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00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,710
دانلود زیرنویس از www.subf2m.ir
There's no room!
2
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,350
Dad? Dad?
3
00:00:30,390 --> 00:00:32,190
Dad?
There's no room!
4
00:00:32,230 --> 00:00:34,670
No, no, no. No. Fuck, Dad, please?
5
00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:37,110
I told you, there's no room.
Fuck!
6
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:39,150
Told you. Find someplace else.
7
00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:41,190
Fuck!
8
00:00:53,790 --> 00:00:55,790
(GASPS) Fuck!
9
00:01:04,710 --> 00:01:06,710
What do you think?
10
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:08,670
I'd have used flame-throwers.
11
00:01:08,710 --> 00:01:10,510
What you... Wh-What?
12
00:01:10,550 --> 00:01:13,870
Flamethrowers, against the zombies.
No. I didn't say...
13
00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:15,510
Or...
14
00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:17,550
Or a crossbow with flaming arrows.
15
00:01:17,590 --> 00:01:21,430
From an elevated position. And you
just pick them off. One by one.
16
00:01:21,470 --> 00:01:24,070
I didn't say zombies, did I?
They sound like zombies.
17
00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:27,230
Didn't say zombies. I said they're
like normal-looking people.
18
00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:31,990
Yeah, but what if the zombies have
developed the ability to disguise
themselves as normal people?
19
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:36,350
It's like three times, I've told you
now that they're not zombies
and it's just not sinking in.
20
00:01:36,390 --> 00:01:38,150
They were normal-looking people.
21
00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:42,510
And the reason I'm having these
fucked-up dreams, it's cos of all
them pills you've put me on.
22
00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:45,710
If you pick me up and shook me,
I'd sound I'm like a maraca.
23
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:50,590
You can point your finger at the
meds for your sleep distribution,
but the content of your dreams,
24
00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:52,910
that's between you
and your subconscious.
25
00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:55,550
And there's environmental
considerations.
26
00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:57,190
Well, like what?
27
00:01:57,230 --> 00:02:00,510
Like living alone in the big,
dark woods smoking fat blunts
28
00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:06,750
and watching the serial killer
documentaries till you fall asleep.
I find 'em fucking fascinating.
29
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:08,790
Soothing.
30
00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:12,190
Look, why don't you try
a change of scene?
31
00:02:13,270 --> 00:02:17,070
Go and stay somewhere else, see if
that has any effect on your dreams.
32
00:02:17,110 --> 00:02:19,950
Or, failing that, buy yourself
a flame-thrower.
33
00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:21,990
For fuck's sake.
34
00:02:22,030 --> 00:02:24,030
Do you want to see something
horrible?
35
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:28,110
Yeah. Go on. I had this patient
in today. Have you seen
the Elephant Man?
36
00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:31,070
Yeah, I've seen the Elephant Man,
yeah. John Merrick.
37
00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:34,110
Makes John Merrick look like
Linda Lusardi. Watch this.
38
00:02:35,470 --> 00:02:37,270
Oh, fuck.
(CHORTLES)
39
00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:40,190
Wait till I zoom in.
I couldn't do anything with it.
40
00:02:40,230 --> 00:02:42,350
I went through three knives!
(LAUGHS)
41
00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:44,190
I shouldn't show it to you.
42
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,830
Oh, I hate myself.
43
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:47,470
Jim's got a spare room.
44
00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:50,710
Yeah, but it's... But it's a racist
room. Do you know what I mean?
45
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,990
I can't be staying in a racist room,
it's gonna make me feel worse.
46
00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:56,430
Stay at mine, if you like.
I not staying at yours...
47
00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:58,670
Fuck.Sorry.
Why would I stay at yours?
48
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:00,710
You've got... I'm sorry.
Come on.
49
00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:02,950
You've got a llama,
there's fucking Carol.
50
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:07,070
I just... I need my own space.
You don't like sharing a toilet is
more like it.
51
00:03:07,110 --> 00:03:10,510
No, I don't like sharing a toilet,
Dylan, because I'm a shy...
52
00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:16,350
I'm... I'm a shy poo-er and I don't
like the idea someone could just
fucking blaze on in on me, mid-squit.
53
00:03:16,390 --> 00:03:20,670
Why don't you stop here tonight?
Kath and Sandra are off to see
Tinsley in Rhyl.
54
00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:23,870
You'd have the whole pub
to yourself. Yeah? Kath's room.
55
00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:26,990
The decor is a bit niche,
but she has a lovely, comfy bed.
56
00:03:27,030 --> 00:03:31,630
Ashley, where the fuck is everyone?
I've got the pub to myself here
and everyone has deserted me.
57
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,870
I'm with Tommo.
Helping him out with something.
58
00:03:33,910 --> 00:03:35,590
Oh yeah? What's the big mystery?
59
00:03:35,630 --> 00:03:38,190
Er, nothing, no, no.
It's, er, just this thing.
60
00:03:38,230 --> 00:03:39,910
What thing?
61
00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:45,310
I borrowed 50 quid off him, there
last week and now he's got me paying
it back, doing a bunch of...
62
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,550
'entertaining' for these old girls.
63
00:03:47,590 --> 00:03:49,190
Ha ha! You're joking?
64
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,830
I wish I was.
65
00:03:50,870 --> 00:03:52,430
Right! Chop-chop.
66
00:03:52,470 --> 00:03:54,790
Show time! Now, then...
I have to go, Vin.
67
00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:57,030
I want you to get out there...
68
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,590
and give those lovely ladies
a fucking night to remember.
69
00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:03,270
Here. Do summat sexy with it.
70
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,510
♪ YAZZ: The Only Way Is Up
71
00:04:05,550 --> 00:04:07,550
He loves it, really.
72
00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:09,590
Ah, that's it.
73
00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:12,030
Go on! Gerrin!
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
74
00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:15,790
Gina will be in first thing
to clean. I'll be in from ten
to open up.
75
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:17,830
Right.
76
00:04:18,950 --> 00:04:21,270
(KEYS JINGLE)
Night love.
Night, love.
77
00:04:24,550 --> 00:04:26,550
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
78
00:04:26,590 --> 00:04:28,350
(DOOR CLOSES)
79
00:04:46,310 --> 00:04:48,110
Hm...
80
00:04:49,150 --> 00:04:53,150
TV: What the neighbours didn't
realise was that Robinson had, in
fact, killed his mother
81
00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:56,990
several years earlier and slept
alongside her mummified remains
in her bed.
82
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,910
During a search of the property,
the police uncovered the remains of
83
00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:04,190
12 bodies that had been dismembered,
as well as a trophy wall
84
00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:07,110
featuring framed photographs
of each of his victims...
85
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:16,270
TV: victims throughout their own
homes in the dead of night.
86
00:05:16,310 --> 00:05:19,230
VINNIE: It's like
a self-perpetuating nightmare.
87
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:22,150
My fucking subconscious is out
to get me or summat.
88
00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,790
Hm?
Fuck me... Dyldo?
89
00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:27,110
Are you listening, you? No, I am.
All right, what did I just say then?
90
00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:29,710
You were going on about zombies
or something.
91
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,350
I didn't say zombies.
92
00:05:31,390 --> 00:05:34,150
I never mentioned zombies.
Nobody listens to me!
93
00:05:34,190 --> 00:05:37,030
Dude, I'm baked man. You know?
What do you want me to say?
94
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,390
I don't fucking know
what I want you to say.
95
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:43,990
I've just told you I've just had
a brutal dream, about a group of
sinister fucking...
