still got it. 1782 01:47:22,670 --> 01:47:24,836 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1783 01:47:26,403 --> 01:47:28,334 I don't know how to thank you. 1784 01:47:28,336 --> 01:47:30,301 But I do know how to hug you. 1785 01:47:30,303 --> 01:47:31,568 - No. - Yes. 1786 01:47:31,570 --> 01:47:33,201 Here we go. Bring it in. 1787 01:47:33,203 --> 01:47:34,301 Come on. 1788 01:47:34,303 --> 01:47:35,668 Pelvis to pelvis. 1789 01:47:35,670 --> 01:47:37,001 Let's go tip to tip. 1790 01:47:37,003 --> 01:47:39,934 There we go. The kids call this docking. 1791 01:47:41,403 --> 01:47:42,934 Is there a knife in my dick? 1792 01:47:42,936 --> 01:47:44,834 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 1793 01:47:44,836 --> 01:47:46,700 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 1794 01:47:46,702 --> 01:47:49,568 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 1795 01:47:49,570 --> 01:47:51,702 Let's go home, Russell. 1796 01:47:55,236 --> 01:47:57,468 All you dirty mutants 1797 01:47:57,470 --> 01:47:59,568 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 1798 01:47:59,570 --> 01:48:02,668 Your souls are beyond redemption! 1799 01:48:02,670 --> 01:48:03,934 Let's see your soul, perv! 1800 01:48:03,936 --> 01:48:07,034 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 1801 01:48:07,036 --> 01:48:08,067 We're better than him! 1802 01:48:08,069 --> 01:48:10,800 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 1803 01:48:10,802 --> 01:48:12,500 We'll let karma take care of him. 1804 01:48:12,502 --> 01:48:15,702 The day of reckoning is here! 1805 01:48:24,769 --> 01:48:27,067 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1806 01:48:27,069 --> 01:48:28,267 Whoo! 1807 01:48:28,269 --> 01:48:30,001 Courage, motherfuckers! 1808 01:48:30,003 --> 01:48:31,167 And karma, motherfucker. 1809 01:48:31,169 --> 01:48:32,834 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 1810 01:48:32,836 --> 01:48:35,067 I could barely keep a straight face. 1811 01:48:35,069 --> 01:48:36,767 I want some more. 1812 01:48:36,769 --> 01:48:38,568 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1813 01:48:38,570 --> 01:48:42,034 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1814 01:48:42,036 --> 01:48:44,468 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1815 01:48:44,470 --> 01:48:46,468 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1816 01:48:46,470 --> 01:48:48,134 Besides, we're X-Men. 1817 01:48:48,136 --> 01:48:50,700 No, you're X-People. 1818 01:48:50,702 --> 01:48:51,967 You're exhausting. 1819 01:48:51,969 --> 01:48:54,568 I see what you did there. Puns. 1820 01:48:54,570 --> 01:48:57,067 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 1821 01:48:59,370 --> 01:49:00,469 What do you get 1822 01:49:00,471 --> 01:49:01,601 when you take eight feet of chrome... 1823 01:49:01,603 --> 01:49:02,767 one pinch of courage... 1824 01:49:02,769 --> 01:49:04,201 a cup of good luck... 1825 01:49:04,203 --> 01:49:05,667 a dab of racism... 1826 01:49:05,669 --> 01:49:06,934 a splash of diabetes... 1827 01:49:06,936 --> 01:49:09,667 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 1828 01:49:09,669 --> 01:49:12,267 Answer: a family. 1829 01:49:12,269 --> 01:49:15,601 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 1830 01:49:15,603 --> 01:49:17,001 If there's anything you take away today... 1831 01:49:17,003 --> 01:49:20,067 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 1832 01:49:20,069 --> 01:49:23,103 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1833 01:49:25,793 --> 01:49:30,793 Subtitles by explosiveskull 1834 01:51:20,536 --> 01:51:22,400 How something so small generates 1835 01:51:22,402 --> 01:51:24,400 enough energy to reverse time is... 1836 01:51:24,402 --> 01:51:26,433 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 1837 01:51:26,435 --> 01:51:28,600 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 1838 01:51:28,602 --> 01:51:30,001 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 1839 01:51:30,003 --> 01:51:31,067 Never heard of him. 1840 01:51:31,069 --> 01:51:32,636 Why do you think I'm helping him? 1841 01:51:33,669 --> 01:51:36,101 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 1842 01:51:36,103 --> 01:51:38,302 don't I? A good day. 1843 01:51:39,069 --> 01:51:40,069 Bye, Wade! 1844 01:51:40,669 --> 01:51:41,669 Bye, Yukio! 1845 01:51:42,936 --> 01:51:45,367 That was probably a bad idea. 1846 01:51:45,369 --> 01:51:47,300 What have we done? 1847 01:52:05,302 --> 01:52:07,268 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 1848 01:52:17,402 --> 01:52:18,969 I'll be right back! 1849 01:52:20,736 --> 01:52:23,569 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 1850 01:52:23,869 --> 01:52:24,869 Whoo! 1851 01:52:26,736 --> 01:52:28,068 Peter! 1852 01:52:28,070 --> 01:52:29,500 Whoo! X-Force! 1853 01:52:29,502 --> 01:52:31,869 Walk away! Just walk away! 1854 01:52:32,769 --> 01:52:33,867 But we're X-Force! 1855 01:52:33,869 --> 01:52:35,567 Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 1856 01:52:35,569 --> 01:52:39,068 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 1857 01:52:39,070 --> 01:52:41,734 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 1858 01:52:41,736 --> 01:52:44,636 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 1859 01:52:53,836 --> 01:52:55,669 Wade, is that you? 1860 01:52:57,936 --> 01:52:59,268 I guess Stryker finally 1861 01:52:59,270 --> 01:53:00,702 figured out how to shut you up. 1862 01:53:07,236 --> 01:53:10,367 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 1863 01:53:10,369 --> 01:53:12,801 Just cleaning up the timelines! 1864 01:53:17,335 --> 01:53:18,736 Love you! 1865 01:53:21,104 --> 01:53:22,536 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 1866 01:53:29,936 --> 01:53:31,803 You're welcome, Canada. 130903