96
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:45,630
joggers.
97
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,310
Wow.
98
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,870
Fuck off!
99
00:05:48,910 --> 00:05:50,910
Dude, it wasn't real, was it?
100
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:54,150
If it were real, then I'd be more
engaged, but it wasn't, so I'm not.
101
00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:56,870
Oh, lah-di-dah!
102
00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:58,510
Fucking Dylan.
103
00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,150
Jesus Christ, forgive me.
104
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:03,870
Forgive me for not having
a more engaging zombie dream.
105
00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:06,390
Dylan, the police are downstairs!
(COUGHS) What?
106
00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:08,870
The police are downstairs.
Fuck. Vin, I've got to go.
107
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,550
They want to talk to you. What?
What do they want? Did they say
what it was about?
108
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:16,710
No, but they don't look happy.
Shit, shit, shit, shit. I'm too high
for this. Jesus Christ!
109
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:18,470
Dylan?
Er... Er...
110
00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:20,510
Dylan?
What? What?
111
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,990
(LAUGHS) Your face was priceless!
112
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:27,470
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Are the police here?
113
00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:29,510
No. It's, erm, it's my parents.
114
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:31,870
Oh.
They've come back with some friends.
115
00:06:31,910 --> 00:06:33,510
(HEAVY EXHALE)
116
00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:35,550
Come down and say hi.
117
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,950
Oh, everyone,
this is my friend, Dylan.
118
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:41,790
Hello, Dylan. Hi.
Hi, Dylan. Hi, Dylan.
119
00:06:41,830 --> 00:06:43,830
(BREATHES RAPIDLY)
120
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,870
Thanks...
121
00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:48,750
for, er, well, for coming.
122
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,990
So, where do you come from, Dylan?
123
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:53,830
Upstairs.
124
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:55,550
In Sara's bedroom.
125
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,550
No, no. Not doing anything. Just...
126
00:06:58,590 --> 00:07:01,430
I was... I was just watching her
get changed.
127
00:07:01,470 --> 00:07:03,350
While she got changed.
128
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:07,550
I was looking right out of
the window for the duration
of her being...
129
00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:10,230
..naked.
130
00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,270
Oh, sorry, sorry.
131
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,910
Oh.
132
00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:20,430
It's on silent. Erm...
I probably should get this.
133
00:07:20,470 --> 00:07:21,990
Hello. Yeah.
134
00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:23,630
Damn. Right, OK.
135
00:07:23,670 --> 00:07:26,790
Well, I... Yeah, I guess,
if it is an emergency, then...
136
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,630
♪ AXEL F: Crazy Frog
137
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:33,750
My friend has... He's changed this
as a joke and I don't know how to...
138
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,790
♪ AXEL F: Crazy Frog
Huh!
139
00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:41,910
VINNIE: Dyl, you don't get it.
Hey, mate. Yeah. You hung up
on a brother! Yeah, dude, man.
140
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:46,030
You'll never guess, right, there has
just been some crossed-line thing.
141
00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:50,070
It wasn't ringing then. Then it did,
just now. So, all right, then, yeah.
142
00:07:50,110 --> 00:07:52,110
Dylan! What a fucker!
(ENDS CALL)
143
00:07:52,150 --> 00:07:54,350
(SWALLOWS) So, erm...
144
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,390
Sara was telling me that...
145
00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:58,910
that this house was...
was built in...
146
00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,190
1947.
147
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:04,710
If I was ever designing a house
like this, I would probably...
148
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:07,990
I'd probably take pictures of this
and copy it, you know.
149
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,670
(CLEARS THROAT)
150
00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:11,190
(RINGS)
151
00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:15,550
TV: after the shocking discovery
that neighbours later recalled
having heard strange
152
00:08:15,630 --> 00:08:18,910
dull, thudding sounds
emanating from the property...
153
00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:20,750
(URINATES)
154
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:23,830
(ECHOING THUD)
(STOPS URINATING)
155
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,670
(TWO TAPS)
156
00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,710
(RESUMES URINATING)
157
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,310
(THUD-THUD-THUD)
158
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:34,350
(CONTINUES URINATING)
159
00:08:35,430 --> 00:08:37,430
(URINE HITS CARPET)
160
00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:39,470
Oh, shit.
161
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:41,510
(HIS FOOTSTEPS ECHO)
162
00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:43,550
(THUD-THUD-THUD)
163
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,630
(METALLIC CLATTERING)
Fuck!
164
00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:47,670
(RINGING TONE)
165
00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:51,510
Fuck!
166
00:08:51,550 --> 00:08:53,870
(RINGING TONE CONTINUES)
167
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:55,790
Come on.
168
00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:57,830
I have to say, Cardi,
I'm very impressed.
169
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,030
Oh, do you like it?
Oh, it's perfect.
170
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:03,190
You've gone to so much trouble.
Well, you're worth it.
171
00:09:03,230 --> 00:09:07,790
I watched a video online which
showed you how to... d-d-de-beard
a mussel.
172
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:11,670
Oh? You just... You take hold of
its beard and tug it, firmly.
173
00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:14,990
Oh, is that right? You have to take
charge of it, do you?
174
00:09:15,030 --> 00:09:17,030
Be firm and dominate it?
175
00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:19,990
Pull its hair and...
show it who is the boss?
176
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,030
PHONE: ♪ AXEL F: Crazy Frog
177
00:09:23,390 --> 00:09:25,390
Ignore it.
178
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:27,310
It's Vinnie. How did he...?
179
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:30,030
Turn the sound down, at least.
(SILENCES PHONE)
180
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,550
You were telling me
how you used a firm hand.
181
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:35,710
Oh, yeah. It took us ages
to find the shallots. Right?
182
00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:37,750
Cos I didn't know what they were.
183
00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:41,430
But it turns out they're just like
l-l-little onions. (LAUGHS)
184
00:09:41,470 --> 00:09:43,470
And the erm...
185
00:09:43,510 --> 00:09:45,710
the mussels I just got off John.
186
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,750
John?
187
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:49,790
You're talking about John the Nose?
188
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:51,830
That's right.
189
00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:54,590
He tried to sell me, like,
a bag of mussels there,
190
00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:56,310
like, over a week ago.
191
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:58,710
Yeah. That's right.
Luckily, he still had 'em.
192
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:01,870
The ones that were on the dash of
his transit van in a carrier bag?
193
00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:03,590
That's the ones, yeah.
194
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:05,630
(GASPS)
195
00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:08,510
Jesus, Cardi.
196
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:10,750
They're fecking off,
you mad bastard.
197
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:16,270
You can't be eating shellfish that's
been in a carrier bag sat on the
dash of a transit van for a week!
198
00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:18,310
I knew it! I knew they were off.
Ah.
199
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:21,350
That'll be why they didn't open.
I had to use pliers.
200
00:10:21,390 --> 00:10:23,390
Oh, fucking Jesus Christ, Cardi!
201
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:25,030
(BREAKS WIND)
202
00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:26,470
(VOMITS)
203
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:35,270
Oh, fuck! (SNIFFS) Eurgh!
204
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,750
(RINGING TONE)
205
00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:45,110
(PHONE RINGS)
I'm not going back out there.
206
00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:48,070
They may be 90 years old,
but they're fucking rabid.
207
00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:50,110
Come on, mate. Sweetheart...
208
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,950
Listen to me.
209
00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:53,990
They're a bit over-excited.
210
00:10:54,030 --> 00:10:56,150
But they're bound to be,
aren't they?
211
00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:59,190
Some of them haven't seen a knob
up close since D-Day.
212
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:01,950
They're not just over-excited,
Tommo, are they?
213
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,590
They're all coked-up!
214
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:07,310
What? What's he on about? Coked-up?
What the fuck are you on about, you?
215
00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:12,070
I fucking seen you selling gear
to a few of them old handbags out
there, the rusty old wrist straps.
216
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:15,790
Listen to me. Sweetheart, right,
you're being paid to entertain.
217
00:11:15,830 --> 00:11:18,950
Right? So mind your own fucking
business and get back out there.
218
00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:24,390
You haven't a fucking chance. You're
not paying me enough to get molested
by a load of senior citizens.
219
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:26,430
It's traumatising, Tommo!
220
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:30,630
They're properly out of control,
Tommo. They've breached the stage!
221
00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:32,670
Fucking hell.
Come on.
222
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:34,710
TOMMO: Ladies...
223
00:11:36,590 --> 00:11:38,590
Stop it! Give me that back! No!
224
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:40,630
WOMAN: Aw, baby!
Fucking hell!
225
00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:42,990
(WOMEN SCREAMING, LAUGHTER)
(MUTTERS)
226
00:11:48,270 --> 00:11:51,910
Oh, yeah, that's bad. That is bad.
I shouldn't have given them
any drugs.
227
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:54,190
Right, get the fucking door.
Lock it!
228
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:57,630
(PHONE RINGS)
Turn that light off.
Turn the lights off!
229
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,260
Oh, sorry. Oh.
Oh. Hey.
230
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,300
Hi. Hi.
Hi.
231
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:13,340
You all right?
Yeah.
232
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,980
Yeah. Er...
233
00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:17,900
♪ AXEL F: Crazy Frog
Vinnie changed my ringtone.
234
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,860
(CLEARS THROAT)
No, things...
235
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:21,900
Things are good. Erm...
236
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:24,740
How's Tyler?
237
00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:26,780
Yeah, he's amazing. As usual.
238
00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,580
Hiya.
Hey.
239
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,620
Er... Er, sorry.
240
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,460
You've met... erm...
241
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,940
Erin.
242
00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,980
That's Sara, Erin.
Erin! Hi!
243
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,700
Hi. Nice to meet you.
244
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,940
Oh, you, too, nice to meet you.
245
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:46,060
The... Erm...
I've heard so much about Tyler.
246
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,460
Have you? Yeah.
Aw, that's nice.
247
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,100
Is he with you?
248
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:53,700
Oh, no, no, no. Not at this time.
No. It's way past his bed time.
249
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,620
Well, he sounds like
a very special little boy.
250
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:58,660
Yeah, he is.
251
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,500
Right. Oh.
252
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,580
OK.
Hi.
253
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:05,620
Er, Sugar, this is...
Sara. Yeah.
254
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,260
It's...
255
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,340
Pleased to meet you.
Oh.
256
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:13,740
You're both looking very glam.
Off somewhere nice?
257
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:17,980
We're crashing a wedding.
No, not really. Just out...
and about.About..
258
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,900
Anyway, we were... er...
just gonna go.
259
00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:22,940
Yeah, we'd better pay for these.
260
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:26,220
No, I don't think...
Do you want these?
261
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,260
No, no, no.
Just...
262
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,900
Erm...
263
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,460
Have a fun night.
You, too. Nice meeting you.
264
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,100
Bye.
Erm...
265
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:36,140
Yeah.
266
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:40,660
(DOOR CHIMES)
267
00:13:41,740 --> 00:13:43,740
You look really fucking glam?
Oh, don't!
268
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:46,660
What is she trying to say? Did you
hear what she said about Tyler?
269
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,900
As if he's gonna be in here,
at this time of night.
270
00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,500
What kind of mum does she think
I am? She was such a bitch.
271
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:54,500
Posh bitch! You see the way she kept
pawing at him, as well? Gross!
272
00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:58,340
So insecure. Love, we get it, you're
together. You don't have to keep
touching him.
273
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,580
No-one's going to try and run off
with him. Proper phoney.
274
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,620
Sugar...
What?
275
00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:07,140
She was nice.
276
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,660
She was all right.
Exactly what he needs.
277
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,300
Deserves.
278
00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:15,860
I mean, just cos me and Jake didn't
work out, it doesn't mean
that they shouldn't.
279
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,900
You want to know summat, as well?
280
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:21,100
I actually miss the chaos
of that lot.
281
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,740
Seriously.
282
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:26,740
You want some chaos?
Do you want some chaos? Please.
283
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,380
Let's go and get fucking bladdered!
(GIGGLES)
284
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,100
(DISTANT MUSIC)
285
00:14:36,140 --> 00:14:38,140
(CHEERING)
286
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,500
(MUSIC IS LOUDER)
287
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:55,580
(SIREN WAILS)
288
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:03,220
♪ Sane, sane, they're all insane
289
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:06,820
♪ Fireman's blind,
the conductor is lame...
290
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:11,060
Fuck!
291
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:15,860
(SONG CONTINUES)
292
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:21,780
♪ ..clap your hands
293
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:25,300
♪ Clap your hands... ♪
294
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,580
(MUSIC OFF)
295
00:15:39,580 --> 00:15:41,980
(HOCKEY STICK CLATTERS)
Fuck me.
296
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:44,020
Shit.
297
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,300
(THUD)
298
00:16:00,780 --> 00:16:02,780
(GLASS SHATTERS)
299
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,820
(CREAKS)
300
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,060
Hello.
301
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,100
Hey, er... Hey, D-Man!
302
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,900
Er...
303
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:34,940
Come here a minute.
304
00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:46,260
Oh, I swear, D-Man, you're getting
bigger every time I see you.
305
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,980
(IN DEEP VOICE) Been going to
t'gym, innit, Vinnie. What quarms?
306
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:52,420
I'll tell you
what fucking quarms, D-Man.
307
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:56,020
There's someone in the cellar.
308
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:58,260
(AS D-MAN) What? You're having
a fucking laugh.
309
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:02,340
No. I'm not having a laugh.
I'm not having a fucking laugh.
There's someone in the cellar.
310
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:05,140
(AS D-MAN) Well, do you want
to shoot him with this?
311
00:17:05,180 --> 00:17:06,900
Where on earth have you got that?
312
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:09,140
(AS D-MAN) I never leave the house
without it.
313
00:17:09,180 --> 00:17:10,900
Well, a fucking...
314
00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:13,700
An AK-47 is a bit much,
don't you think, D-Man?
315
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,940
(AS D-MAN) What are you being
a little bitch for?
316
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:17,300
I'm not being a little bitch!
317
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:20,980
(AS D-MAN) You are being a little
bitch. What the fuck are you even
wearing, man?
318
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:22,860
It's a co-ord. All right?
319
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:25,300
I'm actually on trend,
I'll have you know.
320
00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:27,860
(AS D-MAN) Are you having spray tans,
as well?
321
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:31,780
I've had one or two. I have had one
or two. It's the time of year, D-Man.
322
00:17:31,820 --> 00:17:34,620
It's that time of year.
I'm fucking pasty, dude.
323
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:38,340
I don't look well. So, yes, I go and
have one or two spray tans.
324
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:40,460
And she's gradually getting darker.
325
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:45,780
Do you know, you've pissed me off
now, you've hurt my feelings.
326
00:17:45,820 --> 00:17:47,500
(AS D-MAN) I'm sorry, Vinnie.
327
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:52,020
You have, you've hurt my fucking
feelings. You come round here
with an AK-47...
328
00:17:52,060 --> 00:17:54,060
and you're unreasonable.
329
00:17:57,420 --> 00:18:00,140
I think... I think I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave, D-Man.
330
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,060
(AS D-MAN) Don't be like that,
Vinnie.
331
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,100
No, no, no. Fucking, that's it now.
332
00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:07,260
That's it. Shouldn't have mentioned
the spray tans.
333
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,900
Really got my back up.
You know I'm sensitive.
334
00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:11,540
Sen... Sensitive.
335
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:13,180
Go on, get out, get out now.
336
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:14,820
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
337
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:18,180
Get out of it, get gone. Get out of
it, you pig! Go on, you cunt.
338
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:19,820
Fuck me.
339
00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:21,420
Fuck.
340
00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:26,460
All right, whoever you are...
341
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,820
..I'm gonna give you
to the count of ten.
342
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:34,300
And then that's... That's fucking it,
you're getting it.
343
00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:38,460
One...
(DIALS NUMBER)
344
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,900
(RINGING TONE)
..two...
345
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:45,180
♪ I'd rather go fishing
than out on some date
346
00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:48,180
♪ All you need to go fishing... ♪
(PHONE RINGS)
347
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:51,620
(CONTINUES RINGING)
Come on.
348
00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:54,980
(WATER SPLASHES)
349
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:57,780
Oh, f-f-fuckkk!
350
00:18:57,820 --> 00:19:00,180
..five...
Halfway there now, pal.
351
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,020
(ENDS CALL)
352
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:03,860
..six, seven...
353
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:07,220
You'll notice I'm racing through it,
cos I don't give a fuck.
354
00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:10,220
..nine...
355
00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:12,260
and three-quarters...
356
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,300
All right, that's ten.
357
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:16,340
I said this would happen.
358
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,380
(SOFTLY) I said this would happen.
359
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,300
Fuck.
360
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:11,540
(JUDDERING)
361
00:20:17,820 --> 00:20:19,820
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
362
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,300
(DOOR LOCK THUDS)
Fuck.
363
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,340
(DOOR HANDLE RATTLES)
364
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,500
Shit.
365
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:31,780
(RINGING TONE)
366
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,820
(FAECES HITS TOILET-BOWL WATER)
367
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,340
♪ AXEL F: Crazy Frog
368
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:37,980
Vinnie?
369
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,220
Oh, Cardi, thank Christ!
Dude, listen.
370
00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:43,020
Vinnie -No, shut up.
Listen, I need your help, man.
371
00:20:43,060 --> 00:20:45,060
I'm dying.
What?
372
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:46,900
F-F-Food poisoning.
373
00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:50,220
I made the woman I love shit her
pants in front of me, Vinnie.
374
00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:52,660
(FAECES HITS TOILET-BOWL WATER)
Carol...
375
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,540
She can't...
376
00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,980
(RETCHES) She can't stop shitting.
377
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:59,220
(GASPS FOR BREATH)
I've never seen...
378
00:20:59,260 --> 00:21:01,860
(STRAINS)(PLOP!)
..anything like it.
379
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:05,540
I'm sorry to hear that, dude,
but I'm locked in the toilets
at The Crow's Nest.
380
00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:07,380
I -
I can't leave this toilet, Vinnie.
381
00:21:07,420 --> 00:21:09,020
If I don't make it...
382
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:11,860
(CHOKES BACK TEARS)
..I want you to have my things.
383
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,980
You don't have any things.
I have got things!
384
00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:17,220
Just stay hydrated.
385
00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:18,620
(SQUELCH)
386
00:21:42,860 --> 00:21:44,860
JIM: Fucking chips!
387
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:46,900
Jim! Jim?
388
00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:48,540
(CLATTERS)
389
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:50,900
Fucking looking at?
Jim! Jim! Jim!
390
00:21:50,940 --> 00:21:52,940
Jim, up here! Jim!
391
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:56,180
You! What the fuck do you want?
392
00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:58,220
Jim!
What?
393
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:03,380
Fuck off, you fucking cod-stealing
bastard shit.
394
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:05,620
Who are you talking to,
you fucking idiot?
395
00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:09,100
These are my fucking chips,
so fucking fuck the fuck off.
396
00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:12,340
Before I fucking -Nobody wants
your fucking chips, Jim!
397
00:22:12,380 --> 00:22:14,380
Oi! Up here. Look up!
398
00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:16,260
Look up! Jim, look up!
399
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:17,980
Fuck me.
You? Again?
400
00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:21,340
I thought I fucking told you
to fuck off, didn't I?
401
00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:25,700
If you look at my fucking chips
one more time...
402
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:27,740
Look up!
403
00:22:28,620 --> 00:22:30,140
Fuck! Jim!
404
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,980
Are you all right, dude?
405
00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:34,180
♪ What is love? Baby, don't... ♪
406
00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:36,220
What are you singing Haddaway for?
407
00:22:36,260 --> 00:22:38,260
Fucking wanker.
408
00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:40,300
Fucking hurt my fucking head!
409
00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:43,260
Cunts.
410
00:22:46,580 --> 00:22:48,580
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
411
00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:51,900
(DIALS NUMBER)
412
00:22:51,940 --> 00:22:54,220
(RINGING TONE)
(FLOORBOARD CREAKS)
413
00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,300
(ENDS CALL)
414
00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:00,940
Shit.
415
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:02,780
Shit!
416
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:17,870
Hey, up, mate.
417
00:23:20,110 --> 00:23:21,710
Oi!
418
00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:23,190
Fuck!
419
00:23:25,110 --> 00:23:27,110
Please don't be dead.
420
00:23:28,590 --> 00:23:30,590
Which fucking side, is it?
421
00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:33,670
Fuck!
422
00:23:36,390 --> 00:23:38,390
Who the fuck are you?
423
00:23:38,430 --> 00:23:40,070
(PHONE RINGS)
424
00:23:40,110 --> 00:23:41,710
Shit.
425
00:23:41,750 --> 00:23:44,670
♪ WHAT IS LOVE?
What's happened? Er... Er, nothing.
426
00:23:44,710 --> 00:23:47,790
I've known you long enough to know
that you wouldn't be calling me
427
00:23:47,830 --> 00:23:50,190
at this time of night if there
hadn't been some drama.
428
00:23:50,230 --> 00:23:52,670
So, go on. No, no, no,
listen, nothing's happened.
429
00:23:52,710 --> 00:23:55,190
There's nothing... There's nothing
to worry about.
430
00:23:55,230 --> 00:23:57,230
Vinnie, I'm fucking with you!
Ha!
431
00:23:57,270 --> 00:23:59,550
What are you like?
What you doing, anyway?
432
00:23:59,590 --> 00:24:01,390
Oh, you know, I'm just, er...
433
00:24:01,430 --> 00:24:03,310
I'm just chilling, just hanging out.
434
00:24:03,350 --> 00:24:06,430
Oh, come out. Come out.
Me and Sugar are out. Come out!
435
00:24:06,470 --> 00:24:08,590
No, I can't, love, I can't. I'm...
436
00:24:08,630 --> 00:24:10,350
I'm up early, you see.
437
00:24:10,390 --> 00:24:12,550
Sugar said you're staying at Kath's.
438
00:24:12,590 --> 00:24:15,470
(TAPS) Yeah. Yeah, I am.
Just... Just for one night.
439
00:24:15,510 --> 00:24:18,030
In't it dead creepy being there
by yourself?
440
00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:19,670
(DROPS PHONE)
Shit.
441
00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:21,510
Er... Yeah. Yeah.
442
00:24:21,550 --> 00:24:23,990
Yeah, it is a bit, actually.
443
00:24:24,030 --> 00:24:28,070
I haven't seen you for ages.
I just said to Sugar that I miss
the craziness.
444
00:24:28,110 --> 00:24:32,350
Oh, well, there's none of that
round here. Fuck me, I am bored to
tears, honestly.
445
00:24:32,390 --> 00:24:34,950
Yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah.
So, I can't tempt you out?
446
00:24:34,990 --> 00:24:36,790
I'd love to, but I'm up too early.
447
00:24:36,830 --> 00:24:38,310
Boo!
Boring.
448
00:24:38,350 --> 00:24:40,470
All right, then,
I'll let you go, yeah.
449
00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:42,670
Later, alligator.
In a while, crocodile.
450
00:24:42,710 --> 00:24:44,710
Fuck! Erm...
451
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:46,750
Shit!
452
00:24:48,870 --> 00:24:50,870
(GIGGLES) Fuck off.
453
00:24:50,910 --> 00:24:52,910
(LAUGHTER)
454
00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:54,950
(STRAINS)
455
00:25:16,830 --> 00:25:18,310
Oh, fuck me!
456
00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:32,830
Fuck!
457
00:25:32,870 --> 00:25:36,270
What the fuck? Throw a dick at me?
Get the fuck out of here, man!
458
00:25:36,310 --> 00:25:39,190
Oh, leave me alone!
I ain't even done owt.
459
00:25:39,230 --> 00:25:44,070
You were breaking and entering!
You know, there's laws
against that kind of shit.
460
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:45,910
It... It were an accident.
461
00:25:45,950 --> 00:25:48,950
An accident?
I fell through the delivery hatch.
462
00:25:48,990 --> 00:25:52,710
Yeah, yeah, and I suppose
that balaclava fall on your head
an' all, did it?
463
00:25:52,750 --> 00:25:54,350
No.
464
00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:57,190
I'm in the SAS.
The SAS? Yeah.
465
00:25:57,230 --> 00:25:59,910
I'm on a top-secret mission,
aren't I?
466
00:25:59,950 --> 00:26:01,910
Here, in Hawley?
467
00:26:01,950 --> 00:26:04,950
I'm not allowed to say.
It's a secret!
468
00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:09,230
Listen, Orville, I'm sure
Keith Harris is probably wondering
where the fuck you are.
469
00:26:09,270 --> 00:26:12,990
I don't want you here.
(SQUEAKS)And I'm guessing you don't
want to be here either.
470
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:15,230
So, behind you, there's a window.
471
00:26:15,270 --> 00:26:19,230
Climb through the window. There's
a fire escape. Down the ladders.
472
00:26:19,270 --> 00:26:22,190
Fuck off. Don't come back.
Let sleeping dogs lie. How's that?
473
00:26:22,230 --> 00:26:24,430
I don't know.
It looks quite high, that.
474
00:26:24,470 --> 00:26:27,150
Oh, God, no! It's dead high, that!
I can't do that.
475
00:26:27,190 --> 00:26:28,670
Just fucking...
476
00:26:28,710 --> 00:26:30,830
Of course it's high.
It's a fire escape!
477
00:26:30,870 --> 00:26:33,030
I can't do heights, they panic me.
478
00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:35,550
Did you mention that
in your SAS interview?
479
00:26:35,590 --> 00:26:37,590
No.
No.
480
00:26:38,670 --> 00:26:40,870
Fuck me... What are we gonna do then?
481
00:26:42,030 --> 00:26:46,070
How about you just...
open the door and just let us out?
482
00:26:46,110 --> 00:26:49,710
Fuck that. What if you've got a knife
and you try and stab me or summat?
483
00:26:49,750 --> 00:26:52,190
I haven't got nothing, I swear!
Oh, please.
484
00:26:52,230 --> 00:26:54,230
I just want to go home.
485
00:26:55,310 --> 00:27:00,310
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'll open this door. If you try any
funny business,
486
00:27:00,350 --> 00:27:02,870
I'll finger you to death.
Eh? No.
487
00:27:02,910 --> 00:27:04,990
You what?
Not like... Help!
488
00:27:05,030 --> 00:27:08,030
No, no, no! Help! Mister!
Fuck, I didn't mean it like that.
489
00:27:08,070 --> 00:27:11,750
I'm locked in a bathroom and there's
a man threatening to finger me
to death!
490
00:27:11,830 --> 00:27:14,710
I'm not sure what that means.
That was a misguided attempt
491
00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:16,990
to try and bring some levity
to the situation.
492
00:27:17,030 --> 00:27:18,750
What's levity?
493
00:27:18,790 --> 00:27:21,510
Is that like fingering?
No, it's not fingering.
494
00:27:21,550 --> 00:27:23,550
It's not fingering. Just...
495
00:27:24,630 --> 00:27:26,630
I'm sorry, man, I...
(SQUEAKS)
496
00:27:27,990 --> 00:27:29,750
(SQUEAKS) Oh...
497
00:27:29,790 --> 00:27:32,590
What's going on in there?
Are you all right? Aaah!
498
00:27:32,630 --> 00:27:35,750
Yeah. It's... It's jammed right in.
I can't get it out.
499
00:27:35,790 --> 00:27:37,790
I think it's touching my brain.
500
00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:40,350
All right, well, I'd better
take a look at it.
501
00:27:41,510 --> 00:27:43,510
OK.
502
00:27:46,190 --> 00:27:48,190
Oh, shit.
503
00:27:49,870 --> 00:27:51,870
Brought that on yourself.
504
00:27:51,910 --> 00:27:54,190
It really hurts.
Come on.
505
00:27:55,670 --> 00:27:57,670
How does it look?
506
00:27:59,190 --> 00:28:01,190
Does it look bad?
Yeah.
507
00:28:01,230 --> 00:28:05,390
You're not supposed to say that!
When you ask doctors and that,
they say, 'No.'
508
00:28:05,430 --> 00:28:09,230
You've got a fucking corkscrew
in the side of your head.
Of course it looks bad.
509
00:28:09,270 --> 00:28:12,190
Well, let me just...
Let me try and pull it out.
510
00:28:12,230 --> 00:28:15,110
Will it bleed? Cos I just can't do
blood and that.
511
00:28:15,150 --> 00:28:17,150
It's almost as if...
512
00:28:17,190 --> 00:28:19,510
you're not really in the SAS.
513
00:28:19,550 --> 00:28:21,150
Hm.
514
00:28:21,190 --> 00:28:23,470
It'll probably... It'll...
515
00:28:23,510 --> 00:28:25,510
It probably won't bleed.
516
00:28:25,550 --> 00:28:27,150
All right?
Good.
517
00:28:27,190 --> 00:28:29,070
OK. I'm ready.
518
00:28:29,110 --> 00:28:32,390
Oh, you're going the wrong way!
You're making it go deeper!
519
00:28:32,430 --> 00:28:35,430
I apologise. It were like lightning.
But not nice lightning.
520
00:28:35,470 --> 00:28:39,070
Like frightening lightning.
Just shut the fuck up wittering on.
521
00:28:41,670 --> 00:28:44,790
Oh, that's the same way! The same
way! It's touching my brain again!
522
00:28:44,830 --> 00:28:46,830
I don't know what I'm doing!
523
00:28:46,870 --> 00:28:50,470
I'm dyslexic. Fucking clockwise,
lefts and rights, I'm bad at it.
524
00:28:50,510 --> 00:28:52,510
Everything's fucking digital now.
525
00:28:52,550 --> 00:28:55,550
When was the last time you even saw
a normal clock?
526
00:28:59,270 --> 00:29:02,150
All right. I know what I'm doing.
Oh, OK.All right.
527
00:29:02,190 --> 00:29:04,190
Owww! Aaarrrggghhh!
528
00:29:04,270 --> 00:29:05,950
Ohh!
Aaa-aaa-aaah!
529
00:29:05,990 --> 00:29:08,150
Oh, bloody hell!
530
00:29:08,190 --> 00:29:10,790
Let's have a look.
That's a lot of blood, that.
531
00:29:11,910 --> 00:29:13,510
Oh, what's that?
532
00:29:13,550 --> 00:29:15,350
It's super glue.
Eh?
533
00:29:15,390 --> 00:29:16,990
Oh...
534
00:29:17,030 --> 00:29:20,430
One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
Three Mississippi.
535
00:29:20,470 --> 00:29:22,470
There you go.
536
00:29:23,550 --> 00:29:25,550
Shit!
What's up?
537
00:29:26,630 --> 00:29:29,030
I fucking superglued my hand
to your head.
538
00:29:29,070 --> 00:29:31,070
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
539
00:29:31,110 --> 00:29:33,110
Fuck! All right. One, two, three!
540
00:29:33,150 --> 00:29:34,750
Oww!
541
00:29:36,750 --> 00:29:39,150
Fuck me. I thought I'd killed you.
542
00:29:40,470 --> 00:29:42,470
I've got narcolepsy.
543
00:29:42,510 --> 00:29:44,990
When I get tired,
I just fall asleep.
544
00:29:45,030 --> 00:29:47,030
That's everyone.
545
00:29:47,070 --> 00:29:49,390
I just wanted to pinch a few things.
546
00:29:49,430 --> 00:29:51,430
Not... Not much.
547
00:29:51,470 --> 00:29:53,270
Just enough...
548
00:29:53,310 --> 00:29:55,310
to buy a bird bath.
549
00:29:55,350 --> 00:29:57,150
A bird bath?
550
00:29:57,190 --> 00:30:00,110
Yeah, not for me. For my mum.
551
00:30:00,150 --> 00:30:02,870
She doesn't really
get out much any more.
552
00:30:03,870 --> 00:30:07,270
She likes to sit in the garden
and watch the birds.
553
00:30:08,350 --> 00:30:12,510
And there's this one bird that comes
to visit her, a robin,
554
00:30:12,550 --> 00:30:16,790
that she thinks is
the reincarnation of my dad.
555
00:30:16,830 --> 00:30:19,430
He were called Robin, you see.
556
00:30:19,470 --> 00:30:21,950
She wants a bird bath for him,
557
00:30:21,990 --> 00:30:23,990
on account of how he always...
558
00:30:24,030 --> 00:30:25,790
liked...
559
00:30:25,830 --> 00:30:27,630
to have a bath.
560
00:30:27,670 --> 00:30:31,830
Can't you just go and nick
a bird bath, like any normal person?
561
00:30:31,870 --> 00:30:33,870
I've seen a really nice one.
562
00:30:33,910 --> 00:30:36,430
York sandstone.
Dead impressive it is.
563
00:30:36,470 --> 00:30:38,470
In the grounds of this posh house.
564
00:30:38,510 --> 00:30:41,190
Yeah, sounds really nice.
Go and nick that one.
565
00:30:42,350 --> 00:30:45,150
The thing is, it...
it looks dead-heavy.
566
00:30:45,190 --> 00:30:48,670
Like a... two-man job.
Take a mate with you.
567
00:30:52,150 --> 00:30:54,470
Come on, you must have one friend.
568
00:30:54,510 --> 00:30:56,830
Mum says folk are odd.
569
00:30:56,870 --> 00:31:00,350
And it's their loss,
if they don't warm to us.
570
00:31:01,430 --> 00:31:05,430
And... And you can't force people
to be your friends, can you?
571
00:31:05,470 --> 00:31:10,310
I mean, sometimes, you're just
better off staying out of their way.
572
00:31:13,510 --> 00:31:15,510
What's your name?
573
00:31:15,550 --> 00:31:17,350
Gideon.
574
00:31:18,590 --> 00:31:20,590
I'm Vinnie.
575
00:31:23,550 --> 00:31:25,030
(OWL HOOTS)
576
00:31:25,070 --> 00:31:28,830
No-one's here on Thursdays, so we're
safe. Unless the D-Man followed us.
577
00:31:28,870 --> 00:31:30,590
Oh, you said he had a gun!
578
00:31:30,630 --> 00:31:33,630
What if he sees us and shoots us
with it, just for fun, like?
579
00:31:33,670 --> 00:31:35,870
Gideon! Jesus Christ, listen to me.
580
00:31:35,910 --> 00:31:37,510
D-Man's gone.
581
00:31:37,550 --> 00:31:39,350
And he's not coming back.
582
00:31:39,390 --> 00:31:41,390
All right? I promise you. Yeah?
583
00:31:41,430 --> 00:31:43,430
Yeah.
All right.
584
00:31:43,470 --> 00:31:45,990
Where is this bird bath, then?
Up there.
585
00:31:46,030 --> 00:31:49,030
(GREGORIAN CHANTING)
586
00:31:54,030 --> 00:31:56,470
Why didn't you tell me
to nick a bigger car, man?
587
00:31:56,510 --> 00:32:00,310
You're having a laugh, dude.
That's not a fucking bird bath.
That's a fountain!
588
00:32:00,350 --> 00:32:03,150
A fountain? Yeah. So, is that
different to a bird bath?
589
00:32:03,190 --> 00:32:06,790
Of course it's different to a bird
bath. A fountain is much bigger.
590
00:32:06,830 --> 00:32:10,350
The fucking thing is massive.
How are we gonna fit it in the car?
591
00:32:10,390 --> 00:32:13,470
Does that mean we can't get
the birdbath for Mum, then?
592
00:32:15,870 --> 00:32:18,990
All right. Fuck it. We need to go
and get the car. Come on.
593
00:32:19,030 --> 00:32:22,230
Electronic fence. I'm just gonna
force it. It should open.
594
00:32:22,270 --> 00:32:23,870
OK.
Here we go.
595
00:32:23,910 --> 00:32:26,070
You fucker.
They're not opening, Vinnie.
596
00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:28,190
Well, fucking not yet, it's not.
Give us a sec.
597
00:32:28,230 --> 00:32:30,110
Urghh.
598
00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:32,830
They're still not opening. I know!
Fuck me, I'll climb over.
599
00:32:32,870 --> 00:32:35,150
Oh.
Ooh!
600
00:32:36,110 --> 00:32:38,470
(GATE CREAKS)
For fuck's sake, dude!
601
00:32:48,750 --> 00:32:51,870
Gideon! Yeah? It's not gonna
take much to make it give.
602
00:32:51,910 --> 00:32:54,310
So, just... Oi! Nice and slow.
603
00:32:54,350 --> 00:32:56,350
All right?
Got it, Vinnie.
604
00:32:56,390 --> 00:32:58,390
(ENGINE REVS)
605
00:32:58,430 --> 00:33:01,550
Just a bit more than that.
Just a smidge.
606
00:33:01,590 --> 00:33:02,990
OK.
607
00:33:03,030 --> 00:33:04,510
(ENGINE REVS)
608
00:33:04,550 --> 00:33:06,790
Have you even let the clutch out,
Gideon?
609
00:33:06,830 --> 00:33:08,750
Er... Which one is that?
610
00:33:08,790 --> 00:33:10,230
The clu...
611
00:33:10,270 --> 00:33:12,270
Do you even know how to drive?
612
00:33:12,310 --> 00:33:13,790
No.
No?
613
00:33:13,830 --> 00:33:15,910
Is it even in gear?
Er...
614
00:33:15,950 --> 00:33:18,630
Ah, right. Is that it?
The stick here?
615
00:33:18,670 --> 00:33:20,550
No, no, no, no, no!
616
00:33:24,830 --> 00:33:27,750
Holy shit, man. Look at the state
of it, you lunatic.
617
00:33:27,790 --> 00:33:29,390
Oh, no.
618
00:33:29,430 --> 00:33:32,310
Oh, no! You've really done it now,
Gideon.
619
00:33:32,350 --> 00:33:36,150
They'll put you in prison and then
who is gonna look after Mum?
620
00:33:36,190 --> 00:33:38,590
Come on, let's run away!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
621
00:33:38,630 --> 00:33:44,110
Just settle down. We're not going
nowhere without that birdbath slash
fountain thing. All right?
622
00:33:44,150 --> 00:33:47,350
Now, pull yourself together.
Are you feeling strong? Why?
623
00:33:47,390 --> 00:33:50,390
Cos it's gonna weigh
a fucking ton, man! Oh.Yeah? OK.
624
00:33:54,990 --> 00:33:56,590
Yeah?
625
00:33:56,630 --> 00:33:58,710
OK. I'm going as fast as I can,
Vinnie.
626
00:34:02,710 --> 00:34:05,830
Oh, bloody hell! Stop moaning and
get in the fucking car!
627
00:34:05,870 --> 00:34:07,670
Get in the car!
628
00:34:13,790 --> 00:34:16,870
Right, you little bastards!
I've got you on camera.
629
00:34:16,910 --> 00:34:20,550
Can you fuck off, please?
It's hard enough to see without -
You are going viral!
630
00:34:21,990 --> 00:34:24,190
(SHRIEKS)
There you are, stream that!
631
00:34:24,230 --> 00:34:26,310
I can't believe you did that,
Vinnie.
632
00:34:26,350 --> 00:34:28,870
Feels good to be alive,
doesn't it, pal, hey?
633
00:34:28,910 --> 00:34:30,950
Huzzah!(GIGGLES)
634
00:34:30,990 --> 00:34:32,990
Huzzah, dude!
635
00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:35,030
Huzzah!
Huzzah!
636
00:34:43,910 --> 00:34:47,390
Right, listen, I'm gonna get off.
Oh, no, don't run off just yet.
637
00:34:47,430 --> 00:34:50,390
It's late, man. I need my bed.
Come and say hello to Mum.
638
00:34:50,430 --> 00:34:53,270
She's gonna be asleep.
She don't really sleep well.
639
00:34:53,310 --> 00:34:57,310
She don't get many visitors.
She'd be made up. Just pop up
and say hello, like, please.
640
00:34:57,350 --> 00:35:00,470
Please? Yeah, all right, all right.
Five minutes. Yeah?
641
00:35:01,670 --> 00:35:03,670
(SIGHS)
642
00:35:03,710 --> 00:35:05,710
It's cold, innit?
It's got to be.
643
00:35:05,750 --> 00:35:07,750
Mum can't sleep if it's too hot.
644
00:35:08,830 --> 00:35:10,830
She's just up there.
645
00:35:13,670 --> 00:35:15,670
Who is all this lot?
646
00:35:15,710 --> 00:35:17,910
Dead people.
Hey? They're all dead.
647
00:35:19,910 --> 00:35:21,910
Well, they can't all be dead!
648
00:35:21,950 --> 00:35:24,030
Er... Yeah, they are.
He's not dead.
649
00:35:24,070 --> 00:35:25,670
Yeah, he is.
650
00:35:26,750 --> 00:35:28,550
What about this lot here?
651
00:35:28,590 --> 00:35:31,190
Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, they all died
in a boating accident.
652
00:35:31,230 --> 00:35:35,390
They won the boat on Bullseye.
Got dropped in an artificial lake.
No water.
653
00:35:35,430 --> 00:35:38,870
So, they were all killed. Dude, is
this a wall of dead people?
654
00:35:38,910 --> 00:35:40,510
Is that what this is?
Yeah.
655
00:35:40,550 --> 00:35:43,070
Everybody is dead?
Yeah, up to the top, yeah.
656
00:35:43,110 --> 00:35:44,910
But he's not. He's not dead.
657
00:35:44,950 --> 00:35:50,270
Oh, he is. He had an electric trike
from Taiwan. It were too powerful.
Took him right into t'wall.
658
00:35:50,310 --> 00:35:52,630
Yeah, it were very sad.
A horrible story.
659
00:35:52,670 --> 00:35:55,070
What's all this shit?
The rapey doll here?
660
00:35:55,110 --> 00:35:56,990
Who is this furry little...
661
00:35:57,030 --> 00:35:58,830
Fuck! Fuck me, dude.
662
00:35:58,870 --> 00:36:00,470
Aw! (LAUGHS)
663
00:36:00,510 --> 00:36:02,510
It's just Mr Mittens.
664
00:36:02,550 --> 00:36:05,670
All right. What are you doing
up here, Mr Mittens? Meow!
665
00:36:05,710 --> 00:36:07,230
Hello, Vinnie!
666
00:36:07,270 --> 00:36:09,470
A bit Buffalo Bill in here,
in't it, pal?
667
00:36:09,510 --> 00:36:11,230
Oh, yeah. I get it. Woo-woo-woo!
668
00:36:11,270 --> 00:36:14,950
Nothing to do with Indians. You don't
know what I'm talking about.
669
00:36:14,990 --> 00:36:18,270
A cowboy, weren't he? You've never
seen the film, have you?
670
00:36:18,310 --> 00:36:21,030
Where are we going? In to see Mum.
Listen, it's...
671
00:36:21,070 --> 00:36:24,190
I'm just feeling a bit anx-anxious.
Oh, please, Vinnie.
672
00:36:24,230 --> 00:36:27,750
It's really late, though. I know.
Just two... Just two minutes.
673
00:36:27,790 --> 00:36:29,790
She'll be so made up. Please?
674
00:36:29,830 --> 00:36:33,230
Yeah. Yeah. Is that all right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
675
00:36:34,310 --> 00:36:36,310
Mum? Mum!
676
00:36:37,390 --> 00:36:39,390
Got a surprise for you.
677
00:36:39,430 --> 00:36:41,430
Brought you a visitor.
678
00:36:42,510 --> 00:36:44,510
Why did you have to say it like that?
679
00:36:44,550 --> 00:36:47,750
Like what? You just said,
'Brought you...'Well, I have.
680
00:36:47,790 --> 00:36:49,870
Like you're gonna feed her or summat.
681
00:36:49,910 --> 00:36:51,910
What's in here, dude?
682
00:36:54,390 --> 00:36:55,990
Hiya, Mum.
683
00:36:56,030 --> 00:36:58,030
How are you doing?
684
00:37:02,030 --> 00:37:04,030
Did you manage to get any sleep?
685
00:37:08,030 --> 00:37:09,710
Who's this?
686
00:37:09,750 --> 00:37:11,350
Oh.
687
00:37:11,390 --> 00:37:13,390
This is Vinnie, Mum.
688
00:37:13,430 --> 00:37:15,430
He's a friend of mine.
689
00:37:15,470 --> 00:37:17,950
He wanted to come
and say hello to you.
690
00:37:19,190 --> 00:37:21,190
That's nice.
691
00:37:21,230 --> 00:37:24,030
And have you asked Vinnie
what we ask visitors?
692
00:37:24,070 --> 00:37:25,910
Oh, yeah.
693
00:37:28,470 --> 00:37:30,950
Would you like some tea, love?
694
00:37:30,990 --> 00:37:32,790
No.
695
00:37:32,830 --> 00:37:34,830
I'm all right, thanks, Giddy.
696
00:37:34,870 --> 00:37:37,430
Go and make us a pot, Giddy, love.
697
00:37:37,470 --> 00:37:39,070
OK.
698
00:37:43,990 --> 00:37:46,390
He doesn't really have friends,
you know.
699
00:37:46,430 --> 00:37:48,630
He's a bit too...
700
00:37:48,670 --> 00:37:51,110
unique for most folk.
701
00:37:52,510 --> 00:37:54,510
Thems with small minds.
702
00:37:56,830 --> 00:37:58,830
He's vulnerable.
703
00:37:59,910 --> 00:38:03,030
Easy picking for the wrong sort
to take advantage of.
704
00:38:04,350 --> 00:38:06,350
I wouldn't do that.
705
00:38:20,110 --> 00:38:22,110
You know why you're here, Vinnie?
706
00:38:25,310 --> 00:38:29,230
He's trying to show me
I don't have to worry about him.
707
00:38:29,270 --> 00:38:31,110
Mm.
708
00:38:31,150 --> 00:38:33,150
But I do.
709
00:38:33,190 --> 00:38:36,310
I'm a mum. That's what we do.
710
00:38:37,310 --> 00:38:39,310
Boys need their mums.
711
00:38:39,350 --> 00:38:41,350
Isn't that right?
Mm.
712
00:38:43,470 --> 00:38:45,950
Can you be a good friend, Vinnie?
713
00:38:47,190 --> 00:38:49,190
He's going to need a friend.
714
00:38:51,390 --> 00:38:53,390
I'll be his friend.
715
00:38:58,430 --> 00:39:00,430
You're tired.
716
00:39:01,870 --> 00:39:03,870
Aren't you?
Yeah.
717
00:39:03,910 --> 00:39:07,030
Yeah, I am a bit.
Yeah, I've been up all night.
718
00:39:07,070 --> 00:39:09,070
No.
719
00:39:10,150 --> 00:39:13,230
It's not just tonight, though,
is it, lovey?
720
00:39:13,270 --> 00:39:15,270
(SIGHS)
721
00:39:15,310 --> 00:39:17,510
You're worn out.
722
00:39:19,910 --> 00:39:24,070
You've been brave long enough,
you don't need to keep it up.
723
00:39:24,110 --> 00:39:26,110
(CHOKES BACK TEARS)
724
00:39:28,110 --> 00:39:30,110
Sssh.
725
00:39:31,190 --> 00:39:33,470
I'm sorry.
Come here. Come here.
726
00:39:35,550 --> 00:39:37,550
You're just tired.
727
00:39:37,590 --> 00:39:39,590
(CALMER BREATHING)
728
00:39:39,630 --> 00:39:41,630
There's a lad.
729
00:39:45,710 --> 00:39:47,950
You'll be all right.
730
00:39:47,990 --> 00:39:49,990
(SNIFFS)
731
00:39:50,030 --> 00:39:54,350
♪ Life is but a dream
732
00:39:54,390 --> 00:39:58,190
♪ It's what you make it
733
00:39:58,230 --> 00:40:02,230
♪ Always try to give... ♪
734
00:40:02,270 --> 00:40:04,270
(CLATTERING)
735
00:40:12,070 --> 00:40:13,670
Fuck me!
736
00:40:13,710 --> 00:40:15,710
Fucking hell. Hey, up.
737
00:40:15,750 --> 00:40:19,590
Morning, dude.
Just got up, have you? Yeah, yeah.
738
00:40:19,630 --> 00:40:22,910
Morning. Afternoon, mate.
You've been out for the count.
739
00:40:22,950 --> 00:40:25,270
How's it going, then?
I have no idea.
740
00:40:25,310 --> 00:40:27,510
I've just had the maddest night.
741
00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:29,950
This old woman touched me.
Me, too.
742
00:40:29,990 --> 00:40:34,470
I got groped by an old one, too.
Jesus fucking Christ.
It's the last time I'm saying it.
743
00:40:34,510 --> 00:40:38,950
Right? It is business. There's
people who would pay good money
for that shit.
744
00:40:38,990 --> 00:40:40,990
You all right, you?
745
00:40:42,070 --> 00:40:44,990
I didn't know it was
physically possible
746
00:40:45,030 --> 00:40:47,950
for a human being
to poo that much.
747
00:40:47,990 --> 00:40:49,590
(LAUGHS)
748
00:40:49,630 --> 00:40:51,430
You sleep all right, Vin?
749
00:40:51,470 --> 00:40:53,070
Oh, Christ, yeah.
750
00:40:53,110 --> 00:40:56,190
I did, all right. I've been having
these mental dreams.
751
00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:58,310
Oh, I had a mad dream
the other night.
752
00:40:58,350 --> 00:41:02,030
I wanted to go to America, yeah,
but I mean they wouldn't let me in.
753
00:41:02,070 --> 00:41:05,190
So, I got into a cardboard box
and then I posted myself.
754
00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:08,910
But then I realised I forgot to wee
before I got in. Could be worse.
755
00:41:08,950 --> 00:41:12,070
You could have been trapped in there
with Cardi's missus!
756
00:41:12,110 --> 00:41:15,830
That's too far. You're bang out of
order.(LAUGHS) Fucking hell.
757
00:41:15,870 --> 00:41:19,070
Imagine that, eh, trapped in a box,
in the pitch black,
758
00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:21,550
with Carol and her explosive anus!
759
00:41:21,590 --> 00:41:23,950
(LAUGHTER)
I'm fucking warning you.
760
00:41:23,990 --> 00:41:27,710
(MIMICS CAROL) Cardi, Cardi, it's
like a chocolate fountain in here!
761
00:41:27,750 --> 00:41:30,190
It's like Cadbury's World!
(MORE LAUGHTER)
762
00:41:30,230 --> 00:41:33,910
No, no, it's not funny.
Come on, Tommo, go on, apologise.
763
00:41:33,950 --> 00:41:37,430
You're upsetting him. You're right.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
764
00:41:37,470 --> 00:41:40,590
I'm sorry that you made
your bird shit herself. (LAUGHS)
765
00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:42,710
I fucking warned you, didn't I!
766
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,750
(LAUGHTER)
(TEXT ALERT CHIME)
767
00:42:54,950 --> 00:42:57,190
We've got a shitload of weed
to get rid of here.
768
00:42:57,230 --> 00:42:59,750
I invested. Now I need a return.
769
00:42:59,790 --> 00:43:01,350
A festival?
A festival.
770
00:43:01,390 --> 00:43:03,430
Would anybody like a disco biscuit?'
771
00:43:04,510 --> 00:43:06,510
Fuck off!
772
00:43:06,550 --> 00:43:08,590
Is it a yes or a no?
Right, get going.
773
00:43:08,630 --> 00:43:10,990
But, whatever you do,
don't hang about.Shit.
774
00:43:12,990 --> 00:43:14,790
(PIG SQUEALING)
775
00:43:14,830 --> 00:43:17,710
Your pig is a cunt!
Your pig is a cunt!
58655
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